Episode Transcript
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Speaker 1 (00:03):
It's the Happy Families podcast. It's the podcast for the
time poor parent who just once answers.
Speaker 2 (00:10):
Now, if my way of thinking about school is so settled,
is it possible that I can change my attitude just
a little bit?
Speaker 1 (00:18):
And now here's the stars of our show, my mom
and dad.
Speaker 2 (00:21):
Hello, this is doctor Justin Colson here with Kylie, my
wife from Monday, our six kids. Welcome to another week, Monday, Monday.
I love Mondays, Fresh Starts, Kylie. It's an opportunity to
get on with it, to implement all the stuff where
we're going to be better. And today's to.
Speaker 3 (00:36):
Day right now, we need Monday every day. Fresh Starts
every day.
Speaker 2 (00:41):
Fresh Starts every day. Let's just do it. Now. We're
several weeks into the new school term, four or five,
six weeks, depending on which state you're in, and I
get emails all the time to my Facebook page, to
our podcasts at Happy Families dot com dot au about
school and the challenges that school presents. School is hard
(01:02):
for a lot of kids, not for everyone, but for
a lot of kids, And so tonight for our Happy
Families members and for anyone else who has not yet
purchased but would like to just come on in and
join us. We're doing a webinar about how to help
when school sucks because there are so many kids that say,
hate it, don't want to go, don't want to be
there Today, I'm over it. I really don't want to
(01:23):
do any schooling stuff at all. So tonight the webinar
how to help when school Sucks. You can buy it
online at Facebook or at happy families dot com dot
you just got to doctor Justin Corson's Happy Families. But
I thought we'd give people a bit of a sneak peek.
Let's share a few ideas now about what's going to
come up tonight, and we'll go to them in reasonable
depth so that there's some value for people who either
(01:44):
a don't have the cash to be able to do it,
or maybe and not quite sure, maybe I'm on the
fence do I or don't I. Tonight I'm going to
share five big ideas when school sucks, and there are
many more than five, but these are what I think
of the critical things to take into account, and I thought, well,
let's go over a couple of them now.
Speaker 3 (02:02):
So what's your first one? What would you suggest would
be one of the most helpful tips for parents in
relation to kids who a struggling.
Speaker 2 (02:11):
All right, So before I share this first one, I
just want to preface it by saying, I think this
is the most important one, but it's also the hardest
one to shift, and it's also the one that can
if we're not careful with it, it can steer us
into what I would call happyology. That is, let's just
pretend everything's okay, let's mask everything, let's just have a
(02:33):
great positive mental attitude kind of thing. And that's not
that's not what I'm getting at, and it's not what
I want people to walk away with. But now that
I've used that as a preface, my first central principle
is that attitude is everything.
Speaker 3 (02:49):
So the challenge you have here is that only you
can determine what your attitude is. Therefore, only your children
can determine what their attitude is. We actually don't get
to side. Yeah, their attitude's going to be in any
given moment.
Speaker 2 (03:04):
No child, in response to her parents saying you need
to change your attitude, has said, oh, I feel much
better now I've changed my attitude. Like it just it
doesn't happen, shape up, ship out. That kind of stuff
that kids like I'm leaving that I'm not going to
shape up. This is ridiculous. So the story that I'm
going to tell tonight in the webinar, I want to
share it now on the podcast as well. It's really short,
it's really simple, but it illustrates precisely what I'm talking
(03:25):
about when I say attitude is everything. Some years ago
we moved from Woollongong to Brisbane. It was a really
big move. We've been in the Gong for nine years.
Our children essentially grew up in that beautiful, wonderful location
that we still miss and we still absolutely love. And
when we made that move, we had a couple of
(03:45):
kids that really resented and resisted the fact that it
had happened. And when we were in the car one day,
everyone's having a win. I hate being in Brisbane. I
hate this and our I think Ella at the time
was in grade seven or thereabouts. She piped up from
the backseat of the car and said something along the
lines of, well, I don't really like the fact that
(04:06):
I'm here anyway, but since I'm here, I'm just going
to do my best to make it work because that
can't be anywhere else, and my attitude's going to do
decin whether I have a good time or lot. So
I'm just going to make it work. And the other
kids looked at her and were like, well, they're so
so supid, Like they were really mad at her for it.
But of all of our kids, she was the one
who adapted the fastest. She was the one who literally
(04:27):
made it work. Her attitude was everything, and so was theirs.
Speaker 3 (04:33):
So I was having a conversation with the girls the
other night, did you hear.
Speaker 2 (04:36):
That noise coming through? I you care?
Speaker 3 (04:38):
Sorry?
Speaker 2 (04:38):
Sorry about the production quality? Guys that I don't know
if we can do anything about this, but there's somebody
using power tools right next to our office. Go again.
Speaker 3 (04:47):
So the other night I was having a conversation with
the girls because we're really struggling with some poor attitude
of yeah, say, And I acknowledged to them that there
are times where our family is just in heaven with
the way things run. Everything is going beautifully and you know,
(05:07):
they're communicating clearly with each other and they're sensitive to
each other's needs, like it's just beautiful, But there are
lots of times where we're not there. And I said,
it's kind of like going to a Desserber, and I said,
you know what's on offer? So you can have Anie
Adell's triple chop cherry trifle.
Speaker 2 (05:27):
I love that triple choc cherry trifle.
Speaker 3 (05:29):
Or you could have cookies and cream ice cream sundaes,
or you could have a Churro's fruit platter with all
the dipping chocolate that you want. But if all the
things on display, you're choosing to eat pumpkin pie. Now,
sorry for anyone who likes pumpkin pie.
Speaker 2 (05:46):
We don't like pumpkin cope. It's safe to say.
Speaker 3 (05:48):
It's literally at the bottom of my list. I pretty
much will eat anything with sugar innat, I won't eat
pumpkin pie. And I said, so, of all the things
you could have right now, you're literally choosing to have
the worst thing on the menu.
Speaker 2 (06:02):
I love this metaphor because for most people who are
listening to this podcast, and for you and I, we're
living in affluent societies, and our children have access to
so many, so many great tools, so many great options.
Don't mean everything's going to be perfect, no, And are
we going to ignore the structural realities that mean that
(06:23):
your child with additional needs, for example, is really struggling,
or your child who's really challenged with friendship issues. We're
not pretending that stuff isn't there. And that's why I
don't want to veer into the happyology side of things. Yet,
Ella she had some learning challenges, she had some speech
in language difficulties, she had no friends. She just moved
(06:43):
and the only difference was her attitude between that and
that of her sisters. And yet she was the one
who she was like, well, there is an entiet is
that menu?
Speaker 1 (06:52):
Hear?
Speaker 2 (06:52):
And I'm going to do my best to get my
hands on the lemon rang pie. I'm going to make
sure I get into the mudcake like she just went
and found access to it. There's something really profound and
powerful about it. There's a phrase that I love to use,
and that is that your attention goes where your energy flows,
and vice versa. Your energy goes where your attention flows.
And so if you've got a kid who's in the
(07:12):
hot school, all they do is notice all the rotten
stuff about school, and so all the energy flows into
all the rotten stuff about school.
Speaker 3 (07:20):
And I think this is where the power comes for
helping our kids to understand that they actually can choose.
There are going to be things about every stage of
life that's going to suck being a parent. There are
things that we could tick off our list that suck, right,
But there are also so many beautiful things about being
a parent. But if I get so caught up and
(07:41):
only thing seeing the things that suck, then that's all
I'm going to see. I get to choose what parenting
looks like to me in any given moment, as they
get to choose what schooling looks like.
Speaker 2 (07:52):
So I don't want to deny the structural realities. I'm
so sorry for that noise. By the way, this person
with this tool is clearly unaware that we're recording a
podcast right now. My attitude has to be good in
spite of that. I don't want to ignore the structural realities.
They are there. But there are structural realities in every scenario,
as you were just saying, that could cause our attitude
to stink or require us to proactively choose a good
(08:16):
attitude and look for the good. And I know, if
you've got someone who's dealing with massive anxiety or depression
or has significant additional needs, asking them to find three
things that they're grateful for, so that they can change
their attitude. It sounds unhelpful. Again, it's not what we're
really suggesting, or not what I'm proposing, rather as saying,
what is your settled an attitude? Literally is your settled
(08:38):
way of thinking about something? And wondering if my way
of thinking about school is so settled, is it possible
that I can change my attitude just a little bit?
Can I be settled on these three or four things?
But can I have a different settled attitude about these
three or four things that are also at school? And
if I can put my energy and my attention into
(08:58):
the more positive things, suddenly does become just that little
bit more bearable.
Speaker 3 (09:06):
It's The Happy Family's podcast, the podcast for the time
poor parent who just wants answers. Now, we spent a
lot of time on point number one. Have you got
a second point you want to share?
Speaker 2 (09:14):
Yeah, the second idea that I want to talk about
is actually a pretty brief one, but it's really important
to me, and that is helping kids find purpose in school.
So when I was at school, there was no purpose
to me being there. I remember saying to my history
teacher in grade eight, grade nine or something, my attitude
towards history is that we should just let bygones be bygones,
(09:35):
because then I don't have to worry about history anymore.
And then in grade eleven, when I had a subject
selection problem and there were clashes on the different timelines
and streams and things, I actually had to do history,
and the teacher sat down at me and said, well,
last time I talked to you about history, you said
let bygones be bygones. Why should I let you into
my class? And I was like, oh, because I'm desperate,
I have no answer. I just need to do history.
(09:56):
As it turns out, it was pretty much the only
subject that I passed in high school. But I just
didn't see the point because I was going to be
a radio DJ and radio DJs. I'm so sorry to
any radio DJs that listening to the Happy Families podcast.
But you don't have to be very very smart academically.
You don't have to have gotten a nine to nine
point nine to five at are to become a radio DJ.
You pretty much just have to hang around the radio station,
(10:16):
know how to push a few buttons and be okay
with your words, and you kind of make this career
happen and so because there was no purpose in schooling,
I hate despised every last minute of school. And that's
a really big challenge when you kids can't see the point.
Our challenge, therefore, as parents is to help them to
see the point. Because the school becomes increasingly purposeful, they're
(10:39):
much more likely to shift their settled way of thinking
about school. They're going to shift that attitude. A bad
attitude is kind of like a flat tire on a car.
You can't go anywhere unless you change it. And having
purpose you almost smart at me when I said that.
You almost like that, almost almost having purpose helps you
(11:03):
to change the tire.
Speaker 3 (11:05):
I'm trying to remember the last time you changed a tire.
Speaker 2 (11:07):
Oh you know what, I have changed a tire recently.
We had anyway, let's not go there. I did change
a tire not not too long ago.
Speaker 3 (11:16):
So we experienced this literally the other day with our
fifteen year old. She wants to be a pediatric doctor.
Speaker 2 (11:24):
Yeah, I think she was a pediatric psychiatrist or something like.
She changes her mind every couple of days, but something
to do with pediatrics and neither medicine or psychiatry. Like
the only one of our six children who has any
genuine academic ambition.
Speaker 3 (11:37):
But she hates school.
Speaker 2 (11:38):
She hates school.
Speaker 3 (11:39):
She hates school at school, and it's really really hard
for her until she came home and she said to us, so,
I was having a look at some of the certificates
that are available at my school, and one of them
is a nursing certificate. And she said, I was thinking,
if I do that nursing certificate, it kind of gets
me in the door in the medical realm. Yeah, and
(12:00):
she said, and then if I'm doing that, then maybe
I could get a job at a pharmacy, just helping
out behind the counter. And then if I wanted to
kind of go a bit further once I leave school,
if I wanted to, I could maybe study to be
a paramedic or do patient transport. Like all of the
dots started to connect for her. I don't actually have
(12:21):
to be a doctor right now, but there are so
many different avenues that I can take that get me
in the vicinity.
Speaker 1 (12:27):
Yeah.
Speaker 3 (12:28):
I'm not a qualified doctor, but I'm starting to work
in the areas that are going to leave me there.
Speaker 2 (12:34):
And there's now purpose. There's purpose to school, there's purpose
to different activities.
Speaker 3 (12:39):
And the energy in the conversation just shifted as she
started to see the possibilities open up to her.
Speaker 2 (12:47):
What's to do when school sucks? It's the webinar that
happens tonight for all of our Happy Families members. It's
included in your membership. You just have to log on
this evening and participate. If you are not a Happy
Family's member, you've got a couple of options. Number one,
become one, Come and join the Happy Families family. We
would love to have you. If you are not so
sure about that, maybe you could just attend tonight and
(13:08):
you can get all the information that you need on
our Facebook page Dr Justin Colson's Happy Families or at
Happy Families dot com dot a U. The Happy Family's podcast,
it's produced by Justin Ruland from Bridge Media. Craig Bruce
is our executive producer. Hopefully see it to night to
talk more about the five big ideas for what we
can do when school sucks. And there's that noise right
(13:30):
on this sound like I did