March 9, 2023 • 15 mins
Every Friday Justin and Kylie look back on the week that was, reflecting on the wins and losses from family life.
Topics discussed in today's episode:
- Kylie returns refreshed from a week away at a health retreat.
- The things Justin learnt from flying solo...there is a lot of driving!
- Being grateful for what we have and showing empathy to others.
Get in touch with your questions and feedback to podcasts@happyfamilies.com.au
Find out more and register for the Raising Resilient Kids Summit.
See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:03):
It's the Happy Families podcast. It's the podcast for the
time poor parent who just wants answers.
Speaker 2 (00:10):
Now, our school is like, what, eighteen minutes from home,
But we also have a child who has an activity
every single morning before school that is so early that
we have to do two trips to school in the morning.
That's eighteen minutes just in the morning driving to and
from our house in school.
Speaker 3 (00:24):
Holy cow, so much driving.
Speaker 1 (00:28):
And now here's the stars of our show, my mum
and dad.
Speaker 3 (00:31):
It's the Happy Family's podcast.
Speaker 2 (00:33):
Hello, this is doctor Justin Colson, the founder of Happy
Families dot com dot au and dad to six kids.
Speaker 3 (00:38):
Ask me how I'm doing?
Speaker 4 (00:40):
How are you doing?
Speaker 2 (00:40):
I'll tell you about that shortly. But it's been a
big week without you. Always so glad to have your back.
I'll tell you why soon. You've been away for most
of this week on a health retreat. You've been having
a meals cooked for you. You've been staying in a
place where mobile phones don't work, soaking up the greenery,
the nature, all that sort of stuff. Look at you,
(01:01):
you're grinning, you're beaming like ah, and it's been so good.
Speaker 4 (01:07):
It really has.
Speaker 5 (01:07):
And I recognize I do recognize what a privilege it
is to get away, especially at that level and have
that level of care. One of the things I love
about the health retreats is just access to therapies that
are not readily available.
Speaker 3 (01:24):
Yeah, it's hard.
Speaker 2 (01:25):
It's really hard to find great therapists who are intuitive
and do the stuff that you need.
Speaker 5 (01:30):
Yeah, and so I was able to tap into some
it's called abdominal healing.
Speaker 2 (01:36):
I feel like I could do with some abdominal healing,
maybe more than just me, maybe maybe several of us could,
I think so. So what's abdominal healing.
Speaker 5 (01:48):
It follows Chinese medicine and the acknowledgment that our body
is a massive storage container for all of the emotions yep,
that we've experienced through different experiences in our lives, and
so abdominal healing is all about, kind of I guess,
unblocking a lot of those emotions and letting them go.
(02:11):
So I've never experienced it before, But the thing that
stood out to her the most from everything else that
I was experiencing was just how my body was in
complete exhaustion mode. I was just so depleted and I
feel it. But there's nothing better than having somebody in
(02:34):
their professional space, validating what my body is feeling, and
so that was really powerful for me. But one of
the experiences that I had there was just so profound.
We were doing a meditation one night and the facilitator
asked us to pair up with somebody that we hadn't
(02:55):
met yet during our stay, and she ignoredledged that while
we would think that it was just a coincidence, that
through the week we would actually become clear as to
why we were drawn to this person. And when we
were joined together, her instructions were that we had to
(03:18):
have a conversation and she posed three specific questions that
we needed to answer, and the only rule was that
we couldn't lose eye contact, right.
Speaker 4 (03:28):
Do you know how hard it.
Speaker 5 (03:29):
Is, especially to a stranger. Totally, but it was so
important to the outcome. And so the first question was
what brought us to the health retreat in the first place.
And the person that I paired up with, she seemed
really really shy, a little bit unsure, and I just said,
I'll go.
Speaker 4 (03:45):
It's easy.
Speaker 5 (03:46):
So I acknowledged to her that I was a mother
of six and that while I love being a mum,
that I just felt like I had kind of got
lost in all of it and was in a place
where I needed some direction as to who I wanted
to be me standalone. And you know, she looked at
me and then she shared and acknowledged that for her,
(04:10):
she's had nine miscarriages and actually gone through seven rounds
of IVM.
Speaker 3 (04:16):
My goodness, Oh wow.
Speaker 5 (04:17):
The old me would have sat there and just felt.
Speaker 3 (04:20):
So guilty, especially after what you've just said.
Speaker 4 (04:23):
Yeah, because of what I was saying.
Speaker 2 (04:25):
Here I am complaining about my six kids and how
over them I am, and here's this person.
Speaker 5 (04:29):
So her biggest, the biggest weight that she was carrying
was whether or not she would actually ever be able
to be a mother. And it was so just was
just juxtaposed here like so different, and yet instead of
feeling guilty, there was just this beautiful acknowledgment that we
could have two totally opposite feelings and emotions and that
(04:54):
both are right in their own rights and both can
f the other person's pain.
Speaker 3 (05:03):
Yeah, empathy, yeah, passion.
Speaker 5 (05:06):
It was just it was such a beautiful experience to
just go your pains. It's it's there's no comparisons, there's
no sense of you know, one's carrying a bigger burden
than the other, because for you, that burden.
Speaker 4 (05:23):
Is weighty regardless of what it is.
Speaker 6 (05:25):
Yea.
Speaker 5 (05:26):
What it actually allowed me to do, though, which was
so powerful, was recognize and feel her pain and then
provide me with greater perspective and give thanks for the
burden that I carry because I wouldn't change it for anything.
Speaker 4 (05:50):
And it was just it was. It was beautiful. It
was really beautiful.
Speaker 5 (05:54):
And what I love about that is that I'm placed
in this position where a whole bunch of strangers from
all different walks of life have come together for a
few days to find answers to a myriad of concerns
and challenges that they're experiencing, and we find the answers
(06:15):
and some of the most unexpected places.
Speaker 2 (06:19):
Well, the opportunity for you to go away is challenging.
It's really challenging for the family, and.
Speaker 3 (06:25):
It comes at a considerable cost as well.
Speaker 2 (06:27):
But you have those sorts of experiences and they kind
of they help you to reset, don't they They really?
And I think that's why you've come back beaming.
Speaker 5 (06:35):
I'm ready. Well, you promised me that you've learned some
things while I've been gone, so I'm interested I've learned.
Speaker 3 (06:44):
I've learned a lot of things. I've made a list.
Speaker 4 (06:45):
You learned how to use a dishwasher.
Speaker 2 (06:47):
The dishwasher is broken, and I'm so unhappy about it
because it's a new dishwasher and it's one of the
best brands that are out there.
Speaker 3 (06:52):
And washing machine?
Speaker 4 (06:54):
Could you learn how to use that?
Speaker 2 (06:55):
The children have been looking after the washing machine only
a couple of times, but the washing machine has gone.
I'm do you know what? I cleaned up dog vomit.
I'm so sorry for everyone who's listened to the podcast
who just had to deal with that. I cleaned up
dog vomit off the carpet and off the tires, like
I did it all I've been I've been hard at it.
Here are my five lessons that I've learned. And then
I want to share a quick story with you about
what's happened while you've been gone. So number one, on
one of the mornings that you were gone, I can't
(07:16):
remember which morning I was.
Speaker 3 (07:17):
Now you're gone for like three or four mornings.
Speaker 2 (07:19):
Our eight year old, the one who can be super challenging,
the one who has some additional needs. She just told
me one morning that she wasn't going to go to school,
and I could see myself getting into this power struggle
with her, and I remembered force creat's resistance and high emotions,
low intelligence and get curious not furious, and all the
stuff that I teach everybody all the time. And I
tried it and nothing worked. So I looked at her
(07:41):
and I said, I love you, Emily. I'm going to
go and mother lawn. Like this is seven am, because
you're allowed to turn on the law more at seven
oh ones, Like I'm going to go and mother lawn.
And by the time I finished mowing the lawn, I'd
love for you to be ready for school. And then
I just walked away, and I thought, how in the
world is an eight year old going to make this happen.
I went outside, I mowed the lawn. I gave her
(08:03):
a whole lot of space. I trusted, crossed my fingers,
made sure that the TV remote was well hidden so
she couldn't just plump down in front of the TV.
Speaker 3 (08:10):
And about five.
Speaker 2 (08:11):
Minutes before I finished mowing the lawn, I saw her,
out of the corner of my eye, walk out to
the driveway and climb into the car with her school
uniform on, her school bag on her shoulder, her school
shoes and socks on her hair, all done, she'd eaten breakfast,
she had done the lot, her and her Did.
Speaker 4 (08:28):
She have her violin?
Speaker 2 (08:29):
It was not violin day, so we were she forgot
her violin on violin day. Thank you for asking that
less than number one give the kids space, like we're
so intent on crowding them and telling me what to
do in demanding that they do it right now. Once
she'd calmed down, she just went and did it because
she knew it had to be done and she knew
that I expected it. So for me that was massive
because I do push a little bit too hard.
Speaker 3 (08:51):
I know that I do it. I teach people not
to do it, and I teach it because I need
to learn it. And it was such a great thing.
Speaker 2 (08:58):
Second lesson, kids are capable from a young young age.
So once you left, I sat down with the kids
and I said, all right, who's got Sunday night dinner?
And one of the kids said, I'll do it. I said, great,
what's in the fridge? She went and had a look,
and she said, I'm going to cook chicken BROCOLI perfect,
who's got Monday night dinner. One of the other kids said,
I'll do it. I said, what would you like to cook?
She said, I'd like to do mince tortilla wrap things
(09:19):
I like to do, raps.
Speaker 3 (09:20):
I said, fantastic.
Speaker 2 (09:21):
Who's got Tuesday night or whatever? I can't remember the
nights were, but someone cooked, right too. We someone cooked.
We ate so well and the kids.
Speaker 5 (09:29):
So you were taking care of instead of taking.
Speaker 3 (09:31):
Care I had to look after a meal myself as well.
I got in there and did it. But again the youngest,
she wanted to be part of the team.
Speaker 2 (09:39):
She got in there and wanted to do the like
she's actually saying, I'd like to do the dishes tonight.
I never help, but I think because mum's away, I'd
like to do the dishes.
Speaker 3 (09:46):
I'd like to make a contribution.
Speaker 2 (09:48):
So my take home message from this week with you
being away is the kids are so capable. Kids are
so capable cooking, dinner, cleaning and so on. Number three,
don't do too much so our afternoons I basically emptied
them out. I said to the kids, no priorities, no
running around. We've only got to do this stuff that
(10:08):
absolutely must be done, like the extra curriculars that we've
paid for. Other than that, we're going to spend time
at home. We're going to read books, we're going to
kick a ball in the backyard, throw some hoops, ride
the skateboards, the roller skates, whatever, bikes, and we're going
to just really lay off. And it was incredible how
good it felt to take the pressure off. We do
so much, and I loved it. So then my top three.
(10:29):
I've got two to go.
Speaker 5 (10:30):
I think I've been asking you to slow down for
about twenty three.
Speaker 3 (10:34):
Years, twenty five. Every twenty five we didn't have children,
you were still asking me to slow down.
Speaker 2 (10:39):
Remember when we first got married and I get you,
dragged you down to the beach at five o'clock in
the morning to do hangs. For those of you who
don't know, harhongs are just.
Speaker 3 (10:47):
Okay.
Speaker 2 (10:48):
Number four I said there were five lessons. Number four
three words. So much driving, My goodness, welcome, so much driving.
Speaker 3 (11:01):
It is insane. How much time?
Speaker 4 (11:03):
How much did you get done while I was gone?
Speaker 3 (11:05):
Oh, it's ridiculous.
Speaker 2 (11:06):
How hard it is to get stuff done because there
is so much driving with kids that have got to
be at this thing or that thing, and so our
school our kids' school, because there were some catchment issues
when we moved here and we didn't have a permanent address,
and so the local high school wouldn't take us, so
we had to put the kids in a school that
costs more money, which is another story for another day.
Speaker 3 (11:24):
Our school is like what.
Speaker 2 (11:25):
Eighteen minutes from home. But we also have a childho
has an activity every single morning before school that is
so early that we have to do two trips to
school in the morning. That's twenty and twenty and twenty
and twenty. That's eighteen minutes just in the morning driving
to and from our house.
Speaker 3 (11:42):
In school, it's off the charts.
Speaker 2 (11:44):
And then in the afternoon, got to go and pick
them up, and then I've got to drive them to
this place or that place.
Speaker 3 (11:48):
They've got their activities, Holy cow.
Speaker 4 (11:50):
Do you remember those?
Speaker 5 (11:51):
So much driving is to ask me what I'd gotten
up to all days?
Speaker 3 (11:56):
So much driving. I cannot believe how we've got it.
Speaker 2 (12:00):
We've got to get the kids on buses. We've got
to come up on a solution for this. It is insane.
Speaker 4 (12:04):
What's learning Number five?
Speaker 3 (12:05):
Honey number five.
Speaker 2 (12:07):
We miss you so much. We just miss you so much.
We can live without you, But it's just our world
is smaller when you're not with us. We cannot function
nearly as well without you. And I'm not talking about
getting the driving done, or the cooking done, or the
(12:28):
cleaning done and all the wonderful, incredible contributions you make
to the home. Those are important, but it's the love
that we feel in our home because you're there.
Speaker 3 (12:38):
We have missed you so much.
Speaker 4 (12:42):
Well, I'm really excited to be home.
Speaker 3 (12:43):
I got to tell you a story.
Speaker 2 (12:45):
Oh As we were driving home from school just yesterday
or the day before, with you being gone pretty much
for the whole time, I was talking to our eight
year old Emily, and I said, how do you reckon
this week's gone without marm And she said, I'm sum
so much. And I said it's been really hard, isn't it.
And I said, how do you reckon we've gone? And
she said this to me, She said, Dad, I wanted
(13:07):
to be a little rascal this week. Last time Mum
went away, she remembered eighteen months ago. She said, last
time Mum went away, we fought lots. I was a
real rascal because when Mummy goes away, I feel bad.
And I wanted you to feel bad like I felt.
Speaker 3 (13:24):
How hard is that?
Speaker 2 (13:26):
And so when I hear that, So there's this psychological
theory it's been around for a very long time that
kids will sometimes act in a way that is so
troublesome and so challenging to us. So that not because
they want to terrorize. It's not because they want to
ruin our lives, but because they want us to feel
what they feel and they don't know how to communicate it,
and so they act in a way.
Speaker 4 (13:46):
They want us to understand how they're feeling.
Speaker 2 (13:49):
Yeah, and when we respond with anger and frustration, all
we do is rupture the relationship and make them feel
worse about themselves and they're already feeling awful. And when
she said that that when mum, way, I feel bad
and sometimes I just want you to feel bad like
I do, so you know what it feels like.
Speaker 3 (14:04):
And I thought, wow, you know this this.
Speaker 2 (14:06):
Approach to parenting that we have, sometimes it feels like
it's not working at all, and then you have a
moment like that, and.
Speaker 3 (14:13):
It's a really powerful way to raise kids. And I'm
so grateful.
Speaker 2 (14:18):
It's been horrible having you gone, but I'm so grateful
that you've had the opportunity to go, and that we've
all had the learning and the direction I guess that
we've experienced as a result of your taking.
Speaker 3 (14:30):
Some time off.
Speaker 4 (14:31):
Well, I'm hoping it won't be eighteen months before I
get to do it again.
Speaker 3 (14:34):
But I don't know how to reach pond to that one.
Don't go, don't go.
Speaker 4 (14:42):
But I'm really really excited to.
Speaker 5 (14:46):
Just get back into life with a bit more energy
and a bit more motivation and see where it takes us.
Speaker 2 (14:53):
We really hope that this podcast has given you some
ideas about how lucky you might be, what opportunities you've
got to get away, get some focus and vision and
tap into what matters most. Thank you so much for listening.
We hope that it hasn't been a little bit too indulgent.
The Happy Families podcast is produced by Justin Ruland from
Bridge Media.
Speaker 3 (15:11):
Craig Bruce is our executive producer.
Speaker 2 (15:14):
And for more information about making your family happier, check
out our upcoming resilience summit, Raising Resilient Kids.
Speaker 3 (15:21):
It's the summit.
Speaker 2 (15:22):
You can find all about it at our Facebook page,
Dr Justin Colson's Happy Families or at Happy Families Dot
com delay.
Speaker 6 (15:28):
You, you can blame its wrong, and I just dare
leave it.
Speaker 5 (15:38):
Lous you
It's the Happy Families podcast. It's the podcast for the
time poor parent who just wants answers.
Speaker 2 (00:10):
Now, our school is like, what, eighteen minutes from home,
But we also have a child who has an activity
every single morning before school that is so early that
we have to do two trips to school in the morning.
That's eighteen minutes just in the morning driving to and
from our house in school.
Speaker 3 (00:24):
Holy cow, so much driving.
Speaker 1 (00:28):
And now here's the stars of our show, my mum
and dad.
Speaker 3 (00:31):
It's the Happy Family's podcast.
Speaker 2 (00:33):
Hello, this is doctor Justin Colson, the founder of Happy
Families dot com dot au and dad to six kids.
Speaker 3 (00:38):
Ask me how I'm doing?
Speaker 4 (00:40):
How are you doing?
Speaker 2 (00:40):
I'll tell you about that shortly. But it's been a
big week without you. Always so glad to have your back.
I'll tell you why soon. You've been away for most
of this week on a health retreat. You've been having
a meals cooked for you. You've been staying in a
place where mobile phones don't work, soaking up the greenery,
the nature, all that sort of stuff. Look at you,
(01:01):
you're grinning, you're beaming like ah, and it's been so good.
Speaker 4 (01:07):
It really has.
Speaker 5 (01:07):
And I recognize I do recognize what a privilege it
is to get away, especially at that level and have
that level of care. One of the things I love
about the health retreats is just access to therapies that
are not readily available.
Speaker 3 (01:24):
Yeah, it's hard.
Speaker 2 (01:25):
It's really hard to find great therapists who are intuitive
and do the stuff that you need.
Speaker 5 (01:30):
Yeah, and so I was able to tap into some
it's called abdominal healing.
Speaker 2 (01:36):
I feel like I could do with some abdominal healing,
maybe more than just me, maybe maybe several of us could,
I think so. So what's abdominal healing.
Speaker 5 (01:48):
It follows Chinese medicine and the acknowledgment that our body
is a massive storage container for all of the emotions yep,
that we've experienced through different experiences in our lives, and
so abdominal healing is all about, kind of I guess,
unblocking a lot of those emotions and letting them go.
(02:11):
So I've never experienced it before, But the thing that
stood out to her the most from everything else that
I was experiencing was just how my body was in
complete exhaustion mode. I was just so depleted and I
feel it. But there's nothing better than having somebody in
(02:34):
their professional space, validating what my body is feeling, and
so that was really powerful for me. But one of
the experiences that I had there was just so profound.
We were doing a meditation one night and the facilitator
asked us to pair up with somebody that we hadn't
(02:55):
met yet during our stay, and she ignoredledged that while
we would think that it was just a coincidence, that
through the week we would actually become clear as to
why we were drawn to this person. And when we
were joined together, her instructions were that we had to
(03:18):
have a conversation and she posed three specific questions that
we needed to answer, and the only rule was that
we couldn't lose eye contact, right.
Speaker 4 (03:28):
Do you know how hard it.
Speaker 5 (03:29):
Is, especially to a stranger. Totally, but it was so
important to the outcome. And so the first question was
what brought us to the health retreat in the first place.
And the person that I paired up with, she seemed
really really shy, a little bit unsure, and I just said,
I'll go.
Speaker 4 (03:45):
It's easy.
Speaker 5 (03:46):
So I acknowledged to her that I was a mother
of six and that while I love being a mum,
that I just felt like I had kind of got
lost in all of it and was in a place
where I needed some direction as to who I wanted
to be me standalone. And you know, she looked at
me and then she shared and acknowledged that for her,
(04:10):
she's had nine miscarriages and actually gone through seven rounds
of IVM.
Speaker 3 (04:16):
My goodness, Oh wow.
Speaker 5 (04:17):
The old me would have sat there and just felt.
Speaker 3 (04:20):
So guilty, especially after what you've just said.
Speaker 4 (04:23):
Yeah, because of what I was saying.
Speaker 2 (04:25):
Here I am complaining about my six kids and how
over them I am, and here's this person.
Speaker 5 (04:29):
So her biggest, the biggest weight that she was carrying
was whether or not she would actually ever be able
to be a mother. And it was so just was
just juxtaposed here like so different, and yet instead of
feeling guilty, there was just this beautiful acknowledgment that we
could have two totally opposite feelings and emotions and that
(04:54):
both are right in their own rights and both can
f the other person's pain.
Speaker 3 (05:03):
Yeah, empathy, yeah, passion.
Speaker 5 (05:06):
It was just it was such a beautiful experience to
just go your pains. It's it's there's no comparisons, there's
no sense of you know, one's carrying a bigger burden
than the other, because for you, that burden.
Speaker 4 (05:23):
Is weighty regardless of what it is.
Speaker 6 (05:25):
Yea.
Speaker 5 (05:26):
What it actually allowed me to do, though, which was
so powerful, was recognize and feel her pain and then
provide me with greater perspective and give thanks for the
burden that I carry because I wouldn't change it for anything.
Speaker 4 (05:50):
And it was just it was. It was beautiful. It
was really beautiful.
Speaker 5 (05:54):
And what I love about that is that I'm placed
in this position where a whole bunch of strangers from
all different walks of life have come together for a
few days to find answers to a myriad of concerns
and challenges that they're experiencing, and we find the answers
(06:15):
and some of the most unexpected places.
Speaker 2 (06:19):
Well, the opportunity for you to go away is challenging.
It's really challenging for the family, and.
Speaker 3 (06:25):
It comes at a considerable cost as well.
Speaker 2 (06:27):
But you have those sorts of experiences and they kind
of they help you to reset, don't they They really?
And I think that's why you've come back beaming.
Speaker 5 (06:35):
I'm ready. Well, you promised me that you've learned some
things while I've been gone, so I'm interested I've learned.
Speaker 3 (06:44):
I've learned a lot of things. I've made a list.
Speaker 4 (06:45):
You learned how to use a dishwasher.
Speaker 2 (06:47):
The dishwasher is broken, and I'm so unhappy about it
because it's a new dishwasher and it's one of the
best brands that are out there.
Speaker 3 (06:52):
And washing machine?
Speaker 4 (06:54):
Could you learn how to use that?
Speaker 2 (06:55):
The children have been looking after the washing machine only
a couple of times, but the washing machine has gone.
I'm do you know what? I cleaned up dog vomit.
I'm so sorry for everyone who's listened to the podcast
who just had to deal with that. I cleaned up
dog vomit off the carpet and off the tires, like
I did it all I've been I've been hard at it.
Here are my five lessons that I've learned. And then
I want to share a quick story with you about
what's happened while you've been gone. So number one, on
one of the mornings that you were gone, I can't
(07:16):
remember which morning I was.
Speaker 3 (07:17):
Now you're gone for like three or four mornings.
Speaker 2 (07:19):
Our eight year old, the one who can be super challenging,
the one who has some additional needs. She just told
me one morning that she wasn't going to go to school,
and I could see myself getting into this power struggle
with her, and I remembered force creat's resistance and high emotions,
low intelligence and get curious not furious, and all the
stuff that I teach everybody all the time. And I
tried it and nothing worked. So I looked at her
(07:41):
and I said, I love you, Emily. I'm going to
go and mother lawn. Like this is seven am, because
you're allowed to turn on the law more at seven
oh ones, Like I'm going to go and mother lawn.
And by the time I finished mowing the lawn, I'd
love for you to be ready for school. And then
I just walked away, and I thought, how in the
world is an eight year old going to make this happen.
I went outside, I mowed the lawn. I gave her
(08:03):
a whole lot of space. I trusted, crossed my fingers,
made sure that the TV remote was well hidden so
she couldn't just plump down in front of the TV.
Speaker 3 (08:10):
And about five.
Speaker 2 (08:11):
Minutes before I finished mowing the lawn, I saw her,
out of the corner of my eye, walk out to
the driveway and climb into the car with her school
uniform on, her school bag on her shoulder, her school
shoes and socks on her hair, all done, she'd eaten breakfast,
she had done the lot, her and her Did.
Speaker 4 (08:28):
She have her violin?
Speaker 2 (08:29):
It was not violin day, so we were she forgot
her violin on violin day. Thank you for asking that
less than number one give the kids space, like we're
so intent on crowding them and telling me what to
do in demanding that they do it right now. Once
she'd calmed down, she just went and did it because
she knew it had to be done and she knew
that I expected it. So for me that was massive
because I do push a little bit too hard.
Speaker 3 (08:51):
I know that I do it. I teach people not
to do it, and I teach it because I need
to learn it. And it was such a great thing.
Speaker 2 (08:58):
Second lesson, kids are capable from a young young age.
So once you left, I sat down with the kids
and I said, all right, who's got Sunday night dinner?
And one of the kids said, I'll do it. I said, great,
what's in the fridge? She went and had a look,
and she said, I'm going to cook chicken BROCOLI perfect,
who's got Monday night dinner. One of the other kids said,
I'll do it. I said, what would you like to cook?
She said, I'd like to do mince tortilla wrap things
(09:19):
I like to do, raps.
Speaker 3 (09:20):
I said, fantastic.
Speaker 2 (09:21):
Who's got Tuesday night or whatever? I can't remember the
nights were, but someone cooked, right too. We someone cooked.
We ate so well and the kids.
Speaker 5 (09:29):
So you were taking care of instead of taking.
Speaker 3 (09:31):
Care I had to look after a meal myself as well.
I got in there and did it. But again the youngest,
she wanted to be part of the team.
Speaker 2 (09:39):
She got in there and wanted to do the like
she's actually saying, I'd like to do the dishes tonight.
I never help, but I think because mum's away, I'd
like to do the dishes.
Speaker 3 (09:46):
I'd like to make a contribution.
Speaker 2 (09:48):
So my take home message from this week with you
being away is the kids are so capable. Kids are
so capable cooking, dinner, cleaning and so on. Number three,
don't do too much so our afternoons I basically emptied
them out. I said to the kids, no priorities, no
running around. We've only got to do this stuff that
(10:08):
absolutely must be done, like the extra curriculars that we've
paid for. Other than that, we're going to spend time
at home. We're going to read books, we're going to
kick a ball in the backyard, throw some hoops, ride
the skateboards, the roller skates, whatever, bikes, and we're going
to just really lay off. And it was incredible how
good it felt to take the pressure off. We do
so much, and I loved it. So then my top three.
(10:29):
I've got two to go.
Speaker 5 (10:30):
I think I've been asking you to slow down for
about twenty three.
Speaker 3 (10:34):
Years, twenty five. Every twenty five we didn't have children,
you were still asking me to slow down.
Speaker 2 (10:39):
Remember when we first got married and I get you,
dragged you down to the beach at five o'clock in
the morning to do hangs. For those of you who
don't know, harhongs are just.
Speaker 3 (10:47):
Okay.
Speaker 2 (10:48):
Number four I said there were five lessons. Number four
three words. So much driving, My goodness, welcome, so much driving.
Speaker 3 (11:01):
It is insane. How much time?
Speaker 4 (11:03):
How much did you get done while I was gone?
Speaker 3 (11:05):
Oh, it's ridiculous.
Speaker 2 (11:06):
How hard it is to get stuff done because there
is so much driving with kids that have got to
be at this thing or that thing, and so our
school our kids' school, because there were some catchment issues
when we moved here and we didn't have a permanent address,
and so the local high school wouldn't take us, so
we had to put the kids in a school that
costs more money, which is another story for another day.
Speaker 3 (11:24):
Our school is like what.
Speaker 2 (11:25):
Eighteen minutes from home. But we also have a childho
has an activity every single morning before school that is
so early that we have to do two trips to
school in the morning. That's twenty and twenty and twenty
and twenty. That's eighteen minutes just in the morning driving
to and from our house.
Speaker 3 (11:42):
In school, it's off the charts.
Speaker 2 (11:44):
And then in the afternoon, got to go and pick
them up, and then I've got to drive them to
this place or that place.
Speaker 3 (11:48):
They've got their activities, Holy cow.
Speaker 4 (11:50):
Do you remember those?
Speaker 5 (11:51):
So much driving is to ask me what I'd gotten
up to all days?
Speaker 3 (11:56):
So much driving. I cannot believe how we've got it.
Speaker 2 (12:00):
We've got to get the kids on buses. We've got
to come up on a solution for this. It is insane.
Speaker 4 (12:04):
What's learning Number five?
Speaker 3 (12:05):
Honey number five.
Speaker 2 (12:07):
We miss you so much. We just miss you so much.
We can live without you, But it's just our world
is smaller when you're not with us. We cannot function
nearly as well without you. And I'm not talking about
getting the driving done, or the cooking done, or the
(12:28):
cleaning done and all the wonderful, incredible contributions you make
to the home. Those are important, but it's the love
that we feel in our home because you're there.
Speaker 3 (12:38):
We have missed you so much.
Speaker 4 (12:42):
Well, I'm really excited to be home.
Speaker 3 (12:43):
I got to tell you a story.
Speaker 2 (12:45):
Oh As we were driving home from school just yesterday
or the day before, with you being gone pretty much
for the whole time, I was talking to our eight
year old Emily, and I said, how do you reckon
this week's gone without marm And she said, I'm sum
so much. And I said it's been really hard, isn't it.
And I said, how do you reckon we've gone? And
she said this to me, She said, Dad, I wanted
(13:07):
to be a little rascal this week. Last time Mum
went away, she remembered eighteen months ago. She said, last
time Mum went away, we fought lots. I was a
real rascal because when Mummy goes away, I feel bad.
And I wanted you to feel bad like I felt.
Speaker 3 (13:24):
How hard is that?
Speaker 2 (13:26):
And so when I hear that, So there's this psychological
theory it's been around for a very long time that
kids will sometimes act in a way that is so
troublesome and so challenging to us. So that not because
they want to terrorize. It's not because they want to
ruin our lives, but because they want us to feel
what they feel and they don't know how to communicate it,
and so they act in a way.
Speaker 4 (13:46):
They want us to understand how they're feeling.
Speaker 2 (13:49):
Yeah, and when we respond with anger and frustration, all
we do is rupture the relationship and make them feel
worse about themselves and they're already feeling awful. And when
she said that that when mum, way, I feel bad
and sometimes I just want you to feel bad like
I do, so you know what it feels like.
Speaker 3 (14:04):
And I thought, wow, you know this this.
Speaker 2 (14:06):
Approach to parenting that we have, sometimes it feels like
it's not working at all, and then you have a
moment like that, and.
Speaker 3 (14:13):
It's a really powerful way to raise kids. And I'm
so grateful.
Speaker 2 (14:18):
It's been horrible having you gone, but I'm so grateful
that you've had the opportunity to go, and that we've
all had the learning and the direction I guess that
we've experienced as a result of your taking.
Speaker 3 (14:30):
Some time off.
Speaker 4 (14:31):
Well, I'm hoping it won't be eighteen months before I
get to do it again.
Speaker 3 (14:34):
But I don't know how to reach pond to that one.
Don't go, don't go.
Speaker 4 (14:42):
But I'm really really excited to.
Speaker 5 (14:46):
Just get back into life with a bit more energy
and a bit more motivation and see where it takes us.
Speaker 2 (14:53):
We really hope that this podcast has given you some
ideas about how lucky you might be, what opportunities you've
got to get away, get some focus and vision and
tap into what matters most. Thank you so much for listening.
We hope that it hasn't been a little bit too indulgent.
The Happy Families podcast is produced by Justin Ruland from
Bridge Media.
Speaker 3 (15:11):
Craig Bruce is our executive producer.
Speaker 2 (15:14):
And for more information about making your family happier, check
out our upcoming resilience summit, Raising Resilient Kids.
Speaker 3 (15:21):
It's the summit.
Speaker 2 (15:22):
You can find all about it at our Facebook page,
Dr Justin Colson's Happy Families or at Happy Families Dot
com delay.
Speaker 6 (15:28):
You, you can blame its wrong, and I just dare
leave it.
Speaker 5 (15:38):
Lous you
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