March 12, 2023 • 19 mins
Justin shares a sneak peek into the next summit from Happy Families
Topics included in this episode -
- Justin & Kylie are about to celebrate their 25th anniversary
- Justin is planning a big surprise
- Raising Resilient Kids Summit on the 30th of March
- Justin shares a study on kids & resilience
- Why resilience is a buzz word right now
- The lineup for the summit
Find us on Facebook at Dr Justin Coulson's Happy Families
Email us your questions and comments at podcasts@happyfamilies.com.au
See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:03):
It's the Happy Families podcast. It's the podcast for the
time poor parent who just once answers.
Speaker 2 (00:10):
Now, you couple the COVID pandemic, lockdowns and restrictions, with
the increasing use of screens and parents being busier. You
bring all of these factors together and more pressure on
schooling and academics. And so that's why we're putting on
this summer, this Raising Resilient Kids summer.
Speaker 1 (00:26):
And now here's the stars of our show, my mom
and Dad.
Speaker 2 (00:30):
I've got this feeling, Kylie. I've got a bit of
an inkling that this week is going to go really
fast and end in a whole lot of fun.
Speaker 3 (00:37):
What do you know that I don't know.
Speaker 2 (00:39):
I know that it's our wedding anniversary in a week
from today, and we're going away this weekend, and you
don't know where.
Speaker 3 (00:45):
I have no idea.
Speaker 2 (00:47):
So we've got this deal that I plan the wedding anniversaries.
I mean, it hasn't ever been formalized, but this is
kind of how it plays out. I'm not that into
Valentine's Day. I didn't even get you a flower on
Valentine's Day. You did such a beautiful job of making
me feel special on Valentine's Day.
Speaker 3 (01:02):
But do you know I wrote all of those I
love yous on the photos and I just found a
few extras. You've forgot them all, and do you know
what My favorite one was?
Speaker 2 (01:14):
You love me because I'm me? No, why do you
love me?
Speaker 3 (01:17):
I love that you trust me with your credit card?
Speaker 2 (01:19):
Right?
Speaker 1 (01:20):
Oh?
Speaker 2 (01:20):
Yeah, there's some stories we could tell about that, but
not in today's podcast. But we've got this informal thing
where I love to spoil you on our wedding anniversary,
and I tend to, but this is a big one.
Speaker 3 (01:32):
This is a really big one.
Speaker 2 (01:33):
Twenty five years. For the last few weeks, every Friday,
you've been allowed to ask me one question, one question
about what's going to happen on our anniversary. You know
it's going to be a big surprise. Since Valentine's Day,
you've been asking questions and so far, what do you know?
Speaker 3 (01:46):
Well, the first one that was the most important was
that we were celebrating alone.
Speaker 2 (01:52):
Yeah, there's not going to be any children none. I mean,
we love our kids.
Speaker 3 (01:56):
And the second one was that we were going to
be going away. We were actually having away time, yes.
Speaker 2 (02:02):
And we live on the Sunshine Coast, so you were
pretty well convinced that we're going to Montville Mulaney something
like that. Yeah, the Hintsland, which I love. Yeah. Absolutely.
Speaker 3 (02:11):
And then I asked whether or not we were catching
an aeroplane.
Speaker 2 (02:16):
Yes, I think you said it were going overseas. No.
Speaker 3 (02:18):
I asked if you were catching an aeroplane.
Speaker 2 (02:20):
I thought you said overseas, because I had to fudge
and get all funny about it, because well, I mean,
I said, Tasmanie, you could be overseas because we're.
Speaker 3 (02:27):
Going over I asked if we were catching an aeroplane,
and then once you said yes, I then asked if
we were going overseas.
Speaker 2 (02:35):
Yes, So you cheated. You asked two questions on the
one day.
Speaker 3 (02:38):
You answered I did.
Speaker 2 (02:39):
That's right, So that's as much as you know. No, oh, no,
because you've asked one.
Speaker 3 (02:43):
Then I asked another question, Yeah, did I need a passport?
Speaker 2 (02:47):
Yes?
Speaker 3 (02:48):
And you acknowledged that I did, so we're definitely not
going to Tasmania, right. But then I also asked.
Speaker 2 (02:53):
You've been sneaking extra questions in because you've only had
four weeks to ask questions if.
Speaker 3 (02:58):
We'd ever been there for yeah, and you said no, correct,
And I asked it if we'd talked about going there.
Speaker 2 (03:06):
Have I been that generous in my answers?
Speaker 3 (03:08):
Maybe?
Speaker 2 (03:08):
Okay, So what's your pick? Where do you think we're going?
What are your top three picks?
Speaker 3 (03:16):
Well, it can't be Bali, it can't be Fiji. It
has to be somewhere close because we're only going away
for a few days.
Speaker 2 (03:22):
Okay, So you know that My inspiration for this was
a mister Beast YouTube video where he approached some guy
on a university campus and said, if I give you
three hundred dollars, will you fly to Paris flood to France.
Speaker 3 (03:31):
And that if I'm stuck on an aeroplane for two
of the three days we're gone, that you are going
to be dead.
Speaker 2 (03:38):
Me you said that, Oh my goodness. What if it's
really good when we get there?
Speaker 3 (03:44):
After everything you know about me? Yes, I don't care
where we're going, just as long as it's you and
me alone?
Speaker 2 (03:53):
Well alone?
Speaker 3 (03:54):
Did you get it?
Speaker 2 (03:55):
Yeah? I got it. I got it. You'll find out
on Friday when we get to the airport, our happy
families listeners will find out what do I have to
pack next week? I'll tell you on Thursday night when
we're packing. Oh, you can't do that. I need to
get something. You don't need to get anything.
Speaker 1 (04:10):
How do you know?
Speaker 2 (04:11):
I just believe that you don't need to get anything.
We have a podcast.
Speaker 3 (04:14):
I also know that we have unstructured time. Well that's
for one something.
Speaker 2 (04:20):
Yes, yeah, we have one specific activity planned. Well, I
have one a specific activity plan for us. We have
a podcast to get on with. I'm going to let
that one fly. We have a podcast to get onto today.
I want to talk about an upcoming summit. Every six
(04:42):
months or so at Happy families dot com dot a you,
we have been running amazing summits, the Misconnection Summit, the
Bringing Up Boys Summit, the Little People Big Feelings Summit,
the how to Help your Family Not be a Hot
Mess Summit, and we've had just thousands and thousands of
people who have been able to take advantage of these
summits make their families happier. We've got a summit coming up.
(05:04):
Just launched the details in the last couple of days
at Happy families dot com, dot you and at our
Facebook page. And I'm gonna be honest, today's podcast is
a bit of an advertorial for the summit because it
matters so much now. As you know, we give away
as much information as we can for free, but our
summits are an absolute premium product and so they do
attract a fee. And I want to tell you about
(05:26):
our next summit is going to be called Raising Resilient Kids.
The Summit.
Speaker 3 (05:35):
The Summer.
Speaker 2 (05:36):
The summer I feel like we need big music. Yeah,
So Raising Resilient Kids the Summit. It happens on the
thirtieth of March. So resilience is this that's a buzzword.
Speaker 3 (05:48):
It's a real buzzword.
Speaker 2 (05:49):
Yeah, and it has been for I reckon ten fifteen
years now.
Speaker 3 (05:52):
So why is it such a hot topic, especially now?
Speaker 2 (05:56):
Can I share some science, some old science, and then
bring that into right now to answer a question years
and years and years ago, in the mid nineteen fifties,
an American sociologist by the name of Emmy Warner received
funding to go into a fairly impoverished, underprivileged, and challenged
community on the Hawaiian island of Cawi and research follow
(06:16):
literally every child that was born in that year. I
think it was either nineteen fifty five or nineteen fifty
six from memory, follow every single child born that year
across the first ten years of life to see what
makes kids why these kids were struggling. Now they were
born into a community. Bearing in mind it's the nineteen fifties, right,
so we're dealing with intergenerational poverty in this community. There's
(06:37):
intergenerational alcohol and drug use and abuse. There's intergenerational imprisonment.
People aren't finishing school, that dropping out early, there's kids
getting pregnant in their teens, you name it. The intergenerational
challenges were enormous in this particular place, and so she
wanted to find out what was going on, why there
were so many challenges, and this ten year grant that
(06:58):
she received was designed to figure it out. But at
the end of ten years, they still didn't have enough answers,
and she got funding for another ten and then subsequently
she received more funding and more funding until forty years
later in the mid nineteen nineties, she finally wrapped up
the study, speaking with teachers and parents and church leaders
and people in the community, neighbors, the parents, the artists,
(07:21):
the uncles, the grandparents, the kids themselves as they moved
through childhood and into adulthood. I mean, this was a comprehensive,
quantitative and qualitative study. There's surveys, there's questionnaires, there's interviews,
there's all kinds of measures. And what Emmy Werner found
was that about two thirds of the kids repeated all
the non resilient behaviors that they'd been taught as they
(07:44):
were growing up. They also dropped out of school earlier.
They had emotional and behavior regulation challenges. They were inclined
towards alcohol and drugs. They ended up in prison or pregnant.
They had hard lives, but one third didn't. One third thrive.
They were resilient. They grew in the face of that
adversity rather than struggled. In the face of that adversity.
(08:07):
They finished high school, they got good jobs, they held
down strong relationships, they ended up married with kids. And
when Werner, after forty years, sat down with their team
and said, what's gone on with this one third of kids,
this two hundred and twenty ish kids that they seem
to have bucked the trend? Why are they so special?
And ultimately, as they went through the data, there were
(08:29):
four central factors that contributed to these kids' resilient outcomes,
But the number one outcome ultimately was that they had
one single adult in their lives who was absolutely there
for them, completely cared for them and made life safe.
So Warner's research and that of others who have done
similar studies has really underpinned this idea that our kids
(08:53):
to be resilient, they need to have great relationships like
resilience and happiness ultimately come down to loving relationships, full stop,
end of story. But in those communities, a lot of
the time, in these families, these kids didn't have a
parent that could be that one caring adult. They were
talking about arties and uncle, school teachers, churchly, there's sports coaches.
It was those people who were that rock for those
(09:14):
kids when things were tough. Now that's the first part
of my answer. The second part to your question is
why is resilience such a big deal right now? And
the answer to that is, as we look at the
data over the last several decades, we're seeing a continued
decline in well being and a continued decline in resilience
(09:36):
when it comes to our kids. Here in Australia as
well as overseas, we're seeing among teenagers suicidal ideation and
even suicide attempts are at some of the highest levels
that they've ever been in history, these issues are growing.
Australian data tells us that more kids are hospitalized for
(09:56):
attempts on their own lives now than pretty much ever before,
and this is something that's been growing over the last
decade or so. It's getting worse and worse. Fortunately, most
kids aren't successful, whereas in the United States success that
this is unfortunately quite high. I think it's because we
have different gun laws, different access to violent ways of
(10:18):
ending life, which is just so devastating, so sad, so tragic.
But ultimately, the resilience conversation is that the fore right now,
because we've got this confluence of factors. We're coming out
of the COVID pandemic with all of these lockdowns and
all of these draconian measures, and we've got now good
reports that are highlighting that the governments may have overstepped
a little bit with some of what they did. Obviously
they were doing the best that they could with what
(10:38):
they knew, but data is suggesting that it wasn't the
best thing. But it's had a huge impact on our kids.
You couple the COVID pandemic, lockdowns and restrictions with the
increasing use of screens and parents being busier and families,
not literally, I mean the data is their families are
not as strong as they used to be. Kids need
strong families. You bring all these factors together and more
(10:59):
pressure on schooling and academics and kids are struggling under
the weight of an anxiety is at record levels, depressions
at record levels, and like I said, much more drastic
and concerning things as well are at very very high levels.
And so that's why we're putting on this summer there's
Resilient Raising Resilient Kids Summer, because we need to make
sure that kids are okay.
Speaker 3 (11:22):
Well, you've got an awesome lineup the professionals in their
fields to share with parents.
Speaker 2 (11:28):
Really smart, experienced people.
Speaker 3 (11:30):
Who's on your list?
Speaker 2 (11:31):
Okay number one Maggie Dent. Everybody, I mean, anyone who
has ever read anything about parenting in Australia loves to
hear from Maggie. And she's going to be talking about
ten resilience building blocks. She's a dynamo when she talks
about this topic and everybody's going to be stoked to
hear what she has. I just know it. I know
it's going to be a great conversation because it always
is with Maggie. Somebody else that I've got coming in
that a lot of people might not have heard of.
(11:52):
But this guy knows his stuff like no one else.
There's a guy based out of Harvard Medical School. His
name is doctor Robert Brooks. Bobok has literally written the
book about resilience. He's from Harvard, for goodness sakes, and
he knows his stuff. Also literally the nicest guy you
might ever listen to, a talk to or meet. He's
just such a great guy. And Bob, doctor Robert Brooks
(12:13):
from Harvard is going to be joining us to talk
about resilience and everything that the Harvard researchers over the
last ten decades have discovered over the last one hundred
years about resilience. I'm so excited for that. You might
have heard of doctor Laura Markham. She has a website
called AHA Parenting and she's all over Facebook. She does
such a beautiful job. She's going to be talking about
(12:35):
calm parents, happy kids. Laura Markham is just I don't
know how to say it other than she's just a delight.
She's so wise, she's so compassionate and gentle and good
and her ideas, I know are going to make a
big difference. I mean, these are three enormously influential, powerful
people to talk about this straight away. Next up, I've
got Alfie Kohne, who's been on our podcast a number
(12:58):
of times. Alfie has written so many books, and he's
always polarizing, he's always provocative, he's always got these ideas,
and we've been talking ahead of time about what he's
going to discuss in this summit, and it's going to
shake people in really thought provoking positive ways, getting this
to think about what resilience really is and whether we're
even going about building resilience, raising resilience the right way health.
(13:21):
He's just he's awesome.
Speaker 3 (13:23):
So he's such an intellectual, but he's just so captivating. Yes,
when I listen to him, I'm just he draws me
in in spite of his academic nature. Yeah, he really,
because because his thoughts are so pulverizing.
Speaker 2 (13:43):
Polarizing, polarizing, polar evocative, provocative, Yeah.
Speaker 3 (13:48):
For sure, and they really make me think.
Speaker 1 (13:51):
So.
Speaker 2 (13:51):
Maggie Dent, Robert Brooks, Laura Markham, Healthy Kohne, and a
New York Times bestselling author, Jessica Lay. She wrote a
book called The Gift of Failure. I mean, what a
perfect book, What a perfect conversation to have when we're
talking about raising resilient kids.
Speaker 3 (14:07):
Is that it?
Speaker 2 (14:08):
Oh no, no, no, there's more. There's actually quite a
bit more. So there'll be ten. There'll be ten speakers
in total, including me. Okay, So we've also got a
guy who, in the early two thousands was voted as
Australians Australian's Comedian of the Year. His name is Marty Wilson.
He's a friend of mine from here on the Sunshine Coast.
Funny guy.
Speaker 3 (14:25):
But okay, so hang on a sec. You've got all
these heavy hitters and now you've got Marty Wilson. What's
he bringing to the Okay?
Speaker 2 (14:33):
So, can you think of any career that you could
choose that could be harder and require more resilience than
being a stand up comedian? No, I'm serious, Like, this
guy has got resilience lessons up the wazoo, whatever the
wazoo is. My dad used to say that. I don't
know why. I just said that he's got Like, this
guy's got resilient stories. Because you cannot be a stand
up comedian and not be resilient. Like when you stand
(14:55):
up in front of an audience and you tell a
joke and at bombs, It's like.
Speaker 3 (14:58):
We have a stand up comedian and our.
Speaker 2 (15:00):
We have several. We have several. Are you talking about
me or somebody else?
Speaker 3 (15:05):
No, the eight year old who's dying to be a
stand up comedian?
Speaker 2 (15:08):
Who else have we got? Thanks for asking, Kylie. We've
got a guy called James Anderson. He's been on the
podcast a couple of times. Really bright guy, super intelligent.
He talks about growth mindsets and the idea of resilience
around growth mindsets in ways that I think even Carol
Dweck would be jealous of. Really smart, really switched on.
And he's going to be talking about resilience in learning
what he calls the gift of learnership, the skill of learning,
(15:29):
and how some kids are like, oh god, do it,
I don't want to do it and they shy away.
He's going to be talking about what we can do
to move kids towards learning rather than away from it
when it's hard. So that's going to be a great conversation.
We've got Yasmin London talking about kids and screens. Yasmin
runs an organization called why Safe and is just fabulous
on this and resilience and screens like these are two
topics that go hand in hand. And last, but not least,
(15:50):
Michael McQueen. Michael McQueen is literally one of Australia's most
in demand keynote speakers. The guy I'm good friends with
him and I follow him on Facebook and he literally
is in different states for different talks on the same day,
sometimes overseas and in Australia on the same day. He
gives keynotes galore, and he has very generously agreed to
spend some time with me talking about post COVID kids
(16:13):
because he's I guess you'd call him a futurist, and
I want to talk to him about the future of
well being, the future of resilience, the future of education,
the future of what our kids, what are our kids'
lives is going to be like based on what the
trends are saying. So, I mean, rock solid, the best
summit we've ever put on. And I know there's a
whole lot of advertorial here for people who are listening
(16:34):
to the podcast, but I've already given a really big
take home at the start with the conversation about Emmy
wooner and one carrying adult. But you can see why
I'm so excited about this summit. It's going to be
so good, and we're going to do something really different,
something we've never done before with one of our summits.
We know that people don't actually want to stop everything,
drop everything, and give up an entire day so they
can sit in front of a screen and listen to
(16:55):
ten talks, and so we're going to give you the
facility to watch it where, when and how you want.
In fact, we're going to get it behind a podcast
paywall as well, so that if you buy the summit,
you don't even have to watch it at all. You
can just download it and listen to each of the conversations.
Speaker 3 (17:13):
Now you're talking my language on.
Speaker 2 (17:14):
Podcasts because a lot of people, look, who's really got
time to sit in front of the screen. We're also
going to do highlights reels, so if you don't want
to watch the whole thing, you'll be able to just
watch the here's the ten or fifteen minute highlight of
the forty five to fifty minutes. Yeah, or or of
course you can watch it live. You have access to
it for however long because we don't want you to
have to watch it on the day. So this is
really a summit to meet the needs of time poor
(17:36):
parents who want answers in ways that work for them.
I'm super excited about it.
Speaker 3 (17:40):
So if we get to the nitty gritty of things, yes,
how do I get involved? How do I?
Speaker 2 (17:44):
Yeah? So, all the details are at Happy Families dot
com dot au or at our Facebook page dot Justin
Colson's Happy Families. The summit is normally one hundred and
ninety nine dollars, but the early bird special is one
hundred and forty nine bucks. One hundred and forty nine dollars.
You've got about another week to take advantage of that.
Speaker 3 (18:00):
So if I am doing the mass right, are you
telling me that to sit and listen to each one
of these ten people is pretty much on the early.
Speaker 2 (18:09):
Bird it's about fifteen bucks ahead dollars. Yeah, at all.
It's insanely cheap, but that's because this matters so much.
Like we have bills to pay, and obviously Happy Families
ultimately has to be a commercially run thing so that
we can pay our staff and so that we can
but we invest into what we're doing, and we give
it a way as cheap as we can, because we
(18:29):
want people to get access to this.
Speaker 3 (18:31):
Where else can I go and listen to this person
these people, No.
Speaker 2 (18:33):
No, you can't fifteen dollars. You can't even listen to
them for one hundred and fifty dollars And each of
them is basically fifteen bucks. Obviously you can't buy the
one at a time, by the whole summit. By the way,
if you're a Happy Family's member, you get twenty percent off,
twenty percent off the full price, and twenty percent off
the early bird. So there's so much value. It's such
a great summit, the Raising Resilient Kid's Summit. It's happening really,
(18:56):
really soon, the thirtieth, the thirtieth of this month. Early
Bird finishes next Thursday, the twenty third, one week out
from the summit.
Speaker 3 (19:06):
So if I'm not a Happy Family's member.
Speaker 2 (19:08):
Jump onto Happy families dot com dot you become a member.
It's like eighteen bucks a month, and I mean you're
gonna save twenty percent straight up. Get you just get
so much value out of it. Plus you get the
ongoing support, the ongoing monthly support as we do our
best to help you make your family, happier, raising resilient kids.
The Summit. Please join us for it. It's on the
thirtieth of March. All the details at our Facebook page
(19:29):
doctor Justin Colson's Happy Families or happy families dot com,
dot a
It's the Happy Families podcast. It's the podcast for the
time poor parent who just once answers.
Speaker 2 (00:10):
Now, you couple the COVID pandemic, lockdowns and restrictions, with
the increasing use of screens and parents being busier. You
bring all of these factors together and more pressure on
schooling and academics. And so that's why we're putting on
this summer, this Raising Resilient Kids summer.
Speaker 1 (00:26):
And now here's the stars of our show, my mom
and Dad.
Speaker 2 (00:30):
I've got this feeling, Kylie. I've got a bit of
an inkling that this week is going to go really
fast and end in a whole lot of fun.
Speaker 3 (00:37):
What do you know that I don't know.
Speaker 2 (00:39):
I know that it's our wedding anniversary in a week
from today, and we're going away this weekend, and you
don't know where.
Speaker 3 (00:45):
I have no idea.
Speaker 2 (00:47):
So we've got this deal that I plan the wedding anniversaries.
I mean, it hasn't ever been formalized, but this is
kind of how it plays out. I'm not that into
Valentine's Day. I didn't even get you a flower on
Valentine's Day. You did such a beautiful job of making
me feel special on Valentine's Day.
Speaker 3 (01:02):
But do you know I wrote all of those I
love yous on the photos and I just found a
few extras. You've forgot them all, and do you know
what My favorite one was?
Speaker 2 (01:14):
You love me because I'm me? No, why do you
love me?
Speaker 3 (01:17):
I love that you trust me with your credit card?
Speaker 2 (01:19):
Right?
Speaker 1 (01:20):
Oh?
Speaker 2 (01:20):
Yeah, there's some stories we could tell about that, but
not in today's podcast. But we've got this informal thing
where I love to spoil you on our wedding anniversary,
and I tend to, but this is a big one.
Speaker 3 (01:32):
This is a really big one.
Speaker 2 (01:33):
Twenty five years. For the last few weeks, every Friday,
you've been allowed to ask me one question, one question
about what's going to happen on our anniversary. You know
it's going to be a big surprise. Since Valentine's Day,
you've been asking questions and so far, what do you know?
Speaker 3 (01:46):
Well, the first one that was the most important was
that we were celebrating alone.
Speaker 2 (01:52):
Yeah, there's not going to be any children none. I mean,
we love our kids.
Speaker 3 (01:56):
And the second one was that we were going to
be going away. We were actually having away time, yes.
Speaker 2 (02:02):
And we live on the Sunshine Coast, so you were
pretty well convinced that we're going to Montville Mulaney something
like that. Yeah, the Hintsland, which I love. Yeah. Absolutely.
Speaker 3 (02:11):
And then I asked whether or not we were catching
an aeroplane.
Speaker 2 (02:16):
Yes, I think you said it were going overseas. No.
Speaker 3 (02:18):
I asked if you were catching an aeroplane.
Speaker 2 (02:20):
I thought you said overseas, because I had to fudge
and get all funny about it, because well, I mean,
I said, Tasmanie, you could be overseas because we're.
Speaker 3 (02:27):
Going over I asked if we were catching an aeroplane,
and then once you said yes, I then asked if
we were going overseas.
Speaker 2 (02:35):
Yes, So you cheated. You asked two questions on the
one day.
Speaker 3 (02:38):
You answered I did.
Speaker 2 (02:39):
That's right, So that's as much as you know. No, oh, no,
because you've asked one.
Speaker 3 (02:43):
Then I asked another question, Yeah, did I need a passport?
Speaker 2 (02:47):
Yes?
Speaker 3 (02:48):
And you acknowledged that I did, so we're definitely not
going to Tasmania, right. But then I also asked.
Speaker 2 (02:53):
You've been sneaking extra questions in because you've only had
four weeks to ask questions if.
Speaker 3 (02:58):
We'd ever been there for yeah, and you said no, correct,
And I asked it if we'd talked about going there.
Speaker 2 (03:06):
Have I been that generous in my answers?
Speaker 3 (03:08):
Maybe?
Speaker 2 (03:08):
Okay, So what's your pick? Where do you think we're going?
What are your top three picks?
Speaker 3 (03:16):
Well, it can't be Bali, it can't be Fiji. It
has to be somewhere close because we're only going away
for a few days.
Speaker 2 (03:22):
Okay, So you know that My inspiration for this was
a mister Beast YouTube video where he approached some guy
on a university campus and said, if I give you
three hundred dollars, will you fly to Paris flood to France.
Speaker 3 (03:31):
And that if I'm stuck on an aeroplane for two
of the three days we're gone, that you are going
to be dead.
Speaker 2 (03:38):
Me you said that, Oh my goodness. What if it's
really good when we get there?
Speaker 3 (03:44):
After everything you know about me? Yes, I don't care
where we're going, just as long as it's you and
me alone?
Speaker 2 (03:53):
Well alone?
Speaker 3 (03:54):
Did you get it?
Speaker 2 (03:55):
Yeah? I got it. I got it. You'll find out
on Friday when we get to the airport, our happy
families listeners will find out what do I have to
pack next week? I'll tell you on Thursday night when
we're packing. Oh, you can't do that. I need to
get something. You don't need to get anything.
Speaker 1 (04:10):
How do you know?
Speaker 2 (04:11):
I just believe that you don't need to get anything.
We have a podcast.
Speaker 3 (04:14):
I also know that we have unstructured time. Well that's
for one something.
Speaker 2 (04:20):
Yes, yeah, we have one specific activity planned. Well, I
have one a specific activity plan for us. We have
a podcast to get on with. I'm going to let
that one fly. We have a podcast to get onto today.
I want to talk about an upcoming summit. Every six
(04:42):
months or so at Happy families dot com dot a you,
we have been running amazing summits, the Misconnection Summit, the
Bringing Up Boys Summit, the Little People Big Feelings Summit,
the how to Help your Family Not be a Hot
Mess Summit, and we've had just thousands and thousands of
people who have been able to take advantage of these
summits make their families happier. We've got a summit coming up.
(05:04):
Just launched the details in the last couple of days
at Happy families dot com, dot you and at our
Facebook page. And I'm gonna be honest, today's podcast is
a bit of an advertorial for the summit because it
matters so much now. As you know, we give away
as much information as we can for free, but our
summits are an absolute premium product and so they do
attract a fee. And I want to tell you about
(05:26):
our next summit is going to be called Raising Resilient Kids.
The Summit.
Speaker 3 (05:35):
The Summer.
Speaker 2 (05:36):
The summer I feel like we need big music. Yeah,
So Raising Resilient Kids the Summit. It happens on the
thirtieth of March. So resilience is this that's a buzzword.
Speaker 3 (05:48):
It's a real buzzword.
Speaker 2 (05:49):
Yeah, and it has been for I reckon ten fifteen
years now.
Speaker 3 (05:52):
So why is it such a hot topic, especially now?
Speaker 2 (05:56):
Can I share some science, some old science, and then
bring that into right now to answer a question years
and years and years ago, in the mid nineteen fifties,
an American sociologist by the name of Emmy Warner received
funding to go into a fairly impoverished, underprivileged, and challenged
community on the Hawaiian island of Cawi and research follow
(06:16):
literally every child that was born in that year. I
think it was either nineteen fifty five or nineteen fifty
six from memory, follow every single child born that year
across the first ten years of life to see what
makes kids why these kids were struggling. Now they were
born into a community. Bearing in mind it's the nineteen fifties, right,
so we're dealing with intergenerational poverty in this community. There's
(06:37):
intergenerational alcohol and drug use and abuse. There's intergenerational imprisonment.
People aren't finishing school, that dropping out early, there's kids
getting pregnant in their teens, you name it. The intergenerational
challenges were enormous in this particular place, and so she
wanted to find out what was going on, why there
were so many challenges, and this ten year grant that
(06:58):
she received was designed to figure it out. But at
the end of ten years, they still didn't have enough answers,
and she got funding for another ten and then subsequently
she received more funding and more funding until forty years
later in the mid nineteen nineties, she finally wrapped up
the study, speaking with teachers and parents and church leaders
and people in the community, neighbors, the parents, the artists,
(07:21):
the uncles, the grandparents, the kids themselves as they moved
through childhood and into adulthood. I mean, this was a comprehensive,
quantitative and qualitative study. There's surveys, there's questionnaires, there's interviews,
there's all kinds of measures. And what Emmy Werner found
was that about two thirds of the kids repeated all
the non resilient behaviors that they'd been taught as they
(07:44):
were growing up. They also dropped out of school earlier.
They had emotional and behavior regulation challenges. They were inclined
towards alcohol and drugs. They ended up in prison or pregnant.
They had hard lives, but one third didn't. One third thrive.
They were resilient. They grew in the face of that
adversity rather than struggled. In the face of that adversity.
(08:07):
They finished high school, they got good jobs, they held
down strong relationships, they ended up married with kids. And
when Werner, after forty years, sat down with their team
and said, what's gone on with this one third of kids,
this two hundred and twenty ish kids that they seem
to have bucked the trend? Why are they so special?
And ultimately, as they went through the data, there were
(08:29):
four central factors that contributed to these kids' resilient outcomes,
But the number one outcome ultimately was that they had
one single adult in their lives who was absolutely there
for them, completely cared for them and made life safe.
So Warner's research and that of others who have done
similar studies has really underpinned this idea that our kids
(08:53):
to be resilient, they need to have great relationships like
resilience and happiness ultimately come down to loving relationships, full stop,
end of story. But in those communities, a lot of
the time, in these families, these kids didn't have a
parent that could be that one caring adult. They were
talking about arties and uncle, school teachers, churchly, there's sports coaches.
It was those people who were that rock for those
(09:14):
kids when things were tough. Now that's the first part
of my answer. The second part to your question is
why is resilience such a big deal right now? And
the answer to that is, as we look at the
data over the last several decades, we're seeing a continued
decline in well being and a continued decline in resilience
(09:36):
when it comes to our kids. Here in Australia as
well as overseas, we're seeing among teenagers suicidal ideation and
even suicide attempts are at some of the highest levels
that they've ever been in history, these issues are growing.
Australian data tells us that more kids are hospitalized for
(09:56):
attempts on their own lives now than pretty much ever before,
and this is something that's been growing over the last
decade or so. It's getting worse and worse. Fortunately, most
kids aren't successful, whereas in the United States success that
this is unfortunately quite high. I think it's because we
have different gun laws, different access to violent ways of
(10:18):
ending life, which is just so devastating, so sad, so tragic.
But ultimately, the resilience conversation is that the fore right now,
because we've got this confluence of factors. We're coming out
of the COVID pandemic with all of these lockdowns and
all of these draconian measures, and we've got now good
reports that are highlighting that the governments may have overstepped
a little bit with some of what they did. Obviously
they were doing the best that they could with what
(10:38):
they knew, but data is suggesting that it wasn't the
best thing. But it's had a huge impact on our kids.
You couple the COVID pandemic, lockdowns and restrictions with the
increasing use of screens and parents being busier and families,
not literally, I mean the data is their families are
not as strong as they used to be. Kids need
strong families. You bring all these factors together and more
(10:59):
pressure on schooling and academics and kids are struggling under
the weight of an anxiety is at record levels, depressions
at record levels, and like I said, much more drastic
and concerning things as well are at very very high levels.
And so that's why we're putting on this summer there's
Resilient Raising Resilient Kids Summer, because we need to make
sure that kids are okay.
Speaker 3 (11:22):
Well, you've got an awesome lineup the professionals in their
fields to share with parents.
Speaker 2 (11:28):
Really smart, experienced people.
Speaker 3 (11:30):
Who's on your list?
Speaker 2 (11:31):
Okay number one Maggie Dent. Everybody, I mean, anyone who
has ever read anything about parenting in Australia loves to
hear from Maggie. And she's going to be talking about
ten resilience building blocks. She's a dynamo when she talks
about this topic and everybody's going to be stoked to
hear what she has. I just know it. I know
it's going to be a great conversation because it always
is with Maggie. Somebody else that I've got coming in
that a lot of people might not have heard of.
(11:52):
But this guy knows his stuff like no one else.
There's a guy based out of Harvard Medical School. His
name is doctor Robert Brooks. Bobok has literally written the
book about resilience. He's from Harvard, for goodness sakes, and
he knows his stuff. Also literally the nicest guy you
might ever listen to, a talk to or meet. He's
just such a great guy. And Bob, doctor Robert Brooks
(12:13):
from Harvard is going to be joining us to talk
about resilience and everything that the Harvard researchers over the
last ten decades have discovered over the last one hundred
years about resilience. I'm so excited for that. You might
have heard of doctor Laura Markham. She has a website
called AHA Parenting and she's all over Facebook. She does
such a beautiful job. She's going to be talking about
(12:35):
calm parents, happy kids. Laura Markham is just I don't
know how to say it other than she's just a delight.
She's so wise, she's so compassionate and gentle and good
and her ideas, I know are going to make a
big difference. I mean, these are three enormously influential, powerful
people to talk about this straight away. Next up, I've
got Alfie Kohne, who's been on our podcast a number
(12:58):
of times. Alfie has written so many books, and he's
always polarizing, he's always provocative, he's always got these ideas,
and we've been talking ahead of time about what he's
going to discuss in this summit, and it's going to
shake people in really thought provoking positive ways, getting this
to think about what resilience really is and whether we're
even going about building resilience, raising resilience the right way health.
(13:21):
He's just he's awesome.
Speaker 3 (13:23):
So he's such an intellectual, but he's just so captivating. Yes,
when I listen to him, I'm just he draws me
in in spite of his academic nature. Yeah, he really,
because because his thoughts are so pulverizing.
Speaker 2 (13:43):
Polarizing, polarizing, polar evocative, provocative, Yeah.
Speaker 3 (13:48):
For sure, and they really make me think.
Speaker 1 (13:51):
So.
Speaker 2 (13:51):
Maggie Dent, Robert Brooks, Laura Markham, Healthy Kohne, and a
New York Times bestselling author, Jessica Lay. She wrote a
book called The Gift of Failure. I mean, what a
perfect book, What a perfect conversation to have when we're
talking about raising resilient kids.
Speaker 3 (14:07):
Is that it?
Speaker 2 (14:08):
Oh no, no, no, there's more. There's actually quite a
bit more. So there'll be ten. There'll be ten speakers
in total, including me. Okay, So we've also got a
guy who, in the early two thousands was voted as
Australians Australian's Comedian of the Year. His name is Marty Wilson.
He's a friend of mine from here on the Sunshine Coast.
Funny guy.
Speaker 3 (14:25):
But okay, so hang on a sec. You've got all
these heavy hitters and now you've got Marty Wilson. What's
he bringing to the Okay?
Speaker 2 (14:33):
So, can you think of any career that you could
choose that could be harder and require more resilience than
being a stand up comedian? No, I'm serious, Like, this
guy has got resilience lessons up the wazoo, whatever the
wazoo is. My dad used to say that. I don't
know why. I just said that he's got Like, this
guy's got resilient stories. Because you cannot be a stand
up comedian and not be resilient. Like when you stand
(14:55):
up in front of an audience and you tell a
joke and at bombs, It's like.
Speaker 3 (14:58):
We have a stand up comedian and our.
Speaker 2 (15:00):
We have several. We have several. Are you talking about
me or somebody else?
Speaker 3 (15:05):
No, the eight year old who's dying to be a
stand up comedian?
Speaker 2 (15:08):
Who else have we got? Thanks for asking, Kylie. We've
got a guy called James Anderson. He's been on the
podcast a couple of times. Really bright guy, super intelligent.
He talks about growth mindsets and the idea of resilience
around growth mindsets in ways that I think even Carol
Dweck would be jealous of. Really smart, really switched on.
And he's going to be talking about resilience in learning
what he calls the gift of learnership, the skill of learning,
(15:29):
and how some kids are like, oh god, do it,
I don't want to do it and they shy away.
He's going to be talking about what we can do
to move kids towards learning rather than away from it
when it's hard. So that's going to be a great conversation.
We've got Yasmin London talking about kids and screens. Yasmin
runs an organization called why Safe and is just fabulous
on this and resilience and screens like these are two
topics that go hand in hand. And last, but not least,
(15:50):
Michael McQueen. Michael McQueen is literally one of Australia's most
in demand keynote speakers. The guy I'm good friends with
him and I follow him on Facebook and he literally
is in different states for different talks on the same day,
sometimes overseas and in Australia on the same day. He
gives keynotes galore, and he has very generously agreed to
spend some time with me talking about post COVID kids
(16:13):
because he's I guess you'd call him a futurist, and
I want to talk to him about the future of
well being, the future of resilience, the future of education,
the future of what our kids, what are our kids'
lives is going to be like based on what the
trends are saying. So, I mean, rock solid, the best
summit we've ever put on. And I know there's a
whole lot of advertorial here for people who are listening
(16:34):
to the podcast, but I've already given a really big
take home at the start with the conversation about Emmy
wooner and one carrying adult. But you can see why
I'm so excited about this summit. It's going to be
so good, and we're going to do something really different,
something we've never done before with one of our summits.
We know that people don't actually want to stop everything,
drop everything, and give up an entire day so they
can sit in front of a screen and listen to
(16:55):
ten talks, and so we're going to give you the
facility to watch it where, when and how you want.
In fact, we're going to get it behind a podcast
paywall as well, so that if you buy the summit,
you don't even have to watch it at all. You
can just download it and listen to each of the conversations.
Speaker 3 (17:13):
Now you're talking my language on.
Speaker 2 (17:14):
Podcasts because a lot of people, look, who's really got
time to sit in front of the screen. We're also
going to do highlights reels, so if you don't want
to watch the whole thing, you'll be able to just
watch the here's the ten or fifteen minute highlight of
the forty five to fifty minutes. Yeah, or or of
course you can watch it live. You have access to
it for however long because we don't want you to
have to watch it on the day. So this is
really a summit to meet the needs of time poor
(17:36):
parents who want answers in ways that work for them.
I'm super excited about it.
Speaker 3 (17:40):
So if we get to the nitty gritty of things, yes,
how do I get involved? How do I?
Speaker 2 (17:44):
Yeah? So, all the details are at Happy Families dot
com dot au or at our Facebook page dot Justin
Colson's Happy Families. The summit is normally one hundred and
ninety nine dollars, but the early bird special is one
hundred and forty nine bucks. One hundred and forty nine dollars.
You've got about another week to take advantage of that.
Speaker 3 (18:00):
So if I am doing the mass right, are you
telling me that to sit and listen to each one
of these ten people is pretty much on the early.
Speaker 2 (18:09):
Bird it's about fifteen bucks ahead dollars. Yeah, at all.
It's insanely cheap, but that's because this matters so much.
Like we have bills to pay, and obviously Happy Families
ultimately has to be a commercially run thing so that
we can pay our staff and so that we can
but we invest into what we're doing, and we give
it a way as cheap as we can, because we
(18:29):
want people to get access to this.
Speaker 3 (18:31):
Where else can I go and listen to this person
these people, No.
Speaker 2 (18:33):
No, you can't fifteen dollars. You can't even listen to
them for one hundred and fifty dollars And each of
them is basically fifteen bucks. Obviously you can't buy the
one at a time, by the whole summit. By the way,
if you're a Happy Family's member, you get twenty percent off,
twenty percent off the full price, and twenty percent off
the early bird. So there's so much value. It's such
a great summit, the Raising Resilient Kid's Summit. It's happening really,
(18:56):
really soon, the thirtieth, the thirtieth of this month. Early
Bird finishes next Thursday, the twenty third, one week out
from the summit.
Speaker 3 (19:06):
So if I'm not a Happy Family's member.
Speaker 2 (19:08):
Jump onto Happy families dot com dot you become a member.
It's like eighteen bucks a month, and I mean you're
gonna save twenty percent straight up. Get you just get
so much value out of it. Plus you get the
ongoing support, the ongoing monthly support as we do our
best to help you make your family, happier, raising resilient kids.
The Summit. Please join us for it. It's on the
thirtieth of March. All the details at our Facebook page
(19:29):
doctor Justin Colson's Happy Families or happy families dot com,
dot a
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