February 26, 2025 • 38 mins
Are you trapped in an exhausting cycle of achievement without fulfilment? Do you lie awake at night wondering how success or status can feel so empty?
What if the gap between your exhausted reality and your greatest life could be bridged by simple mindset shifts? What if transformation required minutes, not months?
My good friend Sarah Grynberg has been there, and she made the improvements needed to change her life.
Sarah hit a point where she felt exhausted and unfulfilled, even with all she had achieved in her career and personal life. That’s when she decided to dive deeper into the mind-body connection
Now, Sarah is the host of the chart topping podcast A Life of Greatness and one of the most requested podcast interviewers for international guests, as well as a mindset coach and author of the newly released book, Living a Life Of Greatness.
Sarah shares:
- How you can change your negative thoughts to create a more positive outlook on life
- Why gossiping is actually making your life worse
- A simple way you can change your decision making process to get the best results
- Some easy meditation techniques for beginners who struggle getting into it
Key Quotes:
“Forgiveness is not letting the other person off the hook, it’s about letting yourself be free.”
“Once we have a negative thought it is very hard to change that. But the way that we can disrupt that thought is by moving to the better feeling thought.”
Connect with Sarah on Instagram or her website.
For more from Sarah you can hear her even more on her podcast or buy her new book.
My latest book The Health Habit is out now. You can order a copy here: https://www.amantha.com/the-health-habit/
Connect with me on the socials:
Linkedin (https://www.linkedin.com/in/amanthaimber)
Instagram (https://www.instagram.com/amanthai)
If you are looking for more tips to improve the way you work and live, I write a weekly newsletter where I share practical and simple to apply tips to improve your life. You can sign up for that at https://amantha-imber.ck.page/subscribe
Visit https://www.amantha.com/podcast for full show notes from all episodes.
Get in touch at amantha@inventium.com.au
Credits:
Host: Amantha Imber
Sound Engineer: The Podcast Butler
See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:01):
Are you trapped in an exhausting cycle of achievement but
without fulfillment? Do you lie awake at night wondering how
success or status can just feel so empty? What if
the gap between your exhausted reality and your greatest life
could be bridged by simple mindset shifts? And what if
(00:22):
transformation required minutes and not months. My good friend Sarah
Grimberg has been there, and she has made the improvements
needed to completely.
Speaker 2 (00:32):
Change her life.
Speaker 1 (00:34):
Sarah hit a point a few years ago where she
felt utterly exhausted and unfulfilled, even with all that she
had achieved in her career and at the time being
an executive producer of one of Australia's top breakfast radio shows.
That's when she decided to dive deeper into the mind
body connection. Now, Sarah is the host of the chart
(00:56):
topping podcast A Life of Greatness and one of the
most requested podcast interviewers for international guests such as Matthew mcconachie,
Andrew Huberman and Esther Perell, as well as being a
mindset coach and author of the newly released book Living
a Life of Greatness. In this episode, Sarah reveals how
(01:16):
you can change your negative thoughts to create a more
positive outlook on life, while gossiping is actually making your
life a whole lot worse, and a simple decision making
hack to improve your life dramatically. Welcome to How I Work,
(01:37):
a show about habits, rituals, and strategies for optimizing your day.
I'm your host, doctor Amantha Imber. In her book Living
a Life of Greatness, Sarah talks about how she hit
an all time low before finally making the changes she
needed to ensure a happier and greater life. To start
things off, I wanted to know what was going on
(01:59):
and how got to that low point.
Speaker 3 (02:04):
This was particularly bad, and you know, something really interesting.
And this is how the brain works is we forget
a lot of stuff that we do. You know, I
can barely remember if you said to me, what did
you do last weekend? I'd probably be sitting there for
five minutes trying to work out what I did last weekend,
you know, because we're so busy in our lives. But
when something is terrible and something is amazing, the brain
(02:26):
takes a snapshot and it's you know, it stays within
it so I can remember this like it was the
other day.
Speaker 4 (02:31):
I remember exactly.
Speaker 3 (02:33):
I was sitting on my couch and I'd been doing
breakfast radio for a period of time, and I was
so excited to get this job. Initially in breakfast radio,
as you would know from having a podcast yourself and
being within media, the breakfast radio show is like the
krem de la creme of any show at a station.
So being a you know, a senior producer for this
(02:54):
breakfast show was like such a great job. And I'd
produced for a while and so when I got given
that job, it was like, wow, this is amazing everything
on the outside from an external point of view, the
money I was getting paid, you know, the talent I
was working with, being a producer for this like great
entertainment show at one of the biggest stations in Australia.
Speaker 4 (03:15):
Everything looked great.
Speaker 3 (03:17):
And then as that year progressed and I did the show,
it was absolutely exhausting, you know, waking up at three
am five days a week, and I had a two
year old and a four year old. I was just
so tired. But I was miserable. I wasn't happy in
the work that I was doing. I was really beginning
(03:39):
to become run down, you know, those habits that you have.
Speaker 4 (03:42):
Maybe it's exercise or meditation.
Speaker 3 (03:45):
I didn't really meditate before then, but I just wasn't
able to do a lot of them because I was
absolutely exhausted. When you're absolutely exhausted, the worst thoughts start
coming into your mind. So that particular day that you're
talking about, I woke up really sick. I had a
really really bad case of the flu. And I remember
being actually even too scared to call my boss, thinking like,
(04:08):
I don't want to call him sick, like that's how
not in a good place I was. And anyway I did,
because I remember getting out of bed naturally nearly collapsing
like fainting because my blood pressure just dropped. I was
so unwell so called him and said I can't come in.
I went back to sleep, and then when I woke up,
I crawled my and found my way to the couch,
(04:30):
and I remember just staring outside it was like a
really cold winter's day in Melbourne, and just thinking like,
how did life become like this? How did I become
so sad and felt so broken? And then you know,
the tears started flooding, And I don't know why.
Speaker 4 (04:51):
I thought this, but I did. I thought, the only.
Speaker 3 (04:55):
Way now that I can change this situation is if
I change. I need to make the change myself to
be able to move my life forward, because I can't
go on like this, like this is a terrible place
to be. I made that decision and I followed through
(05:16):
with it, and that's when everything changed.
Speaker 1 (05:18):
You talk about how there were several small changes that
you made initially after coming to that realization. Do you
remember what were those specific changes that you started to make.
Speaker 4 (05:29):
So you know?
Speaker 3 (05:30):
The first thing was I wanted to really educate myself
about the mind body connection, about the way the brain works,
why some people are happier than others. Why you can
find on the outside some people who look like they
have everything, but they're miserable, and yet there are others
who don't have much and seem to be so happy.
Speaker 4 (05:49):
Like why. I was curious. I was like, why is that?
Speaker 3 (05:53):
So I ended up really diving into a lot of
personal development work, and I met this guy it was
actually at a coffee shop who ended up kind of
becoming a mentor to me. And he had studied it,
spent a lot of time in an ashram. He'd studied Buddhism,
and he knew a lot about the personal development world,
and learning through him and my own studies, I really started.
(06:18):
The first thing was becoming consciously aware. So before that
I was completely unconscious, as most of us are because
we don't understand what being conscious is. And I started
to watch my mind because there's this beautiful quote by
the Sufi poet Roomy which says, why do you keep
(06:38):
yourself in jail when the door is open?
Speaker 4 (06:41):
And that was my life.
Speaker 3 (06:42):
My mind would make me so sad Amantha, even though
nothing bad had happened, and you know that happens a lot,
because you know, for me, I came from a family
of warriers, and they worried because they just wanted good
things and for you to be okay. But when you
grow up around people who are always worrying, you take
that on too. But everything can be changed, right, So
(07:05):
I would always worry about things. And the first thing
that I did was try and change my thought patterns,
and that made a huge difference in my life. I
became very conscious about what I was thinking, about what
I was saying, and my actions too.
Speaker 2 (07:22):
How do you change your thoughts?
Speaker 3 (07:25):
So once we have a negative thought, it's very hard
to change that, but the way that we can disrupt
that thought is by moving to the better feeling thought.
I'm a mindset coach and so I teach a lot
of my clients as this. We have I think it's
something like sixty five seventy thousand thoughts.
Speaker 4 (07:41):
A day or something like that.
Speaker 3 (07:43):
Eighty percent of those are negative and ninety five percent
of those are repetitive. So if you're having negative thoughts,
most of them are the same thoughts every day, right,
So learning how to change those thoughts is very helpful.
Think about something that brings you joy or brings you
love in your life. So it might be your dog,
(08:04):
or a person, or even a destination, whatever it is,
have the knowledge in your mind of what that thing
that brings you love and joy is. And let's take
the example of a dog. You think of your dog
brings you love and joy. Every time that negative thought
comes up, you immediately move to the better feeling thought of.
Speaker 4 (08:23):
Thinking about your dog.
Speaker 3 (08:24):
When you start doing this, you could be doing this
like sixty seventy times a day. The more you do it,
and it'll only work if you keep doing this, the
more that the brain and we know this from neuroplasticity
starts to rewire itself. The more it starts to rewire
itself into having those better feeling thoughts and not the
negative thoughts. And the more you do it, the more
(08:46):
the negative thoughts stop happening, and the more the better
feeling thoughts start. If you get into a situation, which
a lot of us do, and I still get into
situations like this, two thirty in the morning, wide awake,
the rumination starts happening. Oh my god, I got that email.
Did they mean this? They probably meant the worst thing
in the world. Oh my god, it's going to end
(09:08):
up being X, Y and Z. I'm going to lose
my house. I'm going to you know, like the worst
thoughts come at that time, right, So this is a
great way of being able to help that rumination. The
first thing you do is you look at the thought
and say, the thought was Sally doesn't like me.
Speaker 4 (09:26):
So you test the thought. Do you know for sure
that Sally doesn't like you?
Speaker 3 (09:32):
Ninety percent of the time, I promise you will not
know for sure that Sally doesn't like you.
Speaker 4 (09:36):
So that's the first thing.
Speaker 3 (09:37):
When we start questioning the negative thought, it alleviates any stress.
The second thing is external and internal levels of control.
If you know for sure that Sally doesn't like you
external levels of control, can you do something about it?
Quite possibly, you could go and talk to her and
speak to her about the feelings that you think that
she has. Maybe you could write her an email, whatever
(09:59):
it is. So then that alleviates that if there is
nothing you can do in the knowledge of Sally not
liking you, and that's really upsetting you, we go to
the next step, which is the acceptance. The acceptance of
the fact that Sally doesn't like me and there's nothing
that I can do, but I'm going to accept.
Speaker 4 (10:19):
That and move on.
Speaker 3 (10:20):
And then every time that comes up, I move to
that better feeling thought.
Speaker 4 (10:24):
So those habits.
Speaker 3 (10:26):
And using that has absolutely changed my life.
Speaker 2 (10:31):
How do you catch those thoughts?
Speaker 1 (10:32):
I must say, I'm reminded of a quote that you
put in your book based on one of your podcast guests,
Marissa Pierre, and she said that as little as four
percent of our worries will ever take shape, which blew
my mind but also really resonated. How do you catch
yourself when you're in that worrying or catastrophizing state, whether that.
Speaker 2 (10:56):
Be at two thirty in the morning or just one
roundom ut, I have.
Speaker 3 (11:00):
To say that Mark Twain, I think it was him,
also said I've had so many worries in the world,
none which have ever come true.
Speaker 2 (11:07):
Est I love that you know.
Speaker 3 (11:09):
And I remember having a conversation with someone and they
said I had mentioned that exact thing on a podcast
episode that I had done, and they said, it made
me feel so much better when you said that. So
you become consciously aware. If you're consciously aware, you were
always watching your thoughts. And when you're always watching your thoughts,
when you start worrying, you realize that you're worrying, and
(11:32):
then you use the techniques that I just started speaking about.
But another thing to also make sure of when we
talk about conscious awareness is being consciously aware of the
way that you talked about yourself. You know, you might
say to yourself, oh, I look so awful in that
I've put on weight and I feel terrible, or I'm
not good enough.
Speaker 4 (11:51):
To get that job.
Speaker 3 (11:52):
When we become conscious of that, we're able to change it.
Speaker 4 (11:57):
A belief is just a.
Speaker 3 (11:58):
Thought you keep thinking, nothing more. So if you test
that is it true? And if you know that, why
wouldn't you fill yourself with better beliefs?
Speaker 2 (12:08):
Right?
Speaker 3 (12:08):
A belief is just a thought you keep thinking. I
might believe this about myself something negative. Doesn't mean Amantha
thinks that about me. It's just a belief that I have.
Speaker 4 (12:17):
And knowing that.
Speaker 3 (12:19):
Alleviates so much stress. So being consciously aware, noticing when
we're worrying, noticing when we're talking negatively to ourselves about ourselves.
But also one thing I want to allow people to
know is being very consciously aware about the words that
we say about others and the words that come out
of our mouths to others that aren't nice that have
(12:43):
to do with a that person or be talking about
other people. And when we gossip, it's like that triangular theory, right,
in the sense that someone comes to gossip about someone
with you, they try and become closer to you through gossip,
say oh, did you.
Speaker 4 (13:00):
See this person?
Speaker 3 (13:01):
God, they're so annoying when they say X, Y and
Z it and you say, yeah, I agree, data da right,
And it's a way of trying to bond with you.
It's not a good way of trying to bond with you.
There's one thing about asking for advice or venting in
a sense where it really is like they need advice
from you, Like, I don't know what to do about
this person. It's upset me. Can you give me advice?
It's very different to gossiping. Really, once you stop engaging
(13:25):
in that negative banter, you'll find that the people that
come into your life are a lot more positive as well,
because you won't want to hang around those negative people.
Speaker 4 (13:33):
So it's really a win win.
Speaker 2 (13:35):
It's funny.
Speaker 1 (13:35):
I always feel that whenever I'm having a negative thought
about someone and I express it in conversation, I'm like,
where is that coming from?
Speaker 2 (13:44):
Why am I feeling the need to say that?
Speaker 1 (13:46):
And often it's because I'm feeling insecure or not enough
or inferior in some way, and so by putting someone
else down, it's going to raise me up and make
me feel better. And I feel like that's probably it's
behind a lot of people's motivation two percent.
Speaker 4 (14:02):
But how good that you're consciously aware.
Speaker 2 (14:05):
What do you do when you notice it in yourself?
Speaker 1 (14:08):
Because I feel like I will have that thought, I'll
have that awareness a lot of the time, but I'll
still be feeling like, ah, what they did is so
irritating or you know, like, I just don't feel the
need to get it off my chest, even though I
know that it is completely you know, misguided and not
serving anyone at all by saying that if you need.
Speaker 4 (14:30):
To get it off your chest.
Speaker 3 (14:31):
What I would advise is like telling someone like potentially
it could be your fiance or someone that or a
best friend, where they're going to look at you and go,
you're being.
Speaker 4 (14:41):
Ridiculous and pull you back.
Speaker 3 (14:43):
Like one of my best friends if I ever ran
to her and i can hear myself doing it and
I'm very consciously aware of doing it, and I don't
feel good after I've done it, She'll say to me, like,
you know, where's that coming from. I don't feel like
what you're saying maybe is justified, And I'll be like,
you know what, You're completely right. Try and say to
the people that are conscious so they can say something
(15:05):
back in return that will make you reflect on what
you've been saying, rather than talking about it to people
who are unconscious and they're just going to fuel that fire,
which a lot of people do.
Speaker 1 (15:16):
How do you think about this in the workplace, because
I feel, you know, there's so much talk about creating
psychologically safe workplaces, and one of the things that can
quickly damage that is an environment where there's bitchiness and blame.
And you know, having been a leader or a manager
of people for many years now, I have had the
(15:37):
I guess displeasure of having you know, a lot of
people come to me to have a vent or a
winge about someone else, and I often think, where's the
line where do I, as a leader need to just
let the person get stuff off their chest because they're
obviously feeling really frustrated with the way someone else has behaved,
Versus where do I need to adopt more of an
(15:57):
approach that we've been talking about and help them unpack
why is this really affecting them so much?
Speaker 3 (16:03):
Well, I think it's all in your response, right, So
the fact that I mean, it's very obviously dependent on
what they say, but if you feel what they're saying.
And look, most people are going to come to their boss,
most not all, and say something that they've been upset
by someone, and that's completely justified. And I think that
people should one hundred percent talk up. So that's the
first thing, and it's about the constructive advice.
Speaker 4 (16:26):
That you give them.
Speaker 3 (16:27):
It's something that you need to talk to them about
or maybe take away and reflect on it. You don't
have to answer them straight away, but take the information,
sit with it, and then when you have allow them
to then come back and give them a pathway to
be able to move forward.
Speaker 4 (16:45):
As the leader, as the boss, you need to be
helpful back.
Speaker 3 (16:49):
And helpfulness might be, you know, if they're saying something
which is really not justified and it's actually very mean
to the other person, would be maybe for them to
look inside themselves and reflect on why they feel like that,
but don't make them feel terrible. So a lot of
it does lie on you, but allowing them to reflect
on what they're saying as well.
Speaker 1 (17:09):
I want to move on to I guess a related
topic of forgiveness, and I know it's something that you've
thought a lot about and I think about in my
own life where I remember in my early twenties, it
was probably the first time I'd had a really, really
big falling out with someone and it was a really
close friend.
Speaker 2 (17:30):
I had a crush on a guy.
Speaker 1 (17:32):
She ended up going home with that guy one night
and I was devastated and I was really pissed, and
that friendship never recovered. And I don't think all it
took many years for me to forgive her. How do
you think about forgiveness, because obviously it's probably not that
healthy living with such negative feelings towards someone.
Speaker 3 (17:53):
Forgiveness is not letting the other person off the hook.
It's allowing yourself to be free.
Speaker 2 (18:00):
Right.
Speaker 3 (18:01):
And the example in the book that I give is
of Scarlett Lewis, and Scarlett Lewis is the mother of
Jesse Lewis, and Jesse Lewis was part of the Sandy
Hook massacre in the sense that he was in Grade one.
I think he was five or six going to school
that day, and a man who was twenty years old
came in with a gun and nearly shot that whole
(18:23):
Grade one class to death, and Jesse died within that
he actually saved about six or seven of his class
members because he started yelling and alerted the other class
members that the gunman was in their room and they
had time to run.
Speaker 4 (18:37):
Everyone else died.
Speaker 3 (18:38):
If you want to think of a story of forgiveness,
of how anyone could forgive a man who comes and
shoots children in a classroom where they're supposed to be safe,
you would think she could never do that. And so
when I spoke to her on my podcast, she talked
about how she had to really look within herself to
(18:59):
understand that again, she forgave the guy that came in
and shot everyone because she knew that if she did
not forgive him, she would.
Speaker 4 (19:09):
Forever have a horrible life herself.
Speaker 3 (19:12):
Right, So we're not saying something that someone does something
bad to you and then two weeks later you need
to have absolutely forgiven them. Forgiveness is done on your
own timeline. But again I have to say this that
it's about letting yourself be free, not letting them off
the hook. And really, in the situation of Scarlet, she
(19:32):
went and she looked, and she found out that the
boy had special needs, and her oldest son had special needs,
and the system had let her down with her son
and Adam Lander, who was the gunman.
Speaker 4 (19:44):
His mother was a single mother like she was.
Speaker 3 (19:47):
She tried to get help for him, it didn't work,
and I mean Adam ended up killing the mother too.
Speaker 4 (19:53):
And she knew all of.
Speaker 3 (19:54):
This, So in her mind, she was acknowledging a lot
of the reasons of how this could help allow her
to be the one that was able to forgive, and
a lot of the people at Sandy Hook never forgave,
and you know, they've lost their children. That's one of
the most shocking things ever. But she did and now
she puts a lot of that forgiveness into service, and
(20:17):
she has a beautiful charity that she runs in the
name of Jesse that helps people. She goes out to
schools and she educates people about love and you know,
she doesn't want kids to get into the situation that
they'll be like the boy that ended.
Speaker 4 (20:30):
Up killing her son.
Speaker 1 (20:32):
We will be back with Sarah soon and when we return,
she'll share her advice on how to quickly and easily
build rapport with anyone, some easy meditation techniques for beginners
who struggle to get into it like me, and a
simple mindset shift that can improve your decision making dramatically.
(20:53):
If you're looking for more tips to improve the way
you work can live. I write a short weekly newsletter
that contains I've discovered that have helped me personally. You
can sign up for that at Amantha dot com. That's
Amantha dot com. You mentioned in your book about how
(21:14):
your husband makes decisions and he asks the question that's something.
Speaker 2 (21:19):
Like, what is the intention.
Speaker 1 (21:21):
Yes, can you tell me more about what your husband
does there?
Speaker 4 (21:24):
Absolutely?
Speaker 3 (21:25):
I mean he's so amazing like this, and he taught
this to me years and years.
Speaker 4 (21:29):
Ago, especially when it comes to writing emails.
Speaker 3 (21:32):
You know, we send so many emails out or we
might make a lot of phone calls whatever it is
within business, and we don't even think anything behind the email,
like I just got to answer this, I've got to
give a reply, or I've got to send this out
to get what I want right. But when we move
through any of those things and take a moment, and
it can be honestly seconds, this is not going to
take up a lot of your day and think to yourself,
(21:54):
what is my intention I'm writing? I'm about to write
this email because you know, I'm need to get this
from a supplier. But what is my intention for this email?
What will allow them to get the most out of
whatever it is, and what will allow me to get the.
Speaker 4 (22:09):
Most out of whatever the situation is.
Speaker 3 (22:12):
And then it ends up that the way you craft
that email is a lot better because you have an
intention behind it. What's my intention of coming on this
podcast today? Because I want to teach people how to
live their greatest life right, So that is my intention,
rather than I just come on the podcast and I
really don't think twice about it. Oh it's just a
podcast chat, that's not it. I want to help people
(22:35):
on their journey.
Speaker 4 (22:36):
It gives meaning behind a lot of what you're doing. Right,
What is my intention?
Speaker 3 (22:41):
So when we live life looking and thinking about what
is the intention, you'll find that you'll become quite a
lot happier. And then anything that you do with the
other person makes it a far more joyful experience.
Speaker 2 (22:54):
How do you do that in the moment?
Speaker 1 (22:56):
Like, I'm thinking about my evening last night and my
daughter was in a shocking mood and for whatever reason,
her school had had them out in the thirty two
degree heat for an hour right in the middle of
the day playing sports. She was exhausted and my patience
was limited and I was fine, but I wasn't my
best self. What should I have done in that moment?
(23:19):
Because my intention is always to be the best mum
that I can.
Speaker 4 (23:23):
What did she come to you with whend she say something?
She was just tired.
Speaker 1 (23:26):
I was trying to make conversation with her on the
way home and try to think about something fun that
we could do after school and she just didn't want a.
Speaker 2 (23:33):
Bar of it.
Speaker 3 (23:33):
Well, I think you know you have an intention, Okay,
My intention is obviously to make her feel a bit
happier because she's only young.
Speaker 4 (23:40):
Firstly. Secondly, I'm her mother.
Speaker 3 (23:43):
I take care of her, and I totally understand the
fact that she's been running around in thirty five degree
heat and she's little, and she probably hasn't drunk enough
water or maybe she needs to have something to eat,
and she's grumpy.
Speaker 4 (23:56):
So you know, your intention is to make her feel better.
Speaker 3 (23:59):
And you know, so she's young, so she can be
grumpy and you're still gonna love her and she's your daughter.
But for moments, you become unconscious and you end up
maybe saying things that you shouldn't, and you get annoyed
because you're trying to be nice to her and give
her all these things and she's not really doing anything
back except being rude or whatever the situation is. But
(24:21):
that's okay because you had actually had a good intention, right,
and it's just to keep moving forward with that good intention.
I mean, you can't control other people, right, you can't,
But if you show up being your best self.
Speaker 4 (24:35):
Then they're going to end up looking.
Speaker 3 (24:37):
At you, and you're a role model for that. And
if we go unconscious sometimes that's completely human. I mean,
of course I go unconscious sometimes, but I know when
I go unconscious sometimes you're bringing it up. You know
that you are unconscious during that moment, and I think
to myself, I got to do better next time, and
that's gross.
Speaker 1 (24:56):
I want to talk about meditation because I think whatever
we catch up, probably we talk about meditation. You talk
about meditation, I say I have trouble meditating.
Speaker 2 (25:04):
That's probably how I respond. And when I read in your.
Speaker 1 (25:09):
Book Living a Life of Greatness about your approach to meditation,
something kind of clicked and I thought, I've never thought
about meditation in that way.
Speaker 2 (25:19):
When I think about meditation, and.
Speaker 1 (25:20):
I'm someone that has tried different kinds of meditation, I've
tried different kinds of apps, nothing is.
Speaker 2 (25:25):
Stack always feel like a failure.
Speaker 1 (25:27):
I always think that the purpose of meditation is to
just clear your mind and just be present in the
present moment and aware of your body, and I just
get really bored and then my mind wanders and then
I'm failing. And the way you've framed it in the
book is it's just listening to your own thoughts.
Speaker 2 (25:48):
And that made me think, oh, I can do that,
Like I don't think I can clear my mind.
Speaker 1 (25:53):
And you know, and I always think about meditations just
pushing the thoughts away when they come up.
Speaker 2 (25:57):
But can you tell me a bit more about how
you meditate?
Speaker 3 (26:02):
Yeah? Absolutely, Realistically, unless you're a monk that's meditated for
so many years and something that you do for majority
of the day, you're never going to meditate where you
have no thoughts. The mind moves at one hundred miles
an hour when we go into meditation. It's about realizing
what we're thinking and not judging it, but looking at
(26:23):
at it like it's a cloud, just kind.
Speaker 4 (26:24):
Of drifting in there and a little drift out of there.
Speaker 3 (26:27):
The one thing with meditation is you have to do
it consistently. It's not something you can do once a
week and think like that's going to make it change
in my life, right, It just isn't. You know, Even
if you don't do it for a long period of time,
you're doing it for ten minutes five days a week.
To do it every day is mostly beneficial, But even
just ten minutes, five days a week will make such
(26:49):
a difference because it starts slowing your brain waves down,
and the purpose of meditation is to do that. In
the sense that we're going into meditation, you said to me,
you know, my mind's going one hundred miles an hour,
and you know, I feel like I just you know,
can't control it, and it's not going to nothingness.
Speaker 4 (27:10):
It's never going to really go to nothingness.
Speaker 3 (27:12):
So don't have those expectations, because then, like me, I
started meditation like this, you.
Speaker 4 (27:17):
Become hard on yourself.
Speaker 3 (27:18):
Like I actually thought there was something wrong with my
mind when I first went into meditation all those years ago,
because I remember watching the thoughts, but then I couldn't
remember them. So I was like one minute thinking about this,
I was like what was I thinking about?
Speaker 4 (27:29):
And then the next one and they.
Speaker 3 (27:30):
Were crazy thoughts where it was like so abstract. I
remember thinking, what am I thinking? This is the weirdest
thing ever. But the more I showed up and found
a meditation that worked for me, the more I showed up,
the more I kept doing it, the more I noticed
that the difference in my eyes open life was so
different in the sense that when my kids were young,
(27:53):
you know, as we all do, we're unconscious, and we
might be short with them or not showing up the
best way we can. And because I was doing that
breakfast radio job and I was exhausted, and you know
you're barthing then when they're really little, and this and that,
and you've got a lot on your plate, and I'd
probably raise my voice a little bit more than I
wanted to.
Speaker 4 (28:14):
I noticed that when I started meditating properly.
Speaker 3 (28:17):
Honestly, I'm not just saying this, I would say I
nearly have never done that since. And it's because I
don't feel a need or if I do, which I
don't at all anymore, the time between something happening and
your reaction is so different.
Speaker 4 (28:33):
It's slowed down.
Speaker 3 (28:34):
And this is great in any kind of business conversation
or meeting. If you're a big meditator, you don't react
as fast. Right, So usually someone says something beat a child,
or you're in a meeting and they're saying something is
upset you or it's not correct, and you'll fill your
body get really heated, right, and you bark back at them. Well,
barking back at anyone is never going to be a
(28:56):
great solution, right, It's not a good way of getting
a point across. When you're a meditator and do it
for a period of time, you'll notice that when that
person says that thing in the meeting, you're not barking
back at them anymore because you wait, you have the
time to think about it. Okay, they've said this, I
feel like this. It's making me feel uncomfortable. I know
(29:17):
if I bark back at them now, this response is
not going to be good. So you'll either a not
respond or be your respond in a way that is
completely normal and nice and not raise your voice, which
is a better way of getting whatever you need that
information to the person rather than just attacking them. So
that's one of the greatest things that can come out
(29:38):
of meditation.
Speaker 1 (29:39):
I want to ask about your podcast, Yes, A Life
of Greatness. You have had some amazing guests on your
show over I think we've been podcasting for a similar
amount of time.
Speaker 2 (29:49):
Six years, so yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Speaker 1 (29:52):
So you've had people like Matthew McConaughey, Andrew Huberman, Esther Perell.
Speaker 2 (29:56):
Like just these amazing names, and I know that something.
Speaker 1 (30:00):
Think about is how do you build rapport with people
as quickly as possible?
Speaker 2 (30:03):
And often your.
Speaker 1 (30:05):
Interviews are with someone that's in another country, and so
you're having to do that virtually.
Speaker 3 (30:09):
What are the strategies that you use to build that
quick report? To be honest with you, my natural way
of being. But the more you do it, as you
would know, the more you understand.
Speaker 4 (30:20):
Okay. I try to talk to them for about five minutes.
Speaker 3 (30:23):
Before I get a feel through the way that they
answer the questions. You know, it might be like, how's
everything going in America? Whereabouts in America?
Speaker 4 (30:31):
Are you?
Speaker 3 (30:31):
At the moment I get a gauge of their responses
if they want to talk a little bit more, and
then I might, just before we start the episode, have
a bit of a chat with them. If I notice
they're very quick, I'm like, okay, they just want to
do the podcast chat, which is completely fine. And then
I listen to what they say. So I find that
if I'm in a conversation with someone, I really listen
(30:53):
to them. I look in their eyes and I make
sure I'm listening to what they're saying. Of course, yes,
I tell stories that are alated to whatever they're talking about,
because as it's your podcast, it's my podcast. My listeners
want to hear from me as well, But I don't
make the conversation eighty percent me and then twenty percent.
I've invited them onto my show, and I treat them
(31:14):
with respect. I'm using eye contact is a huge thing,
and I'm really listening to what they're saying, and I
think that just makes the conversation much better and it
enables them to know I've come to a good spot.
I'm so happy I came on this podcast. I've been
told that too from some of these big guests, like
you really researched.
Speaker 4 (31:32):
I love your questions, you know.
Speaker 2 (31:35):
So it works such a compliment, isn't it.
Speaker 1 (31:37):
I want to ask how you go deep with your
guests as you do.
Speaker 2 (31:43):
That is your style.
Speaker 1 (31:44):
I think that is one of the things that you're
known for if you're interviewing, and also just who you
are as a person.
Speaker 2 (31:49):
You are someone that goes deep. You don't really do
the small talk stuff.
Speaker 1 (31:53):
And I think you're also really good at getting guests
off their talking points, which I think is probably a
bit of a pet peece for any podcast, most because
your guests are generally doing some sort of tour to
promote some kind of thing.
Speaker 2 (32:07):
Absolutely, what are your strategies for doing that.
Speaker 3 (32:10):
If I feel there's more information I really want to
uncover it. I'll talk about their journey always because I'm
just genuinely so interested to know, like where they came from.
I might know it already if I've read a book
and they've written about it, but if I don't, I
start getting ideas, and then I'll in my mind going
that will relate to that, and that will relate to this,
(32:31):
which we'll move to next. And then I ask some
things that are lighter in nature, and I see how
they answer them. And if I feel that I'm getting
them to a place where they trust me, and we've
kind of set everything up nicely, we know about their
childhood and their upbringing, and we've talked a bit about
(32:51):
their work or whatever it is. I get to a
place where then I think I'll ask them about something
deeper and I'll see how they respond. But I genuinely
do it always because I am interested in the answer.
I don't do it because and I've never done this
because I want to get pr headlines or anything like that.
Speaker 4 (33:14):
And I make sure though that I know.
Speaker 3 (33:16):
That they feel safe with me before I go into
the deeper questions. I remember it's just come to mind
when you're asking me this question. I recently interviewed Darren
Hayes from Savage Guard, and his book is so beautiful
everyone should buy it. But it's deep and his story
is hard and sad and beautiful. But he went through
(33:38):
Helen backright, had a terrible upbringing and while his father
was terrible, his sister was amazing. And so I said
to him in the book, I mentioned his sister and
I asked about their relationship, and then he just, you know,
he really welled up with tears and said, you know,
she had to grow up so fast because my father
(33:59):
was abusive to my mum, and she became from a
young age my mum's best friend because my mum was
isolated from her friends because my dad was abusing her,
you know. And then I am touched by his comment.
And then when that happens, because again you're listening, it's
like you form this kind of bond. It's an unspoken energy.
(34:20):
And I know this sounds so strange, but you would
understand because you've interviewed people where they share something that's
really raw and honest. And again this kind of goes
into that empathy piece you think about them or maybe
yourself in that situation, and that touches something in you,
and then you have that place to be able to
either ask some more questions about that or talk about
(34:42):
something else that's quite deep, because you've really formed that bond.
I want to finish by asking you a question that's
probably a version of a question you've been asking many
times and I get asked it as well.
Speaker 2 (34:53):
In terms of you know, who's your favorite guest, what's
your favorite tip?
Speaker 1 (34:56):
But I guess specifically, I want to know what is
a piece of advice or something that you've heard with
the many interviews that you've done that has really had
one of the most profound impacts on you.
Speaker 3 (35:08):
I think one of the biggest pieces of advice I
got given, and it's a chapter in the book, is
being your authentic self, going through the world and being you.
Speaker 4 (35:17):
You know, it's interesting.
Speaker 3 (35:18):
It was actually in the yesterday the kids are dressing
up for something at school, and I think it's like,
who do you want to be when you're older kind
of thing. A lot of my daughter's friends are going
as like ballerinas and gymnasts, and Poppy loves that. But
my daughter, but she doesn't want to be that, even
though all their friends are that. And then there's another
group that are doing something else, and she says, you know, mum,
(35:41):
there's only ten.
Speaker 4 (35:42):
I don't really want to do that like I want to.
She loves basketball.
Speaker 3 (35:45):
She's like, I want to be like a sports person.
And I thought, you know, so many people at that
age were just try and do what their friends did
because it's easier, and they all want to be the same.
But the fact that she's saying that's not when I
want to do it. I don't want to grow up
and being a gymnast or a ballerina. I want to
be an athlete. I was like, wow, it's making it
(36:07):
hard a few in the sense that you have to
find a group now because that group only wants the
ballerinas and gymnasts. But you're showing up as your authentic self.
And I think there are so many times in life
where we're trying to fit into what we think other
people want from us, or trying to be the other person,
trying to be what someone else thinks is.
Speaker 4 (36:25):
Acceptable or right.
Speaker 3 (36:27):
It might be our parents, it might be in a relationship,
whatever it is, and we lose ourselves and garble Matte
talks a lot about this that you know, if you're
a chameleon in so many situations, you don't end up
knowing who you are, and you do that long enough,
you end.
Speaker 4 (36:46):
Up creating disease. Disease right because you.
Speaker 3 (36:50):
Become insecure, you think that no one really likes you
for you. You don't even know who you are. So
the best advice that I've been given is to show
up as your authentic self. And I think what's got
me the beautiful friends I have, what's allowed me in
the past to be a great producer is I've always
shown up as Sarah.
Speaker 1 (37:08):
I love that, and you have most definitely been the
Sarah that I.
Speaker 4 (37:11):
Catch up for coffee over the mind today.
Speaker 2 (37:14):
Thank you so much for coming on. I loved your book.
Speaker 1 (37:18):
Like as I said to you when you walked in,
it's such a gift when you know someone and then
you're able to read their book that they've put so
much of themselves into and so many stories I didn't
know about you. I loved it so much. Living a
life of greatness, It's just been such a joy.
Speaker 3 (37:33):
Thank you, Sarah oh Aman for You're amazing. You're a
beautiful friend. And thank you so much for having me
on the podcast. I'm truly very grateful.
Speaker 1 (37:42):
I hope you loved this chat with Sarah as much
as I did, and I can tell you that after
this chat, I've put a ban on myself engaging in
any gossip or bitchiness, which I think is such a
game changer.
Speaker 2 (37:53):
If you want to learn more about Sarah.
Speaker 1 (37:55):
I highly recommend checking out her book Living a Life
of Greatness and listening to her podcast A Life of Greatness.
Speaker 2 (38:03):
The links to both are in the show notes. If
you like.
Speaker 1 (38:05):
Today's show, make sure you get follow on your podcast
app to be alerted when new episodes drop.
Speaker 2 (38:12):
How I Work was recorded
Speaker 1 (38:13):
On the traditional land of the Warrangery people, part of
the Cool And Nation.
Are you trapped in an exhausting cycle of achievement but
without fulfillment? Do you lie awake at night wondering how
success or status can just feel so empty? What if
the gap between your exhausted reality and your greatest life
could be bridged by simple mindset shifts? And what if
(00:22):
transformation required minutes and not months. My good friend Sarah
Grimberg has been there, and she has made the improvements
needed to completely.
Speaker 2 (00:32):
Change her life.
Speaker 1 (00:34):
Sarah hit a point a few years ago where she
felt utterly exhausted and unfulfilled, even with all that she
had achieved in her career and at the time being
an executive producer of one of Australia's top breakfast radio shows.
That's when she decided to dive deeper into the mind
body connection. Now, Sarah is the host of the chart
(00:56):
topping podcast A Life of Greatness and one of the
most requested podcast interviewers for international guests such as Matthew mcconachie,
Andrew Huberman and Esther Perell, as well as being a
mindset coach and author of the newly released book Living
a Life of Greatness. In this episode, Sarah reveals how
(01:16):
you can change your negative thoughts to create a more
positive outlook on life, while gossiping is actually making your
life a whole lot worse, and a simple decision making
hack to improve your life dramatically. Welcome to How I Work,
(01:37):
a show about habits, rituals, and strategies for optimizing your day.
I'm your host, doctor Amantha Imber. In her book Living
a Life of Greatness, Sarah talks about how she hit
an all time low before finally making the changes she
needed to ensure a happier and greater life. To start
things off, I wanted to know what was going on
(01:59):
and how got to that low point.
Speaker 3 (02:04):
This was particularly bad, and you know, something really interesting.
And this is how the brain works is we forget
a lot of stuff that we do. You know, I
can barely remember if you said to me, what did
you do last weekend? I'd probably be sitting there for
five minutes trying to work out what I did last weekend,
you know, because we're so busy in our lives. But
when something is terrible and something is amazing, the brain
(02:26):
takes a snapshot and it's you know, it stays within
it so I can remember this like it was the
other day.
Speaker 4 (02:31):
I remember exactly.
Speaker 3 (02:33):
I was sitting on my couch and I'd been doing
breakfast radio for a period of time, and I was
so excited to get this job. Initially in breakfast radio,
as you would know from having a podcast yourself and
being within media, the breakfast radio show is like the
krem de la creme of any show at a station.
So being a you know, a senior producer for this
(02:54):
breakfast show was like such a great job. And I'd
produced for a while and so when I got given
that job, it was like, wow, this is amazing everything
on the outside from an external point of view, the
money I was getting paid, you know, the talent I
was working with, being a producer for this like great
entertainment show at one of the biggest stations in Australia.
Speaker 4 (03:15):
Everything looked great.
Speaker 3 (03:17):
And then as that year progressed and I did the show,
it was absolutely exhausting, you know, waking up at three
am five days a week, and I had a two
year old and a four year old. I was just
so tired. But I was miserable. I wasn't happy in
the work that I was doing. I was really beginning
(03:39):
to become run down, you know, those habits that you have.
Speaker 4 (03:42):
Maybe it's exercise or meditation.
Speaker 3 (03:45):
I didn't really meditate before then, but I just wasn't
able to do a lot of them because I was
absolutely exhausted. When you're absolutely exhausted, the worst thoughts start
coming into your mind. So that particular day that you're
talking about, I woke up really sick. I had a
really really bad case of the flu. And I remember
being actually even too scared to call my boss, thinking like,
(04:08):
I don't want to call him sick, like that's how
not in a good place I was. And anyway I did,
because I remember getting out of bed naturally nearly collapsing
like fainting because my blood pressure just dropped. I was
so unwell so called him and said I can't come in.
I went back to sleep, and then when I woke up,
I crawled my and found my way to the couch,
(04:30):
and I remember just staring outside it was like a
really cold winter's day in Melbourne, and just thinking like,
how did life become like this? How did I become
so sad and felt so broken? And then you know,
the tears started flooding, And I don't know why.
Speaker 4 (04:51):
I thought this, but I did. I thought, the only.
Speaker 3 (04:55):
Way now that I can change this situation is if
I change. I need to make the change myself to
be able to move my life forward, because I can't
go on like this, like this is a terrible place
to be. I made that decision and I followed through
(05:16):
with it, and that's when everything changed.
Speaker 1 (05:18):
You talk about how there were several small changes that
you made initially after coming to that realization. Do you
remember what were those specific changes that you started to make.
Speaker 4 (05:29):
So you know?
Speaker 3 (05:30):
The first thing was I wanted to really educate myself
about the mind body connection, about the way the brain works,
why some people are happier than others. Why you can
find on the outside some people who look like they
have everything, but they're miserable, and yet there are others
who don't have much and seem to be so happy.
Speaker 4 (05:49):
Like why. I was curious. I was like, why is that?
Speaker 3 (05:53):
So I ended up really diving into a lot of
personal development work, and I met this guy it was
actually at a coffee shop who ended up kind of
becoming a mentor to me. And he had studied it,
spent a lot of time in an ashram. He'd studied Buddhism,
and he knew a lot about the personal development world,
and learning through him and my own studies, I really started.
(06:18):
The first thing was becoming consciously aware. So before that
I was completely unconscious, as most of us are because
we don't understand what being conscious is. And I started
to watch my mind because there's this beautiful quote by
the Sufi poet Roomy which says, why do you keep
(06:38):
yourself in jail when the door is open?
Speaker 4 (06:41):
And that was my life.
Speaker 3 (06:42):
My mind would make me so sad Amantha, even though
nothing bad had happened, and you know that happens a lot,
because you know, for me, I came from a family
of warriers, and they worried because they just wanted good
things and for you to be okay. But when you
grow up around people who are always worrying, you take
that on too. But everything can be changed, right, So
(07:05):
I would always worry about things. And the first thing
that I did was try and change my thought patterns,
and that made a huge difference in my life. I
became very conscious about what I was thinking, about what
I was saying, and my actions too.
Speaker 2 (07:22):
How do you change your thoughts?
Speaker 3 (07:25):
So once we have a negative thought, it's very hard
to change that, but the way that we can disrupt
that thought is by moving to the better feeling thought.
I'm a mindset coach and so I teach a lot
of my clients as this. We have I think it's
something like sixty five seventy thousand thoughts.
Speaker 4 (07:41):
A day or something like that.
Speaker 3 (07:43):
Eighty percent of those are negative and ninety five percent
of those are repetitive. So if you're having negative thoughts,
most of them are the same thoughts every day, right,
So learning how to change those thoughts is very helpful.
Think about something that brings you joy or brings you
love in your life. So it might be your dog,
(08:04):
or a person, or even a destination, whatever it is,
have the knowledge in your mind of what that thing
that brings you love and joy is. And let's take
the example of a dog. You think of your dog
brings you love and joy. Every time that negative thought
comes up, you immediately move to the better feeling thought of.
Speaker 4 (08:23):
Thinking about your dog.
Speaker 3 (08:24):
When you start doing this, you could be doing this
like sixty seventy times a day. The more you do it,
and it'll only work if you keep doing this, the
more that the brain and we know this from neuroplasticity
starts to rewire itself. The more it starts to rewire
itself into having those better feeling thoughts and not the
negative thoughts. And the more you do it, the more
(08:46):
the negative thoughts stop happening, and the more the better
feeling thoughts start. If you get into a situation, which
a lot of us do, and I still get into
situations like this, two thirty in the morning, wide awake,
the rumination starts happening. Oh my god, I got that email.
Did they mean this? They probably meant the worst thing
in the world. Oh my god, it's going to end
(09:08):
up being X, Y and Z. I'm going to lose
my house. I'm going to you know, like the worst
thoughts come at that time, right, So this is a
great way of being able to help that rumination. The
first thing you do is you look at the thought
and say, the thought was Sally doesn't like me.
Speaker 4 (09:26):
So you test the thought. Do you know for sure
that Sally doesn't like you?
Speaker 3 (09:32):
Ninety percent of the time, I promise you will not
know for sure that Sally doesn't like you.
Speaker 4 (09:36):
So that's the first thing.
Speaker 3 (09:37):
When we start questioning the negative thought, it alleviates any stress.
The second thing is external and internal levels of control.
If you know for sure that Sally doesn't like you
external levels of control, can you do something about it?
Quite possibly, you could go and talk to her and
speak to her about the feelings that you think that
she has. Maybe you could write her an email, whatever
(09:59):
it is. So then that alleviates that if there is
nothing you can do in the knowledge of Sally not
liking you, and that's really upsetting you, we go to
the next step, which is the acceptance. The acceptance of
the fact that Sally doesn't like me and there's nothing
that I can do, but I'm going to accept.
Speaker 4 (10:19):
That and move on.
Speaker 3 (10:20):
And then every time that comes up, I move to
that better feeling thought.
Speaker 4 (10:24):
So those habits.
Speaker 3 (10:26):
And using that has absolutely changed my life.
Speaker 2 (10:31):
How do you catch those thoughts?
Speaker 1 (10:32):
I must say, I'm reminded of a quote that you
put in your book based on one of your podcast guests,
Marissa Pierre, and she said that as little as four
percent of our worries will ever take shape, which blew
my mind but also really resonated. How do you catch
yourself when you're in that worrying or catastrophizing state, whether that.
Speaker 2 (10:56):
Be at two thirty in the morning or just one
roundom ut, I have.
Speaker 3 (11:00):
To say that Mark Twain, I think it was him,
also said I've had so many worries in the world,
none which have ever come true.
Speaker 2 (11:07):
Est I love that you know.
Speaker 3 (11:09):
And I remember having a conversation with someone and they
said I had mentioned that exact thing on a podcast
episode that I had done, and they said, it made
me feel so much better when you said that. So
you become consciously aware. If you're consciously aware, you were
always watching your thoughts. And when you're always watching your thoughts,
when you start worrying, you realize that you're worrying, and
(11:32):
then you use the techniques that I just started speaking about.
But another thing to also make sure of when we
talk about conscious awareness is being consciously aware of the
way that you talked about yourself. You know, you might
say to yourself, oh, I look so awful in that
I've put on weight and I feel terrible, or I'm
not good enough.
Speaker 4 (11:51):
To get that job.
Speaker 3 (11:52):
When we become conscious of that, we're able to change it.
Speaker 4 (11:57):
A belief is just a.
Speaker 3 (11:58):
Thought you keep thinking, nothing more. So if you test
that is it true? And if you know that, why
wouldn't you fill yourself with better beliefs?
Speaker 2 (12:08):
Right?
Speaker 3 (12:08):
A belief is just a thought you keep thinking. I
might believe this about myself something negative. Doesn't mean Amantha
thinks that about me. It's just a belief that I have.
Speaker 4 (12:17):
And knowing that.
Speaker 3 (12:19):
Alleviates so much stress. So being consciously aware, noticing when
we're worrying, noticing when we're talking negatively to ourselves about ourselves.
But also one thing I want to allow people to
know is being very consciously aware about the words that
we say about others and the words that come out
of our mouths to others that aren't nice that have
(12:43):
to do with a that person or be talking about
other people. And when we gossip, it's like that triangular theory, right,
in the sense that someone comes to gossip about someone
with you, they try and become closer to you through gossip,
say oh, did you.
Speaker 4 (13:00):
See this person?
Speaker 3 (13:01):
God, they're so annoying when they say X, Y and
Z it and you say, yeah, I agree, data da right,
And it's a way of trying to bond with you.
It's not a good way of trying to bond with you.
There's one thing about asking for advice or venting in
a sense where it really is like they need advice
from you, Like, I don't know what to do about
this person. It's upset me. Can you give me advice?
It's very different to gossiping. Really, once you stop engaging
(13:25):
in that negative banter, you'll find that the people that
come into your life are a lot more positive as well,
because you won't want to hang around those negative people.
Speaker 4 (13:33):
So it's really a win win.
Speaker 2 (13:35):
It's funny.
Speaker 1 (13:35):
I always feel that whenever I'm having a negative thought
about someone and I express it in conversation, I'm like,
where is that coming from?
Speaker 2 (13:44):
Why am I feeling the need to say that?
Speaker 1 (13:46):
And often it's because I'm feeling insecure or not enough
or inferior in some way, and so by putting someone
else down, it's going to raise me up and make
me feel better. And I feel like that's probably it's
behind a lot of people's motivation two percent.
Speaker 4 (14:02):
But how good that you're consciously aware.
Speaker 2 (14:05):
What do you do when you notice it in yourself?
Speaker 1 (14:08):
Because I feel like I will have that thought, I'll
have that awareness a lot of the time, but I'll
still be feeling like, ah, what they did is so
irritating or you know, like, I just don't feel the
need to get it off my chest, even though I
know that it is completely you know, misguided and not
serving anyone at all by saying that if you need.
Speaker 4 (14:30):
To get it off your chest.
Speaker 3 (14:31):
What I would advise is like telling someone like potentially
it could be your fiance or someone that or a
best friend, where they're going to look at you and go,
you're being.
Speaker 4 (14:41):
Ridiculous and pull you back.
Speaker 3 (14:43):
Like one of my best friends if I ever ran
to her and i can hear myself doing it and
I'm very consciously aware of doing it, and I don't
feel good after I've done it, She'll say to me, like,
you know, where's that coming from. I don't feel like
what you're saying maybe is justified, And I'll be like,
you know what, You're completely right. Try and say to
the people that are conscious so they can say something
(15:05):
back in return that will make you reflect on what
you've been saying, rather than talking about it to people
who are unconscious and they're just going to fuel that fire,
which a lot of people do.
Speaker 1 (15:16):
How do you think about this in the workplace, because
I feel, you know, there's so much talk about creating
psychologically safe workplaces, and one of the things that can
quickly damage that is an environment where there's bitchiness and blame.
And you know, having been a leader or a manager
of people for many years now, I have had the
(15:37):
I guess displeasure of having you know, a lot of
people come to me to have a vent or a
winge about someone else, and I often think, where's the
line where do I, as a leader need to just
let the person get stuff off their chest because they're
obviously feeling really frustrated with the way someone else has behaved,
Versus where do I need to adopt more of an
(15:57):
approach that we've been talking about and help them unpack
why is this really affecting them so much?
Speaker 3 (16:03):
Well, I think it's all in your response, right, So
the fact that I mean, it's very obviously dependent on
what they say, but if you feel what they're saying.
And look, most people are going to come to their boss,
most not all, and say something that they've been upset
by someone, and that's completely justified. And I think that
people should one hundred percent talk up. So that's the
first thing, and it's about the constructive advice.
Speaker 4 (16:26):
That you give them.
Speaker 3 (16:27):
It's something that you need to talk to them about
or maybe take away and reflect on it. You don't
have to answer them straight away, but take the information,
sit with it, and then when you have allow them
to then come back and give them a pathway to
be able to move forward.
Speaker 4 (16:45):
As the leader, as the boss, you need to be
helpful back.
Speaker 3 (16:49):
And helpfulness might be, you know, if they're saying something
which is really not justified and it's actually very mean
to the other person, would be maybe for them to
look inside themselves and reflect on why they feel like that,
but don't make them feel terrible. So a lot of
it does lie on you, but allowing them to reflect
on what they're saying as well.
Speaker 1 (17:09):
I want to move on to I guess a related
topic of forgiveness, and I know it's something that you've
thought a lot about and I think about in my
own life where I remember in my early twenties, it
was probably the first time I'd had a really, really
big falling out with someone and it was a really
close friend.
Speaker 2 (17:30):
I had a crush on a guy.
Speaker 1 (17:32):
She ended up going home with that guy one night
and I was devastated and I was really pissed, and
that friendship never recovered. And I don't think all it
took many years for me to forgive her. How do
you think about forgiveness, because obviously it's probably not that
healthy living with such negative feelings towards someone.
Speaker 3 (17:53):
Forgiveness is not letting the other person off the hook.
It's allowing yourself to be free.
Speaker 2 (18:00):
Right.
Speaker 3 (18:01):
And the example in the book that I give is
of Scarlett Lewis, and Scarlett Lewis is the mother of
Jesse Lewis, and Jesse Lewis was part of the Sandy
Hook massacre in the sense that he was in Grade one.
I think he was five or six going to school
that day, and a man who was twenty years old
came in with a gun and nearly shot that whole
(18:23):
Grade one class to death, and Jesse died within that
he actually saved about six or seven of his class
members because he started yelling and alerted the other class
members that the gunman was in their room and they
had time to run.
Speaker 4 (18:37):
Everyone else died.
Speaker 3 (18:38):
If you want to think of a story of forgiveness,
of how anyone could forgive a man who comes and
shoots children in a classroom where they're supposed to be safe,
you would think she could never do that. And so
when I spoke to her on my podcast, she talked
about how she had to really look within herself to
(18:59):
understand that again, she forgave the guy that came in
and shot everyone because she knew that if she did
not forgive him, she would.
Speaker 4 (19:09):
Forever have a horrible life herself.
Speaker 3 (19:12):
Right, So we're not saying something that someone does something
bad to you and then two weeks later you need
to have absolutely forgiven them. Forgiveness is done on your
own timeline. But again I have to say this that
it's about letting yourself be free, not letting them off
the hook. And really, in the situation of Scarlet, she
(19:32):
went and she looked, and she found out that the
boy had special needs, and her oldest son had special needs,
and the system had let her down with her son
and Adam Lander, who was the gunman.
Speaker 4 (19:44):
His mother was a single mother like she was.
Speaker 3 (19:47):
She tried to get help for him, it didn't work,
and I mean Adam ended up killing the mother too.
Speaker 4 (19:53):
And she knew all of.
Speaker 3 (19:54):
This, So in her mind, she was acknowledging a lot
of the reasons of how this could help allow her
to be the one that was able to forgive, and
a lot of the people at Sandy Hook never forgave,
and you know, they've lost their children. That's one of
the most shocking things ever. But she did and now
she puts a lot of that forgiveness into service, and
(20:17):
she has a beautiful charity that she runs in the
name of Jesse that helps people. She goes out to
schools and she educates people about love and you know,
she doesn't want kids to get into the situation that
they'll be like the boy that ended.
Speaker 4 (20:30):
Up killing her son.
Speaker 1 (20:32):
We will be back with Sarah soon and when we return,
she'll share her advice on how to quickly and easily
build rapport with anyone, some easy meditation techniques for beginners
who struggle to get into it like me, and a
simple mindset shift that can improve your decision making dramatically.
(20:53):
If you're looking for more tips to improve the way
you work can live. I write a short weekly newsletter
that contains I've discovered that have helped me personally. You
can sign up for that at Amantha dot com. That's
Amantha dot com. You mentioned in your book about how
(21:14):
your husband makes decisions and he asks the question that's something.
Speaker 2 (21:19):
Like, what is the intention.
Speaker 1 (21:21):
Yes, can you tell me more about what your husband
does there?
Speaker 4 (21:24):
Absolutely?
Speaker 3 (21:25):
I mean he's so amazing like this, and he taught
this to me years and years.
Speaker 4 (21:29):
Ago, especially when it comes to writing emails.
Speaker 3 (21:32):
You know, we send so many emails out or we
might make a lot of phone calls whatever it is
within business, and we don't even think anything behind the email,
like I just got to answer this, I've got to
give a reply, or I've got to send this out
to get what I want right. But when we move
through any of those things and take a moment, and
it can be honestly seconds, this is not going to
take up a lot of your day and think to yourself,
(21:54):
what is my intention I'm writing? I'm about to write
this email because you know, I'm need to get this
from a supplier. But what is my intention for this email?
What will allow them to get the most out of
whatever it is, and what will allow me to get the.
Speaker 4 (22:09):
Most out of whatever the situation is.
Speaker 3 (22:12):
And then it ends up that the way you craft
that email is a lot better because you have an
intention behind it. What's my intention of coming on this
podcast today? Because I want to teach people how to
live their greatest life right, So that is my intention,
rather than I just come on the podcast and I
really don't think twice about it. Oh it's just a
podcast chat, that's not it. I want to help people
(22:35):
on their journey.
Speaker 4 (22:36):
It gives meaning behind a lot of what you're doing. Right,
What is my intention?
Speaker 3 (22:41):
So when we live life looking and thinking about what
is the intention, you'll find that you'll become quite a
lot happier. And then anything that you do with the
other person makes it a far more joyful experience.
Speaker 2 (22:54):
How do you do that in the moment?
Speaker 1 (22:56):
Like, I'm thinking about my evening last night and my
daughter was in a shocking mood and for whatever reason,
her school had had them out in the thirty two
degree heat for an hour right in the middle of
the day playing sports. She was exhausted and my patience
was limited and I was fine, but I wasn't my
best self. What should I have done in that moment?
(23:19):
Because my intention is always to be the best mum
that I can.
Speaker 4 (23:23):
What did she come to you with whend she say something?
She was just tired.
Speaker 1 (23:26):
I was trying to make conversation with her on the
way home and try to think about something fun that
we could do after school and she just didn't want a.
Speaker 2 (23:33):
Bar of it.
Speaker 3 (23:33):
Well, I think you know you have an intention, Okay,
My intention is obviously to make her feel a bit
happier because she's only young.
Speaker 4 (23:40):
Firstly. Secondly, I'm her mother.
Speaker 3 (23:43):
I take care of her, and I totally understand the
fact that she's been running around in thirty five degree
heat and she's little, and she probably hasn't drunk enough
water or maybe she needs to have something to eat,
and she's grumpy.
Speaker 4 (23:56):
So you know, your intention is to make her feel better.
Speaker 3 (23:59):
And you know, so she's young, so she can be
grumpy and you're still gonna love her and she's your daughter.
But for moments, you become unconscious and you end up
maybe saying things that you shouldn't, and you get annoyed
because you're trying to be nice to her and give
her all these things and she's not really doing anything
back except being rude or whatever the situation is. But
(24:21):
that's okay because you had actually had a good intention, right,
and it's just to keep moving forward with that good intention.
I mean, you can't control other people, right, you can't,
But if you show up being your best self.
Speaker 4 (24:35):
Then they're going to end up looking.
Speaker 3 (24:37):
At you, and you're a role model for that. And
if we go unconscious sometimes that's completely human. I mean,
of course I go unconscious sometimes, but I know when
I go unconscious sometimes you're bringing it up. You know
that you are unconscious during that moment, and I think
to myself, I got to do better next time, and
that's gross.
Speaker 1 (24:56):
I want to talk about meditation because I think whatever
we catch up, probably we talk about meditation. You talk
about meditation, I say I have trouble meditating.
Speaker 2 (25:04):
That's probably how I respond. And when I read in your.
Speaker 1 (25:09):
Book Living a Life of Greatness about your approach to meditation,
something kind of clicked and I thought, I've never thought
about meditation in that way.
Speaker 2 (25:19):
When I think about meditation, and.
Speaker 1 (25:20):
I'm someone that has tried different kinds of meditation, I've
tried different kinds of apps, nothing is.
Speaker 2 (25:25):
Stack always feel like a failure.
Speaker 1 (25:27):
I always think that the purpose of meditation is to
just clear your mind and just be present in the
present moment and aware of your body, and I just
get really bored and then my mind wanders and then
I'm failing. And the way you've framed it in the
book is it's just listening to your own thoughts.
Speaker 2 (25:48):
And that made me think, oh, I can do that,
Like I don't think I can clear my mind.
Speaker 1 (25:53):
And you know, and I always think about meditations just
pushing the thoughts away when they come up.
Speaker 2 (25:57):
But can you tell me a bit more about how
you meditate?
Speaker 3 (26:02):
Yeah? Absolutely, Realistically, unless you're a monk that's meditated for
so many years and something that you do for majority
of the day, you're never going to meditate where you
have no thoughts. The mind moves at one hundred miles
an hour when we go into meditation. It's about realizing
what we're thinking and not judging it, but looking at
(26:23):
at it like it's a cloud, just kind.
Speaker 4 (26:24):
Of drifting in there and a little drift out of there.
Speaker 3 (26:27):
The one thing with meditation is you have to do
it consistently. It's not something you can do once a
week and think like that's going to make it change
in my life, right, It just isn't. You know, Even
if you don't do it for a long period of time,
you're doing it for ten minutes five days a week.
To do it every day is mostly beneficial, But even
just ten minutes, five days a week will make such
(26:49):
a difference because it starts slowing your brain waves down,
and the purpose of meditation is to do that. In
the sense that we're going into meditation, you said to me,
you know, my mind's going one hundred miles an hour,
and you know, I feel like I just you know,
can't control it, and it's not going to nothingness.
Speaker 4 (27:10):
It's never going to really go to nothingness.
Speaker 3 (27:12):
So don't have those expectations, because then, like me, I
started meditation like this, you.
Speaker 4 (27:17):
Become hard on yourself.
Speaker 3 (27:18):
Like I actually thought there was something wrong with my
mind when I first went into meditation all those years ago,
because I remember watching the thoughts, but then I couldn't
remember them. So I was like one minute thinking about this,
I was like what was I thinking about?
Speaker 4 (27:29):
And then the next one and they.
Speaker 3 (27:30):
Were crazy thoughts where it was like so abstract. I
remember thinking, what am I thinking? This is the weirdest
thing ever. But the more I showed up and found
a meditation that worked for me, the more I showed up,
the more I kept doing it, the more I noticed
that the difference in my eyes open life was so
different in the sense that when my kids were young,
(27:53):
you know, as we all do, we're unconscious, and we
might be short with them or not showing up the
best way we can. And because I was doing that
breakfast radio job and I was exhausted, and you know
you're barthing then when they're really little, and this and that,
and you've got a lot on your plate, and I'd
probably raise my voice a little bit more than I
wanted to.
Speaker 4 (28:14):
I noticed that when I started meditating properly.
Speaker 3 (28:17):
Honestly, I'm not just saying this, I would say I
nearly have never done that since. And it's because I
don't feel a need or if I do, which I
don't at all anymore, the time between something happening and
your reaction is so different.
Speaker 4 (28:33):
It's slowed down.
Speaker 3 (28:34):
And this is great in any kind of business conversation
or meeting. If you're a big meditator, you don't react
as fast. Right, So usually someone says something beat a child,
or you're in a meeting and they're saying something is
upset you or it's not correct, and you'll fill your
body get really heated, right, and you bark back at them. Well,
barking back at anyone is never going to be a
(28:56):
great solution, right, It's not a good way of getting
a point across. When you're a meditator and do it
for a period of time, you'll notice that when that
person says that thing in the meeting, you're not barking
back at them anymore because you wait, you have the
time to think about it. Okay, they've said this, I
feel like this. It's making me feel uncomfortable. I know
(29:17):
if I bark back at them now, this response is
not going to be good. So you'll either a not
respond or be your respond in a way that is
completely normal and nice and not raise your voice, which
is a better way of getting whatever you need that
information to the person rather than just attacking them. So
that's one of the greatest things that can come out
(29:38):
of meditation.
Speaker 1 (29:39):
I want to ask about your podcast, Yes, A Life
of Greatness. You have had some amazing guests on your
show over I think we've been podcasting for a similar
amount of time.
Speaker 2 (29:49):
Six years, so yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Speaker 1 (29:52):
So you've had people like Matthew McConaughey, Andrew Huberman, Esther Perell.
Speaker 2 (29:56):
Like just these amazing names, and I know that something.
Speaker 1 (30:00):
Think about is how do you build rapport with people
as quickly as possible?
Speaker 2 (30:03):
And often your.
Speaker 1 (30:05):
Interviews are with someone that's in another country, and so
you're having to do that virtually.
Speaker 3 (30:09):
What are the strategies that you use to build that
quick report? To be honest with you, my natural way
of being. But the more you do it, as you
would know, the more you understand.
Speaker 4 (30:20):
Okay. I try to talk to them for about five minutes.
Speaker 3 (30:23):
Before I get a feel through the way that they
answer the questions. You know, it might be like, how's
everything going in America? Whereabouts in America?
Speaker 4 (30:31):
Are you?
Speaker 3 (30:31):
At the moment I get a gauge of their responses
if they want to talk a little bit more, and
then I might, just before we start the episode, have
a bit of a chat with them. If I notice
they're very quick, I'm like, okay, they just want to
do the podcast chat, which is completely fine. And then
I listen to what they say. So I find that
if I'm in a conversation with someone, I really listen
(30:53):
to them. I look in their eyes and I make
sure I'm listening to what they're saying. Of course, yes,
I tell stories that are alated to whatever they're talking about,
because as it's your podcast, it's my podcast. My listeners
want to hear from me as well, But I don't
make the conversation eighty percent me and then twenty percent.
I've invited them onto my show, and I treat them
(31:14):
with respect. I'm using eye contact is a huge thing,
and I'm really listening to what they're saying, and I
think that just makes the conversation much better and it
enables them to know I've come to a good spot.
I'm so happy I came on this podcast. I've been
told that too from some of these big guests, like
you really researched.
Speaker 4 (31:32):
I love your questions, you know.
Speaker 2 (31:35):
So it works such a compliment, isn't it.
Speaker 1 (31:37):
I want to ask how you go deep with your
guests as you do.
Speaker 2 (31:43):
That is your style.
Speaker 1 (31:44):
I think that is one of the things that you're
known for if you're interviewing, and also just who you
are as a person.
Speaker 2 (31:49):
You are someone that goes deep. You don't really do
the small talk stuff.
Speaker 1 (31:53):
And I think you're also really good at getting guests
off their talking points, which I think is probably a
bit of a pet peece for any podcast, most because
your guests are generally doing some sort of tour to
promote some kind of thing.
Speaker 2 (32:07):
Absolutely, what are your strategies for doing that.
Speaker 3 (32:10):
If I feel there's more information I really want to
uncover it. I'll talk about their journey always because I'm
just genuinely so interested to know, like where they came from.
I might know it already if I've read a book
and they've written about it, but if I don't, I
start getting ideas, and then I'll in my mind going
that will relate to that, and that will relate to this,
(32:31):
which we'll move to next. And then I ask some
things that are lighter in nature, and I see how
they answer them. And if I feel that I'm getting
them to a place where they trust me, and we've
kind of set everything up nicely, we know about their
childhood and their upbringing, and we've talked a bit about
(32:51):
their work or whatever it is. I get to a
place where then I think I'll ask them about something
deeper and I'll see how they respond. But I genuinely
do it always because I am interested in the answer.
I don't do it because and I've never done this
because I want to get pr headlines or anything like that.
Speaker 4 (33:14):
And I make sure though that I know.
Speaker 3 (33:16):
That they feel safe with me before I go into
the deeper questions. I remember it's just come to mind
when you're asking me this question. I recently interviewed Darren
Hayes from Savage Guard, and his book is so beautiful
everyone should buy it. But it's deep and his story
is hard and sad and beautiful. But he went through
(33:38):
Helen backright, had a terrible upbringing and while his father
was terrible, his sister was amazing. And so I said
to him in the book, I mentioned his sister and
I asked about their relationship, and then he just, you know,
he really welled up with tears and said, you know,
she had to grow up so fast because my father
(33:59):
was abusive to my mum, and she became from a
young age my mum's best friend because my mum was
isolated from her friends because my dad was abusing her,
you know. And then I am touched by his comment.
And then when that happens, because again you're listening, it's
like you form this kind of bond. It's an unspoken energy.
(34:20):
And I know this sounds so strange, but you would
understand because you've interviewed people where they share something that's
really raw and honest. And again this kind of goes
into that empathy piece you think about them or maybe
yourself in that situation, and that touches something in you,
and then you have that place to be able to
either ask some more questions about that or talk about
(34:42):
something else that's quite deep, because you've really formed that bond.
I want to finish by asking you a question that's
probably a version of a question you've been asking many
times and I get asked it as well.
Speaker 2 (34:53):
In terms of you know, who's your favorite guest, what's
your favorite tip?
Speaker 1 (34:56):
But I guess specifically, I want to know what is
a piece of advice or something that you've heard with
the many interviews that you've done that has really had
one of the most profound impacts on you.
Speaker 3 (35:08):
I think one of the biggest pieces of advice I
got given, and it's a chapter in the book, is
being your authentic self, going through the world and being you.
Speaker 4 (35:17):
You know, it's interesting.
Speaker 3 (35:18):
It was actually in the yesterday the kids are dressing
up for something at school, and I think it's like,
who do you want to be when you're older kind
of thing. A lot of my daughter's friends are going
as like ballerinas and gymnasts, and Poppy loves that. But
my daughter, but she doesn't want to be that, even
though all their friends are that. And then there's another
group that are doing something else, and she says, you know, mum,
(35:41):
there's only ten.
Speaker 4 (35:42):
I don't really want to do that like I want to.
She loves basketball.
Speaker 3 (35:45):
She's like, I want to be like a sports person.
And I thought, you know, so many people at that
age were just try and do what their friends did
because it's easier, and they all want to be the same.
But the fact that she's saying that's not when I
want to do it. I don't want to grow up
and being a gymnast or a ballerina. I want to
be an athlete. I was like, wow, it's making it
(36:07):
hard a few in the sense that you have to
find a group now because that group only wants the
ballerinas and gymnasts. But you're showing up as your authentic self.
And I think there are so many times in life
where we're trying to fit into what we think other
people want from us, or trying to be the other person,
trying to be what someone else thinks is.
Speaker 4 (36:25):
Acceptable or right.
Speaker 3 (36:27):
It might be our parents, it might be in a relationship,
whatever it is, and we lose ourselves and garble Matte
talks a lot about this that you know, if you're
a chameleon in so many situations, you don't end up
knowing who you are, and you do that long enough,
you end.
Speaker 4 (36:46):
Up creating disease. Disease right because you.
Speaker 3 (36:50):
Become insecure, you think that no one really likes you
for you. You don't even know who you are. So
the best advice that I've been given is to show
up as your authentic self. And I think what's got
me the beautiful friends I have, what's allowed me in
the past to be a great producer is I've always
shown up as Sarah.
Speaker 1 (37:08):
I love that, and you have most definitely been the
Sarah that I.
Speaker 4 (37:11):
Catch up for coffee over the mind today.
Speaker 2 (37:14):
Thank you so much for coming on. I loved your book.
Speaker 1 (37:18):
Like as I said to you when you walked in,
it's such a gift when you know someone and then
you're able to read their book that they've put so
much of themselves into and so many stories I didn't
know about you. I loved it so much. Living a
life of greatness, It's just been such a joy.
Speaker 3 (37:33):
Thank you, Sarah oh Aman for You're amazing. You're a
beautiful friend. And thank you so much for having me
on the podcast. I'm truly very grateful.
Speaker 1 (37:42):
I hope you loved this chat with Sarah as much
as I did, and I can tell you that after
this chat, I've put a ban on myself engaging in
any gossip or bitchiness, which I think is such a
game changer.
Speaker 2 (37:53):
If you want to learn more about Sarah.
Speaker 1 (37:55):
I highly recommend checking out her book Living a Life
of Greatness and listening to her podcast A Life of Greatness.
Speaker 2 (38:03):
The links to both are in the show notes. If
you like.
Speaker 1 (38:05):
Today's show, make sure you get follow on your podcast
app to be alerted when new episodes drop.
Speaker 2 (38:12):
How I Work was recorded
Speaker 1 (38:13):
On the traditional land of the Warrangery people, part of
the Cool And Nation.
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