The art of naming office elephants

We’ve all been there. A weird vibe in a meeting. A team member who’s clearly not themselves. A tension that hums under the surface. And still—silence. 

In this mini episode, I share a simple but powerful story about what happened when someone called out my mood (in the best way). It reminded me how transformative it can be to name the obvious—and how rarely we do it at work. 

We’ll explore: 

• Why unspoken tension is more damaging than we think 

• How naming the “elephant” clears the air—without making things weird 

• A practical way to build trust and psychological safety in your team 

• What to say when something feels off but you’re not sure how to address it 

If you’ve ever wished you had the right words to handle an awkward dynamic or tense moment at work, this one’s for you. It’s about choosing courage over comfort—and making space for real connection. 

Key Quotes: 

“The beautiful thing about naming what’s happening is that it’s like popping a balloon of awkwardness.” 

“You don’t need a perfect script. You just need to say the thing.” 

 

My latest book The Health Habit is out now. You can order a copy here: https://www.amantha.com/the-health-habit/  

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Visit https://www.amantha.com/podcast for full show notes from all episodes.  

Get in touch at [e-mail]  

  

Credits:  

Host: Amantha Imber  

Sound Engineer: Martin Imber 

See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Episode Transcript

Speaker 1 (00:00):
Picture this. It's thirty six degrees at Chatston Shopping Center
and I am in a terrible mood and my friend
says five words that completely transform my day. What happened
to me in this trip taught me a powerful lesson
about honesty, awkward situations, and why we are all experts
at ignoring the obvious, especially at work. So today I'm

(00:24):
going to share with you a simple communication technique that
can instantly diffuse tension and workplace drama and make even
the most uncomfortable conversations bearable. It might just be the
most underrated superpower you're not using. Welcome to How I Work,

(00:45):
a show about habits, rituals, and strategies for optimizing your day.
I'm your host, Doctor Amantha imber So. A few weeks ago,
I promised a close friend to go with her to
Chatston Shopping Center on a Sunday. Is unfamiliar with the
retail labyrinth that is Chatty. Imagine if someone took every
shop in Melbourne, stuffed them into a giant pressure cooker,

(01:08):
added a generous sprinkle of hengry children, and topped it
with a parking system designed by a supervillain who failed
architecture school. Oh and on this day it was also
thirty six degrees. Now I brought with me a mood
that could only be described as Melbourne hipster meets instant coffee.

(01:29):
I'd spent hours staring at my computer screen that morning,
trying to make progress on a writing project that was
simply refusing to cooperate. I tried to hide my mood.
The reality was I failed spectacularly. And that is when
my friend, bless her truth telling soul, hit me with Amantha,

(01:50):
you seem off. My first thought was, ah, has she
broken the sacred social contract of pretending everything's fine? My
second thought, all right, this is the friend who once
told me that my new haircut made me look like
I'd take an inspiration from a YouTube tutorial titled how
to cut your own hair, not clickbait. Honesty is how

(02:13):
kind of thing. So I admitted it. Yes, I was
being about as pleasant as a paper cut. Yes, my
morning had been as productive as trying to teach a
cat to fetch, And yes I knew I could have canceled,
but my anti flakiness programming runs very deep in my DNA.
And then, like magic or basic human psychology, the cloud lifted,

(02:39):
being called out for being grumpy mcgrump face actually made
me less grumpy at work. We have mastered the art
of pretending to ignore the obvious. We sit in meetings
where eye rolling is visible from space, where tension between
teams is thick enough to cut with a knife, and

(03:01):
what do we do? We save it all for later,
buried in carefully worded slack messages with just the right
amount of passive aggressive emojis. But what if instead of
this elaborate dance of denial, someone just said, Hey, I'm
noticing some tension here, shall we talk about it. You
might be familiar with the Feeling's wheel, something I've written

(03:24):
about before, where it's a wheel that lists out, gosh,
about one hundred different feelings and it's really great for
identifying in the moment what are we actually feeling and
putting a name to it. So you can think about
this strategy as its extroverted cousin. Instead of naming just
your own emotions, you're naming the elephant in the room.

(03:47):
The beautiful thing about naming what's happening is it's like
popping a balloon full of awkwardness. Sure, there's a brief
moment of oh God, somebody actually said it, but then
comes the relief. It's like finally admitting to everyone that, yes,
we can all smell the fish someone microwave for lunch
and know we're not okay with it. So here's my

(04:09):
challenge to you. Next time you're in a situation where
the unspoken is louder than what's being said, be the
person who names it. Be my friend at chatty. Just
maybe pick a better location than a crowded shopping center
in the middle of summer, because some revelations are better
had with air conditioning and a convenient car park. If

(04:32):
you like today's show, make sure you hit follow on
your podcast app to be alerted when new episodes dropped.
How I Work was recorded on the traditional land of
the Warrangery people, part of the Cooler Nation. A big
thank you to Martinimmer for doing the sound mix.