September 27, 2023 • 31 mins
No two careers will ever look exactly the same, but few of them look anything like a professional sporting career. Former AFL player Tom Boyd is the prime example: he’d worked towards the same goal since his early childhood, and after reaching the pinnacle of his game, he retired at the ripe old age of 23.
So, what do you do when your career ends before you’re even halfway through your twenties?
Tom reflects on his sporting career and shares its most impactful lessons, covering everything from the importance of adequate recovery through to life-changing advice about better decision-making. He also discusses how he’s taking the unique skills and character traits that made him a great football player and leveraging them in his new career as a public speaker and mental health ambassador.
Connect with Tom on Instagram, LinkedIn or pick up a copy of his book, Nowhere to Hide
***
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Visit https://www.amantha.com/podcast for full show notes from all episodes.
Get in touch at amantha@inventium.com.au
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Produced by Inventium
Host: Amantha Imber
Sound Engineer: Martin Imber
Episode Producer: Liam Riordan
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:04):
In the modern working world, it's more common than ever
to completely change careers, and maybe even multiple times over.
But would you have been able to change the lanes
so dramatically at the age of twenty three. That's not
a hypothetical for Tom Boyd, who retired from playing football
in the.
Speaker 2 (00:24):
AFL in twenty nineteen.
Speaker 1 (00:26):
Before he was even halfway through his twenties. So how
did he make the transition when football was the only
life he'd ever known. Well, it started with a whole
lot of reflection. After months and months of preparing for
the next chapter of his life, everything ground to a
halt when COVID hit and Tom was forced to do
(00:47):
nothing but think about what he really wanted to do
with his life. I'm doctor Amantha Imber, an organizational psychologist
and the host of How I Work, and I'm trying
something a little different for the next few weeks.
Speaker 2 (01:08):
This is How I Live, a.
Speaker 1 (01:11):
Series that gives you an inside look but some super
accomplished people's top strategies for living a happy, productive, and
impactful life. When Tom made the decision to leave his
AFL career, he was struggling with several mental health challenges.
He was dealing with clinical depression, panic attacks, anxiety, and insomnia.
(01:36):
So I was keen to know if there was something
that he had bought or acquired in the last few
years that's made a really big difference to his physical
or mental health.
Speaker 3 (01:47):
I think, probably most recently, the thing that strikes me
is it is a physical possession, but I suppose what
it represents is far greater than that, and that would
be a netball that my wife has recently acquired. And
I think for that is that I've gone back to
playing social sport again for the first time really in
my life. Like you know, I basically played competitive sports
(02:08):
since I was eleven years old. There was certainly a
domestic element to that, which was all your local teams
that were feeders into the representative side. But since I
was genuinely thirteen or fourteen, that hasn't really been an
ability for me to just go out and have fun.
Speaker 4 (02:24):
And so we've been playing mixed nepall or Wednesday nights.
Speaker 3 (02:26):
I recently started playing with a few of my ex
teammates on a Monday night, playing social basketball, and I
think that combination of just getting out there for exercise
in a team environment, it's something I really haven't been
able to foster too much, firstly given the pandemic and
then secondarily since I've stopped playing football at the local level.
So I think that has been a really big weight
(02:47):
lifted off our shoulders to be able to connect over
something that's fun and exciting and energetic. And it can
be a logistical nightmare with the one year old at times,
but it's certainly worth the squeeze.
Speaker 1 (02:57):
I got to ask, being on the opposing team to
tom BOYD, how do you how do it?
Speaker 4 (03:02):
Like?
Speaker 2 (03:02):
What are your opponents thinking?
Speaker 3 (03:04):
There has been a few games when my opponent who
Because in mixed netball you have to have four girls
and three boys, and you can't have two boys in
any one section of the court.
Speaker 4 (03:16):
There's been a couple of.
Speaker 3 (03:17):
Times where I've had a couple of girls come down
to stand next to me as the goal shooter and
I'm the goalkeeper and they're five foot nothing, and it's
just it's not fair. But having said that, the competition
is very lighthearted and we just have a good time
with it all. And I think the funny thing about
it is I played quite a bit of mixed netbal
when I was at school. We had like strange sports
(03:38):
to choose from. At my school, Luther College, we could
only play football for a term and we could only
play basketball for a term, so we sort of had
these two seasons that we needed to fill in from
a sporting point of view, and mixed nepple was one
of the ones we undertook and we actually ended up
playing in a state championship with a bunch of the
footy guys. And I kind of know the rules, is
the point I'm making, But many of the guys that
(03:58):
we invite along, whether they be footge friends, are otherwise.
The rules are very complicated if you haven't played netball before,
so sometimes having the guys on your team, or those
who haven't played netball probably more specifically, can be more
of a hindrance than to help.
Speaker 1 (04:12):
I'm curious about the change from competitive sport to social
sport just mentally.
Speaker 2 (04:18):
That's quite a big difference.
Speaker 1 (04:20):
Not playing to win, and I guess playing for other
benefits as opposed to winning.
Speaker 2 (04:25):
We're like, how do you make that shift?
Speaker 4 (04:28):
I think it's a great question.
Speaker 3 (04:30):
I think what I've realized is that my motivation to
play sport is still the same. I mean, I still
want to win, and I still want to have a
good time doing it, but it's just the focus for
winning only last, probably for the last five minutes of
the game. The rest of the game, within reason, I'm
happy just to be a part of it all, and
then once it gets down to crunch down, I'm pretty
keen to to make sure that we win, because, yeah,
(04:52):
I don't know. That's what sports sort of is designed around,
is the scoreboard and the winning.
Speaker 4 (04:56):
And the losing. And you know, it.
Speaker 3 (04:59):
Makes it all the better if you can get through
the end of the season and be victorious and go
out for a nice dinner with everyone afterwards and celebrate
the victories.
Speaker 4 (05:06):
But it certainly is not the same in terms of preparation.
Speaker 3 (05:09):
I mean, one of the overwhelmingly sort of heavy parts
of professional sport is the preparation week to week and
the accumulation of pressure that you place on yourself from
the moment the game before or the game that finishes
the week before ends, and the moment that the next
game starts, and those seven days or five days and
(05:30):
changes week to week depending on scheduling, they are just
in a constant ramp up of preparation to beat the
next side. And I think for me to not have
to have that, to have sport as it once was
in my life as a bit of an escape for
my day to day routine and the things that I
need to accomplish and be accountable and responsible for as
(05:50):
a working member of society. As I would put it now,
it's a really nice sort of throwback to probably when
I was a bit younger and living a more balanced
lifestyle than I was when I was playing AFL football.
Speaker 1 (06:03):
It's interesting about the shift in your daily and weekly rituals.
I would imagine that happens after you stop playing competitive sport,
and I'm wondering, over the last few years, what is
a daily or weekly ritual that's made the biggest positive
improvement to your life.
Speaker 4 (06:21):
Yeah, this is going to sound really stupid, but weekends
would be the biggest difference.
Speaker 2 (06:25):
Tell me about that.
Speaker 3 (06:26):
So, when I was playing football for probably thirty eight
minimum weeks of the year, weekends were not my own.
All through pre season. You train Saturday mornings and by
the way, which is awesome. So you do your training session,
you finish at ten or twelve or whatever it is,
and then you've got the rest of the week in yourself.
But you never get those two days to actually go
(06:47):
away or to do things perhaps that take a little
bit more time to travel. The other thing that you
don't have and I didn't learn this until genuinely the
last twelve months is public holidays. Like I didn't know
when Labor Day was, or when previously the Queen's birthday was,
or even even Easter. It was never on my radar
from a calendar point of view because we'd always playing
(07:09):
Easter Friday. It was just another week. And I think
for me being able to actually amalgamate back into society
where you have these five weeks or five days two
days off has been really really great because whilst the
working environment for me is different to most, I would
say I have some flexibility in terms of my work.
Speaker 4 (07:27):
I still do work quite a few weekends.
Speaker 3 (07:29):
I still have that ability haspend for the vast majority
of the year Sundays with my family, to plan ahead
knowing that the weekends will be my own and that
I can actually choose what I'm doing on them, as
opposed to what previously was, Hey, you need to be
here Friday, here, Saturday, here, Sunday.
Speaker 4 (07:45):
These are the times. These are expectations and you.
Speaker 3 (07:47):
Don't ever get that reprieve of, you know, just that
stop gap in a year which we all need. Rights
like the little breaks that we get give us the
vitality boost, I suppose, if used correctly, to to take
on the stresses and challenges that the year accumulates for us.
So I think that's been the most significant difference for me,
(08:07):
and just becoming part of normal society, I suppose at
the last couple of years.
Speaker 1 (08:13):
I think it's interesting how it's easy to take weekends
for granted.
Speaker 2 (08:17):
It's funny.
Speaker 1 (08:18):
A few months ago one of my good friends had
a complete career change and became a real estate agent,
and now she works every single weekend, and it's funny.
I find myself waking up on Saturday or doing something
on Saturday morning, and I always think about her, and
it makes me feel really grateful that I've actually got
the weekend to myself.
Speaker 2 (08:39):
So I'm curious, how do you now, with this really big.
Speaker 1 (08:43):
Change where weekends are your own, how do you make
the most of that or how do you not just
start to take it for granted like a lot of
people do.
Speaker 3 (08:53):
Yeah, I think it's different when you have children. I mean,
my first was born just over a year ago. Omanie
and I think for us, in the initial probably ten months,
we didn't require any significant events to keep her stimulated.
I mean, she was basically just wanted to hang out
with us and she wasn't walking yet. Within the last
few weeks, she's really well, probably the last month or
(09:13):
two now, she's really ramped up in her requirement for
engagement all the time. And by that I mean that,
you know, we feel like she's at the age where
she needs to get out and see stuff, and so
Anna and I we've made a distinct effort to try
and bring her to different things. And when she went
to the zoo for the first time, the aquarium was
on the cards. I think we've spoken recently about some
(09:34):
of the petting zoos around and you know, if it's
not that it's going to the South Melbourne market or
it's going out and spending some time at the local parks,
it's just stuff where we feel like we want her
to see the world, or see as much of our
world as she can. And the other thing selfishly from
Anna and I as part is there's a lot of
things in Melbourne that we would never have done together
(09:56):
without children. And so it's this sort of double edged
sword where we can capitalize on the fact that we
have now a reason to go out and see all
of Melbourne what it has to offer, and of course
different parts of Australia and the world in good time.
And I think for me that's what capitalizing on it
looks like, because you know previously, one of the things
that you get told or I was told, I suppose.
Speaker 4 (10:19):
As an athlete is one of the most difficult things.
Speaker 3 (10:20):
For spouses and partners of professional athletes is what they
see when an athlete's lying on the couch is someone
lying on the couch, But that's not what they're doing.
They're actually still recovering or working or trying to boost
their energy because they've got to go out and play.
Speaker 4 (10:34):
A fifteen kilometer game the next day.
Speaker 3 (10:36):
But I think for me, now that I am truly
part of society in a more regular way, I would say,
not completely normal, but close enough, it's important that now
we can live on even terms and not have to
make all these concessions based on my needs and my
works needs.
Speaker 4 (10:52):
In particular.
Speaker 1 (10:54):
Are there daily rituals that you have in place, And
I know that this can be really hard, particularly when
you've got such a young child as part of your
family now. But is there anything you do on a
daily or almost daily basis that has a really big
improvement for your own health and well being?
Speaker 4 (11:10):
Yeah.
Speaker 3 (11:10):
I think from a philosophy point of view, I get
asked this question all the time, and I think, you know,
one of the things that a lot of people need
is structure, right, and they need that routine.
Speaker 4 (11:20):
I probably have had more routine than possibly healthy over.
Speaker 3 (11:23):
The course of my twenty three years leading up until
my retirement in twenty nineteen, not to say that I
still don't have some routine, but I think one of
the things that you work out when you leave the
game of AFL football is that for the first time.
Speaker 4 (11:35):
In your life, you have true choice where you spend
your time on what you do with it.
Speaker 3 (11:38):
And I think that it made such a big difference
to me to have that freedom to actually choose, and that,
in a way is lightness and sort of freshness in
my life on its own. And I think from a
practical point of view, to answer them sort of specific question,
I think just spending time with my daughter in the
mornings is the best way that I can possibly start
the day, whether it be you know, we'll put some
(11:59):
David Attenborough the TV, or will go down and I'll
wake her up in the morning because she's actually a
really good sleeper. Apologies to all the parents of poor
sleepers out there, We've got a good one.
Speaker 4 (12:09):
Sorry, And so yeah, just spending some.
Speaker 3 (12:13):
Time feeding her breakfast with my wife and going up
and walking up and getting a coffee or whatever it
may be before work, I think is just the perfect
way for me to ground myself before I start the day,
and then on the actual mental health and well being side.
What I've found is as a really interesting development I
suppose in my overall resilience toolkit is that whilst there
(12:33):
is a toolkit to say, most of the improvements I
would say that I have in my mental health compared
to how I dealt with it when I was younger
is just the ability to take control over my mindset
to the day. And I think partially that comes from
an understanding of being where I was. Where I was
just such in a dire place and always felt like
the next day would be worse than the one I
(12:54):
was living currently, whereas now I'm much more in the
breath of if a bad morning occurs, then I'm not
letting it become.
Speaker 4 (13:00):
A bad day, and likewise a bad day not become
a bad week.
Speaker 3 (13:04):
And there's mechanisms and leaders I can pull to make
sure I accomplish that, but it's more so for me
just the mindset that I'm not going back to where
I was, and whatever it takes to make sure that's
the case, I think is certainly the way I approach
it at the moment.
Speaker 2 (13:21):
What's something unusual that you do to feel happier?
Speaker 4 (13:25):
Something unusual? I'm quite a big.
Speaker 3 (13:30):
I'm quite a big listener of lighthearted podcasts of the like.
And I think, you know, in one way, shape or form,
you could imagine a world where you listen to comedians
or knuckle heads talking about sports and you're wasting your time.
And the only reason I disagree with that is, you know,
my job, in large part is being a communicator. I mean,
I do a lot of speaking publicly, I do my
(13:52):
own podcasting, I do.
Speaker 4 (13:54):
Much presenting in my regular job.
Speaker 3 (13:58):
I do basically everything is evolved around my ability to
connect with others.
Speaker 4 (14:02):
And to tell stories in one way, shape or form, And.
Speaker 3 (14:05):
I think they're listening to people who are passionate about
things and enthusiastic and also do that for a living.
It's actually been a really great way for me to
disconnect from stress whilst I'm trying to accomplish perhaps little
things around the house or whatever it may be. But
at the same time, I think by way of osmosis,
there's a.
Speaker 4 (14:23):
Natural learning that occurs for me in that.
Speaker 3 (14:25):
So I don't know if that's that strange or weird,
but yeah, I probably do it a lot more than
most people do.
Speaker 1 (14:31):
I would say, what do your go to podcasts for
getting in that headspace?
Speaker 2 (14:36):
If you like?
Speaker 3 (14:37):
Yeah, well, so the one I listened to regularly most
regularly would be the Pat McAfee Show, which is basically
a daily sports show around the NFL football in America,
but they sort of cover off all of the big
sports over there, and they are what you could quintessentially
describe as a bunch of knuckleheads. Yeah, very lighthearted, go
(14:58):
and take themselves too seriously. It's not too structure of
a show, and of course there's heaps of content.
Speaker 4 (15:04):
As they do it every day.
Speaker 3 (15:05):
So I really like those guys because there's an element
of me that you know, on a sort of surface level,
can see there.
Speaker 4 (15:13):
You know, these guys are just having a good time.
It looks really easy.
Speaker 3 (15:15):
But then I think, given the professional lens that I
sort of take to it, I can see the real
talent that they have to maintain conversation, to keep things
light harder, to keep a conversation moving, and to present
and talk to some of the biggest guests in the world.
And I think that for me is a real sort
of underlying value that I find.
Speaker 1 (15:39):
We will be back with Tom soon talking about a
piece of advice that he received that immeasurably improved his life.
If you're looking for more tips to improve the way
you live, I write a short fortnightly newsletter that contains
three cool things that I've discovered that help make my
life better in some way. You can sign up for
that at how I Work dot co. That's how I
(16:04):
Work dot Co. Now, Tom, I'm wondering, what's a piece
of advice that you have received and applied that has
immeasurably improved your life.
Speaker 3 (16:15):
When I was coming towards the end of my career,
it was twenty eighteen. I'd moved on for many of
the issues I faced the year before. I put some
things in place. I felt like I was in a
really good spot, to be totally honest, and I remember
I was sort of hit on the sidelines with a
bad back injury and sort of got to the point
where it was just not moving forward, and I was
(16:35):
starting to really try and reconcile in my mind what
I wanted to do moving forward with my future. I
still had two and a half years in my contract,
I still had over two million dollars left on it.
There was all these things that sort of indicated that
it was an obvious decision to stay. But for whatever reason,
I had an inkling that you know, I'd had these
conversations with myself for a while and it was getting
(16:56):
close where it felt like the right call to move on.
And I remember talking to the club doctor at the time,
Gary Zimmerman, and you know, I made mention to him
at GAZ, I don't think I want to do this anymore.
I think I'm going to retire, and he looked at
me like I was crazy. But the advice that followed
from him was really really important. And that advice was
that he said to me, he said, Tommy, I've seen
(17:17):
too many players rehabilitating injuries make rash decisions, change their
life and invariably end up regretting it forever. And I
think what that really gets to is this concept that
making life changing decisions when we're happy, mad or angry
or sad or angry, I should say, is a sort
of futile effort, given that we're not in the frame
(17:38):
of mind to think long term.
Speaker 4 (17:41):
We're thinking laterally.
Speaker 3 (17:42):
We're trying to sort of find our way through the
muck that perhaps we're stuck in at that time, or
perhaps we're standing on the mountaintop going everything's clear skies
and clear, clear sailing your head. So for him, he
said to me, just do this for me, come back
and play foot. He get back to being fit, get
back to being capable of going out there, and if
you still want to do it, then.
Speaker 4 (18:03):
You'll have my blessing.
Speaker 3 (18:03):
And of course I didn't have to listen to him,
but it made a lot of logical sense to me,
and I think for me, that's an outstanding piece of
advice for everyone, and that is just, you know, find
your equilibrium before you change everything, because we can be
rash at times as humans.
Speaker 1 (18:20):
I love that when you made the decision to retire
from AFL. Did you know exactly what you would do
for work in inverted commas when you made that decision?
Speaker 4 (18:30):
Absolutely not. I had a sense.
Speaker 3 (18:33):
I had a sense that there was some opportunities on
the horizon. I didn't know what they would be, and
to be frank, you know, I probably spent six or
seven months working through a number of different options, one
of which was basically, you know, going down the path
of speaking and publicly being able to share my message
and also finding the right organization to be a part of.
Speaker 4 (18:55):
But I didn't want to rush it.
Speaker 3 (18:56):
And again this is very much circumstantial based on the
fact that I owned a lot of as a really
young person, and that gave me the advantage and the
sort of ability to make slower decisions than many people face.
So I totally understand that. That's why I'm sort of
quite quite keen to give the provision of make decisions
based on finances as well as purpose. But what I
(19:16):
did know was that people were interested in what I
had to say, and I began to go down that path,
and unfortunately what I ran into was it takes six
to eight months or whatever it did to prepare myself
for a strong year in twenty twenty, and then that
whole sneaky pandemic came up on us and all of
that work disappeared. But what the really great thing about
(19:37):
the pandemic was for me was that it forced me
to really consider what I wanted to do. And in
that time, what I recognized was two things. One, I
wasn't fully fully done with the life that I just
led in my football career, and that I actually wanted
to write about it, and I wanted to sort of
tie in a bow and put it out as.
Speaker 4 (19:57):
The book knowa to hide.
Speaker 3 (19:59):
And that was really important forming mentally, because it's a
very difficult task writing a book from my experience. And
the other one was that I recognized that for the
first time in my life as a twenty three year
old going on twenty four, was I didn't have a
team around me, and I didn't have anyone to turn
to on a daily basis. I could call my dad,
I could call my manager, but they weren't living with me,
(20:19):
they weren't working with me. They were support staff or
support networks rather than people that were on the ground
and dealing with my day to day. And actually that's
where I began to sort of reach out and start
looking at what a flexible arrangement of work could be
for me, where I could contribute to a team that
I respected and cared about on a mission that I
believed in. And that's where I found ever perform, which
is the business that I work three days a week
(20:41):
four now. So you know, amongst all of the challenges
the pandemic presented, I think, you know, if there's one
thing I'm proud of in terms of my experience, was
that I just made it work and I found a
way to actually take the good parts out of it
amongst all of the sea of negatives.
Speaker 1 (20:58):
We've talked about advice that you've received, I'm curious what
piece of advice do you find yourself giving to people
most frequently.
Speaker 3 (21:05):
I think the one that probably stands out to me
is what I find with XAFL players in particular, is
they really struggle to understand their worth and what can
contribution and value that they can provide to the next
stage of their life. And I think that the reason
for that is varied, but I'll try and summarize at
the best I can, which is, for the first time
(21:25):
in anyone's life, when they get delisted from the AFL.
It is almost exclusively the first time that they've been
told that they're not good enough. They've been trying to
play AFI football presumably for the vast majority of their life.
Speaker 4 (21:38):
They've worked their absolute butt off to get there.
Speaker 3 (21:40):
They've been the best player in every team to get
to the point where they're nar at, and now they're
being told that the dream's over. Bad luck, pack your bag,
see you later. And that's really really a massive hit
to the ego, a huge hit to people's self talk
and self work and all of those sorts of things
as well.
Speaker 4 (22:00):
And that's one reason.
Speaker 3 (22:00):
The other reason I think is that people are inherently
told in AFL that you bring the skills that you
learn within the league, things that most people would kill for, basically,
which is ability to deal with pressure, high performance teams,
feedback driven culture, connecting with people for more walks of life,
being disciplined, professional expectation, accountability, responsibility, every value you've ever
(22:24):
seen on a corporate boardsheet, which I imagine you've seen
quite a few over your yes. AFL football provides that
for people who are willing to learn the problem is
that so many players struggle to translate that to reality
like the what is the what is the outcome that
is connected with the values and the skills and the
capability that I've learned rather than just having them, which
(22:45):
I could only imply in a very small specific niche
to main like football, How do I provide it and
complete it elsewhere? And so when I talk to these players,
I try and explain to that you know, they've got
so much to offer, is essentially the piece of advice
that I have, and don't sell yourself short and don't
accept the crappy role and you know, sprint down to
(23:05):
play footy because there's quick money there.
Speaker 4 (23:07):
Make a smart and.
Speaker 3 (23:09):
Calculated decision because it's the first day of the rest
of your working life and easier said than done. But
it's certainly something that I've just seen. AFL players have
characteristics that are so sought after in the corporate landscape
and so rare to find in that environment that I just, yeah,
I think they could offer so much value given the
(23:30):
time to learn and catch up.
Speaker 1 (23:32):
A love of your career has been requiring you to
get in the zone to perform, and I imagine that
there would have been numerous times where you were not
feeling it and certainly you know you've spoken publicly about
a lot of those times. But I'm curious, you know, nowadays,
when you need to perform, and you know, maybe it's
for a keynote speech or something like that, what is
(23:55):
a fail safe way that you use to get in
that signe.
Speaker 3 (24:01):
So yesterday morning I had to get to Tasmania to
do a kigover in Hobart, and I hadn't slept that well,
and I knew it was a big thing, and it
had a crazy week of travel last week, and so
I've just this fatigue level was building up, and so
I knew that yesterday morning, before my pretty early flight,
I need to go out, go for a run in
(24:23):
the cold and the rain, not far, a couple of k's,
get my breathing going, do all of that before I
bought a coffee, because I knew if I got up
straight away and humanman talks about this, actually I know
you mentioned it earlier. You have a coffee straight away,
it just sort of, you know, just makes the anxiety
levels accelerate based on the chemical process.
Speaker 4 (24:41):
Going on in your body.
Speaker 3 (24:43):
So do the a little bit of running half an
hour whatever it was, go for a bit of a walk,
have a shower, I walk up, get a coffee, just
bring myself the life before before. My wife got out
a bit and that's all I needed for the day.
That was it, because I can manage everything else. It's
just if I can't get on top of things early,
then I flight. I know, a flight just makes me slightly.
You know, your body doesn't function probably at thirty thousand feet.
(25:06):
And then the second one was got home quite late
last night. I had to be up at five point
thirty four six o'clock for this breakfast event that I
had this morning. Great, same problem. So this morning I
knew I did't enough time to go for a run,
but I'll get out, I'll put the clothes on, go
for a walk, just wake myself up. Do something that
just provided me with some physical utility for the day.
(25:30):
And both of those times, it just at least gives
me the like I know, I can put myself into
the zone to be honest with you in any which way,
shape or form. Like there's moments when I've had to
do it and I didn't have the liberty of using
tools like that I just described. But if I do
have the time, it just gives me this additional level
of confidence that everything's going to be okay and I
can work it out. So that would be the case now,
(25:51):
which is really funny because it's probably again one of
those things that's lingering based on my football experience where
exercise is part of the zone, not just in preparation
for it.
Speaker 2 (26:01):
Yeah, what would that.
Speaker 1 (26:01):
Look like back when you were playing AFL sort of
like the half an hour in the lead up to
the match?
Speaker 2 (26:10):
What would you be doing in that time?
Speaker 3 (26:13):
So telling you the half an hour probably won't make
as much sense as telling you the two and a
half hours. So basically two and a half hours before
a game, your arrived first session is strapping all of
your broken fingers or broken ankles or shoulders or whatever
you've got, all of which I had at different times,
and even at the same time. You tend to all
of those, prepare them for a game, get dressed to
(26:34):
probably go out and have a look at the ground,
walk around, sort of get a feel for the conditions,
whether you're inside at Marvel or outside elsewhere. Then you
come back in you probably have a coach's address for
twenty minutes about the game and preparation and plans and
reminders and all that sort of stuff. Then you're out
for a first warm up stretching, mobility, ball handling, then
(26:55):
you're out for the main warm up, then you're back.
Then it's a pre game stretch like it's overwhelming, and
it's basically all like a ramp up until that.
Speaker 4 (27:05):
First siren bounces. So I'm never doing that again. That
was just too much.
Speaker 3 (27:10):
There's the most anxiety inducing activity because the problem is,
like you're sitting there.
Speaker 4 (27:13):
At least I was, I've about everyone else.
Speaker 3 (27:15):
But if you're sitting there stressing about your performance, and
you know you're worrying about how I got the physical
capability and X factor that I need to have this
great game today, and you get more and more tired
because you're mentally stressing and physically you're getting run through
the ringer in preparation for these games.
Speaker 4 (27:31):
And I never really felt that, like I didn't need
to warm.
Speaker 3 (27:34):
Up as much as some other players perhaps had soft
tissue issues and anyway, it was a very challenging time.
But a short, calm, concise run before an important meeting
or important session.
Speaker 4 (27:48):
Now is enough for me.
Speaker 1 (27:50):
Now, Tom, if I gifted you a plaque to put
on your wall, so something you like to constantly be
reminded of. What would you want that plaque to say?
Speaker 3 (28:00):
I think I don't know what it would be exactly.
I think it's probably something to do with just remembering
why we do what we do, because I think there's
always an element.
Speaker 4 (28:09):
And I don't know about you.
Speaker 3 (28:09):
I imagine you're busy, just judging by our conversation so far,
I'm busy. You know, I work two or three jobs,
but inmbassadorships and writing and speaking and working and parenting
and husbanding and all that sort of stuff. I think
at times the wood for the tree's analogy makes a
lot of sense where it's very difficult to pull yourself,
you know, up to the high level the bird's eye
(28:31):
view and say, Okay, that's why I'm doing all of
these things which I in isolation love, but in culmination
are like overwhelming or always fall at the wrong times,
or always got issues, or you're always fixing stuff. And
I think for me, knowing that you know one, for
a purely professional point of view, I am. I believe
in what I'm doing. I believe in what I'm doing
is making a positive impact, and I believe in the cause.
Speaker 4 (28:54):
If you will. But equally, you.
Speaker 3 (28:56):
Know, on a personal note, the commercial out and the
legacy outcomes that I'm building for my daughter and my
family and all of the people that have cared about
me and I care about as well. So I think
it'd be something about that and just being able to
sort of remind yourself of a high.
Speaker 1 (29:12):
Level of view for people that want to connect with you.
What is the best way to do that.
Speaker 3 (29:18):
LinkedIn is a wonderful world. I mean, it's probably the easiest. Yeah,
I mean, I'm on Instagram and on LinkedIn. I'm not
particularly active on the other social media's anymore. I think
you know, my book is out there, and if you
want to connect with who I actually am without needing
to do it socially, know Where to Hide is on all.
Speaker 4 (29:35):
Good bookstores, they tell me. I don't know what that means, but.
Speaker 3 (29:40):
It's been an overwhelmingly positive response to that book and
I can't be more thankful for it. And otherwise, yeah,
I'm always doing something, So reach out with her whatever
means you like, and I'm sure that I'll be able
to connect with some great people over this over this time.
Speaker 1 (29:56):
Amazing Tom, It's been so great getting the chance to chat.
I find your story and your journey thus far incredibly inspiring,
so thank you for choosing to share the last little
bit of time with me.
Speaker 4 (30:09):
Thanks so much for having me.
Speaker 1 (30:12):
I hope you enjoyed my chat with Tom and got
some practical strategies for maybe taking a different approach to
how you think about your physical and mental health.
Speaker 2 (30:22):
And if you know someone that might find this episode useful,
why not.
Speaker 1 (30:27):
Share it with them via whatever app you're listening to
this on your phone. Thank you so much for sharing
part of your day with me by listening to How
I Live.
Speaker 2 (30:37):
If you're keen for more tips on how to.
Speaker 1 (30:40):
Work better and live better, connect with me on LinkedIn
or Instagram to search for Amantha Imba. How I Lived
was recorded on the traditional land of the Warrangery people,
part of the Cool And Nation. I'm so grateful for
being able to work and live on this beautiful land,
and I want to pay my respects to Elder's past,
present and emerging. I Live is produced by Inventium with
(31:01):
production support from Dead Set Studios. The producer for this
episode was Liam Reardon and sound engineering was done by
Martin Imbach.
In the modern working world, it's more common than ever
to completely change careers, and maybe even multiple times over.
But would you have been able to change the lanes
so dramatically at the age of twenty three. That's not
a hypothetical for Tom Boyd, who retired from playing football
in the.
Speaker 2 (00:24):
AFL in twenty nineteen.
Speaker 1 (00:26):
Before he was even halfway through his twenties. So how
did he make the transition when football was the only
life he'd ever known. Well, it started with a whole
lot of reflection. After months and months of preparing for
the next chapter of his life, everything ground to a
halt when COVID hit and Tom was forced to do
(00:47):
nothing but think about what he really wanted to do
with his life. I'm doctor Amantha Imber, an organizational psychologist
and the host of How I Work, and I'm trying
something a little different for the next few weeks.
Speaker 2 (01:08):
This is How I Live, a.
Speaker 1 (01:11):
Series that gives you an inside look but some super
accomplished people's top strategies for living a happy, productive, and
impactful life. When Tom made the decision to leave his
AFL career, he was struggling with several mental health challenges.
He was dealing with clinical depression, panic attacks, anxiety, and insomnia.
(01:36):
So I was keen to know if there was something
that he had bought or acquired in the last few
years that's made a really big difference to his physical
or mental health.
Speaker 3 (01:47):
I think, probably most recently, the thing that strikes me
is it is a physical possession, but I suppose what
it represents is far greater than that, and that would
be a netball that my wife has recently acquired. And
I think for that is that I've gone back to
playing social sport again for the first time really in
my life. Like you know, I basically played competitive sports
(02:08):
since I was eleven years old. There was certainly a
domestic element to that, which was all your local teams
that were feeders into the representative side. But since I
was genuinely thirteen or fourteen, that hasn't really been an
ability for me to just go out and have fun.
Speaker 4 (02:24):
And so we've been playing mixed nepall or Wednesday nights.
Speaker 3 (02:26):
I recently started playing with a few of my ex
teammates on a Monday night, playing social basketball, and I
think that combination of just getting out there for exercise
in a team environment, it's something I really haven't been
able to foster too much, firstly given the pandemic and
then secondarily since I've stopped playing football at the local level.
So I think that has been a really big weight
(02:47):
lifted off our shoulders to be able to connect over
something that's fun and exciting and energetic. And it can
be a logistical nightmare with the one year old at times,
but it's certainly worth the squeeze.
Speaker 1 (02:57):
I got to ask, being on the opposing team to
tom BOYD, how do you how do it?
Speaker 4 (03:02):
Like?
Speaker 2 (03:02):
What are your opponents thinking?
Speaker 3 (03:04):
There has been a few games when my opponent who
Because in mixed netball you have to have four girls
and three boys, and you can't have two boys in
any one section of the court.
Speaker 4 (03:16):
There's been a couple of.
Speaker 3 (03:17):
Times where I've had a couple of girls come down
to stand next to me as the goal shooter and
I'm the goalkeeper and they're five foot nothing, and it's
just it's not fair. But having said that, the competition
is very lighthearted and we just have a good time
with it all. And I think the funny thing about
it is I played quite a bit of mixed netbal
when I was at school. We had like strange sports
(03:38):
to choose from. At my school, Luther College, we could
only play football for a term and we could only
play basketball for a term, so we sort of had
these two seasons that we needed to fill in from
a sporting point of view, and mixed nepple was one
of the ones we undertook and we actually ended up
playing in a state championship with a bunch of the
footy guys. And I kind of know the rules, is
the point I'm making, But many of the guys that
(03:58):
we invite along, whether they be footge friends, are otherwise.
The rules are very complicated if you haven't played netball before,
so sometimes having the guys on your team, or those
who haven't played netball probably more specifically, can be more
of a hindrance than to help.
Speaker 1 (04:12):
I'm curious about the change from competitive sport to social
sport just mentally.
Speaker 2 (04:18):
That's quite a big difference.
Speaker 1 (04:20):
Not playing to win, and I guess playing for other
benefits as opposed to winning.
Speaker 2 (04:25):
We're like, how do you make that shift?
Speaker 4 (04:28):
I think it's a great question.
Speaker 3 (04:30):
I think what I've realized is that my motivation to
play sport is still the same. I mean, I still
want to win, and I still want to have a
good time doing it, but it's just the focus for
winning only last, probably for the last five minutes of
the game. The rest of the game, within reason, I'm
happy just to be a part of it all, and
then once it gets down to crunch down, I'm pretty
keen to to make sure that we win, because, yeah,
(04:52):
I don't know. That's what sports sort of is designed around,
is the scoreboard and the winning.
Speaker 4 (04:56):
And the losing. And you know, it.
Speaker 3 (04:59):
Makes it all the better if you can get through
the end of the season and be victorious and go
out for a nice dinner with everyone afterwards and celebrate
the victories.
Speaker 4 (05:06):
But it certainly is not the same in terms of preparation.
Speaker 3 (05:09):
I mean, one of the overwhelmingly sort of heavy parts
of professional sport is the preparation week to week and
the accumulation of pressure that you place on yourself from
the moment the game before or the game that finishes
the week before ends, and the moment that the next
game starts, and those seven days or five days and
(05:30):
changes week to week depending on scheduling, they are just
in a constant ramp up of preparation to beat the
next side. And I think for me to not have
to have that, to have sport as it once was
in my life as a bit of an escape for
my day to day routine and the things that I
need to accomplish and be accountable and responsible for as
(05:50):
a working member of society. As I would put it now,
it's a really nice sort of throwback to probably when
I was a bit younger and living a more balanced
lifestyle than I was when I was playing AFL football.
Speaker 1 (06:03):
It's interesting about the shift in your daily and weekly rituals.
I would imagine that happens after you stop playing competitive sport,
and I'm wondering, over the last few years, what is
a daily or weekly ritual that's made the biggest positive
improvement to your life.
Speaker 4 (06:21):
Yeah, this is going to sound really stupid, but weekends
would be the biggest difference.
Speaker 2 (06:25):
Tell me about that.
Speaker 3 (06:26):
So, when I was playing football for probably thirty eight
minimum weeks of the year, weekends were not my own.
All through pre season. You train Saturday mornings and by
the way, which is awesome. So you do your training session,
you finish at ten or twelve or whatever it is,
and then you've got the rest of the week in yourself.
But you never get those two days to actually go
(06:47):
away or to do things perhaps that take a little
bit more time to travel. The other thing that you
don't have and I didn't learn this until genuinely the
last twelve months is public holidays. Like I didn't know
when Labor Day was, or when previously the Queen's birthday was,
or even even Easter. It was never on my radar
from a calendar point of view because we'd always playing
(07:09):
Easter Friday. It was just another week. And I think
for me being able to actually amalgamate back into society
where you have these five weeks or five days two
days off has been really really great because whilst the
working environment for me is different to most, I would
say I have some flexibility in terms of my work.
Speaker 4 (07:27):
I still do work quite a few weekends.
Speaker 3 (07:29):
I still have that ability haspend for the vast majority
of the year Sundays with my family, to plan ahead
knowing that the weekends will be my own and that
I can actually choose what I'm doing on them, as
opposed to what previously was, Hey, you need to be
here Friday, here, Saturday, here, Sunday.
Speaker 4 (07:45):
These are the times. These are expectations and you.
Speaker 3 (07:47):
Don't ever get that reprieve of, you know, just that
stop gap in a year which we all need. Rights
like the little breaks that we get give us the
vitality boost, I suppose, if used correctly, to to take
on the stresses and challenges that the year accumulates for us.
So I think that's been the most significant difference for me,
(08:07):
and just becoming part of normal society, I suppose at
the last couple of years.
Speaker 1 (08:13):
I think it's interesting how it's easy to take weekends
for granted.
Speaker 2 (08:17):
It's funny.
Speaker 1 (08:18):
A few months ago one of my good friends had
a complete career change and became a real estate agent,
and now she works every single weekend, and it's funny.
I find myself waking up on Saturday or doing something
on Saturday morning, and I always think about her, and
it makes me feel really grateful that I've actually got
the weekend to myself.
Speaker 2 (08:39):
So I'm curious, how do you now, with this really big.
Speaker 1 (08:43):
Change where weekends are your own, how do you make
the most of that or how do you not just
start to take it for granted like a lot of
people do.
Speaker 3 (08:53):
Yeah, I think it's different when you have children. I mean,
my first was born just over a year ago. Omanie
and I think for us, in the initial probably ten months,
we didn't require any significant events to keep her stimulated.
I mean, she was basically just wanted to hang out
with us and she wasn't walking yet. Within the last
few weeks, she's really well, probably the last month or
(09:13):
two now, she's really ramped up in her requirement for
engagement all the time. And by that I mean that,
you know, we feel like she's at the age where
she needs to get out and see stuff, and so
Anna and I we've made a distinct effort to try
and bring her to different things. And when she went
to the zoo for the first time, the aquarium was
on the cards. I think we've spoken recently about some
(09:34):
of the petting zoos around and you know, if it's
not that it's going to the South Melbourne market or
it's going out and spending some time at the local parks,
it's just stuff where we feel like we want her
to see the world, or see as much of our
world as she can. And the other thing selfishly from
Anna and I as part is there's a lot of
things in Melbourne that we would never have done together
(09:56):
without children. And so it's this sort of double edged
sword where we can capitalize on the fact that we
have now a reason to go out and see all
of Melbourne what it has to offer, and of course
different parts of Australia and the world in good time.
And I think for me that's what capitalizing on it
looks like, because you know previously, one of the things
that you get told or I was told, I suppose.
Speaker 4 (10:19):
As an athlete is one of the most difficult things.
Speaker 3 (10:20):
For spouses and partners of professional athletes is what they
see when an athlete's lying on the couch is someone
lying on the couch, But that's not what they're doing.
They're actually still recovering or working or trying to boost
their energy because they've got to go out and play.
Speaker 4 (10:34):
A fifteen kilometer game the next day.
Speaker 3 (10:36):
But I think for me, now that I am truly
part of society in a more regular way, I would say,
not completely normal, but close enough, it's important that now
we can live on even terms and not have to
make all these concessions based on my needs and my
works needs.
Speaker 4 (10:52):
In particular.
Speaker 1 (10:54):
Are there daily rituals that you have in place, And
I know that this can be really hard, particularly when
you've got such a young child as part of your
family now. But is there anything you do on a
daily or almost daily basis that has a really big
improvement for your own health and well being?
Speaker 4 (11:10):
Yeah.
Speaker 3 (11:10):
I think from a philosophy point of view, I get
asked this question all the time, and I think, you know,
one of the things that a lot of people need
is structure, right, and they need that routine.
Speaker 4 (11:20):
I probably have had more routine than possibly healthy over.
Speaker 3 (11:23):
The course of my twenty three years leading up until
my retirement in twenty nineteen, not to say that I
still don't have some routine, but I think one of
the things that you work out when you leave the
game of AFL football is that for the first time.
Speaker 4 (11:35):
In your life, you have true choice where you spend
your time on what you do with it.
Speaker 3 (11:38):
And I think that it made such a big difference
to me to have that freedom to actually choose, and that,
in a way is lightness and sort of freshness in
my life on its own. And I think from a
practical point of view, to answer them sort of specific question,
I think just spending time with my daughter in the
mornings is the best way that I can possibly start
the day, whether it be you know, we'll put some
(11:59):
David Attenborough the TV, or will go down and I'll
wake her up in the morning because she's actually a
really good sleeper. Apologies to all the parents of poor
sleepers out there, We've got a good one.
Speaker 4 (12:09):
Sorry, And so yeah, just spending some.
Speaker 3 (12:13):
Time feeding her breakfast with my wife and going up
and walking up and getting a coffee or whatever it
may be before work, I think is just the perfect
way for me to ground myself before I start the day,
and then on the actual mental health and well being side.
What I've found is as a really interesting development I
suppose in my overall resilience toolkit is that whilst there
(12:33):
is a toolkit to say, most of the improvements I
would say that I have in my mental health compared
to how I dealt with it when I was younger
is just the ability to take control over my mindset
to the day. And I think partially that comes from
an understanding of being where I was. Where I was
just such in a dire place and always felt like
the next day would be worse than the one I
(12:54):
was living currently, whereas now I'm much more in the
breath of if a bad morning occurs, then I'm not
letting it become.
Speaker 4 (13:00):
A bad day, and likewise a bad day not become
a bad week.
Speaker 3 (13:04):
And there's mechanisms and leaders I can pull to make
sure I accomplish that, but it's more so for me
just the mindset that I'm not going back to where
I was, and whatever it takes to make sure that's
the case, I think is certainly the way I approach
it at the moment.
Speaker 2 (13:21):
What's something unusual that you do to feel happier?
Speaker 4 (13:25):
Something unusual? I'm quite a big.
Speaker 3 (13:30):
I'm quite a big listener of lighthearted podcasts of the like.
And I think, you know, in one way, shape or form,
you could imagine a world where you listen to comedians
or knuckle heads talking about sports and you're wasting your time.
And the only reason I disagree with that is, you know,
my job, in large part is being a communicator. I mean,
I do a lot of speaking publicly, I do my
(13:52):
own podcasting, I do.
Speaker 4 (13:54):
Much presenting in my regular job.
Speaker 3 (13:58):
I do basically everything is evolved around my ability to
connect with others.
Speaker 4 (14:02):
And to tell stories in one way, shape or form, And.
Speaker 3 (14:05):
I think they're listening to people who are passionate about
things and enthusiastic and also do that for a living.
It's actually been a really great way for me to
disconnect from stress whilst I'm trying to accomplish perhaps little
things around the house or whatever it may be. But
at the same time, I think by way of osmosis,
there's a.
Speaker 4 (14:23):
Natural learning that occurs for me in that.
Speaker 3 (14:25):
So I don't know if that's that strange or weird,
but yeah, I probably do it a lot more than
most people do.
Speaker 1 (14:31):
I would say, what do your go to podcasts for
getting in that headspace?
Speaker 2 (14:36):
If you like?
Speaker 3 (14:37):
Yeah, well, so the one I listened to regularly most
regularly would be the Pat McAfee Show, which is basically
a daily sports show around the NFL football in America,
but they sort of cover off all of the big
sports over there, and they are what you could quintessentially
describe as a bunch of knuckleheads. Yeah, very lighthearted, go
(14:58):
and take themselves too seriously. It's not too structure of
a show, and of course there's heaps of content.
Speaker 4 (15:04):
As they do it every day.
Speaker 3 (15:05):
So I really like those guys because there's an element
of me that you know, on a sort of surface level,
can see there.
Speaker 4 (15:13):
You know, these guys are just having a good time.
It looks really easy.
Speaker 3 (15:15):
But then I think, given the professional lens that I
sort of take to it, I can see the real
talent that they have to maintain conversation, to keep things
light harder, to keep a conversation moving, and to present
and talk to some of the biggest guests in the world.
And I think that for me is a real sort
of underlying value that I find.
Speaker 1 (15:39):
We will be back with Tom soon talking about a
piece of advice that he received that immeasurably improved his life.
If you're looking for more tips to improve the way
you live, I write a short fortnightly newsletter that contains
three cool things that I've discovered that help make my
life better in some way. You can sign up for
that at how I Work dot co. That's how I
(16:04):
Work dot Co. Now, Tom, I'm wondering, what's a piece
of advice that you have received and applied that has
immeasurably improved your life.
Speaker 3 (16:15):
When I was coming towards the end of my career,
it was twenty eighteen. I'd moved on for many of
the issues I faced the year before. I put some
things in place. I felt like I was in a
really good spot, to be totally honest, and I remember
I was sort of hit on the sidelines with a
bad back injury and sort of got to the point
where it was just not moving forward, and I was
(16:35):
starting to really try and reconcile in my mind what
I wanted to do moving forward with my future. I
still had two and a half years in my contract,
I still had over two million dollars left on it.
There was all these things that sort of indicated that
it was an obvious decision to stay. But for whatever reason,
I had an inkling that you know, I'd had these
conversations with myself for a while and it was getting
(16:56):
close where it felt like the right call to move on.
And I remember talking to the club doctor at the time,
Gary Zimmerman, and you know, I made mention to him
at GAZ, I don't think I want to do this anymore.
I think I'm going to retire, and he looked at
me like I was crazy. But the advice that followed
from him was really really important. And that advice was
that he said to me, he said, Tommy, I've seen
(17:17):
too many players rehabilitating injuries make rash decisions, change their
life and invariably end up regretting it forever. And I
think what that really gets to is this concept that
making life changing decisions when we're happy, mad or angry
or sad or angry, I should say, is a sort
of futile effort, given that we're not in the frame
(17:38):
of mind to think long term.
Speaker 4 (17:41):
We're thinking laterally.
Speaker 3 (17:42):
We're trying to sort of find our way through the
muck that perhaps we're stuck in at that time, or
perhaps we're standing on the mountaintop going everything's clear skies
and clear, clear sailing your head. So for him, he
said to me, just do this for me, come back
and play foot. He get back to being fit, get
back to being capable of going out there, and if
you still want to do it, then.
Speaker 4 (18:03):
You'll have my blessing.
Speaker 3 (18:03):
And of course I didn't have to listen to him,
but it made a lot of logical sense to me,
and I think for me, that's an outstanding piece of
advice for everyone, and that is just, you know, find
your equilibrium before you change everything, because we can be
rash at times as humans.
Speaker 1 (18:20):
I love that when you made the decision to retire
from AFL. Did you know exactly what you would do
for work in inverted commas when you made that decision?
Speaker 4 (18:30):
Absolutely not. I had a sense.
Speaker 3 (18:33):
I had a sense that there was some opportunities on
the horizon. I didn't know what they would be, and
to be frank, you know, I probably spent six or
seven months working through a number of different options, one
of which was basically, you know, going down the path
of speaking and publicly being able to share my message
and also finding the right organization to be a part of.
Speaker 4 (18:55):
But I didn't want to rush it.
Speaker 3 (18:56):
And again this is very much circumstantial based on the
fact that I owned a lot of as a really
young person, and that gave me the advantage and the
sort of ability to make slower decisions than many people face.
So I totally understand that. That's why I'm sort of
quite quite keen to give the provision of make decisions
based on finances as well as purpose. But what I
(19:16):
did know was that people were interested in what I
had to say, and I began to go down that path,
and unfortunately what I ran into was it takes six
to eight months or whatever it did to prepare myself
for a strong year in twenty twenty, and then that
whole sneaky pandemic came up on us and all of
that work disappeared. But what the really great thing about
(19:37):
the pandemic was for me was that it forced me
to really consider what I wanted to do. And in
that time, what I recognized was two things. One, I
wasn't fully fully done with the life that I just
led in my football career, and that I actually wanted
to write about it, and I wanted to sort of
tie in a bow and put it out as.
Speaker 4 (19:57):
The book knowa to hide.
Speaker 3 (19:59):
And that was really important forming mentally, because it's a
very difficult task writing a book from my experience. And
the other one was that I recognized that for the
first time in my life as a twenty three year
old going on twenty four, was I didn't have a
team around me, and I didn't have anyone to turn
to on a daily basis. I could call my dad,
I could call my manager, but they weren't living with me,
(20:19):
they weren't working with me. They were support staff or
support networks rather than people that were on the ground
and dealing with my day to day. And actually that's
where I began to sort of reach out and start
looking at what a flexible arrangement of work could be
for me, where I could contribute to a team that
I respected and cared about on a mission that I
believed in. And that's where I found ever perform, which
is the business that I work three days a week
(20:41):
four now. So you know, amongst all of the challenges
the pandemic presented, I think, you know, if there's one
thing I'm proud of in terms of my experience, was
that I just made it work and I found a
way to actually take the good parts out of it
amongst all of the sea of negatives.
Speaker 1 (20:58):
We've talked about advice that you've received, I'm curious what
piece of advice do you find yourself giving to people
most frequently.
Speaker 3 (21:05):
I think the one that probably stands out to me
is what I find with XAFL players in particular, is
they really struggle to understand their worth and what can
contribution and value that they can provide to the next
stage of their life. And I think that the reason
for that is varied, but I'll try and summarize at
the best I can, which is, for the first time
(21:25):
in anyone's life, when they get delisted from the AFL.
It is almost exclusively the first time that they've been
told that they're not good enough. They've been trying to
play AFI football presumably for the vast majority of their life.
Speaker 4 (21:38):
They've worked their absolute butt off to get there.
Speaker 3 (21:40):
They've been the best player in every team to get
to the point where they're nar at, and now they're
being told that the dream's over. Bad luck, pack your bag,
see you later. And that's really really a massive hit
to the ego, a huge hit to people's self talk
and self work and all of those sorts of things
as well.
Speaker 4 (22:00):
And that's one reason.
Speaker 3 (22:00):
The other reason I think is that people are inherently
told in AFL that you bring the skills that you
learn within the league, things that most people would kill for, basically,
which is ability to deal with pressure, high performance teams,
feedback driven culture, connecting with people for more walks of life,
being disciplined, professional expectation, accountability, responsibility, every value you've ever
(22:24):
seen on a corporate boardsheet, which I imagine you've seen
quite a few over your yes. AFL football provides that
for people who are willing to learn the problem is
that so many players struggle to translate that to reality
like the what is the what is the outcome that
is connected with the values and the skills and the
capability that I've learned rather than just having them, which
(22:45):
I could only imply in a very small specific niche
to main like football, How do I provide it and
complete it elsewhere? And so when I talk to these players,
I try and explain to that you know, they've got
so much to offer, is essentially the piece of advice
that I have, and don't sell yourself short and don't
accept the crappy role and you know, sprint down to
(23:05):
play footy because there's quick money there.
Speaker 4 (23:07):
Make a smart and.
Speaker 3 (23:09):
Calculated decision because it's the first day of the rest
of your working life and easier said than done. But
it's certainly something that I've just seen. AFL players have
characteristics that are so sought after in the corporate landscape
and so rare to find in that environment that I just, yeah,
I think they could offer so much value given the
(23:30):
time to learn and catch up.
Speaker 1 (23:32):
A love of your career has been requiring you to
get in the zone to perform, and I imagine that
there would have been numerous times where you were not
feeling it and certainly you know you've spoken publicly about
a lot of those times. But I'm curious, you know, nowadays,
when you need to perform, and you know, maybe it's
for a keynote speech or something like that, what is
(23:55):
a fail safe way that you use to get in
that signe.
Speaker 3 (24:01):
So yesterday morning I had to get to Tasmania to
do a kigover in Hobart, and I hadn't slept that well,
and I knew it was a big thing, and it
had a crazy week of travel last week, and so
I've just this fatigue level was building up, and so
I knew that yesterday morning, before my pretty early flight,
I need to go out, go for a run in
(24:23):
the cold and the rain, not far, a couple of k's,
get my breathing going, do all of that before I
bought a coffee, because I knew if I got up
straight away and humanman talks about this, actually I know
you mentioned it earlier. You have a coffee straight away,
it just sort of, you know, just makes the anxiety
levels accelerate based on the chemical process.
Speaker 4 (24:41):
Going on in your body.
Speaker 3 (24:43):
So do the a little bit of running half an
hour whatever it was, go for a bit of a walk,
have a shower, I walk up, get a coffee, just
bring myself the life before before. My wife got out
a bit and that's all I needed for the day.
That was it, because I can manage everything else. It's
just if I can't get on top of things early,
then I flight. I know, a flight just makes me slightly.
You know, your body doesn't function probably at thirty thousand feet.
(25:06):
And then the second one was got home quite late
last night. I had to be up at five point
thirty four six o'clock for this breakfast event that I
had this morning. Great, same problem. So this morning I
knew I did't enough time to go for a run,
but I'll get out, I'll put the clothes on, go
for a walk, just wake myself up. Do something that
just provided me with some physical utility for the day.
(25:30):
And both of those times, it just at least gives
me the like I know, I can put myself into
the zone to be honest with you in any which way,
shape or form. Like there's moments when I've had to
do it and I didn't have the liberty of using
tools like that I just described. But if I do
have the time, it just gives me this additional level
of confidence that everything's going to be okay and I
can work it out. So that would be the case now,
(25:51):
which is really funny because it's probably again one of
those things that's lingering based on my football experience where
exercise is part of the zone, not just in preparation
for it.
Speaker 2 (26:01):
Yeah, what would that.
Speaker 1 (26:01):
Look like back when you were playing AFL sort of
like the half an hour in the lead up to
the match?
Speaker 2 (26:10):
What would you be doing in that time?
Speaker 3 (26:13):
So telling you the half an hour probably won't make
as much sense as telling you the two and a
half hours. So basically two and a half hours before
a game, your arrived first session is strapping all of
your broken fingers or broken ankles or shoulders or whatever
you've got, all of which I had at different times,
and even at the same time. You tend to all
of those, prepare them for a game, get dressed to
(26:34):
probably go out and have a look at the ground,
walk around, sort of get a feel for the conditions,
whether you're inside at Marvel or outside elsewhere. Then you
come back in you probably have a coach's address for
twenty minutes about the game and preparation and plans and
reminders and all that sort of stuff. Then you're out
for a first warm up stretching, mobility, ball handling, then
(26:55):
you're out for the main warm up, then you're back.
Then it's a pre game stretch like it's overwhelming, and
it's basically all like a ramp up until that.
Speaker 4 (27:05):
First siren bounces. So I'm never doing that again. That
was just too much.
Speaker 3 (27:10):
There's the most anxiety inducing activity because the problem is,
like you're sitting there.
Speaker 4 (27:13):
At least I was, I've about everyone else.
Speaker 3 (27:15):
But if you're sitting there stressing about your performance, and
you know you're worrying about how I got the physical
capability and X factor that I need to have this
great game today, and you get more and more tired
because you're mentally stressing and physically you're getting run through
the ringer in preparation for these games.
Speaker 4 (27:31):
And I never really felt that, like I didn't need
to warm.
Speaker 3 (27:34):
Up as much as some other players perhaps had soft
tissue issues and anyway, it was a very challenging time.
But a short, calm, concise run before an important meeting
or important session.
Speaker 4 (27:48):
Now is enough for me.
Speaker 1 (27:50):
Now, Tom, if I gifted you a plaque to put
on your wall, so something you like to constantly be
reminded of. What would you want that plaque to say?
Speaker 3 (28:00):
I think I don't know what it would be exactly.
I think it's probably something to do with just remembering
why we do what we do, because I think there's
always an element.
Speaker 4 (28:09):
And I don't know about you.
Speaker 3 (28:09):
I imagine you're busy, just judging by our conversation so far,
I'm busy. You know, I work two or three jobs,
but inmbassadorships and writing and speaking and working and parenting
and husbanding and all that sort of stuff. I think
at times the wood for the tree's analogy makes a
lot of sense where it's very difficult to pull yourself,
you know, up to the high level the bird's eye
(28:31):
view and say, Okay, that's why I'm doing all of
these things which I in isolation love, but in culmination
are like overwhelming or always fall at the wrong times,
or always got issues, or you're always fixing stuff. And
I think for me, knowing that you know one, for
a purely professional point of view, I am. I believe
in what I'm doing. I believe in what I'm doing
is making a positive impact, and I believe in the cause.
Speaker 4 (28:54):
If you will. But equally, you.
Speaker 3 (28:56):
Know, on a personal note, the commercial out and the
legacy outcomes that I'm building for my daughter and my
family and all of the people that have cared about
me and I care about as well. So I think
it'd be something about that and just being able to
sort of remind yourself of a high.
Speaker 1 (29:12):
Level of view for people that want to connect with you.
What is the best way to do that.
Speaker 3 (29:18):
LinkedIn is a wonderful world. I mean, it's probably the easiest. Yeah,
I mean, I'm on Instagram and on LinkedIn. I'm not
particularly active on the other social media's anymore. I think
you know, my book is out there, and if you
want to connect with who I actually am without needing
to do it socially, know Where to Hide is on all.
Speaker 4 (29:35):
Good bookstores, they tell me. I don't know what that means, but.
Speaker 3 (29:40):
It's been an overwhelmingly positive response to that book and
I can't be more thankful for it. And otherwise, yeah,
I'm always doing something, So reach out with her whatever
means you like, and I'm sure that I'll be able
to connect with some great people over this over this time.
Speaker 1 (29:56):
Amazing Tom, It's been so great getting the chance to chat.
I find your story and your journey thus far incredibly inspiring,
so thank you for choosing to share the last little
bit of time with me.
Speaker 4 (30:09):
Thanks so much for having me.
Speaker 1 (30:12):
I hope you enjoyed my chat with Tom and got
some practical strategies for maybe taking a different approach to
how you think about your physical and mental health.
Speaker 2 (30:22):
And if you know someone that might find this episode useful,
why not.
Speaker 1 (30:27):
Share it with them via whatever app you're listening to
this on your phone. Thank you so much for sharing
part of your day with me by listening to How
I Live.
Speaker 2 (30:37):
If you're keen for more tips on how to.
Speaker 1 (30:40):
Work better and live better, connect with me on LinkedIn
or Instagram to search for Amantha Imba. How I Lived
was recorded on the traditional land of the Warrangery people,
part of the Cool And Nation. I'm so grateful for
being able to work and live on this beautiful land,
and I want to pay my respects to Elder's past,
present and emerging. I Live is produced by Inventium with
(31:01):
production support from Dead Set Studios. The producer for this
episode was Liam Reardon and sound engineering was done by
Martin Imbach.
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