CONNECTED PARENTING: Genevieve Muir on Navigating Safe Sleepovers With Your Kids

The conversation around whether or not to let your kids go on sleepovers has ramped up recently. We caught up with parenting expert Genevieve Muir to chat about whether there is a healthy middle ground for tackling sleepovers with your kids. 

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Episode Transcript

Speaker 1 (00:10):
High Heart podcasts, he more Kiss podcast playlist and listen
live on the free iHeart app. Now, Britt, you might
remember a few weeks back we were speaking about there's
kind of been this real change and shift in perceptions
around letting your kids sleep over at people's houses. And
there's a debate that's been happening online as to whether, firstly,

(00:31):
what is the right age, and as to whether it's
the right thing for your kids' safety to let them
sleep over at friends' houses. And it's an interesting one
because we talked about it, it blew up on socials.
I don't know how I feel about it as a
mum to two little girls, because I have seen some
truly harrowing stories that have been shared on social media

(00:51):
about horrible things that have happened on sleepovers. But I
also know that it's kind of like a rite of
passage for kids, and we all did it as kids,
and it's some of the best memories, even though you
come back tired and no one slept, and like you know,
also has its downside.

Speaker 2 (01:05):
You know what, I the only thing I'll quickly had
to this before because I know it's serious. But my
best friend reminded me on the weekend. We've been best
friends for thirty years and we used to say each
other's house all the time. She's like, remember how every
time we'd have a sleepover, you'd only come if you
liked what we had for dinner.

Speaker 1 (01:18):
Like I used to say what I'm eating?

Speaker 2 (01:21):
She's like, want to save tonight? And I was like,
what's for dinner? I was like eight? She told me,
if I did like it, I wouldn't go.

Speaker 1 (01:26):
I like that you had strong boundaries even as an
eight year old, Did I knew what I wanted?

Speaker 2 (01:29):
Well?

Speaker 1 (01:30):
Look, it really did blow up on socials. So many
people were discussing the fore and against it. There's a
lot of families who are kind of taking the route
now of not letting their kids go to sleepovers. But
then there's also people who think that maybe we're wrapping
our kids too much in cotton wool. Someone who did
slide into our DMS is Genevieve Mua now jen Is.
She's an Obstretix social worker and she also has the

(01:52):
business connected parenting, and it was really nice to chat
to someone who actually has insight into this. Not only
does she have four boys herself, but she's helped a
lot of parents across the country manage. What is a
great way of finding a middle ground in this, Jen,
welcome to the show.

Speaker 3 (02:07):
Thank you so much for having me go.

Speaker 2 (02:09):
Jen, I'm assuming the middle ground isn't asking what they've
got for dinner.

Speaker 3 (02:14):
I love that though. That is brilliant. I'm asking that next,
so I get asked on the sleepover for sure?

Speaker 1 (02:19):
Do you think that it's not something that parents should
be particularly concerned about or do you feel as though
that maybe there has been I guess a bit of
fear mungering happening online and on social media at the
moment around this whole sleepover debate.

Speaker 3 (02:33):
I think it's hard to be a parent in general.
These days. We have so much information about what's good
for kids and what is a risk for kids. Yeah,
from everything from how we should be feeding them, how
we keep them safe, how we educate them. There's so
much pressure. One of the things that I think is
a good thing, right is there's been a massive social
change in our understanding of what the risk to kids

(02:53):
are and we now know that when it comes to
those risks or when things happen to kids that we
would like to protect them from ninety percent of the
time that happens at the hands of someone we know
and trust. Now that's why the sleepover thing has become
an issue. Now think that to the old days where
we thought the risk was strangers totally and that's what
we want kids about, and we now know how we

(03:15):
had that wrong. So I love that parents have access
to the right information now about how to protect their kids.
You know, we could say that's no sleepovers ever, but
we let our kids go online where so many similar
tricky things can happen online. Right, So what we really
want to do is start to have a sense of, well,
who is my kid, where are they going? So how

(03:37):
well do I know that family? In terms of my kids,
I'm looking for certain levels of skill. Is my child
at an age where they absolutely know they could come
to me if they felt uncomfortable, they got asked to
go home, could they communicate that if they needed to?
If my child has those skills, if I have someone
in my life where I really trust and I've known

(03:58):
them for a while, then that's a really different thing
than if they don't have those skills.

Speaker 1 (04:02):
But I guess it's not particularly an age thing then
is it? Because kids all develop a different ages and phases,
you know. I would say that some kids had those
communication skills earlier than others.

Speaker 3 (04:13):
Absolutely, And with my four boys, there was one that
I was a lot later in letting him go for
his first sleepover, simply because he actually had a delay
with his speech. He was not a kid that would
speak up. He was really kind of quiet by nature,
really struggled to put his hand up in class and
say what he needed. I wasn't going to send him
off because he'd never be able to speak up. So

(04:35):
it's kind of about looking at who we've got, but
also who we've got in our lives, and I want
to kind of acknowledge they'd be single parents that do
not have an option if they're doing shipwork, then to
have sometimes the village step in and support them. We
might have great relatives and grandparents. We might have really
close family friends that we've known and we intimately know
really well. So I think it's also about every situation

(04:58):
is different, but it's sort of knowing who we've got.
But the final thing that we can all do from
a really young age, and that is really talk openly
and honestly to your kids about a couple of key things.
One is you know the normal names of body parts,
and kind of making sure we have open and honest
conversations about those things, Teaching our kids things like you

(05:20):
don't have to hug your uncle if you don't want to,
you can give them a high five. So that's body
autonomy and having a sense of that stuff from a
really young age. And the final thing, and I think
this matters more than anything else, there is nothing you
could ever do or say that would make me love
you less. There's nothing you can't tell me I will
always believe you. And that one you have to keep

(05:40):
saying from the beginning all the way through. You know,
at sixteen, we're still saying the same thing. You're going
out tonight. There is nothing that could happen or that
you could do where you can't call me and I
wouldn't be there on your side to help you.

Speaker 1 (05:54):
Jen out of curiosity, how old were your kids when
you let them sleep over at people's houses?

Speaker 3 (05:59):
So look really different ages depending on the child. But
like I think if we were to say like a
good age in general, I think it's probably somewhere upwards
of maybe eight ish, Like it's somewhere around there that
I think depending on the child, and again, kids are
going to be so different. For one of my kids,

(06:20):
he was that little bit older. He just wasn't ready.
And for some kids that might be younger, it might
be from six that you have a good friend and
there's a really great thing going on. I know there's
been some guidelines put out by the government where they're
saying from about eleven. I think that's quite old myself,
because most kids will go on their first school camp

(06:41):
at around eleven, and I kind of think some experience
in a way that is safe is probably good for kids.

Speaker 1 (06:48):
Yeah, I mean, you don't think about that too. I
remember going on the school camp Lucky. My mum never
really let us stay at people's houses, but they always
say to ours, so I was kind of used to
the sleepover environment everywhere I sh out, I didn't know
your mum also had four kids, and she was like,
just get one of them out of the house.

Speaker 3 (07:05):
That we kids were.

Speaker 2 (07:06):
All working, they were like, find a friend today, just
sank someone else.

Speaker 1 (07:10):
Thanks so much, Jen, thanks for joining the show.

Speaker 3 (07:13):
Absolute pleasure. Guys,