MINI: How to tell your friend you are pregnant when they are struggling with their own fertility

On today's show, Britt & Laura unpack a really difficult but common situation. How do you share the exciting news that you are pregnant with a friend struggling with their own fertility? This is something Britt & Laura have had to tackle in their own lives and wanted to share on the show. 

See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Episode Transcript

Speaker 1 (00:10):
I heard podcasts, hear more kiss podcasts, playlist and listen
live on the free iHeart app. We had quite a
big conversation on our podcast this week Life on cut Podcasts.

Speaker 2 (00:20):
And also privately. Yeah, and it's.

Speaker 1 (00:22):
Well, I mean, as two people who are not only
co hosting together, like we asked such good friends and
a conversation we've had to navigate recently was me telling
you that I was pregnant with number three and to
kind of like let you guys in on our friendship
over the last six years. Like Britt and I, we've
been so entwined in each other's lives for the last

(00:43):
six years.

Speaker 2 (00:44):
Okay, I see Britt more than I see in my husband.

Speaker 1 (00:47):
And evidence of that is the fact that, like for
baby number one and baby number two, and also for
the two miscarriages that I've had in between, Britt, as
one of my best friends, was the first person I
told that I was pregnant. She was also the first
person I told when I was going through miscarriages, even
before I told my husband and something about it.

Speaker 2 (01:06):
It's a bit of a flex, I know, I love it.
I'm like, yeah, I'm the number one. Let me tell you.
I don't think Matt loves it as much as you don't. No,
I also get that.

Speaker 1 (01:14):
I get that, But you know, there's been a big
gap between my last baby and this pregnancy, and a
lot of things have happened and changed in your life,
brit You've been through your own fertility struggles. You've frozen eggs,
you've frozen embryos, You've had your own negative pregnancy tests
at a time when I'm sure you were hopeful that
they were going to be positive. And it felt like
a very different conversation this time telling you and I

(01:39):
knew you were going to be excited for it, and
I knew you were going to be happy for me,
but knowing that that might also cause some sadness in
you at the same time. And the reason why we
wanted to talk about this is because so much of
what we talk about on our podcast is around female friendship,
and these are the conversations that so many women have
to navigate and navigate sensitively with the people they love

(02:01):
in their life when maybe their experience in their pregnancy,
knowing that their friends are not in a similar state
or able to knowing that some people go through pregnancy loss,
and how do you do it in a way that
holds space while also.

Speaker 2 (02:14):
Allowing yourself to be happy for the news that you carry.

Speaker 3 (02:17):
And Laura and I obviously had our conversations in private
before we had them on the podcast Life on Card.

Speaker 1 (02:23):
Well, that's the thing, like we often do everything with
Mike's on because it's nice to get everyone's like real
reaction to something, but not this kind of stuff.

Speaker 2 (02:30):
Yeah, and I didn't know what that reaction would be.

Speaker 3 (02:32):
Of course, my first overwhelming feeling was happiness and excitement.

Speaker 2 (02:37):
Sadness didn't even end to my brain like that. There
were tears as well.

Speaker 3 (02:41):
It came later, for sure, and you feel it. But
this is why I say you can feel two things
at once, because I would hate And this was something
that we did talk about. Laura. You said that you
had almost a level of anxiety about telling me because
you know that that is going to come with a
whole bunch of feelings that are nobody's fault, not mine
and not yours, but they're still going to be present.

(03:03):
When I heard how much you would, I don't want
to say drug leak to have the conversation that hurt
me even more. And I'm not saying I'm not blaming
that on you, but me thinking, oh my god, my
friends don't even feel like they can tell me their
most exciting news. I hate that, and I never want
my friends to feel like anything I'm going through means
that they can't have that conversation with me.

Speaker 2 (03:24):
It doesn't mean I'm not gonna.

Speaker 3 (03:25):
Have all the big feelings totally, but it almost in
a way, can isolate that person even more, Like I
don't feel like I can come to you anymore is
something in a friendship, but is also really hard to hear.
And I know that you're not saying you don't feel
like you can come to me, And it's so important
that you do consider your friends feelings like you did.

Speaker 2 (03:41):
I definitely think you did it the right way. I
guess for me as well.

Speaker 1 (03:45):
And it's a unique situation because obviously we work together
and we are very very close friends. People do talk
about third baby a bit differently to first and second. Yeah,
first and second, I think is often met with excitement
and third is met with a bit of like what
are you doing? And so I definitely felt as though
I had to be more conscious around how I navigated
third pregnancy conversations even from like a work perspective, because

(04:07):
I was like, oh, work, and I think I take
my job seriously when I'm just out here pumping up
babies at the same time. But I agree completely with
everything you said, Britt. I also think that there's another
feeling that comes into play with these conversations, and it's
from my side or from the person who is able
to have a pregnancy. There's a feeling of guilt when
you know that you have friends in your life who

(04:29):
you love deeply and endlessly and they are struggling.

Speaker 2 (04:33):
There's a feeling of guilt.

Speaker 1 (04:35):
That it's come easily and that you're not able to
fix that problem for your friend, and as much as
you can hold space for it, it's like navigating both
of those things simultaneously is also quite a complex feeling.
And I know that there are women who, when they
see the happy pregnancy announcement on Instagram, are in a
place where it's really really hard for them and they

(04:55):
might need to block or mute or create some space
around themselves for their own protection. But that's also why
I think it's always been so important to us anytime
that we have had conversations around pregnancy. We've also spoken
about pregnancy loss, which has been an intrinsic part of
my pregnancy journey is having multiple miscarriages. So I do
think that sometimes talking about the things that are not

(05:17):
so spoken about publicly is the antidote for both the
guilt and the sadness, knowing that everyone's kind of going
through their own unique fertility journey and motherhood journey at
the same time.

Speaker 3 (05:29):
Yeah, and it's a tricky conversation to have with your friends,
especially if there is someone that has been going through
it for years. And we also had this a really
brilliant conversation on lifeun Cup podcast with Tanya Hennessy, So
if you guys want to listen to that, she speaks
so openly about it and so beautifully about it.

Speaker 2 (05:43):
But navigating is really tricky.

Speaker 3 (05:45):
But what I will say is something being a hard
conversation doesn't mean you shouldn't have it. It just means
you treat it with a little bit more care. But absolutely, yeah,
remember it's okay to I've all these feelings all at once.

Speaker 1 (05:56):
If you ask someone who is struggling with this at
the moment, or you're going through it in your own
friendship group, you might want to go and give the
episode a listen. You can just search Life on cart
wherever you listen to your podcasts, because there's a bigger
conversation about that right there.