August 25, 2025 • 49 mins
What really makes a man obsessed with you? It’s not looks, it’s not playing hard to get... it’s energy. In this powerful episode, Margarita joins Georgie to uncover the secrets of feminine magnetism, showing you how to stop over-giving, reclaim your self-worth, and embody the confidence that men find irresistible.
In this episode, they cover:
✨ The biggest mistake women make that kills attraction
✨ Why your self-validation is the foundation of obsession
✨ The “feminine magnetism” framework that keeps men hooked
✨ Practical ways to stop resentment and start radiating glow
This isn’t about chasing him, it’s about becoming the woman he can’t stop thinking about.
Connect with Margarita Nazarenko here 💖
Download our Manifesting Foundations Kit here
Find out more about Rise (our mindset & meditation app) here.
Join our money mindset & energetics course 'The Abundance Academy' here.
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
I would like to acknowledge the traditional owners of the
land on which this episode is being recorded, the Combomb
Merry people. They've been having conversations and telling stories on
this land for thousands of years, and we show our
gratitude and respect for their contribution to our environment and culture.
(00:21):
This is Rise and Copper, the podcast where we strive
to become the highest version of ourselves through curious conversations,
healthy mindsets, laughter, connection, and a deep desire to evolve.
I'm your host, Georgie Stevenson.
Speaker 2 (00:42):
Join me as we explore parenthood, business, manifestation, and so
much more. It's positive, it's practical, and it's about putting
you in the driver's seat of your own life.
Speaker 3 (00:55):
Are you ready.
Speaker 2 (00:58):
Welcome back to the Rise and Conquer Podcasts. Today's guest
is the incredible Margarita Nazarenko, a certified life coach and
one of the freshest voices in women's empowerment and self development.
With a background as an actress where she has been
on TV shows like The Bill and Home and Away,
(01:19):
Margarita has since turned her passion to coaching women on confidence,
love and feminine energy, all shared authentically across her viral TikTok,
Instagram and YouTube platforms, and guys me and the podcast
Girls are obsessed with Margarita. We always say never miss
a Margarita video. She just really talks about.
Speaker 1 (01:42):
Feminine energy and female magnetism in a way which just lands.
So I was so excited to get her on the podcast.
And in this episode, we're diving into the art of
making a man obsessed with you, obviously in a very health, wealthy, magnetic,
and empowering way. So whether you're you know, in the
(02:05):
dating world or you're in a long term relationship, this
episode is for you because Margarita breaks down how to
captivate and connect on a deep, deeper level without losing yourself.
And it's honestly, it's not what you think when I say,
you know, making men obsessed with you, because like that's
(02:26):
not what our whole world should be about. But also
I do believe like women should be the prize. We
should feel loved and adored, we should.
Speaker 3 (02:36):
Have romance in our lives.
Speaker 2 (02:37):
So Margarita gives us all the tips and tricks and
if you've ever wondered how to hold you know, power
and create this irresistible attraction in your relationships that comes
from this beautiful, authentic place. You are going to be
obsessed with this episode, so let's get into it. Okay, Margarita.
(03:03):
For those who are not obsessed with you like I am,
who are not familiar, could you give us a bit
of a rundown, a bit of an intro of who
is Margarita?
Speaker 3 (03:14):
What is she passionate about? What's her message?
Speaker 4 (03:17):
Do you know that the obsession is mutual? I discovered
you about a year ago when my web designer was like,
have you seen her? She's amazing, Her contents are beautiful.
Look her angel numbers that she prices her things at.
And I was like, wait a minute, who is this?
Speaker 3 (03:33):
So it's mutual star.
Speaker 4 (03:35):
I started on well, I did a life coaching diploma,
but I went viral when I opened a TikTok thinking
it would be a super secret sleuth thing to do
that nobody would ever see me on TikTok and I
went and put all my real opinions on there, and
there I was, and it went pretty viral within the
first six months. I talk about women, feminine energy, how
(03:57):
to get what you want, strategies in life and confidence,
and I've just written a book called The New Rules.
Speaker 2 (04:05):
I loved your book.
Speaker 3 (04:07):
I consumed it in such.
Speaker 2 (04:09):
A short amount of time, and can I just say
to all the RNC community after this interview, you will
also be obsessed if you don't already follow Margret and
I highly highly recommend her book because it's like all
your best tiktoks in one place. And when I found
your TikTok, it was a relationship TikTok, and I was
(04:32):
going through something in my relationship and it was basically about,
you know, pulling your energy back and putting it into yourself.
And it's funny because it's like I'm in the self
development world. I have my own self development podcast. It's
almost that concept is something I know and something I embody.
(04:53):
But with my relationship, I've been with my husband since
I was seventeen, so thirteen years now. It's funny. It's
almost like I had put our relationship in a different
category compared to how I show up in my business
and my life in self development. And so you really
brought so many concepts that I almost like live by
(05:16):
in different aspects of my life to my relationship that
just made so many aha moments, really changed how he
showed up, how he started treating me changed how I
felt about myself. And so I really kind of want
to get straight into making the men obsessed with you
(05:38):
and what that has entailed, because I feel like when
I looked at your TikTok, those were the most viral.
And I think as a woman, we want to feel adored.
We want to feel like the prize. We want to
feel like the only one. But with life and us,
you know, working and kids and all those sorts of things,
(05:59):
that's God in loss. So let's get straight into the
juicy staff, how do we make a man obsessed with us?
Speaker 4 (06:06):
Well, if a man is obsessed with you, and I
use words there are that are you know a little
bit spicy, like obsessed or selfish in order to really
communicate the point. But if he's crazy about you, essentially
it's going to make your life a lot easier in
terms of life is hard enough. You've got babies, you've
got businesses, you might have illnesses in your family, you
might have things. The last thing you want is to
(06:28):
be chasing a grown man to make him do staff.
Men don't do things for people that they're not obsessed with,
or things that they're not obsessed with. You know, when
a guy has a hobby, he travels halfway across the
world to do whatever it is. That's what you want
on your side? Do you want a man who's going
to move mountains for you? So the first thing is
you've got to choose that kind of man. But you
said earlier, you said, you know, I was working on
(06:49):
myself and I did all the good things, and I
had it in my business. You were probably in your
masculine energy in your business. What does that mean? Driving, achieving, succeeding,
moving forward, goal oriented. All of those things I just
listed will get a man to be completely repelled by you.
Men do not like you to try and strive for them,
(07:09):
try and get their attention, try and move towards them.
If anything, they feel and I mean it, repulsed by
a woman who does that for them.
Speaker 2 (07:17):
Why?
Speaker 4 (07:17):
Because they want to achieve you, They want to feel
good about themselves. Why do men play video games? Why
do men play sports? Because it has a level of achievement.
They do ABCDFG and they can win a goal. If
you do not present a challenge and a goal to
be met, you are quite essentially boring for them. They
don't see you as amazing. They want to feel amazing
(07:39):
in your eyes by winning your affections. So the reason
it didn't translate for you and your marriage, and same
with me when I was in my marriage earlier, is
because I was also in my masculine energy. I was
trying to plan dates, I was trying to do all
the things. I was trying to apply masculine energy to
a relationship, and that doesn't work. So I would say,
(08:01):
the way to make a man obsessed with you, and
I talked about it yesterday at my book launch is
to be the mirror, not the microphone. What does that mean?
When he behaves in a certain way, you are his mirror.
He messages you, you message him back. He's kind to you,
you're kind to him.
Speaker 3 (08:19):
He's not talking to you.
Speaker 4 (08:20):
He needs space. You need space. Also, it doesn't mean
you don't have your own entity, but that is how
you work within the relationship. So be the mirror, not
the microphone. What's the microphone? Long paragraphs about how you
feel about him? On his text message? When he's looking
outside thinking about something, what are you thinking about? What
are you thinking about? You're doing too much, talking, too much,
(08:40):
explaining too much, conversating when he is not reaching out
to you. If he is there and he's talking with
you and he's open to the connection and conversation, go
for gold because you're his mirror.
Speaker 3 (08:50):
Wow.
Speaker 2 (08:50):
I love that because it's so simple and it makes sense.
And I feel like, especially you know who's going to
be listening to this podcast, my community is we are
high achievers. We do want to go out, we do
want to create the career and the businesses and the
you know.
Speaker 3 (09:07):
The personal growth.
Speaker 2 (09:09):
But it has made us also do that, you know
in our relationship where if he's not putting in the effort,
well I'm going to put in twice the effort.
Speaker 3 (09:17):
I'm going to show him what he should do.
Speaker 2 (09:20):
But what I've realized and has been reflected in my
relationship too, is like biologically men do need to almost
be the hero. They do need to yeah, like feel
like they have accomplished something. And even if they think
back to the very start of our relationship with my
husband Tim, like I made him work for it, Like
(09:42):
I was like I thought, you know, like I also
had just got out of relationship, and I very much
was like, if you make it worth it. But otherwise
I'm happy to be single and it's this energy where
he had to, you know, work for our relationship. And
I think sometimes you know, as you do get more comfortable,
as you shift and evolve, you can start wanting to
(10:05):
put more effort in. But pulling your energy back like
that is so so powerful. So do you want to
talk about long term relationships? But let's do dating first.
So if someone's dating, how what are your non negotiable
tips to create that like magnetic they can't stop thinking
about you energy, And like, what are some of your.
Speaker 4 (10:24):
Rules in terms of dating? I think number one And
the biggest thing I would say is you have to
be the one who chooses the man. I know it's
conventional wisdom to say that let him approach and let
him lead. Yes, within the confines of you already being
in contact. But if you don't put yourself out there,
and you sit online and you just swipe on apps,
(10:45):
you're putting yourself out in the market as a commodity,
as an item that people swipe left or right. And
you need to be going out and putting yourself in
places where people who men who are doing hobbies that
you would like or that you would perceive your man
to like. So yeah, I know it's weird, but yeah,
go to the fishing store if that's the type of
guy you'd want. Maybe you don't like fishing, but that's
where he is. He's not on the tinder app yet.
(11:07):
He's not in a bar. He's not that kind of
half drunk guy who stumbles up to you. He's the
guy who wouldn't talk to you. So what you need
to do is ask for him to hold your jacket
while you take your drinks to the table. You need
to facilitate the first introduction. Hold his eye contact a
bit too long. If you're both at a bus stop,
I don't know wherever it is. You are at the library.
You want a guy who's obsessed with I don't know,
(11:31):
ancient artifacts or something. Go in that section and the library,
stand there and then be like, this is the number
one tip. Ask a man to explain something to you.
They love to man's plain and we like to be like,
don't tell me this or that. Ask him. You see
a man online who's a chef or claims to love
to cook, DM him and be like, oh my god,
I saw you did a roast chicken. What was that
(11:53):
salt you used for it? And you don't initiate the relationship.
You don't ask him out, you don't question, you don't
pursue him, but you open the door to the conversation.
I really don't think dating apps are conducive to women
and dating. It's not in our favor. We like men
who are tens out of tens onlines out of tens.
(12:14):
We don't like to settle. So all of us are
holding around this one percent of man who's got all
the options, and everybody else, the average joe who's actually
might be quite charismatic or you might actually like because
of the actions he puts into the relationship. You're ignoring.
So get off the apps, get in real life where
the man you would like to meet might be, you know,
(12:35):
all the man oriented hobbies. And then you make the
first move.
Speaker 3 (12:39):
I love that.
Speaker 2 (12:41):
And then so once someone, let's say they are now
in the you know, they've found the men.
Speaker 3 (12:48):
They've made the first move, it's going along.
Speaker 2 (12:51):
What are some of the common energy leagues or mistakes
women make during the dating phase that keeps them in
the dating face or like, you know, is I guess
conducive to them staying in you know, their masculininity and
that sort of thing what's the most common.
Speaker 4 (13:10):
They forget that the essence of feminine energy isn't flower
picking and running through the field. It is being the chooser,
the picker, right even down to biology, we are the
ones who pick things and men are the ones who hunt. Right,
So you are picking him. He is not picking you.
Every woman I speak to who's in dating is obsessed
about the fact that did he text me? Will he
(13:32):
choose me? You need to reframe. It's you who's choosing him.
If his behavior, if he does something that you don't like, fine,
note it down, even get a book. Put one side
good behavior, one side bad behavior. You're not reacting to it.
You're not questioning him on it. He doesn't belong to you.
He's still in the You're Simon Cowell American idol, and
he's auditioning for you. Women always think this the other
(13:53):
way around. She's trying to perform for him. What should
I say on a date? What should I do on
a date? What do you mean? He's the one? So
you sit there and you evaluate. He said that that
was a bit weird. Don't like that, but I like this,
but I don't like that. And another thing that trips
women up. Is that they that's an energetic leak because
they are in that men can feel this that they're
auditioning for them. Don't do that. So when you are
(14:17):
on that date, you need to be evaluating whether this
person is for you or not, and also don't hide
to the fact that you want potentially marriage and children.
One of the chapters in my book is called remember
You Are the Prize. Women are forgotten because of modern feminism.
And feminism is great because we now have rights, but
(14:37):
it's gone to the point where in dating we've forgotten
that we're the prize. Because back in the day, a
man could only have access to you if he was
very serious about you, because the danger was you'd get
pregnant and then you'd have to get married and that
was you forever. Now we have contraceptions, so we don't
have those boundaries. So you need to remember that you're
the prize. He still sees you that way. So when
women are very apologetic about the fact that they want
(14:58):
to get married and have children, Oh no, that's it's
not for me. I just want to casual you know, No,
you don't, No, you don't. And what you're allowing him
is access to you because you're telling yourself that lie.
You don't need to sit there and tell him that
you want to marry him then and there. But you
definitely need to speak in terms of when I'm married,
when I have children, just as you would about your business,
(15:18):
when my business scales. Why you are not something to
be embarrassed of and hidden. It is a prize for
him to potentially marry you one day. That's a goal.
So and if he's scared about that, great, good riddance Godden.
Speaker 2 (15:37):
How do we make someone propose to us? And I
know that you have personal experience in your relationship with this.
So let's say someone's like, you know, they've been dating
for a long time, he's not proposing. She's like, Okay,
well what do I do because I want him to propose.
Speaker 4 (15:51):
Well, there's two layers to it. Off the jump, if
you've not got into a serious relationship yet, you cannot
get into a free wife situation. If you're living with
him performing as a wife, should maybe already have his children.
I'm gonna I'm not gonna sugarcoat it. There is not
much you can do to get a proposal. Then you
just need to like count your losses and be like, great,
we're partners. Now. I'll tell you what to do in
(16:13):
that situation in a minute. But before you get there,
you need to explain to that person that you will
only invest that time, effort, and energy into building a
life with someone if they choose you as a life
partner and a wife. Even if he says, oh, I
don't believe in marriage modern dad, be like, great for you,
it's not important. You don't believe in it, but I do,
so marry me if that's what you want, you know,
(16:36):
and give it a time frame. You know, if I'm
not married by the age of whatever, or then we're
just gonna have to be friends. By that, you mean
he's not going to be in your life, of course,
but you give him a time frame so you don't
move in with him. You don't do these performative duties.
You don't cook for him, you don't advocate for everything
you need to do. Tell him when you need to
go to the dentist. But if you are already in
(16:58):
that situation, you need to have a frank and honest
conversation where, yes, we are now in this situation, but
I've decided marriage is important for me. Now, I don't
want you to speak on it.
Speaker 2 (17:08):
Now.
Speaker 4 (17:08):
That's what you need to tell him. Don't react, don't don't,
don't you know, do anything. Think about it, and if
you don't choose to propose to me within a year,
I will take that as a sign that you don't
take this seriously and we'll have to part ways. But
don't speak now. Think about it, because he's gonna have
all kinds of things to say to you that might
hurt your feelings. So just let him think on it,
(17:29):
let him ruminate, and if he doesn't after a year,
cut your losses.
Speaker 3 (17:33):
I love that.
Speaker 2 (17:33):
And then so what about that person who is in
a long term relationship. They've got the kids, they've got,
you know, that moved in and that sort of thing.
Speaker 4 (17:43):
You need to understand if that's a hill you're willing
to die on, how important is marriage for you? For me,
it's very important. Right for you, it might not be
culturally morally, maybe it would be nice for you to
get a ring, but it's not something that you're willing
to break up a family over. For me, family is
more important than concept of marriage. So if I was
in that situation, I can't imagine why I would because
(18:03):
I wouldn't have got there in the first place. But
if you are now there, and now you've changed your mind,
and you've read my book and you've listened to you
and you are glowing up in every way, and you
would like that sit down and truly decide is this
something that I'm willing to break up my family over.
If it is not, say it to him, and if
he doesn't move on it, understand that you have made
some errors in judgment where he now doesn't have the
(18:25):
incentive to propose to you. Okay, and that is what
it is. But if it is important enough for you
to break up everything over it, I wouldn't advise it.
But if it is, understand that when you communicate it,
you should communicate it strongly and then take action on
what you decide. There's only two ways about it. But
nagging him, going on about it every day, Why don't
(18:47):
you want to marry me? My friend Johnny and Samantha
are married. I don't like That's not the one because
you're just gonna degrade and peck away your marriage with
the nagging. You either decide to tell him about it
and then live with it, or you leave.
Speaker 2 (19:04):
And well that's even talking. Let's talk about the nagging.
Because something I love that you've said is, you know,
when you become the mother in the relationship, the nagger,
the mother, the partner role is up for grabs. And
I loved this. Why do you think so many women
(19:24):
fall into this trap of becoming a mother.
Speaker 3 (19:27):
In the relationship and how do we stay out of it?
Speaker 4 (19:29):
So it's the three roles, the mother, the martyr, and
the manager. That's the three roles that women fall into
in modern relationships. The mother is exactly how you would
mother your children. You're very instructional. Mothering, ironically, is masculine energy.
It doesn't feminine energy doesn't mean female things like motherhood
masculine energy. I tell my kids where to go, I
(19:49):
tell them how to do things. I am the leader
of my children, and if they don't do what I say,
then you know, it has consequences, et cetera. You have
to parent in a certain way. So women just put
that onto men because either they already have children so
he just becomes one of them, or because it's a
natural instinct and they don't yet have children and he
becomes the child. But it's sometimes easier for us to
(20:11):
mother men because we can just instruct them on what
to do. They fall into the role of the child
because they're like, well, if she's so adamant about how
she wants things done, I might as well just go
for the ride, because fighting her will be more difficult.
And then you start to become more and more in
control of what he does, looking after him, doing everything
for him, managing him. That's the second role manager. Did
(20:32):
you go here, did we go there? Did you book
this thing? Why didn't you do it? I told you
to buy the chicken? Why did you buy the fish?
Speaker 2 (20:37):
It?
Speaker 4 (20:37):
Does it really matter? Does it really matter? You wouldn't
even treat your friends that way. And then the last
one is the martyr. When you start to sacrifice yourself,
sacrifice your beauty, sacrifice your time, sacrifice everything, and you're
doing everything for him and the children and your business
and work, and you do nothing for yourself in hopes
that one day they'll all turn around and be like,
thank you, thank you, you did this for us, We
(20:59):
really appreciate it. No one's going to thank you. In fact,
everyone is just going to be annoyed by you, because
nobody likes a person who sacrifices things for them with
the hope of reciprocity. No one's going to do it
back for you. You've got to do it for yourself
because you are the feminine essence in the whole relationship.
So you've got to feed yourself first, and people will
be more enamored by you because of that. Falling into
(21:20):
that role is a very bad idea. Women find it
very hard. But what you do is you, I know,
shocka Let people have autonomy. You don't need to control them,
you don't need to look after them. You don't need
to do everything for them. He lived before he met you.
He will still live without you, and yes he will
do things unlike you, but he is not you. And
(21:40):
you cannot respect a man you control, and that's the problem.
And then women don't want to sleep with their husband
why because he is in the role of a child.
No one wants to sleep with their child. You become
his mother. The role of partner is open. He often
might not cheat in real life, but fantasizes about other women.
Because at the end of the day, the essence of
fair and energy is playfulness and lightness. And when you
(22:03):
are carrying the heavy load of the whole relationship. You know,
I sometimes think about it and I just think it's
not that deep, like well, how the laundry gets done,
how the dishwasher gets stacked, But women get really fixated
on it. Just let him be who he is. Men's
number one prerogative in life is to have the freedom
to be who they are. Women love to come and
like change a man. They love to project, like chip
(22:26):
away at him until he becomes perfect, accept him exactly
as he is, or find someone who you can accept.
Speaker 3 (22:33):
I think that's so true.
Speaker 2 (22:34):
And also, like you said, what I found in my
relationship is like understanding that how much Tim does want
and like freedom. And it's not freedom to go off
and you know, talk to women or go off and
explore the world or anything like that. But I very
much found myself in that manager role because you know,
(22:55):
I am a career galley. I do manage a lot
of projects. It's very natural for me. And so when
I kind of drew things back and it's kind of like, yeah,
he's his own person, he can do that sort of
thing naturally. He stepped more into his masculine of not
so much managing me but looking after things where I
(23:17):
felt like I was the only one that could look
after those things. And again, like you said, is having
some broom that maybe it's not done in the exact way,
but at least it's done even very strong in the
leaving the space and the time to either see him
step up or see him for who he is and
(23:42):
not trying to change him because it's exhausting. Imagine going
through life kind of trying to constantly change this person
and redirect them because it's like, you know, I have
a three year old, I have a baby on the way,
And once I, you know, had my child, I was like, fuck,
I'm like, there's so much to do all the time,
as well as my business is so having that one
(24:04):
less person to control and tell what to do is
so empowering.
Speaker 4 (24:10):
He should be an asset in your life. And men
are functionally there to make women's life easier. You are
creating life. Your children need you. His functionality and the
way even men are structured and who they are is
to make your life easier. They're stronger than you to
make your life easier while you make the children and
do all these things. Now, if you are looking after him,
(24:32):
he becomes more boylike and then they rebel. They really
need freedom, and like you said, is not to go
to the bar or to travel the world. Irony of
men is you give them freedom. They're right there, it's like,
why are you here? Go away? If you try and
control them, they run away because they're trying to fight
for their freedom and autonomy. Masculinity is freedom and autonomy.
But hopefully you choose a man whose autonomy and freedom
(24:53):
means being next to you, and that's what you want
to see. You want to see if he's going to
choose you before you do things like get married and
have children. Give him that freedom and see if he's
going to be by your side and he is, oh
my god great, and if he isn't, didn't we want
to see that and see that that's going to be
the consequence. You can't hold him on a leash. That's ridiculous.
Speaker 2 (25:20):
And so even with a long term relationship, how because
again I feel like we get in this long term
relationship it's either the manager or the martyr or the
mother comes in and the spark fades and then you know,
women are like, oh I don't have the romance, I
don't have this, and blah blah, blah, what some ways,
(25:41):
like some practical ways in a long term relationship to
keep it you know, sexy, playful and like keep that
spark alive.
Speaker 4 (25:48):
What kills it is mundane conversations about household runnings, and
it's inevitable. Both you and I have very similar positions.
My son was three when my daughter was born. I
know exactly the life that we're living. We both run business, okay,
but if you divide your household and divide your life
into areas, like let's say you have a company and
(26:09):
you both run different departments, so that you don't have
to have conversations like did you unstack the dishwasher because
you do it on Monday and I do it on
Tuesday and you do it on Wednesday. How about the dishwashers?
Just your job? And so I'm saying it like a
mundane small task, right, but it could be bigger things
or the washer and dryer is mine, so that we
don't have to always conversate about mundane tasks. And sometimes
(26:29):
it will feel unfair, especially when you have small children,
because you will do the majority of the lifting. But
I always advocate for women taking liberties in other areas.
When women are like, no, we've got to do fifty
to fifty of all the things because we're now equal.
Let him do a lot more because trust me, when
you have children and when you're making them with your
own body, you will understand why men used to have
(26:50):
to do everything and pay for everything. Let him initiate more,
let him do more, ask him for more. We don't
ask things because oh, he won't want to do it.
Oh he'll roll his eyes, doesn't matter, roll his eyes.
Ask him for so many things that you then start
to see him as someone who is enhancing your life
and someone you admire. Ask him to the point of
you feeling a little bit selfish and uncomfortable, because that
(27:12):
is the point right there, when you're going to be like,
that's my man, Look how much he does for me,
And then you're going to start to feel sexy again.
We don't ask for much because we're good girls.
Speaker 3 (27:21):
You know.
Speaker 4 (27:21):
We want to be likable. We don't want to be annoying.
What if I'm too much? Oh gosh, it's better to
be happy than good. You don't want to be good
people get men get bored of good women. They don't
get bored of happy women. So if you are happy
with yourself, you're feeling a bit selfish. You're sitting there, Oh, yeah,
he's doing everything for me. That's where you want to be.
Speaker 3 (27:41):
I love it.
Speaker 2 (27:42):
I just I love the realness of it. And I
think also something to add to that is just really
being selfish in the way of again, like you said,
we like to be the good girls. We like to
do everything for everyone and then do our business and
then we want this like on the back, we want
this recognition. But it's like I find in those moments,
(28:05):
you know, if he's not stepping up or whatnot, feeding
into myself being like I'm going to go get a facial,
I'm going to go do something, I'm going to go
on a retreat and giving back to yourself. Because when
you give back to yourself and you put the energy
into yourself, you feel less resentful to them.
Speaker 3 (28:20):
You then show up in.
Speaker 2 (28:22):
This energy where they want to be around you. You know,
like I even I'm super playful with my husband Tim,
where if he does something I don't like, or you know,
there's some sort of situation, it's like I will almost
obviously not acknowledge it, or I like make a joke
out of it, I'm lighthearted, and it's like it doesn't
(28:45):
have to everything doesn't have to be a DNM because
I do that with my girlfriends. And also it's like
I don't have to take life so seriously. And then
when I'm in that playful energy, he is so much
more receptive to.
Speaker 4 (29:00):
And women are like, if you imagine it, just on
a metaphorical level, women are like cats. They like to
be pampered. They like to be like idolized. They like
to be like, oh my god, look at that beautiful
cat there, look at it. They don't like to work, right,
I mean, we like to work on our businesses, but
within the context of a relationship. And women don't understand
that that's not what men want. So we treat them
the same. We try and be like, yes, anything for you,
(29:21):
pamper you do you like a meal? Men are like dogs.
For example, they found that dogs are happiest on the
farm where they have to work and they feel that
they've owned their meal. They're not happy being a pampered poodle.
All those poodles that are pampered always get some kind
of depression and have to you know, see the vets
all the time. That men are the same men love
to be useful if you give him tasks, if you
make him feel like he belongs this whole male crisis
(29:44):
at the moment, they don't know what they belong to.
They don't know what to do with themselves. You know,
there's a story about World War two when there was
a psych ward of men who had depression because men
and women had different different wards. At the time, they
were catatonic, meaning they couldn't move. They were so depressed
nothing could motivate them. But then when the war happened,
they needed drivers to drive the fire trucks to put
out the fires. What happened to these men Suddenly they
(30:06):
could walk. Suddenly they could walk and drive the trucks
because they were needed because all the other men were
fighting on the front. Yes, so that is what motivates men,
extreme need and extreme kind of urgency for them to
do something. Hence again the video games.
Speaker 2 (30:26):
Well, and this is just a personal story, but I
want to bring this in because you see exactly what
you're talking about. But in a very interesting example. So
in my relationship, my husband is a stay at home
dad and he looks after Ivy full time, and then
you know, I work full time, and we really struggled
firstly going into it because what I realized I did
(30:49):
is I had some sort of guilt that I wasn't
the stay at home mum and the homemaker. So with
Ivy and especially him being a male looking after you know,
a toddler and a child, it's different. It's hard, well,
I think it's hard for anyone. But I tried to
make his life as easy as possible with we had
a cleaner, we had a chef, we had a gardener,
(31:12):
and so basically he didn't have to do anything except
look after our daughter.
Speaker 3 (31:17):
And it really got our.
Speaker 2 (31:18):
Relationship into this very interesting place. And what has actually
worked is pulling.
Speaker 3 (31:25):
Back all that help.
Speaker 2 (31:28):
And does go to daycare two days a week and
on those two days he golfs. He does stuff around
the house. But then otherwise we don't have a gardener,
we don't have a cleaner, and we don't have a chef.
He cooks every night, he cleans up the kitchen, he
does everything around the house, and we've actually never been
so happy yet.
Speaker 4 (31:48):
Because he's a poodle. He's a working dog and as
he should. You know, it's interesting because as you were
saying that story, I was like, yep, that's fine because
women often say, what if I'm the working one? He
says at home. Good, it's the modern world. It's fine,
but he should be showing up. Actually, the questions more framed.
What if I make more money than him? And I
always say, well, that doesn't make him more feminine than you.
(32:10):
What if he's building fences out in your garden and
maintaining everything and cleaning. When my husband cleans the kitchen,
let me tell you, it is like some kind of
professional cleaning surface service came in. It is like pristine me.
I'm not like, yeah, just wipe it a little bit,
like I'm not that precise, right, Like I'm good at
business and talking, I'm not good at that kind of thing.
(32:31):
You don't have to stick to roles that were created
in the past. Women stayed at home because women didn't work,
and women were almost always pregnant, right because of contraception.
You don't have to stick to those roles. But he
needs to feel physically purpose purposeful, yeah, because you took
away all the roles that he had to do and
he just had to sit with a child, which men
(32:51):
aren't very good at. No, they're not their brain cannot
compute just one on one child. They're actually better at,
you know, functioning with everything and the child going on.
Sometimes I see my husband with my two kids and
no one's screaming and they're all fine, and I'm like,
what's happening because when it's me, they're all crying because
I'm the mum, you know.
Speaker 2 (33:07):
Yeah, And I think even you know, in my instance,
what was the bee thing I had to overcome was?
You know, still even now he'll be like, oh, you know,
I did the house or day, and I did this,
and I did that, and previously I used to feel
guilty and then that's why we had people in that help.
But he does that now and I just give him praise.
(33:30):
I'm like, you are the best you you know, like
he's not saying those things because previously it's like I
was giving him a solution, whereas now I just give
him praise kind of like a dog and kind of
like a dog, and I give him praise and I
have space for him not complaining because I don't want
(33:51):
to use that word, but it's like I just have space.
And it's like, you know, if they have an eye roll,
or if they complain or whatnot just be like that's
it's not actually about me and not take it so personally.
Speaker 4 (34:02):
I used to do exactly the same. My husband is
renovating our house that we got, and he used to
be like, oh, I worked so hard, I went after
work did it, and I was like, well, why don't
you hire someone, why don't you hire a builder? And
it would just come for the conflict. Now I'm like,
oh my god, you built that.
Speaker 3 (34:19):
You know what I mean.
Speaker 4 (34:20):
They're looking for number one freedom and number two appreciation. Yeah,
that is the number two. Yeah, that is what they're
looking for. So if they have that freedom and appreciation
and also that whole concept of getting a cook and
a cleaner and all this stuff builds him like a
gilded cage, you know, like it's beautiful and it's nice,
but he can then not get the appreciation that he desires.
Speaker 2 (34:40):
Yeah, well, it's crazy because ever since making those shifts
like night and day difference in a relationship in both
of us.
Speaker 4 (34:47):
So modern work is more designed for women. There's a
reason women do better at university. There's a reason you
do good at your business because that's modern work. You
can sit down and you can function and like I
said hunter gatherer. With the gatherer mindset, you can see
the things and you can move them around and you
can create businesses. Modern societies is hard for boys. I
(35:10):
have a son, and it's more difficult for them to
adhere to these kind of systems. So it's natural a
lot of men need to find their purpose in things
outside of work because a lot of women are going
to take over jobs.
Speaker 2 (35:22):
Well, I love that you spoke on that, and I
feel like that really hits the nail on the head
with how to make him obsessed with you and how
to kind of keep that spark alive. And again, I've
never heard someone kind of speak about it like you do.
Speaker 3 (35:35):
So thank you for doing what you do.
Speaker 2 (35:38):
Let's switch gears a little bit and let's kind of
focus on the work you do with that energetic glow up,
that feminine magnetism. You know, that kind of like that
it girl energy, and when someone walks in, you can
like feel her energy and you're like, everyone wants to
do things for her and everything works out for her.
What does that actually mean to you? What does that embodiment.
Speaker 3 (36:01):
Mean to you?
Speaker 4 (36:02):
I think it's a lot to do with actual neurology.
What you focus on you notice as you yourself know.
It's a lot of things that you talk about. It's
the fact that if I said, have you seen a
red car lately? You would say no, But then that
same day you would see a red car ten times
because your brain is now predisposed to notice something. If
(36:22):
you perceive yourself as Lucky, the main character, the main girl,
it you will see ques in life, and you will
notice things in life people in life who see you accordingly.
It's an energetic shift. So instead of seeing the guy
who doesn't want you, you'll see the guy who does.
Instead of chasing a friend who never replies to you,
you'll be like, oh, because I'm the main character and
(36:43):
I'm that girl. Look my friend replied to me, we're
going out for drinks. Now it will be the friend
who actually wants your company and wants to be around you.
Psychological bias for things to work out for you, it's
not luck. It's luck that you determine yourself and it's
just way more fun to live that way. Another thing
is with social media, will often open to seeing things
(37:03):
that are unattainable for us. And I don't mean money
wealth for success. I mean if I am five foot
three and I look like j Lo, But I'm looking
at Victoria's secret models. That's not what I need to
be looking at. I need to be looking at women
who look like me so that I can feel I'm
the main character, so that I can feel that it's
all about me, because we all have our own beauty
and our own merit, and it's about curating your life.
(37:24):
Stop comparing yourself to people who you're never going to
be like, and start to look at people who are
like you, and understand that you have one go around
this planet, on this earth, and you might as well
show up as the best optimized version of you. I
am so obsessed by this, like optimizing how I look, feel,
and am. Then I'm like, oh my god, I'm going
to be sad when it's over because I just want
(37:44):
to optimize and optimize because I've been given this body
one time, Like I don't know who if second lives exist,
and if they do, I might be some man or
something God for it, you know what I mean. So
it's just like, don't waste the journey.
Speaker 2 (37:58):
And so let's talk about the gloss then the optimization,
give us some real talk.
Speaker 3 (38:03):
What does that look like, what can we.
Speaker 4 (38:05):
Do well when I make this content? I think it's
always the first thing is got to have to be Yes,
mindset's great, but it has to be external. Also a
lot of people focus now on just appreciating who you
are for who you are, just be who you are. No,
you've got to love yourself for the effort you put
in and consistently show up for yourself. Are you the
healthiest you can be? Because health is beauty. Straight white teeth,
(38:29):
nice skin, good hair, weight that you want to be
at is all health. Those are all signs of health.
That's how human beings see. Health is beauty, that's all
it is. It doesn't matter if you've got a long nose,
a short nose, a big forehead, a small forehead. Anyone
can find anything beautiful. Culturally. We all have different beauty standards.
But are you the best optimized version of what you
(38:50):
see for yourself? Are you doing it? Are you showing
up for yourself? Because that's what confidence means. If I
were friends with you and we were going to meet
up five times and you didn't show up, I wouldn't
be confident that you would be there on the sixth time.
That's how we treat ourselves, don't we I'm going to
go to the gym NET didn't show up. I'm gonna
eat the sweight NAT didn't show up. I'm going to
do this thing that didn't show up. You now don't
(39:11):
like yourself. You psychologically don't like yourself. You're not showing
up for yourself. So how can you be confident in yourself?
To be confident in yourself is to be confident that
you will show up for yourself like you would for
a best friend, like you would for a pet. Do
you know people give their pets their medication more consistently
than they do themselves because they show up for a
pet rather than themselves. It shows that you don't like yourself.
(39:35):
Start showing up every day like you are your own
best friend. Start protecting yourself like you are your own
best friend. Why are you letting that person ghost to
you again? Would you let that happen to your friend?
You would not let that happen to your friend. You
would throw that phone in the river or something. You
know you wouldn't let that happen.
Speaker 3 (39:52):
And so why do you think women, even like.
Speaker 2 (39:56):
Specifically really struggle with the putting themselves first?
Speaker 3 (40:01):
Like putting the effort into the.
Speaker 2 (40:05):
Confidence and showing up for themselves.
Speaker 3 (40:07):
Like, what do you think is the block?
Speaker 4 (40:09):
Because we got told that if we're good enough at work,
at school, at being someone's friend, at showing up for
other people will be rewarded. But that's a lie.
Speaker 3 (40:18):
We won't be.
Speaker 4 (40:20):
Someone might say thank you, but that's it. You have
to still show up for yourself. No one's going to
do it for you. If you don't do it for you,
we think it's selfish. It's not selfish. You have to
have something that you give energy from. If you're giving
energy from zero, it's negative energy. You have to replenish yourself.
It feels difficult. I struggle when my husband calls me
(40:41):
and he's like, hey, can you pick up I don't know,
some oranges from the store. He wouldn't say that, but
let's just say. I feel a moment of being torn
because I say I'm all almost home and I've got
my kids, And then I start to think, oh, but
my kids need to go home, and that wins because
it's for them, not for him. But if it was
just me and my kids weren't with me, I'd go
to the store because I want to make him happy.
(41:02):
It's really hard for women, even me, even with the
work I do, even with everything to go. Do you
know what, No, I'm tired. Like it's hard for them
to put themselves first. But when you do, you will
see the world changes towards you because you give your
self value. When you start to put yourself first, and
when you start to value yourself like you would a
best friend or a pet or whatever, the world changes
(41:24):
because people see that you value yourself. The reason ferraris
are expensive, the reason things have a luxury label is
because they don't just put them out in the store.
When you see an iPhone, they don't just have all
these iPhones and Apple still standing there, like pick an iPhone.
They put one out, the rest of them are back
there somewhere. It's exclusive, it's protected. You can't just get
to it. People read that energy. It's like branding and
(41:47):
so like.
Speaker 2 (41:49):
And that's even what comes to mind is you know,
like you said right at the start of like, what
you focus on expands, and it's like, if you're going
through life focusing on everything, think else and making everyone
else happy, pleasing everyone else, that's what's going to continue.
That's what's going to expend and if you want your
(42:10):
husband to give you more attention, if you want to
feel more special, if you want to feel more femine,
if you want to you know, have that energy where like.
Speaker 3 (42:19):
I'm that girl.
Speaker 2 (42:21):
You have to give that energy to yourself and then
the other people reflect that too. And I think it
is hard. Like you said, it's like it's so ingrained
in us. Do you have any tips for the mom.
She's listening to this episode and she's like, holy shit,
I give everyone else my energy.
Speaker 3 (42:40):
I always put my kids first.
Speaker 2 (42:41):
And I think the mom's situation is hard because we
do have to put the kids first, and you know,
we do somewhat maybe like you said, it's like, oh,
if the kids in the car, I can kind of
use them as you know, the excuse, and it does
complicate things.
Speaker 3 (42:56):
So the mom who wants to.
Speaker 2 (42:58):
Grow up, who wants to feel like that girl, who
has that belief that it's like, oh, well, I can't anymore.
I'm the mom. What can she do?
Speaker 3 (43:06):
What can she put in place?
Speaker 4 (43:07):
She needs to understand it's not an action she's going
to do, but an understanding. I'm gonna say now, and
it might shift how you feel. Is that your children
model themselves on who you are, not what you do.
So if you have daughters. Even more so when I
had my daughter, when I found out I'm having a girl,
I freaked out because I was like, oh my god,
now I actually have to be a role model. When
I had my son and I thought I'm gonna have
(43:27):
another son, I was like, great, my husband can do
you know? The modeling for them? Obviously I'm still a
role model, but they model themselves after the same sex parent. Usually.
When I had my daughter, I was like, great, now
I'm gonna have to show up in a different way.
I think my mom told me this thing. My mom
is very fabulous. She was hard to be a daughter
of when I was younger because she had me when
she was twenty years old and without a lot of
(43:50):
guidance about how to be a parent. But she told
me this. She said, when i'd get some money because
she used to work two jobs she was a single parent,
she goes, I would It's just a metaphor. She wouldn't
actually buy a lipstick every time, but she goes, I'd
buy like a lipstick for three dollars and the other
seven dollars, I'd spend on you. I would always do
something for myself, and I remember that despite my mom
being young and not always knowing like the gentle parenting
(44:12):
things to do, you know what I mean? I always
remember my mum was fabulous. She was just iconic and
she still is. And I modeled myself on her, how
she talks, how iconic she is, and I was like, man,
women can do anything. Everything is possible. When people were like, yeah,
women need to get, you know, out of the kitchen
(44:34):
and work, I'm like, what do you mean? Haven't they
always worked? Like it wasn't even understanding to me because
my mum always worked and was like this powerhouse, as
was my grandma. So I never felt like the suppression
of like, women can't do something, because I was just like,
what do you mean? My whole lineage of women are
always doing everything. I'm not sure where the men are though,
And so I think when a woman is trodden down
(44:54):
with motherhood and it is hard, I'm not gonna lie
about it. It's hard. I get up at four thirty
sometimes because my daughter decided that right. Most days it's hard.
You get tired, but you need to remember it's not
another sacrifice that you're going to make. It's not the
perfect pastor with the perfect you know, greens in it
and everything that's going to really shift their life. It's
(45:15):
how you show up. So if you're going to sacrifice
yourself and you're going to be this like headless chicken
running around in a bathrobe, do nothing for yourself, that's
going to be their identity, not how much they put
into whatever it is that they were doing. The unlived
life of a parent is the worst burden on a child,
Whilst an amazing life that a parent curates is an
(45:36):
inspiration for a child. You don't want to burden your
child with the sacrifices that you made that they didn't
ask for.
Speaker 2 (45:43):
That's like sometimes I really struggle with mum girl, with
being you know, the working parent, and that's what I
remind myself of. You know, maybe I had to fly
into state for something and I missed, you know, a
bedtime story with Ivy. But also I'm going to be
the mom who when after what she wanted, who went
(46:03):
after her dreams, who you know, she hopefully feels inspired
by to go after her dreams, to do the things
that I want to do. And so I'm able to
use this beautiful mindset shift to be like I don't
always have to get it right, but like my intention
is to show her you can be what you want,
(46:23):
you can create what you want. You can you know,
show up in this way and you can create a
life that maybe looks different to other people, but if
it's serving you and your family, it can be really beautiful.
And she doesn't have to follow in my footsteps. But
if she has the general values of that, I am
so happy. So for me, it's like if I miss
(46:44):
a bedtime, you know, once a month or that sort
of thing, it's okay, big, but you know when she
was little, I really struggled with that, and so that, yeah,
that really helped me. So thank you for explaining that.
Speaker 4 (47:02):
I think, no, you know, I think also acceptance of
our emotions as a human biological mechanism is a really
good idea. Do you know why you feel guilt biologically?
It's because your body is like, hey, you're a healthy mom,
you have children, Remember you have children. You just sit
with yourself and go, thank you body for reminding me,
because if you didn't, if you didn't have guilt, Essentially,
(47:22):
what that would mean is you don't have an attachment.
M you don't have an attachment to your child if
you had no guilt. There is no like flag going hello.
Speaker 3 (47:30):
You've got a baby.
Speaker 4 (47:31):
Hello. That's just a mechanism going off saying you're a
healthy mom with a child who you have an attachment to.
Speaker 3 (47:36):
I don't forget.
Speaker 4 (47:37):
So you're just like, Okay, thanks noted. H.
Speaker 3 (47:41):
I love that.
Speaker 2 (47:42):
And again, it's like not making your emotions wrong and
being able to sit with them and have space for
them and not make them mean something.
Speaker 4 (47:50):
I mean anything except for that you're a mom.
Speaker 3 (47:52):
That's it.
Speaker 4 (47:53):
That's all it means. Your body's just going You're a mum.
Remember you're like, yep, got it, thank you haven't forgotten.
Speaker 5 (47:57):
Yeah, soh Margarita, if you could give the women listening
one thing that they could do today to you know,
be more magnetic.
Speaker 2 (48:09):
Step into themselves, like one piece of advice. Sorry, what
would you say to them?
Speaker 4 (48:16):
I would say, stop seeking validation in the eyes of
other people and show up for yourself. Show up for
yourself in the ways that you would for a friend,
and stop seeking for somebody else to say you're good
enough to return your phone call to not ghost you.
You should be there so much for yourself that it
doesn't matter if somebody else doesn't want you. It truly
should not matter. You need to start showing up for
(48:37):
yourself in the way that you hope these people would.
Speaker 3 (48:39):
And then that's going to be reflected.
Speaker 2 (48:43):
That's incredible, Margarita, thank you so much for your time.
I'm so glad we got to do this full episode.
Speaker 3 (48:48):
I know your baby is sleeping too.
Speaker 4 (48:51):
It's so good iconic.
Speaker 3 (48:52):
I will link.
Speaker 2 (48:54):
You everything you're about in the show notes. I'm sure
everyone will flee to that. But again, thank you so
much for spending this time with me and my community.
Speaker 3 (49:04):
Thank you, love, thank you, thank.
Speaker 1 (49:07):
You so much for listening to this episode of the
Rise and Conquer podcast. If you enjoyed it and want more,
connect with us via Instagram or continue the conversation on
our beautiful Facebook community page. All the details are in
the show notes, and I'd love to hear more about
your journey. Also, we're an independent podcast with a small
(49:27):
but mighty team, so we really do appreciate your support.
If you have a spare moment, please click the follow
or subscribe button to the podcast, and if you leave
a review, you'll help other people find our content, and
we would be so grateful
I would like to acknowledge the traditional owners of the
land on which this episode is being recorded, the Combomb
Merry people. They've been having conversations and telling stories on
this land for thousands of years, and we show our
gratitude and respect for their contribution to our environment and culture.
(00:21):
This is Rise and Copper, the podcast where we strive
to become the highest version of ourselves through curious conversations,
healthy mindsets, laughter, connection, and a deep desire to evolve.
I'm your host, Georgie Stevenson.
Speaker 2 (00:42):
Join me as we explore parenthood, business, manifestation, and so
much more. It's positive, it's practical, and it's about putting
you in the driver's seat of your own life.
Speaker 3 (00:55):
Are you ready.
Speaker 2 (00:58):
Welcome back to the Rise and Conquer Podcasts. Today's guest
is the incredible Margarita Nazarenko, a certified life coach and
one of the freshest voices in women's empowerment and self development.
With a background as an actress where she has been
on TV shows like The Bill and Home and Away,
(01:19):
Margarita has since turned her passion to coaching women on confidence,
love and feminine energy, all shared authentically across her viral TikTok,
Instagram and YouTube platforms, and guys me and the podcast
Girls are obsessed with Margarita. We always say never miss
a Margarita video. She just really talks about.
Speaker 1 (01:42):
Feminine energy and female magnetism in a way which just lands.
So I was so excited to get her on the podcast.
And in this episode, we're diving into the art of
making a man obsessed with you, obviously in a very health, wealthy, magnetic,
and empowering way. So whether you're you know, in the
(02:05):
dating world or you're in a long term relationship, this
episode is for you because Margarita breaks down how to
captivate and connect on a deep, deeper level without losing yourself.
And it's honestly, it's not what you think when I say,
you know, making men obsessed with you, because like that's
(02:26):
not what our whole world should be about. But also
I do believe like women should be the prize. We
should feel loved and adored, we should.
Speaker 3 (02:36):
Have romance in our lives.
Speaker 2 (02:37):
So Margarita gives us all the tips and tricks and
if you've ever wondered how to hold you know, power
and create this irresistible attraction in your relationships that comes
from this beautiful, authentic place. You are going to be
obsessed with this episode, so let's get into it. Okay, Margarita.
(03:03):
For those who are not obsessed with you like I am,
who are not familiar, could you give us a bit
of a rundown, a bit of an intro of who
is Margarita?
Speaker 3 (03:14):
What is she passionate about? What's her message?
Speaker 4 (03:17):
Do you know that the obsession is mutual? I discovered
you about a year ago when my web designer was like,
have you seen her? She's amazing, Her contents are beautiful.
Look her angel numbers that she prices her things at.
And I was like, wait a minute, who is this?
Speaker 3 (03:33):
So it's mutual star.
Speaker 4 (03:35):
I started on well, I did a life coaching diploma,
but I went viral when I opened a TikTok thinking
it would be a super secret sleuth thing to do
that nobody would ever see me on TikTok and I
went and put all my real opinions on there, and
there I was, and it went pretty viral within the
first six months. I talk about women, feminine energy, how
(03:57):
to get what you want, strategies in life and confidence,
and I've just written a book called The New Rules.
Speaker 2 (04:05):
I loved your book.
Speaker 3 (04:07):
I consumed it in such.
Speaker 2 (04:09):
A short amount of time, and can I just say
to all the RNC community after this interview, you will
also be obsessed if you don't already follow Margret and
I highly highly recommend her book because it's like all
your best tiktoks in one place. And when I found
your TikTok, it was a relationship TikTok, and I was
(04:32):
going through something in my relationship and it was basically about,
you know, pulling your energy back and putting it into yourself.
And it's funny because it's like I'm in the self
development world. I have my own self development podcast. It's
almost that concept is something I know and something I embody.
(04:53):
But with my relationship, I've been with my husband since
I was seventeen, so thirteen years now. It's funny. It's
almost like I had put our relationship in a different
category compared to how I show up in my business
and my life in self development. And so you really
brought so many concepts that I almost like live by
(05:16):
in different aspects of my life to my relationship that
just made so many aha moments, really changed how he
showed up, how he started treating me changed how I
felt about myself. And so I really kind of want
to get straight into making the men obsessed with you
(05:38):
and what that has entailed, because I feel like when
I looked at your TikTok, those were the most viral.
And I think as a woman, we want to feel adored.
We want to feel like the prize. We want to
feel like the only one. But with life and us,
you know, working and kids and all those sorts of things,
(05:59):
that's God in loss. So let's get straight into the
juicy staff, how do we make a man obsessed with us?
Speaker 4 (06:06):
Well, if a man is obsessed with you, and I
use words there are that are you know a little
bit spicy, like obsessed or selfish in order to really
communicate the point. But if he's crazy about you, essentially
it's going to make your life a lot easier in
terms of life is hard enough. You've got babies, you've
got businesses, you might have illnesses in your family, you
might have things. The last thing you want is to
(06:28):
be chasing a grown man to make him do staff.
Men don't do things for people that they're not obsessed with,
or things that they're not obsessed with. You know, when
a guy has a hobby, he travels halfway across the
world to do whatever it is. That's what you want
on your side? Do you want a man who's going
to move mountains for you? So the first thing is
you've got to choose that kind of man. But you
said earlier, you said, you know, I was working on
(06:49):
myself and I did all the good things, and I
had it in my business. You were probably in your
masculine energy in your business. What does that mean? Driving, achieving, succeeding,
moving forward, goal oriented. All of those things I just
listed will get a man to be completely repelled by you.
Men do not like you to try and strive for them,
(07:09):
try and get their attention, try and move towards them.
If anything, they feel and I mean it, repulsed by
a woman who does that for them.
Speaker 2 (07:17):
Why?
Speaker 4 (07:17):
Because they want to achieve you, They want to feel
good about themselves. Why do men play video games? Why
do men play sports? Because it has a level of achievement.
They do ABCDFG and they can win a goal. If
you do not present a challenge and a goal to
be met, you are quite essentially boring for them. They
don't see you as amazing. They want to feel amazing
(07:39):
in your eyes by winning your affections. So the reason
it didn't translate for you and your marriage, and same
with me when I was in my marriage earlier, is
because I was also in my masculine energy. I was
trying to plan dates, I was trying to do all
the things. I was trying to apply masculine energy to
a relationship, and that doesn't work. So I would say,
(08:01):
the way to make a man obsessed with you, and
I talked about it yesterday at my book launch is
to be the mirror, not the microphone. What does that mean?
When he behaves in a certain way, you are his mirror.
He messages you, you message him back. He's kind to you,
you're kind to him.
Speaker 3 (08:19):
He's not talking to you.
Speaker 4 (08:20):
He needs space. You need space. Also, it doesn't mean
you don't have your own entity, but that is how
you work within the relationship. So be the mirror, not
the microphone. What's the microphone? Long paragraphs about how you
feel about him? On his text message? When he's looking
outside thinking about something, what are you thinking about? What
are you thinking about? You're doing too much, talking, too much,
(08:40):
explaining too much, conversating when he is not reaching out
to you. If he is there and he's talking with
you and he's open to the connection and conversation, go
for gold because you're his mirror.
Speaker 3 (08:50):
Wow.
Speaker 2 (08:50):
I love that because it's so simple and it makes sense.
And I feel like, especially you know who's going to
be listening to this podcast, my community is we are
high achievers. We do want to go out, we do
want to create the career and the businesses and the
you know.
Speaker 3 (09:07):
The personal growth.
Speaker 2 (09:09):
But it has made us also do that, you know
in our relationship where if he's not putting in the effort,
well I'm going to put in twice the effort.
Speaker 3 (09:17):
I'm going to show him what he should do.
Speaker 2 (09:20):
But what I've realized and has been reflected in my
relationship too, is like biologically men do need to almost
be the hero. They do need to yeah, like feel
like they have accomplished something. And even if they think
back to the very start of our relationship with my
husband Tim, like I made him work for it, Like
(09:42):
I was like I thought, you know, like I also
had just got out of relationship, and I very much
was like, if you make it worth it. But otherwise
I'm happy to be single and it's this energy where
he had to, you know, work for our relationship. And
I think sometimes you know, as you do get more comfortable,
as you shift and evolve, you can start wanting to
(10:05):
put more effort in. But pulling your energy back like
that is so so powerful. So do you want to
talk about long term relationships? But let's do dating first.
So if someone's dating, how what are your non negotiable
tips to create that like magnetic they can't stop thinking
about you energy, And like, what are some of your.
Speaker 4 (10:24):
Rules in terms of dating? I think number one And
the biggest thing I would say is you have to
be the one who chooses the man. I know it's
conventional wisdom to say that let him approach and let
him lead. Yes, within the confines of you already being
in contact. But if you don't put yourself out there,
and you sit online and you just swipe on apps,
(10:45):
you're putting yourself out in the market as a commodity,
as an item that people swipe left or right. And
you need to be going out and putting yourself in
places where people who men who are doing hobbies that
you would like or that you would perceive your man
to like. So yeah, I know it's weird, but yeah,
go to the fishing store if that's the type of
guy you'd want. Maybe you don't like fishing, but that's
where he is. He's not on the tinder app yet.
(11:07):
He's not in a bar. He's not that kind of
half drunk guy who stumbles up to you. He's the
guy who wouldn't talk to you. So what you need
to do is ask for him to hold your jacket
while you take your drinks to the table. You need
to facilitate the first introduction. Hold his eye contact a
bit too long. If you're both at a bus stop,
I don't know wherever it is. You are at the library.
You want a guy who's obsessed with I don't know,
(11:31):
ancient artifacts or something. Go in that section and the library,
stand there and then be like, this is the number
one tip. Ask a man to explain something to you.
They love to man's plain and we like to be like,
don't tell me this or that. Ask him. You see
a man online who's a chef or claims to love
to cook, DM him and be like, oh my god,
I saw you did a roast chicken. What was that
(11:53):
salt you used for it? And you don't initiate the relationship.
You don't ask him out, you don't question, you don't
pursue him, but you open the door to the conversation.
I really don't think dating apps are conducive to women
and dating. It's not in our favor. We like men
who are tens out of tens onlines out of tens.
(12:14):
We don't like to settle. So all of us are
holding around this one percent of man who's got all
the options, and everybody else, the average joe who's actually
might be quite charismatic or you might actually like because
of the actions he puts into the relationship. You're ignoring.
So get off the apps, get in real life where
the man you would like to meet might be, you know,
(12:35):
all the man oriented hobbies. And then you make the
first move.
Speaker 3 (12:39):
I love that.
Speaker 2 (12:41):
And then so once someone, let's say they are now
in the you know, they've found the men.
Speaker 3 (12:48):
They've made the first move, it's going along.
Speaker 2 (12:51):
What are some of the common energy leagues or mistakes
women make during the dating phase that keeps them in
the dating face or like, you know, is I guess
conducive to them staying in you know, their masculininity and
that sort of thing what's the most common.
Speaker 4 (13:10):
They forget that the essence of feminine energy isn't flower
picking and running through the field. It is being the chooser,
the picker, right even down to biology, we are the
ones who pick things and men are the ones who hunt. Right,
So you are picking him. He is not picking you.
Every woman I speak to who's in dating is obsessed
about the fact that did he text me? Will he
(13:32):
choose me? You need to reframe. It's you who's choosing him.
If his behavior, if he does something that you don't like, fine,
note it down, even get a book. Put one side
good behavior, one side bad behavior. You're not reacting to it.
You're not questioning him on it. He doesn't belong to you.
He's still in the You're Simon Cowell American idol, and
he's auditioning for you. Women always think this the other
(13:53):
way around. She's trying to perform for him. What should
I say on a date? What should I do on
a date? What do you mean? He's the one? So
you sit there and you evaluate. He said that that
was a bit weird. Don't like that, but I like this,
but I don't like that. And another thing that trips
women up. Is that they that's an energetic leak because
they are in that men can feel this that they're
auditioning for them. Don't do that. So when you are
(14:17):
on that date, you need to be evaluating whether this
person is for you or not, and also don't hide
to the fact that you want potentially marriage and children.
One of the chapters in my book is called remember
You Are the Prize. Women are forgotten because of modern feminism.
And feminism is great because we now have rights, but
(14:37):
it's gone to the point where in dating we've forgotten
that we're the prize. Because back in the day, a
man could only have access to you if he was
very serious about you, because the danger was you'd get
pregnant and then you'd have to get married and that
was you forever. Now we have contraceptions, so we don't
have those boundaries. So you need to remember that you're
the prize. He still sees you that way. So when
women are very apologetic about the fact that they want
(14:58):
to get married and have children, Oh no, that's it's
not for me. I just want to casual you know, No,
you don't, No, you don't. And what you're allowing him
is access to you because you're telling yourself that lie.
You don't need to sit there and tell him that
you want to marry him then and there. But you
definitely need to speak in terms of when I'm married,
when I have children, just as you would about your business,
(15:18):
when my business scales. Why you are not something to
be embarrassed of and hidden. It is a prize for
him to potentially marry you one day. That's a goal.
So and if he's scared about that, great, good riddance Godden.
Speaker 2 (15:37):
How do we make someone propose to us? And I
know that you have personal experience in your relationship with this.
So let's say someone's like, you know, they've been dating
for a long time, he's not proposing. She's like, Okay,
well what do I do because I want him to propose.
Speaker 4 (15:51):
Well, there's two layers to it. Off the jump, if
you've not got into a serious relationship yet, you cannot
get into a free wife situation. If you're living with
him performing as a wife, should maybe already have his children.
I'm gonna I'm not gonna sugarcoat it. There is not
much you can do to get a proposal. Then you
just need to like count your losses and be like, great,
we're partners. Now. I'll tell you what to do in
(16:13):
that situation in a minute. But before you get there,
you need to explain to that person that you will
only invest that time, effort, and energy into building a
life with someone if they choose you as a life
partner and a wife. Even if he says, oh, I
don't believe in marriage modern dad, be like, great for you,
it's not important. You don't believe in it, but I do,
so marry me if that's what you want, you know,
(16:36):
and give it a time frame. You know, if I'm
not married by the age of whatever, or then we're
just gonna have to be friends. By that, you mean
he's not going to be in your life, of course,
but you give him a time frame so you don't
move in with him. You don't do these performative duties.
You don't cook for him, you don't advocate for everything
you need to do. Tell him when you need to
go to the dentist. But if you are already in
(16:58):
that situation, you need to have a frank and honest
conversation where, yes, we are now in this situation, but
I've decided marriage is important for me. Now, I don't
want you to speak on it.
Speaker 2 (17:08):
Now.
Speaker 4 (17:08):
That's what you need to tell him. Don't react, don't don't,
don't you know, do anything. Think about it, and if
you don't choose to propose to me within a year,
I will take that as a sign that you don't
take this seriously and we'll have to part ways. But
don't speak now. Think about it, because he's gonna have
all kinds of things to say to you that might
hurt your feelings. So just let him think on it,
(17:29):
let him ruminate, and if he doesn't after a year,
cut your losses.
Speaker 3 (17:33):
I love that.
Speaker 2 (17:33):
And then so what about that person who is in
a long term relationship. They've got the kids, they've got,
you know, that moved in and that sort of thing.
Speaker 4 (17:43):
You need to understand if that's a hill you're willing
to die on, how important is marriage for you? For me,
it's very important. Right for you, it might not be
culturally morally, maybe it would be nice for you to
get a ring, but it's not something that you're willing
to break up a family over. For me, family is
more important than concept of marriage. So if I was
in that situation, I can't imagine why I would because
(18:03):
I wouldn't have got there in the first place. But
if you are now there, and now you've changed your mind,
and you've read my book and you've listened to you
and you are glowing up in every way, and you
would like that sit down and truly decide is this
something that I'm willing to break up my family over.
If it is not, say it to him, and if
he doesn't move on it, understand that you have made
some errors in judgment where he now doesn't have the
(18:25):
incentive to propose to you. Okay, and that is what
it is. But if it is important enough for you
to break up everything over it, I wouldn't advise it.
But if it is, understand that when you communicate it,
you should communicate it strongly and then take action on
what you decide. There's only two ways about it. But
nagging him, going on about it every day, Why don't
(18:47):
you want to marry me? My friend Johnny and Samantha
are married. I don't like That's not the one because
you're just gonna degrade and peck away your marriage with
the nagging. You either decide to tell him about it
and then live with it, or you leave.
Speaker 2 (19:04):
And well that's even talking. Let's talk about the nagging.
Because something I love that you've said is, you know,
when you become the mother in the relationship, the nagger,
the mother, the partner role is up for grabs. And
I loved this. Why do you think so many women
(19:24):
fall into this trap of becoming a mother.
Speaker 3 (19:27):
In the relationship and how do we stay out of it?
Speaker 4 (19:29):
So it's the three roles, the mother, the martyr, and
the manager. That's the three roles that women fall into
in modern relationships. The mother is exactly how you would
mother your children. You're very instructional. Mothering, ironically, is masculine energy.
It doesn't feminine energy doesn't mean female things like motherhood
masculine energy. I tell my kids where to go, I
(19:49):
tell them how to do things. I am the leader
of my children, and if they don't do what I say,
then you know, it has consequences, et cetera. You have
to parent in a certain way. So women just put
that onto men because either they already have children so
he just becomes one of them, or because it's a
natural instinct and they don't yet have children and he
becomes the child. But it's sometimes easier for us to
(20:11):
mother men because we can just instruct them on what
to do. They fall into the role of the child
because they're like, well, if she's so adamant about how
she wants things done, I might as well just go
for the ride, because fighting her will be more difficult.
And then you start to become more and more in
control of what he does, looking after him, doing everything
for him, managing him. That's the second role manager. Did
(20:32):
you go here, did we go there? Did you book
this thing? Why didn't you do it? I told you
to buy the chicken? Why did you buy the fish?
Speaker 2 (20:37):
It?
Speaker 4 (20:37):
Does it really matter? Does it really matter? You wouldn't
even treat your friends that way. And then the last
one is the martyr. When you start to sacrifice yourself,
sacrifice your beauty, sacrifice your time, sacrifice everything, and you're
doing everything for him and the children and your business
and work, and you do nothing for yourself in hopes
that one day they'll all turn around and be like,
thank you, thank you, you did this for us, We
(20:59):
really appreciate it. No one's going to thank you. In fact,
everyone is just going to be annoyed by you, because
nobody likes a person who sacrifices things for them with
the hope of reciprocity. No one's going to do it
back for you. You've got to do it for yourself
because you are the feminine essence in the whole relationship.
So you've got to feed yourself first, and people will
be more enamored by you because of that. Falling into
(21:20):
that role is a very bad idea. Women find it
very hard. But what you do is you, I know,
shocka Let people have autonomy. You don't need to control them,
you don't need to look after them. You don't need
to do everything for them. He lived before he met you.
He will still live without you, and yes he will
do things unlike you, but he is not you. And
(21:40):
you cannot respect a man you control, and that's the problem.
And then women don't want to sleep with their husband
why because he is in the role of a child.
No one wants to sleep with their child. You become
his mother. The role of partner is open. He often
might not cheat in real life, but fantasizes about other women.
Because at the end of the day, the essence of
fair and energy is playfulness and lightness. And when you
(22:03):
are carrying the heavy load of the whole relationship. You know,
I sometimes think about it and I just think it's
not that deep, like well, how the laundry gets done,
how the dishwasher gets stacked, But women get really fixated
on it. Just let him be who he is. Men's
number one prerogative in life is to have the freedom
to be who they are. Women love to come and
like change a man. They love to project, like chip
(22:26):
away at him until he becomes perfect, accept him exactly
as he is, or find someone who you can accept.
Speaker 3 (22:33):
I think that's so true.
Speaker 2 (22:34):
And also, like you said, what I found in my
relationship is like understanding that how much Tim does want
and like freedom. And it's not freedom to go off
and you know, talk to women or go off and
explore the world or anything like that. But I very
much found myself in that manager role because you know,
(22:55):
I am a career galley. I do manage a lot
of projects. It's very natural for me. And so when
I kind of drew things back and it's kind of like, yeah,
he's his own person, he can do that sort of
thing naturally. He stepped more into his masculine of not
so much managing me but looking after things where I
(23:17):
felt like I was the only one that could look
after those things. And again, like you said, is having
some broom that maybe it's not done in the exact way,
but at least it's done even very strong in the
leaving the space and the time to either see him
step up or see him for who he is and
(23:42):
not trying to change him because it's exhausting. Imagine going
through life kind of trying to constantly change this person
and redirect them because it's like, you know, I have
a three year old, I have a baby on the way,
And once I, you know, had my child, I was like, fuck,
I'm like, there's so much to do all the time,
as well as my business is so having that one
(24:04):
less person to control and tell what to do is
so empowering.
Speaker 4 (24:10):
He should be an asset in your life. And men
are functionally there to make women's life easier. You are
creating life. Your children need you. His functionality and the
way even men are structured and who they are is
to make your life easier. They're stronger than you to
make your life easier while you make the children and
do all these things. Now, if you are looking after him,
(24:32):
he becomes more boylike and then they rebel. They really
need freedom, and like you said, is not to go
to the bar or to travel the world. Irony of
men is you give them freedom. They're right there, it's like,
why are you here? Go away? If you try and
control them, they run away because they're trying to fight
for their freedom and autonomy. Masculinity is freedom and autonomy.
But hopefully you choose a man whose autonomy and freedom
(24:53):
means being next to you, and that's what you want
to see. You want to see if he's going to
choose you before you do things like get married and
have children. Give him that freedom and see if he's
going to be by your side and he is, oh
my god great, and if he isn't, didn't we want
to see that and see that that's going to be
the consequence. You can't hold him on a leash. That's ridiculous.
Speaker 2 (25:20):
And so even with a long term relationship, how because
again I feel like we get in this long term
relationship it's either the manager or the martyr or the
mother comes in and the spark fades and then you know,
women are like, oh I don't have the romance, I
don't have this, and blah blah, blah, what some ways,
(25:41):
like some practical ways in a long term relationship to
keep it you know, sexy, playful and like keep that
spark alive.
Speaker 4 (25:48):
What kills it is mundane conversations about household runnings, and
it's inevitable. Both you and I have very similar positions.
My son was three when my daughter was born. I
know exactly the life that we're living. We both run business, okay,
but if you divide your household and divide your life
into areas, like let's say you have a company and
(26:09):
you both run different departments, so that you don't have
to have conversations like did you unstack the dishwasher because
you do it on Monday and I do it on
Tuesday and you do it on Wednesday. How about the dishwashers?
Just your job? And so I'm saying it like a
mundane small task, right, but it could be bigger things
or the washer and dryer is mine, so that we
don't have to always conversate about mundane tasks. And sometimes
(26:29):
it will feel unfair, especially when you have small children,
because you will do the majority of the lifting. But
I always advocate for women taking liberties in other areas.
When women are like, no, we've got to do fifty
to fifty of all the things because we're now equal.
Let him do a lot more because trust me, when
you have children and when you're making them with your
own body, you will understand why men used to have
(26:50):
to do everything and pay for everything. Let him initiate more,
let him do more, ask him for more. We don't
ask things because oh, he won't want to do it.
Oh he'll roll his eyes, doesn't matter, roll his eyes.
Ask him for so many things that you then start
to see him as someone who is enhancing your life
and someone you admire. Ask him to the point of
you feeling a little bit selfish and uncomfortable, because that
(27:12):
is the point right there, when you're going to be like,
that's my man, Look how much he does for me,
And then you're going to start to feel sexy again.
We don't ask for much because we're good girls.
Speaker 3 (27:21):
You know.
Speaker 4 (27:21):
We want to be likable. We don't want to be annoying.
What if I'm too much? Oh gosh, it's better to
be happy than good. You don't want to be good
people get men get bored of good women. They don't
get bored of happy women. So if you are happy
with yourself, you're feeling a bit selfish. You're sitting there, Oh, yeah,
he's doing everything for me. That's where you want to be.
Speaker 3 (27:41):
I love it.
Speaker 2 (27:42):
I just I love the realness of it. And I
think also something to add to that is just really
being selfish in the way of again, like you said,
we like to be the good girls. We like to
do everything for everyone and then do our business and
then we want this like on the back, we want
this recognition. But it's like I find in those moments,
(28:05):
you know, if he's not stepping up or whatnot, feeding
into myself being like I'm going to go get a facial,
I'm going to go do something, I'm going to go
on a retreat and giving back to yourself. Because when
you give back to yourself and you put the energy
into yourself, you feel less resentful to them.
Speaker 3 (28:20):
You then show up in.
Speaker 2 (28:22):
This energy where they want to be around you. You know,
like I even I'm super playful with my husband Tim,
where if he does something I don't like, or you know,
there's some sort of situation, it's like I will almost
obviously not acknowledge it, or I like make a joke
out of it, I'm lighthearted, and it's like it doesn't
(28:45):
have to everything doesn't have to be a DNM because
I do that with my girlfriends. And also it's like
I don't have to take life so seriously. And then
when I'm in that playful energy, he is so much
more receptive to.
Speaker 4 (29:00):
And women are like, if you imagine it, just on
a metaphorical level, women are like cats. They like to
be pampered. They like to be like idolized. They like
to be like, oh my god, look at that beautiful
cat there, look at it. They don't like to work, right,
I mean, we like to work on our businesses, but
within the context of a relationship. And women don't understand
that that's not what men want. So we treat them
the same. We try and be like, yes, anything for you,
(29:21):
pamper you do you like a meal? Men are like dogs.
For example, they found that dogs are happiest on the
farm where they have to work and they feel that
they've owned their meal. They're not happy being a pampered poodle.
All those poodles that are pampered always get some kind
of depression and have to you know, see the vets
all the time. That men are the same men love
to be useful if you give him tasks, if you
make him feel like he belongs this whole male crisis
(29:44):
at the moment, they don't know what they belong to.
They don't know what to do with themselves. You know,
there's a story about World War two when there was
a psych ward of men who had depression because men
and women had different different wards. At the time, they
were catatonic, meaning they couldn't move. They were so depressed
nothing could motivate them. But then when the war happened,
they needed drivers to drive the fire trucks to put
out the fires. What happened to these men Suddenly they
(30:06):
could walk. Suddenly they could walk and drive the trucks
because they were needed because all the other men were
fighting on the front. Yes, so that is what motivates men,
extreme need and extreme kind of urgency for them to
do something. Hence again the video games.
Speaker 2 (30:26):
Well, and this is just a personal story, but I
want to bring this in because you see exactly what
you're talking about. But in a very interesting example. So
in my relationship, my husband is a stay at home
dad and he looks after Ivy full time, and then
you know, I work full time, and we really struggled
firstly going into it because what I realized I did
(30:49):
is I had some sort of guilt that I wasn't
the stay at home mum and the homemaker. So with
Ivy and especially him being a male looking after you know,
a toddler and a child, it's different. It's hard, well,
I think it's hard for anyone. But I tried to
make his life as easy as possible with we had
a cleaner, we had a chef, we had a gardener,
(31:12):
and so basically he didn't have to do anything except
look after our daughter.
Speaker 3 (31:17):
And it really got our.
Speaker 2 (31:18):
Relationship into this very interesting place. And what has actually
worked is pulling.
Speaker 3 (31:25):
Back all that help.
Speaker 2 (31:28):
And does go to daycare two days a week and
on those two days he golfs. He does stuff around
the house. But then otherwise we don't have a gardener,
we don't have a cleaner, and we don't have a chef.
He cooks every night, he cleans up the kitchen, he
does everything around the house, and we've actually never been
so happy yet.
Speaker 4 (31:48):
Because he's a poodle. He's a working dog and as
he should. You know, it's interesting because as you were
saying that story, I was like, yep, that's fine because
women often say, what if I'm the working one? He
says at home. Good, it's the modern world. It's fine,
but he should be showing up. Actually, the questions more framed.
What if I make more money than him? And I
always say, well, that doesn't make him more feminine than you.
(32:10):
What if he's building fences out in your garden and
maintaining everything and cleaning. When my husband cleans the kitchen,
let me tell you, it is like some kind of
professional cleaning surface service came in. It is like pristine me.
I'm not like, yeah, just wipe it a little bit,
like I'm not that precise, right, Like I'm good at
business and talking, I'm not good at that kind of thing.
(32:31):
You don't have to stick to roles that were created
in the past. Women stayed at home because women didn't work,
and women were almost always pregnant, right because of contraception.
You don't have to stick to those roles. But he
needs to feel physically purpose purposeful, yeah, because you took
away all the roles that he had to do and
he just had to sit with a child, which men
(32:51):
aren't very good at. No, they're not their brain cannot
compute just one on one child. They're actually better at,
you know, functioning with everything and the child going on.
Sometimes I see my husband with my two kids and
no one's screaming and they're all fine, and I'm like,
what's happening because when it's me, they're all crying because
I'm the mum, you know.
Speaker 2 (33:07):
Yeah, And I think even you know, in my instance,
what was the bee thing I had to overcome was?
You know, still even now he'll be like, oh, you know,
I did the house or day, and I did this,
and I did that, and previously I used to feel
guilty and then that's why we had people in that help.
But he does that now and I just give him praise.
(33:30):
I'm like, you are the best you you know, like
he's not saying those things because previously it's like I
was giving him a solution, whereas now I just give
him praise kind of like a dog and kind of
like a dog, and I give him praise and I
have space for him not complaining because I don't want
(33:51):
to use that word, but it's like I just have space.
And it's like, you know, if they have an eye roll,
or if they complain or whatnot just be like that's
it's not actually about me and not take it so personally.
Speaker 4 (34:02):
I used to do exactly the same. My husband is
renovating our house that we got, and he used to
be like, oh, I worked so hard, I went after
work did it, and I was like, well, why don't
you hire someone, why don't you hire a builder? And
it would just come for the conflict. Now I'm like,
oh my god, you built that.
Speaker 3 (34:19):
You know what I mean.
Speaker 4 (34:20):
They're looking for number one freedom and number two appreciation. Yeah,
that is the number two. Yeah, that is what they're
looking for. So if they have that freedom and appreciation
and also that whole concept of getting a cook and
a cleaner and all this stuff builds him like a
gilded cage, you know, like it's beautiful and it's nice,
but he can then not get the appreciation that he desires.
Speaker 2 (34:40):
Yeah, well, it's crazy because ever since making those shifts
like night and day difference in a relationship in both
of us.
Speaker 4 (34:47):
So modern work is more designed for women. There's a
reason women do better at university. There's a reason you
do good at your business because that's modern work. You
can sit down and you can function and like I
said hunter gatherer. With the gatherer mindset, you can see
the things and you can move them around and you
can create businesses. Modern societies is hard for boys. I
(35:10):
have a son, and it's more difficult for them to
adhere to these kind of systems. So it's natural a
lot of men need to find their purpose in things
outside of work because a lot of women are going
to take over jobs.
Speaker 2 (35:22):
Well, I love that you spoke on that, and I
feel like that really hits the nail on the head
with how to make him obsessed with you and how
to kind of keep that spark alive. And again, I've
never heard someone kind of speak about it like you do.
Speaker 3 (35:35):
So thank you for doing what you do.
Speaker 2 (35:38):
Let's switch gears a little bit and let's kind of
focus on the work you do with that energetic glow up,
that feminine magnetism. You know, that kind of like that
it girl energy, and when someone walks in, you can
like feel her energy and you're like, everyone wants to
do things for her and everything works out for her.
What does that actually mean to you? What does that embodiment.
Speaker 3 (36:01):
Mean to you?
Speaker 4 (36:02):
I think it's a lot to do with actual neurology.
What you focus on you notice as you yourself know.
It's a lot of things that you talk about. It's
the fact that if I said, have you seen a
red car lately? You would say no, But then that
same day you would see a red car ten times
because your brain is now predisposed to notice something. If
(36:22):
you perceive yourself as Lucky, the main character, the main girl,
it you will see ques in life, and you will
notice things in life people in life who see you accordingly.
It's an energetic shift. So instead of seeing the guy
who doesn't want you, you'll see the guy who does.
Instead of chasing a friend who never replies to you,
you'll be like, oh, because I'm the main character and
(36:43):
I'm that girl. Look my friend replied to me, we're
going out for drinks. Now it will be the friend
who actually wants your company and wants to be around you.
Psychological bias for things to work out for you, it's
not luck. It's luck that you determine yourself and it's
just way more fun to live that way. Another thing
is with social media, will often open to seeing things
(37:03):
that are unattainable for us. And I don't mean money
wealth for success. I mean if I am five foot
three and I look like j Lo, But I'm looking
at Victoria's secret models. That's not what I need to
be looking at. I need to be looking at women
who look like me so that I can feel I'm
the main character, so that I can feel that it's
all about me, because we all have our own beauty
and our own merit, and it's about curating your life.
(37:24):
Stop comparing yourself to people who you're never going to
be like, and start to look at people who are
like you, and understand that you have one go around
this planet, on this earth, and you might as well
show up as the best optimized version of you. I
am so obsessed by this, like optimizing how I look, feel,
and am. Then I'm like, oh my god, I'm going
to be sad when it's over because I just want
(37:44):
to optimize and optimize because I've been given this body
one time, Like I don't know who if second lives exist,
and if they do, I might be some man or
something God for it, you know what I mean. So
it's just like, don't waste the journey.
Speaker 2 (37:58):
And so let's talk about the gloss then the optimization,
give us some real talk.
Speaker 3 (38:03):
What does that look like, what can we.
Speaker 4 (38:05):
Do well when I make this content? I think it's
always the first thing is got to have to be Yes,
mindset's great, but it has to be external. Also a
lot of people focus now on just appreciating who you
are for who you are, just be who you are. No,
you've got to love yourself for the effort you put
in and consistently show up for yourself. Are you the
healthiest you can be? Because health is beauty. Straight white teeth,
(38:29):
nice skin, good hair, weight that you want to be
at is all health. Those are all signs of health.
That's how human beings see. Health is beauty, that's all
it is. It doesn't matter if you've got a long nose,
a short nose, a big forehead, a small forehead. Anyone
can find anything beautiful. Culturally. We all have different beauty standards.
But are you the best optimized version of what you
(38:50):
see for yourself? Are you doing it? Are you showing
up for yourself? Because that's what confidence means. If I
were friends with you and we were going to meet
up five times and you didn't show up, I wouldn't
be confident that you would be there on the sixth time.
That's how we treat ourselves, don't we I'm going to
go to the gym NET didn't show up. I'm gonna
eat the sweight NAT didn't show up. I'm going to
do this thing that didn't show up. You now don't
(39:11):
like yourself. You psychologically don't like yourself. You're not showing
up for yourself. So how can you be confident in yourself?
To be confident in yourself is to be confident that
you will show up for yourself like you would for
a best friend, like you would for a pet. Do
you know people give their pets their medication more consistently
than they do themselves because they show up for a
pet rather than themselves. It shows that you don't like yourself.
(39:35):
Start showing up every day like you are your own
best friend. Start protecting yourself like you are your own
best friend. Why are you letting that person ghost to
you again? Would you let that happen to your friend?
You would not let that happen to your friend. You
would throw that phone in the river or something. You
know you wouldn't let that happen.
Speaker 3 (39:52):
And so why do you think women, even like.
Speaker 2 (39:56):
Specifically really struggle with the putting themselves first?
Speaker 3 (40:01):
Like putting the effort into the.
Speaker 2 (40:05):
Confidence and showing up for themselves.
Speaker 3 (40:07):
Like, what do you think is the block?
Speaker 4 (40:09):
Because we got told that if we're good enough at work,
at school, at being someone's friend, at showing up for
other people will be rewarded. But that's a lie.
Speaker 3 (40:18):
We won't be.
Speaker 4 (40:20):
Someone might say thank you, but that's it. You have
to still show up for yourself. No one's going to
do it for you. If you don't do it for you,
we think it's selfish. It's not selfish. You have to
have something that you give energy from. If you're giving
energy from zero, it's negative energy. You have to replenish yourself.
It feels difficult. I struggle when my husband calls me
(40:41):
and he's like, hey, can you pick up I don't know,
some oranges from the store. He wouldn't say that, but
let's just say. I feel a moment of being torn
because I say I'm all almost home and I've got
my kids, And then I start to think, oh, but
my kids need to go home, and that wins because
it's for them, not for him. But if it was
just me and my kids weren't with me, I'd go
to the store because I want to make him happy.
(41:02):
It's really hard for women, even me, even with the
work I do, even with everything to go. Do you
know what, No, I'm tired. Like it's hard for them
to put themselves first. But when you do, you will
see the world changes towards you because you give your
self value. When you start to put yourself first, and
when you start to value yourself like you would a
best friend or a pet or whatever, the world changes
(41:24):
because people see that you value yourself. The reason ferraris
are expensive, the reason things have a luxury label is
because they don't just put them out in the store.
When you see an iPhone, they don't just have all
these iPhones and Apple still standing there, like pick an iPhone.
They put one out, the rest of them are back
there somewhere. It's exclusive, it's protected. You can't just get
to it. People read that energy. It's like branding and
(41:47):
so like.
Speaker 2 (41:49):
And that's even what comes to mind is you know,
like you said right at the start of like, what
you focus on expands, and it's like, if you're going
through life focusing on everything, think else and making everyone
else happy, pleasing everyone else, that's what's going to continue.
That's what's going to expend and if you want your
(42:10):
husband to give you more attention, if you want to
feel more special, if you want to feel more femine,
if you want to you know, have that energy where like.
Speaker 3 (42:19):
I'm that girl.
Speaker 2 (42:21):
You have to give that energy to yourself and then
the other people reflect that too. And I think it
is hard. Like you said, it's like it's so ingrained
in us. Do you have any tips for the mom.
She's listening to this episode and she's like, holy shit,
I give everyone else my energy.
Speaker 3 (42:40):
I always put my kids first.
Speaker 2 (42:41):
And I think the mom's situation is hard because we
do have to put the kids first, and you know,
we do somewhat maybe like you said, it's like, oh,
if the kids in the car, I can kind of
use them as you know, the excuse, and it does
complicate things.
Speaker 3 (42:56):
So the mom who wants to.
Speaker 2 (42:58):
Grow up, who wants to feel like that girl, who
has that belief that it's like, oh, well, I can't anymore.
I'm the mom. What can she do?
Speaker 3 (43:06):
What can she put in place?
Speaker 4 (43:07):
She needs to understand it's not an action she's going
to do, but an understanding. I'm gonna say now, and
it might shift how you feel. Is that your children
model themselves on who you are, not what you do.
So if you have daughters. Even more so when I
had my daughter, when I found out I'm having a girl,
I freaked out because I was like, oh my god,
now I actually have to be a role model. When
I had my son and I thought I'm gonna have
(43:27):
another son, I was like, great, my husband can do
you know? The modeling for them? Obviously I'm still a
role model, but they model themselves after the same sex parent. Usually.
When I had my daughter, I was like, great, now
I'm gonna have to show up in a different way.
I think my mom told me this thing. My mom
is very fabulous. She was hard to be a daughter
of when I was younger because she had me when
she was twenty years old and without a lot of
(43:50):
guidance about how to be a parent. But she told
me this. She said, when i'd get some money because
she used to work two jobs she was a single parent,
she goes, I would It's just a metaphor. She wouldn't
actually buy a lipstick every time, but she goes, I'd
buy like a lipstick for three dollars and the other
seven dollars, I'd spend on you. I would always do
something for myself, and I remember that despite my mom
being young and not always knowing like the gentle parenting
(44:12):
things to do, you know what I mean? I always
remember my mum was fabulous. She was just iconic and
she still is. And I modeled myself on her, how
she talks, how iconic she is, and I was like, man,
women can do anything. Everything is possible. When people were like, yeah,
women need to get, you know, out of the kitchen
(44:34):
and work, I'm like, what do you mean? Haven't they
always worked? Like it wasn't even understanding to me because
my mum always worked and was like this powerhouse, as
was my grandma. So I never felt like the suppression
of like, women can't do something, because I was just like,
what do you mean? My whole lineage of women are
always doing everything. I'm not sure where the men are though,
And so I think when a woman is trodden down
(44:54):
with motherhood and it is hard, I'm not gonna lie
about it. It's hard. I get up at four thirty
sometimes because my daughter decided that right. Most days it's hard.
You get tired, but you need to remember it's not
another sacrifice that you're going to make. It's not the
perfect pastor with the perfect you know, greens in it
and everything that's going to really shift their life. It's
(45:15):
how you show up. So if you're going to sacrifice
yourself and you're going to be this like headless chicken
running around in a bathrobe, do nothing for yourself, that's
going to be their identity, not how much they put
into whatever it is that they were doing. The unlived
life of a parent is the worst burden on a child,
Whilst an amazing life that a parent curates is an
(45:36):
inspiration for a child. You don't want to burden your
child with the sacrifices that you made that they didn't
ask for.
Speaker 2 (45:43):
That's like sometimes I really struggle with mum girl, with
being you know, the working parent, and that's what I
remind myself of. You know, maybe I had to fly
into state for something and I missed, you know, a
bedtime story with Ivy. But also I'm going to be
the mom who when after what she wanted, who went
(46:03):
after her dreams, who you know, she hopefully feels inspired
by to go after her dreams, to do the things
that I want to do. And so I'm able to
use this beautiful mindset shift to be like I don't
always have to get it right, but like my intention
is to show her you can be what you want,
(46:23):
you can create what you want. You can you know,
show up in this way and you can create a
life that maybe looks different to other people, but if
it's serving you and your family, it can be really beautiful.
And she doesn't have to follow in my footsteps. But
if she has the general values of that, I am
so happy. So for me, it's like if I miss
(46:44):
a bedtime, you know, once a month or that sort
of thing, it's okay, big, but you know when she
was little, I really struggled with that, and so that, yeah,
that really helped me. So thank you for explaining that.
Speaker 4 (47:02):
I think, no, you know, I think also acceptance of
our emotions as a human biological mechanism is a really
good idea. Do you know why you feel guilt biologically?
It's because your body is like, hey, you're a healthy mom,
you have children, Remember you have children. You just sit
with yourself and go, thank you body for reminding me,
because if you didn't, if you didn't have guilt, Essentially,
(47:22):
what that would mean is you don't have an attachment.
M you don't have an attachment to your child if
you had no guilt. There is no like flag going hello.
Speaker 3 (47:30):
You've got a baby.
Speaker 4 (47:31):
Hello. That's just a mechanism going off saying you're a
healthy mom with a child who you have an attachment to.
Speaker 3 (47:36):
I don't forget.
Speaker 4 (47:37):
So you're just like, Okay, thanks noted. H.
Speaker 3 (47:41):
I love that.
Speaker 2 (47:42):
And again, it's like not making your emotions wrong and
being able to sit with them and have space for
them and not make them mean something.
Speaker 4 (47:50):
I mean anything except for that you're a mom.
Speaker 3 (47:52):
That's it.
Speaker 4 (47:53):
That's all it means. Your body's just going You're a mum.
Remember you're like, yep, got it, thank you haven't forgotten.
Speaker 5 (47:57):
Yeah, soh Margarita, if you could give the women listening
one thing that they could do today to you know,
be more magnetic.
Speaker 2 (48:09):
Step into themselves, like one piece of advice. Sorry, what
would you say to them?
Speaker 4 (48:16):
I would say, stop seeking validation in the eyes of
other people and show up for yourself. Show up for
yourself in the ways that you would for a friend,
and stop seeking for somebody else to say you're good
enough to return your phone call to not ghost you.
You should be there so much for yourself that it
doesn't matter if somebody else doesn't want you. It truly
should not matter. You need to start showing up for
(48:37):
yourself in the way that you hope these people would.
Speaker 3 (48:39):
And then that's going to be reflected.
Speaker 2 (48:43):
That's incredible, Margarita, thank you so much for your time.
I'm so glad we got to do this full episode.
Speaker 3 (48:48):
I know your baby is sleeping too.
Speaker 4 (48:51):
It's so good iconic.
Speaker 3 (48:52):
I will link.
Speaker 2 (48:54):
You everything you're about in the show notes. I'm sure
everyone will flee to that. But again, thank you so
much for spending this time with me and my community.
Speaker 3 (49:04):
Thank you, love, thank you, thank.
Speaker 1 (49:07):
You so much for listening to this episode of the
Rise and Conquer podcast. If you enjoyed it and want more,
connect with us via Instagram or continue the conversation on
our beautiful Facebook community page. All the details are in
the show notes, and I'd love to hear more about
your journey. Also, we're an independent podcast with a small
(49:27):
but mighty team, so we really do appreciate your support.
If you have a spare moment, please click the follow
or subscribe button to the podcast, and if you leave
a review, you'll help other people find our content, and
we would be so grateful
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