January 19, 2023 • 7 mins
Summer Series
Topics included in this episode -
- Getting the routine right for school mornings
Find us on Facebook at Dr Justin Coulson's Happy Families
Email us your questions and comments at podcasts@happyfamilies.com.au
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See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:03):
It's the Happy Families Podcast. It's the podcast for the
time poor parent who just once answers now, Okay. School
is heading back next week for Queensland, is a week
later for everybody else around Australia. And today on the
Happy Families Podcast, a quick chat during our summer series
about routine, Getting the routine right. What we're supposed to
(00:26):
do in terms of getting things prepared? Are we ready
for this now? If your kids are going to school
for the first time, whether it's prep or kindie or reception,
or whether they're starting a high school or just school
is a new thing. We're going to talk about that
on Monday, but for today, just getting the routine right?
What routine? My name is doctor Justin COLSONA here with Kylie,
(00:46):
my wife and mum to our six children. We've been
through this a few times, Kylie, I think we're going
to be okay. But let's use the wisdom that we've
accrued over the last twenty ish years of sending children
to school. Can you believe we've actually had kids going
to for pretty much the last twenty years now and
we've still got another ten years of it to go.
We've still got ten more years.
Speaker 2 (01:07):
Oh, it's supposed to be a hopeful statement.
Speaker 1 (01:09):
So our youngest is going into grade three next week. Okay,
so nine or ten years including this year. Ten years
to go take a breathe. Okay, So routine. I know
a lot of people are saying, what routine? Do I
really have to worry about this? Surely we can just
wake up on the first day of school and the
kids will know what to do and we're just going
to make it happen. What's your response to that?
Speaker 2 (01:29):
This reminds me so much of the things that I
learned in Atomic Habits by James Clear. I've pushed against
routine for so much of our married lives. You really
really struggled, you have, and yet our lives and I
know it, our lives function so much better when there
is a routine.
Speaker 1 (01:48):
Speaking of which, you and I need to have a
really good conversation this weekend about getting our routine dialed in,
because I've been trying for about a month now to
have this conversation with you, and you're still resisting it,
even though you're saying what you're saying on the podcast routine.
So let's do it now. Let's do it now. If
we were to put together the ideal routine, what would
what would you say that we need to dial in.
(02:09):
What are the things that matter most in terms of
bringing the family on board and getting the routine right
for day one?
Speaker 2 (02:15):
Well, it doesn't start on day one. That's the first thing.
If we want things to actually work well, then we
actually need to start that process, probably a week before.
Getting the kids up at the right time, putting them
to bed at the right time, and getting them their
rhythm back. Yeah.
Speaker 1 (02:31):
I know, and I'm looking at you and going, I
don't know if they really need a full week of it,
But the idea is we've got to start to think
about it and get things back on track. I mean,
if the kids need to be in bed normally by
I don't know, let's say eight pm or seven thirty pm,
and they're currently eight thirty nine o'clock, we do need
to start to wind it back. We've got to start
to take those steps. But I think that's the getting
up in the morning that matters most.
Speaker 2 (02:52):
Right, Yeah, totally.
Speaker 1 (02:53):
Of course, any parent with children under children out of
the age of let's say ten or eleven, that's not
a problem. The kids are up because little kids get up,
They're like, a, ready, let's do this. So what else
do we need to do when it comes to getting
the routine right? And the reason I'm asking you, I
know that I've written chapters in books about this, but
I'm asking you because you're the one that does at
(03:15):
a practical level in our home more than me, or
at least you have done over the years. Firstly, but
secondly because when it comes to routine, this is really
your your domain, this is your thing.
Speaker 2 (03:26):
So one of the best things that we ever did,
and I as we're talking, I actually think we need
to go back to it was actually creating a lunch menu, yes,
because we have so many children, yeah, who have different
likes and dislikes, and often what will happen is I
make the lunches and someone comes home and goes, Mum,
you remember, I like my sandwiches cut like this, or
(03:47):
you know, I like the skins left on my orange
is not taken off, or whatever it is. So creating
a lunch menu where they literally just with a whiteboard marker,
I laminated them and then with a whitebooll marker, they
just literally ticked the thing that they wanted in their
lunch box. Each day meant that I could do a
really quick, methodical check of that and pack everybody's lunches
(04:08):
without any stress or fatigue from trying to remember who's
the one who likes there.
Speaker 1 (04:14):
Yeah, it's just the cognitive load. So let me wind
this back just to Smidge and walk through my steps
to a magic morning. So number one, your morning starts
the night before, and I reckon as you get ready
for the new school year, just remembering that one thing
the night before school, get the uniforms out, get the
shoes out, get the socks out, and make sure the
school bag's ready, get the lunch box out, get things
(04:36):
organized the night before. And the second part of that
is create a breakfast and lunch menu, just like you're
having those cheap motels on the side of the highway,
and you tick and flick and then you leave it
out and they bring your food the next morning. That
kind of thing makes such a difference because you don't
have to do the decision making in the moment when
everyone's tired and a little bit flustered and not quite
ready to get themselves out the door for school.
Speaker 2 (04:57):
Well, what we find often we've got a couple of
kids who really strug to eat breakfast. It's not something
that they want to do, and so when you ask
them what they want in the morning time for breakfast,
they don't have an answer for you because it's not
high on their priority list. So getting them to do
it the night before means that they make a commitment
at that point that that's what they want, and then
they don't have the decision fatigue in the morning to
(05:21):
make choices about something that's not important to.
Speaker 1 (05:23):
Them because it's painful at that moment. So morning begins
to night before. Get everything organized. Number two. Have a
lunch menu and a breakfast menu that can be ticked
and flipped the night before, so that when you walk
into the kitchen the next day, you already know like
you've actually got your battle plan. It's already sorted, I reckon.
The next best thing to do, as well, is to
get the kids up ten minutes early and get them
(05:44):
up softly and gently with a hard and to squeeze
and a little bit of love, a little bit of connection,
and then as they go through their morning, instead of
doing it all for them, depending on their age, get
them either doing it with you or get them doing
it with your gentle guidance, So, hey, what's next on
your list? Stead of telling them what to do, ask
them what's next? And I think that that's probably the
(06:05):
best advice that I can give when it comes to
getting your routine right for the start of the new
school year.
Speaker 2 (06:11):
Brilliant advice, thank you. Unless you're at home on your
own trying to do everything and trying to remind the kids.
So if that's you, like it has been me for
so many years, even having a checklist chart for your
kids so that they know the system what needs to
happen in what order, means that you don't have again
(06:34):
the cognitive load of having to try and remember what's
so literally the conversation is what's next on your list? Yeah?
Speaker 1 (06:42):
And that's the question, what's next? And do you need
any help? Because it's about connection and guidance. It's not
about correction and direction and telling them what to do.
And I reckon also keep the TV off, Like everything
stops once the TV's on, or once screens are on.
Just keep screens away from your mornings. It's going to
mess up your routine. We hope that there's some news
ideas there. If you would like more information, you can
visit us at Happy Families dot com dot au the
(07:04):
Happy Families Summer series. Well, that's it. That's a wrap.
We're back to regular podcasts as of Monday. We'll see
you then,
It's the Happy Families Podcast. It's the podcast for the
time poor parent who just once answers now, Okay. School
is heading back next week for Queensland, is a week
later for everybody else around Australia. And today on the
Happy Families Podcast, a quick chat during our summer series
about routine, Getting the routine right. What we're supposed to
(00:26):
do in terms of getting things prepared? Are we ready
for this now? If your kids are going to school
for the first time, whether it's prep or kindie or reception,
or whether they're starting a high school or just school
is a new thing. We're going to talk about that
on Monday, but for today, just getting the routine right?
What routine? My name is doctor Justin COLSONA here with Kylie,
(00:46):
my wife and mum to our six children. We've been
through this a few times, Kylie, I think we're going
to be okay. But let's use the wisdom that we've
accrued over the last twenty ish years of sending children
to school. Can you believe we've actually had kids going
to for pretty much the last twenty years now and
we've still got another ten years of it to go.
We've still got ten more years.
Speaker 2 (01:07):
Oh, it's supposed to be a hopeful statement.
Speaker 1 (01:09):
So our youngest is going into grade three next week. Okay,
so nine or ten years including this year. Ten years
to go take a breathe. Okay, So routine. I know
a lot of people are saying, what routine? Do I
really have to worry about this? Surely we can just
wake up on the first day of school and the
kids will know what to do and we're just going
to make it happen. What's your response to that?
Speaker 2 (01:29):
This reminds me so much of the things that I
learned in Atomic Habits by James Clear. I've pushed against
routine for so much of our married lives. You really
really struggled, you have, and yet our lives and I
know it, our lives function so much better when there
is a routine.
Speaker 1 (01:48):
Speaking of which, you and I need to have a
really good conversation this weekend about getting our routine dialed in,
because I've been trying for about a month now to
have this conversation with you, and you're still resisting it,
even though you're saying what you're saying on the podcast routine.
So let's do it now. Let's do it now. If
we were to put together the ideal routine, what would
what would you say that we need to dial in.
(02:09):
What are the things that matter most in terms of
bringing the family on board and getting the routine right
for day one?
Speaker 2 (02:15):
Well, it doesn't start on day one. That's the first thing.
If we want things to actually work well, then we
actually need to start that process, probably a week before.
Getting the kids up at the right time, putting them
to bed at the right time, and getting them their
rhythm back. Yeah.
Speaker 1 (02:31):
I know, and I'm looking at you and going, I
don't know if they really need a full week of it,
But the idea is we've got to start to think
about it and get things back on track. I mean,
if the kids need to be in bed normally by
I don't know, let's say eight pm or seven thirty pm,
and they're currently eight thirty nine o'clock, we do need
to start to wind it back. We've got to start
to take those steps. But I think that's the getting
up in the morning that matters most.
Speaker 2 (02:52):
Right, Yeah, totally.
Speaker 1 (02:53):
Of course, any parent with children under children out of
the age of let's say ten or eleven, that's not
a problem. The kids are up because little kids get up,
They're like, a, ready, let's do this. So what else
do we need to do when it comes to getting
the routine right? And the reason I'm asking you, I
know that I've written chapters in books about this, but
I'm asking you because you're the one that does at
(03:15):
a practical level in our home more than me, or
at least you have done over the years. Firstly, but
secondly because when it comes to routine, this is really
your your domain, this is your thing.
Speaker 2 (03:26):
So one of the best things that we ever did,
and I as we're talking, I actually think we need
to go back to it was actually creating a lunch menu, yes,
because we have so many children, yeah, who have different
likes and dislikes, and often what will happen is I
make the lunches and someone comes home and goes, Mum,
you remember, I like my sandwiches cut like this, or
(03:47):
you know, I like the skins left on my orange
is not taken off, or whatever it is. So creating
a lunch menu where they literally just with a whiteboard marker,
I laminated them and then with a whitebooll marker, they
just literally ticked the thing that they wanted in their
lunch box. Each day meant that I could do a
really quick, methodical check of that and pack everybody's lunches
(04:08):
without any stress or fatigue from trying to remember who's
the one who likes there.
Speaker 1 (04:14):
Yeah, it's just the cognitive load. So let me wind
this back just to Smidge and walk through my steps
to a magic morning. So number one, your morning starts
the night before, and I reckon as you get ready
for the new school year, just remembering that one thing
the night before school, get the uniforms out, get the
shoes out, get the socks out, and make sure the
school bag's ready, get the lunch box out, get things
(04:36):
organized the night before. And the second part of that
is create a breakfast and lunch menu, just like you're
having those cheap motels on the side of the highway,
and you tick and flick and then you leave it
out and they bring your food the next morning. That
kind of thing makes such a difference because you don't
have to do the decision making in the moment when
everyone's tired and a little bit flustered and not quite
ready to get themselves out the door for school.
Speaker 2 (04:57):
Well, what we find often we've got a couple of
kids who really strug to eat breakfast. It's not something
that they want to do, and so when you ask
them what they want in the morning time for breakfast,
they don't have an answer for you because it's not
high on their priority list. So getting them to do
it the night before means that they make a commitment
at that point that that's what they want, and then
they don't have the decision fatigue in the morning to
(05:21):
make choices about something that's not important to.
Speaker 1 (05:23):
Them because it's painful at that moment. So morning begins
to night before. Get everything organized. Number two. Have a
lunch menu and a breakfast menu that can be ticked
and flipped the night before, so that when you walk
into the kitchen the next day, you already know like
you've actually got your battle plan. It's already sorted, I reckon.
The next best thing to do, as well, is to
get the kids up ten minutes early and get them
(05:44):
up softly and gently with a hard and to squeeze
and a little bit of love, a little bit of connection,
and then as they go through their morning, instead of
doing it all for them, depending on their age, get
them either doing it with you or get them doing
it with your gentle guidance, So, hey, what's next on
your list? Stead of telling them what to do, ask
them what's next? And I think that that's probably the
(06:05):
best advice that I can give when it comes to
getting your routine right for the start of the new
school year.
Speaker 2 (06:11):
Brilliant advice, thank you. Unless you're at home on your
own trying to do everything and trying to remind the kids.
So if that's you, like it has been me for
so many years, even having a checklist chart for your
kids so that they know the system what needs to
happen in what order, means that you don't have again
(06:34):
the cognitive load of having to try and remember what's
so literally the conversation is what's next on your list? Yeah?
Speaker 1 (06:42):
And that's the question, what's next? And do you need
any help? Because it's about connection and guidance. It's not
about correction and direction and telling them what to do.
And I reckon also keep the TV off, Like everything
stops once the TV's on, or once screens are on.
Just keep screens away from your mornings. It's going to
mess up your routine. We hope that there's some news
ideas there. If you would like more information, you can
visit us at Happy Families dot com dot au the
(07:04):
Happy Families Summer series. Well, that's it. That's a wrap.
We're back to regular podcasts as of Monday. We'll see
you then,
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