January 29, 2023 • 16 mins
Helping your kids thrive at school
Topics included in this episode -
- Easy afternoons & easy evenings
- Prepare them for 5 days a week
- Sleep is not a luxury item
- Mornings begin the night before
- Meet other parents
- Foster relationships
- Support their autonomy
Find us on Facebook at Dr Justin Coulson's Happy Families
Email us your questions and comments at podcasts@happyfamilies.com.au
See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:03):
It's the Happy Families podcast. It's the podcast for the
time poor parent who just wants answers.
Speaker 2 (00:10):
Now, do you remember We've had a couple of kids too.
Speaker 3 (00:13):
They were so.
Speaker 2 (00:13):
Excited about starting big school and then they came home
after day one or day two, and what was found?
Speaker 3 (00:19):
Day three?
Speaker 2 (00:20):
Maybe day three, and we're like, okay, well you've got
school again tomorrow, and they just have his melt and
they're like, no, I've been to school, I know everything.
I don't need to go to school anymore. I've done that.
I'm finished.
Speaker 1 (00:30):
And now here's the stars of our show, my mom
and dad.
Speaker 2 (00:34):
Hello, this is doctor Justin Coilson, the founder of Happy
Families dot com dot au. Parental Guidance Season two coming
soon to Channel nine.
Speaker 3 (00:40):
You know I saw a picture of you. You saw
a picture of well, actually your mum sent it to me.
Speaker 2 (00:44):
Right, what was the picture of?
Speaker 3 (00:46):
Well?
Speaker 2 (00:46):
You?
Speaker 3 (00:47):
But you thought you were in a skirt?
Speaker 2 (00:49):
Well from when I was a kid or something. I
didn't wear skirts when I was a kid. What are
you talking about?
Speaker 3 (00:52):
No, you were in TV.
Speaker 2 (00:53):
We Oh really?
Speaker 3 (00:55):
Yes?
Speaker 2 (00:55):
Really?
Speaker 3 (00:56):
Are you and Ali's standing next to each other? We really?
Speaker 2 (01:00):
Was it just all photoshops?
Speaker 3 (01:01):
Yeah?
Speaker 2 (01:02):
Ali and I do stand next Allison Langdon is the
host of Parental Guidance. I'm the co host and parenting expert.
We do actually stand beside each other now and then.
So I don't know if the photograph is of Ali
and I standing beside each other and have you got
it there? Let me see. Okay, so this is podcasting
is not a visual medium. But oh, it looks like
I'm wearing a dress.
Speaker 4 (01:19):
That's what your mom said. The way they put the
textbox from wasisted down.
Speaker 2 (01:23):
Over the top of you. It's so funny.
Speaker 3 (01:25):
It looks like you're wearing address.
Speaker 2 (01:26):
Okay, so this was in what is it? TV Week?
You know, I don't think I've ever read a copy
of TV Week. From January twenty one to twenty seven,
it was TV Week. I wonder why I'm not aware
of this, And you know what, I'm looking at that
picture and I think that Ali and I were not No,
I think we were. I think we were together for
that photo. I think we were. It's not just the
one modern technology.
Speaker 3 (01:48):
It's becoming real.
Speaker 2 (01:49):
What do you You're bringing that up? Because I mentioned
the TV show. I was gonna say, we've got things
to talk about today. And where are you going? So
season two is getting close? It was in TV week,
So what did it say? I just handed it back.
There was writing Can I read it please? Or do
you want to read it?
Speaker 1 (02:01):
No?
Speaker 3 (02:01):
You read it?
Speaker 2 (02:02):
You read it?
Speaker 1 (02:03):
No?
Speaker 4 (02:03):
It was just must see television in twenty twenty three.
Oh okay, and you guys made the car?
Speaker 1 (02:08):
Really?
Speaker 2 (02:09):
I can I read out? What the blurb is? That
looks like it's a skirt around my legs? It says.
Parental Guidance nine Network, the TV show that puts parenting
under the microscope, returns this year after a successful season
in twenty twenty one that proved to be groundbreaking and
shocking TV. Twelve families with very different parenting styles will
be tried and tested in the series, hosted by parenting
(02:31):
expert doctor Justin Coulson and a current Affair host, Alison Langdon.
Topics from tantrums to sibling rivalries are unpacked, with a
special emphasis this season on raising children in the digital
age and the dark side of the Internet. Oh I
can't wait. It just reminded me of what season two
is going to be. Amazing. We've talked for too long
about this. We need to talk about what we're here
to talk about. Did you want to see anything else
(02:52):
about day because it's pretty cool? Well, your next book,
my next book. No, let's talk about that later, okay,
we can. Twenty twenty three is going to be a
bumpy year. I saw one of those things on faceboo
book the other day and it said, the song that
was the number one song for the year in the
year that you turned twenty three is going to be
a summary of what your year is going to be.
So I did a quick Google. I looked at the
(03:14):
year that I turned twenty three, which I mean, I
might as well say, because people can go and research anyway,
as if everyone's going to do that. It was nineteen
ninety eight. Okay, I think yeah, because in nineteen seventy
five I was born and the number one song in
nineteen ninety eight in Australia was only O La La,
(03:38):
the cover of Blabe. It's going to be a bumper year.
Oh a great year?
Speaker 3 (03:44):
Did your google mine?
Speaker 2 (03:45):
As a matter of fact, your number one song the
number one song for the year. I won't tell people
how old you are, and I think you might get
in trouble. I don't know, Kylie, if this is if
this is going to be a great summary of your year.
It was Can't Fight the Moonlight by Leanne Rymes.
Speaker 4 (04:03):
You get sack?
Speaker 3 (04:14):
Are you serious?
Speaker 2 (04:15):
I don't know what that means, but number one song.
Don't don't read too much into it. It was the
biggest song of the year, picking at number one for
six weeks and staying in the top fifty for twenty
two weeks. The longest day at number one was Shaggy
with Angel, which spent eight weeks at the top spot,
and it was joined joined by alien Ant Farm's Smooth
Criminal Smook Criminal. I used to love that. And we've
(04:40):
got a daughter called Annie, and so I don't know
how many years of her life we would walk around
the house singing and your okay, are you okay? You okay?
I might have to try that. I see it today.
Speaker 3 (04:51):
Well, we've digressed like a bajillion long.
Speaker 2 (04:53):
That's your fault. That's your fault. You brought it up.
So we're like four and a half minutes in the podcast.
We haven't even begun the topic. We've got eaven things
that can keep you saying this school year, seven ways
to make sure that the kids thrive at school. I
think that I want to start by saying, especially at
the start of the school year, especially right now, easy mornings,
(05:14):
easy afternoons, easy evenings. Take the pressure off because this
is the time of the year when everybody is running
around like crazy. Right You're getting back into the routine.
You've forgot this, You've got to go by that at
the shops, the extra curricular activities are starting up again.
And I just want to tip number one, just cool it,
take a break, breathe, because do you remember it during
(05:38):
COVID everyone said, oh yeah, I'm going to slow down.
We do too much. We've got to learn this lesson.
We've been overscheduling our lives, and COVID is kind of
it's not really affecting most of us in any meaningful
way at all anymore. Life has returned to normal, which
means that we've started overscheduling and life is full on.
So I reckon easy afternoons and easy evenings, especially in
(05:58):
the first couple of weeks as kids get used to
the routine.
Speaker 4 (06:02):
Well, I guess number two is helping our little ones
know that school actually happens every day and will for
the rest of the year.
Speaker 2 (06:09):
Do you remember we've had a couple of kids who
they were so excited about starting big school, and then
they came home after day one or day two, and
what was about day three, maybe day three, and we're like, okay,
well you've got school again tomorrow, and they just have
this melt and they're like, no, I've been to school,
I know everything. I don't need to go to school anymore.
I've done that. I'm finished. They've watched their big siblings
(06:31):
go to school continually, but they kind of thought, no,
I've done it.
Speaker 3 (06:33):
I'm all good.
Speaker 4 (06:35):
It's amazing and for parents, you know, who are dealing
with this for the very first time, often day one
can be actually so exciting that there's no jitters, there's
no nerves, and they go off really happily. But then
we get to day two, three or four, and all
of a sudden, it really sinks in that they actually
have to do this every day, every day. And sometimes
you'll find that there'll be a regression and it actually
(06:56):
gets a bit harder before it smooths out. I just
know that if that's you, it's normal, it's okay. And
reassure your children.
Speaker 2 (07:04):
And go back to point number one. Easy afternoons and
easy evenings because they're pretty stimulated all day at school.
We don't need to be loading them up in the afternoons.
In fact, if you've got younger kids, I'd even say,
don't even book any extracurricular activities. In turn one, if
it's not too late, if you can avoid it, just
minimize the input into their lives during the afternoon and evening.
Speaker 3 (07:24):
Lots of cuddles.
Speaker 2 (07:25):
Yeah, and limit the TV as well. That doesn't work
for them. Hey, I think that there's a third thing
that is worth mentioning, and that is the importance of sleep.
We talk about this on the podcast a lot, and
one of the favorite things for me to say about
sleep is that it is not a luxury item our kids,
our older kids are still sort of treating sleep like, oh,
(07:48):
I'll get to it when I get there, because right
now I'm busy reading or I'm writing in my journal.
I walked in just a couple of nights ago, I
walked into the kids bedroom at the moment. For those
of you who have missed the memo, last year, when
we moved from Brisbane to the coast, we had to
downsize significantly, Like we bought a three bedroom beach shack. Basically,
we're a k back from the beach, but we bought
this little beach house that we went from having six
(08:11):
bedrooms to having three bedrooms. So we've got three kids
sharing one bedroom right now. But it's the rumpus's room
with two sets of bunks and there's a lounge in
the corner. So I stepped into the bedroom where the
three kids are and Emily, our eight year old, she's
fast asleep. It's nine point thirty. She's gone. But the
twelve year old and the fifteen year old, they're sitting
on the couch. Each of them's holding a torch. One
(08:32):
of them is just reading her book and the other
one's holding a torch while she writes in her journal.
Nine point thirty at night. And I'm like, guys, sleep
is not a luxury item. You need it like everything
needs it. Your brain needs it to function. There's a
relationship between getting enough sleep and avoiding things like Alzheimer's
and Parkinson's disease. I mean, your brain, your body needs
(08:53):
the rest, and the kids need especially in these first
couple of weeks, because they've probably had a lot more
screen time than they should have during the school watch
the amount of screen time that the kids are getting well.
Speaker 4 (09:04):
Number four is a reminder that mornings begin the night before. Yeah,
and especially in these first few weeks. If you can
set yourselves up the night before, it makes the mornings
just that much less stressful and everybody gets off on
a happy foot hopefully.
Speaker 2 (09:20):
Okay, moment of reflection here. So I've been traveling a
fair bit for work. I've been doing a lot of seminars,
professional development for teachers, some corporate work, and so the
last couple of weeks I haven't been home as much
as we would normally have me home and as much
as we would probably like. Can I just ask how
are we going with that? How are we going with
morning beginning the night before?
Speaker 4 (09:40):
Look, the girls have actually been really good. The other night,
I said to them, Dad's out. He's going to get
home a little bit late tonight. Do you think that
we can all work together and get as much of
the cleaning up done so that when he comes in
he'll get a really big surprise.
Speaker 2 (09:53):
And I did.
Speaker 4 (09:54):
Well, I couldn't believe it. Even miss E Yeah, she
got involved as well. She's like, all right, what can
I do? And I said, well, I've got a holy
little job. So I were just little things, you know,
kind of putting putting away things that were in the
wrong place. And she said, oh, I said, how are
you going with it all? She said, it's pretty boring, she.
Speaker 3 (10:12):
Said, but it's okay boring. I asked her if.
Speaker 4 (10:15):
She'd wipe down Her and her cousin had been roller
skating through the house and so they'd rubbed black marks
onto my kitchen cupboards. And I said, what's that. She said, oh,
I think maybe when we were rollerskating, we you know,
scratched up the walls a bit. I said, do you
think you can get the gumption out and clean that?
So she did and she did a perfect job of it.
And then the next thing I've seen her, she's around
(10:37):
the hallway down the horn.
Speaker 2 (10:38):
You she just kept gumptioning.
Speaker 4 (10:39):
She's like, I just want to clean all the doors, mum, right,
I said, can you just clean.
Speaker 2 (10:43):
The kitchen if she's doing it, just let it go. Anyway,
your morning begins the night before, so school uniforms, socks, shoes,
bags unpacked or repacked. Do it the night before. It
takes so much pressure off in the morning. It makes
morning so much smoother. When you when you've reduced that
level of load for the next day.
Speaker 4 (11:05):
We're talking about seven things we can do to make
school smooth, and my next tip is to meet other parents.
It makes such a difference to your kids. You think
that the relationships are built in the playground, but actually not,
they're built outside of school.
Speaker 1 (11:23):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (11:23):
Over the years, as we've gotten to know our kids friends,
and it's usually primary school. I mean, in high school,
it's great if you can, but the kids are usually
a little bit reluctant to make it happen.
Speaker 3 (11:34):
And parents are as well.
Speaker 2 (11:35):
I've noticed that parents are kind of.
Speaker 3 (11:37):
They're busy, they kids are, but.
Speaker 4 (11:39):
I kind of see the kids as being so much
more independent and not needing them, And very often kids
don't want them around and parents take a back seat
a lot of the time when you get to high
school age. So it's much harder to make connections in
high school, but primary school and especially those really early years,
most parents are desperate to find some connections.
Speaker 2 (12:00):
It is as well, if kids are going to enjoy school,
they have to have good relationships at school. They've got
to have good friends at school, and the success of
a friendship isn't really up to the kids like. It
might be great at school, but the friendship really works
best when the parents know each other and they're able
to coordinate after school activities or a catch up on
(12:20):
the weekend, or chat about the upcoming birthday party or
whatever it might be school camp.
Speaker 4 (12:25):
So if we just take a step back and think
about it from an adult's perspective, you walk into a
room of twenty four other people, what are the chances
that you're going to make a best friend in that scenario.
Speaker 2 (12:34):
I mean, I love talking to people. I love people,
so I'm not so nervous about that. But I understand.
I understand the point, and that is that it's really
hard to sit down and get to know somebody, and
there's so many distractions.
Speaker 4 (12:46):
There's so many things, you know, pulling at your attention,
and especially for little kids, So giving them the opportunity
to develop friendships in a more controlled setting where there's
only one or two other kids and they get to
kind of, you know, work out the whole relationship, it's
really really tricky. So whatever we can do as parents
to help them navigate that and make stronger connections outside
(13:10):
the playground is going to help them so much better
in the playground.
Speaker 2 (13:14):
So we've kind of piggybacked number five. Meet other parents
with number six, foster relationships, those two things kind of
working together. But maybe to extend that a little bit.
If your child has a friend and they're really getting along, well,
it might be worth finding out what that friend does
for extracurricular activities, or letting that friend know what your
(13:34):
child's doing for extracurricular activities, getting them creating more common language,
common more activities in common, more things in common can
often deepen the relationship and make them more excited about
going to oz tag or more excited about going to
netball or hockey or swimming or whatever whatever it is
that they're doing. It can actually really inspire them to
step outside the comfort zone and do things that they
(13:55):
haven't done. So it builds the relationship, It builds kids competence,
It gets them involved in things, and there's a lot
of value in us knowing the other parents but also
fostering the relationship, building it, having play dates, all that
kind of thing. Big kids, little kids, same, same, and.
Speaker 4 (14:10):
Just as a parent, it helps to have somebody else
there to kind of, you know, go back and forth
with you've lost a newsletter, and you can't remember what
day the next school excursion is, or what day do
they wear their sports uniform or whatever. It's really nice
to have another parent to kind of just back you
up in your thinking.
Speaker 2 (14:27):
Okay, so we've covered six things. We're going to make
sure that we remember to have easy afternoons and evenings.
Remind little kids that school is every day, and be
really gentle about it. Recognize that they might have some
big emotions around that help all of our kids to
understand that sleep is not a luxury item. We've talked
about remembering that your morning begins the night before, and
(14:50):
we need to both meet other parents and foster relationships
for our kids so that they have a sense of
belonging at school. The last thing that I think we
should talk about in this brief conversation today is just
the importance of supporting our kids' autonomy. When kids feel controlled,
when they feel like we're making them do everything, they
push back. Force creates resistance, and so to the extent
(15:13):
that we can, I think that we want to give
our kids some autonomy, whether it's in the morning as
they're getting ready for school or they're going to have
for breakfast, all lunch or maybe even it's probably too
late for this now, but letting them choose the school
or consider where all their friends are going and have
them go off there. But the more autonomy we can
give our kids, the more they can have a sense
that they're in control of things, or at least we're
working with them. We're providing support to them as they
(15:34):
make decisions and guiding them carefully and gently if they're
going to make a decision that's not in their best interest.
It really just smooths the road. It makes family life easier,
it makes school life easier. We find that we can
all breathe a little easier when control levels are lower,
not higher.
Speaker 3 (15:51):
Or it makes life easier for everyone.
Speaker 2 (15:53):
Yeah, it does well.
Speaker 4 (15:54):
Hopefully these tips have been helpful in helping you navigate
these first few weeks of school, especially for these first timers.
Speaker 2 (16:02):
The Happy Families podcast is produced by Justin Ruhland from
Bridge Media. We appreciate very much the work that Justin
does to make the podcast absolutely sing. Craig Bruce is
our executive producer, and if you'd like more information about
making your family happy, you can visit us at happyfamilies
dot com dot You tomorrow. The big question that so
many parents grapple with, especially at this time of the year,
(16:22):
How do I get my kids to do homework
It's the Happy Families podcast. It's the podcast for the
time poor parent who just wants answers.
Speaker 2 (00:10):
Now, do you remember We've had a couple of kids too.
Speaker 3 (00:13):
They were so.
Speaker 2 (00:13):
Excited about starting big school and then they came home
after day one or day two, and what was found?
Speaker 3 (00:19):
Day three?
Speaker 2 (00:20):
Maybe day three, and we're like, okay, well you've got
school again tomorrow, and they just have his melt and
they're like, no, I've been to school, I know everything.
I don't need to go to school anymore. I've done that.
I'm finished.
Speaker 1 (00:30):
And now here's the stars of our show, my mom
and dad.
Speaker 2 (00:34):
Hello, this is doctor Justin Coilson, the founder of Happy
Families dot com dot au. Parental Guidance Season two coming
soon to Channel nine.
Speaker 3 (00:40):
You know I saw a picture of you. You saw
a picture of well, actually your mum sent it to me.
Speaker 2 (00:44):
Right, what was the picture of?
Speaker 3 (00:46):
Well?
Speaker 2 (00:46):
You?
Speaker 3 (00:47):
But you thought you were in a skirt?
Speaker 2 (00:49):
Well from when I was a kid or something. I
didn't wear skirts when I was a kid. What are
you talking about?
Speaker 3 (00:52):
No, you were in TV.
Speaker 2 (00:53):
We Oh really?
Speaker 3 (00:55):
Yes?
Speaker 2 (00:55):
Really?
Speaker 3 (00:56):
Are you and Ali's standing next to each other? We really?
Speaker 2 (01:00):
Was it just all photoshops?
Speaker 3 (01:01):
Yeah?
Speaker 2 (01:02):
Ali and I do stand next Allison Langdon is the
host of Parental Guidance. I'm the co host and parenting expert.
We do actually stand beside each other now and then.
So I don't know if the photograph is of Ali
and I standing beside each other and have you got
it there? Let me see. Okay, so this is podcasting
is not a visual medium. But oh, it looks like
I'm wearing a dress.
Speaker 4 (01:19):
That's what your mom said. The way they put the
textbox from wasisted down.
Speaker 2 (01:23):
Over the top of you. It's so funny.
Speaker 3 (01:25):
It looks like you're wearing address.
Speaker 2 (01:26):
Okay, so this was in what is it? TV Week?
You know, I don't think I've ever read a copy
of TV Week. From January twenty one to twenty seven,
it was TV Week. I wonder why I'm not aware
of this, And you know what, I'm looking at that
picture and I think that Ali and I were not No,
I think we were. I think we were together for
that photo. I think we were. It's not just the
one modern technology.
Speaker 3 (01:48):
It's becoming real.
Speaker 2 (01:49):
What do you You're bringing that up? Because I mentioned
the TV show. I was gonna say, we've got things
to talk about today. And where are you going? So
season two is getting close? It was in TV week,
So what did it say? I just handed it back.
There was writing Can I read it please? Or do
you want to read it?
Speaker 1 (02:01):
No?
Speaker 3 (02:01):
You read it?
Speaker 2 (02:02):
You read it?
Speaker 1 (02:03):
No?
Speaker 4 (02:03):
It was just must see television in twenty twenty three.
Oh okay, and you guys made the car?
Speaker 1 (02:08):
Really?
Speaker 2 (02:09):
I can I read out? What the blurb is? That
looks like it's a skirt around my legs? It says.
Parental Guidance nine Network, the TV show that puts parenting
under the microscope, returns this year after a successful season
in twenty twenty one that proved to be groundbreaking and
shocking TV. Twelve families with very different parenting styles will
be tried and tested in the series, hosted by parenting
(02:31):
expert doctor Justin Coulson and a current Affair host, Alison Langdon.
Topics from tantrums to sibling rivalries are unpacked, with a
special emphasis this season on raising children in the digital
age and the dark side of the Internet. Oh I
can't wait. It just reminded me of what season two
is going to be. Amazing. We've talked for too long
about this. We need to talk about what we're here
to talk about. Did you want to see anything else
(02:52):
about day because it's pretty cool? Well, your next book,
my next book. No, let's talk about that later, okay,
we can. Twenty twenty three is going to be a
bumpy year. I saw one of those things on faceboo
book the other day and it said, the song that
was the number one song for the year in the
year that you turned twenty three is going to be
a summary of what your year is going to be.
So I did a quick Google. I looked at the
(03:14):
year that I turned twenty three, which I mean, I
might as well say, because people can go and research anyway,
as if everyone's going to do that. It was nineteen
ninety eight. Okay, I think yeah, because in nineteen seventy
five I was born and the number one song in
nineteen ninety eight in Australia was only O La La,
(03:38):
the cover of Blabe. It's going to be a bumper year.
Oh a great year?
Speaker 3 (03:44):
Did your google mine?
Speaker 2 (03:45):
As a matter of fact, your number one song the
number one song for the year. I won't tell people
how old you are, and I think you might get
in trouble. I don't know, Kylie, if this is if
this is going to be a great summary of your year.
It was Can't Fight the Moonlight by Leanne Rymes.
Speaker 4 (04:03):
You get sack?
Speaker 3 (04:14):
Are you serious?
Speaker 2 (04:15):
I don't know what that means, but number one song.
Don't don't read too much into it. It was the
biggest song of the year, picking at number one for
six weeks and staying in the top fifty for twenty
two weeks. The longest day at number one was Shaggy
with Angel, which spent eight weeks at the top spot,
and it was joined joined by alien Ant Farm's Smooth
Criminal Smook Criminal. I used to love that. And we've
(04:40):
got a daughter called Annie, and so I don't know
how many years of her life we would walk around
the house singing and your okay, are you okay? You okay?
I might have to try that. I see it today.
Speaker 3 (04:51):
Well, we've digressed like a bajillion long.
Speaker 2 (04:53):
That's your fault. That's your fault. You brought it up.
So we're like four and a half minutes in the podcast.
We haven't even begun the topic. We've got eaven things
that can keep you saying this school year, seven ways
to make sure that the kids thrive at school. I
think that I want to start by saying, especially at
the start of the school year, especially right now, easy mornings,
(05:14):
easy afternoons, easy evenings. Take the pressure off because this
is the time of the year when everybody is running
around like crazy. Right You're getting back into the routine.
You've forgot this, You've got to go by that at
the shops, the extra curricular activities are starting up again.
And I just want to tip number one, just cool it,
take a break, breathe, because do you remember it during
(05:38):
COVID everyone said, oh yeah, I'm going to slow down.
We do too much. We've got to learn this lesson.
We've been overscheduling our lives, and COVID is kind of
it's not really affecting most of us in any meaningful
way at all anymore. Life has returned to normal, which
means that we've started overscheduling and life is full on.
So I reckon easy afternoons and easy evenings, especially in
(05:58):
the first couple of weeks as kids get used to
the routine.
Speaker 4 (06:02):
Well, I guess number two is helping our little ones
know that school actually happens every day and will for
the rest of the year.
Speaker 2 (06:09):
Do you remember we've had a couple of kids who
they were so excited about starting big school, and then
they came home after day one or day two, and
what was about day three, maybe day three, and we're like, okay,
well you've got school again tomorrow, and they just have
this melt and they're like, no, I've been to school,
I know everything. I don't need to go to school anymore.
I've done that. I'm finished. They've watched their big siblings
(06:31):
go to school continually, but they kind of thought, no,
I've done it.
Speaker 3 (06:33):
I'm all good.
Speaker 4 (06:35):
It's amazing and for parents, you know, who are dealing
with this for the very first time, often day one
can be actually so exciting that there's no jitters, there's
no nerves, and they go off really happily. But then
we get to day two, three or four, and all
of a sudden, it really sinks in that they actually
have to do this every day, every day. And sometimes
you'll find that there'll be a regression and it actually
(06:56):
gets a bit harder before it smooths out. I just
know that if that's you, it's normal, it's okay. And
reassure your children.
Speaker 2 (07:04):
And go back to point number one. Easy afternoons and
easy evenings because they're pretty stimulated all day at school.
We don't need to be loading them up in the afternoons.
In fact, if you've got younger kids, I'd even say,
don't even book any extracurricular activities. In turn one, if
it's not too late, if you can avoid it, just
minimize the input into their lives during the afternoon and evening.
Speaker 3 (07:24):
Lots of cuddles.
Speaker 2 (07:25):
Yeah, and limit the TV as well. That doesn't work
for them. Hey, I think that there's a third thing
that is worth mentioning, and that is the importance of sleep.
We talk about this on the podcast a lot, and
one of the favorite things for me to say about
sleep is that it is not a luxury item our kids,
our older kids are still sort of treating sleep like, oh,
(07:48):
I'll get to it when I get there, because right
now I'm busy reading or I'm writing in my journal.
I walked in just a couple of nights ago, I
walked into the kids bedroom at the moment. For those
of you who have missed the memo, last year, when
we moved from Brisbane to the coast, we had to
downsize significantly, Like we bought a three bedroom beach shack. Basically,
we're a k back from the beach, but we bought
this little beach house that we went from having six
(08:11):
bedrooms to having three bedrooms. So we've got three kids
sharing one bedroom right now. But it's the rumpus's room
with two sets of bunks and there's a lounge in
the corner. So I stepped into the bedroom where the
three kids are and Emily, our eight year old, she's
fast asleep. It's nine point thirty. She's gone. But the
twelve year old and the fifteen year old, they're sitting
on the couch. Each of them's holding a torch. One
(08:32):
of them is just reading her book and the other
one's holding a torch while she writes in her journal.
Nine point thirty at night. And I'm like, guys, sleep
is not a luxury item. You need it like everything
needs it. Your brain needs it to function. There's a
relationship between getting enough sleep and avoiding things like Alzheimer's
and Parkinson's disease. I mean, your brain, your body needs
(08:53):
the rest, and the kids need especially in these first
couple of weeks, because they've probably had a lot more
screen time than they should have during the school watch
the amount of screen time that the kids are getting well.
Speaker 4 (09:04):
Number four is a reminder that mornings begin the night before. Yeah,
and especially in these first few weeks. If you can
set yourselves up the night before, it makes the mornings
just that much less stressful and everybody gets off on
a happy foot hopefully.
Speaker 2 (09:20):
Okay, moment of reflection here. So I've been traveling a
fair bit for work. I've been doing a lot of seminars,
professional development for teachers, some corporate work, and so the
last couple of weeks I haven't been home as much
as we would normally have me home and as much
as we would probably like. Can I just ask how
are we going with that? How are we going with
morning beginning the night before?
Speaker 4 (09:40):
Look, the girls have actually been really good. The other night,
I said to them, Dad's out. He's going to get
home a little bit late tonight. Do you think that
we can all work together and get as much of
the cleaning up done so that when he comes in
he'll get a really big surprise.
Speaker 2 (09:53):
And I did.
Speaker 4 (09:54):
Well, I couldn't believe it. Even miss E Yeah, she
got involved as well. She's like, all right, what can
I do? And I said, well, I've got a holy
little job. So I were just little things, you know,
kind of putting putting away things that were in the
wrong place. And she said, oh, I said, how are
you going with it all? She said, it's pretty boring, she.
Speaker 3 (10:12):
Said, but it's okay boring. I asked her if.
Speaker 4 (10:15):
She'd wipe down Her and her cousin had been roller
skating through the house and so they'd rubbed black marks
onto my kitchen cupboards. And I said, what's that. She said, oh,
I think maybe when we were rollerskating, we you know,
scratched up the walls a bit. I said, do you
think you can get the gumption out and clean that?
So she did and she did a perfect job of it.
And then the next thing I've seen her, she's around
(10:37):
the hallway down the horn.
Speaker 2 (10:38):
You she just kept gumptioning.
Speaker 4 (10:39):
She's like, I just want to clean all the doors, mum, right,
I said, can you just clean.
Speaker 2 (10:43):
The kitchen if she's doing it, just let it go. Anyway,
your morning begins the night before, so school uniforms, socks, shoes,
bags unpacked or repacked. Do it the night before. It
takes so much pressure off in the morning. It makes
morning so much smoother. When you when you've reduced that
level of load for the next day.
Speaker 4 (11:05):
We're talking about seven things we can do to make
school smooth, and my next tip is to meet other parents.
It makes such a difference to your kids. You think
that the relationships are built in the playground, but actually not,
they're built outside of school.
Speaker 1 (11:23):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (11:23):
Over the years, as we've gotten to know our kids friends,
and it's usually primary school. I mean, in high school,
it's great if you can, but the kids are usually
a little bit reluctant to make it happen.
Speaker 3 (11:34):
And parents are as well.
Speaker 2 (11:35):
I've noticed that parents are kind of.
Speaker 3 (11:37):
They're busy, they kids are, but.
Speaker 4 (11:39):
I kind of see the kids as being so much
more independent and not needing them, And very often kids
don't want them around and parents take a back seat
a lot of the time when you get to high
school age. So it's much harder to make connections in
high school, but primary school and especially those really early years,
most parents are desperate to find some connections.
Speaker 2 (12:00):
It is as well, if kids are going to enjoy school,
they have to have good relationships at school. They've got
to have good friends at school, and the success of
a friendship isn't really up to the kids like. It
might be great at school, but the friendship really works
best when the parents know each other and they're able
to coordinate after school activities or a catch up on
(12:20):
the weekend, or chat about the upcoming birthday party or
whatever it might be school camp.
Speaker 4 (12:25):
So if we just take a step back and think
about it from an adult's perspective, you walk into a
room of twenty four other people, what are the chances
that you're going to make a best friend in that scenario.
Speaker 2 (12:34):
I mean, I love talking to people. I love people,
so I'm not so nervous about that. But I understand.
I understand the point, and that is that it's really
hard to sit down and get to know somebody, and
there's so many distractions.
Speaker 4 (12:46):
There's so many things, you know, pulling at your attention,
and especially for little kids, So giving them the opportunity
to develop friendships in a more controlled setting where there's
only one or two other kids and they get to
kind of, you know, work out the whole relationship, it's
really really tricky. So whatever we can do as parents
to help them navigate that and make stronger connections outside
(13:10):
the playground is going to help them so much better
in the playground.
Speaker 2 (13:14):
So we've kind of piggybacked number five. Meet other parents
with number six, foster relationships, those two things kind of
working together. But maybe to extend that a little bit.
If your child has a friend and they're really getting along, well,
it might be worth finding out what that friend does
for extracurricular activities, or letting that friend know what your
(13:34):
child's doing for extracurricular activities, getting them creating more common language,
common more activities in common, more things in common can
often deepen the relationship and make them more excited about
going to oz tag or more excited about going to
netball or hockey or swimming or whatever whatever it is
that they're doing. It can actually really inspire them to
step outside the comfort zone and do things that they
(13:55):
haven't done. So it builds the relationship, It builds kids competence,
It gets them involved in things, and there's a lot
of value in us knowing the other parents but also
fostering the relationship, building it, having play dates, all that
kind of thing. Big kids, little kids, same, same, and.
Speaker 4 (14:10):
Just as a parent, it helps to have somebody else
there to kind of, you know, go back and forth
with you've lost a newsletter, and you can't remember what
day the next school excursion is, or what day do
they wear their sports uniform or whatever. It's really nice
to have another parent to kind of just back you
up in your thinking.
Speaker 2 (14:27):
Okay, so we've covered six things. We're going to make
sure that we remember to have easy afternoons and evenings.
Remind little kids that school is every day, and be
really gentle about it. Recognize that they might have some
big emotions around that help all of our kids to
understand that sleep is not a luxury item. We've talked
about remembering that your morning begins the night before, and
(14:50):
we need to both meet other parents and foster relationships
for our kids so that they have a sense of
belonging at school. The last thing that I think we
should talk about in this brief conversation today is just
the importance of supporting our kids' autonomy. When kids feel controlled,
when they feel like we're making them do everything, they
push back. Force creates resistance, and so to the extent
(15:13):
that we can, I think that we want to give
our kids some autonomy, whether it's in the morning as
they're getting ready for school or they're going to have
for breakfast, all lunch or maybe even it's probably too
late for this now, but letting them choose the school
or consider where all their friends are going and have
them go off there. But the more autonomy we can
give our kids, the more they can have a sense
that they're in control of things, or at least we're
working with them. We're providing support to them as they
(15:34):
make decisions and guiding them carefully and gently if they're
going to make a decision that's not in their best interest.
It really just smooths the road. It makes family life easier,
it makes school life easier. We find that we can
all breathe a little easier when control levels are lower,
not higher.
Speaker 3 (15:51):
Or it makes life easier for everyone.
Speaker 2 (15:53):
Yeah, it does well.
Speaker 4 (15:54):
Hopefully these tips have been helpful in helping you navigate
these first few weeks of school, especially for these first timers.
Speaker 2 (16:02):
The Happy Families podcast is produced by Justin Ruhland from
Bridge Media. We appreciate very much the work that Justin
does to make the podcast absolutely sing. Craig Bruce is
our executive producer, and if you'd like more information about
making your family happy, you can visit us at happyfamilies
dot com dot You tomorrow. The big question that so
many parents grapple with, especially at this time of the year,
(16:22):
How do I get my kids to do homework
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