March 19, 2023 • 17 mins
25 Lessons for Making Marriage Magic
Topics discussed in today's episode:
- Justin & Kylie are celebrating 25 years of marriage
- 25 Lessons for Making Marriage Magic
- Skin to skin contact
- A loving, thriving marriage is a choice
- Seeing each other as equal counterparts
- How can I better support you today?
- My love is bigger than any problem we have
- Gratitude is key to happiness
- When I meet your needs, you're better able to meet mine
- Regular, uninterrupted, scheduled, intentional time alone
- Daily acts of kindness
- "I love you" is shown
- On the bad days, remind yourself why you said yes
Get in touch with your questions and feedback to podcasts@happyfamilies.com.au
Find out more and register for the Raising Resilient Kids Summit.
See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:01):
It's the Happy Families Podcast.
Speaker 2 (00:04):
We could not be where we are and we could
not have done what we've done without the extraordinary support
that you've offered, the selfless and sacrificial support that you've
provided across the last twenty five years.
Speaker 1 (00:15):
It's because of you.
Speaker 3 (00:17):
And now here's the stars of our show.
Speaker 1 (00:20):
My mum and dad.
Speaker 2 (00:21):
Hello, it's doctor Justin Colson on here with Kylie, my
wife of twenty five years.
Speaker 1 (00:25):
Today, I was going to do exactly the same sound effect.
We're vibing together when again adversary. I love this.
Speaker 2 (00:34):
Welcome to the Happy Families Podcast. We love that you've
joined us. Thank you so much for giving of your time.
We have decided that for today and probably tomorrow. I
don't think we're going to get through this in one
day because we're celebrating twenty five years of marriage today.
Speaker 1 (00:46):
Twenty five years. I can't believe that we're that old.
Speaker 2 (00:50):
We've actually been married to one another longer than we
were ever single. You were nineteen. You were nineteen when
you married me. I was twenty two. You said yes
to me. We had our first child when we were
I think I was twenty four, you were twenty one.
Speaker 1 (01:07):
That's right, you were heavily pregnant. You were nine months
pregnant on.
Speaker 2 (01:09):
Your twenty first birthday, And here we are, twenty five
years down the track now and celebrating what I think
has just been the most amazing. I literally cannot imagine
having another twenty five years in any other way other
than with you.
Speaker 1 (01:25):
Happy anniversary.
Speaker 2 (01:26):
You're so sweet, So we thought we would bring you
into our marriage for today's podcast and probably tomorrow's as well.
We don't know what one another has written. I don't
know anything at all that Kylie has on her sheet
of paper, But we thought, for twenty five years of marriage,
wouldn't it be fun for the Happy Families podcast to
talk about twenty five lessons twenty five lessons that being
(01:47):
married for twenty five years has taught us. It's possible
that we've got exactly the same lists. I wouldn't be
surprised if there's at least a little bit of crossover,
a little bit of overlap. But because it's our winning anniversary,
and because I'm just dying to hear what you've got
to say, I reckon what we should do is go
through your list of have you got twelve or thirteen?
Because twenty five is not even numbers. So we've got
(02:09):
somebody's going to have to do thirteen tomorrow. Have you
got twelve or thirteen? I've got great, so I'll do
thirteen tomorrow. Let's see if in the next sort of
ten or twelve minutes we can work through your twelve
of twenty five ideas for making marriage magic for our
twenty fifth wedding anniversary.
Speaker 3 (02:25):
That's not what you asked me to write.
Speaker 1 (02:27):
What did I ask you to do?
Speaker 3 (02:28):
You asked me to write what I had learned.
Speaker 1 (02:30):
Twenty five lessons. Well, that's fine, that's what I've got
as well. I've got twenty five.
Speaker 3 (02:35):
Make any promises that following these will make your life magic?
Speaker 1 (02:38):
Okay?
Speaker 2 (02:38):
Well that's well, the lessons mean life is better, I think. Okay,
So I didn't explain the brief very well. I've been traveling.
I'm a little bit sleep deprived. There's been a lot
going on away. You go, let's hear your first one.
Speaker 3 (02:52):
Ah. You know, over the years, we've heard just how
imperative it is for newborn babies to have skin to
skin contact. Yeah, with their parents.
Speaker 1 (03:03):
I know where you're going with. It's already.
Speaker 3 (03:08):
And the thing that I've larned the most is that
that skin to skin contact is just as important for
her husband and wife or partners to thrive and have
you a beautiful relationship requires that time together.
Speaker 2 (03:22):
You're not talking about skinned skin with your little babies.
You're talking about locking the door. Skinner skin doesn't have
to be more than skinned to skin. You're just saying,
that's right. Yeah, time together.
Speaker 3 (03:30):
So well, if you like, when you walk past me,
you will squeeze my hand or it's that connection, that
physical touch.
Speaker 2 (03:38):
When we were in our first year of marriage, we
were living in Rockhamps and I was working at four
R ROH, the radio station in Rocky.
Speaker 1 (03:43):
We were living at your poo.
Speaker 2 (03:44):
As a matter of fact, there was a couple in
our church congregation and they were talking to us about
the secrets to a happy marriage.
Speaker 1 (03:50):
And they are borough, Oh, that's right, Barbara Swan, You're
exactly right. I can't remember his name, but Bob. I
remember Bob really well. She was loving. I remember his face.
I just can't remember his name. I remember his kid's name,
their kids names.
Speaker 2 (04:01):
Anyway, they said one of the secrets to their happy
marriage was that they had a rule. And they said
it's an ironclad rule. They used the word rule forcefully.
We have a rule that whenever we walk past one another,
we must touch. We must have some skinnder skin contact
to show that we're acknowledging each other. Or it might
be a quick pinch on the barm or a squeeze
of the elbow, or a hard or a kiss or
something to show I'm noticing you, I'm grateful for you,
(04:23):
I'm not taking you for granted. You've gone a little
bit further with your life lesson that the importance of
skinnderskin contacts preferably in the bedroom, laying down with a
door lock.
Speaker 1 (04:32):
I did not say that lot at that, but I'm
reading between the lines. That's what I'm hearing you say.
Speaker 3 (04:36):
No. But it's interesting because, like I started, we have
so much research that supports that skinnderskin contact with babies,
and then as we hit adolescence, there's again research that
kind of just strongly is linked with our teenage well
being and that connection that they have with mum and dad,
(04:57):
that those physical touches are hug like, it's what we
thrive on.
Speaker 2 (05:02):
What's your second life lesson or thing that you've learned
from marriage? Other than the importance of skin skin touch.
Speaker 3 (05:10):
A loving, thriving marriage is a choice, a consistent and
intentional choice each and every day, to choose your spouse
again and again and again.
Speaker 2 (05:20):
And that's something that we say with sensitivity because we
know a lot of people are doing their very best
to make those kinds of choices, and circumstances are just
against you. But it's something that we have been so
intentional about, isn't it every day? I remember years and
years ago, I was on the radio and we started
doing this little thing on air where we'd say, hey,
thanks for choosing us. We know you could choose any
other radio station, and you've chosen us.
Speaker 1 (05:41):
We really appreciate it.
Speaker 2 (05:43):
And I remember at the time thinking that's a little
bit like we're acknowledging that there's an opposition out there
that could take our listenership away. But there was something
about saying thanks and something about acknowledging the choice. And
that's something that you and I have been really intentional about,
isn't it, like we really we've actually said the exact
towards many, many, many thousands of times. I choose you,
I choose you today, I choose you tomorrow. I choose you,
(06:06):
what's your third one?
Speaker 3 (06:07):
So for me, seeing one another as equal counterparts in
the relationship enables each of us to take responsibility for
where we are in any given moment. It's not your
responsibility to drag me along, nor is it my responsibility
to lift you up all the time. The responsibility for
how our relationship looks is actually equally planted between you
(06:31):
and I, and if we want to have a good marriage,
then each of us has to be willing to pull
our weight.
Speaker 1 (06:38):
What's number four?
Speaker 3 (06:40):
It's just a question, how can I better support you today? Yeah?
Speaker 1 (06:44):
Who started that?
Speaker 3 (06:45):
You did?
Speaker 1 (06:46):
Did? I?
Speaker 2 (06:46):
Okay, I'll take the credit, But I feel like I
feel like I had to ask you that question because
you've always done so much to be supportive of me,
and I look at I had this radio career.
Speaker 1 (06:57):
So we got married.
Speaker 2 (06:58):
For those of you who don't know much aout ustoll, we
got married obviously quite young. I had my first radio
job in Madaalizer and I got a job in rock
Hampton literally the week before we got married. I was like, Oh,
thank goodness, my wife doesn't have to move all the
way out to Mataaliser and start our life out here
because I knew I wouldn't be there for long. And
with no offense to anyone who's listening to the podcast
who's in or from Matt Isser, it wasn't my favorite
(07:19):
place I've ever been.
Speaker 3 (07:19):
It was it was just because I wasn't there.
Speaker 1 (07:21):
Maybe it was.
Speaker 2 (07:22):
Maybe, But we got this job in rock Hampton and
you traveled with me in the radio industry from rock
Hampton down to Brisbane, then into Warningball, across the Traugen
up to Newcastle and then finally back to Brisbane where
I worked in radio for another year or so and
then I quit, and then I became a student, and
you supported me in that task because I went from
tafe to university and got my degree and my honors,
(07:43):
and then we worked three jobs, worked three jobs, and
you supported me and the family while I earned the
money and did the study. And then we moved our
family to Wollongong for nine years and then back to
Brisbane and now here we are on the Sunshine Coast,
and we both made enormous sacrifices right throughout, but there's
just been that incredible support and I knew early on.
I've always acknowledged we could not be where we are
(08:06):
and could not have done what we've done without the
extraordinary support that you've offered, The selfless and sacrificial support
that you've provided across the last twenty five years.
Speaker 1 (08:16):
It's because of you.
Speaker 2 (08:17):
I mean, I've had to go and get the degrees
and I get to stand up on the stage and
every one applauds when I give a talk. But I
couldn't have done it. We couldn't have our family if
you hadn't been this. I don't know how to say
it other than this person who was so willing to
sacrifice pretty much everything in order to support me and
our family. And I think that the least that I
(08:37):
could do is say to you, what do you need?
How can I support you? But I'm so glad that
you recognize that. That makes me feel really good, makes me
feel really supportive in my first support ya.
Speaker 1 (08:49):
What's number five?
Speaker 3 (08:50):
Growing up, family life didn't always feel safe for me
for lots of different reasons, and coming into the marriage,
I've obviously carried probably some baggage in relation to that.
But one of the things that I'm still learning and
doing a pretty poor job at it most of the time,
is just the reminder that we're on the same team,
(09:11):
and that any internal bickering and fighting actually weakens us.
That's something that you have to remind me a lot.
Speaker 1 (09:18):
And there's a couple of lines that I use to
remind you.
Speaker 2 (09:21):
And I've been doing this even before I got my degrees.
So I remember once upon a time I started saying
to you, you know what, I've made a commitment to
you that I'm married to you. That's going to be
like forever. That's a long long time. It's not in
my interest to have conflict with you over this. It
doesn't serve me and it doesn't serve you for us
to fight about this.
Speaker 1 (09:41):
We're on the same team.
Speaker 3 (09:43):
Yeah, And I guess along with that is just this
notion that my love is bigger than any problem that
we might have.
Speaker 2 (09:50):
Ah, you know what, that's my number eleven for tomorrow.
No issue should ever be allowed to be bigger than
the love we share. Yeah, what's your number six lesson
you've learned from twenty five years of marriage.
Speaker 3 (10:04):
Gratitude is key to happiness in every facet of our lives,
but especially in marriage.
Speaker 1 (10:09):
Number seven.
Speaker 3 (10:11):
When I meet your needs, that is when I help
you to feel loved and safe. And secure in my
love for you. You're better able to meet my own Ah.
Speaker 1 (10:20):
Yeah, yeah, that's beautiful.
Speaker 3 (10:22):
That's number eight, regular uninterrupted scheduled intentional time alone. Right,
it's imperative to help me building a loving, elastic marriage.
Speaker 2 (10:33):
So, if you're new to the Happy Famili's podcast, there
are a couple of things that Kylie and I do
to make sure that we have what would what were
the items on that list?
Speaker 3 (10:40):
Again, regular uninterrupted scheduled intentional time alone.
Speaker 1 (10:46):
And you're speaking specifically about intimate time.
Speaker 3 (10:48):
Right, where is your mic today?
Speaker 1 (10:51):
That's what you're talking about?
Speaker 2 (10:52):
Am I?
Speaker 3 (10:52):
Right?
Speaker 1 (10:52):
Come on?
Speaker 2 (10:53):
No, really, just it's our wedding anniversary. Is if I'm
not going to go there?
Speaker 1 (10:59):
Is that? It's I really truly thought that's what you
were talking about.
Speaker 3 (11:02):
That is very much part of it. Okay, how many
times as a parent do you try to have a
conversation with your partner hang on, mum, mum, mum, and
you can't You never finish a conversation, or you start
something and then can't remember what you were talking about.
Because there's been so many interruptions.
Speaker 2 (11:22):
And this has been a consistent challenge for us throughout
our relationship. It's not like we've fully dialed this in,
but there's a handful of things that we do to
try to get that regular, uninterrupted, scheduled time together. There
was one other thing that you said on the list,
but I'd just go with those three. Why don't you
walk us through those really, really quickly and briefly.
Speaker 3 (11:40):
So we haven't been so good with it over the
last few years because COVID has really interrupted the flow
of things for most people, but for us as well.
Speaker 2 (11:49):
And grandparent health hasn't been one hundred percent either, which
has made it even more complicated.
Speaker 3 (11:53):
But a quarterly getaway is something that we had started
before COVID and was just life changing.
Speaker 2 (12:00):
One maybe two nights in a hotel thirty minutes sixty
minutes down the road.
Speaker 3 (12:04):
We didn't because because you've got such limited time, we
didn't want to spend any time traveling as very little
time as traveling as possible, And so it's not about
where you go, it's just about having that time out.
Speaker 2 (12:16):
But even other things like every night we walk the
dog together and we just talk for twenty or thirty minutes,
and sometimes we're too tired to do it, well, we
do it anyway. Or once a week, we make sure
that we get out for lunch or breakfast or just something.
Somehow make the schedule as flexible as we can, so
we get that time. We really, I mean, we crave it,
don't we?
Speaker 1 (12:37):
We absolutely crave it, all right. I think that was
number eight.
Speaker 2 (12:39):
So let's hear your number nine lesson from twenty five
years of marriage.
Speaker 3 (12:45):
It's daily acts of kindness. It makes such a difference
to a marriage. And it can be just a little
like tiny thing. Maybe I pack your lunch, Maybe there's
just a little note in your lunch box. Maybe I
make sure that your favorite shirts ironed and read to go.
Maybe I just compliment you that you mowed the lawn
and it looks scary.
Speaker 2 (13:06):
There are other things, though, like for years, right right
at the very beginning of our marriage, I decided that
I didn't like nicknames. But if we're going to have nicknames,
you're going to have the best nickname of all time.
And so what I did is I pulled together I
think four or five different nicknames that people call each other,
like beautiful and honey and darling and all that sort
of stuff. And your number plate even reflects this, right,
(13:27):
So I've ultimately called you. And this is very, very
personally a couple of I'm showing this in the podcast,
but your nickname and what comes up in my phone
and what I say whenever you call, as I say hello,
my beautiful darling angel sweetheart, which is so sacerin, so
sickly sweet. I know anyone hearing this is right now
just puke and going, oh my goodness. But what happened
(13:49):
over the years is every time you answer the phone,
now you have a you have a different way of
answering the phone. Like whenever you would call me, I
always made sure one hundred percent of time that I
picked up, and I always made sure, no matter what
mood I.
Speaker 1 (14:02):
Was in, that you got the very very best of me.
When I answered the phone, it was never hey, or
what's up? Or yep? It was always oh, my beautiful
telling angel, sweetheart.
Speaker 2 (14:11):
I'm so glad you called. I'm so glad to your voice.
Like the best thing that could have happened today is
you calling me. And I've done that for at least
twenty to twenty three of our twenty five years together,
but you do that now as well, and I just
cherish those first couple of seconds when we get on
the phone and talk to each other, because I know
that you're going to sound like me calling you is
(14:32):
the best thing that has happened in your day, even
if it's not. And I think that's what you're talking about,
like these little acts of kindness, consistently reaching out and
making an intentional effort to say you're important to me.
Speaker 1 (14:45):
I notice you. This stuff matters.
Speaker 3 (14:48):
So number ten is I love you? It really is said,
it's shown, so you can say I love you as
many times as you want. But if your actions don't
support the words and they're just words.
Speaker 1 (15:02):
Yeah, great stuff. What's number eleven? You know what what
I missed?
Speaker 3 (15:06):
Number eleven?
Speaker 1 (15:06):
Get out of here? Does that mean I get a
bonus one tomorrow?
Speaker 3 (15:09):
Maybe I still you're eleven?
Speaker 2 (15:12):
That means that you're still only that means you're still
one shy because it was the same as mine.
Speaker 1 (15:16):
So what's your last one? Then? So my last one
again is on the bad days.
Speaker 3 (15:24):
Instead of rehearsing all his annoying traits, remind yourself of
why you said yes. You'll probably find that the lists
are almost identical. It's all about perspective.
Speaker 2 (15:35):
This is why I'm so crazy about you. I hope
that for all of our Happy Families podcast listeners, I
hope that you have not gone to sleep and not
thought this is just a little bit too much. But
as you can probably tell, Kylie and I are absolutely
crazy about each other, twenty five years is not nearly enough,
not even close. So we're going to go and celebrate
(15:56):
our anniversary today. In fact, I should probably let you
in a little secret. We have recorded this podcast episode
just a little bit ahead of time because as we speak,
we're jumping on an aeroplane and heading home after a
weekend away because we've been celebrating our anniversary away. I'm
not going to tell you any more about it until Friday,
when we share with you. I'll do better tomorrow. But
(16:17):
tomorrow I'm going to share my list of Well, I've
got thirteen things, which means that we're still one short,
so maybe you can come up.
Speaker 1 (16:24):
With one more for tomorrow.
Speaker 2 (16:25):
We can slot it at the beginning the lessons that
will bring us up to twenty five things that we've
learned from twenty five years of marriage. The Happy Family's
podcast is produced by Justin Rowland from Bridge Media. Craig
Bruce is our executive producer. If you would like more
information about making your family happier and your marriage happier,
we've got this great webinar.
Speaker 1 (16:43):
It's called Better Together.
Speaker 2 (16:44):
You can find it in the Happy Families Shop at
happyfamilies dot com dot auth
It's the Happy Families Podcast.
Speaker 2 (00:04):
We could not be where we are and we could
not have done what we've done without the extraordinary support
that you've offered, the selfless and sacrificial support that you've
provided across the last twenty five years.
Speaker 1 (00:15):
It's because of you.
Speaker 3 (00:17):
And now here's the stars of our show.
Speaker 1 (00:20):
My mum and dad.
Speaker 2 (00:21):
Hello, it's doctor Justin Colson on here with Kylie, my
wife of twenty five years.
Speaker 1 (00:25):
Today, I was going to do exactly the same sound effect.
We're vibing together when again adversary. I love this.
Speaker 2 (00:34):
Welcome to the Happy Families Podcast. We love that you've
joined us. Thank you so much for giving of your time.
We have decided that for today and probably tomorrow. I
don't think we're going to get through this in one
day because we're celebrating twenty five years of marriage today.
Speaker 1 (00:46):
Twenty five years. I can't believe that we're that old.
Speaker 2 (00:50):
We've actually been married to one another longer than we
were ever single. You were nineteen. You were nineteen when
you married me. I was twenty two. You said yes
to me. We had our first child when we were
I think I was twenty four, you were twenty one.
Speaker 1 (01:07):
That's right, you were heavily pregnant. You were nine months
pregnant on.
Speaker 2 (01:09):
Your twenty first birthday, And here we are, twenty five
years down the track now and celebrating what I think
has just been the most amazing. I literally cannot imagine
having another twenty five years in any other way other
than with you.
Speaker 1 (01:25):
Happy anniversary.
Speaker 2 (01:26):
You're so sweet, So we thought we would bring you
into our marriage for today's podcast and probably tomorrow's as well.
We don't know what one another has written. I don't
know anything at all that Kylie has on her sheet
of paper, But we thought, for twenty five years of marriage,
wouldn't it be fun for the Happy Families podcast to
talk about twenty five lessons twenty five lessons that being
(01:47):
married for twenty five years has taught us. It's possible
that we've got exactly the same lists. I wouldn't be
surprised if there's at least a little bit of crossover,
a little bit of overlap. But because it's our winning anniversary,
and because I'm just dying to hear what you've got
to say, I reckon what we should do is go
through your list of have you got twelve or thirteen?
Because twenty five is not even numbers. So we've got
(02:09):
somebody's going to have to do thirteen tomorrow. Have you
got twelve or thirteen? I've got great, so I'll do
thirteen tomorrow. Let's see if in the next sort of
ten or twelve minutes we can work through your twelve
of twenty five ideas for making marriage magic for our
twenty fifth wedding anniversary.
Speaker 3 (02:25):
That's not what you asked me to write.
Speaker 1 (02:27):
What did I ask you to do?
Speaker 3 (02:28):
You asked me to write what I had learned.
Speaker 1 (02:30):
Twenty five lessons. Well, that's fine, that's what I've got
as well. I've got twenty five.
Speaker 3 (02:35):
Make any promises that following these will make your life magic?
Speaker 1 (02:38):
Okay?
Speaker 2 (02:38):
Well that's well, the lessons mean life is better, I think. Okay,
So I didn't explain the brief very well. I've been traveling.
I'm a little bit sleep deprived. There's been a lot
going on away. You go, let's hear your first one.
Speaker 3 (02:52):
Ah. You know, over the years, we've heard just how
imperative it is for newborn babies to have skin to
skin contact. Yeah, with their parents.
Speaker 1 (03:03):
I know where you're going with. It's already.
Speaker 3 (03:08):
And the thing that I've larned the most is that
that skin to skin contact is just as important for
her husband and wife or partners to thrive and have
you a beautiful relationship requires that time together.
Speaker 2 (03:22):
You're not talking about skinned skin with your little babies.
You're talking about locking the door. Skinner skin doesn't have
to be more than skinned to skin. You're just saying,
that's right. Yeah, time together.
Speaker 3 (03:30):
So well, if you like, when you walk past me,
you will squeeze my hand or it's that connection, that
physical touch.
Speaker 2 (03:38):
When we were in our first year of marriage, we
were living in Rockhamps and I was working at four
R ROH, the radio station in Rocky.
Speaker 1 (03:43):
We were living at your poo.
Speaker 2 (03:44):
As a matter of fact, there was a couple in
our church congregation and they were talking to us about
the secrets to a happy marriage.
Speaker 1 (03:50):
And they are borough, Oh, that's right, Barbara Swan, You're
exactly right. I can't remember his name, but Bob. I
remember Bob really well. She was loving. I remember his face.
I just can't remember his name. I remember his kid's name,
their kids names.
Speaker 2 (04:01):
Anyway, they said one of the secrets to their happy
marriage was that they had a rule. And they said
it's an ironclad rule. They used the word rule forcefully.
We have a rule that whenever we walk past one another,
we must touch. We must have some skinnder skin contact
to show that we're acknowledging each other. Or it might
be a quick pinch on the barm or a squeeze
of the elbow, or a hard or a kiss or
something to show I'm noticing you, I'm grateful for you,
(04:23):
I'm not taking you for granted. You've gone a little
bit further with your life lesson that the importance of
skinnderskin contacts preferably in the bedroom, laying down with a
door lock.
Speaker 1 (04:32):
I did not say that lot at that, but I'm
reading between the lines. That's what I'm hearing you say.
Speaker 3 (04:36):
No. But it's interesting because, like I started, we have
so much research that supports that skinnderskin contact with babies,
and then as we hit adolescence, there's again research that
kind of just strongly is linked with our teenage well
being and that connection that they have with mum and dad,
(04:57):
that those physical touches are hug like, it's what we
thrive on.
Speaker 2 (05:02):
What's your second life lesson or thing that you've learned
from marriage? Other than the importance of skin skin touch.
Speaker 3 (05:10):
A loving, thriving marriage is a choice, a consistent and
intentional choice each and every day, to choose your spouse
again and again and again.
Speaker 2 (05:20):
And that's something that we say with sensitivity because we
know a lot of people are doing their very best
to make those kinds of choices, and circumstances are just
against you. But it's something that we have been so
intentional about, isn't it every day? I remember years and
years ago, I was on the radio and we started
doing this little thing on air where we'd say, hey,
thanks for choosing us. We know you could choose any
other radio station, and you've chosen us.
Speaker 1 (05:41):
We really appreciate it.
Speaker 2 (05:43):
And I remember at the time thinking that's a little
bit like we're acknowledging that there's an opposition out there
that could take our listenership away. But there was something
about saying thanks and something about acknowledging the choice. And
that's something that you and I have been really intentional about,
isn't it, like we really we've actually said the exact
towards many, many, many thousands of times. I choose you,
I choose you today, I choose you tomorrow. I choose you,
(06:06):
what's your third one?
Speaker 3 (06:07):
So for me, seeing one another as equal counterparts in
the relationship enables each of us to take responsibility for
where we are in any given moment. It's not your
responsibility to drag me along, nor is it my responsibility
to lift you up all the time. The responsibility for
how our relationship looks is actually equally planted between you
(06:31):
and I, and if we want to have a good marriage,
then each of us has to be willing to pull
our weight.
Speaker 1 (06:38):
What's number four?
Speaker 3 (06:40):
It's just a question, how can I better support you today? Yeah?
Speaker 1 (06:44):
Who started that?
Speaker 3 (06:45):
You did?
Speaker 1 (06:46):
Did? I?
Speaker 2 (06:46):
Okay, I'll take the credit, But I feel like I
feel like I had to ask you that question because
you've always done so much to be supportive of me,
and I look at I had this radio career.
Speaker 1 (06:57):
So we got married.
Speaker 2 (06:58):
For those of you who don't know much aout ustoll, we
got married obviously quite young. I had my first radio
job in Madaalizer and I got a job in rock
Hampton literally the week before we got married. I was like, Oh,
thank goodness, my wife doesn't have to move all the
way out to Mataaliser and start our life out here
because I knew I wouldn't be there for long. And
with no offense to anyone who's listening to the podcast
who's in or from Matt Isser, it wasn't my favorite
(07:19):
place I've ever been.
Speaker 3 (07:19):
It was it was just because I wasn't there.
Speaker 1 (07:21):
Maybe it was.
Speaker 2 (07:22):
Maybe, But we got this job in rock Hampton and
you traveled with me in the radio industry from rock
Hampton down to Brisbane, then into Warningball, across the Traugen
up to Newcastle and then finally back to Brisbane where
I worked in radio for another year or so and
then I quit, and then I became a student, and
you supported me in that task because I went from
tafe to university and got my degree and my honors,
(07:43):
and then we worked three jobs, worked three jobs, and
you supported me and the family while I earned the
money and did the study. And then we moved our
family to Wollongong for nine years and then back to
Brisbane and now here we are on the Sunshine Coast,
and we both made enormous sacrifices right throughout, but there's
just been that incredible support and I knew early on.
I've always acknowledged we could not be where we are
(08:06):
and could not have done what we've done without the
extraordinary support that you've offered, The selfless and sacrificial support
that you've provided across the last twenty five years.
Speaker 1 (08:16):
It's because of you.
Speaker 2 (08:17):
I mean, I've had to go and get the degrees
and I get to stand up on the stage and
every one applauds when I give a talk. But I
couldn't have done it. We couldn't have our family if
you hadn't been this. I don't know how to say
it other than this person who was so willing to
sacrifice pretty much everything in order to support me and
our family. And I think that the least that I
(08:37):
could do is say to you, what do you need?
How can I support you? But I'm so glad that
you recognize that. That makes me feel really good, makes me
feel really supportive in my first support ya.
Speaker 1 (08:49):
What's number five?
Speaker 3 (08:50):
Growing up, family life didn't always feel safe for me
for lots of different reasons, and coming into the marriage,
I've obviously carried probably some baggage in relation to that.
But one of the things that I'm still learning and
doing a pretty poor job at it most of the time,
is just the reminder that we're on the same team,
(09:11):
and that any internal bickering and fighting actually weakens us.
That's something that you have to remind me a lot.
Speaker 1 (09:18):
And there's a couple of lines that I use to
remind you.
Speaker 2 (09:21):
And I've been doing this even before I got my degrees.
So I remember once upon a time I started saying
to you, you know what, I've made a commitment to
you that I'm married to you. That's going to be
like forever. That's a long long time. It's not in
my interest to have conflict with you over this. It
doesn't serve me and it doesn't serve you for us
to fight about this.
Speaker 1 (09:41):
We're on the same team.
Speaker 3 (09:43):
Yeah, And I guess along with that is just this
notion that my love is bigger than any problem that
we might have.
Speaker 2 (09:50):
Ah, you know what, that's my number eleven for tomorrow.
No issue should ever be allowed to be bigger than
the love we share. Yeah, what's your number six lesson
you've learned from twenty five years of marriage.
Speaker 3 (10:04):
Gratitude is key to happiness in every facet of our lives,
but especially in marriage.
Speaker 1 (10:09):
Number seven.
Speaker 3 (10:11):
When I meet your needs, that is when I help
you to feel loved and safe. And secure in my
love for you. You're better able to meet my own Ah.
Speaker 1 (10:20):
Yeah, yeah, that's beautiful.
Speaker 3 (10:22):
That's number eight, regular uninterrupted scheduled intentional time alone. Right,
it's imperative to help me building a loving, elastic marriage.
Speaker 2 (10:33):
So, if you're new to the Happy Famili's podcast, there
are a couple of things that Kylie and I do
to make sure that we have what would what were
the items on that list?
Speaker 3 (10:40):
Again, regular uninterrupted scheduled intentional time alone.
Speaker 1 (10:46):
And you're speaking specifically about intimate time.
Speaker 3 (10:48):
Right, where is your mic today?
Speaker 1 (10:51):
That's what you're talking about?
Speaker 2 (10:52):
Am I?
Speaker 3 (10:52):
Right?
Speaker 1 (10:52):
Come on?
Speaker 2 (10:53):
No, really, just it's our wedding anniversary. Is if I'm
not going to go there?
Speaker 1 (10:59):
Is that? It's I really truly thought that's what you
were talking about.
Speaker 3 (11:02):
That is very much part of it. Okay, how many
times as a parent do you try to have a
conversation with your partner hang on, mum, mum, mum, and
you can't You never finish a conversation, or you start
something and then can't remember what you were talking about.
Because there's been so many interruptions.
Speaker 2 (11:22):
And this has been a consistent challenge for us throughout
our relationship. It's not like we've fully dialed this in,
but there's a handful of things that we do to
try to get that regular, uninterrupted, scheduled time together. There
was one other thing that you said on the list,
but I'd just go with those three. Why don't you
walk us through those really, really quickly and briefly.
Speaker 3 (11:40):
So we haven't been so good with it over the
last few years because COVID has really interrupted the flow
of things for most people, but for us as well.
Speaker 2 (11:49):
And grandparent health hasn't been one hundred percent either, which
has made it even more complicated.
Speaker 3 (11:53):
But a quarterly getaway is something that we had started
before COVID and was just life changing.
Speaker 2 (12:00):
One maybe two nights in a hotel thirty minutes sixty
minutes down the road.
Speaker 3 (12:04):
We didn't because because you've got such limited time, we
didn't want to spend any time traveling as very little
time as traveling as possible, And so it's not about
where you go, it's just about having that time out.
Speaker 2 (12:16):
But even other things like every night we walk the
dog together and we just talk for twenty or thirty minutes,
and sometimes we're too tired to do it, well, we
do it anyway. Or once a week, we make sure
that we get out for lunch or breakfast or just something.
Somehow make the schedule as flexible as we can, so
we get that time. We really, I mean, we crave it,
don't we?
Speaker 1 (12:37):
We absolutely crave it, all right. I think that was
number eight.
Speaker 2 (12:39):
So let's hear your number nine lesson from twenty five
years of marriage.
Speaker 3 (12:45):
It's daily acts of kindness. It makes such a difference
to a marriage. And it can be just a little
like tiny thing. Maybe I pack your lunch, Maybe there's
just a little note in your lunch box. Maybe I
make sure that your favorite shirts ironed and read to go.
Maybe I just compliment you that you mowed the lawn
and it looks scary.
Speaker 2 (13:06):
There are other things, though, like for years, right right
at the very beginning of our marriage, I decided that
I didn't like nicknames. But if we're going to have nicknames,
you're going to have the best nickname of all time.
And so what I did is I pulled together I
think four or five different nicknames that people call each other,
like beautiful and honey and darling and all that sort
of stuff. And your number plate even reflects this, right,
(13:27):
So I've ultimately called you. And this is very, very
personally a couple of I'm showing this in the podcast,
but your nickname and what comes up in my phone
and what I say whenever you call, as I say hello,
my beautiful darling angel sweetheart, which is so sacerin, so
sickly sweet. I know anyone hearing this is right now
just puke and going, oh my goodness. But what happened
(13:49):
over the years is every time you answer the phone,
now you have a you have a different way of
answering the phone. Like whenever you would call me, I
always made sure one hundred percent of time that I
picked up, and I always made sure, no matter what
mood I.
Speaker 1 (14:02):
Was in, that you got the very very best of me.
When I answered the phone, it was never hey, or
what's up? Or yep? It was always oh, my beautiful
telling angel, sweetheart.
Speaker 2 (14:11):
I'm so glad you called. I'm so glad to your voice.
Like the best thing that could have happened today is
you calling me. And I've done that for at least
twenty to twenty three of our twenty five years together,
but you do that now as well, and I just
cherish those first couple of seconds when we get on
the phone and talk to each other, because I know
that you're going to sound like me calling you is
(14:32):
the best thing that has happened in your day, even
if it's not. And I think that's what you're talking about,
like these little acts of kindness, consistently reaching out and
making an intentional effort to say you're important to me.
Speaker 1 (14:45):
I notice you. This stuff matters.
Speaker 3 (14:48):
So number ten is I love you? It really is said,
it's shown, so you can say I love you as
many times as you want. But if your actions don't
support the words and they're just words.
Speaker 1 (15:02):
Yeah, great stuff. What's number eleven? You know what what
I missed?
Speaker 3 (15:06):
Number eleven?
Speaker 1 (15:06):
Get out of here? Does that mean I get a
bonus one tomorrow?
Speaker 3 (15:09):
Maybe I still you're eleven?
Speaker 2 (15:12):
That means that you're still only that means you're still
one shy because it was the same as mine.
Speaker 1 (15:16):
So what's your last one? Then? So my last one
again is on the bad days.
Speaker 3 (15:24):
Instead of rehearsing all his annoying traits, remind yourself of
why you said yes. You'll probably find that the lists
are almost identical. It's all about perspective.
Speaker 2 (15:35):
This is why I'm so crazy about you. I hope
that for all of our Happy Families podcast listeners, I
hope that you have not gone to sleep and not
thought this is just a little bit too much. But
as you can probably tell, Kylie and I are absolutely
crazy about each other, twenty five years is not nearly enough,
not even close. So we're going to go and celebrate
(15:56):
our anniversary today. In fact, I should probably let you
in a little secret. We have recorded this podcast episode
just a little bit ahead of time because as we speak,
we're jumping on an aeroplane and heading home after a
weekend away because we've been celebrating our anniversary away. I'm
not going to tell you any more about it until Friday,
when we share with you. I'll do better tomorrow. But
(16:17):
tomorrow I'm going to share my list of Well, I've
got thirteen things, which means that we're still one short,
so maybe you can come up.
Speaker 1 (16:24):
With one more for tomorrow.
Speaker 2 (16:25):
We can slot it at the beginning the lessons that
will bring us up to twenty five things that we've
learned from twenty five years of marriage. The Happy Family's
podcast is produced by Justin Rowland from Bridge Media. Craig
Bruce is our executive producer. If you would like more
information about making your family happier and your marriage happier,
we've got this great webinar.
Speaker 1 (16:43):
It's called Better Together.
Speaker 2 (16:44):
You can find it in the Happy Families Shop at
happyfamilies dot com dot auth
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