The Breakfast Club BEST OF(Mel Robbins, Dawn Staley, And Tank Interview, Arguments in Relationships Topic)

Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
I like you because it has impact, you know, and
people hold on to some of these gems y'all made.

Speaker 2 (00:08):
Joe Monty bro, I'm a breakfast cluk.

Speaker 3 (00:11):
I'm feeding off maybe you guys.

Speaker 4 (00:15):
People watch the breakfast cloud for who's really tuned in?

Speaker 5 (00:19):
Your interviews are quite challenging.

Speaker 6 (00:21):
Somebody gotta door.

Speaker 3 (00:22):
It's like I watched y'all show in the morning, like
you guys have the voices of the morning.

Speaker 5 (00:32):
DJ NVY just hilarious, Charlemagne to God.

Speaker 7 (00:36):
Everyone just kept telling me the preference.

Speaker 2 (00:37):
Which crazy scared of spoky hilarious, crazy scared spoky hilarious?

Speaker 8 (00:46):
Is your time to get it off your chest, whether
you're man.

Speaker 5 (00:50):
Or blessed, time to get up and get something.

Speaker 9 (00:53):
Call up now eight hundred five eighty five one O
five one. We want to hear from you on the
breakfast glove. Hello, who's this here?

Speaker 3 (01:00):
You get it off your chest?

Speaker 10 (01:03):
I should have said anonymous, but it's too late.

Speaker 5 (01:06):
Now definitely, what's up?

Speaker 7 (01:08):
You notice the radio? Can't nobody? You can call it
me and be like, my name is Sally.

Speaker 10 (01:12):
I get it. But what I'm about to say everybody
gonna know is.

Speaker 5 (01:17):
Go ahead, just say it. Go for it. I do
it all the time.

Speaker 10 (01:22):
And and arth may I know you probably don't remember,
but about a year ago, I got going the radio
and I was bunching on the phone with my with
my food, and y'all was like, put him on the phone.
I was like, nah, he on the other phone, so
I couldn't do it. But I need him to leave
me alone.

Speaker 3 (01:37):
Now, Damn, damn, before you wanted him.

Speaker 5 (01:39):
Now it's.

Speaker 3 (01:42):
You said what I said before you wanted him. Now
it's a rap.

Speaker 10 (01:45):
It's a rap, like leave it alone. What more dudes
are trash?

Speaker 7 (01:51):
He said Baltimore dudes, she sure did as for real?

Speaker 10 (01:56):
Yeah, for real, for real.

Speaker 7 (01:58):
You don't agree with her? Yeah, I agree with.

Speaker 5 (02:03):
Damn.

Speaker 10 (02:03):
So I need Joseph leave me alone. Don't textical, don't
stop me on social media, don't leave me alone.

Speaker 11 (02:14):
Let it do.

Speaker 10 (02:15):
It's over.

Speaker 7 (02:16):
I would hope that y'all had this conversation before you
called the radio, Damn, began said.

Speaker 2 (02:21):
I would hope that y'allould had this conversation before he
called the radio.

Speaker 10 (02:25):
Oh well, I told him. I had to tell him yesterday.
I was like, leave me alone. Due just not Yeah, he.

Speaker 2 (02:36):
Well, listen, you can't be having unprotected sex with a
person and you know, thank you.

Speaker 10 (02:41):
Let's not trying to tell him he don't get it.

Speaker 7 (02:44):
You it takes to do that man.

Speaker 10 (02:47):
No, no, he is the one that's having multiple.

Speaker 7 (02:51):
Oh got you? So he gave you confection something?

Speaker 10 (02:54):
Oh well, we don't want to go there.

Speaker 11 (02:56):
But I did it all right, do you know what
I'm saying?

Speaker 10 (03:02):
Like yeah, like, and I live in another state. Like,
if you want to go out and nash, she just
smashed somebody with a condom, that's cool because I never know.

Speaker 2 (03:11):
So we caught you just passing through, and that's I
ain't got you.

Speaker 10 (03:16):
What you get?

Speaker 5 (03:18):
What did you wind up getting?

Speaker 6 (03:21):
I'm sorry, I ain't gonna go there.

Speaker 7 (03:22):
Little chlamydia law. That ain't funny.

Speaker 5 (03:31):
I'm sorry, mama.

Speaker 3 (03:32):
I'm so sorry for you too.

Speaker 10 (03:35):
I gotta laugh about it one time.

Speaker 12 (03:37):
Little little common case of chlamydia. Is it curable? Of course,
I'm not talking about chlamydia. I'm talking about what she
got is cured. I don't know what the I.

Speaker 7 (03:48):
Don't know this like, I don't know.

Speaker 10 (03:51):
It's definitely terrible, you know, just throwing throwing yourself off,
that's that's normally what it is. Just throwing off the cake.

Speaker 7 (03:58):
I get it to hurd the girl.

Speaker 3 (04:01):
Yeah yeah, well, I'm sorry, mama.

Speaker 2 (04:03):
We wish you the best, and I hope that he
does leave you alone. I hope he falls all the
way back. You just put him on blast, you put
his whole name out there. Hopefully he leaves you alone.

Speaker 13 (04:10):
And hopefully the girls that he listened, that that's listening,
he leave him alone too, because they got the rastle
dazzle too.

Speaker 5 (04:16):
Damn Jesus.

Speaker 7 (04:17):
Good morning. Who's this Mark the waant Brectas Club.

Speaker 6 (04:20):
This is Uber Mike.

Speaker 5 (04:20):
How y'all doing, Uber Mike?

Speaker 7 (04:22):
What's up?

Speaker 5 (04:22):
King?

Speaker 6 (04:23):
What's going on?

Speaker 14 (04:24):
Hey?

Speaker 6 (04:24):
Charlamagne? You always are promoting your Black Effect podcast?

Speaker 7 (04:29):
Yes, sir, Black Effect Podcast Network.

Speaker 6 (04:31):
How can how can I because I have one just
a few years on Spotify? How do I like unite
with you talking about rodstering and how to navigate? Uh
like safety situations for drivers.

Speaker 2 (04:45):
Damn, you should have been to the Black Effect Podcast Festival.
You could have pitched your podcast at the Nissan activation.

Speaker 7 (04:50):
Man, they had to pitch your podcast next year.

Speaker 6 (04:52):
I promise, okay, next year for sure. Okay, but I
just want to help rivers navigate because a lot of
drops to get killed and how to navigate. You know,
this is my steping you here with over twenty five
thousand trip and I just want to, you know, like
give some options to stuff for drivers, how to move,
how to navigate.

Speaker 2 (05:09):
That's good information. Man, hit up Black Effects DM. We
got to go on Instagram at Black Effect hit up.

Speaker 7 (05:14):
Hit up that d okay, I'll do that all.

Speaker 3 (05:16):
Right, brother, get it off your chest eight hundred five
five one oh five one. If you need to vent,
hit us up.

Speaker 15 (05:21):
Now.

Speaker 5 (05:22):
It's the Breakfast Club. Good morning.

Speaker 7 (05:24):
I'm telling what's doing on call of you.

Speaker 8 (05:28):
This is your time to get it off your chest,
whether you're mad or blessed. Eight hundred five eight five
five one. We want to hear from you on the
Breakfast Club.

Speaker 9 (05:37):
Hello.

Speaker 11 (05:37):
Who's this Hey? My name is Kelsey.

Speaker 3 (05:40):
Hey Kelsey, good morning, get out, good morning.

Speaker 11 (05:43):
So I'm calling from a Lelo. Good morning, Jest, good morning,
jay MV, Good morning, Tyler.

Speaker 7 (05:49):
Night morning.

Speaker 11 (05:50):
I'm so excited you guys, my daughter sisters laying for
me to call it in and.

Speaker 16 (05:55):
To get off my chest.

Speaker 11 (05:56):
Anyway, I'm excited just to call in radio talk to
you guys. I would listen to you guys every morning
on my way to work. Okay, so I'm calling it
off my chest. So it's very hard dating in Atlanta.
I'm new to the area. So not only do I
have to dodge, you know, the undercovers, the.

Speaker 17 (06:17):
D l men, I have to dodge like the princesses,
the men that want you to run after them.

Speaker 11 (06:31):
So I recently just kind of got blocked by this guy.
So I guess like online dating is kind of like
the way or another way to kind of get out
there and see.

Speaker 6 (06:40):
What you see.

Speaker 11 (06:41):
So I sign up on this app. Had been talking
to this downline just texting. We hadn't been in person
or anything like that.

Speaker 6 (06:49):
Just textings.

Speaker 11 (06:50):
So I decided to do my little due diligence and
look him up online just to kind of see if
he really is who he say he is. And I
guess he discovered that I looked him up online because
after a good week of talking, nothing weird, nothing like that,
he checked out to be who he was. He decided
he was gonna block me.

Speaker 7 (07:07):
What did you do?

Speaker 11 (07:08):
I didn't do nothing but look him up. I guess
he discovered that I had went on his Instagram and
I checked his linkin you got to make sure he employed.

Speaker 3 (07:17):
She probably looked at her story, looked at you. When
you look at somebody's story, you can see their name.

Speaker 11 (07:21):
Right, So I'm different. He does me looking at his suck.

Speaker 16 (07:25):
That's so sad if you're getting to knowing what with.

Speaker 11 (07:27):
The matter exactly? So I feel like he's being weird.

Speaker 16 (07:30):
Oh yeah, nah he gay?

Speaker 5 (07:32):
What?

Speaker 11 (07:33):
Yeah he's hiding and he's not trying to.

Speaker 6 (07:36):
Tell me something.

Speaker 3 (07:39):
Family got to be gay?

Speaker 5 (07:40):
Yes, bisexual, right if you're using the.

Speaker 16 (07:45):
Proper He doesn't live in Atlanta.

Speaker 11 (07:47):
He's from Augusta, but still away.

Speaker 3 (07:51):
Yeah, you curtified bisexual.

Speaker 2 (07:53):
You come through, come through Atlanta, your fish indeed, and
drive back to august Nobody even know by because I'm.

Speaker 11 (08:01):
Like, he goes to me, he didn't say that sin
like we had just like had a conversation on Friday Saturday.

Speaker 18 (08:07):
I'm blocked.

Speaker 7 (08:10):
It's all good.

Speaker 16 (08:11):
Either he got another family or he got a boyfriend.

Speaker 3 (08:14):
I think he probably got another family, mama.

Speaker 7 (08:16):
And it might be a family of boys.

Speaker 11 (08:17):
Yeah, I mean, but it's all good.

Speaker 10 (08:21):
It's all good.

Speaker 16 (08:21):
It is all good.

Speaker 3 (08:23):
Get it off your chest. Eight hundred and five eighty
five one oh five to one. If you need to
vent hit us up now.

Speaker 5 (08:28):
It's the Breakfast Club. Good morning, the Breakfast Club, Good
morning everybody.

Speaker 3 (08:34):
It's DJ n V Jess, Hilarie Cholamine, the guy. We
are the Breakfast Club laya roster feeling and it suggests
you got.

Speaker 5 (08:41):
A special guest in the belty.

Speaker 4 (08:42):
Yes.

Speaker 3 (08:42):
Indeed, seems like you're trying to take our job doing
all these interviews and stuff. Ladies and gentlemen, we have
RB Sai a tat ta.

Speaker 7 (08:48):
I'm not trying to take your job doing a phenomenal.

Speaker 5 (08:52):
Guess you are.

Speaker 9 (08:53):
I am just catering to my people. I'm making sure
that my community has a place to go that the
conversation is bridged from the old to the news.

Speaker 7 (09:04):
I love it. You know what I love about the
rby Money podcast.

Speaker 2 (09:06):
There's always so many hip hop podcasts, and you know,
the rappers got a place to go, The O g
rappers got a place to go.

Speaker 7 (09:12):
R and B Money has created that space for the
R and B world.

Speaker 9 (09:15):
And now the R and B Music Awards. You guys
have a dedicated hip hop not you. Hip hop has
a dedicated award show, right whereas the R and B
dedicated award show. So that we can cover the entire
gambit of R and B. R and B is so
many things, it's so vast. You can't cover it in

(09:37):
two to three categories at some award show and think
that that's going to do it all justice.

Speaker 2 (09:43):
Oh I want to about this, Yeah, I want to
category as an R and B icon like you are.

Speaker 7 (09:51):
What are the categories of R and B? Because all
we think is R and B.

Speaker 9 (09:54):
Let's go so you get into the songwriter aspect of it,
the producer aspect of it, even the performance aspect of it.
You know, all of these things are so different. Like
Jill Scott is way different from from a Summer Walker,

(10:14):
you know what I mean. It's way different. Calvin Richardson
is way different from Chris Brown, you know what I mean.
And so how do we create these tiers and levels
to where all of the nuances of R and B
can be recognized?

Speaker 7 (10:25):
Give me an example of progressive?

Speaker 9 (10:26):
Oh CB is progressive? Okay, completely, he's the current state
of R and B B, you know what I mean?
Even if we want to say what what Drake and Party?

Speaker 5 (10:37):
Just did?

Speaker 9 (10:38):
You know what I mean? That's very progressive R and B?
You know what I mean? If you want to say
what is more traditional. I'm more in the middle of
a traditional progressive R and B artist because I can
do a record with Chris Brown, but you know, I
can also do a record with God rest Histo, and
you don't.

Speaker 2 (10:53):
See I like the traditional and I said that when
the Party and Drake album dropped, I was like, that
ain't for me, and it was like, well, you know,
it's for the ladies because the R and B. I'm like, no,
God like R and B. I just don't like that
type of.

Speaker 9 (11:04):
Army exactly exactly. There's a difference. And so we have
not had the conversation about all of these things together.
We just say best R and B album, And then
you got Chris Brown in the same category with Robert Glasberg.

Speaker 7 (11:19):
It's like, how do you do that?

Speaker 9 (11:22):
We're not all just one thing.

Speaker 3 (11:23):
So when are you doing this? Is it thought out
to that where it's going to happen.

Speaker 9 (11:26):
It's been, It's it's been great conversations, you know what
I mean, Me and my brother Jay Valentine. We've actually
had this conversation with Jessic Collins and so you know,
all of this, what I'm doing right now is just
kind of creating the anticipation and the desire and hopefully
that enough comments will come and people will see the value,
because that's where it starts. People have to see the

(11:47):
value in what we do in order to create this
next level platform would only.

Speaker 7 (11:53):
Black effect and I heart out the conversation. You know,
to put together a good award show.

Speaker 9 (11:57):
Well, what do you want to do?

Speaker 7 (11:58):
I want to help with the Harmby money. That'd be fantastic.

Speaker 5 (12:01):
There you go done. I want to know how is
it for you, right?

Speaker 3 (12:05):
Knowing all these arm By stories, right, and I'm watching
your podcast and I know you know the answers, but
some of these times it hasn't been put out there
and you're just feeding the.

Speaker 5 (12:13):
Person, right, Like I look at Stephen Hill. But the
Chris Brown.

Speaker 3 (12:17):
Situation, Yeah, you're leading him because you knew what happened,
but making him explain the story was amazing.

Speaker 9 (12:22):
I didn't know what happened, really, I didn't even know
he was part of it. I knew from Chris's side
that they had got him all the way to the
point of where it happen it was about to happen,
and then pulled the rug out from under him. I
didn't know the intimate details and who all was involved
and herring Steve like Steven is like you know, he

(12:44):
loves he loves that, he loves it. He felt like
he was getting ready to create one of the most
iconic moments of all times, and.

Speaker 5 (12:52):
He worked for that rehearsal. Jesus, he was.

Speaker 9 (12:54):
He was, and it hurt him that now he you know,
has to go back and tell c B that it's
not happening, you know what I mean? Like that, that
crushed him more than anything. And he was like, man,
if you could ever talk to him, just let him
know I love him, I want you know, I wanted
that for him. I just they pulled it from me.

(13:14):
Nothing I could do.

Speaker 1 (13:15):
I was going to ask that you put them on
the phone after that, because he is send in your
interview that they hadn't he hadn't gotten well. He wanted
to see him in person to apologize and stuff like that.

Speaker 5 (13:22):
So no, we didn't.

Speaker 9 (13:23):
We didn't get a chance to make that happen, Okay,
but I'd love to make that happen.

Speaker 2 (13:26):
For another one of my favorite R and B Money
podcasts recently was La Read that was so like he
really sparked a real conversation, and it just had me
thinking about, yes, you need you need Black Boutique everything
you need that.

Speaker 9 (13:41):
We need to be able to operate the way we operate.
Just let us do what we do. Like even with
what you guys do. You guys do what you do,
which is why it is what it is. There's nobody
micro managing or policing you. You get your paycheck, whatever
that is. But it's because of how you do your thing.

(14:01):
Nobody's interrupting that, which is why it's what how many
years in the making, Jesus Christ, Imagine if you had
no control of that, you know what I mean. Imagine
imagine you being subject to somebody else's ideas, somebody else's
and then you lose with that. That hurts worse than
anything I lost listening to you. No, no, I'm gonna

(14:22):
go down with me. Word, I'm gonna go down with me.
And that's what we've lost. We've lost the people that
have done it from here. I just believe, Like think
about DeAngelo's untitled. If somebody just doesn't say ah, I
just I just feel like this is different. They never
get to the third single, which is a life changing record.

(14:45):
I don't have that no more. I analytics say, we're
losing here, We're done, We're gonna.

Speaker 5 (14:49):
Move on right.

Speaker 7 (14:50):
Well, how does the Feel? Wasn't a third single?

Speaker 5 (14:52):
Was it?

Speaker 7 (14:53):
How does it Feel? With the third single, the butt
Naked Video was a third single?

Speaker 5 (14:58):
Wow?

Speaker 9 (14:59):
I did not know that.

Speaker 7 (15:00):
How do we not get to that?

Speaker 9 (15:02):
Gonna be greatest songs of all time?

Speaker 7 (15:07):
Wow?

Speaker 9 (15:07):
You know what I mean? Genuine so anxious. If Joe
Moore didn't say we gotta get to this one, we
gotta get to this one, This one right here is
gonna change it, trust me. Maybe I Deserve was my
second single. If we were just going off for first singles.
I'm not gonna name the first song I had out,
but I was dancing and flipping and blowing up.

Speaker 7 (15:27):
Yeah, we'll take I remember because I remember Maybe I Deserve.

Speaker 9 (15:31):
I shouldn't have brought that up.

Speaker 16 (15:33):
But you said it.

Speaker 4 (15:34):
I just heard the song.

Speaker 5 (15:37):
Yeah.

Speaker 9 (15:38):
My first single was called Freaking, and it almost destroyed
my career before started l The label picked it, but
I was very excited about it as well.

Speaker 7 (15:49):
When I googled it and said song many have missed.

Speaker 2 (15:52):
His Actually first single Freaky, which came out first, and
it's pretty much become obscure.

Speaker 9 (15:56):
Today, I was performing this song. I was on promo
tour Fort Valley State Homecoming and I'm you know, I'm
coming out. I got my freaky interlude, you know, they
want to get freaky. And then the song starts and like,
right in the middle of the first hook, these two
little cute girls in the first row was like whack.

(16:19):
I was like, and this was in the dat tape era,
so I couldn't.

Speaker 3 (16:24):
Start the way through, so damn.

Speaker 9 (16:28):
Then I sweated the rest of the song and I
never sang that song again.

Speaker 5 (16:33):
Damn.

Speaker 9 (16:34):
I said, don't put it on the album, erase it,
get rid of this song, and we did a hard
turn cut. The single went to maybe I Deserve Thank God,
Wow in the rest is History? Rests history?

Speaker 2 (16:46):
Why Broadway right now? Because you are featured in the
Luia ki Hell's Kitchen.

Speaker 9 (16:50):
And it's timing, bro because for me, twenty twenty five
was the hard pivot into acting. You know, the music
thing has been so much of my bread and butter
and so much of my focus for so long. I
was like, I gotta get to the other thing that
I love. And Charlie mccatt had always been telling me bro,
You're gonna have to make a hard pivot in order
to really do it the right way. And I was like, Okay,

(17:11):
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna do it. And with
twenty twenty five coming in the way that it did
and having a free moment and opportunity, I'd always heard
horror stories about Broadway, you know what I mean, just
in terms of the workload and the pay to pay,
the facility, all of that, and I was like, yeah,
I probably never do Broadway. And then I get, you know,

(17:32):
we get this call from Alisha like, hey, Alisha is
looking for you to do you know, it's kitchen, ma
what And I'm like, you know, the name Alicia Keys
is already like that's interesting. Gotta at least see what
that's about, right, And so I send some papers over
for me to look at. I'm like, okay, I'm looking
at it. I'm all right, I'll go see you know

(17:53):
what I mean, just out of respect for that name itself.

Speaker 2 (17:56):
So you go watch the play before you absolutely Okay,
So you saw when Brandon be Dixon with.

Speaker 9 (18:00):
Playing actually well he wasn't. He wasn't there. His sub
was in Who's Who's Who's Who's Dope as well, and
and I watched to play and I fell in love
with it. And the next day was actually my walk
in audition, and so I kind of knew where I
needed to be and and at that point it was
just like, I think it's time. I think I think

(18:24):
it is. It has answered the question for me. I
you know what I mean. Me and Lulu were telling
my manager. Lulu was talking to He's like, I just
it just does something different for you, brother, It just
does something really different. And in deliberating, I was just deliberating,
like is this the time to like just take a
hard left and out of nowhere. Charlie met calls me,
hadn't talked to in a minute, and he's like, what's

(18:46):
going on wrong. I was like nothing, I'm just just chilling.
He wanted to come to my Atlantic City show. I'm like, oh,
I got you. No, he said, I said, I magic question.
I got this on the table right now. And he said,
what are you talking about? I said, well asking you.
You don't need my opinion. You know what you're supposed
to do. There was that here I am And so
you know when I said, I said with Alisha the
other day learned that in Blackstone and she was like, thank,

(19:08):
I just felt like it was you. It's like, I
didn't know why. She was like, it was it just
to me, it just felt like it was you. And
she's like, I didn't even know if you could act.
And I was like, you ain't seen me on lifetime
or BT. You know what I'm saying a TV one,
I'm the Denzel of that space.

Speaker 5 (19:25):
You know what I'm saying.

Speaker 9 (19:27):
I'm a Denzel of that space. You ain't sing none
of that. But she had never seen me act, and
she was like, and then when I saw you in
the audition, she was like, I was just blown away.
And I was like, no, that's that's what I do.
Singing is that's whatever. And so she and I went
back and forth, singing back and forth, her, you know,
singing her a mailing catalog and my debut on Tuesday.

(19:47):
And so now it's like, how tough it is real?

Speaker 3 (19:50):
How tough is it to rehearsals? And do you have
to shut everything else off? And do you have time
for yourself now? Because it just seems like A does
a stop.

Speaker 9 (19:58):
I'm a machine. So I'm a routine guy, you know
what I mean, so I'm gonna get up, help get
the kids to school, do cardio, eat, go to the gym,
do the second lift, go to the studio, either work
on music or do pod get back, eat dinner with
the family, get some lifetime in and the next day

(20:19):
do the same thing. I'm a machine. I'm built like that.
So Broadway schedule works perfect for who I am now.
Eight shows a week crazy. That's where it get different
because you know they call it. You know, you have
an A show, a B show, and a C show. In
terms of how you perform. I've never been able to

(20:40):
do a B show and feel good about it, like
because all of those people, whether it's a Wednesday or Saturday,
they spent their money to see something great. They spent
their money to see somebody go all out. So I'm
doing a shows from Tuesday this Sunday, and we got

(21:01):
one day off that's Monday, and right back to it.

Speaker 4 (21:05):
What's your rest day? Like on a Monday? Like you vote,
you don't?

Speaker 9 (21:09):
I just I just so I'm going to have my
first Monday next to the next Monday. Nothing, go to
the gym. You know what I'm saying. He eats, eat
some cool food, somewhere, you know, maybe keeping Charlotte Magne
and my heart and talk about this.

Speaker 7 (21:25):
Let's do it awards. What about the family, like.

Speaker 9 (21:28):
Because family was just here. They came for the for
the for the debut, My mom and then came up,
wife zoean zign came up, and it was really it
was really really cool.

Speaker 5 (21:39):
Man.

Speaker 2 (21:39):
The thirteen weeks is a long time to be away
from them, especially if you got a routine.

Speaker 7 (21:43):
Like you said, it's it's.

Speaker 9 (21:45):
Tougher for them than it is for me because for me,
I'm you know, I'm hyper focused. I'm in it, and
I have something to do every day, something to look
forward to, and so you know the wife is at
home doing the kid thing and all that. But that's why,
you know, that's what it is. It's a teams marriage.
She holds that down. I'm gonna hold this down. But this,
to me is like, what's the opportunity for people in

(22:05):
that space to understand that I'm serious about going here.
You know, Kevin was in town another day, so I
went it, you know, saw him and chopped it up
with him and he was like, I'm really really proud
of you for making this move. It says a lot
about the next level of where you can go and
who you can be and so that's what I'm looking
forward to.

Speaker 7 (22:25):
Show the night.

Speaker 2 (22:26):
Yeah, oh I get taken it and take a hell's
can you wait one more thing too? Saturday, April twenty
sixth is the third annual Black Effect Podcast Festival.

Speaker 7 (22:40):
Make It Saturday, Taking Jay Valentine is gonna be that
he's got.

Speaker 5 (22:44):
I'll be there one day off, right, Oh that's okay,
just making sure one day.

Speaker 2 (22:47):
Have you have y'all thought about what that's gonna look
like live R and B Money Podcast on stage?

Speaker 9 (22:52):
Nope, Nope, we're thinking about it though, because it's got
to be sexy. You know what I'm saying, you know,
be singing.

Speaker 1 (22:59):
Got you don't have to podcast man the podcast, Yeah,
exact pod.

Speaker 9 (23:06):
If the spirit moves them, if you know, if it
moves me, then I promise you. Yeah, you know, we
gotta we gotta, we gotta figure out what that's going
because this will be you know, this will be our
first time doing it.

Speaker 7 (23:17):
Like we do it, the first time doing it live.

Speaker 9 (23:19):
Well, we've done R and B Live, R and B
Money Live the event where it's been strictly catered, where
it's banned DJ you know, karaoke vibes like really really dope.
We've done that up up in Phoenix has stayed in
with one of my guys two spots, so we've done that.

Speaker 2 (23:36):
But this is for people who like the podcast and
enjoy the conversation exactly.

Speaker 9 (23:40):
So this is pod and conversation. So in terms of
trying to figure out what makes ours a little different,
you know what I mean, we're still formulating that well.

Speaker 2 (23:49):
Saturday, April twenty six, third Annual Blaffe Podcast Festival, go
get your tickets Black Effect dot Com Slash Podcast Festival.
Make sure you check our tank in the Hell's Kitchen.
What a weasha keys on Broadway right now.

Speaker 5 (24:00):
We appreciate you, brother.

Speaker 9 (24:01):
I'm reporting on y'all. Man If y'all don't y'all don't
show up.

Speaker 7 (24:03):
I don't know all the time.

Speaker 9 (24:05):
That's one of my I enjoy broad with absolutely, okay,
And when I'm not here, you know what I'm saying,
I still want to hear somebody say, if you've seen
Hell's Kitchen, did you go? Did you you know? Let
me tell Alicia in Swiss We'll meet.

Speaker 2 (24:20):
You, yes, y'all and make sure you subscribe to the
R and B Money podcast on the Black Effect I
Heeart Radio Podcast Network.

Speaker 3 (24:26):
That's right, it's tank, ladies and gentlemen. It's the Breakfast Club.
Good morning.

Speaker 7 (24:38):
Opinion to the Breakfast Club.

Speaker 9 (24:39):
Top Come on, I did five five five one.

Speaker 3 (24:45):
Morning. Everybody is d J n V Jess hilarious, Charlamage
the guy. We are the Breakfast Club. Low on the
Rosa filling in for Jess. Now if you're just joining us.
Were talking about Swiss beats. He did an interview with
US Weekly and he was talking about his relationship with
his They've been married fifteen years and he says it's
a healthy marriage. And he said, what keeps it so
healthy is They said, First, they don't yell at each other.

(25:06):
And they said, we've never had an argument.

Speaker 5 (25:09):
So that is the question.

Speaker 3 (25:10):
Eight hundred five eight five one oh five to one.
Have you never have an argument which your spouse? I
can't say that's true for me. Me and my wife
are argued. You know, we argue. I mean, it doesn't
get to the point where we are yelling and screaming
and kicking, but we do argue, you know, we disagree
and we have arguments.

Speaker 7 (25:25):
It is impossible.

Speaker 2 (25:25):
I meant, I don't sleuth the Swiss and Alicia respected
him if they don't argue.

Speaker 7 (25:30):
But I think that you know, I can't. That is
not my household, you.

Speaker 2 (25:33):
Know what I mean? Like you know, we have very
healthy debates. We have arguments. We got four kids, different
parenting styles, I guess right, but you know we try
to come on one accord to have one solid parenting style.
But yeah, there's gonna always be things that you you know,
argue about that don't make it unhealthy. That don't make
that you got that don't mean you've got a bad relationship.
It's just that you know, that means that you live

(25:54):
with a person.

Speaker 7 (25:55):
Yeah, like I said, I've.

Speaker 3 (25:56):
Been with my wife thirty one years, we've been read
twenty three. We argue like there's things like you said,
like I might, you know, discipline my children this way
or talk to my children this way. She does it
this way, and we go back and forth. But like
I said, they ain't to the point where were yelling
and screaming and she's sleeping in another room.

Speaker 5 (26:11):
No, we have disagreements.

Speaker 2 (26:12):
No, and sometimes you do have to tell the wife
that don't talk to me like I'm your child.

Speaker 4 (26:17):
I know your wife begin with you all the time,
all the time.

Speaker 2 (26:20):
But if I think sometimes you know, women, you know,
especially when they have a lot of kids, they're used
to talking a certain way, and men can be immature
at times, so we get spoken to in that way,
and sometimes you just have to remind them I am
not your.

Speaker 4 (26:33):
Child, and you get spoken to. You have you have
to get at I.

Speaker 5 (26:36):
Have to a couple of times. I'm not your child.

Speaker 1 (26:39):
Absolutely, yes, I mean, but I'm here with you every day.
I kind of feel for your wives.

Speaker 7 (26:44):
No, you should feel for us.

Speaker 2 (26:47):
But I mean, listen, once again, respect the swissld Alicia.
If they don't argue, God blessed. I don't know if
that's realistic. I really don't. Even even with the most
healthiest healed couples, I don't know if that's realistic for
you to never argue, never nothing like y'all agree on everything.

Speaker 5 (27:03):
It's never a disagreement. Hello, who's this yo?

Speaker 7 (27:06):
This Grand Michael the author?

Speaker 5 (27:07):
Hey, what's up? Grand Michael's the author? Talk to us? Man,
what's happening?

Speaker 2 (27:10):
Man?

Speaker 14 (27:11):
Y'all can't be serious? Man Like me and my wife
been married for twelve years together, fifteen we've never had
an argument. I'm never saying we don't disagree, but we
have never had an argument like this. That's my home,
that's my place of peace, my sanctuary. Like why the
hell would I want to bring this cause the immaturity
into it.

Speaker 2 (27:29):
Well, God bless for all of you, y'all, y'all way
more hill than me and my household.

Speaker 7 (27:34):
Or maybe it's just me. Maybe I'm you know what
I'm saying.

Speaker 6 (27:38):
We live in We live in Columbia, South Carolina.

Speaker 14 (27:40):
Chief of Allendale, Charlamagne, you know about Allendale.

Speaker 7 (27:43):
Yeah, I was.

Speaker 6 (27:44):
I ain't trying to get nothing. Oh that's the salt man.
I ain't trying to get cut. I ain't trying. So
that's how it started initially, I'm saying.

Speaker 14 (27:54):
As we grew, it just became the norm, like like
that's a black man.

Speaker 6 (27:59):
We got so much going on in the world, Like
why do I have to come home to further foolish.

Speaker 5 (28:06):
You know me?

Speaker 3 (28:07):
So you never had a heated argument of disagreement with
your wife all my life?

Speaker 2 (28:11):
Never, God bless my brother. I need I need to
get the where you at?

Speaker 1 (28:15):
They said, never, yell, I never had a heat of argument.
Their kids had never seen them cuts at each other.

Speaker 7 (28:19):
I don't know. I don't believe that saluit.

Speaker 2 (28:21):
Everybody in the metro to to eight or three hot
one three nine, that's the station on out there.

Speaker 5 (28:25):
Hello, who's this you with?

Speaker 6 (28:27):
Shaking? Making?

Speaker 5 (28:28):
What's shaking?

Speaker 7 (28:29):
No pork on my No, no pork.

Speaker 18 (28:33):
So first, Envy, I want to say, what's up, Envy?
I met you before I was EP on stousands of twenty.

Speaker 19 (28:39):
Two convent when we did the video down the slate
down in the city.

Speaker 18 (28:43):
Okay, when you was there with H we did the
video there. And now to the topic.

Speaker 6 (28:48):
I do believe that you can be in.

Speaker 19 (28:50):
H in the marriage and not argue with a woman,
right because nowadays, when you say argument, the first time
people think about is somebody blowing a gasket. You know,
you start arguing, your screaming at each other. But as
a difference between argument and having a solid, strong discussions,
because I've been with my woman eight years and we
don't argue, we just have a real solid in that
conversation to kind of get our point across. I think

(29:10):
you're canna get your point across that way. I think
you don't need to argue with people. So I believe
that you can be in the you know, in the marriage,
especially while they look like to low keys, you know,
down to earth people that you can sit and speak to.

Speaker 6 (29:22):
Why would it be so hard to believe that?

Speaker 7 (29:24):
Let me look up what's the definition of argument?

Speaker 9 (29:26):
Argument?

Speaker 5 (29:27):
It says, that's what I just did. It says.

Speaker 20 (29:32):
You got to go into it all the fact that
you got to google that to see what it is.
It's because when you think of argument, that's exactly what
comes up to your head. It's like an argument, like
you scream at your bondues that.

Speaker 7 (29:44):
Out of ten. Well, no, it says.

Speaker 2 (29:45):
An argument is an exchange of diverging our opposite views,
typically a heated or angry one.

Speaker 1 (29:52):
What Swizzer is saying is that they disagree, but it
doesn't get heated, but they don't allow it to get heated.

Speaker 5 (29:56):
But the argument is back and forth.

Speaker 3 (29:57):
Like I had an argument with my dad the other day, right,
it wasn't We weren't yelling and screaming, but he had
a view about something. I had a view about something,
and it was heated, but after we laughed it off,
he kept the movie.

Speaker 5 (30:07):
But it was an argument.

Speaker 1 (30:08):
Well, he said, they do disagree, but their communication styles
doesn't allow for it to get to level ten.

Speaker 7 (30:14):
What is level ten?

Speaker 4 (30:15):
Well, he didn't actually say level ten. I said level ten,
But you do know what I'm saying.

Speaker 7 (30:18):
But I mean, what is level ten?

Speaker 3 (30:19):
I think it's all.

Speaker 1 (30:20):
The screaming, the yelling, the cussing, Like he said that
their kids have never seen them yell at each other,
cuss at each other, those type of things.

Speaker 2 (30:27):
Oh, no, that ain't that ain't God bless't tell you.

Speaker 7 (30:34):
I'm not about to tell y'all. No, lie like that.

Speaker 4 (30:36):
What's the last word you've been called?

Speaker 7 (30:37):
Envy?

Speaker 3 (30:38):
No, we don't call each other names now, but you
gotta think I think my wife's sixteen. We argue, we've yelled,
we screamed like we've been there, you know, I mean
it is what it is.

Speaker 2 (30:49):
Sometimes my kids, sometimes my nine. You wanna tell us
to stop yelling at each other, and we both be like,
we both said, we're not yelling. We're we're not yelling
at each other because we don't be. But you know,
I guess, I don't know. I guess any back and
forth between parents looks like an argument to kids.

Speaker 7 (31:03):
I don't know.

Speaker 3 (31:04):
Eight hundred five eight five one oh five one. We
were talking about Swiss Beats and his wife Alicia Key
shout to us Swis and Lisha. They said they have
never argued after fifteen years of marriage.

Speaker 5 (31:15):
Let's discuss. It's the Breakfast Club. Good morning, the Breakfast Club.

Speaker 3 (31:21):
Want to everybody is DJ envy Ess hilarious, Charlamagne the guy.

Speaker 5 (31:25):
We are the Breakfast Club.

Speaker 3 (31:26):
Laura La Rosa is here as well, and we got
a special guest in the building. Ladies and gentlemen, Mel Robbins, Welcome, Hey.

Speaker 21 (31:33):
It's good to see you.

Speaker 7 (31:34):
Are you feeling morning?

Speaker 21 (31:35):
I feel great? How are you doing?

Speaker 2 (31:37):
Bles's Black and Holly favorite. This is your first time
in this studio. You were here in twenty twenty one
when you had a high five theory. Yes, yes, but
now millions of books later, number one podcast in the
world right now, six year old woman.

Speaker 7 (31:53):
Man, it really feels like you've truly arrived. What do
you what do you? What do you think?

Speaker 9 (31:58):
You know?

Speaker 7 (31:58):
The success? What's made all this new?

Speaker 21 (31:59):
Six Well, you know it's not new success. Like what
you're seeing is the result of fifteen years of just boring,
grueling daily reps. Like That's what nobody wants to understand,
is that you can be successful. You can achieve anything
you want. You just have to be patient. You have
to get up out of bed every single day and

(32:21):
put one foot in front of the other. You got
to be willing to do the things you don't feel
like doing in the dark when nobody's watching and when
you think that it's not going to happen for you.
That is what it's about. It's about just consistent, small moves,
being patient. I mean, there were so many times where
I was just like, am I ever going to get
out of it? Why is anyone ever gonna notice? Like,

(32:41):
am I ever gonna get invited to the breakfast club?
One of the like when is somebody gone to notice
your spot that you want it?

Speaker 5 (32:49):
Well?

Speaker 21 (32:49):
No, but seriously, like you kind of sit there because
I mean, every one of us have had those moments,
whether you're putting out music or you're starting a YouTube
channel or you started a business, and it's so easy
to look around at whatever everybody else is doing and
think that you're losing some race in life. The real
game is with yourself. Can you keep going? Can you
say to yourself? And this is kind of how I

(33:10):
would keep myself going in those moments. I would say,
I refuse to believe that this is how the story ends.
I believe that at some point all of this work
is going to pay off. I don't have to know how.
I have to believe that it will. And if it
hasn't yet, it's not meant to yet. There's some lesson,
there's something I'm being held for that I don't know

(33:32):
what it is. But if I choose to believe in
this moment that things are going to get better, that
things are going to turn out for me, that all
this hard work is going to pay off, that trying
to be a better person is going to pay off,
at some point I will look back on my life
and say, oh, that's why it didn't happen. Then, Oh,
that's why it took longer. Oh that's why either you
weren't ready or God the universe was holding you for

(33:54):
a different moment. And so, you know, a lot of
people ask me what is this moment about. I think
it's about fifteen years of ridiculously hard work becoming a
better person. I think it's about fifteen years of just
chipping away at getting out of debt and doing better
in my marriage, and being a better mother and getting
control of my emotions and my mental health, chipping away

(34:15):
at building a business, and I truly believe that I
was being held for this moment like this one thousand
percent is my legacy.

Speaker 5 (34:24):
Well, let me ask you a question.

Speaker 3 (34:25):
Out you talk about the reps yep for you, it
worked out and successful and great. What about that person
that is just not good?

Speaker 7 (34:32):
Right?

Speaker 5 (34:33):
That rap of that is not good?

Speaker 3 (34:34):
Like trying that podcast person that is doing the podcast
that is just not good and everybody just did good?

Speaker 5 (34:42):
Good to anybody?

Speaker 21 (34:43):
Well I don't I see, I don't believe that.

Speaker 3 (34:45):
But when do you stop because you're a sixty year
old rapper like you know?

Speaker 5 (34:48):
I mean?

Speaker 21 (34:48):
Or maybe why can't there be a ninety one ninety
year old one? See? Maybe what the rapping is for
is maybe it's not about rapping. Maybe there is something
that you're doing when you are rapping being and nobody's coming,
that is teaching you a lesson about patience. Maybe what
it's doing is teaching you to believe in yourself when

(35:09):
nobody else does. And every time that you show up
and nobody's there, every time you post a video on
your YouTube channel that only your uncle and your son
are subscribed to every time you post, you're basically saying,
you know what, screw the world. I believe in myself.
I'm doing this for myself and so for me. When
you give the example of like the person who's a

(35:30):
rappers is terrible, just tell there's lots of people out
there doing stuff. They're just terrible. What I love is
that they felt called to do something. I don't care
if they felt called to do it because they wanted
to make more money. I mean how I was working
five six jobs back, you know, fifteen years ago when
we were eight hundred thousand dollars in debt because I
needed groceries on the table, I needed gas in the tank.

(35:50):
And so motivation to be safe and to make money
or because of your ambition, that's a beautiful thing. But
at some point you're going to go, I'm not that
good at this, but I believe, and this is what
I think is super cool about life. Absolutely every experience
that you have in life is leading you somewhere and
teaching you something. And I'm gonna one of the reasons
why I share so much about what I've learned and

(36:13):
the mistakes that I've made. I'm like the villain and
every book is because I'm stubborn, Like it takes a
sledgehammer from the universe for me to wake the hell
up and stop doing something like I literally get so
into my groove, whether it's drinking too much or taking
my stress out on my kids or being a jealous,
insecure friend, that things have to backfire for me to

(36:34):
wake up and go, well, yes, I better try something different.

Speaker 2 (36:37):
Well, I want to just set it up about the book, man,
there's some books that I believe are must reads in life.
Delecting Theory by mel Robbins has been added to that
must read less. My wife got it for me a
few weeks ago, and the book is just essentially about
how you have to stop wasting your life on things
that you can't control.

Speaker 7 (36:53):
When did you get to that rebelruce?

Speaker 21 (36:55):
Oh my god, fifty four? I am a slow learner,
you know. The funny thing is is I'm married to
the chillest dude on the plan. I mean, I'm married
to a man who is not only Buddhist, he is
a death dula. And like when you want to talk
about like a person yeah that can just sit in stillness.
I'm like a tornado of emotion and so I've always

(37:16):
wanted to let things go. I've always wanted to not
care what people think. I've never known how. And see,
when you're stressed, or you're easily offended like I used
to be, or you have a lot going on, it
is very hard to not get wrapped up and what
other people are thinking and doing. It's very hard to
not let what your kids are going through stress you out.

(37:38):
And so you know, I've been trying to do this forever.
I mean, this is not a new idea. The serenity
prayer is the let Them theory. In fact, you know,
I sat down with doctor Martin Luther King the third
and his wife and Andrea, and they both said, we
write about it in the let Them Theory. They both
reflect on the fact that this concept that you have
to give up control in order to gain control, that

(38:00):
your power is in your response. That this is part
of doctor Martin Luther King Junior's legacy, because your response
is what dictates who you are. It's not what's happening
out there, it's how you respond to it with your
thoughts and your actions and how you process your own emotions.
And so I did not know this until I was

(38:21):
fifty four years old. And you know for me personally
the power of these two words, because let them. We've
all said let them in our lives a bazillion times.
I mean, there's a sermon circulating that's twenty years old,
Dad Jakes doing this let them sermons. So this is
a concept that has been around since the beginning of time,
and that's why this is resonated. I'm not teaching you

(38:43):
something new. I'm reminding you of what you already know
to be true, and I'm handing you this tool so
you can snap out of this crap where we're constantly
worked up about what other people are doing to take
our power back.

Speaker 3 (38:53):
We'll still kicking with mel Robbins.

Speaker 5 (38:54):
Lauren.

Speaker 1 (38:56):
You talk about managing other people a lot, and I've
never heard the term like that, but you use it
to basically talk about how we're so what you're talking
about me now, we're worried about other people, but also too,
I think it's expectations of other people that we're trying
to we're making decisions based around that a lot. When
did you realize this whole scale of like managing other
people and learning when the clock out of that job

(39:18):
of trying to do that.

Speaker 21 (39:19):
Well, So what's going to happen is this, So when
you start using the let them theory, and it's so
easy to use the next time you're stressed out or
annoyed or frustrated, and it's always with other people, just
say let them. That's how you use it. Let them,
and you're gonna immediately feel peaceful. Your mom's in a
bad mood, letter be in a bad mood. Some old
friend of yours is talking, let them talk trash. Why
you're not allowing it? When you say let them, you

(39:42):
are reminding yourself there's one thing in life I can't control.
It's what other people say, do, believe, feel, and some
of my job to So when you start saying let them,
and you detach yourself from the responsibility of having to
manage somebody else, something interesting happens. You realize, Oh my god,
I've live my life in reserve reverse. I actually live

(40:02):
my life giving time and energy trying to manage what
other people think. I have kept myself in a major
or in a relationship, or in a situation because I'm
afraid to disappoint my parents or my friends. I mean,
how many people keep drinking or like keep going out
at night when what they really want to do is
launch a business, and so they don't take the weekends

(40:25):
to work on the things that they want to work
on because they feel like they don't want to disappoint
their friends or people going to talk about them. That's
you giving power to other people. Like another way that
we give power to other people is we, you know,
get so focused on the headlines that we gaslight ourselves
into believing that you have no power. It's complete garbage.
Of course you have power. And so when you start
saying let them, it's sort of this revelation where you're like,

(40:47):
oh my god, I spend so much time and energy
worrying about other people. I spend so much time and
energy letting them stress me out.

Speaker 1 (40:55):
But is there a level of like when that becomes
easier versus harder? Because when you were just talking, and
I thought about Michelle Obama in the podcast one of
the podcasts she did this week, she was talking about
how she realized she was doing a lot for other
people not thinking about herself, and she started making decisions
for herself. So she's going place she wants to go
and do things she like that they don't, and they
think she's the worst because of it. But it's like

(41:16):
she's Michelle Obama, so it's hard for her to like
the noise is so it's it's a lot louder for
her well.

Speaker 21 (41:23):
Of course. But whether or not you pay attention to
that is within your control. Whether or not you look
at your phone, and we're all guilty of it, whether
you are Michelle Obama or you're just going into your
middle school, whether or not you give attention to the gossip,
you look for, the gossip, you mainline it, that is
within your control. If you say, I can never ever

(41:45):
ever stop somebody from lying about me, from making up
stuff about me, from you know, saying whatever they're going
to say, So why on earth would I spend any
time and energy managing it? And then you go let
me This is the second part of the theory. Whyn't
you say let them, let them think negative thoughts, let
them make up all kinds of crap, Because if you
know you're not getting divorced, what do you care about

(42:05):
these idiots saying let me remind myself that I know
the truth. And when you know the truth about who
you are, you don't think about other people. When you
live your life in a way that makes you proud,
you don't think about other people.

Speaker 1 (42:20):
I tell them all you tell me to read her book,
and I was, and I already had the book because
I think Eddie had given it to us a minute
and I was like, oh, I got the book.

Speaker 21 (42:27):
And for the while you got it. It will change
your Damn. I'm telling you it will change your life
because but.

Speaker 5 (42:32):
You have to get to that stage.

Speaker 3 (42:33):
Yes, because it's it took me a while to get
to that stage.

Speaker 1 (42:36):
It took a while that he think he was born
that way, and so I've never.

Speaker 7 (42:43):
Truly cared, right.

Speaker 2 (42:44):
But then even when I started to care, I realized
things like the Serenity prayer, a little simple things.

Speaker 7 (42:49):
That you saw sitting in your grandmother's house.

Speaker 2 (42:50):
You realize that is absolutely the truth of God, Grammy,
the serenity A excepting things I cannot change, courage change
the things I can.

Speaker 7 (42:55):
And withn't no difference.

Speaker 2 (42:56):
And the easiest way to let go of what you
can't control is just realize you've never had control to
begin with you.

Speaker 21 (43:02):
And here's another thing that's really important. That's why you're
gonna love it, is that what will start to happen.
When you say let them, is it's not that you're
allowing people to do bad things. They're already doing bad things.
You're recognizing that it's not your job to manage other people,
because this is a book that's about power and control
and peace. Then you say, let me remind myself how
I respond to things. Actually is where my power is.

(43:26):
So do I give this any time and energy or not?
Do I double down on just living my life in
a way that makes me proud of myself, which is
where your power is. And the thing that also changed
me dramatically is I couldn't believe how much stress I
felt and how I was bracing all the time. And

(43:48):
when you start to say let them, and you release
that kind of obligation to make other people happy or
to make everybody know that you're not divorced, or that
everything's okay, or like, just let them think whatever they
want to think, and live your life in a way
that makes you proud. You're going to get all this
time and energy back. And what I love about this

(44:08):
is when you're less stressed and when you're not bracing
all the time because you know your boss is narcissistic,
so why on earth would you walk into work assuming
that today's going to be anything other than what it
already has always been. Let them be who they are.

Speaker 2 (44:23):
I love the Managing Stress chapter, and in that chapter
you say you can't control how other adults behave and
stressing about it diminishes your power. You'll never reach the
full potential of your life if you continue to allow
stupid things to rule, people to drain your life for.

Speaker 7 (44:37):
Can you yes?

Speaker 21 (44:38):
Yes, So the two most important resources that you have
in life time energy, that's what you got. How you
spend your time, where you put your energy, it actually
determines your experience of life. And that's why I say,
if you have this experience right now where you're exhausted
and overwhelmed and nervous, and you're not like feeling like
you can ever have time for yourself or your goals

(44:59):
just aren't clicking, you're not the problem. The problem is
all this time and energy you spend dealing with other people.
And so let them is a boundary that you draw
where you start to recognize, Okay, I'm going to let
other people think and feel and do and have their opinions,
and I'm going to let them be disappointed. I'm going
to let them misunderstand me, and I'm going to let

(45:19):
me really take that time and energy back and pour
it into working on myself and staying in my piece.
And what I've found is that when I'm less stressed,
which i am because I'm not allowing stupid stuff for
other people to stress me out, I'm actually a better person.
I make more money because I can use my brain

(45:41):
instead of being in fight or flight. I don't like
vomit on my kids. My emotions. Like I used to
be the kind of person that would come in at
you know, after work and be yelling at everybody. You're
mad at the dog for crying out loud, and then
I'd be like, I'm sorry, it's a bad day at work,
stressful day at work with the dog.

Speaker 7 (45:56):
Try bit, you know.

Speaker 21 (45:58):
They kind of do this and then they come back
and really nice because they literally dogs don't like punish
you for that. And it's so sad that I used
to leave the worst of me for the people I
cared about the most and then blame it on the
stress of the day. That By the way, when you
use the let them theory, you have control over whether

(46:20):
or not this stuff gets to you.

Speaker 9 (46:22):
Let me do it.

Speaker 5 (46:23):
I have a question.

Speaker 3 (46:23):
Yeah, in chapter five you say let them think bad
thoughts about you, right. The question with that is when
a lot of people, sometimes especially on social media, right,
nobody facts checks anymore, but that could affect your reputation.
That can affect your business, That could affect the way
that your kids, teachers look at you, or business that
comes round. Of course, what are you doing well?

Speaker 21 (46:44):
So here this is a very tricky question because you're
talking about the PR and the media swirl. PR is
a little bit different in personal like, I think it's
really important to understand who you are, whether you're dealing
with rumors at a middle school, or you're dealing with
rumors in your community, or you've got somebody in your
family trash talking you. In order to repair your reputation,

(47:06):
it is better to show than to tell. In my opinion,
you prove the truth based on how you show up
in life, not based on the words that come out
of your mouth. And if there is somebody spreading things
about you, the best way to handle it is to
go directly to that person and to ask them about it.
Because those kind of people, the people that gossip about
you ultimately end up crumbling anyway, because it always catches

(47:30):
up with it.

Speaker 3 (47:30):
We still kicking it with Meil Robbins. A new book,
the Let Them Theory, is out right now.

Speaker 2 (47:36):
Charlamagne, you know you were in the book you talk
about how you felt paralyzed by imposter syndrome, especially when
you were teaching.

Speaker 7 (47:42):
Yeah, the five second rule. I wonder what's changed since then?

Speaker 2 (47:45):
Like, well, gives you the confidence and authority now to
feel like you can go out here and teach to
let them do?

Speaker 21 (47:49):
That's a great, great question. So you know how well,
First of all, impostor syndrome is deeply misunderstood. So imposter
syndrome does not mean that you don't belong in the
room you're in. Imposter syndrome means you actually want to
be in the room you're in, and there's skills or
there's experience that you need to gain in order to

(48:10):
dominate in that room. Imposter syndrome is actually not self doubt.
It's ambition. And so let me explain that a.

Speaker 4 (48:15):
Bit, because it's always been said the other way.

Speaker 21 (48:18):
Yeah, and so if you really think about it, if
you walk into a room and you don't feel imposter syndrome.
It's because you don't want to be in that room.
You don't care what people think about you in that room.
If you walk into a room and you feel a
sense of imposter syndrome, it's because you care about what
people think about you in that room. It means your
ambition wants you to succeed in that room.

Speaker 4 (48:38):
Oh like a push to stay sharp because I'm trying
to okay.

Speaker 21 (48:42):
And also like, hey, I want to actually succeed around
people like this, which means what are the skills I
need and what I started to understand. And I think
it explains a lot about why I am who I
am is that we're all the same. Everybody is dealing
with the same stuff. Yes, it's easier if you have
more money and more recent sources, but at the end
of the day, everybody's got a family member that they're

(49:02):
worried about. Everybody has ambition they're not tapping into. Everybody
has things that they want to pursue in their life,
and they're kind of letting themselves down a little bit.
Everybody struggles with a little bit of uncertainty and anxiety
at times. Everybody has hopes and dreams and feels a
little discouraged and overwhelmed. And when you started a baseline
that people would love to thrive, and people thrive when

(49:25):
they can, and if they can't, I believe it's because
they're discouraged or there's some skill building or some experience
or you know, some mentorship that's missing.

Speaker 4 (49:34):
That's it.

Speaker 21 (49:35):
But that you're built to thrive. And so when you
really start at that baseline, like you know, I make
it a practice. By the way, this is this is
one thing that will change your life when you go
into a public bathroom. Two things. I always leave the
space better than when I found it.

Speaker 4 (49:49):
I always public bathrooms.

Speaker 16 (49:52):
No no, no, literally like.

Speaker 21 (49:54):
Literally, that's why I don't go into that stall. But okay, no,
just I gotta because if somebody like destroy especially women,
if somebody destroys the seat, peas all over it and
then they leave, that is a human being that is
so disconnected from the interconnection of the human experience. You

(50:14):
are leaving that for another person, and so making sure
that you don't leave your mess for another person, making
sure that you just kind of wipe down the counter.
And then here's the second thing. If there is a
human being cleaning that bathroom, please look in the ai
and say thank you all the time. You like that, right,
there is a simple thing that will make you start

(50:36):
to shake out of that woe is me or that
stress or that overwhelm Let them know you appreciate and
see what they're doing because it changes who you are.
And then you start to see all day long that
there are like you know, I can't let you, I'm
gonna cry, people are just walking around disconnected and the

(50:58):
power of starting to be the one that wakes people up.
Hey you know, I always get to know or hey,
how is everybody doing? Like it's shocking how we have
gotten so far away from that sense of community. And
there's actually research around this. They call it either weak ties.
I call them warm connections. Those people that you see
in the building every day, that you say hello to,

(51:18):
the person that's walking the dog that you you know,
know the name of the dog in your neighborhood. These
relationships matter because they make you feel.

Speaker 1 (51:26):
Human again when you feel the impact from what you're
doing with your book, and to let them theory like
you just got emotional, just not even just about your impact,
but just talking about just change in the world. How
does it make you feel like, do you take a
moment just of gratitude and be like, because I saw
all the tattoos in the book, and I was like,
that's on fire. It's hard to make people like actually
believe something that's not tangible.

Speaker 21 (51:47):
One of the things that you know. For me, I
spent so many years like hating myself and feeling like
I was a really bad person. And when you get
stuck in life, it's easy to think you're the only one.
And so I'm just literally on a mission to share
whatever I could share and give people access just like

(52:10):
you guys, give people access to incredible thinkers and experts
and resources. You know, your work is reaching some way
halfway around the world that doesn't even have a toilet
in their house, And how incredible is that? And if
I can save anybody the headaches and the heartaches that
I cause myself for the people that I care about,
because I didn't know any better, I didn't know what

(52:31):
the problem was. I didn't know how to change myself.
I didn't know how to push through the emotion that
is a life well lived.

Speaker 4 (52:37):
Why did you hate yourself though? Because you can't do
anything about what you don't know.

Speaker 21 (52:40):
Oh my God, we don't have time. I literally like
from the amount of cheating I did when I was little,
to the undiagnosed anxiety or the undiagnosed to SLEXI and ADHD,
and how that created tremendous anxiety, to the way that
childhood trauma impacted me that I didn't even realize was
impacting me, Like it's just chronic. I just did not
think think I was a bad person. And there's a

(53:01):
lot of people walking around that have a hundred times
more negative thoughts than they do positive ones. And a
lot of people develop a habit of being very self critical.
It's never enough, like you're never gonna make it, like
you're always so stupid. Why did you do that? Either
because that's how they were talked to when they were little,
or because it's this like almost protective thing that if

(53:22):
you beat yourself up first, you're going to catch it
before other people do. And I got to a point,
and this is an important thing. The only thing you
need to make your life better is one decision. How
I'm living my life right now and how it feels
no longer works for me. That's all you need to know.
If you can have the courage to say that to yourself.
You now have tipped the first domino because you've made

(53:44):
a decision that you want to change how your life feels.
You made a decision that you want to change how
it feels up here. And for me as a mom,
like your kids absorb the way that you treat yourself.
And so having two daughters that I started noticing, my god,
why are these beautiful young women picking themself apart? Well
because I do. Why are they so hard on it?
Because I was so hard on myself That's how they

(54:04):
learn it, And so I don't want them to do
that to themselves. And you know, the thing I was
going to share that's made a huge difference for me
is that I keep the impact front and center. And
so we send an email out five days a week.
There's a person on our team whose job is to
assemble all of the things that people are saying all
over the world about the books and the podcast, not

(54:26):
about mel but about what you learned. And I'll tell
you every day there's twenty to thirty of them. And
just the other day there was a person who talked
about how he was a stepdad and the relationship ended
and those step kids were his life and he didn't
want to be here anymore. And somebody started to share
the podcast with him, and he would go and take

(54:49):
a walk every morning and listen to the podcast, and
it started to give him a sense of hope. And
now he uses the let them theory. This is a
person that actually works in like a police operations control center.
Never in a million years would I think this is
somebody that's listening to the Mel Robins podcast or listening
to this kind of conversation. But it goes to prove
that everybody wants to do well. Everybody wants to thrive,

(55:12):
and you know when you're not doing well. You know
when you're not thriving. The problem for most of us
is just kind of feeling like I don't think this
could change, And the fact is, of course it can change.
If you've ever been happy in your life, you can
be happy again. If you've ever been proud of yourself,
you can be proud of yourself again. If you've ever
forgiven somebody else, you can learn to forgive yourself.

Speaker 2 (55:31):
And you know, also God doesn't call to qualify it.
He qualified the called, and you've been called Mail Robin.

Speaker 21 (55:36):
I feel that I love you man, I love you too.

Speaker 7 (55:38):
Wow.

Speaker 9 (55:39):
That's right.

Speaker 7 (55:39):
Well, we appreciate you for joining us.

Speaker 21 (55:41):
Thank you.

Speaker 5 (55:42):
All right. Well it's Mel Robbins. It's the Breakfast Club.
Good morning, the Breakfast Club.

Speaker 2 (56:01):
Yes, dog here today goes to a Medesto, California man
named Kristin Alandro Slario Anguiano.

Speaker 7 (56:09):
I don't think I pronounced any of that right, Okay.

Speaker 2 (56:11):
That is a name that ICE agents would have at
the top of their list, just in case they would
monitor a name like that, you know, And honestly, with
a name like that, he might get sent to El
Salvador because he was arrested for sexual battery, burglary, stalking,
and assault with the intent to commit a felony. All
those charges will get you deported in Trump's America, especially
with a name like that.

Speaker 7 (56:29):
And it don't even matter if you are an American citizen.

Speaker 2 (56:31):
Okay, they gonna put you on that deportation flight to
El Salvador. Well, what exactly did Christian Alandro Solario Anguiano do.

Speaker 7 (56:39):
Let's go to CBS News for report. Please got a
strange one for you tonight.

Speaker 22 (56:43):
Adam Modesto, the Staslow Kenny Sheriff says they've arrested a
man last week after he allegedly broke into a woman's
home at night, then bit and licked her.

Speaker 5 (56:52):
Toes while she slept.

Speaker 7 (56:55):
Let's give you some context.

Speaker 22 (56:56):
The sheriff's officers the man arrested scene here, twenty seven
year old Christian Aguiano, have been stalking the woman for months,
following her home from work several times, despite a number
of people confronting him.

Speaker 7 (57:06):
Deputy saying just.

Speaker 22 (57:06):
Wouldn't stop, would even sleep in the car outside her home.

Speaker 16 (57:11):
Woman is okay on Guiana.

Speaker 5 (57:12):
Those suspects being.

Speaker 22 (57:13):
Held on a three hundred and twenty five thousand dollars bail.

Speaker 2 (57:16):
He broke into her house just so he could treat
her feet like a chero cinnamon swirl, full tongue action,
sweet sticky, slightly confusing, Okay, l toe lick of supremo,
toe sucking king of the dance floor. How you breaking
to someone's house which says on for their feet? This
man is a telling Nobela villain. Okay, First of all,
what's the point of stalking? At what point does a
man understand this woman don't want you? And what part

(57:39):
of your brain makes you believe that breaking into this
woman's house and sexually assaulting her toes was gonna make
her like you. Okay, I don't know why I got
this far. If this man was following this woman home
after her shifts, sleeping in his car outside her residence,
checking her doors to see if they are unlocked, the
gain entry. If he was doing all of that, he
should have been on ICE's radar along long time ago. Okay,

(58:01):
somebody should have been put him in handcuffs. This man
was confronted by her co workers to leave her alone,
but none of that stopped him.

Speaker 7 (58:07):
Okay.

Speaker 2 (58:07):
The lesson to be learned here is that this incident
underscores the importance of taking stalking behaviors seriously, and we
got to implement stronger protective measures for victims. And by
stronger measures, we got to let people get they ass kicked. Okay,
that's what I mean by stronger measures. There have to
be some sort of community policing that can happen the
same way it's citizens arrest. We have to make it

(58:30):
okay in certain situations for citizens to put their foot
up other citizens' assets.

Speaker 7 (58:35):
Okay. Co workers went to him and told him to
cut it out.

Speaker 2 (58:38):
He was sleeping outside that woman's home he was checking
for unlocked doors and her residence.

Speaker 7 (58:43):
All of that should equate to a community jumping. Okay,
now that's too extreme for folks. Then we got to
enhance legal protections, all right.

Speaker 2 (58:50):
You gotta have strong laws against stalking and ensure swift
actions when victims report their being stocked. You gotta use
stories like this to increase public awareness. We have to
educate the public about the signs of stalking and the
importance of reporting suspicious activities. And most importantly, we got
to support the victims. Okay, provide resources and support systems

(59:10):
for people who feel threatened. You can't wait until somebody
breaks into somebody's house and turns their toes into.

Speaker 7 (59:17):
To Molly's to care.

Speaker 2 (59:18):
Okay, So please give Christian Anguiano the sweet sounds of
the Hamiltons.

Speaker 15 (59:23):
You are, Oh the day, oh the day.

Speaker 3 (59:38):
Ye all right, well, thank you for that Donkey of
the day.

Speaker 5 (59:45):
Ye the Breakfast Club.

Speaker 11 (59:50):
Morning.

Speaker 3 (59:50):
Everybody is dj NV just Hilarie Charlamagne to God, we
are the Breakfast Club. We got a special guest in
the building, the icon living Dawn Stanley.

Speaker 16 (59:59):
Welcome back, how you, thank you, thank you, thank y'all.

Speaker 13 (01:00:02):
Usually come back when we win the championship we lost
this year, So thank y'all for you.

Speaker 5 (01:00:07):
You're always invited.

Speaker 3 (01:00:10):
Uncommon favorite is out right now. Basketball in North Philly,
My Mother and the Life Lessons I learned from all three.

Speaker 5 (01:00:17):
It's out right now. How are you feeling.

Speaker 16 (01:00:19):
I'm feeling great.

Speaker 13 (01:00:20):
I mean, my friends have received their books and they
have nothing but like great things like my cup running over.

Speaker 5 (01:00:28):
Yeah it did.

Speaker 13 (01:00:28):
I gotta I gotta give you a shout out. And
you sparked the conversation. So many people have asked me
to write a book, and I'm like, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah,
like yeah right, but it.

Speaker 16 (01:00:38):
Came from so many different people.

Speaker 13 (01:00:39):
And then when I came on the show in twenty
twenty two, we we talked about it and you just
you kept the conversation going.

Speaker 16 (01:00:46):
You're real persistent with it.

Speaker 9 (01:00:48):
You know.

Speaker 13 (01:00:48):
That's That's what I'm attracted to most. It's like somebody that.

Speaker 7 (01:00:52):
Actually is it persistent yet.

Speaker 13 (01:00:53):
Persistent and know the process, like you knew the process.
I don't know if you knew my story so so
to speak, but you knew enough to know that you.

Speaker 16 (01:01:03):
Know this, this book will be received well. And I
appreciate that well.

Speaker 7 (01:01:07):
People like you don't come around too often.

Speaker 2 (01:01:09):
Don like you're a once in a generational just person,
you know, and you really learned that when you read
the book, not even just as a coach, but as
a basketball player, but more so as a child of Philadelphia.

Speaker 13 (01:01:19):
Man, I mean I had fun, Like the process was fun.
It's liberating. It is you know, you don't really know
how you're going to be received, but every person like
I'm actually waiting for a critic, like somebody saying what
didn't go right in the book, and then we have
yet to get to that point. And one of my
friends was, you know, listening, had a long road trip,

(01:01:42):
listened to the entire book yesterday and she was like,
I'm in tears.

Speaker 16 (01:01:47):
I'm laughing.

Speaker 13 (01:01:48):
I get it, like the leadership part of it, Like
I mean, the emotions that are in the book, and
it's me.

Speaker 16 (01:01:55):
So some of it is emotional me.

Speaker 13 (01:01:57):
Some of it is just I'm able to just get
it out because I remembered most of it and I
had to call on my siblings and kind of fill
in the gaps. But it's me, Like it's so me,
it's so relatable, it's so it was an easy process.

Speaker 16 (01:02:13):
So was the therapeutic at all to do it.

Speaker 13 (01:02:15):
No, it was just natural. It wasn't like it was natural.
And I think sharing my story is just relatable to people.
It's not like, you know, I don't think it's an
overdo it with the accolades. It's like the accolades are
intertwined and everybody's accolades won't be like Olympian and actual champions,
but on a certain level, like if you graduate high

(01:02:38):
school it's relatable, if you graduate college, it's relatable. If
you can pull yourself out of the projects of any city,
it's relatable.

Speaker 16 (01:02:47):
And there's no wrong path, like.

Speaker 13 (01:02:49):
There's no like you can get off tilted, but then
you got to come back by like habits, come back by.
The lessons in the book are just just it really
relates to every single thing that you would want to
accomplish in life. And I'm not just saying that the
pump the book, but it really is like I'm only
giving what other people are giving me, the feedback they're

(01:03:09):
giving me, and it's cool to hear people just relate
to the book.

Speaker 3 (01:03:14):
Yes, I love it because you know, people know you
from different things, right, Some people know you as a player,
some people know you as a coach. But with this book,
it starts from where you came from, which is North Philly, right,
And you talk abound and rosenhousing projects, and you talk
about you know, you said growing up in the projects
was the best decision your parents made. Explain that a
little bit and how that formed to the woman that
you are today.

Speaker 13 (01:03:34):
Just imagine the people that don't grow up in the projects.

Speaker 16 (01:03:37):
What you think happens in the projects.

Speaker 13 (01:03:39):
You think probably only one thing, crime like bad things
like And for me, it was the foundation of giving
me the scars I needed, the.

Speaker 16 (01:03:49):
Chinks and the armor I needed to succeed.

Speaker 13 (01:03:52):
Like there was unity in the projects, There was discipline
in the projects. There was manicure lawns. It was my
block I grew up, never had trash in it, like,
it was captain in a way that would compete with
any suburban lawn like on neighborhood. So it was all

(01:04:12):
those things that helped build you up, like I'm unbothered
and unafraid to tackle on the most challenging things in
life because that's nothing compared to what that's nothing like.
So I think it gave me the foundation I needed
to just be able to coach every day like coach
young people, like generations are changing. Coaching talent and individuals

(01:04:36):
and young people nowadays, it's very, very challenging.

Speaker 7 (01:04:39):
I love how you embrace your in a child. That's
what I love this picture on the past.

Speaker 2 (01:04:43):
What's the moment from your childhood that still shapes how
you like handle pressure to day.

Speaker 13 (01:04:47):
You know, there's a story that I that I share
in the book about my father, who I mean, I'm
over fifty now, right, but when he I don't know
if I was twelve fourteen, maybe I got invited to
play on this team in this competition outside of Philly,
Like it was a road trip, and my father was like, no,

(01:05:07):
you can't go.

Speaker 16 (01:05:08):
Like that hurt me, Like it really hurt me.

Speaker 13 (01:05:10):
And I remembered it so vividly that for him to
deny me that because it was one of the first times.
But I'm thirteen, fourteen years old, whose parents are gonna
let them somebody else take their child out of state?
Like I wasn't thinking about that. I was solely thinking
about basketball. But it was one of the one of
the experiences that drove.

Speaker 16 (01:05:30):
Me like I didn't like my father for that, Like.

Speaker 13 (01:05:33):
I didn't like him for the decision, parental decision that
he made. But as I'm older now and reflecting on
and writing the book, it is I need conflict. I
know that about myself that I need conflict, Like everything
can't be comfortable. Like if I have you know, ten
people supporting me, you know here, I need about ten

(01:05:53):
to twelve people that hated like I need it. I
mean it helps me. It drives me, like it drives me.

Speaker 16 (01:06:01):
While you said, I don't have a critic yet, I'm
waiting for the book right.

Speaker 13 (01:06:04):
Now, right, So it's that is the ability. Like you know,
we lost the Yukon this year, Like you know, the
critics are saying I can't coach.

Speaker 16 (01:06:17):
That's what they say.

Speaker 13 (01:06:18):
But I'm like, okay, well but but but again, everything
that I've needed in my life, you know, failure success
happens to me. It's uncommon. Like, but I know are
loss this year will somehow help us?

Speaker 16 (01:06:32):
It will.

Speaker 13 (01:06:32):
I'm not just relying on it helping us. I'm gonna
put action to it, so it means something.

Speaker 7 (01:06:40):
I love them.

Speaker 2 (01:06:40):
You said that in a post game conference. You was like,
I hope that they're crying. I hope that my players
are crying. I hope that it hurts, that'll make them
be better next.

Speaker 13 (01:06:48):
Yeah, I mean the most growth takes place when you're uncomfortable,
the most if you're.

Speaker 16 (01:06:54):
Comfortable all the time.

Speaker 13 (01:06:55):
And I've said this as well, like parents really don't
want their kids to feel what they felt like pain,
and I'm like, I want them to feel a little pain.

Speaker 16 (01:07:05):
I want them to hurt.

Speaker 13 (01:07:06):
I want them to be uncomfortable, and I love them
enough to allow them to sit in that space because
not for long, but they need to fight their way
out of it, because nothing's going to be given to me.

Speaker 16 (01:07:16):
I don't like that place.

Speaker 13 (01:07:18):
I don't like to feel that, so I fight like
hell to try to not feel that, by reppering, by
doing everything I need to do to not feel that.
It's almost like when you grow up in the projects
and you grow up in poverty, you don't want that anymore,
Like you don't want that. Once you've lived and you've
you know you've earned a certain keep. You want to

(01:07:38):
keep that because you want to change generations and your family,
and I hope I'm able to do that.

Speaker 3 (01:07:44):
We're still kicking it with dog Stalley Charlaman.

Speaker 2 (01:07:47):
You seem like you've always been a natural born leader,
like throughout your whole life, even when you were the child.
So it made me wonder if if coaching never entered
your life, where do you think your leadership would have
shown up instead?

Speaker 9 (01:07:58):
Oh?

Speaker 13 (01:07:58):
Man, that's a hard question. Like I'm competitive. I probably
would have been a losing gambler. I try, like trying,
like I don't know.

Speaker 16 (01:08:10):
I mean, I do.

Speaker 13 (01:08:11):
I love kids, so my work would have been with kids.
And I'm glad that coaching found me. Like I'm glad
somebody saw something in me that I didn't see it myself.
I didn't see coaching. I didn't want to coach at all.
And I don't know why, because I had great coaches.
I had great people in my life that challenged me,
that were good at it. But when I when I

(01:08:33):
had coaching friends, the only thing they talked about were
their teams in basketball. And I'm like, you know, just
what I do every day? I do this every day.
Why would I want to talk about it every day?
Why would I want my life consume with it? And
here I am, twenty five years later, like loving it,
like it's I'm doing what I'm supposed to be doing.
And when you when you're able to live out your passion.

(01:08:55):
It's the most beautiful, liberating and incredible experience. Like I
know my players really get something out of our relationship.

Speaker 16 (01:09:03):
They do.

Speaker 13 (01:09:04):
They get they build character, they navigate life. But for me,
it's I'm overjoyed when they graduate. I'm overjoyed on draft night.
I'm overjoyed when they're able to see their hard work
produce what they wanted. Like even if they don't make
it to the league, they're equipped with being successful with anything.
Like seriously, that does something to my heart when young

(01:09:27):
people were able to get what they're supposed to be.

Speaker 2 (01:09:29):
You know, you talked about your players, You got a
lot of success stories from your time coaching at the
University of South Carolina. But in the book, you make
it no secret that Asia Wish is your favorite.

Speaker 13 (01:09:37):
Well, I mean, I mean, here's why, And I don't
I've coached a lot of great players, Like Asia was
the very first player that was the number one play
in the country to decide she wanted to come play
for us, and I know it's in her backyard.

Speaker 16 (01:09:52):
And we didn't.

Speaker 13 (01:09:52):
We didn't look like a national championship team, Like we
never won a national we had never been to the
final four, so for her to trust us with that
part of her career meant that she believed in us.
She trusted us, she knew that we were gonna get
her to where she needed to go as far as
still being the number one draft pick like four years later,

(01:10:16):
like when someone and it wasn't just her, it was
her entire family believed in it. And it took some
at times them thinking did we make the right decision?

Speaker 16 (01:10:28):
Because she did.

Speaker 13 (01:10:29):
She started her first game and then she was terrible,
like scrub like.

Speaker 16 (01:10:34):
Right, scrub like scrub like.

Speaker 13 (01:10:38):
So I was like, I gotta gotta take you out
of starting lineup. But I ain't even taught her that.
I told her parents first, and her mom even was
like you sure, like you're gonna have to trust me
on this one, Like you're just gonna have to trust me,
And she was like all right. But at the end
of her freshman year, she was National Rookie of the Year,
she was first team All SEC, she was Rookie of

(01:11:02):
the Year in the SEC. Like she got all the
accolades coming off the bench. And when someone as a
coach and leader and mentored young people believe in you
like they really do, when that's reciprocating because I believe
that I knew that she was going to be the
one that takes us to that next level when you're
able to have the same synergy.

Speaker 16 (01:11:22):
You know, Asia was hell to deal with, right.

Speaker 13 (01:11:26):
Because she's young, Like she with the private school for
like twelve years.

Speaker 16 (01:11:31):
All of her schooling was a private school, so.

Speaker 13 (01:11:34):
She needed to be roughened up a little bit to
get her ready for what she faced. Like she faces
the critics right now, but I know she can handle
them because we took her through all of that. Like
she had dyslexia right throughout her college career, and I'm like, okay,
you're going to read in front of the team every
time we have a game because we have a like

(01:11:54):
a scripture reading and an inspirational reading before every pregame
meal and there's somebody that has to read it. So
I was like, you're gonna read that. It took her
her senior year. Couldn't do it the first second, the
third her senior year, she read out loud, and she
had fun with it. She said, y'all, this is along
with y'all gonna have to bear with me, Like it
was that kind of liberation. So when she gave her

(01:12:19):
entire self to me, the good, the bad, the ugly
entire You know, that's why I just have a really
strong relationship with her, Like she could tell me anything,
Like I'm non judgmental, Like young people won't want to
tell you everything because they think you're gonna judge them.

Speaker 16 (01:12:36):
I don't judge. Like, there's nothing that any one of
my current former.

Speaker 13 (01:12:40):
Future players can tell me that that's gonna rock me
that I haven't seen, like everybody's been through. Like there's
no new problems. It's the same old, recycled problems. So
just give it here so you're not dealing with it
longer than you need to.

Speaker 7 (01:12:53):
You know, it's interesting, Recular, I was watching you.

Speaker 2 (01:12:55):
You did Good Morning in America, if you Kobe all
of that stuff like that, So you was working, but
I still know he still the coach at the University
of South Carolina. But I was like, oh, you know what,
she'll be fine because she used to play ball and
coach at the same time, which I found out about
in the book.

Speaker 7 (01:13:08):
That was insane.

Speaker 16 (01:13:10):
Six years. That's crazy six years.

Speaker 13 (01:13:13):
I mean when I when I got into coaching, I
was like in my prime, So you know, the ad
at the time. He kept asking me like he was persistent,
like I'm like, no, no, I'm not interested.

Speaker 16 (01:13:25):
I'm playing in the WNBA and this is and then
he just kept asking.

Speaker 13 (01:13:28):
And then then I ended up having to go meet
with him because the final four was in Philly.

Speaker 16 (01:13:33):
I'm from Philly. He knew I was going to be there.

Speaker 13 (01:13:35):
So I went and sat down with him and he
asked me two questions.

Speaker 16 (01:13:39):
He was like, can you lead did you do your research?

Speaker 13 (01:13:42):
Like did you like and I was like, yeah, I
basically was the captain on every team that I played on, right,
And then he was like, can you turn Temple women's
basketball program around? And I was like, oh, is that
a challenge? Like is that really a challenge? Because I'm
drawing the challenges And I never answered the question. I
only I think I answered the question. He was like, hey,
can you just come down the hall and meet some people?

Speaker 16 (01:14:05):
So I was like, okay, I'm here.

Speaker 13 (01:14:06):
He took me in this conference room, set me at
the head of the table and they were like ten
to twelve people sitting around this table and they're asking
me questions like what do you see yourself in five years?
I'm like playing in the WNBA and they were like,
do you have to see yourself coaching?

Speaker 16 (01:14:21):
And I was like no, Like y'all they were interviewing me.

Speaker 13 (01:14:24):
I was on a job interview and I didn't know
it because all my job interviews were tryouts like basketball
like physical tryouts. Needless to say, I took the job
two weeks later. They just agreed to allow me to
continue to play and coach. So I was in like
basketball utopia because I was coaching and I'm actually still

(01:14:45):
able to express myself on the court because I wasn't
ready to hang up my shoes. I was still very
much a player, and I think that allowed me to
play a little bit longer than I wanted to, and
that allowed me to he staying fresh with what was
up with teaching young people because they were more enthralled

(01:15:06):
with me playing because that's what they wanted, like I
was living their dream right before their very eyes. And
I think it just helped me be a better coach,
be a more understanding coach because I was a player
receiving the information from a coach, and then I just
helped the dynamics of what I was doing.

Speaker 3 (01:15:27):
We was still kicking it with Dawn Stalley. Her new book,
Uncommon Favorite is out right now. Basketball in North Philly,
My Mother, and the life Lessons I learned from all three. Now,
I wanted to ask about your father, right. You mentioned
your father earlier and you said your relationship wasn't that great?

Speaker 5 (01:15:41):
What you said it got better over the years.

Speaker 3 (01:15:43):
Do you understand some of the things that your father
was trying to implementing you as a young girl, because
they said that your father looked at women's basketball and
felt that wasn't too many opportunities and didn't know if
you could sustain at that time. And do you wish
that you kind of put yourself in his mentality back
then as a child, because even with the name of
the book, it says Basketball North Philly, my Mother, but
not father.

Speaker 13 (01:16:06):
No, no, no, you know, I think I think even
the one like family members that are that are closest
to you, Yes, I thought, I, Yes, I should have
had a much more mature outlook on that relationship now
that you can reflect on it, now that you can

(01:16:26):
see because I held that and I you know if
you can hear that, I still hold that instance. But
when you when you're coaching, right, you come into a
situation where you hurt a player like you heard that
player that was like probably twelve years ago. I heard
that player like it. It drives me to not hurt
other players. And I wasn't mature enough or savvy enough

(01:16:48):
to handle that at twelve or thirteen. So I do
think it's it's helped me be a better coach. It
helps me be a better person to really like again,
I did and talk about things I held that for
My father probably didn't, probably doesn't. He's been dead and
gone since two thousand and one.

Speaker 16 (01:17:08):
Like I don't even think he really knew how much
that hurt me.

Speaker 13 (01:17:12):
But also use that to navigate the nose like I
handle those a lot better because of that.

Speaker 7 (01:17:20):
I love to respect the power of habits chapter.

Speaker 2 (01:17:23):
And in that chapter, you speak extremely highly of South
Carolina's own Malaysia for a while, and you even refer
to her as a younger, savvier version of you. You say,
this is a quote I heard from so many adults
who gave their own parents hell, only to see that
teenagers return to favor. Now it's my turn in the battle.
So when I see you had when I read that,
and I was like, she had so much love for Malaysia.

(01:17:44):
What was your initial reaction when she decided to enter
the portal and.

Speaker 7 (01:17:48):
Was it surprising to you?

Speaker 16 (01:17:50):
Surprising?

Speaker 13 (01:17:51):
No, I think you know, being in this space, you
become to expect the unexpected, right. I still have much
love for Malaysia, much love, like I want her happy.
She and a mom came in. She said, I think
I'm want to get into the transfer portal. So I'm like, okay,
well you think or you know? And she said I know,
And I said, well, only want you happy, like I

(01:18:12):
really do. Only want our players happy, whether that's with
us or somewhere else.

Speaker 16 (01:18:17):
Just be happy. I told her, don't look back.

Speaker 13 (01:18:19):
I know it's probably gonna be hard to not look
back to see you know, you leaving your hometown and
all that. I said, don't look back like you made
this decision. Just go forward with it and don't look back.
You're always gonna be a game cock, You're always gonna
be welcomed here. I wish her the best. And when
I say that, people probably think, oh, but I do,

(01:18:40):
like I really do, like, cause I am what's for
us is for us, not it was not. Let's keep moving.
I don't stay in despair. I don't stay in those
spaces for very long. I'm like, Okay, we got to
get recruiting. We gotta get back into this portal to
see who we can get to help us. I think
she's gonna have a promising career. I do think she's

(01:19:01):
a generational talent that will never leave. Like, she does
things on the basketball court that I've never seen a
woman do, and she's She'll continue to do that and
will continue to be happy for her except the one
or two times that we have to play them like
it's on, like it's this.

Speaker 16 (01:19:19):
She's gonna be super competitive against us.

Speaker 13 (01:19:21):
We're gonna we're gonna want to win, and it's gonna
be a pride thing that comes with just being a competitor.

Speaker 16 (01:19:27):
And we got much love for her and the family.

Speaker 3 (01:19:29):
Now this this has nothing to do with the boat,
but I wanted to ask us were talking about players.
You know, the w NBA has has taken a huge
jump in the last couple of years, and I love it.
My daughters love it, my sons love it. What do
you think what's going on in the WNBA with it?
It seems like they're pitting, you know, Caitlin Clark against
Angel reaes right, kind of what they did in the
NBA back in the day. But it was more teams, right,
I guess not maybe not teams. It was Magic Bird.

(01:19:51):
This one is that one, but this one it just
seems like it seems very personal. So what are your thoughts,
like even the other day with that foul, and they
called it a flagrant foul. I don't necessarily we agree,
but what are your.

Speaker 9 (01:20:00):
Thoughts on it?

Speaker 17 (01:20:01):
Well?

Speaker 16 (01:20:02):
I think the officiating has a hard job.

Speaker 13 (01:20:04):
That's one the decipher whether or not that's a flavored
one or not. Hard job, and I do think they
understand the dynamics of Angel and Caitlyn.

Speaker 16 (01:20:14):
I do.

Speaker 13 (01:20:14):
I think it's great for our game because it's like
but yeah, like it's a sport.

Speaker 16 (01:20:18):
Treat us like a sport.

Speaker 13 (01:20:20):
Don't treat us anything other than being a sport. It
happens in every sport, Soccer, basketball, football, it happens in
every sport.

Speaker 16 (01:20:28):
So let it be.

Speaker 13 (01:20:29):
I'm gonna I'm gonna take the lead of Angel and Caitlin,
and that lead is they said it was a it
was a file. The officials got it right. We're moving on,
That's what I'm saying. I'm gonna take their lead. Okay,
I think it's it pulls people in. I do think
there are new fans that haven't watched our game and
they really don't know, so they only they're only singlely

(01:20:52):
focused on Kate one, right, right, So when you're that
and that's that's their idol, that's who attracts them. But
I just hope that they'll open their eyes to the
rest of the talent that is there. Like the product.
The product is incredible and it's in high demand. We

(01:21:13):
played Caitlin in the National Championship last year, right, twenty
million a topped off at whatever it topped off at
the most. I know they saw us, like, I know
they saw us. I know they saw us have an
undefeated season. I know they saw Camilla Cardozo. I know
they saw Ashlon Watause. I know they saw Tessa Johnson
have an incredible care career or day. I know they

(01:21:35):
saw my Lasier do some incredible things like so, so
open your eyes up to seeing outside of Caitlin, well
not even outside included, because she's a part of a
part of it all.

Speaker 16 (01:21:46):
So you know, I'm.

Speaker 13 (01:21:48):
Looking forward to the next time they play too. I'm
gonna be glueden just like everybody else.

Speaker 2 (01:21:52):
Yes, I want to go back to that that chapter
of respect the power of habits.

Speaker 7 (01:21:57):
Right when you talk about Malaysia, it is with such reference.

Speaker 2 (01:21:59):
How do you disappointment as a coach with support for
somebody like her who just wanted to make a decision
for herself.

Speaker 13 (01:22:05):
If a young person is going to speak on what
what what they deem it is good for them, that's
half the battle, Like half the battle is to be
able to speak up. And you know how hard it
was for her to do that, like really hard, really hard.
So I understand that dynamics of her decision making.

Speaker 16 (01:22:23):
And then it's like, okay, well what do you do
with it?

Speaker 13 (01:22:26):
Like if she was my player and there was a
chance for her to want to come back, or if
she decided that this is that that's not what she
wanted to do. I was going to talk to her
about why why did it? Why did it come to that?
What makes you think this isn't a place for whatever?
She said we would we would go from there. I
thought Malaysia. Malaysia was getting better, like I really I

(01:22:49):
saw a whole lot of growth on and off the
court to where unless she was gonna get the best
of her now like we went through the you know,
we went through the hard part of just kind of
than some rough edges and getting her to create good
habits like like I do think habits are the thing
that allows you to elevate, right, I do so.

Speaker 16 (01:23:11):
I think.

Speaker 13 (01:23:11):
I think what we've given her and what she's given
us will allow her to have much better days, much
more consistent days than she had with us at our
next stop, Well, thank.

Speaker 7 (01:23:23):
You, Don.

Speaker 2 (01:23:23):
New book Uncommon Favor, Basketball, North Philly, My Mother and
the Life Lessons I Learned from all three is available
everywhere you buy books.

Speaker 5 (01:23:29):
Now, go get it.

Speaker 7 (01:23:30):
You are guaranteed to learn something you are living.

Speaker 19 (01:23:34):
Don.

Speaker 2 (01:23:34):
We appreciate your presence on this earth. We thank God
for you.

Speaker 16 (01:23:37):
Thank you, and listen.

Speaker 2 (01:23:38):
I want everybody to remember that Today Don Staley will
be at the Barns and Noble Fifth Avenue in New
York City.

Speaker 7 (01:23:43):
If you're in New York City, you can.

Speaker 2 (01:23:45):
Go see Don Staley at Barns and Noble one pm today,
five five five Fifth Avenue in New York. Go get
a copy of Uncommon Favor Signs. Don, Thank you.

Speaker 16 (01:23:55):
Again, Thank you, thank you.

Speaker 5 (01:23:58):
It's the Breakfast Club.

Speaker 3 (01:23:59):
Good morning, warning everybody, it's deja envy, just hilarious. Charlamagne
la Guy. We are the Breakfast Club. It's time for positive.

Speaker 7 (01:24:07):
Note what we got and the positive note is simply this.

Speaker 2 (01:24:10):
Nothing that's for you will require you to act out
of character to get it.

Speaker 7 (01:24:16):
Always remember that absolutely nothing. Have a great day, Breakfast
Club bitches.

Speaker 2 (01:24:20):
Y'all finish for y'all.

Speaker 7 (01:24:21):
Done,

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