INTERVIEW: Dr. Joel Tudman Talks New Book 'The Fight to Find Yourself', Healing, Building Relationships + More

Today on The Breakfast Club, Dr. Joel Tudman Talks New Book 'The Fight to Find Yourself', Healing, Building Relationships. Listen For More!

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Episode Transcript

Speaker 1 (00:01):
Every day a waiting up the breakfast Club finish for
y'all done morning.

Speaker 2 (00:07):
Everybody is j n V jess hilarious, Charlamage, the guy
we are, the breakfast Club Law and the Roses here
as well.

Speaker 3 (00:13):
We got a special guest in the building.

Speaker 4 (00:15):
We told you he was going to have him back.

Speaker 5 (00:16):
That's right, doctor Joelton. Welcome back, man, Thank you for
having us back. I didn't get to talk to you
last time. I wasn't here.

Speaker 3 (00:21):
I was out of town. How you doing.

Speaker 5 (00:22):
It's honor to meet your brother.

Speaker 1 (00:24):
New book, The Fight to find Yourself Moving from Uncertain
to Unstoppable, is out now.

Speaker 4 (00:29):
Yes, sir, I want to ask you, doctor Joe, what was.

Speaker 1 (00:31):
The What was the moment, like that real breaking point
that made you realize you weren't living as your authentic self?

Speaker 5 (00:37):
Several moments. I don't think I can categorize it to one.
I think it was a breakdown for me, a chain
of events, a lot of success, and the success couldn't
solve the pain. And so once all the breakdowns started
to accumulate, I started realizing this stuff is just a
band aid. Every accolade, every award, every stage, every opportunity

(01:03):
could not solve the inner pain and so having a
good community of course j of course, other brothers and
other ministers that knew that I was hurting started looking
into the insights say hey, man, pull yourself back. We
need to talk to you. My mentor who became a pastor,

(01:26):
he began to talking to me. He told me to
stop speaking. So for I think nine months to a year,
I didn't travel, I didn't go anywhere. He made me
stay home and minister at the house so he could
watch over me and check over me. But the pain
had gotten pretty bad, pretty bad. I think I put
a gun to my head twice during that process, trying
to figure out how to maneuver through. But then once

(01:50):
I found a pretty good therapist, things started changing, and
I started journal and started documenting and seeing things change
for myself.

Speaker 6 (01:58):
You talk about in the opening of the book going
through the motions of things and how they just feels
so empty. Yeah, but you also have such a big
platform and you're speaking places you can fall back into
the motions easily, even at certain points in it, like
how do you kind of stop yourself from falling back
into the motion of things because you know you're entertaining
at the same time too.

Speaker 5 (02:19):
That's a great question. Let's do it like this. When
the annoyinging comes on you to speak, it comes on
you for the task for the moment. So the annoying
comes on you to do what you need to do.
You study yourself, how you prepare, you do what you
need to do. You pray. That's God doing his thing
through you. When that's over, it's over, and you can

(02:42):
walk off the stage and feel like you're absolutely failed,
even though people were absolutely blessed. You can walk off
the stage get a phone call that just rips everything away.
After all, those people have given their lives to Christ.
And that's what I'm talking about, that that moment, you're
annoying it for that moment, and then when you come off,
you don't have the badge to live. And that's what

(03:04):
I was experiencing. So it was a massive fall off
and I got tired of that, real tired of it.

Speaker 3 (03:10):
What changed?

Speaker 2 (03:11):
What gave you the feeling of wanting to live again?

Speaker 5 (03:16):
I lost my father and my son back to back.
Both of those relationships were difficult to had my son
when I was sixteen years old. He came to live
with me his sophomore year and then my father. We
had a good relationship, but it wasn't like what you
wanted father and son to have. I've respected him very
much so and he wasn't an absentee. We just didn't

(03:38):
have a relationship. And so that thing grew, grew and grew.
So in the process, I built all these walls that
protected me emotionally. And the last two weeks of my
dad's life, I spent with him in the hospital and
I got to know him like I never knew him before.

(03:59):
I held his hand and washed him, shaved, and I
fed him, scratched his back. It was a different feeling
from me that unleashed this avalanche of emotions that I
never felt before, and I needed to figure out how
to deal with them. For a little bit, I felt
like it was great, And then for a second I

(04:22):
was like, God, how could you do this? How could
you wait till the end? And I'm this old to
give me the feeling of being a son. I'm already
a man, and I've already mastered the way I do life,
you know, and so it may not be perfect, but
it's mine. And when that happened, those two deaths broke

(04:42):
down everything I knew. It broke down my own blueprint
and I had to come up with a new one.

Speaker 4 (04:47):
So you lost yourself because of what you lost.

Speaker 2 (04:55):
To you at your lowest and you're feeling like taking
your life. Most people will say that is devil working,
and it's not anything but the devil trying to get
you to take your life.

Speaker 5 (05:05):
Do you agree with that? I don't know if I
agree with it or not. I'm gonna be honest with you.
I know that Satan comes to kill, still and destroy.
I don't think God does that. But what I will
say is that there are some things that happen to
us internally chemically that we are born with or born
without that only scientists can answer. I don't think the

(05:27):
scientist is God not saying that. But I don't think
that's a question that you could just easily answer from
a five or six minute conversation. I think it involves
a lot of study, a lot of interpretation, and the
opportunity to really converse with people that have the problem,
not people that are just sitting around the table discussing that.

Speaker 2 (05:47):
Because when most people feel like they want to take
their life, it's a lot of times they feel worthless,
right they feel like that they don't have an answer,
they'd rather they feel like life would be better without
them than with them in it, And it's learning.

Speaker 3 (06:03):
That that complete opposite. Did you have that feel?

Speaker 5 (06:08):
I felt it, but because I had understood the word
of God and had enough left in the tank, I
had enough to kind of come back and forth and
talk to myself. When I was younger, I didn't. I
just took the pills, but I didn't die. When I

(06:28):
got older and I pulled that trigger, I pulled that
triggers to die. But I didn't I felt that way.
But I will say I was going back and forth
dialogue in my head. Now, this is something I want
to say straight up. Most pastors, most people in church

(06:50):
are going straight up to you know, you're going to hell,
you know, and that is the devil's work. Again, I
think it's unprofessional and it's a lack of empathy and
compassion to have a conversation with the person to find
out why they felt that way. Why do you feel

(07:11):
that way? I think that's a part of the conversation.
I understand the eternal security and eternal damnation. We got
that the religious perspective of the walk with God, but
somebody still needs to get in your walk get in
your shoes with the word of God and help you
walk through why you feel that way. I think that's
the missing ingredient. Great question, great debate, but the missing

(07:35):
piece of the question and the conversation is the person.
Why do you feel that way?

Speaker 2 (07:40):
Because I've been there before and I write it in
my book of me being feeling worthless right, me doing
things making me feel like an embarrassment to my family
one and me feeling like not being here would be
better for my family took a lot of praying, a
lot of talking, a lot of discussion. Well, when somebody

(08:00):
ever tells me that they're thinking about it, I jumped
to it immediately, right. And the reason I jumped to
it and jump to have a conversation. I have conversation
with so many people online. But the reason I jump
to it is because another thing that also gives me
great fear is sometimes people feel like I got to
show you I would do it, you know what I mean,
Like I'm thinking about it, And a lot of times
we write that person off like just just go sleep, yo,

(08:24):
just go take a shot, just just go talk to somebody.
And I feel like the worst thing you can do
to somebody in that position is kind of sign them off.
Almost feel like I have to show you I was
gonna do it, and once I have, once I show you,
there is no ups there is no fix that can't
fix that.

Speaker 5 (08:41):
That's why I said the person, the person matters. I
love the theological conversation, the church conversation. It's great to
have put the collar down and talk to the person
and then we'll navigate there. Why do you feel that way?
What caused you to get that way? That's more important
right now, you know? And I love what you said

(09:02):
about it because some people say I'm just going to
do it, and if you and I and if they
do it, we don't get an opportunity to come back.

Speaker 1 (09:12):
I love this conversation because you know, the fight to
find yourself. What if you feel like you know that
fight is no longer, that fight would no longer be
fought it here on this earthly plane. And what I
mean by that is like I had a friend committed
suicide a few years ago, and this she was so
intentional about everything, so strategic about everything, and then when

(09:33):
you go look at her like social media posts, she
was asking questions like I wonder what my next life
would be like. And it was during COVID, and she
was saying things like, you know, one thing COVID taught
me is that I would have, you know, jumped off
the slave ship a long time ago, like so she
knew she was ready to go, and so she, you know,
committed suicide.

Speaker 5 (09:53):
You felt like the other side was better than this side,
which is what.

Speaker 4 (09:56):
I can't say that. Her call was that you're saying,
that's how I kind.

Speaker 5 (09:59):
Of feel, you feel, but don't know what she felt that.

Speaker 4 (10:01):
I don't know what she felt.

Speaker 5 (10:03):
I think for me, I have felt that. I have
felt that because there's no dying over there. That's what
that's what we teach. There's no more murder over there.
You know, it's eternal life over there, eternal security, and
I'm better off gone than here. We don't know. That's

(10:25):
that's that is the point of the conversation. If you
can have the conversation, if you can pause from your
daily life, from your routine, and have the conversation with
the person. We just got through talking about one of
Jason Wilson's posts that we miss the red flags and
sometimes when the white flag is is pushed. It's too late.

(10:49):
We missed the red flags because of our routines, because
of our life. It's not that it's our fault, but
we have to slow down. If we're going to be
in a relationship with people, being covenant with people, then
the relationship has to be deeper than us kicking it.
It has to be deeper than us just making it.
I think, Jay and our relationship is incredible. We're both
making it in our fields. We're making it in what

(11:11):
we do. But we pause to find out about our
mental Yo, how you thinking? Why are you thinking that way?
What's going? And then I have to be comfortable enough
to be vulnerable with the men, tell the absolute truth.
I'm broken. And then I find a scripture that says
he's close to the broken hearted. That's in the Bible.
So I need the scripture. Now. I don't need the
scripture to talk about suicide. I need the scripture before suicide.

(11:35):
I need the empowerment before thinking about taking my life.
So the word starts talking to me when I feel
like doing it.

Speaker 4 (11:41):
So stay on that. What does it look like to
fight right? Oh?

Speaker 5 (11:44):
Man? Fighting writers with scripture? Loading yourself up daily because
you want to make your plans from your faith, not
your feelings. Your feelings are going to change, They're going
to ebb and flow based off of who you're connected with,
based off of what happens to you. We fight wrong
all the time. We fight wrong with the wrong people,
We fight wrong with our diets, we fight wrong with addictions,
we fight wrong. I just start thinking, and so the

(12:06):
scriptures talk about us capturing every imagination, every thought and
bringing it under subjection. You know that is how you fight.
But you have to learn how to do that through
the word of God. And I was just sitting there
and I told, I told Jay, I said, when I
get there, because I know that your audience is full
of church people and not church people. So I always

(12:29):
let's just say I'm on chat GPT. Find me a
scripture that's encouraging for depression. Find me a scripture that's
encouraging for depression. It's just that simple.

Speaker 4 (12:44):
And what does the Bible say about chat GPT.

Speaker 5 (12:46):
I don't know.

Speaker 4 (12:46):
I'm just asking, get out of here.

Speaker 5 (12:52):
See what Chad say. Chad took me to Psalms thirty
four eighteen. The Lord is close to the broken hearted,
and save those who are crushed in spirit. I got
that in like what thirty seconds, Matthew eleven twenty eight.
Come to me, all you are weary and burdened, and
I will give you rests Tewod Corinthians one three through four.
Praise be to God, the Father of our Lord, Jesus Christ,

(13:14):
the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort,
who comforts us all in our troubles. We have to
take it upon ourselves, no matter what our level is
in study. You may not be a theologian, you may
not be a doctor in biblical studies, but you can
grab this technology. And this technology just like it's teaching
us how to go everywhere across the world. You can

(13:35):
grab it whatever you feel. I'm telling this to you,
brother sister, whatever you feel, grab it. Speak what you
feel thet it give you a word. It's coming from
the Bible. Man. If you don't trust it, go pick
your Bible up and trace it and make sure that's
what it says. But at least attempt, at least attempt
to speak into your own life.

Speaker 4 (13:55):
What do you say?

Speaker 3 (13:56):
It's a two paul question.

Speaker 2 (13:58):
One. People always say that people who commit suicide or
thinking of committing suicide or tried to commit suicide or
weak right, and for parents out there, seems like the
suicide conversation and depression conversation is a lot more frequent
than when we were kids. What do you say to

(14:18):
parents in old situations?

Speaker 5 (14:20):
Children are not weak. Your children don't have an answer.
Your children are not weak. Your children are beautiful, Your
children are strong. Your children are confused, and they don't
have an answer because if they had an answer, that
wouldn't be the choice. And I would say to the parents,
continue to build your relationship with your children so you

(14:41):
can actually see the changes when the diet changes, when
they stop doing the stuff that they love, and they
stop training, when they stop talking on the phone, when
they stop smiling. When you see those shifts, that's when
you got to act. You can't act when the wife
lad goes up. They are not weak.

Speaker 6 (15:03):
What do you say to parents about learning how to
find what they need for themselves to be able to
give to their children, Because I know you talk about
that in your book, like you had to do a
lot for yourself and your fight to then be able
to fill your daughter up.

Speaker 5 (15:15):
Reading reading, reading, reading, reading, reading, reading, reading, reading, reading,
everything that you can read, and then reading what your
children are reading, okay, what are they actually putting into them?
One of the things I had to watch is my daughter,
one of my daughters, she watches a lot of television
on her phone. Okay, so the TV could be playing

(15:37):
just as loud as day. She's got her headsets on
and she's in a whole nother movie. So I have
to take them. I said, what are you watching? Everything
she's watching is like Ghosts, Goblins, Demons, witch is not spooky,
but it's fun little movies. That's giving her different ways

(15:59):
of dealing with life. So I said, hey, let's watch
something else. I have to What are you listening to?
What is the music you're listening to? So I started
listening to their music. Now they laugh because they're like, yo, Dad,
why are you listening to that? Because I want to know.

Speaker 7 (16:11):
What you're listening to.

Speaker 5 (16:13):
They're listening to everything and I like it. They listen
to everything and I like it. So it's to me.
It's trying to stay lock and step with them. I
don't expect them to be me. I don't expect her
to be a pastor. I don't expect her to sing
in the choir. I expect her to be a child,
and I want to go through that experience with her.

(16:33):
I know what it's like to have churchy parents that
don't have a clue what you're thinking, what you're listening to,
where you're going, and what's actually feeding your spirit. So
that's what I would say to the parents.

Speaker 1 (16:46):
I want to go a little deep on the role
faith plays in finding yourself because can someone truly discover
who they are without first discovering who God is to them?

Speaker 5 (16:56):
That just depends on the discipline of that particular person's faith.
That's a big broad question. You're talking to a Christian,
So I'm going to view life through a Christian lens.
And for me, because I believe that God created us,
then I believe the path to understand himself is going
to come through the Creator. Okay, when you look at

(17:18):
how we were made, I think I open it up
in the book. When you look at how we were made,
Adam and Eve are in this perfect situation with God.
It's when Eve listens to what the devil says about
did God say that? Which puts this question in her head,

(17:40):
this doubt in her head? Did he really say that?
Which is what we say, now, did he really say that?
Did he say it, did he not say it in
my saying it? Or did he saying it this question?
She gives the fruit to her husband, they eat it.
The scripture says, I think in chapter two of verse
twenty five, if I'm mistaken, that they opened their eyes
and they were naked, and they realized it. They had

(18:01):
been naked and unashamed. But now they realize that they're
neked and unashamed. So their entire existence was based off
of vulnerability and openness and transparency from the beginning. But
that same openness, that same transparency becomes questioned now that
they actually know they've eaten this fruit, and they have
this knowledge of good and evil. So now they know,
and now they're hiding from the God that created them.

(18:23):
And from that day, every last one of us are
warped into ancestry and history. So all of us are
shapened in sin, born in iniquity, born in sin, shaping
in iniquity because of their decision ancestry. So this is
how we get their doubt creeps in. Is God talking

(18:44):
to us then our own family history, what we say
we are, who we've become, That is evolved over years.
I think that we're a combination of history and a
combination of ancestry. So in the Christian lens, I believe
that is important to know what God says about man

(19:06):
so that you can find yourself, because there's some wonderful
things God says about us. And if we can build
off of what he said, then you're not looking for
what everybody else says. To build your life and to
figure out who you are, you start with the word
of God and take this journey. I think the journey
is more important than the actual destination. That's what I believe.

Speaker 6 (19:28):
I love that you also talk about too in the book,
just how your wife has coached you through so many
different moments in your fight for the partners out there
who are like everybody's finding themselves. But I think when
I hear how you speak about her, there are certain
parts and certain things you couldn't have done without her.
Oh God, but it has to be heavy on her

(19:49):
as well. How is she balancing her own fight with
helping you do your fight.

Speaker 5 (19:53):
It's sometimes it's unfair. It's unfair because she had to
stop fighting for herself to help me fight. But I
think that's the power of love, and I think we
evolve in time. I think I don't think that marriage
is a fifty to fifty. Sometimes it's gonna be eighty twenty.

(20:15):
Sometimes it's gonna be ten, one hundred, sometimes it's gonna
be seventy thirty. I think love is love, and whatever
number adds up, that's based off of the try, the
push between the two people, and there's always gonna be
one this week, and there's always gonna be one that's strong.
And so to each couple, I would say that the

(20:37):
journey to becoming who you are together will be based
off of the two of you remaining honest and open.
That I can carry you today. I may not be
able to carry you tomorrow. I carry you today.

Speaker 2 (20:50):
People don't talk about a lot about how important a
good partner is, right, Yeah, because when I when I've
been at my lowest many times, if it wasn't for
my partner, I don't think I would be able to
come out.

Speaker 3 (21:04):
Of it the way that I did.

Speaker 4 (21:05):
Happy to be here for you guys.

Speaker 2 (21:11):
This guy's crazy, you know what, you know what's so crazy?
I see him yesterday in the right just happen to
see him in the street I'm with my wife and
my daughter.

Speaker 3 (21:23):
He's with his wife. He walks up to me. He's
stocking kisses at me.

Speaker 5 (21:29):
Not your wife handled that.

Speaker 2 (21:30):
My wife didn't see his wife said it, and his
wife's like, really like this clarn ship, like that's wrong
with you.

Speaker 4 (21:38):
And now you just blow kissing him what she said.

Speaker 1 (21:41):
But talking about the importance of more part of that,
his wife goes, if somebody just blow kissing, he goes,
that was charlat maney.

Speaker 5 (21:52):
I think that's beautiful that your spouses can laugh at that.
They can't.

Speaker 3 (21:56):
I don't know how long it took me laugh at first.
I don't think they thought it was that funny.

Speaker 2 (22:01):
Talk about the importance of a good partner and a
good spouse when you're going through those things, because you know,
Charlamage and myself talk about when you're really faithful in
your marriage and life, it opens up a whole another life,
another category, another.

Speaker 5 (22:15):
A whole nother round of favor. Absolutely that comes upon
your life after word, Yes, a whole nother round of favor,
because sometimes you feel like you'res an't worth nothing and
we're living off the other. Having a good spouse is
the opposite of having a bad one, okay, And I
think a lot of the world is experiencing bad relationships.

(22:35):
But you hear so much about what it takes to
being a good one. To being a good one means
you survive a lot of bad things. I don't know
anybody that's been in a great relationship that doesn't have
stories of wounds and cuts and memories where things have
gone bad. That's what makes it good. That you can

(22:56):
go through the storms and go through the rain and
still remain. And there'll be times where you feel like
walking away. There'll be times when you feel like departing.
You take your take mind, or you just take it
all in our bounce. But the love, the commitment, the
responsibility to become the one that you want to be

(23:18):
drives everything. My wife, her name is Latasha. She's been
with me. I didn't have anything, but that's not true.
I did have something. My credit was bad. That's what
was bad. Yeah, I had things, but my credit was
bad and I was able to get things without the credit.
But she looked at the credit and said, Yo, your

(23:40):
credit is terrible. I can fix it for you. I
said what she said, I can fix it for you.
So she fixed my credit credit went up, and she's like, yo,
I can handle the money. And that was different from
me because I don't know. I've never been socialized into
manhood where the woman handled the money. But she could
handle the money. So I let our relationship be our relationship.

(24:04):
At first, I was a little bit embarrassed. I had
this myth of manhood that if she's doing this, and
she's doing this, it's going to make me look stupid.
But I realize, my marriage is my marriage. It's not yours,
and it is not yours, and it's not until I'm
a toured as a man that I understand what goes
on in my house is my house. I don't care
what's happening in your house. So your spouse has to
have the ability to endure it with the worst of

(24:26):
you and the best of you. And likewise, and just
make sure that you guys are on the same page
with raising children, all right. Make sure you're on the
same page with raising children so that you can recreate
something beautiful and not create something that's going to be
a monster.

Speaker 6 (24:42):
But the steps of that for people like if you
both don't have children, or even if one person does
have children, sometimes you don't know how person is until
they're in a situation, even if you have conversations prior
to like what are the real steps to know?

Speaker 5 (24:54):
I don't think that there is a a cookie cutter
step because we're all different. I think when we spend
time with each other, what are you actually doing? If
you're just having sex, smoking and drinking and they're having
a real conversation about who you are, where you come from,
what do you like? What don't you like? I think

(25:16):
all those things need to be talked about first. What
makes you happy? What makes you sad? When you get angry?
Do you throw things? Do you cuss? Do you go off?
Do you belittle me? Can you encourage me when you
don't like me? Can you still show up for me
when you want to leave me if we have to
go to a function? Will you embarrass me even though

(25:38):
you're upset with me? How do you want to be appreciated?
How do you want me to leave you alone? How
do we argue?

Speaker 2 (25:45):
Is?

Speaker 5 (25:45):
What is what is the what are the what are
our parameters for arguing? Ours? Was? Listen? If you leave,
you come back, don't stay gone, and don't go to
nobody else's house and spend the night if you don't
want to talk to me going to the other room.
But at some point in time there must be a resolution.

(26:06):
I think all those things matter because then we have
people that get married because the sex is great. We
get married because we got money, and the kids are
gonna be pretty because we both look good. But we've
done none of the other work to discover what we like.
If you're Catholic and I'm Protestant. If you're Catholic, do
you want the kids to be all of that little

(26:27):
bitty stuff that we avoid because we're attracted. Those things
need to be discussed. Then let's go to counseling. Let's
go to counseling and see what happens. If we're Christian,
let's also go visit the Christian counselors. We're don't have
to be the pastor what is it that they're saying
about our relationship? And I walk with God because I
don't want to get in our in our marriage and

(26:48):
find out you you don't believe the way I believe?
Why am I just not finding that out? All of
those little things need to be discussed before we ever
even talk about kids. Then we start talking talking about it.
How are we going to raise our children? How many
children do you want? What kind of school do you
want them to go to? Do you believe in corporate punishments?

(27:09):
I think that's the right word of beating your kids
or soft parented, whatever the correct words are. I think
all those things matter before we do it. But we're backwards.
We have sex first, we like the feeling first. Then
we get together. Then we stay together and either end
up with come in law marriage or we go ahead
and get married because we're already pregnant, and then we

(27:30):
wrestle with all the other stuff later. Just flip the script.
We know what to do, just reverse the order to
flip the script.

Speaker 7 (27:36):
For No, we don't know how apt.

Speaker 6 (27:39):
We are very intentional about a lot of the things.
This is probably the first time ever. I mean, I'm
thirty three, so I'm pretty young, but this is the
first time that I feel like my intention is actually
like matched, and even when it's not the best thing,
like I'm not the best person and vice versa, it's
still like a no, we're going we sit down, We're
about to talk about this. And I've never in certain conversations,

(28:00):
I've never had like we had a financial conversation the other
day and I was like, no.

Speaker 7 (28:03):
One has ever.

Speaker 5 (28:04):
It's the first time you had ever?

Speaker 6 (28:06):
Yeah, it was. It's very new, but so it's been
some months. But we've been dating for longer than that.
But we've been dating for about a year. But officially, yes,
it is, Yes.

Speaker 4 (28:20):
It is.

Speaker 5 (28:24):
That is not new. I wish I had a computer?
Do you like you do?

Speaker 7 (28:28):
The only reason knew is because she had.

Speaker 4 (28:31):
First of all, she just thought so one of them
fell off. That's not true.

Speaker 7 (28:38):
No, that's not He's framing this completely wrong. Okay.

Speaker 6 (28:43):
So the only reason why I say it's new is
because I think I've had to learn. I've had to
learn how to be very different in this stage in
my life, not even relationship, just because of like career
and a lot of things. So I took a lot
more time with certain things this time around.

Speaker 7 (29:07):
See sexual sex.

Speaker 5 (29:10):
What did you do different about it?

Speaker 6 (29:11):
We just it took some more time before it happened,
which is very different from me. We also we also public,
like being in public with each other. I took time
before I did that. It's still in public sneaky videos,
we're still taking.

Speaker 7 (29:29):
I feel.

Speaker 6 (29:31):
Now even got one year we've been dating for you,
that's a long time.

Speaker 7 (29:40):
That's still very new though.

Speaker 5 (29:42):
Have you slept with him within three and sixty five days? Yes,
okay you have. You have had sex with this man
multiple times. Uh huh, look at your smith. Can you tell?

Speaker 7 (29:54):
Where are you showing him?

Speaker 5 (29:56):
What is going on here? This is not her?

Speaker 7 (29:59):
No, it's not he keep showing people this video. That's
not me.

Speaker 4 (30:02):
You are God watching you.

Speaker 5 (30:06):
This is not you know that person that was a birthday.

Speaker 6 (30:14):
That has nothing to do with me nor the situation
we're having a conversation about.

Speaker 5 (30:17):
That was your birthday?

Speaker 7 (30:19):
Is that him like two years ago?

Speaker 5 (30:21):
That's not the same him. That's another hymn.

Speaker 7 (30:23):
I don't know.

Speaker 6 (30:25):
Guy that I was kissing in the restaurant and the
guy that just got posted kind of at the Eagles game.
That is where we are. That is my man, and
that's the only thing we should be talking about.

Speaker 3 (30:34):
You keep bringing in life.

Speaker 6 (30:38):
That I don't know why I keep bringing up things.

Speaker 7 (30:40):
Are not important.

Speaker 5 (30:43):
What I'm saying is this exactly what you just said.
You've slept with this man. You have a smile on
your face. You are you're enjoying that you have slept
with this man multiple times. You should be that enthusiastic
about everything else.

Speaker 6 (30:56):
But I'm saying this is the first time that I am.
Like in others situations, there have been things that I think.

Speaker 5 (31:01):
When did you find out about his credit? And what month?

Speaker 7 (31:04):
Probably like within the first month, then.

Speaker 5 (31:07):
When did you sleep with him? You don't want to
tell me, Okay, this is so how we No, I'm
just you know, I don't even want to go there.

Speaker 6 (31:16):
This is not about I think so for me also
to this situation, I think you asked the question no,
and I want to have the conversation. That's how we
haven't it.

Speaker 3 (31:24):
But as you just pray now, I want to get
this out because I.

Speaker 6 (31:28):
Want to hear what you have to say because one
of the things I enjoyed learning was how you and
your wife are in your fight. Because one of the
things I've realized with us is we're both in kind
of like the trying to figure out our life separate
of a relationship, but it just so happens that we're
together doing it now. And I thought that it was
great how she knowed, how she knew how to support you,
and because sometimes things can feel.

Speaker 5 (31:50):
Like it's my wife, his girlfriend.

Speaker 7 (31:52):
Yes, but still even in Franks, even in friendship.

Speaker 5 (31:55):
It's a completely different responsibility and a completely different role.

Speaker 7 (31:58):
But take out relationship like girlfriend.

Speaker 6 (32:00):
Even in friendships, right, there are times where you feel
like you're giving more to a friendship than you're receiving.
And you talked about vulnerability and vulnerability being a bad thing.
That was the first time I've ever heard somebody say that.
And the reason why I brought it up is because
in situations like this, when things do feel good, you're
always wondering, am I allowing certain things to happen because
it feels good? Or is it really where it's supposed

(32:23):
to be? Relationship, friendship, whatever? How do you deal with
that thought?

Speaker 5 (32:27):
I don't want to go to that thought because I
want to go back to your first original thought. This
is an escape, go back to where we were. Go ahead,
When did you find out about his credit first.

Speaker 6 (32:39):
Month or first month of us being in a relationship,
not the first month of us dating. So what's the
difference Because when we were dating, it was casual stuff,
so it was like dinner, it was phone conversations.

Speaker 7 (32:50):
It wasn't you.

Speaker 5 (32:51):
Know, did y'all talk about your faith?

Speaker 7 (32:53):
Yes?

Speaker 6 (32:54):
When that was probably like one of our first in
person conversations.

Speaker 5 (32:59):
So how long did it take from phone to in person?
What do you mean you did phone first.

Speaker 7 (33:07):
Then you did in person first?

Speaker 6 (33:09):
Because this is someone that I already knew, Like we
went to college together for a bit, So we did
in person first and then.

Speaker 7 (33:15):
The phone kind of. Guys were friends, Yeah, we were
cool before.

Speaker 5 (33:18):
Did y'all sleep together when y'all was cool?

Speaker 6 (33:20):
No? No desire, No, there was desire, but it didn't happen.
And that's what I'm saying. I took the conversation. Yeah,
like there was definitely desire.

Speaker 5 (33:31):
Yeah, so you wanted this guy already? Did he want
you already?

Speaker 7 (33:36):
I don't know if I ever asked him that, I
don't think.

Speaker 5 (33:39):
So what made you? Did he ask you out? Or
did you ask him out?

Speaker 6 (33:42):
We got together as friends just he was like, you
know you're in Jersey, would love to take you out
the happy hour celebrate everything got going on.

Speaker 5 (33:48):
It wasn't he who initiated the turn.

Speaker 7 (33:52):
I initiated the turn.

Speaker 4 (33:54):
Aggressive, especially on that cast ago.

Speaker 5 (33:59):
Living out a lot left.

Speaker 6 (34:01):
It wasn't even about no, it wasn't me being aggressive
on Cosumigos. It was when we said our first time
in person, that happy hour conversation. I was sitting there
and I'm like, man, this man is amazing, Like I
would love to get to know more about him, not
just as my fear.

Speaker 5 (34:15):
Now, let me ask you this. When you said that,
where were you psychologically emotionally? Did you know yourself before
you made that decision?

Speaker 7 (34:23):
No, I don't think I fully know myself.

Speaker 5 (34:25):
Now, how much of yourself do you know? What do
you know about yourself?

Speaker 6 (34:29):
I know a lot about myself, but I don't think
that I'm fully through like my fight, Like.

Speaker 5 (34:34):
So you're still fighting one hundred.

Speaker 6 (34:36):
I didn't even begin the fight, honestly, probably until this year,
because I didn't know that it was a fight to
be had.

Speaker 5 (34:40):
I just figured that's so powerful because I just told
him that that sometimes when you were in a relationship,
this is not your relationship.

Speaker 7 (34:48):
Go a head. I'm enjoying this.

Speaker 5 (34:50):
Yeah. I think sometimes when you're in a relationship, when
you get healed, when you actually find you, it opens
up your eyes so much that you start looking at
all of your choices and all of your decisions, and
you can see the unhealthy picks, the unhealthy partners, the
unhealthy conversations, now, and it's hard to speak to sick people.

(35:16):
And I'm not pointing at anybody specific, it's hard to
have a conversation with sick people because you yourself didn't know
you were sick, and now you realize that, hey, I'm better,
but I created this sickness or I played a part
in the sickness that becomes difficult, which is what I
know we'll probably talk about with the holidays. When you're

(35:36):
going into the holidays. Should I be trying to discover
myself right now? And it's twofold. Its juxtaposition. If you
have a safe place, yes, If it's not safe, no,
because those conversations will turn into wars and it'll create

(35:57):
a horrible holiday experience. Yet, but if you have a
safe place and there is enough health in the room, mom, uncle, sister,
therapist somewhere, there has to be some safety for you
to retreat and then not necessarily isolation, but some alone

(36:17):
time for you to actually process and come out and talk.
You can move methodically through it. But if you are
healed your hold and you are connected to someone that
is sick, it's going to be a difficult path. How then,

(36:38):
my question to you, how do you have a healthy
conversation with an unhealthy person.

Speaker 7 (36:49):
Right now, I just be doing it.

Speaker 5 (36:52):
You just be doing it.

Speaker 7 (36:53):
I think a lot of Yeah.

Speaker 6 (36:54):
I mean, because I'm thinking about people in my life
that I love that I know they're not having.

Speaker 7 (36:59):
They don't they're fit.

Speaker 4 (37:01):
I don't know.

Speaker 7 (37:01):
Lord, No, I'm telling the truth.

Speaker 6 (37:03):
Like I'm literally every day I'm engaging with people that
I know are not in the best spaces, like in
their fight, you know. But I don't have a choice
because these are people I love, Like it's my mother,
it's my you know.

Speaker 7 (37:16):
Like, so you literally just get through it.

Speaker 6 (37:17):
You set boundaries for certain conversations, but you I'm literally
just doing it some days because I don't have a choice.

Speaker 7 (37:23):
Like what do you do in a situation like that?

Speaker 5 (37:25):
It's very difficult. It's going to be a war, and
you have to be prepared. And this is what I'm
saying to you. Once you go through your journey, and
you're going through your journey right now, I've gone through mine.
Now I'm evolving, all right, because like you said, you
don't just get there and stop. Not the same man
you are thirty five or forty five, fifty five, You're
gonna change you're gonna evrol. But coming into self, coming

(37:49):
into knowledge of self, knowing who I am, knowing that
I know why I get upset about certain things. I
know why certain things trigger me. I know when I
need to remove myself. I know when I need to
go in stronger because I'm aware of me. Now. Because
I'm aware of me, it helps I help myself in
the unhealthy conversation. I don't make it more unhealthy. I

(38:11):
don't make it more toxic because at one point I
was I would keep pushing and keep pushing and keep
pushing because I'm trying to get you to understand what
I'm saying. But I realized you're never going to understand.
You don't have the capacity. So what I've learned now
is that now that I faultifying me, there's no need
for me to fight you because you don't know you.
I need to retreat and let you be you and

(38:33):
come back on another time to have a conversation.

Speaker 6 (38:35):
Do you do that differently in different situations, because like,
for instance, with my dad, I do that all the time,
but with other people I go all the way like
that's not happening. Like, so, do you feel like you're
more in your fight, you further along with certain people
in certain situations.

Speaker 5 (38:50):
Okay, so different, yea, because they're diferent people, different relationships,
different levels of covenant. Yeah, definitely, definitely.

Speaker 2 (38:56):
I will say this though, y'all having that conversation to Prust,
it is shut of me.

Speaker 3 (39:00):
Why I'm gonna.

Speaker 5 (39:01):
Tell you, why depress me.

Speaker 2 (39:03):
I'm gonna tell you why I met my wife At sixteen.
I didn't care about credit. I didn't care about how
much money she had. I didn't care about religion at
the time.

Speaker 5 (39:13):
I just was close to.

Speaker 2 (39:14):
Somebody that was my friend and that we were starting
a relationship, and we did it all together, right.

Speaker 3 (39:20):
And now later on we did everything together. We built our.

Speaker 2 (39:23):
Credit together, we built our businesses together, we built religion together, right.
But I couldn't imagine dating somebody and all that in
my mind.

Speaker 5 (39:31):
You gotta think credit, you gotta think religion.

Speaker 3 (39:33):
You gotta think uh, you know, what does he think
about kids? And this?

Speaker 1 (39:37):
That?

Speaker 5 (39:37):
And you ever went.

Speaker 2 (39:38):
All I want to do is see if I'm compative.

Speaker 7 (39:39):
You were sixteen and there's a lot less on the
line at that age.

Speaker 2 (39:44):
But also I want to see somebody that you loved
and then you grow into.

Speaker 3 (39:49):
He's a Baptist. You could figure it out later.

Speaker 4 (39:51):
Like me and my wife have been together since teenagers.

Speaker 1 (39:54):
You know, even though we may not have been discussing
those things, we were discussing, all right, some some sort
of interest even at that.

Speaker 7 (40:02):
It's just not as heavy they're talking about.

Speaker 2 (40:03):
But I think things you don't.

Speaker 6 (40:08):
Do that, like you start building a friendship first. So
first I was just like, let me see if I
just like him as a person.

Speaker 4 (40:14):
I feel like this.

Speaker 1 (40:15):
But I knew I was gonna marry that woman when
I was a teenager, absolutely, Like from the moment I
had her, I knew I didn't.

Speaker 4 (40:21):
Wife, and I didn't have all that. Yeah, I did
that immediately.

Speaker 7 (40:25):
She did your wife know? No, So neither one of
you guys know.

Speaker 5 (40:29):
We were older too, you know what I'm saying. So sixteen,
I was in my thirties, so it was nothing like that.
And I had already had a divorce. She had had
terrible relationships about to be married, marriage crashed out, so
she was in a different place. Our situation was like this, Yo,
We're gonna date for about a few months if this

(40:51):
thing ain't working. It's just the part she said. I
think you're a great speaker. I like your church. If
it don't work, I want to keep going to your church.
I was like, okay, cool. So when we met, man,
we met at some of the most craziest places, like
the waffle house. I would I would back in at
the waffle house. She would pull in at the waffle house.
So I'm on the driver's side, she's on her driver side,

(41:12):
and we'd be talking if we went to eat. She
paid for her bill. I pay for my bill. I
don't owe you nothing. You don't owe me nothing. We
were grown we were grown people. And then when we
got into the relationship and we were like, hey, we
really like you. Well, at that time, I'm a grown man.
I'm like, okay, look, I got to make sure everything's
tight because this woman already has a house, so I'm

(41:33):
not gonna take her to an apartment. She owns her home,
she has a car, she has a great job. I
had a great job, so I needed to make sure
that moved her up and that moved her across.

Speaker 6 (41:43):
There's nothing wrong with that, But how did that stifle
you guys relationship?

Speaker 7 (41:48):
If it didn't, because I feel like.

Speaker 3 (41:50):
If you're gotta have bad credit, you wouldn't beat it.

Speaker 5 (41:52):
No, you would say, let me help your credit.

Speaker 3 (41:54):
Because maybe that's the part of his life. He just
did not yet.

Speaker 6 (41:56):
But you have to be I think me establishing I
like him as a person. We were sleeping on the floor.
We're gonna figure it out. But I had to know
that for sure. And then after that, I'm like, Okay,
now let's do all the dancing up things. What's your credit?

Speaker 1 (42:12):
Like?

Speaker 7 (42:12):
What you how are you as a like all those
type of things.

Speaker 5 (42:15):
Likability part is a fact. If I don't like you,
we ain't going nowhere, you know. So we got to
like each other. I get you on net. Yeah, but
I just want to make sure you start evolving into
those other pieces. Because they face lit up about the sex,
but it didn't light up about nothing else.

Speaker 7 (42:32):
I think it was just kind of like, too, is
you a pastor?

Speaker 6 (42:36):
No, it's a little weird. It's a little weird talking
to you. No, it's we're talking to you about sex
or even him showing you that video. It's like, you're
a pastor?

Speaker 5 (42:43):
What am I not a pastor? Because I'm having a conversation.

Speaker 6 (42:46):
No, you still are a pastor, but there is I'm
not the first person that has reacted like it's a
little weird talking about certain things because.

Speaker 5 (42:51):
You're pastor you brought it up. I did it up.

Speaker 7 (42:53):
Yeah, But then when a reality hit it's like this is.

Speaker 4 (42:55):
A pastor.

Speaker 1 (42:59):
Pay Usually somebody who is lost doesn't know that they're lost.
So how do you identify being in that space? No boy,
lost in what regard just in life period, still figuring
it out, fighting to find it.

Speaker 5 (43:14):
I don't think you. I don't think it's you're supposed
to identify. If the loss we're talking about, you're talking
about being in a relationship with somebody you love, or
you talking about this is your this is your friend,
what's the context a friend?

Speaker 7 (43:27):
He trying to talk to me, Your eyes keep lighting
up over there about everything else, but when he actually
got right.

Speaker 5 (43:36):
Generic, if it's a friend, you.

Speaker 6 (43:40):
Think I'm lost in life. I don't think I'm lost
in life. I think that there are certain things that
I am figuring out.

Speaker 1 (43:47):
But I think that it's easy to get lost in
the life that you are trying to live.

Speaker 5 (43:54):
Are you lost?

Speaker 6 (43:56):
That's a very loaded like in what part of this
Like I'm trying to live to her.

Speaker 4 (44:00):
And she's learning how to do a lot of different things.

Speaker 5 (44:02):
I think that's normal.

Speaker 7 (44:03):
Yeah, And I'm very vocal about when I'm confused, when I.

Speaker 6 (44:06):
Do feel lost or i am I do ask a
lot of questions, but.

Speaker 1 (44:10):
Try to tell the path to what he wants. You'll
try to tell the past to what you want.

Speaker 6 (44:17):
That happens too, But I think that that is me
when I've learned from talking to you. Most of the time,
it's you when I am in those situations. What I've
learned from it is I think it's because I've never
had to engage with because my dad and me are
like we talk here and there, but it's not like
a consistent thing.

Speaker 7 (44:33):
So I've never had to.

Speaker 6 (44:34):
Engage it with a man in a way where like
I take I take things in and I listen and
I trust it.

Speaker 7 (44:41):
It's always been I hear you, but like, yeah, whatever, you.

Speaker 5 (44:44):
Need to find that out, you need to find out why.

Speaker 6 (44:46):
And those are And that's what I'm saying. Everything is
evolving and changing at this level of life.

Speaker 2 (44:52):
Past traumas that she's dealt with, which I understand why
she keeps one eye open. I think anybody would they
want to protect their heart.

Speaker 1 (45:00):
And.

Speaker 5 (45:02):
I think that's what this is about, because that's what
this is about, you intentionally, because you use the word
intention intentionally going into those dark places and unearthing all
of that to actually deal with it so you can
go forward. Okay, You got to get to the point
where you can have those conversations without having to do this. Okay,

(45:25):
understanding that there is a possibility that you're going to
get hurt and there's nothing you can do about it.
So why keep crippling yourself.

Speaker 3 (45:33):
Just live.

Speaker 5 (45:35):
He could hurt me today, I could hurt him today,
I could hurt my spouse today, my wife today. There's
nothing she can do about it. Nothing. She wouldn't see
it coming, or she may see it coming, but there's
still nothing she could do about it. So live, and

(45:56):
the way to live is to do this surgery. Go
into you go into the fight, and you got to
dig underneath all of that success because that's where it is,
and that's what makes it hard. When you have actually
been successful, you're successful at what you do, people know
there's a demand for what you do. Forget what everybody's
success definition is. There's a demand for you, and you

(46:19):
get paid to do what you do very very well.
And when you have to push all that aside and
dig down into stuff that's old. It'll make you tremble,
it'll make you want to quit it, it'll make you
want to stop. But that's the part. You need to
get it now because you're going to go higher than this.

(46:41):
At some point you're gonna blow past them and you
have your own show. But you got it. You have
to do the work now. You don't want to do it,
then do it now. Dig now, Struggle now, cry now,
scream now, holler. Now. You're gonna have answers for other
women and other men, I promise you, But you gotta
do the work.

Speaker 1 (47:00):
I don't sound that self accountability hearing you though, I
hear you.

Speaker 7 (47:10):
That's the biggest thing is I do hear you. I
just do always, just like to hear it from you.

Speaker 4 (47:15):
Why.

Speaker 6 (47:16):
I think the way he goes about it sometimes it's
not the best.

Speaker 7 (47:20):
It's very loud, it's very yes.

Speaker 5 (47:24):
And what does he say?

Speaker 1 (47:25):
Uh?

Speaker 6 (47:26):
He doesn't care, No, he cares. We've had conversations like, yeah, Lauren, I.

Speaker 2 (47:31):
Love your ball spot ass head, Like.

Speaker 3 (47:36):
I'm try to help you out, Like what are some
things he would say?

Speaker 6 (47:38):
No, Like, We've had conversations because I look at them
as like mentors. And a lot of times I feel
like in the space that I'm in because I don't
have anybody I can directly point to that's doing exactly
what I'm doing. I ask them questions or I just
watch what they do or how they talk or whatever.
So when they sell, when they say things to me,
what they say to me matters. So if he says
something and he may not understand how I took how

(48:01):
he said it, he's like, oh, you're emotional. It's not
Maybe it is emotion, but I think it's emotion because
I value there's values. Hear what you're taking your time
to say, even if you don't know you're taking your
time to say. I value that. So I think sometimes
the disconnect is how he sees my He thinks I'm
just like and I'm not always her. Sometimes it's like, no,

(48:22):
I'm really listening. I'm taking it what you're saying.

Speaker 5 (48:24):
You just so, how often do you all have the
conversation of how you're actually taking it in?

Speaker 7 (48:30):
We had it yesterday, Yeah, how did it go?

Speaker 1 (48:34):
I feel like it to come around to the point
that she took it wrong.

Speaker 3 (48:40):
So I will say this.

Speaker 5 (48:41):
He's very hard.

Speaker 3 (48:42):
Pause.

Speaker 2 (48:43):
Right, he's very hard on people that he loves. It's
just who you're the person. I'm knowing him for fifteen
twenty years.

Speaker 3 (48:48):
That's who he is as a person.

Speaker 1 (48:50):
Right.

Speaker 2 (48:50):
If he doesn't love you, he's not gonna be on
you at all. He's gonna let you slip, he gonna
let you fall, he gonna let you trip. That's the
way he talks.

Speaker 3 (48:56):
No gloves on. It is what it is.

Speaker 5 (48:58):
Me.

Speaker 2 (48:59):
I'm more to have soft gloves on yet, because I
want you to understand what I'm saying, got it? And
it's two different styles of the way we communicate.

Speaker 3 (49:07):
That's just who he is.

Speaker 5 (49:07):
And so how are you navigating knowing or did you
already know or not know?

Speaker 7 (49:12):
I've learned it.

Speaker 6 (49:14):
I kind of feel like meeting him, I kind of
saw behind like when I started thinking about what his
intention was behind things. And I had to do that
because when you're on a public platform like this, people
don't know our internal vibes, right, They only see what
they see. So when I'm out in the world and
people are talking to me about them, because I know
their intentions, it's not really much you can tell me
about them, right, So that helped me kind of understand it,

(49:35):
but I think if I'm being honest, I'm just not
used to receiving that. So a lot of times my
instinct is like what or I'm not trying to hear that,
or yeah, but you need to correct the way you're talking,
and sometimes it's like yeah, but I just want you
to hear what I'm saying. Also like there, I feel
like there should be accountability on both sides, because even
if what you're saying is correct, sometimes the way that

(49:55):
it's said, it's not emotion it's just what's your end
goal If you're in my goal is too direct, and
make sure that I'm not slipping.

Speaker 5 (50:03):
I don't.

Speaker 6 (50:04):
I'll turn off like I'm just like okay, well whatever,
I don't care. We don't got to do it, and
I don't want to get I don't want to be
in that space. So for myself, the accountability I'm taking
is like yesterday, at the end of it, I was like,
you know what I did, even if it was emotion
I did say, you know what, I'm turning everything off.

Speaker 7 (50:19):
I don't care.

Speaker 6 (50:19):
We'll just get to the rest of the day. I
don't want to show up like that because my life
and career depend on me not showing up like that.
But also it felt good to be able to be like, yeah,
but you see what you just said here and how
you said it. That's why I took it this way,
and maybe you should think about that.

Speaker 4 (50:33):
I didn't even say nothing. That's what made it even
crazy to you. No, No, I didn't say it was
an action, had.

Speaker 5 (50:40):
It on video because to you, you didn't because it's
just you. But to her body language, tone, temperament, language,
everything but speaking.

Speaker 1 (50:50):
I was talking to the twitch right. So it's a
bunch of people. So I'm already in mid conversation. She
comes in to tell me something. I answer the questions
that I go, Oh, I go, this what you want
to talk about? Then Envy responded to her like, oh
you want to talk about?

Speaker 4 (51:04):
She walked out and I.

Speaker 7 (51:06):
Was like, whatever, we ain't gonna do it. I'm not fighting.

Speaker 4 (51:11):
Story, and she was like, because you acted like you
didn't want to do it, Like what.

Speaker 1 (51:15):
Did I do?

Speaker 5 (51:17):
Were you already upset? No? So this whole situation turned.
It triggered you.

Speaker 7 (51:22):
Yeah, it was very yes, And so.

Speaker 5 (51:24):
My question to you is what in that trigger is
in you? Because that's normal for you.

Speaker 6 (51:30):
I think it was the dismissiveness that it was the
we just said, even though it was very small, it
was just like I'm not good at Like what was it?

Speaker 4 (51:42):
I didn't dismiss.

Speaker 5 (51:46):
This part.

Speaker 2 (51:47):
It's the acceptance, right, And I'm gonna tell you why
I can agree with that. And I'm gonna tell you
why I told her she's amazing at what she does. Right,
you come with your chest out and you do your job.

Speaker 3 (51:58):
You do what you know what's right.

Speaker 2 (52:00):
Now. Mind you, there's some things will miss, I said,
but you do what you know what's right.

Speaker 5 (52:03):
That's why you're here. Right.

Speaker 2 (52:05):
I play my mix. I play the songs in my
mix because I'm the DJ. Now there's times to show
them me, Like Yo, it's so and So's birthday.

Speaker 3 (52:12):
Did you do the mix?

Speaker 2 (52:12):
Okay?

Speaker 3 (52:13):
Cool?

Speaker 1 (52:13):
Yo?

Speaker 3 (52:13):
Do you hear that song? Yes?

Speaker 2 (52:14):
Because you're always open to hear things, say thing with
Charlom donkey.

Speaker 3 (52:18):
He picks that donkey.

Speaker 2 (52:19):
But if there's somebody that comes to here and be like, yo,
you should check this out, he's not gonna be like nah,
I ain't come up with that idea.

Speaker 3 (52:24):
It's a community.

Speaker 2 (52:25):
Sometimes I feel like she's worried about are they gonna
like these stories?

Speaker 4 (52:31):
Is this cool to do?

Speaker 5 (52:32):
Oh?

Speaker 3 (52:32):
Okay, yes? And what did I tell you yesterday?

Speaker 6 (52:35):
Don't worry about that? And it's so crazy because I
feel like, why you're here. In the beginning, I didn't
even like. I was just like, Okay, I know who
will like and who won't like, and it doesn't matter.
But now I think I'm so invested into it and
I don't know what the thing is. But I'm so
invested into like this thing that I'm trying to make
sure yes, yes, yes like and the balance of it

(52:56):
be driving me crazy.

Speaker 7 (52:57):
Sometimes I'm like, do I not know what I'm doing?

Speaker 5 (53:00):
What I'm doing with my mentor my pastor When I
moved to speak there for him and he says, hey,
you up tonight, it was the most scariest thing ever. Okay,
so it's twenty thousand people watching, and he watched. I
ain't even worried about the twenty thousand. I'm worried about
the one him. He said, at home doing this And
when I got done, I looked at the phone. He says,

(53:22):
what are you doing? I said, I'm packing my thing,
coming to my house. Now. When I got there, he says,
what was you thinking, I said, I did. I was,
so I said, You're gonna fire me. I got scared immediately.
He said, no, I even to fire you. He said,
was why do you always think I'm gonna fire you?

(53:44):
Because I'm talking to you, trying to figure out what's
going on with you. I'm trying to help you. I've
never had anybody his status, his caliber even invested me
like that, and I didn't know what it even looked like.
He was the best. At one point, I was trying
to make sure that he please more than I was.
That God was pleased. Okay, and hear me. I know

(54:05):
people gonna hear what I said and try to throw
it anyway. I love God, but God that gave me
this amazing teacher. So I'm taking notes, trying to I
understand exactly where you are. I don't want to slip.
I want this dude to still want me to be here.
And at some point he said, listen, if I didn't
think you were good, you wouldn't be here. So quit
worrying about that.

Speaker 3 (54:25):
Be you.

Speaker 5 (54:26):
Yeah, you got to get better. Yeah you gotta study. Yeah,
take notes, but throw everything at the glass door. Everything.
Don't just halfway through it. Throw everything, and that's what
I'm here to tell you. Throw everything at the glass door.
Don't worry about it. They like it or not. They
want you here. Bring you to the A game. Bring

(54:46):
you to the game, Bring your A game to the game.
That's who you are. They cannot be who they are
without you, and you're gonna have to fight to do that, period,
not them. Find yourself, lazy gentlem minute.

Speaker 4 (55:00):
I just want to write to.

Speaker 3 (55:02):
Fight to find yourself.

Speaker 2 (55:04):
Literally said, if you weren't good, to find yourself is
out right now make.

Speaker 3 (55:11):
Sure you go get it.

Speaker 1 (55:11):
I got one more cau just one moment that was perfect.
I Did you write this book for the person you
used to be or the person you're becoming.

Speaker 5 (55:27):
That's a great question both mm hm for both the
person I used to be needs to see it and
the person that I am needs to see it because
there are stories in there that keep me grounded, that says, hey,
it ain't always been the way it is. God is
blessing you, and it is because all of these stories

(55:48):
what helped propel you to get you where you are.
Keep me grounded, Close us on the prayer. That's what
we thank you for. This amazing opportunity to be with
my brothers and my sister. We asked you bless her
as she continues to fight to find her up and
move in this industry, that she is more than enough
and she's capable of taking it to the next dimension.
We thank you for both of my brothers who have
been staples in this industry for a long time. Continue

(56:11):
to allow their minds to evolve. Bless their families, Bless
their children. Everyone is to connect it to them God
as they continue to soar in their fields. Father, we
thank you for the day. We thank you for another
opportunity to praise your name were asud you seal it.
We thank you for your glory and your divine grace
in Jesus name. Amen, Amen, thank you all. You got

(56:31):
to do it one more time.

Speaker 3 (56:34):
The Breakfast Club in the morning. Every day I wake.

Speaker 5 (56:40):
Breakfast Club.

Speaker 4 (56:41):
Y'all done.