Today on The Breakfast Club, Shanti Das Talks ‘Silence The Shame’ Day, Navigating Grief, The Importance Of Funding Mental Health Initiatives. Listen For More!
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Speaker 1 (00:01):
Every day a week ago, clicks.
Speaker 2 (00:03):
Up the Breakfast Club.
Speaker 3 (00:05):
You don't finish for y'all.
Speaker 2 (00:06):
Done morning everybody. It's DJ Envy Jess hilarious, Chelamage to God.
We are the Breakfast Club. We got a special guest
in the building. Yes, indeed, today is Silence the Shame Day.
Ladies and gentlemen. We have Shaunty Dots welcome. Hey, how
are you feeling?
Speaker 3 (00:22):
I'm feeling good. I got a lot to talk about though,
but first I just want to say this is my
nine time recording the Breakfast Club for Silence to Shame,
and the tenth time because y'all had me on to
talk about my Grief Guide two years ago. So it's
like my ten year and Virtuary two for me on
the Breakfast clubs. Thank you?
Speaker 2 (00:39):
How are you feeling? You kind of studied for a second.
Speaker 3 (00:41):
So you know, and you know, I've had a point,
especially from a mental health perspective, where I keep it real.
Even I saw you at the Accelerator comcasts and congratulations,
but you ladies were coming up to me saying how
are you doing it? I'm like, it's tough right now,
and so what should be celebratory for ten years of
doing this work, being on the front lines six hundred
thousand dollars of funding two weeks ago.
Speaker 2 (01:03):
Wow, what happened?
Speaker 3 (01:05):
We lost state funding and we weren't really given a reason.
We were just told it was cutbacks. And so we
know that some of the state funding comes from federal
but then it trickles down. But to do that to
us when we were in the middle of programs. We
just graduated our third cohort for our Silence to Shame
University Initiative, which is our college leadership program. We now
(01:27):
have over seventy ambassadors, like y'all were doing the work, Like,
how can y'all cut us off a program we've already
like we're six months in and you're telling us you're
not gonna like reimburse us for it because it was
a contract, you know, with the state government. So I
don't know. I can't say specifically, but I do think
it's probably an effect of what's going on with the administration.
(01:48):
Silence to Shame is not the only organization that has
lost funding. I was talking to doctor Spirit seventy five
percent of her funding is gone. You know, we see
mental health organizations merging together. It's a lot easier to
merged for profit companies than nonprofit companies. But one thing
I am standing on y'all is my faith, and so
most people know I don't impose my faith on anyone,
(02:09):
but I'm trusting God through the storm. And I recently
heard this lady talk about eagles and how eagles are
in the midst of the storm, but they used their
the wind shear to propel them up. And I feel
like I'm in the middle of the storm and I'm
just gonna store like an eagle and figure it out
because it's money out there, and more importantly, we're saving vibes.
(02:29):
You know, we've impacted millions of people virtually through resources,
but just physically, tens of thousands of people that we've
touched through our programs, whether that's our Youth Cope clinic,
we have a Youth Advisory Council, a parent cafe, parent
Advisory Council, the silence and shame university, Like, you know,
we're doing the work.
Speaker 1 (02:48):
Yeah, what I don't understand is if you're already hurting
people economically, right, where do they where do they think
people are going to you know, go to get get
help exactly? Like you know what I mean like that
economic strife is causes mental strife, emotional strife, spiritual scrife
a lot of way.
Speaker 3 (03:06):
And what I tell people, y'all, people still look at
mental health sometimes like it's a bad word. I'm like,
we all have mental health. It's how you think, how
you act, and how you feel. And to your point,
if your mental health is not right, your finances won't
be right, your health won't be right. You won't be
able to get married and have children and sustain your
family household. Like it starts with our wellness in the brain.
And if we just change this concept, that's why we
(03:28):
continue to fight so hard to erase that stigma around it.
Speaker 1 (03:31):
Even said that because I didn't even I mean, I
know you told me that, but I didn't know. I
don't think a lot of people know that type of
funding is being cut.
Speaker 3 (03:37):
Oh gosh.
Speaker 1 (03:38):
Yeah.
Speaker 3 (03:39):
And so you know, we've been rallying the truth. So
we're just trying to find more family foundations, you know,
more grand opportunities. The other thing is it's may, y'all.
Most of the grant cycles for twenty twenty six are
done twenty seven. So I'm like, y'all just out here
got us, you know, out here looking crazy. But again,
I serve a good God. We have great followers, great supporters,
(03:59):
and I do want to celebrate the good work that
Silence and Shame has done over the last ten years.
Speaker 4 (04:04):
But that's what's so crazy about like grief, right is
like things because you're probably grieving what you're not able
to do. But even when I saw you at Accelerate her,
like we could barely talk to each other because people
coming up to you and telling you like they're so
happy to see you, they're proud of you and all
these things that you're doing, and internally you're like, you're
literally visiting going through something right now.
Speaker 3 (04:26):
And I had an ugly cry at Accelerate Her shout
out to Kim Blackwell. But and I told her, I
was like, I didn't even know that I was gonna
make it here. But it was just that strength to
persevere and to keep going, knowing that when I'm getting
emails and text from people like my son is a
lie because of the work that you do, or by
you even sharing your stories, you know, because this started,
Silence and Shame started, you know, for me almost taking
(04:47):
my own wife in twenty fifteen, so we've come too far.
We've partnered with national groups like Sony Music Publishing, the
NFL Players Association, Jack and J. We just did a
partnership that we launched with the Home Depot Backyard in Atlanta.
So hoping that some private donor or even just you know,
everyday people who love and support the work that we do,
or might have a family member that's suffering, you know,
(05:08):
might want to support our organization.
Speaker 1 (05:10):
And the other thing that it just bugs me out,
what do they think these people are going to do it?
There's people out here who are dealing with actual mental
health issues and nobody's giving them any hope. The federal
government isn't doing anything for them. Plus you're cutting funding
for organizations that actually care about these people. What do
you think it's going to through our society?
Speaker 3 (05:28):
People are going to continue to be in crisis, I think.
Speaker 1 (05:31):
And be out here snapping.
Speaker 3 (05:32):
Yeah. And oftentimes I tell people, even like with all
the doom scrolling we're doing, right, you get on social media,
so much negativity out there when people like leave those
nasty comments. Oftentimes it has nothing to do with the
person's page that their own. They are hurting and they're
going through their own issues. That is why we try
to teach people to deal with your own emotions, have
healthier ways to cope. Like even for me, I'm trying
(05:54):
to make sure I don't fall and slip back into
a depression because of what we're doing. I have so
many friends Charlemagne right now that are out of jobs.
I'm talking so many women of color had great jobs,
but just the opportunities aren't there. They're drying up. And
so yeah, people are having to focus on those healthy
coping mechanisms to stay whole or else we're going to
have a society that's depressed.
Speaker 4 (06:14):
And you're probably a person that so many people call
all the time.
Speaker 3 (06:18):
You got it at midnight. My son's going through this,
Can you please help me? Just my brother just connecting
me with another friend whose brother had some physical health
challenges that led to mental health challenges, and I was
happy to reach out and talk. But I'm getting all
of that on top of everything else, and so people
out how you're hurting right now?
Speaker 1 (06:35):
You know one thing I really want to focus on
me and my good sister Debbie Brown was talking about it,
especially at the Mental Health expot this year, is we're
talking about mental health. We're having all these conversations, right,
what are people actually healing?
Speaker 3 (06:48):
One hundred percent. I'm so glad you said that because
I feel like the conversation, especially even with gen Z
and I know Jen Alpha is too young to really
talk about it. But even though some young kids are
starting to talk about it, people are discussing it, but
I don't think they're getting the help that they need.
That is why organizations, you know, like Silence of Shame
(07:09):
and even the work that the Mental Health Coalition does
with bringing all the mental health groups together is so
super important because it's about repetition, it's about you. You
got to keep telling people to check in with your friends,
check in with your mental health. We have to get
a check up every year you go, you get your
physical or even this thing y'all our cell phone. If
you don't charge this puppy at night, what's gonna happen.
(07:30):
It's gonna be dying, it's gonna be depleted. So if
we don't continue to pour back into our health and
wellness on a daily basis, then no, we're not healing.
And I think that's what's happening. We're pacifying ourselves. We're
putting band aids on things. So shout out to all
the great therapists, psychiatrist, social workers is out there on
the front lines. But people, and I talk to people
at some companies, You're like, oh, yeah, we have all
(07:51):
those resources, but I don't use them.
Speaker 2 (07:53):
Why let me ask you this janty. You know, there's
a lot of people out there that are struggling, right, yep,
what advice did you give them? Kind of just to
get their toe wet a little bit, their feet wet, right,
Because a lot of people are scared of talking to somebody.
They feel like they don't want to give everybody their deepest,
darkest thoughts. You know, it's for most people that don't speak,
it's like, well, what can you do to guide them
(08:14):
to get to that place? What can they do besides
talking to a therapist? Is there any exercises that they
can do on their own before they get there, like
getting them up that ladder or getting them up the
steps to get to that point?
Speaker 3 (08:24):
Absolutely? I mean, so first thing I tell people is
so I coin this acronym rap I've said it before,
our ap recognizing those unfamiliar thoughts and feelings, because you
gotta be honest with yourself. If something's not right or
you're acting out or something your behavior pattern is different.
You have to internalize that and say, you know what,
that actually happened. And so the A is accepting and
acknowledging it, and the P is processing through it with
(08:47):
a professional so our ap. But even something as simple
as saying, you know what, use the breathing technique if
you're having a moment you feel stressed out, pause, take
a break, step out of the room. It's a four
four eight, you know, or four seven eight. Some people
call it. You breathe then four seconds you I mean,
you hold it in for seven and then you exhale
for eight. The other thing is simply opening up and
(09:09):
talking to somebody and saying I need help. You might
It might be your friend, it might be a colleague,
it might be a coworker, somebody that's gonna come from
a place of empathy and not sympathy. We don't need
nobody feeling sorry for us, but we need someone to
kind of put themselves in our shoes. So you gotta
be willing to talk to somebody. And that's what I did.
I opened up and I was like, I actually need
(09:30):
help now, I can't do this by myself. So something
as simple as finding a trusted source. We're in the playoffs, y'all.
You can't start a basketball game without five players. Who's
in your starting five? You need at least five people
because everybody's gonna be available at the same time, But
have your group of five that you can call when
you're having those tough moments. I think everything that we're
experiencing right now, like these group techs that I think
(09:53):
we're born out of the pandemic, are so important right
now because my five girlfriends we talk about the good
and the bad. So you gotta be able to event.
You gotta let that stuff out, and then we encourage
each other to get help or go to the doctor
or seek support. So like, get your start in five
and wrap through your problems and don't be ashamed. It's
nothing to be embarrassed about.
Speaker 1 (10:13):
I wonder about the group chat thing, though, because you know,
you do appreciate getting the text when somebody sends you
some you know, love and some light. But man, I
wonder what happened to just picking up the phone and calling,
Because sometimes I look at the phone and I'll be like,
I'm too exhausted day as that. But am I really
I'm just used to texting.
Speaker 3 (10:29):
But you know what, I'll say, you gotta be intentional
to in that group chat or that one on one
chat and say you know what, I need to talk.
I know it's late, but I wouldn't call you if
I didn't need it. So being honest with yourself and
being honest with the person and being able to just
ask for that help, that to me is where the
strength lies is saying I'm not okay and I need support.
Speaker 1 (10:49):
I agree.
Speaker 3 (10:50):
I see.
Speaker 1 (10:51):
You got another pamphlet, a Guide to.
Speaker 3 (10:52):
Get You And so the last one that thank you
for supporting it was around the holidays, but this one
is I added ten more tips. It's thirty and this
is different from the other one, and it's really just
to give people grace and understanding through the grief journey.
Speaker 1 (11:06):
Thirty tips for healing after loss. Yeah, so what have
you learned about grief? The more time goes on.
Speaker 3 (11:12):
The more the time goes on, I think the one
thing is that no two people grieve the same, but
that grief is something that has a profound effect on
our lives and time. Grief counseling and community is what
helps to heal. Sometimes, you know, you can find yourself
looking at a photo, listening to a song, traveling back
(11:32):
to a different city, and the grief just overtakes you
and overcomes. What I know is that everybody's going to
grieve in some form of fashion, and death is something
that none of us can escape. Unfortunately, grief is for
the living, not for the people that have passed on.
And so once we can get past the debilitating part,
have healthy ways to cope with grief, then we can
start celebrating the life of our loved ones time.
Speaker 2 (11:56):
It really.
Speaker 3 (11:58):
I can't say all, but he is deaf heal Mine.
I just had the seventh anniversary of my sister's a
friend of mine, April Nichols, my best friend said angel versary,
and I love that, and so it was the seventh
angel anniversary of my sister and I did find myself
not crying as much. I was able to look at
her photos and smile. I was able to do things
(12:18):
in her honor. But it was only through time, because
probably the first three or four years it was debilitating
for me. Tom definitely helps you.
Speaker 4 (12:27):
Talk about in here in your book about your body
experiencing grief too, like.
Speaker 3 (12:32):
The physical part of yeah, absolutely, which people.
Speaker 4 (12:34):
If they don't understand that they're grieving, they don't understand
the reaction to their body as well.
Speaker 3 (12:38):
To That's why it's important to talk to your doctors
and they'll tell you whether there's a therapist or your
primary health care physician. Like I would literally have headaches
all the time. I felt like it was not in
my stomach, and it was a part of the grief
and the pressure and the depression that I was going through.
And it was crazy about that.
Speaker 4 (12:53):
I feel like as women, like my mom used to
always talk about like she she would know when I
was upset by something when I was young because I
would sleep a lot. And I didn't realize that that
was like a depression thing or sadness thing until I
became grown. But I think as women, we pay attention
to it a lot more about absolutely.
Speaker 3 (13:09):
But that's a sign that's really exemplary for young young people,
right and kids when they're experiencing any sort of you know,
mental health challenges or even dealing with grief. It shows
up in other ways in our body and in our thoughts.
Speaker 2 (13:22):
And I was going to ask, you know, how do
you deal with mental health now, right, you just said
when you came here, you know something bothered you, the
fact that they took six hundred thousand dollars from you
and whatever it may be. How do you deal with
that now? How do you make sure that you don't
go back down that rabbit hole or where you were
before or that feeling.
Speaker 3 (13:38):
That's very important and I'm again kind of going through
that right now. I'm going back into therapy because you're
out of therapy. Yeah, I was out because I felt
like I had the tools and I could manage it
and I wasn't really dealing with any crisis or anything
and not again working in this space. I was practicing
what I preached, right, I was going out taking walks,
I was exercising, I was staying on top of my
(13:59):
diet because certain food who's weigh you down? But now
I really feel like I need to be back in
therapy and talking through it with someone. And so again,
don't be afraid to see that therapist. Don't be afraid
to tell your doctor that you're not feeling well. And
I have been more open about those thoughts. I used
to be embarrassed to tell friends I wasn't in a
good space. So now I'm more open and I share
about it, and I do again know I need to
(14:20):
be back in therapy, and if I feel like I
can't shake it, I'll start back on my antidepressants. When
I first was going through my suicidal ideation, I had
to go on antidepressants. I could not balance out that
chemical imbalance just with talk therapy for me, it didn't
work for me that way. I needed you know, medication
for that. But now I know I need to be
talking to somebody on a regular basis again. So I
(14:40):
couple that with my faith. I in terms of repetition,
I have certain prayers that I'll listen to over and
over and over again, just teaching me that you know,
what God has for me is for me. And I
can't compare myself to everybody because also we get into
a habit of looking at social media and looking at
other organizations or people out there in the streets, thinking
why me? Why as is happening to me? And so
(15:01):
I try not to let the noise in. So I'm
trying to protect my peace.
Speaker 2 (15:04):
You think this is every point and it's a forsh
all the men as well. You think it's a point
where you can stop going a therapy, because I always
hear that you know, once you go, it seems like
this just it's kind of like you take your car
to get the oil changed. You know, you go to
the doctor for your body. You know, this is kind
of the same thing. This is like working out your brain.
Do you ever think this is a reason to stop
going a therapy because you said you stopped. You said
(15:26):
you figured like you you was able to control everything.
Speaker 3 (15:29):
Some people go all the time, and I applaud that
and if they need it. For me, I just felt
like I was equipped with certain tools, but wellness will
always be a part of my journey and what I
do right, So I do the things that my therapist
taught me to do. But again, there's certain things if
you're in a crisis, you know, things are compounded, right,
and so I'm dealing with more now, and so I
feel like even those tools may not be helping at
(15:50):
the moment, and I just don't want to send myself
back down a rabbit hole. That's why I'm going to
go back in and see my therapist and again, Realf,
it's almost like a check up, right and go back in.
But some people I know go to their therapists forever,
just like they go to get their annual chuck up
or I mean, I don't know if you have any
other feedback the No, You're right, I don't.
Speaker 1 (16:08):
I don't have to go every week like I did
for a while. But you know, like you said, whenever
I feel like I need that tune up, that check up.
Speaker 3 (16:14):
One hundred, one hundred, I.
Speaker 1 (16:17):
Do find myself getting I've been going a lot more
lately because I've I don't know, I've been dealing with anger.
But I'm mad at the world. I'm not mad at
like anything going on internally, like I'm just mad at the.
Speaker 2 (16:29):
Condition of some of that is.
Speaker 3 (16:30):
We feel like we're living in a twilight zone because
I think things are affecting us now. I just went
to Montgomery a few weeks ago, and I got to
experience the great museums that were done with Brian Stevenson
and the Equal Justice Initiative, and it angered me in
certain ways to thinking like, Okay, they're trying to roll
back certain things, the Voting Rights Act, and so I
find myself in anger as well, and I'm having to
(16:52):
use those tools to calm myself down. And protect my peace.
But I think unfortunately it's a lot of people that
probably feel the same way you're feeling, but they're not
getting the support that they need for it.
Speaker 1 (17:02):
I'm more mad at us and the way we we
attack each other. Yes, the way we handle each other,
that's what That's why I feel like a lot of
my frustration comes from more than.
Speaker 3 (17:13):
Any mine, is what's going on in the world right now,
because I really feel like I'm grateful that I grew
up in the eighties and it was so much more
Not to say we didn't have our issues back then,
but I do feel bad for a lot of our
youth and young adults who are having to like have
to deal you know, you go to school, you gotta
go and deal with like active shooter drills and stuff
like child should have to deal with that. And so
(17:34):
that is why mental health is so much more important
right now, because it's so much more pressure from the
world on our communities.
Speaker 1 (17:40):
What other measurable change should we be holding ourselves to do,
Because like I said, you know, we always have these
conversations about eradicating the stigma and talking, but what other
things could we be doing to actually get closer to healing.
Speaker 3 (17:54):
So you got to model the behavior for family and friends.
You can't just tell people you gotta do it. Your
mommy can't just say you know you need how are
you doing? Are you okay? If mom and dad's not okay,
y'all got to get help too. Because the kids pay attention.
You know a lot of teams. You know, they're on
they're playing games, they're on their phones. They may not
have that open communication, you know like our generation did,
(18:17):
but they are watching what's happening. So parents, watch what
you're saying, watch all you're moving. Even our friends, we
got a model behavior patterns with friends. If we see
something that's not right, you see something, say something. You
know they used to say that back in the day.
So we just got to speak.
Speaker 2 (18:32):
Up absolutely well. How can people donate if they need
to donate?
Speaker 3 (18:35):
Yeah, So again today's National Silence to Shamed eight ten
years in. So we're doing just a grassroots campaign asking
people to donate ten dollars and then challenge ten of
your friends to give ten dollars. You can text the
words silence to seven O seven O seven O, or
you can visit silencedshame dot com and I would be
remiss if I didn't shout out my amazing small team
Jewel getting Timeir, Megan, Nick and Sonya. We are small
(18:58):
but mighty and y'all we saving lives. So please, if
you have anything, if you don't have it, just post
for us. Encourage your friends and families, celebrities, everyday, people, therapists, everybody.
Just please help us to keep continue doing this great.
Speaker 1 (19:13):
Work in this suicide and crisis lifeline.
Speaker 3 (19:17):
And so nine eight eight is a national resource. It
has replaced what we knew as a national suicide lifeline
one eight hundred and two seventy three. Talk all y'all
gotta do now literally is pick up the phone, y'all
and down nine eight eight. You'll be connected to a
trained crisis counselor that'll answer the phone, talk to you,
try to understand what you're going through and push you
to resources. And if the local crisis counseling center is
(19:38):
not available in your state, guess what, it automatically pushes
you to a national number. It worked for me. I
called the National Suicide Lifeline the night that I was
in crisis, and it helped me. They talked to me
for twenty minutes and talked to me off. I always
wonder if it actually help. Actually sat in my car
and talk to them, and I'm they saved my life
(20:03):
that night, and my sister and my pastor who happens
to be centered to warnock. It helps, y'all, it works.
Don't be afraid to get help. Don't be afraid to
reach out and ask for help. I don't know why
I'm getting emotions, but ten years of fighting this good fight,
I did not almost take my own life and start
this to end the work that we're doing. I don't
(20:25):
want anybody else to think that suicide is an option.
You know, the former lieutenant governor of Maryland who took
his own life and his wife's like wife's life. I
just my heart goes out to the kids, to everybody
that's going through anything, y'all. Health is available. I don't
care if you're ten or seventy or fifty. Where's the camera.
(20:45):
I just want to look straight into camera and tell
people it's okay to get help. Silence is a shame
around your emotions, y'all. It's people out here hurting high achievers,
hurting students, hurting family members, hurting y'all. We gotta erase
the stigma. Mental health has no diff front than physical health.
So please, please please continue to Silence the shame and
support our organization. And if you want to get my
(21:06):
grief guid you can go to Shanty Does dot b
I Z because it's a lot of people out there
grieving as well. I love y'all so much. I just
want to thank y'all for always having me.
Speaker 2 (21:15):
Join us Shaunty Does Silence the Shame Day. Make sure
you donate if you can. Mister Breakfast Club, good morning, hold.
Speaker 3 (21:23):
On every day.
Speaker 2 (21:24):
Up, wake up the Breakfast Club.
Speaker 3 (21:27):
You're finish for y'all done.
Every day a week ago, clicks.
Speaker 2 (00:03):
Up the Breakfast Club.
Speaker 3 (00:05):
You don't finish for y'all.
Speaker 2 (00:06):
Done morning everybody. It's DJ Envy Jess hilarious, Chelamage to God.
We are the Breakfast Club. We got a special guest
in the building. Yes, indeed, today is Silence the Shame Day.
Ladies and gentlemen. We have Shaunty Dots welcome. Hey, how
are you feeling?
Speaker 3 (00:22):
I'm feeling good. I got a lot to talk about though,
but first I just want to say this is my
nine time recording the Breakfast Club for Silence to Shame,
and the tenth time because y'all had me on to
talk about my Grief Guide two years ago. So it's
like my ten year and Virtuary two for me on
the Breakfast clubs. Thank you?
Speaker 2 (00:39):
How are you feeling? You kind of studied for a second.
Speaker 3 (00:41):
So you know, and you know, I've had a point,
especially from a mental health perspective, where I keep it real.
Even I saw you at the Accelerator comcasts and congratulations,
but you ladies were coming up to me saying how
are you doing it? I'm like, it's tough right now,
and so what should be celebratory for ten years of
doing this work, being on the front lines six hundred
thousand dollars of funding two weeks ago.
Speaker 2 (01:03):
Wow, what happened?
Speaker 3 (01:05):
We lost state funding and we weren't really given a reason.
We were just told it was cutbacks. And so we
know that some of the state funding comes from federal
but then it trickles down. But to do that to
us when we were in the middle of programs. We
just graduated our third cohort for our Silence to Shame
University Initiative, which is our college leadership program. We now
(01:27):
have over seventy ambassadors, like y'all were doing the work, Like,
how can y'all cut us off a program we've already
like we're six months in and you're telling us you're
not gonna like reimburse us for it because it was
a contract, you know, with the state government. So I
don't know. I can't say specifically, but I do think
it's probably an effect of what's going on with the administration.
(01:48):
Silence to Shame is not the only organization that has
lost funding. I was talking to doctor Spirit seventy five
percent of her funding is gone. You know, we see
mental health organizations merging together. It's a lot easier to
merged for profit companies than nonprofit companies. But one thing
I am standing on y'all is my faith, and so
most people know I don't impose my faith on anyone,
(02:09):
but I'm trusting God through the storm. And I recently
heard this lady talk about eagles and how eagles are
in the midst of the storm, but they used their
the wind shear to propel them up. And I feel
like I'm in the middle of the storm and I'm
just gonna store like an eagle and figure it out
because it's money out there, and more importantly, we're saving vibes.
(02:29):
You know, we've impacted millions of people virtually through resources,
but just physically, tens of thousands of people that we've
touched through our programs, whether that's our Youth Cope clinic,
we have a Youth Advisory Council, a parent cafe, parent
Advisory Council, the silence and shame university, Like, you know,
we're doing the work.
Speaker 1 (02:48):
Yeah, what I don't understand is if you're already hurting
people economically, right, where do they where do they think
people are going to you know, go to get get
help exactly? Like you know what I mean like that
economic strife is causes mental strife, emotional strife, spiritual scrife
a lot of way.
Speaker 3 (03:06):
And what I tell people, y'all, people still look at
mental health sometimes like it's a bad word. I'm like,
we all have mental health. It's how you think, how
you act, and how you feel. And to your point,
if your mental health is not right, your finances won't
be right, your health won't be right. You won't be
able to get married and have children and sustain your
family household. Like it starts with our wellness in the brain.
And if we just change this concept, that's why we
(03:28):
continue to fight so hard to erase that stigma around it.
Speaker 1 (03:31):
Even said that because I didn't even I mean, I
know you told me that, but I didn't know. I
don't think a lot of people know that type of
funding is being cut.
Speaker 3 (03:37):
Oh gosh.
Speaker 1 (03:38):
Yeah.
Speaker 3 (03:39):
And so you know, we've been rallying the truth. So
we're just trying to find more family foundations, you know,
more grand opportunities. The other thing is it's may, y'all.
Most of the grant cycles for twenty twenty six are
done twenty seven. So I'm like, y'all just out here
got us, you know, out here looking crazy. But again,
I serve a good God. We have great followers, great supporters,
(03:59):
and I do want to celebrate the good work that
Silence and Shame has done over the last ten years.
Speaker 4 (04:04):
But that's what's so crazy about like grief, right is
like things because you're probably grieving what you're not able
to do. But even when I saw you at Accelerate her,
like we could barely talk to each other because people
coming up to you and telling you like they're so
happy to see you, they're proud of you and all
these things that you're doing, and internally you're like, you're
literally visiting going through something right now.
Speaker 3 (04:26):
And I had an ugly cry at Accelerate Her shout
out to Kim Blackwell. But and I told her, I
was like, I didn't even know that I was gonna
make it here. But it was just that strength to
persevere and to keep going, knowing that when I'm getting
emails and text from people like my son is a
lie because of the work that you do, or by
you even sharing your stories, you know, because this started,
Silence and Shame started, you know, for me almost taking
(04:47):
my own wife in twenty fifteen, so we've come too far.
We've partnered with national groups like Sony Music Publishing, the
NFL Players Association, Jack and J. We just did a
partnership that we launched with the Home Depot Backyard in Atlanta.
So hoping that some private donor or even just you know,
everyday people who love and support the work that we do,
or might have a family member that's suffering, you know,
(05:08):
might want to support our organization.
Speaker 1 (05:10):
And the other thing that it just bugs me out,
what do they think these people are going to do it?
There's people out here who are dealing with actual mental
health issues and nobody's giving them any hope. The federal
government isn't doing anything for them. Plus you're cutting funding
for organizations that actually care about these people. What do
you think it's going to through our society?
Speaker 3 (05:28):
People are going to continue to be in crisis, I think.
Speaker 1 (05:31):
And be out here snapping.
Speaker 3 (05:32):
Yeah. And oftentimes I tell people, even like with all
the doom scrolling we're doing, right, you get on social media,
so much negativity out there when people like leave those
nasty comments. Oftentimes it has nothing to do with the
person's page that their own. They are hurting and they're
going through their own issues. That is why we try
to teach people to deal with your own emotions, have
healthier ways to cope. Like even for me, I'm trying
(05:54):
to make sure I don't fall and slip back into
a depression because of what we're doing. I have so
many friends Charlemagne right now that are out of jobs.
I'm talking so many women of color had great jobs,
but just the opportunities aren't there. They're drying up. And
so yeah, people are having to focus on those healthy
coping mechanisms to stay whole or else we're going to
have a society that's depressed.
Speaker 4 (06:14):
And you're probably a person that so many people call
all the time.
Speaker 3 (06:18):
You got it at midnight. My son's going through this,
Can you please help me? Just my brother just connecting
me with another friend whose brother had some physical health
challenges that led to mental health challenges, and I was
happy to reach out and talk. But I'm getting all
of that on top of everything else, and so people
out how you're hurting right now?
Speaker 1 (06:35):
You know one thing I really want to focus on
me and my good sister Debbie Brown was talking about it,
especially at the Mental Health expot this year, is we're
talking about mental health. We're having all these conversations, right,
what are people actually healing?
Speaker 3 (06:48):
One hundred percent. I'm so glad you said that because
I feel like the conversation, especially even with gen Z
and I know Jen Alpha is too young to really
talk about it. But even though some young kids are
starting to talk about it, people are discussing it, but
I don't think they're getting the help that they need.
That is why organizations, you know, like Silence of Shame
(07:09):
and even the work that the Mental Health Coalition does
with bringing all the mental health groups together is so
super important because it's about repetition, it's about you. You
got to keep telling people to check in with your friends,
check in with your mental health. We have to get
a check up every year you go, you get your
physical or even this thing y'all our cell phone. If
you don't charge this puppy at night, what's gonna happen.
(07:30):
It's gonna be dying, it's gonna be depleted. So if
we don't continue to pour back into our health and
wellness on a daily basis, then no, we're not healing.
And I think that's what's happening. We're pacifying ourselves. We're
putting band aids on things. So shout out to all
the great therapists, psychiatrist, social workers is out there on
the front lines. But people, and I talk to people
at some companies, You're like, oh, yeah, we have all
(07:51):
those resources, but I don't use them.
Speaker 2 (07:53):
Why let me ask you this janty. You know, there's
a lot of people out there that are struggling, right, yep,
what advice did you give them? Kind of just to
get their toe wet a little bit, their feet wet, right,
Because a lot of people are scared of talking to somebody.
They feel like they don't want to give everybody their deepest,
darkest thoughts. You know, it's for most people that don't speak,
it's like, well, what can you do to guide them
(08:14):
to get to that place? What can they do besides
talking to a therapist? Is there any exercises that they
can do on their own before they get there, like
getting them up that ladder or getting them up the
steps to get to that point?
Speaker 3 (08:24):
Absolutely? I mean, so first thing I tell people is
so I coin this acronym rap I've said it before,
our ap recognizing those unfamiliar thoughts and feelings, because you
gotta be honest with yourself. If something's not right or
you're acting out or something your behavior pattern is different.
You have to internalize that and say, you know what,
that actually happened. And so the A is accepting and
acknowledging it, and the P is processing through it with
(08:47):
a professional so our ap. But even something as simple
as saying, you know what, use the breathing technique if
you're having a moment you feel stressed out, pause, take
a break, step out of the room. It's a four
four eight, you know, or four seven eight. Some people
call it. You breathe then four seconds you I mean,
you hold it in for seven and then you exhale
for eight. The other thing is simply opening up and
(09:09):
talking to somebody and saying I need help. You might
It might be your friend, it might be a colleague,
it might be a coworker, somebody that's gonna come from
a place of empathy and not sympathy. We don't need
nobody feeling sorry for us, but we need someone to
kind of put themselves in our shoes. So you gotta
be willing to talk to somebody. And that's what I did.
I opened up and I was like, I actually need
(09:30):
help now, I can't do this by myself. So something
as simple as finding a trusted source. We're in the playoffs, y'all.
You can't start a basketball game without five players. Who's
in your starting five? You need at least five people
because everybody's gonna be available at the same time, But
have your group of five that you can call when
you're having those tough moments. I think everything that we're
experiencing right now, like these group techs that I think
(09:53):
we're born out of the pandemic, are so important right
now because my five girlfriends we talk about the good
and the bad. So you gotta be able to event.
You gotta let that stuff out, and then we encourage
each other to get help or go to the doctor
or seek support. So like, get your start in five
and wrap through your problems and don't be ashamed. It's
nothing to be embarrassed about.
Speaker 1 (10:13):
I wonder about the group chat thing, though, because you know,
you do appreciate getting the text when somebody sends you
some you know, love and some light. But man, I
wonder what happened to just picking up the phone and calling,
Because sometimes I look at the phone and I'll be like,
I'm too exhausted day as that. But am I really
I'm just used to texting.
Speaker 3 (10:29):
But you know what, I'll say, you gotta be intentional
to in that group chat or that one on one
chat and say you know what, I need to talk.
I know it's late, but I wouldn't call you if
I didn't need it. So being honest with yourself and
being honest with the person and being able to just
ask for that help, that to me is where the
strength lies is saying I'm not okay and I need support.
Speaker 1 (10:49):
I agree.
Speaker 3 (10:50):
I see.
Speaker 1 (10:51):
You got another pamphlet, a Guide to.
Speaker 3 (10:52):
Get You And so the last one that thank you
for supporting it was around the holidays, but this one
is I added ten more tips. It's thirty and this
is different from the other one, and it's really just
to give people grace and understanding through the grief journey.
Speaker 1 (11:06):
Thirty tips for healing after loss. Yeah, so what have
you learned about grief? The more time goes on.
Speaker 3 (11:12):
The more the time goes on, I think the one
thing is that no two people grieve the same, but
that grief is something that has a profound effect on
our lives and time. Grief counseling and community is what
helps to heal. Sometimes, you know, you can find yourself
looking at a photo, listening to a song, traveling back
(11:32):
to a different city, and the grief just overtakes you
and overcomes. What I know is that everybody's going to
grieve in some form of fashion, and death is something
that none of us can escape. Unfortunately, grief is for
the living, not for the people that have passed on.
And so once we can get past the debilitating part,
have healthy ways to cope with grief, then we can
start celebrating the life of our loved ones time.
Speaker 2 (11:56):
It really.
Speaker 3 (11:58):
I can't say all, but he is deaf heal Mine.
I just had the seventh anniversary of my sister's a
friend of mine, April Nichols, my best friend said angel versary,
and I love that, and so it was the seventh
angel anniversary of my sister and I did find myself
not crying as much. I was able to look at
her photos and smile. I was able to do things
(12:18):
in her honor. But it was only through time, because
probably the first three or four years it was debilitating
for me. Tom definitely helps you.
Speaker 4 (12:27):
Talk about in here in your book about your body
experiencing grief too, like.
Speaker 3 (12:32):
The physical part of yeah, absolutely, which people.
Speaker 4 (12:34):
If they don't understand that they're grieving, they don't understand
the reaction to their body as well.
Speaker 3 (12:38):
To That's why it's important to talk to your doctors
and they'll tell you whether there's a therapist or your
primary health care physician. Like I would literally have headaches
all the time. I felt like it was not in
my stomach, and it was a part of the grief
and the pressure and the depression that I was going through.
And it was crazy about that.
Speaker 4 (12:53):
I feel like as women, like my mom used to
always talk about like she she would know when I
was upset by something when I was young because I
would sleep a lot. And I didn't realize that that
was like a depression thing or sadness thing until I
became grown. But I think as women, we pay attention
to it a lot more about absolutely.
Speaker 3 (13:09):
But that's a sign that's really exemplary for young young people,
right and kids when they're experiencing any sort of you know,
mental health challenges or even dealing with grief. It shows
up in other ways in our body and in our thoughts.
Speaker 2 (13:22):
And I was going to ask, you know, how do
you deal with mental health now, right, you just said
when you came here, you know something bothered you, the
fact that they took six hundred thousand dollars from you
and whatever it may be. How do you deal with
that now? How do you make sure that you don't
go back down that rabbit hole or where you were
before or that feeling.
Speaker 3 (13:38):
That's very important and I'm again kind of going through
that right now. I'm going back into therapy because you're
out of therapy. Yeah, I was out because I felt
like I had the tools and I could manage it
and I wasn't really dealing with any crisis or anything
and not again working in this space. I was practicing
what I preached, right, I was going out taking walks,
I was exercising, I was staying on top of my
(13:59):
diet because certain food who's weigh you down? But now
I really feel like I need to be back in
therapy and talking through it with someone. And so again,
don't be afraid to see that therapist. Don't be afraid
to tell your doctor that you're not feeling well. And
I have been more open about those thoughts. I used
to be embarrassed to tell friends I wasn't in a
good space. So now I'm more open and I share
about it, and I do again know I need to
(14:20):
be back in therapy, and if I feel like I
can't shake it, I'll start back on my antidepressants. When
I first was going through my suicidal ideation, I had
to go on antidepressants. I could not balance out that
chemical imbalance just with talk therapy for me, it didn't
work for me that way. I needed you know, medication
for that. But now I know I need to be
talking to somebody on a regular basis again. So I
(14:40):
couple that with my faith. I in terms of repetition,
I have certain prayers that I'll listen to over and
over and over again, just teaching me that you know,
what God has for me is for me. And I
can't compare myself to everybody because also we get into
a habit of looking at social media and looking at
other organizations or people out there in the streets, thinking
why me? Why as is happening to me? And so
(15:01):
I try not to let the noise in. So I'm
trying to protect my peace.
Speaker 2 (15:04):
You think this is every point and it's a forsh
all the men as well. You think it's a point
where you can stop going a therapy, because I always
hear that you know, once you go, it seems like
this just it's kind of like you take your car
to get the oil changed. You know, you go to
the doctor for your body. You know, this is kind
of the same thing. This is like working out your brain.
Do you ever think this is a reason to stop
going a therapy because you said you stopped. You said
(15:26):
you figured like you you was able to control everything.
Speaker 3 (15:29):
Some people go all the time, and I applaud that
and if they need it. For me, I just felt
like I was equipped with certain tools, but wellness will
always be a part of my journey and what I
do right, So I do the things that my therapist
taught me to do. But again, there's certain things if
you're in a crisis, you know, things are compounded, right,
and so I'm dealing with more now, and so I
feel like even those tools may not be helping at
(15:50):
the moment, and I just don't want to send myself
back down a rabbit hole. That's why I'm going to
go back in and see my therapist and again, Realf,
it's almost like a check up, right and go back in.
But some people I know go to their therapists forever,
just like they go to get their annual chuck up
or I mean, I don't know if you have any
other feedback the No, You're right, I don't.
Speaker 1 (16:08):
I don't have to go every week like I did
for a while. But you know, like you said, whenever
I feel like I need that tune up, that check up.
Speaker 3 (16:14):
One hundred, one hundred, I.
Speaker 1 (16:17):
Do find myself getting I've been going a lot more
lately because I've I don't know, I've been dealing with anger.
But I'm mad at the world. I'm not mad at
like anything going on internally, like I'm just mad at the.
Speaker 2 (16:29):
Condition of some of that is.
Speaker 3 (16:30):
We feel like we're living in a twilight zone because
I think things are affecting us now. I just went
to Montgomery a few weeks ago, and I got to
experience the great museums that were done with Brian Stevenson
and the Equal Justice Initiative, and it angered me in
certain ways to thinking like, Okay, they're trying to roll
back certain things, the Voting Rights Act, and so I
find myself in anger as well, and I'm having to
(16:52):
use those tools to calm myself down. And protect my peace.
But I think unfortunately it's a lot of people that
probably feel the same way you're feeling, but they're not
getting the support that they need for it.
Speaker 1 (17:02):
I'm more mad at us and the way we we
attack each other. Yes, the way we handle each other,
that's what That's why I feel like a lot of
my frustration comes from more than.
Speaker 3 (17:13):
Any mine, is what's going on in the world right now,
because I really feel like I'm grateful that I grew
up in the eighties and it was so much more
Not to say we didn't have our issues back then,
but I do feel bad for a lot of our
youth and young adults who are having to like have
to deal you know, you go to school, you gotta
go and deal with like active shooter drills and stuff
like child should have to deal with that. And so
(17:34):
that is why mental health is so much more important
right now, because it's so much more pressure from the
world on our communities.
Speaker 1 (17:40):
What other measurable change should we be holding ourselves to do,
Because like I said, you know, we always have these
conversations about eradicating the stigma and talking, but what other
things could we be doing to actually get closer to healing.
Speaker 3 (17:54):
So you got to model the behavior for family and friends.
You can't just tell people you gotta do it. Your
mommy can't just say you know you need how are
you doing? Are you okay? If mom and dad's not okay,
y'all got to get help too. Because the kids pay attention.
You know a lot of teams. You know, they're on
they're playing games, they're on their phones. They may not
have that open communication, you know like our generation did,
(18:17):
but they are watching what's happening. So parents, watch what
you're saying, watch all you're moving. Even our friends, we
got a model behavior patterns with friends. If we see
something that's not right, you see something, say something. You
know they used to say that back in the day.
So we just got to speak.
Speaker 2 (18:32):
Up absolutely well. How can people donate if they need
to donate?
Speaker 3 (18:35):
Yeah, So again today's National Silence to Shamed eight ten
years in. So we're doing just a grassroots campaign asking
people to donate ten dollars and then challenge ten of
your friends to give ten dollars. You can text the
words silence to seven O seven O seven O, or
you can visit silencedshame dot com and I would be
remiss if I didn't shout out my amazing small team
Jewel getting Timeir, Megan, Nick and Sonya. We are small
(18:58):
but mighty and y'all we saving lives. So please, if
you have anything, if you don't have it, just post
for us. Encourage your friends and families, celebrities, everyday, people, therapists, everybody.
Just please help us to keep continue doing this great.
Speaker 1 (19:13):
Work in this suicide and crisis lifeline.
Speaker 3 (19:17):
And so nine eight eight is a national resource. It
has replaced what we knew as a national suicide lifeline
one eight hundred and two seventy three. Talk all y'all
gotta do now literally is pick up the phone, y'all
and down nine eight eight. You'll be connected to a
trained crisis counselor that'll answer the phone, talk to you,
try to understand what you're going through and push you
to resources. And if the local crisis counseling center is
(19:38):
not available in your state, guess what, it automatically pushes
you to a national number. It worked for me. I
called the National Suicide Lifeline the night that I was
in crisis, and it helped me. They talked to me
for twenty minutes and talked to me off. I always
wonder if it actually help. Actually sat in my car
and talk to them, and I'm they saved my life
(20:03):
that night, and my sister and my pastor who happens
to be centered to warnock. It helps, y'all, it works.
Don't be afraid to get help. Don't be afraid to
reach out and ask for help. I don't know why
I'm getting emotions, but ten years of fighting this good fight,
I did not almost take my own life and start
this to end the work that we're doing. I don't
(20:25):
want anybody else to think that suicide is an option.
You know, the former lieutenant governor of Maryland who took
his own life and his wife's like wife's life. I
just my heart goes out to the kids, to everybody
that's going through anything, y'all. Health is available. I don't
care if you're ten or seventy or fifty. Where's the camera.
(20:45):
I just want to look straight into camera and tell
people it's okay to get help. Silence is a shame
around your emotions, y'all. It's people out here hurting high achievers,
hurting students, hurting family members, hurting y'all. We gotta erase
the stigma. Mental health has no diff front than physical health.
So please, please please continue to Silence the shame and
support our organization. And if you want to get my
(21:06):
grief guid you can go to Shanty Does dot b
I Z because it's a lot of people out there
grieving as well. I love y'all so much. I just
want to thank y'all for always having me.
Speaker 2 (21:15):
Join us Shaunty Does Silence the Shame Day. Make sure
you donate if you can. Mister Breakfast Club, good morning, hold.
Speaker 3 (21:23):
On every day.
Speaker 2 (21:24):
Up, wake up the Breakfast Club.
Speaker 3 (21:27):
You're finish for y'all done.
The Breakfast Club News
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DJ Envy
Jess Hilarious
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