August 25, 2025 • 33 mins
Join us as we chat about and normalize the complex emotions of experiencing pregnancy after a loss. Learn some and practical steps, holistic care strategies and emotionally supportive recommendations to support your journey.
00:00 Introduction to Kelly and Tiffany's Podcast
01:11 Today's Topic: Pregnancy After Loss
02:22 Kelly's Nighttime Routine
08:04 Navigating Pregnancy After Miscarriage
15:53 Emotional and Physical Support During Pregnancy
24:37 Creating a Prenatal Plan
29:49 Conclusion and Resources
32:35 Supporting the Show
Links We Chat About
Courageously Expecting Book
Nurturing Hope Journal
Grief Guide
Previous Episode 144. Holistic Miscarriage Support
Due to Joy Miscarriage Support Gifts
Our Monthly Membership: SO MUCH more support found here!
Our Weekly Newsletter
Our Childbirth Education Course, use code RADIANT10 for 10% off
Be sure to subscribe to the podcast to catch every episode. Follow us on Instagram for extra education and antics between episodes at: @beautifulonemidwifery
Mark as Played
Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
(00:00):
Welcome to at Home with Kellyand Tiffany, where we share
powerful tools, excitingeducation, and relatable views
about holistic health,physiological birth, and
thriving in the female body.
We are home birth midwives insunny San Diego.
Passionate about thealternatives that give women
control and confidence inhealth, in birth and in life.
(00:24):
We've poured a lot of love intocreating very in depth and high
value offerings.
A monthly membership, aphysiological birth course, and
holistic guides for the womenwho really want to dive all the
way in.
But this podcast.
We want to bring zero costinformation about health and
natural birth and make theseimportant topics accessible
(00:46):
always.
Your support of the show is alsozero cost and means everything
to us.
When you leave a review, sharean episode and join our
newsletter.
It really helps us keep thisspace open, ad free and full of
honest, valuable conversations.
Now let's dive into today'sshow.
(01:10):
Okay.
Welcome back to the at home withKelly and Tiffany podcast.
I am Kelly.
And I'm Tiffany.
And we are chatting today aboutpregnancy after loss, after some
kind of loss miscarriage,walking through something really
hard.
In a previous pregnancy movingforward with a future pregnancy,
and we're talking about thisbecause it's, there's so much to
(01:31):
it.
There's not only just thephysical aspect of getting
pregnant again, being pregnantagain, but also just the intense
emotional, mental, spiritualimpact that experience can have.
And it really is a pregnancythat honestly is very different
than others can be.
It is, and we, you know, wehighlight miscarriage as a
(01:53):
common experience for women thatis often stigmatized and handled
privately, and that absolutelyis its own little beast of a
thing to have to navigate andwalk through.
But we kind of miss this littlenuance of a follow-up pregnancy
and the things that come alongwith that.
(02:14):
So I'm excited to be able toshare on that topic today.
So we can share that informationwith listeners and other women.
I hope it's a hugeencouragement.
But before we get started withthat, Kelly, I know a couple of
episodes ago I asked you to walkthrough your morning routine
with us, and I've been dreamingabout morning at your house.
(02:35):
I think I'm just gonna comespend the night sometime so I
can Yes.
Do your morning routine.
We please do.
But give us.
Pause.
I will, I'll just, I'll show upwith my sleeping bag.
Walk me through your nighttimeroutine now, because these
rhythms in our lives as womenwho are pursuing holistic health
(02:56):
sometimes we get so caught up inthe rigidity and the shoulds and
the.
The checklist that we miss, therhythm aspect of how important
it is to have some of thesepieces in like.
In a ritualistic way that foldedin and morning and night kind of
(03:18):
hem in our opportunities for aswe wake up, getting some of
those rhythms established as wego to sleep, kind of capping out
the day with some intention.
What is it like for you?
What do you do before you go tobed?
Maybe it's hours before bed,your nighttime routine starts.
Maybe it's 15 minutes.
Walk us through it.
Yeah.
As you just said that, it'sfunny because part of getting
(03:40):
the morning sun in the morningactually is part of my nighttime
routine technically.
'cause it does help my circadianrhythm and all of that, which is
just funny.
So I never had a nighttimeroutine that was consistent by
any means.
Before I had my third baby andshe was maybe like eight or nine
months old.
And we finally were like, she's,she was a terrible sleeper after
(04:00):
two great sleepers.
And so then I was like, I needsome help.
I need some sleep anchors.
I need to be consistent inputting her to sleep in a way
that let her know Hey, sleep iscoming next.
And then that wormed its wayinto my own head.
And I was like, I think that's.
I need too.
I need some things that justassociate, hey, now we're like
winding down.
(04:21):
Now our brain is gonna like,hopefully try to quiet itself.
Now our body's gonna try tochill out, nervous system, all
of that.
And so, so I kind of began to beas, as consistent as possible
within a season.
That felt a little inconsistent,but now it's it's not
technically as involved as mymorning routine, but I don't
necessarily need it to be.
(04:41):
My nighttime always involvesstarting, like with my skincare
first, and I say skincare, it'sliterally just oil cleansing
with beef tallow at night.
But the the oil cleansing part,like you put the hot little hand
cloth on your face.
It's one of my.
Favorite parts of the day.
It's literally a minute, but I'mlike, oh yeah, this is like a
little sauna for my face and itjust feels so good.
(05:04):
So I'll kind of get ready, getmy, you know, teeth brushed,
flossed, tongue scrape all ofthe things that I started to do
for my oral health.
And then that allows me to thinklike, okay, let me get dressed
for bed.
Let me get what I'm gonna geton.
I always put on socks as I'mgetting my pajamas on because
that's an association for methat I'm gonna wear them while I
sleep.
But before I put those socks on,I am putting magnesium spray on
(05:27):
my feet and on the back of mylegs.
Because again, that is a helpfulthing for my sleep, but also
just a helpful association forme.
And then eventually as it gets alittle bit closer to bedtime.
I have a red light in my roomthat I'll use, you know,
therapeutically, but at night Ijust turn it on and it's not
like next to me or anything, butit's just sort of like the
ambiance of the red light.
(05:48):
That's what I pick up a book andI read too, and usually one of
my kids is in bed with me alsoreading.
And that is kind of how I endthe day, either with them or
without them.
Is reading, falling asleep.
Of course, a little bit earlierin there is like, you know,
getting kids to sleep and all ofthose pieces too.
And so sometimes that weaves itsway into the, I'm reading, I'm
(06:10):
taking a break, I'm putting themto sleep, I'm coming back and
I'm reading kind of thing.
So it's not quite as.
Consistent, I guess, or rigid Isuppose.
But all of those things thenhelp me, like once I'm able to
close my book, put my earplugsin, I do have an eye mask.
I've become very bougie, I guessas I've gotten older about sleep
because I know how much itmatters and I'm just more
sensitive.
(06:30):
So I, you know, I'm trying toand then depending on when I ate
dinner, I'll also have a littlesnack right before bed if I need
to too.
Or like some magnesium tea andthrow some collagen or something
in there too for a little boostof protein to.
Help my sleep.
So, that is like generallynighttime for me, depending on
like what else is going on inour lives or what just happened
in the evening, you know, withour day.
(06:51):
But that's kind of what I do.
Okay.
Let's say you come home from abirth in the middle of the night
and you're out of routine,you're out of that structure of
just already being at home orlike you come home late from a
date night or something likethat, right?
What are like three things thatno matter when you're going to
(07:12):
bed, you're not gonna miss?
Oil cleansing on my face.
Magnesium on my feet.
And maybe sometimes I might missreading, but even if it's late
sometimes, even if it's just apage, I'll try to get that in
because that really does help mefall asleep quite a bit.
But I guess if not that, almostalways the red light turns on
(07:34):
too, just to set the somewhatterrifying but calming mood.
It does have a certain red glowthat's a little creepy till you
get used to it.
That's awesome.
Yeah, so that's, you almostexactly described my nighttime
routine too, and that's probablyjust'cause we talk about these
things all the time and we lovesleep and we're midwives who
(07:56):
don't always get all the sleepall the time and.
When we do, it's just so veryprecious.
So, so precious.
Okay.
Let's jump right into our topictoday.
I think the first thing thathappens for women as they're
starting to think about propregnancy after loss or after
miscarriage is, and not foreverybody but women we have
(08:20):
talked to, have thisoverwhelming piece to sort out
that is.
Shame, guilt, the weight ofresponsibility for what happened
in their body and was it theirfault?
And is there anything that theycan do to prevent it?
And so I wanna brieflyencapsulate some of those
(08:43):
pieces, some of those topicsbecause I know that's on
everyone's minds, but there's somuch more that we are going to
discuss.
This is not an episode aboutpreventing.
Miscarriage.
But we know that miscarriage isoften not preventable,
especially with things that yourbody is trying to sort out for
you as just a non-viablepregnancy.
(09:05):
And it doesn't mean that loss isany less important.
It doesn't mean that life is anyless significant because it has.
Chromosomal abnormalities orsome other thing about this
sweet little baby was not gonnamake it compatible for life.
But that piece we don't have awhole lot of control over.
(09:25):
And it was really interestingfor me recently to have a
conversation with anothermidwife friend who started to
drop progesterone on all of herclients and.
Because there's, because therisk, the miscarriage risk is on
the rise in her practiceespecially.
But I think we've seen thathappening.
And, you know, in our dealingsand interactions with our
(09:48):
clients too.
And so she started drawingprogesterone right away on her
clients to see if they're low.
Then she can offer some supportto them with progesterone
supplementation.
But what we started talkingabout is this piece of, well.
If you're, if the body wasalready trying to kind of handle
this non-viable pregnancy andthen we're adding progesterone
(10:11):
in to the mix, are weartificially trying to preserve
a pregnancy that shouldn'tcontinue?
And so that's some food forthought there.
I know that's really heavy andkind of deep, but.
It's something that has been onmy mind recently.
As we look at our options and welook at this idea of preventing
miscarriage I'm all about, youknow, trying to preserve healthy
(10:34):
pregnancies, but there's anelement of mystery that we just
can't possibly know, and that.
The idea of surrender and trustand being present in the moment
and supporting our bodies in themost, you know, natural and
foundational ways possible couldbe the way to go as you start to
go.
If you start to kind of spiraldown the rabbit hole of what can
(10:56):
I do?
I need to do everythingpossible.
So we will talk a little bitabout how that kind of
interplays throughout the entirepregnancy, but strategies that
can support the whole body that.
That may not necessarily getall, wrapped into trying to
control or trying to, you know,safeguard all of the, all the
(11:16):
things that could be happeningin your body is totally fair and
approachable.
Things that support health,things that help support natural
fertility.
Of course, there's no approachthat guarantees that you're
gonna be able to.
Event miscarriage, but comingfrom it from a whole root
perspective and just for thesake of those who are listening
now, you know, kind of eating upsome of this information.
(11:38):
If you're listening before yournext pregnancy, you've already
experienced a loss and you'rejust trying to process how to
move forward inside of thispotential prevention space.
It is definitely worth lookinginto things like autoimmune
disorders, PCOS, maybe somechronic infection issues that
are happening in your body.
Thyroid, M-T-H-F-R testing.
(12:01):
These are all things that shouldsort of be on women's radars if
it feels right for them to takea little bit more clinical
approach to preventing a futuremiscarriage.
Yeah, and gosh, it's so hardbecause even just this week on
Instagram, I probably got threeseparate messages of just like,
Hey.
I'm pregnant again after thisloss.
(12:21):
And now all of, I didn't realizehow scared I was.
And I didn't realize how I hadthis opportunity to like look
into things after this loss.
And now I have it.
And now I'm like, oh gosh,should I make the wrong
decision?
Should I have looked into thesethings and like.
Just like you were saying, it'sa smorgasbord of options that
you have.
Some people will be like, oh, Ilove information.
(12:42):
And some people are like, thatis not the way my brain is going
to feel safest moving forward.
And that's perfectly fine.
So being able to say like, thisis individual, of course.
That.
You can make the decisions thatfeel right for you, like that is
perfectly acceptable in anysituation, right?
But what becomes hard is, so sayyou, you know, have experienced
(13:03):
a miscarriage a loss, and you'removing forward with pregnancy
again, pro you, you've probablyprocessed that loss, pretty
deeply at that point.
But all of a sudden that getsbrought up again, right?
It's kind of in your face thatlike, oh gosh, yes.
That grief, that struggle.
It's kind of back in my faceagain because I'm experiencing a
(13:24):
somewhat similar.
Potentially triggering kind ofsituation.
So miscarriage is complicatedenough, right?
There's a lot going on there.
But then when we add in apregnancy after miscarriage it,
there's just so many layers ofjust really complex experiences
and feelings.
And things that you may thinkthat you are like, wow, I can't
(13:45):
believe my brain went there.
And so, we're mostly just sayingthis so that you are not
surprised by that or if you areexperiencing that yourself, to
know that you are absolutely notalone in how complicated and
complex the emotional.
Mental spiritual aspect is tothis experience.
And so normalizing a little bitof that mix of experience when,
(14:05):
or like emotions too whereyou're like, I'm so excited.
I am, we've wanted a baby.
I'm really excited about thisbaby.
I have hope that this is goingto like work out.
I'm so thankful that I'mpregnant again.
That's like in the one hand,right?
And then in the other hand,there's probably a lot of
anxiety, a lot of grief thatyou're holding at the same time.
(14:26):
And when we hold two separatethings, like, birth is really
good, birth is really hard,right?
We can hold those two things andthey both can be true.
It just can be reallyuncomfortable to sit with the
reality that both are true atthe same time.
Like that simultaneous just ohwow.
I'm the mix of emotions that I'mfeeling all are valid and okay
(14:47):
and true.
They're just very different atthe same time.
I just want to normalize thatpiece for you because that is
something that most women willexperience whether they say that
out loud to someone else orpublicly or whatever.
It definitely is a pretty commonthing, but recognizing upfront,
if you are pregnant there's noright way to go about processing
(15:10):
or kind of walking through allof this.
There's not like a, okay, we'renot gonna give you the 10 steps
to being pregnant after Miss'cause it's there, it's just not
realistic, right?
Everybody's experience is sodifferent.
The way that they're processingis so different.
And then what you're feelingwhen you first get pregnant
versus week six versus week 12,right?
All of those things.
That may change and may evolve alot over the course of your
(15:32):
pregnancy.
And so, it's very common at thebeginning of the pregnancy to
have a lot of anxiety, a lot offear.
And as you move forward in yourpregnancy, slipping into a
little bit more hope.
But then like the reality ofmeeting your baby and your
closer to your due date anxietycan, you know, kind of kick back
up again.
And so it's a bit of arollercoaster as you're walking
that and being able to havesomebody that you can kind of
(15:52):
talk to.
Process with whether it's agroup of people or a really
trusted friend or therapist or,it's finding somebody that you
can kind of anchor onto to, tokind of process and hold space
with you for that stuff isreally important.
'cause recognizing that you arenot alone in it, I think is one
of the biggest helps.
You mentioned Tiff, at thebeginning, all of these women,
(16:14):
like it's a very commonexperience to go through a
pregnancy loss and that itsucks.
That reality is really hard.
But we don't always talk aboutthe processing of that, and we
don't always talk about thisparticular experience of
allowing your body and your mindand your heart to feel some hope
again while also.
Being like I am like crippledwith anxiety also at the same
(16:37):
time.
And so recognizing that you'renot the only person experiencing
that, and it's okay to talkabout some of those, like I feel
this way and also this way.
I had a really great, you know,day here and a really terrible
one here.
And the highs and the lows, justbeing able to actually.
Process.
Talk about the reality of that,saying that, man I wish I could
(16:59):
have met that baby.
Like, that is heartbreaking fora mom to not be able to meet her
baby.
But I'm also still so excitedabout meeting this baby.
And just the reality again ofholding those two separate
things can feel like a lot, butfinding safe people to process
with is gonna be super importantalong the way.
Okay.
Yeah, and I am, there areexcellent physicians out there.
(17:21):
There's excellent obs out therewho get this and who are able to
take extra time and becompassionate.
But if you find yourself wantingmore individualized care more
compassion, more time to processsome of these things, the
midwifery model is.
Really good at that.
So I'm plugging that in.
For ladies who are trying tofigure out who would those
(17:43):
people be?
Who are the safe people who aregonna give me time to process,
who are gonna, who are not gonnasay, oh, you wanna talk about
that again?
Oh, that's coming up.
I thought we already wentthrough that.
I thought we already talkedabout that.
The emotional lens.
Of this type of pregnancy isjust really varied and wide, and
(18:04):
the spectrum is really huge.
I mean, women have fear ofexperiencing another loss, so we
have to hold that in one hand.
The what ifs the thoughts, thoseemotional triggers that come up.
There's guilt for not being overthe loss and feeling badly about
processing.
More of that grief in thiscurrent pregnancy that could
(18:25):
feel unfair to this new baby.
Or guilt for feeling joy again.
Does that somehow mask or coverup the hold, the holding space
for that baby?
The baby that was lost there'ssometimes this association with.
Grief is the only way toremember that baby.
And so if I start to feel happyagain about this future
(18:48):
pregnancy or this future baby amI wrong for being happy and
excited about this nextpregnancy when my only way of
feeling, close and connected tothe previous pregnancy is just
being sad and grieving.
There's also a big piece that Ithink sometimes takes women by
(19:08):
surprise of navigating testingthat's available to them.
I mean, we alluded a little bitto that in the prevention piece,
but certain milestones, certainappointments, those are very
those can be treacherous placesbecause, you know, and we're, we
even are walking through thiswith a client right now who's
(19:28):
like, I don't think I'm gonna beready for an official midwifery
appointment with you guys untilI get to, till I get past the
place of when I lost the lastbaby.
I just, I need to protect thatspace.
I'm not ready to be excited.
I'm not ready to have both feetin until I hit that point.
(19:50):
That's just what I need and I'mso glad that she was able to say
that and we can provide hersupport and touching base and be
celebrating milestones with herwhile she waits for the right
time to engage in like officialmidwifery care.
Totally.
Appreciate that.
But there's some things like.
HCG testing that's gonnameasure, you know, how onboard
(20:13):
pregnancy hormones are.
Progesterone we talked about.
That's you know, lowprogesterone is a serious issue
in women's fertility right now.
Do you want to monitor that?
Do you want early ultrasound?
Is that going to be reallyhelpful?
And does knowing thisinformation, help you to trust,
put you at ease?
(20:34):
Or does it the exact opposite?
What are you gonna do with thatinformation?
Is genetic testing important toyou?
Does it help to have thatinformation about this about
things that we could potentiallybe able to capture in this
pregnancy for some women whowould normally say.
I'm not interested in testing.
I don't want that extrainformation.
(20:54):
That's not important to me.
Walking through a loss, being onthe other side of it could
totally, and we've seen this alot, find themselves in the
place where they're like, well,old me would not have wanted to
have this information.
Knew me, is absolutelycompletely desperate and
grasping for anything that isgoing to give me some
(21:14):
reassurance and.
There's no right or wrong way tonavigate that.
It is completely valid to findyourself having to make
decisions in a different way inthis pregnancy than you would
have in the last.
There's this aspect of grievingthe past while you're carrying
life in the present and knowingthe potential of what that loss
(21:35):
can feel like.
'cause you've already gonethrough it.
You just have different, youhave different information in
your own heart and mind tonavigate.
And so practicing being present,saying things like, today I am
pregnant.
Today, this baby is loved.
And just refocusing back on thefuture can be really helpful.
And then thinking too about howto navigate interactions with
(21:59):
other people that is so loaded,right?
And can really take you bysurprise.
Depending on how much someoneelse knows about your history,
maybe nothing at all.
You might wanna prepareyourself.
For things ahead of time, likewhen people say, are you so
excited?
Or is this your first?
(22:20):
Maybe your very, maybe yourfirst pregnancy was a loss and
nobody knows about it, and thenyou have to figure out how to an
answer, honestly, someonesaying.
Oh my gosh, congratulations.
Your first pregnancy and thenyou're like, it, is it on?
Is it on?
Honest to continue thatconversation.
Does this a, is this a safeperson to share that with?
(22:41):
But you know, there's, that's,it can feel everyone's gonna
have a different preference ofnavigating some of those, what
seem like really harmlesscomments and conversation that
can come up with anyone from astranger to your, you know, your
best friend or yourmother-in-law or somebody,
right?
And so I think that can bereally helpful to keep some of
those things in mind as you justare caring for yourself
(23:03):
emotionally in this special typeof pregnancy.
Yeah.
I'm thinking of a friend of minewho was asked, she was sharing
on Instagram, so she has sharedvery outwardly about her grief
and her experience, and she wasasked while she was somewhere
with her older kids.
You know, oh, like are these allof your kids?
(23:24):
Do you have like are you havethese three, or whatever it was.
And in that moment, she had notquite prepared herself and she
began crying and was like, no.
And of course this person whowas just.
Trying to ask a question to makesome, you know, friendly talk at
the park kind of thing.
Then also started crying and shewas like, these aren't all my
(23:46):
kids either.
And they're talking about theirlosses together.
And I was like, wow, what anincredible, like, that obviously
doesn't always happen like thatand you don't need, like,
nobody's owed that kind ofinformation from you, right?
But it took her by surprise.
'cause she was like, I was justgonna be like, yeah, these are
my kids and I'm gonna move on'cause I don't know you.
But what a sweet.
Interaction.
It ended up being, again, notsaying that's gonna happen all
(24:07):
of the time, but it was anopportunity for both of them to
be like, wow, this is weird.
This is kind of crazy to kind ofbe walking this road and look at
that.
I'm not alone, in walking thatas well.
So I think what you werementioning about just like
having a few of those things inyour back pocket to be like,
okay, I can say this, how do Ifeel about this?
You know, processing yourselfbeforehand can be so helpful,
(24:29):
especially as you move into thisnext pregnancy, but also as
you're like creating that sortof emotional plan for yourself,
creating a.
Prenatal plan and like youmentioned, certainly there are
wonderful obs, there are greatmidwives and even if you decide
like, Hey, I don't necessarilywanna GI have my baby at home,
you can still see mid midwifemidwives from midwifery care to
(24:50):
get some of that support aswell.
But creating this prenatal planfor yourself.
What do I, how do I want to betaken care of?
Who do I want to be taken careof by?
Who's going to be the holder andcontainer for some of these
pieces to allow me to processwell?
But understanding your emotionalneeds in that space is just as
important as understanding yourclinical needs.
(25:11):
Absolutely.
And so if you've experienceddifferent types of care in your
life, especially, you know, amedical model versus midwifery
model.
You may feel like, Ooh, moreinformation, more clinical,
better.
Or you may feel like, oh, what Ireally need is this emotional
piece while also being supportedclinically.
And so again, that's gonna be apersonal preference for you.
(25:32):
But then being willing tosupport your body, to connect
with your body and to do thesame with your baby, right?
To say, yes, I am pregnant.
Oh, what is this baby doing?
Am I feeling movement?
Oh, I'm starting to feelnauseous.
What is this, you know, mean?
And this man's, you know, X, y,z to me in my heart?
But being able to say like, yes,this is what I'm actually
(25:53):
feeling.
Physically too can be a reallyhelpful piece.
Because yes, so much of it isemotional, but so much of this
experience is physical as well.
And you may have really varyingdegrees of acceptance on some of
that and kind of relationshipwith your body as you walk
through this next pregnancy.
And again, saying that out loudbecause that would not be an
(26:14):
uncommon experience, and I thinkas we consider some of the
pieces as we're taking care ofwomen who have had you know,
they're pregnant again after aloss of some kind we're
constantly thinking about.
How can we reduce some of justthat no matter what, when you're
grieving or you have experiencedloss, there's a bit more,
tension that is held in yourbody, in your nervous system,
(26:38):
right?
And so how can we help yourelease some of that, reduce
some of that stress?
So we're thinking about like,does this mom, like, does she
need some adaptogens on board?
What is his, her nervous systemregulation, you know,
consistency.
Like is she moving her body?
How is her sleep?
And so asking all of these manydifferent questions to try to
get some answers so that we cansay like, okay, yes, movement is
(27:00):
great.
Her supplementation iswonderful, but her sleep is
terrible.
You know, nervous systemregulation is kind of out of
whack.
And so how can we support that?
How can we kind of, help herinto a space where she's able to
kind of be at home in her body alittle bit more.
That matters so much.
And then moving forward, aswe're talking about some of
these like clinical care piecescertainly.
(27:22):
Some of these samerecommendations are given across
all pregnancies, right?
Like we wanna really be focusedon blood sugar balancing and
magnesium, because so many womenare deficient in magnesium.
It's a great one to have onboard.
B vitamins.
What is her iron stores like,and does she need some extra
iron supplementation, omegas,vitamin D, right?
All of these things.
(27:43):
And especially it depends on.
When that pregnancy was thatfirst pregnancy or that last
pregnancy where you didexperience loss?
When did that happen?
Because there may be a lot ofdepletion that's still going on
while you are pregnant in thisnext pregnancy.
And so sometimes we have to worka little bit harder on these
vitamins, on these minerals tohelp support mom.
And all of a sudden she's like,oh, it's like that, you know,
(28:05):
brain fog is lifted that Ididn't really even realize I
had.
Because her body's starting tosay, oh, thank you.
I really needed that.
All of that, right?
The emotional aspect ofprocessing and that mental and
spiritual aspect of processing,but also this clinical care
aspect of processing andsupporting your body where it's
at right now in this pregnancyafter that previous loss that
(28:27):
this pregnancy right now aswell.
Yeah, and I think as we liketalk about holding space for the
changing emotions that duality,the juxtaposition of like grief
and joy and holding both in yourhand, being aware of that as you
approach your birth too.
And maybe there will be some newemotions or new level of things
(28:49):
to be discussing with your birthteam and your partner.
And just allowing.
Allowing some of that to come tothe surface.
But I think the earlier in yourpregnancy that you can
acknowledge this feels a littlemore complicated, this feels a
little more complex, and startto process that and be present
with it, the better it is goingto be for your birth, for your
(29:12):
acceptance of this pregnancy,for the way that you want to
greet this baby and enjoy thisbaby.
And be present with what isactually happening is, I think
it's so important for women whoare navigating all types of
grief that are happening insideof their pregnancies.
Maybe you lost a parent during,you know.
(29:34):
This time in your life andthat's coming up for you.
You know, there's so many waysthat, that we can hold space for
grief and be also anticipating areally joyful and connected
birth experience for you.
For women who are looking for alittle bit more support and
(29:54):
handholding we can put someresources inside of the show
notes that can lead you to somebooks that we really like on
grief.
Some resources for connecting tolike, support groups in your
area.
Some of those types of thingsbecause there are some really
great.
Things out there.
But we also have this particularconcept of holding this space
(30:15):
physically, emotionally, andmentally inside of our monthly
women's health membership.
Whether you're navigating lossright now, whether you're trying
for pregnancy again, or you justneed to feel like you're not
alone with some of these pieces,we have.
Really gentle evidence-basedguidance for root cause healing,
(30:35):
how to maximize fertility, howto support your early pregnancy.
We don't have all of that insideof our childbirth education
course because we keep it housedin our membership.
And so it's a really low, lowcost and easy entry way to get
support at this for thisspecific time in your life.
(30:55):
We have the emphasis onsupportive rhythms for nervous
health nervous system health,hormone health, and then just a
community of women who see youand remind you that you're not
broken, you're not alone, yourstory matters.
And some of those pieces canjust feel so redeeming and
life-giving.
When you don't feel like you'renavigating something completely
(31:17):
by yourself or maybe the peoplein your real life don't get it,
or they have their own things tobe processing their own
associations to deal with, itcan be really helpful sometimes
to have a specific goal with adifferent group or with a
different, in a differentplatform.
And so we offer that inside ofour.
Membership so you guys can getinto the show notes to get some
(31:40):
of those resources.
Those of you who are looking formore of that information, we'll
also include, we have achecklist for women who are
preparing for pregnancy thatjust kind of goes through some
really basic like timelinepieces.
At what point should youconsider this type of testing
before you get pregnant?
At what point should you startsupplementing these kinds of
(32:01):
things in preparation for thehealthiest pregnancy possible?
And so.
We hope that you find somethinghere that has been a help to you
and a gift to you, and that youare able to pass that this
episode on to somebody else whopotentially needs to hear some
of these truths and be remindedof how normal and experience
(32:23):
like this can be and how we canbe normalizing it for ourselves
and for the women around us too.
Yeah, so we will catch you nextweek on another topic, but
again, check out the show notesfor all kinds of resources that
will hopefully help you on yourjourney.
Hey ladies, if you're loving theshow and want to help us keep it
ad free so we can keep talkingabout all things birth and
(32:44):
women's health, without cuttingto an ad about electrolytes or
grass fed beef sticks, here ishow you can support us.
First, leave us a quick reviewor a rating.
It helps more women, new moms,and birth enthusiasts find our
show.
And it honestly means so much tous to be reminded that you love
(33:05):
what we are doing here.
Second, share this episode witha friend, with a doula buddy, or
anyone who is on their ownholistic health or natural birth
journey.
And third hop on our newsletterlist.
This is where we share.
Bonus goodies behind the scenesstuff.
Fun little extras you just won'thear on the show.
You can find that link to joinin our show notes below.
(33:28):
Thanks so much for being a partof this growing empowered
community.
We could not do it without you.
Welcome to at Home with Kellyand Tiffany, where we share
powerful tools, excitingeducation, and relatable views
about holistic health,physiological birth, and
thriving in the female body.
We are home birth midwives insunny San Diego.
Passionate about thealternatives that give women
control and confidence inhealth, in birth and in life.
(00:24):
We've poured a lot of love intocreating very in depth and high
value offerings.
A monthly membership, aphysiological birth course, and
holistic guides for the womenwho really want to dive all the
way in.
But this podcast.
We want to bring zero costinformation about health and
natural birth and make theseimportant topics accessible
(00:46):
always.
Your support of the show is alsozero cost and means everything
to us.
When you leave a review, sharean episode and join our
newsletter.
It really helps us keep thisspace open, ad free and full of
honest, valuable conversations.
Now let's dive into today'sshow.
(01:10):
Okay.
Welcome back to the at home withKelly and Tiffany podcast.
I am Kelly.
And I'm Tiffany.
And we are chatting today aboutpregnancy after loss, after some
kind of loss miscarriage,walking through something really
hard.
In a previous pregnancy movingforward with a future pregnancy,
and we're talking about thisbecause it's, there's so much to
(01:31):
it.
There's not only just thephysical aspect of getting
pregnant again, being pregnantagain, but also just the intense
emotional, mental, spiritualimpact that experience can have.
And it really is a pregnancythat honestly is very different
than others can be.
It is, and we, you know, wehighlight miscarriage as a
(01:53):
common experience for women thatis often stigmatized and handled
privately, and that absolutelyis its own little beast of a
thing to have to navigate andwalk through.
But we kind of miss this littlenuance of a follow-up pregnancy
and the things that come alongwith that.
(02:14):
So I'm excited to be able toshare on that topic today.
So we can share that informationwith listeners and other women.
I hope it's a hugeencouragement.
But before we get started withthat, Kelly, I know a couple of
episodes ago I asked you to walkthrough your morning routine
with us, and I've been dreamingabout morning at your house.
(02:35):
I think I'm just gonna comespend the night sometime so I
can Yes.
Do your morning routine.
We please do.
But give us.
Pause.
I will, I'll just, I'll show upwith my sleeping bag.
Walk me through your nighttimeroutine now, because these
rhythms in our lives as womenwho are pursuing holistic health
(02:56):
sometimes we get so caught up inthe rigidity and the shoulds and
the.
The checklist that we miss, therhythm aspect of how important
it is to have some of thesepieces in like.
In a ritualistic way that foldedin and morning and night kind of
(03:18):
hem in our opportunities for aswe wake up, getting some of
those rhythms established as wego to sleep, kind of capping out
the day with some intention.
What is it like for you?
What do you do before you go tobed?
Maybe it's hours before bed,your nighttime routine starts.
Maybe it's 15 minutes.
Walk us through it.
Yeah.
As you just said that, it'sfunny because part of getting
(03:40):
the morning sun in the morningactually is part of my nighttime
routine technically.
'cause it does help my circadianrhythm and all of that, which is
just funny.
So I never had a nighttimeroutine that was consistent by
any means.
Before I had my third baby andshe was maybe like eight or nine
months old.
And we finally were like, she's,she was a terrible sleeper after
(04:00):
two great sleepers.
And so then I was like, I needsome help.
I need some sleep anchors.
I need to be consistent inputting her to sleep in a way
that let her know Hey, sleep iscoming next.
And then that wormed its wayinto my own head.
And I was like, I think that's.
I need too.
I need some things that justassociate, hey, now we're like
winding down.
(04:21):
Now our brain is gonna like,hopefully try to quiet itself.
Now our body's gonna try tochill out, nervous system, all
of that.
And so, so I kind of began to beas, as consistent as possible
within a season.
That felt a little inconsistent,but now it's it's not
technically as involved as mymorning routine, but I don't
necessarily need it to be.
(04:41):
My nighttime always involvesstarting, like with my skincare
first, and I say skincare, it'sliterally just oil cleansing
with beef tallow at night.
But the the oil cleansing part,like you put the hot little hand
cloth on your face.
It's one of my.
Favorite parts of the day.
It's literally a minute, but I'mlike, oh yeah, this is like a
little sauna for my face and itjust feels so good.
(05:04):
So I'll kind of get ready, getmy, you know, teeth brushed,
flossed, tongue scrape all ofthe things that I started to do
for my oral health.
And then that allows me to thinklike, okay, let me get dressed
for bed.
Let me get what I'm gonna geton.
I always put on socks as I'mgetting my pajamas on because
that's an association for methat I'm gonna wear them while I
sleep.
But before I put those socks on,I am putting magnesium spray on
(05:27):
my feet and on the back of mylegs.
Because again, that is a helpfulthing for my sleep, but also
just a helpful association forme.
And then eventually as it gets alittle bit closer to bedtime.
I have a red light in my roomthat I'll use, you know,
therapeutically, but at night Ijust turn it on and it's not
like next to me or anything, butit's just sort of like the
ambiance of the red light.
(05:48):
That's what I pick up a book andI read too, and usually one of
my kids is in bed with me alsoreading.
And that is kind of how I endthe day, either with them or
without them.
Is reading, falling asleep.
Of course, a little bit earlierin there is like, you know,
getting kids to sleep and all ofthose pieces too.
And so sometimes that weaves itsway into the, I'm reading, I'm
(06:10):
taking a break, I'm putting themto sleep, I'm coming back and
I'm reading kind of thing.
So it's not quite as.
Consistent, I guess, or rigid Isuppose.
But all of those things thenhelp me, like once I'm able to
close my book, put my earplugsin, I do have an eye mask.
I've become very bougie, I guessas I've gotten older about sleep
because I know how much itmatters and I'm just more
sensitive.
(06:30):
So I, you know, I'm trying toand then depending on when I ate
dinner, I'll also have a littlesnack right before bed if I need
to too.
Or like some magnesium tea andthrow some collagen or something
in there too for a little boostof protein to.
Help my sleep.
So, that is like generallynighttime for me, depending on
like what else is going on inour lives or what just happened
in the evening, you know, withour day.
(06:51):
But that's kind of what I do.
Okay.
Let's say you come home from abirth in the middle of the night
and you're out of routine,you're out of that structure of
just already being at home orlike you come home late from a
date night or something likethat, right?
What are like three things thatno matter when you're going to
(07:12):
bed, you're not gonna miss?
Oil cleansing on my face.
Magnesium on my feet.
And maybe sometimes I might missreading, but even if it's late
sometimes, even if it's just apage, I'll try to get that in
because that really does help mefall asleep quite a bit.
But I guess if not that, almostalways the red light turns on
(07:34):
too, just to set the somewhatterrifying but calming mood.
It does have a certain red glowthat's a little creepy till you
get used to it.
That's awesome.
Yeah, so that's, you almostexactly described my nighttime
routine too, and that's probablyjust'cause we talk about these
things all the time and we lovesleep and we're midwives who
(07:56):
don't always get all the sleepall the time and.
When we do, it's just so veryprecious.
So, so precious.
Okay.
Let's jump right into our topictoday.
I think the first thing thathappens for women as they're
starting to think about propregnancy after loss or after
miscarriage is, and not foreverybody but women we have
(08:20):
talked to, have thisoverwhelming piece to sort out
that is.
Shame, guilt, the weight ofresponsibility for what happened
in their body and was it theirfault?
And is there anything that theycan do to prevent it?
And so I wanna brieflyencapsulate some of those
(08:43):
pieces, some of those topicsbecause I know that's on
everyone's minds, but there's somuch more that we are going to
discuss.
This is not an episode aboutpreventing.
Miscarriage.
But we know that miscarriage isoften not preventable,
especially with things that yourbody is trying to sort out for
you as just a non-viablepregnancy.
(09:05):
And it doesn't mean that loss isany less important.
It doesn't mean that life is anyless significant because it has.
Chromosomal abnormalities orsome other thing about this
sweet little baby was not gonnamake it compatible for life.
But that piece we don't have awhole lot of control over.
(09:25):
And it was really interestingfor me recently to have a
conversation with anothermidwife friend who started to
drop progesterone on all of herclients and.
Because there's, because therisk, the miscarriage risk is on
the rise in her practiceespecially.
But I think we've seen thathappening.
And, you know, in our dealingsand interactions with our
(09:48):
clients too.
And so she started drawingprogesterone right away on her
clients to see if they're low.
Then she can offer some supportto them with progesterone
supplementation.
But what we started talkingabout is this piece of, well.
If you're, if the body wasalready trying to kind of handle
this non-viable pregnancy andthen we're adding progesterone
(10:11):
in to the mix, are weartificially trying to preserve
a pregnancy that shouldn'tcontinue?
And so that's some food forthought there.
I know that's really heavy andkind of deep, but.
It's something that has been onmy mind recently.
As we look at our options and welook at this idea of preventing
miscarriage I'm all about, youknow, trying to preserve healthy
(10:34):
pregnancies, but there's anelement of mystery that we just
can't possibly know, and that.
The idea of surrender and trustand being present in the moment
and supporting our bodies in themost, you know, natural and
foundational ways possible couldbe the way to go as you start to
go.
If you start to kind of spiraldown the rabbit hole of what can
(10:56):
I do?
I need to do everythingpossible.
So we will talk a little bitabout how that kind of
interplays throughout the entirepregnancy, but strategies that
can support the whole body that.
That may not necessarily getall, wrapped into trying to
control or trying to, you know,safeguard all of the, all the
(11:16):
things that could be happeningin your body is totally fair and
approachable.
Things that support health,things that help support natural
fertility.
Of course, there's no approachthat guarantees that you're
gonna be able to.
Event miscarriage, but comingfrom it from a whole root
perspective and just for thesake of those who are listening
now, you know, kind of eating upsome of this information.
(11:38):
If you're listening before yournext pregnancy, you've already
experienced a loss and you'rejust trying to process how to
move forward inside of thispotential prevention space.
It is definitely worth lookinginto things like autoimmune
disorders, PCOS, maybe somechronic infection issues that
are happening in your body.
Thyroid, M-T-H-F-R testing.
(12:01):
These are all things that shouldsort of be on women's radars if
it feels right for them to takea little bit more clinical
approach to preventing a futuremiscarriage.
Yeah, and gosh, it's so hardbecause even just this week on
Instagram, I probably got threeseparate messages of just like,
Hey.
I'm pregnant again after thisloss.
(12:21):
And now all of, I didn't realizehow scared I was.
And I didn't realize how I hadthis opportunity to like look
into things after this loss.
And now I have it.
And now I'm like, oh gosh,should I make the wrong
decision?
Should I have looked into thesethings and like.
Just like you were saying, it'sa smorgasbord of options that
you have.
Some people will be like, oh, Ilove information.
(12:42):
And some people are like, thatis not the way my brain is going
to feel safest moving forward.
And that's perfectly fine.
So being able to say like, thisis individual, of course.
That.
You can make the decisions thatfeel right for you, like that is
perfectly acceptable in anysituation, right?
But what becomes hard is, so sayyou, you know, have experienced
(13:03):
a miscarriage a loss, and you'removing forward with pregnancy
again, pro you, you've probablyprocessed that loss, pretty
deeply at that point.
But all of a sudden that getsbrought up again, right?
It's kind of in your face thatlike, oh gosh, yes.
That grief, that struggle.
It's kind of back in my faceagain because I'm experiencing a
(13:24):
somewhat similar.
Potentially triggering kind ofsituation.
So miscarriage is complicatedenough, right?
There's a lot going on there.
But then when we add in apregnancy after miscarriage it,
there's just so many layers ofjust really complex experiences
and feelings.
And things that you may thinkthat you are like, wow, I can't
(13:45):
believe my brain went there.
And so, we're mostly just sayingthis so that you are not
surprised by that or if you areexperiencing that yourself, to
know that you are absolutely notalone in how complicated and
complex the emotional.
Mental spiritual aspect is tothis experience.
And so normalizing a little bitof that mix of experience when,
(14:05):
or like emotions too whereyou're like, I'm so excited.
I am, we've wanted a baby.
I'm really excited about thisbaby.
I have hope that this is goingto like work out.
I'm so thankful that I'mpregnant again.
That's like in the one hand,right?
And then in the other hand,there's probably a lot of
anxiety, a lot of grief thatyou're holding at the same time.
(14:26):
And when we hold two separatethings, like, birth is really
good, birth is really hard,right?
We can hold those two things andthey both can be true.
It just can be reallyuncomfortable to sit with the
reality that both are true atthe same time.
Like that simultaneous just ohwow.
I'm the mix of emotions that I'mfeeling all are valid and okay
(14:47):
and true.
They're just very different atthe same time.
I just want to normalize thatpiece for you because that is
something that most women willexperience whether they say that
out loud to someone else orpublicly or whatever.
It definitely is a pretty commonthing, but recognizing upfront,
if you are pregnant there's noright way to go about processing
(15:10):
or kind of walking through allof this.
There's not like a, okay, we'renot gonna give you the 10 steps
to being pregnant after Miss'cause it's there, it's just not
realistic, right?
Everybody's experience is sodifferent.
The way that they're processingis so different.
And then what you're feelingwhen you first get pregnant
versus week six versus week 12,right?
All of those things.
That may change and may evolve alot over the course of your
(15:32):
pregnancy.
And so, it's very common at thebeginning of the pregnancy to
have a lot of anxiety, a lot offear.
And as you move forward in yourpregnancy, slipping into a
little bit more hope.
But then like the reality ofmeeting your baby and your
closer to your due date anxietycan, you know, kind of kick back
up again.
And so it's a bit of arollercoaster as you're walking
that and being able to havesomebody that you can kind of
(15:52):
talk to.
Process with whether it's agroup of people or a really
trusted friend or therapist or,it's finding somebody that you
can kind of anchor onto to, tokind of process and hold space
with you for that stuff isreally important.
'cause recognizing that you arenot alone in it, I think is one
of the biggest helps.
You mentioned Tiff, at thebeginning, all of these women,
(16:14):
like it's a very commonexperience to go through a
pregnancy loss and that itsucks.
That reality is really hard.
But we don't always talk aboutthe processing of that, and we
don't always talk about thisparticular experience of
allowing your body and your mindand your heart to feel some hope
again while also.
Being like I am like crippledwith anxiety also at the same
(16:37):
time.
And so recognizing that you'renot the only person experiencing
that, and it's okay to talkabout some of those, like I feel
this way and also this way.
I had a really great, you know,day here and a really terrible
one here.
And the highs and the lows, justbeing able to actually.
Process.
Talk about the reality of that,saying that, man I wish I could
(16:59):
have met that baby.
Like, that is heartbreaking fora mom to not be able to meet her
baby.
But I'm also still so excitedabout meeting this baby.
And just the reality again ofholding those two separate
things can feel like a lot, butfinding safe people to process
with is gonna be super importantalong the way.
Okay.
Yeah, and I am, there areexcellent physicians out there.
(17:21):
There's excellent obs out therewho get this and who are able to
take extra time and becompassionate.
But if you find yourself wantingmore individualized care more
compassion, more time to processsome of these things, the
midwifery model is.
Really good at that.
So I'm plugging that in.
For ladies who are trying tofigure out who would those
(17:43):
people be?
Who are the safe people who aregonna give me time to process,
who are gonna, who are not gonnasay, oh, you wanna talk about
that again?
Oh, that's coming up.
I thought we already wentthrough that.
I thought we already talkedabout that.
The emotional lens.
Of this type of pregnancy isjust really varied and wide, and
(18:04):
the spectrum is really huge.
I mean, women have fear ofexperiencing another loss, so we
have to hold that in one hand.
The what ifs the thoughts, thoseemotional triggers that come up.
There's guilt for not being overthe loss and feeling badly about
processing.
More of that grief in thiscurrent pregnancy that could
(18:25):
feel unfair to this new baby.
Or guilt for feeling joy again.
Does that somehow mask or coverup the hold, the holding space
for that baby?
The baby that was lost there'ssometimes this association with.
Grief is the only way toremember that baby.
And so if I start to feel happyagain about this future
(18:48):
pregnancy or this future baby amI wrong for being happy and
excited about this nextpregnancy when my only way of
feeling, close and connected tothe previous pregnancy is just
being sad and grieving.
There's also a big piece that Ithink sometimes takes women by
(19:08):
surprise of navigating testingthat's available to them.
I mean, we alluded a little bitto that in the prevention piece,
but certain milestones, certainappointments, those are very
those can be treacherous placesbecause, you know, and we're, we
even are walking through thiswith a client right now who's
(19:28):
like, I don't think I'm gonna beready for an official midwifery
appointment with you guys untilI get to, till I get past the
place of when I lost the lastbaby.
I just, I need to protect thatspace.
I'm not ready to be excited.
I'm not ready to have both feetin until I hit that point.
(19:50):
That's just what I need and I'mso glad that she was able to say
that and we can provide hersupport and touching base and be
celebrating milestones with herwhile she waits for the right
time to engage in like officialmidwifery care.
Totally.
Appreciate that.
But there's some things like.
HCG testing that's gonnameasure, you know, how onboard
(20:13):
pregnancy hormones are.
Progesterone we talked about.
That's you know, lowprogesterone is a serious issue
in women's fertility right now.
Do you want to monitor that?
Do you want early ultrasound?
Is that going to be reallyhelpful?
And does knowing thisinformation, help you to trust,
put you at ease?
(20:34):
Or does it the exact opposite?
What are you gonna do with thatinformation?
Is genetic testing important toyou?
Does it help to have thatinformation about this about
things that we could potentiallybe able to capture in this
pregnancy for some women whowould normally say.
I'm not interested in testing.
I don't want that extrainformation.
(20:54):
That's not important to me.
Walking through a loss, being onthe other side of it could
totally, and we've seen this alot, find themselves in the
place where they're like, well,old me would not have wanted to
have this information.
Knew me, is absolutelycompletely desperate and
grasping for anything that isgoing to give me some
(21:14):
reassurance and.
There's no right or wrong way tonavigate that.
It is completely valid to findyourself having to make
decisions in a different way inthis pregnancy than you would
have in the last.
There's this aspect of grievingthe past while you're carrying
life in the present and knowingthe potential of what that loss
(21:35):
can feel like.
'cause you've already gonethrough it.
You just have different, youhave different information in
your own heart and mind tonavigate.
And so practicing being present,saying things like, today I am
pregnant.
Today, this baby is loved.
And just refocusing back on thefuture can be really helpful.
And then thinking too about howto navigate interactions with
(21:59):
other people that is so loaded,right?
And can really take you bysurprise.
Depending on how much someoneelse knows about your history,
maybe nothing at all.
You might wanna prepareyourself.
For things ahead of time, likewhen people say, are you so
excited?
Or is this your first?
(22:20):
Maybe your very, maybe yourfirst pregnancy was a loss and
nobody knows about it, and thenyou have to figure out how to an
answer, honestly, someonesaying.
Oh my gosh, congratulations.
Your first pregnancy and thenyou're like, it, is it on?
Is it on?
Honest to continue thatconversation.
Does this a, is this a safeperson to share that with?
(22:41):
But you know, there's, that's,it can feel everyone's gonna
have a different preference ofnavigating some of those, what
seem like really harmlesscomments and conversation that
can come up with anyone from astranger to your, you know, your
best friend or yourmother-in-law or somebody,
right?
And so I think that can bereally helpful to keep some of
those things in mind as you justare caring for yourself
(23:03):
emotionally in this special typeof pregnancy.
Yeah.
I'm thinking of a friend of minewho was asked, she was sharing
on Instagram, so she has sharedvery outwardly about her grief
and her experience, and she wasasked while she was somewhere
with her older kids.
You know, oh, like are these allof your kids?
(23:24):
Do you have like are you havethese three, or whatever it was.
And in that moment, she had notquite prepared herself and she
began crying and was like, no.
And of course this person whowas just.
Trying to ask a question to makesome, you know, friendly talk at
the park kind of thing.
Then also started crying and shewas like, these aren't all my
(23:46):
kids either.
And they're talking about theirlosses together.
And I was like, wow, what anincredible, like, that obviously
doesn't always happen like thatand you don't need, like,
nobody's owed that kind ofinformation from you, right?
But it took her by surprise.
'cause she was like, I was justgonna be like, yeah, these are
my kids and I'm gonna move on'cause I don't know you.
But what a sweet.
Interaction.
It ended up being, again, notsaying that's gonna happen all
(24:07):
of the time, but it was anopportunity for both of them to
be like, wow, this is weird.
This is kind of crazy to kind ofbe walking this road and look at
that.
I'm not alone, in walking thatas well.
So I think what you werementioning about just like
having a few of those things inyour back pocket to be like,
okay, I can say this, how do Ifeel about this?
You know, processing yourselfbeforehand can be so helpful,
(24:29):
especially as you move into thisnext pregnancy, but also as
you're like creating that sortof emotional plan for yourself,
creating a.
Prenatal plan and like youmentioned, certainly there are
wonderful obs, there are greatmidwives and even if you decide
like, Hey, I don't necessarilywanna GI have my baby at home,
you can still see mid midwifemidwives from midwifery care to
(24:50):
get some of that support aswell.
But creating this prenatal planfor yourself.
What do I, how do I want to betaken care of?
Who do I want to be taken careof by?
Who's going to be the holder andcontainer for some of these
pieces to allow me to processwell?
But understanding your emotionalneeds in that space is just as
important as understanding yourclinical needs.
(25:11):
Absolutely.
And so if you've experienceddifferent types of care in your
life, especially, you know, amedical model versus midwifery
model.
You may feel like, Ooh, moreinformation, more clinical,
better.
Or you may feel like, oh, what Ireally need is this emotional
piece while also being supportedclinically.
And so again, that's gonna be apersonal preference for you.
(25:32):
But then being willing tosupport your body, to connect
with your body and to do thesame with your baby, right?
To say, yes, I am pregnant.
Oh, what is this baby doing?
Am I feeling movement?
Oh, I'm starting to feelnauseous.
What is this, you know, mean?
And this man's, you know, X, y,z to me in my heart?
But being able to say like, yes,this is what I'm actually
(25:53):
feeling.
Physically too can be a reallyhelpful piece.
Because yes, so much of it isemotional, but so much of this
experience is physical as well.
And you may have really varyingdegrees of acceptance on some of
that and kind of relationshipwith your body as you walk
through this next pregnancy.
And again, saying that out loudbecause that would not be an
(26:14):
uncommon experience, and I thinkas we consider some of the
pieces as we're taking care ofwomen who have had you know,
they're pregnant again after aloss of some kind we're
constantly thinking about.
How can we reduce some of justthat no matter what, when you're
grieving or you have experiencedloss, there's a bit more,
tension that is held in yourbody, in your nervous system,
(26:38):
right?
And so how can we help yourelease some of that, reduce
some of that stress?
So we're thinking about like,does this mom, like, does she
need some adaptogens on board?
What is his, her nervous systemregulation, you know,
consistency.
Like is she moving her body?
How is her sleep?
And so asking all of these manydifferent questions to try to
get some answers so that we cansay like, okay, yes, movement is
(27:00):
great.
Her supplementation iswonderful, but her sleep is
terrible.
You know, nervous systemregulation is kind of out of
whack.
And so how can we support that?
How can we kind of, help herinto a space where she's able to
kind of be at home in her body alittle bit more.
That matters so much.
And then moving forward, aswe're talking about some of
these like clinical care piecescertainly.
(27:22):
Some of these samerecommendations are given across
all pregnancies, right?
Like we wanna really be focusedon blood sugar balancing and
magnesium, because so many womenare deficient in magnesium.
It's a great one to have onboard.
B vitamins.
What is her iron stores like,and does she need some extra
iron supplementation, omegas,vitamin D, right?
All of these things.
(27:43):
And especially it depends on.
When that pregnancy was thatfirst pregnancy or that last
pregnancy where you didexperience loss?
When did that happen?
Because there may be a lot ofdepletion that's still going on
while you are pregnant in thisnext pregnancy.
And so sometimes we have to worka little bit harder on these
vitamins, on these minerals tohelp support mom.
And all of a sudden she's like,oh, it's like that, you know,
(28:05):
brain fog is lifted that Ididn't really even realize I
had.
Because her body's starting tosay, oh, thank you.
I really needed that.
All of that, right?
The emotional aspect ofprocessing and that mental and
spiritual aspect of processing,but also this clinical care
aspect of processing andsupporting your body where it's
at right now in this pregnancyafter that previous loss that
(28:27):
this pregnancy right now aswell.
Yeah, and I think as we liketalk about holding space for the
changing emotions that duality,the juxtaposition of like grief
and joy and holding both in yourhand, being aware of that as you
approach your birth too.
And maybe there will be some newemotions or new level of things
(28:49):
to be discussing with your birthteam and your partner.
And just allowing.
Allowing some of that to come tothe surface.
But I think the earlier in yourpregnancy that you can
acknowledge this feels a littlemore complicated, this feels a
little more complex, and startto process that and be present
with it, the better it is goingto be for your birth, for your
(29:12):
acceptance of this pregnancy,for the way that you want to
greet this baby and enjoy thisbaby.
And be present with what isactually happening is, I think
it's so important for women whoare navigating all types of
grief that are happening insideof their pregnancies.
Maybe you lost a parent during,you know.
(29:34):
This time in your life andthat's coming up for you.
You know, there's so many waysthat, that we can hold space for
grief and be also anticipating areally joyful and connected
birth experience for you.
For women who are looking for alittle bit more support and
(29:54):
handholding we can put someresources inside of the show
notes that can lead you to somebooks that we really like on
grief.
Some resources for connecting tolike, support groups in your
area.
Some of those types of thingsbecause there are some really
great.
Things out there.
But we also have this particularconcept of holding this space
(30:15):
physically, emotionally, andmentally inside of our monthly
women's health membership.
Whether you're navigating lossright now, whether you're trying
for pregnancy again, or you justneed to feel like you're not
alone with some of these pieces,we have.
Really gentle evidence-basedguidance for root cause healing,
(30:35):
how to maximize fertility, howto support your early pregnancy.
We don't have all of that insideof our childbirth education
course because we keep it housedin our membership.
And so it's a really low, lowcost and easy entry way to get
support at this for thisspecific time in your life.
(30:55):
We have the emphasis onsupportive rhythms for nervous
health nervous system health,hormone health, and then just a
community of women who see youand remind you that you're not
broken, you're not alone, yourstory matters.
And some of those pieces canjust feel so redeeming and
life-giving.
When you don't feel like you'renavigating something completely
(31:17):
by yourself or maybe the peoplein your real life don't get it,
or they have their own things tobe processing their own
associations to deal with, itcan be really helpful sometimes
to have a specific goal with adifferent group or with a
different, in a differentplatform.
And so we offer that inside ofour.
Membership so you guys can getinto the show notes to get some
(31:40):
of those resources.
Those of you who are looking formore of that information, we'll
also include, we have achecklist for women who are
preparing for pregnancy thatjust kind of goes through some
really basic like timelinepieces.
At what point should youconsider this type of testing
before you get pregnant?
At what point should you startsupplementing these kinds of
(32:01):
things in preparation for thehealthiest pregnancy possible?
And so.
We hope that you find somethinghere that has been a help to you
and a gift to you, and that youare able to pass that this
episode on to somebody else whopotentially needs to hear some
of these truths and be remindedof how normal and experience
(32:23):
like this can be and how we canbe normalizing it for ourselves
and for the women around us too.
Yeah, so we will catch you nextweek on another topic, but
again, check out the show notesfor all kinds of resources that
will hopefully help you on yourjourney.
Hey ladies, if you're loving theshow and want to help us keep it
ad free so we can keep talkingabout all things birth and
(32:44):
women's health, without cuttingto an ad about electrolytes or
grass fed beef sticks, here ishow you can support us.
First, leave us a quick reviewor a rating.
It helps more women, new moms,and birth enthusiasts find our
show.
And it honestly means so much tous to be reminded that you love
(33:05):
what we are doing here.
Second, share this episode witha friend, with a doula buddy, or
anyone who is on their ownholistic health or natural birth
journey.
And third hop on our newsletterlist.
This is where we share.
Bonus goodies behind the scenesstuff.
Fun little extras you just won'thear on the show.
You can find that link to joinin our show notes below.
(33:28):
Thanks so much for being a partof this growing empowered
community.
We could not do it without you.
Popular Podcasts
Stuff You Should Know
If you've ever wanted to know about champagne, satanism, the Stonewall Uprising, chaos theory, LSD, El Nino, true crime and Rosa Parks, then look no further. Josh and Chuck have you covered.
Dateline NBC
Current and classic episodes, featuring compelling true-crime mysteries, powerful documentaries and in-depth investigations. Follow now to get the latest episodes of Dateline NBC completely free, or subscribe to Dateline Premium for ad-free listening and exclusive bonus content: DatelinePremium.com
CrimeLess: Hillbilly Heist
It’s 1996 in rural North Carolina, and an oddball crew makes history when they pull off America’s third largest cash heist. But it’s all downhill from there. Join host Johnny Knoxville as he unspools a wild and woolly tale about a group of regular ‘ol folks who risked it all for a chance at a better life. CrimeLess: Hillbilly Heist answers the question: what would you do with 17.3 million dollars? The answer includes diamond rings, mansions, velvet Elvis paintings, plus a run for the border, murder-for-hire-plots, and FBI busts.