August 22, 2025 • 54 mins
What happens when your capacity looks different every single day, but your business still has to keep moving forward?
In this episode of Business with Chronic Illness, I’m joined by Ashley Carlson, an agency owner, mom of two, and chronic illness advocate, to talk about the hard but freeing truth: you can do anything, but you can’t do everything.
Ashley opens up about building and growing her agency while navigating multiple chronic illness diagnoses, monthly IVIG infusions, and the everyday realities of parenting. She shares how she’s redefined productivity, learned to ask for help, and built systems that allow her business to run even when she needs to rest.
By the end of this episode, you’ll walk away with:
- Practical systems for sustainability – why delegation, accountability, and team support make your business more resilient.
- A new way to define success – learning how to honor today’s 100% (even if it looks different from yesterday).
- Permission to rest without guilt – shifting out of the perfectionism trap and embracing flexibility in life and business.
Ashley’s story is a reminder that running a business with chronic illness is not about pushing harder—it’s about creating support, sustainability, and joy along the way.
Connect with Ashley:
- Website: https://www.elevatevbsolutions.com
- Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/elevatevbsolutions/
- LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/ashleymcarlson/
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
(02:42):
Welcome to Business withChronic Illness, the globally ranked
podcast for women living withchronic illness who want to start
and grow a business online.I'm your host, Nikita Williams and
I went from living a normallife to all of a sudden being in
constant pain with no answersto being diagnosed with multiple
chronic illnesses and tryingto make a livable income. I faced
(03:03):
the challenge of adaptingtraditional business advice to fit
my unique circumstances withchronic illness. Feeling frustrated
and more burned out than Ialready was while managing my chronic
illness to becoming an awardwinning coach with a flexible and
sustainable online coachingbusiness, I found the surprising
simple steps to starting andgrowing a profitable business without
(03:24):
compromising my health or mypeace. Since then, I've helped dozens
of women just like you learnhow to do the same. If you're ready
to create a thriving businessthat aligns with your lifestyle and
well being, you're in theright place. Together, we're shifting
the narrative of what'spossible for women with chronic illness
and how we make a living. Thisis Business with Chronic Illness.
(03:53):
I am excited to have Ashley onthis show. We are going to talk about
a thing I think we all want todo, we all think we should do or
be able to do. And it's aslogan that she uses frequently which
is that you can do anything,but you can't do everything. So tell
(04:15):
us a little bit about you,like how would you describe yourself?
Ashley?
Yeah, first of all, thank youfor having me. Really excited to
be here today. So, a littlebit about me. I am a business owner.
I launched my agency aboutfour years ago and I started this
career of remote work when Ihad my son and really when I think
(04:35):
all of my health issues werecoming to a head and so I think the,
the remote world has opened upsuch a world of possibilities for
me in being able to continuethe life I wanted to lead professionally
while dealing with what I'vebeen dealing with personally. I live
in Southern California andborn and raised here. Went away for
(04:58):
a while, came back and I,Yeah, I have two kids, are now 7
and 8, which is crazy. So.
Yeah, well, wow. I think it'spretty cool that you've been doing
this for a while and I wouldsay the question I think we have
(05:18):
from the get is what do youmean by you can do anything but you,
you can't do everything?
Yeah. So as I, I always sayI'm a recovering perfectionist.
Right.
I think a lot of us are and Ithink that for me where it really
hit me when after I had my sonand I was Starting to work remotely
(05:38):
part time even. I reallyexpected myself to do everything
that I was doing before at100% capacity, in addition to caring
for him 100% and dealing withhealth issues. Right. And. But like,
I never. I didn't slowed downor maybe realize that I can't do
(06:01):
all of the same things I wasdoing, plus all these other new things,
and still enjoy my life orstill do the things to the full throttle
that I was used to doing. AndI really realized, it took me a while
that I realized I am settingmyself up for unrealistic expectations.
It's not coming from anyoneelse except for me. And so I really
(06:23):
had to realize I need torealize that I can't do everything
that I was trying to do. And Ireally needed to find a better balance.
And. Yeah, so that was kind ofa personal mantra for a while. And
then when I started thisagency four years ago, it's definitely
been a mantra for us as a teamand with our clients because I think
(06:43):
that a lot of people strugglewith that and, you know, for whatever
reason it is, but I think weall tend to try to do everything
that we've been doing in aformer season of our life. And then
as those buckets get bigger,we get frustrated of why can't we
do it at the same level? Andit's. I think it just. No, but you
don't realize as it'shappening until you hit burnout,
(07:04):
really. So, yeah, that's kindof what we want to help people do.
Yeah. I think, yes. Majorityof the female entrepreneurs I talk
to, we are recoveringperfectionists. Like, we're trying
to be. Anyway. We're trying tobe recovering perfectionist. We're
type A. We're very driven,we're very passionate. I always ask
(07:26):
this question, and I'm curioushow you would respond to this is
in the transition of, like,how life changes and like, things
change. Right. I know for me,this is still something I work through.
Living with multiple chronicillnesses. I started off with none
that I knew of really. Andthen having one and then it double
(07:49):
whammy, like having the endo,then having the fibro, and then just
in the last couple of years,some other ones and not realizing
that those things will changehow much I can do in the way that
I can do them. Right. Like,and I'm curious to know if, if, like
me, I. There is an ego, andit's not even necessarily ego. There
(08:12):
is a part of my brain thatsays, yes, those things are true,
that I'm experiencing thosechallenges. But that shouldn't stop
me. Like, I. I gotta proveeven more so how I am capable of
doing this. I might have to goout of my way to figure out how I'm
gonna do it, but I have thisdetermination that I'm going to do
(08:36):
it, even though it doesn'tmake sense that I'm gonna do it the
same way I think I should bedoing. You get what I'm saying here?
Like, yes.
Have you. Do you feel like forthe majority of. For yourself, because
we can't talk about everybody,but like, for yourself, do you feel
that in the trying to doeverything, even when life changed,
(08:56):
that it was in a prove it kindof mindset?
Yeah, absolutely. And I alsothink some of it was in a. Almost
a denial mindset.
Right.
Of. I think that I also gotreally used to. To feeling whatever
the level I felt, let's say,at 50% battery, I was really used
to just operating at 50%battery and doing everything I could
(09:20):
at that. And so it was reallyinteresting when, same as you, I
got more diagnosis. And like,Now I get IVIg infusions every four
weeks and I'm out for thewhole Friday, but I still work while
I'm getting my infusion. And,you know, I still try to manage and
would manage the side effectsthat come afterwards and all of that,
but that has helped me feelbetter most of the time other than
(09:44):
those couple of days. Right.So most of the time now I feel so
much better than I used to.And it really made me realize, like,
wow, I was really pushingthrough at 50% capacity. That's.
It's wild to me that I wasable to accomplish what I could in
a day or a week when, youknow. So I think you're right. I.
It's. I think that I. You justhave to realize that 100% of what
(10:08):
you've got today might lookdifferent than 100% of what you've
got tomorrow. And that's okay.And. But I think so I think for me,
it was a lot of. And youprobably, I think a lot of people
feel this way is we don'trealize that we're adjusting to living
daily with pain or brain fogor fatigue or discomfort in general,
(10:28):
and experience expectingourselves to operate as per usual.
And I think that just becomesvery difficult to do. And so I have
started to try to, I don'tknow, honor, rest when I can. You
know, the other day my husbandwas home and I realized I'm like,
I can't even get out of bed at6 or whatever. Like I usually can.
So I kept sleeping because I'mlike, he's got the kids. I'm gonna
(10:51):
sleep until my body doesn'tneed to sleep anymore. And I slept
till 7:15. It was just anextra hour, but I really needed that
and that's okay. And. Butagain, it's never an expectation
that others have had of me.It's what I've had of me. So I think
that we do thatunintentionally and it takes a moment
of clarity to be like, ohyeah, no.
(11:13):
It took my therapist to belike, girl, let me tell you how crazy
this sounds. Like, yeah, ittook my therapist to be like, girl,
that is not normal for someonewho isn't going through what you're
going through. So I just wantyou to know that's insane.
Yes. I actually had atherapist say the same thing to me.
Like, you're dealing with alot and after, you know, you kind
(11:33):
of word vomit everything outand you're like, oh, you know what,
you're right. And I think thatsometimes hearing that from other
people allows us to be moregentle with ourselves and like I
said, just not push yourselfto what yesterday's a hundred percent
looks like. It's okay iftoday's a hundred percent looks different.
So I think a question I havefor you because you run an agency,
(11:54):
so you are managing multipledifferent, in a way, other people's
businesses.
Yes.
Along with your own. Right. Soit's not like I feel like, especially
in a done for you, like,service role as a coach. I have experience
with digital marketing. I usedto done for you. I personally, when
I first was diagnosed with mychronic illness is I thought and
(12:15):
felt I had to shift into moreof a coaching consulting role because
the done for you was verystressful for me. I'm curious, how
has that looked for you andyour business on both levels of like
getting started living, Imean, and also you're a mom. I'm
not a mom. I'm a fur mama. SoI don't have children on my arms,
(12:36):
you know, needing time andspace for me in that way. So how
have you been able to growyour business with all of those different
varying circumstances?
Yeah, I think a lot of trialand error, you know, a lot of being
able and willing to be topivot and be flexible and make changes.
(12:57):
I think for me, the agencymodel, it is a lot more work than
I think people realize. Andwhat I did early on, which I think
is what saved me and my energyand being able to keep going is I
quickly realized that agencylife is a lot of people management
between clients and teammembers there. Not only does your
life happen as someone with achronic illness and kids and all
(13:18):
these things, right? But alsotheir lives happen. And so there's
just a lot of managing lifehappening to all these people. And
I'm someone who cares deeplyand really wants to jump in and help
solve problems all the time.But I realized that was very draining
on me to be able to do that inaddition to running the business.
And so quickly I built aaccount management team. So they
(13:41):
are in part of a small groupof team members and their clients.
So that way they can do moreof the day to day checking in and
seeing how, you know, thingsare going. And then I just get kind
of looped into the summary.That helps protect my energy a little
bit. I'm still involved, I'mnot in the dark by any means, but
I don't have to be the directperson anymore. And that has really
(14:01):
helped. So I did that prettyearly on and now that team has grown
and now there's even one moreperson between me and the account
management team. We call hermanager of partnership success mops.
And so she is definitely likemy right hand person. And so for
example, last month I really,I was like really struggling with
(14:22):
fatigue and brain fog and Idon't know what exactly was going
on, to be honest, but just, Ithink all of the things were just
hitting me at once. And so Iwas able to let her know, hey, I've
got less of me this week. Andso she was able to say, okay, what
do you need from me? I'mhandling this and this. So I was
able to say, okay, she's gotit. And if I have to do less and
(14:44):
be less checked in this week,it's okay, she's got it. And so I
think that building that in asa business owner with health issues,
I think is really important.And just in general, honestly, even
if you don't have healthissues, owning a business is really
draining. And so I think thathaving someone who, you know, if
there is a week where you justare like, you know what, I need to
(15:06):
do less this week, you justcan. So I think that for me, that
has been a godsend for mebeing able to get better at resting
because I'm not very good atit, but I'm trying.
Yeah, no, hear that. It ishaving a support system, right? A
team. And that is important.When you were first getting started
(15:28):
in your business, were youlike working through your chronic
illnesses? Was it new or didit happen while you were building
your business?
Yeah, it's actuallyinteresting. I have the timing of
everything. So I startedworking solo just as like a freelancer,
as a part time EA back in2017, right after I had my son and
(15:49):
I actually had a reallytraumatic delivery with him. I almost
died. I had like pelvic floorissues because of it. I also was
dealing. I was dealing, didIVF to get pregnant with him. I had
ngo, all of those things. AndI think at that point I had, I had
a lot of health issues, but Ididn't have officially any diagnosis
besides endometriosis at thetime. And so since I was freelance
(16:11):
through basically building myagency is when all of the diagnosis
started happening. So, like Ihad a hysterectomy at one point.
I've had so many, justdifferent surgeries and like I said,
now these IVIG infusions andall of these things. And so I was
definitely dealing with all ofthis, building the business and having
(16:32):
kids while also gettingdiagnosed with everything. And we
all know that all theseappointments and tests take up a
lot of mental energy that Ialso feel like, though, that I'm
now I definitely am more calmand able to handle the things that
life can throw at you becauseof the fact that all of these things
(16:54):
have happened. And I'm justkind of. I am now the person in our
family. If someone's everhaving surgery or a medical procedure,
I go with them because I amthe calm in the room. I don't panic.
I'm very familiar. I've beenasked so many times, are you a nurse?
Me too. Me too. Ashley. Oh mygosh. I get that question all the
time. And I'm like, no, honey,just a lot of life. That's all.
(17:16):
I'm like semi professional.Yes. So I think that, yeah, just
doing, going through themotions and being. Like I said, I
think I all started witheverything back when I officially
started doing IVF and theinfertility treatments without really
any diagnosis at that point.But since then that had been 2015,
10 years ago, it's all startedto make sense. But it's a journey
(17:40):
and it's exhausting and. Butyou can get through it, right? And
it's. I have learned so muchabout the medical side and also just
me as a person. So. Yeah.
Yeah. I think it's sointeresting because when I have conversations,
I remember for myself the timewhen I was in that. I call it like
(18:05):
the haze. Like it's the babyphase of like, you don't have diagnosis
yet, but you know, something'snot right. You know, everything is
jacked up and you're in thehospital, you're doing things like
you never did ever before.
You're an interesting patient.That's the phase of being an interesting
patient.
It's like you're like, great,thank you. Don't tell me that again.
(18:26):
Okay. And I remember formyself feeling at points, for me,
feeling like I hope that thisisn't the rest of my life. Like the
not knowing or feeling likeI'm pushing through and really hoping
that this is not the rest ofmy life. And while still growing
(18:48):
and building a business ordoing things that brought me joy,
not really being able tocreate too many systems because for
me at the time, things wouldjust change all of a sudden and it
wouldn't be anything. So Ithink the question I have for you
is thinking about from like inthe beginning stages of this, were
there any systems that youtried to build that you just kept
(19:12):
being persistent in and itjust had to change and shift, or
were there things that you hadto give yourself permission to just
allow to be?
(20:45):
Yeah, that's a great question.I think for me, the thing that I
needed to do was somehowfigure out how to be consistent with
client and team relationswithout it needing to be me all the
time directly on.
Right.
And so building out a CRMsystem that we still. It's not fully
automated, but what it does islet me know, hey, here it's time
(21:09):
to send this check in email.And there's just a little framework
of like, of, you know, westill go in and customize the message,
for example. We still wantthat human touch, but it's not something
I have to manage or, you know,like, I don't have to do it that
day, it could be done the nextday. We also have, we use a project
management tool. We now are inClickUp. We used to be in Asana.
(21:32):
And both are amazing and itreally helps all, everybody keep
accountable. Our phrase ofthis year is positive accountability
in our team. And I think thatis huge because I think that all
of us just need that positiveaccountability of, of ourselves and
of each other. And so for me,I think just systems that, you know,
(21:52):
have clear expectations. Itdoesn't have to be overly complicated.
It just helps you beaccountable for maybe what needs
to happen that week. And withenough flexibility.
Right.
Not so rigid to where if youare out for the day for health reasons
or for whatever, it's okay.
Right.
So I think a good combinationof predictability with flexibility
(22:14):
is really important. And likeI said earlier, just flexibility
and being able to pivot is, Isreally key.
Yeah. For someone who isstarting, maybe they're starting
or they've been in businessfor a few years and they're waiting
to get support. This issomething I hear often from folks.
(22:34):
They're like, no, I'm not bigenough to have support. I'm not like,
you know, over here rolling inthe dough to have support. However,
I think those of us livingwith chronic illness, I think it's
the most, like, the mostimportant thing to have. If you don't
have systems, you need ahuman. Like, you need somebody else.
Like. But that's my ownpersonal thoughts, but for you, because
(22:55):
this is kind of, you know,this is your lane. What kind of things
or what. Yeah, what kind ofthings would you share with someone
who's hesitating on gettingthe help that they need or support
that they need in their lifeslash in their business? Because,
you know, they kind of coexist together.
They sure do. They absolutelydo. I think that again, just going
(23:18):
back to what we said earlier,our. My whole, I think mantra is
you can do anything that youcan't do everything. So I explain
it to people as when you firststart your business, let's just imagine
there's all these, like, smallbuckets of where of the things you
manage as a solopreneur. Andby nature you have to do it all because
it is just you and it's just ababy business, Right? But as the
(23:39):
business grows, grows, whichinevitably it will, each of those
buckets gets bigger andbigger, and at some point it's just
going to be cut. You can't doall those buckets anymore. And like
I said, I reached that pointof not knowing why I can't, why I
used to do all this. Why can'tI anymore, Ashley? Because it's more.
Each part of this is more. Andso every business owner is going
(24:01):
to reach that point. Sowhether it's before you reach that
point or if you've alreadyreached that point, you do need help.
And so something that I do istalk with people about what is overwhelming
them. I have a worksheet, Ihave a series of questions that I
can ask them to help themidentify what should they delegate?
Right.
What should the next teammember look like? Whether that is
(24:21):
fractional support on the OPside like we do, or if it's fractional
support on the marketing sideor whatever side of it, I can always
help them identify thatbecause I'm really I'm just really
passionate about helpingbusiness owners not reach for an
out, not feel like they haveto do all the things that don't spark
joy or that they're losingbusiness because they're just spread
(24:42):
too thin, whatever it mightbe. And so I always say just book
a call and I would be happy totalk with people about identifying
what that next delegationpoint looks like. And so I mean,
like I said, we do, I dostrategic planning for people. My
team does day to dayimplementation for clients and there's
(25:03):
a whole slew of people in mynetwork who also help in different
facet. And I think that youdon't need a big budget to get the
help that you need because youcan find it. And it's just not worth
burning yourself out by justfor finance.
Right.
Like for financial reasons. Isit worth it then?
(25:23):
Right.
So I think investing a littlebit of money into where someone can
help take that weight off yourshoulders. So that way whatever's
left in your day to day, itsparks joy. You're not feeling burnt
out. Like that's why youstarted this business in the first
place. Right. So let's get youback there.
So it's interesting becausewe're talking about outsourcing,
we're talking about asking forhelp a lot.
(25:48):
Right.
And for people who arestruggling with asking for help,
I think sometimes they, in myexperience, from the women that I've
talked to, the people that Italk to that have trouble asking
for help, there's fears that'sthere that I don't feel like. They
always realize that everyonethat is asking for help has those
(26:09):
fears, but they still askedfor help. So like, what are some
of the fears in your journeywith chronic illness even that you've
had to ask for help for, evenwith a fear? What was the fear? What
were the things you had towork through in order to accept and
ask for help?
Yeah, I think that I stillstruggle with asking for help. And
(26:31):
it definitely took me until Ihad my second kid that my daughter
that I finally realized, okay,Ashley, get over it. You have to
ask for help. You know, thatis when it, I realized I cannot do
this by myself. We weren'tmeant to do this by ourselves.
Right.
We are. Human nature iscommunity is. You know, when they
(26:53):
say, I realize when they sayit takes a village, not just for
raising kids, but in life. Itreally does. It really does. And
something that I realizedbecause I also, like I said, struggle
with asking for help. And Ifeel like again, I struggle with,
no, I've got This, I'm a veryindependent, self sufficient person.
(27:14):
And so I feel like by askingfor help, I'm saying I can't do it
right? And that's not, that'sjust not true. I can, I have the
ability to. But it's also okaythat maybe today I can't or maybe
if I go do this, I might gocry in a corner for a little while
because it's just one morething that I just, I just can't do
it today. And so I think it'srealizing that of are you doing all
(27:37):
these things at the detrimentof your own joy? And I started to
realize that, that I wasn't. Iwas so busy doing all the things
that I didn't. I wasn'tactually, actually enjoying my life
that I was working so hard forbecause I was just trying to get
all this stuff done and thelist was never ending and it wasn't
resting and I wasn't takingcare of myself and all of that. So
(27:57):
something that someonedescribed to me once that really
helped is, Ashley, if someone,if a friend of yours called you and
said, hey, I need some helptoday, would you second guess them
at all? Or would you? And I'mlike, no, absolutely not. I would
be there without question. IfI had a friend who called me and
just said she's having a hardday and wants to, to talk, I would
absolutely drop everything andlisten, whatever. You know, there's
(28:21):
never been a time wheresomeone I know and care about has
asked for help or said theyneeded me in some way, or if I've
asked them, can I do somethingfor you?
Right.
I have never thoughtnegatively about it. So why do I
do that when. So I justrealized that, you know, I have a
great village around me thatI'm willing to help all the time.
I have to realize that theyprobably are really willing to help
(28:43):
me too. Right?
So, yeah. So I think I heardin there the fear is that the village
won't show up, right? Likethey'll think less of me. They'll
think I'm not whateversuperwoman. Like they'll think, I
guess that's the question islike, what has been your fear? More
specifically? Like if I do askfor help, what are they going to
(29:06):
think of me?
I think for me it's more ofthat. I would feel like it's more
of that. Maybe it's my own egoof maybe that I like, no, you're
an independent woman. You'refine. You've got this, you know.
And so I think for Me, that's.That's been the hardest part, is
overcoming my own expectationsof myself.
(29:28):
Yeah. You know, there's awoman I want to say, her name is
Christine Hessler. She's a.She has a book called. That talks
about expectation Hangovers.And that was one of the first books
that I, like, read orcoaching. I read or something. I
can't remember if it's in hercoaching certification or in a book.
And I thought to myself, thatis a real thing. Right. Like, we
(29:53):
put ourselves on some ofthese. We have these expectations.
I mean, if I'm going to getreal scriptural, like, real spiritual
here for a minute, like, youknow, there's a verse that says,
you know, expectation makesthe heart grow sick. And it's. It
makes sense. Right. Like,we're sitting over here trying to.
Trying to do all of thesethings, and then if it doesn't get
done, then we're sick and alsopissed off. Like, we're also upset.
(30:15):
Like, we're also like, oh, mygosh, this is. We should have done
this. And to your point aboutthe joy, we lose it. Like, we lose
the joy in doing what we enjoybecause we're so focused on the expectation.
Yeah. I think that I had toredefine what success looked like.
Right.
Like, you have to justredefine that. It's not saying yes
(30:38):
to everything and doingeverything and, you know, success.
Like, I had to realize successdoesn't mean, like, I don't have
to do the dishes every day. IfI go to bed and there's still dishes
in the sink, it's okay. Or ifthere's still laundry that needs
to be done, like, it's goingto be there tomorrow and I should
just rest for 20 minutes or goplay with my kids for whatever it
(31:00):
looks like. And I think thatit's just. It's redefining what success,
like, in a day looks like.
Right.
Defining. Sometimes it's justI made it through another day, like,
and that's okay. If that is itfor today, it's okay. And that. But
that was very hard for me toovercome that expectation of myself.
(31:21):
And also, like, not. I think Ialso don't ever want to be a burden
on other people. But again, Ihave to remember. But if someone
asks me for help, I never lookat them like a burden. It's interesting,
the stories we tell ourselves,you know, it really is.
I'm learning through my ownhealing through this because it's
a big one for me. This is,like, one of the biggest. One of
(31:43):
the biggest Things I workthrough with therapy, through spirituality,
like it's a big thing I workthrough. I, however, am learning
that this expectation overwhat is it? This expectation hangover
also is coming fromconditioning. It's coming from my
growing up and watching andseeing other people. The expectations
(32:04):
that either were put on peopleor that I perceive to be expectations.
Has that been something foryou that you've been like, oh, this
is deeper than just I want.Like, it's deeper than my ego. There
is other things that haveaffected the way I view how I work.
Oh, absolutely. I think that Igrew up wanting to be like the CEO
(32:28):
woman who runs a Fortune 500company at the top of a high rise
building. I for some reasonpainted that as successful.
Right.
But also being a mom and, andit's just interesting because I'm
like that, that's. I waswanting to be two separate people
in reality. But I feel like Idefinitely painted this picture of
(32:50):
what success looks like. Noneof that had to do with someone who
dealt with chronic illnesses.
Right.
How do you fit that into thosepictures? And I grew up also, I was
an only child for 13 yearsbefore my parents had more kids.
And so I also feel like I wasthe very first grandchild for years,
for those 13 years. My cousinsalso weren't born until then. So
I was the golden child, if you would.
(33:11):
Right.
For a long time. I was thefirst one to graduate college from
my family, all of that. And soI definitely, I still the go to person
for our entire extended familyof the one who plans everything.
I honestly get asked all thetime for like big family decisions.
Me, I'm like, I'm a grandkid,but I'm like. So I think that I just
(33:35):
somehow have always been thego to person, the one who takes responsibility,
who has it together and all ofthat for my whole life. And again,
it comes naturally to me andthat's okay. But then sometimes I
end up realizing that I haveway too much responsibility of. And
the expectations of what I canget done in a day is just unrealistic.
(33:57):
And so I have to. It has beenjust ingrained in me. Like you said,
it's from forever. So it'svery interesting. Like I said, I
think I just hit a point whereI had to just redefine success. Success
for myself. And right now, Ithink I was just telling you before
we hit record yesterday, wehad an entire day of no plans at
all. Not one single plan. Andit was my favorite day in a very
(34:21):
long time because I just lovedbeing able to do just whatever we
felt like doing. And I thinkthat says a lot about really honoring,
just for us who deal withthese kind of health issues, honoring
what you feel like doing thatday. If it is rest, if it is work,
if it is, you know, whatever,anything in between, I think that
it's really important to get.And that is the habit that we should
(34:43):
have.
Right.
Of. Of just whatever feelsgood today.
Yeah, you know, that's such agood point. And also, I don't know,
because I have a lot of theseconversations. Ashley, I have noticed
many of us, a lot of us areeither like the oldest. We are the,
you know, typical. The oldest,if not the oldest. We were treated
(35:08):
like the oldest kind of bigsister, you know, kind of the responsible
run. And I'm the oldest. So Ialways. The thing that I always.
I'm thinking about, like, Ididn't have my chronic illnesses
necessarily until I was adult.Ish. And I personally feel that for
me, a lot of the stress ofbeing, being, quote, unquote, the
(35:29):
oldest, being the one whoknows. And to your point, I used
to be that person too, untilrecently. And I cut that out. I was
like, I cannot be the personwho everybody goes to for all their
stuff at this point. I feel somuch lighter that I don't know, like,
when it. I find out somethinglike, oh, really? Oh, this is what
this feels like. Like, that'swhere I'm at with my life. But I
(35:51):
personally have realized thatliving with all of that weight, even
as a kid, even though maybeI'm predisposed to being able to
know and be able to, like, Ican naturally, I guess you could
say, lead a room or make adecision or seed whatever was happening.
(36:12):
Right. That was still a lot ofpressure for a kid. Right. So I personally
feel like as an adult runningmy business, it is much more. I have
to be much more intentionalwith my rest. I have to be much more
intentional about decidingthat I am going to allow myself just
(36:34):
to have a day and decidewhat's going to happen. It's not
a natural thing for me to dobecause of innately, I think there's
an aspect of that to me. Andalso I've put myself in a position
where people rely on me, sothat's what they need from me. Right.
So I'm curious for you, haveyou noticed a correlation of living
with chronic illness, dealingwith those things and being like,
(36:55):
huh, I wonder if this hassomething to do with that, you know?
Yeah, I 100 agree with you ofthe. It just kind of happens by.
Because it's by nature. It's.We just are that person. And I start
like, use. But I think you hitthe nail on the head when you said
intentionality. That has beenhuge for me. I have to be very intentional
(37:16):
of. Someone invited me onSaturday, you do something on Sunday.
And that was my day of noplans. And I said to them, actually,
I have no plans and I wouldlike to keep it that way. And I was.
I wanted to, like, inside, Iwas like cheerleader, like pom poms.
Yay. You said no. You know,you. That's a big deal. But I had
to be very intentional of thatbecause I think that it's. It's difficult
(37:38):
because you do. Yeah. I think,like, especially us chronic illness
people get it. Your person ofyesterday who said yes to the thing
today is like, not the same person.
Not the same.
It is. They sometimes timesare very different people on the
day of whatever you committedto. And so I have to be really aware
of that. So I mentioned myinfusions earlier. I have to be very
(38:01):
aware of the weekends after myinfusions, what I say yes to. Because
I've learned I end up feelingreally unwell and not enjoying my
time, being grumpy to everyonearound me if former Ashley said yes
to that day. So I think justintentionality. And yeah, it is interesting
to see this, like, nature ofresponsible person. I have another
(38:24):
friend who also is the oldestand deals with chronic autoimmune
things. And it's veryinteresting. There's gotta be a study.
There has to be. I'm lookingfor it. Honestly, I really am. Like,
I'm not joking. I've been,like, looking through the N C I H
tabula because I do thinkthere is a correlation. But I also
think there is as we grow andas we, like, are making decisions
(38:48):
in our lives and in ourbusinesses, it goes against our natural
thinking when we are doingthat. And so I love that you shared.
I literally did the same thingrecently, Ashley. I had a no plans
day. Like, I planned a noplans day. I planned a no plans day.
And that weekend, of all theweekends that I did it. And it's
(39:10):
not like I get a lot of, like,invites for things all the time.
But this weekend I was like,they were coming out of the woodworks.
And I was just like, this is atest. Like, this is a test. I must
stay with my no plans. Like,you know what I'm saying? And I felt
excited about it. Butpersonally, I also felt, like, sad
at the same time because it'skind of like that you want to be
(39:33):
with people. I think when youlive with chronic illness, you have
a lot of bad days. Like youhave a lot of bad days where you're
already kind of modifying andchanging. So when you take a day
that you choose to be doingnothing and then there's things that
are like, oh, other people,you want to do it, but at the same
time you need that self timewith yourself. And I imagine as a
(39:53):
mom, self time doesn't happenthat often.
Right?
Right, yeah. So how have youbalanced being a mom with chronic
illness and running a business?
Yeah, that's a loadedquestion. Because I feel like it
depends on the day or theyear. But when I had my kids, they're
only a year apart. So whenthey were, and that is when I was
(40:14):
working as a freelancer whenthey were both very little. And for
the first few years that wasalso when they were 1, 2, 3, 4. That
was also the time, the yearswhere I was health wise, really struggling
and getting my diagnosis. Soall those tests, all the time, endocopes.
And who knew I had myhysterectomy around that time. I,
(40:35):
you know, a lot of just, I hadsinus surgery, all kinds of things.
And the, all of that washappening at the same time. And actually
now that I think about it, Iran, I started my business right
around the time where Ifinally had a lot of my diagnoses.
Not all of them because I justgot another one last year. But I
think that I finally feltlike, okay, I know what's going on
(40:58):
in my body because I think youmentioned it earlier, the unknown
and the. Am I crazy or am Ioverreacting? It's very difficult
to. I start, I startedwondering like, is am I questioning,
am I like, like, like am Ijust questioning too many things?
Is this normal? And I'm justmaybe bringing attention to, you
know, kind of. So I think thatit's just been very interesting to
(41:22):
raise kids and a B and abusiness and be diagnosed all around
the same time. It was actuallydon't have a finite answer on how
I did it, to be honest, but Ithink I always took it as just one
test, one appointment at atime because thinking about all of
it was too overwhelming. Ialso really tried to protect my time
(41:45):
with my kids. So for example,we live in Southern California, like
I mentioned, and we have aSoCal pass, the Disneyland. And so
a couple years ago I booked athe SoCal Pass. And once a month
I take my kids, we play hookyfrom School hooky from work, and
we go play at Disneyland forthe day. And I need that time to
just play with my kids andjust, you know, so I just try to,
(42:08):
I think, be intentional aboutmaking sure, like I mentioned earlier,
that I'm enjoying my life,that I work really hard to do right.
And I think people withillnesses like us, I really appreciate
every day that I feel good andso I want to take advantage of that,
you know, and my kids now areat the age where they know mommy's
nurse comes every month andthey know him and he's great and
(42:31):
they know that it's to helpkeep me healthy and be able to, you
know, enjoy. And they alsoknow that if Mommy, like, if I say
to them, guys, I'm really notfeeling great today, I need your
teamwork.
Right?
That's what I try to tell themall the time. I need really good
teamwork right now. Becausethey are seven and eight. They do
argue. They do, you know, justbicker at each other or whatever.
(42:52):
And so, but those there,there's moments where I really don't
feel well and my husband's atwork or whatever it is. And now I
can say to them, guys, I needyour help.
Right.
So it is kind of cool for themto see and sympathize a bit and take,
I don't know, responsibilityof like, oh, yeah, we've got this,
like, they can get themselvesready for bed because I am having
(43:14):
trouble.
Right.
Or help clean up the dinner,whatever it is.
Right.
And so I think that it's justbeing honest with ourselves and communicating
it and. Yeah, just oneappointment at a time, I guess.
Yeah, yeah, one day. Like, Iwas just talking to a good friend
of mine. We were talkingabout, like, sometimes it's depending
on where you are in your phaseof living with chronic illness, sometimes
(43:34):
it's one day at a time,sometimes it's one half of a day
at a time, sometimes it's onehour of the day, and sometimes it's
one minute of a day. Like, youjust have to give yourself permission
for whatever that looks likefor you. I wonder actually if you've
found that the systems you'vekind of implemented in your work,
(43:55):
have you found systems in yourlife, like asking for help in other
ways, like assistance at home,that has helped you find some more
time, more balance with thethings that you need support with.
Yeah, absolutely. And that'sactually like, it's an ever growing
conversation with my husbandand I. So he works in the studio
industry. He works like 80hours a week he's very not here during
(44:19):
the week when he's working. Soour we have had really honest conversations
again when I realized that Ican't do everything. I just can't.
And so we've had conversationsof, okay, well how can he help? Like,
he can't really be here withthe kids. What can he do? So he's
in charge of emptying thedishwasher when he gets home, either
at 10pm or at 4am before heleaves, whatever that looks like,
(44:41):
or the trash. And there'slittle things that he can do even
when he's not actually here.Or for example, he's in charge of
setting up all of my IV stuffon those days and getting it ready
or when he is off work, he isin charge of more stuff.
Right?
It is. Those are the timeswhere I don't have to worry about
what's for dinner that day andthings like that. And so, yeah, my
(45:03):
daughter actually just gotdiagnosed with celiac disease. So
that's been a whole journey aswell. And so it's just, it's been
really amazing to see like ourfamily come together with family
events and our friends, youknow, it just again, like leaning
on your village and, and justletting them know, like, hey. And
they've been reaching out tome like, hey, Riley's coming over
for this birthday thing. Whatcan she have? Or what can I buy for
(45:25):
her so she feels included. SoI think as long as you're just talking
to your people, they're goingto. They won't fully understand and
that's okay.
Right?
Okay. But they will do theirbest. And it's just really nice to
see whether it's my husbandhere at home, my kids, family, friends,
just do the little things.
Right.
(45:45):
That I have. People send me TVshows that I should watch on rainfusion
days. You know, little thingslike that. They're like, oh, you
should really. I know you'regoing to be tied up for five hours.
Try this show. Just littlethings that people, they know that
they're thinking of you. Andso I think that sometimes is really
the. It's the mental load,it's the physical load. And it's
also just the heart part.
Right.
(46:05):
Of just knowing that people docare about you.
So what I think I heard yousay really is like, involve your
tribe. Like be vulnerable andbe open to telling your tribe what
you need. Right. Because wecan't do it by ourselves. It doesn't,
you know, I, I don't havechildren. I have fur babies. I'm
married. I love My husband,and he works from home. So our situation.
(46:26):
And it wasn't always likethat. He used to work out of the
house and had to commute forhours. So like two ways one way and
two ways the other way. Andwhen I used to work in corporate,
when I used to work in anenvironment, like if I had to go
to the hospital, like myworkmates took me to the hospital
and my husband would drivedown to get there, or sometimes I
had friends come, you know, soit's like there is a huge piece of
(46:49):
vulnerability that comes inwith living with chronic illness.
However, do you feel that itis more challenging to be vulnerable
in the space of this, or is itmore empowering to be for you?
I think it's empowering for mepersonally. I've always been a pretty
(47:10):
open book. And I will say thatthe. What I have realized in not
really being afraid of beingvulnerable, I have realized how much
people appreciate that becausethey're like, they'll say, oh, I
struggle with xyz. And maybeit's not exactly the same, but it's.
We all. I have realized we allstruggle with something, whether
it's a chronic illness, amental illness, a challenging season
(47:33):
in general. Loss, life. Yeah,right. Like anything. And I think
just in general showing eachother our struggles. Because now
in the day where there'ssocial media, we all typically will
share because no one's reallytaking photos of themselves during
their hard parts. They'retaking photos of the moments they
want to remember and thatspark joy and sharing those. And
(47:55):
so when you're struggling,when you're in a season of hardship,
whether it's chronic illnessor any of the other things that we
just talked about, I thinkthat it's so easy to compare our
hard time to someone else'sgood time on social media. And it
starts to feel very isolating,like you're the only one who is struggling.
And so by opening up and beingvulnerable, it allows and sharing
(48:19):
your hard season. It allowsother people to share their hard
season too, and not going tofix it. But, gosh, it feels really
good to know you're not aloneand to realize that other people
do get it. And again, it alsomakes it feel a little bit easier
to ask for help when you needit. Right? If someone else shares
(48:39):
that they're going throughwhatever and you offer, hey, if you
ever need on those days a rideor, you know, let me send you lunch
on those days or whatever thatlooks like, then when you maybe want
to ask, you know, it, itreally start. Allows it opens up
that door for vulnerability,for help for the village to step
in when they need. Yeah,that's been really huge for me.
(49:00):
Thank you for sharing that. Ithink that will serve someone who's
in that comparisonitis cycle.Right. It's so true. If someone were
wanting to start an agency andthey're currently living with chronic
illness right now, what's apiece of advice you would give them?
Yeah, it's a big agency. LikeI said, it's just a lot of people
management. I think for me itis. It has been billing and honoring
(49:24):
the flexibility that I know Ineed. I'm honoring that for our team
communication. Team culture isreally big for us. Making sure that
everyone is feeling valued andheard and connecting, especially
if it's a remote agency.Connection is really key and it is
doable. And I think juststarting, just from the start, the
(49:46):
way be really intentional inthe way you build it so that you
are not needed every day, allthe time, because there's just going
to be times where you can't,and that's okay. But if you build
it in the right way, it's notgoing to fall apart if you're out
for a day.
Yeah. And I like to ask thisquestion. What's something that you
(50:06):
thought was true when youfirst started your business that
you no longer believe is true?
Oh, that's a good question. Ithink that I definitely, at that
time, when I started mybusiness, it was like, I feel like
I was probably addicted to productivity.
Right.
Of doing a lot of things. Andthat was successful.
(50:28):
Right.
Of just the more I got doneand the bigger it was and the, you
know, all of that, whether itwas number of team members, number
of clients, number of things Igot done in a day, I feel like I
was definitely that hustleculture equaled success for me and
quickly realized that's notthe case. And I think that I have
(50:49):
definitely now realized thatslower is better, less is better.
I try to. I mean, gosh, if yousaw my calendar two years ago, you
would probably have a panicattack. I probably would too, if
I saw it. It was just like themore I said yes to, the better, you
know? And so I realized I haveto build in free time. And if that
means going on a walk or itmeans just getting a bunch of stuff
(51:12):
done again, going back tolike, whatever feels good in that
moment. So I think for me, itis less is better. And not as many
people, not as many clients isstill really successful. So I think
that would be my bigdifference between Ashley in 2021-2025.
(51:34):
That's awesome. Well, how canpeople what's anything exciting coming
up for you and your businessthat you would like to share?
Yeah, so I am pretty active onLinkedIn. Ashley M. Carlson is the
is this link and then we as ateam are active on Instagram so it's
elevate VB solutions and thenthings that we have coming up. Actually
(51:56):
it feel like a lot of peoplecould use this. I mentioned it earlier
about delegation andidentifying what delegate is so important
and whether it is personallyor professionally, it goes hand in
hand. I am now doingdelegation workshops once a month.
So there's small groups, sixpeople only at max. If there's just
one or two, that's evenbetter. But it's meant to I'm going
(52:17):
to train. I train on how todelegate successfully, how to identify
what's delegate, all of thatand then we actually workshop through
it together live. So you walkaway with that. And it's meant to
be more of a workshop style,not webinar. So very interactive.
And I'm doing those once amonth because I just want more people
to be able to realize andidentify what they can hand off so
(52:38):
they're not feeling like theyhave to do everything.
That's awesome. We'll makesure to have that in the Show Notes
for folks to check out. Thankyou so much for being on Ashley.
I so appreciate you tellingyour story a bit and telling us a
bit of, you know, some shifts,reframes if you will, and how we
view our productivity andrunning a business. So thank you
(52:59):
so much for your time.
Thank you so much.
That's a wrap for this episodeof Business with Chronic Illness.
If you would like to start andgrow an online coaching business
with me, head to the ShowNotes to click a link to book a sales
call and learn how to makemoney with chronic illness. You can
also check out our website atwww.CraftedToThrive.com for this
(53:23):
episode's Show Notes and joinour email list to get exclusive content
where I I coach you on how tochronically grow a profitable.
Business while living withchronic illness.
Until next time, remember,yes, you are crafted to thrive.
Welcome to Business withChronic Illness, the globally ranked
podcast for women living withchronic illness who want to start
and grow a business online.I'm your host, Nikita Williams and
I went from living a normallife to all of a sudden being in
constant pain with no answersto being diagnosed with multiple
chronic illnesses and tryingto make a livable income. I faced
(03:03):
the challenge of adaptingtraditional business advice to fit
my unique circumstances withchronic illness. Feeling frustrated
and more burned out than Ialready was while managing my chronic
illness to becoming an awardwinning coach with a flexible and
sustainable online coachingbusiness, I found the surprising
simple steps to starting andgrowing a profitable business without
(03:24):
compromising my health or mypeace. Since then, I've helped dozens
of women just like you learnhow to do the same. If you're ready
to create a thriving businessthat aligns with your lifestyle and
well being, you're in theright place. Together, we're shifting
the narrative of what'spossible for women with chronic illness
and how we make a living. Thisis Business with Chronic Illness.
(03:53):
I am excited to have Ashley onthis show. We are going to talk about
a thing I think we all want todo, we all think we should do or
be able to do. And it's aslogan that she uses frequently which
is that you can do anything,but you can't do everything. So tell
(04:15):
us a little bit about you,like how would you describe yourself?
Ashley?
Yeah, first of all, thank youfor having me. Really excited to
be here today. So, a littlebit about me. I am a business owner.
I launched my agency aboutfour years ago and I started this
career of remote work when Ihad my son and really when I think
(04:35):
all of my health issues werecoming to a head and so I think the,
the remote world has opened upsuch a world of possibilities for
me in being able to continuethe life I wanted to lead professionally
while dealing with what I'vebeen dealing with personally. I live
in Southern California andborn and raised here. Went away for
(04:58):
a while, came back and I,Yeah, I have two kids, are now 7
and 8, which is crazy. So.
Yeah, well, wow. I think it'spretty cool that you've been doing
this for a while and I wouldsay the question I think we have
(05:18):
from the get is what do youmean by you can do anything but you,
you can't do everything?
Yeah. So as I, I always sayI'm a recovering perfectionist.
Right.
I think a lot of us are and Ithink that for me where it really
hit me when after I had my sonand I was Starting to work remotely
(05:38):
part time even. I reallyexpected myself to do everything
that I was doing before at100% capacity, in addition to caring
for him 100% and dealing withhealth issues. Right. And. But like,
I never. I didn't slowed downor maybe realize that I can't do
(06:01):
all of the same things I wasdoing, plus all these other new things,
and still enjoy my life orstill do the things to the full throttle
that I was used to doing. AndI really realized, it took me a while
that I realized I am settingmyself up for unrealistic expectations.
It's not coming from anyoneelse except for me. And so I really
(06:23):
had to realize I need torealize that I can't do everything
that I was trying to do. And Ireally needed to find a better balance.
And. Yeah, so that was kind ofa personal mantra for a while. And
then when I started thisagency four years ago, it's definitely
been a mantra for us as a teamand with our clients because I think
(06:43):
that a lot of people strugglewith that and, you know, for whatever
reason it is, but I think weall tend to try to do everything
that we've been doing in aformer season of our life. And then
as those buckets get bigger,we get frustrated of why can't we
do it at the same level? Andit's. I think it just. No, but you
don't realize as it'shappening until you hit burnout,
(07:04):
really. So, yeah, that's kindof what we want to help people do.
Yeah. I think, yes. Majorityof the female entrepreneurs I talk
to, we are recoveringperfectionists. Like, we're trying
to be. Anyway. We're trying tobe recovering perfectionist. We're
type A. We're very driven,we're very passionate. I always ask
(07:26):
this question, and I'm curioushow you would respond to this is
in the transition of, like,how life changes and like, things
change. Right. I know for me,this is still something I work through.
Living with multiple chronicillnesses. I started off with none
that I knew of really. Andthen having one and then it double
(07:49):
whammy, like having the endo,then having the fibro, and then just
in the last couple of years,some other ones and not realizing
that those things will changehow much I can do in the way that
I can do them. Right. Like,and I'm curious to know if, if, like
me, I. There is an ego, andit's not even necessarily ego. There
(08:12):
is a part of my brain thatsays, yes, those things are true,
that I'm experiencing thosechallenges. But that shouldn't stop
me. Like, I. I gotta proveeven more so how I am capable of
doing this. I might have to goout of my way to figure out how I'm
gonna do it, but I have thisdetermination that I'm going to do
(08:36):
it, even though it doesn'tmake sense that I'm gonna do it the
same way I think I should bedoing. You get what I'm saying here?
Like, yes.
Have you. Do you feel like forthe majority of. For yourself, because
we can't talk about everybody,but like, for yourself, do you feel
that in the trying to doeverything, even when life changed,
(08:56):
that it was in a prove it kindof mindset?
Yeah, absolutely. And I alsothink some of it was in a. Almost
a denial mindset.
Right.
Of. I think that I also gotreally used to. To feeling whatever
the level I felt, let's say,at 50% battery, I was really used
to just operating at 50%battery and doing everything I could
(09:20):
at that. And so it was reallyinteresting when, same as you, I
got more diagnosis. And like,Now I get IVIg infusions every four
weeks and I'm out for thewhole Friday, but I still work while
I'm getting my infusion. And,you know, I still try to manage and
would manage the side effectsthat come afterwards and all of that,
but that has helped me feelbetter most of the time other than
(09:44):
those couple of days. Right.So most of the time now I feel so
much better than I used to.And it really made me realize, like,
wow, I was really pushingthrough at 50% capacity. That's.
It's wild to me that I wasable to accomplish what I could in
a day or a week when, youknow. So I think you're right. I.
It's. I think that I. You justhave to realize that 100% of what
(10:08):
you've got today might lookdifferent than 100% of what you've
got tomorrow. And that's okay.And. But I think so I think for me,
it was a lot of. And youprobably, I think a lot of people
feel this way is we don'trealize that we're adjusting to living
daily with pain or brain fogor fatigue or discomfort in general,
(10:28):
and experience expectingourselves to operate as per usual.
And I think that just becomesvery difficult to do. And so I have
started to try to, I don'tknow, honor, rest when I can. You
know, the other day my husbandwas home and I realized I'm like,
I can't even get out of bed at6 or whatever. Like I usually can.
So I kept sleeping because I'mlike, he's got the kids. I'm gonna
(10:51):
sleep until my body doesn'tneed to sleep anymore. And I slept
till 7:15. It was just anextra hour, but I really needed that
and that's okay. And. Butagain, it's never an expectation
that others have had of me.It's what I've had of me. So I think
that we do thatunintentionally and it takes a moment
of clarity to be like, ohyeah, no.
(11:13):
It took my therapist to belike, girl, let me tell you how crazy
this sounds. Like, yeah, ittook my therapist to be like, girl,
that is not normal for someonewho isn't going through what you're
going through. So I just wantyou to know that's insane.
Yes. I actually had atherapist say the same thing to me.
Like, you're dealing with alot and after, you know, you kind
(11:33):
of word vomit everything outand you're like, oh, you know what,
you're right. And I think thatsometimes hearing that from other
people allows us to be moregentle with ourselves and like I
said, just not push yourselfto what yesterday's a hundred percent
looks like. It's okay iftoday's a hundred percent looks different.
So I think a question I havefor you because you run an agency,
(11:54):
so you are managing multipledifferent, in a way, other people's
businesses.
Yes.
Along with your own. Right. Soit's not like I feel like, especially
in a done for you, like,service role as a coach. I have experience
with digital marketing. I usedto done for you. I personally, when
I first was diagnosed with mychronic illness is I thought and
(12:15):
felt I had to shift into moreof a coaching consulting role because
the done for you was verystressful for me. I'm curious, how
has that looked for you andyour business on both levels of like
getting started living, Imean, and also you're a mom. I'm
not a mom. I'm a fur mama. SoI don't have children on my arms,
(12:36):
you know, needing time andspace for me in that way. So how
have you been able to growyour business with all of those different
varying circumstances?
Yeah, I think a lot of trialand error, you know, a lot of being
able and willing to be topivot and be flexible and make changes.
(12:57):
I think for me, the agencymodel, it is a lot more work than
I think people realize. Andwhat I did early on, which I think
is what saved me and my energyand being able to keep going is I
quickly realized that agencylife is a lot of people management
between clients and teammembers there. Not only does your
life happen as someone with achronic illness and kids and all
(13:18):
these things, right? But alsotheir lives happen. And so there's
just a lot of managing lifehappening to all these people. And
I'm someone who cares deeplyand really wants to jump in and help
solve problems all the time.But I realized that was very draining
on me to be able to do that inaddition to running the business.
And so quickly I built aaccount management team. So they
(13:41):
are in part of a small groupof team members and their clients.
So that way they can do moreof the day to day checking in and
seeing how, you know, thingsare going. And then I just get kind
of looped into the summary.That helps protect my energy a little
bit. I'm still involved, I'mnot in the dark by any means, but
I don't have to be the directperson anymore. And that has really
(14:01):
helped. So I did that prettyearly on and now that team has grown
and now there's even one moreperson between me and the account
management team. We call hermanager of partnership success mops.
And so she is definitely likemy right hand person. And so for
example, last month I really,I was like really struggling with
(14:22):
fatigue and brain fog and Idon't know what exactly was going
on, to be honest, but just, Ithink all of the things were just
hitting me at once. And so Iwas able to let her know, hey, I've
got less of me this week. Andso she was able to say, okay, what
do you need from me? I'mhandling this and this. So I was
able to say, okay, she's gotit. And if I have to do less and
(14:44):
be less checked in this week,it's okay, she's got it. And so I
think that building that in asa business owner with health issues,
I think is really important.And just in general, honestly, even
if you don't have healthissues, owning a business is really
draining. And so I think thathaving someone who, you know, if
there is a week where you justare like, you know what, I need to
(15:06):
do less this week, you justcan. So I think that for me, that
has been a godsend for mebeing able to get better at resting
because I'm not very good atit, but I'm trying.
Yeah, no, hear that. It ishaving a support system, right? A
team. And that is important.When you were first getting started
(15:28):
in your business, were youlike working through your chronic
illnesses? Was it new or didit happen while you were building
your business?
Yeah, it's actuallyinteresting. I have the timing of
everything. So I startedworking solo just as like a freelancer,
as a part time EA back in2017, right after I had my son and
(15:49):
I actually had a reallytraumatic delivery with him. I almost
died. I had like pelvic floorissues because of it. I also was
dealing. I was dealing, didIVF to get pregnant with him. I had
ngo, all of those things. AndI think at that point I had, I had
a lot of health issues, but Ididn't have officially any diagnosis
besides endometriosis at thetime. And so since I was freelance
(16:11):
through basically building myagency is when all of the diagnosis
started happening. So, like Ihad a hysterectomy at one point.
I've had so many, justdifferent surgeries and like I said,
now these IVIG infusions andall of these things. And so I was
definitely dealing with all ofthis, building the business and having
(16:32):
kids while also gettingdiagnosed with everything. And we
all know that all theseappointments and tests take up a
lot of mental energy that Ialso feel like, though, that I'm
now I definitely am more calmand able to handle the things that
life can throw at you becauseof the fact that all of these things
(16:54):
have happened. And I'm justkind of. I am now the person in our
family. If someone's everhaving surgery or a medical procedure,
I go with them because I amthe calm in the room. I don't panic.
I'm very familiar. I've beenasked so many times, are you a nurse?
Me too. Me too. Ashley. Oh mygosh. I get that question all the
time. And I'm like, no, honey,just a lot of life. That's all.
(17:16):
I'm like semi professional.Yes. So I think that, yeah, just
doing, going through themotions and being. Like I said, I
think I all started witheverything back when I officially
started doing IVF and theinfertility treatments without really
any diagnosis at that point.But since then that had been 2015,
10 years ago, it's all startedto make sense. But it's a journey
(17:40):
and it's exhausting and. Butyou can get through it, right? And
it's. I have learned so muchabout the medical side and also just
me as a person. So. Yeah.
Yeah. I think it's sointeresting because when I have conversations,
I remember for myself the timewhen I was in that. I call it like
(18:05):
the haze. Like it's the babyphase of like, you don't have diagnosis
yet, but you know, something'snot right. You know, everything is
jacked up and you're in thehospital, you're doing things like
you never did ever before.
You're an interesting patient.That's the phase of being an interesting
patient.
It's like you're like, great,thank you. Don't tell me that again.
(18:26):
Okay. And I remember formyself feeling at points, for me,
feeling like I hope that thisisn't the rest of my life. Like the
not knowing or feeling likeI'm pushing through and really hoping
that this is not the rest ofmy life. And while still growing
(18:48):
and building a business ordoing things that brought me joy,
not really being able tocreate too many systems because for
me at the time, things wouldjust change all of a sudden and it
wouldn't be anything. So Ithink the question I have for you
is thinking about from like inthe beginning stages of this, were
there any systems that youtried to build that you just kept
(19:12):
being persistent in and itjust had to change and shift, or
were there things that you hadto give yourself permission to just
allow to be?
(20:45):
Yeah, that's a great question.I think for me, the thing that I
needed to do was somehowfigure out how to be consistent with
client and team relationswithout it needing to be me all the
time directly on.
Right.
And so building out a CRMsystem that we still. It's not fully
automated, but what it does islet me know, hey, here it's time
(21:09):
to send this check in email.And there's just a little framework
of like, of, you know, westill go in and customize the message,
for example. We still wantthat human touch, but it's not something
I have to manage or, you know,like, I don't have to do it that
day, it could be done the nextday. We also have, we use a project
management tool. We now are inClickUp. We used to be in Asana.
(21:32):
And both are amazing and itreally helps all, everybody keep
accountable. Our phrase ofthis year is positive accountability
in our team. And I think thatis huge because I think that all
of us just need that positiveaccountability of, of ourselves and
of each other. And so for me,I think just systems that, you know,
(21:52):
have clear expectations. Itdoesn't have to be overly complicated.
It just helps you beaccountable for maybe what needs
to happen that week. And withenough flexibility.
Right.
Not so rigid to where if youare out for the day for health reasons
or for whatever, it's okay.
Right.
So I think a good combinationof predictability with flexibility
(22:14):
is really important. And likeI said earlier, just flexibility
and being able to pivot is, Isreally key.
Yeah. For someone who isstarting, maybe they're starting
or they've been in businessfor a few years and they're waiting
to get support. This issomething I hear often from folks.
(22:34):
They're like, no, I'm not bigenough to have support. I'm not like,
you know, over here rolling inthe dough to have support. However,
I think those of us livingwith chronic illness, I think it's
the most, like, the mostimportant thing to have. If you don't
have systems, you need ahuman. Like, you need somebody else.
Like. But that's my ownpersonal thoughts, but for you, because
(22:55):
this is kind of, you know,this is your lane. What kind of things
or what. Yeah, what kind ofthings would you share with someone
who's hesitating on gettingthe help that they need or support
that they need in their lifeslash in their business? Because,
you know, they kind of coexist together.
They sure do. They absolutelydo. I think that again, just going
(23:18):
back to what we said earlier,our. My whole, I think mantra is
you can do anything that youcan't do everything. So I explain
it to people as when you firststart your business, let's just imagine
there's all these, like, smallbuckets of where of the things you
manage as a solopreneur. Andby nature you have to do it all because
it is just you and it's just ababy business, Right? But as the
(23:39):
business grows, grows, whichinevitably it will, each of those
buckets gets bigger andbigger, and at some point it's just
going to be cut. You can't doall those buckets anymore. And like
I said, I reached that pointof not knowing why I can't, why I
used to do all this. Why can'tI anymore, Ashley? Because it's more.
Each part of this is more. Andso every business owner is going
(24:01):
to reach that point. Sowhether it's before you reach that
point or if you've alreadyreached that point, you do need help.
And so something that I do istalk with people about what is overwhelming
them. I have a worksheet, Ihave a series of questions that I
can ask them to help themidentify what should they delegate?
Right.
What should the next teammember look like? Whether that is
(24:21):
fractional support on the OPside like we do, or if it's fractional
support on the marketing sideor whatever side of it, I can always
help them identify thatbecause I'm really I'm just really
passionate about helpingbusiness owners not reach for an
out, not feel like they haveto do all the things that don't spark
joy or that they're losingbusiness because they're just spread
(24:42):
too thin, whatever it mightbe. And so I always say just book
a call and I would be happy totalk with people about identifying
what that next delegationpoint looks like. And so I mean,
like I said, we do, I dostrategic planning for people. My
team does day to dayimplementation for clients and there's
(25:03):
a whole slew of people in mynetwork who also help in different
facet. And I think that youdon't need a big budget to get the
help that you need because youcan find it. And it's just not worth
burning yourself out by justfor finance.
Right.
Like for financial reasons. Isit worth it then?
(25:23):
Right.
So I think investing a littlebit of money into where someone can
help take that weight off yourshoulders. So that way whatever's
left in your day to day, itsparks joy. You're not feeling burnt
out. Like that's why youstarted this business in the first
place. Right. So let's get youback there.
So it's interesting becausewe're talking about outsourcing,
we're talking about asking forhelp a lot.
(25:48):
Right.
And for people who arestruggling with asking for help,
I think sometimes they, in myexperience, from the women that I've
talked to, the people that Italk to that have trouble asking
for help, there's fears that'sthere that I don't feel like. They
always realize that everyonethat is asking for help has those
(26:09):
fears, but they still askedfor help. So like, what are some
of the fears in your journeywith chronic illness even that you've
had to ask for help for, evenwith a fear? What was the fear? What
were the things you had towork through in order to accept and
ask for help?
Yeah, I think that I stillstruggle with asking for help. And
(26:31):
it definitely took me until Ihad my second kid that my daughter
that I finally realized, okay,Ashley, get over it. You have to
ask for help. You know, thatis when it, I realized I cannot do
this by myself. We weren'tmeant to do this by ourselves.
Right.
We are. Human nature iscommunity is. You know, when they
(26:53):
say, I realize when they sayit takes a village, not just for
raising kids, but in life. Itreally does. It really does. And
something that I realizedbecause I also, like I said, struggle
with asking for help. And Ifeel like again, I struggle with,
no, I've got This, I'm a veryindependent, self sufficient person.
(27:14):
And so I feel like by askingfor help, I'm saying I can't do it
right? And that's not, that'sjust not true. I can, I have the
ability to. But it's also okaythat maybe today I can't or maybe
if I go do this, I might gocry in a corner for a little while
because it's just one morething that I just, I just can't do
it today. And so I think it'srealizing that of are you doing all
(27:37):
these things at the detrimentof your own joy? And I started to
realize that, that I wasn't. Iwas so busy doing all the things
that I didn't. I wasn'tactually, actually enjoying my life
that I was working so hard forbecause I was just trying to get
all this stuff done and thelist was never ending and it wasn't
resting and I wasn't takingcare of myself and all of that. So
(27:57):
something that someonedescribed to me once that really
helped is, Ashley, if someone,if a friend of yours called you and
said, hey, I need some helptoday, would you second guess them
at all? Or would you? And I'mlike, no, absolutely not. I would
be there without question. IfI had a friend who called me and
just said she's having a hardday and wants to, to talk, I would
absolutely drop everything andlisten, whatever. You know, there's
(28:21):
never been a time wheresomeone I know and care about has
asked for help or said theyneeded me in some way, or if I've
asked them, can I do somethingfor you?
Right.
I have never thoughtnegatively about it. So why do I
do that when. So I justrealized that, you know, I have a
great village around me thatI'm willing to help all the time.
I have to realize that theyprobably are really willing to help
(28:43):
me too. Right?
So, yeah. So I think I heardin there the fear is that the village
won't show up, right? Likethey'll think less of me. They'll
think I'm not whateversuperwoman. Like they'll think, I
guess that's the question islike, what has been your fear? More
specifically? Like if I do askfor help, what are they going to
(29:06):
think of me?
I think for me it's more ofthat. I would feel like it's more
of that. Maybe it's my own egoof maybe that I like, no, you're
an independent woman. You'refine. You've got this, you know.
And so I think for Me, that's.That's been the hardest part, is
overcoming my own expectationsof myself.
(29:28):
Yeah. You know, there's awoman I want to say, her name is
Christine Hessler. She's a.She has a book called. That talks
about expectation Hangovers.And that was one of the first books
that I, like, read orcoaching. I read or something. I
can't remember if it's in hercoaching certification or in a book.
And I thought to myself, thatis a real thing. Right. Like, we
(29:53):
put ourselves on some ofthese. We have these expectations.
I mean, if I'm going to getreal scriptural, like, real spiritual
here for a minute, like, youknow, there's a verse that says,
you know, expectation makesthe heart grow sick. And it's. It
makes sense. Right. Like,we're sitting over here trying to.
Trying to do all of thesethings, and then if it doesn't get
done, then we're sick and alsopissed off. Like, we're also upset.
(30:15):
Like, we're also like, oh, mygosh, this is. We should have done
this. And to your point aboutthe joy, we lose it. Like, we lose
the joy in doing what we enjoybecause we're so focused on the expectation.
Yeah. I think that I had toredefine what success looked like.
Right.
Like, you have to justredefine that. It's not saying yes
(30:38):
to everything and doingeverything and, you know, success.
Like, I had to realize successdoesn't mean, like, I don't have
to do the dishes every day. IfI go to bed and there's still dishes
in the sink, it's okay. Or ifthere's still laundry that needs
to be done, like, it's goingto be there tomorrow and I should
just rest for 20 minutes or goplay with my kids for whatever it
(31:00):
looks like. And I think thatit's just. It's redefining what success,
like, in a day looks like.
Right.
Defining. Sometimes it's justI made it through another day, like,
and that's okay. If that is itfor today, it's okay. And that. But
that was very hard for me toovercome that expectation of myself.
(31:21):
And also, like, not. I think Ialso don't ever want to be a burden
on other people. But again, Ihave to remember. But if someone
asks me for help, I never lookat them like a burden. It's interesting,
the stories we tell ourselves,you know, it really is.
I'm learning through my ownhealing through this because it's
a big one for me. This is,like, one of the biggest. One of
(31:43):
the biggest Things I workthrough with therapy, through spirituality,
like it's a big thing I workthrough. I, however, am learning
that this expectation overwhat is it? This expectation hangover
also is coming fromconditioning. It's coming from my
growing up and watching andseeing other people. The expectations
(32:04):
that either were put on peopleor that I perceive to be expectations.
Has that been something foryou that you've been like, oh, this
is deeper than just I want.Like, it's deeper than my ego. There
is other things that haveaffected the way I view how I work.
Oh, absolutely. I think that Igrew up wanting to be like the CEO
(32:28):
woman who runs a Fortune 500company at the top of a high rise
building. I for some reasonpainted that as successful.
Right.
But also being a mom and, andit's just interesting because I'm
like that, that's. I waswanting to be two separate people
in reality. But I feel like Idefinitely painted this picture of
(32:50):
what success looks like. Noneof that had to do with someone who
dealt with chronic illnesses.
Right.
How do you fit that into thosepictures? And I grew up also, I was
an only child for 13 yearsbefore my parents had more kids.
And so I also feel like I wasthe very first grandchild for years,
for those 13 years. My cousinsalso weren't born until then. So
I was the golden child, if you would.
(33:11):
Right.
For a long time. I was thefirst one to graduate college from
my family, all of that. And soI definitely, I still the go to person
for our entire extended familyof the one who plans everything.
I honestly get asked all thetime for like big family decisions.
Me, I'm like, I'm a grandkid,but I'm like. So I think that I just
(33:35):
somehow have always been thego to person, the one who takes responsibility,
who has it together and all ofthat for my whole life. And again,
it comes naturally to me andthat's okay. But then sometimes I
end up realizing that I haveway too much responsibility of. And
the expectations of what I canget done in a day is just unrealistic.
(33:57):
And so I have to. It has beenjust ingrained in me. Like you said,
it's from forever. So it'svery interesting. Like I said, I
think I just hit a point whereI had to just redefine success. Success
for myself. And right now, Ithink I was just telling you before
we hit record yesterday, wehad an entire day of no plans at
all. Not one single plan. Andit was my favorite day in a very
(34:21):
long time because I just lovedbeing able to do just whatever we
felt like doing. And I thinkthat says a lot about really honoring,
just for us who deal withthese kind of health issues, honoring
what you feel like doing thatday. If it is rest, if it is work,
if it is, you know, whatever,anything in between, I think that
it's really important to get.And that is the habit that we should
(34:43):
have.
Right.
Of. Of just whatever feelsgood today.
Yeah, you know, that's such agood point. And also, I don't know,
because I have a lot of theseconversations. Ashley, I have noticed
many of us, a lot of us areeither like the oldest. We are the,
you know, typical. The oldest,if not the oldest. We were treated
(35:08):
like the oldest kind of bigsister, you know, kind of the responsible
run. And I'm the oldest. So Ialways. The thing that I always.
I'm thinking about, like, Ididn't have my chronic illnesses
necessarily until I was adult.Ish. And I personally feel that for
me, a lot of the stress ofbeing, being, quote, unquote, the
(35:29):
oldest, being the one whoknows. And to your point, I used
to be that person too, untilrecently. And I cut that out. I was
like, I cannot be the personwho everybody goes to for all their
stuff at this point. I feel somuch lighter that I don't know, like,
when it. I find out somethinglike, oh, really? Oh, this is what
this feels like. Like, that'swhere I'm at with my life. But I
(35:51):
personally have realized thatliving with all of that weight, even
as a kid, even though maybeI'm predisposed to being able to
know and be able to, like, Ican naturally, I guess you could
say, lead a room or make adecision or seed whatever was happening.
(36:12):
Right. That was still a lot ofpressure for a kid. Right. So I personally
feel like as an adult runningmy business, it is much more. I have
to be much more intentionalwith my rest. I have to be much more
intentional about decidingthat I am going to allow myself just
(36:34):
to have a day and decidewhat's going to happen. It's not
a natural thing for me to dobecause of innately, I think there's
an aspect of that to me. Andalso I've put myself in a position
where people rely on me, sothat's what they need from me. Right.
So I'm curious for you, haveyou noticed a correlation of living
with chronic illness, dealingwith those things and being like,
(36:55):
huh, I wonder if this hassomething to do with that, you know?
Yeah, I 100 agree with you ofthe. It just kind of happens by.
Because it's by nature. It's.We just are that person. And I start
like, use. But I think you hitthe nail on the head when you said
intentionality. That has beenhuge for me. I have to be very intentional
(37:16):
of. Someone invited me onSaturday, you do something on Sunday.
And that was my day of noplans. And I said to them, actually,
I have no plans and I wouldlike to keep it that way. And I was.
I wanted to, like, inside, Iwas like cheerleader, like pom poms.
Yay. You said no. You know,you. That's a big deal. But I had
to be very intentional of thatbecause I think that it's. It's difficult
(37:38):
because you do. Yeah. I think,like, especially us chronic illness
people get it. Your person ofyesterday who said yes to the thing
today is like, not the same person.
Not the same.
It is. They sometimes timesare very different people on the
day of whatever you committedto. And so I have to be really aware
of that. So I mentioned myinfusions earlier. I have to be very
(38:01):
aware of the weekends after myinfusions, what I say yes to. Because
I've learned I end up feelingreally unwell and not enjoying my
time, being grumpy to everyonearound me if former Ashley said yes
to that day. So I think justintentionality. And yeah, it is interesting
to see this, like, nature ofresponsible person. I have another
(38:24):
friend who also is the oldestand deals with chronic autoimmune
things. And it's veryinteresting. There's gotta be a study.
There has to be. I'm lookingfor it. Honestly, I really am. Like,
I'm not joking. I've been,like, looking through the N C I H
tabula because I do thinkthere is a correlation. But I also
think there is as we grow andas we, like, are making decisions
(38:48):
in our lives and in ourbusinesses, it goes against our natural
thinking when we are doingthat. And so I love that you shared.
I literally did the same thingrecently, Ashley. I had a no plans
day. Like, I planned a noplans day. I planned a no plans day.
And that weekend, of all theweekends that I did it. And it's
(39:10):
not like I get a lot of, like,invites for things all the time.
But this weekend I was like,they were coming out of the woodworks.
And I was just like, this is atest. Like, this is a test. I must
stay with my no plans. Like,you know what I'm saying? And I felt
excited about it. Butpersonally, I also felt, like, sad
at the same time because it'skind of like that you want to be
(39:33):
with people. I think when youlive with chronic illness, you have
a lot of bad days. Like youhave a lot of bad days where you're
already kind of modifying andchanging. So when you take a day
that you choose to be doingnothing and then there's things that
are like, oh, other people,you want to do it, but at the same
time you need that self timewith yourself. And I imagine as a
(39:53):
mom, self time doesn't happenthat often.
Right?
Right, yeah. So how have youbalanced being a mom with chronic
illness and running a business?
Yeah, that's a loadedquestion. Because I feel like it
depends on the day or theyear. But when I had my kids, they're
only a year apart. So whenthey were, and that is when I was
(40:14):
working as a freelancer whenthey were both very little. And for
the first few years that wasalso when they were 1, 2, 3, 4. That
was also the time, the yearswhere I was health wise, really struggling
and getting my diagnosis. Soall those tests, all the time, endocopes.
And who knew I had myhysterectomy around that time. I,
(40:35):
you know, a lot of just, I hadsinus surgery, all kinds of things.
And the, all of that washappening at the same time. And actually
now that I think about it, Iran, I started my business right
around the time where Ifinally had a lot of my diagnoses.
Not all of them because I justgot another one last year. But I
think that I finally feltlike, okay, I know what's going on
(40:58):
in my body because I think youmentioned it earlier, the unknown
and the. Am I crazy or am Ioverreacting? It's very difficult
to. I start, I startedwondering like, is am I questioning,
am I like, like, like am Ijust questioning too many things?
Is this normal? And I'm justmaybe bringing attention to, you
know, kind of. So I think thatit's just been very interesting to
(41:22):
raise kids and a B and abusiness and be diagnosed all around
the same time. It was actuallydon't have a finite answer on how
I did it, to be honest, but Ithink I always took it as just one
test, one appointment at atime because thinking about all of
it was too overwhelming. Ialso really tried to protect my time
(41:45):
with my kids. So for example,we live in Southern California, like
I mentioned, and we have aSoCal pass, the Disneyland. And so
a couple years ago I booked athe SoCal Pass. And once a month
I take my kids, we play hookyfrom School hooky from work, and
we go play at Disneyland forthe day. And I need that time to
just play with my kids andjust, you know, so I just try to,
(42:08):
I think, be intentional aboutmaking sure, like I mentioned earlier,
that I'm enjoying my life,that I work really hard to do right.
And I think people withillnesses like us, I really appreciate
every day that I feel good andso I want to take advantage of that,
you know, and my kids now areat the age where they know mommy's
nurse comes every month andthey know him and he's great and
(42:31):
they know that it's to helpkeep me healthy and be able to, you
know, enjoy. And they alsoknow that if Mommy, like, if I say
to them, guys, I'm really notfeeling great today, I need your
teamwork.
Right?
That's what I try to tell themall the time. I need really good
teamwork right now. Becausethey are seven and eight. They do
argue. They do, you know, justbicker at each other or whatever.
(42:52):
And so, but those there,there's moments where I really don't
feel well and my husband's atwork or whatever it is. And now I
can say to them, guys, I needyour help.
Right.
So it is kind of cool for themto see and sympathize a bit and take,
I don't know, responsibilityof like, oh, yeah, we've got this,
like, they can get themselvesready for bed because I am having
(43:14):
trouble.
Right.
Or help clean up the dinner,whatever it is.
Right.
And so I think that it's justbeing honest with ourselves and communicating
it and. Yeah, just oneappointment at a time, I guess.
Yeah, yeah, one day. Like, Iwas just talking to a good friend
of mine. We were talkingabout, like, sometimes it's depending
on where you are in your phaseof living with chronic illness, sometimes
(43:34):
it's one day at a time,sometimes it's one half of a day
at a time, sometimes it's onehour of the day, and sometimes it's
one minute of a day. Like, youjust have to give yourself permission
for whatever that looks likefor you. I wonder actually if you've
found that the systems you'vekind of implemented in your work,
(43:55):
have you found systems in yourlife, like asking for help in other
ways, like assistance at home,that has helped you find some more
time, more balance with thethings that you need support with.
Yeah, absolutely. And that'sactually like, it's an ever growing
conversation with my husbandand I. So he works in the studio
industry. He works like 80hours a week he's very not here during
(44:19):
the week when he's working. Soour we have had really honest conversations
again when I realized that Ican't do everything. I just can't.
And so we've had conversationsof, okay, well how can he help? Like,
he can't really be here withthe kids. What can he do? So he's
in charge of emptying thedishwasher when he gets home, either
at 10pm or at 4am before heleaves, whatever that looks like,
(44:41):
or the trash. And there'slittle things that he can do even
when he's not actually here.Or for example, he's in charge of
setting up all of my IV stuffon those days and getting it ready
or when he is off work, he isin charge of more stuff.
Right?
It is. Those are the timeswhere I don't have to worry about
what's for dinner that day andthings like that. And so, yeah, my
(45:03):
daughter actually just gotdiagnosed with celiac disease. So
that's been a whole journey aswell. And so it's just, it's been
really amazing to see like ourfamily come together with family
events and our friends, youknow, it just again, like leaning
on your village and, and justletting them know, like, hey. And
they've been reaching out tome like, hey, Riley's coming over
for this birthday thing. Whatcan she have? Or what can I buy for
(45:25):
her so she feels included. SoI think as long as you're just talking
to your people, they're goingto. They won't fully understand and
that's okay.
Right?
Okay. But they will do theirbest. And it's just really nice to
see whether it's my husbandhere at home, my kids, family, friends,
just do the little things.
Right.
(45:45):
That I have. People send me TVshows that I should watch on rainfusion
days. You know, little thingslike that. They're like, oh, you
should really. I know you'regoing to be tied up for five hours.
Try this show. Just littlethings that people, they know that
they're thinking of you. Andso I think that sometimes is really
the. It's the mental load,it's the physical load. And it's
also just the heart part.
Right.
(46:05):
Of just knowing that people docare about you.
So what I think I heard yousay really is like, involve your
tribe. Like be vulnerable andbe open to telling your tribe what
you need. Right. Because wecan't do it by ourselves. It doesn't,
you know, I, I don't havechildren. I have fur babies. I'm
married. I love My husband,and he works from home. So our situation.
(46:26):
And it wasn't always likethat. He used to work out of the
house and had to commute forhours. So like two ways one way and
two ways the other way. Andwhen I used to work in corporate,
when I used to work in anenvironment, like if I had to go
to the hospital, like myworkmates took me to the hospital
and my husband would drivedown to get there, or sometimes I
had friends come, you know, soit's like there is a huge piece of
(46:49):
vulnerability that comes inwith living with chronic illness.
However, do you feel that itis more challenging to be vulnerable
in the space of this, or is itmore empowering to be for you?
I think it's empowering for mepersonally. I've always been a pretty
(47:10):
open book. And I will say thatthe. What I have realized in not
really being afraid of beingvulnerable, I have realized how much
people appreciate that becausethey're like, they'll say, oh, I
struggle with xyz. And maybeit's not exactly the same, but it's.
We all. I have realized we allstruggle with something, whether
it's a chronic illness, amental illness, a challenging season
(47:33):
in general. Loss, life. Yeah,right. Like anything. And I think
just in general showing eachother our struggles. Because now
in the day where there'ssocial media, we all typically will
share because no one's reallytaking photos of themselves during
their hard parts. They'retaking photos of the moments they
want to remember and thatspark joy and sharing those. And
(47:55):
so when you're struggling,when you're in a season of hardship,
whether it's chronic illnessor any of the other things that we
just talked about, I thinkthat it's so easy to compare our
hard time to someone else'sgood time on social media. And it
starts to feel very isolating,like you're the only one who is struggling.
And so by opening up and beingvulnerable, it allows and sharing
(48:19):
your hard season. It allowsother people to share their hard
season too, and not going tofix it. But, gosh, it feels really
good to know you're not aloneand to realize that other people
do get it. And again, it alsomakes it feel a little bit easier
to ask for help when you needit. Right? If someone else shares
(48:39):
that they're going throughwhatever and you offer, hey, if you
ever need on those days a rideor, you know, let me send you lunch
on those days or whatever thatlooks like, then when you maybe want
to ask, you know, it, itreally start. Allows it opens up
that door for vulnerability,for help for the village to step
in when they need. Yeah,that's been really huge for me.
(49:00):
Thank you for sharing that. Ithink that will serve someone who's
in that comparisonitis cycle.Right. It's so true. If someone were
wanting to start an agency andthey're currently living with chronic
illness right now, what's apiece of advice you would give them?
Yeah, it's a big agency. LikeI said, it's just a lot of people
management. I think for me itis. It has been billing and honoring
(49:24):
the flexibility that I know Ineed. I'm honoring that for our team
communication. Team culture isreally big for us. Making sure that
everyone is feeling valued andheard and connecting, especially
if it's a remote agency.Connection is really key and it is
doable. And I think juststarting, just from the start, the
(49:46):
way be really intentional inthe way you build it so that you
are not needed every day, allthe time, because there's just going
to be times where you can't,and that's okay. But if you build
it in the right way, it's notgoing to fall apart if you're out
for a day.
Yeah. And I like to ask thisquestion. What's something that you
(50:06):
thought was true when youfirst started your business that
you no longer believe is true?
Oh, that's a good question. Ithink that I definitely, at that
time, when I started mybusiness, it was like, I feel like
I was probably addicted to productivity.
Right.
Of doing a lot of things. Andthat was successful.
(50:28):
Right.
Of just the more I got doneand the bigger it was and the, you
know, all of that, whether itwas number of team members, number
of clients, number of things Igot done in a day, I feel like I
was definitely that hustleculture equaled success for me and
quickly realized that's notthe case. And I think that I have
(50:49):
definitely now realized thatslower is better, less is better.
I try to. I mean, gosh, if yousaw my calendar two years ago, you
would probably have a panicattack. I probably would too, if
I saw it. It was just like themore I said yes to, the better, you
know? And so I realized I haveto build in free time. And if that
means going on a walk or itmeans just getting a bunch of stuff
(51:12):
done again, going back tolike, whatever feels good in that
moment. So I think for me, itis less is better. And not as many
people, not as many clients isstill really successful. So I think
that would be my bigdifference between Ashley in 2021-2025.
(51:34):
That's awesome. Well, how canpeople what's anything exciting coming
up for you and your businessthat you would like to share?
Yeah, so I am pretty active onLinkedIn. Ashley M. Carlson is the
is this link and then we as ateam are active on Instagram so it's
elevate VB solutions and thenthings that we have coming up. Actually
(51:56):
it feel like a lot of peoplecould use this. I mentioned it earlier
about delegation andidentifying what delegate is so important
and whether it is personallyor professionally, it goes hand in
hand. I am now doingdelegation workshops once a month.
So there's small groups, sixpeople only at max. If there's just
one or two, that's evenbetter. But it's meant to I'm going
(52:17):
to train. I train on how todelegate successfully, how to identify
what's delegate, all of thatand then we actually workshop through
it together live. So you walkaway with that. And it's meant to
be more of a workshop style,not webinar. So very interactive.
And I'm doing those once amonth because I just want more people
to be able to realize andidentify what they can hand off so
(52:38):
they're not feeling like theyhave to do everything.
That's awesome. We'll makesure to have that in the Show Notes
for folks to check out. Thankyou so much for being on Ashley.
I so appreciate you tellingyour story a bit and telling us a
bit of, you know, some shifts,reframes if you will, and how we
view our productivity andrunning a business. So thank you
(52:59):
so much for your time.
Thank you so much.
That's a wrap for this episodeof Business with Chronic Illness.
If you would like to start andgrow an online coaching business
with me, head to the ShowNotes to click a link to book a sales
call and learn how to makemoney with chronic illness. You can
also check out our website atwww.CraftedToThrive.com for this
(53:23):
episode's Show Notes and joinour email list to get exclusive content
where I I coach you on how tochronically grow a profitable.
Business while living withchronic illness.
Until next time, remember,yes, you are crafted to thrive.
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