January 28, 2025 • 38 mins
In this episode of Celeste's Therapist Podcast, host Celeste, a seasoned therapist from Boston, delves into the concept of negativity bias and its impact on our mental health. Drawing from over 20 years of experience, Celeste explains how our fixated ways of thinking can keep us stuck in a cycle of struggle, often exacerbated by the negative media and information we consume. She discusses why this happens, how it affects us, and offers practical advice on how to shift our mindset to foster positive change. Celeste also shares updates about her wellness center, "Shifting the Way You Think," and the events available to help individuals on their journey to better mental health. Listen in to gain valuable insights and actionable tips on overcoming negativity bias and improving your overall well-being.
https://www.celestethetherapist.com/episode502
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Episode Transcript
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(00:00):
Hey, hey, thank you all so much for joining another episode of
Celeste's Therapist Podcast. My name is Celeste. I'm a therapist from Boston.
And if you're new here, thank you so much for giving me a try. I've
been podcasting since 2018. And I've started
off podcasting where I was talking to other
(00:20):
people. And then in 2024, I
had this idea, I was gonna open a wellness center. And
so I didn't have the capacity to interview people. So now I
come on and I give you these nuggets and information to
help you shift the way you think, because I've realized we get stuck in
the way that we think about things. And a lot of times we may think it's
(00:43):
our circumstances that's stopping us from creating change.
But the more that I've worked with people, and I've been working with people for over 20 years,
I recognize that the reason why we kind of get stuck is because
of our own, like, fixated ways of thinking. We get really
stuck in the struggle. And today we're talking about negativity bias.
(01:04):
so important right now with everything that's going on
and people not realizing just how much
their actions and what they're listening to is
stopping them from like feeling any different. And
I want to be clear that the things that are happening that
you're struggling with the hard feelings
(01:25):
are gonna be there, but I'm seeing like
people are getting so consumed by them. So I wanna kind of help you understand why
that happens, how it happens, and what you can
do about it to work on yourself. Before we do that, I just wanna
share my website. So I have a wellness center, it's called
Shifting the Way You Think, because like I said, I recognize that
(01:46):
we tend to get stuck in the way that we think. and
I have events that are taking place. So I
want to share that. So if you are listening, I have my
website up and the website is stwyt.com and
that's stwyt.com. And I created
this website because I wanted a place for the Black community to
(02:07):
be able to come to, to see people that look like them, to
be able to host events like wellness events, where
you can have a space and bring people together because
I think that therapy is great, but I also think or know
that there's so many other modalities that are not being utilized. So
if you go to stwyt.com, you'll
(02:29):
see meet the team. So we have two clinicians. I'm
not taking anyone right now. And then we have
the services that we provide, so upcoming events,
space we're into, and individual therapy. We
also have an area where you could donate if you want to donate a class to
someone. But under events, so I'm going to click on upcoming events.
(02:52):
And as you can see, our next event that we're having, February
4th, is called Rest and Recharge. This event is by
Paula McCree. And it's a great way to work
on getting in tune with your body, getting in tune with your breath. And
then after that, we have Connections that's taking place,
craft and chill. And so this is a place, Connections
(03:14):
is a series that I'm creating once a month that can have
people come together. It's not about talking about mental health. It's not about doing
anything that's uncomfortable. It's literally about chilling. Today,
this time we're gonna be crafting, so wine glass or coasters. Another
time we're gonna have games. We're gonna have movie night. So it's not
even about like having conversation. I think a lot of times when
(03:38):
it comes to, uh, when it comes to our struggles
and people talk about mental health and things like that, we don't talk about
community and just being together and how that
can be so empowering. I've had people that say, you
know, I wasn't going to go to this thing, but then I decided to go. And
actually I feel good. Like nothing happened. Nobody spoke words to
(03:59):
them about, Oh, you should do this. It's just that they were able to
get out. and do something different. So that's why I create
the series Connections. So you see the
Connections that's taking place February 8th. And then the
Connection Reset. So this is a cool event. This
event is hosted by a social worker Julia, and
(04:20):
it's for couples. And so if you go to my website, her
website is there, the link to purchase. February 15th,
she's having an event for couples. So
this is going to be something that's exciting. So through interactive activities, guided
discussions, you'll learn more practical tools
to enhance your relationship. And, you know, relationships are
(04:43):
hard, especially when individuals are
struggling. There's something powerful about having knowledge
and information about how to come together, because we can tend to get in our own
feelings, get in our own way. So that's going to be a cool
event that's going to be taking place next
month. and then we have let's see
(05:04):
what we have next after that we have mindful
yen again this is another monthly series so rest and reset mindful
yen is a monthly uh series that we're doing And
then I'm having goal alignment check-in. That's March 30th.
That's online. At the beginning of the year, I did
an event where we talked about how to look at the wellness wheel,
(05:28):
how to look at our goals. I don't want that
idea to be something that only takes place at
the beginning of the year. So I'm doing this quarterly. It's a free event.
You just come on. If you sign up, I'll send you the Zoom link.
And if you can't make it, I'll send you the lesson or
what we talked about. So this is great for you to
(05:49):
kind of come in, rechecking with your goals. One of
the things I know is that we don't always have
that person that's on the same page with us, that's in alignment with us,
right? And I didn't have somebody that was an entrepreneur or
going towards the things I was going towards, but I did find
it online. I did find it in groups. I find it on podcasts and
(06:10):
books. I really just embraced learning
about the thing I said I wanted to do. I really enhanced my
craft. The way I'm able to talk and speak. When
I used to speak, I used to feel nervous, but I just felt passion. I was like, I want
to do this. I want to help other people. And the more I did it,
the less the anxiety in my stomach felt. Um,
(06:30):
so that goal alignment check-in that's going to happen, uh, in
March and then the other, and we're always adding events. And
then the other thing that we have is healing the inner child
series. So this is in person it's happening again, April
12th. Uh, this is going to happen quarterly and
it's a three week series. It's not something you could come to maybe once
(06:53):
or twice, It's something where you would have to
make a three week commitment. So three Saturdays back to
back. It's a lot of content, a lot of information. And
my goal behind creating it is because I didn't want people to
kind of rush through the process. So that's something that's taking
place. So if you want to learn more about
(07:13):
what's happening at the center, just go to stwyt.com. All
right, y'all, let's talk about negativity bias. this
is a issue or a thing that happens right
and i'm going to tell you the definition so if you're watching it on youtube it
says the tendency to pay more attention to negative information than
to positive information here more weight is given to negative
(07:34):
experiences versus the neutral experiences that
we have, right? So that's something that people
don't realize is happening, is that a
lot of times when you're hearing negative things, you're finding yourself
being more drawn to that information. And you might
be like, dang, why does that exist, right? So
(07:55):
humans have a negativity bias because it was an adaptive trait
that helped our ancestors survive. The bias is
the tendency to pay more attention to negative information than positive ones.
So let's say, for instance, like we were in the woods. Years
ago, we didn't have Google. We didn't have the internet, right? All we had
was our instincts. And so if we ate something
(08:18):
and it made us feel sick, we needed to remember that we got sick.
Because if we didn't remember that we got sick, What
could happen is that we'll eat it again, and then we
find ourselves struggling, right? But because of that negativity
bias and that ability to remember the hard
stuff, it's supposed to prevent us from not doing it. Another example
(08:40):
of negativity bias is like, let's say you got several
compliments, right? Your boss was like, oh my gosh. you
didn't do this one thing right. But
then throughout the whole interview or the
whole assessment with your boss, your boss was
talking about all the amazing things you did right. So let's say 90% of
(09:03):
the meeting was about positive things that happened and
10% was about things that he wanted you to clean up on. And
what happens with a lot of people, that 10% ends up
being the thing that you're focused on, right? So that's
something that takes place and people really don't understand what's going
(09:23):
on. Studies show that negative news stories are
significantly more likely to be clicked on and
shared compared to the positive news. Right?
So when you think about social media and the
stories that go viral, periodically I'll
see things that are good that can go viral, right?
(09:44):
But a lot of times it's the hard stuff because it's evoking a
lot of emotion in us. So that emotion that
is being evoked in us, it tends to be something that
can become addictive where your system begins to crave
it because that's the only thing you're looking at. If you're on
social media and you're struggling with yourself and
(10:05):
where you are in life, and you're on it
a lot and you're just seeing all the people that are where you
want to be, You'll find yourself always looking
at that and feeling like a certain way, and your mind
will start to continue to focus on that because that's your focus. If
you're a long-time listener, I always use this example. If you have
(10:27):
a red Toyota and you drive that
Toyota, when you're driving in the streets, you're
going to find yourself always seeing a red Toyota. And
it's not because everybody went out and got your red Toyota. It's
because your mind looks at it every day. So it's all, it's, it's the
thing that's going to stick out. And I would say, imagine if
(10:47):
you thought about what you wanted to do,
right? You started working on it, creating action. What happens
is your mind starts to focus on how can I continue to allow
Celeste to create this action? How can I continue to allow Celeste to
do the thing that she wants to do? That's literally what's happened in
my life. When I'm working on things, the things that I'm doing, the
things that I say I want to do, because I'm focusing on
(11:11):
it, my mind continues to show me the possibilities of
what's available to me. So there
are gonna be some effects. So I told you what negativity bias is, right?
I wanna share with you the effects that negativity
bias can have on us, right? Because there's
mental effects and there's physical effects. And I
(11:33):
feel like if you understand this, it might help
you kind of reframe some of the ways you're doing things. So
when it comes to the physical effects, right? impaired
immune response. So chronic stress induced by negative thinking
can weaken the immune system, right? This is not
just about negativity bias. In general, chronic stress
(11:57):
weakens our immune system. And a lot of times we
don't realize the reason why we're always sick, the reason why we're always
struggling is because we're in constant states of stress.
So I want you to remember that cardiovascular concerns,
high levels of negativity are linked to increased risk
of cardiovascular issues like high blood
(12:20):
pressure due to the stress response. Again,
and high blood pressure causes stroke, heart attacks. People are
dying younger and younger from heart attacks, from heart issues, because
our body was never meant to stay in that state. I
said this before in the podcast, humans are the only species that
(12:40):
can go into this flight or fight mode with just how we
think about things. We don't have to be in immediate stress right now in
this moment. But because we don't have any
other way of thinking, we find ourselves in constant states
of stress, which continues to keep our body working
in overtime. If my computer is
(13:01):
always on, I never shut it down, I never work on
it, it's always kind of in overdrive. A lot of times people's computer
starts to break down because they didn't shut it down, right? They didn't do any updates.
They haven't worked on it. So that's two
of the physical things. Another physical response, digestive
(13:21):
problems, right? Chronic stress manifests as digestive disturbances
like stomach aches, IBS, which is irritable bowel syndrome, and
changes in appetite. If you find yourself constantly
struggling with stomach issues, doctors are giving you medicine
and not really knowing what's going on. Check in with
your mental health. Check in when the stomach stuff starts
(13:43):
happening. Time and time again, when I'm working with
people and they talk about these stomach issues and the
stomach issues stop, they come again, they stop, right? What
happens is, because I'm working with them, I'll know what's going
on. And I'll say, oh, it sounds like your stomach stuff started around
the time X, Y, and Z happened. And they'll be like, dang, you know what? You're
(14:04):
right. The more we start working together, they start paying attention.
Now they start to make the connection that when their stomach starts turning, something's
going on. And so they begin to, that's their
sign that something's not right. Our body gives us signs that
we're not okay, but because we're not used to listening to
our body in that way, we ignore the signs. It
(14:26):
gets out of hand. It gets to the point where we
need medical intervention. So digestive issues
is when sleep disturbances. So many times people
struggle with sleep. And when I'm talking with people, I'm
checking in, how'd you sleep? How's your appetite? And
have you been moving your body? When it comes to sleep, People
(14:50):
will get so used to not sleeping well that
they find themselves saying, oh, this is just how it is. No, this is not just how
it is. There's something wrong. We were never meant to not have enough
sleep. When you sleep, it's how your body resets, right?
And if you're stressed all day, you call
yourself trying to go to sleep, just because you're trying to go to sleep, that
(15:12):
stress, those thoughts that are going on and on
in your head, what's happening is is
happening in your sleep, right? Your system is
having a hard time settling down. So you might fall asleep
just a little bit and then like get woken up because your
system is so used to being in high levels of stress all day.
(15:32):
Once you try to settle down and go to sleep, it's like, oh my gosh, what are we doing? We got to
get up. Right? Like, why are you sleeping? We still
got to solve these problems. We still got to do X, Y,
and Z. Your system needs to plan. Your mind needs to understand, what
are we doing? If we're not telling our mind what we're doing, if we're just escaping
with drugs, substances, alcohol, food, TV, social
(15:54):
media, we're finding ourselves just escaping. Our mind is
just continuing to run, run, run, run, run, run, run. Right? So
be mindful of that. Muscle and tension pain. How
many of you are struggling with back pain, feeling achy,
feeling like old, feeling like something's wrong? The
reality is, is that when you are struggling and
(16:17):
you're not doing anything about it, it needs a place to go. It
sits in our body, it sits in our bones, right? The
achiness that you're feeling, right? And then
the last thing is headaches. How
many of you have a hard time with having headaches and migraines?
And if you start to pay attention to when those migraines set off, when
(16:38):
the headache sets off, I'm sure you'll recognize this when something stressful
is going on. And I don't want you
to allow the headaches, the back aches, the stomach stuff
to become a norm, because again, we were never meant to live that way.
And I understand that maybe you have never been taught a
different way of operating. Maybe it's kind of like, oh yeah, my mom,
(17:00):
she struggled with migraines, right? My dad, he always had stomach
issues. You just chalk it up to like, oh, it's in our DNA. Yes,
and also the way we live tends
to get passed down from generation to generation, right?
You see your parents or your caregivers living under a state
of stress all the time. You're not taught to
(17:22):
live under stress, but based off of being in that environment, that's
what happens. So those are some of the physical ailments
that happen when you're constantly consuming and
you're not paying attention to the negativity bias that are taking
place when you're absorbing content and things like that.
What are the mental health effects? Mental health effects
(17:45):
Increased stress and anxiety, so the constant focus on
negative information can trigger the body's response, leading to
heightened anxiety levels and physical symptoms like heart
rate. Anxiety is so
dominant now in today's world. And
there are so many things that are hard, right? I'm a therapist. As much as
(18:07):
I work on not consuming so much negative news,
I still hear it, right? I talk to people every day. I'm
not in a bubble completely. And it
gets really challenging. And the thing about anxiety
is anxiety loves when you're dwelling on the past. Anxiety
(18:27):
loves when you're worried about the future. You know why? If you could
see me right now on YouTube, You're dwelling on the past, which
is back here. You're worried about the future. And
so in the moment, you're never in the moment. And
having peace is being in the moment. But
I want to be clear that for some people, being in the moment
(18:50):
was something that was very challenging for you, right, growing
up. And so you learned how not to be in the moment, how to always have
your system on high alert, got to be ready, stay ready, and
be in survival mode. And I was somebody that
operated like that all the time. Sometimes my system tries to go in
that mode and I bring it right back and I'm like, no, but right
(19:12):
now we're safe. We're okay. I don't know what tomorrow is going to bring. I don't know
if I'm going to be here tomorrow, but I know what's happening today. And
so I want you to be mindful that like, What
you're absorbing, right, we're talking about negativity, bias,
can keep you in a constant
state of stress. Depressive symptoms, so dwelling on
(19:34):
negative thoughts and experiences can contribute to pessimistic outlook,
making it harder to see the positive aspects of life, which
can exasperate depressive symptoms. And
a lot of things that are happening are so depressing. It's
sad. It breaks my heart. And I
feel those things, right? I don't try to reframe it. I don't try to pretend like
(19:57):
it's not happening. It's happening. But
I also work on trying to recalibrate my mind and look at what else is
happening because I can't allow myself to
be consumed by it. Some more things that
mental health, the impact of
negativity bias can help can impact your mental health, low
self-esteem, right? So this can lead you to focus on
(20:20):
the perceived flaws and shortcomings leading to a negative self-image and
low self-esteem. Now, you know, I
love social media. I'm able to put my content out
there. I'm able to engage with people. look at funny things,
learn how to cook, right? There's so many dope things about social media. There's
a lot of heart. If you're not mindful and if you're not paying attention
(20:42):
to the way you're looking at things, you
will find yourself always feeling like you're never enough.
Always feel like, how am I not where they
are? Why am I only here? You'll forget that,
oh, I went through this, I went through that, I got through this part. And
you'll be like, oh, I'm only here. And so be mindful
(21:03):
on how you're allowing what you're seeing in
others to affect where you are. Everybody's story
and how they started and where they started is going to look different. And
social media shows us highlighted reels, literally. Some
people will show the hard stuff, but majority of people are
showing the good stuff. And if you find
(21:26):
yourself comparing yourself to others in that way, remind yourself
that you're stressing yourself out, and maybe
you need to take a step back from social media. Another way
that the impact of negative bias is rumination. So
constantly ruminating and thinking on negative
things, or let's just say you're thinking
(21:48):
about where you are. You always wanted to go to college, and
you didn't have a chance to go to college because of the way your life went.
And, oh, I didn't go to college, right? It's like, OK, make
a decision. Do I want to go to college? And if I do, what do I need to do
to get there? Right. College was a big, this is just an example, but college was
a big thing years ago. And for some people it
(22:10):
was a setup for like debt, right? You get these big, big
student loans and jobs now, like they're
laying people off. And so now you're working just to pay
student loans. When people
talk about this college thing, I'm going to go, what do you want to do? They don't know what they want to
do. But then when we dig deeper, the college thing is just this fixated
(22:30):
thing that they have equated to success, especially when you live
in America, this colonizing way of thinking, this
hierarchy way of thinking, they haven't gotten out
of that. And so they're holding on to that. But then when
I say, well, if you don't know what you want to do, you don't want to be in
debt, then what is it that we need to
do, right? Little by little, they start to say, you know what, it's
(22:53):
not that I wanted to go to college, it's that my parents wanted me to go to college, or
I've equated that to success. Social
difficulties. So, so when it comes to the impact of negativity
bias. It can make your social interactions hard
to maintain healthy relationships. Because again,
(23:13):
if you're always consuming negative news if you're always
thinking in the negative. If you're my friend and I don't call you
back and I'm not calling you back because maybe I'm depressed or maybe I'm
overwhelmed and I didn't call you back, what's going to happen if
you think in negativity, if you're thinking in a negative way all the time?
Oh, Celeste just don't like me, right? You're going to start creating stories. I
(23:35):
know this is true because I talk to people every day who
are creating stories and they'll say something about
a partner or a friend or a family member. And
I'll know that that person may be going through something, or there's
no evidence. I said, oh, really? They don't like you? Why
do you say that? Well, you know, because they didn't call back.
(23:56):
I said, oh, so you don't know what's going on with them. And last time
you spoke to them, they said their mother was struggling with cancer. You
know, like we forget that people have lives and
a lot of people are struggling and we get so consumed
by our emotions. We get so consumed by always thinking negative that
now that relationship that we're in, we're looking
(24:18):
at it, the things that's happening in a negative way. Right?
So this negativity bias or the way that you're over
consuming negative news or the way you're thinking negative
all the time, it's affecting you in all areas of your life. And
then poor decision making, right? So if
you're constantly consumed by negativity, when
(24:40):
overly focused on negative outcomes, you may make decisions
based on fear and avoid taking risk, hindering
opportunities for personal growth. Everything
that I've done, so if you're new to the podcast, I started
my private practice in 2015, never was
an entrepreneur before. I authored two books, I
(25:02):
opened a wellness center. And these
things that I've done, I didn't have nobody that was
doing it that was guiding me. And the amount
of fear that came in, because the voice comes in, it's like,
oh, you think you could do that? Who do you think you really are? The
voice comes up for me. I hear
(25:24):
it. I see it. And I'll be like, oh no, I
can do it. Like I talk back to the voice. I don't allow
it to have dominion in my life. Right?
And if I allowed myself to be consumed
by negativity or negative noise, what will happen
is that that voice comes in and it
(25:46):
just reconfirms what I'm already doing with myself on
a day-to-day basis. So when you think about your
decision-making with your life and the things that you're choosing to do, Be
mindful on the way you're not pushing
forward with the things you say you want to do and why it may be happening.
Maybe you need to work on consuming something different. You
(26:10):
don't realize who you're talking to, what
you're listening to, what you're watching, how much that's affecting the
way you see yourself, the way you see your capabilities. how
to break the cycle, right? We're going to end with how to break the cycle, because we're not just going
to talk about the, I'm going to educate you on
this podcast, right? And so if you're new here, I want you
(26:31):
to make sure you have a notebook and you're taking notes. And if you haven't been taking notes,
you can rewind this and take, take some notes, but I'm going
to educate you on what's going on. I'm going to
talk about how it happens, and I'm always going to end
with what you can do about it. You're never going to leave none
of my podcasts, none of the videos that I watch, and it's
(26:52):
like, oh my gosh, I'm screwed. You're going to be like, okay, that
makes sense. And then you're going to be like, oh, I think I can do that. That's
my goal in doing this. So how to break
the cycle. Awareness, right? Start
noticing when you're focusing on negative thoughts. As I said, the thoughts
come. People that follow me or see what I'm doing, you
(27:15):
may be like, dang, I wish I could do it like that, or dang, how does she
do it? How do I do it? Literally, I'm
aware of what's going on, and I don't allow it to be
the narrative of my story. My trauma, the things that's happened
to me, it doesn't rule me. It's not my lens on
my present nor my future. So really being
(27:36):
mindful on what you're thinking try not to allow yourself
to constantly escape what you're thinking The
next thing is reframing so reframe negative thoughts into more
balanced perspective That's important and
then in parentheses if you're watching me on YouTube I put when it
comes to the hard things that are happening This is not a
(27:57):
space for reframe. So what I mean by that is It's
like, let's say the new, the things that are happening in America, how
sort of this, like this bullying, like space, I feel like that's
happening. And, um, I'm not asking you
to reframe. Oh, that's not like it's happening, but it's not really
happening. I'm not actually reframe that some things that are happening. I
(28:18):
need you to acknowledge, like, be aware that it's happening, feel
what's going on, grieve those moments. Right.
So like, that's not what I mean when I say reframe, because it's
important. I think sometimes with like therapy and
the way like colonize, like I feel like therapy in
America, the way we went to school is very colonizing. I'm very
(28:40):
much about decolonizing what mental health looks like and
breaking cycles, right? And I think that the way
that, you know, if you're in therapy and you're feeling like, oh, this isn't working, a lot of
times I feel like they make it seem like something's wrong with you. Something's
wrong with your brain or you're defective. No, something happened to me and
I'm in a system that was never designed for me. Right?
(29:02):
You start to feel defective. You're not defective. And
I need you to understand that you're not defective. Something
happened the same way. If you cut your finger and
you find yourself bleeding, something happened for
the blood to come out. And you do, and
then you have, you'd be like, okay, I cut my finger, let me put a bandaid on it, right?
(29:23):
You start to care for that wound. When it comes to the
wounds that we experience, because some of us have had
to escape, we forget, we feel like
it was 20 years ago, and we don't realize how
that wound, and we don't realize it's a wound, we don't realize
we're being affected by it, and we don't care for it, right?
(29:43):
We don't treat it. Gratitude
practice, so try keeping a gratitude journal to shift
focus to positive aspects of life. Gratitude's huge,
right? Every night, me and my husband, we
check in with our kids, and we ask them four questions. We
say, how are you feeling? What went well today? What
(30:05):
did you do to prepare for tomorrow? And what are you grateful for?
And what are you grateful for is so important for me, right?
And I say, what are you grateful for today? So I have them focus
on some things that may have taken place today so that they are
not just moving through life without recognizing, right?
What do you need to do to prepare for tomorrow to think about, OK, so
(30:29):
they can work on being prepared? What went well today? So many times
with this negativity bias, we can have a great day at work.
Somebody cuts us off. That cutoff takes place for 10 seconds. You're
going home pissed off and talking about what
somebody did that took 10 seconds out of your day.
You're allowing it to consume you. Because again,
(30:51):
some people don't know any other way. Limit exposure.
So setting boundaries with the news and social media, right? That's
important. Sometimes you could be so addicted, you don't even realize you're
addicted. Look at your screen time. When you get on social media,
Even if you can't find your screen time, look at
your watch, look at what time you got on, and then look at what
(31:14):
time you got off. Start checking yourself, right? Because
we don't own social media. There's a narrative
that is constantly being pushed. divisiveness,
right? I see it so clear and we're not thinking critically.
There's a lot of headlines they put up for clickbait because
it evokes a lot of emotion. People care more about going
(31:36):
viral. They care more about clickbait. They care more about
making their content and their platform heavy. I mean
big. And so they're not really, they don't really care about
like how you're being affected by these things. They just want
the views. and you don't realize because of
that emotion that's coming up, that's evoking all of this energy,
(31:59):
you're just being consumed by it. My husband will watch certain
things on YouTube that talks about what's going on, and
especially at night, right? And automatically, he
can watch it and be fine, and some
shows kind of make comedy out of it, but it just
pisses me off. And I will put my headphones in
(32:22):
and listen to music or watch something on my laptop. I
recognize, for me personally, I don't want to go to
sleep to that. And for me, I
do something different. I'm mindful in how I'm
affected. I could watch a movie or show, and
there's a scary scene coming up. Not scary, but somebody's about
(32:43):
to get caught. I don't like scary movies. But it's like a drama. I
will forward that part. Because my
stomach start, like I can feel things in real time. That's just how much
in tune I am with my body. And so I'll forward it
or I close my eyes, right? I give myself what I need at
that moment. Give yourself what you need, but how do you give yourself what you
(33:04):
need if you're not aware of what's going on? And
then the last thing really important is mindfulness and meditation. It
can help ground you, right? And if you like, I don't know
about meditation. I want to say like when it comes to
mindfulness and meditation, there's no wrong, there's no one
way to do it. And when you take
(33:25):
time to think about what you're thinking, and you're like, oh, but
there's so many thoughts. That's good. I want you to know that there's so many thoughts. I
want you to know that it's important for you to start engaging
in those thoughts, because what's happening is those thoughts are
starting as a seed. and they're growing into full weeds.
You're letting weeds grow in your mind. And so even when you
(33:47):
have this goal or this thought that comes up, that's good, where
you're like, oh, I think I could do that. You could listen to this podcast and be like, oh,
I think I can make that happen. What's going to happen is because
you're not tending to your garden, you're allowing weeds to
happen. You'll never allow yourself to blossom and grow the
way you're supposed to grow. I really want
(34:08):
you to be mindful of this. I'm so passionate about this. Um,
because like my platform and everything I do is about shifting the
way you think my goal is to help empower you because
when you know who you are, guess what? Nobody can tell
you who you're not. And growing up, one
of the things about, um, in my household, my mom's
(34:28):
never spoke negative to us. She's not sure. Oh, that's
good. You want to do that? Like, she'll be like, just positive about it.
I didn't know that people grew up in spaces until I
started working with people. I didn't know that they grew up in spaces where
they were talked down to or they was told, like, you really think you could do that? I
didn't know that was a thing. And I realized
(34:50):
just how much the fact that my mom never came
at us negative or always encouraged us was
such a huge blessing to my way of thinking. And
even if you didn't have that growing up, I want
you to know if you're still breathing, there's room for change. You
(35:10):
can recalibrate the way you've been operating and the way you've been
taught. Don't let anybody tell you otherwise. Yeah, it's
going to take some time, but I promise you can do it. So
as we're winding down, I want you to be mindful and not allow this
to just be a feel-good session. Again, these
sessions that I do here, I really want you to
(35:31):
use them as a tool to help yourself grow. Take
notes. Take what you can. Leave what doesn't work for you. Understand
that change takes time. Understand that change is
hard. Change is ugly. It's grieving.
It feels lonely. And when
(35:51):
you know what you know, sometimes when, when you try to make
that change and it feels lonely and it feels hard, what tends
to happen is that you'll find yourself not
doing the change because nobody told you that this was going to happen. So
you might find yourself, um, you might find
yourself like going forward with what you
(36:12):
have been doing because what you're trying to do feels so scary.
So I hope this was helpful. If anything I would
say resonates for you, understand you have the power to create change, but
it's important for you to have faith and believe in yourself. Cause
when you have faith, when you start believing in yourself, no
(36:32):
one could ever take that away from you. So until next
Hey, hey, thank you all so much for joining another episode of
Celeste's Therapist Podcast. My name is Celeste. I'm a therapist from Boston.
And if you're new here, thank you so much for giving me a try. I've
been podcasting since 2018. And I've started
off podcasting where I was talking to other
(00:20):
people. And then in 2024, I
had this idea, I was gonna open a wellness center. And
so I didn't have the capacity to interview people. So now I
come on and I give you these nuggets and information to
help you shift the way you think, because I've realized we get stuck in
the way that we think about things. And a lot of times we may think it's
(00:43):
our circumstances that's stopping us from creating change.
But the more that I've worked with people, and I've been working with people for over 20 years,
I recognize that the reason why we kind of get stuck is because
of our own, like, fixated ways of thinking. We get really
stuck in the struggle. And today we're talking about negativity bias.
(01:04):
so important right now with everything that's going on
and people not realizing just how much
their actions and what they're listening to is
stopping them from like feeling any different. And
I want to be clear that the things that are happening that
you're struggling with the hard feelings
(01:25):
are gonna be there, but I'm seeing like
people are getting so consumed by them. So I wanna kind of help you understand why
that happens, how it happens, and what you can
do about it to work on yourself. Before we do that, I just wanna
share my website. So I have a wellness center, it's called
Shifting the Way You Think, because like I said, I recognize that
(01:46):
we tend to get stuck in the way that we think. and
I have events that are taking place. So I
want to share that. So if you are listening, I have my
website up and the website is stwyt.com and
that's stwyt.com. And I created
this website because I wanted a place for the Black community to
(02:07):
be able to come to, to see people that look like them, to
be able to host events like wellness events, where
you can have a space and bring people together because
I think that therapy is great, but I also think or know
that there's so many other modalities that are not being utilized. So
if you go to stwyt.com, you'll
(02:29):
see meet the team. So we have two clinicians. I'm
not taking anyone right now. And then we have
the services that we provide, so upcoming events,
space we're into, and individual therapy. We
also have an area where you could donate if you want to donate a class to
someone. But under events, so I'm going to click on upcoming events.
(02:52):
And as you can see, our next event that we're having, February
4th, is called Rest and Recharge. This event is by
Paula McCree. And it's a great way to work
on getting in tune with your body, getting in tune with your breath. And
then after that, we have Connections that's taking place,
craft and chill. And so this is a place, Connections
(03:14):
is a series that I'm creating once a month that can have
people come together. It's not about talking about mental health. It's not about doing
anything that's uncomfortable. It's literally about chilling. Today,
this time we're gonna be crafting, so wine glass or coasters. Another
time we're gonna have games. We're gonna have movie night. So it's not
even about like having conversation. I think a lot of times when
(03:38):
it comes to, uh, when it comes to our struggles
and people talk about mental health and things like that, we don't talk about
community and just being together and how that
can be so empowering. I've had people that say, you
know, I wasn't going to go to this thing, but then I decided to go. And
actually I feel good. Like nothing happened. Nobody spoke words to
(03:59):
them about, Oh, you should do this. It's just that they were able to
get out. and do something different. So that's why I create
the series Connections. So you see the
Connections that's taking place February 8th. And then the
Connection Reset. So this is a cool event. This
event is hosted by a social worker Julia, and
(04:20):
it's for couples. And so if you go to my website, her
website is there, the link to purchase. February 15th,
she's having an event for couples. So
this is going to be something that's exciting. So through interactive activities, guided
discussions, you'll learn more practical tools
to enhance your relationship. And, you know, relationships are
(04:43):
hard, especially when individuals are
struggling. There's something powerful about having knowledge
and information about how to come together, because we can tend to get in our own
feelings, get in our own way. So that's going to be a cool
event that's going to be taking place next
month. and then we have let's see
(05:04):
what we have next after that we have mindful
yen again this is another monthly series so rest and reset mindful
yen is a monthly uh series that we're doing And
then I'm having goal alignment check-in. That's March 30th.
That's online. At the beginning of the year, I did
an event where we talked about how to look at the wellness wheel,
(05:28):
how to look at our goals. I don't want that
idea to be something that only takes place at
the beginning of the year. So I'm doing this quarterly. It's a free event.
You just come on. If you sign up, I'll send you the Zoom link.
And if you can't make it, I'll send you the lesson or
what we talked about. So this is great for you to
(05:49):
kind of come in, rechecking with your goals. One of
the things I know is that we don't always have
that person that's on the same page with us, that's in alignment with us,
right? And I didn't have somebody that was an entrepreneur or
going towards the things I was going towards, but I did find
it online. I did find it in groups. I find it on podcasts and
(06:10):
books. I really just embraced learning
about the thing I said I wanted to do. I really enhanced my
craft. The way I'm able to talk and speak. When
I used to speak, I used to feel nervous, but I just felt passion. I was like, I want
to do this. I want to help other people. And the more I did it,
the less the anxiety in my stomach felt. Um,
(06:30):
so that goal alignment check-in that's going to happen, uh, in
March and then the other, and we're always adding events. And
then the other thing that we have is healing the inner child
series. So this is in person it's happening again, April
12th. Uh, this is going to happen quarterly and
it's a three week series. It's not something you could come to maybe once
(06:53):
or twice, It's something where you would have to
make a three week commitment. So three Saturdays back to
back. It's a lot of content, a lot of information. And
my goal behind creating it is because I didn't want people to
kind of rush through the process. So that's something that's taking
place. So if you want to learn more about
(07:13):
what's happening at the center, just go to stwyt.com. All
right, y'all, let's talk about negativity bias. this
is a issue or a thing that happens right
and i'm going to tell you the definition so if you're watching it on youtube it
says the tendency to pay more attention to negative information than
to positive information here more weight is given to negative
(07:34):
experiences versus the neutral experiences that
we have, right? So that's something that people
don't realize is happening, is that a
lot of times when you're hearing negative things, you're finding yourself
being more drawn to that information. And you might
be like, dang, why does that exist, right? So
(07:55):
humans have a negativity bias because it was an adaptive trait
that helped our ancestors survive. The bias is
the tendency to pay more attention to negative information than positive ones.
So let's say, for instance, like we were in the woods. Years
ago, we didn't have Google. We didn't have the internet, right? All we had
was our instincts. And so if we ate something
(08:18):
and it made us feel sick, we needed to remember that we got sick.
Because if we didn't remember that we got sick, What
could happen is that we'll eat it again, and then we
find ourselves struggling, right? But because of that negativity
bias and that ability to remember the hard
stuff, it's supposed to prevent us from not doing it. Another example
(08:40):
of negativity bias is like, let's say you got several
compliments, right? Your boss was like, oh my gosh. you
didn't do this one thing right. But
then throughout the whole interview or the
whole assessment with your boss, your boss was
talking about all the amazing things you did right. So let's say 90% of
(09:03):
the meeting was about positive things that happened and
10% was about things that he wanted you to clean up on. And
what happens with a lot of people, that 10% ends up
being the thing that you're focused on, right? So that's
something that takes place and people really don't understand what's going
(09:23):
on. Studies show that negative news stories are
significantly more likely to be clicked on and
shared compared to the positive news. Right?
So when you think about social media and the
stories that go viral, periodically I'll
see things that are good that can go viral, right?
(09:44):
But a lot of times it's the hard stuff because it's evoking a
lot of emotion in us. So that emotion that
is being evoked in us, it tends to be something that
can become addictive where your system begins to crave
it because that's the only thing you're looking at. If you're on
social media and you're struggling with yourself and
(10:05):
where you are in life, and you're on it
a lot and you're just seeing all the people that are where you
want to be, You'll find yourself always looking
at that and feeling like a certain way, and your mind
will start to continue to focus on that because that's your focus. If
you're a long-time listener, I always use this example. If you have
(10:27):
a red Toyota and you drive that
Toyota, when you're driving in the streets, you're
going to find yourself always seeing a red Toyota. And
it's not because everybody went out and got your red Toyota. It's
because your mind looks at it every day. So it's all, it's, it's the
thing that's going to stick out. And I would say, imagine if
(10:47):
you thought about what you wanted to do,
right? You started working on it, creating action. What happens
is your mind starts to focus on how can I continue to allow
Celeste to create this action? How can I continue to allow Celeste to
do the thing that she wants to do? That's literally what's happened in
my life. When I'm working on things, the things that I'm doing, the
things that I say I want to do, because I'm focusing on
(11:11):
it, my mind continues to show me the possibilities of
what's available to me. So there
are gonna be some effects. So I told you what negativity bias is, right?
I wanna share with you the effects that negativity
bias can have on us, right? Because there's
mental effects and there's physical effects. And I
(11:33):
feel like if you understand this, it might help
you kind of reframe some of the ways you're doing things. So
when it comes to the physical effects, right? impaired
immune response. So chronic stress induced by negative thinking
can weaken the immune system, right? This is not
just about negativity bias. In general, chronic stress
(11:57):
weakens our immune system. And a lot of times we
don't realize the reason why we're always sick, the reason why we're always
struggling is because we're in constant states of stress.
So I want you to remember that cardiovascular concerns,
high levels of negativity are linked to increased risk
of cardiovascular issues like high blood
(12:20):
pressure due to the stress response. Again,
and high blood pressure causes stroke, heart attacks. People are
dying younger and younger from heart attacks, from heart issues, because
our body was never meant to stay in that state. I
said this before in the podcast, humans are the only species that
(12:40):
can go into this flight or fight mode with just how we
think about things. We don't have to be in immediate stress right now in
this moment. But because we don't have any
other way of thinking, we find ourselves in constant states
of stress, which continues to keep our body working
in overtime. If my computer is
(13:01):
always on, I never shut it down, I never work on
it, it's always kind of in overdrive. A lot of times people's computer
starts to break down because they didn't shut it down, right? They didn't do any updates.
They haven't worked on it. So that's two
of the physical things. Another physical response, digestive
(13:21):
problems, right? Chronic stress manifests as digestive disturbances
like stomach aches, IBS, which is irritable bowel syndrome, and
changes in appetite. If you find yourself constantly
struggling with stomach issues, doctors are giving you medicine
and not really knowing what's going on. Check in with
your mental health. Check in when the stomach stuff starts
(13:43):
happening. Time and time again, when I'm working with
people and they talk about these stomach issues and the
stomach issues stop, they come again, they stop, right? What
happens is, because I'm working with them, I'll know what's going
on. And I'll say, oh, it sounds like your stomach stuff started around
the time X, Y, and Z happened. And they'll be like, dang, you know what? You're
(14:04):
right. The more we start working together, they start paying attention.
Now they start to make the connection that when their stomach starts turning, something's
going on. And so they begin to, that's their
sign that something's not right. Our body gives us signs that
we're not okay, but because we're not used to listening to
our body in that way, we ignore the signs. It
(14:26):
gets out of hand. It gets to the point where we
need medical intervention. So digestive issues
is when sleep disturbances. So many times people
struggle with sleep. And when I'm talking with people, I'm
checking in, how'd you sleep? How's your appetite? And
have you been moving your body? When it comes to sleep, People
(14:50):
will get so used to not sleeping well that
they find themselves saying, oh, this is just how it is. No, this is not just how
it is. There's something wrong. We were never meant to not have enough
sleep. When you sleep, it's how your body resets, right?
And if you're stressed all day, you call
yourself trying to go to sleep, just because you're trying to go to sleep, that
(15:12):
stress, those thoughts that are going on and on
in your head, what's happening is is
happening in your sleep, right? Your system is
having a hard time settling down. So you might fall asleep
just a little bit and then like get woken up because your
system is so used to being in high levels of stress all day.
(15:32):
Once you try to settle down and go to sleep, it's like, oh my gosh, what are we doing? We got to
get up. Right? Like, why are you sleeping? We still
got to solve these problems. We still got to do X, Y,
and Z. Your system needs to plan. Your mind needs to understand, what
are we doing? If we're not telling our mind what we're doing, if we're just escaping
with drugs, substances, alcohol, food, TV, social
(15:54):
media, we're finding ourselves just escaping. Our mind is
just continuing to run, run, run, run, run, run, run. Right? So
be mindful of that. Muscle and tension pain. How
many of you are struggling with back pain, feeling achy,
feeling like old, feeling like something's wrong? The
reality is, is that when you are struggling and
(16:17):
you're not doing anything about it, it needs a place to go. It
sits in our body, it sits in our bones, right? The
achiness that you're feeling, right? And then
the last thing is headaches. How
many of you have a hard time with having headaches and migraines?
And if you start to pay attention to when those migraines set off, when
(16:38):
the headache sets off, I'm sure you'll recognize this when something stressful
is going on. And I don't want you
to allow the headaches, the back aches, the stomach stuff
to become a norm, because again, we were never meant to live that way.
And I understand that maybe you have never been taught a
different way of operating. Maybe it's kind of like, oh yeah, my mom,
(17:00):
she struggled with migraines, right? My dad, he always had stomach
issues. You just chalk it up to like, oh, it's in our DNA. Yes,
and also the way we live tends
to get passed down from generation to generation, right?
You see your parents or your caregivers living under a state
of stress all the time. You're not taught to
(17:22):
live under stress, but based off of being in that environment, that's
what happens. So those are some of the physical ailments
that happen when you're constantly consuming and
you're not paying attention to the negativity bias that are taking
place when you're absorbing content and things like that.
What are the mental health effects? Mental health effects
(17:45):
Increased stress and anxiety, so the constant focus on
negative information can trigger the body's response, leading to
heightened anxiety levels and physical symptoms like heart
rate. Anxiety is so
dominant now in today's world. And
there are so many things that are hard, right? I'm a therapist. As much as
(18:07):
I work on not consuming so much negative news,
I still hear it, right? I talk to people every day. I'm
not in a bubble completely. And it
gets really challenging. And the thing about anxiety
is anxiety loves when you're dwelling on the past. Anxiety
(18:27):
loves when you're worried about the future. You know why? If you could
see me right now on YouTube, You're dwelling on the past, which
is back here. You're worried about the future. And
so in the moment, you're never in the moment. And
having peace is being in the moment. But
I want to be clear that for some people, being in the moment
(18:50):
was something that was very challenging for you, right, growing
up. And so you learned how not to be in the moment, how to always have
your system on high alert, got to be ready, stay ready, and
be in survival mode. And I was somebody that
operated like that all the time. Sometimes my system tries to go in
that mode and I bring it right back and I'm like, no, but right
(19:12):
now we're safe. We're okay. I don't know what tomorrow is going to bring. I don't know
if I'm going to be here tomorrow, but I know what's happening today. And
so I want you to be mindful that like, What
you're absorbing, right, we're talking about negativity, bias,
can keep you in a constant
state of stress. Depressive symptoms, so dwelling on
(19:34):
negative thoughts and experiences can contribute to pessimistic outlook,
making it harder to see the positive aspects of life, which
can exasperate depressive symptoms. And
a lot of things that are happening are so depressing. It's
sad. It breaks my heart. And I
feel those things, right? I don't try to reframe it. I don't try to pretend like
(19:57):
it's not happening. It's happening. But
I also work on trying to recalibrate my mind and look at what else is
happening because I can't allow myself to
be consumed by it. Some more things that
mental health, the impact of
negativity bias can help can impact your mental health, low
self-esteem, right? So this can lead you to focus on
(20:20):
the perceived flaws and shortcomings leading to a negative self-image and
low self-esteem. Now, you know, I
love social media. I'm able to put my content out
there. I'm able to engage with people. look at funny things,
learn how to cook, right? There's so many dope things about social media. There's
a lot of heart. If you're not mindful and if you're not paying attention
(20:42):
to the way you're looking at things, you
will find yourself always feeling like you're never enough.
Always feel like, how am I not where they
are? Why am I only here? You'll forget that,
oh, I went through this, I went through that, I got through this part. And
you'll be like, oh, I'm only here. And so be mindful
(21:03):
on how you're allowing what you're seeing in
others to affect where you are. Everybody's story
and how they started and where they started is going to look different. And
social media shows us highlighted reels, literally. Some
people will show the hard stuff, but majority of people are
showing the good stuff. And if you find
(21:26):
yourself comparing yourself to others in that way, remind yourself
that you're stressing yourself out, and maybe
you need to take a step back from social media. Another way
that the impact of negative bias is rumination. So
constantly ruminating and thinking on negative
things, or let's just say you're thinking
(21:48):
about where you are. You always wanted to go to college, and
you didn't have a chance to go to college because of the way your life went.
And, oh, I didn't go to college, right? It's like, OK, make
a decision. Do I want to go to college? And if I do, what do I need to do
to get there? Right. College was a big, this is just an example, but college was
a big thing years ago. And for some people it
(22:10):
was a setup for like debt, right? You get these big, big
student loans and jobs now, like they're
laying people off. And so now you're working just to pay
student loans. When people
talk about this college thing, I'm going to go, what do you want to do? They don't know what they want to
do. But then when we dig deeper, the college thing is just this fixated
(22:30):
thing that they have equated to success, especially when you live
in America, this colonizing way of thinking, this
hierarchy way of thinking, they haven't gotten out
of that. And so they're holding on to that. But then when
I say, well, if you don't know what you want to do, you don't want to be in
debt, then what is it that we need to
do, right? Little by little, they start to say, you know what, it's
(22:53):
not that I wanted to go to college, it's that my parents wanted me to go to college, or
I've equated that to success. Social
difficulties. So, so when it comes to the impact of negativity
bias. It can make your social interactions hard
to maintain healthy relationships. Because again,
(23:13):
if you're always consuming negative news if you're always
thinking in the negative. If you're my friend and I don't call you
back and I'm not calling you back because maybe I'm depressed or maybe I'm
overwhelmed and I didn't call you back, what's going to happen if
you think in negativity, if you're thinking in a negative way all the time?
Oh, Celeste just don't like me, right? You're going to start creating stories. I
(23:35):
know this is true because I talk to people every day who
are creating stories and they'll say something about
a partner or a friend or a family member. And
I'll know that that person may be going through something, or there's
no evidence. I said, oh, really? They don't like you? Why
do you say that? Well, you know, because they didn't call back.
(23:56):
I said, oh, so you don't know what's going on with them. And last time
you spoke to them, they said their mother was struggling with cancer. You
know, like we forget that people have lives and
a lot of people are struggling and we get so consumed
by our emotions. We get so consumed by always thinking negative that
now that relationship that we're in, we're looking
(24:18):
at it, the things that's happening in a negative way. Right?
So this negativity bias or the way that you're over
consuming negative news or the way you're thinking negative
all the time, it's affecting you in all areas of your life. And
then poor decision making, right? So if
you're constantly consumed by negativity, when
(24:40):
overly focused on negative outcomes, you may make decisions
based on fear and avoid taking risk, hindering
opportunities for personal growth. Everything
that I've done, so if you're new to the podcast, I started
my private practice in 2015, never was
an entrepreneur before. I authored two books, I
(25:02):
opened a wellness center. And these
things that I've done, I didn't have nobody that was
doing it that was guiding me. And the amount
of fear that came in, because the voice comes in, it's like,
oh, you think you could do that? Who do you think you really are? The
voice comes up for me. I hear
(25:24):
it. I see it. And I'll be like, oh no, I
can do it. Like I talk back to the voice. I don't allow
it to have dominion in my life. Right?
And if I allowed myself to be consumed
by negativity or negative noise, what will happen
is that that voice comes in and it
(25:46):
just reconfirms what I'm already doing with myself on
a day-to-day basis. So when you think about your
decision-making with your life and the things that you're choosing to do, Be
mindful on the way you're not pushing
forward with the things you say you want to do and why it may be happening.
Maybe you need to work on consuming something different. You
(26:10):
don't realize who you're talking to, what
you're listening to, what you're watching, how much that's affecting the
way you see yourself, the way you see your capabilities. how
to break the cycle, right? We're going to end with how to break the cycle, because we're not just going
to talk about the, I'm going to educate you on
this podcast, right? And so if you're new here, I want you
(26:31):
to make sure you have a notebook and you're taking notes. And if you haven't been taking notes,
you can rewind this and take, take some notes, but I'm going
to educate you on what's going on. I'm going to
talk about how it happens, and I'm always going to end
with what you can do about it. You're never going to leave none
of my podcasts, none of the videos that I watch, and it's
(26:52):
like, oh my gosh, I'm screwed. You're going to be like, okay, that
makes sense. And then you're going to be like, oh, I think I can do that. That's
my goal in doing this. So how to break
the cycle. Awareness, right? Start
noticing when you're focusing on negative thoughts. As I said, the thoughts
come. People that follow me or see what I'm doing, you
(27:15):
may be like, dang, I wish I could do it like that, or dang, how does she
do it? How do I do it? Literally, I'm
aware of what's going on, and I don't allow it to be
the narrative of my story. My trauma, the things that's happened
to me, it doesn't rule me. It's not my lens on
my present nor my future. So really being
(27:36):
mindful on what you're thinking try not to allow yourself
to constantly escape what you're thinking The
next thing is reframing so reframe negative thoughts into more
balanced perspective That's important and
then in parentheses if you're watching me on YouTube I put when it
comes to the hard things that are happening This is not a
(27:57):
space for reframe. So what I mean by that is It's
like, let's say the new, the things that are happening in America, how
sort of this, like this bullying, like space, I feel like that's
happening. And, um, I'm not asking you
to reframe. Oh, that's not like it's happening, but it's not really
happening. I'm not actually reframe that some things that are happening. I
(28:18):
need you to acknowledge, like, be aware that it's happening, feel
what's going on, grieve those moments. Right.
So like, that's not what I mean when I say reframe, because it's
important. I think sometimes with like therapy and
the way like colonize, like I feel like therapy in
America, the way we went to school is very colonizing. I'm very
(28:40):
much about decolonizing what mental health looks like and
breaking cycles, right? And I think that the way
that, you know, if you're in therapy and you're feeling like, oh, this isn't working, a lot of
times I feel like they make it seem like something's wrong with you. Something's
wrong with your brain or you're defective. No, something happened to me and
I'm in a system that was never designed for me. Right?
(29:02):
You start to feel defective. You're not defective. And
I need you to understand that you're not defective. Something
happened the same way. If you cut your finger and
you find yourself bleeding, something happened for
the blood to come out. And you do, and
then you have, you'd be like, okay, I cut my finger, let me put a bandaid on it, right?
(29:23):
You start to care for that wound. When it comes to the
wounds that we experience, because some of us have had
to escape, we forget, we feel like
it was 20 years ago, and we don't realize how
that wound, and we don't realize it's a wound, we don't realize
we're being affected by it, and we don't care for it, right?
(29:43):
We don't treat it. Gratitude
practice, so try keeping a gratitude journal to shift
focus to positive aspects of life. Gratitude's huge,
right? Every night, me and my husband, we
check in with our kids, and we ask them four questions. We
say, how are you feeling? What went well today? What
(30:05):
did you do to prepare for tomorrow? And what are you grateful for?
And what are you grateful for is so important for me, right?
And I say, what are you grateful for today? So I have them focus
on some things that may have taken place today so that they are
not just moving through life without recognizing, right?
What do you need to do to prepare for tomorrow to think about, OK, so
(30:29):
they can work on being prepared? What went well today? So many times
with this negativity bias, we can have a great day at work.
Somebody cuts us off. That cutoff takes place for 10 seconds. You're
going home pissed off and talking about what
somebody did that took 10 seconds out of your day.
You're allowing it to consume you. Because again,
(30:51):
some people don't know any other way. Limit exposure.
So setting boundaries with the news and social media, right? That's
important. Sometimes you could be so addicted, you don't even realize you're
addicted. Look at your screen time. When you get on social media,
Even if you can't find your screen time, look at
your watch, look at what time you got on, and then look at what
(31:14):
time you got off. Start checking yourself, right? Because
we don't own social media. There's a narrative
that is constantly being pushed. divisiveness,
right? I see it so clear and we're not thinking critically.
There's a lot of headlines they put up for clickbait because
it evokes a lot of emotion. People care more about going
(31:36):
viral. They care more about clickbait. They care more about
making their content and their platform heavy. I mean
big. And so they're not really, they don't really care about
like how you're being affected by these things. They just want
the views. and you don't realize because of
that emotion that's coming up, that's evoking all of this energy,
(31:59):
you're just being consumed by it. My husband will watch certain
things on YouTube that talks about what's going on, and
especially at night, right? And automatically, he
can watch it and be fine, and some
shows kind of make comedy out of it, but it just
pisses me off. And I will put my headphones in
(32:22):
and listen to music or watch something on my laptop. I
recognize, for me personally, I don't want to go to
sleep to that. And for me, I
do something different. I'm mindful in how I'm
affected. I could watch a movie or show, and
there's a scary scene coming up. Not scary, but somebody's about
(32:43):
to get caught. I don't like scary movies. But it's like a drama. I
will forward that part. Because my
stomach start, like I can feel things in real time. That's just how much
in tune I am with my body. And so I'll forward it
or I close my eyes, right? I give myself what I need at
that moment. Give yourself what you need, but how do you give yourself what you
(33:04):
need if you're not aware of what's going on? And
then the last thing really important is mindfulness and meditation. It
can help ground you, right? And if you like, I don't know
about meditation. I want to say like when it comes to
mindfulness and meditation, there's no wrong, there's no one
way to do it. And when you take
(33:25):
time to think about what you're thinking, and you're like, oh, but
there's so many thoughts. That's good. I want you to know that there's so many thoughts. I
want you to know that it's important for you to start engaging
in those thoughts, because what's happening is those thoughts are
starting as a seed. and they're growing into full weeds.
You're letting weeds grow in your mind. And so even when you
(33:47):
have this goal or this thought that comes up, that's good, where
you're like, oh, I think I could do that. You could listen to this podcast and be like, oh,
I think I can make that happen. What's going to happen is because
you're not tending to your garden, you're allowing weeds to
happen. You'll never allow yourself to blossom and grow the
way you're supposed to grow. I really want
(34:08):
you to be mindful of this. I'm so passionate about this. Um,
because like my platform and everything I do is about shifting the
way you think my goal is to help empower you because
when you know who you are, guess what? Nobody can tell
you who you're not. And growing up, one
of the things about, um, in my household, my mom's
(34:28):
never spoke negative to us. She's not sure. Oh, that's
good. You want to do that? Like, she'll be like, just positive about it.
I didn't know that people grew up in spaces until I
started working with people. I didn't know that they grew up in spaces where
they were talked down to or they was told, like, you really think you could do that? I
didn't know that was a thing. And I realized
(34:50):
just how much the fact that my mom never came
at us negative or always encouraged us was
such a huge blessing to my way of thinking. And
even if you didn't have that growing up, I want
you to know if you're still breathing, there's room for change. You
(35:10):
can recalibrate the way you've been operating and the way you've been
taught. Don't let anybody tell you otherwise. Yeah, it's
going to take some time, but I promise you can do it. So
as we're winding down, I want you to be mindful and not allow this
to just be a feel-good session. Again, these
sessions that I do here, I really want you to
(35:31):
use them as a tool to help yourself grow. Take
notes. Take what you can. Leave what doesn't work for you. Understand
that change takes time. Understand that change is
hard. Change is ugly. It's grieving.
It feels lonely. And when
(35:51):
you know what you know, sometimes when, when you try to make
that change and it feels lonely and it feels hard, what tends
to happen is that you'll find yourself not
doing the change because nobody told you that this was going to happen. So
you might find yourself, um, you might find
yourself like going forward with what you
(36:12):
have been doing because what you're trying to do feels so scary.
So I hope this was helpful. If anything I would
say resonates for you, understand you have the power to create change, but
it's important for you to have faith and believe in yourself. Cause
when you have faith, when you start believing in yourself, no
(36:32):
one could ever take that away from you. So until next
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