EP 507 Understanding Life Challenges: Don't Take It Personally

Episode Transcript

(00:02):
Hey, hey, thank you so much for joining another episode of Celeste,
the therapist podcast. My name is Celeste. I'm a therapist from Boston, and
I come on to talk about things that we struggle with and help you come
up with ways to deal with them. Typically, these
episodes are also on YouTube. This will not be on YouTube. It's
only audio. As you can tell or if

(00:23):
you don't know my voice I'm feeling a little under the weather but
This topic and this podcast is really important to me. I
really Find myself week to week
thinking about these things that are coming up and I
see a lot of themes and This theme that
I want to talk about is understanding life challenges and not taking

(00:46):
it personal So if you are new here, I have a
ton of episodes that I have with
other people. So for years, I started
this podcast in 2018. I was interviewing people who
were doing things to empower other people. And then in
2024, I decided I was going to open up a wellness center. So I didn't

(01:08):
have the capacity to interview people. So I decided
I still wanted to keep this podcast going. And
in order to do that, I needed to not
interview people. And so now I come on and I
give these really short episodes that can really help
you like shift your thought process. And so I

(01:30):
want you to use this podcast as a tool to help get through
things. I believe in therapy. I'm a whole therapist, but I
also know that therapies not always accessible for
people. I also understand that sometimes
you have a hard time finding the right fit and I understand that it's
other things outside of therapy that can help. And so when you're listening to

(01:50):
this podcast, have a notebook, have a pen, take some notes, especially if
you find yourself drawn to the topic. I really
want to help you think about those things. And before we get started on
the topic, don't forget May 3rd, May
is mental health awareness month, right? And so I am having
a wellness day at my center. We have, I

(02:11):
have a four room suite. I'm like so grateful. Sometimes I can't believe I
have this whole suite. And I, sometimes I'll be like, so that's like,
what are you doing? If you follow my social media, The other day
in my stories, I was just like sometimes I'd be like, what are you doing? And that's
the thing when you're building something from scratch There are so
many like ebbs and flows of emotions that come up and
if that's you right now one of the things that keeps me going is

(02:35):
thinking about my purpose thinking about my purpose keeps
me motivated and So if you find
yourself struggling, remember your purpose. So
May 3rd, we're having this Wellness Day. One room is gonna be a game
area, another room's gonna be arts and crafts. Another
room is going to be chair massages and also facials.

(02:57):
I'm adding, she's going to do 20 minute facials. I'm so
excited. And then my bigger room, we're going to have different classes.
If you go to stwyt.com, you'll
find the link to sign up. It's a free
event. And everything is first come, first serve. I'm
so excited about that. Also, if you are in the Stoughton

(03:18):
area, so I'm located in Stoughton, Massachusetts. We're right outside of Boston.
I have regular ongoing classes that are happening every month.
I have a rest and recharge class. Mindful yen.
I also have a restorative yoga class amongst other
things that are happening So if you want to stay up to date if you go
to my website put your email in and you will be

(03:39):
able to get updates I usually send out an email once
maybe twice a month, but mainly once so you're not gonna get
bombarded and with emails from me. I'm literally just giving you
information. I also post it on my social media platform.
And on social media, you could find me, Celeste, the therapist, my
business, social media, you can find an STWYT and

(04:02):
that just stands for shifting the way you think. And
that's where you will find all of my information. So
this is a topic today that we're talking about I
think a lot of people struggle with, especially now. Sometimes I
think we forget that people are going through life, right?

(04:22):
We can get so absorbed with the things that
we have going on that we forget that other people
may have things happening. Relationships can
be very complex, and they're influenced by so
many factors, right? And I think about the way relationships
have been built, right? So maybe grade school, maybe college. For

(04:44):
some people, it was work, right? So we have these
different relationships. And for some people, you know, if
we've had people in our lives from childhood or
college, and we start doing different things,
we may start, having kids we may get
into a relationship right or maybe part of our trauma is

(05:05):
less talking about all these horrible relationships we've been in and
you're no longer in that space and so the relationship dynamic looks different
and so sometimes people may find themselves withdrawing
from a relationship not realizing what's going on,
right? Because this person wants to talk about trauma all
the time and you feel like you've moved past it. And

(05:28):
so it's important to really understand yourself,
understand your needs, understand what
you want out of life, right? And also understanding
that sometimes people are in our lives for a season. I
don't think we make that something that is a staple,

(05:50):
right? A lot of times, I know for me, I'm going to talk personally, I've
tried to carry people through different parts of
my life as I was growing. Not
understanding why I felt weighed down. A lot of jealousy, a
lot of envy, a lot of hate was taking place. And
I didn't understand that I had to let people go. And letting

(06:12):
people go doesn't mean where I'm like, forget them.
I'm never talking to them. I had to understand that
people aren't always going to grow with you and that's okay. It's
not that it's okay as in, okay, it is what it is. There's some
grief that can take place as you're growing, right? But
also understand that it's a part of life, right? And

(06:34):
I think that if we really understand that we can do things
differently. So as we're growing and as we're changing
and as we're developing and as we're understanding like what we
need, sometimes we may find ourselves still
showing up for people in the same capacity that we always have
shown up and find ourselves struggling with

(06:55):
the fact that they're not showing up the same way. And
sometimes, you know, I think that it's important to
understand as we continue to grow and get older and have
all these responsibilities, other people could
be going through things that we may know nothing about.
And sometimes our internalization of how we're

(07:17):
treated could be rooted in some of our own childhood stuff.
If you struggle with abandonment issues, if you struggle with
some insecurity, if you struggle with some
things from your childhood. Your
friend or your whoever the person is in your life have
changed Your system could automatically put

(07:39):
you into the space of oh my goodness is happening again Right
and so sometimes we end up jumping to conclusions And
we find ourselves struggling and
making statements. You know, I'm a whole therapist, so I hear it all the time. I
see how the mind works, right? Our mind is designed for

(08:00):
survival. Our mind is not designed for us
to have positive thoughts. It's designed to help
us continue to go. Having positive thoughts, processing
things is something we have to be very intentional about. And
so when I think about some of the traumas that we may
have gone through through relationships, not even just friendships, it

(08:21):
could be intimate relationships, or even with our parents or our
siblings, these are kind of staples of
how we grew up. As we get older and we are having
these relationships with friends and people in
our lives, we have to understand that sometimes because
of the closeness of the relationship, our mind and

(08:41):
our system could feel like the way
that somebody may be pulling back is similar to
what's happened in the past. And so a
lot of times when we don't hear from people, right,
let's, I'm just gonna give like a blanket example that
can happen all the time. If

(09:02):
you don't hear from somebody, right, your first thought,
you may find yourself saying, what did I do wrong, right?
Or you might find yourself saying like, oh, I wonder if they like me,
right? And so your mind starts to
go into this negative spiral. And if you're not
mindful, you know what your mind will do? Your mind will start to create scenarios

(09:26):
where the thought that you just had becomes
to feel real. And if you don't challenge that thought,
like let's just stick with they must not like me. If you're not
challenging that thought, What is
going to happen is your mind will start to look for evidence
that will make that thought feel real. This is not just

(09:48):
what, this is a topic we're talking about today, but this literally can
happen with anything in our lives, right? If
we are trying to start a business in
we say, oh, I wonder if this business is going to succeed. Like,
can I really do this? If I don't tell myself, Celeste, you can do
this. My mind, if I'm worried, if I start to worry about,

(10:10):
can I really do this? I'll never start the business. And
my mind will always feel like I'll never be able to do
this. Right. That's literally how the mind works. And
so we're talking about friendships and relationships with people in
our lives. And so if you start to say like, they
must not like me, I did something wrong, the

(10:31):
way your interactions with them will be, you won't
see any good in the interactions, your mind will only
point out the ways that you may have, you may feel
like they're doing something wrong. So it's really important,
especially in the climate of the world today, it's so
chaotic. It's so chaotic. People are so mean.

(10:56):
People are going through enormous amounts of
struggle. Am I going to lose my job? I have to go into work,
so now I don't have a babysitter. Prices
of food are going up. There's just so many things going on,
and even as somebody as me, I'm very grounded, right?
And I'm not impacted the way some people

(11:19):
are impacted in regards to the financial piece. My
business is not grant funded. I do insurance, right?
And I feel the heaviness of the world, right?
And without those other factors. And so I
just want you to be mindful that there's a lot of heaviness happening

(11:39):
in the world. And I have a podcast that I recorded a
few episodes ago about creating joy and
making sure you're adding it to your life. You know, I really want
that for us. I really, I really want us to work on
creating joy because there's so many hard things happening. And so,
so many hard things are happening and people are affected

(12:00):
in so many different ways that I really want you
to be mindful when you have a relationship with somebody, friend, coworker, somebody
that you're really close with, and you're struggling with the dynamic
of the relationship. Maybe they're withdrawing, right?
Maybe that you're giving out a lot of energy and you're not getting it
back. It's okay to pull back from this energy you're

(12:21):
giving, right? Especially if you're feeling depleted by it, right?
But don't tell yourself a story that you don't have evidence for,
right? Be mindful of the story that you're telling yourself because
the more you create this narrative, what will happen is
that your mind will continue to show you how it's possible. So
let's talk about some strategies because I really want you

(12:44):
to think about like, okay, you may be listening to this and
be like, you know what Celeste, that's me. I find myself overanalyzing.
I find myself being in my head about things all the time. And
I want to do better. Good. because
I want you to do better. One of the things I want you to think
about is practicing self-compassion, right? Reminding

(13:07):
yourself that everyone has their own battles. This is a conversation I'm having
with people all the time. And just having that conversation,
helping them interrupt the thought, the compassion they begin to
have for that person is really great, right? It's
not about like, Oh, how could they not call me or
they know i'm going through this what ends up happening is that people really

(13:29):
start to? Um understand like you know what this isn't
about me I don't know what they got going on and I gotta stop making up stories.
All right, so practice self-compassion The second thing
I want you to think about, communication. Communicating openly,
right? If you feel comfortable, reach out to express your feelings.
And let's take a pause for a second. Not

(13:49):
like, hey, why you didn't call me? Or I see you acting funny. No,
don't do that. That's not what I'm saying. What I'm saying is
work on saying, hey, Celeste, I
called you a few times. I want to check on you. When
I don't hear from you, I get concerned, right? Because you're concerned. And

(14:10):
you know, I just want to check and make sure everything's okay like sending a text message
You know when people get into depression dark depression stages and
anxious stages What happens is they people shut
down and they isolate And so I
need you to understand that that a lot of people are dealing with a lot. Trust
me I know I work with people for a living and And so communication

(14:33):
can go a long way, but not communicating when you're
frustrated. And I wanna be clear, like if you
feel frustrated, if you feel what you feel, you have every
right to feel how you feel. I'm not trying to deny you of
your feelings, but what I don't want you to do is tell yourself stories.
And what I don't want you to do is lead a conversation with

(14:54):
feelings where the other person feels attacked. Because a
lot of times it's not personal. And a lot of times we
don't know how to communicate, right? We create these narratives and these stories and
then we start changing up the way we act with somebody because
of how we feel. So if you can work
on communicating, hey, I haven't heard from you, I'm really concerned. How's

(15:17):
everything going? That's important. When
it comes to strategies, the last thing I want you to think about is focusing on
your own well-being. Start engaging in activities that
are bringing you joy. A lot of times we're not
used, sometimes people aren't really used to focusing
on themselves, right? You find yourself meddling in

(15:40):
other people's things, or you find yourself more
focused on this person and why they haven't called you. You
know what? You tried. Give yourself a pat on the back. You tried. You
tried to text. You reached out. They may
have changed and sometimes let's keep it real like maybe
they are acting funny, right? I'm not gonna say they're not but

(16:01):
at the end of the day, I want you to ask yourself What part of
them do I have control over? right Because
I'm not trying to like you may be listening to this and say you know what? I know this person
really is acting funny because of XYZ Alright, so for the sake
of like not arguing about it. Let's just say they're acting funny
What part of this do you have control over? Are you really gonna

(16:22):
allow your mind to get so focused on how they're acting when
you have no control over it? Think about it It
doesn't make sense to do that. So knowing that
you don't have control over how they act, you only have control over
what you allow, right? And so maybe that
means I can't continue showing up the same way, right? But

(16:45):
one of the things you can do is work on like, let
me work on my, the things that I can control and bring more
joy to my life. And that joy, even
if it's for a moment, life is really challenging now, right? And
I want you to really feel like, you know what, I'm gonna, you
know, I'm gonna go and get some sun today, right?

(17:06):
I'm gonna go outside, sit in the sun and just have some tea.
I'm gonna go for a walk. I'm gonna wake up in the morning
and I'm gonna listen to this music because this music really makes me feel good You know,
you can listen to it music. It's so powerful. Like it's always been such a staple for
me and You can listen to a song One
of the songs that I love when I'm having a hard time and

(17:28):
I have this quote on my board In
my loft it says be still and know that I am God I
am a very spiritual person. I walk by faith and
not by sight. No other way for me to be where I'm at if
I walk by sight. If I walk by sight, a girl
wouldn't be doing the things that I do. I literally walk by faith and

(17:51):
there's a song, be still and know that I am God. I'm trying to think of
the name, who sings it. I can't think of the name right now. I play it all the time.
His name is, it's a guy, I follow him. I can't think
of his name. That song, when
I'm having a hard time, I play it and it does something to
my spirit, right? That's for me. That's my song. There

(18:12):
may be a song that brings you joy, that hypes you up. Before the
gym, there's certain music or certain energies
that I like to hear to hype me up because I'm going in
the morning and I don't feel like going. right so what
is that thing that's gonna bring you joy and you see the things that
i'm naming walking the sun having some tea listening to music

(18:32):
where does there's no money involved in it i just want to be clear because
we live in a very capitalistic society where
when it comes to joy, when it comes to people smiling, somehow there's
always a dollar attached to it. And don't
get me wrong, we need money to survive. Money will make things easier,
especially when you're struggling. And so my

(18:54):
point is not to say that money doesn't matter. My point is to say,
even if you don't have it, I want you to know you can create
moments of joy in your life, right? So
those are some strategies that I want you to think about using this,
you know, nice quick episode. Hopefully if
this speaks to you and you found yourself like giving

(19:17):
yourself stories or giving yourself a narrative or
finding yourself hyper-focused on a relationship that might
not be working anymore, understand that sometimes it's
okay to let relationships go. Right,
like you can't be the only one trying to carry a
relationship and it's okay. I find this situation

(19:38):
happening a lot with people that are late
20s, early 30s, people that start therapy or
people that start their own journey. You start to like
look at the way things are happening in your life with
the people in your life and recognizing how you're
being treated. And when this awareness and this awakening happens

(20:00):
for people, I'll say like, you know, they've always been that way.
You're just now seeing it. That's kind of how the
relationship was built based off of X, Y, and Z, right?
And so what do you have control over? That's the message. What
do you have control over? You have control over your own wellbeing and
you have control over engaging in activities that bring you joy.

(20:23):
You have control over pulling back if you're finding yourself overextending
yourself. and your relationship with somebody is not being reciprocated,
what are you doing that you're allowing it to be that way, right?
My goal in this podcast is to help you shift the way you think, to show
you what you have control over, so you feel like life

(20:43):
is not just happening to you. That's so important to me. It's
so important to me because I felt like life was just happening. I
never thought I would get to a place that I'm at
now where I have so much gratitude, so
much joy just by being,
right? There's no dollar attached. I travel a lot. I

(21:04):
do a lot of things, but I can find peace
and joy just with my stillness. And that's
something that I didn't think was possible. And so like the more
that I've grown mentally, like I've
just developed a passion to want to help people and show them the way. So
I hope this was helpful. If this was helpful, let your girl know,

(21:26):
hit me up in social media, email me. You
can find me on all social media platforms. Don't forget to
visit my website. If you are in the Stoughton area, check
me out stwyt.com. Check
out the programming happening. Don't forget May 3rd come Check
out the center. Come meet me. I'm excited about What's

(21:49):
happening with this Wellness Center, especially now with the
way life is lifing for people I'm excited to
be able to offer this programming for people So
that they can work on like I'm really big into somatic work and
the body, you know, so I That's important to me. So thank
you all so much for listening to me Don't forget follow

(22:11):
me on YouTube follow me everywhere until next time beautiful people. I'll