Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
(00:02):
Thank you so much for joining another episode of Celeste, the therapist podcast.
My name is Celeste. I'm a therapist from Boston. If you are new here,
thank you for giving me a try on this podcast. What I
do is I talk about things that we go through and then
I. go into why it happens, what we can
do about it, so that you're not leaving here just with the knowledge of what's
(00:23):
going on, but also with the mindset on how you can change it.
It's really important to me for people to understand how they can start
and do what they need to do right now in this moment, despite socioeconomic status,
despite what you've been through. And so today's topic, we're
talking about going from survival to peace, really learning how to understand
your system. If people work with me individually, they know that's
(00:44):
something that I always talk about. It's important to me. And before we get started,
just want to let you know, there is a free wellness event
happening May 3rd in Stoughton. I have a wellness center. called
Shifting the Way You Think Wellness Center. And the goal behind that
wellness center was to just work on creating a space where
people can come to to learn about wellness. I
(01:05):
think therapy is great. I'm a whole therapist. I think psychiatry is great,
but Outside of therapy and psychiatry, there's something
happening with our body. And I don't care how much talking you
do with people. A lot of times, sometimes things
are stuck in our body. There's people that talk about being in therapy for years and
having intellectual knowledge, but not understanding what's going on.
(01:28):
So that's happening May 3rd. If you want to learn more about my wellness center,
you can go to stwyt.com to learn
more. We have different offerings that happen monthly. So
if you want to be a part of that, definitely check us out. And
if you don't know, we are on YouTube. So if you ever wanted to watch these
episodes, head on over to YouTube. If you search Celeste Therapist, you
(01:50):
can find that everywhere. So let's talk about going from survival
to working on creating peace. This is something that I've
realized people, when they're on their journey to creating peace,
when they're on their journey to reconciliation with what's happened,
they find themselves constantly going backward and
not understanding, why am I going backward? Why can't I just ... I
(02:12):
know what I need to do, but doing it feels hard. I can't
remember who it was on my podcast. They said, it can feel like
walking over a puddle. No, it sounds
like walking over a puddle. If I say, okay, all I need you to do is X, Y, and
Z, okay. But then when you get ready to do it, it feels like
you're trying to walk over the Grand Canyon. And a lot of times
(02:34):
we don't understand that logically we can know what to do, but emotionally it
could feel hard to do. And when
you think about all the books that are around, self-help books, there's
a lot of books that talk about what needs to happen, but doing it is actually
hard. So a lot of times, because of being
in survival mode, when I talk about survival mode,
(02:55):
I'm talking about if you are somebody that kind of grew up
in trauma, and it doesn't have to necessarily be trauma, like
the whole entire course of your life, But a lot of times the
things that we have gone through have been imprinted in our mind from
a young age. And then we grow up with
this internal dialogue. And a lot of times we don't realize that
(03:15):
our system is learning how just to survive, how
to be hyper alert, right? There are so many different things
that have happened over the years for people that they don't realize
that they're no longer living life. They're just literally in survival mode.
The sun could be out, the flowers could be blooming, but you don't see
the sun, you don't see the flowers. It feels like you're just
(03:36):
in this blooming space. And a lot of times, people
will find themselves saying, like, okay, you know what, I wanna work on myself, but
not understanding, like, it's really hard because
they're in survival mode. Now let's just, I wanna share with
you, like, what's happening to you in survival mode if you're not aware. And
(03:57):
again, you can find these episodes on
YouTube so that you can see the visuals. I'm just a very visual learner. So
what happens to you in survival mode, trauma affects the body's
stress response system, including the fight or flight. And
so what happens in fight or flight mode when
(04:20):
things happen, unfortunately, you may find yourself freezing.
or running away from the problem. And freezing doesn't always necessarily mean
like you're literally like stopping and you're not moving, but you're
not moving forward with your life. You ever feel stuck, right? You're
feeling stuck. You feel like you're on this hamstring wheel. A lot of
times it's because you're frozen. You don't know what to do. And sometimes people find themselves
(04:41):
running away. What also happens in survival mode is physiological
changes happen, right? Your increased cortisol level, right?
A lot of people struggle with losing weight because of the hormones, the
cortisol levels are high, adrenaline and hypervigilance. Being
on hyperaware all the time is
a hard way to operate in life. When you
(05:04):
are operating in hypervigilance mode, not only are
you mentally there, Physically you're there right
a lot of times as people get older you you hear about the
increase in like heart attacks or high blood pressure Or
aneurysms those kind of things that's happening. Like what happened. They were so young. They were
so there's some even fit people, right? It's not even about being fit Our
(05:26):
body was never designed for us to be in hyper alert
all the time. An example I always give on this podcast, if
you're not new here, you heard this before, you'll hear it again. We
are the only species, humans, that can activate the amygdala,
which is that flight or fight mode, with just how we think about
things, right? So animals, let's say there's a prey coming to
(05:47):
attack, they'll get in this like, ooh, I gotta get out of
here mode. As soon as that animal leaves the way, what happens is
they start to relax. Humans, and this
is happening because we're not talking about things. Mental health has
been so stigmatized, especially in certain communities. So
things are happening, it's getting brushed under the rug, not
(06:08):
literally because you can never brush over your experiences. You
can try to drink it away, party it away, but your system
remembers, your body keeps the score of what's happened. And so
because these things have happened and your system has
never processed it, Your system is always going to keep alerting
you and let you know, hey, be careful, this might happen again, right?
(06:30):
Relationships, you've been in a bad relationship, right? And you say you
want a new relationship, but when you get into it, any little thing like you
struggle with, and that's because your system is like, ooh, this kind of
happened before, but it's not the same thing, right? So
many ways that we are trying to move forward is
hindered because our mind is trying to keep us aware. And I just
(06:50):
want to be clear, our mind is doing what it's designed to do. Our
mind is designed what it's supposed to do. It's supposed to
keep us aware The issue comes in place because we're not
engaging in those thoughts We're not saying like, oh,
yeah, like I know I was in this abusive relationship before but this is different This
person is not abusive. They're actually a different person I've
(07:11):
been on my healing journey. Like I see what it is because you can't help
the trigger that comes into play, but you can work on Minimizing
it in the way that it takes over your system, right? So being
in hyper aware, hyper-vigilance mode
all the time is very dangerous for your system. Eventually,
your body feels like it's attacking itself. People with autoimmune issues,
(07:34):
like health issues sometimes, a lot of times, it's
because of how much your system is working in overdrive. If
I'm constantly just revving my engine, revving my engine, and I'm not getting
gas, I'm not refueling, I'm not getting oil, eventually, my car
is gonna die. Eventually, my car is gonna break down. Literally, that's
what happens to us as humans, right? If we're not understanding
(07:55):
what's happening and we are just allowing our mind to keep us
in hyper-aware mode, eventually it starts to break down. And
then the last thing I want to say about what happens in survival mode is that
survival mode can become a default state, making it difficult to
relax, right? So if you want to call yourself trying
to get into peace mode, it's hard to get into peace mode
(08:16):
because it feels like this is normal, right? So as you're trying
to work on peace, it feels hard to do because
your mode has always been, I got to stay in survival mode,
right? So that's kind of what happens in survival mode.
A lot of people have lived in survival mode. I've lived in
survival mode and I'm always I'm
(08:37):
always overwhelmed with gratitude when I think about
how far I've come because I never thought this way of living was possible.
And as I started to live this way, my passion
grew deeper. I've always cared and enjoyed working with people.
But my passion became deeper, realizing there's another way to
operate in life. We don't always have to operate in survival mode
(08:59):
all the time. And when I was in survival mode, I would have never framed
it that way. I wasn't like, oh, I'm living in survival mode. It's when I look back
at how I was operating, I'm starting to recognize it.
I was like, oh, I was living in survival mode. When I was trying to work on peace, it
felt so hard. The transition was hard. It felt lonely. It
felt scary. All of these things are happening. I like
(09:21):
talking about those things that are happening because people are talking about change.
They're talking about doing this and that, but they're not talking about the hard
part that comes into play as you're trying to create
that change. So why is it
hard to shift into peace, right? I kind of shared it a little bit, but
let me put the visuals up for you. So why
(09:43):
it's hard to shift into peace mode and trying to calm your
nervous system because trauma residue and triggers, right?
The triggers that come up, it doesn't even have to
be a relationship. Let's just say Um, it's something like
work, uh, or school. Let's say you're not used
to, um, you're not used to excelling in school. When
(10:03):
you tried to go to school, um, you know, there was a lot of trauma
at home, right? And let's say you're an adult and you're
not in a home where there's a lot of trauma, but going
to school is triggering because when you was going to school before, there
was a lot of trauma at home. So you find yourself having a hard time
concentrating. There doesn't have to be a thing happening in
(10:24):
front of you in order for you to be triggered, right? It's
just something similar Another story I shared because
sometimes the analogies or stories I tell can help hit home
when it comes to triggers so there was a time where I
was driving and um A car was
turning, and a kid was crossing the street, and the car that
(10:45):
was turning hit the kid. And
I think the son was in his way. The kid was fine. He was on the floor,
and I was like, you know, I got out my car. I said, stay on the ground. Got his
mom's number and called his mom. And there
was a McDonald's next to it. The kid had a McDonald's cup in
his hand. The McDonald's cup flew. The kid was
fine. No blood, nothing, right? I promise you,
(11:09):
weeks after that, when I was in McDonald's and soda, my stomach started
turning. I felt like something was about to happen. Because that McDonald's
was near my office, I was driving by it and I
remember feeling like, oh my gosh, what's going
on? now to this day that probably happened like seven years
ago and thank goodness i was aware of what was happening so
(11:29):
i don't have this like weird thing about when i see mcdonald's all the time i'm
not like freaked out by it but for some people they'll
find themselves freaked out by it because they
don't know what's happening. They don't realize their stomach's turning
when they're around McDonald's because of what happened 10 years ago. A lot
of times when I'm working with people, they'll tell me their story, they'll tell
(11:50):
me what's going on now. And I say, oh, it sounds like this
may have triggered that. They say, but it was 20 years ago. I say, yeah, but it
was still your experience. This is not things we're taught. And
now to this day, when people across the street, I
am very much hyper aware and I know what's going on.
And if somebody is trying to cross, I'll beep to make sure. I think
(12:12):
I'm very alert when it comes to people crossing the
street, but I know that was triggered from watching that kid cross
the street. So literally that's how triggers work. Nothing has to be
wrong. Me driving by McDonald's and there's no accident
or nothing and my stomach's turning, I could feel my physical body activating
going by McDonald's after that event first happened. That's what
(12:34):
I mean when I say triggers could come up and nothing's wrong.
But because I'm aware and because I was able
to talk to my mind and say, oh, everything's fine, I can go by McDonald's and
be fine. Right, so that's literally how
triggers work. So why it's hard hyper vigilance and
anxiety? difficulty with self-regulation and
(12:54):
relaxation if you have been living in hyper alert
all the time how the heck are you supposed to relax right if
Being a survival mode has been your default method of
operating Relaxing is gonna feel hard and
then another reason why it's hard to shift into peace mode is is
because you may feel stuck or numb, right? Being stuck,
(13:15):
feeling numb is such a hard place to be. And a
lot of times I'll tell people, you know, when we're talking and
we're dealing with some hard things and I'm like, I know this is really hard and
I know you're going through it, but you know, I want you to know going through
it is better than feeling numb, right? And I think
that's given me peace. It's like reminding myself
(13:36):
of the highs and lows of life It's allowed me to
create some peace and normalcy when things happen where I'm like, this sucks.
I'll say it like this sucks. This is hard. But
I'm grateful that I'm able to understand what's going on. And
I'm not just running through the pain with alcohol.
I'm not running through the pain with just escaping. Sometimes
(13:58):
you have to escape in the moment, but escaping longevity
wise is like too much, right? The
last thing I want to talk about is some strategies. What are some strategies you
can work on from just surviving to
being in peace? As I'm talking about these strategies, it's
not like a one-size-fits-all. It's not like, okay, let me do this, this,
(14:21):
this, it's going to be okay. I just want you to think about putting one
foot in front of the other. If this thing doesn't work, let's
try something different. We
know about therapy. Therapy is obviously one way where we're talking to
people. But I want you to think about your nervous system, your body,
right? How that's being affected because a lot of
(14:42):
times you're stuck in this
mold, right? So prioritizing activities that
allows you to relax and recharge, right? Setting
achievable goals. Wait, that's not the
(17:12):
So I'm going to just share some practical tools that you can work on
when it comes to your nervous system, going from this survival space to
just like living life, you know, it's
a whole nother way of living. So deep breathing
exercises are huge, right? If you go on YouTube and type
in two minute breathing circle, um, there's a circle and it goes
(17:34):
in and out and
And out. There's
something powerful about taking deep breaths that can
really help calm your nervous system down. A
lot of people, you know, you may say, but Celeste, I breathe, but sometimes your
(17:56):
breathing's labor and it's not deep, right? So really being
mindful and allowing yourself to have some really deep
breath work is good. Progressive muscle
relaxation, like working on allowing your muscles to
relax because your system is like this. Once you get in
tune with your body, you'll be like, ooh, you ever went a long time
(18:17):
and then one time you had a massage and it's like you didn't realize how tight you
were because you're so used to being tight. I tell people all the time, we adjust to
pain. We literally, like our back hurts and we'll do like this
or we'll just pop a Tylenol, but we won't check in with ourselves and be like, ooh, I
wonder why my backs are in. I know for
me, when I'm struggling, my back starts hurting. As an adult,
(18:37):
I've learned the signs. As a child, it happened all the time, but the
doctor gave me muscle relaxer. They didn't ask me what's going on. They
gave me a muscle relaxer. As an adult, I don't need a muscle relaxer. Why?
Because as soon as my back starts hurting, I'm checking in with myself, ooh,
what's going on? For somebody else, it might be your stomach might be
turning. You might have GI issues, bowel movement issues. You
(18:59):
might have, you know, you sweat, you might get sweaty. There's so
many ways that our body's giving us signs that we're not aware of. Mindfulness
meditation is important. Something you can do getting
in touch with your with your thoughts. You'll be surprised There's
a million and one thoughts going on in your mind and you're doing nothing about
it, right? If you can work on taking just
(19:21):
two minutes and start like if you've never done this before Take
two minutes to do a meditation do that for a couple weeks up
it to four right increase it every two Every two
weeks increase two minutes and you can go on youtube and
type in two minute medication five minute meditation Six-minute
meditation and just allow yourself to sit and if you say it's
(19:43):
Celeste, but all these thoughts are going on That's the point. I
want you to I want you to know what's going on in your head You know, there's
so many horrible things happening in the world that we don't even realize like
I will not go to bed watching
stuff that are hard because I know it's gonna sit in my system
and So we don't realize the
(20:04):
things we hear on the news, the conversations we're having with people. You
ever talk to somebody on the phone and they was going through so much and you get off the
phone and you're feeling drained? Energy transfers. And
so if you're not making time to understand what's going on in your mind and
you're trying to figure out why do I feel so stuck? Why can I go to the next level?
This is the reason why it's because you're allowing all of these things
(20:26):
and thoughts to stick in your head And you're not releasing them I
say imagine, you know, you you're in the house and you just like here
throw the trash in in one room Just keep throwing the trash in the room
And so you don't want to open that door because it's like dang. I got a lot of trash But
then if you say, you know what i'm going to work on dealing with this trash Guess
what's going to happen? It's going to be hard at first but what's
(20:49):
going to happen is the clarity is going to start to set in Grounding
techniques are important, right? Working on getting grounded is
helpful. It allows your system to know, okay, we're okay, right?
It's no longer, I'm no longer this 10-year-old girl. I'm actually a
25-year-old woman and I have power over
my life. Your mind doesn't know you have
(21:11):
power over your life. Your mind, because of how you're operating, your mind still
thinks you're that 10-year-old boy or that 10-year-old girl. Until you
declare power over your life and you work on getting grounded, getting
into the moment, putting your feet on the ground, smelling
the roses, like, what can I see? What am I looking at?
I'm looking at trees. That allows you to
(21:33):
get focused in the moment. And then
having some self-compassion and self-care practices. None
of these things have to cost money. If you're saying, I don't have money for it, I'm not asking
you to buy anything. I'm asking you to go on YouTube. I'm asking
you to put your feet on the ground. I'm asking you
to go for a walk. Put your phone away. Just put
(21:53):
your phone away for five minutes and allow yourself to
see what's happening. Until you do that, it'll be hard to
work on living life and not surviving. So those
are some ways to think about like allowing your system
to relax, right? Some other things that I'm thinking about is community
is important. You know, I said therapy, therapy is great. Getting into
(22:13):
community, being around like-minded people, right? If
you can't find like-minded people in person, look online, look
for support groups online. NAMI, N-A-M-I is
a great organization that will have online stuff.
There are free things online. that you can allow yourself to get
into. You got to do a little bit of research, right? Allow yourself to
(22:34):
experience what it feels like to live life and
not just survive life. If this is something, if this is new for you,
right? I remember this lady, um, she was, she was, she
said she listened to my podcast a lot. And one day she was watching dishes and
she was like, Oh my gosh, I'm no longer in survival mode. I'm actually thriving. You
know, she, she, she, she DM me and shared that story
(22:55):
with me. And I remember thinking that is so dope to realize,
no, I'm not in survival mode. I'm actually thriving. I'm actually living life. Literally,
that's what I feel like. Why I keep showing up for the podcast,
for my wellness center, for my clients is because I recognize there's
another way to operate in life. America's not going to tell you. Because
if they tell you like, oh, there's another way to operate in life, you ain't going to
(23:17):
have to buy those extra products that they want you to buy. So I
want you to know there's a way to work on living life and
not just surviving life, but you got to work on getting into the
moment and getting into the moment is scary. It's hard.
It's hard work right if if my heart is
bad and i'm getting a heart transplant Some people you
(23:39):
know that they'll switch out the old heart and give them a new heart Some people don't
last with the new heart because their system didn't get acclimated to
it, right? So when you are getting a heart lung transplant,
whatever plant, whatever There are certain things you can't eat certain things You
can't do because your system needs to get used to the new space this
new system that is sent even though you know, it's
(23:59):
a foreign object. Even though my old heart was bad, my old heart's operating
at 10%, the new heart that they're giving me is operating well,
it's healthy, but because it's foreign, my
system wants to reject it, even though it's a good heart. So
when you think about the things that you need to do for your life, the
areas you want to go in life, and you haven't done
(24:21):
that before, you've never seen that happen, your system is
going to reject the meditation. Your system is going to
reject getting up early to start your day with you because you've
never seen your parents start their day with them. Your system is
going to reject it, even though you're not doing anything bad, but
it's new. Right. So I want to challenge you and I want you to
(24:41):
understand like this is the this is what's going to happen when you are
trying to work on changing the way you're operating. But please
understand eventually your mind and body has no
other choice but to fall in line with the direction that you're taking it. So,
I hope this was helpful. I hope this makes sense. If anything I ever say resonates for
you, understand that you have the power to make the change. But
(25:02):
guess what? You got to start to have faith to believe in yourself. And when you have
faith, when you start believing in yourself, I promise
you, no one can take that away from you. Don't forget, visit me
on my website, stwyt.com. If
you want to come to any events, all the events will be there. If
you want to learn more about me, you go to celestatherapist.com. Find
(25:22):
me on all social media platforms at Celeste the Therapist. And until
Thank you so much for joining another episode of Celeste, the therapist podcast.
My name is Celeste. I'm a therapist from Boston. If you are new here,
thank you for giving me a try on this podcast. What I
do is I talk about things that we go through and then
I. go into why it happens, what we can
do about it, so that you're not leaving here just with the knowledge of what's
(00:23):
going on, but also with the mindset on how you can change it.
It's really important to me for people to understand how they can start
and do what they need to do right now in this moment, despite socioeconomic status,
despite what you've been through. And so today's topic, we're
talking about going from survival to peace, really learning how to understand
your system. If people work with me individually, they know that's
(00:44):
something that I always talk about. It's important to me. And before we get started,
just want to let you know, there is a free wellness event
happening May 3rd in Stoughton. I have a wellness center. called
Shifting the Way You Think Wellness Center. And the goal behind that
wellness center was to just work on creating a space where
people can come to to learn about wellness. I
(01:05):
think therapy is great. I'm a whole therapist. I think psychiatry is great,
but Outside of therapy and psychiatry, there's something
happening with our body. And I don't care how much talking you
do with people. A lot of times, sometimes things
are stuck in our body. There's people that talk about being in therapy for years and
having intellectual knowledge, but not understanding what's going on.
(01:28):
So that's happening May 3rd. If you want to learn more about my wellness center,
you can go to stwyt.com to learn
more. We have different offerings that happen monthly. So
if you want to be a part of that, definitely check us out. And
if you don't know, we are on YouTube. So if you ever wanted to watch these
episodes, head on over to YouTube. If you search Celeste Therapist, you
(01:50):
can find that everywhere. So let's talk about going from survival
to working on creating peace. This is something that I've
realized people, when they're on their journey to creating peace,
when they're on their journey to reconciliation with what's happened,
they find themselves constantly going backward and
not understanding, why am I going backward? Why can't I just ... I
(02:12):
know what I need to do, but doing it feels hard. I can't
remember who it was on my podcast. They said, it can feel like
walking over a puddle. No, it sounds
like walking over a puddle. If I say, okay, all I need you to do is X, Y, and
Z, okay. But then when you get ready to do it, it feels like
you're trying to walk over the Grand Canyon. And a lot of times
(02:34):
we don't understand that logically we can know what to do, but emotionally it
could feel hard to do. And when
you think about all the books that are around, self-help books, there's
a lot of books that talk about what needs to happen, but doing it is actually
hard. So a lot of times, because of being
in survival mode, when I talk about survival mode,
(02:55):
I'm talking about if you are somebody that kind of grew up
in trauma, and it doesn't have to necessarily be trauma, like
the whole entire course of your life, But a lot of times the
things that we have gone through have been imprinted in our mind from
a young age. And then we grow up with
this internal dialogue. And a lot of times we don't realize that
(03:15):
our system is learning how just to survive, how
to be hyper alert, right? There are so many different things
that have happened over the years for people that they don't realize
that they're no longer living life. They're just literally in survival mode.
The sun could be out, the flowers could be blooming, but you don't see
the sun, you don't see the flowers. It feels like you're just
(03:36):
in this blooming space. And a lot of times, people
will find themselves saying, like, okay, you know what, I wanna work on myself, but
not understanding, like, it's really hard because
they're in survival mode. Now let's just, I wanna share with
you, like, what's happening to you in survival mode if you're not aware. And
(03:57):
again, you can find these episodes on
YouTube so that you can see the visuals. I'm just a very visual learner. So
what happens to you in survival mode, trauma affects the body's
stress response system, including the fight or flight. And
so what happens in fight or flight mode when
(04:20):
things happen, unfortunately, you may find yourself freezing.
or running away from the problem. And freezing doesn't always necessarily mean
like you're literally like stopping and you're not moving, but you're
not moving forward with your life. You ever feel stuck, right? You're
feeling stuck. You feel like you're on this hamstring wheel. A lot of
times it's because you're frozen. You don't know what to do. And sometimes people find themselves
(04:41):
running away. What also happens in survival mode is physiological
changes happen, right? Your increased cortisol level, right?
A lot of people struggle with losing weight because of the hormones, the
cortisol levels are high, adrenaline and hypervigilance. Being
on hyperaware all the time is
a hard way to operate in life. When you
(05:04):
are operating in hypervigilance mode, not only are
you mentally there, Physically you're there right
a lot of times as people get older you you hear about the
increase in like heart attacks or high blood pressure Or
aneurysms those kind of things that's happening. Like what happened. They were so young. They were
so there's some even fit people, right? It's not even about being fit Our
(05:26):
body was never designed for us to be in hyper alert
all the time. An example I always give on this podcast, if
you're not new here, you heard this before, you'll hear it again. We
are the only species, humans, that can activate the amygdala,
which is that flight or fight mode, with just how we think about
things, right? So animals, let's say there's a prey coming to
(05:47):
attack, they'll get in this like, ooh, I gotta get out of
here mode. As soon as that animal leaves the way, what happens is
they start to relax. Humans, and this
is happening because we're not talking about things. Mental health has
been so stigmatized, especially in certain communities. So
things are happening, it's getting brushed under the rug, not
(06:08):
literally because you can never brush over your experiences. You
can try to drink it away, party it away, but your system
remembers, your body keeps the score of what's happened. And so
because these things have happened and your system has
never processed it, Your system is always going to keep alerting
you and let you know, hey, be careful, this might happen again, right?
(06:30):
Relationships, you've been in a bad relationship, right? And you say you
want a new relationship, but when you get into it, any little thing like you
struggle with, and that's because your system is like, ooh, this kind of
happened before, but it's not the same thing, right? So
many ways that we are trying to move forward is
hindered because our mind is trying to keep us aware. And I just
(06:50):
want to be clear, our mind is doing what it's designed to do. Our
mind is designed what it's supposed to do. It's supposed to
keep us aware The issue comes in place because we're not
engaging in those thoughts We're not saying like, oh,
yeah, like I know I was in this abusive relationship before but this is different This
person is not abusive. They're actually a different person I've
(07:11):
been on my healing journey. Like I see what it is because you can't help
the trigger that comes into play, but you can work on Minimizing
it in the way that it takes over your system, right? So being
in hyper aware, hyper-vigilance mode
all the time is very dangerous for your system. Eventually,
your body feels like it's attacking itself. People with autoimmune issues,
(07:34):
like health issues sometimes, a lot of times, it's
because of how much your system is working in overdrive. If
I'm constantly just revving my engine, revving my engine, and I'm not getting
gas, I'm not refueling, I'm not getting oil, eventually, my car
is gonna die. Eventually, my car is gonna break down. Literally, that's
what happens to us as humans, right? If we're not understanding
(07:55):
what's happening and we are just allowing our mind to keep us
in hyper-aware mode, eventually it starts to break down. And
then the last thing I want to say about what happens in survival mode is that
survival mode can become a default state, making it difficult to
relax, right? So if you want to call yourself trying
to get into peace mode, it's hard to get into peace mode
(08:16):
because it feels like this is normal, right? So as you're trying
to work on peace, it feels hard to do because
your mode has always been, I got to stay in survival mode,
right? So that's kind of what happens in survival mode.
A lot of people have lived in survival mode. I've lived in
survival mode and I'm always I'm
(08:37):
always overwhelmed with gratitude when I think about
how far I've come because I never thought this way of living was possible.
And as I started to live this way, my passion
grew deeper. I've always cared and enjoyed working with people.
But my passion became deeper, realizing there's another way to
operate in life. We don't always have to operate in survival mode
(08:59):
all the time. And when I was in survival mode, I would have never framed
it that way. I wasn't like, oh, I'm living in survival mode. It's when I look back
at how I was operating, I'm starting to recognize it.
I was like, oh, I was living in survival mode. When I was trying to work on peace, it
felt so hard. The transition was hard. It felt lonely. It
felt scary. All of these things are happening. I like
(09:21):
talking about those things that are happening because people are talking about change.
They're talking about doing this and that, but they're not talking about the hard
part that comes into play as you're trying to create
that change. So why is it
hard to shift into peace, right? I kind of shared it a little bit, but
let me put the visuals up for you. So why
(09:43):
it's hard to shift into peace mode and trying to calm your
nervous system because trauma residue and triggers, right?
The triggers that come up, it doesn't even have to
be a relationship. Let's just say Um, it's something like
work, uh, or school. Let's say you're not used
to, um, you're not used to excelling in school. When
(10:03):
you tried to go to school, um, you know, there was a lot of trauma
at home, right? And let's say you're an adult and you're
not in a home where there's a lot of trauma, but going
to school is triggering because when you was going to school before, there
was a lot of trauma at home. So you find yourself having a hard time
concentrating. There doesn't have to be a thing happening in
(10:24):
front of you in order for you to be triggered, right? It's
just something similar Another story I shared because
sometimes the analogies or stories I tell can help hit home
when it comes to triggers so there was a time where I
was driving and um A car was
turning, and a kid was crossing the street, and the car that
(10:45):
was turning hit the kid. And
I think the son was in his way. The kid was fine. He was on the floor,
and I was like, you know, I got out my car. I said, stay on the ground. Got his
mom's number and called his mom. And there
was a McDonald's next to it. The kid had a McDonald's cup in
his hand. The McDonald's cup flew. The kid was
fine. No blood, nothing, right? I promise you,
(11:09):
weeks after that, when I was in McDonald's and soda, my stomach started
turning. I felt like something was about to happen. Because that McDonald's
was near my office, I was driving by it and I
remember feeling like, oh my gosh, what's going
on? now to this day that probably happened like seven years
ago and thank goodness i was aware of what was happening so
(11:29):
i don't have this like weird thing about when i see mcdonald's all the time i'm
not like freaked out by it but for some people they'll
find themselves freaked out by it because they
don't know what's happening. They don't realize their stomach's turning
when they're around McDonald's because of what happened 10 years ago. A lot
of times when I'm working with people, they'll tell me their story, they'll tell
(11:50):
me what's going on now. And I say, oh, it sounds like this
may have triggered that. They say, but it was 20 years ago. I say, yeah, but it
was still your experience. This is not things we're taught. And
now to this day, when people across the street, I
am very much hyper aware and I know what's going on.
And if somebody is trying to cross, I'll beep to make sure. I think
(12:12):
I'm very alert when it comes to people crossing the
street, but I know that was triggered from watching that kid cross
the street. So literally that's how triggers work. Nothing has to be
wrong. Me driving by McDonald's and there's no accident
or nothing and my stomach's turning, I could feel my physical body activating
going by McDonald's after that event first happened. That's what
(12:34):
I mean when I say triggers could come up and nothing's wrong.
But because I'm aware and because I was able
to talk to my mind and say, oh, everything's fine, I can go by McDonald's and
be fine. Right, so that's literally how
triggers work. So why it's hard hyper vigilance and
anxiety? difficulty with self-regulation and
(12:54):
relaxation if you have been living in hyper alert
all the time how the heck are you supposed to relax right if
Being a survival mode has been your default method of
operating Relaxing is gonna feel hard and
then another reason why it's hard to shift into peace mode is is
because you may feel stuck or numb, right? Being stuck,
(13:15):
feeling numb is such a hard place to be. And a
lot of times I'll tell people, you know, when we're talking and
we're dealing with some hard things and I'm like, I know this is really hard and
I know you're going through it, but you know, I want you to know going through
it is better than feeling numb, right? And I think
that's given me peace. It's like reminding myself
(13:36):
of the highs and lows of life It's allowed me to
create some peace and normalcy when things happen where I'm like, this sucks.
I'll say it like this sucks. This is hard. But
I'm grateful that I'm able to understand what's going on. And
I'm not just running through the pain with alcohol.
I'm not running through the pain with just escaping. Sometimes
(13:58):
you have to escape in the moment, but escaping longevity
wise is like too much, right? The
last thing I want to talk about is some strategies. What are some strategies you
can work on from just surviving to
being in peace? As I'm talking about these strategies, it's
not like a one-size-fits-all. It's not like, okay, let me do this, this,
(14:21):
this, it's going to be okay. I just want you to think about putting one
foot in front of the other. If this thing doesn't work, let's
try something different. We
know about therapy. Therapy is obviously one way where we're talking to
people. But I want you to think about your nervous system, your body,
right? How that's being affected because a lot of
(14:42):
times you're stuck in this
mold, right? So prioritizing activities that
allows you to relax and recharge, right? Setting
achievable goals. Wait, that's not the
(17:12):
So I'm going to just share some practical tools that you can work on
when it comes to your nervous system, going from this survival space to
just like living life, you know, it's
a whole nother way of living. So deep breathing
exercises are huge, right? If you go on YouTube and type
in two minute breathing circle, um, there's a circle and it goes
(17:34):
in and out and
And out. There's
something powerful about taking deep breaths that can
really help calm your nervous system down. A
lot of people, you know, you may say, but Celeste, I breathe, but sometimes your
(17:56):
breathing's labor and it's not deep, right? So really being
mindful and allowing yourself to have some really deep
breath work is good. Progressive muscle
relaxation, like working on allowing your muscles to
relax because your system is like this. Once you get in
tune with your body, you'll be like, ooh, you ever went a long time
(18:17):
and then one time you had a massage and it's like you didn't realize how tight you
were because you're so used to being tight. I tell people all the time, we adjust to
pain. We literally, like our back hurts and we'll do like this
or we'll just pop a Tylenol, but we won't check in with ourselves and be like, ooh, I
wonder why my backs are in. I know for
me, when I'm struggling, my back starts hurting. As an adult,
(18:37):
I've learned the signs. As a child, it happened all the time, but the
doctor gave me muscle relaxer. They didn't ask me what's going on. They
gave me a muscle relaxer. As an adult, I don't need a muscle relaxer. Why?
Because as soon as my back starts hurting, I'm checking in with myself, ooh,
what's going on? For somebody else, it might be your stomach might be
turning. You might have GI issues, bowel movement issues. You
(18:59):
might have, you know, you sweat, you might get sweaty. There's so
many ways that our body's giving us signs that we're not aware of. Mindfulness
meditation is important. Something you can do getting
in touch with your with your thoughts. You'll be surprised There's
a million and one thoughts going on in your mind and you're doing nothing about
it, right? If you can work on taking just
(19:21):
two minutes and start like if you've never done this before Take
two minutes to do a meditation do that for a couple weeks up
it to four right increase it every two Every two
weeks increase two minutes and you can go on youtube and
type in two minute medication five minute meditation Six-minute
meditation and just allow yourself to sit and if you say it's
(19:43):
Celeste, but all these thoughts are going on That's the point. I
want you to I want you to know what's going on in your head You know, there's
so many horrible things happening in the world that we don't even realize like
I will not go to bed watching
stuff that are hard because I know it's gonna sit in my system
and So we don't realize the
(20:04):
things we hear on the news, the conversations we're having with people. You
ever talk to somebody on the phone and they was going through so much and you get off the
phone and you're feeling drained? Energy transfers. And
so if you're not making time to understand what's going on in your mind and
you're trying to figure out why do I feel so stuck? Why can I go to the next level?
This is the reason why it's because you're allowing all of these things
(20:26):
and thoughts to stick in your head And you're not releasing them I
say imagine, you know, you you're in the house and you just like here
throw the trash in in one room Just keep throwing the trash in the room
And so you don't want to open that door because it's like dang. I got a lot of trash But
then if you say, you know what i'm going to work on dealing with this trash Guess
what's going to happen? It's going to be hard at first but what's
(20:49):
going to happen is the clarity is going to start to set in Grounding
techniques are important, right? Working on getting grounded is
helpful. It allows your system to know, okay, we're okay, right?
It's no longer, I'm no longer this 10-year-old girl. I'm actually a
25-year-old woman and I have power over
my life. Your mind doesn't know you have
(21:11):
power over your life. Your mind, because of how you're operating, your mind still
thinks you're that 10-year-old boy or that 10-year-old girl. Until you
declare power over your life and you work on getting grounded, getting
into the moment, putting your feet on the ground, smelling
the roses, like, what can I see? What am I looking at?
I'm looking at trees. That allows you to
(21:33):
get focused in the moment. And then
having some self-compassion and self-care practices. None
of these things have to cost money. If you're saying, I don't have money for it, I'm not asking
you to buy anything. I'm asking you to go on YouTube. I'm asking
you to put your feet on the ground. I'm asking you
to go for a walk. Put your phone away. Just put
(21:53):
your phone away for five minutes and allow yourself to
see what's happening. Until you do that, it'll be hard to
work on living life and not surviving. So those
are some ways to think about like allowing your system
to relax, right? Some other things that I'm thinking about is community
is important. You know, I said therapy, therapy is great. Getting into
(22:13):
community, being around like-minded people, right? If
you can't find like-minded people in person, look online, look
for support groups online. NAMI, N-A-M-I is
a great organization that will have online stuff.
There are free things online. that you can allow yourself to get
into. You got to do a little bit of research, right? Allow yourself to
(22:34):
experience what it feels like to live life and
not just survive life. If this is something, if this is new for you,
right? I remember this lady, um, she was, she was, she
said she listened to my podcast a lot. And one day she was watching dishes and
she was like, Oh my gosh, I'm no longer in survival mode. I'm actually thriving. You
know, she, she, she, she DM me and shared that story
(22:55):
with me. And I remember thinking that is so dope to realize,
no, I'm not in survival mode. I'm actually thriving. I'm actually living life. Literally,
that's what I feel like. Why I keep showing up for the podcast,
for my wellness center, for my clients is because I recognize there's
another way to operate in life. America's not going to tell you. Because
if they tell you like, oh, there's another way to operate in life, you ain't going to
(23:17):
have to buy those extra products that they want you to buy. So I
want you to know there's a way to work on living life and
not just surviving life, but you got to work on getting into the
moment and getting into the moment is scary. It's hard.
It's hard work right if if my heart is
bad and i'm getting a heart transplant Some people you
(23:39):
know that they'll switch out the old heart and give them a new heart Some people don't
last with the new heart because their system didn't get acclimated to
it, right? So when you are getting a heart lung transplant,
whatever plant, whatever There are certain things you can't eat certain things You
can't do because your system needs to get used to the new space this
new system that is sent even though you know, it's
(23:59):
a foreign object. Even though my old heart was bad, my old heart's operating
at 10%, the new heart that they're giving me is operating well,
it's healthy, but because it's foreign, my
system wants to reject it, even though it's a good heart. So
when you think about the things that you need to do for your life, the
areas you want to go in life, and you haven't done
(24:21):
that before, you've never seen that happen, your system is
going to reject the meditation. Your system is going to
reject getting up early to start your day with you because you've
never seen your parents start their day with them. Your system is
going to reject it, even though you're not doing anything bad, but
it's new. Right. So I want to challenge you and I want you to
(24:41):
understand like this is the this is what's going to happen when you are
trying to work on changing the way you're operating. But please
understand eventually your mind and body has no
other choice but to fall in line with the direction that you're taking it. So,
I hope this was helpful. I hope this makes sense. If anything I ever say resonates for
you, understand that you have the power to make the change. But
(25:02):
guess what? You got to start to have faith to believe in yourself. And when you have
faith, when you start believing in yourself, I promise
you, no one can take that away from you. Don't forget, visit me
on my website, stwyt.com. If
you want to come to any events, all the events will be there. If
you want to learn more about me, you go to celestatherapist.com. Find
(25:22):
me on all social media platforms at Celeste the Therapist. And until
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