May 28, 2025 • 29 mins
Welcome to another episode of "Celeste the Therapist Podcast"! I'm Celeste, a therapist from Boston, and if you're new here, thank you for tuning in. For our longtime listeners, I appreciate your continued support. On this podcast, I delve into the challenges we face in life and provide insights on how to navigate them. Whether you're here to shift your mindset or embark on a healing journey, this episode is designed to offer holistic approaches and practical advice.
This week, I encourage you to grab a notebook and a pen to jot down key takeaways. Remember, take what resonates with you and leave what doesn't. My goal is to provide you with valuable resources to aid your personal growth.
Exciting news: I'm celebrating another anniversary of the podcast, which started on July 2, 2018. Additionally, I now run a wellness center in Stoughton, Massachusetts. If you're nearby, visit us at stwit.com for more information.
For those who prefer visual content, this episode is also available on YouTube where I incorporate visuals to enhance your learning experience.
Tune in to learn more about starting where you are, using what you have, and working towards a better mindset. Thank you for joining, and let's get started on this week's episode!
[00:02:52] Reframing your life.
[00:03:45] Reframing pain into purpose.
[00:07:42] Understanding the impact of your past
[00:12:09] Prevalence of anxiety and depression.
[00:16:49] Reframing job loss.
[00:19:09] Going for my license.
[00:22:28] Healing is your responsibility.
[00:26:32] Healing is your responsibility.
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
(00:02):
Hey, thank you all so much for joining another episode of Celeste, the
therapist podcast. My name is Celeste. I'm a therapist from Boston. If
you've never been into my podcast before, thank you for giving me a try. What
I do on this podcast is I talk about things that we go
through, and I help you think about ways that you can work on Challenging
these thoughts and these things that we go through if
(00:24):
you are a longtime listener Thank you for being here If you're new here, there
are tons of episodes that you can find where I've talked to guests
over the years I've been podcasting since 2018 July
2nd to be exact. I'm coming up on another anniversary, which is
so exciting and And now I've changed
the platform to the short episodes. I
(00:47):
always encourage you to grab a notebook, grab a pen, kind of
look at these episodes as learning tools that you can take. Take
what you can, leave what you don't, what you can't
utilize, but try to look at this as one of the resources that
you can use to work on your healing journey.
So my platform is for people that want to work on shifting
(01:08):
the way they think. I offer a very holistic way
of doing things. And I'm also really big on starting
where you are and using what you have. I think that's something that's
so important to me. And my platform changed last
year because I opened a wellness center located in
Stoughton, Massachusetts. So if you are in the area, check us out,
(01:30):
stwit.com, where you can find it. Today
on the episode, and if you are listening to me on audio, you can always find
these episodes on the YouTube platform. The reason
why it's important to me to put it on YouTube is because I
offer visuals. One thing about me is I'm a very visual
learner, so it's easier for me to follow along when I'm able
(01:51):
to look at it. So definitely check me out on YouTube. You can search Celeste Therapist
to find it. Today we're talking about understanding how
to turn like pain into purpose. I've been journaling
lately in the mornings and I have been listening
to motivational videos. And so I
look at that as my medicine. I'm working on a project again and
(02:15):
anytime I'm starting something new, what happens is like, I feel like
a little anxious, a little overwhelmed. So then I
start utilizing some of the things that have helped me
get grounded, you know grant being grounded It's important
when you're going through transition when you're going through a lot of changes Trying
to allow yourself to get into the moment could be so powerful because
(02:39):
what's happening is your mind is trying to go to into the future when
it's like, nope, I need to get back into the now. So one
of the things that we're going to talk about today is reframing your
life from pain to purpose. I know a
lot of times people have dealt with a
lot of things over the years, right? And unfortunately,
(02:59):
what tends to happen is that your lens on life will look
like what you've been through. And what do I mean by that is that if
things haven't gone well, if you've watched your caregiver, the person that
raised you, deal with things a certain way. Because
you don't have a different outlook Sometimes you can
allow your mind to only cycle out all of the
(03:20):
hard things that have happened And so the idea of
a future that looks positive that looks freeing that
looks peaceful Doesn't tend to exist
right when you allow your pain to dictate things so we're
gonna talk about understanding your the impact of your past and The
cost of living in your past like how it affects you the power
(03:41):
of reframing. I'm all about reframing my Practice is
called shifting the way you think because if you're shifting the way you think you're actually reframing
things And then how we can set goals. So, uh, if
you're new here, i'm very concise. I'm very to the point And
I use analogies, they really help you understand things better.
So I really hope that you really enjoy today's
(04:04):
episode. Okay, so let's get just jump right into this episode. So
the power of reframing your life from pain into purpose. So
understanding the impact of your past. So if you're not aware,
your past experiences significantly shape your thoughts
and your behavior by influencing perceptions, expectations,
and learning from both success and failure. They can
(04:27):
also lead to the development of cognitive bias, beliefs, and attitudes,
as well as influence our emotional reactions and decision-making styles.
And I'm going to leave this up for people that are watching this on YouTube. What
this is essentially saying is that the things in your
your past can influence the way you see
things, right? So not just with failure, because I just
(04:49):
talked about failure as I opened it up, right, where we
may have seen things not go well for people in our lives. Things
may not have gone well. And so the the idea of
like life just is going to suck is an idea
that people have, but also success. Right.
Always tell people that struggle with consistency I'll say like
(05:11):
start making up your bed in the morning, right and then we'll move from there making
up your bed takes two seconds first thing in the morning and
People will come to me and be like, oh my gosh, so that's like I made up my bed, right?
I do that because now they're gaining confidence in their ability
to do things a lot of times we think we need this grand thing to
help we're waiting for this grand thing to happen before change happens and
(05:32):
Sometimes it literally starts with making up your bed. Sometimes
it starts with making allowing yourself five minutes
to take deep breaths, right? Like intentional deep
breaths to start the process of grounding, right? The
little things that you do matter, right? And so
those experiences that you've had, they can shape the
(05:54):
way that you think about life. And then the development of
cognitive biases. Well, if it didn't go
right before, it's never gonna be right. And then
your emotional reactions and decision-making style, right? A
lot of times we are led by our emotions and
we don't really understand how that happens, right? A
(06:14):
lot of times, some of the things that we're feeling, whether it's
fear, whether it's anxiety, whether it's depression,
like a lot of the things that we're feeling Unfortunately, we
find ourselves making decisions based off of our feeling. So
one of the things, you know, I tell people when they say like, I don't like
(06:34):
the fact that I feel sad and you know, there's no reason for
it, right? People will say that. And I'll say, you don't have to have a
reason in front of you to feel, to identify like that
you're feeling sad. And it's important to note that your
feelings are valid. The sadness that you feel,
whether or not you can identify where it's coming from, it's
(06:56):
really important to honor that emotion. Now, making
a decision off of that emotion, that's where the issue come into play,
right? It's really important. We're gonna honor our emotions,
right if my children get upset because they got in trouble I'm
not mad at them for being upset, you know, you hear parents
or you've maybe have said it or it's been said to you Where
(07:18):
it's like, what are you upset for like, you know what you did? Like
yeah, I know what I did but it's it's not okay for me to be upset like
it's okay to feel upset but a lot of us haven't been allowed
to feel our feelings. And so as
adults, when we find ourselves feeling a certain way, we
struggle with the fact that we feel that way instead of honoring what
(07:39):
we are feeling. So understanding
the impact of your past is crucial when
it comes to looking at how you are looking at
life in the present and for the future. When
you're struggling with dwelling on the past, you can face difficulties like
guilt, regret, and even trauma related issues. These can
(08:02):
lead to emotional distress, mental health challenges, and difficulties
in present day relationship and activities. Again, dwelling
on the past, brings up all of these emotions. And
a lot of times we're ruminating on things that we cannot change.
Anytime I'm working with people and we're talking about
the past and I'll say, well, what part of that do you have control over presently?
(08:25):
Nothing, right? Easier said than done an example
and I've used this I've said this before on the podcast, but
if you're watching a movie and there's a scary scene that
comes up You'll find yourself you may jump and
you know, oh my gosh, that was so scary your system starts to
get feel that fear But then when the movie's over
(08:47):
guess what's happening? You're going back to baseline, right? You're
not ruminating over that scene because you know, it was a
movie and We've experienced things in
real life where it's happened, right? And then
our system goes into whatever it goes to during that traumatic event,
during that moment. Unfortunately, we have not
(09:08):
gone back to baseline. Unfortunately, because we're not
processing what's happening, our system is constantly like,
oh my gosh, it's happening again. When the feeling comes into
play, whether it's isolation, whether it's abandonment, when
that feeling comes into play, you'll find your system struggling
with the rumination of the thoughts because you haven't processed
(09:30):
it. When I have my first session with people, one
of the important things that is important for me to do is
that we go over their history. The reason why it's important for
me to go over their history is because I want to help them make the
connections to what is happening in the present. And
we are, if we make time to pause and
(09:51):
reflect, we can start to see how some
things can be related, right? If you got to
make time to pause and reflect, then I do understand making time,
pausing and reflecting for some people can feel very
scary. Being in the moment for so many people
has been scary, because you may be saying, well, why is it scary for
(10:13):
me to be in the moment? The reason why being in the moment can
feel scary in today is because there's been moments in
your past that being in the moment was really hard. And
our mind does an amazing job at being able to escape, being
able to go somewhere else. And that works as children.
That works for the traumatic event. But in the present day, it
(10:33):
doesn't work for us all the time. It creates a
lot of situations where we are not present,
where we're not experiencing joy, right? And
so my goal for you is to help you understand that, right? So
when we can have a grapple on our past, right, we gotta
face it. If we don't face our past, our past will continue to
(10:55):
be the lens in which we look at life under. It's gonna be
very hard to change life's Present and
future if we are trying to
run from the past and there's so many different ways that we will
find ourselves Running from the past so really
be mindful when you're doing that Now, what
(11:15):
is the cost of living in the past? Because it comes with a cost. Being
stuck in the past can significantly impact emotional
and mental health well-being, leading to various negative
consequences. So this can be rumination, nostalgic
depression, so thinking about all those hard things that's
happened in the past, or even unresolved trauma. It
(11:38):
can hinder personal growth, distort your perspective, and contribute to
mental health conditions, Like anxiety and depression a
lot of times I say like and so I'm in America for people that
are listening in other places I feel like we are
one of the most anxious and depressed nations We
have so many things at our fingertips that are available to
(12:00):
us like resources but the anxiety and
the depression is so debilitating and And you know
my thoughts on that right? Why why is it so prevalent?
Because we're trying to fill our time with so many things. We're distracted by
so many things. In this country you
know once you if you come from another country where they don't do a lot of advertisement you
(12:22):
come here you start to feel bombarded with advertisement. I
remember speaking to somebody I can't remember what country they went to But
they said they remember when they came back they were so overwhelmed by all
the billboards by all the advertisements They didn't realize like
how heavy it was here because they had been somewhere
else for a while And then it hit them at too much
how much advertisement is done Think about your algorithm on
(12:46):
your feed if you look at something for more than five or six seconds That
thing is coming back in your feed Lot of times you're
the the cravings that you have not just for food but
for other things You're trying to figure out why a lot of
it's because of what you're watching right what you're listening to a
lot of the ways that we're operating in life, where
(13:08):
we're not identifying what we're feeling, we're not paying
attention to how we're affected by things. Instead,
we're just on the go. Instead, we're just trying to make status, make
money, survive, party, not wanna
miss anything. And we're just going, going, going like
robots when there are ways that we're affected by
(13:31):
things that we're not paying attention to. So
being mindful of if you are finding yourself constantly stuck
in the past it comes with the price It comes
with the price. Yes trying to get more present can
be hard But being present paying
attention to what is happening can help you
(13:54):
start to see the direction in life that you try you're
trying to go and Now let's talk about the
power of reframing. Because reframing is something
that is so important to do. Because like for instance, let
me just try to think of an example real quick. So let's say that the
glass half full, right? So if there's a glass that's half
(14:16):
full, it's half empty and it's half full, right? Which
perspective sounds better me saying that the glass is half
full Feels better because I feel like I'm closer to
it being full if I'm trying to fill it up Let's just say it's money. But
if I say my glass is half empty It sounds
a little bit more negative like dang is is empty like using
(14:37):
the language that you use but both are true Right?
So reframing or cognitive reframing is a technique that involves
changing the way you perceive and interpret situations, experiences,
and even your own thoughts. It's about shifting your mindset
to view a situation from a different perspective, often leading
to a more helpful or positive outlook. Essentially, it's
(15:00):
about understanding that the meaning we assign to our experiences is
not inherent, but rather a product of our own interpretation. Somebody
you can get in the car accident with somebody else that other
person may walk away and they'd like Oh, that was that was close. Like
I'm glad I'm good and walk away You could
find yourself struggling with what just happened and
(15:22):
Feeling a different kind of impact for one reason or the other
maybe you've been in an accident before Maybe it brought up some
other things or maybe that's just how you have responded to
it, right? So really understanding the ways
in which you are interpreting situations and
thinking about how you can reframe it. I'm going to give you
(15:43):
a very concrete example of what this looks like. And
I want to be clear reframing. When I say reframing, it
doesn't mean I'm saying pretend like things didn't happen. Right. I
spent so many years. thinking
that life was so hard. Yes, life is hard.
(16:03):
But thinking that there was no way for me to have peace because of all
the things that have happened over the years. And I have found
myself being able to really not allow that
pain of the past to take over my
present by reminding myself like, It's
okay. Like I can't change the past like the
(16:24):
words that I started to say to myself matter and when
I'm working with people and The words that they
say when they're so negative. I'm like saying
hey, did you hear what you just said? I'm constantly reminding people that
there are power and words in the way that you're framing things So
I really want you to be mindful of that. But on this next slide, let's
(16:44):
look at ways that you can reframe it I'm giving you a
concrete example So
imagine you lost your job. Initially, you
might interpret this as a failure, leading to feelings
of anxiety and insecurity. However, reframing
this experience could involve seeing it as an opportunity to
(17:06):
explore new career paths, pursue further education, or
start a business you've always dreamed of. You might also
consider the job loss as a chance for a fresh beginning. This
literally happened to me and if you've been listening to this podcast for
a long time, you already know in 2000 in in 2014 or 13 in 2013, I
got demoted from my job I
(17:35):
was supervising case managers. I had worked at
this facility for a while and I got
demoted. And I remember when I got
demoted and had a pay cut and they changed my hours, I
was really upset because I was doing a great job. But, you know,
over the years I've learned that my advocacy and who I am
(17:55):
It didn't work in certain spaces and it worked
out for me. So I got demoted, right? I
could have been like, oh my gosh, this sucks, which I said, this sucks. I
could have stayed in that. I could have stayed bitter. I could
have spent years talking about, I can't believe they demoted
me. Like, who do they think they are? I could have
(18:16):
stayed there, but no, I reframed it.
And I said to myself, oh, I'm disposable, right?
Like they have every right, I'm an employee at
will, they can let me go, they can demote me, they can do whatever they want to
me, but what do I have power
over? Right and at the time I had my master's
(18:37):
and I didn't even go for my licensure. I wasn't thinking about being an entrepreneur Never
once did that cross my mind never once cuz I was just gonna
grow with the company Retire, you know get a little gold
watch or something So that
demotion, instead of me wallowing in like this isn't fair,
(18:57):
I said it wasn't fair, so it's not about not naming it, it wasn't
fair, but what can I do with this opportunity? What did I do?
I decided I was gonna go for my license. I
went for my license, went to another job, made $20,000 more
than what I was making at the time just by going for my license, something
I never thought about doing because I felt so satisfied in
(19:18):
the role that I was in. Right. So I want
you to use this example. Think about the things that maybe
you have gone through and asking yourself, what is the beauty in
the struggle? What can I pull out of that situation? How
can I change my outlook on the way that I'm framing things?
I spent so many years living in pain where it felt debilitating and
(19:40):
usually that pain would show up at night, right? Why did it show up
at night? Because there was no distractions. I wasn't going
to school, studying, partying, like those are my outlooks that
I had utilized to escape, right? Like I said, we can escape in
different ways. People are familiar with drugs and alcohol, but
there's also food. There's also work. There's also degrees
(20:01):
getting multiple degrees Leaving the house
going to multiple events. There's so many ways that
we can find ourselves escaping and
once I decided that I wasn't gonna like run anymore from
this I and actually start to face it head on, very challenging, very
hard, it allowed me to see the autonomy that
(20:22):
I had over my life. It allowed me to see the choices that
I was able to make. So my reframe
came so naturally. The more that I started to look at my
power, the more I started to work on reframing
and taking control of my life and starting to see my purpose. I
was somewhat living out my purpose in the career path that I was choosing,
(20:45):
But I was just going through the motions. I wasn't really involved consciously.
I was just doing the part, feeling unsatisfied. I'm
sure some people that are listening now understands what that feels
like. And so if you wanna take control of your life,
not allow your pain to take over your life, you
gotta face what is, right? Face what is happening
(21:07):
or what has happened and work on reminding yourself that,
I can never change the past sometimes there are things that you have done
forget the fact that things have been done to you Sometimes there are things that you have done
forgiving yourself is is huge, right? It's something that
I talk about often not an easy task to do but an
important task to do Because we only have one life We
(21:30):
only have one life and in order for us to work on
enjoying life, creating peace in life, we gotta
be in the moment. If we're dwelling on the past or
worried about the future, we're not in the moment. And
when you're not in the moment, there's no way you can have peace. Last
thing we're going to talk about really quick is setting purposeful goals
(21:53):
And so if you can see this pie graph, um, and if you can't if
you're not on youtube Um, I would encourage you to google wellness
will and you will see these different dimensions on
the will There's social wellness emotional wellness spiritual
wellness and spiritual. It's not religion. So before you think like oh i'm not
religious neither am I I'm very spiritual, intellectual
(22:16):
wellness, physical wellness, environmental wellness, financial wellness, and
occupational wellness. So these are different areas of our
lives, right? Because how can I say that
I want to be in the present and work on my future if I don't know what my goals
are, right? How can I change my pain into purpose if
I'm not even clear on what my goals are? This is
(22:36):
a great way to work on identifying what
your goals look like. If you go to celestiatherapist.com, I actually
have a short webinar where I go through
these dimensions and help you
think about what these areas look like. And when I go through
this with people, I'll tell them to think Between the numbers
(22:57):
of one and ten one being very bad not doing well in that area and
ten being i'm doing amazing Go through this will and start to
number it. What am I doing? Well, like you'll be surprised some areas you
might find yourself thinking like, okay I got I got it together in
this area some areas it might be kind of low but what that
allows you to do is have a framework And a baseline
(23:18):
on where you are instead of just saying instead of
just making like, oh, I don't like my job Oh, I don't feel
like i'm really in tune with myself, right? Oh, i'm not really
like moving my body or eating. Well, like just saying it but
what are you gonna do about it? right and this
will will allow you to actually Look
(23:39):
at where you are Now currently in life in
these areas and help you work on Coming
up with the goal for each area Right. So if you type in
wellness will you'll find a wellness will with the different categories
and if you are If you want to see a visual on it now,
you just go to YouTube. I have the visual up and
(24:00):
I got this Specific will from headspace. So
if you go to if you type in wellness will headspace You'll find this specific
world that I have up with the different categories. Um,
so, you know, I hope that was helpful. I hope that makes
sense when it comes to thinking about like the things
you've gone through and thinking about, um, how
(24:23):
do I not allow it to take over my life? Right. We
got to understand what happened to you may not have been your fault,
but your healing is always going to be your responsibility. Right.
I'll say that again. What happened to you may
not have been your fault. but your healing is
your responsibility. A lot of times we want somebody
(24:45):
to pay for what's happened. My friend Sean Marshall
had this amazing example where he said he
talked about being hit by a limo and
he said if I You know if the limo driver the
limo driver happened to stop for him but he said if
the limo driver didn't stop for me right and
(25:06):
the ambulance driver came right somebody caught the ambulance and
came and The ambulance was like, all right, come on Let's
get in the ambulance and then we say now I can't get
an ambulance because the limo driver is the one who did it He needs to take me to
the ambulance Nobody would ever do that. We
would never say, I'm gonna sit here and wait for
the ambulance driver to come back because of what
(25:29):
he did, right? It's his fault, he needs to bring me to
the hospital. In
some cases, in his case,
the limo driver stopped. There could be a case the limo driver didn't stop,
right? when you think about the things you struggle
with the things you've been holding on to and the
(25:51):
things that nobody has ever acknowledged or said sorry about I
Want you to think about that analogy with the limo driver. I want
you to ask yourself Am I still waiting for
the limo driver to pick me up or do I need to just go in the ambulance and
start? Working on what I need to heal Because
those people are going on with their lives. Who knows what they got going on?
(26:12):
A lot of times, people will say, but they seem happier. They're doing
this. That's not your business. And
if we can reframe it, it's easy to frame
it in a sense of, but it's not fair, because it isn't fair. That's always going
to be true. It's not fair. It sucks. But
what is also true is that if you want to get to where you need
(26:33):
to go, your healing is your responsibility. I
hope that was helpful, I hope that makes sense. If you are in the Stoughton area,
I just wanna share, I do have regular classes that
are taking place. We have a mindful yin
class. The last Friday of every month, we
have a restorative yoga. We have a rest and recharge.
(26:55):
I don't have the clip up here for this, but we also are
gonna have a gentle flow starting next month in June.
June 14th a gentle trauma-informed yoga session If
you know me or if you've been following me, I'm very
big into holistic healing. I love talk therapy
I think it's great. But a lot of times we have so much stored in
(27:18):
our body and we're not even aware of it So definitely like
check out the classes if you're in the area really
good space to help you decompress to help you relax to
work on your healing process and And again, if you want to
follow me you can follow I also have two books
One is a guided journal called 365 days of intentional living
(27:40):
and I also have a book called relationship goals It's a guide to a healthy relationship
if you go to stwit.com you can find those
two books and Then if you want to follow me, I'm on every social
media site by searching Celeste the therapist and my
website for my prep for my Wellness Center is st
wit.com that's st wit.com If
(28:03):
anything I ever say resonates for you understand you have the power to
create change But you have to have faith to believe in yourself and
I always tell people when you have faith when you stop believing in yourself Man,
nobody can take that away from you Validate yourself validate
your feelings, but don't make decisions off of those feelings. That's important until
Hey, thank you all so much for joining another episode of Celeste, the
therapist podcast. My name is Celeste. I'm a therapist from Boston. If
you've never been into my podcast before, thank you for giving me a try. What
I do on this podcast is I talk about things that we go
through, and I help you think about ways that you can work on Challenging
these thoughts and these things that we go through if
(00:24):
you are a longtime listener Thank you for being here If you're new here, there
are tons of episodes that you can find where I've talked to guests
over the years I've been podcasting since 2018 July
2nd to be exact. I'm coming up on another anniversary, which is
so exciting and And now I've changed
the platform to the short episodes. I
(00:47):
always encourage you to grab a notebook, grab a pen, kind of
look at these episodes as learning tools that you can take. Take
what you can, leave what you don't, what you can't
utilize, but try to look at this as one of the resources that
you can use to work on your healing journey.
So my platform is for people that want to work on shifting
(01:08):
the way they think. I offer a very holistic way
of doing things. And I'm also really big on starting
where you are and using what you have. I think that's something that's
so important to me. And my platform changed last
year because I opened a wellness center located in
Stoughton, Massachusetts. So if you are in the area, check us out,
(01:30):
stwit.com, where you can find it. Today
on the episode, and if you are listening to me on audio, you can always find
these episodes on the YouTube platform. The reason
why it's important to me to put it on YouTube is because I
offer visuals. One thing about me is I'm a very visual
learner, so it's easier for me to follow along when I'm able
(01:51):
to look at it. So definitely check me out on YouTube. You can search Celeste Therapist
to find it. Today we're talking about understanding how
to turn like pain into purpose. I've been journaling
lately in the mornings and I have been listening
to motivational videos. And so I
look at that as my medicine. I'm working on a project again and
(02:15):
anytime I'm starting something new, what happens is like, I feel like
a little anxious, a little overwhelmed. So then I
start utilizing some of the things that have helped me
get grounded, you know grant being grounded It's important
when you're going through transition when you're going through a lot of changes Trying
to allow yourself to get into the moment could be so powerful because
(02:39):
what's happening is your mind is trying to go to into the future when
it's like, nope, I need to get back into the now. So one
of the things that we're going to talk about today is reframing your
life from pain to purpose. I know a
lot of times people have dealt with a
lot of things over the years, right? And unfortunately,
(02:59):
what tends to happen is that your lens on life will look
like what you've been through. And what do I mean by that is that if
things haven't gone well, if you've watched your caregiver, the person that
raised you, deal with things a certain way. Because
you don't have a different outlook Sometimes you can
allow your mind to only cycle out all of the
(03:20):
hard things that have happened And so the idea of
a future that looks positive that looks freeing that
looks peaceful Doesn't tend to exist
right when you allow your pain to dictate things so we're
gonna talk about understanding your the impact of your past and The
cost of living in your past like how it affects you the power
(03:41):
of reframing. I'm all about reframing my Practice is
called shifting the way you think because if you're shifting the way you think you're actually reframing
things And then how we can set goals. So, uh, if
you're new here, i'm very concise. I'm very to the point And
I use analogies, they really help you understand things better.
So I really hope that you really enjoy today's
(04:04):
episode. Okay, so let's get just jump right into this episode. So
the power of reframing your life from pain into purpose. So
understanding the impact of your past. So if you're not aware,
your past experiences significantly shape your thoughts
and your behavior by influencing perceptions, expectations,
and learning from both success and failure. They can
(04:27):
also lead to the development of cognitive bias, beliefs, and attitudes,
as well as influence our emotional reactions and decision-making styles.
And I'm going to leave this up for people that are watching this on YouTube. What
this is essentially saying is that the things in your
your past can influence the way you see
things, right? So not just with failure, because I just
(04:49):
talked about failure as I opened it up, right, where we
may have seen things not go well for people in our lives. Things
may not have gone well. And so the the idea of
like life just is going to suck is an idea
that people have, but also success. Right.
Always tell people that struggle with consistency I'll say like
(05:11):
start making up your bed in the morning, right and then we'll move from there making
up your bed takes two seconds first thing in the morning and
People will come to me and be like, oh my gosh, so that's like I made up my bed, right?
I do that because now they're gaining confidence in their ability
to do things a lot of times we think we need this grand thing to
help we're waiting for this grand thing to happen before change happens and
(05:32):
Sometimes it literally starts with making up your bed. Sometimes
it starts with making allowing yourself five minutes
to take deep breaths, right? Like intentional deep
breaths to start the process of grounding, right? The
little things that you do matter, right? And so
those experiences that you've had, they can shape the
(05:54):
way that you think about life. And then the development of
cognitive biases. Well, if it didn't go
right before, it's never gonna be right. And then
your emotional reactions and decision-making style, right? A
lot of times we are led by our emotions and
we don't really understand how that happens, right? A
(06:14):
lot of times, some of the things that we're feeling, whether it's
fear, whether it's anxiety, whether it's depression,
like a lot of the things that we're feeling Unfortunately, we
find ourselves making decisions based off of our feeling. So
one of the things, you know, I tell people when they say like, I don't like
(06:34):
the fact that I feel sad and you know, there's no reason for
it, right? People will say that. And I'll say, you don't have to have a
reason in front of you to feel, to identify like that
you're feeling sad. And it's important to note that your
feelings are valid. The sadness that you feel,
whether or not you can identify where it's coming from, it's
(06:56):
really important to honor that emotion. Now, making
a decision off of that emotion, that's where the issue come into play,
right? It's really important. We're gonna honor our emotions,
right if my children get upset because they got in trouble I'm
not mad at them for being upset, you know, you hear parents
or you've maybe have said it or it's been said to you Where
(07:18):
it's like, what are you upset for like, you know what you did? Like
yeah, I know what I did but it's it's not okay for me to be upset like
it's okay to feel upset but a lot of us haven't been allowed
to feel our feelings. And so as
adults, when we find ourselves feeling a certain way, we
struggle with the fact that we feel that way instead of honoring what
(07:39):
we are feeling. So understanding
the impact of your past is crucial when
it comes to looking at how you are looking at
life in the present and for the future. When
you're struggling with dwelling on the past, you can face difficulties like
guilt, regret, and even trauma related issues. These can
(08:02):
lead to emotional distress, mental health challenges, and difficulties
in present day relationship and activities. Again, dwelling
on the past, brings up all of these emotions. And
a lot of times we're ruminating on things that we cannot change.
Anytime I'm working with people and we're talking about
the past and I'll say, well, what part of that do you have control over presently?
(08:25):
Nothing, right? Easier said than done an example
and I've used this I've said this before on the podcast, but
if you're watching a movie and there's a scary scene that
comes up You'll find yourself you may jump and
you know, oh my gosh, that was so scary your system starts to
get feel that fear But then when the movie's over
(08:47):
guess what's happening? You're going back to baseline, right? You're
not ruminating over that scene because you know, it was a
movie and We've experienced things in
real life where it's happened, right? And then
our system goes into whatever it goes to during that traumatic event,
during that moment. Unfortunately, we have not
(09:08):
gone back to baseline. Unfortunately, because we're not
processing what's happening, our system is constantly like,
oh my gosh, it's happening again. When the feeling comes into
play, whether it's isolation, whether it's abandonment, when
that feeling comes into play, you'll find your system struggling
with the rumination of the thoughts because you haven't processed
(09:30):
it. When I have my first session with people, one
of the important things that is important for me to do is
that we go over their history. The reason why it's important for
me to go over their history is because I want to help them make the
connections to what is happening in the present. And
we are, if we make time to pause and
(09:51):
reflect, we can start to see how some
things can be related, right? If you got to
make time to pause and reflect, then I do understand making time,
pausing and reflecting for some people can feel very
scary. Being in the moment for so many people
has been scary, because you may be saying, well, why is it scary for
(10:13):
me to be in the moment? The reason why being in the moment can
feel scary in today is because there's been moments in
your past that being in the moment was really hard. And
our mind does an amazing job at being able to escape, being
able to go somewhere else. And that works as children.
That works for the traumatic event. But in the present day, it
(10:33):
doesn't work for us all the time. It creates a
lot of situations where we are not present,
where we're not experiencing joy, right? And
so my goal for you is to help you understand that, right? So
when we can have a grapple on our past, right, we gotta
face it. If we don't face our past, our past will continue to
(10:55):
be the lens in which we look at life under. It's gonna be
very hard to change life's Present and
future if we are trying to
run from the past and there's so many different ways that we will
find ourselves Running from the past so really
be mindful when you're doing that Now, what
(11:15):
is the cost of living in the past? Because it comes with a cost. Being
stuck in the past can significantly impact emotional
and mental health well-being, leading to various negative
consequences. So this can be rumination, nostalgic
depression, so thinking about all those hard things that's
happened in the past, or even unresolved trauma. It
(11:38):
can hinder personal growth, distort your perspective, and contribute to
mental health conditions, Like anxiety and depression a
lot of times I say like and so I'm in America for people that
are listening in other places I feel like we are
one of the most anxious and depressed nations We
have so many things at our fingertips that are available to
(12:00):
us like resources but the anxiety and
the depression is so debilitating and And you know
my thoughts on that right? Why why is it so prevalent?
Because we're trying to fill our time with so many things. We're distracted by
so many things. In this country you
know once you if you come from another country where they don't do a lot of advertisement you
(12:22):
come here you start to feel bombarded with advertisement. I
remember speaking to somebody I can't remember what country they went to But
they said they remember when they came back they were so overwhelmed by all
the billboards by all the advertisements They didn't realize like
how heavy it was here because they had been somewhere
else for a while And then it hit them at too much
how much advertisement is done Think about your algorithm on
(12:46):
your feed if you look at something for more than five or six seconds That
thing is coming back in your feed Lot of times you're
the the cravings that you have not just for food but
for other things You're trying to figure out why a lot of
it's because of what you're watching right what you're listening to a
lot of the ways that we're operating in life, where
(13:08):
we're not identifying what we're feeling, we're not paying
attention to how we're affected by things. Instead,
we're just on the go. Instead, we're just trying to make status, make
money, survive, party, not wanna
miss anything. And we're just going, going, going like
robots when there are ways that we're affected by
(13:31):
things that we're not paying attention to. So
being mindful of if you are finding yourself constantly stuck
in the past it comes with the price It comes
with the price. Yes trying to get more present can
be hard But being present paying
attention to what is happening can help you
(13:54):
start to see the direction in life that you try you're
trying to go and Now let's talk about the
power of reframing. Because reframing is something
that is so important to do. Because like for instance, let
me just try to think of an example real quick. So let's say that the
glass half full, right? So if there's a glass that's half
(14:16):
full, it's half empty and it's half full, right? Which
perspective sounds better me saying that the glass is half
full Feels better because I feel like I'm closer to
it being full if I'm trying to fill it up Let's just say it's money. But
if I say my glass is half empty It sounds
a little bit more negative like dang is is empty like using
(14:37):
the language that you use but both are true Right?
So reframing or cognitive reframing is a technique that involves
changing the way you perceive and interpret situations, experiences,
and even your own thoughts. It's about shifting your mindset
to view a situation from a different perspective, often leading
to a more helpful or positive outlook. Essentially, it's
(15:00):
about understanding that the meaning we assign to our experiences is
not inherent, but rather a product of our own interpretation. Somebody
you can get in the car accident with somebody else that other
person may walk away and they'd like Oh, that was that was close. Like
I'm glad I'm good and walk away You could
find yourself struggling with what just happened and
(15:22):
Feeling a different kind of impact for one reason or the other
maybe you've been in an accident before Maybe it brought up some
other things or maybe that's just how you have responded to
it, right? So really understanding the ways
in which you are interpreting situations and
thinking about how you can reframe it. I'm going to give you
(15:43):
a very concrete example of what this looks like. And
I want to be clear reframing. When I say reframing, it
doesn't mean I'm saying pretend like things didn't happen. Right. I
spent so many years. thinking
that life was so hard. Yes, life is hard.
(16:03):
But thinking that there was no way for me to have peace because of all
the things that have happened over the years. And I have found
myself being able to really not allow that
pain of the past to take over my
present by reminding myself like, It's
okay. Like I can't change the past like the
(16:24):
words that I started to say to myself matter and when
I'm working with people and The words that they
say when they're so negative. I'm like saying
hey, did you hear what you just said? I'm constantly reminding people that
there are power and words in the way that you're framing things So
I really want you to be mindful of that. But on this next slide, let's
(16:44):
look at ways that you can reframe it I'm giving you a
concrete example So
imagine you lost your job. Initially, you
might interpret this as a failure, leading to feelings
of anxiety and insecurity. However, reframing
this experience could involve seeing it as an opportunity to
(17:06):
explore new career paths, pursue further education, or
start a business you've always dreamed of. You might also
consider the job loss as a chance for a fresh beginning. This
literally happened to me and if you've been listening to this podcast for
a long time, you already know in 2000 in in 2014 or 13 in 2013, I
got demoted from my job I
(17:35):
was supervising case managers. I had worked at
this facility for a while and I got
demoted. And I remember when I got
demoted and had a pay cut and they changed my hours, I
was really upset because I was doing a great job. But, you know,
over the years I've learned that my advocacy and who I am
(17:55):
It didn't work in certain spaces and it worked
out for me. So I got demoted, right? I
could have been like, oh my gosh, this sucks, which I said, this sucks. I
could have stayed in that. I could have stayed bitter. I could
have spent years talking about, I can't believe they demoted
me. Like, who do they think they are? I could have
(18:16):
stayed there, but no, I reframed it.
And I said to myself, oh, I'm disposable, right?
Like they have every right, I'm an employee at
will, they can let me go, they can demote me, they can do whatever they want to
me, but what do I have power
over? Right and at the time I had my master's
(18:37):
and I didn't even go for my licensure. I wasn't thinking about being an entrepreneur Never
once did that cross my mind never once cuz I was just gonna
grow with the company Retire, you know get a little gold
watch or something So that
demotion, instead of me wallowing in like this isn't fair,
(18:57):
I said it wasn't fair, so it's not about not naming it, it wasn't
fair, but what can I do with this opportunity? What did I do?
I decided I was gonna go for my license. I
went for my license, went to another job, made $20,000 more
than what I was making at the time just by going for my license, something
I never thought about doing because I felt so satisfied in
(19:18):
the role that I was in. Right. So I want
you to use this example. Think about the things that maybe
you have gone through and asking yourself, what is the beauty in
the struggle? What can I pull out of that situation? How
can I change my outlook on the way that I'm framing things?
I spent so many years living in pain where it felt debilitating and
(19:40):
usually that pain would show up at night, right? Why did it show up
at night? Because there was no distractions. I wasn't going
to school, studying, partying, like those are my outlooks that
I had utilized to escape, right? Like I said, we can escape in
different ways. People are familiar with drugs and alcohol, but
there's also food. There's also work. There's also degrees
(20:01):
getting multiple degrees Leaving the house
going to multiple events. There's so many ways that
we can find ourselves escaping and
once I decided that I wasn't gonna like run anymore from
this I and actually start to face it head on, very challenging, very
hard, it allowed me to see the autonomy that
(20:22):
I had over my life. It allowed me to see the choices that
I was able to make. So my reframe
came so naturally. The more that I started to look at my
power, the more I started to work on reframing
and taking control of my life and starting to see my purpose. I
was somewhat living out my purpose in the career path that I was choosing,
(20:45):
But I was just going through the motions. I wasn't really involved consciously.
I was just doing the part, feeling unsatisfied. I'm
sure some people that are listening now understands what that feels
like. And so if you wanna take control of your life,
not allow your pain to take over your life, you
gotta face what is, right? Face what is happening
(21:07):
or what has happened and work on reminding yourself that,
I can never change the past sometimes there are things that you have done
forget the fact that things have been done to you Sometimes there are things that you have done
forgiving yourself is is huge, right? It's something that
I talk about often not an easy task to do but an
important task to do Because we only have one life We
(21:30):
only have one life and in order for us to work on
enjoying life, creating peace in life, we gotta
be in the moment. If we're dwelling on the past or
worried about the future, we're not in the moment. And
when you're not in the moment, there's no way you can have peace. Last
thing we're going to talk about really quick is setting purposeful goals
(21:53):
And so if you can see this pie graph, um, and if you can't if
you're not on youtube Um, I would encourage you to google wellness
will and you will see these different dimensions on
the will There's social wellness emotional wellness spiritual
wellness and spiritual. It's not religion. So before you think like oh i'm not
religious neither am I I'm very spiritual, intellectual
(22:16):
wellness, physical wellness, environmental wellness, financial wellness, and
occupational wellness. So these are different areas of our
lives, right? Because how can I say that
I want to be in the present and work on my future if I don't know what my goals
are, right? How can I change my pain into purpose if
I'm not even clear on what my goals are? This is
(22:36):
a great way to work on identifying what
your goals look like. If you go to celestiatherapist.com, I actually
have a short webinar where I go through
these dimensions and help you
think about what these areas look like. And when I go through
this with people, I'll tell them to think Between the numbers
(22:57):
of one and ten one being very bad not doing well in that area and
ten being i'm doing amazing Go through this will and start to
number it. What am I doing? Well, like you'll be surprised some areas you
might find yourself thinking like, okay I got I got it together in
this area some areas it might be kind of low but what that
allows you to do is have a framework And a baseline
(23:18):
on where you are instead of just saying instead of
just making like, oh, I don't like my job Oh, I don't feel
like i'm really in tune with myself, right? Oh, i'm not really
like moving my body or eating. Well, like just saying it but
what are you gonna do about it? right and this
will will allow you to actually Look
(23:39):
at where you are Now currently in life in
these areas and help you work on Coming
up with the goal for each area Right. So if you type in
wellness will you'll find a wellness will with the different categories
and if you are If you want to see a visual on it now,
you just go to YouTube. I have the visual up and
(24:00):
I got this Specific will from headspace. So
if you go to if you type in wellness will headspace You'll find this specific
world that I have up with the different categories. Um,
so, you know, I hope that was helpful. I hope that makes
sense when it comes to thinking about like the things
you've gone through and thinking about, um, how
(24:23):
do I not allow it to take over my life? Right. We
got to understand what happened to you may not have been your fault,
but your healing is always going to be your responsibility. Right.
I'll say that again. What happened to you may
not have been your fault. but your healing is
your responsibility. A lot of times we want somebody
(24:45):
to pay for what's happened. My friend Sean Marshall
had this amazing example where he said he
talked about being hit by a limo and
he said if I You know if the limo driver the
limo driver happened to stop for him but he said if
the limo driver didn't stop for me right and
(25:06):
the ambulance driver came right somebody caught the ambulance and
came and The ambulance was like, all right, come on Let's
get in the ambulance and then we say now I can't get
an ambulance because the limo driver is the one who did it He needs to take me to
the ambulance Nobody would ever do that. We
would never say, I'm gonna sit here and wait for
the ambulance driver to come back because of what
(25:29):
he did, right? It's his fault, he needs to bring me to
the hospital. In
some cases, in his case,
the limo driver stopped. There could be a case the limo driver didn't stop,
right? when you think about the things you struggle
with the things you've been holding on to and the
(25:51):
things that nobody has ever acknowledged or said sorry about I
Want you to think about that analogy with the limo driver. I want
you to ask yourself Am I still waiting for
the limo driver to pick me up or do I need to just go in the ambulance and
start? Working on what I need to heal Because
those people are going on with their lives. Who knows what they got going on?
(26:12):
A lot of times, people will say, but they seem happier. They're doing
this. That's not your business. And
if we can reframe it, it's easy to frame
it in a sense of, but it's not fair, because it isn't fair. That's always going
to be true. It's not fair. It sucks. But
what is also true is that if you want to get to where you need
(26:33):
to go, your healing is your responsibility. I
hope that was helpful, I hope that makes sense. If you are in the Stoughton area,
I just wanna share, I do have regular classes that
are taking place. We have a mindful yin
class. The last Friday of every month, we
have a restorative yoga. We have a rest and recharge.
(26:55):
I don't have the clip up here for this, but we also are
gonna have a gentle flow starting next month in June.
June 14th a gentle trauma-informed yoga session If
you know me or if you've been following me, I'm very
big into holistic healing. I love talk therapy
I think it's great. But a lot of times we have so much stored in
(27:18):
our body and we're not even aware of it So definitely like
check out the classes if you're in the area really
good space to help you decompress to help you relax to
work on your healing process and And again, if you want to
follow me you can follow I also have two books
One is a guided journal called 365 days of intentional living
(27:40):
and I also have a book called relationship goals It's a guide to a healthy relationship
if you go to stwit.com you can find those
two books and Then if you want to follow me, I'm on every social
media site by searching Celeste the therapist and my
website for my prep for my Wellness Center is st
wit.com that's st wit.com If
(28:03):
anything I ever say resonates for you understand you have the power to
create change But you have to have faith to believe in yourself and
I always tell people when you have faith when you stop believing in yourself Man,
nobody can take that away from you Validate yourself validate
your feelings, but don't make decisions off of those feelings. That's important until
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