CA082: 10 ways to build the self-love habit

It’s all very well knowing we should love ourselves but how do we do it?  Find out how with these 10 ways to build the self-love habit.

‘To love oneself is the beginning of a life-long romance.’ Oscar Wilde

What a lovely quote from the unique and fantastically brilliant Oscar Wilde but

what did you think when you read it?

Did you think that’s a clever little quip, or it’s a bit over the top or fanciful?

Maybe you think it’s narcissistic or you haven’t thought of loving yourself as a romance with yourself.

Whatever thoughts came to mind are an indication of your view towards you and self-love.

Self-love is an inner love and acceptance of who we are and how we are.

Last week we talked about what self-love is and why we all need it, in our blog posts and on the Changeability Podcast (episode 81). We looked at 6 ways or clues that show us we’re not being loving towards our self. 

We understand what self-love is and why it’s good for us, we’re looking out for those times we’re not being self-loving, but how do we go from the ways we tend to behave where we’re not being loving to ourselves, to growing our self-love until it becomes the norm or a habit.

10 ways you can build a self-love habit for yourself

1. Choose yourself

Give yourself permission to do what you want.  Don’t wait for others to give you permission.  You might think this doesn’t apply to you, but ask yourself if there’s anything you want to do in your life or at work where you’re waiting for someone else’s permission to do it.  You might not have realised it before, but tacitly you’re waiting. 

It can be more explicit or obvious in our close relationships. You seek someone’s permission before starting something new or maybe even to go out. 

This isn’t about not caring about what your family, partner, boss or colleagues think. It’s about not holding back from being who you want to be or doing want you want to do because you’re scared or reluctant to ask or because you think you need someone’s permission.  When often it’s an excuse for procrastination and you don’t need that permission at all – you only need your own permission.  So give it to yourself.

2. Create ‘You time’ and use it

Neglecting your own needs was one of the key signs for not loving yourself and this is the antidote.  Make space in your life for you.

One practical way to do this is to make time for you.  Carve out your own personal time to do something that pleases or excites you, or enhances you or your skills in or just makes you feel better. 

This is a time when you put yourself first.

This doesn’t mean you don’t look after children or do your job well, but it does mean there is a time when you’re not putting other first.

When you create ‘you time’ you become a better parent, wife etc. You set a great example to your family and colleagues of one of the ways of being an effective person, and send a strong message that you matter and want to be treated as if you matter. 

You matter enough to yourself to spend time on yourself and tend to your own needs and desires and they need to respect that.  And they will respect that – even it it takes a little while to get you and them into the swing of it.

If you find this an uncomfortable prospect, ask yourself if rushing around, doing lots of things for others, however worthy, is feeding an underlying limiting belief (like I need to be busy or look after everyone else to be valued) or is it because you really want to do it.

3. Be realistic and double it.

Unless we’re talking about SMART goals you don’t nor