A Sorted Crime

The building blocks of a real crime scene. We're diving into a corner of the Odd News world where true crime meets the absolutely ridiculous. It's a story so twisted, it could only be real. Join Clinton and prepare to be shocked. Also, it might be a good idea to wear your shoes as you listen to this tale of "A Sorted Crime". A Sorted Crime: The Latest in Odd News What kind of villain lives in this house of horrors? One who is responsible for creating a ghastly scene right out of the crime pages of your local newspaper. If you still have those where you live. In this Odd News story, we investigate a Santa Rosa, California that quickly escalates from simple investigation to terrifying tableau. You’ll never look at your neighbor's "innocent" pastime the same way again after hearing this truly bizarre story. Hyperloop’s Revenge As part of our Platinum Anniversary celebration, we look back at a 2018 episode where the mega-villain Hyperloop hatched his most diabolical plot yet. Joined by Tweet Storm, Target Run, and the ever-emojional Emoji, Hyperloop details a trap that promises to permanently eliminate the 4K Kid. His plan is so dastardly, that even his fellow criminals are shocked! What does Hyperloop have in store for the our hero? Ready for the ridiculous? Hit play on this episode of comedy4cast right now! >> You can also support comedy4cast by becoming a patron on Patreon>> Or you can get Clinton a Dunkin' card or a cup of coffee via Ko-Fi>> Follow comedy4cast on BlueSky, Instagram, Facebook, MeWe, and Mastodon >> Give us a call via the Super Secret Phone Line [phone]>> Also check out Clinton's other podcast, The Topic is Trek>> Certain sounds effects heard on comedy4cast are courtesy of freeSFX and FreeSound.org Click here for a transcript of this episode.

Episode Transcript

(00:00):
The comedy4cast Network. Let's dog ear that for now.
Oh hi, Clinton here. Welcome to the Dog Days of Pumpkin Spice Season?
Yes, August got away from me because life. So this is my unofficial extension of Dog Days.

(00:20):
For more information on that, go to dogdaysofpodcasting.com.
I always use Dog Days to give you 31 episodes full of some interesting,
yet totally useless, odd news.
And this year, to celebrate the platinum anniversary of comedy4cast,
or PAC for short, I'll end each Dog Days episode with part of a classic comedy4cast episode.

(00:44):
So, let's get started with...
Odd News PAC!
Today's odd news story is perfect for Halloween.
But it's not as scary as it first sounds. As usual, the story is true.
Only the commentary has been changed to make it even odder.
When police burst into the home of a Santa Rosa, California man,

(01:07):
they encountered a legitimate crime scene.
One that could only be described as horrific. Well, I suppose you could also describe it as ghastly.
Oh, and hideous. That's pretty good. and uh
grizzly horrid did i say that one oh and
what about what's that what story right the police entering that appalling crime

(01:32):
scene found bodies everywhere with their heads removed and lined up in rows
there was an arm over there a leg under the couch and yet.
No blood. Was this the work of a vampire?
Because that would be a pretty great tie-in with the Halloween theme.
Sadly, no. The individual behind this gruesome scene was an everyday thief who

(01:57):
had been under surveillance by authorities for almost a month.
And those headless bodies, or bodiless heads?
Those were Lego minifigures, or minifigs, to save a whopping one syllable.
This was one crime scene you wouldn't want to enter in your bare feet.

(02:18):
During the raid, officers found literally tens of thousands of loose Lego pieces
and minifig characters, along with unopened boxes.
The man had allegedly directed others to steal Lego sets from stores so he could
resell the pieces online at a huge markup.
Well, if they were stolen, I guess a penny would be a huge markup,

(02:38):
but I think he was charging a bit more than that.
To anyone who buys Legos, this crime almost makes some kind of twisted sense.
Collectors are willing to pay hundreds, if not thousands, for rare sets.
Detectives estimate they recovered about $6,000 worth of Legos from the house,
an amount serious Lego maniacs refer to as a modest entry-level collection.

(03:02):
And now, let's celebrate 20 years of comedy forecast with this classic clip
In an episode released in 2018,
a band of evildoers has assembled at the hideout of evil mastermind Hyperloop
The mega-villain is hatching a plan to take his revenge against the 4K Kid,
the very high definition of a superhero Here's a clip.

(03:26):
Oh, that overactive Boy Scout thought he could defeat me, Hyperloop? Ha!
I laugh. Ha! Ha!
I assure you, fellow felons, with your help, we will crush the 4K kid once and for all.
Ha! Ha! Ha!

(03:48):
After all, how can I lose with such delightful delinquents by my side?
My dear Tweet Storm.
Here. The ever-helpful Target Run.
Yo, that's me. Hey, by the way, do you need anything while I'm out?
And our newest supervillain, who comes highly recommended by the evildoer placement agency, Emoji.

(04:15):
Introduce yourself.
What's that? What? That drawin' that popped up over his head.
I'm not sure. Emoji, what is that?
Okay, now it's a... what? A tree? A piece of broccoli?
Well, we'll figure that out later. Yeah, enough with the speeches. What is your plan?

(04:39):
Always quick to get to the point, eh, Tweet Storm?
Must be those 280 characters.
Here is my plan. I intend to lure the 4K Kid into a trap so deadly,
so horrific, that he will literally fade and die.

(05:00):
A vat of acid? A frozen lake? Or whatever a carousel horse means?
Oh, those are all delightful guesses, but so mundane.
A carousel horse is mundane? I, Hyperloop, intend to trap the 4K kid in the Friend Zone.

(05:27):
How are you going to do that? Ah-ha! Simplicity itself!
We will set up a distress beacon inside the zone.
When the 4K Kid flies in to answer the calls, he will be trapped.
Because as we know, the friend zone zaps all your powers.
That's great and all, but the friend zone is on the other side of the great live stream.

(05:52):
He can fly there, but we can't. Yeah, and you can't swim across the live stream.
The uneven rate and buffering will rip you apart.
No problem. No problem.
We are going to fly there too. Fly? Like in a plane?
Oh, that's great. Where is it? Where is it? Oh, my dear Tweetstorm, you're standing in it.

(06:18):
I hate to burst your bubble, but this is just an abandoned warehouse on the
edge of town. You are correct, until I press this button and put it in airplane mode.

(06:44):
That about wraps it up for today's Odd News Pack.
But first, a shout out to the comedy4cast Patreon patrons,
including our producer-level patrons Paul Barre from the A Window to the Magic
podcast and Kirby Bartlett-Sloan from the 20-megabyte Doctor Who podcast.
You too can support comedy4cast
and get episodes before everyone else for as little as $2 a month.

(07:09):
Just search for comedy4cast all one word with the number 4, on Patreon.com.
Script, voices, and original music by me, Clinton Alvord. Copyright 2025 All
rights reserved Talk to you again next time But for now, that's it We're done,
done, done, done, done Bye-bye.