In this episode of Quality Living with Peaceful Support, radio voice Amanda Whittemore and her mother, Bobbie Goldman, explore the profound themes of caregiving, end-of-life support, and the emotional and spiritual connections formed during this process. Amanda, a certified end-of-life doula, shares insights on providing dignity, peace, and respect to individuals nearing the end of […]
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(00:14):
We are in
the KCIW
radio station here in Brookings, Oregon,
and we are super super thankful
mostly
mostly
for all the listeners
and for all the efforts of our sponsors.
It really takes a a whole community
and beyond. We have a global
(00:36):
network
with the quality living with peaceful support program
here on one hundred point seven.
And we really do want to thank mister
Richard Wilson,
Ruth Wilson of Century twenty one. We want
to thank
Sunny
of
interior designs, Sunny interior designs. We want to
(00:57):
thank
Georgia Cockerham, one of our special sponsors. I
want to thank my mother personally for her
sponsorship,
Bobby Goldman,
for the
quality living with peaceful support program. There's so
many sponsors out there. We will get to
the whole list. Each show will make special
announcements and major appreciations. We thank you.
(01:19):
And here on the quality living with peaceful
support program, all ages, all levels, all people
are most
super invited and welcome to be here
in the radio station.
You can also call in
if you have good cell phone or a
landline because sometimes it gets a little bit
(01:39):
choppy.
And so we really appreciate
the listeners and all that participate.
Okay. So enough of the introductions.
Again, I am Amanda Woodimore if I have
not said that.
And I am your yoga and Pilates teacher
at Rep's Gym.
I am also
I do tons of things. End of life
(02:01):
doula. I am a certified end of life
doula, and that's really my calling
that has
really transformed
every experience that I've had in life to
this present moment and the work that I
do.
And
my mother, Bobbie Goldman, is online right now
with us. Hey, mom.
(02:23):
Hi, Bobby.
How are you?
I am amazing.
Yeah. How are you? You are.
Yeah. And you're amazing.
How you doing?
Well, just here in the radio program talking
about being an end of life doula and
what exactly that is. And
I wanna thank you for your experience for
(02:44):
bringing me up without
any fear of death and teaching me how
important it is to love
and nurture and care the ones that are
at their end of life.
You know what, Amanda?
I have a situation.
You know what?
Two weeks ago,
(03:04):
I was thinking about
how
a person,
young or old,
walks
a old person
across the street.
Uh-huh.
And
yeah. So they see this elderly woman or
(03:25):
elderly man
wanting to cross the street with their cane.
Uh-huh. And a gentleman or a woman
goes up to them and says, well, let
me help you cross the street.
And they are so thankful for that. Right?
Yes.
And so they go ahead and take them
and gently guide them across the street,
(03:48):
and they
succeed.
But
during that crossing of the street,
the person who helped them
did not think about themselves.
Oh. Did not think about their bills,
Did not think about their health. Did not
think about if they're gonna die or not.
Did not think about anything except for helping
(04:11):
that old person across the street.
Uh-huh.
And did you know
that every day,
a living nurse,
a living,
CNA,
a caregiver
does that same thing to an elderly twelve
hours a day? Yes.
Six days a week?
(04:33):
Unconditional.
Unconditional
without
any thought
about themselves.
And they consider
themselves
helping that person.
And they are.
And
how many people can do that?
(04:55):
Not for sure. People can just
release themselves
and say, no. I want to help.
And and without
like you're saying, mom,
miss Bobby Goldman, CNA.
Oh, so
with that being said, those that just
(05:20):
see someone in need and give themselves unconditionally
to be able to support them in their
crossing,
whether it be
metaphorically
or physically across the street or into another
Realm.
Realm.
It is it's a it's a ton of
(05:40):
work. It takes so much energy out of
us at the same time though. It gives
us so much energy and vitality. Energy
out of us though. But it's in it
it it If you
It gives it gives to us. I was
saying it does take
out of us, but at the same time,
(06:00):
it fuels us with a different energy. So
it's almost Yes. A purposeful symbiotic
relation.
Yes.
So when you give, you get back.
Exactly.
Yes. So when you give, you don't feel
that, like, it's a heartbreak
to give. You don't feel like it's a
energy to give. It just comes like a
(06:24):
a blessing to give. Right? Naturally. Yes. And
then when you when you get it back,
it's like, woo.
Yes.
Yeah.
Because when you're giving of yourself
because you don't think about yourself,
you give of yourself and your yourself is
gone.
(06:44):
So that's neither here nor there. It's a
matter of doing
what is required for this person.
Right.
Very true. Right? Yes.
And so you don't think about yourself. You
don't think about, oh my gosh. My leg
hurts. Oh my gosh. My back hurts. No.
You know, it doesn't happen.
(07:04):
Your back doesn't hurt. Your leg doesn't hurt.
Your brain doesn't hurt. Your stress doesn't hurt.
It's, like, amazing
how
everything that you do for that other person
Mhmm. Doesn't affect you.
It just gives you back the glory of
knowing
that you have succeeded
(07:25):
in doing what you needed to do.
It it's the very truth. And the most
important part of this is that they're
from the from my experience is that they're
receptive
and that they are part of
the process. They're almost invited spiritually,
energetically
(07:47):
from
the person that's passing.
Like, so somehow they get brought into each
other's lives.
And it's this magical connection.
And
they're there to fulfill
all the requests whether or not that person
can vocalize them or not, whether they have
an advanced directive
(08:07):
or it's written in their will,
somehow that person that's yoked with them, that's
joined with them
has this ability to hear a different
a different sensation
and to be there to That's always the
only bully yeah. To bully fully fully be
there to give them
as they desire and as they need most
(08:29):
importantly.
Sometimes Yeah. Your best friend, your family member,
a nurse that's hired, sometimes they
can't hear
or see or feel or be part
of
that person's
journey in passing and they get frustrated.
They get angry. They get upset because their
(08:51):
their grandfather is not the right person for
them. Well, possibly. And also because,
it's it's out of right. And it's out
of it's out of their
how do you call it?
Something
of course, it's not necessarily the right person
for the right time, but
it's like God sending them an angel.
(09:14):
And so we all need our special angels.
Exactly.
Well,
when the person is right for the right
job,
God always sends that angel. Okay. Look at
Helen. Okay. So
over, one of my I'm gonna just call
her Helen. Okay? Okay.
And that's just a made up name.
And I took care of her for three
(09:35):
months, and,
I knew that she was gonna die within
the the next month. Okay? Okay. And nobody
believed me. And I was like, no. No.
No. And I need to be here and
no. No. No. And okay.
So I was like, no. I really need
to be here.
And I know she's gonna pass away. And
(09:56):
it was,
she was, like, 98 years old or something.
Okay. Yeah. She's gonna pass away, like, any
day now. Okay. I wanna be here. Uh-huh.
And she loved me so much, and I
loved her so much. Aw. She said she
I brought her so much joy, and she
knew Jesus.
Well, she didn't believe in Jesus
at the beginning when I met her, but
then she did and which was a
(10:18):
blessing. And it was amazing,
and she was like, okay. And then when
I left for a couple days, she goes,
no. No. No. No. Where's Bobby? Where's Bobby?
And,
it was like, okay. I'm back. Okay.
You know?
But then she,
was at peace
knowing it was there and and passing away.
(10:39):
And I think that,
sometimes when your angel,
with the dying, just let the person who
is caregiving
be the caregiver, be the angel that you
need to be, and let them die in
peace and let them know that they are
loved.
Very true. Very true. And
(11:02):
I kinda feel like it's a shield sometimes
or like a, extension of them because they're
pretty much leaving their body. So they've gone
to another place,
yet they're still have that sliver holding on
with each breath. But the the
my whole,
what I have a lot of This one
(11:22):
says they're asleep.
Well, so okay. So what I experience
a lot of times is that the family
members,
they want that person or the caregivers,
whoever's close in the house, they want
the person to go to bed at nine,
ten o'clock. They want them to get up
and get dressed and do their normal activities.
(11:45):
And then they Not gonna happen. Right. But
they don't understand and they, you know, unfortunately,
the medical system, they call it sundowners.
They, like, make it look like a disease
even though it's not. Yes. Yes. But it's
not. No. Their body is just
transforming
and going into a different place. Who's 91
(12:06):
years old. 91. Okay. To pass away. Ready
to pass away. Yes. He's 91. Okay. And
he is done. He is tired. He goes,
can I just go home,
turn off the lights, and lay down?
I'm done. Oh, and and I'm like, yeah.
You can do that if that's what you
(12:27):
want.
Yeah. You know? Or you can hang out
here.
He goes, I just want peace and quiet.
I wanna
turn down the lights and have no noise.
People, when they get older, they don't want
noise. No. Yeah. They want it quiet. They
want the lights down in this ambiance. Peace.
Peace. Absolute peace and serenity. Give them that
(12:50):
ambiance?
Well, yeah. I okay. Let's take you in
bed.
Let's put, a candle
of lavender
Mhmm.
And soft music, which I really love this
music, by the way. Sounds of Kauai.
Oh my gosh. The best ever.
Sorry. I have to get a shout out
to the sounds of Kauai. Okay.
(13:11):
Thank you, mom. It's a CD, and and
that's what I listen to at night because
it's so peaceful and gentle.
Oh. And it's so beautiful. The music is
amazing, but the smell of lavender
for a a person who says, I'm tired.
I want to just
go home,
and I want to turn the lights down
(13:32):
dim,
and I want to be
peaceful.
Absolutely.
And I wanna say to the listeners I
wanna say to the listeners, they're listening to
Bobby Goldman,
my mother,
and we are here at the radio station
of KCIW
on the quality living with peaceful support show.
(13:53):
Phone number, please call in. You can call
in. We'll talk with you at the very
least. Can ask me a question about anything.
(541)
661-4098.
And for some reason, if you hear this
and it's aired
a different time,
you can email
contact@kciw.0rg,
(14:15):
and we will
definitely get to you via email, whether it's
today, tomorrow, next week. It's okay. Anytime. Give
a call. Give a email. We're here for
you. Okay, mom. So can you tell the
listeners,
miss Bobby Goldman,
about a little bit about
ensuring that the person who's at end of
(14:36):
life
that is passing the person
how important it is
to honor their requests
other than like, you were talking when you
first began the program, you were talking about
the selflessness, the unconditionalness,
how important it is or how we can
find tools or tricks to ensure
that that person gets
(14:58):
their turn and that it's not my turn,
it's not your turn, it's their turn.
You know what? That reminds me of the
story when I was in the nursing home
as a student
working forty hours a week under a doctor
who wanted to hire me as an RN
when I get my RN license.
There was a lady who was German in,
(15:20):
her room,
and she was dying, literally, literally dying
at the end of her life in twenty
minutes. And I knew it in twenty minutes,
and everybody said, no. She's gonna live for
another four hours. I said, no. She's gonna
live for twenty minutes. And you know what
I did?
I closed the door. I closed her curtain
(15:42):
upon her bed, and I sat with her,
and I held her hand.
And I asked her if she believed in
Jesus, and I prayed with her
to give her that peace,
and she accepted that.
And then
twenty minutes later, sure enough,
she passed away
(16:03):
with peace
and dignity,
quietness.
And the doctor was, like, amazed. He said,
I want you to work for me when
you get your RN license.
Well, thank you for doing that and being
so attentive
and kinda not shutting out or closing out.
Person who is dying. Exactly. Listening to the
(16:25):
present moment and being present with that action.
You have to. You have to listen to
the patient. You have to feel that patient.
You have to put yourself aside.
If you don't put yourself aside,
like, when you're walking across an old lady
across the the street, you don't eat even
think about your bills or or
(16:46):
anything. You just think about getting that person
across the street. That's the moment. That's Yeah.
In the moment. In the moment. Always in
the moment
of taking care of that person. You don't
think about yourself when you're giving them the
shower, or you don't think about wiping
their bottom about you and your bills.
You you don't think about anything else. You
(17:09):
give up your life
for another. It's That is serving.
Right. Freeing up the space, freeing up the
thought. And that's
yes. And that's what I was thinking about.
If people
can't
give up their self
to their members of the family
(17:29):
that need that help. I have I have
a call Then call what? Sorry. Go ahead.
Call somebody
who can do that for you. Don't try
to do it by yourself.
If you cannot give up yourself
for another human being,
don't do it. And that's
so important, mom. Thank you for reiterating that,
(17:51):
miss Bobby Goldman, for the
yes. We need to reach out and ask
for help. I'll ask for support. That's what
an end of life doula is. I'm not
a caregiver.
I'm not
a I will do caregiving
activities. However, I am here to support
the person at their end of life to
(18:12):
ensure
that they have the best experience. The whole
family, everyone that's involved, all the friends, all
the families.
And that's So that they're not able to
do that do that Then they call somebody.
And say their life is really super busy
and it's interrupting their life, do not
do not try to do it yourself.
Please give
(18:32):
your heart to somebody who can
do it.
Undivided attention. And I have something that came
through me, if that makes any sense to
anybody. You know how all of a sudden
you have this funny voice that comes out
of you or you just have this character
or this thought, and you're like, woah. Where
did that come from?
Yes. I I wanna read you something. This
(18:55):
is just came through me after doing work
with one of my clients that are at
their end of life.
Okay. Ready everybody? Here goes. Alright. Ready. Okay.
You're on the Quality Living Show with Amanda
Whittemore. Okay.
Flying through space out of control,
about to leave our bodies, the end of
life takes a toll
(19:16):
on emotions,
on activities,
on limits,
sometimes having us feeling limitless.
Wishing we could do all the things we
did before not knowing if we're going to
even open up our eyes here on earth
anymore.
When God has a plan,
we listen and we ask for guidance,
(19:37):
grace
to understand, to be a beautiful
participant in this journey.
As a human here on Earth,
Yeah. Our soul is occupying this vessel, this
body that we need not anymore.
With ease and grace
and pleasant nights and days,
peacefulness and support with our families
(20:00):
and from our loved ones
that nurture
and care for us more than we ever
imagined
or even had any idea that was possible.
We thank them
for our patience and their patience.
As we learn and practice this transition
from one world to another,
(20:20):
eternal experiences
have words not anymore.
Wow.
I love it.
Well, thank you. Thank you. It's just sometimes
these things come out of nowhere
and That's a blessing.
Yeah. That is the words.
(20:41):
Seriously, that is the just the beautifulest thing
I've ever heard.
It it comes from literally
the the
world of the spirit world where the the
patients,
while they're processing, they don't even sometimes know
what they're processing or what they're going through.
And they have all these emotions and they
(21:01):
can't
fully communicate
properly.
And I know.
Oh,
it just gives I know. So much prayer
and love and respect and appreciation
for the the rites of passage. Oh. Oh.
Yes.
Mom, I remember. Okay. We have a couple
more minutes.
Good. The I wanna we'll bring this up
(21:22):
again on another show with Bobby Goldman, CNA,
and end of life caregiver,
my mother.
She taught me. So, okay.
So there there was this reading I just
learned from the school that I went to
with the end of life doula certification program
I did. And I got a newsletter, and
(21:43):
they were talking about
the distance that we've gone in the last
hundred years
mostly because of the introduction of the medical
industry.
We love them.
However,
they've institutionalized
and hospitalized
death to where our sacred moments, our rituals,
our appreciation,
(22:04):
the love, and and respect
of the process
has been diminished and taken from us and
put
in a hospital
to make us feel like we've been defeated
instead of realizing that it's a beautiful blessing
and a rite of passage and this from
(22:25):
the most greatest experience the human can have
other than being birthed into Earth is being
birthed into the next world.
Right. And that's where the Indians come in.
Okay.
The Indians also
respect the rite of passage. Oh, yes.
(22:45):
And so when they took that rite away,
it was
degrading
to them,
and it was no. It's like, no. You
can't do that.
No. We have a right
to do our ceremonies. We have the right
for the passage of our,
family member to go up to heaven.
(23:06):
But they try to take that away too.
And so, no, you can't
you can't take that right,
away from people.
Let them
have the respect to say, if I want
to die in my own home, please let
me die in my home.
Let me just sit on the,
the bed
in the living room, and let me just
(23:28):
watch the TV and die.
It it doesn't matter where
you come from. It's just give them the
right
to die where they want to die. That
is so true. And we have you,
at we have a couple more minutes, mom.
And the right of passage, the right to
pass wherever we want to is so important.
(23:50):
Some of us don't get the choice. But
if we do, let's honor and respect it
and
send it
as we as much as possible.
Well, is there anything else that we could
say to the listeners
here on the Quality Living with Peaceful Support
radio show
that you want to say?
Yes. Just remember walking across
(24:12):
the street with an old
person.
Remember that you put your feelings
aside and
and that's how you take care of them
Mhmm. Throughout their lifespan.
Is that you didn't think about you being
hit by a car or you didn't think
about you having bills being paid. You only
(24:32):
thought about taking care of that person walking
across the street. That's how you need to
take care of a person for their end
of life.
Unconditionally?
Unconditional.
No brain,
needed for,
yourself,
just taking care of the other person to
make sure that they are safe.
(24:55):
And they're on the stage. It's their time
to shine. They're the spotlight. It's their show.
They're the director, the producer, the actor, the
editor. They are the entire
show.
I mean, they have so many stories to
tell, Amanda. It's amazing.
And it's like,
re respect them.
Mhmm. And
(25:16):
I just think that when you cross a
person across the street, when you help them
across the street, it's total respect and it's
subtle it's total,
selfless
selflessness.
Right. Right. Is that the word self selflessness?
And I call I call it peaceful support.
(25:37):
Okay.
And so, yeah, you're making that peaceful support
for another person,
and it's so amazing
when you can just shine
for the other
person that you're taking care of. That's true.
It's very, very true.
And it's so amazing and it's such a
blessing.
(25:58):
Okay. Well, you know,
the radio show is here for everyone.
It's a global
podcast
that is available
everywhere in the world. Literally, everyone can go
to kciw.0rg/quality-living,
(26:21):
and it will take you to all we
have 80 shows already so far,
and we're going to 8,000
or more. I
know. However, it does take it does take
sponsors, and I wanna thank you for your
sponsorship. And it does it does take a
whole
lot more than anybody could imagine to keep
these podcasts happening, keep us on the air
(26:44):
in the Curry County and global Internet podcast
access.
I love it. I totally love it. And
I am so glad that you are
out there on the radio stations
to bring people together
to know what they can do, what they
what they should do,
or their help that that the people who
(27:07):
are struggling
with, like, oh, what do I do? Exactly.
I can't afford to you. I can't afford
that. Okay. I love you. I love you.
I love you all. Thank you, listeners. We'll
talk to you again real soon.
We are in
the KCIW
radio station here in Brookings, Oregon,
and we are super super thankful
mostly
mostly
for all the listeners
and for all the efforts of our sponsors.
It really takes a a whole community
and beyond. We have a global
(00:36):
network
with the quality living with peaceful support program
here on one hundred point seven.
And we really do want to thank mister
Richard Wilson,
Ruth Wilson of Century twenty one. We want
to thank
Sunny
of
interior designs, Sunny interior designs. We want to
(00:57):
thank
Georgia Cockerham, one of our special sponsors. I
want to thank my mother personally for her
sponsorship,
Bobby Goldman,
for the
quality living with peaceful support program. There's so
many sponsors out there. We will get to
the whole list. Each show will make special
announcements and major appreciations. We thank you.
(01:19):
And here on the quality living with peaceful
support program, all ages, all levels, all people
are most
super invited and welcome to be here
in the radio station.
You can also call in
if you have good cell phone or a
landline because sometimes it gets a little bit
(01:39):
choppy.
And so we really appreciate
the listeners and all that participate.
Okay. So enough of the introductions.
Again, I am Amanda Woodimore if I have
not said that.
And I am your yoga and Pilates teacher
at Rep's Gym.
I am also
I do tons of things. End of life
(02:01):
doula. I am a certified end of life
doula, and that's really my calling
that has
really transformed
every experience that I've had in life to
this present moment and the work that I
do.
And
my mother, Bobbie Goldman, is online right now
with us. Hey, mom.
(02:23):
Hi, Bobby.
How are you?
I am amazing.
Yeah. How are you? You are.
Yeah. And you're amazing.
How you doing?
Well, just here in the radio program talking
about being an end of life doula and
what exactly that is. And
I wanna thank you for your experience for
(02:44):
bringing me up without
any fear of death and teaching me how
important it is to love
and nurture and care the ones that are
at their end of life.
You know what, Amanda?
I have a situation.
You know what?
Two weeks ago,
(03:04):
I was thinking about
how
a person,
young or old,
walks
a old person
across the street.
Uh-huh.
And
yeah. So they see this elderly woman or
(03:25):
elderly man
wanting to cross the street with their cane.
Uh-huh. And a gentleman or a woman
goes up to them and says, well, let
me help you cross the street.
And they are so thankful for that. Right?
Yes.
And so they go ahead and take them
and gently guide them across the street,
(03:48):
and they
succeed.
But
during that crossing of the street,
the person who helped them
did not think about themselves.
Oh. Did not think about their bills,
Did not think about their health. Did not
think about if they're gonna die or not.
Did not think about anything except for helping
(04:11):
that old person across the street.
Uh-huh.
And did you know
that every day,
a living nurse,
a living,
CNA,
a caregiver
does that same thing to an elderly twelve
hours a day? Yes.
Six days a week?
(04:33):
Unconditional.
Unconditional
without
any thought
about themselves.
And they consider
themselves
helping that person.
And they are.
And
how many people can do that?
(04:55):
Not for sure. People can just
release themselves
and say, no. I want to help.
And and without
like you're saying, mom,
miss Bobby Goldman, CNA.
Oh, so
with that being said, those that just
(05:20):
see someone in need and give themselves unconditionally
to be able to support them in their
crossing,
whether it be
metaphorically
or physically across the street or into another
Realm.
Realm.
It is it's a it's a ton of
(05:40):
work. It takes so much energy out of
us at the same time though. It gives
us so much energy and vitality. Energy
out of us though. But it's in it
it it If you
It gives it gives to us. I was
saying it does take
out of us, but at the same time,
(06:00):
it fuels us with a different energy. So
it's almost Yes. A purposeful symbiotic
relation.
Yes.
So when you give, you get back.
Exactly.
Yes. So when you give, you don't feel
that, like, it's a heartbreak
to give. You don't feel like it's a
energy to give. It just comes like a
(06:24):
a blessing to give. Right? Naturally. Yes. And
then when you when you get it back,
it's like, woo.
Yes.
Yeah.
Because when you're giving of yourself
because you don't think about yourself,
you give of yourself and your yourself is
gone.
(06:44):
So that's neither here nor there. It's a
matter of doing
what is required for this person.
Right.
Very true. Right? Yes.
And so you don't think about yourself. You
don't think about, oh my gosh. My leg
hurts. Oh my gosh. My back hurts. No.
You know, it doesn't happen.
(07:04):
Your back doesn't hurt. Your leg doesn't hurt.
Your brain doesn't hurt. Your stress doesn't hurt.
It's, like, amazing
how
everything that you do for that other person
Mhmm. Doesn't affect you.
It just gives you back the glory of
knowing
that you have succeeded
(07:25):
in doing what you needed to do.
It it's the very truth. And the most
important part of this is that they're
from the from my experience is that they're
receptive
and that they are part of
the process. They're almost invited spiritually,
energetically
(07:47):
from
the person that's passing.
Like, so somehow they get brought into each
other's lives.
And it's this magical connection.
And
they're there to fulfill
all the requests whether or not that person
can vocalize them or not, whether they have
an advanced directive
(08:07):
or it's written in their will,
somehow that person that's yoked with them, that's
joined with them
has this ability to hear a different
a different sensation
and to be there to That's always the
only bully yeah. To bully fully fully be
there to give them
as they desire and as they need most
(08:29):
importantly.
Sometimes Yeah. Your best friend, your family member,
a nurse that's hired, sometimes they
can't hear
or see or feel or be part
of
that person's
journey in passing and they get frustrated.
They get angry. They get upset because their
(08:51):
their grandfather is not the right person for
them. Well, possibly. And also because,
it's it's out of right. And it's out
of it's out of their
how do you call it?
Something
of course, it's not necessarily the right person
for the right time, but
it's like God sending them an angel.
(09:14):
And so we all need our special angels.
Exactly.
Well,
when the person is right for the right
job,
God always sends that angel. Okay. Look at
Helen. Okay. So
over, one of my I'm gonna just call
her Helen. Okay? Okay.
And that's just a made up name.
And I took care of her for three
(09:35):
months, and,
I knew that she was gonna die within
the the next month. Okay? Okay. And nobody
believed me. And I was like, no. No.
No. And I need to be here and
no. No. No. And okay.
So I was like, no. I really need
to be here.
And I know she's gonna pass away. And
(09:56):
it was,
she was, like, 98 years old or something.
Okay. Yeah. She's gonna pass away, like, any
day now. Okay. I wanna be here. Uh-huh.
And she loved me so much, and I
loved her so much. Aw. She said she
I brought her so much joy, and she
knew Jesus.
Well, she didn't believe in Jesus
at the beginning when I met her, but
then she did and which was a
(10:18):
blessing. And it was amazing,
and she was like, okay. And then when
I left for a couple days, she goes,
no. No. No. No. Where's Bobby? Where's Bobby?
And,
it was like, okay. I'm back. Okay.
You know?
But then she,
was at peace
knowing it was there and and passing away.
(10:39):
And I think that,
sometimes when your angel,
with the dying, just let the person who
is caregiving
be the caregiver, be the angel that you
need to be, and let them die in
peace and let them know that they are
loved.
Very true. Very true. And
(11:02):
I kinda feel like it's a shield sometimes
or like a, extension of them because they're
pretty much leaving their body. So they've gone
to another place,
yet they're still have that sliver holding on
with each breath. But the the
my whole,
what I have a lot of This one
(11:22):
says they're asleep.
Well, so okay. So what I experience
a lot of times is that the family
members,
they want that person or the caregivers,
whoever's close in the house, they want
the person to go to bed at nine,
ten o'clock. They want them to get up
and get dressed and do their normal activities.
(11:45):
And then they Not gonna happen. Right. But
they don't understand and they, you know, unfortunately,
the medical system, they call it sundowners.
They, like, make it look like a disease
even though it's not. Yes. Yes. But it's
not. No. Their body is just
transforming
and going into a different place. Who's 91
(12:06):
years old. 91. Okay. To pass away. Ready
to pass away. Yes. He's 91. Okay. And
he is done. He is tired. He goes,
can I just go home,
turn off the lights, and lay down?
I'm done. Oh, and and I'm like, yeah.
You can do that if that's what you
(12:27):
want.
Yeah. You know? Or you can hang out
here.
He goes, I just want peace and quiet.
I wanna
turn down the lights and have no noise.
People, when they get older, they don't want
noise. No. Yeah. They want it quiet. They
want the lights down in this ambiance. Peace.
Peace. Absolute peace and serenity. Give them that
(12:50):
ambiance?
Well, yeah. I okay. Let's take you in
bed.
Let's put, a candle
of lavender
Mhmm.
And soft music, which I really love this
music, by the way. Sounds of Kauai.
Oh my gosh. The best ever.
Sorry. I have to get a shout out
to the sounds of Kauai. Okay.
(13:11):
Thank you, mom. It's a CD, and and
that's what I listen to at night because
it's so peaceful and gentle.
Oh. And it's so beautiful. The music is
amazing, but the smell of lavender
for a a person who says, I'm tired.
I want to just
go home,
and I want to turn the lights down
(13:32):
dim,
and I want to be
peaceful.
Absolutely.
And I wanna say to the listeners I
wanna say to the listeners, they're listening to
Bobby Goldman,
my mother,
and we are here at the radio station
of KCIW
on the quality living with peaceful support show.
(13:53):
Phone number, please call in. You can call
in. We'll talk with you at the very
least. Can ask me a question about anything.
(541)
661-4098.
And for some reason, if you hear this
and it's aired
a different time,
you can email
contact@kciw.0rg,
(14:15):
and we will
definitely get to you via email, whether it's
today, tomorrow, next week. It's okay. Anytime. Give
a call. Give a email. We're here for
you. Okay, mom. So can you tell the
listeners,
miss Bobby Goldman,
about a little bit about
ensuring that the person who's at end of
(14:36):
life
that is passing the person
how important it is
to honor their requests
other than like, you were talking when you
first began the program, you were talking about
the selflessness, the unconditionalness,
how important it is or how we can
find tools or tricks to ensure
that that person gets
(14:58):
their turn and that it's not my turn,
it's not your turn, it's their turn.
You know what? That reminds me of the
story when I was in the nursing home
as a student
working forty hours a week under a doctor
who wanted to hire me as an RN
when I get my RN license.
There was a lady who was German in,
(15:20):
her room,
and she was dying, literally, literally dying
at the end of her life in twenty
minutes. And I knew it in twenty minutes,
and everybody said, no. She's gonna live for
another four hours. I said, no. She's gonna
live for twenty minutes. And you know what
I did?
I closed the door. I closed her curtain
(15:42):
upon her bed, and I sat with her,
and I held her hand.
And I asked her if she believed in
Jesus, and I prayed with her
to give her that peace,
and she accepted that.
And then
twenty minutes later, sure enough,
she passed away
(16:03):
with peace
and dignity,
quietness.
And the doctor was, like, amazed. He said,
I want you to work for me when
you get your RN license.
Well, thank you for doing that and being
so attentive
and kinda not shutting out or closing out.
Person who is dying. Exactly. Listening to the
(16:25):
present moment and being present with that action.
You have to. You have to listen to
the patient. You have to feel that patient.
You have to put yourself aside.
If you don't put yourself aside,
like, when you're walking across an old lady
across the the street, you don't eat even
think about your bills or or
(16:46):
anything. You just think about getting that person
across the street. That's the moment. That's Yeah.
In the moment. In the moment. Always in
the moment
of taking care of that person. You don't
think about yourself when you're giving them the
shower, or you don't think about wiping
their bottom about you and your bills.
You you don't think about anything else. You
(17:09):
give up your life
for another. It's That is serving.
Right. Freeing up the space, freeing up the
thought. And that's
yes. And that's what I was thinking about.
If people
can't
give up their self
to their members of the family
(17:29):
that need that help. I have I have
a call Then call what? Sorry. Go ahead.
Call somebody
who can do that for you. Don't try
to do it by yourself.
If you cannot give up yourself
for another human being,
don't do it. And that's
so important, mom. Thank you for reiterating that,
(17:51):
miss Bobby Goldman, for the
yes. We need to reach out and ask
for help. I'll ask for support. That's what
an end of life doula is. I'm not
a caregiver.
I'm not
a I will do caregiving
activities. However, I am here to support
the person at their end of life to
(18:12):
ensure
that they have the best experience. The whole
family, everyone that's involved, all the friends, all
the families.
And that's So that they're not able to
do that do that Then they call somebody.
And say their life is really super busy
and it's interrupting their life, do not
do not try to do it yourself.
Please give
(18:32):
your heart to somebody who can
do it.
Undivided attention. And I have something that came
through me, if that makes any sense to
anybody. You know how all of a sudden
you have this funny voice that comes out
of you or you just have this character
or this thought, and you're like, woah. Where
did that come from?
Yes. I I wanna read you something. This
(18:55):
is just came through me after doing work
with one of my clients that are at
their end of life.
Okay. Ready everybody? Here goes. Alright. Ready. Okay.
You're on the Quality Living Show with Amanda
Whittemore. Okay.
Flying through space out of control,
about to leave our bodies, the end of
life takes a toll
(19:16):
on emotions,
on activities,
on limits,
sometimes having us feeling limitless.
Wishing we could do all the things we
did before not knowing if we're going to
even open up our eyes here on earth
anymore.
When God has a plan,
we listen and we ask for guidance,
(19:37):
grace
to understand, to be a beautiful
participant in this journey.
As a human here on Earth,
Yeah. Our soul is occupying this vessel, this
body that we need not anymore.
With ease and grace
and pleasant nights and days,
peacefulness and support with our families
(20:00):
and from our loved ones
that nurture
and care for us more than we ever
imagined
or even had any idea that was possible.
We thank them
for our patience and their patience.
As we learn and practice this transition
from one world to another,
(20:20):
eternal experiences
have words not anymore.
Wow.
I love it.
Well, thank you. Thank you. It's just sometimes
these things come out of nowhere
and That's a blessing.
Yeah. That is the words.
(20:41):
Seriously, that is the just the beautifulest thing
I've ever heard.
It it comes from literally
the the
world of the spirit world where the the
patients,
while they're processing, they don't even sometimes know
what they're processing or what they're going through.
And they have all these emotions and they
(21:01):
can't
fully communicate
properly.
And I know.
Oh,
it just gives I know. So much prayer
and love and respect and appreciation
for the the rites of passage. Oh. Oh.
Yes.
Mom, I remember. Okay. We have a couple
more minutes.
Good. The I wanna we'll bring this up
(21:22):
again on another show with Bobby Goldman, CNA,
and end of life caregiver,
my mother.
She taught me. So, okay.
So there there was this reading I just
learned from the school that I went to
with the end of life doula certification program
I did. And I got a newsletter, and
(21:43):
they were talking about
the distance that we've gone in the last
hundred years
mostly because of the introduction of the medical
industry.
We love them.
However,
they've institutionalized
and hospitalized
death to where our sacred moments, our rituals,
our appreciation,
(22:04):
the love, and and respect
of the process
has been diminished and taken from us and
put
in a hospital
to make us feel like we've been defeated
instead of realizing that it's a beautiful blessing
and a rite of passage and this from
(22:25):
the most greatest experience the human can have
other than being birthed into Earth is being
birthed into the next world.
Right. And that's where the Indians come in.
Okay.
The Indians also
respect the rite of passage. Oh, yes.
(22:45):
And so when they took that rite away,
it was
degrading
to them,
and it was no. It's like, no. You
can't do that.
No. We have a right
to do our ceremonies. We have the right
for the passage of our,
family member to go up to heaven.
(23:06):
But they try to take that away too.
And so, no, you can't
you can't take that right,
away from people.
Let them
have the respect to say, if I want
to die in my own home, please let
me die in my home.
Let me just sit on the,
the bed
in the living room, and let me just
(23:28):
watch the TV and die.
It it doesn't matter where
you come from. It's just give them the
right
to die where they want to die. That
is so true. And we have you,
at we have a couple more minutes, mom.
And the right of passage, the right to
pass wherever we want to is so important.
(23:50):
Some of us don't get the choice. But
if we do, let's honor and respect it
and
send it
as we as much as possible.
Well, is there anything else that we could
say to the listeners
here on the Quality Living with Peaceful Support
radio show
that you want to say?
Yes. Just remember walking across
(24:12):
the street with an old
person.
Remember that you put your feelings
aside and
and that's how you take care of them
Mhmm. Throughout their lifespan.
Is that you didn't think about you being
hit by a car or you didn't think
about you having bills being paid. You only
(24:32):
thought about taking care of that person walking
across the street. That's how you need to
take care of a person for their end
of life.
Unconditionally?
Unconditional.
No brain,
needed for,
yourself,
just taking care of the other person to
make sure that they are safe.
(24:55):
And they're on the stage. It's their time
to shine. They're the spotlight. It's their show.
They're the director, the producer, the actor, the
editor. They are the entire
show.
I mean, they have so many stories to
tell, Amanda. It's amazing.
And it's like,
re respect them.
Mhmm. And
(25:16):
I just think that when you cross a
person across the street, when you help them
across the street, it's total respect and it's
subtle it's total,
selfless
selflessness.
Right. Right. Is that the word self selflessness?
And I call I call it peaceful support.
(25:37):
Okay.
And so, yeah, you're making that peaceful support
for another person,
and it's so amazing
when you can just shine
for the other
person that you're taking care of. That's true.
It's very, very true.
And it's so amazing and it's such a
blessing.
(25:58):
Okay. Well, you know,
the radio show is here for everyone.
It's a global
podcast
that is available
everywhere in the world. Literally, everyone can go
to kciw.0rg/quality-living,
(26:21):
and it will take you to all we
have 80 shows already so far,
and we're going to 8,000
or more. I
know. However, it does take it does take
sponsors, and I wanna thank you for your
sponsorship. And it does it does take a
whole
lot more than anybody could imagine to keep
these podcasts happening, keep us on the air
(26:44):
in the Curry County and global Internet podcast
access.
I love it. I totally love it. And
I am so glad that you are
out there on the radio stations
to bring people together
to know what they can do, what they
what they should do,
or their help that that the people who
(27:07):
are struggling
with, like, oh, what do I do? Exactly.
I can't afford to you. I can't afford
that. Okay. I love you. I love you.
I love you all. Thank you, listeners. We'll
talk to you again real soon.
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