April 16, 2025 • 26 mins
Join Host Lexi Galbraith as she interviews a variety of committed women weekly, whom are working to make the world a better place! #DivasThatCare
BIO: Life is busy. Sometimes it can seem an unending stream of work bookended with responsibilities, chores, errands, to-dos and, of course, the unexpected. Time has the tendency to disappear faster than a magician’s coin. And even if you have the resources and are motivated, the path to reach your goals can often seem un-wielding and convoluted.
This is why having a coach to provide strategic support and guidance will make all the difference in achieving your happiness. Imagine having a dedicated advisor and advocate who is always on your side to help you. Zoe helps her clients to explore the possibility and potential of true happiness on a journey of self-discovery that is as every bit unique and authentic as they are.
Zoe, a professional happiness coach, shares her journey from a traumatic childhood to finding her purpose helping others discover true happiness through self-awareness and authentic living.
• Happiness coaching framework focuses on knowing who you truly are and living in alignment with that self
• Many clients struggle with not knowing their authentic selves due to trauma, societal expectations, or numbing
• Happiness requires both internal work (removing negatives, amplifying positives) and external boundaries
• Focusing on both present happiness and future self is crucial for making aligned choices
• Reframing negative thoughts is challenging but essential for shifting perspective
• The "deathbed exercise" helps clarify what truly matters by imagining your final reflections
• Ask yourself "Did I earn my good sleep?" each night to maintain alignment with your values
• Self-kindness is foundational to happiness – we're often harsher with ourselves than we would be with others
• Teaching self-compassion to children creates generational healing
• Holistic happiness requires tending to mind, soul and heart – not just physical wellbeing
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
It's Divas that Care Radio Stories, strategies and
ideas to inspire positive change.
Welcome to Divas that Care, anetwork of women committed to
making our world a better placefor everyone.
This is a global movement forwomen, by women engaged in a
collaborative effort to create abetter world for future
generations.
To find out more about themovement, visit divasthatcarecom
(00:24):
.
After the show.
Right now, though, stay tunedfor another jolt of inspiration.
Speaker 2 (00:31):
Wonderful friend, zoe , with me and she is a happiness
coach, and so Zoe is going toshare a bit with us about her
passion, her experience andeverything about being a
happiness coach.
And I guess I'll start off withwe met we're trying to figure
it out so, like all talkTuesdays, we ended up having
like a two hour conversationbefore we started filming, which
(00:54):
was awesome.
But I think it's about wefigured between four or five
years ago that we met a tribeand just had this instant
connection with each other andit's, it's been awesome.
Even though we haven't seeneach other in a long time, it
just always feels like likewe've never been apart.
When we get together and westart chatting again, it feels
like we just saw each other theother day.
(01:15):
So yeah, zoe, I'll let you kindof introduce yourself and tell
us about your passion and whatdrives you and being a happiness
coach.
Speaker 3 (01:25):
Okay, well, thank you , lexi.
Thank you for having me on.
I yeah, happiness coach issomething you may have never
heard of and, to be honest, Ikind of made it up.
Now there's a few out there nowbut, yeah, I didn't really see
like, oh well, I heard of that,that's a happiness coach, I want
(01:47):
to be that.
So for me, happiness I got totwirl backwards, go back back
back in time and start with whenI was a child.
I actually had a really badupbringing is really actually
traumatic, and it started rightas a baby.
So right from the moment I camehome, there was problems and in
and out of started right as ababy.
So right from the moment I camehome, there was problems and in
(02:08):
and out of foster care as ababy.
And then my parents divorcedand I was actually raised by my
father and I will say this was avery unhappy man raising me and
my brother, and so that set thestage for what was a really
negative, really bleak, reallyterrible childhood.
And partway along the way Istarted thinking to myself I
(02:31):
want to be happy.
So you know, if there was thefirst star at night I would wish
.
I just want to be happy, youknow, anytime if there was a
candle to blow out, I want to behappy, and this just became
something I was really focusedon.
I didn't really know whathappiness was, I just knew I
wanted to be it, and so that wasmy yearning, that was my secret
(02:53):
wish every time I could makeone.
And yeah, so continue tumblingalong through teenage years,
still really unhappy and stillreally, you know, not doing well
.
I left home at a young age.
I was a high school dropout, Idid go back and finish, but I,
yeah, I just continued alongthis path, but still always
(03:15):
yearning to be happy.
And I started working on it inmy early 20s and you know that
was painful and hard andoverwhelming.
There was no internet back then, so I didn't know where to go
and how to do this.
I was living in Toronto, payingToronto rents with like no
(03:39):
extra money, so there was notherapy, and so I just started
feeling into and looking aroundat what books and just trying to
sort of cobble together waysthat I could become happy.
And, yeah, it just continued onbeing my theme, being my focus,
ended up doing lots of differentoffice jobs and different
(04:00):
careers, always struggling to goin and out and figure out what
am I meant to be?
Oh, I'll go to hair school Imeant to be a hairstylist.
And then chemical allergies, sonope, back into the office
world.
And then it's like, okay, Ireally love fitness, I'm going
to go be a personal trainer.
So how would I go, study forthe year, become a personal
trainer?
And then that business modeldidn't work.
Back into the office and so kindof going back and forth and in
(04:23):
the office world I never reallyfelt like I belonged or very
happy.
And so the last time I came outof an office job I said to
myself I need to just relax, Ineed to just heal and I need to
start to think about what am Imeant to do, what am I meant to
be when I grow up?
(04:43):
And so I healed, spent sometime, you know, enjoying some
sun on the deck and started, youknow, just trying to like delve
into different things.
You know, what do I love allthose different questions
everyone's always asking and Idecided that I wanted to be a
life coach.
So off I went to take some lifecoach training and yeah, did
(05:04):
that.
And then everyone's talkingabout you need to have a niche,
like what kind of niche.
What kind of niche?
I mean?
Yeah, I know I've studied to bea personal trainer, but I
didn't feel that that was theright answer for me.
I didn't want to be a wellnesscoach, you know, just working,
or like back into the personaltraining again.
(05:24):
So I thinking, thinking,thinking, and then I realized,
finally, I was like what is theone thing that has always driven
me, always been my North Star,my guiding light, and and it's
it's been happiness, my searchfor the attainment, the keeping
(05:44):
of the desire for happiness.
So there it began.
I'm decided, I'm going to be, Iam a happiness coach.
That's how I ended up decidingto be a happiness coach.
Speaker 2 (06:01):
Awesome.
And so when people, when you'reworking with people, what kind
of things do you?
Can you take us through, kindof what a session would look
like with you?
Speaker 3 (06:10):
Well, I guess first of all, even before a session,
the idea of like a framework, isthat happiness for me is about
knowing who you are and thenliving in alignment with that.
And so first thing is, somepeople don't know who they are.
You know, they've had a lot ofsadness or traumas or different
(06:35):
disappointing events happen andthey've numbed a lot, and or
they've decided to do what theirparents told them to do or what
society expects from them, and,and yet again, they've decided
to do what their parents toldthem to do or what society
expects from them, and yet againthey've filtered down and lost
their sense of self and theirown essence.
And so it might sound simple tosay you know, live in alignment
(06:55):
with who you really are, but ifyou don't know who you are,
then that's the first thing thatneeds to be explored and looked
into.
So that would be just sort oflike an overarching first step.
Now I'll just maybe tell youquickly with steps and then I
can chat about sessions.
But a lot of the frameworkaround happiness, the way I'm
(07:17):
coaching it, is that we're goingto take a look at internally
what we have.
So we want to look at thingsthat are making us unhappy that
we already have or we are and wewant to remove or mitigate them
.
And then we're looking atwhat's working and we want to
acknowledge and we want toinflate it, we want to make it
bigger.
Then we look external.
(07:39):
We want to be able to blockthings that are going to come in
and be negative or make usunhappy and we also want to
bring in more of the good.
And again, you can see, lexi,why at this point it's important
to understand who you are,because those four parts are all
different for each person, sameand so.
And then, of course, there's asort of extra time spent on what
(08:03):
I'll call living in the shitwhen things get really, when
they go really sideways abouthow to, you know, deal with that
, and then, I guess, when you'rein a really great spot, just
like evolving it even further,and so those are kind of like
the roadmap on how we sort ofmove through happiness coaching.
It's not always linear likethat, but those are sort of the
(08:27):
main ideas and themes andfocuses that are going on in a
coaching session.
A coaching session is actuallydifferent depending on who I'm
coaching.
I always will start with howare you doing, because it's
super important to know ifsomething big has come up.
I coach a lot of people once aweek or the bulk of them are
(08:48):
every other week, so a lot canhappen in two weeks.
So it's just really importantto know is there a pressing
issue or problem that just youwant to talk about, get some
feedback on, get some support on, so that you're you know,
utilizing any tool that you needto in order to again block,
bring in, enhance, you know,just while dealing with that
(09:12):
particular issue?
So I always will take thatopportunity just to check in and
see about that, becausesometimes that alone drives the
entire session and maybe evenmultiple sessions.
And so that's, I guess, the onething.
And then the next thing iscoaching always involves
homework.
So once you know someone's doingokay, it's time to start going
(09:33):
through the homework andchecking in, and, and that can
go pretty quickly with somepeople, but with some people
that can take quite a while,because while doing the homework
there's been awesomeopportunities to reflect, to
learn, or, even better, whenthey have trouble doing the
homework, and then they have tocome back and ask for
(09:55):
clarification or examples orthey need to tweak it a bit,
because really it's about whatworks best for you in your life,
and so it's this almost danceright where we both are involved
in coming up with not only thehomework but making sure the
homework fits right and is goingto serve and is going to bring
(10:18):
you closer to not only yourhappiness in the moment, which
is something I'm very focused on, but also the other component,
the final component of happinessis the sense of your future
self.
So I'm always being payingattention to these two separate
selves, so it would be like Lexiright now and Lexi in the
(10:40):
future, because what we're doingin the moment becomes who we
become in the future, and sopaying attention to that and
honoring that and making thosesmart decisions, enhancing,
getting rid of bringing in,blocking, paying attention to
the version of yourself that youwant to be in the future, is
(11:01):
super important.
Because here's the honest truthas we sit here right now Right
now, I and you, lexi, we are theaccumulation of many different
steps and actions and decisionsand thoughts and feelings that
we felt to get us right here inthis exact moment, and so we can
all say it's true that there'scertain states we can be in that
(11:24):
make it easier to be happierand certain states that make it
harder to be happier, and so wecan just make more of those
decisions that are going to lineus up in our future selves.
To make it easier, I say, whynot?
And so I really like to coachbased on those two sort of
moments in time.
Speaker 2 (11:45):
Awesome.
And so when you're seeingpeople, do you?
Is it men and women?
What are the different?
Speaker 3 (11:53):
Yeah, I coach adults.
I coach adults only and Iactually coach quite a few men.
I enjoy coaching men and women.
I find I connect really wellwith men.
I just more because I think menare not necessarily given a lot
of attention, they're not givena safe space in order to talk
(12:14):
about their hopes, their fears,their struggles, their happiness
, and so I think maybe when I'veconnected and found male
clients, they I think they'rejust really ready for that type
of support and that type of help.
And whereas I mean I lovecoaching women, because often
the women that come to methey're so open and ready to
(12:36):
just be diving in and just sohopeful that there's going to be
a wonderful change after wework together.
Speaker 2 (12:45):
That's awesome, and so do you in in the people that
you've worked with.
Is there, does there seem to be, a central theme in terms of,
or what are the main things thatpeople tend to struggle with
when it comes to happiness?
I mean, I know it's differentper person, but are there some
overarching things that you'venoticed?
Speaker 3 (13:07):
I think, like you said, people are quite different
.
But I think that, besides this,living in alignment is like I
found that a lot of people arestruggling to even know who they
are, and that breaks my heartin a lot of ways Because that's
just, someone's self has gottenlost along the way.
(13:27):
But I have found that that is avery big common theme pretty
much with all my clients, and sothat's that's sad, but I mean
it's great that they're wantingto explore and and take the time
and and work on discovering whothey really are so that they
(13:50):
can honor that person and behappy in that moment.
I would say.
Also, a lot of clients strugglewith reframing, you know, with
that.
So for those that don't know,reframing is taking an idea,
thought happening and if it'snegative, trying to find a way
(14:12):
to shift it.
It's that proverbial is yourglass half full or half empty?
And that's easy just to say androll that saying off the tongue
.
But when you get out into thereal world it can be really
challenging to even one noticeit's happening and then to have
the willingness to, you know,surmount the negativity bias we
(14:34):
all have and then actually moveinto saying something like being
creative enough to come up witha reframe, that's, even if it's
just a bit more positive.
A lot more positive might feellike a bit of a reach, depending
on where you're at, but alittle bit, you know, or a lot
more positive.
So that's uh.
Speaker 2 (14:54):
Yeah, that's another thing I find a lot of people
really struggle with, as well,and so do you have any tips or
tricks, like for someone whomight be feeling like feeling a
little bit lost?
Do you have any, any homeworkor something that you find has
been very useful in helpingpeople Like, is there one in
particular that you think seemsto be?
(15:15):
Again, even though everybody'sdifferent, that seems to kind of
be helpful.
Speaker 3 (15:19):
Yeah, yeah, I know what you're saying.
I I love the deathbed exercise,to be honest.
Okay, and that is okay, you canjust say it.
But it's like I love for peopleto sit quietly and just really
calm their breathing down andjust close their eyes and go
into that state of imaginingwhich I know is hard for some
(15:42):
people, so doing the best theycan, just imagining that you're
laying there on your deathbedbut you're not dead yet, but
you're about to die, you'redying shortly and just thinking
about what really mattered.
So the hope is to find what didyou miss doing, what did you
(16:06):
miss saying, what did you missexperiencing?
You know just who did you misstalking to.
What about yourself?
You know what legacy did youleave?
That's a big one, especially, alot of my clients have kids.
So what legacy are you leaving?
And just like, what kind of manor woman were you?
So you can also look at it likewhat would you like people to
(16:28):
say about you at your funeral?
That's sort of another.
But like you're laying there,but it's like again, if you just
get out of your head and try tolay there and just like really
feel into, like having no energy, being really like, oh, you
know, and just being like thisis my last moment, what?
(16:49):
What would you have hoped hadhappened?
Where would you like to havegone?
Who would you like to havekissed?
You know, like, like any ofthese things, like, did you want
a wall that was red, you know,and you always had beige.
I mean, it's a silly thing, sothat's probably not on your
deathbed, but it's any of thosethings, big and little.
And then what I like to do isto bring this back into the day
(17:12):
today, by when you're at the endof your day, brushing your
teeth or flossing, washing yourface, whatever it is you do
asking yourself did I earn mygood sleep?
So there's the did I earn mygood death at the end of our
days.
But we have to drive that backinto our day to day again,
informing who we're going to bein the future.
(17:33):
So it's this asking yourself,did I earn my good sleep?
And the idea of that is thatthere's some parallels with what
was going to earn you your gooddeath.
Way to stay like a touchstones,just to keep, you know, your
finger on the pulse, and askingyourself that one quick question
at the end of the day.
Speaker 2 (17:56):
I like that and it actually makes me think too of
like obviously your personaltrainer as well is when you're
meeting with clients and you'reasking them okay, so what kind
of habits this is your goal.
If you've achieved your goal,what kind of habits and how are
you living your life?
What are you thinking?
What are you feeding?
What feeding yourself?
What are you reading?
(18:17):
What activities are youinvolved in?
What things are you saying yesto and what things are you
saying no to and and releasingso that you can be and achieve
what it is you want to?
So it's interesting.
I kind of see, as you'reexplaining the deathbed exercise
.
It makes me think of that too.
It's, it's yeah, and I thinkthat's it.
(18:38):
It's interesting.
I know people have said to medon't you have any regrets?
I mean, certainly in life thereare things in the 51 years I
would have maybe donedifferently or I wish hadn't
happened.
Not necessarily wish, becauseeverything that's happened has
made me who I am today.
But really I don't have anyregrets.
(18:58):
I really don't, because it'salways been a case of in my mind
and I don't know if this ispart of that why I tend to
generally be.
I am a very happy person.
It just feels like it's my,it's me to my core.
But I think part of it too isthat I always think of you know,
when I made the move out toCalgary, for example, 11 years
ago, it in my head, before Ieven looked at taking my
(19:26):
transfer and leaving, and youknow, 17 years of my life back
home behind it, was thinking youknow what, if I don't take this
chance, am I going to be 80rocking on the porch with my
bestie thinking, oh, I wish Iwould have.
And so for me that was kind ofa telltale moment.
And again it sat in my heartand it resonated Like you talked
about your, your true self,right it.
It was one of those thingswhere it's like no better to
(19:49):
take the chance.
This is an adventure and Ithink that that reframing and
that that attitude and askingyourself those questions are so
important.
So, yeah, that's, that's reallyinteresting and I like that
exercise, yeah.
Speaker 3 (20:02):
I think.
I think I love that idea, theidea of just asking yourself
what would a fit person do, whatwould a happy person do, is a
great way to like have thetouchstone even throughout the
day when you're making some ofthose decisions.
But you're right, I 100% agreewith what you're saying, that of
course we want to be likepaying attention to what is our
(20:25):
intuition and what is our hearttelling us, and that's a whole
other thing that I coach on aswell like, so people are like,
but I don't know how to do that.
I don't know what it's saying,so I love to help with that as
well.
But I yeah, it's, yeah, it's,it's really, it's really
wonderful helping people try tomove from that place of not
knowing to knowing.
But I did want to.
(20:46):
To your point, just say I'm 51,just like you, lexi, and even if
there was things that we wishwe had done differently, what I
would want to say is there's noneed to have any blame or shame
about the fact that you didn'tdo something.
So spending our time lookingbackwards is not very serving.
Yes, it's great to learn alesson if we can put it in our
(21:08):
pocket, put it in our heart andtake it with us.
But if there's no lesson tolearn, we spend so much time
being unkind to ourselves andbeating ourselves up, which is
not very conducive to happiness,I might add.
You know.
So, while we're here, maybe atwhatever age, starting this
journey towards happiness Iwould I always encourage don't
(21:32):
worry about what's gone behind.
There is just no need to beharsh or shaming to yourself,
because you only know in thismoment what you know in this
moment, now, a moment ago youdidn't know it, or maybe you
weren't brave enough to do it.
Yet you know, and there'snothing wrong with that, because
you're doing the very best youcan with what information you
(21:52):
have in this exact moment, andthat's the beauty of the moment.
Speaker 2 (21:57):
And so, true, right, I think that if we, if we dwell
on the past and it becomes ananchor, and it's this ball and
chain that makes it verydifficult to change your, it's
difficult to change your realityand go towards something new
when you're being held back andnot just held back, dragged back
and held down and and again,replaying it over and over again
(22:21):
does not help your mental state, does not help your physical
state or your soul for thatmatter.
So, yeah, definitely right, allof those things, it's, it's,
and I think that's it too.
I think that that, again, if Ithink to my own attitude, it's
yeah, okay, so perhaps not thebest choice, but you know, you
know what it it I, I can't doanything about that.
The choice was made back then.
(22:42):
This is how I chose to behaveor this is what happened.
Um, but I am not just, as Idon't define myself by my
chronic illness.
I don't define myself byperhaps a misstep or a side, you
know, sidetrack, or whateveryou want to call it.
It happened.
Okay, give myself the samegrace I would give my best
(23:06):
friend or my students and moveon.
So I think that grace piece isso important for ourselves,
we're so good at giving it toothers, and yet when it comes to
ourselves, we're very harshcritics too.
Speaker 3 (23:14):
Absolutely, and you just reminded me of something.
So the clients I have, theyhave children and and especially
daughters, it seems, and I'vegot I'm always trying to work on
clients being kinder tothemselves.
So that's another point thatI'll work on and I love it
because when they can finallyget some good habits going with
(23:34):
this, it's for them to teach itto their daughters or to their
kids, so some of what they learnthey then turn around and they
offer up and teach to their,their children to.
I love, and so, yeah, I justthink, like kindness to yourself
is such an essential componentto being happy, and yet we're so
(23:55):
aware of someone's bullying us,or if we had a trauma or a
problem, something externalhappening to us, and we have,
you know, so much awarenessaround it, whether we're blaming
or not, but there's so muchawareness, but there's no real
filter awareness when we'rebullying ourselves when we're
being unkind to ourselves.
(24:15):
And yet so many people areconstantly negative and unkind
to themselves in a way, like yousaid, they would never be to I
don't even think they would beto someone they don't like, to
be honest, like nevermind thebest friend or a beloved parent
or a beloved child, I think evento someone they don't care very
much for, they would neveractually utter those words in
(24:37):
like hearing to this, thesepeople you know and so, and yet
we just are so careless with howwe speak to ourselves or how we
think about ourselves or evenhow we speak about ourselves,
and so I try to work on thatwith clients as well.
I again love the idea ofkindness kindness from me to you
(24:57):
, lexi, but also I love the ideaof you giving yourself the gift
of kindness.
Kindness from me to you, lexi,but also I love the idea of you
giving yourself the gift ofkindness as well.
Speaker 2 (25:02):
yeah, definitely, definitely.
That's awesome, zoe.
I don't know if there'sanything else you wanted to
share.
This has been such a goodconversation.
I mean, we've also talked fortwo hours before we did, we did,
yeah, no equally as rich andand just so good, like it's it's
.
You brought up so many goodpoints in it and I think that
(25:23):
that's it is.
Is you know people, will youknow, hire a trainer.
They'll do all this stuff,they'll eat right, they'll do
this, but if you're not mindingyour mind, your soul and your
heart, um again, all of that istogether, it's intertwined.
It's that circular and holisticpiece where, if we don't pay
(25:43):
attention to all of those pieces, we have problems.
Speaker 3 (25:49):
Yeah, true, it's sad, but it's true.
Yeah, no, exactly, yeah, no,thank you.
Thank you, lexi, so much forhaving me on and anyone watching
.
Thank you for your time.
Speaker 2 (26:00):
We'd love to get your comments.
So if you watch this, pleasejust interact with us, let us
know what you thought.
And if you want to connect withZoe, I'll make sure to grab her
link and I'll post that withthe video as well, and then that
way you can reach out, or youcan reach out to me, and then I
can pass you on which she'slovely.
There's no need to be afraid.
So I mean, you can do it eitherway.
(26:23):
But yeah, please let us knowwhat you thought and we will see
you next time.
Thanks, guys, bye thanks forlistening.
Speaker 1 (26:33):
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To find out more about themovement, visit divasthatcarecom
(00:24):
.
After the show.
Right now, though, stay tunedfor another jolt of inspiration.
Speaker 2 (00:31):
Wonderful friend, zoe , with me and she is a happiness
coach, and so Zoe is going toshare a bit with us about her
passion, her experience andeverything about being a
happiness coach.
And I guess I'll start off withwe met we're trying to figure
it out so, like all talkTuesdays, we ended up having
like a two hour conversationbefore we started filming, which
(00:54):
was awesome.
But I think it's about wefigured between four or five
years ago that we met a tribeand just had this instant
connection with each other andit's, it's been awesome.
Even though we haven't seeneach other in a long time, it
just always feels like likewe've never been apart.
When we get together and westart chatting again, it feels
like we just saw each other theother day.
(01:15):
So yeah, zoe, I'll let you kindof introduce yourself and tell
us about your passion and whatdrives you and being a happiness
coach.
Speaker 3 (01:25):
Okay, well, thank you , lexi.
Thank you for having me on.
I yeah, happiness coach issomething you may have never
heard of and, to be honest, Ikind of made it up.
Now there's a few out there nowbut, yeah, I didn't really see
like, oh well, I heard of that,that's a happiness coach, I want
(01:47):
to be that.
So for me, happiness I got totwirl backwards, go back back
back in time and start with whenI was a child.
I actually had a really badupbringing is really actually
traumatic, and it started rightas a baby.
So right from the moment I camehome, there was problems and in
and out of started right as ababy.
So right from the moment I camehome, there was problems and in
(02:08):
and out of foster care as ababy.
And then my parents divorcedand I was actually raised by my
father and I will say this was avery unhappy man raising me and
my brother, and so that set thestage for what was a really
negative, really bleak, reallyterrible childhood.
And partway along the way Istarted thinking to myself I
(02:31):
want to be happy.
So you know, if there was thefirst star at night I would wish
.
I just want to be happy, youknow, anytime if there was a
candle to blow out, I want to behappy, and this just became
something I was really focusedon.
I didn't really know whathappiness was, I just knew I
wanted to be it, and so that wasmy yearning, that was my secret
(02:53):
wish every time I could makeone.
And yeah, so continue tumblingalong through teenage years,
still really unhappy and stillreally, you know, not doing well
.
I left home at a young age.
I was a high school dropout, Idid go back and finish, but I,
yeah, I just continued alongthis path, but still always
(03:15):
yearning to be happy.
And I started working on it inmy early 20s and you know that
was painful and hard andoverwhelming.
There was no internet back then, so I didn't know where to go
and how to do this.
I was living in Toronto, payingToronto rents with like no
(03:39):
extra money, so there was notherapy, and so I just started
feeling into and looking aroundat what books and just trying to
sort of cobble together waysthat I could become happy.
And, yeah, it just continued onbeing my theme, being my focus,
ended up doing lots of differentoffice jobs and different
(04:00):
careers, always struggling to goin and out and figure out what
am I meant to be?
Oh, I'll go to hair school Imeant to be a hairstylist.
And then chemical allergies, sonope, back into the office
world.
And then it's like, okay, Ireally love fitness, I'm going
to go be a personal trainer.
So how would I go, study forthe year, become a personal
trainer?
And then that business modeldidn't work.
Back into the office and so kindof going back and forth and in
(04:23):
the office world I never reallyfelt like I belonged or very
happy.
And so the last time I came outof an office job I said to
myself I need to just relax, Ineed to just heal and I need to
start to think about what am Imeant to do, what am I meant to
be when I grow up?
(04:43):
And so I healed, spent sometime, you know, enjoying some
sun on the deck and started, youknow, just trying to like delve
into different things.
You know, what do I love allthose different questions
everyone's always asking and Idecided that I wanted to be a
life coach.
So off I went to take some lifecoach training and yeah, did
(05:04):
that.
And then everyone's talkingabout you need to have a niche,
like what kind of niche.
What kind of niche?
I mean?
Yeah, I know I've studied to bea personal trainer, but I
didn't feel that that was theright answer for me.
I didn't want to be a wellnesscoach, you know, just working,
or like back into the personaltraining again.
(05:24):
So I thinking, thinking,thinking, and then I realized,
finally, I was like what is theone thing that has always driven
me, always been my North Star,my guiding light, and and it's
it's been happiness, my searchfor the attainment, the keeping
(05:44):
of the desire for happiness.
So there it began.
I'm decided, I'm going to be, Iam a happiness coach.
That's how I ended up decidingto be a happiness coach.
Speaker 2 (06:01):
Awesome.
And so when people, when you'reworking with people, what kind
of things do you?
Can you take us through, kindof what a session would look
like with you?
Speaker 3 (06:10):
Well, I guess first of all, even before a session,
the idea of like a framework, isthat happiness for me is about
knowing who you are and thenliving in alignment with that.
And so first thing is, somepeople don't know who they are.
You know, they've had a lot ofsadness or traumas or different
(06:35):
disappointing events happen andthey've numbed a lot, and or
they've decided to do what theirparents told them to do or what
society expects from them, and,and yet again, they've decided
to do what their parents toldthem to do or what society
expects from them, and yet againthey've filtered down and lost
their sense of self and theirown essence.
And so it might sound simple tosay you know, live in alignment
(06:55):
with who you really are, but ifyou don't know who you are,
then that's the first thing thatneeds to be explored and looked
into.
So that would be just sort oflike an overarching first step.
Now I'll just maybe tell youquickly with steps and then I
can chat about sessions.
But a lot of the frameworkaround happiness, the way I'm
(07:17):
coaching it, is that we're goingto take a look at internally
what we have.
So we want to look at thingsthat are making us unhappy that
we already have or we are and wewant to remove or mitigate them
.
And then we're looking atwhat's working and we want to
acknowledge and we want toinflate it, we want to make it
bigger.
Then we look external.
(07:39):
We want to be able to blockthings that are going to come in
and be negative or make usunhappy and we also want to
bring in more of the good.
And again, you can see, lexi,why at this point it's important
to understand who you are,because those four parts are all
different for each person, sameand so.
And then, of course, there's asort of extra time spent on what
(08:03):
I'll call living in the shitwhen things get really, when
they go really sideways abouthow to, you know, deal with that
, and then, I guess, when you'rein a really great spot, just
like evolving it even further,and so those are kind of like
the roadmap on how we sort ofmove through happiness coaching.
It's not always linear likethat, but those are sort of the
(08:27):
main ideas and themes andfocuses that are going on in a
coaching session.
A coaching session is actuallydifferent depending on who I'm
coaching.
I always will start with howare you doing, because it's
super important to know ifsomething big has come up.
I coach a lot of people once aweek or the bulk of them are
(08:48):
every other week, so a lot canhappen in two weeks.
So it's just really importantto know is there a pressing
issue or problem that just youwant to talk about, get some
feedback on, get some support on, so that you're you know,
utilizing any tool that you needto in order to again block,
bring in, enhance, you know,just while dealing with that
(09:12):
particular issue?
So I always will take thatopportunity just to check in and
see about that, becausesometimes that alone drives the
entire session and maybe evenmultiple sessions.
And so that's, I guess, the onething.
And then the next thing iscoaching always involves
homework.
So once you know someone's doingokay, it's time to start going
(09:33):
through the homework andchecking in, and, and that can
go pretty quickly with somepeople, but with some people
that can take quite a while,because while doing the homework
there's been awesomeopportunities to reflect, to
learn, or, even better, whenthey have trouble doing the
homework, and then they have tocome back and ask for
(09:55):
clarification or examples orthey need to tweak it a bit,
because really it's about whatworks best for you in your life,
and so it's this almost danceright where we both are involved
in coming up with not only thehomework but making sure the
homework fits right and is goingto serve and is going to bring
(10:18):
you closer to not only yourhappiness in the moment, which
is something I'm very focused on, but also the other component,
the final component of happinessis the sense of your future
self.
So I'm always being payingattention to these two separate
selves, so it would be like Lexiright now and Lexi in the
(10:40):
future, because what we're doingin the moment becomes who we
become in the future, and sopaying attention to that and
honoring that and making thosesmart decisions, enhancing,
getting rid of bringing in,blocking, paying attention to
the version of yourself that youwant to be in the future, is
(11:01):
super important.
Because here's the honest truthas we sit here right now Right
now, I and you, lexi, we are theaccumulation of many different
steps and actions and decisionsand thoughts and feelings that
we felt to get us right here inthis exact moment, and so we can
all say it's true that there'scertain states we can be in that
(11:24):
make it easier to be happierand certain states that make it
harder to be happier, and so wecan just make more of those
decisions that are going to lineus up in our future selves.
To make it easier, I say, whynot?
And so I really like to coachbased on those two sort of
moments in time.
Speaker 2 (11:45):
Awesome.
And so when you're seeingpeople, do you?
Is it men and women?
What are the different?
Speaker 3 (11:53):
Yeah, I coach adults.
I coach adults only and Iactually coach quite a few men.
I enjoy coaching men and women.
I find I connect really wellwith men.
I just more because I think menare not necessarily given a lot
of attention, they're not givena safe space in order to talk
(12:14):
about their hopes, their fears,their struggles, their happiness
, and so I think maybe when I'veconnected and found male
clients, they I think they'rejust really ready for that type
of support and that type of help.
And whereas I mean I lovecoaching women, because often
the women that come to methey're so open and ready to
(12:36):
just be diving in and just sohopeful that there's going to be
a wonderful change after wework together.
Speaker 2 (12:45):
That's awesome, and so do you in in the people that
you've worked with.
Is there, does there seem to be, a central theme in terms of,
or what are the main things thatpeople tend to struggle with
when it comes to happiness?
I mean, I know it's differentper person, but are there some
overarching things that you'venoticed?
Speaker 3 (13:07):
I think, like you said, people are quite different
.
But I think that, besides this,living in alignment is like I
found that a lot of people arestruggling to even know who they
are, and that breaks my heartin a lot of ways Because that's
just, someone's self has gottenlost along the way.
(13:27):
But I have found that that is avery big common theme pretty
much with all my clients, and sothat's that's sad, but I mean
it's great that they're wantingto explore and and take the time
and and work on discovering whothey really are so that they
(13:50):
can honor that person and behappy in that moment.
I would say.
Also, a lot of clients strugglewith reframing, you know, with
that.
So for those that don't know,reframing is taking an idea,
thought happening and if it'snegative, trying to find a way
(14:12):
to shift it.
It's that proverbial is yourglass half full or half empty?
And that's easy just to say androll that saying off the tongue
.
But when you get out into thereal world it can be really
challenging to even one noticeit's happening and then to have
the willingness to, you know,surmount the negativity bias we
(14:34):
all have and then actually moveinto saying something like being
creative enough to come up witha reframe, that's, even if it's
just a bit more positive.
A lot more positive might feellike a bit of a reach, depending
on where you're at, but alittle bit, you know, or a lot
more positive.
So that's uh.
Speaker 2 (14:54):
Yeah, that's another thing I find a lot of people
really struggle with, as well,and so do you have any tips or
tricks, like for someone whomight be feeling like feeling a
little bit lost?
Do you have any, any homeworkor something that you find has
been very useful in helpingpeople Like, is there one in
particular that you think seemsto be?
(15:15):
Again, even though everybody'sdifferent, that seems to kind of
be helpful.
Speaker 3 (15:19):
Yeah, yeah, I know what you're saying.
I I love the deathbed exercise,to be honest.
Okay, and that is okay, you canjust say it.
But it's like I love for peopleto sit quietly and just really
calm their breathing down andjust close their eyes and go
into that state of imaginingwhich I know is hard for some
(15:42):
people, so doing the best theycan, just imagining that you're
laying there on your deathbedbut you're not dead yet, but
you're about to die, you'redying shortly and just thinking
about what really mattered.
So the hope is to find what didyou miss doing, what did you
(16:06):
miss saying, what did you missexperiencing?
You know just who did you misstalking to.
What about yourself?
You know what legacy did youleave?
That's a big one, especially, alot of my clients have kids.
So what legacy are you leaving?
And just like, what kind of manor woman were you?
So you can also look at it likewhat would you like people to
(16:28):
say about you at your funeral?
That's sort of another.
But like you're laying there,but it's like again, if you just
get out of your head and try tolay there and just like really
feel into, like having no energy, being really like, oh, you
know, and just being like thisis my last moment, what?
(16:49):
What would you have hoped hadhappened?
Where would you like to havegone?
Who would you like to havekissed?
You know, like, like any ofthese things, like, did you want
a wall that was red, you know,and you always had beige.
I mean, it's a silly thing, sothat's probably not on your
deathbed, but it's any of thosethings, big and little.
And then what I like to do isto bring this back into the day
(17:12):
today, by when you're at the endof your day, brushing your
teeth or flossing, washing yourface, whatever it is you do
asking yourself did I earn mygood sleep?
So there's the did I earn mygood death at the end of our
days.
But we have to drive that backinto our day to day again,
informing who we're going to bein the future.
(17:33):
So it's this asking yourself,did I earn my good sleep?
And the idea of that is thatthere's some parallels with what
was going to earn you your gooddeath.
Way to stay like a touchstones,just to keep, you know, your
finger on the pulse, and askingyourself that one quick question
at the end of the day.
Speaker 2 (17:56):
I like that and it actually makes me think too of
like obviously your personaltrainer as well is when you're
meeting with clients and you'reasking them okay, so what kind
of habits this is your goal.
If you've achieved your goal,what kind of habits and how are
you living your life?
What are you thinking?
What are you feeding?
What feeding yourself?
What are you reading?
(18:17):
What activities are youinvolved in?
What things are you saying yesto and what things are you
saying no to and and releasingso that you can be and achieve
what it is you want to?
So it's interesting.
I kind of see, as you'reexplaining the deathbed exercise
.
It makes me think of that too.
It's, it's yeah, and I thinkthat's it.
(18:38):
It's interesting.
I know people have said to medon't you have any regrets?
I mean, certainly in life thereare things in the 51 years I
would have maybe donedifferently or I wish hadn't
happened.
Not necessarily wish, becauseeverything that's happened has
made me who I am today.
But really I don't have anyregrets.
(18:58):
I really don't, because it'salways been a case of in my mind
and I don't know if this ispart of that why I tend to
generally be.
I am a very happy person.
It just feels like it's my,it's me to my core.
But I think part of it too isthat I always think of you know,
when I made the move out toCalgary, for example, 11 years
ago, it in my head, before Ieven looked at taking my
(19:26):
transfer and leaving, and youknow, 17 years of my life back
home behind it, was thinking youknow what, if I don't take this
chance, am I going to be 80rocking on the porch with my
bestie thinking, oh, I wish Iwould have.
And so for me that was kind ofa telltale moment.
And again it sat in my heartand it resonated Like you talked
about your, your true self,right it.
It was one of those thingswhere it's like no better to
(19:49):
take the chance.
This is an adventure and Ithink that that reframing and
that that attitude and askingyourself those questions are so
important.
So, yeah, that's, that's reallyinteresting and I like that
exercise, yeah.
Speaker 3 (20:02):
I think.
I think I love that idea, theidea of just asking yourself
what would a fit person do, whatwould a happy person do, is a
great way to like have thetouchstone even throughout the
day when you're making some ofthose decisions.
But you're right, I 100% agreewith what you're saying, that of
course we want to be likepaying attention to what is our
(20:25):
intuition and what is our hearttelling us, and that's a whole
other thing that I coach on aswell like, so people are like,
but I don't know how to do that.
I don't know what it's saying,so I love to help with that as
well.
But I yeah, it's, yeah, it's,it's really, it's really
wonderful helping people try tomove from that place of not
knowing to knowing.
But I did want to.
(20:46):
To your point, just say I'm 51,just like you, lexi, and even if
there was things that we wishwe had done differently, what I
would want to say is there's noneed to have any blame or shame
about the fact that you didn'tdo something.
So spending our time lookingbackwards is not very serving.
Yes, it's great to learn alesson if we can put it in our
(21:08):
pocket, put it in our heart andtake it with us.
But if there's no lesson tolearn, we spend so much time
being unkind to ourselves andbeating ourselves up, which is
not very conducive to happiness,I might add.
You know.
So, while we're here, maybe atwhatever age, starting this
journey towards happiness Iwould I always encourage don't
(21:32):
worry about what's gone behind.
There is just no need to beharsh or shaming to yourself,
because you only know in thismoment what you know in this
moment, now, a moment ago youdidn't know it, or maybe you
weren't brave enough to do it.
Yet you know, and there'snothing wrong with that, because
you're doing the very best youcan with what information you
(21:52):
have in this exact moment, andthat's the beauty of the moment.
Speaker 2 (21:57):
And so, true, right, I think that if we, if we dwell
on the past and it becomes ananchor, and it's this ball and
chain that makes it verydifficult to change your, it's
difficult to change your realityand go towards something new
when you're being held back andnot just held back, dragged back
and held down and and again,replaying it over and over again
(22:21):
does not help your mental state, does not help your physical
state or your soul for thatmatter.
So, yeah, definitely right, allof those things, it's, it's,
and I think that's it too.
I think that that, again, if Ithink to my own attitude, it's
yeah, okay, so perhaps not thebest choice, but you know, you
know what it it I, I can't doanything about that.
The choice was made back then.
(22:42):
This is how I chose to behaveor this is what happened.
Um, but I am not just, as Idon't define myself by my
chronic illness.
I don't define myself byperhaps a misstep or a side, you
know, sidetrack, or whateveryou want to call it.
It happened.
Okay, give myself the samegrace I would give my best
(23:06):
friend or my students and moveon.
So I think that grace piece isso important for ourselves,
we're so good at giving it toothers, and yet when it comes to
ourselves, we're very harshcritics too.
Speaker 3 (23:14):
Absolutely, and you just reminded me of something.
So the clients I have, theyhave children and and especially
daughters, it seems, and I'vegot I'm always trying to work on
clients being kinder tothemselves.
So that's another point thatI'll work on and I love it
because when they can finallyget some good habits going with
(23:34):
this, it's for them to teach itto their daughters or to their
kids, so some of what they learnthey then turn around and they
offer up and teach to their,their children to.
I love, and so, yeah, I justthink, like kindness to yourself
is such an essential componentto being happy, and yet we're so
(23:55):
aware of someone's bullying us,or if we had a trauma or a
problem, something externalhappening to us, and we have,
you know, so much awarenessaround it, whether we're blaming
or not, but there's so muchawareness, but there's no real
filter awareness when we'rebullying ourselves when we're
being unkind to ourselves.
(24:15):
And yet so many people areconstantly negative and unkind
to themselves in a way, like yousaid, they would never be to I
don't even think they would beto someone they don't like, to
be honest, like nevermind thebest friend or a beloved parent
or a beloved child, I think evento someone they don't care very
much for, they would neveractually utter those words in
(24:37):
like hearing to this, thesepeople you know and so, and yet
we just are so careless with howwe speak to ourselves or how we
think about ourselves or evenhow we speak about ourselves,
and so I try to work on thatwith clients as well.
I again love the idea ofkindness kindness from me to you
(24:57):
, lexi, but also I love the ideaof you giving yourself the gift
of kindness.
Kindness from me to you, lexi,but also I love the idea of you
giving yourself the gift ofkindness as well.
Speaker 2 (25:02):
yeah, definitely, definitely.
That's awesome, zoe.
I don't know if there'sanything else you wanted to
share.
This has been such a goodconversation.
I mean, we've also talked fortwo hours before we did, we did,
yeah, no equally as rich andand just so good, like it's it's
.
You brought up so many goodpoints in it and I think that
(25:23):
that's it is.
Is you know people, will youknow, hire a trainer.
They'll do all this stuff,they'll eat right, they'll do
this, but if you're not mindingyour mind, your soul and your
heart, um again, all of that istogether, it's intertwined.
It's that circular and holisticpiece where, if we don't pay
(25:43):
attention to all of those pieces, we have problems.
Speaker 3 (25:49):
Yeah, true, it's sad, but it's true.
Yeah, no, exactly, yeah, no,thank you.
Thank you, lexi, so much forhaving me on and anyone watching
.
Thank you for your time.
Speaker 2 (26:00):
We'd love to get your comments.
So if you watch this, pleasejust interact with us, let us
know what you thought.
And if you want to connect withZoe, I'll make sure to grab her
link and I'll post that withthe video as well, and then that
way you can reach out, or youcan reach out to me, and then I
can pass you on which she'slovely.
There's no need to be afraid.
So I mean, you can do it eitherway.
(26:23):
But yeah, please let us knowwhat you thought and we will see
you next time.
Thanks, guys, bye thanks forlistening.
Speaker 1 (26:33):
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