May 21, 2025 • 23 mins
What happens when a woman decides to break free from generations of trauma and addiction? Bonnie Johnstone's transformation story isn't just inspiring—it's revolutionary.
Once living in shame and addiction starting at age 14, Bonnie faced an impossible choice after her parents separated due to her stepfather's sexual abuse. The path she chose led her through alcoholism, running away to join a carnival, and years of self-destructive behavior. "I never slept at night," she reveals, "I always slept during the day when people were awake."
Everything changed in August 2016 when her brother-in-law's overdose forced her to confront her own mortality. With remarkable clarity, Bonnie made a decision: "I'm done living wastefully." This wasn't just about getting sober—it meant confronting the abuse, cutting ties with her parents, and beginning the painful work of healing.
The results have been transformative. "I used to be just waiting for every day to end. Now I'm like the day can't end yet, I have so much to do," Bonnie shares with infectious enthusiasm. She's become an international bestselling co-author and speaker, developed workshops for trauma survivors, and most importantly, broken the cycle of intergenerational trauma that has plagued her Indigenous family for generations.
What makes Bonnie's story unique is her distinction between negative self-focus and positive self-care. "When it became about me, I was able to become a better friend, a better mother, a better everything to everybody else." This philosophy has allowed her to not just heal herself but to create ripples of healing that extend to her children and beyond.
For anyone feeling trapped by their circumstances, Bonnie offers this wisdom: "You always have choices... When you actually get to your why and start putting the how into effect, it just becomes second nature, because courage is contagious."
Ready to transform your own story? Listen now to discover how one woman's decision to heal is changing lives that haven't even been born yet.
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Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:03):
Welcome, divas.
I'm so excited that you'rejoining us today on Phoenix
Butterfly Diva Style, ournetwork on the divas that
carecom.
I'm so excited to welcome thispowerhouse today.
I think she almost even refersherself as a badass, and so I'm
super excited to welcome Bonnieonto our show today.
(00:26):
Bonnie Johnstone right, is thathow I say that?
Bonnie?
Yeah, perfect.
Well, bonnie, also known asBadass, has transformed her life
in under two years.
Once debilitated by addictionand shame, she floated through
(00:50):
life miserably.
Her life was unraveling and shewas unable to move past
something.
When she got sober in 2016, sherealized that something was
never healing from the sexualabuse by the hands of her
(01:11):
stepfather, and she's stillkeeping in contact with him and
her mother.
She was full of shame.
Bonnie chose to move forward inher life without her parents
and sought her new out herbiological family.
She started her speaking careerand started a business.
(01:32):
Once she knew her why, the restwas easy, and so I'm so excited
, bonnie, to welcome you hereand just to share your story
with others.
And wow, you've gone through somuch Welcome.
Speaker 2 (01:48):
Thank you.
So I'm Bonnie.
I always wanted to be famous.
You know, I grew up in like awealthy family and my mom had me
in dance and acting and I wentto a fine arts school and
everything was done 110% becauseI was going to be a backup
(02:09):
dancer for Paula Abdul.
And all these dreams and,looking back, I think all these
dreams were just a way to escape.
And so when it came out that Iwas being sexually abused, my
life transformed a lot, becausemy parents split up and my mom
really fell into her addictionsand I had a choice.
(02:32):
And you know, I had the choiceof living with my mom, where
there was, like, not a lot offood and she was always angry
and men coming and going, or Icould be with this wealthy
family and unfortunately thewealthy family was my
stepfather's, so I actuallyended up moving in with him and
this started my you knowinsomnia.
(02:54):
I never slept at night, Ialways slept in the day, when
people were awake.
I picked up, you know, I becamean alcoholic at 14.
I, out of school, I joined thecarnival anything to run away
like, I just wanted to go, and Inever, never thought that I had
(03:16):
enough worth to follow thosedreams of being a dancer or an
actress.
You know, I had so much shameand then I had kids and that
still didn't change me.
I still chose drugs andaddictions and, you know, making
(03:36):
poor choices and putting reallyputting myself first.
I was really selfish.
I never put my kids before me.
I thought, well, they'reluckier than I am because I had
all this trauma.
And then my brother-in-lawoverdosed and everything kind of
shifted and this was in Augustof 2016.
And I thought, like drugsaren't the way, like I'm going
(03:58):
to die.
And so I had one last hoorahand I woke up in the morning and
it was.
It was just a decision.
It was just a decision that I'mdone and I had no idea what I
was going to do with my life.
But I was done, living itwastefully.
And then I was emotional, likeI was such an emotional mess.
(04:24):
I cried every day, all day, andI didn't know why.
And then I came out and said Iwas abused.
It was by my stepfather.
And everybody says, well, why?
Why do you still talk to him?
Why do you?
Why do you still have arelationship with your parents?
I'm like because they're myparents.
Like, don't I have to?
Speaker 1 (04:44):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (04:45):
And I don't.
So when I decided to, you know,disown them, a big weight was
lifted off me.
It meant that I did not have tokeep secrets anymore.
It meant that I did not have tomake other people's lives
easier.
It became all about me.
(05:06):
And when it became about me, Iwas able to become a better
friend, a better mother, youknow, a better aunt, a better
everything to everybody else.
I ended up leaving my husbandbecause we were just on
different paths.
I really wanted to stay sober.
He did not.
And then one day I said I wantto be a motivational speaker,
(05:31):
and I had no idea how I wasgoing to do this.
But I just, you know, thiswhole Me Too movement started
coming out.
But Me Too just isn't enough.
More people need to stand upand talk about sexual abuse and
talk about their stories so thatmore people feel comfortable
talking about it.
The more we talk about it, themore people are aware about it,
(05:52):
the less it's going to happen tobe on the stage in one year as
a public speaker.
And in that year I wrote achapter in a book.
I invested in myself, I startedmy business, rolled out some
workshops and now I can say, I'man international bestselling
(06:15):
co-author and an internationalspeaker, as I've spoke in the
that's amazing.
Speaker 1 (06:23):
Look at you rock star .
Look at you badass it is.
And so anybody listening to youright now and they're like
bonnie oh, that's great for you.
But how do I like what was thatturning point like?
How do I dig myself out of thehole that I feel stuck in?
Speaker 2 (06:43):
Well, I went to this workshop and it was mostly about
Brene Brown and Shane and theysaid that you have a lantern and
if you don't follow your values, your flame is out.
And I really looked at that andsaid I don't value someone who
(07:03):
abuses children.
Why would I have a relationshipwith him?
Because I felt like I had toand you know, I've been told you
are the five people you hangaround with.
So I did the hardest thingpossible.
I, I moved, I stopped beingfriends with people that I've
(07:24):
known almost my whole life.
I and I wrote a letter to myparents and said you guys failed
me and I don't need you guys.
I don't need parents that don'tvalue me, because I value
myself.
And yeah, it was hard and Ifelt bad.
(07:46):
I still, to this day, thinklike how are they doing?
But that's their problem,that's not my problem.
So it really really came downto putting myself first, because
you have to.
You owe it to yourself.
Speaker 1 (07:58):
And I love how you talked about before putting
yourself first with addictionand alcohol and stuff.
Speaker 2 (08:03):
But this is a different put yourself first,
you know like first, where youcan help people, also put
themselves first, selfless rightand it's filling your cup with
that positivity.
Speaker 1 (08:18):
To allow that to overflow than putting yourself
first with negative right, likeit's that positive spin on that.
Speaker 2 (08:25):
I used to be so angry and like I can only think that
it's because I had so much shameand anger, like I was cutting
myself, I would cut my hair.
I like I would do all thesecrazy things to hurt myself
because I was hurting.
But now I'm like I'm sograteful to wake up in the
(08:46):
morning.
I'm.
I've never felt more beautifulthan I have in this last year
and a half, where for 35 years Iwas like I'm too fat, I'm too
ugly, I'm not good enough.
You know it was.
I have this voice in the backof my head that says that well,
I named her and I call herBarbara and I literally say shut
(09:07):
up, barbara.
Your opinion is not my problem,you know it really is all about
changing that mindset.
That's awesome.
Yeah, it's.
It's been a really good shiftthat's that's brilliant.
Speaker 1 (09:22):
Really good shift, that's brilliant.
So anybody listening you knowdivas that are listening if
you're sitting in a place offeeling like you're not good
enough, not empowered, thatyou're stuck where you are,
you're never stuck.
That's a mindset.
You always have choices, justlike Bonnie's sharing.
We have choices.
Speaker 2 (09:45):
We all have choices and nothing worthwhile is easy,
right, you know.
But you look at it, you thinkit's easy to just do the same
old, same old.
But it's not.
And when you start taking thesesteps to changing your life
because we all have magic, weall are here for something
bigger you have to dig for it.
And when you actually get toyour why and you know you start
(10:09):
putting the how into effect, itjust becomes second nature,
because courage is contagious,positivity breeds positivity.
All these things, like I don'teven get mad anymore.
I get stressed out and I'm like, okay, I need to take myself
out of the situation.
But I was, for example, I wasin Edmonton and I came home to a
(10:30):
broken window.
I came home to some someshenanigans happened in the
house when I was gone and old mewould have freaked out new me.
I was like I'm glad everybody'sokay, the window can be fixed.
And everybody was like when areyou gonna get mad?
Like I'm not mad, disappointed,you know when, when you're
(10:52):
where I am in life, you canactually differentiate all your
emotions, because anger is nevera primary emotion.
Speaker 1 (11:00):
So it's all figuring out the primary emotion, which
is disappointment, sadness, youknow you can name them now, and
actually it's not all justclumped together in one emotion,
right, yeah?
Speaker 2 (11:13):
there's more than just happy and mad.
What really right?
Yeah, no kidding.
Yeah, so it's been great, youknow, and now my kids like I'm
I'm seeing my kids are happier.
And my daughter makes me theselittle postcards for my room
that say be the, be the personthat you're intended to be and
(11:37):
smile.
And you know, and I'm like, wow, like my 14 year old's picking
up what I'm doing right.
More is caught than taught yeah,because that cycle like I come
from intergenerational trauma,the 60s scoop, residential
schools, lost culture, so likeliterally I ended the cycle and
(11:57):
I'm seeing it now in my childrenand when their children around,
that cycle is going to be done.
Speaker 1 (12:04):
Isn't that amazing how, when you look at the ripple
effect of what you're doing andhow many generations you're
affecting and how many people'slives you're touching that
aren't even born yet, you know,when we take that step into the
journey of transforming ourlives?
Yes, it's challenging, yes it'sdifficult, but, like you said,
(12:25):
the power behind it and thenothing, nothing that's worth
anything major and great isn'tgoing to take some work, but
this is massive.
Like this is generationalchanges that you're doing.
Speaker 2 (12:39):
Yeah, like my, my daughter has no problem talking
about, like everybody knows, mymom was sexually abused.
This is why she does what shedoes.
You know, they're very awarethat there's bad people in the
world.
You know and I'm here to to tryto scratch that surface a
little bit Right, compassion,like I have, compassion for my
(13:03):
parents as well.
Like they, you know what theydid was wrong, but again, it's a
cycle.
Where was it learned from?
Where's the help?
For?
You know, there's help foraddictions from drugs and
alcohol and gambling and sex.
Well, what about?
What about for pedophiles?
Speaker 1 (13:21):
you know, like as a whole, we need to fix it on both
sides yeah, and I think justshining a light on it right to
let people know that it's okayto be fixed.
Speaker 2 (13:35):
You know that it doesn't have to be the rest of
your life yeah, like I went, Iwent from you know drinking and
being like, oh I was abused, andthen poor me, to you know,
empowered and thriving that Iwas abused and I want to stop it
like no more.
So I want to use that story tohelp others open up about it.
(13:57):
So I want to use that story tohelp others open up about it.
You know, not live in thatshame, because that whole
secrecy builds shame and shamekeeps you sick.
Speaker 1 (14:08):
Right, and it creates that disease and dis-ease of
the body and it leads to so manyother things.
Absolutely, and look at thehappiness that now you
experience from stepping out ofthat.
Speaker 2 (14:21):
Yeah, yeah, like I actually want to get out of the
house and take the kids to thelake and go camping.
And before I was just waitingfor every day to end.
Now I'm like the day can't endyet.
I have so much to do.
Speaker 1 (14:39):
That's brilliant, bonnie, that's awesome.
Yeah, so what have youdiscovered about yourself
through this journey, now thatyou know you said you've seen a
shift and you're empowered inyour head what have you seen in
you now that you didn'trecognize before?
Speaker 2 (14:59):
I mean, I always said I was strong, but like that
undoubted strength ofdetermination, you know, not
giving up.
Um, I used to be a quitter,right, I'd start something and
then I wouldn't finish.
I don't know if it was fear ofsuccess or anything.
But now I finish, but on my ownterms, like it's not a race,
(15:24):
and I learned to self-care and,you know, to be a mother, and
communication, I think, is thebiggest one.
I used to be so afraid tocommunicate for fear of people
thinking I was dumb oruneducated or just another
(15:44):
Indian.
You know, that's really what Ithought a lot of people looked
at me as, and now I've learnedthat other people's opinions of
me are their problem.
It's none of my business, right, right, and when I, when I get
rid of that and I just focus onthe people that I surround
myself with, more and morepeople want to surround
(16:05):
themselves with me and you knowso it's like I really like all
the stupid stuff I've done in mypartying days.
I shouldn't be here, but I am,which just shows me that I am
here for something bigger andit's my duty to continue with
that.
Speaker 1 (16:25):
Nice.
That's brilliant.
It's such a huge takeaway forso many people Like divas.
Are you listening?
You are here for a reason, andwe all have purpose and value
and worth, lives that we don'teven recognize sometimes.
(16:53):
I think that because we don'tsee ourselves as special.
And if you don't see yourselfas special, then our perception,
our view of the world is verylimited to what it could be
absolutely.
And so it's that law of mirrors, right reflection that what you
see inside yourself, when youcan get clear and see your
(17:14):
beauty and your amazing, theamazing gifts that you have and
what you have to offer the world, then so shall the world see
that too it's like a movementright.
Speaker 2 (17:26):
The more and more people like join I.
I have a t-shirt line and oneof my best-selling t-shirts is
find your tribe, love them hardand seriously.
Like that tribe is constantlyfilling and I just I inspire
people to let go of things andto move forward and I've seen so
(17:47):
many people transform becauseof my strength and I mean that
just makes it all worth it.
Like if one person listening tothis can say wow and to ditch
their shame and to say I can,then that my job's done Right.
Speaker 1 (18:07):
I love it.
No, that's totally brilliant.
So, bonnie, what's next forBonnie, what's next on your in
your journey?
Speaker 2 (18:16):
Oh, I am writing another chapter in a book, so
it's called Sacred Hearts Rising.
I was in book one, I am nowwriting in book two.
I will be.
I've got I'm booked in Edmontonand Portland coming up, you
know, and really my workshops Iit just kind of fell into my lap
(18:37):
.
I was going to do workshops inmy home for vision boards and it
just I was asked to do it onreserve and I the impact I had
on the youth was eye-opening.
Like when people think they'restuck and secluded, I give hope.
You know that you can move pastpain.
(19:00):
And so now I'm working on a fewdifferent workshops and I'm
going to start building myrelationships.
I actually am going to go toevery reserve and treatment
center, from Hope to NorthVancouver, and build
relationships with them andhopefully get my workshops in
there, and then eventually I'dlove to go Canada wide.
That's awesome.
Speaker 1 (19:23):
I love the vision.
You know that it's not justyou're out of your backyard,
you're out of your.
Know that it's not just you'reout of your backyard, you're out
of your.
You know you're going across.
You know coast to coast.
Speaker 2 (19:36):
You just, you just have to do it like yes.
Some people may say no, butfear, I've learned, is just
excitement and it is.
Speaker 1 (19:46):
It's the same vibration and hearing no.
Speaker 2 (19:50):
Just get to that, one step closer to a yes.
You know you.
You just you need thatconfidence and that confidence
comes with a good try.
You know I really found ifthere's negativity in your life,
get rid of it.
You know, my husband wasnegative.
I had to get rid of him andthat was one of the hardest
(20:13):
things, because we don't want tocommunicate, because sometimes
some of us, like me especiallydon't want to hurt other
people's feelings, but it's aninjustice to everybody involved
not to.
And my life has forever changedin four months since I stood up
and left my relationship.
Speaker 1 (20:33):
I've grown even more as a person it's like you took
the lid off, isn't it yeah?
Speaker 2 (20:39):
totally, totally, instead of living a lie, which a
lot of us do, you know.
Like, don't get me wrong.
I definitely tried everythingto make the relationship work.
But when two people don't evenlook at sobriety the same way, I
mean you're just, it's set upfor failure.
And when I put myself and myvalues first, which is
(21:00):
essentially what you have to do,you come first.
If you are not putting yourselffirst, you cannot put your
children first, you cannot putyour husband first, because
you're, because you need to befirst, and if you're not the
best you, you can't be the bestmom, you can't be the best wife,
you can't be the best friend.
Speaker 1 (21:18):
Right, what a great tip to leave people with.
You know that has been thisjourney today with you, bonnie,
has been absolutely incredibleand getting to know you and
shine a light on your story forall these amazing divas that are
listening.
You guys, if this has touchedyou on any level or you feel
(21:38):
that there's someone that wouldbenefit from hearing Bonnie's
story and her journey, pleaseshare this link and share the
story, the passion that she nowstands on, and to really allow
it to touch as many lives as wecan.
That's why we're here, you know, at the Divas that Care Network
(22:00):
and you know that's why we dothis show.
Phoenix Butterfly Diva Style isreally to allow yourself to fly,
to let go of the past, to letit go and really soar into your
future.
You know, today, this minute,this second is the first minute,
second and day of the rest ofyour life.
(22:20):
So what are you going to dowith it?
I challenge you, divas, whatare you going to do with it?
What's your life going to looklike tomorrow and a week from
now and a month from now?
And it's this change, thisshift, this movement, as Bonnie
talked about, that you choose tostand in right now that will
allow you to make the difference, the difference for the rest of
(22:43):
your life and generations tocome, because it's not that you
that's affected.
It ripples through so many, andmore is caught than taught.
So, bonnie, thank you so muchfor your presence here today on
the call, and for sharing yourstory and standing in your power
and allowing us to touch youand feel your vulnerability for
(23:06):
a moment.
Speaker 2 (23:08):
And thank you for having me.
Speaker 1 (23:09):
Thank you, oh, you're welcome, and I so excited one
day I hope, to have you back onour show and we get to hear all
these exciting new things thatyou have up and coming.
Speaker 2 (23:20):
Absolutely Anytime I'm not going anywhere.
Speaker 1 (23:25):
And for that we're super grateful.
So all divas you know, find uswwwdivasthatcarecom.
Forward, slash Amanda and shareBonnie's story with as many
people as you can, because it isamazing and will touch lives.
So thank you everybody forjoining us.
Take care and bye for now.
Welcome, divas.
I'm so excited that you'rejoining us today on Phoenix
Butterfly Diva Style, ournetwork on the divas that
carecom.
I'm so excited to welcome thispowerhouse today.
I think she almost even refersherself as a badass, and so I'm
super excited to welcome Bonnieonto our show today.
(00:26):
Bonnie Johnstone right, is thathow I say that?
Bonnie?
Yeah, perfect.
Well, bonnie, also known asBadass, has transformed her life
in under two years.
Once debilitated by addictionand shame, she floated through
(00:50):
life miserably.
Her life was unraveling and shewas unable to move past
something.
When she got sober in 2016, sherealized that something was
never healing from the sexualabuse by the hands of her
(01:11):
stepfather, and she's stillkeeping in contact with him and
her mother.
She was full of shame.
Bonnie chose to move forward inher life without her parents
and sought her new out herbiological family.
She started her speaking careerand started a business.
(01:32):
Once she knew her why, the restwas easy, and so I'm so excited
, bonnie, to welcome you hereand just to share your story
with others.
And wow, you've gone through somuch Welcome.
Speaker 2 (01:48):
Thank you.
So I'm Bonnie.
I always wanted to be famous.
You know, I grew up in like awealthy family and my mom had me
in dance and acting and I wentto a fine arts school and
everything was done 110% becauseI was going to be a backup
(02:09):
dancer for Paula Abdul.
And all these dreams and,looking back, I think all these
dreams were just a way to escape.
And so when it came out that Iwas being sexually abused, my
life transformed a lot, becausemy parents split up and my mom
really fell into her addictionsand I had a choice.
(02:32):
And you know, I had the choiceof living with my mom, where
there was, like, not a lot offood and she was always angry
and men coming and going, or Icould be with this wealthy
family and unfortunately thewealthy family was my
stepfather's, so I actuallyended up moving in with him and
this started my you knowinsomnia.
(02:54):
I never slept at night, Ialways slept in the day, when
people were awake.
I picked up, you know, I becamean alcoholic at 14.
I, out of school, I joined thecarnival anything to run away
like, I just wanted to go, and Inever, never thought that I had
(03:16):
enough worth to follow thosedreams of being a dancer or an
actress.
You know, I had so much shameand then I had kids and that
still didn't change me.
I still chose drugs andaddictions and, you know, making
(03:36):
poor choices and putting reallyputting myself first.
I was really selfish.
I never put my kids before me.
I thought, well, they'reluckier than I am because I had
all this trauma.
And then my brother-in-lawoverdosed and everything kind of
shifted and this was in Augustof 2016.
And I thought, like drugsaren't the way, like I'm going
(03:58):
to die.
And so I had one last hoorahand I woke up in the morning and
it was.
It was just a decision.
It was just a decision that I'mdone and I had no idea what I
was going to do with my life.
But I was done, living itwastefully.
And then I was emotional, likeI was such an emotional mess.
(04:24):
I cried every day, all day, andI didn't know why.
And then I came out and said Iwas abused.
It was by my stepfather.
And everybody says, well, why?
Why do you still talk to him?
Why do you?
Why do you still have arelationship with your parents?
I'm like because they're myparents.
Like, don't I have to?
Speaker 1 (04:44):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (04:45):
And I don't.
So when I decided to, you know,disown them, a big weight was
lifted off me.
It meant that I did not have tokeep secrets anymore.
It meant that I did not have tomake other people's lives
easier.
It became all about me.
(05:06):
And when it became about me, Iwas able to become a better
friend, a better mother, youknow, a better aunt, a better
everything to everybody else.
I ended up leaving my husbandbecause we were just on
different paths.
I really wanted to stay sober.
He did not.
And then one day I said I wantto be a motivational speaker,
(05:31):
and I had no idea how I wasgoing to do this.
But I just, you know, thiswhole Me Too movement started
coming out.
But Me Too just isn't enough.
More people need to stand upand talk about sexual abuse and
talk about their stories so thatmore people feel comfortable
talking about it.
The more we talk about it, themore people are aware about it,
(05:52):
the less it's going to happen tobe on the stage in one year as
a public speaker.
And in that year I wrote achapter in a book.
I invested in myself, I startedmy business, rolled out some
workshops and now I can say, I'man international bestselling
(06:15):
co-author and an internationalspeaker, as I've spoke in the
that's amazing.
Speaker 1 (06:23):
Look at you rock star .
Look at you badass it is.
And so anybody listening to youright now and they're like
bonnie oh, that's great for you.
But how do I like what was thatturning point like?
How do I dig myself out of thehole that I feel stuck in?
Speaker 2 (06:43):
Well, I went to this workshop and it was mostly about
Brene Brown and Shane and theysaid that you have a lantern and
if you don't follow your values, your flame is out.
And I really looked at that andsaid I don't value someone who
(07:03):
abuses children.
Why would I have a relationshipwith him?
Because I felt like I had toand you know, I've been told you
are the five people you hangaround with.
So I did the hardest thingpossible.
I, I moved, I stopped beingfriends with people that I've
(07:24):
known almost my whole life.
I and I wrote a letter to myparents and said you guys failed
me and I don't need you guys.
I don't need parents that don'tvalue me, because I value
myself.
And yeah, it was hard and Ifelt bad.
(07:46):
I still, to this day, thinklike how are they doing?
But that's their problem,that's not my problem.
So it really really came downto putting myself first, because
you have to.
You owe it to yourself.
Speaker 1 (07:58):
And I love how you talked about before putting
yourself first with addictionand alcohol and stuff.
Speaker 2 (08:03):
But this is a different put yourself first,
you know like first, where youcan help people, also put
themselves first, selfless rightand it's filling your cup with
that positivity.
Speaker 1 (08:18):
To allow that to overflow than putting yourself
first with negative right, likeit's that positive spin on that.
Speaker 2 (08:25):
I used to be so angry and like I can only think that
it's because I had so much shameand anger, like I was cutting
myself, I would cut my hair.
I like I would do all thesecrazy things to hurt myself
because I was hurting.
But now I'm like I'm sograteful to wake up in the
(08:46):
morning.
I'm.
I've never felt more beautifulthan I have in this last year
and a half, where for 35 years Iwas like I'm too fat, I'm too
ugly, I'm not good enough.
You know it was.
I have this voice in the backof my head that says that well,
I named her and I call herBarbara and I literally say shut
(09:07):
up, barbara.
Your opinion is not my problem,you know it really is all about
changing that mindset.
That's awesome.
Yeah, it's.
It's been a really good shiftthat's that's brilliant.
Speaker 1 (09:22):
Really good shift, that's brilliant.
So anybody listening you knowdivas that are listening if
you're sitting in a place offeeling like you're not good
enough, not empowered, thatyou're stuck where you are,
you're never stuck.
That's a mindset.
You always have choices, justlike Bonnie's sharing.
We have choices.
Speaker 2 (09:45):
We all have choices and nothing worthwhile is easy,
right, you know.
But you look at it, you thinkit's easy to just do the same
old, same old.
But it's not.
And when you start taking thesesteps to changing your life
because we all have magic, weall are here for something
bigger you have to dig for it.
And when you actually get toyour why and you know you start
(10:09):
putting the how into effect, itjust becomes second nature,
because courage is contagious,positivity breeds positivity.
All these things, like I don'teven get mad anymore.
I get stressed out and I'm like, okay, I need to take myself
out of the situation.
But I was, for example, I wasin Edmonton and I came home to a
(10:30):
broken window.
I came home to some someshenanigans happened in the
house when I was gone and old mewould have freaked out new me.
I was like I'm glad everybody'sokay, the window can be fixed.
And everybody was like when areyou gonna get mad?
Like I'm not mad, disappointed,you know when, when you're
(10:52):
where I am in life, you canactually differentiate all your
emotions, because anger is nevera primary emotion.
Speaker 1 (11:00):
So it's all figuring out the primary emotion, which
is disappointment, sadness, youknow you can name them now, and
actually it's not all justclumped together in one emotion,
right, yeah?
Speaker 2 (11:13):
there's more than just happy and mad.
What really right?
Yeah, no kidding.
Yeah, so it's been great, youknow, and now my kids like I'm
I'm seeing my kids are happier.
And my daughter makes me theselittle postcards for my room
that say be the, be the personthat you're intended to be and
(11:37):
smile.
And you know, and I'm like, wow, like my 14 year old's picking
up what I'm doing right.
More is caught than taught yeah,because that cycle like I come
from intergenerational trauma,the 60s scoop, residential
schools, lost culture, so likeliterally I ended the cycle and
(11:57):
I'm seeing it now in my childrenand when their children around,
that cycle is going to be done.
Speaker 1 (12:04):
Isn't that amazing how, when you look at the ripple
effect of what you're doing andhow many generations you're
affecting and how many people'slives you're touching that
aren't even born yet, you know,when we take that step into the
journey of transforming ourlives?
Yes, it's challenging, yes it'sdifficult, but, like you said,
(12:25):
the power behind it and thenothing, nothing that's worth
anything major and great isn'tgoing to take some work, but
this is massive.
Like this is generationalchanges that you're doing.
Speaker 2 (12:39):
Yeah, like my, my daughter has no problem talking
about, like everybody knows, mymom was sexually abused.
This is why she does what shedoes.
You know, they're very awarethat there's bad people in the
world.
You know and I'm here to to tryto scratch that surface a
little bit Right, compassion,like I have, compassion for my
(13:03):
parents as well.
Like they, you know what theydid was wrong, but again, it's a
cycle.
Where was it learned from?
Where's the help?
For?
You know, there's help foraddictions from drugs and
alcohol and gambling and sex.
Well, what about?
What about for pedophiles?
Speaker 1 (13:21):
you know, like as a whole, we need to fix it on both
sides yeah, and I think justshining a light on it right to
let people know that it's okayto be fixed.
Speaker 2 (13:35):
You know that it doesn't have to be the rest of
your life yeah, like I went, Iwent from you know drinking and
being like, oh I was abused, andthen poor me, to you know,
empowered and thriving that Iwas abused and I want to stop it
like no more.
So I want to use that story tohelp others open up about it.
(13:57):
So I want to use that story tohelp others open up about it.
You know, not live in thatshame, because that whole
secrecy builds shame and shamekeeps you sick.
Speaker 1 (14:08):
Right, and it creates that disease and dis-ease of
the body and it leads to so manyother things.
Absolutely, and look at thehappiness that now you
experience from stepping out ofthat.
Speaker 2 (14:21):
Yeah, yeah, like I actually want to get out of the
house and take the kids to thelake and go camping.
And before I was just waitingfor every day to end.
Now I'm like the day can't endyet.
I have so much to do.
Speaker 1 (14:39):
That's brilliant, bonnie, that's awesome.
Yeah, so what have youdiscovered about yourself
through this journey, now thatyou know you said you've seen a
shift and you're empowered inyour head what have you seen in
you now that you didn'trecognize before?
Speaker 2 (14:59):
I mean, I always said I was strong, but like that
undoubted strength ofdetermination, you know, not
giving up.
Um, I used to be a quitter,right, I'd start something and
then I wouldn't finish.
I don't know if it was fear ofsuccess or anything.
But now I finish, but on my ownterms, like it's not a race,
(15:24):
and I learned to self-care and,you know, to be a mother, and
communication, I think, is thebiggest one.
I used to be so afraid tocommunicate for fear of people
thinking I was dumb oruneducated or just another
(15:44):
Indian.
You know, that's really what Ithought a lot of people looked
at me as, and now I've learnedthat other people's opinions of
me are their problem.
It's none of my business, right, right, and when I, when I get
rid of that and I just focus onthe people that I surround
myself with, more and morepeople want to surround
(16:05):
themselves with me and you knowso it's like I really like all
the stupid stuff I've done in mypartying days.
I shouldn't be here, but I am,which just shows me that I am
here for something bigger andit's my duty to continue with
that.
Speaker 1 (16:25):
Nice.
That's brilliant.
It's such a huge takeaway forso many people Like divas.
Are you listening?
You are here for a reason, andwe all have purpose and value
and worth, lives that we don'teven recognize sometimes.
(16:53):
I think that because we don'tsee ourselves as special.
And if you don't see yourselfas special, then our perception,
our view of the world is verylimited to what it could be
absolutely.
And so it's that law of mirrors, right reflection that what you
see inside yourself, when youcan get clear and see your
(17:14):
beauty and your amazing, theamazing gifts that you have and
what you have to offer the world, then so shall the world see
that too it's like a movementright.
Speaker 2 (17:26):
The more and more people like join I.
I have a t-shirt line and oneof my best-selling t-shirts is
find your tribe, love them hardand seriously.
Like that tribe is constantlyfilling and I just I inspire
people to let go of things andto move forward and I've seen so
(17:47):
many people transform becauseof my strength and I mean that
just makes it all worth it.
Like if one person listening tothis can say wow and to ditch
their shame and to say I can,then that my job's done Right.
Speaker 1 (18:07):
I love it.
No, that's totally brilliant.
So, bonnie, what's next forBonnie, what's next on your in
your journey?
Speaker 2 (18:16):
Oh, I am writing another chapter in a book, so
it's called Sacred Hearts Rising.
I was in book one, I am nowwriting in book two.
I will be.
I've got I'm booked in Edmontonand Portland coming up, you
know, and really my workshops Iit just kind of fell into my lap
(18:37):
.
I was going to do workshops inmy home for vision boards and it
just I was asked to do it onreserve and I the impact I had
on the youth was eye-opening.
Like when people think they'restuck and secluded, I give hope.
You know that you can move pastpain.
(19:00):
And so now I'm working on a fewdifferent workshops and I'm
going to start building myrelationships.
I actually am going to go toevery reserve and treatment
center, from Hope to NorthVancouver, and build
relationships with them andhopefully get my workshops in
there, and then eventually I'dlove to go Canada wide.
That's awesome.
Speaker 1 (19:23):
I love the vision.
You know that it's not justyou're out of your backyard,
you're out of your.
Know that it's not just you'reout of your backyard, you're out
of your.
You know you're going across.
You know coast to coast.
Speaker 2 (19:36):
You just, you just have to do it like yes.
Some people may say no, butfear, I've learned, is just
excitement and it is.
Speaker 1 (19:46):
It's the same vibration and hearing no.
Speaker 2 (19:50):
Just get to that, one step closer to a yes.
You know you.
You just you need thatconfidence and that confidence
comes with a good try.
You know I really found ifthere's negativity in your life,
get rid of it.
You know, my husband wasnegative.
I had to get rid of him andthat was one of the hardest
(20:13):
things, because we don't want tocommunicate, because sometimes
some of us, like me especiallydon't want to hurt other
people's feelings, but it's aninjustice to everybody involved
not to.
And my life has forever changedin four months since I stood up
and left my relationship.
Speaker 1 (20:33):
I've grown even more as a person it's like you took
the lid off, isn't it yeah?
Speaker 2 (20:39):
totally, totally, instead of living a lie, which a
lot of us do, you know.
Like, don't get me wrong.
I definitely tried everythingto make the relationship work.
But when two people don't evenlook at sobriety the same way, I
mean you're just, it's set upfor failure.
And when I put myself and myvalues first, which is
(21:00):
essentially what you have to do,you come first.
If you are not putting yourselffirst, you cannot put your
children first, you cannot putyour husband first, because
you're, because you need to befirst, and if you're not the
best you, you can't be the bestmom, you can't be the best wife,
you can't be the best friend.
Speaker 1 (21:18):
Right, what a great tip to leave people with.
You know that has been thisjourney today with you, bonnie,
has been absolutely incredibleand getting to know you and
shine a light on your story forall these amazing divas that are
listening.
You guys, if this has touchedyou on any level or you feel
(21:38):
that there's someone that wouldbenefit from hearing Bonnie's
story and her journey, pleaseshare this link and share the
story, the passion that she nowstands on, and to really allow
it to touch as many lives as wecan.
That's why we're here, you know, at the Divas that Care Network
(22:00):
and you know that's why we dothis show.
Phoenix Butterfly Diva Style isreally to allow yourself to fly,
to let go of the past, to letit go and really soar into your
future.
You know, today, this minute,this second is the first minute,
second and day of the rest ofyour life.
(22:20):
So what are you going to dowith it?
I challenge you, divas, whatare you going to do with it?
What's your life going to looklike tomorrow and a week from
now and a month from now?
And it's this change, thisshift, this movement, as Bonnie
talked about, that you choose tostand in right now that will
allow you to make the difference, the difference for the rest of
(22:43):
your life and generations tocome, because it's not that you
that's affected.
It ripples through so many, andmore is caught than taught.
So, bonnie, thank you so muchfor your presence here today on
the call, and for sharing yourstory and standing in your power
and allowing us to touch youand feel your vulnerability for
(23:06):
a moment.
Speaker 2 (23:08):
And thank you for having me.
Speaker 1 (23:09):
Thank you, oh, you're welcome, and I so excited one
day I hope, to have you back onour show and we get to hear all
these exciting new things thatyou have up and coming.
Speaker 2 (23:20):
Absolutely Anytime I'm not going anywhere.
Speaker 1 (23:25):
And for that we're super grateful.
So all divas you know, find uswwwdivasthatcarecom.
Forward, slash Amanda and shareBonnie's story with as many
people as you can, because it isamazing and will touch lives.
So thank you everybody forjoining us.
Take care and bye for now.
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