419: Ask David: Changing an SDB; Intense Public Speaking Anxiety

Ask David

How Can I Change an SDB (Self-Defeating Belief)?

How Can I Cope with Intense Public Speaking Anxiety?

Featuring Rhonda Barovsky, Psy.D., Matthew May, MD,

Jason Meno and David Burns, MD

(Jason is an AI Scientist on our Feeling Great App Team)

1. Anonymous asks: How can I change an SDB (Self-Defeating Belief)?
2. Hiranmay asks: How can I deal with my intense anxiety before public speaking.

Answers to Your Questions

Note: These answers below were written BEFORE the podcast, and the live discussion always adds new and different angles.

Today, Jason Meno, our beloved AI guy on our app team, also chimes in on the many super questions submitted by Andrew (#3 - #10.)

1. Anonymous asks: How can I change an SDB?

Dear Dr. Burns,

I'm an avid listener of the Feeling Good podcast and for the past few weeks, an avid user of the Feeling Great app. Thank you for your incredible work and dedication to making people everywhere feel better about themselves.

I have a question about self-defeating beliefs that I'm hoping you can address, either on the show or on your website. You have mentioned on several occasions that SDBs are the root cause of negative thoughts and consequently of negative feelings.

Yet, to me it doesn't feel like SDBs are really addressed enough on the podcast. There seem to only be a handful of episodes covering the topic. It also seems there is a very limited toolbox of methods to use on SDBs, almost like dealing with them is considered an afterthought. If SDBs really are the cause of it all, shouldn't the primary focus be on defeating them first and only then, on defeating negative thoughts?

I'm just a little bit lost when it comes to defeating SDBs, which seem to be way harder to deal with than negative thoughts. Any insights or thoughts on the subject will be greatly appreciated.

Sincerely,

Anonymous

David's reply

Dear Anonymous,

Will start a new Ask David with your excellent question. Thanks,

david

First, you can look up Self-Defeating Beliefs in the search function on my website, and you'll find many great examples. Here's what I got just from "Self-Defeating Belief." You could also search for a specific type, like Perfectionism, Perceived Perfectionism, Achievement Addiction, Love Addiction, Approval Addiction, Submissiveness, etc.

In general, there are two approaches to any SDB. Four approaches can be used in this order:

1. 1. Do a Cost-Benefit Analysis of the SDB.
   2. If Disadvantages outweigh Advantages, use Semantic Technique to modify the SDB.
   3. Do an experiment to see if the SDB is actually valid.
   4. Use the Feared Fantasy Technique to put the lie to the SDB at the gut level.

Here's our latest thinking, which is a step beyond the four steps above. Do a Daily Mood Log on one specific moment when you were struggling with your SDB. We will discuss these ideas in greater depth on the show, of course!

You can also find a great deal on SDBs in my books, like Feeling Good, the Feeling Good Handbook, and more. But right now, I don't even know what SDB you might want help with / more information about.

Also, in the Feeling Great App, there's a terrific class called "Your PhD in Shoulds." It includes a lesson on perfectionism.

2. Hiranmay asks: How can I deal with my intense anxiety before public speaking without working on the negative thoughts I have afterwards, like

• "I am going to mess this up"
• "People are going to notice something obviously wrong in my presentation that I missed, and I will look like a fool."
• "This talk is important, it must go well!

Here's his email:

Dear Dr. Burns,

I love your books and the feeling good podcast. They have made such a huge difference in my life (in a good way of course).

I have an "ask David" question on acute anxiety:

If I have to play a badminton match or give a presentation, I usually get some or a lot of anxiety the day before the big event as well as the morning of. I then use all the methods you