433: Ask David: Anxiety, Depression, Boring Dates, Scary Thoughts

David, Matt, and Rhonda Answer Your Questions!

1. How can I help my depressed son?

2. What can you do on a boring first date?

3. Are depression and anxiety genetic and hopeless?

4. What do scary, intrusive thoughts mean?

The answers to this week’s questions were written by David prior to the podcast. The live discussions will add greatly to the comments below.

Get consent on first question, or change name. In fact, I’ll just change her name to Henrietta.

1. Henrietta asks how she can help her son who’s been severely depressed for nearly 20 years and rejects all suggestions.
2. Julia asks what to do on a boring first date.
3. Negar asks if anxiety and depression are genetically caused and therefore hopeless .
4. Negar asks about scary intrusive thoughts.

1. Henrietta asks how she can help her son who’s been severely depressed for nearly 20 years and rejects all suggestions.

Dear  Dr David

I discovered you years ago due to my son’s depression.   I purchased your book for him, but he not reading it.  He thinks he is too far gone for any self help and has been on anti depressants for years.

I appreciate all your hard work , the blogs and the app.   I have my hopes up that one day he will listen to you or download the app.   This depression has been going on more than 18 years now.

Do you have any ideas on how I could get him to listen to you on You tube?  God bless you and your team.   Keep  up the good work!

Best  regards

Henrietta

David’s reply

Hi Henrietta,

I’m so sorry he’s struggling. I do have a clear recommendation, clearly spelled out in the podcast of a couple years ago, “How to help. And how NOT to help.” You can easily find it on the list of podcasts on my website.

I’m sure that his depression has been heart-breaking for you. But there is a radically different strategy / direction one can pursue when efforts to “help” are 100% rejected.

LMK if I can use your question on an Ask David podcast. Then you’ll get input from several of us.

Warmly, david

2. Julia asks what to do on a boring first date.

Dear David

Just saw that you published a podcast about how to give negative feedback, absolutely cannot wait to listen to it.

I’m afraid I fall in the category of people who tend omitting opinions and this is going to be of great help!

Now to my question: how do I get more excited in dates with guys ?

I would like to date more and have a more active sexual life but I find myself getting bored in dates and this affects also my libido.

I will have thoughts like:

1. this is boring
2. he is not that attractive
3. I won’t be turned on
4. sex won’t be good

I obviously then don’t end up having sex with the guy and try to have a date with someone else.

In the date I don’t feel anxious but I’m not excited physically and mentally. The anxiety plays a role before I go to the next scheduled dates, because with time I start thinking this feeling of boredom will never go away.

I have tried to work on the thoughts myself with little results and I was wondering if you had any suggestions on how I could be less bored and anxious and enjoy myself.

Thanks you for your answer and your amazing work!

Best wishes,

Julia

David’s Reply

.css-j9qmi7{display:-webkit-box;display:-webkit-flex;display:-ms-flexbox;display:flex;-webkit-flex-direction:row;-ms-flex-direction:row;flex-direction:row;font-weight:700;margin-bottom:1rem;margin-top:2.8rem;width:100%;-webkit-box-pack:start;-ms-flex-pack:start;-webkit-justify-content:start;justify-content:start;padding-left:5rem;}@media only screen and (max-width: 599px){.css-j9qmi7{padding-left:0;-webkit-box-pack:center;-ms-flex-pack:center;-webkit-justify-content:center;justify-content:center;}}.css-j9qmi7 svg{fill:#27292D;}.css-j9qmi7 .eagfbvw0{-webkit-align-items:center;-webkit-box-align:center;-ms-flex-align:center;align-items:center;color:#27292D;}