441: David, Rhonda and Matt Answer Your Questions about Relationships, Dating, and Religion

Ask David

My friend won’t say thank you!

Dating Anxiety

Religion vs. Psychotherapy

We want to remind you about an awesome virtual workshop on habits and addictions that Dr. Jill Levitt and David will be presenting on March 28, 2025 We will feature powerful new paradoxical techniques that will blow your socks off. It will be from 8:30 to 4:30 and you will earn 7 CE credits while having fun and learning how to heal yourself AND you patients. Check it out!

It's less than two weeks away, some check it out while you still have time! You'' LOVE it and LEARN a LOT!

Registration and More Information Here!

As is so often the case, the answers to these questions that appear in the show notes were email replies to the person before the show. To get the full discussion, make sure you listen to the actual podcast, as the answers often evolve in unexpected ways when the “experts” hash it out!

Today’s episode is chock full of personal stories (some racy), expert Five Secrets advice and demonstration,  philosophical / spiritual discussion, and secrets of successful (and racy) dating.

1. Brittany asks: What can I do say to a friend who does not say “thank you” when I pay for our meal or drive a long distance just to see them?

2. Jaydipe asks: How can I get over my anxiety around attractive women?

3. Ali asks: Can religious beliefs cause or intensify feelings of anxiety? (David will talk about the synergies between TEAM CBT and spirituality in all religions. He will also mention the potential antagonisms.)

 

1. Brittany asks: What can I do say to a friend who does not say “thank you” when I pay for our meal or drive a long distance just to see them.

Hello David and Rhonda,

I have a friend who typically does not say thank you to me when I pay for a meal out or drive us a long distance. I am someone who always says thank you even if the other person just bought us $10 worth of fast food or gave a short ride. I find myself feeling resentful towards my friend for not saying anything when I pay and drive us around all day. It makes me feel like they don’t appreciate it.

At the same time, talking about it and sharing my feelings would then feel like I’m asking them to say it, and then it would not feel authentic. I have said something about it in the past, and they were like I’m sorry, thank you. But it didn’t mean much at that point.

Is this one of those annoying traits I just learn to accept?

Thank you,

Brittany

David’s reply

Well, you could just use a gentle I Feel statement, which might be paradoxically stronger, but combined with Stroking. Like this, "Jennie, you know I think the world of you, and greatly enjoy our times together, but when I pay for lunch, or drive a distance to hang out with you, you rarely ever say "thank you," and then I feel hurt and unappreciated." Something like that combines Stroking with I Feel and might be effective. But I always rate myself on what I do, or say, and not so much on how the other person reacts.

You could, perhaps, also ask if they are upset with you about something that they’ve had trouble expressing to you.

Best, david

2. Jaydipe asks: How can I get over my