July 5, 2021 • 49 mins
Alex Iantaffi interviews Precious Brady-Davis to discuss her book "I have always been me: a memoir" and the themes of family, life transitions, healing, faith, and belonging . Precious Brady-Davis is an award-winning diversity advocate, communications professional, and public speaker. She currently serves as the associate regional communications director at the Sierra Club. She served for three years as the assistant director of diversity recruitment initiatives at Columbia College Chicago, her alma mater, implementing the campus-wide diversity initiative and providing leadership and oversight of national diversity recruitment and inclusion policy initiatives. She also served as the youth outreach coordinator at Center on Halsted, the largest LGBTQ community center in the Midwest. During Precious’s tenure, she launched a $1.6 million CDC HIV prevention grant, which provided outreach, education, youth programming, and testing services to over three thousand young African American and Latinx gay, bi, and trans youth. Precious is married to Myles Brady and lives in Hyde Park on the South Side of Chicago, where they are raising their daughter, Zayn. In her free time, she enjoys online shoe shopping, travel, and fine dining with friends. For more information visit www.preciousbradydavis.com.
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Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Intro (00:30):
Everyone has a relationship with gender. What's
your story? Hello and welcome toGender stories with your host,
Dr. Alex Iantaffi.
Alex Iantaffi (00:40):
Hello, and welcome to another episode of
Gender Stories. Dear listeners,I know I'm always excited and
elated but I'm ecstatic todaybecause I'm going to introduce
you to today's interviewee whois Precious Brady Davis, who is
the author of a wonderful memoirthat's coming out on July 1,
2021. I had the privilege toread an advanced readers copy.
(01:02):
And it's fantastic. I can't waitto talk about the book with
Precious. But let me tell youabout Precious first Precious is
an award winning diversityadvocate, communications
professional and public speaker.
She currently serves asAssociate regional
communications director at theSierra Club. She served for
three years as the AssistantDirector of diversity
recruitment initiatives atColumbia College Chicago, her
(01:25):
alma mater, implementing thecampus wide diversity
initiative, and providingleadership and oversight of
national diversity recruitmentand inclusion policy
initiatives. She also served asthe Youth Outreach Coordinator,
a center in Houston, the largestLGBTQ community center in the
Midwest.
(01:45):
During Precious's tenure, shelaunched a 1.6 million CDC HIV
prevention grant, which providedoutreach, education, youth
programming, and testingservices to over 3000 young
African American and Latinx gaybi and trans youth. Precious is
married to Miles Brady and livesin Hyde Park on the south side
of Chicago, where they'reraising their daughter, Day. In
(02:07):
her free time she enjoys onlineshopping, travel, and fine
dining with friends. And formore information, you can look
it up a website, and I'll tellyou where to find Precious
online on the episodedescriptions. But for now,
welcome, Precious. Thank you somuch for agreeing to talk with
me today.
Precious Brady-Davis (02:24):
Hi, Alex.
My pleasure. Thank you so muchfor having me. And for that
wonderful, warm introduction.
Alex Iantaffi (02:31):
Well, I, you know, I feel every piece of that
introduction, you know, from thetitle of your memoir, to every
word that I've read, I reallyfelt moved and drawn in and I
really loved it. So I want tostart by talking about your
book, if that's okay. And I wantto start from the title. I love
that you call your memoir, 'IHave Always Been Me'. I feel
(02:54):
that sometimes cis folks havethis narrative that, you know,
we were somehow different oranother person before we came
out as trans people. And I feellike that title 'I've always
been me' is such an affirmation.
So can you tell our listeners alittle bit about how you came by
that title?
Precious Brady-Davis (03:11):
Yes. So yes, I completely agree with the
same vein of what you're talkingabout here. I wanted people to
know that this is who I havealways been. And especially when
it comes to titles and namingthings, people always want to
(03:31):
have one kind of descriptor. AndI felt like long before I ever
had a description of what I waslong before I knew I was I was a
young, gender non conformingchild who was queering the
space. And there are multipleinstances in the book where I
talk about being a queer child,you know, walking around in my
(03:55):
sister's shoes, you know,matting up the carpet, you know,
playing in the backyardmimicking, you know, Whitney
Houston wearing my sister'sshoes to school. And I really
wanted people to think aboutthat. And you'll notice that in
the end, the book that I writeabout my gender, as a child that
(04:17):
I write, that I was a young boy,because that's the world labeled
me. That's how that is how Inavigated the world. You know,
it was an experience that wasmale, but I knew that I was
gender non conforming, that Iwas gender non conforming and
that I was not a boy. And thereare countless incidents in my
(04:37):
life, where I could look backand say that was a trans moment,
that was gender non conforming,that was trans. That was me
queering the space and and so Iwanted people to know that I've
always been this person andthere's also something about the
current iteration of my life,that in this current phase,
(05:00):
time, and place, one could lookat my life and see that I'm
blessed. You know, I'm married,you know, I'm a mom, I have a
wonderful career. But I'vealways been this person. And
this is the outwardmanifestation.
My whole life, I've been workingto create this, in every season
(05:21):
of my life, I have shown up, Ihad been passionate, I have been
involved in social activism,activism, and social justice.
This is just not something new.
And I think a lot of people, youknow, due to social media, you
know, get involved, you know, inthe nonprofit world now and feel
like they have to be committedto an issue. But I think the
record shows that I've alwaysbeen committed to justice. I've
(05:45):
always been an energetic,passionate person. And so I
really wanted that to comeacross that this is the person
that I always have been that Ihaven't just arrived. That's,
that's not what that what thisis. And I think, like you said,
I think for so many transpeople, I think people say, 'Oh
(06:07):
when did you wake up and have arealization, you know, that you
were trans?' No, I've alwaysbeen this person.
Alex Iantaffi (06:17):
I love that, because I really got this sense
when I was reading the book. Andeven though like, our life
experiences are so different,you know, I was brought up in
Italy, a completely differentcountry and a different time,
because I think, from thereferences in the book, I'm
probably quite a bit older thanyou, because I'm 50. You know,
so we were brought up atdifferent times different
places, but there were so manymoments of restaurants, around
(06:39):
that passion that you talkabout. And I love that in the
book, for example, you talkabout your passion, even with
church, you know, and beingengaged in youth ministry, while
also, you know, coming into adifferent kind of passion by
going to the any town we can,for example, right. All those
kind of different ways in whichpassion is stirring up all
(07:00):
throughout kind of yourchildhood, and then your
adolescence, you know, and soon, and so on. And, and I love
that there are so many momentsof transition that you talk
about, this is not just aboutgender transition, but also
transitioning from home to homefor you because you had many
homes growing up due to quitechallenging and traumatic, I
(07:22):
would say circumstances.
And you talk about kind oftransitions from for example,
when you're adopted by yourgrandparents, right, going from
being a Holbert, Jr. to a Davis,right. And now this moment of
transition, and one could saytransformation, or both the loss
and the gain or loss ofsomething and again, of
(07:44):
something, the end of somethingin the beginning of something.
Yeah. Tell me more about how didyou experience that, as you were
writing, writing about all thesedifferent transitions that were
so much bigger than gender, eventhough gender was also woven
throughout?
Precious Brady-Davis (07:59):
Yes, I think you hit it on the nail is
my whole life has been atransition. I have always been
in transition. And I've been inin flux. You know, there hasn't
been sturdy ground under neathme, there were times where I
created transition for myself,and times where transition was
(08:22):
forced upon me. And as I look atit, as an adult, I think it's
made me a better human being. Itmakes me understand the
experiences of multipleindividuals, like you talked
about my faith community, Iunderstand what it is to grow up
(08:43):
in a Christian environment. Iunderstand what it is to be a
foster kid. I understand what itis to be biracial in the world.
And I think it's only added tomy multitude of experiences of
how I see the world. And Ithink, in the book, I tried to
(09:06):
lay it out as a sense of this iswhat happened.
And I showed up, and I didn't, Ididn't in the book, I didn't
want to because one might saywhen that when they're writing
their memoirs, they wanted it,they want it to be super clean,
you know, and it's so up anddown, because that's what
(09:27):
happened to me. Like in my life,I had a very, you know,
tumultuous childhood. And Ireally just wanted to lean into
showing up and when it comes totrauma, often it's how we
respond to it. And I in thebook, I talk about refusing to
(09:49):
be made less then because I amexperiencing trauma my whole
life. I've always claimed myvoice and spoken out and claimed
my space. Even in a time whenothers tried to rob me of that
voice when I was in transition,and it was through the wielding
(10:10):
of my voice where I found afoundation, when so much was in
flux, I think it was, there wasan inner resilience and optimism
that that guided me. And I knownot everyone has that. For me,
it is one of my gifts and, and Iknow that.
Alex Iantaffi (10:30):
I think that gift was really shining beautifully
throughout all of the pages,right? Whenever you talk about
so many challenging moments oflike you said, some of the
change that was really pushed onyou, in a lot of ways even going
to kindergarten, right andmoving from like the... Was it
(10:50):
the morning to the afternoonshift where you find, you know,
going from mostly being withblack and brown kids, to being
with like, white kids andstarting to have that feeling
that hang on a minute. Who am Ias a biracial person, right,
which, of course, as akindergartener is now like,
you're going to express it inkind of the terminology that we
might as adults, but you had thelived moment of kind of this
(11:13):
feeling and otherness that youtalk about throughout the book.
And so you have both this, thisbeautiful guiding resilience,
but also this feeling ofotherness that you encounter, I
think, throughout the book, fromthat very vivid moment of the
kindergarten change and thekindergarten shift all through.
How do you feel now in relationto this feeling of otherness if
(11:36):
it's okay to ask?
Precious Brady-Davis (11:37):
Please, please. In the in that moment,
and that, and that story, ingeneral, it is my first feeling
otherness, of standing with mybiracial grandparents, you know,
and telling my kindergartenteacher that I had been adopted,
that I felt very vulnerable,knowing, you know, that, that
(12:00):
these weren't my birth parents,like, I knew that, and I was in
front of like, a room of brownfaces. And it was very different
from the morning class, whichwas white kids, you know, and I
grew up, you know, and I talkabout throughout the book, you
know, that my grandmother was,you know, a very strong, you
(12:21):
know, religious woman, and a lotof her whiteness, you know, I
could see how her whiteness,even though, you know, her
children, her grandchildren, aswell as her as her husband was a
man of color, that it showed theways that it shaped my
relationship, to race, you know,in the world.
(12:45):
And looking back at that scene,I really see as a kid, of how it
shaped my perception of howother kids would like view me
through my entire life. And Ithought, with accepting my
blackness, as a child, you know,because I wanted to, I didn't
(13:09):
want to be other. And I feltlike I had already was, I had
already, you know, was being,you know, pushed out there and
already stuck up because I wasadopted. And because I had
changed my name, you know,normal kindergarteners don't go
through full name changes. Andso I had to tell my teacher, and
that's a big thing. You know, inkindergarten, your name is
(13:31):
written across your desk. Soit'd be it became a thing that
my name was changed and that Iwas adopted. And it took many
years, for me to process thatexperience. Because I saw the
faces of the young people of mypeers, looking at me as I was
(13:52):
standing and having to bringthis information back to my
kindergarten teacher. And thatwas something that traveled with
me. For much of my childhood, Ialways knew that I was others
that I was different. And peoplemade sure to let me know of it.
I talked about in the book. WhenI was in fourth grade, people
(14:16):
would ask me, 'Are you gay?' Ididn't even know what gay meant.
I didn't. It was before I evenknew what the word gay men and
as I continued growing up, and Iwas in seventh grade, I talked
about this in the book as well.
People would ridicule me andpeople would mock me, you know,
and my stomach would be inknots. So the feeling of
(14:38):
otherness was something thattraveled with me through my
entire childhood throughadolescence.
Alex Iantaffi (14:48):
Absolutely, and we should probably say for the
listeners as well, that you werebrought up in Nebraska, right?
Precious Brady-Davis (14:55):
Yeah
Alex Iantaffi (14:56):
So not all lot of kind of biracial gender non
conforming, gender expansivekids around you, I'm assuming in
all of those different contexts.
So. And, you know, there's somuch joy and resilience in the
book. And there's also a lot oftrauma. You know, there's your
trauma, this alsointergenerational trauma here
and there, you know, like,talking about what you find out
(15:18):
about your grandparent and yourgrandmother and all the
different family relationshipsand and how was it for you to
write this book, it could nothave been easy. And I know you
say a little bit about therewere definitely moments that
were painful, and theintroduction of the book, but
how was this process of reallyexcavating your life, almost
like an archaeology, kind ofgoing back in history in your
(15:41):
mind and those painfulexperiences?
Precious Brady-Davis (15:46):
It was, it was so hard to do. But I knew
that I needed to do it, becauseI wanted to claim my healing.
And this book wasn't aboutanyone else. To be honest,
people can write the book,however they want, and people
and people will, and I hopepeople enjoy it. But it is a
(16:09):
testament of resilience. It is atestament of survival that I
that I made it out of all ofthis trauma. You know, I talk
about my brother in the book,you know, in peril that my
brother has dealt with, youknow, being, you know,
incarcerated and all of thetraumas that he has experienced.
(16:30):
It is a miracle of resiliencethat I have survived all of
that. I think also, as a personof color, we often are told to
not talk about our pain, wherewe're told to, to hold these
family secrets, and they staywithin the house.
(16:51):
And for me, that's like poison.
You know, it's like poisonwithin my blood, all of this
trauma percolating. And for mewriting this book, I felt like I
was canceling a generationalcurse, that I said, it's time to
end this curse of trauma. Youall have passed down this trauma
for generations, because no onewants to talk about their
(17:15):
feelings. No one wants to talkabout the truth. And so this
book is about the truth. Thisbook is my truth. It's my
family's truth. And I bare mysoul for my family sake to say,
the curse stops now, no moresecrets, we need to heal. And
it's not just about everyoneelse's healing. It's about my
(17:39):
healing. This book is about mebeing free. This book is about
my mental health, you know, and,and so many people say some
people, they say, you know, thisis about the child and me, this
is not about the child and me,this is about the woman and to
me. To become the woman that Iwant to be, I don't want to
(18:00):
carry around the heaviness ofthat trauma and pain. And for
me, this is spiritual, this iswhat spirituality is, to me.
Some people might say that goingto church, you know, or going to
yoga, that that is what feedstheir soul.
(18:22):
This fed my soul, to close thedoor, and to go inward with my
story. And, and myself, youknow, and there are things in
the book that I don't share,that I felt were too traumatic
to share. And I never want topass on my trauma for just
(18:43):
trauma sake, that's not what Iwanted to do. Everything that I
tell in the book that istraumatic, I tell because I
think someone else has gonethrough that. And I think it's
important to shed light on onissues of abuse, on issues of
being a foster kid, of beingadopted, of being given up
(19:05):
because you are queer. Those arevery real things and issues that
color your entire life. And forme, those are things that I
carried with me for many years.
And so I wanted to lay them torest and to kind of give them
you know, a capstone because Ifeel like I have survived them.
(19:28):
And in order to be the wife thatI want to be, to be the mother
that I want to be, I need to beas healed as I can be.
Alex Iantaffi (19:41):
I love that andI really found that when I was
reading the book, I didn't youknow, there are traumatic
moments, but that healing thatyou talk about really does come
through you know, as it neverfeels gratuitous. It never
feels... I don't know, justcathartic putting it out there
(20:04):
for the sake of putting it outthere, it feels transformative,
you know. And when you weretalking about breaking the
curse, I was like tearing up,because you know, I was brought
up in a culture, you need toleave, especially southern
Italy, we say like the dirty,you wash the dirty laundry in
the family. You know, of course,that in Italian, not in English,
but basically the meaning islike you don't talk about things
(20:26):
that are happening within yourfamily outside. And that
fostered so much abuse, youknow, in my family growing up
and intergenerationally.
And, you know, being that personin the family that says no more,
I'm not going to be silent, I'mnot going to keep this under
wraps, right. It's amazing. AndI really felt that when I was
reading your book, and like Isaid, totally different
(20:48):
backgrounds and experiences, butI felt that kind of, I felt that
resonance, you know, maybebecause I was also brought up in
our faith. You know, like aChristian, the Christian and I
love when you talk about yourexperiences with church, and
even your relationship withspirit comes through the book,
you know, I don't know if you'dagree with that, but definitely
(21:09):
have felt that you have a veryalive relationship with spirit.
Precious Brady-Davis (21:13):
Yes, that means so much to me. That is,
that's what this book is about.
This book is it's making me cry,because this book is a soul
journey. And I think that somany of us need to become
attuned to soul. You know,there's so many things that
like, weigh us down. And part ofthis book was about my spiritual
(21:36):
health. And like I said, somepeople go to church, but for me,
like, I want to speak to mysoul, like, I want to tend to it
and I want to make sure thatit's not grieved, that it's not
sick. You know, and that is agreat part of what this journey
is. And there were there weresome times where I had to stop.
(21:57):
When I was writing this book, Iwas on deadlines, I did not
care. I did not, I said, 'I'msorry, I need a break. Like I
need my soul'. Like what I justlike went through the beginning
of the book. You know, becausethere are many things that I
recalled, you know, growing upas a foster kid, but there were
(22:17):
many things that I did notremember. And it occurred to me
as I was writing it, I was like,I was awarded the state. All of
this is on record somewhere. Andlay and behold, I reached out to
the state of Nebraska. And Iasked them to send me the
(22:38):
records. And they did. And thatwas one of the most painful
things that I have ever lived inmy life, to read 300 pages of
case notes about things that Inever would have known when I
was a baby, you know, and tofind out what my biological
mother was going through.
(23:02):
And I think that is the thingthat I'm most grateful about
this process, that I feel thatwe now have a relationship. I
don't know where thatrelationship will go. But I feel
it has at least made meunderstand why, like I was given
up that she herself was dealingwith a mental health issue. And
(23:23):
I never would have known that,if I had not written this book.
I just said, Oh, she just gaveus up. You know, she wasn't
doing her job. She justabandoned us. And it gave me a
completely new understanding ofher and understanding that
(23:44):
generational trauma is so, I'mso glad that I did that. And
something that I also wanted toput in the book, you know,
because, you know, like yousaid, like, in reading the book,
you see that I was deeplyinvolved in church growing up.
And I loved, I found and itwasn't necessarily the the
(24:09):
spirit, you know, God like inthe place, I found spirit in the
music.
Alex Iantaffi (24:15):
Yes.
Precious Brady-Davis (24:16):
And in the fanfare, that was the way that I
responded in to the pianomelodies, to the hug, the
connection, that humanconnection is what spoke to me
and is what has remained, evenafter the oppressive factors
that I dealt with. And so forme, that feels like spirituality
(24:42):
to me, and I kept that and Ireally wanted that to resonate
in the book because I thinksometimes people think about
trans folks in just a secularway that 'oh, let's not have you
know, any kind of spiritualpractice or relationship with
with higher being'. And for me,I feel the very act of
(25:05):
transition in itself is aspiritual act.
Alex Iantaffi (25:09):
Yes.
Precious Brady-Davis (25:11):
I don't think people see that way from
the outside. But there is thisrelationship to self of self
awareness that one must gothrough and travail to arrive at
a point of transition. Whiletransition is always inevitable
that we're always transitioningto something. And I really
(25:34):
wanted that to come across inthe book.
Alex Iantaffi (25:38):
I really think it does, you know, you said it's a
soul journey, but also feelslike a spiritual quest to
yourself. And to home and tofamily, right? There is so much
about family in the book, I feellike it's such a big part of the
focus, but not just kind offamily of origin. But also what
does family mean, you know, whenyou, for example, are fostered
(26:00):
by the the youth ministers wasat the lobs, for example, for a
period of time. And then as youmove towards creating your own
family, you know, towards theend of the book, and family is
such a focus. What was it? Whatis it what is possible? And I
think it spoke to me becauseagain, sometimes the trans folks
we're seen as it's like, littleindividual boxes orunits and
(26:25):
there is this yearning forconnection, this yearning for
love and acceptance, thisyearning for really, for family,
what does family mean to younow? After not only you've gone
through this journey, but alsothe journey of writing about
family so much throughout thisbook, if that makes sense?
Precious Brady-Davi (26:47):
Absolutely.
It was so hard for me, becausefamily to me has been such a
broken place in my life. Andthere were so many moments
where, there were some timeswhere I would be waiting for mom
to call me during the process.
(27:08):
And that wasn't going to happen.
That's never happened my entirelife. You know, I yearned for
parental connection, even duringthis process. And it became this
other final moment of healing,of letting go, of also realizing
people can't give you what theydon't have.
Alex Iantaffi (27:36):
Yeah.
Precious Brady-Davis (27:37):
And I think that was a place that I
arrived in the book as I was, asI began to excavate, and think
about the ways in which peoplewere treating me and the things
that people were saying to me.
They didn't have the knowledge,they didn't have the emotional
capacity, the emotional depth,they didn't have their own
(27:59):
coping mechanisms to navigatetrauma.
And I think it bred forgivenessin in me, and why there may be
some relationships that willforever be fractured. That's
fine. I'm the one who is healed.
I'm healed. I can move on. And Ican be a mom to my daughter, and
(28:23):
in knowing that the cycle oftrauma stops there. That I
wanted to create space, to love,to love honestly, and to love
wholly and unconditionally, youknow, because throughout my
(28:45):
life, I've known love withlimits.
Alex Iantaffi (28:48):
Yes.
Precious Brady-Davis (28:49):
So many times, it is a love but limits
like, if you do this, if you dothis, you must be this or this
or this or this, to receive mylove. And so I unbeknownst to
me, I did not plan it this waythat I would become a mom while
writing this book. That was nothow... It just so happened. When
(29:13):
I after we had seen I was like,Whoa, I was like this is crazy.
But I was like this is theending of the book.
Alex Iantaffi (29:20):
Talk about a soul journey.
Precious Brady-Davis (29:22):
I was like whoa, like the ending of this
book. And to me becoming a mom.
Like this is wild, you know itjust like yeah, it shows you the
soul journey that that we allhave the opportunity to take
when we really lean into ourtruth and authenticity of who we
(29:43):
are. I've always been a mom.
I've always been nurturing youknow. You see it earlier from me
teaching the Sunday school toworking with youth that the the
scent on Hostin like this is theperson that I've always have
been. And it just has morphedinto a new entity. And I hope
(30:07):
that that teaches people to lookat their life and look at the
places where we see patterns.
Sometimes we don't look at thepatterns in our lives, we don't
stop and see the connection. Andso it's certainly been a journey
of healing.
(30:30):
And I also have to say that myhusband has been a great part of
that, you know, his family. Imarried into the most beautiful
black family, like as such agift of just black
professionals, unconditionallove. It's polar opposite, to
(30:51):
the way that I grew up. And Ijust feel so blessed and
humbled. You know, there arecountless foster kids who don't
get that love, and who spend alifetime trying to find that
kind of acceptance. And I hopethat's something that we start
(31:12):
to examine, and try to bridgemore of the divide. As you know,
people read the book, I wantedto really hone a light in on
that. I don't think people talkabout that enough. You know,
what does it mean to be given upby your birth parents? What does
it mean to feel abandoned, thattravels with you your entire
(31:34):
life, to not feel wanted, that'sa heavy feeling.
Alex Iantaffi (31:40):
And you have that moment repeatedly in the like,
this doesn't happen to you justonce you don't like it happens
more than once. And yet. Onething that also shines
throughout the book is that eventhough as you were experiencing
rejection again and again, byfamily or other folks who said
(32:02):
they were family and take careof you growing up, that you have
this accepting loving spirittowards your peers, towards your
siblings, towards your fosterfamily. You know, trying to give
your best trying to supporttrying to nurture, like you
said, you know, you've alwaysbeen this nurturing person and
really comes across in the book.
And I wonder what, and maybe itis just kind of who you are.
(32:26):
What enabled you to keep givingthat love and acceptance and
support, even as you wereexperiencing it being so limited
when it was towards you? If thatmakes sense.
Precious Brady-Davis (32:41):
Yeah, no, it does. For one. I've always
had the mindset of, there'ssomething else on the other
side. This too shall pass. Like,I know that things happen for a
season. I at least knew thatsomething better could come. And
(33:04):
that I was willing to... I waswilling to persevere through
through nightmares, that therewould be nightmares. But I knew
that on the other side that Iwould find joy because I always
did. In every situation. Therewas a way for me to find
community. When I was livingwith the loves, I found
(33:25):
community amongst the mostbeautiful beatnik folk of
theater people. I like found mytribe, you know, and if I
wouldn't have gone to live witha loves that would not have
happened.
You know, when I was living withmy grandfather, I learned a lot
(33:46):
about production. He was aconcert promoter. And in my life
today, and I do keynotespeaking, you know, and I'm a
personality, and I get that fromhim. So I think I leaned on a
lot of the good the good piecesin those situations. And I do
(34:10):
have a strong faith. I do have avery strong belief in faith. And
I would say back then it was avery centric Pentecostal faith.
You know, church was veryinvolved. I was very involved in
church in my life. And I thinkthat created a strong basis in
(34:32):
my life of communicating withGod as of leaving things at the
altar. That's what it was backthen I would leave things it was
it was a kind of therapy. Iwould leave things and then I
would move on to the next thingbut I tell you, when I speak at
colleges, the number onequestion that I get people say
(34:57):
to me, why are you sooptimistic?
That is the number one question.
And let me tell you, it's alwaysthe first question. Like after I
speak. And I can't I don't havean answer. The only answer I
have to that is, it is part ofmy nack of skills that I just,
(35:18):
you know, live on the brightside of things. And I think also
like that has been my mechanismof survival.
Alex Iantaffi (35:32):
Yeah.
Precious Brady-Davis (35:33):
Because I don't even want to think about
what the outcome could havebeen. If I would have not had
that mindset, I see whereseveral of my siblings are, and
what roads that has led themdown. And I am just grateful.
(35:57):
And I hope that encouragespeople, sometimes we have to sit
in our situations and say, thiswill pass, this will pass and I
will do everything within mypower to make it work. And also,
I think there were times where Iknew that I didn't have the
(36:17):
power. And I have always notbeen unashamed to to reach out
and to tell the truth. And Ithink that's really important of
saying, This isn't working. Thisisn't working right now. And
something needs to change. And Ithink that that's still that has
stuck with me, even till thisday.
Alex Iantaffi (36:41):
I love that. That is so beautiful, both kind of
the. And that's not just aboutoptimism, again, it's about
connection, right? It's aboutthat not being afraid to reach
out and connect, and figure outwho can give support. And who
can kind of see that you're notalone in this journey. I love
all of that. And speaking ofwhich, you know, when I was when
(37:04):
I started reading the book, Iwas taken right from the
beginning, because you got asentence, I think it's in your
in your prologue that I loved.
And you say, I offer my story ofhardship and healing as a vision
of the way through. There islove, whatever that means to
you. On the other side, ifyou're willing to claim who you
(37:25):
are, stand up for yourself anddo what it takes to create it.
And ah. Even now I feel likereading that sentence. I was
like, that got me right at thebeginning of the book. And and
so who is your ideal reader? Iknow you wrote this book for you
and for your healing and foryour own kind of your own soul
(37:46):
journey, that there is a messageabout that love is possible,
whatever that means to us,right? And what would you
ideally like your readers to getout of your book? And who are
your ideal readers, so to speak,if there is an ideal reader?
Precious Brady-Davis (38:08):
Yeah, yeah. So in terms of ideal
readers, something that I wasthinking about when I was
writing this book. One of mysisters and I are estranged Nina
and I, and I write about her inthe book. And I don't write
about her from a place ofmalice. I write about her about
(38:33):
a place of two siblings whodon't understand, who don't
understand each other. And so, Ihope it inspires people who have
differences. And we may neverhave a relationship in this
life. And I'm okay with that,like this book has made that
possible. So people who aremaybe disconnected from family
(38:59):
members, people who arestruggling with faith, you know.
I like I said, I struggled inthat Pentecostal community for
so long. And I felt that myconnection to God would cease if
I was a queer person. So peoplewho are struggling with their
faith, foster kids who arelooking to feel love and think
(39:24):
about what is going to happen.
On the other side.
That's why it was so importantfor me in the book to dialogue
about my academic journey. Myacademic journey was not a
perfect journey, whatsoever. Ishare the ups and downs of that,
but being educated that wasimportant to me, you know, and I
(39:48):
didn't have perfect grades inhigh school. And so I had to go
to a community college to getinto a university and I want
young people to be inspired bythat sometimes. Is your fall
down. But there is hope. On theother side, I talk about my
romantic relationships in thebook. Sometimes we as queer and
(40:11):
trans folks, we think that noone is going to love us. And
this book, it becomes a lovestory, ultimately, and talk
about creating family and, andfinding home. Folks who are
looking for home. There are somany individuals who are looking
(40:32):
to find home in the world, andare looking for stability. This
book is about home, this book isa, it's a home for me.
And when I think about theconstituencies that I'm
connected to. Just this week,folks who have pre ordered the
(40:56):
book of this thing, who who hasbeen posting, I mean, I know
women who are white Republicans,to a woman in Kenya, you know,
to a Jewish woman in Israel, itis just so vast that people are
(41:17):
telling me that it's speaking tothem. And so I think that you, I
think you already hit the nailthat this story is about human
connection. And I think thatthere are so many themes that
can resonate with folks. Andlike you said, the theme of
(41:37):
family is in this book, youknow, I talked about when I went
to go live with the loves. Ithought that they were the
perfect family.
Alex Iantaffi (41:47):
Yes.
Precious Brady-Davis (41:48):
As I had grown up in this biracial
family, and I said, 'oh, all Ihave to do is get away from this
family, and life is gonna beperfect'. But then I went on the
other side and saw that allfamilies have some kind of
trauma. And I didn't know that.
I thought it was just ourfamily, alone. But then I found
chosen family, and the power ofcreating family of I curated
(42:14):
people around me, who becamefamily to me when I had no one
else. And, yeah, I want thisbook to there are so many
constituencies who I want toread this book, I almost asked
my publisher to release thisbook at Christmas.
(42:38):
Because that, that, that verytraumatic story that happened to
me as a child, which traveledwith me for many years. And I
probably think about thatincident every day of my life.
And it colored the ways in whichI viewed holidays. I couldn't, I
(43:04):
couldn't celebrate Christmas foryears. Even as I got married,
probably the first two years ofour marriage, I could not have a
grand Christmas. I becamedepressed and just very
reserved, and like wanting to bealone. And with withdrew from
family and like literally wantedto be just kind of sulking in
(43:27):
the dark, and just like relivingthe trauma of that incident.
But now I go all out onChristmas. Like I have been able
to create new traditions. And sofolks who are struggling, I know
lots of people deal with thingsaround the holiday times, you
(43:48):
know, folks who have passedaway, you know, or divorces or
COVID-19. Like all of thesethings, you know, holidays can
be so hard. And so I want folkswho want to heal, to read this
book I want folks to be and thisis a conversation. You know,
(44:10):
this doesn't. This just isn'tabout my journey. I hope folks
look at their lives and seeplaces in which they need to
heal and say things that need tobe spoken aloud.
Alex Iantaffi (44:24):
I love that. I love the said this book is a
love story because I think it isbut it's not just a love story
because of where it ends. Butit's a love story throughout of
how you keep coming back to youand loving yourself and loving
those around you. Even thoughthey're so imperfect and
gathering your family of choice,right? It's this much larger
(44:45):
love that is not just aboutromantic level though. I'm so
glad that you found thisbeautiful romantic love. But
it's so much more than aboutromantic love. I think the love
that you speak out in the bookand so I'm so grateful for that.
Precious Brady-Davis (44:57):
Thank you.
Yeah, it's a love of self. Itwas a self journey. There were
times in this book that I wasnot loving myself. But I came to
a place where I could, if Ididn't go through those
experiences, I don't think thatI would be who I am. Today, I'm
so glad that that I did. Youknow, I write about working in
(45:23):
the Chicago nightclubs, thatthat nearly took me out. You
know, because I was, living inthis big city where I was a
little girl who came from Omaha,Nebraska, but a little Nebraska
mentality. And the Chicago girlsare like, we will spit you up
and eat you out. And so yeah,this book is, it's a love story
(45:47):
of, self. And, yeah, I'm so gladthat I wrote it.
Alex Iantaffi (45:58):
I'm so glad you wrote it too, because I think
that even though you, talk toyour experiences, which is
uniquely your own, and yet itfeels so universal. I am not
surprised that people fromacross the globe are resonating
with it, because it truly hassome messaging that feels so
core to humans around love andbelonging and family. I could
(46:22):
keep talking about this. And wehaven't even touched on so many
other aspects of your life thatwe could be talking about. But I
want to be respectful of yourtime for today. And, and I
wonder if there is anything thatwe haven't talked about that you
would really like to share withthe gender stories, listeners?
Any messages or call to action,or anything that you were hoping
(46:44):
we would talk about that wedidn't get to?
Precious Brady-Davis (46:47):
I think we covered a lot. I think we made
great ground. But I just want toreiterate that we are all in
transition. And no one personhas arrived, that we are always
learning and we should, weshould always be learning about
(47:08):
ourselves so that we can reachhigher states of consciousness,
higher states of healing, sothat we can show up more
authentically in the world. Andlastly, I just want to say,
don't let others prescribe toyou who you are. Because for so
(47:29):
many years, I let other peopletell me what I was. And the
moment I decided to step out,close the door and say this is
who I am. You know, there's amoment in the book, you know,
when I have my the start of mydrag career. And I have the
(47:52):
opportunity to rename myselfclaiming space names speak to
identity names speak to origin,of literally rewriting my own
origin story in this moment andsaying, Precious is my name. And
when you look at the meaning ofmy dead name, it means gift from
(48:15):
God. And so rewriting thenarrative of, I am something of
rare value. I am exquisite. Andpeople need to know that they
are exquisite. They areprecious. There are so many
people who have been cast asidebecause they are other because
(48:38):
they are different, because theyare not heterosexual cisgender
because of patriarchy in theworld. And I'm here to tell
people that they belong and thatthey matter.
Alex Iantaffi (48:54):
Thank you. What a beautiful beautiful message to
leave our listeners with andgear gender stories, listeners.
You can pre order PreciousDavis, 'I Have Always Been Me' a
memoir is being published by, Ithink it's topple press right
your publisher?
Precious Brady-Davis (49:11):
Amazon publishing.
Alex Iantaffi (49:13):
Excellent. And you can preorder it already and
then it will be in your hands byJuly 1, and it's absolutely
worth it. Whatever your genderidentity or experiences are. I
think you'll find something inthis book that's for you. And
thank you so much. Precious hasbeen so wonderful to spend this
time with you. I have so muchgratitude for every word that
(49:36):
you've put down in this book andthey you've spoken with me
today. So thank you for yourtime.
Precious Brady-Davis (49:41):
Thank you so much. I greatly appreciate
you having me.
Everyone has a relationship with gender. What's
your story? Hello and welcome toGender stories with your host,
Dr. Alex Iantaffi.
Alex Iantaffi (00:40):
Hello, and welcome to another episode of
Gender Stories. Dear listeners,I know I'm always excited and
elated but I'm ecstatic todaybecause I'm going to introduce
you to today's interviewee whois Precious Brady Davis, who is
the author of a wonderful memoirthat's coming out on July 1,
2021. I had the privilege toread an advanced readers copy.
(01:02):
And it's fantastic. I can't waitto talk about the book with
Precious. But let me tell youabout Precious first Precious is
an award winning diversityadvocate, communications
professional and public speaker.
She currently serves asAssociate regional
communications director at theSierra Club. She served for
three years as the AssistantDirector of diversity
recruitment initiatives atColumbia College Chicago, her
(01:25):
alma mater, implementing thecampus wide diversity
initiative, and providingleadership and oversight of
national diversity recruitmentand inclusion policy
initiatives. She also served asthe Youth Outreach Coordinator,
a center in Houston, the largestLGBTQ community center in the
Midwest.
(01:45):
During Precious's tenure, shelaunched a 1.6 million CDC HIV
prevention grant, which providedoutreach, education, youth
programming, and testingservices to over 3000 young
African American and Latinx gaybi and trans youth. Precious is
married to Miles Brady and livesin Hyde Park on the south side
of Chicago, where they'reraising their daughter, Day. In
(02:07):
her free time she enjoys onlineshopping, travel, and fine
dining with friends. And formore information, you can look
it up a website, and I'll tellyou where to find Precious
online on the episodedescriptions. But for now,
welcome, Precious. Thank you somuch for agreeing to talk with
me today.
Precious Brady-Davis (02:24):
Hi, Alex.
My pleasure. Thank you so muchfor having me. And for that
wonderful, warm introduction.
Alex Iantaffi (02:31):
Well, I, you know, I feel every piece of that
introduction, you know, from thetitle of your memoir, to every
word that I've read, I reallyfelt moved and drawn in and I
really loved it. So I want tostart by talking about your
book, if that's okay. And I wantto start from the title. I love
that you call your memoir, 'IHave Always Been Me'. I feel
(02:54):
that sometimes cis folks havethis narrative that, you know,
we were somehow different oranother person before we came
out as trans people. And I feellike that title 'I've always
been me' is such an affirmation.
So can you tell our listeners alittle bit about how you came by
that title?
Precious Brady-Davis (03:11):
Yes. So yes, I completely agree with the
same vein of what you're talkingabout here. I wanted people to
know that this is who I havealways been. And especially when
it comes to titles and namingthings, people always want to
(03:31):
have one kind of descriptor. AndI felt like long before I ever
had a description of what I waslong before I knew I was I was a
young, gender non conformingchild who was queering the
space. And there are multipleinstances in the book where I
talk about being a queer child,you know, walking around in my
(03:55):
sister's shoes, you know,matting up the carpet, you know,
playing in the backyardmimicking, you know, Whitney
Houston wearing my sister'sshoes to school. And I really
wanted people to think aboutthat. And you'll notice that in
the end, the book that I writeabout my gender, as a child that
(04:17):
I write, that I was a young boy,because that's the world labeled
me. That's how that is how Inavigated the world. You know,
it was an experience that wasmale, but I knew that I was
gender non conforming, that Iwas gender non conforming and
that I was not a boy. And thereare countless incidents in my
(04:37):
life, where I could look backand say that was a trans moment,
that was gender non conforming,that was trans. That was me
queering the space and and so Iwanted people to know that I've
always been this person andthere's also something about the
current iteration of my life,that in this current phase,
(05:00):
time, and place, one could lookat my life and see that I'm
blessed. You know, I'm married,you know, I'm a mom, I have a
wonderful career. But I'vealways been this person. And
this is the outwardmanifestation.
My whole life, I've been workingto create this, in every season
(05:21):
of my life, I have shown up, Ihad been passionate, I have been
involved in social activism,activism, and social justice.
This is just not something new.
And I think a lot of people, youknow, due to social media, you
know, get involved, you know, inthe nonprofit world now and feel
like they have to be committedto an issue. But I think the
record shows that I've alwaysbeen committed to justice. I've
(05:45):
always been an energetic,passionate person. And so I
really wanted that to comeacross that this is the person
that I always have been that Ihaven't just arrived. That's,
that's not what that what thisis. And I think, like you said,
I think for so many transpeople, I think people say, 'Oh
(06:07):
when did you wake up and have arealization, you know, that you
were trans?' No, I've alwaysbeen this person.
Alex Iantaffi (06:17):
I love that, because I really got this sense
when I was reading the book. Andeven though like, our life
experiences are so different,you know, I was brought up in
Italy, a completely differentcountry and a different time,
because I think, from thereferences in the book, I'm
probably quite a bit older thanyou, because I'm 50. You know,
so we were brought up atdifferent times different
places, but there were so manymoments of restaurants, around
(06:39):
that passion that you talkabout. And I love that in the
book, for example, you talkabout your passion, even with
church, you know, and beingengaged in youth ministry, while
also, you know, coming into adifferent kind of passion by
going to the any town we can,for example, right. All those
kind of different ways in whichpassion is stirring up all
(07:00):
throughout kind of yourchildhood, and then your
adolescence, you know, and soon, and so on. And, and I love
that there are so many momentsof transition that you talk
about, this is not just aboutgender transition, but also
transitioning from home to homefor you because you had many
homes growing up due to quitechallenging and traumatic, I
(07:22):
would say circumstances.
And you talk about kind oftransitions from for example,
when you're adopted by yourgrandparents, right, going from
being a Holbert, Jr. to a Davis,right. And now this moment of
transition, and one could saytransformation, or both the loss
and the gain or loss ofsomething and again, of
(07:44):
something, the end of somethingin the beginning of something.
Yeah. Tell me more about how didyou experience that, as you were
writing, writing about all thesedifferent transitions that were
so much bigger than gender, eventhough gender was also woven
throughout?
Precious Brady-Davis (07:59):
Yes, I think you hit it on the nail is
my whole life has been atransition. I have always been
in transition. And I've been inin flux. You know, there hasn't
been sturdy ground under neathme, there were times where I
created transition for myself,and times where transition was
(08:22):
forced upon me. And as I look atit, as an adult, I think it's
made me a better human being. Itmakes me understand the
experiences of multipleindividuals, like you talked
about my faith community, Iunderstand what it is to grow up
(08:43):
in a Christian environment. Iunderstand what it is to be a
foster kid. I understand what itis to be biracial in the world.
And I think it's only added tomy multitude of experiences of
how I see the world. And Ithink, in the book, I tried to
(09:06):
lay it out as a sense of this iswhat happened.
And I showed up, and I didn't, Ididn't in the book, I didn't
want to because one might saywhen that when they're writing
their memoirs, they wanted it,they want it to be super clean,
you know, and it's so up anddown, because that's what
(09:27):
happened to me. Like in my life,I had a very, you know,
tumultuous childhood. And Ireally just wanted to lean into
showing up and when it comes totrauma, often it's how we
respond to it. And I in thebook, I talk about refusing to
(09:49):
be made less then because I amexperiencing trauma my whole
life. I've always claimed myvoice and spoken out and claimed
my space. Even in a time whenothers tried to rob me of that
voice when I was in transition,and it was through the wielding
(10:10):
of my voice where I found afoundation, when so much was in
flux, I think it was, there wasan inner resilience and optimism
that that guided me. And I knownot everyone has that. For me,
it is one of my gifts and, and Iknow that.
Alex Iantaffi (10:30):
I think that gift was really shining beautifully
throughout all of the pages,right? Whenever you talk about
so many challenging moments oflike you said, some of the
change that was really pushed onyou, in a lot of ways even going
to kindergarten, right andmoving from like the... Was it
(10:50):
the morning to the afternoonshift where you find, you know,
going from mostly being withblack and brown kids, to being
with like, white kids andstarting to have that feeling
that hang on a minute. Who am Ias a biracial person, right,
which, of course, as akindergartener is now like,
you're going to express it inkind of the terminology that we
might as adults, but you had thelived moment of kind of this
(11:13):
feeling and otherness that youtalk about throughout the book.
And so you have both this, thisbeautiful guiding resilience,
but also this feeling ofotherness that you encounter, I
think, throughout the book, fromthat very vivid moment of the
kindergarten change and thekindergarten shift all through.
How do you feel now in relationto this feeling of otherness if
(11:36):
it's okay to ask?
Precious Brady-Davis (11:37):
Please, please. In the in that moment,
and that, and that story, ingeneral, it is my first feeling
otherness, of standing with mybiracial grandparents, you know,
and telling my kindergartenteacher that I had been adopted,
that I felt very vulnerable,knowing, you know, that, that
(12:00):
these weren't my birth parents,like, I knew that, and I was in
front of like, a room of brownfaces. And it was very different
from the morning class, whichwas white kids, you know, and I
grew up, you know, and I talkabout throughout the book, you
know, that my grandmother was,you know, a very strong, you
(12:21):
know, religious woman, and a lotof her whiteness, you know, I
could see how her whiteness,even though, you know, her
children, her grandchildren, aswell as her as her husband was a
man of color, that it showed theways that it shaped my
relationship, to race, you know,in the world.
(12:45):
And looking back at that scene,I really see as a kid, of how it
shaped my perception of howother kids would like view me
through my entire life. And Ithought, with accepting my
blackness, as a child, you know,because I wanted to, I didn't
(13:09):
want to be other. And I feltlike I had already was, I had
already, you know, was being,you know, pushed out there and
already stuck up because I wasadopted. And because I had
changed my name, you know,normal kindergarteners don't go
through full name changes. Andso I had to tell my teacher, and
that's a big thing. You know, inkindergarten, your name is
(13:31):
written across your desk. Soit'd be it became a thing that
my name was changed and that Iwas adopted. And it took many
years, for me to process thatexperience. Because I saw the
faces of the young people of mypeers, looking at me as I was
(13:52):
standing and having to bringthis information back to my
kindergarten teacher. And thatwas something that traveled with
me. For much of my childhood, Ialways knew that I was others
that I was different. And peoplemade sure to let me know of it.
I talked about in the book. WhenI was in fourth grade, people
(14:16):
would ask me, 'Are you gay?' Ididn't even know what gay meant.
I didn't. It was before I evenknew what the word gay men and
as I continued growing up, and Iwas in seventh grade, I talked
about this in the book as well.
People would ridicule me andpeople would mock me, you know,
and my stomach would be inknots. So the feeling of
(14:38):
otherness was something thattraveled with me through my
entire childhood throughadolescence.
Alex Iantaffi (14:48):
Absolutely, and we should probably say for the
listeners as well, that you werebrought up in Nebraska, right?
Precious Brady-Davis (14:55):
Yeah
Alex Iantaffi (14:56):
So not all lot of kind of biracial gender non
conforming, gender expansivekids around you, I'm assuming in
all of those different contexts.
So. And, you know, there's somuch joy and resilience in the
book. And there's also a lot oftrauma. You know, there's your
trauma, this alsointergenerational trauma here
and there, you know, like,talking about what you find out
(15:18):
about your grandparent and yourgrandmother and all the
different family relationshipsand and how was it for you to
write this book, it could nothave been easy. And I know you
say a little bit about therewere definitely moments that
were painful, and theintroduction of the book, but
how was this process of reallyexcavating your life, almost
like an archaeology, kind ofgoing back in history in your
(15:41):
mind and those painfulexperiences?
Precious Brady-Davis (15:46):
It was, it was so hard to do. But I knew
that I needed to do it, becauseI wanted to claim my healing.
And this book wasn't aboutanyone else. To be honest,
people can write the book,however they want, and people
and people will, and I hopepeople enjoy it. But it is a
(16:09):
testament of resilience. It is atestament of survival that I
that I made it out of all ofthis trauma. You know, I talk
about my brother in the book,you know, in peril that my
brother has dealt with, youknow, being, you know,
incarcerated and all of thetraumas that he has experienced.
(16:30):
It is a miracle of resiliencethat I have survived all of
that. I think also, as a personof color, we often are told to
not talk about our pain, wherewe're told to, to hold these
family secrets, and they staywithin the house.
(16:51):
And for me, that's like poison.
You know, it's like poisonwithin my blood, all of this
trauma percolating. And for mewriting this book, I felt like I
was canceling a generationalcurse, that I said, it's time to
end this curse of trauma. Youall have passed down this trauma
for generations, because no onewants to talk about their
(17:15):
feelings. No one wants to talkabout the truth. And so this
book is about the truth. Thisbook is my truth. It's my
family's truth. And I bare mysoul for my family sake to say,
the curse stops now, no moresecrets, we need to heal. And
it's not just about everyoneelse's healing. It's about my
(17:39):
healing. This book is about mebeing free. This book is about
my mental health, you know, and,and so many people say some
people, they say, you know, thisis about the child and me, this
is not about the child and me,this is about the woman and to
me. To become the woman that Iwant to be, I don't want to
(18:00):
carry around the heaviness ofthat trauma and pain. And for
me, this is spiritual, this iswhat spirituality is, to me.
Some people might say that goingto church, you know, or going to
yoga, that that is what feedstheir soul.
(18:22):
This fed my soul, to close thedoor, and to go inward with my
story. And, and myself, youknow, and there are things in
the book that I don't share,that I felt were too traumatic
to share. And I never want topass on my trauma for just
(18:43):
trauma sake, that's not what Iwanted to do. Everything that I
tell in the book that istraumatic, I tell because I
think someone else has gonethrough that. And I think it's
important to shed light on onissues of abuse, on issues of
being a foster kid, of beingadopted, of being given up
(19:05):
because you are queer. Those arevery real things and issues that
color your entire life. And forme, those are things that I
carried with me for many years.
And so I wanted to lay them torest and to kind of give them
you know, a capstone because Ifeel like I have survived them.
(19:28):
And in order to be the wife thatI want to be, to be the mother
that I want to be, I need to beas healed as I can be.
Alex Iantaffi (19:41):
I love that andI really found that when I was
reading the book, I didn't youknow, there are traumatic
moments, but that healing thatyou talk about really does come
through you know, as it neverfeels gratuitous. It never
feels... I don't know, justcathartic putting it out there
(20:04):
for the sake of putting it outthere, it feels transformative,
you know. And when you weretalking about breaking the
curse, I was like tearing up,because you know, I was brought
up in a culture, you need toleave, especially southern
Italy, we say like the dirty,you wash the dirty laundry in
the family. You know, of course,that in Italian, not in English,
but basically the meaning islike you don't talk about things
(20:26):
that are happening within yourfamily outside. And that
fostered so much abuse, youknow, in my family growing up
and intergenerationally.
And, you know, being that personin the family that says no more,
I'm not going to be silent, I'mnot going to keep this under
wraps, right. It's amazing. AndI really felt that when I was
reading your book, and like Isaid, totally different
(20:48):
backgrounds and experiences, butI felt that kind of, I felt that
resonance, you know, maybebecause I was also brought up in
our faith. You know, like aChristian, the Christian and I
love when you talk about yourexperiences with church, and
even your relationship withspirit comes through the book,
you know, I don't know if you'dagree with that, but definitely
(21:09):
have felt that you have a veryalive relationship with spirit.
Precious Brady-Davis (21:13):
Yes, that means so much to me. That is,
that's what this book is about.
This book is it's making me cry,because this book is a soul
journey. And I think that somany of us need to become
attuned to soul. You know,there's so many things that
like, weigh us down. And part ofthis book was about my spiritual
(21:36):
health. And like I said, somepeople go to church, but for me,
like, I want to speak to mysoul, like, I want to tend to it
and I want to make sure thatit's not grieved, that it's not
sick. You know, and that is agreat part of what this journey
is. And there were there weresome times where I had to stop.
(21:57):
When I was writing this book, Iwas on deadlines, I did not
care. I did not, I said, 'I'msorry, I need a break. Like I
need my soul'. Like what I justlike went through the beginning
of the book. You know, becausethere are many things that I
recalled, you know, growing upas a foster kid, but there were
(22:17):
many things that I did notremember. And it occurred to me
as I was writing it, I was like,I was awarded the state. All of
this is on record somewhere. Andlay and behold, I reached out to
the state of Nebraska. And Iasked them to send me the
(22:38):
records. And they did. And thatwas one of the most painful
things that I have ever lived inmy life, to read 300 pages of
case notes about things that Inever would have known when I
was a baby, you know, and tofind out what my biological
mother was going through.
(23:02):
And I think that is the thingthat I'm most grateful about
this process, that I feel thatwe now have a relationship. I
don't know where thatrelationship will go. But I feel
it has at least made meunderstand why, like I was given
up that she herself was dealingwith a mental health issue. And
(23:23):
I never would have known that,if I had not written this book.
I just said, Oh, she just gaveus up. You know, she wasn't
doing her job. She justabandoned us. And it gave me a
completely new understanding ofher and understanding that
(23:44):
generational trauma is so, I'mso glad that I did that. And
something that I also wanted toput in the book, you know,
because, you know, like yousaid, like, in reading the book,
you see that I was deeplyinvolved in church growing up.
And I loved, I found and itwasn't necessarily the the
(24:09):
spirit, you know, God like inthe place, I found spirit in the
music.
Alex Iantaffi (24:15):
Yes.
Precious Brady-Davis (24:16):
And in the fanfare, that was the way that I
responded in to the pianomelodies, to the hug, the
connection, that humanconnection is what spoke to me
and is what has remained, evenafter the oppressive factors
that I dealt with. And so forme, that feels like spirituality
(24:42):
to me, and I kept that and Ireally wanted that to resonate
in the book because I thinksometimes people think about
trans folks in just a secularway that 'oh, let's not have you
know, any kind of spiritualpractice or relationship with
with higher being'. And for me,I feel the very act of
(25:05):
transition in itself is aspiritual act.
Alex Iantaffi (25:09):
Yes.
Precious Brady-Davis (25:11):
I don't think people see that way from
the outside. But there is thisrelationship to self of self
awareness that one must gothrough and travail to arrive at
a point of transition. Whiletransition is always inevitable
that we're always transitioningto something. And I really
(25:34):
wanted that to come across inthe book.
Alex Iantaffi (25:38):
I really think it does, you know, you said it's a
soul journey, but also feelslike a spiritual quest to
yourself. And to home and tofamily, right? There is so much
about family in the book, I feellike it's such a big part of the
focus, but not just kind offamily of origin. But also what
does family mean, you know, whenyou, for example, are fostered
(26:00):
by the the youth ministers wasat the lobs, for example, for a
period of time. And then as youmove towards creating your own
family, you know, towards theend of the book, and family is
such a focus. What was it? Whatis it what is possible? And I
think it spoke to me becauseagain, sometimes the trans folks
we're seen as it's like, littleindividual boxes orunits and
(26:25):
there is this yearning forconnection, this yearning for
love and acceptance, thisyearning for really, for family,
what does family mean to younow? After not only you've gone
through this journey, but alsothe journey of writing about
family so much throughout thisbook, if that makes sense?
Precious Brady-Davi (26:47):
Absolutely.
It was so hard for me, becausefamily to me has been such a
broken place in my life. Andthere were so many moments
where, there were some timeswhere I would be waiting for mom
to call me during the process.
(27:08):
And that wasn't going to happen.
That's never happened my entirelife. You know, I yearned for
parental connection, even duringthis process. And it became this
other final moment of healing,of letting go, of also realizing
people can't give you what theydon't have.
Alex Iantaffi (27:36):
Yeah.
Precious Brady-Davis (27:37):
And I think that was a place that I
arrived in the book as I was, asI began to excavate, and think
about the ways in which peoplewere treating me and the things
that people were saying to me.
They didn't have the knowledge,they didn't have the emotional
capacity, the emotional depth,they didn't have their own
(27:59):
coping mechanisms to navigatetrauma.
And I think it bred forgivenessin in me, and why there may be
some relationships that willforever be fractured. That's
fine. I'm the one who is healed.
I'm healed. I can move on. And Ican be a mom to my daughter, and
(28:23):
in knowing that the cycle oftrauma stops there. That I
wanted to create space, to love,to love honestly, and to love
wholly and unconditionally, youknow, because throughout my
(28:45):
life, I've known love withlimits.
Alex Iantaffi (28:48):
Yes.
Precious Brady-Davis (28:49):
So many times, it is a love but limits
like, if you do this, if you dothis, you must be this or this
or this or this, to receive mylove. And so I unbeknownst to
me, I did not plan it this waythat I would become a mom while
writing this book. That was nothow... It just so happened. When
(29:13):
I after we had seen I was like,Whoa, I was like this is crazy.
But I was like this is theending of the book.
Alex Iantaffi (29:20):
Talk about a soul journey.
Precious Brady-Davis (29:22):
I was like whoa, like the ending of this
book. And to me becoming a mom.
Like this is wild, you know itjust like yeah, it shows you the
soul journey that that we allhave the opportunity to take
when we really lean into ourtruth and authenticity of who we
(29:43):
are. I've always been a mom.
I've always been nurturing youknow. You see it earlier from me
teaching the Sunday school toworking with youth that the the
scent on Hostin like this is theperson that I've always have
been. And it just has morphedinto a new entity. And I hope
(30:07):
that that teaches people to lookat their life and look at the
places where we see patterns.
Sometimes we don't look at thepatterns in our lives, we don't
stop and see the connection. Andso it's certainly been a journey
of healing.
(30:30):
And I also have to say that myhusband has been a great part of
that, you know, his family. Imarried into the most beautiful
black family, like as such agift of just black
professionals, unconditionallove. It's polar opposite, to
(30:51):
the way that I grew up. And Ijust feel so blessed and
humbled. You know, there arecountless foster kids who don't
get that love, and who spend alifetime trying to find that
kind of acceptance. And I hopethat's something that we start
(31:12):
to examine, and try to bridgemore of the divide. As you know,
people read the book, I wantedto really hone a light in on
that. I don't think people talkabout that enough. You know,
what does it mean to be given upby your birth parents? What does
it mean to feel abandoned, thattravels with you your entire
(31:34):
life, to not feel wanted, that'sa heavy feeling.
Alex Iantaffi (31:40):
And you have that moment repeatedly in the like,
this doesn't happen to you justonce you don't like it happens
more than once. And yet. Onething that also shines
throughout the book is that eventhough as you were experiencing
rejection again and again, byfamily or other folks who said
(32:02):
they were family and take careof you growing up, that you have
this accepting loving spirittowards your peers, towards your
siblings, towards your fosterfamily. You know, trying to give
your best trying to supporttrying to nurture, like you
said, you know, you've alwaysbeen this nurturing person and
really comes across in the book.
And I wonder what, and maybe itis just kind of who you are.
(32:26):
What enabled you to keep givingthat love and acceptance and
support, even as you wereexperiencing it being so limited
when it was towards you? If thatmakes sense.
Precious Brady-Davis (32:41):
Yeah, no, it does. For one. I've always
had the mindset of, there'ssomething else on the other
side. This too shall pass. Like,I know that things happen for a
season. I at least knew thatsomething better could come. And
(33:04):
that I was willing to... I waswilling to persevere through
through nightmares, that therewould be nightmares. But I knew
that on the other side that Iwould find joy because I always
did. In every situation. Therewas a way for me to find
community. When I was livingwith the loves, I found
(33:25):
community amongst the mostbeautiful beatnik folk of
theater people. I like found mytribe, you know, and if I
wouldn't have gone to live witha loves that would not have
happened.
You know, when I was living withmy grandfather, I learned a lot
(33:46):
about production. He was aconcert promoter. And in my life
today, and I do keynotespeaking, you know, and I'm a
personality, and I get that fromhim. So I think I leaned on a
lot of the good the good piecesin those situations. And I do
(34:10):
have a strong faith. I do have avery strong belief in faith. And
I would say back then it was avery centric Pentecostal faith.
You know, church was veryinvolved. I was very involved in
church in my life. And I thinkthat created a strong basis in
(34:32):
my life of communicating withGod as of leaving things at the
altar. That's what it was backthen I would leave things it was
it was a kind of therapy. Iwould leave things and then I
would move on to the next thingbut I tell you, when I speak at
colleges, the number onequestion that I get people say
(34:57):
to me, why are you sooptimistic?
That is the number one question.
And let me tell you, it's alwaysthe first question. Like after I
speak. And I can't I don't havean answer. The only answer I
have to that is, it is part ofmy nack of skills that I just,
(35:18):
you know, live on the brightside of things. And I think also
like that has been my mechanismof survival.
Alex Iantaffi (35:32):
Yeah.
Precious Brady-Davis (35:33):
Because I don't even want to think about
what the outcome could havebeen. If I would have not had
that mindset, I see whereseveral of my siblings are, and
what roads that has led themdown. And I am just grateful.
(35:57):
And I hope that encouragespeople, sometimes we have to sit
in our situations and say, thiswill pass, this will pass and I
will do everything within mypower to make it work. And also,
I think there were times where Iknew that I didn't have the
(36:17):
power. And I have always notbeen unashamed to to reach out
and to tell the truth. And Ithink that's really important of
saying, This isn't working. Thisisn't working right now. And
something needs to change. And Ithink that that's still that has
stuck with me, even till thisday.
Alex Iantaffi (36:41):
I love that. That is so beautiful, both kind of
the. And that's not just aboutoptimism, again, it's about
connection, right? It's aboutthat not being afraid to reach
out and connect, and figure outwho can give support. And who
can kind of see that you're notalone in this journey. I love
all of that. And speaking ofwhich, you know, when I was when
(37:04):
I started reading the book, Iwas taken right from the
beginning, because you got asentence, I think it's in your
in your prologue that I loved.
And you say, I offer my story ofhardship and healing as a vision
of the way through. There islove, whatever that means to
you. On the other side, ifyou're willing to claim who you
(37:25):
are, stand up for yourself anddo what it takes to create it.
And ah. Even now I feel likereading that sentence. I was
like, that got me right at thebeginning of the book. And and
so who is your ideal reader? Iknow you wrote this book for you
and for your healing and foryour own kind of your own soul
(37:46):
journey, that there is a messageabout that love is possible,
whatever that means to us,right? And what would you
ideally like your readers to getout of your book? And who are
your ideal readers, so to speak,if there is an ideal reader?
Precious Brady-Davis (38:08):
Yeah, yeah. So in terms of ideal
readers, something that I wasthinking about when I was
writing this book. One of mysisters and I are estranged Nina
and I, and I write about her inthe book. And I don't write
about her from a place ofmalice. I write about her about
(38:33):
a place of two siblings whodon't understand, who don't
understand each other. And so, Ihope it inspires people who have
differences. And we may neverhave a relationship in this
life. And I'm okay with that,like this book has made that
possible. So people who aremaybe disconnected from family
(38:59):
members, people who arestruggling with faith, you know.
I like I said, I struggled inthat Pentecostal community for
so long. And I felt that myconnection to God would cease if
I was a queer person. So peoplewho are struggling with their
faith, foster kids who arelooking to feel love and think
(39:24):
about what is going to happen.
On the other side.
That's why it was so importantfor me in the book to dialogue
about my academic journey. Myacademic journey was not a
perfect journey, whatsoever. Ishare the ups and downs of that,
but being educated that wasimportant to me, you know, and I
(39:48):
didn't have perfect grades inhigh school. And so I had to go
to a community college to getinto a university and I want
young people to be inspired bythat sometimes. Is your fall
down. But there is hope. On theother side, I talk about my
romantic relationships in thebook. Sometimes we as queer and
(40:11):
trans folks, we think that noone is going to love us. And
this book, it becomes a lovestory, ultimately, and talk
about creating family and, andfinding home. Folks who are
looking for home. There are somany individuals who are looking
(40:32):
to find home in the world, andare looking for stability. This
book is about home, this book isa, it's a home for me.
And when I think about theconstituencies that I'm
connected to. Just this week,folks who have pre ordered the
(40:56):
book of this thing, who who hasbeen posting, I mean, I know
women who are white Republicans,to a woman in Kenya, you know,
to a Jewish woman in Israel, itis just so vast that people are
(41:17):
telling me that it's speaking tothem. And so I think that you, I
think you already hit the nailthat this story is about human
connection. And I think thatthere are so many themes that
can resonate with folks. Andlike you said, the theme of
(41:37):
family is in this book, youknow, I talked about when I went
to go live with the loves. Ithought that they were the
perfect family.
Alex Iantaffi (41:47):
Yes.
Precious Brady-Davis (41:48):
As I had grown up in this biracial
family, and I said, 'oh, all Ihave to do is get away from this
family, and life is gonna beperfect'. But then I went on the
other side and saw that allfamilies have some kind of
trauma. And I didn't know that.
I thought it was just ourfamily, alone. But then I found
chosen family, and the power ofcreating family of I curated
(42:14):
people around me, who becamefamily to me when I had no one
else. And, yeah, I want thisbook to there are so many
constituencies who I want toread this book, I almost asked
my publisher to release thisbook at Christmas.
(42:38):
Because that, that, that verytraumatic story that happened to
me as a child, which traveledwith me for many years. And I
probably think about thatincident every day of my life.
And it colored the ways in whichI viewed holidays. I couldn't, I
(43:04):
couldn't celebrate Christmas foryears. Even as I got married,
probably the first two years ofour marriage, I could not have a
grand Christmas. I becamedepressed and just very
reserved, and like wanting to bealone. And with withdrew from
family and like literally wantedto be just kind of sulking in
(43:27):
the dark, and just like relivingthe trauma of that incident.
But now I go all out onChristmas. Like I have been able
to create new traditions. And sofolks who are struggling, I know
lots of people deal with thingsaround the holiday times, you
(43:48):
know, folks who have passedaway, you know, or divorces or
COVID-19. Like all of thesethings, you know, holidays can
be so hard. And so I want folkswho want to heal, to read this
book I want folks to be and thisis a conversation. You know,
(44:10):
this doesn't. This just isn'tabout my journey. I hope folks
look at their lives and seeplaces in which they need to
heal and say things that need tobe spoken aloud.
Alex Iantaffi (44:24):
I love that. I love the said this book is a
love story because I think it isbut it's not just a love story
because of where it ends. Butit's a love story throughout of
how you keep coming back to youand loving yourself and loving
those around you. Even thoughthey're so imperfect and
gathering your family of choice,right? It's this much larger
(44:45):
love that is not just aboutromantic level though. I'm so
glad that you found thisbeautiful romantic love. But
it's so much more than aboutromantic love. I think the love
that you speak out in the bookand so I'm so grateful for that.
Precious Brady-Davis (44:57):
Thank you.
Yeah, it's a love of self. Itwas a self journey. There were
times in this book that I wasnot loving myself. But I came to
a place where I could, if Ididn't go through those
experiences, I don't think thatI would be who I am. Today, I'm
so glad that that I did. Youknow, I write about working in
(45:23):
the Chicago nightclubs, thatthat nearly took me out. You
know, because I was, living inthis big city where I was a
little girl who came from Omaha,Nebraska, but a little Nebraska
mentality. And the Chicago girlsare like, we will spit you up
and eat you out. And so yeah,this book is, it's a love story
(45:47):
of, self. And, yeah, I'm so gladthat I wrote it.
Alex Iantaffi (45:58):
I'm so glad you wrote it too, because I think
that even though you, talk toyour experiences, which is
uniquely your own, and yet itfeels so universal. I am not
surprised that people fromacross the globe are resonating
with it, because it truly hassome messaging that feels so
core to humans around love andbelonging and family. I could
(46:22):
keep talking about this. And wehaven't even touched on so many
other aspects of your life thatwe could be talking about. But I
want to be respectful of yourtime for today. And, and I
wonder if there is anything thatwe haven't talked about that you
would really like to share withthe gender stories, listeners?
Any messages or call to action,or anything that you were hoping
(46:44):
we would talk about that wedidn't get to?
Precious Brady-Davis (46:47):
I think we covered a lot. I think we made
great ground. But I just want toreiterate that we are all in
transition. And no one personhas arrived, that we are always
learning and we should, weshould always be learning about
(47:08):
ourselves so that we can reachhigher states of consciousness,
higher states of healing, sothat we can show up more
authentically in the world. Andlastly, I just want to say,
don't let others prescribe toyou who you are. Because for so
(47:29):
many years, I let other peopletell me what I was. And the
moment I decided to step out,close the door and say this is
who I am. You know, there's amoment in the book, you know,
when I have my the start of mydrag career. And I have the
(47:52):
opportunity to rename myselfclaiming space names speak to
identity names speak to origin,of literally rewriting my own
origin story in this moment andsaying, Precious is my name. And
when you look at the meaning ofmy dead name, it means gift from
(48:15):
God. And so rewriting thenarrative of, I am something of
rare value. I am exquisite. Andpeople need to know that they
are exquisite. They areprecious. There are so many
people who have been cast asidebecause they are other because
(48:38):
they are different, because theyare not heterosexual cisgender
because of patriarchy in theworld. And I'm here to tell
people that they belong and thatthey matter.
Alex Iantaffi (48:54):
Thank you. What a beautiful beautiful message to
leave our listeners with andgear gender stories, listeners.
You can pre order PreciousDavis, 'I Have Always Been Me' a
memoir is being published by, Ithink it's topple press right
your publisher?
Precious Brady-Davis (49:11):
Amazon publishing.
Alex Iantaffi (49:13):
Excellent. And you can preorder it already and
then it will be in your hands byJuly 1, and it's absolutely
worth it. Whatever your genderidentity or experiences are. I
think you'll find something inthis book that's for you. And
thank you so much. Precious hasbeen so wonderful to spend this
time with you. I have so muchgratitude for every word that
(49:36):
you've put down in this book andthey you've spoken with me
today. So thank you for yourtime.
Precious Brady-Davis (49:41):
Thank you so much. I greatly appreciate
you having me.
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