January 16, 2023 • 43 mins
Granger Smith Podcast Episode 171: This accidental pregnancy is tough. In a difficult situation like this, you need to rely on God. These are the consequences of a life outside of His will Join me as we chat about this topic and more!
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Speaker 1 (00:00):
You got to show me something. Marquise, what are you doing?
What are you doing out there getting this girl pregnant
like this? It's not it's not too late. We just
got to start now. What's up, everybody? Welcome to the podcast.
(00:24):
Thank you for listening and watching episode one hundred and
seventy one, wherever you came from, whatever platform you're using
to get here. I'm grateful for you. Those of y'all
that have listened, listened to a whole bunch of episodes
in the past, Thank you for hanging with it. If
you're brand new, welcome. What we do is we answer
your questions. Email Grangersmith podcast at gmail dot com. Could
(00:49):
be about any subject, and I'll just walk through it
like we're two friends sit in the in the cab
of a truck and discussing anything in life, really, and
it's all over the place. Don't send the same email twice,
and don't send one longer than about a phone link,
because that's what allows me to read it in a
concise way and then talk about discuss it with y'all
(01:11):
on this podcast. So let's jump into it. First. Email here,
subject line says confused need advice, Hey Grangel My name
is James. I'm eighteen. I dated a girl for nine
months and we broke up. It wasn't anything bad that
we broke up over. We just argued a lot. And
she texted me out of the blue the other day though,
and we kind of started talking. And I still have
(01:32):
feelings for her, but I don't know if she feels
the same or not for me, or even how the
process is going to go with this whole thing. Any
advice would really help me. Love your music, love your podcast. Thanks.
It comes from James eighteen. Brother. This is the thing
a lot of these emails that I see you ask
me a question and I think to myself, that's the
(01:56):
exact question you could ask to her. And then I
wonder what is lost these days? Or is this just
always been this way where we just feel nervous to
ask the very thing that we need the answer from,
and so we go to someone else. And I'm grateful
that you email me, James, because what I want to
(02:17):
tell you is flip this around on her. So you
said I still have feelings for her, but I don't
know if she feels the same. So I would sit
her down and say that I don't have to put
better words in your mouth. I could just say your
words you go. Hey, I know that we've started texting recently,
(02:39):
and I would love to talk about something with you
if you get a chance. Love to jump on the phone,
don't text love to discuss something. You could hear my voice.
I want you to hear my voice. Okay, but that's
important anyway. Instead of texting something like this so many
times in situations of any kind of circumstance, let's learn
(03:01):
when to get off the text and get on a
phone call or in person so that they can hear
the inflection of our voice, so that they don't know
that we're not mad about this. You could hear in
someone's voice that they're not mad, they're actually just very
sympathetic about it, and it could come across as angry
(03:21):
on a text. So this is something you're gonna say, Hey,
I want to I want you to hear from me
in person, hear my voice, or we can get together
and then say this, say I still have feelings for you,
but I don't know if you feel the same, do you.
That's it? Like, think what that answer? Think when she
(03:45):
answers you, think what that will accomplish? In your mind.
Even if she says I'm not sure, I don't know,
that says something that that's an answer for you. Right
If she says no, I just want to be friends,
that's a really solid answer that gives you a good
(04:08):
game plan of where to go from there. And if
she says yes, you say me too. What's going to date?
Thanks for the email, James jump into another one here.
The subject client says, major career decision and hearing God's voice.
Hey Grangel, I've been looking for a little spiritual advice.
(04:31):
My name is John. I'm twenty years old. I'm a
college freshman up in Canada. I'm in the Canadian Air
Force under a contract to be a pilot, where the
military is paying for my education in flight training. The
catch is that since they're investing so much money into me,
the contract length is nearly two decades. I won't be
out until twenty thirty nine. There's a one year back
(04:54):
out period in the contract with no financial penalty, So
if I'm going to leave, I need to leave this year.
I feel called to be a pilot, but I've always
been unsure about which pathway civilian or military I should
take to get there. I'm now realizing that the CITVIY
side can offer just as much adventure, much more freedom,
and a better lifestyle without the strains that military life
(05:18):
puts on you and your family. But on the other hand,
the military program that I'm in is an amazing opportunity,
and I'm worried that I would end up regretting it
if I leave. I'm trying to just leave this in
God's hands and let him lead me to what He's
calling me to do. But I'm having trouble hearing God's voice.
My family, my girlfriend, and all of us are praying
(05:41):
about it daily because the clock is ticking for me
to decide. Just looking for any advice about how to
make my vision more clear and align my path with
God's will. Sorry for the link of the question. Appreciate
everything you do, John, John, Thanks for the email, buddy,
Thank you for your service and what you're doing right now,
and thanks for listening to the podcast and trusting me
(06:02):
with a very important question for your life. And I
think it's a solid question. I think it's a solid
thing to be thinking about. So let me walk through
it with you, kind of step by step, according to
what I know that you've told me in something like
this in order to first of all, in order to
(06:26):
align ourselves our path with God's will, as these are
your words, then I would say, what are you doing
in your life that are fruits of the result of
you in a total surrender walk with your Creator. That's
what I would ask. Like if we were friends and
(06:48):
we're sitting down, I would say, tell me, describe to
me your life is do you have Would you say
you're someone that says my faith is number one or
God is number one in my life? I would say, okay,
describe to me what that looks like practically. For instance,
if you said I am a boxer and boxing is
(07:12):
number one in my life, I would get it pretty quickly.
I would be like, yeah, I see the bruises under
the eyes. I would see the ears and the nose,
and I could see the chiseled arms, and I could
see the towel around your shoulders and the gym bag,
and I could tell you just got out of the
gym and you probably are there eighteen hours a day. Yes,
(07:35):
I get it. You look like a man that is putting.
Boxing is number one. I get it. So if you
are the guy that says I put God number one.
I would say, Okay, let's look at what you're doing.
Not because that's what matters to get there, but that
would be a result of you having an encounter with
the living God and you're like, dude, I just asked
(07:57):
you about being a pilot, and you're going way off
in this tangent. I did that, John, because you're you're
talking about leaving this in God's hands. And so when
you say I'm gonna leave this in God's hands, that's
a that's a form of saying I'm gonna surrender this
to him. So first I would say, are you in
his word all the time? Do you crave reading His
(08:21):
word in the morning and you get a cup of
coffee and you're like, before I start this mess of
a day, I'm in this routine, this rat race that
we all all of us do, I'm gonna I'm gonna
spend time with my creator in the Bible. Okay. I
would ask you if that's something or are you part
of a body of a church that is keeping you
(08:42):
accountable and you're you're submitting to that accountability as well,
and and you're talking with the body about these kind
of decisions. I would ask that. I would say, what
other kind of wise counsel around you are you discussing
this decision with? And then I would ask you, if
(09:07):
you are truly submitting this to God, can you take
a step off the ledge and say, okay, I'm doing
this stuff. There's there's fruits of me submitting. There's fruits
in my life like peace, hope, might have less anxiety.
(09:27):
These are these are these would be fruits of that
true surrender. And then you go, all right, obviously here's
a big deal, John, God is not gonna speak to
you through some megaphone in the clouds. You know that
doesn't happen, right, Like, you're not gonna walk outside. It's
gonna go, John, take the military route, and you're gonna go,
(09:50):
oh yeah, got it, Thanks God, I'm off on the
military route. Then you know that doesn't happen, right, So
and you take a step off that ledge and you go,
I'm trusting you God, So I'm gonna trust this path.
I'm gonna walk this path. Hey, close the door if
I'm not supposed to walk it, open the door wideer
(10:11):
if I am. It really is that simple. Before you
do that, you get wise counsel I would I would
suggest wise counsel in your church, in your family, and
don't forget to get wise counsel of people that have
done both of these paths before you in one direction
another the other. So you're gonna talk to a pilot
(10:32):
that's done this for twenty years on the civilian side,
and you say, mister so and so, mister civilian pilot,
do you ever have a regret that you didn't stick
with the military And he goes, ha, let me tell
you a story about that, okay, And then then you
(10:54):
find another guy that has done this for twenty years
on the military side, and you go, miss, your military pilot,
do you ever feel regret that maybe you restrained your
life by staying stuck in this one vein and you
didn't have the freedom on the civilian side, and you
let him tell you the story. This is not rocket science,
(11:17):
but we want to make it rocket science. When we
just sit in our rooms and we go, what it's
God's will. I don't know what God's will? Are you
trying to say? God? And we have brains that we
can use our brains. Paul says, we need to use
our brains. We use our minds to discern God's will,
(11:38):
not our gut, not our heart, not our feelings, our mind,
by the transforming of our minds. So we go, Okay,
practically speaking, I'm going to talk to people on either side.
And after you talk to mister civilian pilot man and
mister military pilot man, and you get a good idea
and it comes back to you and you go, I'm
(11:59):
lean towards the advice I got from the civilian guy
because he told me he did not regret not doing
the military blah blah blah whatever, It doesn't matter. This
is not my decision, John, this is you. But I'm
just saying in that scenario, then you go, okay, done,
I'm gonna move forward with this decision. God, I'm surrendering
(12:22):
this to you. Therefore, I will move forward to the
civilian side, knowing that if I'm submitted to you and
I'm in your word and I'm in a good relationship
with you, then you will have set up this previous
conversation with the civilian pilot and given my heart the
desire for that. Does that make sense? And so then
(12:46):
you go here we go, got a moving towards the
civilian side, and then you go to your recruiter or
whatever guy you need to release you from this one
year program. And he goes, Oh, that's interesting, John, Yeah,
we just had another guy to come in that's going
to fill your spot. So this actually makes it really easy.
And I could sign you off right now if you want,
(13:08):
and we could just say goodbye. And you think to yourself,
it's that easy. Wow, the door is getting wider to
go this direction. I could give you a complete scenario
of the opposite direction, but you get my point. We
don't have to over spiritualize. We don't have to look
into the clouds or the butterflies or the redbirds for
some crazy sign. We can go here's my relationship with God.
(13:30):
I'm going to use my brain transforming of my mind
to discern God's will and I'm going to move forward
on this path after wise, counsel and you could make
a very hard, difficult decision. Easy. Next question some decline
college and marriage. That grandeer. My name is Grace and
(13:51):
I'm eighteen. I'm from Indiana. I'm currently in a relationship
of over one year to the man I know I
will marry. I've always taught about getting married young, but
I keep pushing it off till I get out of college.
I'll be going to college in November of twenty three
for an eighteen month vet tech program. I recently got
a dog, so I cannot live on campus. That being said,
(14:12):
I'm trying to find other living spaces, such as renting
or buying a camper, which are not cheap. My boyfriend
and I have talked about just moving in together, but
I do not want to until after marriage. I'm not
sure what to do. Should I go ahead and get
married or wait till college is over and try to
find my own living space. Love your podcast, Love how
(14:33):
you speak God's truth things, Grace, thank you for emailing.
I'm gonna kind of treat this like you or would
be my daughter like I would be talking to London,
because she is about six years younger than you. And
quite honestly, the first thing, like the first thing that
(14:54):
stuck out when I read this email is I thought, well,
get rid of the dog, and that solves so many problems,
like right, am I right? And you're like, no, I
love this dog, but really, like we're talking about a dog.
The dog is what's in between this entire if you
think about this entire problem of a situation, this big dilemma.
(15:19):
There's just a dog that you just got in the
middle of it, and could your mom keep the dog,
or your sister or a friend, because it sounds like
you recently got a dog, so you can't live on campus.
That's the cause of the effect of now you can't
live anywhere that's cheap, and you can't buy a camper,
(15:41):
and you don't want to move in with your boyfriend. No,
you're not going to move in with your boyfriend. Any
other podcast will tell you moving with your boyfriend, but
not this one. You know that from me? So cold?
Is that an option? Like? That's what I'm saying right now?
Could we get rid of the dog? That solved. There's
a lot of this other than that. Let's go to
(16:03):
the bigger question you're asking me, Should I just go
ahead and get married? Well, if I'm talking to my daughter,
then it makes it more difficult because I'm saying this.
I'm saying on one hand, you're saying, I have been
(16:24):
dating this guy for one year and I know he's
the man I will marry. Okay, fabulous, And I'm hearing
that and going But you're just eighteen, and you certainly
could know, and you certainly are probably way more mature
(16:44):
than I was at eighteen, but you're still eighteen and
this guy is about the same age, I'm guessing, and
we're still kids at some level at that age. So
I'm hesitant to be like, yeah, marry him, you know,
get this done, when all the problem really is is
(17:08):
you got a dog, and maybe you should just get
rid of the dog and do this eighteen month vettech
program and then maybe you'll be what almost twenty two one,
and you could know that yes, I'm definitely gonna get
married to this guy. Just thinking out loud. There's no
(17:30):
I'm not saying definitively. I'm saying one thing definitively. You're
not going to move in with this guy. That's the
bad move. That's not the move to move in with
this guy just to save money. That's a bad move.
That is definitive. But then the gray area is should
you get married now, be based on that you met
(17:51):
him when you're seventeen and you think he's the man
you're gonna marry, or should you I don't know, get
a camper. I don't know. There feels we need to
sit down more with this one. You're not gonna move
in with them. This is what I would say. You're
my daughter, I would say, you're not gonna move in
with him. I'm gonna keep the dog. I'm your dad,
give me the dog. I'll keep the dog for a
(18:12):
little bit. I know, I know, honey, I know you
love the dog. But you need to be on campus
with the other students where you could walk close to
your class. This is gonna go by. Eighteen months are
gonna fly by. You're gonna be right here on campus.
That's where the food is, and that's where your classes
are in the bookstore. It is. You're gonna finish this
and I'm gonna give you the dog back. And then
at that point you're also, hey, bonus, you're gonna know
(18:32):
if this is the guy you're gonna marry or not.
That's my answer. We'll take a break, be right back.
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Back to the podcast, all right, Coming back to the podcast.
(20:01):
Next email right into it. Subjectline says trust in God.
Hey Granger, I was dating this girl back in August
to September. I love how these emails done. You get
right to it. I was dating this girl back in
August to September. I've had a history for about four
years before we started dating. I don't know what that
(20:22):
means exactly. She broke up with me, and a week
later she tells me she's pregnant. Fast forward, she removes
me from all social media and blocks my number. Then
she adds me on Snapchat before it's Thanksgiving and we
start talking again. We find out we are having a girl.
But about a month later, she asked if I was
(20:44):
talking to other girls and proceeded to block me again
when I denied it. Needless to say, with everything that
I am, with everything, I'm having a hard time trusting
God and what to do. Thanks Marquise, Marquise, let me recap.
Let me recap, just to get myself set on what's happening.
(21:05):
You were dating this girl back in August to September.
I'm trying to figure out this history. I have had
a history for about four years before we started dating.
I don't know what that means. I'm gonna skip that
part because I don't know what it means, but I'm
gonna I'm gonna look at it this way. You guys
broke up right, and a week later she tells you
(21:31):
she's pregnant. Then fast forward, she removes you from all
socials and blocks your number after she tells you she's pregnant.
Then time goes by. I'm guessing she adds you on
Snapchat and you start talking again. You find out during
that time you're talking that you're having a baby girl.
(21:52):
Then a month later I should write down like a
timeline so I can keep up with this might be easier.
Then a month later she asks you if you're talking
to other girls. I'm not sure what you said. But
then she blocks you again. Oh when you denied it?
There it is, you denied it. She blocks you again.
(22:14):
Needless to say, with everything, you are having a hard
time trusting God? And what to do? Marquise, Marquise, Marquise,
I'm following. I'm tracking with you now. Bro. Thank you
for emailing and thank you for trusting me with your
life right here. This is a big part of your life.
(22:37):
I'm wondering. I'm just the first thing I'm saying is
I'm just wondering. Your subject line is trusting God, and
your last line says I'm having a hard time trusting God.
And what to do. And I'm wondering where God is
in this story and why it matters, why he matters
to you at all? And You're like, man Granger, you
(23:03):
answer so many emails about God. Why are you not
answering my email about God? And I'm saying, Marquis, if
I was sitting in a cab of truck with you
and we were talking, I would say, what does God
have to do with this? What does God? What does
God have to do with your life? That is a
hypothetical question, because I know I know what God does
(23:29):
in his sovereignty in this universe, right, But I would
ask you, what does what does God have to do
in your mind with this situation at all? Why are
you bringing Him into it? Right? Am I wrong to
think to kind of push that? Because it doesn't sound
(23:50):
like God was in any of the stuff before the
situation got to a point where you wanted to question
whether or not you could trust him or not? What
were you trusting him in before? With have you ever
trusted him? Because this is much that's that is the question.
It's not the question of what do you do with
the girl? How do you be a good dab for
(24:12):
the baby? Girl, How do you get her to ever
follow you on Snapchat again? How do you move forward
in some kind of relationships that's just secondary to what
is your relationship with God? You brought it up, you
(24:34):
emailed me, So now I'm going to push you on that, Marquith,
what is your relationship with God? Now I've said this
before in different ways, but it would be equivalent of
you and I'm not knocking on you. I love you, brother,
(24:54):
and you're one of my listeners on here, and you
email me and it means a lot. So let me
put it like this. The equivalent thing would be you
come to me and you say, hey, Granger, I'm trying
to trying to be a professional guitar player and I'm
(25:15):
just really starting to doubt my future as a professional
guitar player. I'm starting to lose trust in my ability
to be a professional guitar player. And I would say, Okay, well,
can I come to your house one day and help you?
And you go yes please. So I go over to
your house and you're sitting on the couch and you're
(25:35):
watching TV, and I say, okay, let's talk about you said.
You said you're losing trust, and the idea that you're
going to be a professional guitar player. Let's play a
little bit first. Let's just get a ground bas level
of what you're playing is like. And you look at
me straight, dead in the eye, and you look at
me and you say, oh, I mean I don't own
(25:56):
a guitar. And I say, you wanted to be a
professional guitar player, and when things got tough, you started
losing trust that you would be a professional guitar player.
And all this time, you don't own a guitar. You've
never practiced, you never watched a YouTube video on guitar
(26:19):
making chord skills. That's kind of what I'm feeling on
this whole relationship thing. Marquise. You're like laying out this
whole story. You got this girl pregnant, and she's like crazy,
she's blocking you on stuff and then adding you, and
then she's having a baby girl. And maybe it's yours,
(26:39):
maybe it's some other guys. And I'm saying, dude, do
you even own a Bible? Man? I'm saying that I
love too. I hope you hear that in my voice
that I want to help you learn to play guitar.
I want to help your dream of being a professional
(27:00):
guitar player. But we gotta start with a guitar, right,
you gotta you gotta show me something, Marquise, What are
you doing? What are you doing out there getting this
girl pregnant like this? It's not it's not too late.
We just got to start now. We gotta start now.
Are you ready to start with me? Okay? Email me again,
(27:22):
Email me again, and ask your question in a different way.
You hear me, all right, next question, Let's let's go
here to uh subjecy line subdec line here. Sorry in
my mind, I don't know if y'all could tell my
voice is tired. I've been doing a lot of a
(27:42):
lot of radio talking lately. Subgline says the photographer at
my brother's wedding. Hey, Grangel, this is Carter. I'm seventeen.
I'm from Michigan. I love your music, love your podcast,
I love Jesus, I love making music, and I love hunting.
So here's my question. I was a groonsman in my
brother's wedding and the photographer was really cute. I found
(28:04):
out she's not too much older than me, and I
would love to ask her out, But I feel like
it's weird to just slide into her DMS and tell
her that she's cute and ask her why if we
can get coffee sometime. So I'm wondering about asking this
girl out without being weird about it. I had to
(28:24):
see her in person, really, ever, and so it would
be emailing. I've never been in I've never been in
a legit relationship because I don't want to add that
extra drama. I'm content with my singleness, and honestly I
love it. I now feel that I'm ready to start dating.
(28:45):
I could truly say that I'm not wanting to date
just to date. Sorry, this is kind of long. I
just want to pick your brain and see what you think.
Yee Carter. All right, Carter, So you are seventeen, Michigan,
shout out to Michigan, Love Michigan. You met a cute
girl at a wedding. It was your brothers. You were
(29:06):
the groonsman at your brother's wedding, and the photographer was
really cute. She's about your age. You've never really been
in a relationship because you don't want to add the drama.
I get it. You also just haven't found the one
that makes you forget that drama would be involved, and
that's that's another reason. And you are content with your
(29:27):
singleness and you honestly love it. Cool, but now you
meet a cute girl and all of a sudden you're
ready to start dating, right, Carter. You meet a cute
girl at a wedding that she's a photographer, and you're like, Hey,
this whole singleness thing, like, I've liked it, but I
think I might be ready to start dating. Like I'm
seventeen looking at the clock. Seventeen. Yeah, cute girl wedding, Yeah,
(29:49):
ready to start dating. That's funny. That's a big coincidence, Carter.
I'm just messing with you. Bro. Here's a deal as
entertaining as your email is. This is what happens. Okay,
get a pen, get a paper. You go to your brother,
(30:11):
and you go to your new sister in law most likely,
and you say, Hey, new sister in law, can you
give me a huge solid Can you get me the
phone number of the photographer at your wedding? I know
it sounds weird, but just I think she's cute and
(30:31):
if you don't mind, I'd like to have it. And
she gives you the number. This is brave of you
to cold call her, and so you might text. I
wouldn't hate it if you texted and you just said, hey,
this is a text, right. Hey, you don't know me.
My name is Carter. But I was at the wedding
(30:55):
that you shot a few weeks ago. I have question,
would you mind giving me a call? Ooh, that makes
me nervous just thinking about it. That makes me nervous.
But I think I think that's the right text, because
you don't want to give it all all. You don't
want to just reveal it on the text and say, hey,
(31:16):
I really thought you're cute and I was hoping that
we can grab coffee. You don't want to do that
because because then, like what if she's not around her phone,
she's you know, she's doing something else, and then you're
just sitting there staring at your screen, just wondering if
it's gonna light up. You're gonna do that anyway, but
that's a lot of pressure on one text. Instead say
(31:37):
you don't know me, my name is Carter. I have
a question for you. I got your number from the
bride of a wedding you shot a few weeks ago.
Can you please give me a call, Okay, no pressure
that way. That way, she has no idea what's coming.
She possibly might think it's another job. She calls now, Carter,
I don't know if you guys talked or if you
(31:57):
maybe you did. I don't know if she's gonna remember
or not. But as far as I know, she's gonna
get this and go, yeah, give this dude a call.
You're gonna be so nervous. You're gonna be Maybe she'll
text back and say, yeah, I can give you a
call in an hour, if that's okay, or whatever. She
might set up another call. I don't think she's gonna
just boom the hit the ringer right there. But she's
(32:20):
gonna call you or set up a call, and that
phone's gonna light up. You're gonna be so nervous, so nervous.
But you have to get these words out as soon
as possible. Okay, listen to Carter. You have to get
it out as soon as possible, as soon as she
answers and you are so nervous. Avoid too much small talk, okay,
(32:43):
So get right to the point. Hey, so and so
I met you at the wedding. I was the groomsman
at that wedding. Let her acknowledge yes, I remember. Then
get the next line. Don't don't waste your time with
the weather or the sports, or how's your day going
or anything. No small talk. The next line so that
(33:05):
you can get these nerves out, because that your nerves
will go down immediately when it comes out. You'll say this.
You'll say, I know this might be awkward, Okay, because
it is, but I really I thought you were really cute.
(33:26):
And even though it's really hard for me to say
this because I'm nervous, do you think we could have
her have coffee sometime and let it sit. Now, here's
the thing, the beautiful thing about being vulnerable admitting that
(33:51):
you're nervous, and she'll know the reason that you're nervous
is because you think that she's cute. That's a that's
a massive compliment to her. This boy is nervous because
of me. Right, Okay, that's what she's gonna think. So
then you put it on her plate. And the beauty
(34:12):
of this being on her plate now is that whatever
her answer is will calm your nerves. Regardless even if
she says, ha, don't think so, click You're you won't
be nervous anymore, you're gonna go Well, there's the answer
to that. Moving on back to my content in my singleness,
(34:35):
and that's gonna go away quickly. You're you're gonna be
it's gonna be over and it's no big deal. Or
she says, yes, would love to. Okay, the nervous is
gonna it's gonna go away. And now now it goes
into cool. Well, how about Friday? How about I text
you a place Friday six pm? Sound good good? Or
(34:58):
she says, ah, I'm in a relationship, I'm seeing somebody.
Either way, you have information that you could now work with.
Start with being vulnerable, even though it's awkward. Admit that
you're nervous, Admit that this is difficult. Avoid small talk,
and you will get instantly the information you need to
(35:22):
take the next step. Should I hit this one? This
one's got a lot of exclamations on it, Subclines says, attention,
I need God back a grand your. My name is Sidney.
Been following you since twoenty and thirteen. I'm now married,
twenty years old with an eight month old little girl
(35:43):
named Remington. My husband and I currently live with my
mother in law and we don't get along very well.
She's going through a rough divorce with her manipulative husband.
This divorce has caused several problems between my husband and I,
to the point that I've thought about divorce myself. I
struggle with postpartum to pray. I'm having a hard time
finding God again and keeping my marriage afloat. I'm a
(36:04):
Christian woman as well as my husband, and I love
God dearly and I need and I want him back
in my life. I know it's demons causing the thoughts
of divorce. I've dealt with them before, and I've even
experienced sleep paralysis. How do I reach out to God
to help me to get through this rough patch? What
(36:25):
do I do? I read my Bible daily and nightly,
and I listen to your podcast, highlighting things, reading over
the verses over and over. I pray morning and night
and before dinner. Thank you for taking the time to
help all of us. Love you, brother, have a blessed
a ye yee love Sydney. All right, Sydney, thank you
for being so honest and opening up. And I appreciate
(36:47):
you trusting me with something so sensitive. Let's walk through
it and see what you got here. You're married, you're
twenty years old, eight month little girl named Remington. So
that first of all that lanes that some women have
the severe postpartum depression. Okay, you're you're only eight month,
eight eight months in with this little girl, So that's
(37:09):
I get it. The problem arises immediately when I see
that you are living with your mother in law that
you don't get along with. She's going through a rough divorce,
manipulative husband. Divorce has caused severe problems between you and
your husband. This is a problem. First thing I'll say
(37:33):
about this problem. First thing I'll say, and this really
goes with so many other problems. As you could you
could honestly say about the postpartum depression and about this
current living situation. You could say, this too will pass. Okay,
this is a season. The depression due to the postpartum
(37:55):
is only a season. This living situation with your mother
in law is only a season. It's not gonna be
like this forever. It will get better on both fronts. Okay.
So that being said, I would if we were talking
(38:16):
in a dialogue, I would push you on why your
husband is insisting on staying in a situation where his
wife is knocking heads with his mother, and he could
see that that's causing such a severe rift in his
own marriage that it's even to the point of considering
divorce with his own wife because of the divorce that
(38:38):
his mother's going through. That's rough. And if I was
talking to him, I'd say, brother, what are you doing? Man?
What are you doing? I know you're trying to be
there for your mom and you're giving her a place
to stage she's going through this, but look what it's causing.
This is causing damage, and you got an eight month
old baby girl. Be careful with this. I would go there,
but let's go back to you. What to do, what
(39:02):
to do to get closer and nearer to God? Right,
So it sounds like you're you're in this Bible routine,
you're praying. I love that. The one thing he didn't
mention is finding a body, a church, a group of followers.
That's what we're called to do in the Bible. The
Bible says this, and so we find through I'm sure
(39:24):
you've seen it in your daily readings. But we need
to gather, we need to be with the group, and
we need to we need to become members of the group.
Not just casually going on Sunday and just you know,
backpew say hi, I leave. We need to be involved.
We need to plant ourselves within the church, in the body,
in the membership process, so that we could become members
(39:47):
and we could we could learn with everyone, and we
could allow them to pour into us, and we could
use whatever resources we have to pour into them and
whoever needs anything. It's a family and it becomes something
that everyone benefits from. So once you're in, you're implanted
(40:08):
in this body. And then they say Sydney is going
through tough time, and they're they're taking you to dinner
and they're praying over you, and they're taking you and
your husband together and you guys are talking and they're
they're trying to help all that they can with the marriage.
And it's this big group. There's you know, there's a
(40:30):
big body of people that's an army for you, fighting
for you and your marriage and your sanity. And you're
in through and over your depression and for your baby
girl and for your husband. This is this body. And
if you're not in a church that, if you are
going to church and you don't have a church that's
doing that, then it's it's I would consider looking for
(40:55):
a body of church that that does do that, that
takes their congregation and their members and pours into them daily.
Where these elders are coming together and going, how Sydney doing,
how city doing. We're gonna go buy her house. She's
suffering from postpartum, So we're gonna go to her house
and we're gonna bring her a meal tonight, her and
(41:16):
her husband. We're gonna talk about this, see how she's doing.
It sounds like you need that. We all need that.
I need that Sydney, my wife Amber needs that. We
need this group of believers. We can't live and be
Christians in a vacuum and just look at what paper
(41:40):
says that we should do. We need to see others
living it out. And you see others that are doing
this and praying and reading the Bible like you say
you're doing, and you could see the fruits of what's
happening to them, and it encourages you and you go, wow,
look at this, And then you meanwhile are encouraging someone
else you don't even know. They're like, I'm going through
(42:02):
rough time and I don't know what to do, but
I see Sydney over here, and I know what she's
going through, and she's just diligent and reading her Bible
and praying, and I love that about her, and that's
really encouraging to me. And that's your chance then to
pour in. And as you start serving and pouring into
this other family, you realize your own family's mending at
(42:22):
the same time. It's crazy when we serve how that happens.
That's my suggestion to you. And I love you guys,
all of y'all. Thanks for listening, and I will see
you next Monday. Yege, thanks for joining me on the
Granger Smith Podcast. I appreciate all of you guys. You
could help me out by rating this podcast on iTunes.
If you're on YouTube, subscribe to this channel, hit that
(42:45):
little like button and notification spell so that you never
miss anytime I upload a video. If you have a
question for me that you would like me to answer,
email Grangersmith Podcast at gmail dot com. Yig
You got to show me something. Marquise, what are you doing?
What are you doing out there getting this girl pregnant
like this? It's not it's not too late. We just
got to start now. What's up, everybody? Welcome to the podcast.
(00:24):
Thank you for listening and watching episode one hundred and
seventy one, wherever you came from, whatever platform you're using
to get here. I'm grateful for you. Those of y'all
that have listened, listened to a whole bunch of episodes
in the past, Thank you for hanging with it. If
you're brand new, welcome. What we do is we answer
your questions. Email Grangersmith podcast at gmail dot com. Could
(00:49):
be about any subject, and I'll just walk through it
like we're two friends sit in the in the cab
of a truck and discussing anything in life, really, and
it's all over the place. Don't send the same email twice,
and don't send one longer than about a phone link,
because that's what allows me to read it in a
concise way and then talk about discuss it with y'all
(01:11):
on this podcast. So let's jump into it. First. Email here,
subject line says confused need advice, Hey Grangel My name
is James. I'm eighteen. I dated a girl for nine
months and we broke up. It wasn't anything bad that
we broke up over. We just argued a lot. And
she texted me out of the blue the other day though,
and we kind of started talking. And I still have
(01:32):
feelings for her, but I don't know if she feels
the same or not for me, or even how the
process is going to go with this whole thing. Any
advice would really help me. Love your music, love your podcast. Thanks.
It comes from James eighteen. Brother. This is the thing
a lot of these emails that I see you ask
me a question and I think to myself, that's the
(01:56):
exact question you could ask to her. And then I
wonder what is lost these days? Or is this just
always been this way where we just feel nervous to
ask the very thing that we need the answer from,
and so we go to someone else. And I'm grateful
that you email me, James, because what I want to
(02:17):
tell you is flip this around on her. So you
said I still have feelings for her, but I don't
know if she feels the same. So I would sit
her down and say that I don't have to put
better words in your mouth. I could just say your
words you go. Hey, I know that we've started texting recently,
(02:39):
and I would love to talk about something with you
if you get a chance. Love to jump on the phone,
don't text love to discuss something. You could hear my voice.
I want you to hear my voice. Okay, but that's
important anyway. Instead of texting something like this so many
times in situations of any kind of circumstance, let's learn
(03:01):
when to get off the text and get on a
phone call or in person so that they can hear
the inflection of our voice, so that they don't know
that we're not mad about this. You could hear in
someone's voice that they're not mad, they're actually just very
sympathetic about it, and it could come across as angry
(03:21):
on a text. So this is something you're gonna say, Hey,
I want to I want you to hear from me
in person, hear my voice, or we can get together
and then say this, say I still have feelings for you,
but I don't know if you feel the same, do you.
That's it? Like, think what that answer? Think when she
(03:45):
answers you, think what that will accomplish? In your mind.
Even if she says I'm not sure, I don't know,
that says something that that's an answer for you. Right
If she says no, I just want to be friends,
that's a really solid answer that gives you a good
(04:08):
game plan of where to go from there. And if
she says yes, you say me too. What's going to date?
Thanks for the email, James jump into another one here.
The subject client says, major career decision and hearing God's voice.
Hey Grangel, I've been looking for a little spiritual advice.
(04:31):
My name is John. I'm twenty years old. I'm a
college freshman up in Canada. I'm in the Canadian Air
Force under a contract to be a pilot, where the
military is paying for my education in flight training. The
catch is that since they're investing so much money into me,
the contract length is nearly two decades. I won't be
out until twenty thirty nine. There's a one year back
(04:54):
out period in the contract with no financial penalty, So
if I'm going to leave, I need to leave this year.
I feel called to be a pilot, but I've always
been unsure about which pathway civilian or military I should
take to get there. I'm now realizing that the CITVIY
side can offer just as much adventure, much more freedom,
and a better lifestyle without the strains that military life
(05:18):
puts on you and your family. But on the other hand,
the military program that I'm in is an amazing opportunity,
and I'm worried that I would end up regretting it
if I leave. I'm trying to just leave this in
God's hands and let him lead me to what He's
calling me to do. But I'm having trouble hearing God's voice.
My family, my girlfriend, and all of us are praying
(05:41):
about it daily because the clock is ticking for me
to decide. Just looking for any advice about how to
make my vision more clear and align my path with
God's will. Sorry for the link of the question. Appreciate
everything you do, John, John, Thanks for the email, buddy,
Thank you for your service and what you're doing right now,
and thanks for listening to the podcast and trusting me
(06:02):
with a very important question for your life. And I
think it's a solid question. I think it's a solid
thing to be thinking about. So let me walk through
it with you, kind of step by step, according to
what I know that you've told me in something like
this in order to first of all, in order to
(06:26):
align ourselves our path with God's will, as these are
your words, then I would say, what are you doing
in your life that are fruits of the result of
you in a total surrender walk with your Creator. That's
what I would ask. Like if we were friends and
(06:48):
we're sitting down, I would say, tell me, describe to
me your life is do you have Would you say
you're someone that says my faith is number one or
God is number one in my life? I would say, okay,
describe to me what that looks like practically. For instance,
if you said I am a boxer and boxing is
(07:12):
number one in my life, I would get it pretty quickly.
I would be like, yeah, I see the bruises under
the eyes. I would see the ears and the nose,
and I could see the chiseled arms, and I could
see the towel around your shoulders and the gym bag,
and I could tell you just got out of the
gym and you probably are there eighteen hours a day. Yes,
(07:35):
I get it. You look like a man that is putting.
Boxing is number one. I get it. So if you
are the guy that says I put God number one.
I would say, Okay, let's look at what you're doing.
Not because that's what matters to get there, but that
would be a result of you having an encounter with
the living God and you're like, dude, I just asked
(07:57):
you about being a pilot, and you're going way off
in this tangent. I did that, John, because you're you're
talking about leaving this in God's hands. And so when
you say I'm gonna leave this in God's hands, that's
a that's a form of saying I'm gonna surrender this
to him. So first I would say, are you in
his word all the time? Do you crave reading His
(08:21):
word in the morning and you get a cup of
coffee and you're like, before I start this mess of
a day, I'm in this routine, this rat race that
we all all of us do, I'm gonna I'm gonna
spend time with my creator in the Bible. Okay. I
would ask you if that's something or are you part
of a body of a church that is keeping you
(08:42):
accountable and you're you're submitting to that accountability as well,
and and you're talking with the body about these kind
of decisions. I would ask that. I would say, what
other kind of wise counsel around you are you discussing
this decision with? And then I would ask you, if
(09:07):
you are truly submitting this to God, can you take
a step off the ledge and say, okay, I'm doing
this stuff. There's there's fruits of me submitting. There's fruits
in my life like peace, hope, might have less anxiety.
(09:27):
These are these are these would be fruits of that
true surrender. And then you go, all right, obviously here's
a big deal, John, God is not gonna speak to
you through some megaphone in the clouds. You know that
doesn't happen, right, Like, you're not gonna walk outside. It's
gonna go, John, take the military route, and you're gonna go,
(09:50):
oh yeah, got it, Thanks God, I'm off on the
military route. Then you know that doesn't happen, right, So
and you take a step off that ledge and you go,
I'm trusting you God, So I'm gonna trust this path.
I'm gonna walk this path. Hey, close the door if
I'm not supposed to walk it, open the door wideer
(10:11):
if I am. It really is that simple. Before you
do that, you get wise counsel I would I would
suggest wise counsel in your church, in your family, and
don't forget to get wise counsel of people that have
done both of these paths before you in one direction
another the other. So you're gonna talk to a pilot
(10:32):
that's done this for twenty years on the civilian side,
and you say, mister so and so, mister civilian pilot,
do you ever have a regret that you didn't stick
with the military And he goes, ha, let me tell
you a story about that, okay, And then then you
(10:54):
find another guy that has done this for twenty years
on the military side, and you go, miss, your military pilot,
do you ever feel regret that maybe you restrained your
life by staying stuck in this one vein and you
didn't have the freedom on the civilian side, and you
let him tell you the story. This is not rocket science,
(11:17):
but we want to make it rocket science. When we
just sit in our rooms and we go, what it's
God's will. I don't know what God's will? Are you
trying to say? God? And we have brains that we
can use our brains. Paul says, we need to use
our brains. We use our minds to discern God's will,
(11:38):
not our gut, not our heart, not our feelings, our mind,
by the transforming of our minds. So we go, Okay,
practically speaking, I'm going to talk to people on either side.
And after you talk to mister civilian pilot man and
mister military pilot man, and you get a good idea
and it comes back to you and you go, I'm
(11:59):
lean towards the advice I got from the civilian guy
because he told me he did not regret not doing
the military blah blah blah whatever, It doesn't matter. This
is not my decision, John, this is you. But I'm
just saying in that scenario, then you go, okay, done,
I'm gonna move forward with this decision. God, I'm surrendering
(12:22):
this to you. Therefore, I will move forward to the
civilian side, knowing that if I'm submitted to you and
I'm in your word and I'm in a good relationship
with you, then you will have set up this previous
conversation with the civilian pilot and given my heart the
desire for that. Does that make sense? And so then
(12:46):
you go here we go, got a moving towards the
civilian side, and then you go to your recruiter or
whatever guy you need to release you from this one
year program. And he goes, Oh, that's interesting, John, Yeah,
we just had another guy to come in that's going
to fill your spot. So this actually makes it really easy.
And I could sign you off right now if you want,
(13:08):
and we could just say goodbye. And you think to yourself,
it's that easy. Wow, the door is getting wider to
go this direction. I could give you a complete scenario
of the opposite direction, but you get my point. We
don't have to over spiritualize. We don't have to look
into the clouds or the butterflies or the redbirds for
some crazy sign. We can go here's my relationship with God.
(13:30):
I'm going to use my brain transforming of my mind
to discern God's will and I'm going to move forward
on this path after wise, counsel and you could make
a very hard, difficult decision. Easy. Next question some decline
college and marriage. That grandeer. My name is Grace and
(13:51):
I'm eighteen. I'm from Indiana. I'm currently in a relationship
of over one year to the man I know I
will marry. I've always taught about getting married young, but
I keep pushing it off till I get out of college.
I'll be going to college in November of twenty three
for an eighteen month vet tech program. I recently got
a dog, so I cannot live on campus. That being said,
(14:12):
I'm trying to find other living spaces, such as renting
or buying a camper, which are not cheap. My boyfriend
and I have talked about just moving in together, but
I do not want to until after marriage. I'm not
sure what to do. Should I go ahead and get
married or wait till college is over and try to
find my own living space. Love your podcast, Love how
(14:33):
you speak God's truth things, Grace, thank you for emailing.
I'm gonna kind of treat this like you or would
be my daughter like I would be talking to London,
because she is about six years younger than you. And
quite honestly, the first thing, like the first thing that
(14:54):
stuck out when I read this email is I thought, well,
get rid of the dog, and that solves so many problems,
like right, am I right? And you're like, no, I
love this dog, but really, like we're talking about a dog.
The dog is what's in between this entire if you
think about this entire problem of a situation, this big dilemma.
(15:19):
There's just a dog that you just got in the
middle of it, and could your mom keep the dog,
or your sister or a friend, because it sounds like
you recently got a dog, so you can't live on campus.
That's the cause of the effect of now you can't
live anywhere that's cheap, and you can't buy a camper,
(15:41):
and you don't want to move in with your boyfriend. No,
you're not going to move in with your boyfriend. Any
other podcast will tell you moving with your boyfriend, but
not this one. You know that from me? So cold?
Is that an option? Like? That's what I'm saying right now?
Could we get rid of the dog? That solved. There's
a lot of this other than that. Let's go to
(16:03):
the bigger question you're asking me, Should I just go
ahead and get married? Well, if I'm talking to my daughter,
then it makes it more difficult because I'm saying this.
I'm saying on one hand, you're saying, I have been
(16:24):
dating this guy for one year and I know he's
the man I will marry. Okay, fabulous, And I'm hearing
that and going But you're just eighteen, and you certainly
could know, and you certainly are probably way more mature
(16:44):
than I was at eighteen, but you're still eighteen and
this guy is about the same age, I'm guessing, and
we're still kids at some level at that age. So
I'm hesitant to be like, yeah, marry him, you know,
get this done, when all the problem really is is
(17:08):
you got a dog, and maybe you should just get
rid of the dog and do this eighteen month vettech
program and then maybe you'll be what almost twenty two one,
and you could know that yes, I'm definitely gonna get
married to this guy. Just thinking out loud. There's no
(17:30):
I'm not saying definitively. I'm saying one thing definitively. You're
not going to move in with this guy. That's the
bad move. That's not the move to move in with
this guy just to save money. That's a bad move.
That is definitive. But then the gray area is should
you get married now, be based on that you met
(17:51):
him when you're seventeen and you think he's the man
you're gonna marry, or should you I don't know, get
a camper. I don't know. There feels we need to
sit down more with this one. You're not gonna move
in with them. This is what I would say. You're
my daughter, I would say, you're not gonna move in
with him. I'm gonna keep the dog. I'm your dad,
give me the dog. I'll keep the dog for a
(18:12):
little bit. I know, I know, honey, I know you
love the dog. But you need to be on campus
with the other students where you could walk close to
your class. This is gonna go by. Eighteen months are
gonna fly by. You're gonna be right here on campus.
That's where the food is, and that's where your classes
are in the bookstore. It is. You're gonna finish this
and I'm gonna give you the dog back. And then
at that point you're also, hey, bonus, you're gonna know
(18:32):
if this is the guy you're gonna marry or not.
That's my answer. We'll take a break, be right back.
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Back to the podcast, all right, Coming back to the podcast.
(20:01):
Next email right into it. Subjectline says trust in God.
Hey Granger, I was dating this girl back in August
to September. I love how these emails done. You get
right to it. I was dating this girl back in
August to September. I've had a history for about four
years before we started dating. I don't know what that
(20:22):
means exactly. She broke up with me, and a week
later she tells me she's pregnant. Fast forward, she removes
me from all social media and blocks my number. Then
she adds me on Snapchat before it's Thanksgiving and we
start talking again. We find out we are having a girl.
But about a month later, she asked if I was
(20:44):
talking to other girls and proceeded to block me again
when I denied it. Needless to say, with everything that
I am, with everything, I'm having a hard time trusting
God and what to do. Thanks Marquise, Marquise, let me recap.
Let me recap, just to get myself set on what's happening.
(21:05):
You were dating this girl back in August to September.
I'm trying to figure out this history. I have had
a history for about four years before we started dating.
I don't know what that means. I'm gonna skip that
part because I don't know what it means, but I'm
gonna I'm gonna look at it this way. You guys
broke up right, and a week later she tells you
(21:31):
she's pregnant. Then fast forward, she removes you from all
socials and blocks your number after she tells you she's pregnant.
Then time goes by. I'm guessing she adds you on
Snapchat and you start talking again. You find out during
that time you're talking that you're having a baby girl.
(21:52):
Then a month later I should write down like a
timeline so I can keep up with this might be easier.
Then a month later she asks you if you're talking
to other girls. I'm not sure what you said. But
then she blocks you again. Oh when you denied it?
There it is, you denied it. She blocks you again.
(22:14):
Needless to say, with everything, you are having a hard
time trusting God? And what to do? Marquise, Marquise, Marquise,
I'm following. I'm tracking with you now. Bro. Thank you
for emailing and thank you for trusting me with your
life right here. This is a big part of your life.
(22:37):
I'm wondering. I'm just the first thing I'm saying is
I'm just wondering. Your subject line is trusting God, and
your last line says I'm having a hard time trusting God.
And what to do. And I'm wondering where God is
in this story and why it matters, why he matters
to you at all? And You're like, man Granger, you
(23:03):
answer so many emails about God. Why are you not
answering my email about God? And I'm saying, Marquis, if
I was sitting in a cab of truck with you
and we were talking, I would say, what does God
have to do with this? What does God? What does
God have to do with your life? That is a
hypothetical question, because I know I know what God does
(23:29):
in his sovereignty in this universe, right, But I would
ask you, what does what does God have to do
in your mind with this situation at all? Why are
you bringing Him into it? Right? Am I wrong to
think to kind of push that? Because it doesn't sound
(23:50):
like God was in any of the stuff before the
situation got to a point where you wanted to question
whether or not you could trust him or not? What
were you trusting him in before? With have you ever
trusted him? Because this is much that's that is the question.
It's not the question of what do you do with
the girl? How do you be a good dab for
(24:12):
the baby? Girl, How do you get her to ever
follow you on Snapchat again? How do you move forward
in some kind of relationships that's just secondary to what
is your relationship with God? You brought it up, you
(24:34):
emailed me, So now I'm going to push you on that, Marquith,
what is your relationship with God? Now I've said this
before in different ways, but it would be equivalent of
you and I'm not knocking on you. I love you, brother,
(24:54):
and you're one of my listeners on here, and you
email me and it means a lot. So let me
put it like this. The equivalent thing would be you
come to me and you say, hey, Granger, I'm trying
to trying to be a professional guitar player and I'm
(25:15):
just really starting to doubt my future as a professional
guitar player. I'm starting to lose trust in my ability
to be a professional guitar player. And I would say, Okay, well,
can I come to your house one day and help you?
And you go yes please. So I go over to
your house and you're sitting on the couch and you're
(25:35):
watching TV, and I say, okay, let's talk about you said.
You said you're losing trust, and the idea that you're
going to be a professional guitar player. Let's play a
little bit first. Let's just get a ground bas level
of what you're playing is like. And you look at
me straight, dead in the eye, and you look at
me and you say, oh, I mean I don't own
(25:56):
a guitar. And I say, you wanted to be a
professional guitar player, and when things got tough, you started
losing trust that you would be a professional guitar player.
And all this time, you don't own a guitar. You've
never practiced, you never watched a YouTube video on guitar
(26:19):
making chord skills. That's kind of what I'm feeling on
this whole relationship thing. Marquise. You're like laying out this
whole story. You got this girl pregnant, and she's like crazy,
she's blocking you on stuff and then adding you, and
then she's having a baby girl. And maybe it's yours,
(26:39):
maybe it's some other guys. And I'm saying, dude, do
you even own a Bible? Man? I'm saying that I
love too. I hope you hear that in my voice
that I want to help you learn to play guitar.
I want to help your dream of being a professional
(27:00):
guitar player. But we gotta start with a guitar, right,
you gotta you gotta show me something, Marquise, What are
you doing? What are you doing out there getting this
girl pregnant like this? It's not it's not too late.
We just got to start now. We gotta start now.
Are you ready to start with me? Okay? Email me again,
(27:22):
Email me again, and ask your question in a different way.
You hear me, all right, next question, Let's let's go
here to uh subjecy line subdec line here. Sorry in
my mind, I don't know if y'all could tell my
voice is tired. I've been doing a lot of a
(27:42):
lot of radio talking lately. Subgline says the photographer at
my brother's wedding. Hey, Grangel, this is Carter. I'm seventeen.
I'm from Michigan. I love your music, love your podcast,
I love Jesus, I love making music, and I love hunting.
So here's my question. I was a groonsman in my
brother's wedding and the photographer was really cute. I found
(28:04):
out she's not too much older than me, and I
would love to ask her out, But I feel like
it's weird to just slide into her DMS and tell
her that she's cute and ask her why if we
can get coffee sometime. So I'm wondering about asking this
girl out without being weird about it. I had to
(28:24):
see her in person, really, ever, and so it would
be emailing. I've never been in I've never been in
a legit relationship because I don't want to add that
extra drama. I'm content with my singleness, and honestly I
love it. I now feel that I'm ready to start dating.
(28:45):
I could truly say that I'm not wanting to date
just to date. Sorry, this is kind of long. I
just want to pick your brain and see what you think.
Yee Carter. All right, Carter, So you are seventeen, Michigan,
shout out to Michigan, Love Michigan. You met a cute
girl at a wedding. It was your brothers. You were
(29:06):
the groonsman at your brother's wedding, and the photographer was
really cute. She's about your age. You've never really been
in a relationship because you don't want to add the drama.
I get it. You also just haven't found the one
that makes you forget that drama would be involved, and
that's that's another reason. And you are content with your
(29:27):
singleness and you honestly love it. Cool, but now you
meet a cute girl and all of a sudden you're
ready to start dating, right, Carter. You meet a cute
girl at a wedding that she's a photographer, and you're like, Hey,
this whole singleness thing, like, I've liked it, but I
think I might be ready to start dating. Like I'm
seventeen looking at the clock. Seventeen. Yeah, cute girl wedding, Yeah,
(29:49):
ready to start dating. That's funny. That's a big coincidence, Carter.
I'm just messing with you. Bro. Here's a deal as
entertaining as your email is. This is what happens. Okay,
get a pen, get a paper. You go to your brother,
(30:11):
and you go to your new sister in law most likely,
and you say, Hey, new sister in law, can you
give me a huge solid Can you get me the
phone number of the photographer at your wedding? I know
it sounds weird, but just I think she's cute and
(30:31):
if you don't mind, I'd like to have it. And
she gives you the number. This is brave of you
to cold call her, and so you might text. I
wouldn't hate it if you texted and you just said, hey,
this is a text, right. Hey, you don't know me.
My name is Carter. But I was at the wedding
(30:55):
that you shot a few weeks ago. I have question,
would you mind giving me a call? Ooh, that makes
me nervous just thinking about it. That makes me nervous.
But I think I think that's the right text, because
you don't want to give it all all. You don't
want to just reveal it on the text and say, hey,
(31:16):
I really thought you're cute and I was hoping that
we can grab coffee. You don't want to do that
because because then, like what if she's not around her phone,
she's you know, she's doing something else, and then you're
just sitting there staring at your screen, just wondering if
it's gonna light up. You're gonna do that anyway, but
that's a lot of pressure on one text. Instead say
(31:37):
you don't know me, my name is Carter. I have
a question for you. I got your number from the
bride of a wedding you shot a few weeks ago.
Can you please give me a call, Okay, no pressure
that way. That way, she has no idea what's coming.
She possibly might think it's another job. She calls now, Carter,
I don't know if you guys talked or if you
(31:57):
maybe you did. I don't know if she's gonna remember
or not. But as far as I know, she's gonna
get this and go, yeah, give this dude a call.
You're gonna be so nervous. You're gonna be Maybe she'll
text back and say, yeah, I can give you a
call in an hour, if that's okay, or whatever. She
might set up another call. I don't think she's gonna
just boom the hit the ringer right there. But she's
(32:20):
gonna call you or set up a call, and that
phone's gonna light up. You're gonna be so nervous, so nervous.
But you have to get these words out as soon
as possible. Okay, listen to Carter. You have to get
it out as soon as possible, as soon as she
answers and you are so nervous. Avoid too much small talk, okay,
(32:43):
So get right to the point. Hey, so and so
I met you at the wedding. I was the groomsman
at that wedding. Let her acknowledge yes, I remember. Then
get the next line. Don't don't waste your time with
the weather or the sports, or how's your day going
or anything. No small talk. The next line so that
(33:05):
you can get these nerves out, because that your nerves
will go down immediately when it comes out. You'll say this.
You'll say, I know this might be awkward, Okay, because
it is, but I really I thought you were really cute.
(33:26):
And even though it's really hard for me to say
this because I'm nervous, do you think we could have
her have coffee sometime and let it sit. Now, here's
the thing, the beautiful thing about being vulnerable admitting that
(33:51):
you're nervous, and she'll know the reason that you're nervous
is because you think that she's cute. That's a that's
a massive compliment to her. This boy is nervous because
of me. Right, Okay, that's what she's gonna think. So
then you put it on her plate. And the beauty
(34:12):
of this being on her plate now is that whatever
her answer is will calm your nerves. Regardless even if
she says, ha, don't think so, click You're you won't
be nervous anymore, you're gonna go Well, there's the answer
to that. Moving on back to my content in my singleness,
(34:35):
and that's gonna go away quickly. You're you're gonna be
it's gonna be over and it's no big deal. Or
she says, yes, would love to. Okay, the nervous is
gonna it's gonna go away. And now now it goes
into cool. Well, how about Friday? How about I text
you a place Friday six pm? Sound good good? Or
(34:58):
she says, ah, I'm in a relationship, I'm seeing somebody.
Either way, you have information that you could now work with.
Start with being vulnerable, even though it's awkward. Admit that
you're nervous, Admit that this is difficult. Avoid small talk,
and you will get instantly the information you need to
(35:22):
take the next step. Should I hit this one? This
one's got a lot of exclamations on it, Subclines says, attention,
I need God back a grand your. My name is Sidney.
Been following you since twoenty and thirteen. I'm now married,
twenty years old with an eight month old little girl
(35:43):
named Remington. My husband and I currently live with my
mother in law and we don't get along very well.
She's going through a rough divorce with her manipulative husband.
This divorce has caused several problems between my husband and I,
to the point that I've thought about divorce myself. I
struggle with postpartum to pray. I'm having a hard time
finding God again and keeping my marriage afloat. I'm a
(36:04):
Christian woman as well as my husband, and I love
God dearly and I need and I want him back
in my life. I know it's demons causing the thoughts
of divorce. I've dealt with them before, and I've even
experienced sleep paralysis. How do I reach out to God
to help me to get through this rough patch? What
(36:25):
do I do? I read my Bible daily and nightly,
and I listen to your podcast, highlighting things, reading over
the verses over and over. I pray morning and night
and before dinner. Thank you for taking the time to
help all of us. Love you, brother, have a blessed
a ye yee love Sydney. All right, Sydney, thank you
for being so honest and opening up. And I appreciate
(36:47):
you trusting me with something so sensitive. Let's walk through
it and see what you got here. You're married, you're
twenty years old, eight month little girl named Remington. So
that first of all that lanes that some women have
the severe postpartum depression. Okay, you're you're only eight month,
eight eight months in with this little girl, So that's
(37:09):
I get it. The problem arises immediately when I see
that you are living with your mother in law that
you don't get along with. She's going through a rough divorce,
manipulative husband. Divorce has caused severe problems between you and
your husband. This is a problem. First thing I'll say
(37:33):
about this problem. First thing I'll say, and this really
goes with so many other problems. As you could you
could honestly say about the postpartum depression and about this
current living situation. You could say, this too will pass. Okay,
this is a season. The depression due to the postpartum
(37:55):
is only a season. This living situation with your mother
in law is only a season. It's not gonna be
like this forever. It will get better on both fronts. Okay.
So that being said, I would if we were talking
(38:16):
in a dialogue, I would push you on why your
husband is insisting on staying in a situation where his
wife is knocking heads with his mother, and he could
see that that's causing such a severe rift in his
own marriage that it's even to the point of considering
divorce with his own wife because of the divorce that
(38:38):
his mother's going through. That's rough. And if I was
talking to him, I'd say, brother, what are you doing? Man?
What are you doing? I know you're trying to be
there for your mom and you're giving her a place
to stage she's going through this, but look what it's causing.
This is causing damage, and you got an eight month
old baby girl. Be careful with this. I would go there,
but let's go back to you. What to do, what
(39:02):
to do to get closer and nearer to God? Right,
So it sounds like you're you're in this Bible routine,
you're praying. I love that. The one thing he didn't
mention is finding a body, a church, a group of followers.
That's what we're called to do in the Bible. The
Bible says this, and so we find through I'm sure
(39:24):
you've seen it in your daily readings. But we need
to gather, we need to be with the group, and
we need to we need to become members of the group.
Not just casually going on Sunday and just you know,
backpew say hi, I leave. We need to be involved.
We need to plant ourselves within the church, in the body,
in the membership process, so that we could become members
(39:47):
and we could we could learn with everyone, and we
could allow them to pour into us, and we could
use whatever resources we have to pour into them and
whoever needs anything. It's a family and it becomes something
that everyone benefits from. So once you're in, you're implanted
(40:08):
in this body. And then they say Sydney is going
through tough time, and they're they're taking you to dinner
and they're praying over you, and they're taking you and
your husband together and you guys are talking and they're
they're trying to help all that they can with the marriage.
And it's this big group. There's you know, there's a
(40:30):
big body of people that's an army for you, fighting
for you and your marriage and your sanity. And you're
in through and over your depression and for your baby
girl and for your husband. This is this body. And
if you're not in a church that, if you are
going to church and you don't have a church that's
doing that, then it's it's I would consider looking for
(40:55):
a body of church that that does do that, that
takes their congregation and their members and pours into them daily.
Where these elders are coming together and going, how Sydney doing,
how city doing. We're gonna go buy her house. She's
suffering from postpartum, So we're gonna go to her house
and we're gonna bring her a meal tonight, her and
(41:16):
her husband. We're gonna talk about this, see how she's doing.
It sounds like you need that. We all need that.
I need that Sydney, my wife Amber needs that. We
need this group of believers. We can't live and be
Christians in a vacuum and just look at what paper
(41:40):
says that we should do. We need to see others
living it out. And you see others that are doing
this and praying and reading the Bible like you say
you're doing, and you could see the fruits of what's
happening to them, and it encourages you and you go, wow,
look at this, And then you meanwhile are encouraging someone
else you don't even know. They're like, I'm going through
(42:02):
rough time and I don't know what to do, but
I see Sydney over here, and I know what she's
going through, and she's just diligent and reading her Bible
and praying, and I love that about her, and that's
really encouraging to me. And that's your chance then to
pour in. And as you start serving and pouring into
this other family, you realize your own family's mending at
(42:22):
the same time. It's crazy when we serve how that happens.
That's my suggestion to you. And I love you guys,
all of y'all. Thanks for listening, and I will see
you next Monday. Yege, thanks for joining me on the
Granger Smith Podcast. I appreciate all of you guys. You
could help me out by rating this podcast on iTunes.
If you're on YouTube, subscribe to this channel, hit that
(42:45):
little like button and notification spell so that you never
miss anytime I upload a video. If you have a
question for me that you would like me to answer,
email Grangersmith Podcast at gmail dot com. Yig
Host
Granger Smith
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