February 6, 2023 • 45 mins
Granger Smith Podcast Episode 174: Men need help - Talking about your emotions can be very difficult, but communicating your struggle to your community is the first step to making progress. Join me as we chat about this topic and more!
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Speaker 1 (00:00):
I'm not good at verbalizing my feelings. So if I
seem stoic to you, if I seem like I don't care,
it's not that I'm just not great at expressing it.
I mean, that's a good place to start. What's up, guys,
(00:30):
Welcome to the podcast, Episode one hundred and seventy four.
Thanks for being here and watching and listening wherever you're
coming from, whatever platform you're you're on right now. I
just I'm grateful to be able to speak into wherever
you are as a friend, because we all need a
friend sometimes to bounce ideas off of. And you know,
(00:52):
thank God for technology these days, where we could we
could sit here on a podcast something that we're familiar
with and walk through problems. Basically, you, guys, email me.
That's the whole format of this thing. You email me
Grangersmith Podcast at gmail dot com. Any kind of question
could be about any subjects. We've seen it all one
(01:13):
hundred and seventy four episodes. We've seen every kind of question,
at least I think so far. So if you got
something for me, shoot it over, we'll discuss it. I
have no notes on this table, I have no preparation
or fancy beautiful quotes lined up for you. We're just
talking like we're in the cab of a truck, like
we're sitting around a campfire. That's what we do every
(01:33):
single Monday. So let's get to it. First question here,
subject line says, unsure how to go about this? Hey, Granger,
As a man who grew up in a household where
you don't talk about your feelings very much, how would
you do that with others on submarines? There's a stigma
about talking about your problems sometimes because you don't want
(01:55):
the wrong thing to be portrayed and then be disqualified. However,
I've been starting to drink more and everything seems to
pour out when I drink. I don't want to continue
drinking a lot. I also don't know how to go
about talking about things that go on in my mind.
Thank you, Austin. Are you on a submarine, bro? Surely
(02:18):
not currently while you're emailing. Do submarines have Wi Fi?
I'm not sure either way. Hey, I don't think you
just said that casually. Thank you for your service, Thanks
for what you do. I'm assuming Navy. What's so? What's
so interesting? I find this so interesting? On this podcast?
(02:38):
Each and every week I read these questions and I
see interesting things about human nature. Right, I've learned so
much through all of these episodes with you guys. Look
at this. Let me showt it. Come on it, everybody,
come on in huddle around the campfire, and let's look
at this question that Austin is sending. He saying to me,
(03:01):
I'm gonna I'm gonna kind of give him some words here.
I have a feeling that I'm having trouble feeling how
to express my feelings, and so I'm feeling that maybe
I'm inadequate in the feeling that I'm having with these
feelings that I'm trying to express through others because they
(03:22):
want me to express my feelings. That's how I feel
about the stranger. That's basically the question that you asked me.
And it's it's always interesting when people word things the
exact way that I think they should word it to
everyone else, But for some reason, you guys feel comfortable
enough to say it with me. What you just did,
(03:45):
Austin was great. You expressed yourself and gave me a
piece of who you are through just a few short sentences,
and you did it very well and it's it's interesting
that you could open up on an email through a
podcast and have trouble on the submarine with your buddies.
(04:09):
So here's the thing, let's dive into it. Let's get
practical about this. I just want to point out that
you are capable of doing it right. So, practically speaking,
alcohol is not going to be a good good with you.
This is not it's not a crutch that you need
to learn how to drink alcohol so that you could
say more of your feelings. That's a short term solution.
(04:31):
That's that's going to go wrong or bad in some way,
probably soon, sooner than later. It's a short term fix.
It's it's just numbing the circumstance, right, but it's not
fixing it at all. That's what alcohol does. So, practically speaking,
(04:52):
surrounding yourself with a core group of friends, people around
you or hey, some people say I don't have friends, Okay,
people you're around people, you're you are surrounded with it work.
You don't have to call them friends if you If
you say that you don't have any friends, surely you
live on this planet Earth around other people. So we'll
just call it that people in your group around you
(05:14):
your tribe, and you want to tell this tribe, you
want to say, you know what. I struggle with telling
you my feelings. So if I seem distant or off
or quiet, just no ahead of time. That's just me, man.
I'm just I got I got an issue I have.
(05:36):
I have the trouble expressing my feelings. There's nothing wrong
with that. There's nothing wrong with you at all. I mean,
that's like saying to anyone else I have asthma. You know.
It's like we're all running a marathon. Not me. I'm
not a good runner. But say we're saying we're running
a marathon, and before you run, you say, hey, just
(06:01):
let you guys know I got asthma. I don't breathe
too well, especially in humidity or in smog or whatever.
I don't have a good breathing technique. I have a
short lung capacity. Okay, And everyone would go cool, Well,
now that we know that, let's put you in this group,
(06:21):
or that we'll keep an eye on you, or we'll
just know that about you in some way, it's the
same thing with our feelings or being able to express
anything about ourselves, Like, hey, I just want to tell
y'all man, I'm not good at verbalizing my feelings. So
if I seem stoic to you, if I seem like
(06:43):
I don't care, it's not that I'm just not great
at expressing it. I mean, that's a good place to start. Look,
you want to break the ice, let's build a let's
build a totally practical scenario. Or sitting at chow right,
sitting at the table, got some people around you. You
(07:05):
guys are just challenging down some food, and you go, hey,
can I ask y'all a question? People look up, put
the forks down. Yeah, Alison, what's up? Do I ever
seem distant to you? Guys are quiet apathetic to a
situation in any way. Put your own words in there.
(07:26):
Some guy goes, I don't know, maybe, and you go,
that's because I have I don't know. I kind of
got an issue with expressing my feelings. I grew up
in a household where you don't talk much about your feelings,
and that's just how I learned to grow up. And
I just want you guys to know that if you
(07:47):
see me in that kind of situation, that just call
me out on it or nudge me in the gut.
That's just the way I am. It's like saying I
got asthma. People will appreciate that kind of vulnerable ability
and that kind of honesty. Alcohol is not going to
fix it for you. Next question, steptic Lyne says dating,
(08:12):
Hey grangeer. Recently, my best friends fiance started writing and
working together with a girl who I have started to
become attracted to. Let me read that for myself. Recently,
my best friends fiance started writing and working together with
a girl who I have started to become attracted to.
We all hang out and we go out and we eat,
(08:33):
but I can't really decide if she feels the same.
We all get along and have a good time together,
and her and I talk pretty regularly. How do I
go about or figure out if she feels the same way?
Love your pod and your music? Thanks brother, all right,
My question comes from logan. Appreciate you brother, Thanks for
the email and your situation is man, I probably get
(08:56):
this kind of question. How do I tell a girl
that I like her or how do I know that
she likes me? Back? That kind of question I get
so much, y'all. I get my inbox just gets flooded
with I like a girl. I don't know how to
tell her that I like her? How do I know
that she likes me back? Like some way? That question
(09:19):
is asked every single day to this podcast. So let
me try to say this universally for a lot of
people listening. Right, I say many times on this podcast,
I'm not always right, and every personality is different. So
(09:40):
I'm going to say this in a way that I
would need to do it for myself. I say need
because I'm hesitant to say this is the way I
would do it, because it's hard to do it. This
is hard, y'all. It's not easy like this. This is
a difficult thing because it's it's vulnerable, and it's awkward,
(10:03):
and it's humiliating and it's nerve wracking, and it is is.
It's part of dating, and it's it's part of humanity. Right,
So this is what I would recommend for someone like me,
and the way my brain works, I need to put
an ultimatum in my own brain. I need to put
(10:24):
I need to get it out there so that I
don't talk myself out of it. Here's what I mean
if I say, because okay, you know that you need
to talk to her and you need to you need
to say something along the lines of I like you,
but I want to bring it up to see if
you like me too, because then maybe we can go
(10:47):
get some coffee or something and take this to the
next level. And I wanted to bring it up, So
you want to say that, right. The hardest part of
that is getting it started. So with my brain, if
I say, next time I see her, I'm gonna tell
her this, then I would probably begin to talk myself
(11:08):
out of it, depending on the scenario. So I would
say I say that, and then I see her and
she's with her friend, and I'm like, ah, she's with
her friend, So I can't do it now because she's
with her friend. So maybe I'll wait till a better time.
And then a better time comes, and then she ends up.
Another person comes and then she's distracted, and then she
gets a call from her mom and she might have
(11:29):
to go back home, and then I will talk myself
out of it again and say it's not a good
time because maybe maybe later would be a better time,
and then she has to go home early, and then
I say, well, maybe tomorrow is a good time, and
then I say, are you coming tomorrow? And she says,
I'm actually, I've got to work tomorrow, so I'm not
coming out tomorrow. And then I think, dang it, maybe
(11:49):
the Friday is a better So I will continually talk
myself out of it because I'm so nervous. That's me.
How do I fix that? Maybe you're like this too, Logan,
I have to get it out immediately and make her
know that I need to say something like this, what's
(12:09):
her name? You don't have her name? Okay, let's say
her name is Haley, just for the sake of having
a name. You say Haley. Later on this afternoon, after
we finish here, like three o'clock, is it cool if
(12:30):
we just take a walk. There's something I need to
run by you? Oh right, okay, So what you did?
You got it out in the open that you need
to talk. You got it out in the open that
you need to single her out and say something independent
of everyone else in the group. And number three, you
have set an ultimatum for yourself. You've put it out there,
(12:53):
something that now you cannot back out of because now
she's curious. She's like, Logan, yeah, sure, what what's it about?
Anything bad? And you're like no, no, no no, it's just
something I need to something I need to talk about
with you. She will not forget that you said that, right,
(13:13):
She's not gonna just venture off into whatever she has
to do that day. She's gonna know Logan said something
kind of strange. You wanted to take a walk with
me and say something to me. She will hold you
to it and she'll say, hey, what what was that
thing that you were gonna talk to me about? Do
you want to you want to do the walk? And
you go yeah, So now she's holding you to it, right,
(13:36):
So then she goes, yeah, you say, let's let's let's
take a walk just down there, down walk a couple
of blocks down the road. I like to walk because
because you don't have to stand there and just go
eye to eye contact and be feel super awkward just
kind of walking. And then you just say, Haley, I am.
(13:57):
I'm having trouble finding the words because it's awkward, and
I don't want to I don't want to make you uncomfortable.
But I like you in a way more than friends.
And I don't know any other way to say it
besides just to tell you straight up, I like you
and I would like to take you out for a
(14:17):
cup of coffee if if by chance you feel the
same way about me, there it is. And then all
of a sudden, all the pressure is completely off of you.
You've put it on her. Whatever she says next is
all on her. You have given her the ball. It's
in her court. You don't have to do anything else now.
So now the pressure's on her to say, oh, sweetheart,
(14:40):
I'm I just don't, I don't, I'm sorry, I am
dating somebody, or I don't feel that way. And then
you're like, okay, absolutely, But guess what, Logan, Now you
just feel good because now it's out there. There's no
more wondering. It's out there. Like I said, this is
the most common question, probably besides I lost my faith God,
how do I get it back? Those are the that's
(15:02):
the most common thing I get asked on this podcast.
And the answer to me, in my opinion, for my
personality is always, let's just get it out. Let's get
it out. Let's fumble it, let's mumble it, let's stutter it,
let's look down, let's kick the grass, let's let's scratch
your heads, let's be awkward, but just get it out.
(15:23):
It doesn't have to be pretty or perfect or or
perfectly written out like some beautiful poem. Or you don't
have to be wearing the right cologne or the right clothes,
or the sun doesn't have to be setting in the
sky in the perfect spot. You just you make it
just like real love is, and it's vulnerable and real
(15:45):
and salty and sweet and and just completely messy. Sometimes
that's how I would do it. That's how would answer
almost every time that question comes up, That's how I
would answer it. Let's say one more here subject Cline says,
(16:10):
help getting started? Hey Granger Love the podcast. Prefer to
stay anonymous, but I will say that I am sixteen
years old and I live in Northern Canada. I've been
having feelings for a girl in my church, and I
want to move forward with this, but I'm not sure
how to see I told you what did I tell
y'all about these questions? I'm not sure how to go
about this. Our families have been friends for many years.
(16:35):
Here's the run. Here's where I run a foul. I
would not be willing to ask her out without her
father's permission. I am not sure if she feels the
same way about me. See there's that question again. My
question to you is should I ask her if she
feels the same way and then ask her father, or
(16:56):
should I ask her father first and then find out
by asking her on a date. Hope this gives you
enough info. Yes, Anonymous, bro, I got it. I got
your I love this question, and it's just like the
last one, but it has a twist. The father's involved.
I am the father of a eleven year old girl,
(17:16):
and I could appreciate a young man respecting the father
enough when the girl still lives with him, or I
think even after that. I think it's very important that
you are considering this, and I would not feel comfortable
with my daughter dating or going out with another kid
(17:39):
that didn't talk to me. I know that sounds maybe psychotic,
but I think it's appropriate. So I love Anonymous. I
love that you're asking this question. Your question is just
to recap for everyone. You want to ask the dad's
permission to date the girl, but you don't know what
(18:00):
a girl likes you yet, so you're wondering if you
should just get some information out of her and then
go back to the dad or go straight to the
dad at the beginning. My answer to you is go
straight to the dad at the beginning, so that you
could say this, so that you can go to the
father and say, Sir, I would like permission to ask
(18:25):
your daughter out on a date. He says, have you
talked to her about this? You say, no, Sir, I
wanted to come to you first before I mention anything
to her. WHOA, that's good. That's good from a dad,
that's good. The alternative to that is have you talked
(18:46):
to her about this? And you say, yeah, yeah, she
likes me. I like her. We've been talking about it.
See the difference. There's a respectful difference in saying no, sir,
I came to you first. In fact, in fact, Sir,
I'm almost embarrassed to say, because I haven't mentioned it
to her. I don't even know if she likes me back.
But I wanted to start with you, because Sir, I
(19:08):
feel like that's the respectful thing to do. I like that.
Take a break, be right back, helly, podcast listeners, I
appreciate y'all so much for supporting me and this very
different piece of media for me. Podcasting is long form
(19:28):
and unplanned, and it's just a different way to consume
media with me. And I just appreciate that you guys
can last with me this long, for this many episodes
on so many different platforms. If you want to get
a hold of me or have a video made by me,
you could do that at cameo dot com slash Granger Smith.
Now this is really cool. You could do it as
(19:49):
a congratulations or a happy anniversary, or a happy Valentine's Day,
or a happy birthday, even a little bit of motivation
for yourself. You could always do this at cameo dot
com Granger Smith, and I will make you a personalized
video message right here on my phone saying whatever you
need me to say to whoever you need me to
say it to. You could also download the app Cameo
(20:13):
c am e o and then search for me Granger Smith.
Super easy and a great way for us to keep
in touch. Also, are you looking for new ee ye gear,
Well you could find that at ye ye dot com.
So many new things that we have on that website
right now for sale. This is our e commerce company.
It's everything ye Ye related, whether that's apparel or beef jerky.
(20:34):
Go check it out at eey dot com. Back to
the podcast, all right, Back to these questions. By the way,
I don't have any notes in front of me. I
don't have any reading material or fancy beautiful quotes. I'm
just going off what you guys. Email me to Grangersmith
podcast at gmail dot com. We're going to walk through
it just like two friends. Ask me anything you want,
(20:58):
I only say please, don't send us a email twice.
I'm trying not to make it too long, maybe not
longer than a phone link for the sake of reading
on the podcast, and I'm not a great reader. Next question,
subject line says anonymous, Hey Granger, I'm nineteen. I have
a problem. I have an addiction to masturbation, and it's
(21:19):
been eating away my life for the last four to
five years. I keep trying to pray and read my Bible,
but I feel like the devil keeps attacking me, and
I just don't know what to do anymore. I feel
like giving up. I keep talking to my friend about
it and he encourages me, but I feel like it's
just drawing me further and further away from God. I
(21:39):
don't know what to do anymore. I feel like I
just lack self discipline, love your work and all that
you do, all right, anonymous, let me say, let me say,
let me start this whole thing with Listen, brother, listen,
you are not alone in this problem. I get this
(22:02):
email all the time, worded in different ways, but I
get it a lot, especially from young men around your age.
This is the time when pornography has is is rampant,
(22:24):
rampant right through and I and i'm I'm I'm guaranteeing
that this is gonna be your problem. You didn't say it,
but pornography is your problem, and it is rampant in
society because it's so easy, it's on everyone's cell phone.
So I want to start just by saying, you're not alone. Okay,
(22:45):
you're not isolated. You're not You're not dealing with this
all by yourself. This isn't a problem that's unique to you. Okay,
take a breath. Here's the thing I'm not. I'm not
gonna to call you out and say that, yes, you
lack self discipline. I'm not gonna say that because you
(23:06):
already know what it's going to take. It's going to
take willpower, it's gonna take surrender, it's gonna take building
up your self discipline. But how do you do that practically,
how do you do it? I always like to say
that if someone wants something bad enough, you could tell
(23:28):
the degree by which that person wants something by the
fruits of the current results of what they're doing. For instance,
if someone says, I really want to be a welder.
That's what I want to do. That my dream and
life is to be a professional welder. And you don't
(23:51):
even own a welding machine. You don't even you don't
even have any skills, You've never watched a YouTube video
on how to weld. You don't want to be a welder, then, right,
you don't really, you're just saying it. You could tell
if you really want to be a welder by the result,
the current result of what you're doing to achieve that goal.
(24:12):
So I say to you, anonymous, what are you currently
doing to achieve this goal that you say has been
eating away your life for four to five years? Okay,
start with let's start with that. That's that's to try
to help motivate you. I'm trying to just give you
(24:33):
a little push. You're on the swing. I'm just gonna
get you get your momentum going here. Okay, Now, let
me give you some practical stuff. Once again, you said
I have an addiction to masturbation. That's what you wrote.
But I'm assuming this is stemming from pornography. I'm just
gonna assume that I've said this before. Covenant eyes dot com,
(24:56):
Covenant eyes dot com. I heard about this from pastor Chad,
former guest on this podcast. He brought it up on
the podcast in real time as we were talking about this,
and I looked at him and I was like, what
is that. Well, it's a website you go to, you
enter your information that I'm just speaking. I'm just freelancing here.
(25:16):
You enter your information, you put in your IP address
of your device. It then starts monitoring your whatever you're surfing.
If you land on a site that is vulnerable, some
kind of nudity site, whatever, if you go there, it
will send a notification to whoever your accountability person is.
(25:41):
So go back to my first thing. You could tell
how bad you want something by the fruits of what
you're doing to get there. If you want this bad enough,
you will put your accountability person as your mother, or
your sister, or your grandmother if you're married, your mother
in law, somebody super vulnerable, somebody just makes you cringe.
(26:05):
If they knew your deepest, darkest secret, If that person
knew what you did when the lights were off in
the middle of the night, you would just die. That person,
whoever that is, that becomes your accountability person on Covenant
Eyes dot com. You enter them in there and you
enter your IP address, and then that's a way to
(26:28):
get your self disciplined up a notch. Right. You say,
I feel like I lack self discipline. You know what
you would say in the Marine Corps. If someone was
in the Marine Corps, they were in boot camp and
they would say I lack self discipline, I would say,
don't worry. The drill sergeant will help you. The drill
sergeant is happy to help you work on that self
(26:51):
discipline problem. So then I bring in for your situation
inter Covenant Eyes, your new drill sergeant to help you
along with your self discipline problem. We all need help.
We all need somebody to push us. We all need,
in some ways or shape or form, a drill sergeant.
(27:12):
This world is too dark and cold to just try
to navigate it all by ourselves. We are creatures, made
for a tribe, made for a community, made for people
to be around us. It says in Proverbs that iron
chopin's iron. We need iron to sharpen iron. We need
people around us, like us, like minded, to lift us up,
(27:36):
to keep us accountable. Try this. There is no need
for you to be stuck any longer in this four
to five year rut that you're in that's degrading your life.
Enough is enough, Now's the time. Next question, says Subjecline.
(28:01):
Thanks for the message, Granger. Love your podcast, but disappointed
with your sponsorcozysheets dot com. I tried to order from
the site provided, but I could not move on without
entering my email and phone number. Long story short, I
stopped the order when asking for my number. I don't
need any more emails and text messages about sales. Thought
(28:24):
you should know yours in christ Mark, Hey Mark, if
you're listening, I hope you're listening. I agree with you.
I agree with you. Man. Here's the deal, though, is
anybody watching me? Is anybody watching me right now? Is
about to say something? About to say something? I put
(28:44):
in a brother. I put in a fake number every time.
I don't ever put in my real cell phone number
when I'm buying stuff. In fact, when I go to
like best Buy or something and they say phone number, please,
I tell them the number that's fake and my information
is in the database under a fake number. That's how
(29:05):
they keep track of me. They pull and they go, oh,
mister Smith. I'm like, yep, that's me under that fake
number that I've been giving you guys for years, and
just so happened that I have my fake number memorized.
It's not a big deal to me, And don't I
don't think this is a big deal either. So give
them a fake number if I go. If I'm traveling
(29:26):
and I'm going to a gym and I have to
fill out you know that who I am and my email.
I don't give them a real email. You don't have
to do that. Don't do it. No big deal. Let's
move on next question. Subject line here says dealing with
(29:48):
high and low in life at the same time. Hey
grena drum Jordan from Kentucky and early November, my youngest
son was born. In less than twenty four hours later,
I lost my father to a surprise heart attack. I
have been struggling to enjoy the birth of my new
son and mourn the loss of my father. All the
while staying strong for my family and my wife as
(30:10):
my children's pastor, and work a full time job. I'm
comforted that I will be able to see my father
again in glory, but how are we supposed to balance
everything going on in a healthy biblical way. Thanks for
all your help. I'm glad to know there's a Christian
man giving advice and bringing glory to God. Jordan, thank you, brother,
(30:30):
thanks for the email. I don't know if you know
this about me, Jordan, but I share a very similar story.
I lost my father around the same time I had
my son, Lincoln, my first son, my second child. Lincoln
was born in January of twenty and fourteen. In early
(30:51):
March of twenty fourteen, I lost my dad to a
massive surprise heart attack. Was around two months old. Your
son was around twenty four hours old. So there's a
slight difference there, but similar in fact that they were
(31:11):
both infants, in fact that we both lost our dad
to a surprise heart attack. I understand. First thing I'm
going to point out, brother, first thing I'm going for here,
this is the low hanging fruit. I've been where you
are in your shoes to some extent. Every grief is
different because we all have our own stories. But to
(31:31):
some extent, the low hanging fruit in your story is
this from when I'm reading this podcast November December, January,
February three, November December, January, three months, three months, brother,
three months. You lost your dad three months ago. That's
(31:56):
I could spend the entire time answering your question solely
based on not enough time has gone by. You're in
the middle of it, man, You are in the trenches,
and you got enemies coming down raining all over you.
You say, how are we supposed to balance everything going
(32:17):
on at once in a healthy Biblical way. It's like
saying you're in the trenches in World War One and
German soldiers are piling over into your trench, and you're saying,
how do I balance all this right now? An appropriate
answer could be, and should be, you don't have to.
(32:40):
The world might tell you keep it all in balance,
keep everything checked, keep everything neutral, the goods, the bads,
the highs, the lows, keep it all on a manageable level.
Guess what, bro Sometimes life comes at you hard and
the balance shifts, chaos ensues, order gone. That's just what
(33:03):
happens sometimes. Guess what it's okay. Tell yourself that you're
losing your mind a little bit. You lost your dad,
you're grieving, you're hurting, you got this newborn son. You're thinking,
I've lost my mind. Tell yourself, and that is okay,
(33:27):
and that is understandable. I lost my dad, lost my hero.
I lost the leader of our family, the patriarch, the
one I look to for advice, the one that taught
me how to be a man. How am I supposed
to teach my son how to be a man when
I lost the one person that taught me. And I
haven't finished learning, Dad, You didn't teach me everything yet,
(33:48):
that still got so much to learn. And now I
gotta teach this baby how to be a man. And
I haven't finished my own class yet. I haven't graduated yet, Dad,
and you left me here. Now I'm losing my mind
a little bit. I'm crying in the shower. I'm trying
to hold it together. Be strong for my wife. She's
got it, she's got a job to do. She's raising
(34:08):
children and being strong. And then I gotta come out,
and I gotta earn my keep and pay the bills
and stand up straight and keep my hair combed and
in fact, I'm losing my mind a little bit. And
then you tell yourself and that's okay. No one's gonna
blame you for that. You break down a little bit
(34:30):
and you go, man, I'm sorry. Ah. Thinking about Dad
a lot today. I actually had a dream about him
last night. I dreamed about Dad and and he was back,
and he was good, and he looked he looked happy,
and he looked healthy, and I showed him our little
son and he held him. And that dream really messed
(34:51):
me up, because now I've just been thinking about it
all day. And it's okay, man, Jordan, It's okay, because
that's what you got. You got time, you got time,
it's coming. It's the seconds tick by and they turn
into minutes, and the minutes turn into hours, and the
(35:11):
hours into days, and the days in the weeks, and
then the weeks and the months, and then then you're
counting years like I am, and here I am where
I sit. In about one month and one month, it'll
be nine years since I lost my dad. Nine years.
One year should have a decade. And it feels like
(35:33):
just yesterday, Jordan, I was you, I was where you are,
and I was thinking there's no way out of this.
I'm never gonna feel joy again. Dad taught me everything.
I'll never I'll never be the same. I've got a
massive hole in my soul and nothing's gonna replace it
because Dad has gone. Man, here I am nine years later,
telling you, brother, you got this. All you have to
(35:57):
do is take breath. That's all you have to do.
You don't have to be strong. You don't have to
be a rock. You don't have to put on a face.
You don't have to be somebody you're not. You don't
have to tell your wife that you're strong and you're not.
You don't you surrender to God. You've got this part
figured out. You could just give it to God and
(36:18):
you go God. I don't know what to do. I
feel like I'm losing my mind. Restore to me the
joy of my salvation again. And minute by minute, day
by day, hour by hour, month by month, heartbeat by
a heartbeat, all the different intervals of time start passing by,
(36:38):
and you look back and instead of saying losing Dad
was meaningless, instead nine years later you're me talking to
someone who's going through it in the trenches, and you go,
losing my dad was not meaningless because now I've learned
something very valuable that I pass on to you. Next
(37:07):
question subject line says question, dear granger, please don't read
my email address. My question is below. Dear granger, my
name is Did you not want me to say your name?
You think it's okay to say your name, just not
your email. My name is Will. I'm a longtime fan.
Even have your song list that you threw out in
the crowd in Colorado hanging in my kitchen. My question
(37:29):
is this. I accepted Christ as a Lord and savior
of my life as a teenager. I followed his teaching
and made him my lord of my life and served
my church to the point where I became the youth pastor.
I experienced a church hurt and saw things I can't unsee.
I also experienced things that happened in my life that
(37:52):
I wish God would have intervened, and he didn't. And
now I have a lot of anger towards religion. I
hold it against God. I still love him and want
him in my life. How can I forgive him and
move on? Thanks for all you do, Will from Colorado, Oh, Will, Oh, Will,
(38:17):
my brother. I have a very simple yet complex answer
to your question. And it's the same answer. I have
simple answer that could also answer ninety nine point nine
percent of all the other questions I get on this podcast.
(38:41):
My answer to you, Will is, you don't know God.
You don't know him. You say you love him, you don't.
You don't love him. You don't love him because you
(39:01):
don't know him. Because you wouldn't say that. If you did,
you wouldn't say you wouldn't say something like how could
I forgive? How could I forgive him? How could you
forgive God? How could you? You? Will? Okay, hang time out,
time out, time out. Time. My voice is getting excited,
(39:22):
my voice is getting direct. Don't let that direct sound
of my excited voice sound like it's coming down upon you.
It's not. I'm joining you as a as a fellow
flawed human. Okay, I'm locking arms with you and joining
you as a fellow human. So don't let this. Don't
(39:46):
let Sometimes I listen back on my podcast and I'm like, man,
you're yelling at him. No, no, no no, no, I'm just
a very passionate person. Y'all know this. Will, You don't
know God. You would not tell the creator of the
universe the Alpha and the Omega, the one that purposed
heaven and earth, the one that spoke life. You would
not say something like you are trying to forgive him.
(40:12):
You would not say something like I'm trying not to
hold it against him anything. You would not say I
still love him and want him. But you wouldn't say
but if you just knew him. I say all that
in a way that I have sympathy for you, because
(40:36):
I one hundred percent understand you and where you're coming
from and your sentiment, and that your your idea of
You've seen bad things in the church, which has nothing
to do with God. Those are people, flawed humans that
have messed up. No front page news there you have
(40:57):
experienced church hurt. I've saw things that you can't unsee.
Have we not all? Have we not all? Just get
on Twitter for five seconds, turn on the news, open
up any front page of any article. You see things
that you wish you couldn't see, you wish didn't happen
(41:19):
on this earth. And then you say, in your life
you've experienced things that you wish God would have intervened on.
I say that in a way that I understand you,
but also in a way that I used to feel
that way, but I don't anymore because now I know
(41:43):
who God is. This is the most passionate thing I
could ever be about in my life. How did I know?
How did I learn this? Through the living, breathing word
of God, the Bible itself, reading it cover to cover
diligently every single day, not taking a learning through that
the character of God through that, page after page, story
(42:05):
after story, learning the character. If you're married and you're
around your wife every single day, slowly, after being around
her and hearing her talk, you learn her character so
much so that you could start to predict how she
would react in certain situations, how she would handle certain things,
even though she's not there or even though she's not
(42:25):
currently speaking about it. You know her so well because
you're with her every day that you could predict how
she's going to respond. And that's what happens with God
when you're in his word, when you're diligent about it,
and you understand. If you're in his word, you understand
that bad things happen, that things happen within the church,
that things happen within leadership of the church, and religion
(42:47):
becomes corrupt. Wow, those stories are all in the Bible,
and see how God feels about that. See how God
reacts to those situations that you're talking about. They're right
there in front of you in your Bible, and it
will blow your mind if you read that and you go, oh,
that's how God feels about church hurt. That's how God
(43:11):
feels about these experiences that I can't unsee. That's how
God feels about these experiences in my life that I
wish he would have intervened. This is what he promises,
This is what he is fulfilled. This is where he
(43:32):
came through. This is why he allows suffering. This is
why he doesn't stop it, because he walks us through
it so that we benefit from it, so that we're
refined like gold and silver in a furnace. He refines
us through suffering, through tribulation, through like the last question,
losing our dads, and I don't want to lose my dad. God,
(43:55):
why didn't you intervene? Why don't you stop the heart
attack from happening, so he could have been here and
he could be with me and he could see my
son Lincoln. Why would you do that to me? God?
You could have intervened if I said that it would
be because I don't know God. Because God says I
got a plan for you, Granger I got a plan
(44:15):
for you, Will, and you can't always see the result
of it right now, you can't always see what I'm doing.
In fact, you don't need to know what I'm doing.
I am building something, I'm doing something new, and you
need me and you need this plan. And it's always good,
even with the suffering. Take your favorite movie, Will, and
(44:37):
take the bad guy out of it. Take the bad
scenario out of your favorite movie, and what does it become?
Probably your least favorite movie because it no longer has
the struggle, and it no longer has the main character
overcoming the struggle, learning becoming better because of it and
trying thing in the end, because of the darkness, because
(44:58):
of the struggle, because of the suffering. That's why it's there.
That's why you love the movie so much. You don't
know God, learn who he is. Love you guys, See
you next Monday. Thanks for joining me on the Grangersmith podcast.
(45:20):
I appreciate all of you guys. You could help me
out by rating this podcast on iTunes. If you're on YouTube,
subscribe to this channel. Hit that little like button and
the notification spell so that you never miss anytime I
upload a video. If you have a question for me
that you would like me to answer, email Grangersmith Podcast
at gmail dot com. Yi Yi
I'm not good at verbalizing my feelings. So if I
seem stoic to you, if I seem like I don't care,
it's not that I'm just not great at expressing it.
I mean, that's a good place to start. What's up, guys,
(00:30):
Welcome to the podcast, Episode one hundred and seventy four.
Thanks for being here and watching and listening wherever you're
coming from, whatever platform you're you're on right now. I
just I'm grateful to be able to speak into wherever
you are as a friend, because we all need a
friend sometimes to bounce ideas off of. And you know,
(00:52):
thank God for technology these days, where we could we
could sit here on a podcast something that we're familiar
with and walk through problems. Basically, you, guys, email me.
That's the whole format of this thing. You email me
Grangersmith Podcast at gmail dot com. Any kind of question
could be about any subjects. We've seen it all one
(01:13):
hundred and seventy four episodes. We've seen every kind of question,
at least I think so far. So if you got
something for me, shoot it over, we'll discuss it. I
have no notes on this table, I have no preparation
or fancy beautiful quotes lined up for you. We're just
talking like we're in the cab of a truck, like
we're sitting around a campfire. That's what we do every
(01:33):
single Monday. So let's get to it. First question here,
subject line says, unsure how to go about this? Hey, Granger,
As a man who grew up in a household where
you don't talk about your feelings very much, how would
you do that with others on submarines? There's a stigma
about talking about your problems sometimes because you don't want
(01:55):
the wrong thing to be portrayed and then be disqualified. However,
I've been starting to drink more and everything seems to
pour out when I drink. I don't want to continue
drinking a lot. I also don't know how to go
about talking about things that go on in my mind.
Thank you, Austin. Are you on a submarine, bro? Surely
(02:18):
not currently while you're emailing. Do submarines have Wi Fi?
I'm not sure either way. Hey, I don't think you
just said that casually. Thank you for your service, Thanks
for what you do. I'm assuming Navy. What's so? What's
so interesting? I find this so interesting? On this podcast?
(02:38):
Each and every week I read these questions and I
see interesting things about human nature. Right, I've learned so
much through all of these episodes with you guys. Look
at this. Let me showt it. Come on it, everybody,
come on in huddle around the campfire, and let's look
at this question that Austin is sending. He saying to me,
(03:01):
I'm gonna I'm gonna kind of give him some words here.
I have a feeling that I'm having trouble feeling how
to express my feelings, and so I'm feeling that maybe
I'm inadequate in the feeling that I'm having with these
feelings that I'm trying to express through others because they
(03:22):
want me to express my feelings. That's how I feel
about the stranger. That's basically the question that you asked me.
And it's it's always interesting when people word things the
exact way that I think they should word it to
everyone else, But for some reason, you guys feel comfortable
enough to say it with me. What you just did,
(03:45):
Austin was great. You expressed yourself and gave me a
piece of who you are through just a few short sentences,
and you did it very well and it's it's interesting
that you could open up on an email through a
podcast and have trouble on the submarine with your buddies.
(04:09):
So here's the thing, let's dive into it. Let's get
practical about this. I just want to point out that
you are capable of doing it right. So, practically speaking,
alcohol is not going to be a good good with you.
This is not it's not a crutch that you need
to learn how to drink alcohol so that you could
say more of your feelings. That's a short term solution.
(04:31):
That's that's going to go wrong or bad in some way,
probably soon, sooner than later. It's a short term fix.
It's it's just numbing the circumstance, right, but it's not
fixing it at all. That's what alcohol does. So, practically speaking,
(04:52):
surrounding yourself with a core group of friends, people around
you or hey, some people say I don't have friends, Okay,
people you're around people, you're you are surrounded with it work.
You don't have to call them friends if you If
you say that you don't have any friends, surely you
live on this planet Earth around other people. So we'll
just call it that people in your group around you
(05:14):
your tribe, and you want to tell this tribe, you
want to say, you know what. I struggle with telling
you my feelings. So if I seem distant or off
or quiet, just no ahead of time. That's just me, man.
I'm just I got I got an issue I have.
(05:36):
I have the trouble expressing my feelings. There's nothing wrong
with that. There's nothing wrong with you at all. I mean,
that's like saying to anyone else I have asthma. You know.
It's like we're all running a marathon. Not me. I'm
not a good runner. But say we're saying we're running
a marathon, and before you run, you say, hey, just
(06:01):
let you guys know I got asthma. I don't breathe
too well, especially in humidity or in smog or whatever.
I don't have a good breathing technique. I have a
short lung capacity. Okay, And everyone would go cool, Well,
now that we know that, let's put you in this group,
(06:21):
or that we'll keep an eye on you, or we'll
just know that about you in some way, it's the
same thing with our feelings or being able to express
anything about ourselves, Like, hey, I just want to tell
y'all man, I'm not good at verbalizing my feelings. So
if I seem stoic to you, if I seem like
(06:43):
I don't care, it's not that I'm just not great
at expressing it. I mean, that's a good place to start. Look,
you want to break the ice, let's build a let's
build a totally practical scenario. Or sitting at chow right,
sitting at the table, got some people around you. You
(07:05):
guys are just challenging down some food, and you go, hey,
can I ask y'all a question? People look up, put
the forks down. Yeah, Alison, what's up? Do I ever
seem distant to you? Guys are quiet apathetic to a
situation in any way. Put your own words in there.
(07:26):
Some guy goes, I don't know, maybe, and you go,
that's because I have I don't know. I kind of
got an issue with expressing my feelings. I grew up
in a household where you don't talk much about your feelings,
and that's just how I learned to grow up. And
I just want you guys to know that if you
(07:47):
see me in that kind of situation, that just call
me out on it or nudge me in the gut.
That's just the way I am. It's like saying I
got asthma. People will appreciate that kind of vulnerable ability
and that kind of honesty. Alcohol is not going to
fix it for you. Next question, steptic Lyne says dating,
(08:12):
Hey grangeer. Recently, my best friends fiance started writing and
working together with a girl who I have started to
become attracted to. Let me read that for myself. Recently,
my best friends fiance started writing and working together with
a girl who I have started to become attracted to.
We all hang out and we go out and we eat,
(08:33):
but I can't really decide if she feels the same.
We all get along and have a good time together,
and her and I talk pretty regularly. How do I
go about or figure out if she feels the same way?
Love your pod and your music? Thanks brother, all right,
My question comes from logan. Appreciate you brother, Thanks for
the email and your situation is man, I probably get
(08:56):
this kind of question. How do I tell a girl
that I like her or how do I know that
she likes me? Back? That kind of question I get
so much, y'all. I get my inbox just gets flooded
with I like a girl. I don't know how to
tell her that I like her? How do I know
that she likes me back? Like some way? That question
(09:19):
is asked every single day to this podcast. So let
me try to say this universally for a lot of
people listening. Right, I say many times on this podcast,
I'm not always right, and every personality is different. So
(09:40):
I'm going to say this in a way that I
would need to do it for myself. I say need
because I'm hesitant to say this is the way I
would do it, because it's hard to do it. This
is hard, y'all. It's not easy like this. This is
a difficult thing because it's it's vulnerable, and it's awkward,
(10:03):
and it's humiliating and it's nerve wracking, and it is is.
It's part of dating, and it's it's part of humanity. Right,
So this is what I would recommend for someone like me,
and the way my brain works, I need to put
an ultimatum in my own brain. I need to put
(10:24):
I need to get it out there so that I
don't talk myself out of it. Here's what I mean
if I say, because okay, you know that you need
to talk to her and you need to you need
to say something along the lines of I like you,
but I want to bring it up to see if
you like me too, because then maybe we can go
(10:47):
get some coffee or something and take this to the
next level. And I wanted to bring it up, So
you want to say that, right. The hardest part of
that is getting it started. So with my brain, if
I say, next time I see her, I'm gonna tell
her this, then I would probably begin to talk myself
(11:08):
out of it, depending on the scenario. So I would
say I say that, and then I see her and
she's with her friend, and I'm like, ah, she's with
her friend, So I can't do it now because she's
with her friend. So maybe I'll wait till a better time.
And then a better time comes, and then she ends up.
Another person comes and then she's distracted, and then she
gets a call from her mom and she might have
(11:29):
to go back home, and then I will talk myself
out of it again and say it's not a good
time because maybe maybe later would be a better time,
and then she has to go home early, and then
I say, well, maybe tomorrow is a good time, and
then I say, are you coming tomorrow? And she says,
I'm actually, I've got to work tomorrow, so I'm not
coming out tomorrow. And then I think, dang it, maybe
(11:49):
the Friday is a better So I will continually talk
myself out of it because I'm so nervous. That's me.
How do I fix that? Maybe you're like this too, Logan,
I have to get it out immediately and make her
know that I need to say something like this, what's
(12:09):
her name? You don't have her name? Okay, let's say
her name is Haley, just for the sake of having
a name. You say Haley. Later on this afternoon, after
we finish here, like three o'clock, is it cool if
(12:30):
we just take a walk. There's something I need to
run by you? Oh right, okay, So what you did?
You got it out in the open that you need
to talk. You got it out in the open that
you need to single her out and say something independent
of everyone else in the group. And number three, you
have set an ultimatum for yourself. You've put it out there,
(12:53):
something that now you cannot back out of because now
she's curious. She's like, Logan, yeah, sure, what what's it about?
Anything bad? And you're like no, no, no no, it's just
something I need to something I need to talk about
with you. She will not forget that you said that, right,
(13:13):
She's not gonna just venture off into whatever she has
to do that day. She's gonna know Logan said something
kind of strange. You wanted to take a walk with
me and say something to me. She will hold you
to it and she'll say, hey, what what was that
thing that you were gonna talk to me about? Do
you want to you want to do the walk? And
you go yeah, So now she's holding you to it, right,
(13:36):
So then she goes, yeah, you say, let's let's let's
take a walk just down there, down walk a couple
of blocks down the road. I like to walk because
because you don't have to stand there and just go
eye to eye contact and be feel super awkward just
kind of walking. And then you just say, Haley, I am.
(13:57):
I'm having trouble finding the words because it's awkward, and
I don't want to I don't want to make you uncomfortable.
But I like you in a way more than friends.
And I don't know any other way to say it
besides just to tell you straight up, I like you
and I would like to take you out for a
(14:17):
cup of coffee if if by chance you feel the
same way about me, there it is. And then all
of a sudden, all the pressure is completely off of you.
You've put it on her. Whatever she says next is
all on her. You have given her the ball. It's
in her court. You don't have to do anything else now.
So now the pressure's on her to say, oh, sweetheart,
(14:40):
I'm I just don't, I don't, I'm sorry, I am
dating somebody, or I don't feel that way. And then
you're like, okay, absolutely, But guess what, Logan, Now you
just feel good because now it's out there. There's no
more wondering. It's out there. Like I said, this is
the most common question, probably besides I lost my faith God,
how do I get it back? Those are the that's
(15:02):
the most common thing I get asked on this podcast.
And the answer to me, in my opinion, for my
personality is always, let's just get it out. Let's get
it out. Let's fumble it, let's mumble it, let's stutter it,
let's look down, let's kick the grass, let's let's scratch
your heads, let's be awkward, but just get it out.
(15:23):
It doesn't have to be pretty or perfect or or
perfectly written out like some beautiful poem. Or you don't
have to be wearing the right cologne or the right clothes,
or the sun doesn't have to be setting in the
sky in the perfect spot. You just you make it
just like real love is, and it's vulnerable and real
(15:45):
and salty and sweet and and just completely messy. Sometimes
that's how I would do it. That's how would answer
almost every time that question comes up, That's how I
would answer it. Let's say one more here subject Cline says,
(16:10):
help getting started? Hey Granger Love the podcast. Prefer to
stay anonymous, but I will say that I am sixteen
years old and I live in Northern Canada. I've been
having feelings for a girl in my church, and I
want to move forward with this, but I'm not sure
how to see I told you what did I tell
y'all about these questions? I'm not sure how to go
about this. Our families have been friends for many years.
(16:35):
Here's the run. Here's where I run a foul. I
would not be willing to ask her out without her
father's permission. I am not sure if she feels the
same way about me. See there's that question again. My
question to you is should I ask her if she
feels the same way and then ask her father, or
(16:56):
should I ask her father first and then find out
by asking her on a date. Hope this gives you
enough info. Yes, Anonymous, bro, I got it. I got
your I love this question, and it's just like the
last one, but it has a twist. The father's involved.
I am the father of a eleven year old girl,
(17:16):
and I could appreciate a young man respecting the father
enough when the girl still lives with him, or I
think even after that. I think it's very important that
you are considering this, and I would not feel comfortable
with my daughter dating or going out with another kid
(17:39):
that didn't talk to me. I know that sounds maybe psychotic,
but I think it's appropriate. So I love Anonymous. I
love that you're asking this question. Your question is just
to recap for everyone. You want to ask the dad's
permission to date the girl, but you don't know what
(18:00):
a girl likes you yet, so you're wondering if you
should just get some information out of her and then
go back to the dad or go straight to the
dad at the beginning. My answer to you is go
straight to the dad at the beginning, so that you
could say this, so that you can go to the
father and say, Sir, I would like permission to ask
(18:25):
your daughter out on a date. He says, have you
talked to her about this? You say, no, Sir, I
wanted to come to you first before I mention anything
to her. WHOA, that's good. That's good from a dad,
that's good. The alternative to that is have you talked
(18:46):
to her about this? And you say, yeah, yeah, she
likes me. I like her. We've been talking about it.
See the difference. There's a respectful difference in saying no, sir,
I came to you first. In fact, in fact, Sir,
I'm almost embarrassed to say, because I haven't mentioned it
to her. I don't even know if she likes me back.
But I wanted to start with you, because Sir, I
(19:08):
feel like that's the respectful thing to do. I like that.
Take a break, be right back, helly, podcast listeners, I
appreciate y'all so much for supporting me and this very
different piece of media for me. Podcasting is long form
(19:28):
and unplanned, and it's just a different way to consume
media with me. And I just appreciate that you guys
can last with me this long, for this many episodes
on so many different platforms. If you want to get
a hold of me or have a video made by me,
you could do that at cameo dot com slash Granger Smith.
Now this is really cool. You could do it as
(19:49):
a congratulations or a happy anniversary, or a happy Valentine's Day,
or a happy birthday, even a little bit of motivation
for yourself. You could always do this at cameo dot
com Granger Smith, and I will make you a personalized
video message right here on my phone saying whatever you
need me to say to whoever you need me to
say it to. You could also download the app Cameo
(20:13):
c am e o and then search for me Granger Smith.
Super easy and a great way for us to keep
in touch. Also, are you looking for new ee ye gear,
Well you could find that at ye ye dot com.
So many new things that we have on that website
right now for sale. This is our e commerce company.
It's everything ye Ye related, whether that's apparel or beef jerky.
(20:34):
Go check it out at eey dot com. Back to
the podcast, all right, Back to these questions. By the way,
I don't have any notes in front of me. I
don't have any reading material or fancy beautiful quotes. I'm
just going off what you guys. Email me to Grangersmith
podcast at gmail dot com. We're going to walk through
it just like two friends. Ask me anything you want,
(20:58):
I only say please, don't send us a email twice.
I'm trying not to make it too long, maybe not
longer than a phone link for the sake of reading
on the podcast, and I'm not a great reader. Next question,
subject line says anonymous, Hey Granger, I'm nineteen. I have
a problem. I have an addiction to masturbation, and it's
(21:19):
been eating away my life for the last four to
five years. I keep trying to pray and read my Bible,
but I feel like the devil keeps attacking me, and
I just don't know what to do anymore. I feel
like giving up. I keep talking to my friend about
it and he encourages me, but I feel like it's
just drawing me further and further away from God. I
(21:39):
don't know what to do anymore. I feel like I
just lack self discipline, love your work and all that
you do, all right, anonymous, let me say, let me say,
let me start this whole thing with Listen, brother, listen,
you are not alone in this problem. I get this
(22:02):
email all the time, worded in different ways, but I
get it a lot, especially from young men around your age.
This is the time when pornography has is is rampant,
(22:24):
rampant right through and I and i'm I'm I'm guaranteeing
that this is gonna be your problem. You didn't say it,
but pornography is your problem, and it is rampant in
society because it's so easy, it's on everyone's cell phone.
So I want to start just by saying, you're not alone. Okay,
(22:45):
you're not isolated. You're not You're not dealing with this
all by yourself. This isn't a problem that's unique to you. Okay,
take a breath. Here's the thing I'm not. I'm not
gonna to call you out and say that, yes, you
lack self discipline. I'm not gonna say that because you
(23:06):
already know what it's going to take. It's going to
take willpower, it's gonna take surrender, it's gonna take building
up your self discipline. But how do you do that practically,
how do you do it? I always like to say
that if someone wants something bad enough, you could tell
(23:28):
the degree by which that person wants something by the
fruits of the current results of what they're doing. For instance,
if someone says, I really want to be a welder.
That's what I want to do. That my dream and
life is to be a professional welder. And you don't
(23:51):
even own a welding machine. You don't even you don't
even have any skills, You've never watched a YouTube video
on how to weld. You don't want to be a welder, then, right,
you don't really, you're just saying it. You could tell
if you really want to be a welder by the result,
the current result of what you're doing to achieve that goal.
(24:12):
So I say to you, anonymous, what are you currently
doing to achieve this goal that you say has been
eating away your life for four to five years? Okay,
start with let's start with that. That's that's to try
to help motivate you. I'm trying to just give you
(24:33):
a little push. You're on the swing. I'm just gonna
get you get your momentum going here. Okay, Now, let
me give you some practical stuff. Once again, you said
I have an addiction to masturbation. That's what you wrote.
But I'm assuming this is stemming from pornography. I'm just
gonna assume that I've said this before. Covenant eyes dot com,
(24:56):
Covenant eyes dot com. I heard about this from pastor Chad,
former guest on this podcast. He brought it up on
the podcast in real time as we were talking about this,
and I looked at him and I was like, what
is that. Well, it's a website you go to, you
enter your information that I'm just speaking. I'm just freelancing here.
(25:16):
You enter your information, you put in your IP address
of your device. It then starts monitoring your whatever you're surfing.
If you land on a site that is vulnerable, some
kind of nudity site, whatever, if you go there, it
will send a notification to whoever your accountability person is.
(25:41):
So go back to my first thing. You could tell
how bad you want something by the fruits of what
you're doing to get there. If you want this bad enough,
you will put your accountability person as your mother, or
your sister, or your grandmother if you're married, your mother
in law, somebody super vulnerable, somebody just makes you cringe.
(26:05):
If they knew your deepest, darkest secret, If that person
knew what you did when the lights were off in
the middle of the night, you would just die. That person,
whoever that is, that becomes your accountability person on Covenant
Eyes dot com. You enter them in there and you
enter your IP address, and then that's a way to
(26:28):
get your self disciplined up a notch. Right. You say,
I feel like I lack self discipline. You know what
you would say in the Marine Corps. If someone was
in the Marine Corps, they were in boot camp and
they would say I lack self discipline, I would say,
don't worry. The drill sergeant will help you. The drill
sergeant is happy to help you work on that self
(26:51):
discipline problem. So then I bring in for your situation
inter Covenant Eyes, your new drill sergeant to help you
along with your self discipline problem. We all need help.
We all need somebody to push us. We all need,
in some ways or shape or form, a drill sergeant.
(27:12):
This world is too dark and cold to just try
to navigate it all by ourselves. We are creatures, made
for a tribe, made for a community, made for people
to be around us. It says in Proverbs that iron
chopin's iron. We need iron to sharpen iron. We need
people around us, like us, like minded, to lift us up,
(27:36):
to keep us accountable. Try this. There is no need
for you to be stuck any longer in this four
to five year rut that you're in that's degrading your life.
Enough is enough, Now's the time. Next question, says Subjecline.
(28:01):
Thanks for the message, Granger. Love your podcast, but disappointed
with your sponsorcozysheets dot com. I tried to order from
the site provided, but I could not move on without
entering my email and phone number. Long story short, I
stopped the order when asking for my number. I don't
need any more emails and text messages about sales. Thought
(28:24):
you should know yours in christ Mark, Hey Mark, if
you're listening, I hope you're listening. I agree with you.
I agree with you. Man. Here's the deal, though, is
anybody watching me? Is anybody watching me right now? Is
about to say something? About to say something? I put
(28:44):
in a brother. I put in a fake number every time.
I don't ever put in my real cell phone number
when I'm buying stuff. In fact, when I go to
like best Buy or something and they say phone number, please,
I tell them the number that's fake and my information
is in the database under a fake number. That's how
(29:05):
they keep track of me. They pull and they go, oh,
mister Smith. I'm like, yep, that's me under that fake
number that I've been giving you guys for years, and
just so happened that I have my fake number memorized.
It's not a big deal to me, And don't I
don't think this is a big deal either. So give
them a fake number if I go. If I'm traveling
(29:26):
and I'm going to a gym and I have to
fill out you know that who I am and my email.
I don't give them a real email. You don't have
to do that. Don't do it. No big deal. Let's
move on next question. Subject line here says dealing with
(29:48):
high and low in life at the same time. Hey
grena drum Jordan from Kentucky and early November, my youngest
son was born. In less than twenty four hours later,
I lost my father to a surprise heart attack. I
have been struggling to enjoy the birth of my new
son and mourn the loss of my father. All the
while staying strong for my family and my wife as
(30:10):
my children's pastor, and work a full time job. I'm
comforted that I will be able to see my father
again in glory, but how are we supposed to balance
everything going on in a healthy biblical way. Thanks for
all your help. I'm glad to know there's a Christian
man giving advice and bringing glory to God. Jordan, thank you, brother,
(30:30):
thanks for the email. I don't know if you know
this about me, Jordan, but I share a very similar story.
I lost my father around the same time I had
my son, Lincoln, my first son, my second child. Lincoln
was born in January of twenty and fourteen. In early
(30:51):
March of twenty fourteen, I lost my dad to a
massive surprise heart attack. Was around two months old. Your
son was around twenty four hours old. So there's a
slight difference there, but similar in fact that they were
(31:11):
both infants, in fact that we both lost our dad
to a surprise heart attack. I understand. First thing I'm
going to point out, brother, first thing I'm going for here,
this is the low hanging fruit. I've been where you
are in your shoes to some extent. Every grief is
different because we all have our own stories. But to
(31:31):
some extent, the low hanging fruit in your story is
this from when I'm reading this podcast November December, January,
February three, November December, January, three months, three months, brother,
three months. You lost your dad three months ago. That's
(31:56):
I could spend the entire time answering your question solely
based on not enough time has gone by. You're in
the middle of it, man, You are in the trenches,
and you got enemies coming down raining all over you.
You say, how are we supposed to balance everything going
(32:17):
on at once in a healthy Biblical way. It's like
saying you're in the trenches in World War One and
German soldiers are piling over into your trench, and you're saying,
how do I balance all this right now? An appropriate
answer could be, and should be, you don't have to.
(32:40):
The world might tell you keep it all in balance,
keep everything checked, keep everything neutral, the goods, the bads,
the highs, the lows, keep it all on a manageable level.
Guess what, bro Sometimes life comes at you hard and
the balance shifts, chaos ensues, order gone. That's just what
(33:03):
happens sometimes. Guess what it's okay. Tell yourself that you're
losing your mind a little bit. You lost your dad,
you're grieving, you're hurting, you got this newborn son. You're thinking,
I've lost my mind. Tell yourself, and that is okay,
(33:27):
and that is understandable. I lost my dad, lost my hero.
I lost the leader of our family, the patriarch, the
one I look to for advice, the one that taught
me how to be a man. How am I supposed
to teach my son how to be a man when
I lost the one person that taught me. And I
haven't finished learning, Dad, You didn't teach me everything yet,
(33:48):
that still got so much to learn. And now I
gotta teach this baby how to be a man. And
I haven't finished my own class yet. I haven't graduated yet, Dad,
and you left me here. Now I'm losing my mind
a little bit. I'm crying in the shower. I'm trying
to hold it together. Be strong for my wife. She's
got it, she's got a job to do. She's raising
(34:08):
children and being strong. And then I gotta come out,
and I gotta earn my keep and pay the bills
and stand up straight and keep my hair combed and
in fact, I'm losing my mind a little bit. And
then you tell yourself and that's okay. No one's gonna
blame you for that. You break down a little bit
(34:30):
and you go, man, I'm sorry. Ah. Thinking about Dad
a lot today. I actually had a dream about him
last night. I dreamed about Dad and and he was back,
and he was good, and he looked he looked happy,
and he looked healthy, and I showed him our little
son and he held him. And that dream really messed
(34:51):
me up, because now I've just been thinking about it
all day. And it's okay, man, Jordan, It's okay, because
that's what you got. You got time, you got time,
it's coming. It's the seconds tick by and they turn
into minutes, and the minutes turn into hours, and the
(35:11):
hours into days, and the days in the weeks, and
then the weeks and the months, and then then you're
counting years like I am, and here I am where
I sit. In about one month and one month, it'll
be nine years since I lost my dad. Nine years.
One year should have a decade. And it feels like
(35:33):
just yesterday, Jordan, I was you, I was where you are,
and I was thinking there's no way out of this.
I'm never gonna feel joy again. Dad taught me everything.
I'll never I'll never be the same. I've got a
massive hole in my soul and nothing's gonna replace it
because Dad has gone. Man, here I am nine years later,
telling you, brother, you got this. All you have to
(35:57):
do is take breath. That's all you have to do.
You don't have to be strong. You don't have to
be a rock. You don't have to put on a face.
You don't have to be somebody you're not. You don't
have to tell your wife that you're strong and you're not.
You don't you surrender to God. You've got this part
figured out. You could just give it to God and
(36:18):
you go God. I don't know what to do. I
feel like I'm losing my mind. Restore to me the
joy of my salvation again. And minute by minute, day
by day, hour by hour, month by month, heartbeat by
a heartbeat, all the different intervals of time start passing by,
(36:38):
and you look back and instead of saying losing Dad
was meaningless, instead nine years later you're me talking to
someone who's going through it in the trenches, and you go,
losing my dad was not meaningless because now I've learned
something very valuable that I pass on to you. Next
(37:07):
question subject line says question, dear granger, please don't read
my email address. My question is below. Dear granger, my
name is Did you not want me to say your name?
You think it's okay to say your name, just not
your email. My name is Will. I'm a longtime fan.
Even have your song list that you threw out in
the crowd in Colorado hanging in my kitchen. My question
(37:29):
is this. I accepted Christ as a Lord and savior
of my life as a teenager. I followed his teaching
and made him my lord of my life and served
my church to the point where I became the youth pastor.
I experienced a church hurt and saw things I can't unsee.
I also experienced things that happened in my life that
(37:52):
I wish God would have intervened, and he didn't. And
now I have a lot of anger towards religion. I
hold it against God. I still love him and want
him in my life. How can I forgive him and
move on? Thanks for all you do, Will from Colorado, Oh, Will, Oh, Will,
(38:17):
my brother. I have a very simple yet complex answer
to your question. And it's the same answer. I have
simple answer that could also answer ninety nine point nine
percent of all the other questions I get on this podcast.
(38:41):
My answer to you, Will is, you don't know God.
You don't know him. You say you love him, you don't.
You don't love him. You don't love him because you
(39:01):
don't know him. Because you wouldn't say that. If you did,
you wouldn't say you wouldn't say something like how could
I forgive? How could I forgive him? How could you
forgive God? How could you? You? Will? Okay, hang time out,
time out, time out. Time. My voice is getting excited,
(39:22):
my voice is getting direct. Don't let that direct sound
of my excited voice sound like it's coming down upon you.
It's not. I'm joining you as a as a fellow
flawed human. Okay, I'm locking arms with you and joining
you as a fellow human. So don't let this. Don't
(39:46):
let Sometimes I listen back on my podcast and I'm like, man,
you're yelling at him. No, no, no no, no, I'm just
a very passionate person. Y'all know this. Will, You don't
know God. You would not tell the creator of the
universe the Alpha and the Omega, the one that purposed
heaven and earth, the one that spoke life. You would
not say something like you are trying to forgive him.
(40:12):
You would not say something like I'm trying not to
hold it against him anything. You would not say I
still love him and want him. But you wouldn't say
but if you just knew him. I say all that
in a way that I have sympathy for you, because
(40:36):
I one hundred percent understand you and where you're coming
from and your sentiment, and that your your idea of
You've seen bad things in the church, which has nothing
to do with God. Those are people, flawed humans that
have messed up. No front page news there you have
(40:57):
experienced church hurt. I've saw things that you can't unsee.
Have we not all? Have we not all? Just get
on Twitter for five seconds, turn on the news, open
up any front page of any article. You see things
that you wish you couldn't see, you wish didn't happen
(41:19):
on this earth. And then you say, in your life
you've experienced things that you wish God would have intervened on.
I say that in a way that I understand you,
but also in a way that I used to feel
that way, but I don't anymore because now I know
(41:43):
who God is. This is the most passionate thing I
could ever be about in my life. How did I know?
How did I learn this? Through the living, breathing word
of God, the Bible itself, reading it cover to cover
diligently every single day, not taking a learning through that
the character of God through that, page after page, story
(42:05):
after story, learning the character. If you're married and you're
around your wife every single day, slowly, after being around
her and hearing her talk, you learn her character so
much so that you could start to predict how she
would react in certain situations, how she would handle certain things,
even though she's not there or even though she's not
(42:25):
currently speaking about it. You know her so well because
you're with her every day that you could predict how
she's going to respond. And that's what happens with God
when you're in his word, when you're diligent about it,
and you understand. If you're in his word, you understand
that bad things happen, that things happen within the church,
that things happen within leadership of the church, and religion
(42:47):
becomes corrupt. Wow, those stories are all in the Bible,
and see how God feels about that. See how God
reacts to those situations that you're talking about. They're right
there in front of you in your Bible, and it
will blow your mind if you read that and you go, oh,
that's how God feels about church hurt. That's how God
(43:11):
feels about these experiences that I can't unsee. That's how
God feels about these experiences in my life that I
wish he would have intervened. This is what he promises,
This is what he is fulfilled. This is where he
(43:32):
came through. This is why he allows suffering. This is
why he doesn't stop it, because he walks us through
it so that we benefit from it, so that we're
refined like gold and silver in a furnace. He refines
us through suffering, through tribulation, through like the last question,
losing our dads, and I don't want to lose my dad. God,
(43:55):
why didn't you intervene? Why don't you stop the heart
attack from happening, so he could have been here and
he could be with me and he could see my
son Lincoln. Why would you do that to me? God?
You could have intervened if I said that it would
be because I don't know God. Because God says I
got a plan for you, Granger I got a plan
(44:15):
for you, Will, and you can't always see the result
of it right now, you can't always see what I'm doing.
In fact, you don't need to know what I'm doing.
I am building something, I'm doing something new, and you
need me and you need this plan. And it's always good,
even with the suffering. Take your favorite movie, Will, and
(44:37):
take the bad guy out of it. Take the bad
scenario out of your favorite movie, and what does it become?
Probably your least favorite movie because it no longer has
the struggle, and it no longer has the main character
overcoming the struggle, learning becoming better because of it and
trying thing in the end, because of the darkness, because
(44:58):
of the struggle, because of the suffering. That's why it's there.
That's why you love the movie so much. You don't
know God, learn who he is. Love you guys, See
you next Monday. Thanks for joining me on the Grangersmith podcast.
(45:20):
I appreciate all of you guys. You could help me
out by rating this podcast on iTunes. If you're on YouTube,
subscribe to this channel. Hit that little like button and
the notification spell so that you never miss anytime I
upload a video. If you have a question for me
that you would like me to answer, email Grangersmith Podcast
at gmail dot com. Yi Yi
Host
Granger Smith
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