February 13, 2023 • 42 mins
Granger Smith Podcast Episode 175: This is a difficult situation. If your father won't speak to you, the best solution is to reach out to him and to love him, regardless of how he treats you. That's what a man would do. Join me as we chat about this topic and more!
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Episode Transcript
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Speaker 1 (00:00):
I'm so sorry, brother, I'm so sorry that you are
in this. This is not the card that you wanted
to play, but it's the card you were dealt. What's up, everybody,
(00:23):
Welcome to the podcast. Thank you for watching and listening
wherever you're coming from. What I do here is I
answer your questions, super easy, super casual. You email me
Grangersmith podcast at gmail dot com. We walk through them
just like we're on a road trip together. I'm going
to answer like a friend, and I have no notes,
no quotes, nothing prepared in front of me. In fact,
(00:46):
I haven't even read any of these questions ready to
go here at all, totally random. I have no idea
what I'm getting into. They're straight from you, guys, and
this is episode one seventy five. Let's get started here.
First question, no subject line. It says, hey, granger my
name is Noah. I have a question about my family.
(01:07):
My parents got divorced when I was about five years old.
I'm now seventeen, and for the past three years, my
father has not spoken to me. I haven't seen him
in a year. All of this because my stepmom caused
a series of events that created a disaster for our family,
a family all of us thought could never be broken.
My father has turned his back on me and my
(01:28):
brother and his grandma who raised him, and our cousins.
The family and the farm is in shambles lately. I
really miss my father. I guess what I'm asking is
what do you think I should do? Wow? Yeah, Noah?
Thank you for kicking off the podcast with a a
(01:50):
very deep question. And I'm so sorry brother, I'm so
sorry that you are in this. This is not the
card that you wanted to play, but it's the card
you were dealt, right, And that's that's what we could
all say about ourselves. We don't always enjoy what we're
(02:11):
doing or say that this is where we thought we
would be, or this is what we would choose to be,
as far from that. Life is so much more just
about the hand that we're dealt. How do we play it?
How do we play the hand that we're dealt without
looking around and saying, man, that family over there across
(02:32):
the street, they're doing pretty good. Why do I get
this hand? Instead of asking why, change it to what
what am I going to do with this? What am
I going to do with the hand I'm dealt? How
am I going to play this? Instead of why you can't?
You can't respond to why you can't. There's no action
connected with why. There's action connected with what what next?
(02:58):
What am I going to do? Now? Okay? And that's
exactly what you're asking. Okay, great, you said what do
you think I should do? There's no right or wrong answer.
Let's walk through it though. Okay, Noah, let me recap.
Dad's been gone two thirds of your life. We see
this step mom problem. This is not necessarily a step
(03:23):
mother problem. It's a step parent problem because it could
be a stepdad as well. But we see the step
parent problem so many times on the microcosm of what
the Grangersmith podcast is. In one hundred and seventy five
episodes and god knows how many questions, Man, we have
(03:43):
seen the step parent create havoc. And I don't necessarily
blame that person. This is on your dad. This is
on your dad. He's in La La Land. And you
don't want to tell a seventeen year old that his
dad is in La La Land. But that's what's happening.
(04:10):
In one more year, you're eligible for the draft, if
there was a draft, and you should know your Dad
has gone cuckoo right, He's got love eyes on, and
he is he's too attached to this woman, this stepmother.
He's so attached to her that he can't see what's
(04:32):
really going on, and he can't see the damage that
it's doing. And dare I say he is? He is
frightened of her in a way. He has a fear
of her in a way that's deeper than his fear
of losing his family. And that is a sad place
to be. So what do you do? You love him?
(04:58):
You love him, you forgive him. That's not the answer
you probably wanted, or maybe maybe not what you expected.
Maybe after all this build up, you're thinking, Yeah, Dad's
a jerk. What do I do? Granger? Tell me what
I What do I do? Do I figure out some
kind of legal way to win this battle? Brother? The
(05:20):
way to win this battle is by loving him. And
you send him a letter, You say, Dad, I miss you. Man.
The farms and shambles and the family's hurting, Your grandma
is hurting. None of us blame you. It's just the
(05:40):
way it is right now. More than anything, we just
miss you and I love you, Dad. I really wish
I could see it, miss. I wish maybe we can
jump on the phone sometime. I just want I want
you to know Dad that that I forgive you, and
I hope you forgive me for anything I've done. And
(06:01):
I would like to meet up sometime and grab a
burger talk about some stuff. Whenever you're ready. The door's
opened at Noah, if you could do that, man, that
takes a man to do that. It takes a mature
man to do that. Not that you aren't at seventeen,
not that you're not there yet. Maybe you are, sounds
(06:24):
like you, maybe you're growing up quick. But if you
could do that, you'll be a man, my son, You'll
be a man. That's how a man would deal with this,
Not with his fist, not with his attitude, Not by
breaking things and being angry. That's weak. A weak man
would do that. A weak man would turn his back
(06:45):
on a cowardly father by acting cowardly back to him
and becoming that continuing the cycle in his life. It's
not you, Noah. That's not why you emailed this podcast.
That's not why a seventeen year old guy like you
listens to this podcast. I got a feeling about you.
You're breaking that generational curse. It stops with you, partly,
(07:11):
partly in the fact that when you find a girl
and you get married to this girl, you're gonna make
a commitment to her in that family and you're not
going anywhere, and you're going to tell your wife's that,
and you're gonna tell your kids that. You're going to say,
you know, I learned. I learned some stuff when I
was growing up about a broken family, a broken home.
(07:31):
I will not do that to you, guys, And you'll
look them into the eye and at the dinner table
you'll say, I will not leave you. Guys. I'm your dad.
The generational curse stops with me. That's you. Noah, I'm
speaking this into you, man, I'm speaking some identity into you.
(07:52):
As you move forward and you handle this situation with grace,
love and forgiveness, and you tell your great grandma, he said, Grandma, Dad,
Dad's cuckoo right now, But that's not who he is.
You know him better than that. He's in La la land.
But we're hoping that he comes back and we forgive him. Grandma.
(08:13):
I know it's tough, but we still love him, don't we. Grandma?
You spread that message around. You. Don't let that deceit
just find its way in and start breaking this this
family apart any further because people get together and gossip
and go get You know about step the step mom.
You know what she said. You know what she did
in this email or so and so sorry at the
(08:34):
bank and the line and the teller's off. You know
what she did. She just ignored him. And you know
what else? You know what we heard a rumor about her,
about her ex husband, the electrician down there. You know,
this stuff just spreads like cancer. You're not going to
be part of it. Noah, You're not a part of it.
I appreciate your emailing brother. I hope you could take
(08:57):
this with you. I hope you could take it with you.
Next question moving on here. Subject line says girl. Question
says how can you tell if the girl you're dating
is the right one? Question comes from Bentley Bentley common
(09:19):
question we get on this podcast and I understand, I
hear you. I hear you loud and clear. How can
you tell if the girl you're dating is the right one? Yeah,
because your hands are sweaty and your knees are weak,
you can't eat, and you can't sleep. Alan Jackson had
(09:42):
a song back in the I guess the nineties called
sounds Like Love's Got a hold on You. You just
know it, brother, you know it. You go man, this girl,
this girl does something to me. I feel sick. I
feel physically ill around girl. She turns me every way
but loose. That's what Alan Jackson said. That's how you know.
(10:08):
You don't have to ask all right. Next question, subject
line says fate, Hey, Gringel. My name is Christine. I'm
thirty one. Live in a small town on the Vermont border.
I was in a military relationship for the better part
of three years. We were on and off several times
(10:29):
during deployments, COVID and relocations. We also talked about getting married,
having kids, and living happily ever after. We haven't spoken
in almost two years now, but I think about him
every day and I even dream about him. Everyone has
told me that I need to move on and allow
another man into my life. I'm worried that I'll never
(10:50):
find someone quite like him, but my biological clock is ticking.
I want nothing more than to raise a family. I'm
trying to rely on God's plan, but I frequently get discouraged.
Do you believe anything. Excuse me, you said. You didn't
say that. You said, do you believe everything happens for
(11:10):
a reason? Is fate real? And where does God's plan
fit in? Thank you for everything you do. God bless Christine, Ah, Christine,
thank you for the email. I'm gonna recap for my
own brain. You're thirty one and you were in a
military relationship for the better part of three years on
(11:31):
and off. So this was okay? You said we even
talked about getting married having kids, so that didn't didn't happen.
This is the boyfriend. This is an ex boyfriend that
you still think about. Got it? Okay, let's start backwards.
I'm gonna start the back half of this first. I'm
gonna deal with what I think is more important than
the ex boyfriend right now, and that is the question
(11:54):
or you say, do you believe everything happens for a reason? One?
Is fate real? Two? And three? Where does God's plan
fit in? I want to challenge you, Christine on that
last question, Where does God's plan fit in? And I
(12:14):
would have you flip everything and say God's plan happens
no matter what. Where does my life fit into that?
Where does fate fit into that? Where does everything happening
fit into that? Right? So God's purpose, God's plan happens
(12:36):
because he's God and he's sovereign, and that's what the
Bible tells us, that his plan will stand always and
it's always good. He even turns evil for good. He
uses bad for good in a way that we can't
possibly understand, but we can understand it through our own,
(12:58):
our own drama that we have in our life. That
we write a book or we watch a movie. And
I've talked about this before. You have the antagonist in
the movie, you take them out, you take the bad
out of the movie, it's no longer a good movie. Right.
You can't understand light at all unless you see the dark, right,
unless you have the dark contrasting it. So we can
(13:19):
kind of see, maybe in our finite brains, why he
would allow certain things to happen. But what we do
know is that he has a plan and it happens
that way. So the real question is that you're trying
to ask, I hope, or at least I'm challenging you,
(13:41):
is where do we fit into that? Where does my
little tiny life fit into that plan? Okay, I can't
answer that for you, I could shoot you in the
right direction. I can't answer that, but if I can
reframe your thinking to be that, then I think it'll
(14:02):
really help you to better understand the path that you're on. Okay,
so let's go now with that idea, with a new
reframed question. Now, let's talk about the ex boyfriend. Okay,
it's easy to look back and see that hindsight is
twenty twenty. It's just a thing. We know this. You say,
(14:26):
we are on and off several times during the plumb
during deployment's, COVID and relocations. You didn't make it. There's
a lot of stuff going on right now that could
be a positive thing for you because it was a
very unstable time in both of y'all's lives, and now
maybe you're kind of stable now. And so my question
(14:51):
to you would be this, you ever think about writing
him an email? I'm sure you still have his email.
Do you ever think about writing him an email and
saying this to him? Your words? Okay, Okay, Christine, your words. Hey.
(15:14):
I know that we are on and off several times, deployments,
COVID relocations. I know that we talked about even getting married,
having kids, living happily ever after. I know that we
haven't spoken in almost two years, and this is awkward
to say, but I think about you every day. I
(15:36):
even dream about you. Everyone has told me I need
to move on and allow another man into my life,
but I'm just worried that I'll never find someone quite
like you. I didn't say that. That's not my words.
That was your email, Christine. You just said it to me.
(15:56):
You asked me that about him. So what if you
wrote down your words as we see this every podcast,
and you put it in an email to him, Because
guess what happens. There's no more wondering after that. There's
no more I wonder what God's plan is. I wonder
where my biological clock is ticking. There's no more wondering.
(16:19):
He either doesn't reply, or he does, or he says no.
But at least you'll note you could move on, like
your friends say, because he's gonna ghost you, or he's
gonna say, hey, I'm married now, I'm engaged now, or
he's gonna say I feel the same way. Where could
we meet? Either way, you will know. Okay, let's jump
(16:51):
into something else here. This looks like a completely different
subject subject line here says is astrology a sin? They
grant drummer Rebecca, reaching out for from southern Illinois. I've
been curious about a topic that's been eating at me
for a while now. Is astrology a sin? God not
only created the stars, but he arranged them in star
(17:12):
groupings that could be used for signs and for seasons.
Many say astrology is a sin, but I've also heard
the Gospel in the is in the stars. What are
your thoughts on God and astrology? Is it a sin? Okay? Rebecca,
thanks for the for the email you This is this
is where I wish we were in a conversation together
(17:33):
around a campfire, because you say, many say astrology is
a sin, but I've also heard the Gospel is in
the stars. I don't know what that means. You say
the Gospel is in the stars. That's that's not true.
That's not true at all. The Gospels not in the stars. Okay.
(17:55):
The Gospel is the good news about God coming to
earth as Jesus, fully, man fully God, taking on the
sins of his people, redeeming his people. It's the redemption
story of Israel, and He is the climax of that story.
(18:18):
When he is killed on the cross, resurrected in three days,
and he says that anyone who repents and turns to
him will have everlasting life. During the time on the cross,
he atoned for the sin. He paid for the price
of the sins of his people in full. That is
(18:40):
the gospel, that is the good News. There are gospels
that we have four copies of from four different apostles.
We have those as gospels. And then there's also the
gospel that all of the gospels proclaim. It's the proc
(19:00):
of good news. Is gospel, and that is not in
the stars. Okay, Now, did he create the stars and
arrange them and name them? Yes, the Bible says that
he knows all the stars. He made all the stars,
He named all the stars. Did he arrange them for
(19:22):
signs and seasons in a way that he arranged the
trees for signs and seasons. We could look at a
red oak tree and know when the buds are coming,
that spring is coming. In fact, a mesquite tree in Texas.
When we know the mesquite tree buds, my grandpa used
(19:43):
to say this, when the mosquite tree starts budding, you
know you could put out your garden because a mesquite
tree will only bud after the last frost. That becomes
a sign for us on earth as we take dominion
of this earth. We could look to different things as
a sign of earthly things, not heavenly things. So we
(20:07):
could look at a tree and know that the last
frost is over, and we could put out a garden.
But we can't look at a tree and say God
is coming in three months because of the tree is
giving me the sign. The same way, you can't look
at the stars and see any kind of heavenly messages
(20:28):
at all. That would be a terrible heresy, a terrible heresy.
But you could look at the stars all day and
go look look at how they make shapes and they
make creatures. And look at that one looks like an alligator. Wow,
that one is moving. It's a shooting star. Look how
beautiful they are. Look how small we are. Look how
(20:50):
depth the great depth of the galaxy is. You could
say all that, But as soon as you start saying
they're arranged in signs and messages for me from God,
it gets very dangerous. Let's take a break, be right back.
(21:12):
Thanks for listening to the podcast. You know a great
way to get a hold of me, or to send
me a message, or to have me send you a
message is a cameo. Cameo dot com slash Granger Smith
or you can download the cameo app and search for
me Granger Smith. It's a super easy format and I've
done cameo for about three and a half years now
(21:33):
and it's just part of my daily life. I love
doing it and I love being able to communicate. What
it is is you send me a message and I
record you back a video message of whatever you want
me to say. It could be happy birthday, happy anniversary,
words of encouragement, happy engagement, announcing babies. I've done pretty
much everything right now is a good time for Valentine's Day.
(21:57):
You need that last minute gift, you need to say
something the last minute for your Valentine. I got you covered.
Just go to cameo dot com slash Granger Smith send
me your request for whoever you want me to send
it to. Also, this is a big week for ye
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(22:21):
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(22:42):
at granger Smith. Back to the podcast, All right, back
to the podcast. If you have a question for me,
email Grangersmith Podcast at gmail dot com. Could be about
any subject. My only thing is please don't send the
same one twice because gets lost or trashed. And don't
(23:03):
send me one that's much longer than like a phone length,
because then it makes it difficult to read that question
on the podcast. Okay, let's get back into this subject line.
If this one says girlfriends past, grant your. My name
is Kyle. I'm twenty two. I'm madly in love with
my girlfriend of six months, and she feels the same
about me. She's amazing in every way, and we've already
(23:26):
talked about marriage. I love everything about her other than
her past. She's had multiple previous boyfriends before me, and
I just cannot seem to get the thought out of
my head that she's been with them and has had
sex with guys other than me. I just cannot get
(23:47):
the mental images out of my head. I just don't
know if it's jealousy or what it is. But I
don't know how to go through this. What are your thoughts? Thinks?
I'm sorry that last sentence you said, but I know
I'm not the only one going through this. What are
your thoughts? Things? Okay, Kyle, appreciate you, bro, thank you
(24:11):
for emailing. Twenty two years old, madly in love girlfriend
six months she feels the same, amazing every way not
quite right, and you've talked about marriage. Cool. Yeah, I
hear you. I'm hearing you here, and this is what
(24:32):
we're going to talk about, Kyle. So me and you
road tripping, right, this is a great road trip question.
Driving down the highway, me and you and you're like, man, Granger,
I gotta I'm like, hey, how's the girl? Right? How's
the girl? And you go, man, it's great, everything's great.
And you know, I really love madly in love with
her and I'm like, but but man, I can't. I
(24:58):
can't get over her past boyfriends always think about it
makes me sneeze. I just think about this, Kyle makes
me sneeze. Excuse me. This is something that you're gonna
have to look at who she is now? This is
what this is, what's gonna play into this, this this answer.
(25:22):
So much of what I need you to do now
is look at who she is now today? Who is
she today? Kyle? That's what I tell you in the
cab of the truck. You're not gonna look at her
and who she was with past boyfriends. I know that
that's difficult to do, but this is an exercise you're
(25:42):
gonna have to force yourself in because trust trust me,
no one wants to look at your past either. Kyle.
What you know about her past? And you know about
these ex boyfriends because she's opened up and told you,
But there's stuff she doesn't know about you. What has
(26:03):
happened in your past? What are things that have happened
that no one knows about? And what if everything you've
done in your life was put on a tape that
sounds so old tape digit is put on a digital
file and we all got to watch it, Kyle, we
get to see your whole life on one click. How
(26:28):
would you feel there's stuff you're ashamed of? There's stuff
that you wish that no one could see. Hm. I
would say yes. It would be very strange if you
said no, because you're a human. I'm not blaming you.
I'm saying me. You everyone, there's stuff and we just
don't want people to know in our past. But that's
(26:48):
not who we are. That the past doesn't define us,
it refines us. I put that in a song. The
past does not define us, It refines us. That makes
us better now that we've learned from it, hopefully. So
who is this girlfriend today? Who is she today? Has
she learned? Does she have a repentant heart? Is she
(27:09):
not like that anymore? Kyle? Is she having sex with you? Bro?
Is she? Hmm? That's what i'd ask you in the
cab of the truck. You haven't sex with this girl
now because you haven't married her yet, And you just
might be another one of these ex boyfriends in line
(27:30):
that somebody else has got to worry about. You might
be that guy. Are you that guy? Oh? No, man, no, Granger.
I'm madly in love with her and she feels the same.
She's amazing. We've even talked about marriage. Ah. Is that
what the last guy said? Be careful, man, be careful.
This is a tricky situation. I hope, I hope that
(27:54):
you're looking at this from a perspective of you saying,
we're starting a new chapter, we're laying we're laying some
new ground here, and I'm I'm respecting her in a
way that the past boyfriends haven't. Man, what if he
said that. I hope that's true. And what if she
(28:14):
is she has a repentant heart and she's like I
I regret my past and I'm not that person anymore.
I'm a new person. Now. What if she's saying that
this changes everything. If that's the case, that's what you're
gonna be looking at who she is today, not this
(28:35):
past girl. Okay, you know gonna You're not gonna worry
about the past unless she still is that person. And
if she is, then you don't need to be with her.
Just make sure you're not the new ex boyfriend that
sneeze I had. That last question proves that we do
(28:55):
not cut this podcast. We roll with it. I don't
have notes. I Don'm not prepared. We roll with it.
Seven glide of the next one says, parachute for children, Grandeur.
I was listening to this week's podcast ten twenty four
twenty two. That's old where you gave your analogy on
(29:17):
the plane is going down, we run out of fuel.
You wouldn't want to have a parachute for adults and
other individuals. Wait, what what did I say? Sometimes? I
don't know what I said. You gave the analogy on
the plane as going down out of fuel, wouldn't want
to have a parachute. You wouldn't want to have a parachute.
(29:38):
I don't know what that's exactly what you typed, And
I'm not sure what that means for adults and other individuals.
They know that they could build that relationship with God
to get that parachute, and it merely becomes a choice
for those individuals. My wife and I have a three
year old daughter and a one year old son. My
question is, how do children that young? Oh, I see
where this is going commit their life to Christ to
(30:01):
get that parachute. I see what you're talking about, As
I imagine, there is no get out jail free card
for children. Thanks for continuing to share your love in
Christ and working to move others in His direction on
all your platforms. Tyler Tyler, thanks for the email bro. Sorry,
I was playing catch up with trying to understand what
(30:21):
I told you in the past. I'm not who I
was in the past, Tyler, judge me from the present.
Just kidding. Okay, your question is how do you how
do you prepare children to go to heaven? That's your question.
You have a three year old daughter and a one
year old son. Yeah, you pray for him, You pray,
(30:45):
oh for them, You pray under them, you pray around them,
you pray at dinner, you pray in front of them.
You let them catch you on your knees. You let
them catch you walking out of their their little room.
And it's six forty five in the morning, and they're
coming out, your three year old daughters just waking up,
getting ready to get eat her cheerios, And she sees
(31:08):
daddy in there reading his Bible, studying like his life
depends on it. And then she remembers that when she's
four and five and six and seven and eight, and
you pour into her and you love her and you
respect her, and you love her mama, and you respect
(31:28):
her mama, and she sees who you are and your heart,
and she sees where your allegiance lies and what you
care about and what you do and who you worship,
and how you lead the household, and you pray for
her every night. You say, God, take this child, love
this little girl, Bring her into your kingdom, Have mercy
(31:50):
on us. Bless this child every single night, every single morning,
every single meal, and when you think about it in
the middle of the day. That's what you do. Brother.
She can't understand anything at three, but that's what you
pour over her. That's all you could do, all right.
(32:18):
Random choice email subject line says tell me how Hey Granger.
My name is Luke. I'm from Michigan. I'm eighteen. I
have always been single. Even though I know with everything
in me that God does not want me to have
a girlfriend, I still find myself wanting one. I hear
you say all the time, how to learn to be
content and single? Can you give me some clarity on
(32:42):
how to get to that point? Love? The podcast help
so much, Luke. Appreciate you, brother, Thank you for emailing.
I love the state of Michigan. Good to hear from you. Man.
I'm gonna beat you up real good, Luke. That's how
much I love you, buddy. What are you talking about? God?
(33:03):
Does it you everything in you says God doesn't want
you to have a girlfriend. Where do you read that?
Maybe that goes back to that email about the stars
that God gave you a He wrote it in the stars,
he said, Luke, you're not going to have a girlfriend,
and he wrote it in Latin. I'm just kidding. You
(33:23):
don't know that. You don't know with everything in you
that he doesn't want you to have a girlfriend. You
don't know that. You don't know that. Don't say that.
Take that out of your email. Okay, second part, I'm
going to beat you up on. What's the next part.
You hear me say all the time to be content
and single. Yes, I do, And then you say, give
me some clarity on how to get to that point. Hey,
(33:46):
no beating up on that one. That's that's it. I love.
I love to try to be as practical as I can.
If I'm not practical, you guys call me out because
I don't want to. I don't ever want to say
things that goes over people's head and they're like, I
don't I don't even know what this dude's talking about.
I don't know what granger, he's just blabbering on about
something I don't know what it is. I want to
(34:06):
be practical and I want to be like you said,
I want to have clarity on the points. I don't
like to hear anything that is vague, especially when it
comes to something serious like this, Like you're eighteen and
you're trying to figure out what to do with your life.
(34:28):
It's basically what you're asking and you need some clarity
because you feel an anxiety to have a girlfriend. So
let's dig in on that a little bit. Okay, that
you have a feeling that you want a girlfriend, man,
I mean, that's a natural feeling for an eighteen year
(34:48):
old boy. And I'm not gonna blame you for that, Luke,
I don't I'm not gonna say that that's a bad, wrong, sinful,
terrible feeling. I'm not saying that. If you've if you've
heard me say something like that, I want to say gently,
I feel like you've misunderstood me when it comes to that,
(35:09):
because that's a natural thing for an eighteen year old
boy to go shere, would like to have a girlfriend.
But there's a difference in that. Sure would she would
like to have a girlfriend, She would like to know
what it's like to talk to a girl, To take
a girl to Sonic and get a burger and a coke.
(35:31):
I wonder what that's like, take her to a dance,
listen to a favorite song with her. I don't think
there's anything wrong with that. But here's where it gets bad.
I'm obsessed. All I could do is think about this
one girl, and I just I need her and I
miss her and it hurts my heart and I can't
(35:53):
sleep at night. It just breaks me up. And she
doesn't give me the time of day. And I don't
know if she likes me or there's so out there
and I don't know who it is. I'm so lonely.
I just can't. I can't stand it. I'm not I
have anxiety and I'm not content. I'm just I feel
this urgency. I just don't know what to do as
(36:13):
it just consumes me like that. That that's wrong. Okay,
that's that's when I come in and go, no, no,
no, no no. We have to learn to be content and single.
But I don't think there's anything wrong with saying I
kind of this is what you're you said. I still
(36:34):
find myself wanting one. I don't think there's anything wrong
with an eighteen year old guy going, I'd like to
have a girlfriend. Yeah, be honest with you, guys, I'd
like to have a girlfriend. Is that an obsession yet?
I don't know is it? Is it a healthy You're
just eighteen? That's okay. So after that, now, let's get practical,
(36:57):
let's get to let's get the clarity on the point. Okay,
making this up as I go, Bro, what are you
doing with your mind and your heart? That's what I
would ask you. What what are you doing? Are you
the third wheel in a relationship that your buddy and
(37:18):
his girlfriend and you're the third wheel that's not helping things?
Are you singing home, playing video games on the couch
and your mom is bringing you peanut butter and jelly sandwiches,
that's not helping things. Are you plugged in in a
(37:40):
local church and you're you're you're serving, and you're you're
planning on a mission trip to Peru maybe, and you
guys are fundraising so that you can you could go
to build homes in Peru, and you're gonna pour into
this little community there and you're gonna, you're gonna you're
gonna help cut chop firewood for ryoul that lives there,
(38:02):
right and you you you were micro focusing on this.
Maybe that's exaggerating, but it's possible. Something like a mission
trip short term mission trip to Peru as at an
eighteen year old through your local church after fundraising is
not too far fetched. But what what if you became
(38:25):
focused and passionate about something like this or maybe it's
a it's a tech school and you're gonna go and
you're gonna you're gonna study welding and you're gonna get
your certificate and you're gonna go out and you get
your making. You're slowly making a path for yourself on
what you want to do, and you're growing your passions
and you have friends that do it with you. And
(38:46):
you guys are just now getting into bird hunting and
you're thinking about getting a bird dog until you've been
kind of researching puppies. These are these are good passionate
things for an eighteen year old to start wrecting energy,
learning how to be single and content Because you start
(39:06):
you start working towards this stuff, you start pouring yourself
into passions by design, and you don't have room to
sit around and go Sure, am lonely. My other friends
are dating, looking at Instagram, and everyone has somebody but me.
(39:26):
That is toxic for your brain. That is that's where
you could start wearing yourself down. So you gotta get
busy being passionate about something. They will grange. I'm not
a passionate person. Get passionate. You can't tell me. There's
nothing in this big world that you can't get behind.
(39:50):
Like fundraising for a short term mission trip in Peru
sounds like a pretty I kind of like that. I
just made that up and I'm kind of liking it
for you. Luke, you get the name for it. Bro,
You've got the name for it. Okay, does that make sense.
I'm gonna make sure because you said give me some clarity,
I want to make sure it was clear. I want
(40:11):
to make sure that when I give you practical stuff
I'm talking about you got to do something. You have
to do something you're passionate about, hopefully with other guys.
You're pulling in other people and you're building a small
community one guy, one friend, two guys. If you don't
have any friends, then you seek the passion and then
(40:33):
you find people that are going the same direction within
that passion. So if it's welding, I want to be welding.
We already use that example. You're to go into law enforcement.
I want to go into law enforcement. So I'm gonna
go to this this uh school, what do they call it? Academy?
You're gonna go to the police academy and you're gonna
(40:54):
find somebody on that same path and you go, hey, man,
my name is Luke. Now I get what's up. I'm
Tom I'm going to academy. You're like me too. I
love it. And then you guys just connect like that's
then you have a friend. That's how this happens. Is
that practical enough? Get busy, Luke, Get busy. Okay, so
(41:22):
let's recap. It's okay to want to have a girlfriend,
it's not okay to obsess about it. And if you
start leaking over to the obsession side of this equation,
get busy, Get busy doing something you're passionate about. That
will build your confidence in being content because eventually you
(41:43):
look around you go, I'm okay by myself. I'm content.
Love you guys, see you next Monday. Thanks for joining
me on the Grangersmith podcast. I appreciate all of you guys,
you could help me out by rating this podcast on iTunes.
If you're on YouTube, subscribe to this channel. Hit that
(42:05):
little like button and the notification spell so that you
never miss anytime I upload a video. If you have
a question for me that you would like me to answer,
email Grangersmith Podcast at gmail dot com. Yie
I'm so sorry, brother, I'm so sorry that you are
in this. This is not the card that you wanted
to play, but it's the card you were dealt. What's up, everybody,
(00:23):
Welcome to the podcast. Thank you for watching and listening
wherever you're coming from. What I do here is I
answer your questions, super easy, super casual. You email me
Grangersmith podcast at gmail dot com. We walk through them
just like we're on a road trip together. I'm going
to answer like a friend, and I have no notes,
no quotes, nothing prepared in front of me. In fact,
(00:46):
I haven't even read any of these questions ready to
go here at all, totally random. I have no idea
what I'm getting into. They're straight from you, guys, and
this is episode one seventy five. Let's get started here.
First question, no subject line. It says, hey, granger my
name is Noah. I have a question about my family.
(01:07):
My parents got divorced when I was about five years old.
I'm now seventeen, and for the past three years, my
father has not spoken to me. I haven't seen him
in a year. All of this because my stepmom caused
a series of events that created a disaster for our family,
a family all of us thought could never be broken.
My father has turned his back on me and my
(01:28):
brother and his grandma who raised him, and our cousins.
The family and the farm is in shambles lately. I
really miss my father. I guess what I'm asking is
what do you think I should do? Wow? Yeah, Noah?
Thank you for kicking off the podcast with a a
(01:50):
very deep question. And I'm so sorry brother, I'm so
sorry that you are in this. This is not the
card that you wanted to play, but it's the card
you were dealt, right, And that's that's what we could
all say about ourselves. We don't always enjoy what we're
(02:11):
doing or say that this is where we thought we
would be, or this is what we would choose to be,
as far from that. Life is so much more just
about the hand that we're dealt. How do we play it?
How do we play the hand that we're dealt without
looking around and saying, man, that family over there across
(02:32):
the street, they're doing pretty good. Why do I get
this hand? Instead of asking why, change it to what
what am I going to do with this? What am
I going to do with the hand I'm dealt? How
am I going to play this? Instead of why you can't?
You can't respond to why you can't. There's no action
connected with why. There's action connected with what what next?
(02:58):
What am I going to do? Now? Okay? And that's
exactly what you're asking. Okay, great, you said what do
you think I should do? There's no right or wrong answer.
Let's walk through it though. Okay, Noah, let me recap.
Dad's been gone two thirds of your life. We see
this step mom problem. This is not necessarily a step
(03:23):
mother problem. It's a step parent problem because it could
be a stepdad as well. But we see the step
parent problem so many times on the microcosm of what
the Grangersmith podcast is. In one hundred and seventy five
episodes and god knows how many questions, Man, we have
(03:43):
seen the step parent create havoc. And I don't necessarily
blame that person. This is on your dad. This is
on your dad. He's in La La Land. And you
don't want to tell a seventeen year old that his
dad is in La La Land. But that's what's happening.
(04:10):
In one more year, you're eligible for the draft, if
there was a draft, and you should know your Dad
has gone cuckoo right, He's got love eyes on, and
he is he's too attached to this woman, this stepmother.
He's so attached to her that he can't see what's
(04:32):
really going on, and he can't see the damage that
it's doing. And dare I say he is? He is
frightened of her in a way. He has a fear
of her in a way that's deeper than his fear
of losing his family. And that is a sad place
to be. So what do you do? You love him?
(04:58):
You love him, you forgive him. That's not the answer
you probably wanted, or maybe maybe not what you expected.
Maybe after all this build up, you're thinking, Yeah, Dad's
a jerk. What do I do? Granger? Tell me what
I What do I do? Do I figure out some
kind of legal way to win this battle? Brother? The
(05:20):
way to win this battle is by loving him. And
you send him a letter, You say, Dad, I miss you. Man.
The farms and shambles and the family's hurting, Your grandma
is hurting. None of us blame you. It's just the
(05:40):
way it is right now. More than anything, we just
miss you and I love you, Dad. I really wish
I could see it, miss. I wish maybe we can
jump on the phone sometime. I just want I want
you to know Dad that that I forgive you, and
I hope you forgive me for anything I've done. And
(06:01):
I would like to meet up sometime and grab a
burger talk about some stuff. Whenever you're ready. The door's
opened at Noah, if you could do that, man, that
takes a man to do that. It takes a mature
man to do that. Not that you aren't at seventeen,
not that you're not there yet. Maybe you are, sounds
(06:24):
like you, maybe you're growing up quick. But if you
could do that, you'll be a man, my son, You'll
be a man. That's how a man would deal with this,
Not with his fist, not with his attitude, Not by
breaking things and being angry. That's weak. A weak man
would do that. A weak man would turn his back
(06:45):
on a cowardly father by acting cowardly back to him
and becoming that continuing the cycle in his life. It's
not you, Noah. That's not why you emailed this podcast.
That's not why a seventeen year old guy like you
listens to this podcast. I got a feeling about you.
You're breaking that generational curse. It stops with you, partly,
(07:11):
partly in the fact that when you find a girl
and you get married to this girl, you're gonna make
a commitment to her in that family and you're not
going anywhere, and you're going to tell your wife's that,
and you're gonna tell your kids that. You're going to say,
you know, I learned. I learned some stuff when I
was growing up about a broken family, a broken home.
(07:31):
I will not do that to you, guys, And you'll
look them into the eye and at the dinner table
you'll say, I will not leave you. Guys. I'm your dad.
The generational curse stops with me. That's you. Noah, I'm
speaking this into you, man, I'm speaking some identity into you.
(07:52):
As you move forward and you handle this situation with grace,
love and forgiveness, and you tell your great grandma, he said, Grandma, Dad,
Dad's cuckoo right now, But that's not who he is.
You know him better than that. He's in La la land.
But we're hoping that he comes back and we forgive him. Grandma.
(08:13):
I know it's tough, but we still love him, don't we. Grandma?
You spread that message around. You. Don't let that deceit
just find its way in and start breaking this this
family apart any further because people get together and gossip
and go get You know about step the step mom.
You know what she said. You know what she did
in this email or so and so sorry at the
(08:34):
bank and the line and the teller's off. You know
what she did. She just ignored him. And you know
what else? You know what we heard a rumor about her,
about her ex husband, the electrician down there. You know,
this stuff just spreads like cancer. You're not going to
be part of it. Noah, You're not a part of it.
I appreciate your emailing brother. I hope you could take
(08:57):
this with you. I hope you could take it with you.
Next question moving on here. Subject line says girl. Question
says how can you tell if the girl you're dating
is the right one? Question comes from Bentley Bentley common
(09:19):
question we get on this podcast and I understand, I
hear you. I hear you loud and clear. How can
you tell if the girl you're dating is the right one? Yeah,
because your hands are sweaty and your knees are weak,
you can't eat, and you can't sleep. Alan Jackson had
(09:42):
a song back in the I guess the nineties called
sounds Like Love's Got a hold on You. You just
know it, brother, you know it. You go man, this girl,
this girl does something to me. I feel sick. I
feel physically ill around girl. She turns me every way
but loose. That's what Alan Jackson said. That's how you know.
(10:08):
You don't have to ask all right. Next question, subject
line says fate, Hey, Gringel. My name is Christine. I'm
thirty one. Live in a small town on the Vermont border.
I was in a military relationship for the better part
of three years. We were on and off several times
(10:29):
during deployments, COVID and relocations. We also talked about getting married,
having kids, and living happily ever after. We haven't spoken
in almost two years now, but I think about him
every day and I even dream about him. Everyone has
told me that I need to move on and allow
another man into my life. I'm worried that I'll never
(10:50):
find someone quite like him, but my biological clock is ticking.
I want nothing more than to raise a family. I'm
trying to rely on God's plan, but I frequently get discouraged.
Do you believe anything. Excuse me, you said. You didn't
say that. You said, do you believe everything happens for
(11:10):
a reason? Is fate real? And where does God's plan
fit in? Thank you for everything you do. God bless Christine, Ah, Christine,
thank you for the email. I'm gonna recap for my
own brain. You're thirty one and you were in a
military relationship for the better part of three years on
(11:31):
and off. So this was okay? You said we even
talked about getting married having kids, so that didn't didn't happen.
This is the boyfriend. This is an ex boyfriend that
you still think about. Got it? Okay, let's start backwards.
I'm gonna start the back half of this first. I'm
gonna deal with what I think is more important than
the ex boyfriend right now, and that is the question
(11:54):
or you say, do you believe everything happens for a reason? One?
Is fate real? Two? And three? Where does God's plan
fit in? I want to challenge you, Christine on that
last question, Where does God's plan fit in? And I
(12:14):
would have you flip everything and say God's plan happens
no matter what. Where does my life fit into that?
Where does fate fit into that? Where does everything happening
fit into that? Right? So God's purpose, God's plan happens
(12:36):
because he's God and he's sovereign, and that's what the
Bible tells us, that his plan will stand always and
it's always good. He even turns evil for good. He
uses bad for good in a way that we can't
possibly understand, but we can understand it through our own,
(12:58):
our own drama that we have in our life. That
we write a book or we watch a movie. And
I've talked about this before. You have the antagonist in
the movie, you take them out, you take the bad
out of the movie, it's no longer a good movie. Right.
You can't understand light at all unless you see the dark, right,
unless you have the dark contrasting it. So we can
(13:19):
kind of see, maybe in our finite brains, why he
would allow certain things to happen. But what we do
know is that he has a plan and it happens
that way. So the real question is that you're trying
to ask, I hope, or at least I'm challenging you,
(13:41):
is where do we fit into that? Where does my
little tiny life fit into that plan? Okay, I can't
answer that for you, I could shoot you in the
right direction. I can't answer that, but if I can
reframe your thinking to be that, then I think it'll
(14:02):
really help you to better understand the path that you're on. Okay,
so let's go now with that idea, with a new
reframed question. Now, let's talk about the ex boyfriend. Okay,
it's easy to look back and see that hindsight is
twenty twenty. It's just a thing. We know this. You say,
(14:26):
we are on and off several times during the plumb
during deployment's, COVID and relocations. You didn't make it. There's
a lot of stuff going on right now that could
be a positive thing for you because it was a
very unstable time in both of y'all's lives, and now
maybe you're kind of stable now. And so my question
(14:51):
to you would be this, you ever think about writing
him an email? I'm sure you still have his email.
Do you ever think about writing him an email and
saying this to him? Your words? Okay, Okay, Christine, your words. Hey.
(15:14):
I know that we are on and off several times, deployments,
COVID relocations. I know that we talked about even getting married,
having kids, living happily ever after. I know that we
haven't spoken in almost two years, and this is awkward
to say, but I think about you every day. I
(15:36):
even dream about you. Everyone has told me I need
to move on and allow another man into my life,
but I'm just worried that I'll never find someone quite
like you. I didn't say that. That's not my words.
That was your email, Christine. You just said it to me.
(15:56):
You asked me that about him. So what if you
wrote down your words as we see this every podcast,
and you put it in an email to him, Because
guess what happens. There's no more wondering after that. There's
no more I wonder what God's plan is. I wonder
where my biological clock is ticking. There's no more wondering.
(16:19):
He either doesn't reply, or he does, or he says no.
But at least you'll note you could move on, like
your friends say, because he's gonna ghost you, or he's
gonna say, hey, I'm married now, I'm engaged now, or
he's gonna say I feel the same way. Where could
we meet? Either way, you will know. Okay, let's jump
(16:51):
into something else here. This looks like a completely different
subject subject line here says is astrology a sin? They
grant drummer Rebecca, reaching out for from southern Illinois. I've
been curious about a topic that's been eating at me
for a while now. Is astrology a sin? God not
only created the stars, but he arranged them in star
(17:12):
groupings that could be used for signs and for seasons.
Many say astrology is a sin, but I've also heard
the Gospel in the is in the stars. What are
your thoughts on God and astrology? Is it a sin? Okay? Rebecca,
thanks for the for the email you This is this
is where I wish we were in a conversation together
(17:33):
around a campfire, because you say, many say astrology is
a sin, but I've also heard the Gospel is in
the stars. I don't know what that means. You say
the Gospel is in the stars. That's that's not true.
That's not true at all. The Gospels not in the stars. Okay.
(17:55):
The Gospel is the good news about God coming to
earth as Jesus, fully, man fully God, taking on the
sins of his people, redeeming his people. It's the redemption
story of Israel, and He is the climax of that story.
(18:18):
When he is killed on the cross, resurrected in three days,
and he says that anyone who repents and turns to
him will have everlasting life. During the time on the cross,
he atoned for the sin. He paid for the price
of the sins of his people in full. That is
(18:40):
the gospel, that is the good News. There are gospels
that we have four copies of from four different apostles.
We have those as gospels. And then there's also the
gospel that all of the gospels proclaim. It's the proc
(19:00):
of good news. Is gospel, and that is not in
the stars. Okay, Now, did he create the stars and
arrange them and name them? Yes, the Bible says that
he knows all the stars. He made all the stars,
He named all the stars. Did he arrange them for
(19:22):
signs and seasons in a way that he arranged the
trees for signs and seasons. We could look at a
red oak tree and know when the buds are coming,
that spring is coming. In fact, a mesquite tree in Texas.
When we know the mesquite tree buds, my grandpa used
(19:43):
to say this, when the mosquite tree starts budding, you
know you could put out your garden because a mesquite
tree will only bud after the last frost. That becomes
a sign for us on earth as we take dominion
of this earth. We could look to different things as
a sign of earthly things, not heavenly things. So we
(20:07):
could look at a tree and know that the last
frost is over, and we could put out a garden.
But we can't look at a tree and say God
is coming in three months because of the tree is
giving me the sign. The same way, you can't look
at the stars and see any kind of heavenly messages
(20:28):
at all. That would be a terrible heresy, a terrible heresy.
But you could look at the stars all day and
go look look at how they make shapes and they
make creatures. And look at that one looks like an alligator. Wow,
that one is moving. It's a shooting star. Look how
beautiful they are. Look how small we are. Look how
(20:50):
depth the great depth of the galaxy is. You could
say all that, But as soon as you start saying
they're arranged in signs and messages for me from God,
it gets very dangerous. Let's take a break, be right back.
(21:12):
Thanks for listening to the podcast. You know a great
way to get a hold of me, or to send
me a message, or to have me send you a
message is a cameo. Cameo dot com slash Granger Smith
or you can download the cameo app and search for
me Granger Smith. It's a super easy format and I've
done cameo for about three and a half years now
(21:33):
and it's just part of my daily life. I love
doing it and I love being able to communicate. What
it is is you send me a message and I
record you back a video message of whatever you want
me to say. It could be happy birthday, happy anniversary,
words of encouragement, happy engagement, announcing babies. I've done pretty
much everything right now is a good time for Valentine's Day.
(21:57):
You need that last minute gift, you need to say
something the last minute for your Valentine. I got you covered.
Just go to cameo dot com slash Granger Smith send
me your request for whoever you want me to send
it to. Also, this is a big week for ye
Ye Apparel coming up this Friday the seventeenth. Are all
new twenty twenty three winter launch. So excited about this.
(22:21):
We have so many really cool items. You could find
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right now to get your preview. You could also follow
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(22:42):
at granger Smith. Back to the podcast, All right, back
to the podcast. If you have a question for me,
email Grangersmith Podcast at gmail dot com. Could be about
any subject. My only thing is please don't send the
same one twice because gets lost or trashed. And don't
(23:03):
send me one that's much longer than like a phone length,
because then it makes it difficult to read that question
on the podcast. Okay, let's get back into this subject line.
If this one says girlfriends past, grant your. My name
is Kyle. I'm twenty two. I'm madly in love with
my girlfriend of six months, and she feels the same
about me. She's amazing in every way, and we've already
(23:26):
talked about marriage. I love everything about her other than
her past. She's had multiple previous boyfriends before me, and
I just cannot seem to get the thought out of
my head that she's been with them and has had
sex with guys other than me. I just cannot get
(23:47):
the mental images out of my head. I just don't
know if it's jealousy or what it is. But I
don't know how to go through this. What are your thoughts? Thinks?
I'm sorry that last sentence you said, but I know
I'm not the only one going through this. What are
your thoughts? Things? Okay, Kyle, appreciate you, bro, thank you
(24:11):
for emailing. Twenty two years old, madly in love girlfriend
six months she feels the same, amazing every way not
quite right, and you've talked about marriage. Cool. Yeah, I
hear you. I'm hearing you here, and this is what
(24:32):
we're going to talk about, Kyle. So me and you
road tripping, right, this is a great road trip question.
Driving down the highway, me and you and you're like, man, Granger,
I gotta I'm like, hey, how's the girl? Right? How's
the girl? And you go, man, it's great, everything's great.
And you know, I really love madly in love with
her and I'm like, but but man, I can't. I
(24:58):
can't get over her past boyfriends always think about it
makes me sneeze. I just think about this, Kyle makes
me sneeze. Excuse me. This is something that you're gonna
have to look at who she is now? This is
what this is, what's gonna play into this, this this answer.
(25:22):
So much of what I need you to do now
is look at who she is now today? Who is
she today? Kyle? That's what I tell you in the
cab of the truck. You're not gonna look at her
and who she was with past boyfriends. I know that
that's difficult to do, but this is an exercise you're
(25:42):
gonna have to force yourself in because trust trust me,
no one wants to look at your past either. Kyle.
What you know about her past? And you know about
these ex boyfriends because she's opened up and told you,
But there's stuff she doesn't know about you. What has
(26:03):
happened in your past? What are things that have happened
that no one knows about? And what if everything you've
done in your life was put on a tape that
sounds so old tape digit is put on a digital
file and we all got to watch it, Kyle, we
get to see your whole life on one click. How
(26:28):
would you feel there's stuff you're ashamed of? There's stuff
that you wish that no one could see. Hm. I
would say yes. It would be very strange if you
said no, because you're a human. I'm not blaming you.
I'm saying me. You everyone, there's stuff and we just
don't want people to know in our past. But that's
(26:48):
not who we are. That the past doesn't define us,
it refines us. I put that in a song. The
past does not define us, It refines us. That makes
us better now that we've learned from it, hopefully. So
who is this girlfriend today? Who is she today? Has
she learned? Does she have a repentant heart? Is she
(27:09):
not like that anymore? Kyle? Is she having sex with you? Bro?
Is she? Hmm? That's what i'd ask you in the
cab of the truck. You haven't sex with this girl
now because you haven't married her yet, And you just
might be another one of these ex boyfriends in line
(27:30):
that somebody else has got to worry about. You might
be that guy. Are you that guy? Oh? No, man, no, Granger.
I'm madly in love with her and she feels the same.
She's amazing. We've even talked about marriage. Ah. Is that
what the last guy said? Be careful, man, be careful.
This is a tricky situation. I hope, I hope that
(27:54):
you're looking at this from a perspective of you saying,
we're starting a new chapter, we're laying we're laying some
new ground here, and I'm I'm respecting her in a
way that the past boyfriends haven't. Man, what if he
said that. I hope that's true. And what if she
(28:14):
is she has a repentant heart and she's like I
I regret my past and I'm not that person anymore.
I'm a new person. Now. What if she's saying that
this changes everything. If that's the case, that's what you're
gonna be looking at who she is today, not this
(28:35):
past girl. Okay, you know gonna You're not gonna worry
about the past unless she still is that person. And
if she is, then you don't need to be with her.
Just make sure you're not the new ex boyfriend that
sneeze I had. That last question proves that we do
(28:55):
not cut this podcast. We roll with it. I don't
have notes. I Don'm not prepared. We roll with it.
Seven glide of the next one says, parachute for children, Grandeur.
I was listening to this week's podcast ten twenty four
twenty two. That's old where you gave your analogy on
(29:17):
the plane is going down, we run out of fuel.
You wouldn't want to have a parachute for adults and
other individuals. Wait, what what did I say? Sometimes? I
don't know what I said. You gave the analogy on
the plane as going down out of fuel, wouldn't want
to have a parachute. You wouldn't want to have a parachute.
(29:38):
I don't know what that's exactly what you typed, And
I'm not sure what that means for adults and other individuals.
They know that they could build that relationship with God
to get that parachute, and it merely becomes a choice
for those individuals. My wife and I have a three
year old daughter and a one year old son. My
question is, how do children that young? Oh, I see
where this is going commit their life to Christ to
(30:01):
get that parachute. I see what you're talking about, As
I imagine, there is no get out jail free card
for children. Thanks for continuing to share your love in
Christ and working to move others in His direction on
all your platforms. Tyler Tyler, thanks for the email bro. Sorry,
I was playing catch up with trying to understand what
(30:21):
I told you in the past. I'm not who I
was in the past, Tyler, judge me from the present.
Just kidding. Okay, your question is how do you how
do you prepare children to go to heaven? That's your question.
You have a three year old daughter and a one
year old son. Yeah, you pray for him, You pray,
(30:45):
oh for them, You pray under them, you pray around them,
you pray at dinner, you pray in front of them.
You let them catch you on your knees. You let
them catch you walking out of their their little room.
And it's six forty five in the morning, and they're
coming out, your three year old daughters just waking up,
getting ready to get eat her cheerios, And she sees
(31:08):
daddy in there reading his Bible, studying like his life
depends on it. And then she remembers that when she's
four and five and six and seven and eight, and
you pour into her and you love her and you
respect her, and you love her mama, and you respect
(31:28):
her mama, and she sees who you are and your heart,
and she sees where your allegiance lies and what you
care about and what you do and who you worship,
and how you lead the household, and you pray for
her every night. You say, God, take this child, love
this little girl, Bring her into your kingdom, Have mercy
(31:50):
on us. Bless this child every single night, every single morning,
every single meal, and when you think about it in
the middle of the day. That's what you do. Brother.
She can't understand anything at three, but that's what you
pour over her. That's all you could do, all right.
(32:18):
Random choice email subject line says tell me how Hey Granger.
My name is Luke. I'm from Michigan. I'm eighteen. I
have always been single. Even though I know with everything
in me that God does not want me to have
a girlfriend, I still find myself wanting one. I hear
you say all the time, how to learn to be
content and single? Can you give me some clarity on
(32:42):
how to get to that point? Love? The podcast help
so much, Luke. Appreciate you, brother, Thank you for emailing.
I love the state of Michigan. Good to hear from you. Man.
I'm gonna beat you up real good, Luke. That's how
much I love you, buddy. What are you talking about? God?
(33:03):
Does it you everything in you says God doesn't want
you to have a girlfriend. Where do you read that?
Maybe that goes back to that email about the stars
that God gave you a He wrote it in the stars,
he said, Luke, you're not going to have a girlfriend,
and he wrote it in Latin. I'm just kidding. You
(33:23):
don't know that. You don't know with everything in you
that he doesn't want you to have a girlfriend. You
don't know that. You don't know that. Don't say that.
Take that out of your email. Okay, second part, I'm
going to beat you up on. What's the next part.
You hear me say all the time to be content
and single. Yes, I do, And then you say, give
me some clarity on how to get to that point. Hey,
(33:46):
no beating up on that one. That's that's it. I love.
I love to try to be as practical as I can.
If I'm not practical, you guys call me out because
I don't want to. I don't ever want to say
things that goes over people's head and they're like, I
don't I don't even know what this dude's talking about.
I don't know what granger, he's just blabbering on about
something I don't know what it is. I want to
(34:06):
be practical and I want to be like you said,
I want to have clarity on the points. I don't
like to hear anything that is vague, especially when it
comes to something serious like this, Like you're eighteen and
you're trying to figure out what to do with your life.
(34:28):
It's basically what you're asking and you need some clarity
because you feel an anxiety to have a girlfriend. So
let's dig in on that a little bit. Okay, that
you have a feeling that you want a girlfriend, man,
I mean, that's a natural feeling for an eighteen year
(34:48):
old boy. And I'm not gonna blame you for that, Luke,
I don't I'm not gonna say that that's a bad, wrong, sinful,
terrible feeling. I'm not saying that. If you've if you've
heard me say something like that, I want to say gently,
I feel like you've misunderstood me when it comes to that,
(35:09):
because that's a natural thing for an eighteen year old
boy to go shere, would like to have a girlfriend.
But there's a difference in that. Sure would she would
like to have a girlfriend, She would like to know
what it's like to talk to a girl, To take
a girl to Sonic and get a burger and a coke.
(35:31):
I wonder what that's like, take her to a dance,
listen to a favorite song with her. I don't think
there's anything wrong with that. But here's where it gets bad.
I'm obsessed. All I could do is think about this
one girl, and I just I need her and I
miss her and it hurts my heart and I can't
(35:53):
sleep at night. It just breaks me up. And she
doesn't give me the time of day. And I don't
know if she likes me or there's so out there
and I don't know who it is. I'm so lonely.
I just can't. I can't stand it. I'm not I
have anxiety and I'm not content. I'm just I feel
this urgency. I just don't know what to do as
(36:13):
it just consumes me like that. That that's wrong. Okay,
that's that's when I come in and go, no, no,
no, no no. We have to learn to be content and single.
But I don't think there's anything wrong with saying I
kind of this is what you're you said. I still
(36:34):
find myself wanting one. I don't think there's anything wrong
with an eighteen year old guy going, I'd like to
have a girlfriend. Yeah, be honest with you, guys, I'd
like to have a girlfriend. Is that an obsession yet?
I don't know is it? Is it a healthy You're
just eighteen? That's okay. So after that, now, let's get practical,
(36:57):
let's get to let's get the clarity on the point. Okay,
making this up as I go, Bro, what are you
doing with your mind and your heart? That's what I
would ask you. What what are you doing? Are you
the third wheel in a relationship that your buddy and
(37:18):
his girlfriend and you're the third wheel that's not helping things?
Are you singing home, playing video games on the couch
and your mom is bringing you peanut butter and jelly sandwiches,
that's not helping things. Are you plugged in in a
(37:40):
local church and you're you're you're serving, and you're you're
planning on a mission trip to Peru maybe, and you
guys are fundraising so that you can you could go
to build homes in Peru, and you're gonna pour into
this little community there and you're gonna, you're gonna you're
gonna help cut chop firewood for ryoul that lives there,
(38:02):
right and you you you were micro focusing on this.
Maybe that's exaggerating, but it's possible. Something like a mission
trip short term mission trip to Peru as at an
eighteen year old through your local church after fundraising is
not too far fetched. But what what if you became
(38:25):
focused and passionate about something like this or maybe it's
a it's a tech school and you're gonna go and
you're gonna you're gonna study welding and you're gonna get
your certificate and you're gonna go out and you get
your making. You're slowly making a path for yourself on
what you want to do, and you're growing your passions
and you have friends that do it with you. And
(38:46):
you guys are just now getting into bird hunting and
you're thinking about getting a bird dog until you've been
kind of researching puppies. These are these are good passionate
things for an eighteen year old to start wrecting energy,
learning how to be single and content Because you start
(39:06):
you start working towards this stuff, you start pouring yourself
into passions by design, and you don't have room to
sit around and go Sure, am lonely. My other friends
are dating, looking at Instagram, and everyone has somebody but me.
(39:26):
That is toxic for your brain. That is that's where
you could start wearing yourself down. So you gotta get
busy being passionate about something. They will grange. I'm not
a passionate person. Get passionate. You can't tell me. There's
nothing in this big world that you can't get behind.
(39:50):
Like fundraising for a short term mission trip in Peru
sounds like a pretty I kind of like that. I
just made that up and I'm kind of liking it
for you. Luke, you get the name for it. Bro,
You've got the name for it. Okay, does that make sense.
I'm gonna make sure because you said give me some clarity,
I want to make sure it was clear. I want
(40:11):
to make sure that when I give you practical stuff
I'm talking about you got to do something. You have
to do something you're passionate about, hopefully with other guys.
You're pulling in other people and you're building a small
community one guy, one friend, two guys. If you don't
have any friends, then you seek the passion and then
(40:33):
you find people that are going the same direction within
that passion. So if it's welding, I want to be welding.
We already use that example. You're to go into law enforcement.
I want to go into law enforcement. So I'm gonna
go to this this uh school, what do they call it? Academy?
You're gonna go to the police academy and you're gonna
(40:54):
find somebody on that same path and you go, hey, man,
my name is Luke. Now I get what's up. I'm
Tom I'm going to academy. You're like me too. I
love it. And then you guys just connect like that's
then you have a friend. That's how this happens. Is
that practical enough? Get busy, Luke, Get busy. Okay, so
(41:22):
let's recap. It's okay to want to have a girlfriend,
it's not okay to obsess about it. And if you
start leaking over to the obsession side of this equation,
get busy, Get busy doing something you're passionate about. That
will build your confidence in being content because eventually you
(41:43):
look around you go, I'm okay by myself. I'm content.
Love you guys, see you next Monday. Thanks for joining
me on the Grangersmith podcast. I appreciate all of you guys,
you could help me out by rating this podcast on iTunes.
If you're on YouTube, subscribe to this channel. Hit that
(42:05):
little like button and the notification spell so that you
never miss anytime I upload a video. If you have
a question for me that you would like me to answer,
email Grangersmith Podcast at gmail dot com. Yie
Host
Granger Smith
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