March 6, 2023 • 44 mins
Granger Smith Podcast Episode 178: Sometimes, one can be blind by all the signs that affects your relationship negatively. I know, it's easier said than done. But it's the honest truth. You must end the relationship. Join me as we chat about this topic and more!
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Episode Transcript
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Speaker 1 (00:00):
Break up with her. That's what you would say to
any of your best friends. You would be hating your
friend if you said stay with her, just please her
as much as you can. Luke, you would hate your
friend if you told him that you know this. If
this was you, you'd say, break up with her. Well,
(00:31):
what's up, guys, Welcome to the podcast. Thanks for coming
back or being here for the first time. What I
do here is answer your questions. You send me anything
to Grainger Smith podcast at gmail dot com. Any subject
will do. We see him all over the place about life, love, relationships, god, work, career, dreams,
(00:54):
really could be about anything, songwriting, guitar playing, it doesn't matter.
We'll put it into the cue. My only thing is
don't say don't ask the same question twice in two
different emails, and don't make it too long because it
makes it hard to read for the podcast itself. But
I love doing this. I don't have any notes in
front of me, any you know, famous quotes or anything
(01:15):
to quip back to you. I'm just gonna speak what's
on my heart as if we're just riding in the
truck together. And the first question here subject line says
writer's block, it says. I've been following you and your
family's YouTube channels for a bit now, and I feel
like you have a lot of irons in the fire.
I've been a caregiver three years now for my husband
(01:37):
who is suffering with dementia, and I feel like my
creative life has come to a screeching halt. Do you
ever experience writers or creative creators block for whatever reason?
Do you ever experience writers or creator's block for whatever reason?
And what do you do to overcome it? Susan Uma,
Arizona man. First of all, Susan, thanks for emailing you.
(02:00):
Remember that movie three ten to Yuma. Loved that movie
so much. There's an old prison from the West that's
in Yuma, and I've always wanted to visit it. It's
so far down south that usually if I'm going west,
Yuma is below me and I don't make it that
far south south. And so of all the towns in
the US that I've been to, which is thousands of
(02:22):
towns we've traveled to, I've never been to Yuma, Arizona,
and I've always wanted to just because of the old
West connection there. So shout out to a really cool town.
And thank you for sharing something so vulnerable on a
podcast like this where you could just be completely exposed
something that's something that's weighing on your mind here. And
(02:44):
God bless you for being the caregiver for your husband
suffering with dementia. We stand with you, We hear you.
That's not easy to do, and so my hat's off
to you. Now. Your question is how, so how do
you get past writer's block when you are in a
(03:05):
situation where all of your energy and mental strength that
is being poured into one situation and as you say,
you feel like your creative life has come to a
screeching halt. Understandable. I have felt that many times in
my life. You are not alone in thinking that or
feeling that. So let's dive into a few things that
(03:26):
maybe I've tried over the years. And one thing right
off the top of my head is taking walks. Man,
I have to take walks. And you're right, as you
said at the beginning of your email, I have a
lot of irons in the fire, and I go a
lot of different directions. I have to really time block
and make sure that, okay, between this hour and this hour,
(03:46):
I'm doing this, and then at this hour, I'm doing
the podcast, and then I'm moving on to after Midnight,
and then I'm doing promos for after Midnight. Then I'm
shooting the Smiths, and then I have another promo video
to shoot for a truck video. And then I have
to work on the set list, and then I have
to work on you have to talk to about stage production.
Then I have to do my studying, which is takes
(04:07):
hours and hours and hours. Then I have to worry
about songwriting or then I have to get this post
ready for social media. I also have to be a
dad and a father, and there's there's a lot of stuff,
a lot of irons in the fire. I have to
take walks. I have to shut down and take everything
out of my ears and off my plate and get
(04:30):
out and just walk. And I like to do this
for like a mile minimum. I like to go out
and I use my watch to time myself. I'll get
out there and walk for a mile with just the
birds singing and cars passing by occasionally that that seems
to be a good way to clear some stuff out.
(04:51):
And then I get back and I'm usually refreshed that way.
I have I have a limit, and I typically will
push that limit. If for doing two hours of deep work,
I'll dive in. In about two hours, I'm just crushed,
Like my brain just feels numb. It feels like I've
been working out that muscle like it like I'm working
out in a gym and I'm just over exercising the
(05:14):
brain mine does that, it just starts to turn to mush.
So if I get it to the two hour mark,
which I hate to do a lot of times, I
get there, I got to pull back and go get
a walk. That doesn't always help right right right off
the bat, Susan, There's another thing to be said for
(05:34):
writer's block, that sometimes it's just gonna happen and you
got to let it go. For six months a year
I've been in I've been in a writer's block for
fifteen months before, sixteen months before. Absolutely I cannot remember
the last song I wrote before my song Forever Forward
(05:56):
for the Moonrise soundtrack, but it was about fourteen months
before I wrote a song. And when I say that,
sometimes time will go by and I will try, but
nothing really good is coming. It's not a lack of trying,
but so one way to look at this, Susan is
(06:19):
it's okay if you have writer's block for whatever kind
of thing you're writing. I'm writing a book right now,
and the book that i'm I'm pretty much finished. But
I've noticed that that part of my brain to write
the book is very similar to writing a song. It's
the same part of the brain. It utilizes a different
(06:39):
creative tool, but it's the same part of brain that
you have to access through writer's block. And you're gonna
have to realize, Susan, this sometimes you just can't access it.
Sometimes it's the door you just can't get in. Sleep
has a lot to do with it. We got to
bring that up. Sleep. You know, I usually get about
six and a half hours every night consistently. I wake
(07:03):
up at my alarm goes off at five point fifteen,
and I'll hit snooze once and I usually get out
of bed at five twenty five. A lot of times
I think that's not enough. I need to get up
earlier because there's too much stuff going on in the
day to accomplish. And this is seven days a week.
I don't have. I don't have like a day where
I just I get to sleep longer. There's not that
(07:26):
there's not that day. Ever, there's three sixty five for me.
So if I don't get seven, though, that's kind of
the key for me, seven hours. If I don't get seven,
I'm hurting. And so if I'm preparing maybe maybe I'm
writing a sermon. I'm preparing a sermon, which I just
got finished delivering a sermon this past Sunday at the
(07:47):
San Antonio Rodeo. So I delivered that sermon, and I
find myself in writer's block, just like the book, just
like songwriting, and I could trace it back a lot
of times too, just the sleep I got the night before.
And if I get my seven hours, which is what
my body loves. If I get my seven hours, then
(08:07):
riding the sermon all of a sudden is easier that
next day. So let's kind of recap here, take a walk,
realize that sometimes you can't get through that door. And
number three, sometimes you just didn't get enough sleep. You
could retry the next day. I hope that helps. That's
like the light brush of what writer's blot could be.
(08:29):
And we could talk more about that. If you want
to discuss it more, we can go deeper. All our
next question subject line says pending divorce. Hey grangeur try
to make this quick. Here. My name is Brian. Oh,
excuse me, pronounced Bren. Good. My name is Bren. I'm
(08:51):
twenty eight years old. I've been married for two almost
three years. My wife and I have been together for
a total of five We have two beautiful children and
what I thought was a strong family. I've been a
stay at home dad for the last year and a half.
Last December, she told me one day out of the
blue that she was filing for divorce and I had
(09:12):
two weeks to get out. I was absolutely devastated, but
I understood because for the past five years I did
nothing but treat her terribly. I lied to her constantly,
stole money I saw, stole money that I saw laying around,
racked up some credit cards, decided to emotionally cheat on
her by texting and sexting women probably twelve times. Truth is,
(09:36):
I love my wife with everything in me, and I'm
so ashamed of this me that I have become. Recently,
I've rededicated my life to Christ. But she still says,
I'm not interested in you and I'll never take you back.
She says. The most recent thing she told me is
that if I could hold a job for a year
(09:57):
and be an adult, she would consider starting over with
with me. How can I save my marriage, how can
I show her that I am a new man of Christ?
And most importantly, how can I survive a year apart
from my family and kids. I'm hurting right now. Side note,
you have high five me at your concert in Huntington,
(10:17):
West Virginia. It was one of the most awesome moments. Thanks, brother.
I hope to hear from you soon. Bren Cooper, Bren,
thanks for the email. Brother, Thanks for opening up something
that's heavy, heavy on your heart, and I feel for you. Man.
I'm going to recap in my head because I read
these for the very first time, as you guys hear them.
(10:37):
So you're twenty eight. You've been twenty eight years old,
been married for two almost three years, we'll call it
three three years. You've been together with your wife for
five you have two beautiful children. And then we're talking
about last December, she files for divorce. You say, out
of the blue, but we come to find out it
(10:57):
wasn't really out of the blue because you had a feeling.
You also found out you had two weeks to get
out when she filed. So this is all happening quickly,
even though you probably knew you were playing with fire,
and it's not a huge surprise. You're not surprised at
all because of your actions. What has happened. You don't
(11:20):
expect to get out of jail free card here. You
know that, I know that everybody listening knows that you
don't get off free here, Brot. You don't get a
lot of times. Second chances are hard to come by.
It's George Strait song, by the way. So you're asking
(11:40):
this interesting two sentences here that stuck out to me
that you put back to back. You said, here, here's
the first sentence, she told me that if I can
hold a job for a year and be an adult,
she would consider starting over with me. The next sentence
(12:02):
directly after that, says, how can I save my marriage?
I'm not a counselor. I'm not a therapist. I'm not
a psychologist, I'm not a psychiatrist, I'm not a sociologist.
I'm just a normal dude, bran. But when you put
those sentences back to back, it's like it's like saying
(12:30):
the dog is the dog is sick. You take the
dog to the vet right and you, and the vet
says the dog is sick. You gotta change the dog food.
And then you ask me, Bran, Hey Granger, how do
I save my dog? I go, the vet just told
you to change the dog food. Your wife just told
(12:54):
you give her a year, basically, hold a job for
over a year and be an adult, and she will
consider starting over with you. So the first thing I
would say into saving your marriage, the first step, is
that that's what she needs you to do. You say, here,
(13:19):
I hope you know I'm not dogging on you. I
would not answer this question if I didn't love you, Brin,
if I didn't feel for you, if I didn't see
you in this hurting position, I would just skip over
the email. I would delete it. But I'm doing this
because I love you, man, and I know you're a fan,
(13:40):
and I appreciate you listening, and I want to give
you the hard truth. If I give you anything less
than hard truth, anything less than tough, love is not love.
It's just me pacifying you, right, It's just me trying
to be cool and hope that you like me. I'm
not concerned whether you like me or not. Brand I
(14:03):
just want to tell you the truth. Here. Look what
you said, the truth everything, It's all revealed in your language.
In your email, you said, I've been a stay at
home dad for the last year and a half. Come on, man,
what you've been a stay at home dad for the
last year and a half. That's the language you're gonna use.
(14:28):
And then she comes back and says, look, dude, I'll
consider coming back if you could hold a job for
a year. That tells me that the truth is you
can't hold down a job. You're being a child. You're
twenty eight years old, but you're acting like a child.
You call it stay at home dad. She says, you're
a bum. Dude, you can't hold a job. That's what
(14:50):
your wife said. I'm not saying she's perfect. I'm sure
she's made mistakes too, but looking at the situation from
the outside, you say I've been a stay at home
dad for the last year and a half and my
wife leaving me, she says, you're a bum. Get a job.
I didn't ask for this stay at home dad thing,
that's what she says. I didn't ask for you to
(15:11):
be a stay at home dad. I asked for you
to be a husband. And a provider, get a job,
hold it, stop sexteen twelve women. Stop treating your wife terribly.
You say you've rededicated your life to Christ. Show me,
Paul says, test yourselves. Test yourselves, make sure you're in
(15:34):
the faith. Are you in or you out? Test yourselves.
You'll know them by your fruits. You will know by
your fruits. One of the fruits of the spirit is
self control. Control yourself, briand be a man, act like
a man, get a job, respect yourself, respect others. Hold
(15:59):
this thing down. You say, how do I save my marriage?
First of all by meeting the first criteria? She says,
hold a job for a year. That's what she says.
You say, yes, ma'am. You want to save this marriage.
You love this woman. Say yes, ma'am, whatever it takes.
(16:21):
Be honest with you. Brn. I don't know if you're
gonna do that, though your track record says you won't.
And I say that in a way to dig at you.
You're gonna take that from me. You're gonna take me
declaring that on this podcast in front of all these
people that are listening right now. You're gonna take me
(16:43):
saying that I don't think you could do it. Brn.
The reaction I want you to have is, wait a minute,
I'll prove it to you. I'll prove it. Okay, let
me hold you accountable. Then email me twelve months from now.
I challenge you, Bren. Email me twelve months from now
and say, man, I did it. I held down a job.
(17:07):
I did exactly like she told me. She says, hold
down a job and be an adult, insinuating two things.
One you can't hold down a job. Two you're acting
like a child. Test yourselves. Don't know them by their fruits.
(17:28):
That's what Jesus said. Rededicate your life to Christ. Let's
all talk unless you show me, unless you show her,
show us. We'll see. Let's take a break. Beer right back. Hey,
(17:53):
thank y'all for listening to the podcast. It really makes
my day. I love being able to share this platform
with you in this kind of form, and I appreciate
that you could also check out Amber. Did you know
she has her own podcast now. It's called A Rise
with Amber, So wherever you're listening to this, you can
find on the same format Ambers Arise with Amber. You
could also find me on cameo. Cameo dot com allows
(18:15):
you to go and get a video message from me,
made custom for anybody, one of your friends, or your
family members, or even for you yourself. You tell me
what to say on my phone on the video and
I send it to you. Super simple. Cameo dot com
slash Grangersmith could also download the cameo app and search
for me granger Smith. Love you guys. Back to the podcast.
(18:40):
All right, back to the podcast. We're gonna jump right
back in here. If you want to email me and
have your question read on here, email me Grangersmith podcast
at gmail dot com. A promise I won't be mad
at you if you do. I promise I won't yell
at you much. Next question, subject line says working as
a girl. Hello. My name is Sadie. I live in
(19:00):
northern Idaho. I'm fifteen years old. People around here in
my church and community tend to say that a girl
should just help around at home and not work, or
go to college, or just wait to find a husband
who can provide for them. Let me read that again.
People around here in my church and community tend to
say that a girl should just help around at home
(19:22):
and not work, or go to college and just wait
to find a husband who can provide for them. It
really frustrates me when they say this. I believe that
you should try and save as much as you can
until you get married, so that then you could have
something to kickstart your married life. What are your thoughts
(19:43):
about this? How much money do you think people should
save before getting married? Thanks for all you do. I
really love the podcast. God bless you and your family.
She has a little asterisk here it says a quote
that I'm trying to live by. Is this earn all
you can say, all you can give, all you can
John Wesley. All Right, Sadie, thank you so much. I
(20:07):
just love it when a fifteen year old emails me
some pretty deep thinking questions, and the first thing I
think is, Man, I was so dumb at fifteen, Sadie.
I was so dumb at fifteen. I was not thinking
like you at all at all. I was thinking about
(20:31):
football and girls and guitars. Football, girls and guitars pretty
much preoccupied my stupidity of my fifteen year old brain
that I had at the time. So man, so encouraging
that you're thinking you have some future thoughts like this,
(20:52):
So let's dive into it. Okay, let's dive into your question,
and I really like that quote. By the way, Earnli
can't say, but you can't give all you can. I
think that's I think that's pretty good first part of
your discussion. Here. People around here in my church and
community tend to say that a girl should just help
(21:16):
around at home and not work, or go to college
and just find and just wait to find a husband
who can provide for them. Let's just start with just that.
What do you think, Sadie, you're fifteen. I don't like
that you are kind of left with this stuff to
(21:36):
wrestle with as a fifteen year old girl. But I
would ask you if we were sitting in a truck
driving down a road you brought this up, I'd say,
what do you think? What does your heart tell you?
When you hear that, it sounds like it sounds like
a community that's stuck a little bit. It sounds like
(21:59):
a community that not moving forward in anything that they're
thinking about. It sounds like people that haven't really been
involved too much in the culture. And that is not
a bad thing. By the way, we don't need to
get involved with the culture. We don't need to always
(22:21):
be forward thinking when it comes to culture. But I
want you to realize that you are not that generation.
You're not your mother's generation or your grandmother's generation or
your great grandmother's generation. They had very different ways of
life than because of the circumstances surrounding them, which equals culture.
(22:42):
So you are in a different circumstance. College is different
now than it was for the previous three generations when
it even existed. It's different now. A current lifestyle is
just different now. So without bringing the word culture into
(23:03):
this is a different time. You know this. That's why
you're bucking against it and you're emailing me this kind
of question. Right, So let's say this, God makes man
and woman very unique in different ways so that they
(23:23):
can excel and compliment each other. Like that's the ultimate goal,
is to compliment each other in what they do. When
you are not married, right, when you aren't married yet
and you don't have anyone to compliment, then that's kind
of irrelevant. Does that make sense? So if you're not married,
(23:47):
then you're not a homemaker. If you don't have kids,
you're not a mother. That sounds ridiculous, but we're just
got to start with the facts here. If you don't
have children, then you don't have to act like a mother.
If you're not married, you don't have to act like
a homemaker. Right Also, if you want to make plans
(24:13):
to go to college because you're not married yet, you
don't have children at all, do it. It doesn't matter
what your community says, because you'll deal with that. You'll
deal with giving your best attribute as a mother, as
a wife, you'll deal with that when you are a
(24:34):
mother and a wife, which you're not, and you don't
need much preparation for that because you just know how
to do it. That's what makes it so beautiful is
that one day God will and you'll get pregnant and
you will just know what to do. Right now, it's
(24:58):
springtime and Texas, early spring time in Texas, right very
early spring right now. I love this time of year
because I see all the birds starting to gather for
their nest. And every time that happens every year, it
just amazes me that these mama birds start collecting just
(25:21):
the right pieces that they need to put together for
the nest that that species of bird uses like some
birds use trash like yarn, hair from animals, little pieces
of scrap that they find like pieces of paper like
some birds use that. Some birds will use only straw,
(25:43):
some birds use only grass or little sticks. But they
go out and they start getting ready. They start getting
this already because they know that it's coming, that those
little babies are going to start growing inside them, and
they're gonna need a place months ahead of time. It
doesn't that that just blows me away. You were gonna
(26:06):
this is you. You're no different and we are no
different than that animal instinct that starts preparing when the
time is right, when the when the springtime comes, when
the seasons change, you will know, your body will know,
your brain will know, and you'll step in beautifully. You'll
step into the role. But it's not springtime for you.
(26:32):
This is not the time to be thinking about being
a homemaker or what did you say, helping around the home,
not working, not going to college, waiting for a husband
who's going to provide for them. It is not the
season for that. You're hearing me. You're fifteen. It's another season.
(26:58):
So learn to live in the season and that you're in.
Don't listen to a community that tells you that to
be living for a season you're not in yet. You
have to recognize that you have to have ears to
hear what they're saying. They might be speaking to another
generation or to another group of girls, but you are
not that. You are fifteen, and you have to learn
(27:20):
to be fifteen. I love the John Wesley quote earn
all you can, save all you can, give all you can,
but that is not that quote. John did not mean
that for a fifteen year old girl. He didn't mean
it for a fifteen year old boy. That's not what
he meant. It's a wonderful piece of advice and a
(27:42):
nice little quote to hang on the wall, but it's
not something to worry about or to think about. When
the season changes, and it will, you'll be ready. You're
not in that season yet. Just be fifteen, Just be fifteen,
all right? Say it is this that makes sense? Let's
(28:06):
hit another one here to the subject line, says traveling
Pipeliner at Grande. I'd like to stay anonymous. I'm twenty
years old from South Louisiana. Me and my girlfriend have
been together for a year. I was wondering, with all
the traveling you do for concerts, how do you keep
motivated and stay on path doing what you love without
missing your family and friends. I'm currently sixteen hours away
(28:28):
from home working on a pipeline, and I'm wanting to
give up my dreams to be with my family and friends.
Thanks for the advice, all right, mister anonymous. I appreciate you, buddy,
Thank you so much for emailing shout out to South Louisiana.
And let me dive into this. You are twenty, you
(28:52):
have a girlfriend, you're not married, and you're missing your family.
I would like to dive in a little bit deeper
about what you mean here, because I'm not sure if
you're talking about your girlfriend specifically that you miss her
and you love her and you're sixteen hours away from her,
or if you're talking about mom and dad, brother, sister,
stuff like that, and there's a difference. I believe. I
(29:18):
believe there's a difference. And so that's what I kind
of want to dive into, is that I think, well,
first of all, you can't compare me in my travels
with yours, because there's twenty three years difference and a
lot of life different between us. I was once twenty
living fifteen hours away, so almost exactly the same scenario.
(29:44):
When I was twenty, I was living fifteen hours away
from my family, and I missed them. But those years
that time away was so valuable for me and what
I learned earned when I got out of the house.
When I was twenty and I got out and I
(30:04):
went into a new state. I went to the state
of Tennessee. I didn't know anybody in the whole state.
And as I was working and meeting people and learning
to make money and save money and give money. Just
like the last question, I had to learn that. I
had to learn how to earn, learn how to save,
learn how to give through I love how these two
(30:25):
questions have suddenly connected, but I had to learn that
through making mistakes. Like uh oh, I can't save if
I don't earn, I can't give if I don't save,
I can't earn unless I get a good job. This
job I have right now is not good. Okay. Now,
I made some money and I spent it. I didn't
(30:45):
save it. I have nothing to give. It's like you
have to make those mistakes, and you make those mistakes
away from your family, so that a you're not hurting
anybody in your family and b they are not there
as a safety to grab you and lift you up.
They've done that for eighteen years plus. We've got a
(31:07):
little boy right now, Maverick. He's a year and a
half right now. We're gonna constantly catch him. When he falls.
We're the safety net. We're gonna get him when he's
going down the stairs. We're gonna pick him up to
make sure he doesn't go too fast. When he goes
out and he's he's heading for the road, we're gonna
grab him. We're gonna be around him constantly, creating that
(31:29):
safety net. That's what we do. But once he gets
to be a certain age, you have to go out
on your own. And that's that's where you are now.
So being alone, here's what I want to say, being
sixteen hours away, being twenty years old, missing your family
like crazy and your friends is good for you. That's
(31:54):
all I say all that to say, it's good for you. Man.
You're being refined. You need this. I know you miss
your friends, I know you miss your girlfriend, I know
you miss your mom and dad. But this is something
that needs to happen in your life right now, and
it needs to happen to everyone around your age. In
my opinion, you can't stay in the house in mom's
(32:17):
basement and have her bring your meat loaf while you're
playing video games. You can't do that. You got to
get out. You have to tackle the world. You have
to fall and pick yourself back up. Mama's not around anymore,
Girlfriend's not around, your friends, your buddies are not around.
You fall, you pick yourself up. That's how you learn.
(32:38):
That is so valuable. To do this. You need to
be where you are right now. It needs to hurt
a little bit, needs to sting. You need to lay
your head on your pillow and go. This kind of sucks.
I miss Mom. I feel like crying right now. It's
my birthday today. I remember that I was eighteen years old.
(33:00):
I was in the Core Cadets at Texas A and M.
And I was a freshman and the core Cadets it's
a military academy at Texas A and M. And I
remember as a freshman, we didn't know anybody that they
put you. They give you a roommate that you don't
know at all, and they're just there's all these rules
(33:20):
and they're yelling at you, and you got a shaved head,
and that you don't have anything except this tiny foot
locker and what's in it. And you gotta keep a
perfect bed with perfect, perfect foldings all on the edges
of the bed, and you got a safety pennant and
stuff so that doesn't come out. And then you got
to sleep on top of the bed because you don't
want to sleep in the bed because it messes it up.
Then you're just living in this world. It's like a prison.
(33:41):
And I remember laying there one night and I started
thinking about where I was and the perspective of where
I was, and looking up. I was on the bottom
bunk looking up at the top bunk. My roommate up there.
I didn't even know him. His name was really's good
friends with him. Now, I just all of a sudden
it occurred to me, out of the blue, it's my birthday.
(34:06):
I'm nineteen today. I'm nineteen today. And I started crying, y'all.
I started crying, I'm nineteen, and I forgot. This is
the first time Mama didn't come in and say happy birthday.
First time I didn't get a big old handshake from
Dad saying happy birthday, son. First time I didn't go
(34:27):
to like a school and people said, hey, it's Granger's birthday.
Nobody knew. I was laying in that bed looking up
at that bunk above me, and I thought, Man, this sucks.
It's my birthday and I forgot. I forgot my own
birthday because because of the pain I've been living in.
I'm exaggerating, but I needed that. That was good for me.
(34:50):
Here I am, all these years later telling that story
because it was good for me. It mattered. You don't
need to have Mama cooking meat loaf for you all
the time. This good that you're missing her. I love
that you're on this PI. I love that you're sixteen
hours away. I love that it hurts a little bit.
I love that you're about to have a birthday or
you just did. And you know exactly what I'm talking about.
Guess what all this is gonna resolve one day. You're
(35:12):
gonna take what you learned. You're gonna take this refinement
and go back back into your life. Maybe you're gonna
marry this girl, but you're gonna be better for it.
You will have gone on this adventure and you'll be
better for it, better equipped now to move forward. Good
on you, Anonymous, Stay where you are, brother. It's another
(35:33):
question here. Subc decline on this one says, I know
you're really busy, but please read this. I need your help.
That's what I'm here for. Hey, grange'er, sorry in advance
for this email. But my name is Luke. I'm nineteen.
I'm in Indiana. My girlfriend and I have been off
(35:54):
and on for five years. She's very attached to her
parents and feels that they need to It shows that
she needs to rely on them for everything. We're currently
both in college. I'm looking to join a trade but
she felt the need to ask her parents how they
felt about me doing such a job, and they do
not like it because they're not manual labor people like me.
(36:19):
My parents are divorced. She gets mad when I go
to my dad's to visit with him, and when I
do stuff with my friends or my family. But for
her it's okay. I got into I got her into church,
and I feel guilty if I leave her after showing
her what it's like to be loved by God. I'm
(36:42):
just lost and I need help. I've prayed for this
for many nights, but I haven't seen any results yet
as my strength or in my relationship. Sorry, my reading's
not very good on this. Emil but my patience is growing.
Any advice for the situation and what to do, think
(37:03):
you in advance. Luke. Okay, Luke, let me recap because
I just did some really bad reading on this. You
are nineteen. I've been with this girl for five years.
She is attached to her parents and she feels the
need to rely on them for everything. You're both currently
in college, but you're looking to join a trade. She
asked her parents how they felt about that. They said no,
(37:24):
because they are not manual labor people. Your parents are divorced.
She gets mad if you go to your dad's and
visit and do stuff with him and your friends or
your family. But it's okay for her to do the
same thing. You got her into church. You don't want
to leave her because that would be hypocritical in your mind,
because you have showed her what it's like to be
loved by God, and now you're gonna leave her. You
(37:46):
feel lost. That is your email. Okay. It's also important
that you said I've prayed for this for many nights,
but I haven't seen any results. Okay, let's start with
the prayer. Let's start with your prayer. You prayed for
this many nights with no results. Well, that's nothing new.
(38:10):
That doesn't sound out of character for God to have
you hold on and hold on and hold on until
you start wondering. Am I asking the right thing? Have
you thought about that? God's not answering my prayer? Am
(38:30):
I asking the right prayer? Because God is sovereign, He
is purposeful, He is all planning. He knows every hair
on your head, he knows your exact days. So sometimes
when we pray, if we're forgetting that, if we're forgetting
that he's sovereign that it's his will, not ours. If
(38:53):
we forget that, then we start getting frustrated until we realize, Oh,
I'm just praying what I want, like Santa Claus, like
a Genie in the bottle, I'm just rubbing the bottle, saying, Genie,
come out and grant me my wishes, and he goes,
don't tell me how to get my glory. I am sovereign,
(39:15):
I am planning, I am purposing. I know my plans
I have for you. When are you going to learn
to pray for a sovereignty situation? Like Gott? I know
you're working something right now. I know you're doing something.
(39:36):
I know you're teaching me. I know you're disciplining me.
I know you're churning something deep inside of me, refining
me so that I could be closer to you, so
that I can glorify you better. When is that prayer
going to start being in your nightly prayers? Here? Gotta
(39:57):
I love this girl, you know my heart. I don't
need to tell you. You know my heart. God, you
know I love this girl. But I feel like I'm
hitting a brick wall right now. Show me what you're
doing in this so that I could better glorify you.
If it's being with her or not, I'm gonna continue
walking down this path. Close it off, and I feel
(40:19):
like you're doing that right now. Change my heart, God,
renew me from the inside out, because my flesh wants
this and that's not always aligning with what you need.
Show me, God, show me your way, your path, not mine.
Don't let me get in the way here, God, when
(40:43):
are you gonna start praying that Luke outside looking in
this girl? Selfish this girl? What's what she wants? You've
been with her five years meaning you're nineteen, meaning you've
been with her since you were fourteen. Bro, she's no
good for you. That's what I see. You're telling me
(41:05):
you want to join, you want to go into a trade,
and her parents say no, they don't like it because
they're they're not manual labor people. Do you know how
crazy that sounds. If your friend told you this, you'd say,
bro dump her, break up with her. That's what you
would say to any of your best friends. You would
be hating your friend if you said stay with her,
(41:28):
just just please her as much as you can. Luke,
you would hate your friend if you told him that.
You know this. If this was you, you'd say, break
up with her. Your parents are divorced. You want to
go see your dad, and she gets mad when you
do stuff with him or your friends. Yet she gets
to do it. Dump her. She is too self involved.
(41:53):
This is not love. You're just You're just a pond
in her little dream. You just you are are making
her little world go around because you are. You have
stepped into her kingdom lower case K, and you are
providing what she needs as a servant of her kingdom.
You're meeting a criteria that she needs in a man.
(42:15):
Time to leave the kingdom, break the gates, get out,
don't worry about this whole thing. You took her to
church and you've shown her what it's like to be
loved by God. No no, no, no no, that's not
to be loved by God has nothing to do with
any of the stuff you've just mentioned. You feeling me.
(42:43):
I understand that sometimes you're in a situation like this
and it seems like the walls are closing in. You say,
I'm lost and I need help. I'm praying, my strength
is waning. I understand when you're in it, but when
you're outside and I'm reading it and all these people
are listening on this podcast, everyone is saying, Luke, leave her,
(43:05):
leave her. You're nineteen, no kids yet, no kids yet.
You got a clean slate, a new chapter, turn the page.
Thank you guys for emailing Luke. I appreciate you brother,
all you guys for being vulnerable and opening up. I
love you for that and we'll see you next Monday.
(43:27):
Thanks for joining me on the Granger Smith podcast. I
appreciate all of you guys. You could help me out
by rating this podcast on iTunes. If you're on YouTube,
subscribe to this channel, hit that little like button and
the notification spell so that you never miss anytime I
upload a video. If you have a question for me
that you would like me to answer, email Grangersmith Podcast
(43:49):
at gmail dot com. Yi
Break up with her. That's what you would say to
any of your best friends. You would be hating your
friend if you said stay with her, just please her
as much as you can. Luke, you would hate your
friend if you told him that you know this. If
this was you, you'd say, break up with her. Well,
(00:31):
what's up, guys, Welcome to the podcast. Thanks for coming
back or being here for the first time. What I
do here is answer your questions. You send me anything
to Grainger Smith podcast at gmail dot com. Any subject
will do. We see him all over the place about life, love, relationships, god, work, career, dreams,
(00:54):
really could be about anything, songwriting, guitar playing, it doesn't matter.
We'll put it into the cue. My only thing is
don't say don't ask the same question twice in two
different emails, and don't make it too long because it
makes it hard to read for the podcast itself. But
I love doing this. I don't have any notes in
front of me, any you know, famous quotes or anything
(01:15):
to quip back to you. I'm just gonna speak what's
on my heart as if we're just riding in the
truck together. And the first question here subject line says
writer's block, it says. I've been following you and your
family's YouTube channels for a bit now, and I feel
like you have a lot of irons in the fire.
I've been a caregiver three years now for my husband
(01:37):
who is suffering with dementia, and I feel like my
creative life has come to a screeching halt. Do you
ever experience writers or creative creators block for whatever reason?
Do you ever experience writers or creator's block for whatever reason?
And what do you do to overcome it? Susan Uma,
Arizona man. First of all, Susan, thanks for emailing you.
(02:00):
Remember that movie three ten to Yuma. Loved that movie
so much. There's an old prison from the West that's
in Yuma, and I've always wanted to visit it. It's
so far down south that usually if I'm going west,
Yuma is below me and I don't make it that
far south south. And so of all the towns in
the US that I've been to, which is thousands of
(02:22):
towns we've traveled to, I've never been to Yuma, Arizona,
and I've always wanted to just because of the old
West connection there. So shout out to a really cool town.
And thank you for sharing something so vulnerable on a
podcast like this where you could just be completely exposed
something that's something that's weighing on your mind here. And
(02:44):
God bless you for being the caregiver for your husband
suffering with dementia. We stand with you, We hear you.
That's not easy to do, and so my hat's off
to you. Now. Your question is how, so how do
you get past writer's block when you are in a
(03:05):
situation where all of your energy and mental strength that
is being poured into one situation and as you say,
you feel like your creative life has come to a
screeching halt. Understandable. I have felt that many times in
my life. You are not alone in thinking that or
feeling that. So let's dive into a few things that
(03:26):
maybe I've tried over the years. And one thing right
off the top of my head is taking walks. Man,
I have to take walks. And you're right, as you
said at the beginning of your email, I have a
lot of irons in the fire, and I go a
lot of different directions. I have to really time block
and make sure that, okay, between this hour and this hour,
(03:46):
I'm doing this, and then at this hour, I'm doing
the podcast, and then I'm moving on to after Midnight,
and then I'm doing promos for after Midnight. Then I'm
shooting the Smiths, and then I have another promo video
to shoot for a truck video. And then I have
to work on the set list, and then I have
to work on you have to talk to about stage production.
Then I have to do my studying, which is takes
(04:07):
hours and hours and hours. Then I have to worry
about songwriting or then I have to get this post
ready for social media. I also have to be a
dad and a father, and there's there's a lot of stuff,
a lot of irons in the fire. I have to
take walks. I have to shut down and take everything
out of my ears and off my plate and get
(04:30):
out and just walk. And I like to do this
for like a mile minimum. I like to go out
and I use my watch to time myself. I'll get
out there and walk for a mile with just the
birds singing and cars passing by occasionally that that seems
to be a good way to clear some stuff out.
(04:51):
And then I get back and I'm usually refreshed that way.
I have I have a limit, and I typically will
push that limit. If for doing two hours of deep work,
I'll dive in. In about two hours, I'm just crushed,
Like my brain just feels numb. It feels like I've
been working out that muscle like it like I'm working
out in a gym and I'm just over exercising the
(05:14):
brain mine does that, it just starts to turn to mush.
So if I get it to the two hour mark,
which I hate to do a lot of times, I
get there, I got to pull back and go get
a walk. That doesn't always help right right right off
the bat, Susan, There's another thing to be said for
(05:34):
writer's block, that sometimes it's just gonna happen and you
got to let it go. For six months a year
I've been in I've been in a writer's block for
fifteen months before, sixteen months before. Absolutely I cannot remember
the last song I wrote before my song Forever Forward
(05:56):
for the Moonrise soundtrack, but it was about fourteen months
before I wrote a song. And when I say that,
sometimes time will go by and I will try, but
nothing really good is coming. It's not a lack of trying,
but so one way to look at this, Susan is
(06:19):
it's okay if you have writer's block for whatever kind
of thing you're writing. I'm writing a book right now,
and the book that i'm I'm pretty much finished. But
I've noticed that that part of my brain to write
the book is very similar to writing a song. It's
the same part of the brain. It utilizes a different
(06:39):
creative tool, but it's the same part of brain that
you have to access through writer's block. And you're gonna
have to realize, Susan, this sometimes you just can't access it.
Sometimes it's the door you just can't get in. Sleep
has a lot to do with it. We got to
bring that up. Sleep. You know, I usually get about
six and a half hours every night consistently. I wake
(07:03):
up at my alarm goes off at five point fifteen,
and I'll hit snooze once and I usually get out
of bed at five twenty five. A lot of times
I think that's not enough. I need to get up
earlier because there's too much stuff going on in the
day to accomplish. And this is seven days a week.
I don't have. I don't have like a day where
I just I get to sleep longer. There's not that
(07:26):
there's not that day. Ever, there's three sixty five for me.
So if I don't get seven, though, that's kind of
the key for me, seven hours. If I don't get seven,
I'm hurting. And so if I'm preparing maybe maybe I'm
writing a sermon. I'm preparing a sermon, which I just
got finished delivering a sermon this past Sunday at the
(07:47):
San Antonio Rodeo. So I delivered that sermon, and I
find myself in writer's block, just like the book, just
like songwriting, and I could trace it back a lot
of times too, just the sleep I got the night before.
And if I get my seven hours, which is what
my body loves. If I get my seven hours, then
(08:07):
riding the sermon all of a sudden is easier that
next day. So let's kind of recap here, take a walk,
realize that sometimes you can't get through that door. And
number three, sometimes you just didn't get enough sleep. You
could retry the next day. I hope that helps. That's
like the light brush of what writer's blot could be.
(08:29):
And we could talk more about that. If you want
to discuss it more, we can go deeper. All our
next question subject line says pending divorce. Hey grangeur try
to make this quick. Here. My name is Brian. Oh,
excuse me, pronounced Bren. Good. My name is Bren. I'm
(08:51):
twenty eight years old. I've been married for two almost
three years. My wife and I have been together for
a total of five We have two beautiful children and
what I thought was a strong family. I've been a
stay at home dad for the last year and a half.
Last December, she told me one day out of the
blue that she was filing for divorce and I had
(09:12):
two weeks to get out. I was absolutely devastated, but
I understood because for the past five years I did
nothing but treat her terribly. I lied to her constantly,
stole money I saw, stole money that I saw laying around,
racked up some credit cards, decided to emotionally cheat on
her by texting and sexting women probably twelve times. Truth is,
(09:36):
I love my wife with everything in me, and I'm
so ashamed of this me that I have become. Recently,
I've rededicated my life to Christ. But she still says,
I'm not interested in you and I'll never take you back.
She says. The most recent thing she told me is
that if I could hold a job for a year
(09:57):
and be an adult, she would consider starting over with
with me. How can I save my marriage, how can
I show her that I am a new man of Christ?
And most importantly, how can I survive a year apart
from my family and kids. I'm hurting right now. Side note,
you have high five me at your concert in Huntington,
(10:17):
West Virginia. It was one of the most awesome moments. Thanks, brother.
I hope to hear from you soon. Bren Cooper, Bren,
thanks for the email. Brother, Thanks for opening up something
that's heavy, heavy on your heart, and I feel for you. Man.
I'm going to recap in my head because I read
these for the very first time, as you guys hear them.
(10:37):
So you're twenty eight. You've been twenty eight years old,
been married for two almost three years, we'll call it
three three years. You've been together with your wife for
five you have two beautiful children. And then we're talking
about last December, she files for divorce. You say, out
of the blue, but we come to find out it
(10:57):
wasn't really out of the blue because you had a feeling.
You also found out you had two weeks to get
out when she filed. So this is all happening quickly,
even though you probably knew you were playing with fire,
and it's not a huge surprise. You're not surprised at
all because of your actions. What has happened. You don't
(11:20):
expect to get out of jail free card here. You
know that, I know that everybody listening knows that you
don't get off free here, Brot. You don't get a
lot of times. Second chances are hard to come by.
It's George Strait song, by the way. So you're asking
(11:40):
this interesting two sentences here that stuck out to me
that you put back to back. You said, here, here's
the first sentence, she told me that if I can
hold a job for a year and be an adult,
she would consider starting over with me. The next sentence
(12:02):
directly after that, says, how can I save my marriage?
I'm not a counselor. I'm not a therapist. I'm not
a psychologist, I'm not a psychiatrist, I'm not a sociologist.
I'm just a normal dude, bran. But when you put
those sentences back to back, it's like it's like saying
(12:30):
the dog is the dog is sick. You take the
dog to the vet right and you, and the vet
says the dog is sick. You gotta change the dog food.
And then you ask me, Bran, Hey Granger, how do
I save my dog? I go, the vet just told
you to change the dog food. Your wife just told
(12:54):
you give her a year, basically, hold a job for
over a year and be an adult, and she will
consider starting over with you. So the first thing I
would say into saving your marriage, the first step, is
that that's what she needs you to do. You say, here,
(13:19):
I hope you know I'm not dogging on you. I
would not answer this question if I didn't love you, Brin,
if I didn't feel for you, if I didn't see
you in this hurting position, I would just skip over
the email. I would delete it. But I'm doing this
because I love you, man, and I know you're a fan,
(13:40):
and I appreciate you listening, and I want to give
you the hard truth. If I give you anything less
than hard truth, anything less than tough, love is not love.
It's just me pacifying you, right, It's just me trying
to be cool and hope that you like me. I'm
not concerned whether you like me or not. Brand I
(14:03):
just want to tell you the truth. Here. Look what
you said, the truth everything, It's all revealed in your language.
In your email, you said, I've been a stay at
home dad for the last year and a half. Come on, man,
what you've been a stay at home dad for the
last year and a half. That's the language you're gonna use.
(14:28):
And then she comes back and says, look, dude, I'll
consider coming back if you could hold a job for
a year. That tells me that the truth is you
can't hold down a job. You're being a child. You're
twenty eight years old, but you're acting like a child.
You call it stay at home dad. She says, you're
a bum. Dude, you can't hold a job. That's what
(14:50):
your wife said. I'm not saying she's perfect. I'm sure
she's made mistakes too, but looking at the situation from
the outside, you say I've been a stay at home
dad for the last year and a half and my
wife leaving me, she says, you're a bum. Get a job.
I didn't ask for this stay at home dad thing,
that's what she says. I didn't ask for you to
(15:11):
be a stay at home dad. I asked for you
to be a husband. And a provider, get a job,
hold it, stop sexteen twelve women. Stop treating your wife terribly.
You say you've rededicated your life to Christ. Show me,
Paul says, test yourselves. Test yourselves, make sure you're in
(15:34):
the faith. Are you in or you out? Test yourselves.
You'll know them by your fruits. You will know by
your fruits. One of the fruits of the spirit is
self control. Control yourself, briand be a man, act like
a man, get a job, respect yourself, respect others. Hold
(15:59):
this thing down. You say, how do I save my marriage?
First of all by meeting the first criteria? She says,
hold a job for a year. That's what she says.
You say, yes, ma'am. You want to save this marriage.
You love this woman. Say yes, ma'am, whatever it takes.
(16:21):
Be honest with you. Brn. I don't know if you're
gonna do that, though your track record says you won't.
And I say that in a way to dig at you.
You're gonna take that from me. You're gonna take me
declaring that on this podcast in front of all these
people that are listening right now. You're gonna take me
(16:43):
saying that I don't think you could do it. Brn.
The reaction I want you to have is, wait a minute,
I'll prove it to you. I'll prove it. Okay, let
me hold you accountable. Then email me twelve months from now.
I challenge you, Bren. Email me twelve months from now
and say, man, I did it. I held down a job.
(17:07):
I did exactly like she told me. She says, hold
down a job and be an adult, insinuating two things.
One you can't hold down a job. Two you're acting
like a child. Test yourselves. Don't know them by their fruits.
(17:28):
That's what Jesus said. Rededicate your life to Christ. Let's
all talk unless you show me, unless you show her,
show us. We'll see. Let's take a break. Beer right back. Hey,
(17:53):
thank y'all for listening to the podcast. It really makes
my day. I love being able to share this platform
with you in this kind of form, and I appreciate
that you could also check out Amber. Did you know
she has her own podcast now. It's called A Rise
with Amber, So wherever you're listening to this, you can
find on the same format Ambers Arise with Amber. You
could also find me on cameo. Cameo dot com allows
(18:15):
you to go and get a video message from me,
made custom for anybody, one of your friends, or your
family members, or even for you yourself. You tell me
what to say on my phone on the video and
I send it to you. Super simple. Cameo dot com
slash Grangersmith could also download the cameo app and search
for me granger Smith. Love you guys. Back to the podcast.
(18:40):
All right, back to the podcast. We're gonna jump right
back in here. If you want to email me and
have your question read on here, email me Grangersmith podcast
at gmail dot com. A promise I won't be mad
at you if you do. I promise I won't yell
at you much. Next question, subject line says working as
a girl. Hello. My name is Sadie. I live in
(19:00):
northern Idaho. I'm fifteen years old. People around here in
my church and community tend to say that a girl
should just help around at home and not work, or
go to college, or just wait to find a husband
who can provide for them. Let me read that again.
People around here in my church and community tend to
say that a girl should just help around at home
(19:22):
and not work, or go to college and just wait
to find a husband who can provide for them. It
really frustrates me when they say this. I believe that
you should try and save as much as you can
until you get married, so that then you could have
something to kickstart your married life. What are your thoughts
(19:43):
about this? How much money do you think people should
save before getting married? Thanks for all you do. I
really love the podcast. God bless you and your family.
She has a little asterisk here it says a quote
that I'm trying to live by. Is this earn all
you can say, all you can give, all you can
John Wesley. All Right, Sadie, thank you so much. I
(20:07):
just love it when a fifteen year old emails me
some pretty deep thinking questions, and the first thing I
think is, Man, I was so dumb at fifteen, Sadie.
I was so dumb at fifteen. I was not thinking
like you at all at all. I was thinking about
(20:31):
football and girls and guitars. Football, girls and guitars pretty
much preoccupied my stupidity of my fifteen year old brain
that I had at the time. So man, so encouraging
that you're thinking you have some future thoughts like this,
(20:52):
So let's dive into it. Okay, let's dive into your question,
and I really like that quote. By the way, Earnli
can't say, but you can't give all you can. I
think that's I think that's pretty good first part of
your discussion. Here. People around here in my church and
community tend to say that a girl should just help
(21:16):
around at home and not work, or go to college
and just find and just wait to find a husband
who can provide for them. Let's just start with just that.
What do you think, Sadie, you're fifteen. I don't like
that you are kind of left with this stuff to
(21:36):
wrestle with as a fifteen year old girl. But I
would ask you if we were sitting in a truck
driving down a road you brought this up, I'd say,
what do you think? What does your heart tell you?
When you hear that, it sounds like it sounds like
a community that's stuck a little bit. It sounds like
(21:59):
a community that not moving forward in anything that they're
thinking about. It sounds like people that haven't really been
involved too much in the culture. And that is not
a bad thing. By the way, we don't need to
get involved with the culture. We don't need to always
(22:21):
be forward thinking when it comes to culture. But I
want you to realize that you are not that generation.
You're not your mother's generation or your grandmother's generation or
your great grandmother's generation. They had very different ways of
life than because of the circumstances surrounding them, which equals culture.
(22:42):
So you are in a different circumstance. College is different
now than it was for the previous three generations when
it even existed. It's different now. A current lifestyle is
just different now. So without bringing the word culture into
(23:03):
this is a different time. You know this. That's why
you're bucking against it and you're emailing me this kind
of question. Right, So let's say this, God makes man
and woman very unique in different ways so that they
(23:23):
can excel and compliment each other. Like that's the ultimate goal,
is to compliment each other in what they do. When
you are not married, right, when you aren't married yet
and you don't have anyone to compliment, then that's kind
of irrelevant. Does that make sense? So if you're not married,
(23:47):
then you're not a homemaker. If you don't have kids,
you're not a mother. That sounds ridiculous, but we're just
got to start with the facts here. If you don't
have children, then you don't have to act like a mother.
If you're not married, you don't have to act like
a homemaker. Right Also, if you want to make plans
(24:13):
to go to college because you're not married yet, you
don't have children at all, do it. It doesn't matter
what your community says, because you'll deal with that. You'll
deal with giving your best attribute as a mother, as
a wife, you'll deal with that when you are a
(24:34):
mother and a wife, which you're not, and you don't
need much preparation for that because you just know how
to do it. That's what makes it so beautiful is
that one day God will and you'll get pregnant and
you will just know what to do. Right now, it's
(24:58):
springtime and Texas, early spring time in Texas, right very
early spring right now. I love this time of year
because I see all the birds starting to gather for
their nest. And every time that happens every year, it
just amazes me that these mama birds start collecting just
(25:21):
the right pieces that they need to put together for
the nest that that species of bird uses like some
birds use trash like yarn, hair from animals, little pieces
of scrap that they find like pieces of paper like
some birds use that. Some birds will use only straw,
(25:43):
some birds use only grass or little sticks. But they
go out and they start getting ready. They start getting
this already because they know that it's coming, that those
little babies are going to start growing inside them, and
they're gonna need a place months ahead of time. It
doesn't that that just blows me away. You were gonna
(26:06):
this is you. You're no different and we are no
different than that animal instinct that starts preparing when the
time is right, when the when the springtime comes, when
the seasons change, you will know, your body will know,
your brain will know, and you'll step in beautifully. You'll
step into the role. But it's not springtime for you.
(26:32):
This is not the time to be thinking about being
a homemaker or what did you say, helping around the home,
not working, not going to college, waiting for a husband
who's going to provide for them. It is not the
season for that. You're hearing me. You're fifteen. It's another season.
(26:58):
So learn to live in the season and that you're in.
Don't listen to a community that tells you that to
be living for a season you're not in yet. You
have to recognize that you have to have ears to
hear what they're saying. They might be speaking to another
generation or to another group of girls, but you are
not that. You are fifteen, and you have to learn
(27:20):
to be fifteen. I love the John Wesley quote earn
all you can, save all you can, give all you can,
but that is not that quote. John did not mean
that for a fifteen year old girl. He didn't mean
it for a fifteen year old boy. That's not what
he meant. It's a wonderful piece of advice and a
(27:42):
nice little quote to hang on the wall, but it's
not something to worry about or to think about. When
the season changes, and it will, you'll be ready. You're
not in that season yet. Just be fifteen, Just be fifteen,
all right? Say it is this that makes sense? Let's
(28:06):
hit another one here to the subject line, says traveling
Pipeliner at Grande. I'd like to stay anonymous. I'm twenty
years old from South Louisiana. Me and my girlfriend have
been together for a year. I was wondering, with all
the traveling you do for concerts, how do you keep
motivated and stay on path doing what you love without
missing your family and friends. I'm currently sixteen hours away
(28:28):
from home working on a pipeline, and I'm wanting to
give up my dreams to be with my family and friends.
Thanks for the advice, all right, mister anonymous. I appreciate you, buddy,
Thank you so much for emailing shout out to South Louisiana.
And let me dive into this. You are twenty, you
(28:52):
have a girlfriend, you're not married, and you're missing your family.
I would like to dive in a little bit deeper
about what you mean here, because I'm not sure if
you're talking about your girlfriend specifically that you miss her
and you love her and you're sixteen hours away from her,
or if you're talking about mom and dad, brother, sister,
stuff like that, and there's a difference. I believe. I
(29:18):
believe there's a difference. And so that's what I kind
of want to dive into, is that I think, well,
first of all, you can't compare me in my travels
with yours, because there's twenty three years difference and a
lot of life different between us. I was once twenty
living fifteen hours away, so almost exactly the same scenario.
(29:44):
When I was twenty, I was living fifteen hours away
from my family, and I missed them. But those years
that time away was so valuable for me and what
I learned earned when I got out of the house.
When I was twenty and I got out and I
(30:04):
went into a new state. I went to the state
of Tennessee. I didn't know anybody in the whole state.
And as I was working and meeting people and learning
to make money and save money and give money. Just
like the last question, I had to learn that. I
had to learn how to earn, learn how to save,
learn how to give through I love how these two
(30:25):
questions have suddenly connected, but I had to learn that
through making mistakes. Like uh oh, I can't save if
I don't earn, I can't give if I don't save,
I can't earn unless I get a good job. This
job I have right now is not good. Okay. Now,
I made some money and I spent it. I didn't
(30:45):
save it. I have nothing to give. It's like you
have to make those mistakes, and you make those mistakes
away from your family, so that a you're not hurting
anybody in your family and b they are not there
as a safety to grab you and lift you up.
They've done that for eighteen years plus. We've got a
(31:07):
little boy right now, Maverick. He's a year and a
half right now. We're gonna constantly catch him. When he falls.
We're the safety net. We're gonna get him when he's
going down the stairs. We're gonna pick him up to
make sure he doesn't go too fast. When he goes
out and he's he's heading for the road, we're gonna
grab him. We're gonna be around him constantly, creating that
(31:29):
safety net. That's what we do. But once he gets
to be a certain age, you have to go out
on your own. And that's that's where you are now.
So being alone, here's what I want to say, being
sixteen hours away, being twenty years old, missing your family
like crazy and your friends is good for you. That's
(31:54):
all I say all that to say, it's good for you. Man.
You're being refined. You need this. I know you miss
your friends, I know you miss your girlfriend, I know
you miss your mom and dad. But this is something
that needs to happen in your life right now, and
it needs to happen to everyone around your age. In
my opinion, you can't stay in the house in mom's
(32:17):
basement and have her bring your meat loaf while you're
playing video games. You can't do that. You got to
get out. You have to tackle the world. You have
to fall and pick yourself back up. Mama's not around anymore,
Girlfriend's not around, your friends, your buddies are not around.
You fall, you pick yourself up. That's how you learn.
(32:38):
That is so valuable. To do this. You need to
be where you are right now. It needs to hurt
a little bit, needs to sting. You need to lay
your head on your pillow and go. This kind of sucks.
I miss Mom. I feel like crying right now. It's
my birthday today. I remember that I was eighteen years old.
(33:00):
I was in the Core Cadets at Texas A and M.
And I was a freshman and the core Cadets it's
a military academy at Texas A and M. And I
remember as a freshman, we didn't know anybody that they
put you. They give you a roommate that you don't
know at all, and they're just there's all these rules
(33:20):
and they're yelling at you, and you got a shaved head,
and that you don't have anything except this tiny foot
locker and what's in it. And you gotta keep a
perfect bed with perfect, perfect foldings all on the edges
of the bed, and you got a safety pennant and
stuff so that doesn't come out. And then you got
to sleep on top of the bed because you don't
want to sleep in the bed because it messes it up.
Then you're just living in this world. It's like a prison.
(33:41):
And I remember laying there one night and I started
thinking about where I was and the perspective of where
I was, and looking up. I was on the bottom
bunk looking up at the top bunk. My roommate up there.
I didn't even know him. His name was really's good
friends with him. Now, I just all of a sudden
it occurred to me, out of the blue, it's my birthday.
(34:06):
I'm nineteen today. I'm nineteen today. And I started crying, y'all.
I started crying, I'm nineteen, and I forgot. This is
the first time Mama didn't come in and say happy birthday.
First time I didn't get a big old handshake from
Dad saying happy birthday, son. First time I didn't go
(34:27):
to like a school and people said, hey, it's Granger's birthday.
Nobody knew. I was laying in that bed looking up
at that bunk above me, and I thought, Man, this sucks.
It's my birthday and I forgot. I forgot my own
birthday because because of the pain I've been living in.
I'm exaggerating, but I needed that. That was good for me.
(34:50):
Here I am, all these years later telling that story
because it was good for me. It mattered. You don't
need to have Mama cooking meat loaf for you all
the time. This good that you're missing her. I love
that you're on this PI. I love that you're sixteen
hours away. I love that it hurts a little bit.
I love that you're about to have a birthday or
you just did. And you know exactly what I'm talking about.
Guess what all this is gonna resolve one day. You're
(35:12):
gonna take what you learned. You're gonna take this refinement
and go back back into your life. Maybe you're gonna
marry this girl, but you're gonna be better for it.
You will have gone on this adventure and you'll be
better for it, better equipped now to move forward. Good
on you, Anonymous, Stay where you are, brother. It's another
(35:33):
question here. Subc decline on this one says, I know
you're really busy, but please read this. I need your help.
That's what I'm here for. Hey, grange'er, sorry in advance
for this email. But my name is Luke. I'm nineteen.
I'm in Indiana. My girlfriend and I have been off
(35:54):
and on for five years. She's very attached to her
parents and feels that they need to It shows that
she needs to rely on them for everything. We're currently
both in college. I'm looking to join a trade but
she felt the need to ask her parents how they
felt about me doing such a job, and they do
not like it because they're not manual labor people like me.
(36:19):
My parents are divorced. She gets mad when I go
to my dad's to visit with him, and when I
do stuff with my friends or my family. But for
her it's okay. I got into I got her into church,
and I feel guilty if I leave her after showing
her what it's like to be loved by God. I'm
(36:42):
just lost and I need help. I've prayed for this
for many nights, but I haven't seen any results yet
as my strength or in my relationship. Sorry, my reading's
not very good on this. Emil but my patience is growing.
Any advice for the situation and what to do, think
(37:03):
you in advance. Luke. Okay, Luke, let me recap because
I just did some really bad reading on this. You
are nineteen. I've been with this girl for five years.
She is attached to her parents and she feels the
need to rely on them for everything. You're both currently
in college, but you're looking to join a trade. She
asked her parents how they felt about that. They said no,
(37:24):
because they are not manual labor people. Your parents are divorced.
She gets mad if you go to your dad's and
visit and do stuff with him and your friends or
your family. But it's okay for her to do the
same thing. You got her into church. You don't want
to leave her because that would be hypocritical in your mind,
because you have showed her what it's like to be
loved by God, and now you're gonna leave her. You
(37:46):
feel lost. That is your email. Okay. It's also important
that you said I've prayed for this for many nights,
but I haven't seen any results. Okay, let's start with
the prayer. Let's start with your prayer. You prayed for
this many nights with no results. Well, that's nothing new.
(38:10):
That doesn't sound out of character for God to have
you hold on and hold on and hold on until
you start wondering. Am I asking the right thing? Have
you thought about that? God's not answering my prayer? Am
(38:30):
I asking the right prayer? Because God is sovereign, He
is purposeful, He is all planning. He knows every hair
on your head, he knows your exact days. So sometimes
when we pray, if we're forgetting that, if we're forgetting
that he's sovereign that it's his will, not ours. If
(38:53):
we forget that, then we start getting frustrated until we realize, Oh,
I'm just praying what I want, like Santa Claus, like
a Genie in the bottle, I'm just rubbing the bottle, saying, Genie,
come out and grant me my wishes, and he goes,
don't tell me how to get my glory. I am sovereign,
(39:15):
I am planning, I am purposing. I know my plans
I have for you. When are you going to learn
to pray for a sovereignty situation? Like Gott? I know
you're working something right now. I know you're doing something.
(39:36):
I know you're teaching me. I know you're disciplining me.
I know you're churning something deep inside of me, refining
me so that I could be closer to you, so
that I can glorify you better. When is that prayer
going to start being in your nightly prayers? Here? Gotta
(39:57):
I love this girl, you know my heart. I don't
need to tell you. You know my heart. God, you
know I love this girl. But I feel like I'm
hitting a brick wall right now. Show me what you're
doing in this so that I could better glorify you.
If it's being with her or not, I'm gonna continue
walking down this path. Close it off, and I feel
(40:19):
like you're doing that right now. Change my heart, God,
renew me from the inside out, because my flesh wants
this and that's not always aligning with what you need.
Show me, God, show me your way, your path, not mine.
Don't let me get in the way here, God, when
(40:43):
are you gonna start praying that Luke outside looking in
this girl? Selfish this girl? What's what she wants? You've
been with her five years meaning you're nineteen, meaning you've
been with her since you were fourteen. Bro, she's no
good for you. That's what I see. You're telling me
(41:05):
you want to join, you want to go into a trade,
and her parents say no, they don't like it because
they're they're not manual labor people. Do you know how
crazy that sounds. If your friend told you this, you'd say,
bro dump her, break up with her. That's what you
would say to any of your best friends. You would
be hating your friend if you said stay with her,
(41:28):
just just please her as much as you can. Luke,
you would hate your friend if you told him that.
You know this. If this was you, you'd say, break
up with her. Your parents are divorced. You want to
go see your dad, and she gets mad when you
do stuff with him or your friends. Yet she gets
to do it. Dump her. She is too self involved.
(41:53):
This is not love. You're just You're just a pond
in her little dream. You just you are are making
her little world go around because you are. You have
stepped into her kingdom lower case K, and you are
providing what she needs as a servant of her kingdom.
You're meeting a criteria that she needs in a man.
(42:15):
Time to leave the kingdom, break the gates, get out,
don't worry about this whole thing. You took her to
church and you've shown her what it's like to be
loved by God. No no, no, no no, that's not
to be loved by God has nothing to do with
any of the stuff you've just mentioned. You feeling me.
(42:43):
I understand that sometimes you're in a situation like this
and it seems like the walls are closing in. You say,
I'm lost and I need help. I'm praying, my strength
is waning. I understand when you're in it, but when
you're outside and I'm reading it and all these people
are listening on this podcast, everyone is saying, Luke, leave her,
(43:05):
leave her. You're nineteen, no kids yet, no kids yet.
You got a clean slate, a new chapter, turn the page.
Thank you guys for emailing Luke. I appreciate you brother,
all you guys for being vulnerable and opening up. I
love you for that and we'll see you next Monday.
(43:27):
Thanks for joining me on the Granger Smith podcast. I
appreciate all of you guys. You could help me out
by rating this podcast on iTunes. If you're on YouTube,
subscribe to this channel, hit that little like button and
the notification spell so that you never miss anytime I
upload a video. If you have a question for me
that you would like me to answer, email Grangersmith Podcast
(43:49):
at gmail dot com. Yi
Host
Granger Smith
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