March 13, 2023 • 42 mins
Granger Smith Podcast Episode 179: Why do we hate our ex's? We all fall into it as Humans. We have to fight against that and say "NO!" Love is a decision and it's a selfless act. Join me as we chat about this topic and more!
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Episode Transcript
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Speaker 1 (00:00):
How dare you not fulfill me the way I need
you to the way I want you to? How dare
you do this to me? You're ruining my life. This
is what happens. That's why we hate people that are
exes and ex spouses and boyfriends and girlfriends. What's up, everybody?
(00:33):
Welcome to the podcast, Episode one seventy nine. Thanks for
being here with me. I love to do this. It's
something that it's a it's kind of a release from
all the other many jobs that I that I do,
and this is this is the one, probably the one
job I have that I really get to slow the pace.
(00:54):
And that's what I love about podcast forms is we
get to just kind of slow down and have a
real discussion. These videos are not edited. I don't I
don't cut them up to make them faster for you.
So this is the way to hear it, you know,
A long answer as if me and you were sitting
around a campfire and just kind of looking into the embers,
and you know it's getting late at night, got a chair,
(01:18):
you got you got your boots up on a rock
listening to the flicker crackle. You just say, hey, man,
can I ask you a question? Look over. Yeah, what
you got man, It's just something about life. Something's been
going on with me and just wondering if we could
talk about something. And that's really what we do on
this podcast. Instead of asking me at a campfire, you
(01:41):
email me Grangersmith Podcast at gmail dot com. I don't
have any notes, just like I wouldn't at a campfire.
I don't have any any quotes or things ready to
go for you. I'm just gonna say whatever's on my heart,
and even though it might always not always be right,
it's what's on my heart. So I appreciate you. Guys.
(02:02):
If I get angry, if I start sounding angry or excited,
it's because I love you and I'm very passionate about
some of these questions, and so I promise you I will.
I would not read it if I didn't like you,
if I didn't love you, I wouldn't care, right, So
it sometimes we get into some tough love. That being said,
(02:24):
let's go to the first question. Subdecline says need advice.
Haven't read this. I haven't read any of these. You're
gonna hear it as I hear it for the first time.
Here we go. He Ginger my name is Miles. I'm
twenty nine from Marshfield, Wisconsin. I have dealt with depression
and anxiety for roughly ten years. I met this amazing
(02:44):
girl that sparked my soul. I had a really bad
day Friday night while we were out with her brother
and sister in law. I overreacted over something so stupid
and immature. I ended things with her because I didn't
want to hurt her any more or emotionally. I love
her so much and I honestly believe and have the
(03:05):
most faith that she is my person and my soulmate.
I have never felt this way about a single person
or thing in my whole life. I want to call
and text her throughout the day, but I don't want
to do that until I get mentally better to be
the best boyfriend, best friend for her that I could be.
(03:26):
What can I do to help me? And do you
think that there is any chance she'll give me another
chance once I'm good? All right? Miles twenty nine, Shout
out to Wisconsin. Thanks for opening up. This is deep
on your heart, man, So thank you for opening up
on something that you have dealt with for ten years. Really,
(03:47):
so let's dive into it. Okay, I'm I'm gonna pick
apart your email. This is what I'm gonna do the
whole podcast. I'm gonna pick apart. I'm gonna use your
words because that's all I have. I don't have your
eyes or your body language. I just have what you wrote.
I'm going to use your words down to the letter. Okay,
(04:07):
that's all I got on this podcast. So I'm going
to quickly recap. You have struggled with depression, and you
fell in love. You had a bad night Friday, and
you were also in public in front of her brother,
which is embarrassing and sister in law, which probably deeply
(04:27):
hurts her because it wasn't just a private mess up. Right.
You overreacted, You acted immature, and you broke up with
her all in this one big spill of anger. Right then,
you say you love her so much. You believe she
is your person and your soulmate. You've never felt this
(04:48):
way about any person in your whole entire life, and
you want to call her and text her throughout the day,
but you're holding back because you don't want to do
that until you get better, because you don't want to
mess up again and say something that you regret right.
You want to be the best boyfriend, best friend that
you could be for her. Okay, so that's the recap.
(05:10):
Let's dive in. The First thing I want to get
to you is I'm dealing with your words here. The
first thing I want to go after is this one
sentence in the middle that says this, I love her
so much and I honestly believe and have the most
faith that she is my person and my soulmate. Never
felt this way about any single person in my whole life. Okay,
(05:35):
these are This is language of someone that is desperate
and in a fog. I'm about to burst some bubbles
on this podcast right now, but I'm going to tell
you something, y'all. You don't have a person or a soulmate.
(05:55):
That is an ancient pagan idea that you're so gets
bonded with another and you have to cut it down
the middle to break it apart because you are mated
with a soul one soul mates with another, becomes one.
This is just a myth. It's just an old human myth,
(06:17):
an old ancient idea that just means nothing. It's not true.
You don't have a soulmate. You don't have a person
you could be you could be compatible with many others.
And this is why is this a problem. This is
a problem because when you go into it thinking that
you have one person, one soulmate, then you latch on.
(06:42):
Like you said, I've never felt this way about a
single person or thing my whole life. You are idolizing
this person. This person is a God that you are worshiping.
You say, I have never felt this way about a
person or thing in my life. This person, I have
(07:05):
the most faith, interesting word faith that this is my
person in my soul mate. These are feelings that you're having.
And the problem that it creates is that when you
feel this way and you feel like you need to
(07:25):
worship this idle person, and hey, you might think that
I'm using crazy language here, like I'm granger, You're going
too far, You're exaggerating, Granger, Am I am I exaggerating
when I say this person has become a God that
you're now worshiping. Would that be an exaggeration if I
told you if I repeated your sentence and said, this person,
(07:48):
I have the most faith that this is my person,
my soulmate. I've never felt this way about a single
person or thing that sounds like worship to me. The
problem is this is a feeling and love needs to
be an action that we decide. Love has to be
(08:12):
something that we cannot define on our own. We don't
get to decide what love is. Love is outside of us.
It is. It is not subjective to what we get
to think that it is. So if love is outside
of who we are, it doesn't manifest itself in us.
(08:33):
If love is outside of us and it's in its
objective truth, then we don't get to define it, but
we could decide when we want to put that kind
of action into another person, Grandeur, what are you talking about.
Love is an action, Love is a verb. Love. Love
is self less. Love is not something that you need
(09:00):
for yourself to make yourself feel better. That is not love.
That is the way you have defined it. This is
a major problem right now in our culture because we
are constantly defining love and replacing that for some kind
of infatuation or fulfillment of a need that we have
that we want. We want something to fulfill us, to
(09:24):
make us happy, to feel avoid that we have inside
of us, to cure us, to make us feel good,
to make us feel happy. I want this person. I
have felt in my heart and my soul and my
faith that this is my soulmate and my person and
they're gonna fulfill me. And I need that person to
fill me. And when they don't do it, because it
(09:47):
will happen one day, this girl won't be able to
do it anymore, and you will blame her for that.
How dare you? How dare you my soulmate? How dare
you not fulfill me the way I need you to
the way I want you to? How dare you do
(10:11):
this to me? You're ruining my life. This is what happens.
That's why we hate people that are exes and ex
spouses and boyfriends and girlfriends. I hate you because how
dare you, my soulmate of the universe? How dare you
(10:34):
cut yourself off from my soul and treat me like this?
You belong to me? Right. That's as crazy as this gets,
and we all fall into it as humans. So we
have to fight against that and say no. No. Love
is a decision and it's a selfless act. I love you.
(10:59):
I want to pour into you. I want to serve you,
regardless of me. Me, me, me me, what I want what
I need. I'm choosing to love you in a selfless way.
Right So that's the beginning of this conversation. That's how
(11:21):
this whole thing starts, is establishing the objective truth about
how you feel about her, because if you feel this
way about her, that she's your soulmate, then you have
other things you have to deal with right now and
you need to cut her your idol, out of your life.
It's a good thing that you're not with her right now.
(11:43):
This is a good thing. You don't need to be
with this girl because you're worshiping her and partly you're
saying this kind of language, partly because you're just missing
her and your heart broken and you have heartbroken goggles
on and you're seeing through heartache and you're going, oh, man,
I messed up. I'm god to see. I've dealt with depression.
(12:04):
I've I've had depression for ten years and that's the problem.
It's and so that's the reason is I was at
dinner and because i've I've suffered from depression, and you know,
that's why I said some things that then I regret
that I made sure I broke up with her, because
I honestly, you know, I just I didn't want her
to hurt anymore emotionally, so I cut her off, you know.
(12:25):
But now I'm feeling like maybe I made a mistake
and I want to call her, but of course I
don't call her because I want to protect her from me,
because I'm crazy. And then, you know, but hey, granger,
what can you do to help me? You know, so
I can make myself better? Because me, me, me, me,
me me me me, I want, I need me. That's
(12:45):
your story and it's it's my story, and it's everyone listening.
This is this is the epidemic of humanity. This is
the fallen nature of man. We just the truth is,
we just want to please ourselves. We want we just
(13:09):
want to please ourselves. You can test this easily by
tracking yourself through the day. You want to you want
to eat the meal that pleases you. You want to
sleep according to how it pleases you. You want to
wear clothes according to how they please you. You want things.
(13:31):
So we have to fight against that feeling. We have
to fight against the flesh and say, I I'm messed
up again. Nah, it's the flesh again, that's me being
selfish again. I gotta stop this I have to consciously
make efforts to stop this and make a decision to love,
a decision to serve, to pour in, to be self less,
(13:55):
to stop thinking about myself again. This is a daily thing.
With practice, we can get better at it, but ultimately
it never leaves. It's fallen creatures on this planet that
this just never leaves. I mean, look around, this is
what we do. This is what we've always done, is humans.
(14:16):
So Miles, fight it. You don't need to be with
this girl or any girl right now, you say, here's
your last sentence. What can I do to help me?
Do you think there's any chance she will give me
a chance? Once I'm good, stop thinking about you all
(14:42):
the time, Miles, and things will start to get better.
Let's move on here. Subject line in this next one
says question, Hey Grandeur, my name is Aaron. I'm twenty
five old from Central Iowa. I used to party all
(15:03):
the time from nineteen to twenty five. Recently I found
your podcast, and it seems like God put the podcast
on my recommended list so that I could hear what
I need to hear. I've been listening to your podcast
a lot, and it's been really speaking to me. Because
of your love and faith for God. I've dove right
back into the word I always thought God left me.
(15:26):
I had a falling out with my former church after
graduating at eighteen? How should I go about finding a
new church? Thank you, Grangeer, Thanks for what you're doing.
Erin all right, Erin, I appreciate you, brother. Thanks for
emailing your twenty five shout out to Central Iowa. Love Iowa,
and you've been You've been partying from nineteen to twenty five.
(15:51):
Understandable you and ninety nine percent of other people at
your age. I get it. I love that you found
the podcast. I love that you're listening. Welcome in. Let's
get started right. Your main question here looks to be you. Well,
(16:14):
first of all, you you always thought God left you? Okay,
I don't. I don't think I need to dive into that.
We understand that you had a falling out with your
former church. I have questions about this, like why My
first question is that I actually, if I was with
you and we're sitting around a campfire, I'd say, Aaron,
(16:34):
tell me about this falling out with the church. Because
what Here's what you're saying when you put these two
things together, you're you had a falling out with the
church and then you partied for six years hard. So
my point is we can't really look at the church
here and go they were wrong while I was partying,
(16:56):
so I would that would be my first thought is well,
now that you look back in hindsight, was the church
wrong or were you wrong? Okay, So there's that. So
then the second question is how do you find a
new church assuming that the old church you ain't going back?
And man, that's a great question and it's not an
(17:18):
easy answer because it takes a lot of growth, It
takes a lot of maturity, it takes a lot of
it takes a lot of prayer, it takes a lot
of reading the Bible, it takes a lot of studying.
So not to find a church, None of that matters
to find a church, but it takes a lot of
that to understand a good church, a good life giving church.
(17:47):
And so sometimes we have to study and study and
read and pray and walk in the spirit more and
more to start our eyes start opening up around us
and we start to see things in a different light,
including churches, including people. But it's not something that should
(18:12):
hinder you from getting into a church today, you would
never say, for instance, I'm gonna I'm gonna hold off
on this whole church finding thing for a few years
until i get more mature in my faith. Then I'm
gonna go. Then I'll be ready to find a church.
No no, no no, no, no, You're gonna do that now,
and you're gonna grow along with the church. And if
(18:34):
you grow apart from the church because you're spiritually mature
in a different area, and maybe that church isn't isn't
biblically sound in the way that you need it to No, no, no,
not the way you need it the biblically sound in
the way that it should be according to the biblical
(18:58):
truth of the Bible. Then you'll see that your eyes
will be opened to it as it goes down in
real time. So what so what do I do, Granger?
You're not answering. Okay, Well, here's the practical way. I
would try churches. Try it out. You're if you were
(19:18):
going to go to you would say, hey, man, I'm
gonna start working out. I really want to start getting
into fitness. And the goal is not just to get
into good shape. Actually, actually my goal is to actually
get into bodybuilding at a highly competitive level. I say
that analogy because you want to grow as a Christian
(19:39):
to a highly astute level. That's what you want. You
want to be walking in the faith and total obedience
to our Savior. So you're gonna I'm using the analogy
of the gym saying you want to be a bodybuilder.
So if you're starting now and you're not in shape,
you're not a bodybuilder by any means. In fact, you're
not even a weightlifter at all, but that's where you
(19:59):
want go. Then you're gonna start trying out gems, and
you're gonna walk into the gym and you're gonna look
around and go, Okay, this is This has got the weights,
it's got the rubber floor, it's got the mirrors. But
don't I don't think there's growth here for me. I
don't think that I could learn more than just minimal weightlifting.
(20:22):
And you go to another church and you go, well,
this one, this one's got all CrossFit stuff. It doesn't
have any weights in it, just just CrossFit. But that's
kind of a nice way to learn this aspect of
it and to grow my core strength. And you go
to another one and then you try this one out,
and this one's got a lot more stuff. It's huge,
it's massive. There's massive amounts of people coming in and out.
(20:45):
They've got every kind of waight equipment that you could
possibly imagine. There's a lot of bodybuilders in there, but
there's so many in there that there might not be
enough to actually help you grow because they're so busy
and there's so many of them. So then you go
to another church, excuse me. Then you go to another
gym and you walk in here, and then this one
(21:07):
it's like the Goldilocks gym, right. This one is not
too big, not too small. It has a good variety
of equipment, and it has bodybuilders in here that are
ready to teach, that are ready to show you how
to grow from where you are now to a professional level.
And you can grow as big as you want in
(21:29):
this Goldilocks gym. No different than looking for a church.
Get out there, take a break, gear it back all right, guys,
(22:01):
back to the questions here. If you have anything for me,
email me Grangersmith podcast at gmail dot com and we'll
put it into the queue. I have a couple things
that I like to ask. Please don't send the same
email twice, and please don't send one much longer than
like a phone length, because then it's hard to scroll
and read and keep the context on the podcast itself. Okay,
(22:25):
So diving in here to the next question. Subjectline says,
please please read me. Can you love someone you hate? Hey, there,
Granger Smith. My name is Savannah. I live in Omaha, Nebraska.
I was with my ex for five years, and during
that time we were married for four months. The first
(22:45):
time he left me was the day before Christmas even
twenty eighteen. He refused to work things out, he avoided
me all together. Nine months later we got back together.
We were divorced by this time. We immediately got pregnant
and now we have a beautiful two month old daughter.
My ex left us again, abruptly, leaving us with nothing,
(23:08):
and this time he actually moved out of the state
and is now living with a new girl. Granger. I
have forgiven him time and time again, especially because we
have a daughter, because the Lord tells us in the
Bible to forgive seventy two times. But I'm struggling, really,
I'm struggling forgiving him because of all this hurtful, hateful
(23:31):
things he has done to me, but not only to me,
our daughter. I have nothing but hate resentment for him.
I hate him. I know hate is such a strong word,
but I don't know how to feel any differently. Since
he left, I feel like I have been surviving and
(23:51):
not truly living. Let me read that again. Since he left,
I feel like I've only been surviving and not truly living.
I am hurt. I wo rather than trying to work
things out with his family, he would rather live with
another girl. I grew up without a dad who did
(24:13):
the same thing. I feel worthless knowing my daughter is
going to go through the same thing I did. I
don't know how to forgive him. How could I learn
to love him as my daughter's dad even though I
hate him? Best regards, Savannah, Savannah, thank you. This is
(24:35):
such a good email because you did not hold back.
You didn't sugarcoat anything. You didn't try to make yourself
seem better than you are or more mature than you are,
or try to make it sound nice for the podcast.
You just laid out your emotions, very vulnerable, and I'm
(24:58):
just I have so much spect and I just want
to honor you before I start. I just want to
honor you for just being honest. Because we don't have
to always live in a good place. Sometimes we have
to embrace the suck. We have to embrace sometimes that,
(25:22):
you know what, this is a tough time. This is
a really rough time right now in my life. I'm
not enjoying it very much at all, this season that
I'm in, and just sometimes just saying that and realizing,
you know what, it's okay. It's okay. No one's trying
(25:44):
to blow butterflies all over you and just say no rainbows, butterflies, bubbles.
Just be happy, smile and be happy, enjoy life. No
one needs to tell you that. Sometimes you can go,
you know what, if someone says, how you doing, Savanna,
how you doing, you go, you know what, life kind
(26:06):
of sucks right now. Do you know what? That's okay?
I surely don't mind it. And I appreciate your honesty.
Let's dive in specifically to kind of to kind of
the bottom line of what you're asking really through all this,
and I'll also acknowledge that you have every right to
(26:27):
feel hurt, to feel betrayed, every right. Your question really
comes down to this, how can I learn to love him?
The ex as my daughter's dad, even though I hate him.
(26:48):
That's your question. So you know me, I'm gonna you
reference the Bible, and that's where I'm gonna go, because
when it comes to something like this, that's this. I
don't have any other way to go. I don't have
a psychology degree. I'm not a sociologist or a therapist
or a counselor. I'm just a friend. Let's first of all,
(27:16):
think about I think about this a lot. I've thought
about it a lot in songwriting. What is the opposite
of love? I lay it out there. What is the
opposite of love? It's not hate. It is not hate.
(27:39):
Hate is a close brother, a close sibling of love.
It takes a lot of passion directed at someone to love.
And like I said earlier, we make a decision to love.
We consciously, we feel something, we're driven, we're driven by
a feeling. But ultimately we decide to commit to loving someone.
(28:04):
Then it takes a lot of effort, a lot of commitment,
a lot of passion, a lot of feeling in a
lot of direction. I hate same same thing. It takes
a lot of feeling, a lot of passion. We were
directed we it's spurred by a gut feeling, but then
we ultimately decide yes, I hate you. I hate you.
(28:27):
I am focusing my energy on you because I hate you,
just like you would say, I'm focusing my energy on
you because I love you. Same thing. They're close brothers,
the opposite of love in fact, and the close brother hate.
They both have the same opposite hate and love, same
opposite in difference in difference. I don't care at all.
(28:54):
I don't care. It means nothing to me. You, my ex, you,
I don't care. Do what you want, Do what you want,
go sleep with through who you want, call when you want.
I don't know. Sorry, I just don't care at all.
I did, in fact, I didn't even think about it
most of the days. I just forget about it. What's
(29:14):
your name again, I don't know, doesn't even matter. That's
total indifference that works. It's the opposite of hate. It's
the opposite of love. Isn't that interesting, right? Hate and
love so close. No one is indifferent to themselves, or
to their ex, or to the current husband or wife.
(29:37):
That is far fetched. What you want is to be
indifferent to your ex. That's what you want. You want
to be able to say, you know what, it's okay,
do your thing, big boy. Me and my daughter are fine.
You do your thing, you do you and we'll do
what we do. It doesn't bother me. That's that's kind
(30:00):
of where you want to go. It's very difficult to
get there, but I just want to acknowledge that you're
you are not doing the opposite of loving him, because
that was your question, How can I learn to love
him even though I hate him? I wrote a song
about this called hate You like I Love You, and
it's the song. The song is actually exactly your your story.
(30:22):
This scenario is I'm just trying to hate you like
I love you, meaning as much as I'm pouring into
you with this love, you know, I just want to
hate you that way. And the truth is the residual
left over from your love for him is what's causing
this all this energy of hate. So what do you
(30:43):
do where you go from there? Like you said, the
Bible says, forgive, forgive, forgive, forgive, forgive, forgive. First of all,
you realize his fallen nature. He is a fallen creature,
so are you. Even though he's done terrible things on
the surface, in God's eyes, you're no better. You haven't
(31:05):
done things, works, deeds, effort, you haven't done anything more
than him to raise your your standing with God. We
are all fallen and broken. Jesus says, you hate someone
with your heart, you're murdering them. Guilty. I'm guilty. You're guilty.
(31:28):
You're guilty of murder. That's how that's how serious God
takes hate. It's it's as serious as murder. I'm not
calling you out. I'm saying I'm with you. I have
felt that, I felt that feeling. I am guilty of murder.
I'm convicted. So what do we do with this lying, thieving, murderous, blasphemous,
(31:52):
adulterous generation that we are. What do we do with this?
We realize that we have been redeemed. We realize that
we have been restored. We've been adopted as sons and daughters.
You have a father that left you on earth. You
have a heavenly father that will not leave you. He
(32:16):
has adopted you all in the kingdom of His is
now yours. He's giving it to you. It's a gift.
He gives good gifts. He cares. He also disciplines because
he loves in only a way to create good for you,
because he has good plans for you. Now, you might
(32:37):
not see it on this earth. That's what's hard to understand.
You might not get it in some kind of prosperity way.
Your bank account doesn't just start growing, and you know,
Prince Charming doesn't just ride in on a white horse
and sweep you up your feet and you forget all this.
But he provides in a way that we just can't
quite understand. But we trust him anyway. You're redeemed, you're adopted,
(33:04):
You're ransomed. That's what he promises you. He promises to
heal you. Jesus died on the cross, taking on the
sins of the world so that his people could be redeemed.
That price is paid, the fine that you cause from
your hate and your heart and mind. The sentence for
(33:29):
that is death. The Bible says, the wages of sin
is death, meaning you have hated in our hearts, we've lied, stolen.
The wages of that is death. So he comes in,
Jesus comes in on the cross, the blood of the lamb,
and that price pays for your bail. You're now free.
(33:50):
So what do you do with this freedom? What do
you do you turn around to the person that did
that for you and you say, thank you. I will
serve you. He says, you know how you serve me?
Keeping my word? You say, how do I keep your word?
He says, feed my sheep, serve my people. The only
(34:11):
way you can get over this hate with your husband,
the only way you could battle it. The only way
you could counteract hate is with gratitude. Where does gratitude
come from? Knowing that you are fallen, You are broken,
you are redeemed and adopted and forgiven and ransomed by
(34:33):
the blood of Christ. If you could realize how bad
you are, Savannah, If you could stop thinking about how
bad your ex husband is and realize how bad you
are the crimes that you have committed. If you could
realize that and then realize no to knowing that your
(34:54):
price has been paid, the ransom has come, you are free.
You are free when you realize that. It's the gratitude
that wells up in your heart and overflows, and when
it overflows, the outpouring of that gratitude his love. It
(35:19):
is seeing people for who they are, people in desperate
need of a savior, and so you serve them, You
clothe them, you visit them in prison, you help them
in their need, you feed them. You outpour too. And
for some reason, when you do that, because of the
(35:39):
gratitude that's flowing from you, Because of that, when you
take that energy and you go and you start serving others,
for some reason, there's a healing in that, and you
start healing inside. It starts, it starts healing itself from
the inside out. The inward change. You need a new heart.
You don't need attack are a strategy on how to forgive,
(36:03):
how to not hate someone. This guy's done terrible things
to you. I can't tell you a list of seven
things to help you not hate him anymore. You need
a new heart. You need an inward change, an inward
transformation that goes from hate. It's gratitude, knowing that you
deserve to be hated, but instead you're loved. Jesus says,
(36:30):
what it's so easy to love someone that loves you.
That's easy, Jesus says, what's hard is to love someone
that hates you. That's why it says love your enemies.
That's hard. To love your enemies. It's easy. To love
your mama, she loves you. That's easy. Who doesn't. Can
(36:51):
you love someone that hates you? Sometimes you got to
preach this into your heart from your mind. You got
to preach it into your heart from your mind to
say these kind of things, this kind of language. I
am fallen, I am broken. I have messed up, I
have hated. But despite all of that, I'm loved. I've
(37:14):
brought into a family, Our heavenly father has brought me
into his family as an adopted daughter. What am I
gonna do with this information? Someone that was just that
was without hope now has hope. What am I going
to do with this? I'm so grateful. So you preach
(37:35):
that into your heart and you said, I know that
this guy, this actually he's done some terrible things, but
I forgive him, and your gut goes, no, I don't,
and you go, yeah, I do. I forgive him, And
you preach it into your heart day after day, and
you see that your daughter sees you do this, You
act it out. You you play this out in front
(37:57):
of your daughter. Maybe that's something you mom didn't get
to do, So you play it out in front of
your daughter over and over and over. You are the
one in needing of healing. You are the one that
needs to be set free, not him. Everything will change.
(38:22):
Next question subject Lilne says new school. Hey, thanks for
your time. I love your podcast. I'm a senior in
high school and I just moved schools. I don't really
know anyone here, but there's this girl in my class
and I think she's beautiful and I really like her.
I've never been in any kind of relationship, and I
don't think I would ever be able to build up
the nerve to talk to her. Like I said, I'm
(38:43):
new in school and I would just feel weird being
the new kid going up and asking this girl out.
What advice would you give me? Thanks agetting Blake, Hey Blake,
I appreciate you. Brother. Senior in high school. If only
we could all have that chance again to be a
senior buddy. It's difficult to go to a new school,
(39:05):
isn't it, especially your senior year. Man, this is I'm
sure there's not something you signed up for, and it's hard,
new school, new faces, no friends you could trust. And
then to add to all this versus girl and she's
really cute and you want to talk to her, but
you're the new guy. You don't think you have enough
(39:29):
nerve to ask her. So let's dive into this question.
The first thing I would say, say we're sitting around
a campfire talking about this. First thing I would say
is you need a buddy, You need a friend. How
do you get a friend? Well, I would start with
things that you're interested in. Pursue that. So you like chess,
(39:54):
find the chess team and join it. You like student council,
join it. You like ball, go get on the team.
You like baseball, track, you like drama, you like choir,
you like band. Find something that interests you. Shop could
be golf, whatever. There's always a group for every kind
(40:17):
of person. Get into the group and dive into the
group and find someone that you could have a conversation with. Hey,
my name is Blake, I'm new here. I love shop.
So the guys like, yeah, me too. The other guys like,
in fact, I moved here four years ago and immediately
joined shop. And you're like, yeah, I was in shop
(40:39):
in my last school and I don't know anything about
this school. Can you help me out? And he's like, yeah,
what do you need to know? I could tell you
the ins and outs of this school. Do this for
a little bit. Several conversations. Later, you go, hey, there's
this girl and he's like, oh, you're talking about her? Yeah, yeah, yeah,
you like her. And you're like, yeah, I think she
(41:00):
is beautiful. I just don't I don't know what to
say to her. And he's like, man, I actually i've
known her since we were in elementary school and she's
actually a super sweet girl. She likes chocolate milkshakes. I
happen to know that. You know, maybe one day you
just ask her if she wants to have a chocolate milkshake. See,
these are little pieces of advice that you can get
(41:20):
from a friend like this. Once you have a friend
then and then you have a solid foundation. So then
you talk to the girl, she rejects you. You go
back to the guy and you go, man, she rejected me.
And he's like, well, man, you don't need her anyway,
but there is another girl that maybe we could. You know,
it just creates this camaraderie that we need in a
(41:42):
new school like this. So before going out on the
limb and trying to talk to this girl, build your
build your support group up. You're gonna need this support
group whether or not she likes you or not. You're
gonna need some buddies. Good email buddy, Thank you, thank you.
I appreciate you brother, all you guys, I appreciate you
(42:03):
emailing and your questions mean so much to me. So
does this podcast. As always, we'll see you back next Monday. Gege,
thanks for joining me on the Grangersmith Podcast. I appreciate
all of you guys. You could help me out by
rating this podcast on iTunes. If you're on YouTube, subscribe
to this channel. Hit that little like button and the
notification spell so that you never miss anytime I upload
(42:27):
a video. If you have a question for me that
you would like me to answer, email Grangersmith Podcast at
gmail dot com yig
How dare you not fulfill me the way I need
you to the way I want you to? How dare
you do this to me? You're ruining my life. This
is what happens. That's why we hate people that are
exes and ex spouses and boyfriends and girlfriends. What's up, everybody?
(00:33):
Welcome to the podcast, Episode one seventy nine. Thanks for
being here with me. I love to do this. It's
something that it's a it's kind of a release from
all the other many jobs that I that I do,
and this is this is the one, probably the one
job I have that I really get to slow the pace.
(00:54):
And that's what I love about podcast forms is we
get to just kind of slow down and have a
real discussion. These videos are not edited. I don't I
don't cut them up to make them faster for you.
So this is the way to hear it, you know,
A long answer as if me and you were sitting
around a campfire and just kind of looking into the embers,
and you know it's getting late at night, got a chair,
(01:18):
you got you got your boots up on a rock
listening to the flicker crackle. You just say, hey, man,
can I ask you a question? Look over. Yeah, what
you got man, It's just something about life. Something's been
going on with me and just wondering if we could
talk about something. And that's really what we do on
this podcast. Instead of asking me at a campfire, you
(01:41):
email me Grangersmith Podcast at gmail dot com. I don't
have any notes, just like I wouldn't at a campfire.
I don't have any any quotes or things ready to
go for you. I'm just gonna say whatever's on my heart,
and even though it might always not always be right,
it's what's on my heart. So I appreciate you. Guys.
(02:02):
If I get angry, if I start sounding angry or excited,
it's because I love you and I'm very passionate about
some of these questions, and so I promise you I will.
I would not read it if I didn't like you,
if I didn't love you, I wouldn't care, right, So
it sometimes we get into some tough love. That being said,
(02:24):
let's go to the first question. Subdecline says need advice.
Haven't read this. I haven't read any of these. You're
gonna hear it as I hear it for the first time.
Here we go. He Ginger my name is Miles. I'm
twenty nine from Marshfield, Wisconsin. I have dealt with depression
and anxiety for roughly ten years. I met this amazing
(02:44):
girl that sparked my soul. I had a really bad
day Friday night while we were out with her brother
and sister in law. I overreacted over something so stupid
and immature. I ended things with her because I didn't
want to hurt her any more or emotionally. I love
her so much and I honestly believe and have the
(03:05):
most faith that she is my person and my soulmate.
I have never felt this way about a single person
or thing in my whole life. I want to call
and text her throughout the day, but I don't want
to do that until I get mentally better to be
the best boyfriend, best friend for her that I could be.
(03:26):
What can I do to help me? And do you
think that there is any chance she'll give me another
chance once I'm good? All right? Miles twenty nine, Shout
out to Wisconsin. Thanks for opening up. This is deep
on your heart, man, So thank you for opening up
on something that you have dealt with for ten years. Really,
(03:47):
so let's dive into it. Okay, I'm I'm gonna pick
apart your email. This is what I'm gonna do the
whole podcast. I'm gonna pick apart. I'm gonna use your
words because that's all I have. I don't have your
eyes or your body language. I just have what you wrote.
I'm going to use your words down to the letter. Okay,
(04:07):
that's all I got on this podcast. So I'm going
to quickly recap. You have struggled with depression, and you
fell in love. You had a bad night Friday, and
you were also in public in front of her brother,
which is embarrassing and sister in law, which probably deeply
(04:27):
hurts her because it wasn't just a private mess up. Right.
You overreacted, You acted immature, and you broke up with
her all in this one big spill of anger. Right then,
you say you love her so much. You believe she
is your person and your soulmate. You've never felt this
(04:48):
way about any person in your whole entire life, and
you want to call her and text her throughout the day,
but you're holding back because you don't want to do
that until you get better, because you don't want to
mess up again and say something that you regret right.
You want to be the best boyfriend, best friend that
you could be for her. Okay, so that's the recap.
(05:10):
Let's dive in. The First thing I want to get
to you is I'm dealing with your words here. The
first thing I want to go after is this one
sentence in the middle that says this, I love her
so much and I honestly believe and have the most
faith that she is my person and my soulmate. Never
felt this way about any single person in my whole life. Okay,
(05:35):
these are This is language of someone that is desperate
and in a fog. I'm about to burst some bubbles
on this podcast right now, but I'm going to tell
you something, y'all. You don't have a person or a soulmate.
(05:55):
That is an ancient pagan idea that you're so gets
bonded with another and you have to cut it down
the middle to break it apart because you are mated
with a soul one soul mates with another, becomes one.
This is just a myth. It's just an old human myth,
(06:17):
an old ancient idea that just means nothing. It's not true.
You don't have a soulmate. You don't have a person
you could be you could be compatible with many others.
And this is why is this a problem. This is
a problem because when you go into it thinking that
you have one person, one soulmate, then you latch on.
(06:42):
Like you said, I've never felt this way about a
single person or thing my whole life. You are idolizing
this person. This person is a God that you are worshiping.
You say, I have never felt this way about a
person or thing in my life. This person, I have
(07:05):
the most faith, interesting word faith that this is my
person in my soul mate. These are feelings that you're having.
And the problem that it creates is that when you
feel this way and you feel like you need to
(07:25):
worship this idle person, and hey, you might think that
I'm using crazy language here, like I'm granger, You're going
too far, You're exaggerating, Granger, Am I am I exaggerating
when I say this person has become a God that
you're now worshiping. Would that be an exaggeration if I
told you if I repeated your sentence and said, this person,
(07:48):
I have the most faith that this is my person,
my soulmate. I've never felt this way about a single
person or thing that sounds like worship to me. The
problem is this is a feeling and love needs to
be an action that we decide. Love has to be
(08:12):
something that we cannot define on our own. We don't
get to decide what love is. Love is outside of us.
It is. It is not subjective to what we get
to think that it is. So if love is outside
of who we are, it doesn't manifest itself in us.
(08:33):
If love is outside of us and it's in its
objective truth, then we don't get to define it, but
we could decide when we want to put that kind
of action into another person, Grandeur, what are you talking about.
Love is an action, Love is a verb. Love. Love
is self less. Love is not something that you need
(09:00):
for yourself to make yourself feel better. That is not love.
That is the way you have defined it. This is
a major problem right now in our culture because we
are constantly defining love and replacing that for some kind
of infatuation or fulfillment of a need that we have
that we want. We want something to fulfill us, to
(09:24):
make us happy, to feel avoid that we have inside
of us, to cure us, to make us feel good,
to make us feel happy. I want this person. I
have felt in my heart and my soul and my
faith that this is my soulmate and my person and
they're gonna fulfill me. And I need that person to
fill me. And when they don't do it, because it
(09:47):
will happen one day, this girl won't be able to
do it anymore, and you will blame her for that.
How dare you? How dare you my soulmate? How dare
you not fulfill me the way I need you to
the way I want you to? How dare you do
(10:11):
this to me? You're ruining my life. This is what happens.
That's why we hate people that are exes and ex
spouses and boyfriends and girlfriends. I hate you because how
dare you, my soulmate of the universe? How dare you
(10:34):
cut yourself off from my soul and treat me like this?
You belong to me? Right. That's as crazy as this gets,
and we all fall into it as humans. So we
have to fight against that and say no. No. Love
is a decision and it's a selfless act. I love you.
(10:59):
I want to pour into you. I want to serve you,
regardless of me. Me, me, me me, what I want what
I need. I'm choosing to love you in a selfless way.
Right So that's the beginning of this conversation. That's how
(11:21):
this whole thing starts, is establishing the objective truth about
how you feel about her, because if you feel this
way about her, that she's your soulmate, then you have
other things you have to deal with right now and
you need to cut her your idol, out of your life.
It's a good thing that you're not with her right now.
(11:43):
This is a good thing. You don't need to be
with this girl because you're worshiping her and partly you're
saying this kind of language, partly because you're just missing
her and your heart broken and you have heartbroken goggles
on and you're seeing through heartache and you're going, oh, man,
I messed up. I'm god to see. I've dealt with depression.
(12:04):
I've I've had depression for ten years and that's the problem.
It's and so that's the reason is I was at
dinner and because i've I've suffered from depression, and you know,
that's why I said some things that then I regret
that I made sure I broke up with her, because
I honestly, you know, I just I didn't want her
to hurt anymore emotionally, so I cut her off, you know.
(12:25):
But now I'm feeling like maybe I made a mistake
and I want to call her, but of course I
don't call her because I want to protect her from me,
because I'm crazy. And then, you know, but hey, granger,
what can you do to help me? You know, so
I can make myself better? Because me, me, me, me,
me me me me, I want, I need me. That's
(12:45):
your story and it's it's my story, and it's everyone listening.
This is this is the epidemic of humanity. This is
the fallen nature of man. We just the truth is,
we just want to please ourselves. We want we just
(13:09):
want to please ourselves. You can test this easily by
tracking yourself through the day. You want to you want
to eat the meal that pleases you. You want to
sleep according to how it pleases you. You want to
wear clothes according to how they please you. You want things.
(13:31):
So we have to fight against that feeling. We have
to fight against the flesh and say, I I'm messed
up again. Nah, it's the flesh again, that's me being
selfish again. I gotta stop this I have to consciously
make efforts to stop this and make a decision to love,
a decision to serve, to pour in, to be self less,
(13:55):
to stop thinking about myself again. This is a daily thing.
With practice, we can get better at it, but ultimately
it never leaves. It's fallen creatures on this planet that
this just never leaves. I mean, look around, this is
what we do. This is what we've always done, is humans.
(14:16):
So Miles, fight it. You don't need to be with
this girl or any girl right now, you say, here's
your last sentence. What can I do to help me?
Do you think there's any chance she will give me
a chance? Once I'm good, stop thinking about you all
(14:42):
the time, Miles, and things will start to get better.
Let's move on here. Subject line in this next one
says question, Hey Grandeur, my name is Aaron. I'm twenty
five old from Central Iowa. I used to party all
(15:03):
the time from nineteen to twenty five. Recently I found
your podcast, and it seems like God put the podcast
on my recommended list so that I could hear what
I need to hear. I've been listening to your podcast
a lot, and it's been really speaking to me. Because
of your love and faith for God. I've dove right
back into the word I always thought God left me.
(15:26):
I had a falling out with my former church after
graduating at eighteen? How should I go about finding a
new church? Thank you, Grangeer, Thanks for what you're doing.
Erin all right, Erin, I appreciate you, brother. Thanks for
emailing your twenty five shout out to Central Iowa. Love Iowa,
and you've been You've been partying from nineteen to twenty five.
(15:51):
Understandable you and ninety nine percent of other people at
your age. I get it. I love that you found
the podcast. I love that you're listening. Welcome in. Let's
get started right. Your main question here looks to be you. Well,
(16:14):
first of all, you you always thought God left you? Okay,
I don't. I don't think I need to dive into that.
We understand that you had a falling out with your
former church. I have questions about this, like why My
first question is that I actually, if I was with
you and we're sitting around a campfire, I'd say, Aaron,
(16:34):
tell me about this falling out with the church. Because
what Here's what you're saying when you put these two
things together, you're you had a falling out with the
church and then you partied for six years hard. So
my point is we can't really look at the church
here and go they were wrong while I was partying,
(16:56):
so I would that would be my first thought is well,
now that you look back in hindsight, was the church
wrong or were you wrong? Okay, So there's that. So
then the second question is how do you find a
new church assuming that the old church you ain't going back?
And man, that's a great question and it's not an
(17:18):
easy answer because it takes a lot of growth, It
takes a lot of maturity, it takes a lot of
it takes a lot of prayer, it takes a lot
of reading the Bible, it takes a lot of studying.
So not to find a church, None of that matters
to find a church, but it takes a lot of
that to understand a good church, a good life giving church.
(17:47):
And so sometimes we have to study and study and
read and pray and walk in the spirit more and
more to start our eyes start opening up around us
and we start to see things in a different light,
including churches, including people. But it's not something that should
(18:12):
hinder you from getting into a church today, you would
never say, for instance, I'm gonna I'm gonna hold off
on this whole church finding thing for a few years
until i get more mature in my faith. Then I'm
gonna go. Then I'll be ready to find a church.
No no, no no, no, no, You're gonna do that now,
and you're gonna grow along with the church. And if
(18:34):
you grow apart from the church because you're spiritually mature
in a different area, and maybe that church isn't isn't
biblically sound in the way that you need it to No, no, no,
not the way you need it the biblically sound in
the way that it should be according to the biblical
(18:58):
truth of the Bible. Then you'll see that your eyes
will be opened to it as it goes down in
real time. So what so what do I do, Granger?
You're not answering. Okay, Well, here's the practical way. I
would try churches. Try it out. You're if you were
(19:18):
going to go to you would say, hey, man, I'm
gonna start working out. I really want to start getting
into fitness. And the goal is not just to get
into good shape. Actually, actually my goal is to actually
get into bodybuilding at a highly competitive level. I say
that analogy because you want to grow as a Christian
(19:39):
to a highly astute level. That's what you want. You
want to be walking in the faith and total obedience
to our Savior. So you're gonna I'm using the analogy
of the gym saying you want to be a bodybuilder.
So if you're starting now and you're not in shape,
you're not a bodybuilder by any means. In fact, you're
not even a weightlifter at all, but that's where you
(19:59):
want go. Then you're gonna start trying out gems, and
you're gonna walk into the gym and you're gonna look
around and go, Okay, this is This has got the weights,
it's got the rubber floor, it's got the mirrors. But
don't I don't think there's growth here for me. I
don't think that I could learn more than just minimal weightlifting.
(20:22):
And you go to another church and you go, well,
this one, this one's got all CrossFit stuff. It doesn't
have any weights in it, just just CrossFit. But that's
kind of a nice way to learn this aspect of
it and to grow my core strength. And you go
to another one and then you try this one out,
and this one's got a lot more stuff. It's huge,
it's massive. There's massive amounts of people coming in and out.
(20:45):
They've got every kind of waight equipment that you could
possibly imagine. There's a lot of bodybuilders in there, but
there's so many in there that there might not be
enough to actually help you grow because they're so busy
and there's so many of them. So then you go
to another church, excuse me. Then you go to another
gym and you walk in here, and then this one
(21:07):
it's like the Goldilocks gym, right. This one is not
too big, not too small. It has a good variety
of equipment, and it has bodybuilders in here that are
ready to teach, that are ready to show you how
to grow from where you are now to a professional level.
And you can grow as big as you want in
(21:29):
this Goldilocks gym. No different than looking for a church.
Get out there, take a break, gear it back all right, guys,
(22:01):
back to the questions here. If you have anything for me,
email me Grangersmith podcast at gmail dot com and we'll
put it into the queue. I have a couple things
that I like to ask. Please don't send the same
email twice, and please don't send one much longer than
like a phone length, because then it's hard to scroll
and read and keep the context on the podcast itself. Okay,
(22:25):
So diving in here to the next question. Subjectline says,
please please read me. Can you love someone you hate? Hey, there,
Granger Smith. My name is Savannah. I live in Omaha, Nebraska.
I was with my ex for five years, and during
that time we were married for four months. The first
(22:45):
time he left me was the day before Christmas even
twenty eighteen. He refused to work things out, he avoided
me all together. Nine months later we got back together.
We were divorced by this time. We immediately got pregnant
and now we have a beautiful two month old daughter.
My ex left us again, abruptly, leaving us with nothing,
(23:08):
and this time he actually moved out of the state
and is now living with a new girl. Granger. I
have forgiven him time and time again, especially because we
have a daughter, because the Lord tells us in the
Bible to forgive seventy two times. But I'm struggling, really,
I'm struggling forgiving him because of all this hurtful, hateful
(23:31):
things he has done to me, but not only to me,
our daughter. I have nothing but hate resentment for him.
I hate him. I know hate is such a strong word,
but I don't know how to feel any differently. Since
he left, I feel like I have been surviving and
(23:51):
not truly living. Let me read that again. Since he left,
I feel like I've only been surviving and not truly living.
I am hurt. I wo rather than trying to work
things out with his family, he would rather live with
another girl. I grew up without a dad who did
(24:13):
the same thing. I feel worthless knowing my daughter is
going to go through the same thing I did. I
don't know how to forgive him. How could I learn
to love him as my daughter's dad even though I
hate him? Best regards, Savannah, Savannah, thank you. This is
(24:35):
such a good email because you did not hold back.
You didn't sugarcoat anything. You didn't try to make yourself
seem better than you are or more mature than you are,
or try to make it sound nice for the podcast.
You just laid out your emotions, very vulnerable, and I'm
(24:58):
just I have so much spect and I just want
to honor you before I start. I just want to
honor you for just being honest. Because we don't have
to always live in a good place. Sometimes we have
to embrace the suck. We have to embrace sometimes that,
(25:22):
you know what, this is a tough time. This is
a really rough time right now in my life. I'm
not enjoying it very much at all, this season that
I'm in, and just sometimes just saying that and realizing,
you know what, it's okay. It's okay. No one's trying
(25:44):
to blow butterflies all over you and just say no rainbows, butterflies, bubbles.
Just be happy, smile and be happy, enjoy life. No
one needs to tell you that. Sometimes you can go,
you know what, if someone says, how you doing, Savanna,
how you doing, you go, you know what, life kind
(26:06):
of sucks right now. Do you know what? That's okay?
I surely don't mind it. And I appreciate your honesty.
Let's dive in specifically to kind of to kind of
the bottom line of what you're asking really through all this,
and I'll also acknowledge that you have every right to
(26:27):
feel hurt, to feel betrayed, every right. Your question really
comes down to this, how can I learn to love him?
The ex as my daughter's dad, even though I hate him.
(26:48):
That's your question. So you know me, I'm gonna you
reference the Bible, and that's where I'm gonna go, because
when it comes to something like this, that's this. I
don't have any other way to go. I don't have
a psychology degree. I'm not a sociologist or a therapist
or a counselor. I'm just a friend. Let's first of all,
(27:16):
think about I think about this a lot. I've thought
about it a lot in songwriting. What is the opposite
of love? I lay it out there. What is the
opposite of love? It's not hate. It is not hate.
(27:39):
Hate is a close brother, a close sibling of love.
It takes a lot of passion directed at someone to love.
And like I said earlier, we make a decision to love.
We consciously, we feel something, we're driven, we're driven by
a feeling. But ultimately we decide to commit to loving someone.
(28:04):
Then it takes a lot of effort, a lot of commitment,
a lot of passion, a lot of feeling in a
lot of direction. I hate same same thing. It takes
a lot of feeling, a lot of passion. We were
directed we it's spurred by a gut feeling, but then
we ultimately decide yes, I hate you. I hate you.
(28:27):
I am focusing my energy on you because I hate you,
just like you would say, I'm focusing my energy on
you because I love you. Same thing. They're close brothers,
the opposite of love in fact, and the close brother hate.
They both have the same opposite hate and love, same
opposite in difference in difference. I don't care at all.
(28:54):
I don't care. It means nothing to me. You, my ex, you,
I don't care. Do what you want, Do what you want,
go sleep with through who you want, call when you want.
I don't know. Sorry, I just don't care at all.
I did, in fact, I didn't even think about it
most of the days. I just forget about it. What's
(29:14):
your name again, I don't know, doesn't even matter. That's
total indifference that works. It's the opposite of hate. It's
the opposite of love. Isn't that interesting, right? Hate and
love so close. No one is indifferent to themselves, or
to their ex, or to the current husband or wife.
(29:37):
That is far fetched. What you want is to be
indifferent to your ex. That's what you want. You want
to be able to say, you know what, it's okay,
do your thing, big boy. Me and my daughter are fine.
You do your thing, you do you and we'll do
what we do. It doesn't bother me. That's that's kind
(30:00):
of where you want to go. It's very difficult to
get there, but I just want to acknowledge that you're
you are not doing the opposite of loving him, because
that was your question, How can I learn to love
him even though I hate him? I wrote a song
about this called hate You like I Love You, and
it's the song. The song is actually exactly your your story.
(30:22):
This scenario is I'm just trying to hate you like
I love you, meaning as much as I'm pouring into
you with this love, you know, I just want to
hate you that way. And the truth is the residual
left over from your love for him is what's causing
this all this energy of hate. So what do you
(30:43):
do where you go from there? Like you said, the
Bible says, forgive, forgive, forgive, forgive, forgive, forgive. First of all,
you realize his fallen nature. He is a fallen creature,
so are you. Even though he's done terrible things on
the surface, in God's eyes, you're no better. You haven't
(31:05):
done things, works, deeds, effort, you haven't done anything more
than him to raise your your standing with God. We
are all fallen and broken. Jesus says, you hate someone
with your heart, you're murdering them. Guilty. I'm guilty. You're guilty.
(31:28):
You're guilty of murder. That's how that's how serious God
takes hate. It's it's as serious as murder. I'm not
calling you out. I'm saying I'm with you. I have
felt that, I felt that feeling. I am guilty of murder.
I'm convicted. So what do we do with this lying, thieving, murderous, blasphemous,
(31:52):
adulterous generation that we are. What do we do with this?
We realize that we have been redeemed. We realize that
we have been restored. We've been adopted as sons and daughters.
You have a father that left you on earth. You
have a heavenly father that will not leave you. He
(32:16):
has adopted you all in the kingdom of His is
now yours. He's giving it to you. It's a gift.
He gives good gifts. He cares. He also disciplines because
he loves in only a way to create good for you,
because he has good plans for you. Now, you might
(32:37):
not see it on this earth. That's what's hard to understand.
You might not get it in some kind of prosperity way.
Your bank account doesn't just start growing, and you know,
Prince Charming doesn't just ride in on a white horse
and sweep you up your feet and you forget all this.
But he provides in a way that we just can't
quite understand. But we trust him anyway. You're redeemed, you're adopted,
(33:04):
You're ransomed. That's what he promises you. He promises to
heal you. Jesus died on the cross, taking on the
sins of the world so that his people could be redeemed.
That price is paid, the fine that you cause from
your hate and your heart and mind. The sentence for
(33:29):
that is death. The Bible says, the wages of sin
is death, meaning you have hated in our hearts, we've lied, stolen.
The wages of that is death. So he comes in,
Jesus comes in on the cross, the blood of the lamb,
and that price pays for your bail. You're now free.
(33:50):
So what do you do with this freedom? What do
you do you turn around to the person that did
that for you and you say, thank you. I will
serve you. He says, you know how you serve me?
Keeping my word? You say, how do I keep your word?
He says, feed my sheep, serve my people. The only
(34:11):
way you can get over this hate with your husband,
the only way you could battle it. The only way
you could counteract hate is with gratitude. Where does gratitude
come from? Knowing that you are fallen, You are broken,
you are redeemed and adopted and forgiven and ransomed by
(34:33):
the blood of Christ. If you could realize how bad
you are, Savannah, If you could stop thinking about how
bad your ex husband is and realize how bad you
are the crimes that you have committed. If you could
realize that and then realize no to knowing that your
(34:54):
price has been paid, the ransom has come, you are free.
You are free when you realize that. It's the gratitude
that wells up in your heart and overflows, and when
it overflows, the outpouring of that gratitude his love. It
(35:19):
is seeing people for who they are, people in desperate
need of a savior, and so you serve them, You
clothe them, you visit them in prison, you help them
in their need, you feed them. You outpour too. And
for some reason, when you do that, because of the
(35:39):
gratitude that's flowing from you, Because of that, when you
take that energy and you go and you start serving others,
for some reason, there's a healing in that, and you
start healing inside. It starts, it starts healing itself from
the inside out. The inward change. You need a new heart.
You don't need attack are a strategy on how to forgive,
(36:03):
how to not hate someone. This guy's done terrible things
to you. I can't tell you a list of seven
things to help you not hate him anymore. You need
a new heart. You need an inward change, an inward
transformation that goes from hate. It's gratitude, knowing that you
deserve to be hated, but instead you're loved. Jesus says,
(36:30):
what it's so easy to love someone that loves you.
That's easy, Jesus says, what's hard is to love someone
that hates you. That's why it says love your enemies.
That's hard. To love your enemies. It's easy. To love
your mama, she loves you. That's easy. Who doesn't. Can
(36:51):
you love someone that hates you? Sometimes you got to
preach this into your heart from your mind. You got
to preach it into your heart from your mind to
say these kind of things, this kind of language. I
am fallen, I am broken. I have messed up, I
have hated. But despite all of that, I'm loved. I've
(37:14):
brought into a family, Our heavenly father has brought me
into his family as an adopted daughter. What am I
gonna do with this information? Someone that was just that
was without hope now has hope. What am I going
to do with this? I'm so grateful. So you preach
(37:35):
that into your heart and you said, I know that
this guy, this actually he's done some terrible things, but
I forgive him, and your gut goes, no, I don't,
and you go, yeah, I do. I forgive him, And
you preach it into your heart day after day, and
you see that your daughter sees you do this, You
act it out. You you play this out in front
(37:57):
of your daughter. Maybe that's something you mom didn't get
to do, So you play it out in front of
your daughter over and over and over. You are the
one in needing of healing. You are the one that
needs to be set free, not him. Everything will change.
(38:22):
Next question subject Lilne says new school. Hey, thanks for
your time. I love your podcast. I'm a senior in
high school and I just moved schools. I don't really
know anyone here, but there's this girl in my class
and I think she's beautiful and I really like her.
I've never been in any kind of relationship, and I
don't think I would ever be able to build up
the nerve to talk to her. Like I said, I'm
(38:43):
new in school and I would just feel weird being
the new kid going up and asking this girl out.
What advice would you give me? Thanks agetting Blake, Hey Blake,
I appreciate you. Brother. Senior in high school. If only
we could all have that chance again to be a
senior buddy. It's difficult to go to a new school,
(39:05):
isn't it, especially your senior year. Man, this is I'm
sure there's not something you signed up for, and it's hard,
new school, new faces, no friends you could trust. And
then to add to all this versus girl and she's
really cute and you want to talk to her, but
you're the new guy. You don't think you have enough
(39:29):
nerve to ask her. So let's dive into this question.
The first thing I would say, say we're sitting around
a campfire talking about this. First thing I would say
is you need a buddy, You need a friend. How
do you get a friend? Well, I would start with
things that you're interested in. Pursue that. So you like chess,
(39:54):
find the chess team and join it. You like student council,
join it. You like ball, go get on the team.
You like baseball, track, you like drama, you like choir,
you like band. Find something that interests you. Shop could
be golf, whatever. There's always a group for every kind
(40:17):
of person. Get into the group and dive into the
group and find someone that you could have a conversation with. Hey,
my name is Blake, I'm new here. I love shop.
So the guys like, yeah, me too. The other guys like,
in fact, I moved here four years ago and immediately
joined shop. And you're like, yeah, I was in shop
(40:39):
in my last school and I don't know anything about
this school. Can you help me out? And he's like, yeah,
what do you need to know? I could tell you
the ins and outs of this school. Do this for
a little bit. Several conversations. Later, you go, hey, there's
this girl and he's like, oh, you're talking about her? Yeah, yeah, yeah,
you like her. And you're like, yeah, I think she
(41:00):
is beautiful. I just don't I don't know what to
say to her. And he's like, man, I actually i've
known her since we were in elementary school and she's
actually a super sweet girl. She likes chocolate milkshakes. I
happen to know that. You know, maybe one day you
just ask her if she wants to have a chocolate milkshake. See,
these are little pieces of advice that you can get
(41:20):
from a friend like this. Once you have a friend
then and then you have a solid foundation. So then
you talk to the girl, she rejects you. You go
back to the guy and you go, man, she rejected me.
And he's like, well, man, you don't need her anyway,
but there is another girl that maybe we could. You know,
it just creates this camaraderie that we need in a
(41:42):
new school like this. So before going out on the
limb and trying to talk to this girl, build your
build your support group up. You're gonna need this support
group whether or not she likes you or not. You're
gonna need some buddies. Good email buddy, Thank you, thank you.
I appreciate you brother, all you guys, I appreciate you
(42:03):
emailing and your questions mean so much to me. So
does this podcast. As always, we'll see you back next Monday. Gege,
thanks for joining me on the Grangersmith Podcast. I appreciate
all of you guys. You could help me out by
rating this podcast on iTunes. If you're on YouTube, subscribe
to this channel. Hit that little like button and the
notification spell so that you never miss anytime I upload
(42:27):
a video. If you have a question for me that
you would like me to answer, email Grangersmith Podcast at
gmail dot com yig
Host
Granger Smith
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