March 20, 2023 • 47 mins
Granger Smith Podcast Episode 180: I was asked a very serious question by a 14 year old about an issue he is having with a family member involved in abuse. Please, seek help.
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Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
I hate that this is the world that we live in.
We're fourteen year old is left with such a massive decision. Hey, everybody,
(00:24):
welcome to the podcast, episode one eighty. Thank you for
being here. We're gonna have some fun. Let's chat a
little bit. What I do here is I answer your questions.
You email me Grangersmith podcast at gmail dot com. I
walk through them. I answer them like two friends sitting
in the cab of a truck having a conversation. There's
nothing more to it. I don't have notes in front
(00:44):
of me, or a bunch of famous quotes or books,
or I haven't even prepped your emails. I just go
and cold into the inbox of Grangersmith podcast at gmail
dot com and we talked through some of this stuff.
So feel free email me. Could be about any subject.
Let's dive in. First question. Subdecline says traveling with discipline.
Email says, Hey Grange, I'm twenty seven years old. I've
(01:06):
travel nurse from Indiana. I work the night shift and
travel a lot. I've listened to all of your podcast
I often think about you talking about your discipline and
making your quiet time and the word priority when you
get up each day. What did this look like for
you when you first started this routine or how did
you make it a consistent discipline while traveling, doing a podcast,
(01:26):
doing shows, and all the other incredible things you do.
For me, the hardest part of starting a new contract
a new routine every three months is consistency. I found
it to be especially difficult since I also travel or
have friends and family that I visit in the midst
of my contracts in the new towns, and my schedule
is ever changing with work in the night shift. How
(01:47):
do you find consistency in such a go go go
lifestyle in constantly changing environments? And it says ps, I'm
excited to travel back and see you in my hometown
in Indiana and in April for my dad's birthday. My
whole family's looking forward to this. Thanks for the way
you live at your faith and discipleship. Well, thank you, Katie.
Excuse me, Kathy, Yeah, Kathy, you didn't say your name,
(02:08):
but I'm just reading enough for you, know, Kathy. Thank
you so much for the kind words and the encouragement,
and thank you for working the night shift. You are
one of those people in the third shift keeping America
rolling twenty four to seven. And you know my other
one of my other jobs is I'm a radio host,
an overnight radio host for a show called after Midnight
on iHeart, and I talk a lot to the third shifters.
(02:31):
So thank you for what you do, Kathy. Let's dive
into your question. It's a good question, it's a solid question,
and there's a couple of ways to answer it. One
just broad stroke and then the other one is practically.
So let's start at the broad stroke, thinking broadly, just
a big general idea about what does it mean to
(02:54):
use your words to make your quiet time in the word,
what is it? What does it mean for your life
to do that? Let's think about it, just very very general. Okay,
if we are true disciples, if we are truly following
(03:17):
the first Commandment and seeking the Lord, our God first
above everything else, if we're doing that, and he says
that he speaks to us through his living breathing word,
it is our bread, is what we hunger for. Is
it's what satisfies us beyond everything else that we could
(03:38):
possibly eat or drink, or enjoy or make or create ourselves.
Wouldn't you think if just looking from the outside in,
would you think we would make a priority over everything
to read his word daily, to have that quiet time,
(03:58):
to have that alone time when we could, we could,
we could pray and read every single day. Wouldn't you
think outside looking in? You know, so you're you're an
alien looking at this planet. And we said we worship
our Lord, our God above everything. And then they say,
well what do you do to do that? And you go,
well when I sometimes I have trouble making time for it.
(04:22):
The aliens would then say, well, then you're then He's
not not your lord. Your job is, your friends or
your family is, your kids are, your hobbies are, but
not God not because you have trouble making a priority.
So what if you looked at it that way? And
I'm not calling you out, I'm not calling anybody out.
(04:42):
I know what this is. I was, you know, I
lived in cultural Christianity for a long time. It sounds
like you're not. It sounds like you're fighting against it.
Good for you. But what if you just looked at
it that practically, if you didn't really make time because
you didn't have time, or you weren't consistent about creating time,
then that would just simply reflect that you didn't care
(05:04):
as much as you say you do. So when I
came up with that mentality my head, that was a
real motivator for me. I was like, man, everything I'm
reading in here says that we need to trust him
above our own understanding, that we need to focus on
him things that are above, things that are unseen. We
need to focus on those things. And so in order
(05:28):
to do that, the very first step is making a
priority to do those things above everything. And so I
had to make up my mind that nothing in my life,
not my wife, not my kids, not my job, not
the most urgent appointment, is more important than my quiet time.
(05:50):
I had to make that commitment. I had to from
my own sanity. It also comes with a knowledge that
after so many years of being a busy guy, an entertainer,
a guy that's quote unquote in the spotlight. After so
many years, I've just learned that there's always another something.
There's always another something interview, There's always another important thing,
(06:15):
another important radio interview, another important late night show. You
got to be on, another important album or single, or
sermon or church whatever could let's go spiritual too, could
be could be there's always another sermon you got to
write there's always another church event you have to attend.
(06:35):
It doesn't matter. There's always something else. And yet sometimes
we live in a world where we think this one
is so important. I have to concentrate on this and
then I'll do the Bible thing, the reading. I'll do
that later, but not today. There's too many things that
get done today. You know. Martin Luther had an interesting quote.
(06:58):
He said, I have I'm totally paraphrasing, okay. Martin Luther said,
I have so much going on, it's gonna take me
weeks to pray through all of this. Right. So Martin
Luther was looking at it in terms of he had
he had so many hours in a day, and when
(07:19):
they were full, when they were busy, that means he
had to use more of those hours to pray for
all the other things that were keeping him busy, knowing
that he relied completely upon that prayer. Do we think
like that? Man? I don't. I try to. I want to.
I need to. It starts with a discipline, though, it
(07:40):
starts with getting my head straight. It starts it starts
with thinking nothing nothing is more important than this time
in the word okay. So that's the general broadchbook now
let's get practical. During my heavy cultural Christianity days, I
was into the self help movement. In fact, my brother
(08:01):
Tyler has corrected me, it's not grandeur, it's not. No
one says self help anymore. Now they say personal development. Okay.
So it was very into personal development, making myself better,
you know, trusting myself, getting myself right, getting my head right,
doing my meditation, you know, get getting my stuff straight
(08:22):
part of that. In that development, I read a book
called The Miracle Morning. In The Miracle Morning, it described
carving out time every morning, waking up before everyone else
and carving out time to do your self improvement, self help,
personal development things, and you could divide them up into
(08:44):
like ten minute segments. So say you get up an
hour earlier than you would have or an hour earlier
than everyone in the house, then you have five segments
of ten minutes ish to do stuff. Give or take
a few minutes here and there. You could have a
fifteen minute segment here, five minute segment here, are twelve
minute segment here. But it's about five four to six
(09:04):
segments of things you could do. So I had that
divided up into like meditation, visualization, reading, some non fiction books, journaling,
listening to a podcast, breathing exercises. There's all kinds of
(09:25):
things that I could try here and there. When I
was reborn as a Christian, radically reborn, realizing the stuff
I talked about at the beginning about if we don't
have this stuff as a priority, then that it's not
a priority. When I realized that, I thought, well, cool,
here's what I'll do. I already have this this morning
(09:47):
set aside, that I'm doing this consistently. So instead of
all this stuff, the visualizations and the meditations and all
that stuff, I'll just replace it with my Bible reading.
It started out I was just reading the Bible, just
straight through, just just going, started at Matthew one, and
I would just read until, you know, for about forty
five minutes or an hour, they just keep going. Then
(10:10):
that after I did that a couple of times all
the way through, I started a plan which is a
plan that I still do the same plan today. It's
called the McShane plan. It gets me through the Old
Testament once, the New Testament twice, and the Psalms twice
in one year. That helped me to keep track of
(10:32):
how far I was going, not reading too little, not
reading too much, reading the perfect amount, the Goldilocks amount,
and then being able to meditate on that word itself.
That McShane plan then replaced my miracle morning and it
became part of my routine. Then after that, knowing that
I here, it is here, I have a plan, this
(10:54):
is my time and the word I'm gonna pray, I'm
gonna read my McShane plan. After that, I'm gonna meditate.
I'm gonna find me what's something that sticks out to me,
and I'm gonna post it on social media, and I'm
gonna post that verse and a quick thought about it
on social media, not so that I could show the
world that I'm reading, but to keep me accountable that
I'm concentrating on my reading, because I would get through
(11:18):
in what it is, it's four chapters a day. That's
how you get through the micshane plan. Four chapters a day,
and it assigns it for you in order, and somewhat
I would get through, and i'd be on the fourth
chapter and I would think, and it would be it's
typically like an old Testament, a New Testament, a Psalm,
(11:43):
a New Testament, something like that, and I would think
about the fourth chapter. Man, I don't know if I've
been focusing enough on what to post on social media.
So then I'd go back and start studying back again
what I read and recapping it. We're seeing me to
concentrate enough to make some kind of statement on social media.
(12:04):
So that's what I was doing it for myself, so
that I would force myself to concentrate, keep myself accountable.
Then you ask a question, that's keep me going, okay,
So then I needed to apply that to every morning,
to every single day of my life. I had to
so for the last man probably three years. It's probably
(12:30):
probably been about three years since I missed a morning
of doing this. That's crazy, that's crazy. But yeah, it's
been you know, about a thousand days of doing this.
Never miss. I never miss. And I'm assuming you probably
(12:53):
have an idea that that I travel a lot, I've
got a lot of stuff going on. I've got a
lot of I'm kind of pulled in a lot of
directions I get. I got a lot of emails, a
lot of different deadlines that I have to make. I
never miss my reading over a thousand days of it.
And I don't say that in any way to brag.
(13:14):
That is not what this conversation is about. Because it
is by God's grace alone that I return every morning
to that book. It's by God's grace alone that I
even have the craving at all to read the book.
It's by God's grace alone that I even wake up
a Christian every morning. It's like I wake up in
(13:35):
the morning, I'm like, still, I still love God, i
still want to read his word. I'm still a Christian.
That is not my own doing, because I am so
selfish and self righteous and sinful and wicked inside me
that if it was up to me, I would be
lazy and sleep in and move along and forget it
(13:57):
and not want to quote waste my time on something
like that. So it is by God's grace alone that
I even wake up kneading, craving, hungry, thirsty, needing it
for me again, So this is not bragging. You see
what I mean? Okay, So even more practically than that,
(14:21):
when I'm in an airport, I do it in an airport.
Now if I sometimes my alarm has to go off
at three fifteen am because I have to be in
an airport shuttle at three point thirty, right, So I'm
not getting up at two fifteen to read the Bible.
See what I mean. If I'm getting up at three
fifteen to go to the airport, I'm not getting up
(14:42):
at two fifteen to read or do whatever. I'm gonna
get up at three fifteen. I'm gonna get I'm gonna
go straight to the brush, my teeth, get dressed, get
on the airport shuttle. But then when I get to
the terminal that morning, guess what I've got. I've got
an hour. So I've been sitting in the terminal. I
pop some headphones in to reduce distractions around me and
(15:03):
pull up my micshade plan. I do it on my
iPad so they don't have to have heavy books around.
I just got my iPad and I go to the
logos app, which is what I use, and my mcshaine
plan is loaded in there, and I hit read go
and it pulls up my next morning reading right away.
(15:24):
And then when I finish that chapter, I hit next
it pops up the next one. So part of that,
part of the reason I say that, is because it's
eliminating distractions, or it's eliminating things that would make me
possibly say I gotta skip this morning. I don't know
where I am, or I forgot my notes, or I
forgot my bi I left my Bible at home. Guess
(15:46):
what that logos app If I don't have my iPad,
It's also on my phone, my cell phone, and they're synced.
So I always have my phone. So if I forget,
if I'm in a place when I maybe my iPad's
out of battery or I don't, I'll have my backpack.
For whatever reason, I got my phone, so I read
it on the phone. I've done this on airplanes, trains, buses, shuttles, ubers, taxis,
(16:11):
amber driving while I'm reading. Most of my time is
actually in a hotel with a cup of coffee or
in my own home. But I never ever miss I don't.
I mean, I've been, I've been. I was on a
mission trip recently and we had a lot of early mornings.
(16:32):
We'd get up super early, and I would I would calculate,
this is is it too early to get up before
that and read If it is, If the enters yes,
like I'm going to be exhausted during the day, then
I will read in the car that we get into
in the morning. There's always time. There's always time to
(16:56):
do this. Worst case, it's one chapter in the morning,
one chapter at the lunch break, one chapter in the afternoon,
one chapter in the evening. I could only name on
a few fingers how many times I've done that in
a thousand days. But not many. But I've never missed.
That was a long answer. I'm so sorry, y'all, it
(17:17):
was like fifteen minutes. I'm passionate about that. Sorry, let's
hit another one. Uh subdecline here looking for guidance on
future in laws. Hey Granger, I'd like to stay anonymous.
I'm eighteen years old Christian girl from a small town
in Pennsylvania. The problem is my boyfriend's father. He doesn't
(17:38):
believe in God and isn't fond of me for being
in the military, and he doesn't want me to bond.
He doesn't want to bond with me. He thinks I'm
gonna cheat on my boyfriend because he knows all about
the military end quotes when he was because he was
in too a while ago. I don't know how to
talk to him with gracefulness without getting frustrated. Do you
(17:59):
have any suggestion? I love your music and podcast. Thank
you so much Anonymous. All right, Anonymous, let's dive into this.
I'm a common question. You're not alone on this. It's
very common that I get some kind of email about
in laws, in your case, future in laws. So a
couple of things. First, it's not your in law yet,
(18:24):
like you said, future in law. But since it's not
your in law yet, that drastically reduces the worrying about this.
He's not your father in law yet, so if he was,
this would be a different answer and a different question. So, hey,
a little bit of stress is lowered here because you
(18:48):
aren't in the family. I say that, because things could
go south, you could end it with the boyfriend, and
then this was all a waste of worry. Don't waste
your worry on something that's not a worry yet. Okay,
you're only eighteen, by the way, I mean that's this
(19:09):
is a lot to worry about for an eighteen year
old that probably shouldn't be worrying about this subject at all. Okay,
let's dive in deeper. He doesn't believe in God. That's
kind of irrelevant to this discussion. He isn't fond of
me for being in the military, because he was in
(19:32):
is that that's a glaring problem that he had a
bad experience or he was bad, or he knew a
girl that was bad in the military, and he's projecting
that on you. Not your problem. And you can't control
what he thinks about the military. You can't convince him
(19:52):
that you are different except for by your actions consistently.
That's That's a lot. It's a lot to ask from you.
Here's what here is. The thing that you can affect
is that the very last thing you said, I don't
know how to talk to him with gracefulness and without
(20:14):
getting frustrated. You know what the answer to that is,
then you don't talk to him. If you're like, but guy,
but I have to, granger, I have to. There's no
wagon not talk to him. That would be rude. Limit
your words, then dig deep, don't get stuck in long conversations.
(20:37):
Didn't your grandma ever tell you if you can't say
something nice, don't say anything at all? Like that is?
That is such a famous grandma line, And I'm gonna
say it back to you. You say I don't know
how to talk to him with gracefulness and without getting frustrated.
I say, they don't talk to him. Don't that solves
(21:01):
the problem. Then you go put how do I do that?
You'd have to realize that you cannot control what comes
out of his mouth. You cannot control how he is
with you, Harry responds to you, how he reacts to you,
how he thinks about you, how he lives in this
world with you. You can't control any of it. You
(21:25):
can only control how you react to it. You can
only control what comes out of your mouth, what comes
out of your heart, what comes out of your emotions
towards his son. That's all you can do. And so
if you're saying that you don't know how to do
it without grace, and you get frustrated, then I say,
(21:47):
don't speak. It's just as easy as that. And then
finally this, when it comes to in laws, I can
never have this discussion without saying this part. Remember, if
you think he's projecting on you that he doesn't like you,
(22:09):
it's because he loves his son. He wants the best
for his son. He doesn't love you yet, So can
you see just a little glimpse into his world of
what it must be like desperately wanting his son to
(22:32):
be treated right, to not be cheated on to be respected,
to be loved by a future wife, and no matter
who it is that's coming into the picture, he's not
going to trust them because he's had some bad experiences
in his life. It sounds like, so you have to
go into this and just remember this is out of
love for his son. He sounds like a good dad.
(22:55):
If he wasn't a good dad, if he did not care,
if he did not love his son, then he'd be like,
what's up. I don't care. Have fun, you're in the military.
Don't care you guys have fun, not my concern. And
you would say, your dad doesn't care about who you
(23:15):
date and your boyfriend goes Now he's never cared who
I date, or who I talked to or who loves me.
And you would say, then he doesn't love you. But
the protective dad, the dad that says I don't trust
girls in the military, they could cheat on my son.
I don't know about I don't know how I feel
about this girl. Then you could confidently say dad loves
(23:38):
his son. Time to prove him wrong. Let's take a break.
You know, when you're going to a game, you don't
want to stress because usually you're so excited you're going
to the big game. You got maybe your kids with you,
your friends with you. Everyone's kind of depending on you
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(25:51):
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(26:58):
to the podcast. Next question. If you want to email me,
email Grangersmith Podcast at gmail dot com. The one next
on que subject, client says pregnancy after loss. Hey Granger,
and my husband and I had two miscarriages within our
first year of marriage. We then struggled through infertility for
nearly three years. I'm now sixteen weeks pregnant with our
(27:20):
little blessing, and I'm truly struggling to have faith that
this one will work out for the best and that
we will actually meet this baby here on earth. How
can I release this fear and find joy in the
fact that we are pregnant with a healthy baby? God
bless Anonymous from Michigan, Okay, Anonymous, great question. Thanks for
(27:41):
trusting me with something so vulnerable. Anytime I'm gonna deal
with pregnancy, I'm gonna say, first of all, I'm a man,
So case you couldn't tell through the video or my voice,
I'm a man and I don't know what it's like
to be pregnant. I'm just gonna throw that out there,
So anything I say from here forward just keep that
disclaimer that should be obvious. But I want to say
(28:03):
it case I say something that you go he's offending
me because he has no idea. I don't. You're right,
I don't. I don't. But I'm going to talk from
the perspective of a father, and the perspective of a
father that has watched my wife go through miscarriage. And
infertility things and loss of a son. That's that's my perspective.
(28:33):
Let me let me say some stuff that might might
be borderline offensive. I think I feel confident that I
could speak with authority as to speak to you the
truth and not to sugarcoat like a twenty twenty three
(28:55):
modern politician might do. But it said, I believe that
I have enough life experiences to speak with authority on
this subject. Okay, Oh, that is just a big explanation.
Don't be offended. Here we go your question. I'm now
six weeks pregnant with our little blessing, and I'm truly
(29:16):
struggling to have faith that this will work out for
the best and that we will actually meet this baby
here on earth. You go on to say, how can
I release this fear and find joy in the fact
that we are pregnant with a healthy baby. Okay, maybe
you're not. Maybe you're not. I can't guarantee that you
(29:40):
will meet this baby or that this baby is healthy.
I can't guarantee either one of those things, and neither
can you, and neither can a doctor. That sounds terrible
to say on a podcast to a fragile woman who
(30:02):
is pregnant for the third time after two miscarriages, struggling
with infertility for three years, now sixteen weeks pregnant. You
want to hear encouragement. You want to hear people around
you just hugging you, saying, congratulations, this is for the best,
this is amazing, It's finally here. God's blessing is upon you.
(30:23):
That's what you want to hear. And I'm sure a
lot of people are around you telling you that, But
I'm gonna be the one guy that I'm gonna be
the one guy that says, none of this is guaranteed.
You're not guaranteed to have this baby. You're not guaranteed
that the baby is healthy. You're not guaranteed that the
baby will live past one year. Our three years, our
(30:46):
fifteen years, are thirty. That has nothing to do with
hoping and loving and trusting, having faith, has nothing to
do with those things. That's just the way the world.
The world is unpredictable. We have no idea. That's why
(31:08):
Jesus says, do not worry about tomorrow. We only have today.
Today has enough trouble of its own. And so that's
what I tell you. I tell you the same thing
today has enough trouble of its own. Anonymous from Michigan
hear me enjoy today sixteen weeks pregnant. That is something.
(31:35):
You have a miracle growing inside of you. That is
just unbelievable, an unbelievable feeling that I will never know,
never never come close to understanding what it's like to
have a life growing inside of a body. That is
(31:58):
just the fact that it even happens. Ever, the fact
that a baby is born, ever is an absolute tremendous,
mind blowing miracle. But it happens a lot, and so
that miracle is numbed a little bit because there are
so many babies born, animals and butterflies and everything. There's
(32:22):
so many new creation births that it numbs the fact
that even one is incredible. So right now, the first
thing I would start with with you, it's just real realizing.
Put your hand right there, put your hand on your belly,
(32:43):
and just go there is a little life form that's
been grown in here for sixteen weeks. That is amazing.
And you're not guaranteed for seventeen weeks or eighteen. But
that's not the point. The point is you have today.
(33:06):
You have today to enjoy it, and you have today
to dream about it and responsibly plan, like making a
nursery and painting the walls pink or whatever you're gonna
do for this little girl growing inside of you. Is
that what you said? Did you say the girl? Did
(33:28):
I just say that? Or did you say that? I
think I just pulled that out. Maybe it is a girl. Okay.
I don't want you to get discouraged in what I'm saying,
but I want to tell you this because that's the
(33:50):
foundation of understanding something. That's the greater picture of what
I want to tell you. The foundation of what I'm
trying to tell you is you are not in control,
not and if you're not, then you just cannot worry.
(34:11):
You said, how could I release this fear? How could
I release the fear? That your fear can be released
if you trust You're not in control? And God is?
You said. The only time you mentioned God is the
(34:32):
very end of your email, and it says God bless.
Do you know what that means? What does that mean?
What does it mean to you? God bless? You write
an email to me that is completely lacking any trust
of God's blessing at all? What if God's blessing is
(34:55):
for you to experience sixteen weeks of pregnancy, but not seventeen.
It's not up to you. Would that be a bad
thing to you? Yes, you're saying, yes it would. God goes,
I got a plan. Do you remember the first pregnancy?
You remember the second one? It wasn't supposed to be
(35:18):
that way you were. Let me say that again. Yes
you were supposed to have two miscarriages, but neither one
of them were supposed to be born. That's what I
was trying to say. The miscarriages that you had before
were not accidents, they were not mistakes, they were not
something that bad that happened. They were part of a plan.
(35:42):
I'm trying to build this foundation for you. That just
says I'm not in control, and I know who is,
and I praise who is, and I think who is
because I've got a little life form in my body
right now that's growing sixteen weeks strong, and I have
(36:02):
nothing to do with it's life right now, but I
know who does. And so then you just say, God,
I don't know. I don't know what your plan is
with this baby, this baby number three. If you want
to take this baby, if it's up to you to
take this baby from me, then so be it. Let
(36:27):
it be your will, not mine. John seventeen. He sat
in the garden. Jesus sat in the garden and prayed
to the Father, Lord, take this cup from me. Father,
take this cup from me. He says, I don't want
(36:50):
to do it. I don't want to go through this,
but not my will. Right, this is you. We could
all be in that garden in some sense. Well, I
don't want you to take this baby, but if you do,
not my will, but yours be done. You start trusting
(37:13):
things like that, You start saying prayers like that, You
start meditating and thinking like that. Guess what happens. Your
fear goes away. Guess what comes in to replace it,
the joy. That's the last thing you said in your email.
How could I release this fear and find joy in
the fact that we are pregnant with a healthy baby.
First of all, you don't know if it's a healthy baby.
You don't know that yet. You don't know that. You
(37:34):
don't know that this baby's gonna come to term. But
you just say, God, you have this baby in the
palm of your hand. You have this pregnancy in the
palm of your hand. You have my future in the
palm of your hand. I have nothing to do with it.
But I trust you. You take this baby tomorrow. I
trust you. You deliver a healthy baby to me. I
trust you. You deliver a baby with a mental illness
or a physical disability. I trust you. I trust you.
(37:57):
I trust you. No matter what, I trust you, I
trust it. You will equip me. If I need to
raise a baby with a disability, You'll equip me for that.
If I'm gonna lose this baby, you will equip me
for that. If I'm gonna carry this baby to term
and then and then still birth, you will equip me
emotionally for that. But regardless, it's not up to me.
It's up to you. I trust you, I trust you.
(38:18):
I trust you. And when you start talking like that,
your fear is gone. Let's move on. Congratulations. By the way,
you're sixteen weeks pregnant. That's amazing. It's a miracle. Seven decline.
(38:42):
This next one says, should I confront them or not? Hey, grangeer,
my name is Dorcas d R c As. I'm fourteen.
I don't really know how to say this, but my
uncle has a past of sexual abuse. When he was younger,
he was in a group home and sexually assaulted a girl.
I found this out through my sister a couple of
weeks ago. Since then, I don't feel comfortable around him
(39:06):
unless my dad and my brother are with me. He
made advances on my sister, but has stopped only because
he's imitated, intimidated sorry by her new boyfriend. I also
don't feel comfortable knowing that my ten year old sister
is ignorant to this, and my parents are willingly let
letting her be around him without supervision. I've repeatedly said
(39:28):
that she and I should not be left alone with him,
and that I don't feel comfortable around him, but it
just keeps happening. I also feel that a big reason
for them not taking action is their Amish background, and
the Amish people say just forgive and forget the past.
My parents have told me this over and over again.
(39:53):
You say, I a always say I'm not sure what
you mean here, but you say there's a different You say,
there's a different between forgiving and protecting yourself. I just
need to know what to do. Grange or do I
confront them or just stay silent? All right? Dorcas, thank
you for email. And I always think it's really special
when a young teenager emails the podcast and that you're listening.
(40:15):
You've been listening through like like infertility and all this
stuff we got going on in this episode. So if
you're still if you're still here and you're still listening,
I just that's special and I appreciate you. Brother. Let's go.
Let's start at the end of your email. Here you're saying,
there's a difference between forgiving and protecting yourself. Absolutely, there's
(40:37):
a difference between forgiving and trusting. You can forgive someone
and still not trust them, right, Does that make sense?
You're right protecting yourself, same thing forgive, but you don't
have to trust rattlesnake bites me. I could forgive the
(41:00):
rattlesnake for instinctively biting me because I went near the rocks,
but I don't have to trust that the Rattlesnak's not
gonna bite me again. That's ridiculous. Humans are the same way.
Forgiving and trusting are two different things. We gotta get
that straight. We are commanded to forgive, we're supposed to forgive.
(41:22):
We need to forgive for many reasons. One of them
is for our own healing, our own joy. Okay, we
need to forgive for our own healing, but that does
not mean we need to trust them moving forward with
the same problems. Okay, Gotta say that, Gotta know that,
gotta believe that. Okay, you should never forsake forgiveness because
(41:46):
you don't trust someone, and you should never forsake trusting
someone because you need to forgive them. Okay, got to
make that clear. Second of all, you've got an uncle
history of sexual abuse. You say, I don't feel comfortable
(42:08):
knowing my ten year old sister is ignorant to this.
My parents are willingly let her, letting her be around
and without supervision. That's a problem, is a major problem.
And I'm gonna sum up this email to you, Dorcas,
by saying, I'm gonna answer your very last question. I
just need to know what to do. Do I confront
them or stay silent. I hate that this is the
(42:36):
world that we live in where a fourteen year old
is left with such a massive decision. But I'm gonna
tell you this, Dorcas. I'm gonna tell you this, and
this is this is something that without really thinking about
it without really going down this path. It's hard because
(42:59):
this is one of these questions that I might an
hour might go by and I might say I might
have a different answer once I really think about it.
Because I don't have notes, I don't prepare for this,
but I'm gonna say the first thing that comes to
my mind is this, if you cannot trust your parents
for dealing with this issue, the right way and the
(43:20):
right way is confronting the uncle, stopping the bleeding. Right,
we need a tourniquet on the leg before it bleeds out.
We have an open wound, Okay, so we need the
parents to confront. If they're not going to do that,
and you seem to say that they're not. If they're
not going to do it, the other thing for you
(43:42):
to do is call the police. You could call nine
to one one totally. I've got friends that are dispatchers,
that are emergency dispatch. This is not something that they
would take lightly. This is not something they would say, Oh,
if the house isn't burning down, then why'd you call us? Dorcas,
(44:05):
this is something you go Hey, my name is Dorcas.
I'm fourteen years old. My uncle is sexually abusing people
in my family and my parents are not doing anything
about it, and you're going to feel like a trader.
You're gonna feel like you are ratting people out. In fact,
if you don't want to do it on the phone,
you can go in somewhere, you can meet with someone.
(44:28):
But this needs to be out. This is life damaging
type stuff that this predator is out right now and
could possibly find a victim in your own sister, ten
year old sister. I've got an eleven year old daughter.
(44:50):
If you don't feel comfortable and you're fourteen and no
offense do orcas, but you haven't fully developed yet and
you feel uncomfortable, well that's a red flag because you
would also have the excuse of just being ignorant to
it and just not really man, I didn't really see it.
I was fourteen. When I was fourteen, I was dumb though,
because me grangeer, I was dumb. So the fact that
(45:12):
you see this that means it's very obvious and you're
protecting your little cis that's a big deal, and this
is a big problem. Don't downplay this, don't take this lightly.
I'd call the police. If you can't trust your mom
and dad, because my first thought would be go to
your mom and dad, and maybe you do that first.
I don't know. I don't know them. I don't know
(45:34):
how much they defend the uncle. I don't know how
much they defend the situation, or if they're based too
much on shame, Like, don't shame our family, don't make
this public, don't bring shame upon us by bringing this public.
Let's just keep it hush hush, sweep it under the rug.
If they're like that, and you know they're like that,
then you got to go outside and you got to
(45:54):
go to police, and you also have to know that
they might be mad at you. Is going to take
extreme courage. But let me ask you this, This is
what it all comes down to. Is your sister worth it?
Is your ten year old sister worth it? Because this
(46:15):
is something that will affect the rest of her life,
It's something that becomes generational. Is something that affects her
kids and her grandkids and her choice and a husband.
Is she worth it to you? Appreciate you guys. We'll
(46:40):
see you next Monday. Thanks for joining me on the
Granger Smith podcast. I appreciate all of you guys. You
could help me out by rating this podcast on iTunes.
If you're on YouTube, subscribe to this channel. Hit that
little like button and notification spell so that you never
miss anytime I upload a video. If you have a
question for me that you would like me to answer,
(47:01):
email Grangersmith Podcast at gmail dot com. Ye
I hate that this is the world that we live in.
We're fourteen year old is left with such a massive decision. Hey, everybody,
(00:24):
welcome to the podcast, episode one eighty. Thank you for
being here. We're gonna have some fun. Let's chat a
little bit. What I do here is I answer your questions.
You email me Grangersmith podcast at gmail dot com. I
walk through them. I answer them like two friends sitting
in the cab of a truck having a conversation. There's
nothing more to it. I don't have notes in front
(00:44):
of me, or a bunch of famous quotes or books,
or I haven't even prepped your emails. I just go
and cold into the inbox of Grangersmith podcast at gmail
dot com and we talked through some of this stuff.
So feel free email me. Could be about any subject.
Let's dive in. First question. Subdecline says traveling with discipline.
Email says, Hey Grange, I'm twenty seven years old. I've
(01:06):
travel nurse from Indiana. I work the night shift and
travel a lot. I've listened to all of your podcast
I often think about you talking about your discipline and
making your quiet time and the word priority when you
get up each day. What did this look like for
you when you first started this routine or how did
you make it a consistent discipline while traveling, doing a podcast,
(01:26):
doing shows, and all the other incredible things you do.
For me, the hardest part of starting a new contract
a new routine every three months is consistency. I found
it to be especially difficult since I also travel or
have friends and family that I visit in the midst
of my contracts in the new towns, and my schedule
is ever changing with work in the night shift. How
(01:47):
do you find consistency in such a go go go
lifestyle in constantly changing environments? And it says ps, I'm
excited to travel back and see you in my hometown
in Indiana and in April for my dad's birthday. My
whole family's looking forward to this. Thanks for the way
you live at your faith and discipleship. Well, thank you, Katie.
Excuse me, Kathy, Yeah, Kathy, you didn't say your name,
(02:08):
but I'm just reading enough for you, know, Kathy. Thank
you so much for the kind words and the encouragement,
and thank you for working the night shift. You are
one of those people in the third shift keeping America
rolling twenty four to seven. And you know my other
one of my other jobs is I'm a radio host,
an overnight radio host for a show called after Midnight
on iHeart, and I talk a lot to the third shifters.
(02:31):
So thank you for what you do, Kathy. Let's dive
into your question. It's a good question, it's a solid question,
and there's a couple of ways to answer it. One
just broad stroke and then the other one is practically.
So let's start at the broad stroke, thinking broadly, just
a big general idea about what does it mean to
(02:54):
use your words to make your quiet time in the word,
what is it? What does it mean for your life
to do that? Let's think about it, just very very general. Okay,
if we are true disciples, if we are truly following
(03:17):
the first Commandment and seeking the Lord, our God first
above everything else, if we're doing that, and he says
that he speaks to us through his living breathing word,
it is our bread, is what we hunger for. Is
it's what satisfies us beyond everything else that we could
(03:38):
possibly eat or drink, or enjoy or make or create ourselves.
Wouldn't you think if just looking from the outside in,
would you think we would make a priority over everything
to read his word daily, to have that quiet time,
(03:58):
to have that alone time when we could, we could,
we could pray and read every single day. Wouldn't you
think outside looking in? You know, so you're you're an
alien looking at this planet. And we said we worship
our Lord, our God above everything. And then they say,
well what do you do to do that? And you go,
well when I sometimes I have trouble making time for it.
(04:22):
The aliens would then say, well, then you're then He's
not not your lord. Your job is, your friends or
your family is, your kids are, your hobbies are, but
not God not because you have trouble making a priority.
So what if you looked at it that way? And
I'm not calling you out, I'm not calling anybody out.
(04:42):
I know what this is. I was, you know, I
lived in cultural Christianity for a long time. It sounds
like you're not. It sounds like you're fighting against it.
Good for you. But what if you just looked at
it that practically, if you didn't really make time because
you didn't have time, or you weren't consistent about creating time,
then that would just simply reflect that you didn't care
(05:04):
as much as you say you do. So when I
came up with that mentality my head, that was a
real motivator for me. I was like, man, everything I'm
reading in here says that we need to trust him
above our own understanding, that we need to focus on
him things that are above, things that are unseen. We
need to focus on those things. And so in order
(05:28):
to do that, the very first step is making a
priority to do those things above everything. And so I
had to make up my mind that nothing in my life,
not my wife, not my kids, not my job, not
the most urgent appointment, is more important than my quiet time.
(05:50):
I had to make that commitment. I had to from
my own sanity. It also comes with a knowledge that
after so many years of being a busy guy, an entertainer,
a guy that's quote unquote in the spotlight. After so
many years, I've just learned that there's always another something.
There's always another something interview, There's always another important thing,
(06:15):
another important radio interview, another important late night show. You
got to be on, another important album or single, or
sermon or church whatever could let's go spiritual too, could
be could be there's always another sermon you got to
write there's always another church event you have to attend.
(06:35):
It doesn't matter. There's always something else. And yet sometimes
we live in a world where we think this one
is so important. I have to concentrate on this and
then I'll do the Bible thing, the reading. I'll do
that later, but not today. There's too many things that
get done today. You know. Martin Luther had an interesting quote.
(06:58):
He said, I have I'm totally paraphrasing, okay. Martin Luther said,
I have so much going on, it's gonna take me
weeks to pray through all of this. Right. So Martin
Luther was looking at it in terms of he had
he had so many hours in a day, and when
(07:19):
they were full, when they were busy, that means he
had to use more of those hours to pray for
all the other things that were keeping him busy, knowing
that he relied completely upon that prayer. Do we think
like that? Man? I don't. I try to. I want to.
I need to. It starts with a discipline, though, it
(07:40):
starts with getting my head straight. It starts it starts
with thinking nothing nothing is more important than this time
in the word okay. So that's the general broadchbook now
let's get practical. During my heavy cultural Christianity days, I
was into the self help movement. In fact, my brother
(08:01):
Tyler has corrected me, it's not grandeur, it's not. No
one says self help anymore. Now they say personal development. Okay.
So it was very into personal development, making myself better,
you know, trusting myself, getting myself right, getting my head right,
doing my meditation, you know, get getting my stuff straight
(08:22):
part of that. In that development, I read a book
called The Miracle Morning. In The Miracle Morning, it described
carving out time every morning, waking up before everyone else
and carving out time to do your self improvement, self help,
personal development things, and you could divide them up into
(08:44):
like ten minute segments. So say you get up an
hour earlier than you would have or an hour earlier
than everyone in the house, then you have five segments
of ten minutes ish to do stuff. Give or take
a few minutes here and there. You could have a
fifteen minute segment here, five minute segment here, are twelve
minute segment here. But it's about five four to six
(09:04):
segments of things you could do. So I had that
divided up into like meditation, visualization, reading, some non fiction books, journaling,
listening to a podcast, breathing exercises. There's all kinds of
(09:25):
things that I could try here and there. When I
was reborn as a Christian, radically reborn, realizing the stuff
I talked about at the beginning about if we don't
have this stuff as a priority, then that it's not
a priority. When I realized that, I thought, well, cool,
here's what I'll do. I already have this this morning
(09:47):
set aside, that I'm doing this consistently. So instead of
all this stuff, the visualizations and the meditations and all
that stuff, I'll just replace it with my Bible reading.
It started out I was just reading the Bible, just
straight through, just just going, started at Matthew one, and
I would just read until, you know, for about forty
five minutes or an hour, they just keep going. Then
(10:10):
that after I did that a couple of times all
the way through, I started a plan which is a
plan that I still do the same plan today. It's
called the McShane plan. It gets me through the Old
Testament once, the New Testament twice, and the Psalms twice
in one year. That helped me to keep track of
(10:32):
how far I was going, not reading too little, not
reading too much, reading the perfect amount, the Goldilocks amount,
and then being able to meditate on that word itself.
That McShane plan then replaced my miracle morning and it
became part of my routine. Then after that, knowing that
I here, it is here, I have a plan, this
(10:54):
is my time and the word I'm gonna pray, I'm
gonna read my McShane plan. After that, I'm gonna meditate.
I'm gonna find me what's something that sticks out to me,
and I'm gonna post it on social media, and I'm
gonna post that verse and a quick thought about it
on social media, not so that I could show the
world that I'm reading, but to keep me accountable that
I'm concentrating on my reading, because I would get through
(11:18):
in what it is, it's four chapters a day. That's
how you get through the micshane plan. Four chapters a day,
and it assigns it for you in order, and somewhat
I would get through, and i'd be on the fourth
chapter and I would think, and it would be it's
typically like an old Testament, a New Testament, a Psalm,
(11:43):
a New Testament, something like that, and I would think
about the fourth chapter. Man, I don't know if I've
been focusing enough on what to post on social media.
So then I'd go back and start studying back again
what I read and recapping it. We're seeing me to
concentrate enough to make some kind of statement on social media.
(12:04):
So that's what I was doing it for myself, so
that I would force myself to concentrate, keep myself accountable.
Then you ask a question, that's keep me going, okay,
So then I needed to apply that to every morning,
to every single day of my life. I had to
so for the last man probably three years. It's probably
(12:30):
probably been about three years since I missed a morning
of doing this. That's crazy, that's crazy. But yeah, it's
been you know, about a thousand days of doing this.
Never miss. I never miss. And I'm assuming you probably
(12:53):
have an idea that that I travel a lot, I've
got a lot of stuff going on. I've got a
lot of I'm kind of pulled in a lot of
directions I get. I got a lot of emails, a
lot of different deadlines that I have to make. I
never miss my reading over a thousand days of it.
And I don't say that in any way to brag.
(13:14):
That is not what this conversation is about. Because it
is by God's grace alone that I return every morning
to that book. It's by God's grace alone that I
even have the craving at all to read the book.
It's by God's grace alone that I even wake up
a Christian every morning. It's like I wake up in
(13:35):
the morning, I'm like, still, I still love God, i
still want to read his word. I'm still a Christian.
That is not my own doing, because I am so
selfish and self righteous and sinful and wicked inside me
that if it was up to me, I would be
lazy and sleep in and move along and forget it
(13:57):
and not want to quote waste my time on something
like that. So it is by God's grace alone that
I even wake up kneading, craving, hungry, thirsty, needing it
for me again, So this is not bragging. You see
what I mean? Okay, So even more practically than that,
(14:21):
when I'm in an airport, I do it in an airport.
Now if I sometimes my alarm has to go off
at three fifteen am because I have to be in
an airport shuttle at three point thirty, right, So I'm
not getting up at two fifteen to read the Bible.
See what I mean. If I'm getting up at three
fifteen to go to the airport, I'm not getting up
(14:42):
at two fifteen to read or do whatever. I'm gonna
get up at three fifteen. I'm gonna get I'm gonna
go straight to the brush, my teeth, get dressed, get
on the airport shuttle. But then when I get to
the terminal that morning, guess what I've got. I've got
an hour. So I've been sitting in the terminal. I
pop some headphones in to reduce distractions around me and
(15:03):
pull up my micshade plan. I do it on my
iPad so they don't have to have heavy books around.
I just got my iPad and I go to the
logos app, which is what I use, and my mcshaine
plan is loaded in there, and I hit read go
and it pulls up my next morning reading right away.
(15:24):
And then when I finish that chapter, I hit next
it pops up the next one. So part of that,
part of the reason I say that, is because it's
eliminating distractions, or it's eliminating things that would make me
possibly say I gotta skip this morning. I don't know
where I am, or I forgot my notes, or I
forgot my bi I left my Bible at home. Guess
(15:46):
what that logos app If I don't have my iPad,
It's also on my phone, my cell phone, and they're synced.
So I always have my phone. So if I forget,
if I'm in a place when I maybe my iPad's
out of battery or I don't, I'll have my backpack.
For whatever reason, I got my phone, so I read
it on the phone. I've done this on airplanes, trains, buses, shuttles, ubers, taxis,
(16:11):
amber driving while I'm reading. Most of my time is
actually in a hotel with a cup of coffee or
in my own home. But I never ever miss I don't.
I mean, I've been, I've been. I was on a
mission trip recently and we had a lot of early mornings.
(16:32):
We'd get up super early, and I would I would calculate,
this is is it too early to get up before
that and read If it is, If the enters yes,
like I'm going to be exhausted during the day, then
I will read in the car that we get into
in the morning. There's always time. There's always time to
(16:56):
do this. Worst case, it's one chapter in the morning,
one chapter at the lunch break, one chapter in the afternoon,
one chapter in the evening. I could only name on
a few fingers how many times I've done that in
a thousand days. But not many. But I've never missed.
That was a long answer. I'm so sorry, y'all, it
(17:17):
was like fifteen minutes. I'm passionate about that. Sorry, let's
hit another one. Uh subdecline here looking for guidance on
future in laws. Hey Granger, I'd like to stay anonymous.
I'm eighteen years old Christian girl from a small town
in Pennsylvania. The problem is my boyfriend's father. He doesn't
(17:38):
believe in God and isn't fond of me for being
in the military, and he doesn't want me to bond.
He doesn't want to bond with me. He thinks I'm
gonna cheat on my boyfriend because he knows all about
the military end quotes when he was because he was
in too a while ago. I don't know how to
talk to him with gracefulness without getting frustrated. Do you
(17:59):
have any suggestion? I love your music and podcast. Thank
you so much Anonymous. All right, Anonymous, let's dive into this.
I'm a common question. You're not alone on this. It's
very common that I get some kind of email about
in laws, in your case, future in laws. So a
couple of things. First, it's not your in law yet,
(18:24):
like you said, future in law. But since it's not
your in law yet, that drastically reduces the worrying about this.
He's not your father in law yet, so if he was,
this would be a different answer and a different question. So, hey,
a little bit of stress is lowered here because you
(18:48):
aren't in the family. I say that, because things could
go south, you could end it with the boyfriend, and
then this was all a waste of worry. Don't waste
your worry on something that's not a worry yet. Okay,
you're only eighteen, by the way, I mean that's this
(19:09):
is a lot to worry about for an eighteen year
old that probably shouldn't be worrying about this subject at all. Okay,
let's dive in deeper. He doesn't believe in God. That's
kind of irrelevant to this discussion. He isn't fond of
me for being in the military, because he was in
(19:32):
is that that's a glaring problem that he had a
bad experience or he was bad, or he knew a
girl that was bad in the military, and he's projecting
that on you. Not your problem. And you can't control
what he thinks about the military. You can't convince him
(19:52):
that you are different except for by your actions consistently.
That's That's a lot. It's a lot to ask from you.
Here's what here is. The thing that you can affect
is that the very last thing you said, I don't
know how to talk to him with gracefulness and without
(20:14):
getting frustrated. You know what the answer to that is,
then you don't talk to him. If you're like, but guy,
but I have to, granger, I have to. There's no
wagon not talk to him. That would be rude. Limit
your words, then dig deep, don't get stuck in long conversations.
(20:37):
Didn't your grandma ever tell you if you can't say
something nice, don't say anything at all? Like that is?
That is such a famous grandma line, And I'm gonna
say it back to you. You say I don't know
how to talk to him with gracefulness and without getting frustrated.
I say, they don't talk to him. Don't that solves
(21:01):
the problem. Then you go put how do I do that?
You'd have to realize that you cannot control what comes
out of his mouth. You cannot control how he is
with you, Harry responds to you, how he reacts to you,
how he thinks about you, how he lives in this
world with you. You can't control any of it. You
(21:25):
can only control how you react to it. You can
only control what comes out of your mouth, what comes
out of your heart, what comes out of your emotions
towards his son. That's all you can do. And so
if you're saying that you don't know how to do
it without grace, and you get frustrated, then I say,
(21:47):
don't speak. It's just as easy as that. And then
finally this, when it comes to in laws, I can
never have this discussion without saying this part. Remember, if
you think he's projecting on you that he doesn't like you,
(22:09):
it's because he loves his son. He wants the best
for his son. He doesn't love you yet, So can
you see just a little glimpse into his world of
what it must be like desperately wanting his son to
(22:32):
be treated right, to not be cheated on to be respected,
to be loved by a future wife, and no matter
who it is that's coming into the picture, he's not
going to trust them because he's had some bad experiences
in his life. It sounds like, so you have to
go into this and just remember this is out of
love for his son. He sounds like a good dad.
(22:55):
If he wasn't a good dad, if he did not care,
if he did not love his son, then he'd be like,
what's up. I don't care. Have fun, you're in the military.
Don't care you guys have fun, not my concern. And
you would say, your dad doesn't care about who you
(23:15):
date and your boyfriend goes Now he's never cared who
I date, or who I talked to or who loves me.
And you would say, then he doesn't love you. But
the protective dad, the dad that says I don't trust
girls in the military, they could cheat on my son.
I don't know about I don't know how I feel
about this girl. Then you could confidently say dad loves
(23:38):
his son. Time to prove him wrong. Let's take a break.
You know, when you're going to a game, you don't
want to stress because usually you're so excited you're going
to the big game. You got maybe your kids with you,
your friends with you. Everyone's kind of depending on you
to deliver, and so you don't want to stress over
(24:00):
how to find the tickets. And for sure you don't
want to get scalp for tickets. You don't want to
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getting hyped up for the fun you're gonna have. I'm
not that much of a planner, especially if I'm gonna
go to a game or big concert. I'm just not
looking out six months ahead of time. I know some
of you guys doing God bless you for that, but
I'm more of a you know, Lincoln says, hey, Dad,
you want to go to the Cowboy game on Saturday
or Sunday, and and I'm like, I don't know how
to find tickets. Well, game time solves that problem for me.
(24:46):
I can get flash deals and last minute tickets easy
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(25:07):
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this show is sponsored by Better Help. And you guys
have heard me talk about this on the podcast before.
But you know, therapy is always a way of deepening
your self awareness and your understanding. And we go through
(25:51):
this all the time on the podcast and we talk
and we say that I'm not a therapist. Did you
know you have one available to you? Because sometimes we
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h e LP dot com slash Granger. All right, back
(26:58):
to the podcast. Next question. If you want to email me,
email Grangersmith Podcast at gmail dot com. The one next
on que subject, client says pregnancy after loss. Hey Granger,
and my husband and I had two miscarriages within our
first year of marriage. We then struggled through infertility for
nearly three years. I'm now sixteen weeks pregnant with our
(27:20):
little blessing, and I'm truly struggling to have faith that
this one will work out for the best and that
we will actually meet this baby here on earth. How
can I release this fear and find joy in the
fact that we are pregnant with a healthy baby? God
bless Anonymous from Michigan, Okay, Anonymous, great question. Thanks for
(27:41):
trusting me with something so vulnerable. Anytime I'm gonna deal
with pregnancy, I'm gonna say, first of all, I'm a man,
So case you couldn't tell through the video or my voice,
I'm a man and I don't know what it's like
to be pregnant. I'm just gonna throw that out there,
So anything I say from here forward just keep that
disclaimer that should be obvious. But I want to say
(28:03):
it case I say something that you go he's offending
me because he has no idea. I don't. You're right,
I don't. I don't. But I'm going to talk from
the perspective of a father, and the perspective of a
father that has watched my wife go through miscarriage. And
infertility things and loss of a son. That's that's my perspective.
(28:33):
Let me let me say some stuff that might might
be borderline offensive. I think I feel confident that I
could speak with authority as to speak to you the
truth and not to sugarcoat like a twenty twenty three
(28:55):
modern politician might do. But it said, I believe that
I have enough life experiences to speak with authority on
this subject. Okay, Oh, that is just a big explanation.
Don't be offended. Here we go your question. I'm now
six weeks pregnant with our little blessing, and I'm truly
(29:16):
struggling to have faith that this will work out for
the best and that we will actually meet this baby
here on earth. You go on to say, how can
I release this fear and find joy in the fact
that we are pregnant with a healthy baby. Okay, maybe
you're not. Maybe you're not. I can't guarantee that you
(29:40):
will meet this baby or that this baby is healthy.
I can't guarantee either one of those things, and neither
can you, and neither can a doctor. That sounds terrible
to say on a podcast to a fragile woman who
(30:02):
is pregnant for the third time after two miscarriages, struggling
with infertility for three years, now sixteen weeks pregnant. You
want to hear encouragement. You want to hear people around
you just hugging you, saying, congratulations, this is for the best,
this is amazing, It's finally here. God's blessing is upon you.
(30:23):
That's what you want to hear. And I'm sure a
lot of people are around you telling you that, But
I'm gonna be the one guy that I'm gonna be
the one guy that says, none of this is guaranteed.
You're not guaranteed to have this baby. You're not guaranteed
that the baby is healthy. You're not guaranteed that the
baby will live past one year. Our three years, our
(30:46):
fifteen years, are thirty. That has nothing to do with
hoping and loving and trusting, having faith, has nothing to
do with those things. That's just the way the world.
The world is unpredictable. We have no idea. That's why
(31:08):
Jesus says, do not worry about tomorrow. We only have today.
Today has enough trouble of its own. And so that's
what I tell you. I tell you the same thing
today has enough trouble of its own. Anonymous from Michigan
hear me enjoy today sixteen weeks pregnant. That is something.
(31:35):
You have a miracle growing inside of you. That is
just unbelievable, an unbelievable feeling that I will never know,
never never come close to understanding what it's like to
have a life growing inside of a body. That is
(31:58):
just the fact that it even happens. Ever, the fact
that a baby is born, ever is an absolute tremendous,
mind blowing miracle. But it happens a lot, and so
that miracle is numbed a little bit because there are
so many babies born, animals and butterflies and everything. There's
(32:22):
so many new creation births that it numbs the fact
that even one is incredible. So right now, the first
thing I would start with with you, it's just real realizing.
Put your hand right there, put your hand on your belly,
(32:43):
and just go there is a little life form that's
been grown in here for sixteen weeks. That is amazing.
And you're not guaranteed for seventeen weeks or eighteen. But
that's not the point. The point is you have today.
(33:06):
You have today to enjoy it, and you have today
to dream about it and responsibly plan, like making a
nursery and painting the walls pink or whatever you're gonna
do for this little girl growing inside of you. Is
that what you said? Did you say the girl? Did
(33:28):
I just say that? Or did you say that? I
think I just pulled that out. Maybe it is a girl. Okay.
I don't want you to get discouraged in what I'm saying,
but I want to tell you this because that's the
(33:50):
foundation of understanding something. That's the greater picture of what
I want to tell you. The foundation of what I'm
trying to tell you is you are not in control,
not and if you're not, then you just cannot worry.
(34:11):
You said, how could I release this fear? How could
I release the fear? That your fear can be released
if you trust You're not in control? And God is?
You said. The only time you mentioned God is the
(34:32):
very end of your email, and it says God bless.
Do you know what that means? What does that mean?
What does it mean to you? God bless? You write
an email to me that is completely lacking any trust
of God's blessing at all? What if God's blessing is
(34:55):
for you to experience sixteen weeks of pregnancy, but not seventeen.
It's not up to you. Would that be a bad
thing to you? Yes, you're saying, yes it would. God goes,
I got a plan. Do you remember the first pregnancy?
You remember the second one? It wasn't supposed to be
(35:18):
that way you were. Let me say that again. Yes
you were supposed to have two miscarriages, but neither one
of them were supposed to be born. That's what I
was trying to say. The miscarriages that you had before
were not accidents, they were not mistakes, they were not
something that bad that happened. They were part of a plan.
(35:42):
I'm trying to build this foundation for you. That just
says I'm not in control, and I know who is,
and I praise who is, and I think who is
because I've got a little life form in my body
right now that's growing sixteen weeks strong, and I have
(36:02):
nothing to do with it's life right now, but I
know who does. And so then you just say, God,
I don't know. I don't know what your plan is
with this baby, this baby number three. If you want
to take this baby, if it's up to you to
take this baby from me, then so be it. Let
(36:27):
it be your will, not mine. John seventeen. He sat
in the garden. Jesus sat in the garden and prayed
to the Father, Lord, take this cup from me. Father,
take this cup from me. He says, I don't want
(36:50):
to do it. I don't want to go through this,
but not my will. Right, this is you. We could
all be in that garden in some sense. Well, I
don't want you to take this baby, but if you do,
not my will, but yours be done. You start trusting
(37:13):
things like that, You start saying prayers like that, You
start meditating and thinking like that. Guess what happens. Your
fear goes away. Guess what comes in to replace it,
the joy. That's the last thing you said in your email.
How could I release this fear and find joy in
the fact that we are pregnant with a healthy baby.
First of all, you don't know if it's a healthy baby.
You don't know that yet. You don't know that. You
(37:34):
don't know that this baby's gonna come to term. But
you just say, God, you have this baby in the
palm of your hand. You have this pregnancy in the
palm of your hand. You have my future in the
palm of your hand. I have nothing to do with it.
But I trust you. You take this baby tomorrow. I
trust you. You deliver a healthy baby to me. I
trust you. You deliver a baby with a mental illness
or a physical disability. I trust you. I trust you.
(37:57):
I trust you. No matter what, I trust you, I
trust it. You will equip me. If I need to
raise a baby with a disability, You'll equip me for that.
If I'm gonna lose this baby, you will equip me
for that. If I'm gonna carry this baby to term
and then and then still birth, you will equip me
emotionally for that. But regardless, it's not up to me.
It's up to you. I trust you, I trust you.
(38:18):
I trust you. And when you start talking like that,
your fear is gone. Let's move on. Congratulations. By the way,
you're sixteen weeks pregnant. That's amazing. It's a miracle. Seven decline.
(38:42):
This next one says, should I confront them or not? Hey, grangeer,
my name is Dorcas d R c As. I'm fourteen.
I don't really know how to say this, but my
uncle has a past of sexual abuse. When he was younger,
he was in a group home and sexually assaulted a girl.
I found this out through my sister a couple of
weeks ago. Since then, I don't feel comfortable around him
(39:06):
unless my dad and my brother are with me. He
made advances on my sister, but has stopped only because
he's imitated, intimidated sorry by her new boyfriend. I also
don't feel comfortable knowing that my ten year old sister
is ignorant to this, and my parents are willingly let
letting her be around him without supervision. I've repeatedly said
(39:28):
that she and I should not be left alone with him,
and that I don't feel comfortable around him, but it
just keeps happening. I also feel that a big reason
for them not taking action is their Amish background, and
the Amish people say just forgive and forget the past.
My parents have told me this over and over again.
(39:53):
You say, I a always say I'm not sure what
you mean here, but you say there's a different You say,
there's a different between forgiving and protecting yourself. I just
need to know what to do. Grange or do I
confront them or just stay silent? All right? Dorcas, thank
you for email. And I always think it's really special
when a young teenager emails the podcast and that you're listening.
(40:15):
You've been listening through like like infertility and all this
stuff we got going on in this episode. So if
you're still if you're still here and you're still listening,
I just that's special and I appreciate you. Brother. Let's go.
Let's start at the end of your email. Here you're saying,
there's a difference between forgiving and protecting yourself. Absolutely, there's
(40:37):
a difference between forgiving and trusting. You can forgive someone
and still not trust them, right, Does that make sense?
You're right protecting yourself, same thing forgive, but you don't
have to trust rattlesnake bites me. I could forgive the
(41:00):
rattlesnake for instinctively biting me because I went near the rocks,
but I don't have to trust that the Rattlesnak's not
gonna bite me again. That's ridiculous. Humans are the same way.
Forgiving and trusting are two different things. We gotta get
that straight. We are commanded to forgive, we're supposed to forgive.
(41:22):
We need to forgive for many reasons. One of them
is for our own healing, our own joy. Okay, we
need to forgive for our own healing, but that does
not mean we need to trust them moving forward with
the same problems. Okay, Gotta say that, Gotta know that,
gotta believe that. Okay, you should never forsake forgiveness because
(41:46):
you don't trust someone, and you should never forsake trusting
someone because you need to forgive them. Okay, got to
make that clear. Second of all, you've got an uncle
history of sexual abuse. You say, I don't feel comfortable
(42:08):
knowing my ten year old sister is ignorant to this.
My parents are willingly let her, letting her be around
and without supervision. That's a problem, is a major problem.
And I'm gonna sum up this email to you, Dorcas,
by saying, I'm gonna answer your very last question. I
just need to know what to do. Do I confront
them or stay silent. I hate that this is the
(42:36):
world that we live in where a fourteen year old
is left with such a massive decision. But I'm gonna
tell you this, Dorcas. I'm gonna tell you this, and
this is this is something that without really thinking about
it without really going down this path. It's hard because
(42:59):
this is one of these questions that I might an
hour might go by and I might say I might
have a different answer once I really think about it.
Because I don't have notes, I don't prepare for this,
but I'm gonna say the first thing that comes to
my mind is this, if you cannot trust your parents
for dealing with this issue, the right way and the
(43:20):
right way is confronting the uncle, stopping the bleeding. Right,
we need a tourniquet on the leg before it bleeds out.
We have an open wound, Okay, so we need the
parents to confront. If they're not going to do that,
and you seem to say that they're not. If they're
not going to do it, the other thing for you
(43:42):
to do is call the police. You could call nine
to one one totally. I've got friends that are dispatchers,
that are emergency dispatch. This is not something that they
would take lightly. This is not something they would say, Oh,
if the house isn't burning down, then why'd you call us? Dorcas,
(44:05):
this is something you go Hey, my name is Dorcas.
I'm fourteen years old. My uncle is sexually abusing people
in my family and my parents are not doing anything
about it, and you're going to feel like a trader.
You're gonna feel like you are ratting people out. In fact,
if you don't want to do it on the phone,
you can go in somewhere, you can meet with someone.
(44:28):
But this needs to be out. This is life damaging
type stuff that this predator is out right now and
could possibly find a victim in your own sister, ten
year old sister. I've got an eleven year old daughter.
(44:50):
If you don't feel comfortable and you're fourteen and no
offense do orcas, but you haven't fully developed yet and
you feel uncomfortable, well that's a red flag because you
would also have the excuse of just being ignorant to
it and just not really man, I didn't really see it.
I was fourteen. When I was fourteen, I was dumb though,
because me grangeer, I was dumb. So the fact that
(45:12):
you see this that means it's very obvious and you're
protecting your little cis that's a big deal, and this
is a big problem. Don't downplay this, don't take this lightly.
I'd call the police. If you can't trust your mom
and dad, because my first thought would be go to
your mom and dad, and maybe you do that first.
I don't know. I don't know them. I don't know
(45:34):
how much they defend the uncle. I don't know how
much they defend the situation, or if they're based too
much on shame, Like, don't shame our family, don't make
this public, don't bring shame upon us by bringing this public.
Let's just keep it hush hush, sweep it under the rug.
If they're like that, and you know they're like that,
then you got to go outside and you got to
(45:54):
go to police, and you also have to know that
they might be mad at you. Is going to take
extreme courage. But let me ask you this, This is
what it all comes down to. Is your sister worth it?
Is your ten year old sister worth it? Because this
(46:15):
is something that will affect the rest of her life,
It's something that becomes generational. Is something that affects her
kids and her grandkids and her choice and a husband.
Is she worth it to you? Appreciate you guys. We'll
(46:40):
see you next Monday. Thanks for joining me on the
Granger Smith podcast. I appreciate all of you guys. You
could help me out by rating this podcast on iTunes.
If you're on YouTube, subscribe to this channel. Hit that
little like button and notification spell so that you never
miss anytime I upload a video. If you have a
question for me that you would like me to answer,
(47:01):
email Grangersmith Podcast at gmail dot com. Ye
Host
Granger Smith
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