February 27, 2025 • 49 mins
Kim Fitzpatrick is a wellness coach, entrepreneur, wife, and mother of two with a deeply personal story that fuels her mission to inspire others.
With her husband, Jamie, Kim co-founded a thriving online health and wellness business, achieving top rankings in their coaching network and building a supportive community of like-minded individuals. Their success is a testament to their dedication to mentoring others to achieve personal and professional growth. Beyond coaching, Kim launched "Legacy By Kim," a handmade-in-Canada headband line inspired by her mother’s legacy, reminding us of the impact we can create through our choices.
Through her coaching, entrepreneurial ventures, and heartfelt story, Kim inspires people to overcome challenges, build meaningful lives, and create lasting legacies of love and empowerment.
We discussed the profound impact of personal hardships, including her transition from a decade-long business to establishing her own coaching practice. Kim highlighted the significance of recognizing that we are not broken, but rather, we have cracks that allow the light to shine through, echoing the wisdom of Leonard Cohen.
Throughout our conversation, Kim opened up about her past struggles with unworthiness and self-doubt and how she has moved beyond those feelings to embrace her worthiness. She shared valuable insights on the importance of self-awareness, the necessity of doing the inner work, and the power of taking back control over our lives.
We also touched on the importance of setting boundaries, especially with family, and how cutting toxic relationships can lead to personal freedom and healing. Kim's journey of self-empowerment serves as a reminder that we all can change our narratives and create a life filled with joy and purpose.
As we wrapped up, Kim shared her non-negotiable daily habits, including journaling and prioritizing sleep, which have become essential for her well-being. This episode is a powerful testament to the idea that healing is possible and that we can all take steps toward living a life that aligns with our true selves.
Thank you for tuning in, and remember, a healthy community is a healing community. Let's continue to support each other on our journeys!
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Since early 2022, Makini has taken her skin back with this natural skincare routine.
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
(00:00):
I'm Makini Smith. After going through a divorce, my sister passing
away, experiencing narcissistic abuse, and some
significant health scares, I realized through sharing my
story that I wasn't alone in my suffering. Suffering. Subjective
distress generated by the experience of being out of
balance. In a deep dive to holistically heal mind,
(00:21):
body, and soul is where I discovered peace, clarity,
and connection. It is impossible to be truly wise
without some real-life hardship. And we cannot develop
post-traumatic wisdom without making it through, and most
importantly, through it together. Social
connection builds resilience, and resilience helps create
(00:44):
post-traumatic wisdom. And that wisdom leads to hope. Hope
for you and others witnessing and participating in
your healing, and hope for your community. A
healthy community is a healing community, and a healing community is
full of hope because it has seen its own people weather,
survive, and thrive. Before
(01:24):
we get into today's conversation, I have something powerful for you. My
fifth book, Renewing Your Mind, is a guide to transforming chaos
into clarity using proven mindset strategies.
This book was co-written by my business partner and I, Susana Mihilovic.
And if you are ready to shift your perspective, grab your
copy on Amazon or at McKinneySmith.com. Today's
(01:49):
guest is Kim Fitzpatrick. She's an executive business
life and leadership coach dedicated to unlocking the full potential
in those she works with. A dynamic and
heart-centered strategist, she specializes in executive mentorship,
mindset mastery, and holistic life expansion. As
the CEO and founder of Legacy by Kim, she has co-founded
(02:13):
and scaled multiple seven-figure businesses across leadership
coaching, retail, and direct sales, helping countless women
build thriving enterprises. She's the creator of
Awaken Her Clarity Mastermind, the
Executive Council, and other transformative programs. Her
Be Her Now journal serves as the foundation of her successful morning
(02:36):
and life routine. Kim is also the co-host of
the Fitzlife Unfiltered podcast and an international speaker,
having inspired audiences worldwide. Her mission? To
empower individuals to lead with clarity, confidence, and
purpose, creating lasting impact in business and
life. So please welcome to the show Kim
(02:59):
Hello, hello. Thank you so much, McQueenie. It
has been, gosh, well we just were chatting about this, four years.
Been on your show and it is so good to see you.
I have to love this. I'm like, I think you're in
(03:20):
love, aging in reverse. It's like, I love this.
Yeah, the high frequency. It's like reversing the aging. It
is. It totally does that. Thank you. Thank you. It
is so good to see you. It is so good to have you back on the podcast.
Before we started recording, we were talking about how so much has changed since.
And I've been doing this podcast for six
(03:43):
plus years, and you've been on the show twice. There are very few
people that I have on multiple times. But I love you dearly, so I am
honored that you said yes to coming back. It's
been a minute. We had you on in July and
August of 2020, and back then, you
know, we were talking about, you know, unlocking the trauma of
(04:06):
procrastination, you were giving tools, you were talking about your
journey, your story, but obviously, you know, we've stayed
connected. I have watched you evolve. I am so freaking proud of
you. I, like, I just want to hug you and squeeze you.
Like, life has been lifing, but at the same time,
(04:26):
like, the evolution, the self-awareness, the
growth, I am just loving it
all, and I want to get into it all, but I'll let you start
I love the term life has been lifing. Yes to
that. Life has been lifing. I mean where do
(04:48):
I even begin? We've moved, Makini. I've like moved
out of one business that was a decade long that closed
up and I've actually like completely transitioned out of that
into my own coaching business and And,
you know, that feels really, really good and in full, just
(05:08):
full alignment. And, you know, as I was thinking and, and
it was so interesting when McKinney and I were chatting before the show
started is, you know, we were talking about the healing journey and
I said, you know, it's so interesting to me because that doesn't
even resonate with me anymore. And it doesn't mean that
the traumas didn't happen, or the hardships didn't
(05:29):
happen, or the things that we've dealt with didn't happen, but
the transference that's happening and
the transcendence that's happened, and I
would say too, it's transferred out of my body. Like there's been
a transference of energy where I've moved
through things and it's just been a wild ride
(05:51):
and one that I'm proud of because I
did think at one point that I might have been broken forever. And
now I know that I was never broken in the first place. Right?
Never broke in the first place. So knowing that now,
and for those of you that are listening that are like, gosh,
(06:13):
that stung to think, what if I stay broken forever? I
wonder if this could be some sort of an anchor for you to
realize, like, hey, I'm not broken. I love
the quote by Leonard Cohen. It says, ring the bell. You
still can hear. Forget the perfect offering. There
is a crack in everything. That's how the light gets in. Mm,
(06:35):
yes. And it's like, we're not broken. We're
just letting, there's a crack. Yes. Crack in
the foundation. There's a crack in what happened
for you. And the light comes through that. And that's really
where I've been. I think I'm like chasing my light, Makini.
And more importantly, I've been
(06:59):
That's powerful. When you said that quote, it
made me think of, and there are artists that specialize in
doing this, where they take cracked cutlery and cracked
things and in the spaces they use gold and
they make it into this beautiful art for us to admire. So
that's what I was thinking of when you talked about that quote. But also,
(07:21):
I want the listeners to understand the transition because I feel
like with social media, we may see the
highlights of someone's life and feel like that's not attainable for us. Or we may
admire what someone else is doing and feel like, oh, I can't
do that. I don't have the strength to do that, or I don't have the courage to
do that, or any of those things. And then listening to
their actual story, realizing these are human beings that
(07:44):
have overcome adversity. These are people that have done
the work. These are people who are aware, who have intentionally transformed
their lives, and instead of living in victimhood, are
now not only victors in their own
life, but utilizing their potential, utilizing
their skills and their strength to help other people to thrive. So,
(08:08):
you know, previous episode, we talked about
your struggle with unworthiness, the self-doubt. We
talked about your story about losing your mom to cancer. We
talked about your husband's health struggles. We talked about all of those things. So
now hearing the transition of even
your thought process of the past belief that
(08:30):
you thought you were always going to be broken to where you are presently. I
want the listeners to understand that it is
attainable for them too. If it is possible for you, it is possible
Amen. And you know, I think that the work is, it's so interesting,
Makini, because the work is going to be so different for every person. And
(08:52):
the work for me required, number one, We
moved and we moved just recently, like
four or five months ago. And the one thing I realized is
that, you know, even if you move a house or you get
a new car or you get a new job, you
are the reason why all those things will work. You
(09:15):
can't get a new house to escape the old thing
that happened or where you
were. You can't get a new job thinking that those issues
will not follow you if you did not heal them,
work through them, or figure it all out. And
(09:35):
I will share this too, Makini. I was a
professional morning routine guru before
Jamie's heart attack. I was like, nailed it.
It's been five years and I'm still trying to find my rhythm.
And I, I work, I, I'm good. I got it. I got it on lockdown,
(09:56):
but every day I have to remind myself of
the promises that I'm keeping to myself and why I want
to feel this way and why I do this. That's going to keep me in the
elevation, keep me in the vibration, like you said, you know, and
it's these habits that used to be second nature to
me that now require a little bit more effort. And
(10:18):
I believe that when things start to feel really hard, that's
the beginning of the journey. And,
and that's been my greatest lesson is like, I think for a
long time, it's, you know, you get a case of the efforts, you
know, forget it. I'll just drink this away or I'll Netflix
this away or I'll do these things. Yeah, you're gonna numb it.
(10:39):
And that's what I realized the most is like, I just don't numb
anymore. I don't want to numb anymore. I want to be fully present. And
that was the transition of like, so how do
you move yourself through this really hard spot where,
you know, if I'm, if I'm really honest, Makini, I believe that
(11:01):
I was just gonna outwork and work, like,
work 12, 15 hour days to what is that? That's
also numbing. And the biggest growth I've had
is stopping doing that. Having
to sit with myself and having to journal and
invest in different things, but most importantly, investing in myself.
(11:24):
And, you know, really seeing and auditing, hey,
this no longer matches where I'm going. And this no
longer matches where I've been. And, you
know, it's so interesting. In our last podcast, I
know that I talked about my stepmom and, you know, a lot of like animosity
there and like growing up feeling unworthy. And, you know, in 2022, I
(11:46):
actually I
cut her off of my life. And
I just was really honest. And it was one of the hardest conversations I've
ever had to have. It was so painful. But what it did was
it actually stopped the cycle of the power that, you know,
someone had over me. And in fact, you know, five months later,
(12:08):
she actually apologized. And it's
so interesting because for those of you that are listening that are like, if
that person just apologizes, you know, everything will
feel better. And I want to tell you, it didn't actually even
impact me at all, her apology. I had to reconcile that with
Yeah. I had to move forward. I had to say, hey, you
(12:30):
know, I didn't put myself in that story, but I do put myself
in my next chapter. You're going to allow that story
to keep being the author in my head, or I'm going to move on."
That was part of it, and it really affected our family
big time for a really long time, but we are on the other side,
and there's power there, and it doesn't even bother me
(12:52):
now. Yeah.
I wasn't the problem. But the way I was creating the
story in my head to be was like, gosh,
it just it completely changed my life. Ironically,
I was reading Colleen Hoover. Oh, my gosh. It ends with us
(13:14):
and it starts with us. It ends with us, yeah. Yeah, so
it was the ends with us when she leaves. That, I read
that book the night before and like sobbing and
I'm just like really like really thinking about it and then I
walked outside, we were on vacation, I walked outside and in that morning
that's when I got that text. from my seminar,
and I was like, oh my gosh, like the whole book
(13:37):
kind of, it was almost like this whole like, it ends
now. Like, you know, it ends now. It
ends now. And this ends. And it
ends with us. Ironically, the title, it ends with us. Like,
the pain ends at you. It ends where it stays with you. Generational
healing. Yeah. And like healed
(13:58):
my kids. It's healed myself. It's healed me. It's healed my siblings. It's
healed our family because I just move forward.
It doesn't mean the pain didn't happen. It doesn't mean the stuff didn't
happen, but how you handle it is the, is really
the change. So I feel like those are the two biggest things, Makini, like
really changing my outlook of
(14:19):
like how I want to be and how I want to show up and knowing
what I need more of and knowing what I don't need any more
Yep. I get it 1000%. There was
so much that you said there that I want to unpack that we probably won't even have enough time
to get into, but I want to make sure that the listeners are taking notes
because a couple of things that you spoke to, one is being
(14:43):
able to give yourself closure. I think there are so many people waiting for
someone else to give them closure, but what if that person never gives
you that closure? So you're going to spend the rest of your life waiting on
someone else? Stop giving them that power. So you took your power
back. And good on you where you made
the decision to cut your stepmother off when you did because I
(15:05):
feel like for a lot of people when it comes to family they excuse a lot of behaviors
based on titles. They're afraid to address the
behavior because that's your aunt, because that's
your mom, because that's your stepmom, what have you. So good on you
for doing that because My therapist actually gave me permission to
cut a family member off that I've been struggling with. So,
(15:26):
I get it. And then there's also where you talked about, like, it's no longer allowing
that person to trigger you. Because when we're walking around, it's like walking around
with a loaded gun. It's your finger on the trigger, right? And then you're having
explosive moments of emotions and all these things happening. So,
you now taking back your power and
the control of your thoughts, feelings, and actions. You
(15:48):
spoke to even moving. I love that for so many reasons, and
I agree absolutely with what you said. And I also want
to add in, I know that when I was going, or I
guess when I had my aha moment that I realized I really needed to
go deeper in my healing journey, I moved homes,
I sold my car, I got rid of all my furniture, I
(16:08):
wanted to start fresh, not because I was running from those
things, but those things were attached to memories with a person that
I no longer wanted to stay connected to. So, although
I moved, if I wasn't doing the actual
work during that move, if I wasn't going to therapy every week, if
I wasn't doing all the personal development, you know, nothing might have changed,
(16:30):
but it helped eliminate all of the triggers. And
then good on you for even when you receive
that text with the apology. It's like you
have done the work and come to the place where you're like,
OK, that's great that you've apologized. And I feel like sometimes
some apologies can be performative unless they come with changed behavior. And
(16:52):
I know that it can go either way, but good on you for
being the bigger person and be like, yep, I'm good. I'm over
Like, I'm done. It's so
interesting what you just said, because nothing's really changed.
This is important for any work name that's like,
but I've changed. The attachment and
(17:14):
the way that I respond to the still same behavior doesn't
touch me anymore. What you just said was really important.
An apology without changed behavior is performative. That,
big check. But it also is, I didn't need
that. So now I know that I'm good. Like, I got this. Like, let's
(17:35):
move forward. Right? So, you know, then what I found is
that even, even if it was maybe performative, or like, I just let's
move on, or nothing really changed, I changed. You
can change as a listener, right? You can change how
you interpret or how you respond or how you engage with the
situation, right? I feel like that's a good distinction for
(17:58):
those listening because you're right. The
only person's behavior you can change is your own. Absolutely. Even
that's hard. You know this, McKinney, right?
You do this for a living. Like, help people where they change their behaviors.
So it's like, you know, it's really important to remember that. Like,
(18:18):
you're the only one in charge. And that was my biggest aha. No
one's going to come in and move my body for me. No
one's going to stop me from going to bed late. No
one's going to fuel me the way I need to be fueled so that I have energy to
pursue the huge career I want. And
(18:38):
that can either be disempowering for some because they're like, whoa, that feels like
a really big responsibility. Or it can
be like, I'm in training, I'm an athlete, I'm going to get in
the ring, right? I'm going to get in the arena.
I love Brene Brown. I think it was Brene Brown's quote or someone's quote
about being in the arena. It's like get in the arena. And
part of being in the arena is like, how are you training yourself? How
(19:07):
I love how you also spoke to, and now
my brain is like, the perimenopause brain is like, what? I
forgot what I was going to say. Darn it.
You talked about chasing the feeling of how you want to feel, the life that
you want to live. I think there
are so many people that are in a circumstance or
(19:28):
looking at their lives and feeling powerless and not realizing
how much power they actually have and how much change they can actually
make in a short amount of time. And it's being intentional of
what you want your life to look like. It's being intentional of what you want your
life to feel like. So I think that was very, very important. I
remember I said that once in like a story or TikTok or something and someone was like, what
(19:49):
does that even mean? It's like, for the last four or five years,
I've been chasing what I want my life to feel like, what I want it
to look like. I don't want it to be focused on the past
hurts, the past traumas, all those things. It's like, I
want to feel loved. I want to feel joy. I want to feel excitement. I want to feel
peace. I want to feel all those things. So anytime I
(20:09):
say yes to something, If it feels like it's
going to make me feel how I don't want to feel, it's a no thank you. Yeah,
exactly. And you also spoke about understanding
the, I guess, the avoidance or the numbing things
that we naturally do. Like, we all have different
(20:29):
ways of coping. We all have our trauma responses. And
I'm halfway through learning this lesson right now myself because even
though I've been going to therapy every week for like almost
two years now, I joined this group trauma
therapy weekly to get deeper to the
root of a lot of my stuff so that I'm, I'm
(20:51):
going to say, better at overcoming these things. And
it's almost like a 12-step program, but it's teaching us to figure out what
our drug of choice is, what our numbing mechanism is for our
trauma. And for some people that could be
binge-watching TV, it could be alcohol, it could be drugs. I've learned for
myself it's isolation and shopping. So
(21:12):
it's like once you learn what
your drug of choice is, and how to
put a plan in place to have a different behavior and
to do differently, right? It affects how we do things. It
affects our healing journey. And it also does affect
the, I'm going to say the generational healing, because if I even look at
(21:33):
my, my daughters who are in their twenties and I look at their behaviors and
it's like, oh, they do the isolating and shopping too.
Okay. Like, you know, how can we stop this generational
pattern of Unhealthy behavior and actually
address what the issue is so that we can heal and thrive Yeah,
I you know, it was interesting. I was listening to What's
(21:57):
his name russell? He's got the british accent. He's in all those
movies Is it russell? Uh
Anyway, he wrote a book on this and he said he's in he was an
addict and you know, very successful very successful actor
and well-known. And he wrote a book on this and he said, he's
like, you know, it's interesting. He's like, I'm an addict. He goes, I'm a sex addict.
(22:19):
I'm a drug addict. I'm an alcoholic. Yet there
are women and men walking around with multiple addictions
that just aren't seen as bad as mine. But yet they're spending all
their money. They're shopping. They're numbing. They're whatever it is,
binge watching. There is. And I think it's really important what you just
shared because, you know, I read the book Codependent No More. And
(22:42):
that was a really good resource. I've actually read that three times. And
we get, I believe that some of us, especially
those that have gone through really hard things in their life and had their
lived experiences that are unlike other people's. And
that is where I realized I was actually codependent on
the pain. That's
(23:06):
a big one. Say that again. I was codependent on
the pain. Because the pain, I was codependent on
the pain. And when I learned that I was codependent on
the pain, then I could realize what else I was codependent on. And
those were relationships. Those were the numbing things. I
was codependent on the pain because I could control feeling shitty.
(23:29):
Well, if I feel pain and
terrible and blah, then I can be justified in
my misery. Say how dare look
you don't know how hard I had it that is an easy victim life. Mm-hmm,
but I'll tell you it's the hard life Absolutely not
changed my life. I was like, I'm not a victim and I'm not gonna
(23:50):
live as a victim anymore Business changed my
income. It changed everything. I love it.
I love it. I love it. See, the reason I wanted you to
repeat that is because I know people that are addicted to
(24:10):
the pain. I know people that live in the pain because
of the attention that they get from it and all of the things and
that is their safe space. That is where they feel comfortable
and very fewer that I
know are willing to admit it. So I wanted you to repeat that because I
know that there is someone that is listening that needs to hear that. I'm reading
(24:31):
The Myth of Normal by Gaber, is it Gaber Matei? I can't
pronounce his name properly. But he was talking about, because he studies like
trauma and addiction and ADHD and all these things, and he was talking about a
lot of people with addictions what they're actually
chasing is that dopamine hit, right? But if we look at
why are they chasing that dopamine hit and we get to the root of
(24:52):
it, we can, you know, figure out what their trauma is, what
their coping mechanisms are, and actually like breaking those things apart. But I
think so many people are afraid of what
they will learn about themselves or they're afraid to unpack
pandora's box and you know remember things about their past
or doing the work is hard and like
(25:13):
you said before there are different ways that doing the work looks like
for different people I know it's been very uncomfortable
for me. And in so many ways, it's forced
me to have uncomfortable conversations with my children. It's
forced me to be the most vulnerable
I've ever been in my entire life in my relationship. It
(25:35):
has forced me to have uncomfortable conversations or
disconnect from family or people that I quote-unquote love. you
know, it's forced me to look at friendships differently. It's forced me to even look at
the business that I do differently and the clients that
I'm willing to take on because it's a no thank you for me if it's someone that's
going to, like, drain all my energy and, you know, cause me to
(25:55):
go be depressed. It's also forced me to
put stronger boundaries in place And I'm
a heavy empath. I love to help people. My friends are like,
I'm one of the first people they come to when they need support or if they want to recommend
someone, you know, that's going through something. I'm the one that gets
a phone call. But now understanding, OK, I
(26:18):
can't be all things for
all people. And it's like I got in trouble
for my therapist on my last trip because we met a woman in the lobby
two o'clock in the morning, trigger warning, I couldn't walk
away from seeing a woman sitting there crying in a foreign country. She's
surrounded by these men who look like security guards, and when I approached her to ask if
(26:40):
she was okay, I found out that the guy that she came
there with beat the crap out of her, and I couldn't leave her there like that. spending
days stressing about her, helping her, going through all of that when it
was supposed to be my vacation. You know, my therapist is like, I know you
meant well, but yeah.
(27:00):
So it's like learning all of these ways of
being that are so different than what we've been used
to or how we, you know, typically operate. But I
just, I wanted to highlight those things
that you said, because I feel like there are things that people that
may go over someone's head if they're not listening clearly. Because I
(27:21):
definitely believe healed ears hear differently. And
when we are not open, we're
not open to receiving, we're not open to understanding, we
stay stuck. We stay in our pain. We stay in the same place.
You know, we talked about before we started recording. if we were
in the same place we were four years from now, or four years ago, that would
(27:42):
be a problem, right? And I know people that are still in
the same place that they were four years ago, but they're not willing
to hear or to do the work. They're
not willing to be self-aware. You know, it's
not just about I
want to say it's not just about ourselves. We affect
(28:02):
every single person that we come into contact with. There's a
huge domino effect and we don't even realize it. I
appreciate your honesty, your vulnerability. And if
I haven't said this already, the first time I had you on the podcast, that
was one of our top 10 episodes for years because
(28:23):
of your honesty and your transparency. So I appreciate
All the tea. We're going
to be like, who is this calm, quiet human on
this podcast? She's serene. She's serene.
The opposite of me being like, you know, because
I was in this fight or flight you
(28:46):
know, phase in my life, Makini, where I was
just boldly speaking my truth and there were people that did not like it.
And there were people that were not okay with it. And I
was like, I don't care. I am
not going to sit here. And, you know, one of the things I love is that
saying of like, if you do not like the role that you are being
(29:11):
because do not allow people to gaslight as to
like, you know, or reminisce. What is it? Uh, uh,
revisionist history. I remember
sending an email that just said, I will not engage
in your revenue, your revisionist history of
my lived experience. Have
(29:35):
a beautiful day. God
bless you. And if you've got you and
block sender. No, it's like, blame is
like, revisionist history is a real
thing. And for those of you that are like, what is that? Go Google it. It's really
powerful. It's like revisionist history is gaslighting. That's
(29:57):
when people are like, No, that did not happen to you. This is how it
happened. You are happy. This was perfect. I
don't know what you're talking about. You must be, you know, I was told you,
no, no, you've had a mental illness. Wow. That's why
you were not easier to love. And I was like, and I
was like, you know, I didn't I didn't have a mental illness. I don't have
(30:19):
a mental illness. Even if that did happen, I did have a clinical anxiety
and anxiety diagnoses from trauma and
But that that like but you know, so it's like instead of
trying to label the person which people will do, you have
to really govern yourself with like, you have to
know And trigger warning, if that was a trigger warning
(30:42):
for everyone, anyone, I just want to caveat that, but it's like,
you have to know your ground. And that takes like what
McKinney said, like therapy, weekly therapy, support, you
know, like we had, I had a whole psychotherapy team come in
and evaluate everything, you know, and it's like,
just really important to know that, like where you, what
happened to you. is important to know
(31:05):
and then how you process that is
up to you. Yeah. And that's really what
I would say, you know, like that's where I've been the last four years. McKinney
is like processing and reintegrating and
reprogramming and reconnecting and,
you know, living and allowing myself to live in a period of disalignment. So
(31:31):
I love that. I like And
that last line you said there, allowing yourself to
live in a state of disalignment. So I'm going
to try not to get too technical, because if people are listening, they're probably not going to understand what the hell I'm talking about.
So when I was learning about overcoming fear from
(31:53):
Bob Proctor, and we're talking about the transition from
living in bondage to getting to where you want
to thrive, There's a
part where your mind, your
brain, when it wants to get to this new level, or
this new life that you've never lived before, or
(32:14):
this new scenario or thing, you're in a state of
misalignment. So it feels, I
guess within the body, it'll feel like anxiety, right? But
you and I both know that anxiety also feels the same as excitement
within the body, right? It's about how we we
(32:34):
choose to express that or how we choose to perceive
that. But when you allow yourself
to catch up with both being in
alignment at the same time, when you allow yourself
to temporarily be in the misalignment
(32:57):
and feel that uncomfortability and you
push through it, that's where the rewards are. So I,
when you said that last line, it made me
even more proud of you. I, I am like, I'm
now I'm like, don't get emotional. Um, it
made me so freaking proud of you because I feel like allowing
(33:22):
for some people is especially allowing
themselves to be in the uncomfortable place.
It's what a lot of people are not willing to do, which is what is blocking them
from the blessings that they desire. Yeah. So I'm
Amen. So
(33:43):
proud of you. Thanks, Lupini. It
feels good, you know, and like, I'm proud. I'm proud,
too, you know, and I think there's a lot of merit in that, is asking
yourself, are you proud of the life you're living? Are
you proud of the decisions you're making? And I
will share this too. Are you proud of the decisions you're
(34:05):
making behind closed doors where no one's looking? Yes. There's
a huge difference with how you show up, right, on social or
whatever that is. And some of you may not have social, so this is even
more important for those of you that are listening that, you know, you go to
school, you go to work, you drop your kids off, and you're just happy
in public, right? you know, you
(34:26):
never crap the window down. keeping yourself in
this, like, rigid space, you know, I always want to ask
you, like, how is that serving you? And I believe that true
joy in life is, like, I'm the happiest I've ever been.
You know, I really, I'm really trying to figure that all out of, like, what does
that keep feeling like? And how can I continue to
(34:47):
create this ideal state where I'm in alignment with my work, my
career, my business, my relationships? Well, that takes me
auditing how I'm feeling when no one's around. What
I'm thinking and how I act
behind the closed doors. And you're the only one that's going to know the thoughts when
you lay your head on the pillow. You're the only one who can know that. So
(35:09):
that's another piece of advice I have is talk to
yourself more than you listen to yourself. And feed yourself those
good things. And know that you are worth that. Because your identity is
what is keeping you either hostage in
your past life, or it's your freedom into your
(35:29):
Amen. Listen, God cannot bless who we pretend to be. So
if we are pretending on the outside for the world and
inside we feel like crap or we're not the same person. Or
we're bitter or in contempt. Yeah. Exactly. We're
not going to see the results in our life that
we desire. So we have to be in alignment with
(35:51):
that. Just
thank you. Again, thank you. I
always get excited when I have a guest that I'm in alignment with because that
keeps me on a high for the rest of the day. I'm like, I am good. I
don't need coffee. I don't need no sugar. I don't need nothing. I
(36:12):
got Kim. What? This is amazing. Exactly.
Okay, so I guess I know that you
mentioned, you know, you used to be great
at your morning routines and now, you know, you struggle with
that. I know that when we are
(36:32):
intentionally working on our lives, obviously there are things that
we try to have in place, routines, rituals, habits, to
keep us on that higher vibration, to keep us on the right track. What
presently are some of your daily habits or
routines that are non-negotiables for maintaining your well-being right
(36:52):
So I wrote a journal. after our podcast called
Be Her Now. And that
is one non-negotiable for me, is my journal and rooting myself
in my gratitude, in my dreams. And the
one part in particular that if like, even if it's a busy morning,
(37:12):
is I always ask myself this thing, today will be I
will be. I will show up as. And
it's commanding, you know, I love that, right? As I
am, as God, as Jesus, as faith, as source, it's like, you know, in
the name that I am that I am, well, you're commanding how you're choosing to
show up that day. So that's like number one non-negotiable for me. Number
(37:34):
two, I've also been like really gentle with myself because I
believe that when you're in transition, you do require more rest. And
I remember being like the five hour, a club sleeper
for a long time and that I, we moved
out to wine country. And I can't
(37:54):
get enough sleep. Like, I don't know. Like, I'm
now retired. I'm like, I'm
only 43. Like, why am I
sleeping in? Like, I don't know. There's the air out here, McKinney. It's
the energy's different. But I'm like, it's
amazing. So I am honoring. I really
(38:18):
do believe that I'm catching up on years. of
under-sleeping. So that's important to me. Like,
seven to eight hours of sleep a night is now non-negotiable for me. In
order for me to be where I want to be, career-wise, income-wise, success-wise,
coaching-wise, presence-wise, not sleeping is
no longer, no longer in alignment. So that's
(38:39):
number one. So number, so number one is a great sleep. I'm in a bookend, making
sure that I'm getting to bed on time so I can get up. And then
I love to do my journal. I do my gratitude. I love being done.
But that's it, you know, like, I'm trying to keep this less complicated, bikini.
And I used to have the longest morning routine.
(39:00):
And I still you give me a pencil and a pen and a journal
and I will write all morning. Right. But you
know, it's important. I, I also read my my
future life script, my vision story. And
I call her in every day. Yes. And that's
really important to me. So those are, I think, if anything, more
(39:22):
of a non-negotiable is more of the journal and the mindset work. And
that's a non-negotiable for me every single morning. And
I love it. I love it.
I don't know if it's as we get older, we realize the
importance of our sleep. I
(39:44):
cannot function, I say this all the time in the podcast, but
I cannot function with less than 7 hours and 20 minutes sleep. My
bed is like, girl, no. My
Yeah, my aura ring is angry and I need to have frowns. Yeah.
(40:07):
I get them.
Wow. Um, there was something else you said that I wanted to unpack. And
again, my brain is like, Oh darn it. Um, Oh,
it'll come to me later. Okay, so I guess
for the listeners that are at the
(40:28):
beginning of embracing their own
journey of worth, what would you recommend
It's a really good question. So two things. Number
one, it is your birthright. to know that you're worthy.
And you were born with worth, and you came out absolutely perfect
(40:51):
in your Creator's version. And
as we grew up, we were told our name. We
were told what denomination
we were in church. We were told all the things. And
we get stitched, you know, this like beautiful patchwork stitching
(41:13):
that just goes all on. It's all the conditioning, all the isms, all
the society, all this, all the things. And
beneath all of that is your innate knowing, your
intuition, your, your whole of
like, that is that feels right, or that doesn't. And
worthy comes from trusting the knowing that you're
(41:35):
already great. And you're born perfect. You
know, as a coach, you know, this McKinney, right? Our job as
a coach, and I'm an executive leadership and life coach and business coach, my
job is to help you I'm not here. You're the
hero. Like, I'm here to help you figure out the solution that you
So if you're sitting there doubting that that's been stitched on
(41:58):
you, that's where you start. What are you unstitching? Are
you going to start on your left arm? Are you going to start on your shin?
Like, where are you starting? Take some
invisible little scissors and start you
know, like clipping the stitching, because that's
when you're really truly going to feel, and that might be a decision you need to
(42:20):
make, that might need to be a conversation you need to have, that might need to
be an email sent, that may be where you start. That might
be cracking open a plain blank notebook
that starts with saying, I am worthy, and I will believe it
to be so. And just giving yourself that incantation that,
I know if she can do it, I can do it. If Keeney can do it, I can do it. And
(42:41):
you know, I love Jamie Linkerna's book. She's amazing.
Her book on worthy is incredible. Great place to start. But
worthiness comes from inside. And if you are feeling a
lack of purpose or a lack of drive or a feeling of unsureness, you
are your number one responsibility. That's your
(43:02):
Thank you so much. That was perfect. That was absolutely
perfect. Before we go
to the final segment and the rapid fire, I would love if you could tell the
listeners where they could stay connected with you, where they can learn more from
Well, I just told McKinney that my website, I'd like to blow it out. So
no one can go there. We need
(43:25):
to do one. You can follow me on Instagram. My
name is Kim Fitzpatrick. I am Kim underscore M
Fitzpatrick over on Instagram. We also have Fitzlife and
Co, which is another Instagram account. You can hang out
with us there. We have a podcast called Fitzlife Unfiltered. You
can find us on Spotify, Google, you name it, we're there. I
(43:46):
have tunes, all that good stuff. And let's
hang out there. I'm on Facebook, because I'm a geriatric, and
I'll definitely have all of your links in the details section for them to
connect with you. And I'm sure by the time this episode comes out, like in
a month or so, your website will be up. Yeah, and you
(44:08):
can find it. Perfect,
perfect. Okay, so the final segment's
kind of like a rapid fire. You can answer one word, you can answer one
sentence, but I don't like to put anyone into a box, so
if you feel the need to unpack, you're more than welcome to do so. Yeah,
love it. All right. What
(44:31):
is your most repeated thought in a day? You have time.
Love it. What is something that little
Kim would be proud of you for? Everything.
Love it. If you could live
(44:55):
Can't be my life. Okay. Debbie,
my life. Um, Oh my gosh. I
am baby on a beach somewhere. I happy romantic novel on a beach somewhere.
I think. Okay. Okay. Um,
I don't know. I don't answer for that one. Cause I really love my life and
(45:17):
I've been working hard to, um, not
be dissociated from my life. So
I live in my life and in my world, and that feels really powerful. I live
in an opulent world. I live in an opulent world,
That is so powerful for so many reasons, and that would
(45:37):
be like a whole other episode that we're going to have to do to unpack that one.
Why do I want to go to Harvard? I really hate getting my thumbs in my legs. Some
people are going to be like, what's she talking about? And then half the people are
going to be like, I know what she means. I know. I know what it feels like. Like loitering
above your body. Okay. Okay. Keep going.
(46:01):
Okay. Let me see. What? Okay.
If you could create one law that everyone in the world had to follow,
Love more. Love. Lens
of love. Respond with love. Always. That
would be a law. Love a law. I would love a law of love.
(46:25):
Perfect. Perfect. Okay. Last but
When I'm with my family. My, my kids and Jamie.
Yeah. And here at my house in our new house. And we're all together.
The other day we were in the hot tub together and we were just sitting
there together and I was like, this is the best part of my day right here. That's
(46:51):
that is what matters wow thank you so much kim um
i like i my face hurts from smiling so much
because like i am so proud of you i am so happy to
see you your light just like it just shines through
it's lifting my vibration i thank you
not only for the work that you are doing on yourself but
(47:14):
for your family, for the future generations of your family, for
every single soul that connects to you, that you get to empower. I
And I like echo that right back to
you. You know, you are, you are rare air, my
friend. Thank you. Yeah. Thanks.
(47:36):
Thank you, Kim, for sharing your story with
us today. I truly, truly appreciate you. And
to all of our healers out there, thank you for tuning in. Because of
you, we rank globally in the top 1.5% of most popular podcasts
out there. If
today's episode resonated with you, please subscribe, rate
(47:56):
the show, and leave us a review on Apple Podcasts. Let
us know what aha moments you received from
hearing Kim's story, what gems she left you with. If
you can think of one person that would receive
benefit from today's conversation, please share with them. Someone
out there needs this testimony. Screenshot this week's episode. You
(48:19):
can tag us on Instagram. You can tag Kim at Kim underscore
M underscore Fitzpatrick. You can tag myself at
the real McKinney Smith. And let's keep this conversation going. Again,
if today's episode resonated with you, it's time to take
control of your mindset. Renewing Your Mind
(48:40):
is one of my books that gives you the tools to
choose to turn your chaos into
clarity. You can grab your copy today on Amazon or mckinneysmith.com. A
healthy community is a healing community and a healing community is full
I'm Makini Smith. After going through a divorce, my sister passing
away, experiencing narcissistic abuse, and some
significant health scares, I realized through sharing my
story that I wasn't alone in my suffering. Suffering. Subjective
distress generated by the experience of being out of
balance. In a deep dive to holistically heal mind,
(00:21):
body, and soul is where I discovered peace, clarity,
and connection. It is impossible to be truly wise
without some real-life hardship. And we cannot develop
post-traumatic wisdom without making it through, and most
importantly, through it together. Social
connection builds resilience, and resilience helps create
(00:44):
post-traumatic wisdom. And that wisdom leads to hope. Hope
for you and others witnessing and participating in
your healing, and hope for your community. A
healthy community is a healing community, and a healing community is
full of hope because it has seen its own people weather,
survive, and thrive. Before
(01:24):
we get into today's conversation, I have something powerful for you. My
fifth book, Renewing Your Mind, is a guide to transforming chaos
into clarity using proven mindset strategies.
This book was co-written by my business partner and I, Susana Mihilovic.
And if you are ready to shift your perspective, grab your
copy on Amazon or at McKinneySmith.com. Today's
(01:49):
guest is Kim Fitzpatrick. She's an executive business
life and leadership coach dedicated to unlocking the full potential
in those she works with. A dynamic and
heart-centered strategist, she specializes in executive mentorship,
mindset mastery, and holistic life expansion. As
the CEO and founder of Legacy by Kim, she has co-founded
(02:13):
and scaled multiple seven-figure businesses across leadership
coaching, retail, and direct sales, helping countless women
build thriving enterprises. She's the creator of
Awaken Her Clarity Mastermind, the
Executive Council, and other transformative programs. Her
Be Her Now journal serves as the foundation of her successful morning
(02:36):
and life routine. Kim is also the co-host of
the Fitzlife Unfiltered podcast and an international speaker,
having inspired audiences worldwide. Her mission? To
empower individuals to lead with clarity, confidence, and
purpose, creating lasting impact in business and
life. So please welcome to the show Kim
(02:59):
Hello, hello. Thank you so much, McQueenie. It
has been, gosh, well we just were chatting about this, four years.
Been on your show and it is so good to see you.
I have to love this. I'm like, I think you're in
(03:20):
love, aging in reverse. It's like, I love this.
Yeah, the high frequency. It's like reversing the aging. It
is. It totally does that. Thank you. Thank you. It
is so good to see you. It is so good to have you back on the podcast.
Before we started recording, we were talking about how so much has changed since.
And I've been doing this podcast for six
(03:43):
plus years, and you've been on the show twice. There are very few
people that I have on multiple times. But I love you dearly, so I am
honored that you said yes to coming back. It's
been a minute. We had you on in July and
August of 2020, and back then, you
know, we were talking about, you know, unlocking the trauma of
(04:06):
procrastination, you were giving tools, you were talking about your
journey, your story, but obviously, you know, we've stayed
connected. I have watched you evolve. I am so freaking proud of
you. I, like, I just want to hug you and squeeze you.
Like, life has been lifing, but at the same time,
(04:26):
like, the evolution, the self-awareness, the
growth, I am just loving it
all, and I want to get into it all, but I'll let you start
I love the term life has been lifing. Yes to
that. Life has been lifing. I mean where do
(04:48):
I even begin? We've moved, Makini. I've like moved
out of one business that was a decade long that closed
up and I've actually like completely transitioned out of that
into my own coaching business and And,
you know, that feels really, really good and in full, just
(05:08):
full alignment. And, you know, as I was thinking and, and
it was so interesting when McKinney and I were chatting before the show
started is, you know, we were talking about the healing journey and
I said, you know, it's so interesting to me because that doesn't
even resonate with me anymore. And it doesn't mean that
the traumas didn't happen, or the hardships didn't
(05:29):
happen, or the things that we've dealt with didn't happen, but
the transference that's happening and
the transcendence that's happened, and I
would say too, it's transferred out of my body. Like there's been
a transference of energy where I've moved
through things and it's just been a wild ride
(05:51):
and one that I'm proud of because I
did think at one point that I might have been broken forever. And
now I know that I was never broken in the first place. Right?
Never broke in the first place. So knowing that now,
and for those of you that are listening that are like, gosh,
(06:13):
that stung to think, what if I stay broken forever? I
wonder if this could be some sort of an anchor for you to
realize, like, hey, I'm not broken. I love
the quote by Leonard Cohen. It says, ring the bell. You
still can hear. Forget the perfect offering. There
is a crack in everything. That's how the light gets in. Mm,
(06:35):
yes. And it's like, we're not broken. We're
just letting, there's a crack. Yes. Crack in
the foundation. There's a crack in what happened
for you. And the light comes through that. And that's really
where I've been. I think I'm like chasing my light, Makini.
And more importantly, I've been
(06:59):
That's powerful. When you said that quote, it
made me think of, and there are artists that specialize in
doing this, where they take cracked cutlery and cracked
things and in the spaces they use gold and
they make it into this beautiful art for us to admire. So
that's what I was thinking of when you talked about that quote. But also,
(07:21):
I want the listeners to understand the transition because I feel
like with social media, we may see the
highlights of someone's life and feel like that's not attainable for us. Or we may
admire what someone else is doing and feel like, oh, I can't
do that. I don't have the strength to do that, or I don't have the courage to
do that, or any of those things. And then listening to
their actual story, realizing these are human beings that
(07:44):
have overcome adversity. These are people that have done
the work. These are people who are aware, who have intentionally transformed
their lives, and instead of living in victimhood, are
now not only victors in their own
life, but utilizing their potential, utilizing
their skills and their strength to help other people to thrive. So,
(08:08):
you know, previous episode, we talked about
your struggle with unworthiness, the self-doubt. We
talked about your story about losing your mom to cancer. We
talked about your husband's health struggles. We talked about all of those things. So
now hearing the transition of even
your thought process of the past belief that
(08:30):
you thought you were always going to be broken to where you are presently. I
want the listeners to understand that it is
attainable for them too. If it is possible for you, it is possible
Amen. And you know, I think that the work is, it's so interesting,
Makini, because the work is going to be so different for every person. And
(08:52):
the work for me required, number one, We
moved and we moved just recently, like
four or five months ago. And the one thing I realized is
that, you know, even if you move a house or you get
a new car or you get a new job, you
are the reason why all those things will work. You
(09:15):
can't get a new house to escape the old thing
that happened or where you
were. You can't get a new job thinking that those issues
will not follow you if you did not heal them,
work through them, or figure it all out. And
(09:35):
I will share this too, Makini. I was a
professional morning routine guru before
Jamie's heart attack. I was like, nailed it.
It's been five years and I'm still trying to find my rhythm.
And I, I work, I, I'm good. I got it. I got it on lockdown,
(09:56):
but every day I have to remind myself of
the promises that I'm keeping to myself and why I want
to feel this way and why I do this. That's going to keep me in the
elevation, keep me in the vibration, like you said, you know, and
it's these habits that used to be second nature to
me that now require a little bit more effort. And
(10:18):
I believe that when things start to feel really hard, that's
the beginning of the journey. And,
and that's been my greatest lesson is like, I think for a
long time, it's, you know, you get a case of the efforts, you
know, forget it. I'll just drink this away or I'll Netflix
this away or I'll do these things. Yeah, you're gonna numb it.
(10:39):
And that's what I realized the most is like, I just don't numb
anymore. I don't want to numb anymore. I want to be fully present. And
that was the transition of like, so how do
you move yourself through this really hard spot where,
you know, if I'm, if I'm really honest, Makini, I believe that
(11:01):
I was just gonna outwork and work, like,
work 12, 15 hour days to what is that? That's
also numbing. And the biggest growth I've had
is stopping doing that. Having
to sit with myself and having to journal and
invest in different things, but most importantly, investing in myself.
(11:24):
And, you know, really seeing and auditing, hey,
this no longer matches where I'm going. And this no
longer matches where I've been. And, you
know, it's so interesting. In our last podcast, I
know that I talked about my stepmom and, you know, a lot of like animosity
there and like growing up feeling unworthy. And, you know, in 2022, I
(11:46):
actually I
cut her off of my life. And
I just was really honest. And it was one of the hardest conversations I've
ever had to have. It was so painful. But what it did was
it actually stopped the cycle of the power that, you know,
someone had over me. And in fact, you know, five months later,
(12:08):
she actually apologized. And it's
so interesting because for those of you that are listening that are like, if
that person just apologizes, you know, everything will
feel better. And I want to tell you, it didn't actually even
impact me at all, her apology. I had to reconcile that with
Yeah. I had to move forward. I had to say, hey, you
(12:30):
know, I didn't put myself in that story, but I do put myself
in my next chapter. You're going to allow that story
to keep being the author in my head, or I'm going to move on."
That was part of it, and it really affected our family
big time for a really long time, but we are on the other side,
and there's power there, and it doesn't even bother me
(12:52):
now. Yeah.
I wasn't the problem. But the way I was creating the
story in my head to be was like, gosh,
it just it completely changed my life. Ironically,
I was reading Colleen Hoover. Oh, my gosh. It ends with us
(13:14):
and it starts with us. It ends with us, yeah. Yeah, so
it was the ends with us when she leaves. That, I read
that book the night before and like sobbing and
I'm just like really like really thinking about it and then I
walked outside, we were on vacation, I walked outside and in that morning
that's when I got that text. from my seminar,
and I was like, oh my gosh, like the whole book
(13:37):
kind of, it was almost like this whole like, it ends
now. Like, you know, it ends now. It
ends now. And this ends. And it
ends with us. Ironically, the title, it ends with us. Like,
the pain ends at you. It ends where it stays with you. Generational
healing. Yeah. And like healed
(13:58):
my kids. It's healed myself. It's healed me. It's healed my siblings. It's
healed our family because I just move forward.
It doesn't mean the pain didn't happen. It doesn't mean the stuff didn't
happen, but how you handle it is the, is really
the change. So I feel like those are the two biggest things, Makini, like
really changing my outlook of
(14:19):
like how I want to be and how I want to show up and knowing
what I need more of and knowing what I don't need any more
Yep. I get it 1000%. There was
so much that you said there that I want to unpack that we probably won't even have enough time
to get into, but I want to make sure that the listeners are taking notes
because a couple of things that you spoke to, one is being
(14:43):
able to give yourself closure. I think there are so many people waiting for
someone else to give them closure, but what if that person never gives
you that closure? So you're going to spend the rest of your life waiting on
someone else? Stop giving them that power. So you took your power
back. And good on you where you made
the decision to cut your stepmother off when you did because I
(15:05):
feel like for a lot of people when it comes to family they excuse a lot of behaviors
based on titles. They're afraid to address the
behavior because that's your aunt, because that's
your mom, because that's your stepmom, what have you. So good on you
for doing that because My therapist actually gave me permission to
cut a family member off that I've been struggling with. So,
(15:26):
I get it. And then there's also where you talked about, like, it's no longer allowing
that person to trigger you. Because when we're walking around, it's like walking around
with a loaded gun. It's your finger on the trigger, right? And then you're having
explosive moments of emotions and all these things happening. So,
you now taking back your power and
the control of your thoughts, feelings, and actions. You
(15:48):
spoke to even moving. I love that for so many reasons, and
I agree absolutely with what you said. And I also want
to add in, I know that when I was going, or I
guess when I had my aha moment that I realized I really needed to
go deeper in my healing journey, I moved homes,
I sold my car, I got rid of all my furniture, I
(16:08):
wanted to start fresh, not because I was running from those
things, but those things were attached to memories with a person that
I no longer wanted to stay connected to. So, although
I moved, if I wasn't doing the actual
work during that move, if I wasn't going to therapy every week, if
I wasn't doing all the personal development, you know, nothing might have changed,
(16:30):
but it helped eliminate all of the triggers. And
then good on you for even when you receive
that text with the apology. It's like you
have done the work and come to the place where you're like,
OK, that's great that you've apologized. And I feel like sometimes
some apologies can be performative unless they come with changed behavior. And
(16:52):
I know that it can go either way, but good on you for
being the bigger person and be like, yep, I'm good. I'm over
Like, I'm done. It's so
interesting what you just said, because nothing's really changed.
This is important for any work name that's like,
but I've changed. The attachment and
(17:14):
the way that I respond to the still same behavior doesn't
touch me anymore. What you just said was really important.
An apology without changed behavior is performative. That,
big check. But it also is, I didn't need
that. So now I know that I'm good. Like, I got this. Like, let's
(17:35):
move forward. Right? So, you know, then what I found is
that even, even if it was maybe performative, or like, I just let's
move on, or nothing really changed, I changed. You
can change as a listener, right? You can change how
you interpret or how you respond or how you engage with the
situation, right? I feel like that's a good distinction for
(17:58):
those listening because you're right. The
only person's behavior you can change is your own. Absolutely. Even
that's hard. You know this, McKinney, right?
You do this for a living. Like, help people where they change their behaviors.
So it's like, you know, it's really important to remember that. Like,
(18:18):
you're the only one in charge. And that was my biggest aha. No
one's going to come in and move my body for me. No
one's going to stop me from going to bed late. No
one's going to fuel me the way I need to be fueled so that I have energy to
pursue the huge career I want. And
(18:38):
that can either be disempowering for some because they're like, whoa, that feels like
a really big responsibility. Or it can
be like, I'm in training, I'm an athlete, I'm going to get in
the ring, right? I'm going to get in the arena.
I love Brene Brown. I think it was Brene Brown's quote or someone's quote
about being in the arena. It's like get in the arena. And
part of being in the arena is like, how are you training yourself? How
(19:07):
I love how you also spoke to, and now
my brain is like, the perimenopause brain is like, what? I
forgot what I was going to say. Darn it.
You talked about chasing the feeling of how you want to feel, the life that
you want to live. I think there
are so many people that are in a circumstance or
(19:28):
looking at their lives and feeling powerless and not realizing
how much power they actually have and how much change they can actually
make in a short amount of time. And it's being intentional of
what you want your life to look like. It's being intentional of what you want your
life to feel like. So I think that was very, very important. I
remember I said that once in like a story or TikTok or something and someone was like, what
(19:49):
does that even mean? It's like, for the last four or five years,
I've been chasing what I want my life to feel like, what I want it
to look like. I don't want it to be focused on the past
hurts, the past traumas, all those things. It's like, I
want to feel loved. I want to feel joy. I want to feel excitement. I want to feel
peace. I want to feel all those things. So anytime I
(20:09):
say yes to something, If it feels like it's
going to make me feel how I don't want to feel, it's a no thank you. Yeah,
exactly. And you also spoke about understanding
the, I guess, the avoidance or the numbing things
that we naturally do. Like, we all have different
(20:29):
ways of coping. We all have our trauma responses. And
I'm halfway through learning this lesson right now myself because even
though I've been going to therapy every week for like almost
two years now, I joined this group trauma
therapy weekly to get deeper to the
root of a lot of my stuff so that I'm, I'm
(20:51):
going to say, better at overcoming these things. And
it's almost like a 12-step program, but it's teaching us to figure out what
our drug of choice is, what our numbing mechanism is for our
trauma. And for some people that could be
binge-watching TV, it could be alcohol, it could be drugs. I've learned for
myself it's isolation and shopping. So
(21:12):
it's like once you learn what
your drug of choice is, and how to
put a plan in place to have a different behavior and
to do differently, right? It affects how we do things. It
affects our healing journey. And it also does affect
the, I'm going to say the generational healing, because if I even look at
(21:33):
my, my daughters who are in their twenties and I look at their behaviors and
it's like, oh, they do the isolating and shopping too.
Okay. Like, you know, how can we stop this generational
pattern of Unhealthy behavior and actually
address what the issue is so that we can heal and thrive Yeah,
I you know, it was interesting. I was listening to What's
(21:57):
his name russell? He's got the british accent. He's in all those
movies Is it russell? Uh
Anyway, he wrote a book on this and he said he's in he was an
addict and you know, very successful very successful actor
and well-known. And he wrote a book on this and he said, he's
like, you know, it's interesting. He's like, I'm an addict. He goes, I'm a sex addict.
(22:19):
I'm a drug addict. I'm an alcoholic. Yet there
are women and men walking around with multiple addictions
that just aren't seen as bad as mine. But yet they're spending all
their money. They're shopping. They're numbing. They're whatever it is,
binge watching. There is. And I think it's really important what you just
shared because, you know, I read the book Codependent No More. And
(22:42):
that was a really good resource. I've actually read that three times. And
we get, I believe that some of us, especially
those that have gone through really hard things in their life and had their
lived experiences that are unlike other people's. And
that is where I realized I was actually codependent on
the pain. That's
(23:06):
a big one. Say that again. I was codependent on
the pain. Because the pain, I was codependent on
the pain. And when I learned that I was codependent on
the pain, then I could realize what else I was codependent on. And
those were relationships. Those were the numbing things. I
was codependent on the pain because I could control feeling shitty.
(23:29):
Well, if I feel pain and
terrible and blah, then I can be justified in
my misery. Say how dare look
you don't know how hard I had it that is an easy victim life. Mm-hmm,
but I'll tell you it's the hard life Absolutely not
changed my life. I was like, I'm not a victim and I'm not gonna
(23:50):
live as a victim anymore Business changed my
income. It changed everything. I love it.
I love it. I love it. See, the reason I wanted you to
repeat that is because I know people that are addicted to
(24:10):
the pain. I know people that live in the pain because
of the attention that they get from it and all of the things and
that is their safe space. That is where they feel comfortable
and very fewer that I
know are willing to admit it. So I wanted you to repeat that because I
know that there is someone that is listening that needs to hear that. I'm reading
(24:31):
The Myth of Normal by Gaber, is it Gaber Matei? I can't
pronounce his name properly. But he was talking about, because he studies like
trauma and addiction and ADHD and all these things, and he was talking about a
lot of people with addictions what they're actually
chasing is that dopamine hit, right? But if we look at
why are they chasing that dopamine hit and we get to the root of
(24:52):
it, we can, you know, figure out what their trauma is, what
their coping mechanisms are, and actually like breaking those things apart. But I
think so many people are afraid of what
they will learn about themselves or they're afraid to unpack
pandora's box and you know remember things about their past
or doing the work is hard and like
(25:13):
you said before there are different ways that doing the work looks like
for different people I know it's been very uncomfortable
for me. And in so many ways, it's forced
me to have uncomfortable conversations with my children. It's
forced me to be the most vulnerable
I've ever been in my entire life in my relationship. It
(25:35):
has forced me to have uncomfortable conversations or
disconnect from family or people that I quote-unquote love. you
know, it's forced me to look at friendships differently. It's forced me to even look at
the business that I do differently and the clients that
I'm willing to take on because it's a no thank you for me if it's someone that's
going to, like, drain all my energy and, you know, cause me to
(25:55):
go be depressed. It's also forced me to
put stronger boundaries in place And I'm
a heavy empath. I love to help people. My friends are like,
I'm one of the first people they come to when they need support or if they want to recommend
someone, you know, that's going through something. I'm the one that gets
a phone call. But now understanding, OK, I
(26:18):
can't be all things for
all people. And it's like I got in trouble
for my therapist on my last trip because we met a woman in the lobby
two o'clock in the morning, trigger warning, I couldn't walk
away from seeing a woman sitting there crying in a foreign country. She's
surrounded by these men who look like security guards, and when I approached her to ask if
(26:40):
she was okay, I found out that the guy that she came
there with beat the crap out of her, and I couldn't leave her there like that. spending
days stressing about her, helping her, going through all of that when it
was supposed to be my vacation. You know, my therapist is like, I know you
meant well, but yeah.
(27:00):
So it's like learning all of these ways of
being that are so different than what we've been used
to or how we, you know, typically operate. But I
just, I wanted to highlight those things
that you said, because I feel like there are things that people that
may go over someone's head if they're not listening clearly. Because I
(27:21):
definitely believe healed ears hear differently. And
when we are not open, we're
not open to receiving, we're not open to understanding, we
stay stuck. We stay in our pain. We stay in the same place.
You know, we talked about before we started recording. if we were
in the same place we were four years from now, or four years ago, that would
(27:42):
be a problem, right? And I know people that are still in
the same place that they were four years ago, but they're not willing
to hear or to do the work. They're
not willing to be self-aware. You know, it's
not just about I
want to say it's not just about ourselves. We affect
(28:02):
every single person that we come into contact with. There's a
huge domino effect and we don't even realize it. I
appreciate your honesty, your vulnerability. And if
I haven't said this already, the first time I had you on the podcast, that
was one of our top 10 episodes for years because
(28:23):
of your honesty and your transparency. So I appreciate
All the tea. We're going
to be like, who is this calm, quiet human on
this podcast? She's serene. She's serene.
The opposite of me being like, you know, because
I was in this fight or flight you
(28:46):
know, phase in my life, Makini, where I was
just boldly speaking my truth and there were people that did not like it.
And there were people that were not okay with it. And I
was like, I don't care. I am
not going to sit here. And, you know, one of the things I love is that
saying of like, if you do not like the role that you are being
(29:11):
because do not allow people to gaslight as to
like, you know, or reminisce. What is it? Uh, uh,
revisionist history. I remember
sending an email that just said, I will not engage
in your revenue, your revisionist history of
my lived experience. Have
(29:35):
a beautiful day. God
bless you. And if you've got you and
block sender. No, it's like, blame is
like, revisionist history is a real
thing. And for those of you that are like, what is that? Go Google it. It's really
powerful. It's like revisionist history is gaslighting. That's
(29:57):
when people are like, No, that did not happen to you. This is how it
happened. You are happy. This was perfect. I
don't know what you're talking about. You must be, you know, I was told you,
no, no, you've had a mental illness. Wow. That's why
you were not easier to love. And I was like, and I
was like, you know, I didn't I didn't have a mental illness. I don't have
(30:19):
a mental illness. Even if that did happen, I did have a clinical anxiety
and anxiety diagnoses from trauma and
But that that like but you know, so it's like instead of
trying to label the person which people will do, you have
to really govern yourself with like, you have to
know And trigger warning, if that was a trigger warning
(30:42):
for everyone, anyone, I just want to caveat that, but it's like,
you have to know your ground. And that takes like what
McKinney said, like therapy, weekly therapy, support, you
know, like we had, I had a whole psychotherapy team come in
and evaluate everything, you know, and it's like,
just really important to know that, like where you, what
happened to you. is important to know
(31:05):
and then how you process that is
up to you. Yeah. And that's really what
I would say, you know, like that's where I've been the last four years. McKinney
is like processing and reintegrating and
reprogramming and reconnecting and,
you know, living and allowing myself to live in a period of disalignment. So
(31:31):
I love that. I like And
that last line you said there, allowing yourself to
live in a state of disalignment. So I'm going
to try not to get too technical, because if people are listening, they're probably not going to understand what the hell I'm talking about.
So when I was learning about overcoming fear from
(31:53):
Bob Proctor, and we're talking about the transition from
living in bondage to getting to where you want
to thrive, There's a
part where your mind, your
brain, when it wants to get to this new level, or
this new life that you've never lived before, or
(32:14):
this new scenario or thing, you're in a state of
misalignment. So it feels, I
guess within the body, it'll feel like anxiety, right? But
you and I both know that anxiety also feels the same as excitement
within the body, right? It's about how we we
(32:34):
choose to express that or how we choose to perceive
that. But when you allow yourself
to catch up with both being in
alignment at the same time, when you allow yourself
to temporarily be in the misalignment
(32:57):
and feel that uncomfortability and you
push through it, that's where the rewards are. So I,
when you said that last line, it made me
even more proud of you. I, I am like, I'm
now I'm like, don't get emotional. Um, it
made me so freaking proud of you because I feel like allowing
(33:22):
for some people is especially allowing
themselves to be in the uncomfortable place.
It's what a lot of people are not willing to do, which is what is blocking them
from the blessings that they desire. Yeah. So I'm
Amen. So
(33:43):
proud of you. Thanks, Lupini. It
feels good, you know, and like, I'm proud. I'm proud,
too, you know, and I think there's a lot of merit in that, is asking
yourself, are you proud of the life you're living? Are
you proud of the decisions you're making? And I
will share this too. Are you proud of the decisions you're
(34:05):
making behind closed doors where no one's looking? Yes. There's
a huge difference with how you show up, right, on social or
whatever that is. And some of you may not have social, so this is even
more important for those of you that are listening that, you know, you go to
school, you go to work, you drop your kids off, and you're just happy
in public, right? you know, you
(34:26):
never crap the window down. keeping yourself in
this, like, rigid space, you know, I always want to ask
you, like, how is that serving you? And I believe that true
joy in life is, like, I'm the happiest I've ever been.
You know, I really, I'm really trying to figure that all out of, like, what does
that keep feeling like? And how can I continue to
(34:47):
create this ideal state where I'm in alignment with my work, my
career, my business, my relationships? Well, that takes me
auditing how I'm feeling when no one's around. What
I'm thinking and how I act
behind the closed doors. And you're the only one that's going to know the thoughts when
you lay your head on the pillow. You're the only one who can know that. So
(35:09):
that's another piece of advice I have is talk to
yourself more than you listen to yourself. And feed yourself those
good things. And know that you are worth that. Because your identity is
what is keeping you either hostage in
your past life, or it's your freedom into your
(35:29):
Amen. Listen, God cannot bless who we pretend to be. So
if we are pretending on the outside for the world and
inside we feel like crap or we're not the same person. Or
we're bitter or in contempt. Yeah. Exactly. We're
not going to see the results in our life that
we desire. So we have to be in alignment with
(35:51):
that. Just
thank you. Again, thank you. I
always get excited when I have a guest that I'm in alignment with because that
keeps me on a high for the rest of the day. I'm like, I am good. I
don't need coffee. I don't need no sugar. I don't need nothing. I
(36:12):
got Kim. What? This is amazing. Exactly.
Okay, so I guess I know that you
mentioned, you know, you used to be great
at your morning routines and now, you know, you struggle with
that. I know that when we are
(36:32):
intentionally working on our lives, obviously there are things that
we try to have in place, routines, rituals, habits, to
keep us on that higher vibration, to keep us on the right track. What
presently are some of your daily habits or
routines that are non-negotiables for maintaining your well-being right
(36:52):
So I wrote a journal. after our podcast called
Be Her Now. And that
is one non-negotiable for me, is my journal and rooting myself
in my gratitude, in my dreams. And the
one part in particular that if like, even if it's a busy morning,
(37:12):
is I always ask myself this thing, today will be I
will be. I will show up as. And
it's commanding, you know, I love that, right? As I
am, as God, as Jesus, as faith, as source, it's like, you know, in
the name that I am that I am, well, you're commanding how you're choosing to
show up that day. So that's like number one non-negotiable for me. Number
(37:34):
two, I've also been like really gentle with myself because I
believe that when you're in transition, you do require more rest. And
I remember being like the five hour, a club sleeper
for a long time and that I, we moved
out to wine country. And I can't
(37:54):
get enough sleep. Like, I don't know. Like, I'm
now retired. I'm like, I'm
only 43. Like, why am I
sleeping in? Like, I don't know. There's the air out here, McKinney. It's
the energy's different. But I'm like, it's
amazing. So I am honoring. I really
(38:18):
do believe that I'm catching up on years. of
under-sleeping. So that's important to me. Like,
seven to eight hours of sleep a night is now non-negotiable for me. In
order for me to be where I want to be, career-wise, income-wise, success-wise,
coaching-wise, presence-wise, not sleeping is
no longer, no longer in alignment. So that's
(38:39):
number one. So number, so number one is a great sleep. I'm in a bookend, making
sure that I'm getting to bed on time so I can get up. And then
I love to do my journal. I do my gratitude. I love being done.
But that's it, you know, like, I'm trying to keep this less complicated, bikini.
And I used to have the longest morning routine.
(39:00):
And I still you give me a pencil and a pen and a journal
and I will write all morning. Right. But you
know, it's important. I, I also read my my
future life script, my vision story. And
I call her in every day. Yes. And that's
really important to me. So those are, I think, if anything, more
(39:22):
of a non-negotiable is more of the journal and the mindset work. And
that's a non-negotiable for me every single morning. And
I love it. I love it.
I don't know if it's as we get older, we realize the
importance of our sleep. I
(39:44):
cannot function, I say this all the time in the podcast, but
I cannot function with less than 7 hours and 20 minutes sleep. My
bed is like, girl, no. My
Yeah, my aura ring is angry and I need to have frowns. Yeah.
(40:07):
I get them.
Wow. Um, there was something else you said that I wanted to unpack. And
again, my brain is like, Oh darn it. Um, Oh,
it'll come to me later. Okay, so I guess
for the listeners that are at the
(40:28):
beginning of embracing their own
journey of worth, what would you recommend
It's a really good question. So two things. Number
one, it is your birthright. to know that you're worthy.
And you were born with worth, and you came out absolutely perfect
(40:51):
in your Creator's version. And
as we grew up, we were told our name. We
were told what denomination
we were in church. We were told all the things. And
we get stitched, you know, this like beautiful patchwork stitching
(41:13):
that just goes all on. It's all the conditioning, all the isms, all
the society, all this, all the things. And
beneath all of that is your innate knowing, your
intuition, your, your whole of
like, that is that feels right, or that doesn't. And
worthy comes from trusting the knowing that you're
(41:35):
already great. And you're born perfect. You
know, as a coach, you know, this McKinney, right? Our job as
a coach, and I'm an executive leadership and life coach and business coach, my
job is to help you I'm not here. You're the
hero. Like, I'm here to help you figure out the solution that you
So if you're sitting there doubting that that's been stitched on
(41:58):
you, that's where you start. What are you unstitching? Are
you going to start on your left arm? Are you going to start on your shin?
Like, where are you starting? Take some
invisible little scissors and start you
know, like clipping the stitching, because that's
when you're really truly going to feel, and that might be a decision you need to
(42:20):
make, that might need to be a conversation you need to have, that might need to
be an email sent, that may be where you start. That might
be cracking open a plain blank notebook
that starts with saying, I am worthy, and I will believe it
to be so. And just giving yourself that incantation that,
I know if she can do it, I can do it. If Keeney can do it, I can do it. And
(42:41):
you know, I love Jamie Linkerna's book. She's amazing.
Her book on worthy is incredible. Great place to start. But
worthiness comes from inside. And if you are feeling a
lack of purpose or a lack of drive or a feeling of unsureness, you
are your number one responsibility. That's your
(43:02):
Thank you so much. That was perfect. That was absolutely
perfect. Before we go
to the final segment and the rapid fire, I would love if you could tell the
listeners where they could stay connected with you, where they can learn more from
Well, I just told McKinney that my website, I'd like to blow it out. So
no one can go there. We need
(43:25):
to do one. You can follow me on Instagram. My
name is Kim Fitzpatrick. I am Kim underscore M
Fitzpatrick over on Instagram. We also have Fitzlife and
Co, which is another Instagram account. You can hang out
with us there. We have a podcast called Fitzlife Unfiltered. You
can find us on Spotify, Google, you name it, we're there. I
(43:46):
have tunes, all that good stuff. And let's
hang out there. I'm on Facebook, because I'm a geriatric, and
I'll definitely have all of your links in the details section for them to
connect with you. And I'm sure by the time this episode comes out, like in
a month or so, your website will be up. Yeah, and you
(44:08):
can find it. Perfect,
perfect. Okay, so the final segment's
kind of like a rapid fire. You can answer one word, you can answer one
sentence, but I don't like to put anyone into a box, so
if you feel the need to unpack, you're more than welcome to do so. Yeah,
love it. All right. What
(44:31):
is your most repeated thought in a day? You have time.
Love it. What is something that little
Kim would be proud of you for? Everything.
Love it. If you could live
(44:55):
Can't be my life. Okay. Debbie,
my life. Um, Oh my gosh. I
am baby on a beach somewhere. I happy romantic novel on a beach somewhere.
I think. Okay. Okay. Um,
I don't know. I don't answer for that one. Cause I really love my life and
(45:17):
I've been working hard to, um, not
be dissociated from my life. So
I live in my life and in my world, and that feels really powerful. I live
in an opulent world. I live in an opulent world,
That is so powerful for so many reasons, and that would
(45:37):
be like a whole other episode that we're going to have to do to unpack that one.
Why do I want to go to Harvard? I really hate getting my thumbs in my legs. Some
people are going to be like, what's she talking about? And then half the people are
going to be like, I know what she means. I know. I know what it feels like. Like loitering
above your body. Okay. Okay. Keep going.
(46:01):
Okay. Let me see. What? Okay.
If you could create one law that everyone in the world had to follow,
Love more. Love. Lens
of love. Respond with love. Always. That
would be a law. Love a law. I would love a law of love.
(46:25):
Perfect. Perfect. Okay. Last but
When I'm with my family. My, my kids and Jamie.
Yeah. And here at my house in our new house. And we're all together.
The other day we were in the hot tub together and we were just sitting
there together and I was like, this is the best part of my day right here. That's
(46:51):
that is what matters wow thank you so much kim um
i like i my face hurts from smiling so much
because like i am so proud of you i am so happy to
see you your light just like it just shines through
it's lifting my vibration i thank you
not only for the work that you are doing on yourself but
(47:14):
for your family, for the future generations of your family, for
every single soul that connects to you, that you get to empower. I
And I like echo that right back to
you. You know, you are, you are rare air, my
friend. Thank you. Yeah. Thanks.
(47:36):
Thank you, Kim, for sharing your story with
us today. I truly, truly appreciate you. And
to all of our healers out there, thank you for tuning in. Because of
you, we rank globally in the top 1.5% of most popular podcasts
out there. If
today's episode resonated with you, please subscribe, rate
(47:56):
the show, and leave us a review on Apple Podcasts. Let
us know what aha moments you received from
hearing Kim's story, what gems she left you with. If
you can think of one person that would receive
benefit from today's conversation, please share with them. Someone
out there needs this testimony. Screenshot this week's episode. You
(48:19):
can tag us on Instagram. You can tag Kim at Kim underscore
M underscore Fitzpatrick. You can tag myself at
the real McKinney Smith. And let's keep this conversation going. Again,
if today's episode resonated with you, it's time to take
control of your mindset. Renewing Your Mind
(48:40):
is one of my books that gives you the tools to
choose to turn your chaos into
clarity. You can grab your copy today on Amazon or mckinneysmith.com. A
healthy community is a healing community and a healing community is full
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