Lisa Marie Lovett "Healing Generational Wounds through Parent-Child Relationships"

Episode Transcript
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Makini Smith (00:00):
I'm Makini Smith. After going through a
divorce, my sister passing away, experiencing narcissistic
abuse and some significant health scares, I
realized through sharing my story that I
wasn't alone in my suffering. Suffering, subjective
distress generated by the experience of being
out of balance, in a deep dive
to holistically heal mind, body and soul

(00:22):
is where I discovered peace, clarity and
connection. It is impossible to be truly
wise without some real life hardship and
we cannot develop post traumatic wisdom without
making it through and most importantly, through
it together. Social connection builds resilience and
resilience helps create post traumatic wisdom. And

(00:45):
that wisdom leads to hope. Hope for
you and others, witnessing and participating in
your healing and hope for your community.
A healthy community is a healing community
and a healing community is full of
hope because it has seen its own
people weather, survive and thrive. Have you

(01:11):
ever faced struggles that made you question
your strength and in welcome My Stilettos
how to get through the Struggle With
Grace my first book, I share my
personal testimony through adversity, teen motherhood, divorce,
loss, showing you how to navigate life's
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just my story, it's your roadmap to

(01:33):
resilience. So get your copy today and
start walking in your own power. You
can grab a copy on Amazon or@mckinneysmith.com
Today's guest is Lisa Marie Lovett. She's
a poet, writer, photograph and speaker passionate

(01:54):
about storytelling, healing and mental wellness. With
over a decade of professional photography experience,
she captures powerful narratives that inspire reflection
and growth. Holding a Bachelor of Science
in Psychology and pursuing a Master's in
the field, she blends academic insight with

(02:15):
creative expression to explore themes of faith,
self care and personal transformation. Through her
platform seasoned dialogue, she shares vocal hugs,
spoken word and poetry centered on God,
peace and healing. Lisa Marie uses her
journey to encourage others, making her a

(02:36):
guiding voice in the wellness and creative
space. Please welcome to the show. Lisa
Marie hey, thank you so so much
again for agreeing to share your story,
your wisdom and your expertise with us.
I do not take your time lightly.

(02:57):
I strongly admire every person that I've
asked to be on this podcast. So
I know that there are a million
places that you could be right now
and you've chosen to be here and
I am excited for the experience that
we are going to co create for
the listener. So thank you again.

Lisa-Marie Lovett (03:12):
Thank you so much.

So I originally I started following you.
I think it's been, it's been over
a year for sure, probably a lot
longer and interesting enough how I was
brought to your page is someone had
shared one of your poems with me

(03:37):
and it was interesting story. So my.
One of my exes who was toxic,
his partner that he had broken up
with, who was on her healing journey,

(03:58):
had her and I had connected to
basically heal. Not. I don't want to
say healing. Basically I'm going to say
to apologize to each other for any
friction that may have happened due to
this individual. And we started sharing inspiring
posts with each other. Your page was

(04:18):
one that she shared with me.

Wow.

So I guess how I was brought
to your page, you know, has, has
a lot of meaning. But when I
found out that you were coming to
Toronto, I was like, I'm in. I
was probably one of the first people
about my seat. I was like, I
am in.

Oh, I love it.

I. I appreciate and I feel like,
okay, I'm like totally fangirling right now.
But I appreciate your authenticity. I appreciate
how you express your creativity. I appreciate
the energy that you share through your
creativity, your voice, just even how you

(05:03):
present when you are sharing your creativity
on social media. I appreciate that in
so many, so many ways.

Thank you.

Okay, I'm done. So I love to
start the show with an icebreaker question
because I love to get to know
you on a deeper level before we
get to know who you are today.
I love to ask about your childhood

(05:35):
because I feel like as kids we
have these vivid imaginations of who and
what we want to be as a
child and then whether it be unintentionally
our family, our environment, society, that shifts
that view that we had or shifts
our vivid imaginations and tells us that
we need to be, be realistic or

(05:57):
conform to something else. So I would
love to know who or what did
Lisa want to be when she was
a little girl?

Oh, girl, I wanted to be Whitney
Houston. Come on, don't do it. I
idolize Whitney Houston. I do sing, but
baby, I ain't finna sing, but it
was her. So my mom and dad,
that's back in the day when they
had vinyls, right? So they had a

(06:27):
plethora of albums. But my dad loved
Whitney Houston and I would look at
these album covers of her and I
thought how beautiful and graceful this woman
actually was. She was a little tiny
thing, but she had a voice that
was so larger than life. And I
would literally like watch her on the
screen and just say, this is the

(06:48):
most beautiful woman. But then again, I
identified that she was a brown skinned
woman as well. Right. And then she,
you know, she would keep her Hair
short, and she have it big. And
she was just larger than life. It
wasn't so much of. It wasn't so
much of her voice. I think it
was her angelic presence and the way

(07:10):
that she just poured out. And also,
she was just a beautiful, beautiful woman
to me. Yeah. So I want to
be Whitney Houston, baby.

Okay, so. Okay. Whitney Houston symbolizes so
many things. You know, her. Her voice,
her creativity, her beauty, all of those
things. And I always like to see,
like, the connection between who or what
we wanted to be versus who we've
become. So what inspired you on your

(07:42):
journey into poetry writing and all of
the creative ways that you express yourself
today?

Two parts. So my dad was so.
He. He loved to, like, draw, illustrate.
He was more artistic. He was an
artistic Leo. So he loved music, he
loved building. He just. He had a
love for the arts. My mom was
very, very educated, so she was always
reading something, studying, and so she poured

(08:09):
that into me. So my idle time,
baby, when everybody was outside playing, my
mother was like, oh, you ain't got
homework. Come read this book. So she
would literally. No lie, she would literally
give me, like, books that she had
in college, which was like, black history
or just anything, and put it in
front of me and say, utilize this.
Spend the time you don't have homework.

(08:30):
You're going to spend the same time
that you do doing homework, reading something.
And then beyond that. Now, while I
took that as. Because I hated it.
I mean, I hated it. And my
mom also. She would. So if. If
I read a book, she would say,
okay, here's a thesaurus. Look up a

(08:51):
word. Here's the dictionary. Look up a
word. So it was the push. Now
I understand, of course, as an adult,
it was the push to make me
greater than what I. What I was.
Right? And I think that that is
helpful because when I'm writing, the vocabulary

(09:11):
is so expansive. So it's nothing that
I have to research or look up.
It's like, I know these words because
these words were in front of me.
You know what I'm saying? And utilizing
writing. My mother was also a stickler
on English as well. So it was
revise this, you know, write it this
way or articulate this word this way.

(09:33):
So I do believe that the artistic
being in a household where my dad
was like, oh, you know, you can
be free to express and do whatever.
And my mother's staunch approach to education,
it meshed and it created something that
was like, okay, I think this is
my thing.

I can totally see that. Like, your
Your dad being the free spirited creative
and your mom being the strict academic.
How that created the beautiful art that
you create today. That is so thought
provoking. Yes, I can totally see it.
Okay, so was there like a pivotal
moment that shaped your creative expression?

So I would say I've always, I've
always written. It was just, it came
second nature to me. But journaling was
always my go to. So I would
write firsthand about, I mean, girl school,
you know, because you've got a life
beyond that, you know, school or even

(10:42):
just personal things that I may have
been. It didn't get to that point
until my teenage years and I really
reached deep into me and began to
write. And it just kind of blossomed
from there. I think I just picked
up on and knew that if I
was going to do anything, it wasn't

(11:03):
going to be necessarily something paired with
academia, but something with art. Because art
was my first love. That was one
of the things, both of my parents,
they were like, okay, she loves to
draw, she likes music. I used to
play the piano, baby, I ain't took
piano lessons in so long, but I
know a little tune. So I, I
mean, my parents are great at seeing

(11:26):
what we had, my brother and I,
and honing onto that thing. It wasn't
a push to do something outside of
it. And I'm blessed to have that
experience. Because I wasn't pushed in the
corner, I was allowed to kind of,
you know, find my way.

Yeah, I love that. And I, I
even, I feel like I appreciate that
on a different level because that's how
I am as a parent with my
children. And because I was a young
mom, like I had my, my eldest
when I was 17, and I'm turning
45 this year. But like, people around
me, seeing the freedom that I gave

(12:02):
my kids to do what they wanted
to do, if I saw them interested
in something, I'm gonna support that, I'm
gonna put my money behind that. I'm
gonna, you know, push them to embrace
that. And other parents are like, well,
how are you allowing your child to
do this? So it was like constantly
being questioned.

Yes.

I, I don't regret allowing them to
be who God created.

That's right. That's my, I love that.
Yes.

Okay, so your, your dad had the,
the, the creative inspiration on you. Your
mom had the academic inspiration on you.
How has your background in psychology influenced
your storytelling?

Okay, so we about to go deep,
my baby. We about to go deep.
So, you know, everybody has memory of
childhood, right? And so you have a
place where it's like, oh, this is
just how things are. And then you
realize, oh, that might have been bad.
That might have been bad. There was

(13:08):
a time my father died when I
was 10, and my mother and father
were like, stuck to the hip. I
mean, they were. Oh, my goodness. If
I had the example of a loving
couple, they really were, they loved each
other.
But after my father died, my mother
really, she went into depression. And I

(13:32):
experienced some things that I had never
experienced before from my mother not realizing
that at the time. You know, again,
as children, we kind of just. We
soak in what we see and our
understanding doesn't go beyond that point in
which we are. And so my mother
had the, you know, the textbook symptoms,

(13:54):
the crying. She didn't cook. You know,
she was just depressed. And then it
evolved into anger, something that I had
never seen from my mother. So she
was quick to get upset, stressed. And
because she couldn't contain it or she
didn't know how to do anything with
it, what ended up happening was because

(14:17):
I was the first, you know, person
to go to.
My mother would. She would physically hit
me, he would call me names. Again,
understanding that my mother was under a
lot of stress, but I couldn't see
beyond the thought of. I'm a 10,

(14:37):
11, 12 year old girl, and I
am going through a transformation as well.
I've lost my dad, and I'm also
growing and not understanding what's going on.
And then as I got older, it
got worse for my mother. She was
offered from her job, mental health care.

(15:01):
She declined. But also, you have to
understand, I mean, my mother was a
very strong black woman. Baby, we gonna
pray about it. We're gonna take it
to the Lord. And even then in
the 90s, something like that was. It
still was frowned upon if you went
to see a therapist. It's something. And

(15:23):
I think she wanted to just maintain
the stability in her job as well.
So she didn't want to go outside
of that. And again, as I got
older, I started noticing things about my
mother that became apparent. We would have
conversations, she would shut down on me,
or we just wouldn't talk.
We had a very in and out

(15:43):
relationship. There were times that, I mean,
we went months. The longest time that
we went without talking was three years,
almost three years. And that's when I
recognized that my mother didn't have the.
She didn't have the bandwidth nor the
capacity to hear me. I was no
longer like, I'm her child, but I'm

(16:06):
also an adult. And so when I
Wanted to meet her in conversations where
we could have an understanding or talk
about things that still affected me as
a young woman. It was a pushback,
and it's hard when you can't have
a conversation about that. And so when
I went back to school, I said,
you know, I didn't know at the

(16:27):
time what I actually wanted to, because
initially I went for journalism, and when
I went back to school, I started
looking over everything, and I said, I
think I want to.
I think I want to walk into
the study of psychology. For me, it
was understanding, number one, I was always
interested in how people behave. I'm a

(16:48):
very observant person. But then this was
a personal thing because I wanted to
understand more than anything why it is
that people have different behaviors based on
a certain circumstance. And so it was
just, okay, I'm gonna do this. And
then I became very interested. So the

(17:08):
portal of everything started to open up.
I started reading studies, especially about black.
I started reading about depression. So it
opened up so much. So I would
say the study of psychology was definitely
because I wanted to understand my mother
and then open up a gateway to
understanding human beings in general.

Wow. There's so much I want to
unpack there. Like, I have goosebumps. First
of all, I'm sorry that you lost
both your parents.

Yes, thank you.

No idea what that would even feel
like. Second, so this is, what, six
and a half years since I've been
recording this podcast. And prior to that,
I was doing interviews on. On social.
So with over, I don't know, almost
400 conversations, one thing that I have
noticed is our pain births our purpose.

Come on. Every time.

It'S like, you know, people don't want
to go through things. They try to
avoid hurt and all the things. But
the common theme that I have seen
with every conversation, including my own life,
is we were able to transmute that
pain into something beautiful. So as much
as it hurts that we have to
go through those things, it's our teacher,

(18:29):
it's our guide.

Yeah.

Wow. There was so much that you
said there that I'm like, okay, I
want to unpack this and want to
unpack that. And then my brain was
like, I don't remember. I. When you
shared that. That story at the event
in Toronto, like, I was in. And

(18:54):
I feel like sometimes when we can
deeply relate and connect to someone's story
and see how it fits within ours,
like, our level of empathy, not for
that person, but it helps us even
understand our own situations.

Yes.

And when you were sharing that Experience
of, you know, understanding your mother, even
after she passed, about how she was
processing her pain, and you now evolving
as a woman to be. Have that
awareness to even understand, okay, it wasn't
intentional. It was her hurt, it was
her trauma, it was her grieving and
how that was expressed. Right. But when
we're young, we don't see it that
way. We don't understand that. We, like,

(19:31):
our. Our reaction to a situation is
not necessarily reacting to that situation. It's
our interpretation of that situation. Right. So
what she was expressing to you as
a child could have felt like, my
mom doesn't love me or she doesn't
care about me or any of those
things. But you now have evolved and

(19:51):
are aware enough to understand she was
hurt, she was processing. And, you know,
even if we dig into, like, neuroscience
and the study of human behavior, it's
like there are parts of her brain
that probably couldn't even process or understand
what it is that she was doing.
It's like, we're not saying that it
was okay, but having an understanding of

(20:13):
it so that we can have grace
and compassion for that person. Right.

And forgive. And forgive.

Yes. Yes. And the reason I was
so emotional when you told us. Or
I'm gonna try not to cry now
because I'm. Is because. So, like I
said, I had my first child at
17, so I was a young mom.
And although all three of my kids
are adults now, I am now heavily

(20:44):
working on healing my relationship with them
because of the hurt I was experiencing
when I was younger and how I
may have treated them when I was
younger or things that I may have
done unaware when I was younger. So
now, in this place where I've been
working on my healing, realizing how that
may have hurt them or how they
may have interpreted that. So it was

(21:07):
heavily emotional to understand your journey and
your grids for your mother, because I
was like, okay, there's hope for my.
And then also in that moment, the
woman that was sitting beside me, that
was holding my hand in the moment
as you were sharing the story, is

(21:29):
the woman that I explained in the
beginning, where we both dated the same
man, had children for the same man,
and we are on our healing journey
together, and we are sitting there holding
hands, listening to you share, and both
in tears.

That is so powerful. That is so
powerful. I don't know that many. I
don't want to change the trajectory of
the conversation, but I do want to
say this. I don't know that many
women could. Could. Could do what you
and the ex did. Where there's a

(22:05):
commonality, where you realize, okay, maybe our
grievances towards each other was a nucleus
in which our ex de. And so
we're gonna be woman enough to come
to each other, talk it out, and
then realize, baby, you ain't even that
bad. We wanted the same, you know,
it's nothing but love. And to sit
next to that's growth too. To sit

(22:26):
next to someone and really look at
it as you my sis. At the
end of the day, regardless of what
goes on, you are my sister, and
I'mma lock hands with you. We gonna
cry together. We gonna share this. I'm
gonna learn about you, and I'm not
gonna judge you based off what I
thought.

Yes.

About you.

Absolutely. But. But that keeps us in
the vein of, like. It doesn't change
this direction of the conversation because it's
about our healing journey, our awareness, our
processing, our past traumas, and how we
are healing today so that we can
be better for our children. Because our
children are siblings.

Right.

No matter what may have happened.

That's right.

It's a common person trying to create
chaos. Our kids. I've always welcomed her
kids into my home. She's always welcomed
my kids into her home. We just
didn't have that relationship. So when their
relationship ended, we were both in therapy.
She's in therapy. I'm in therapy. So
we're both on our healing journey. Understanding

(23:34):
the, I guess, what we needed to
heal, why we attracted that toxicity, and
knowing that her and I are both
empaths. We are both loving people, and
we both want what's best for the
children. We are healing generational wounds together.

I love that. I love that. I
love it. Wow.

Yeah. Okay, so I know that you're
a woman of God. So what role
does faith play in your work and
your personal journey?

So early on in my life, we
didn't go to church, even though my
mom, my grandfather, was a preacher. I
think she was churched out, to be
honest with you. But it was a
couple of years before my father passed
that she introduced us into church. And
I just remember the first time we

(24:28):
went, I was just like, oh, my
God. Like, this is different. Like, I've
heard of church, but never sat in
church. And the pastor was. He done
such a great job that even the
smallest person could understand how he taught
the stories. And so as we started
going to church, my mother believed in
prayer. You know, she taught me how

(24:50):
to pray, and it was just something
that I clung onto. I also say
that prayer was a sense of Hope.
And also kind of a meditation for
me. Right. Especially in the teenage, young
adult years, I knew that I just
felt this overwhelming feeling of spirit whenever

(25:11):
I prayed, that I knew that I
wasn't alone, regardless of what I was
going through. I may have been going
through things alone, but I just always
felt like there was a presence there.
And so I never wanted to steer
off of including God into my life.
Life. It has shaped me in so
many ways, I think. Without having God

(25:35):
in my life and being faithful, I
don't know. I don't know where I
would be, to be honest with you.
You know what I'm saying? Like, I
don't even know how I would manage
dayto day. And so I don't. I
try not to take moments to not
include God in something that I'm saying

(25:56):
or even in my personal life. Thank
you. Riding down the road. Thank you,
God. I know you here. It. It's.
It's become so customary for me. It's
not just to do. It's. It's a
part of my life.

Your identity?

Yeah, absolutely. Absolutely. And then, you know,
I know, too. God's. As I shared
with y'all, when I was in Canada,
girl, I had this whole thing. I
had it written down. I mean, girl,
I was going through bulletin points, and
I was like, I'm gonna say this.
And when I walked into the building,
and this is why this is important.

(26:33):
When we are on our faith journey,
I'm a person who always prepares. So
I had everything together. But when I
walked in the building, I didn't even
see the women in there. I just
saw the building itself. And there was,
like, this massive rush that came over
me. And me and my best friend
were talking. I was like this, girl,

(26:53):
I don't even know what I'm gonna
do. Because the spirit said, this ain't
what you supposed to be talking about.
What you got on your tablet? Prayed
and I said, lord, whatever it is
that I'm supposed to talk about, please
give it to me, because I don't
like to not be prepared. And I
was really nervous going on because I
didn't. Baby, how you gonna start? You

(27:13):
can't look at you. You know, it
doesn't. It doesn't mesh. And so I
said, spirit, please carry me through, because
I don't know what it is that
I need to identify. Like, I can
give statistics, I can give generalizations, but
there was a feeling in the room
that I gotta be vulnerable in this

(27:34):
space. Because the lady in front of
me and the lady beside me they're
going through something that I. I don't
know, but I know. I don't know,
but I know. And then I also
want to share with you too. This
is again, being connected to spiritual. When
we were doing the meet and greet,

(27:54):
towards the end, there was this woman
that was kind of on my left
side. She was towards the back. And
so as I was talking, it's almost
like I just. My eyes kept going
to her. And so when she was
talking to me, I gave her a
hug and I. Girl, I don't even
know. I whispered in her ear and
I just. Because I could feel it.

(28:15):
I could feel it in my spirit.
And I said, baby, you've been taken
advantage of and you keep allowing people
to take advantage of you. And I
said, this ain't me talking, it's God
talking. And she just broke. We just
started talking and just crying together. But
it's those moments when, when God uses
you for something. You can't take this

(28:36):
thing lightly because he's going to show
you some things. It ain't even operable
with you. It ain't you, it's God.
And he has to trust that you're
going to do exactly what he asks
you to do and do it in
the formality, that only you can do
it in connection with Him. So, yeah,
my faith is definitely important in my

(28:57):
walk in life.

Absolutely. I can see it. I see
the God in you, you know. You
know, when you, you see someone or
when you connect with someone, say on
social or whatever, and maybe externally, on
the surface, they may use God as
a mask.

Yes.

But just keeping it real. So I
don't know if. If you're the same,
but. So I. I'm an introvert. I'm
an empath. Heavily, like, I'm a sponge
with energy. So I just feel things
and it affects me very, like, heavily

(29:34):
sometimes because I'm so guarded when I
walk into places and I'm trying not
to be such a sponge. People may
perceive that as me being stuck up
or, you know, whatever.

Whatever.

Yes, yes. But it's like you can
feel it. So with you, you can
feel it in, in who you are
as a person. It's not surface level.
It is the identity of who you
are. You can feel the love, you
can feel the generous, like, the generosity.
You can feel like all of it.
You can feel that it's real. Do
you know what I mean? So even

(30:07):
when you said, when you were at
the event and you could feel, you
know, women that were experiencing things, it's
like you being in tune with spirit,
it's, you know, God, like you said,
it's God. God's whispering to you, telling
you, okay, yes, I thank you for
your obedience instead of, you know, going
through with what was on the tablet,

(30:28):
with following your spirit. Like, you walk
into that room and God was like,
no, no, these women need healing. I'm
gonna speak through you. And I don't
even know if I'm right or not.
I could be wrong. But the woman
that you said at the end of
the meet and greeting, you whispered in
ear, did she happen to have very
short, golden.

Blondes? She was a lighter skinned woman.
Yeah. And her hair, as I could
remember, it was in a ponytail.

Okay. Because there were certain things that
I was feeling as well. But I
remember one of the women that I
was there with, actually the same one
that I was sitting beside, when she
came up to you, I don't know
what you said to her, but she
burst into tears too, so.

Girl, listen. The spirit was so heavy
in that room, but not in a
bad way. Right. I felt like the
spirit was heavy because it needed to
be released. Like, I felt like everybody
came for a purpose, but maybe not
for the portals to be open. And
then it just had to happen so

(31:32):
that someone could release something or identify
with something. And my. My message always
is, when it comes to the things
that we suffer through in our experiences,
the best thing that we can do
when we get to that point is
to let go and forgive.

Yeah.

I can't even tell you the, The.
When we don't forgive, it's almost like
we have this heaviness in our body,
in our chest. Yeah. And it's. We're
anxious and we're. But when you release
that, like truly release it from you,
you know that God, he handles it.
You are free from all of the
thoughts, all of the triggers and occurrences

(32:10):
that happen on a day to day
basis if you didn't forgive. And you
also have this space of now. I
can kind of live my life. Because
your life be surrounded by what you
hold in. Yeah.

Listen, I can give you a. A
quick story to complete from everything that
you just said. So when I was
going through my divorce in 2009, my
ex husband, like that, that was. I'm
gonna say I experienced a lot of
narcissistic abuse. So it was very, very
heavy. And going through that divorce was

(32:45):
messing with my mental. I feel like
if I was somebody else, I'd probably
be locked up at a mental institution.
It was messy and I was having
migraines for months at a time. Like,
I could. I was going to the
hospital every couple of days. I had
to go by ambulance a couple times.
Like, it was intense. The stress, the
internal turmoil. It was a lot. And

(33:06):
one day I was like, I can't
do this anymore. You know, I don't
want to fight through this divorce anymore.
You know what? You can have all
the material things. I just want full
custody of my son. I'm done. I
wish you. I actually. I am going
to pray for you. I want the
best for you. You like all of

(33:26):
the things or the anger and all
the feelings that I was feeling, I
was like, I don't want this anymore.
I'm done. Can I tell you, my
migraines stopped. My business as an entrepreneur
started to flourish. Oh, started to date.
I started to make new friends. I
started to come out of my shell.

(33:48):
All because I was like, I'm. I'm
done being angry. I'm done being mad
at the situation, this person. I'm done.
So now I know the importance of
forgiveness. People like, I don't want to
forgive that person. You don't need to
be their best friend again. They don't
need to be invited into your home
again. You can release that energy, though,

(34:09):
because it is like an anchor inside
of you. Like, it's like tied up
around your ankle and pulling down and
you're drowning and you're like, you know
what? I still want to be mad.

Yes, that's right. That's right.

You release that anchor, you can swim
to the top, you can survive, get
out of the water and thrive.

That's right. That's exactly right.

Wow.

And the poignant point that you made
was how everything opens up after that.
You see life just. It's almost like
there's something that says if you get
rid of this one big thing and
move it out the way, then you
can see everything that was hidden below
it. And then it comes out.

Yeah, you're blocking our own blessings when
we hold on to that resentment, that
anger.

Yes, yes.

So, okay, I would. So your. Your
IG handle is called Season Dialogue. Your
website, Season Dialogue. How did seasoned dialogue
come to life? Like, what does it
represent for you?

Absolutely. So Seasoned Dialogue after. After losing
my mom in 2020. And again, that
was off of that three year stint
that we hadn't been talking. I think
it was like six or eight months
before she passed away, we had a
conversation. But again, my mom's thing was,
hey, as if nothing happened. And that's

(35:31):
the rigor, you know, Rigmarole that we
do. And at that point, I was.
I think I was so open to
have that conversation or anything that I
was cool with it. It's like, okay,
we ain't gonna ask no questions. I
already know I don't want this three
year thing to happen like it did.
But that was the pinnacle moment after

(35:51):
she passed away that I realized, okay,
I got some work to do. I
was angry, I was resentful, you know,
even though in our way, we kind
of patched things up. There were some
unsaid things. There were some things that
I still hadn't healed from. There were
some answers that I was still seeking.
And I was angry because. And I

(36:12):
say this as a joke, right? But
my mother would laugh at it. I
remember saying, oh, so you just died
before I could even, oh, this is
just like you, you know, to avoid
the whole situation. So I was really,
like, in that mindset and I. That
anger that I felt was what I
could relate to what my mother felt.
It's like, now I know, you know,

(36:34):
now I know how she was feeling.
And I took a while to, like,
really process a lot of things. Season
dialogue came as I realized, number one,
we go through different seasons in our
lives, right? We got our good, we
got our bad, we got our in
between. The other thing is, as a

(36:54):
woman, I feel like I'm more seasoned
in every situation that I have been
through. The bad, just like we were
talking about, what we perceive as our
bad always fosters into our good. If
we learn the lesson as a woman,
that is seasoned, okay, there's some wisdom
that I picked up along the way,

(37:15):
even throughout my whole entire journey as
a woman. But then the last couple
of years, God really was showing me
something. And then the other thing was
just to throw it in there. I
was like, baby, I'm from the South.
Okay? We love our seasoning. So every
lesson was like, it was seasoning on

(37:37):
something that had to be presented to
someone. It was in perfect shape. Dialogue
is what we do back and forth
as we converse and have a conversation.
So season dialogue for me, just fit.
I wrote it down, I looked at
it, I said, I like that. And
then I said it out loud. I
was like, season dialogue works. We gonna
stick with that.

I. I love even the depth of.
Of how you even explained that. It's
like, that was poetry in itself. So,
okay, I. I love how you share
your story, your experiences, your expertise, your
wisdom. Has there ever. I guess, okay,

(38:22):
no, How. How do you navigate the
balance between vulnerability and privacy when Sharing
your personal experiences.

Honestly, I pray before I even say
a thing. So in an intimate conversation
with the person, right. If they opened
up something to me, because here's the
thing that I learned about people. They
feel safe enough when they're in a
space where they can trust the person,
even if they just met you one
time. So when someone opens up and

(38:54):
they become vulnerable, I meet them where
they are. So you share a little
bit. And then if it's congruent to
what I experience, and then I'll share
that. I see you. It's not asked
for. I don't give. But if it's
something that, like, if I share on

(39:14):
my podcast or if I'm just sharing
through a piece, I'm over that. So
I can share. You know, it doesn't.
It doesn't trigger me anymore.

I'm.

I'm. I feel free. And that. That
freedom to say it out loud means
it's. It's good in my heart, baby.

Yeah, I love that. I love, love,
love so much. I. I remember when
I first started utilizing social media, and
I know, I know one of my
gifts is transparency. And sometimes I'm too
transparent for some people, right? Because they're
like, I'm not ready for that. But

(39:54):
I had to learn how to deliver
my transparency without over sharing or offending.

Yes.

Right. It was like my early. I'm
gonna say my. I don't know, throughout
my 20s and maybe even my early
30s, what I shared on social. If
I look back, I'm like, maybe I
was over sharing, but at the time,
that was how I really connected with
people, because they're like, wow, I feel
like you're speaking my life. And then

(40:24):
I went through some things in my
late 30s, and I guess I started
in my early 40s, where it was
like, no more oversharing. And it's not
that I am being secretive, but I'm
more private with my personal, especially the
things that I want to protect, like
my relationship and things like that. But

(40:46):
like you said, like, I learned instead
of sharing my open wounds and allowing
people to make those hurts even deeper
and continue to add paper cuts to
those wounds, if I'm sharing something, it's
because it's now a scar. It's healed.
I'm good, right?

Yes. I love that. Yes. Yes. Oh,
wow.

How would you say your creative work
has evolved over the years?

So, background? 15 years I've been a
photographer, and I would all. You know,
photography is in ministry as well. Right.
So I would have women that would
come in and just they might have
divorced. They may have ended a relationship
with a boyfriend, and we end up

(41:41):
talking. And they would always say, you
know, instead of you being behind the
camera, one day, you gonna be. These
were people planting seeds. You gonna be
in front of the camera. And the
creative nature of it all was, I
already know my camera. I think that
when I started. I started the podcast,

(42:03):
the audio podcast first. And it was
a way to just go through and
talk about experiences and be open. I
had a woman to. She was following
my podcast, and she said, I know
you don't know me, but God told
me to tell you. Because she was

(42:24):
following my personal page. And she said,
God told me to tell you to
create another Instagram page called Season Dialogue,
because that was, of course, the name
of my podcast. And she said, because
the people that God wants you to
reach is not in your. They're not
around you in your personal page. I

(42:45):
was like, wow, okay. And she stayed
on me. She literally stayed on me.
And she said, when are you gonna
start the page? You know what I'm
saying? Like, wait. And then I finally
did, like, she literally stayed on me
to the point it wasn't annoying, but
it was just like, I feel like
this is a knock at the door.

(43:08):
And when I started, I just. I
think my first video, I just kind
of did, like, a quote. I didn't
even have my face in the camera.
And she inboxed me and she said,
I'm sorry. And she said, okay, now
can you. Like, the lady was, like,
driving the whole car, and she was
like, can you openly talk? Okay. But

(43:31):
my thing has always been poetry. So
I said, okay, I'll weave this together
through some of these episodes, and I'll.
I'll utilize the poetry. I wanted to
create a space where not only was
it a. I've been asked this question
a lot before. I would. You would

(43:52):
see me face to face camera. Why
do you sit to the side? And
I said, baby, God be talking. My
thing is this too. Instead of concentrating
on me, I want you to concentrate
on the words. And then there was
a little shyness, of course, with that,
because I was doing something that I

(44:14):
felt like God was saying, okay, I
need you to do this. You know,
when you In a scary spot, you
don't know what. You just do it.
I wanted to create something to where
when someone listened, they felt like they
were in the room with me. You
know, they literally felt. And we were
having a conversation. It wasn't a personalized

(44:35):
thing. It was now that I'm sharing
something through poetry. I want you to
feel it as deep as I do.
And the creativity, I think, heightened maybe
10 times that because I realized, okay,
God, with all of the things that
you have put in my life, all

(44:56):
of this makes sense now. I was
just wanting to get me to this
place. And I thank you.

Yes.

I thank you.

I love it. That is so beautiful.
Honestly, that also inspires me because I
am, as much as I'm a mindset
coach, if, like, I call myself a
mindset magician, like, I can dissect, you
know, what. What people say and help
them work through things. But I. I

(45:30):
know myself right now. I'm still working
through being on camera. So that's why
my podcast is. That's why there's not
a lot of talk videos of me
on Instagram. So I'm inspired by what
you just shared. And also, like, you
said that you're. That photography is also

(45:53):
a form of ministry. Right. And so
when I was younger, my mom used
to say that I'm gonna be in
ministry, and I was like, wrong chop.
I don't know who gave you that
wrong job. Nope, not me. And as
I have grown and evolved, the work

(46:14):
that I do, I realize, is a
form of ministry. So I'm thinking about
what you do. I'm thinking your poetry
is a form of ministry, your photography
is a form of ministry. Your podcast
is a form of ministry. I feel
like, especially when people are over church,
their, you know, idea of ministry is,

(46:35):
you know, standing at the pulpit of
a church, everything is. Yeah, one way.
They're like, God created us all unique,
and. And if he wanted us all
to do the exact same thing, the
exact same way, he would have just
made a bunch of minions. So, yep,

(46:56):
you are. This is your form of
ministry, and you are healing people. You
are helping people. You are uplifting people.
It's like goosebumps now. I feel like
sometimes we don't realize the impact that
we're making.

Yes, I would agree.

And especially because we're human, we're still
experiencing Life. You know, 2025 can be
2025, like you said, right?

Yes.

But at the same time, if we
get caught up in a situation or,
you know, what we're experiencing in that
situation, we're missing out on seeing all
the other blessings that are presently coexisting
at the same time. Like, I feel
like I came out the womb experiencing

(47:53):
chaos, but at the same time, I've
been able to create a peaceful home.
At the same time, I'm able to
help people to heal. At the same
time, I'm able to get people to
reach goals that they never thought were
possible. You know what I mean? Like,
I feel like we get boxed into

(48:13):
these ideas of what things should, should
be instead of gating what it is
that we desire or creating what it
is that people like us needed.

Absolutely, absolutely. I love that you said,
you know, listen, God could have just
made us minions and he could have,
you know, I believe in that. Everyone
serves a purpose to meet whoever they're
supposed to meet, where they're supposed to
meet them. And then whenever you have
what you need from that one person,

(48:46):
sometimes God shifts you. And then you,
you move to a next phase and
then you'll meet other people who can
provide and give you something. But all,
all of this, all that, what we
do is a ministry. It is exactly
a ministry. Everything that we have experienced
and gone through, if you, if you
learn the lesson, it will help the

(49:08):
next person who comes to you and
says, and openness, right? Because I'm sure
it happens to you as well. They
just start talking to you. Realize, I
can't leave that person talking. I gotta
meet them where they are. And then
sometimes too, it's not even necessary to

(49:29):
speak. Some people just want you to
hear.

Yes, absolutely.

Listening and for them to be seen.
So that is ministry as well. Yeah.

Yes.

Yes.

I was just like, as you were
saying that I was thinking to myself
because I'm, I guess because of my,
my nature of being more introverted, especially
when I'm in public and people are
talking, sometimes it's seen as me shutting
down. But I'm listening, I'm listening, I'm
listening. I, I, I don't feel the
need to speak. I don't feel like

(50:08):
in that moment that there's something from
me that needs to be said. I
feel like that person needs to be
heard. I feel like that person also
needs to hear their own thoughts come
out of their own mouth. Right.

But you know, that's important and that,
that's also a part of counseling and
therapy as well. So there's this, this
thing to where with humans, right? Like
we keep this here. I'll give you
an example. Okay. Someone went through a
traumatic experience, right? So they don't have
someone to talk to, so they rehash

(50:46):
these things in their head. It takes
an opportunity. Maybe they're in a group
therapy or just they ran into someone,
right? And then they just, they were
seen, they talked about the situation. And
many times we heal ourselves by openly
speaking and we book there's clarity there.
So you didn't even have to garner

(51:07):
any conversation. A person hearing themselves speak
and saying what hurt them and what
I gotta do to make myself happy
or blah, blah, blah. We do this.

Yes.

We just need to openly say it
out loud. And so I love that
you pointed that out. Like we can
heal ourselves. Sometimes it does. You know,
we may need to have conversation with
someone who can give us a different
perspective or help us guide our way.
But when we keep these things locked
in the inside, basically what you're doing

(51:37):
is trapping everything in. And it's not
regurgitating, you're not unleashing it, it's not
helping you. You gonna stay thinking about
that thing forever and ever and you're
gonna have a headache. At the end
of the day, we are capable of
speaking life into ourselves and then allowing
things to. To flourish and to happen
for our good.

I love that you said we are
capable of healing ourselves because I feel
like society has conditioned us to believe
that we can only depend on outside
experts and sources. We have to go
to a doctor for something that we
have to do, you know, certain things.
So, like, yes, I appreciate the services
that these people provide. But at the

(52:22):
end of the day, if you cut
your finger, the doctors doesn't heal you,
you heal yourself.

Right? That's right.

So like, I believe that we have
that ability to heal ourselves. But sometimes
because we are so focused on getting
an outside solution, we don't look within.
We don't, you know, I guess, focus
on our alignment and connection to spirit
to even have the tools or the
mental capacity to heal or to look

(52:55):
for solutions within. We are automatically like,
okay, let me look outside of me.
Let me find someone or something outside
of me to fix what's within.

I totally agree. And I'll also say
that that can be a trauma response
to a lot of people as well,
where they feel like they have to
be linked with someone else. Because many
people haven't taken enough time to sit
with themselves and actually dissect everything that's
going on. So that fear of sitting
with self means I gotta go run

(53:27):
to somebody else and attach myself to
whatever they're feeding me so that I
feel validated. But many times if you
just sit with yourself long enough, you'll
figure it out and say it out
loud. Yeah, figure it out.

See you. And you use the word
attach until to me. I believe that
anything that we are attached to, not
healthy. But whatever we are connected to,
come on, is healthy. So if we
connect to self, if we Connect to

(54:02):
God. If we connect with our loved
ones, that's. But many of us found
ourselves attached to toxic people or attached
to things that we, you know, become
addicted to or feel that we need.

Yes.

Because of a unhealthy reason.

That's right. Come on now.

Okay. Thank you so much, Lisa. Okay,
before we go to the segment of
the show, I would love if you
could share with the listeners where they
could stay connected with you, where they
can learn more from you and about
you.

Absolutely. So you can find me on
Instagram and TikTok season underscore dialogue. TikTok
is a little different. It's season dialogue.
Season underscore dialogue. 1. You can find
me on YouTube season dialogue. And starting
February 3rd, I will be on Patreon
as well. Season dialogue. And I'm going

(54:59):
to tell you real quick why I
decided to do Patreon. Okay. One thing
I realized is that, listen, I don't
care about numbers. I want to be
in community with people. And I realized
that when I have been doing speaking
engagements, how important that is to connect

(55:20):
with people. So I decided, okay, Patreon
is a place in which I can
connect with people and I can do
things that I can't necessarily do on
social media. And with what you said,
I am an introvert as well. And
sometimes, many times with introverts, we just.
We're a little selective. We like what
we like, you know, we. And we

(55:42):
want to curate something that feels good
to us. So if I invite you
in and you sit at my house,
that means you special. So it's the
same type of thing, you know, if
you sit in this space, that means
you special. Special. And I'm gonna talk
to you. And we communicate and we,
you know, and when you have an
open world of something like social media,

(56:02):
there is no touch and no sense
and no closeness. And so that's what
I want. So, yeah, if you. If
you interested, go on and become a
member on Patreon. Sees that. I love
it.

I love it. I will have all
your details linked in the section below
the episode so they don't have to
search too far.

Yay. Thank you.

Welcome. So for the final segment, it's
kind of like a rapid fire. Asks
a couple of quick reflection questions and
you can answer one word or one
sentence, but I don't like to box
people in. That makes me feel claustrophobic.
So if you feel the need to
expand, you're more than welcome to do
so.

Okay. Okay.

All right. What daily practices help you
stay grounded?

Prayer period? Absolutely.

Okay. Okay. Name a book that has
changed or greatly impacted your life.

Oh, the Alchemist. Good book. Great book.

What new belief, behavior, or habit has
improved your life in the last five
years?

Oh, goodness. Forgiveness. Forgiveness.

Yeah.

That would be the biggest practice.

Yes. Okay, if you could have a
gigantic billboard anywhere with anything on it,
what would it say and why?

Live your life like no one is
looking. And the reason why I say
that is because you are your authentic
self when you don't have an audience
behind you. So live your life the
way that you want to, with morals
and values, but your life is freely
as possible without the introduction of other

(57:46):
people telling you how to be, how
to behave, who you should be. Just
live your life.

Yeah. Love it. Okay. When was the
last time you cried?

Oh, my God. The last time I
cried was last week, baby.

Okay, when and where are you the
happiest?

I am the happiest. When? Ooh, good
question. I am the happy. Honestly, I'm
the happiest when I'm home. Was it?
Why?

No. When and where are you the
happiest?

Okay, when and where? Yeah, when I'm
home. And when I am absolutely. My
home is my piece. So that just
kind of rounds it out. Yeah.

Yep. Love it. Love it. Okay, and
last but not least, what do you
want your legacy to be?

Oh, my goodness. For my family, for
my children. I want my legacy to
be. Oh, goodness, that is powerful. Our
children, they take in what we experience.
And so my legacy that I want

(58:56):
to leave with my boys is that
mama lived and mama conquered. And I
want to push that to them and
their children. I don't want life to
be a mediocre living. I want them
to live life fully and have no
regrets. I came my conquer, baby and

(59:18):
I saw.

Yes.

Yes.

Wow. Lisa Marie, thank you so, so
much. I can't even tell you how
much I have enjoyed having this conversation
with you. I know the listeners are
truly going to be blessed. Thank you
so, so, so much. I appreciate you.

Thank you for having me. You were
an awesome host.

Thank you.

We over here just giggling, child. I
love it. I love this.

Thank you so, so, so much. And
to all you healers out there, thank
you for tuning in. And because of
you, we rank globally in the top
1.5% of most podcasts out there. There's
over, what, 3 million podcasts out there.
So if today's episode resonated with you,
please subscribe, rate the show, leave us
a review, and let us know what,

(01:00:12):
aha. Moments you got from hearing Lisa's
story Lisa's Wisdom that's a wrap for
today's episode. If you are looking for
inspiration on overcoming challenges with grace, check
out A Walk of My Stilettos, how
to get through the Struggle with Grace.
My Personal Journey is your Roadmap to
Resilience, available now on Amazon or mckinneysmith.com

(01:00:33):
Now I want to challenge you to
think of three people that would benefit
from today's conversation. Share this episode with
them. Someone out there needs to hear
Lisa's testimony. Screenshot this episode Tag us
on Instagram. You can tag LisaMarie Seasoneddialogue.
You can tag myself, Ereal McKinney Smith.
And let's keep the conversation going. A

(01:00:56):
healthy community is a healing community, and
a healing community is full of hope.
So let's continue to heal her.

Lisa-Marie Lovett (01:01:04):
Sa.

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