August 15, 2024 • 58 mins
Marina Billinghurst is an accomplished artist, fashion designer, and author who has made a significant shift from corporate fashion to promoting slow fashion through her line of luxury dusters, scarves and home decor. She is deeply committed to ethical and sustainable practices, using her art to inspire beauty, positivity, and connection, thus fostering a global butterfly effect of positive change. Marina believes that healing is fundamentally achieved through acknowledgment and connection, a perspective shaped by her journey of overcoming traumas through intense meditation and self-reflection during the pandemic. By sharing her story and organizing transformative art workshops, she aims to help others find healing, build resilience, and create a supportive and hopeful community.
Key Takeaways:
- Holistic healing practices can balance mind, body, and soul and emphasize the importance of social connection. - Art can be a powerful tool for healing trauma through creative expression and self-reflection. - Gratitude plays a crucial role in shifting perspectives, creating positive outcomes, and attracting positive energy. - Sharing personal stories through writing can be cathartic, healing, and transformative for emotional well-being and self-discovery. - Therapy and intentional emotional healing are essential to personal transformation and growth. - Community plays a vital role in resilience, survival, and mental well-being, particularly during times of isolation. - Setting boundaries, practicing self-care, and surrounding oneself with a supportive community can lead to true happiness and personal growth.
Stay connected online:
Stay connected with us online:
Send feedback/questions to info@awalkinmystilettos.com
Submit guest suggestions HERE
Make a donation to keep the show going!
Podcast music produced by:
This episode is brought to you by Herbal Face Food.
Since early 2022, Makini has taken her skin back with this natural skincare routine.
It’s:
- Vegan
- Cruelty-free
- Synthetic Fragrance-free
- Paraben free
- Organic/Wildcrafted
- Handmade
- GMP free
- Ethically Sourced
It heals melasma, psoriasis, and acne scars, treats deep wrinkles, and clears up eczema on Makini's face.
Use promo code "Makini30" for 30% off ALL PLANT facial products.
Mark as Played
Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Makini Smith (00:00):
I'm Makini Smith. After going through a
divorce, my sister passing away, experiencing narcissistic
abuse and some significant health scares, I
realized through sharing my story that I
wasn't alone in my suffering. Suffering subjective
distress generated by the experience of being
out of balance in a deep dive
to holistically heal mind, body and soul
(00:22):
is where I discovered peace, clarity and
connection. It is impossible to be truly
wise without some real life hardship, and
we cannot develop post traumatic wisdom without
making it through, and most importantly, through
it together. Social connection builds resilience and
resilience helps create post traumatic wisdom, and
(00:45):
that wisdom leads to hope. Hope for
you and others witnessing and participating in
your healing and hope for your community.
A healthy community is a healing community.
And a healing community is full of
hope because it has seen its own
people weather, survive and thrive. Marina Billinghurst
(01:23):
is an artist, fashion designer and author.
Her company, Art of marina, marries art
and fashion, breathing magic into the world
from her roots in the fashion industry,
working with brands such as Joe Fresh
and as creative director at Caulfield Apparel
Group, Marina transformed from corporate fashionista into
(01:43):
slow fashion advocate with her own line
of luxury duster scarves and home decorous.
Inspired by the natural world and the
magic within shared experiences and committed to
ethical and sustainable practices, Marina's paintings inspire
beauty, positivity and connection to create a
global butterfly effect of positive change. So
(02:07):
please welcome to the show Marina Billinghurst.
Marina Billinghurst (02:12):
Hello. Hello. Thank you so much for
having me. Nikini, so wonderful to be
back.
Makini Smith (02:17):
Thank you so much for agreeing to
come back and to update us and
to share your new gems and evolution
with us. You know, we had you
on, I think it was like the
second year of the podcast we're going
into, year six, I believe. Wow. I
think you were on episode 62.
Marina Billinghurst (02:38):
Oh.
Makini Smith (02:41):
And we talked about designing the life
that you desire. And I am so
honored to have been connected to you
over the years and to watch you
evolve and to see where God has
brought you to today from where you
were. And I'm going to try not
(03:02):
to get too emotional. So before we
even start.
Marina Billinghurst (03:07):
Yeah.
Makini Smith (03:08):
But thank you. Thank you.
Marina Billinghurst (03:11):
Oh, thank you so much for creating
such a beautiful space that we can
open up and have these moments that
are just part of our journey and,
you know, they all make sense. I
always say, like, you can't figure stuff
out. Everything happens for a reason. But
in the moment, we're like, why did,
why? Why did this happen? But it's
(03:33):
later, it's five years later, it's six
years, it's ten years, it's a decade.
It's the end of your life. You
just. Oh, that's why I. As long
as you keep on going and using
your mindset to stay positive. So I
believe I'm here. And the things that
happened are because I did choose to
(03:54):
pivot from victim mentality to gratitude for
all the things, even when they were
really, really hard, and they're still hard.
There's no easy way.
Makini Smith (04:06):
Mm hmm.
Marina Billinghurst (04:08):
And it's a daily practice. It's. I
catch myself when I'm like, oh, man,
this is so unfair. And then you're
like, no, this is part of my
journey. This is making me who I
am. I'm a warrior. I'm strong. I
can handle this. I can persevere, you
know, and we get through. So, yeah,
when I came on your pod, like,
what year was that? What year was
(04:29):
that? 20? I don't even know. It
was 2019. Because it was pre pandemic.
Makini Smith (04:35):
It was. Let's see if I can
remember. It was. Yeah, it was 2019.
Marina Billinghurst (04:42):
So I was, like, literally in the
thick of it then. And that was
when, like, if anyone listened to episode
62. I mean, I haven't even listened.
I'm gonna listen to it after today.
I probably should have listened to it
before, but, yeah, no, that was like,
I was coming to. I started my
(05:02):
healing journey around then. 2018. December was
when the accident happened, and I got
into a massive car accident, and I
lost my twin pregnancy. And it was
just like, what is happening? I just
didn't understand. I was in completely different
place, spiritually, mentally, physically, all the things.
So I had just chosen then to,
(05:24):
like, trust the universe, trust God, just
believe that this was all meant to
be for a reason. And it was
hard. It went from the deep depths
of despair to, okay, one step at
a time, one day at a time.
And, you know, I was at. I
think I was 36 at the time
when I lost my pregnancy. And it
(05:45):
was like, the end of it for
me because I was already on a
fertility journey of IVF, and, like, natural
wasn't an option. My husband and me
were madly in love, and even the
sweet love that we were making was
not making babies. So we had to
go to that route. And then I
finally had a healthy pregnancy, and boom.
(06:06):
Car accident. Massive car accident. But I
always look at it like there's a
Marianne Williamson quote that I love, and
it's a miracle as a shift in
perception from fear to love. And in
that moment, it's. The miracle is the
mindset, the miracle is the belief so
(06:27):
I somehow survived that car accident. So
I could have been like, oh, yeah,
I lost my pregnancy, and I'm, you
know, my life's over. I could be
like, well, actually, I'm alive, so my
life isn't over. So what's the lesson
here? So this. The healing journey started,
and then during the healing journey was
a massive pandemic when the world just
shut down. So, like, you can't control
(06:50):
the weather or what's going on around
you. You can only control how you
face it and how you get through
it. So I, you know, I just
found a spiritual healer, and I started
doing this healing, and it was a
gateway for me to kind of dig
into my soul and myself. So had
I not been in that accident, don't
(07:10):
know if I ever would have gone
on this journey. I would have stayed
in the corporate fashion industry in Toronto
and climbed the corporate ladder, had babies,
probably had a nanny, probably wouldn't have
been present. Now I'm a different human,
and I was gifted a child because
of what I've been through. So, oh,
my gosh, I just jumped ahead. Let
(07:31):
me rewind.
Makini Smith (07:34):
Listen. No, I love. I love organic
conversations. Keep going. Because there's so much
I want to unpack. Like, don't stop.
Marina Billinghurst (07:42):
So. Okay, so pandemic hits. I decide
to pack up my life. I'm on
this journey of healing. I miss my
family. I miss my mom and my
brother and my nieces, my sisters. And
I decide to go back west to
British Columbia. I left everything in Toronto
behind, and I started writing, which I'd
(08:04):
never, ever been a writer. I've always
been an artist designer by trade.
But I started writing. And through my
healing journey, I started doing these crazy
meditations that were really, really hard for
me to do at first. Like, I
was not able to meditate. You're talking
high AdHd here. Like, my meditations were,
(08:25):
like, lying down with my eyes closed,
creating a to do list, but then
also daydreaming about other things. That's not
a meditation. So when I actually succumbed
to, like, let's really learn how to
meditate, I started following these butterflies down
paths, like, of my life. And it
was so vivid because I'm a visual
person. So my meditations were visual. So
(08:46):
whatever the guided meditation was and music
and what have you, I would follow
these butterflies because I'm a butterfly girl.
It's a spirit animal for me. They're
about transformation, and they would just lead
me down these crazy journeys into my
childhood, into my past. And I was
(09:09):
uncovering not just the trauma from my
car accident and the loss of my
pregnancy. But I was uncovering stuff from
kindergarten and elementary school and high school
and college, and just like, whoa, my
sister is, my parents.
Like, traumas that I had faced that
(09:31):
were just crazy. And I felt like,
wow, okay, so now I've. Now I
become aware, consciously aware, of what actually
is preventing me from becoming who I
want to be. Because all those traumas
were like weights in my body that
I was storing and carrying with me.
You know, for example, jealousy, fear. When
(09:57):
you can't be happy for somebody else,
it's because you're holding on to something.
When you're happy for other people, it's
because you've let go and you want
other people to succeed when you've let
go of the reason why you're stopping
yourself from succeeding.
I had all of those things, and
a lot of it was shame because
of the mistakes I'd made and the
traumas that happened to me. And then
(10:19):
it was kind of rewriting the story
of, is this my fault? No. The
traumas that happened to you are not
your fault. Even if you made a
mistake, it's okay. Like, life's about evolution
and learning and growing. So how would
we learn if we didn't make mistakes?
And if something terrible happens to us,
(10:41):
which it does every day, how do
we grow without blame for ourselves or
for the person who hurt us? And
that's the most powerful thing we can
probably learn in our lives.
And for me, it was game changing
because I found out, like, lots of
different traumas in one just relationship with
(11:03):
my father, who was an immigrant to
Canada and looked at his children as
investments, essentially. So how are they going
to provide for me one day? Kind
of thing. And his mentality was second
place is the first loser. And there
was a lot of pressure for me
to be the best. Like, my dad
(11:23):
always said to me, you have to
be the best. And I was just
like. And for him, it was probably
he wanted me to be the best
version of myself. But the way I
kind of took it to heart was,
I have to be better than everybody
else. And that was so hard for
a child because then I was competitive,
but yet I'm this, like, loving, nurturing
(11:45):
person who was competing because her father
was watching and she couldn't fail because
he came from nothing and gave her
everything. So now she's indebted to her
father, which is heavy stuff to carry
your whole life. But, you know, then
I started to open that, and then
I found out there was shame from
(12:06):
stuff that happened to me as a
young girl.
Like, there was sexual abuse that I
didn't even ever, ever, ever tell a
soul, not one soul. It wasn't until
I actually started writing out the traumas
and then painting butterflies to release them,
because as a creative, the meditations were
(12:31):
amazing, and they were, like, game changing.
But I. There was no release for
me until I actually took pen to
paper or paintbrush, and I just pushed
something through me.
So a lot of people are creative
artists, and they don't know because they
haven't yet picked up the paintbrush because
(12:51):
they're scared, right? They're scared of not
being a good artist or what society
says you have to be in order
to be an artist. But what it
really is about is just the act
of creating something that represents your movement,
of the energy you're pushing through your
body. Bottom line.
Makini Smith (13:11):
Wow. Okay, so I have goosebumps.
Marina Billinghurst (13:16):
I do, too.
Makini Smith (13:17):
There is so much that we can
unpack there. I don't even know if
we're going to have time to unpack
at all. But I want to start
at the beginning. From everything that you
said, you talked about how you were
able to shift from the victim mentality
to basically the victor mentality, you know,
(13:38):
using gratitude. And very often, when we
are in that low place, when we're
in the dark place, we are not
open to some of the easiest things
that will help our healing journey. You
know, I can think of myself personally
where I previously wasn't open to meditating,
and now I do it all the
time. I wasn't open to nature walks,
and now I do it every day.
(13:59):
So when we're in that place, we
don't realize there are simple things that
are super helpful and can have a
compound positive effect on our life if
we are able to open ourselves up
to those things. My mentor used to
say, a closed mind can accept new
ideas.
Marina Billinghurst (14:19):
Right?
Makini Smith (14:20):
Something that I guess, to me is
as simple as gratitude. How that was
able to shift how you view life,
your perspective of life. I want the
listeners to really dissect that because we
don't realize how much our feelings are
affecting our environment, how our feelings are
(14:43):
affecting the results that we're getting in
life. It's like, you know, if we're
constantly holding on to anger, we are
more susceptible to be pessimistic and to
have these negative views of the world,
other people, and ourselves. So we create
these results that are negative. But if
(15:04):
we are able to have a simple
tweak of our, I guess, perspective of
how we interact in the world, how
we show up in the world, how
we show up for ourselves, how that
can completely shift the results that we
get. Like, every single day, we have
these thoughts. We use our mind to
(15:25):
visualize all these things. Especially, you know,
I struggle with anxiety so my mind
can go rampant about all the things
that can go wrong. And how often,
like, the percentage. How often does that
actually happen? So all the time and
energy that's invested into looking at all
the things that could go wrong. And
(15:47):
when it does go wrong, it's like
this self fulfilling prophecy, because we've created
that vision, we've attracted that energy. But
if we intentionally use our imagination and
our thoughts and our feelings to create
the life that we do want. Like,
the first episode that you came on,
(16:08):
the title of it was designing the
life that you desire.
Marina Billinghurst (16:10):
Right? Totally amazing.
Makini Smith (16:15):
So I think it's important for us
to really pay attention to the fact
that we can create the life that
we desire with our thoughts, our feelings,
our actions, and sometimes our. Our thoughts
and feelings, if we're not intentional about
(16:35):
them, can actually create more chaos and
more discomfort and more negative than we
would like if we're not intentional with
it. Right?
Marina Billinghurst (16:46):
Absolutely. Absolutely. It's chaos. It can go
all over the place. Right. If we're
not intentional, 100%, yes.
Makini Smith (16:54):
And then, you know, you were talking
about how the. The accident, you know,
that. That low point, being in a
really bad car accident and losing the
twins, it's like, when bad things happen,
it's very easy for us to sit
in the space of, like, oh, my
(17:17):
God, why me? You know, the. What's
the word I'm looking for right now?
Marina Billinghurst (17:24):
Victim mentality.
Makini Smith (17:25):
I don't want to. The victim mentality,
but at the same time, yes, you
are a victim, but we don't have
to consume or become full time the
victim. Like, we're allowed to feel, you
know, in that moment. Yes, you were
allowed to be the victim, but then
processing it, to go through it. Right.
(17:46):
But that breakdown brings us to our
breakthrough. Like, anyone that I've ever spoken
to that has had an extremely low,
low point in life that is now
thriving or living in harmony with how
they would love their life to be,
(18:07):
it came from an extremely low point
that they didn't feel they could get
back up from. For myself, that was
when my sister passed away. For you,
that was the accident and losing the
twins. But today, since then, as we
have been on our healing journey, we
(18:28):
have been openly sharing our journey. We
have been helping other people heal. You
know, it creates community in our transparency
about our journey, the vulnerability, which is
why I appreciate you coming back on
to share where things are today. Because
when we spoke on the phone the
(18:49):
other day, I was, like, in tears
even when we came off the phone,
because I was thinking to myself, you
had this traumatic experience. And since or
going through the pandemic, you know, we
were both at the same time dealing
with a lot of struggles in life.
(19:10):
You know, my daughter almost didn't live.
And then you were dealing with your
stuff and it's like, okay, here we
are today where you now have a
baby that is around the same age
as my grandchild. My daughter had a
baby. Like life, the beauty of life
that. The blessing of life that has
(19:34):
come through the healing process.
Marina Billinghurst (19:36):
Absolutely. Well, you said so many things
where to even start. My first gut
instinct is, like, your granddaughter and my
daughter, like, we're pretty much the same
age, right? So that that's the miracle
of life. And I think when after
that accident, the first thing I, like,
really held onto was how life in
(19:59):
general is a miracle. And I know
that your granddaughter's named miracle. And I
actually thought about naming my daughter miracle
because she's a miracle. But what's the
thing about why I'm focusing on that
word is because as soon as we
look in the mirror, look around us
and realize that our existence is divine
(20:21):
power of God's creation, of the fact
that we are alive is a miracle,
we will appreciate our time here and
shake off all the stuff because it's
not a long time and it can
be whatever we make it. But the
(20:43):
fact that we're alive, it means that
we are meant to be here, and
we are chosen to be here. My
grand, my granddaughter, your granddaughter and my
daughter were meant to be here. And
it's like, we can't force those things.
We can just appreciate, love those things
(21:05):
and have all that gratitude for this
time here. Because now I'm like, my
mindset is in a different place because
after I went on my healing journey,
I wrote a book about the trauma
that I went through. And it's randomly
(21:25):
called the nine Magical butterflies. It sounds
like a children's book, but I wrote
this book because I thought to myself,
I wish I knew my grandmother's story.
I wish I knew my mother's story,
but I also didn't. I knew my
second chance at life because I was
(21:45):
like hair away from being totaled in
a car. I knew that with my
second chance at life, I realized if
I had left the planet and the
universe that day, no one would really
know all those things that I buried.
So now they're free. They're out there.
They don't define me. They're just part
of my story. I'm already onto the
(22:05):
new chapters and the new adversities and
the new struggles, but at the same
time, I honor what I had gone
through. And because I got through them,
I was gifted my child. So nine
months after I published my book, I
found out I was pregnant at 42
years old.
Makini Smith (22:24):
Wow.
Marina Billinghurst (22:25):
So it's just crazy. Like, I tell
everybody now, like, if you have an
interest to, like, leave your story in
the world, you don't even have to,
like, publish a book and be, like,
an author and market and market it
and all that stuff. I don't even
do that. I wrote it, and it's
there, but it's for my daughter. It's
(22:46):
for my daughter. It's for my ancestors,
and it's legacy. My grandmother. Yeah, it's
legacy. And then, of course, you. You
started your legacy leavers company. It's just
all crazy, like, how the universe works
and it's aligned. Yeah, but it's. It's
like, there's no point in trying to
wonder these things. We're alive. We have
(23:08):
the tools. Like, tell your story. Tell
your story. Because it's also like the
fact that I healed myself from the
sexual pain I went through as a
child that I didn't even understand. And
I still don't even know what happened,
but I know that it happened. I
think as a child, you have a
way of blocking things out, but you
(23:29):
know that it happened, so that's in
order to. Yeah, so. But it was
there. And so that led to all
kinds of other traumas. And one of
the most craziest things is that I
went into the next grade of elementary
school after this horrible thing happened to
me. And I knew that it happened
(23:50):
to me. And I had a new
best friend, a new best friend who
was this most amazing, beautiful girl, and
we were just the best of friends.
But there were moments when I was
really mean to her. And I didn't
know at the time, like, we. We
talked later in life, but I knew,
because I knew that in my deepest
(24:11):
heart that these bad things had happened
to me and they didn't happen to
her. And, no, she didn't know. I
didn't even know. But it made me
push her away, and it made me.
So we talked about it after I
published the book, I sent her a
copy and I told her what happened
to me. And I said, I'm so
sorry that when we were in elementary
(24:32):
school that I was ever mean to
you because you were my favorite person,
and I love you so much. But
this is what actually was going on
in my eight year old head. Can
you imagine? And she, like, cried her
eyes out, and we had this beautiful
moment, and, you know, so it's never
too late to heal and grow and
(24:53):
connect and. And just go forward and
let go of these things. But facing
them is when the healing and the
magic starts, so you can't bury it
forever. So in whatever capacity that is,
I just. I'm so grateful that I
went through what I went through, because
now I'm free of that pain that
was hiding in my body. And I
(25:14):
think that's what causes all the bad,
bad shit in the world is bad
shit. Yeah. Anyway.
Makini Smith (25:24):
So, first off, I am so sorry
that you even had to experience that,
period. I wonder only because it's sad.
Like, the high percentage of women that
I know that have experienced sexual abuse,
(25:48):
the even higher percentage of women that
I know that have experienced abuse, period,
whether it be physical, mental, emotional, spiritual,
what have you. But a couple of
things I have. I don't know if
there's any studies around it, but what
I have noticed is that the women
that have been sexually abused have infertility
(26:11):
issues. And I wonder if there's a
connection.
Marina Billinghurst (26:16):
Right. Yeah.
Makini Smith (26:20):
I can't remember if it was doctor
Susan Cain or there's another book that
I read by a doctor, but she
was talking about a point in her
life where her memories of being sexually
abused by her father had, I guess,
appeared later in life after she had,
I think she had surgery or something
(26:40):
because she couldn't figure out where, like,
pain in her stomach was coming from.
And the memory started to come back
to her, and she remembered. And she
had heavily suppressed those memories because her
father was a spiritual figure, a very
big spiritual figure. So when she started
to speak on it, you know, she
was outcasted from the family, the spiritual
community, all of that. But it had.
(27:03):
She felt also that it was connected
to her infertility issues. And I know
too many women that still cannot have
children and have not publicly shared, but
have experienced sexual abuse. I'm just wondering
if there's any studies linked to that.
Marina Billinghurst (27:22):
I'm wondering that, too. And that's something
I didn't even look into. But the
crazy part is I didn't even know.
It wasn't even in my realm that
it was at all affecting me, because
it was buried so deep. And when
I'd finished writing my book. I had
left it out. The chapter was there,
but I had left out the words
(27:43):
of what I was trying to say.
And I went back and I just
started writing what had happened and what
I remember. And I was on the
floor of my office having an exorcism
because I'd never written it down that
I could rewrite it. It was so
(28:05):
buried so deeply. And then when I
read it out loud, I just. I
cried and, like, called my mother, and.
And she's like, what is wrong? And
I'm like, I have to tell you
something. And she was so scared. Like,
you know, what's going on? And then
when she. I told her, she was.
She, like, cried, too. And she's like,
I'm so sorry. Why didn't you tell
me? Why didn't you tell me right
(28:26):
away? And I'm like, I was so
ashamed. I was so ashamed. I mean,
there's so many complications there. Like, went
to catholic school, and this is way
back in the day, so can you
imagine going to catholic school when they,
as a child, would go to church
where they would tell me about sinning
(28:48):
and, like, all this stuff? And then
here I am thinking that I am.
That I sinned, but I didn't do
anything. I was a victim.
Makini Smith (28:57):
Right.
Marina Billinghurst (28:57):
So you're just so confused as a
child. And there's no counsel. There was
no counseling available. There was just a
priest that we had to confess to,
and I didn't understand what I was,
how to confess something of that matter.
So, you know, there was just no
way to, like, explain myself, so. Or.
Or grow. I didn't have access to
(29:18):
it. So now, as a mother, I'm.
I'm. I go to therapy, and, like,
pretty much twice a month since the
accident, it was weekly. Now it's monthly.
Um, but it's all about communicating and
explaining ourselves, and no more burying anything.
And I. I want my daughter to
read my book as soon as she
can read, and then we can talk
(29:40):
about it so she never has to
hide anything from me. And, you know,
my mom wasn't always available because she
had four children and she was busy
and, you know, life was complicated, so
it was just really. It's really about
having an open communication and nothing being
off limits and being able to talk
about the hard things that our ancestors,
(30:00):
like they weren't. The women of our
past, weren't allowed to talk about those
things.
Makini Smith (30:06):
Ever.
Marina Billinghurst (30:06):
Never. Never. Yeah.
Makini Smith (30:07):
Yeah. Everything is hush hush. Like you
said, we don't know our. Our mother's
deep stories or our grandmother's deep stories,
and I find, especially with first generation
Canadians or first generation Americans, the huge
pressure that comes from our parents in
(30:28):
terms of who or what we should
be. But also, there's a lot that
we have to figure out on our
own because they haven't shared their story.
There's no blueprint for us. There's no
conversation for us. There's no transparency that
we have. Now, like you, I'm an
(30:48):
avid therapy goer. I've been going to
therapy every week, and I interviewed another
therapist on the podcast the other day,
and she's like, you go to therapy
every week. That is intense. That's like
going to the gym every day. I'm
like, yeah, I got a lot of
healing to do. But when you talked
about writing that chapter in your book
and the release of it, I can
(31:12):
relate, because when I wrote the chapter
in my book about losing my sister,
so that was the last chapter in
my book that I was able to
physically get out. Every time I sat
down to write that chapter, I had
a meltdown. So I was like, okay,
let me just finish the rest of
the book and come back to it.
But it was so cathartic. It was
(31:32):
so healing to be able to get
it out. So, like you said, if
someone's listening, even if you never, you
know, publish it publicly, but it's a
form of release. It's like journaling. That's
why they say journaling is helpful, you
know, for our emotions, because we're releasing
them. Um, the book, uh, the emotion
code, you know, where we talk about
(31:53):
trapped emotions. Like, I. I was someone
who used to be a complete skeptic
about anything that wasn't tangible, that I
couldn't see. And I did a session
with a woman who was a trained,
uh, practitioner from, um, you know, with
the whole emotion code. And this was
during the pandemic, so it was via
(32:14):
Zoom. So she didn't touch me, and
she was able to release trapped emotions
within. I didn't tell her a word
about my history or my childhood. She
released trapped emotions. She labeled and told
me what the emotions were and what
time of my life they came from,
including while I was in the womb
(32:36):
of my mother. And it was mind
blowing to me, but I no longer
have the pain in my shoulder or
my ankle because those trapped emotions had
been released. So when you talk about
not realizing how deep, you know, those
emotions may have been buried, we all
have trapped emotions within us that need
(32:58):
to be released. And whatever way that
we can release them, whether that's telling
our story or writing it out or
journaling or whatever it is, but being
able to first, like you mentioned, the
awareness, the coming to the awareness that
you have these childhood wounds or childhood
traumas to address and then intentionally taking
(33:22):
the action to heal those things, to
heal the inner child, to heal, you
know, the wounded empath, all those things,
it can completely transform how you operate
for the rest of your life.
Marina Billinghurst (33:34):
Absolutely. So I have goosebumps because I'm
also a practitioner of the code.
Makini Smith (33:43):
I didn't know that.
Marina Billinghurst (33:44):
I didn't know that about you. So,
girl, we are, like, so aligned. Excuse
me. That's crazy. I did my first
few sessions when I was in Toronto
with a guy in Vancouver who's insane.
He's been doing it forever and he's
so good, but my mom introduced me
to it. And then we have a
friend here who does the most amazing
(34:05):
massages. And my mom brought it up
to her. She ended up taking the
program, and so now I get insane.
Massages with emotion code. So she'll have,
like, I have this pain in my
wrist and then she'll be like, okay.
And then she'll do the emotion code
and it'll be like trauma with your
sister when you were 30, like, what
happened? And, like, no joke, the pain
goes away when you face it.
Makini Smith (34:27):
Yes.
Marina Billinghurst (34:28):
And it's like, why can't this be
more normal? Like, why is all these
commercials that are like, take this drug
and you might go blind and you'll
never have sex again. But it's okay.
Makini Smith (34:36):
I know, I know.
Marina Billinghurst (34:39):
And then you have somebody with their.
With their own soul, like, help you
with trapped emotion. That's a real thing
and you are free and it's. It's
woo woo or whatever, you know? Like,
I don't know. I'm up for it.
Makini Smith (34:53):
I'm.
Marina Billinghurst (34:53):
I believe that.
Makini Smith (34:56):
I think. I think there's a disconnect
between science and spirituality. And that's why
I love Doctor Joe Dispenza, because he
combines the two. For so long, science
has dismissed the spiritual world because it's
not tangible. But he is able to
show things tangibly on how energy and
spirit affect our health. Like in training
(35:18):
with Bob Proctor, we talk about how
our thoughts affect our feelings, how our
feelings affect our body physically. And when
we're out of alignment, it's a body
that's in dis ease, which is disease,
right? So all these ailments that we
have brought on through stress, through all
(35:39):
of these negative emotions that are trapped
within us. So our body is out
of alignment, but instead of the medical
system saying, okay, how do we realign
you with self? It's, here's a Band
aid, here's some medication that we're going
to make money off of, but it's
going to cause another problem over here,
or here's a temporary fix for this.
(36:00):
So I'm not a huge fan anymore
of the medical system because of my
own health issues and losing my sister
and them not diagnosing with my daughter
and all these other things, but paying
attention to how our feelings and our
mental health affect our physical health, because
(36:22):
I used to. So, in 2006, I
was diagnosed with fibromyalgia. I feel like
they diagnose that to everyone where they
can't physically find something wrong and they're
in pain. And anyone who doesn't know
what it is, it's like it's chronic
muscle pain, but they say that the
symptoms include anxiety, depression, all these things.
But once I got to studying for
(36:43):
myself and understanding neuroscience and all these
things and realizing, I think you guys
kind of have it backwards, it's the
depression and anxiety that's causing the body
pain, because your body is holding on
to all of that tension, all of
that stress. It's causing issues within the
body. And the reason you can't see
them on all of your medical tests
is because it's coming from what's happening
(37:05):
mentally and emotionally. So, ever since I
learned that learning to handle the anxiety
and depression before it overflows and I'm
overwhelmed, I don't have any fibromyalgia flare
ups anymore. So it's like, well, we
look at these things intentionally and connect
(37:27):
them, but it's like these two worlds
are like, yeah, no, I don't believe
in this. So I'm not gonna look
at what you're doing. I don't believe
in this, and I'm not gonna look
at what you're doing. But if they
came together, they would see how they
can actually benefit the world.
Marina Billinghurst (37:40):
Absolutely. Hands down. I know. It's like,
why can't we all just work together
to make the world a better place?
Because there's still greed and unhealed, powerful
people at the end of the day,
and it's like we all have to
walk our walk and just focus on
(38:02):
ourselves. And if we make ourselves better,
that's the best thing we could possibly
do. But it's hard to not be
distracted by the idiocracy that goes on
in the world. But we can't change
it. We can only change ourselves. And
it's hard. It's hard to change yourself
when every direction is pointing at you,
(38:24):
to go in the wrong direction every
single day. But when you go on
that journey because of a greater power
in your soul, a purpose, and a
reason. Like my daughter, she's given me
a whole new reason. Like, the accident
made me change my life into designing
(38:46):
the life I want to live. So
I started my. My entrepreneurship, and I
created beautiful, sustainable garment kimonos that make
every woman, every single woman, no matter
your size, no matter your skin color,
you fit my kimonos, and they make
you feel beautiful. And they're made from
beautiful fabrics, silk and modell. Like, nothing
(39:07):
better than that. And I was sick
and tired of being told what to
design by men for women in the
fashion industry. Um, so my accident was
like, okay, I almost died. I don't
want to spend my whole life working
for the man when he's telling me
yes or no about what women should
wear. So I said, I'm going to
(39:28):
make something that fits everybody that's a
one size, and it's comfortable. And I
focused on that. That was my passion.
And then it led to more control,
more freedom, more time with my partner,
more connecting with other people who are
on that same equilibrium of, like, being
a creator, being a maker. When you
(39:50):
work for the man, yes, the security
is there. And trust me, I had
the paycheck, and it was, it was
fantastic. And it is scary sometimes with
entrepreneurship, especially during a pandemic and during
a recession, and we're going through it
all. But it's when you see past
the money and you see about the
presence and what your time and energy
(40:11):
is being spent doing. You're richer already.
You're richer already. You're not in the
grind. You're not in that office environment
where you are actually really unhappy, but
you're doing it for the money. So
it's like, what are you trading your
time for? Because time is the most,
most beautiful, most powerful commodity we have.
(40:33):
So you can have a great job
and spend tons of money on stuff
you don't want to impress people you
don't even like.
Makini Smith (40:40):
Blah, blah, blah.
Marina Billinghurst (40:41):
We know this story. Or you can
have less and be with amazing people
who fill your cup and support you.
And when you said community in the
beginning of this call, that is sort
of the journey that took has taken
place since I got pregnant. When I
had a soul in my uterus that
(41:01):
was growing, I realized I had toxic
relationships in my life, and I didn't
want to let that energy in. And
so sometimes nature has a funny way
of breaking what doesn't bend, if you
hear me. Like, it was time to
(41:22):
move on so that I could protect
myself and my child. So those changes
happened, and now I have boundaries. I've
always been. I'm a recovering people pleaser,
and it's. Yeah, right. So it feels
so good to, like, if you don't
like what I'm doing, cool. You do
you? Yeah, I'm good. And, you know,
(41:44):
having the people in your life that
actually do lift you up. And I
love Renee Brown, and I love atlas
of the heart, and I've told so
many people to read it, and they're
like, blah, blah, blah, blah, like, whatever.
But I'm like, no, it's really like
a cool encyclopedia for how traumatized and
broken we all are. And if you
actually read it, you're going to want
(42:05):
to really have a good community because
people who love you aren't going to
blow out your candle or doubt you
when you share good news. Nothing's worse
than, oh, my gosh, I have this
thing, and then someone's like, yeah, whatever.
You said that last time. It's like,
okay, bye bye. You know, we're done.
Makini Smith (42:19):
Yeah.
Marina Billinghurst (42:19):
So it's. It's the boundaries and the
keeping the candle lit, and I have
the best relate. My girlfriends that I
have right now are my people. And
it's like, when they succeed, I'm like,
whoa. Like, I am freaking screaming at
the top of the mountain, and I'm.
I'm there to support them if they
(42:40):
need art or design in any way.
Like, I'm there for my girls and
I'm there to lift them up and
do whatever I can. And they do
the same for me and for my
family and for my daughter. And it's
easy and it should be. Yeah. Yeah.
So community is key. And, you know,
our tribe is what, the most important
(43:00):
thing we have. Not the money, not
the car, not the things. It's the
people and the food and the nourishment
and, like. And the taking care of
ourselves and the emotion code and, you
know, like, when you clear out your
closet or the clothes that you don't
love anymore, you gotta clear out the
pain in your body and the people
(43:22):
that are putting it there. Yes.
Makini Smith (43:25):
Well, you said so much.
Marina Billinghurst (43:27):
So much, right? There's a lot. There's
always a lot with you and I.
Episode three coming out in six years.
Makini Smith (43:39):
I absolutely love everything that you said.
There was a couple of things that
I wanted to highlight before we go,
just to make sure that the listeners
are really paying attention, like the community
piece and the importance of your community.
(44:00):
I said earlier, the importance of how
we feel affects our environment. But also
community is a very strong pillar in
our resilience and survival. We are wired
for connection, like isolate. Like, with isolation,
we could die. So with the pandemic
forcing isolation and impacting everyone's mental health
(44:25):
right now, what we need most is
community. We need the healthy communities. We
need the spaces where we feel safe
to be both celebrated and when we
are down, to be supported. You know,
I feel like people will often only
focus on the circles where they have
(44:47):
one. You know, maybe it's just, you
know, the support for when they're down,
but those are not the people that
are celebrating with them or the other.
You know, they have the group of
people that are going to cheer for
them when they, you know, have a
successful milestone, but then they don't have
anywhere to go to when they're down.
We need our inner circle, the circle
(45:08):
we choose the family. We choose to
include people that are there for us
both to cheer and to support and
that we can do the same for.
Because like you said, it's. It's not
about the material things. Like, there's actually
two book. Mine. I'm a. I don't
know, I feel like I'm become a.
(45:29):
What do you call it? A book
junk. I used to be someone who
couldn't read a book a year, and
now I'm going through, like, 24 books
a year. But my next two books
that I'm trying to get to, that
I have on my bookshelf right now,
is one Robin Sharma. His latest book,
I think it's called the Wealth Money
can't buy. And then there's another one
(45:49):
by Stephanie, and I'm gonna kick myself
for not remembering her last name right
now, but she's coming on the podcast
next week. But her book is called
the New Happy, and it just came
out of.
Marina Billinghurst (45:59):
Oh, I checked that out for sure.
Makini Smith (46:01):
Yeah. Like, you know, the old happy
is about success and accolades and all
those things, but the new happy is
definitely about what brings us peace and
freedom and love and connection. It's like,
you know, the old way of living
where those of us who are first
generation, you know, North Americans were, you
know, your parents, their focus was the
(46:22):
success, the, you know, all those things.
But we have realized, this generation, many
of us have realized, like, the real
happiness is in our healthy connections. It's
in our safe spaces. It's in us
feeling at peace. It's in all of
those places and I love how you
(46:46):
spoke earlier about healing through your art.
And I was kind of laughing to
myself when you talked about the meditation
piece and ADHD. Everyone in my house
is on the spectrum somewhere. So I
understand. With ADHD, you know, how our
mind can race with so many different
(47:10):
thoughts and bring us to so many
different places. But what has helped me
with meditation and the reason why I
can now embrace it is because I
used to think I was doing it
wrong because I couldn't be still and
not let my mind wander. And I
thought, okay, I'm doing this wrong and
(47:30):
learning now that it's actually helping me
because it's forcing me to feel. It's
not just about forcing you to feel
calm, but it's forcing me to feel
because there's so many layers of life
happening, especially with all the different titles,
mom, grandma, partner, blah, blah, blah. There's
(47:51):
distractions everywhere.
Marina Billinghurst (47:52):
Right?
Makini Smith (47:53):
So when you have the chance to
sit and be still and pay attention
to your thoughts, yes, there's going to
be thoughts coming in. There's going to
be layers of things that we are
thinking and feeling, but it's not doing
it wrong. It's. We're actually taking the
time to feel. We are giving ourselves
(48:15):
space to feel without all the distractions.
Marina Billinghurst (48:20):
That's all. That's so profound because it
really is about feeling. One of my.
I have this saying I do every
time I'm in such pain for something,
whether it's like I'm stressed in traffic
or I found out news I didn't
want to hear, I just have to
take a minute before I react, before
I respond, before you write the email.
(48:41):
And I just. I always say, just
let it hurt. Just let it hurt.
Like, breathe, however long it takes. Sometimes
it's an hour. I'll just sit there
and, like, lie through the pain and.
And then just let it go. So
just let it hurt. Let it go.
Like, I do that all the time.
Because it's. It is mindset. It's mind
control. So as you're saying, like, we
(49:03):
can lose control. We've talked about this
since being in conversation. It's about how
do we have control over all the
things in our life. It's by how
we react to them, how do we
organize our life and all of the
titles that we have. So it's an.
It's not a one and done. It's
setting yourself up so that you're prepared
(49:24):
for whatever life throws at you by
being mentally, physically, spiritually fit, so that
people can't steal your peace. All day,
those are the exhausted people who come.
I'm like, why me? Why me? Why
me? It's like, you got to go
to the spirit gym, girl, and you
got to work meditation. Yeah. Because I
used to do, like, oh, my God.
(49:45):
So I'd come home to my husband,
like, guess what happened? Like, this guy.
And he'd be like, cool. I'm like,
did anything happen to you? He's like,
not really. And I'm like, why are
you so cool? Like, how come you're
not affected by it, but after a
few years, incorporate, you just get over
it, and you move on. And then
I took that with me outside. You
don't have to react to every little
situation. It's energy. Save it. Save it
(50:05):
for your passion projects and for your
stories, and I. And use that energy
to lift people up rather than tear
them down. It's easy to. I always
say it's easy to be an asshole.
Being an asshole is the easy way
out. It's hard to be good, but
it's worth it. Choose your heart.
Makini Smith (50:26):
Oh, you know, you are speaking to
my soul right now. I just had
this conversation with my therapist two days
ago because. So I have been on
this journey where I was like, okay,
after working through my history of toxic
relationships and all these things, I'm like,
okay, I know how to set boundaries
now. I'm great at this, but I
(50:46):
struggled to set boundaries with my children
because I'm like, no, I need to
give them everything, and they should have
everything. And realizing I'm creating entitled monsters.
And now that I. Now that I
am learning to set boundaries with my
adult children, I feel like crap. And
every week, I'm strengthening that muscle in
(51:09):
therapy, you know, coming home with action
stuff, things I need to implement, things
I need to change, and I'm doing
it constantly, and I was just like,
being a good person is so hard.
Like, I think it would just be
easier for me to not care and
just do whatever. Like, it's exhausting trying
to do all of the right things,
(51:29):
and I'm like, this is why there
are so many bad people out there.
It's just easier.
Marina Billinghurst (51:34):
I think it's like that you're the
1% if you're a good person and
you actually do good and, like, not
let it steal your piece. Like, think
like a monk. I do love Jay
Shetty for that. Like, it's powerful shit,
man. And look what he's done with
it. Like, come on. So. But once
you get to the good, I think.
I think life's just a fun ride.
(51:56):
Yeah, it's getting there. It's the hard
part, but once it's done, it's done
and you're there. But it's like, we
have so much to clean up. We
have ancestral trauma, we have all the
crap, that generational, all this stuff that's
thrown at us, and it's just a
matter of finding our groove, learning how
to be good, having faith, and putting
(52:18):
your energy where brings you the most
joyous. The end of the day. And
all that stuff you said is so
magical. And I just love our chats,
and I. I can't even believe how
aligned we are. Like, it's crazy, but
when we first met, it was like,
boom, fireworks. So miss you, and I
want to be closer to you. Gosh,
I feel like I need to move
(52:38):
back to Toronto just so I can
see you more.
Makini Smith (52:41):
I'm planning a visit to Vancouver. So
we're going to see each other very,
very soon.
Marina Billinghurst (52:45):
Yeah, we are.
Makini Smith (52:47):
I, um. My. I totally forgot what
I was going to say.
Marina Billinghurst (52:51):
Oh, you know what? I was going
to say one thing I was going
to say about the art, because you
brought it up and, like, where I
am now. So after I wrote my
book, I created a program where it's
like, how to. It's called a butterfly
painting ceremony. So essentially, if you're in
that realm of healing and creation and
(53:11):
want to discover. I've. I'm putting out
an online course soon. I'm just working
on it now. It might take six
months, I don't know. But it's basically
like a program where you can actually
paint your trauma out of you, and
then you have a butterfly. A representational.
Do I have one here? Because I
paint them all the time. I do.
So, like, you can paint a butterfly
(53:33):
just to basic, basically just as a
release. And then whatever that butterfly is,
whether it's, you know, you had a
fight with a friend and you want
this butterfly to represent the love that
you have for them and to grow.
It's like, how do we get to
that equilibrium of, like, peace? By creating
reminders and doing acts of joy that
(53:55):
create love from pain. So these butterflies
are representational, but I'm creating, like, a
nine step program, which are the nine
butterflies I painted from my book that
allowed me to have a baby. So
there's some magic in there.
Makini Smith (54:09):
Absolutely.
Marina Billinghurst (54:09):
And that's where I am now. I'm
like, I'm not. I'm more about the
service based work and not pushing product.
I do have my kimonos, and I
do have my art, but I'm in
it now to, like, teach and show
people how they can use art to
heal.
Makini Smith (54:24):
That's.
Marina Billinghurst (54:25):
I feel like that's my new purpose
and the new walk that I'm walking.
And it feels really like I do
events, and then I teach the workshops,
and I'm seeing miracles happen with women.
Like, one lady, her arm was, like,
damaged from some. Something she's going through.
She probably needs emotion code. So I
said, why don't you try with your
(54:45):
left hand just to show people that
it's not about artistic talent, it's about
the energy. She painted the best butterfly
that day, and I had tears on
her face. And I said, like, it's
not about, like, oh, I'm such a
good artist. It's about creating art.
Makini Smith (55:01):
Expression of creativity.
Marina Billinghurst (55:03):
Yeah. So that we were created, me,
created in God's image.
Makini Smith (55:07):
Girl, you're on the right path. I
love it, I love it.
Marina Billinghurst (55:09):
I feel it. It's taken a while
to get here, but I'm feeling more
zen than ever.
Makini Smith (55:15):
I love it, I love it, love
it, love it. I would love if
you could tell the listeners where they
could stay connected with you, where they
can learn more from you and about
you.
Marina Billinghurst (55:24):
So my name is Marina Billinghurst. My
Instagram is art of Marina. It's pretty
much a hub of all the things
I do, from my speaking events to
my book to my digital art and
then my watercolor passion project. So, yeah,
Instagram is the best, but it's also
artofmarina.com dot.
Makini Smith (55:44):
Love it. Thank you so much. I
will definitely have all the details where
they can connect with you in the
details section so they don't have to
search too far.
Marina Billinghurst (55:52):
Oh, thanks so much, McKinney. I just
love you so much. You're such a
gift to the universe and grateful for
all that you provide with your beautiful
podcast and just your natural, nurturing love
that you give.
Makini Smith (56:06):
Thank you. I have been blessed to
know you. Honestly, from the moment we've
connected through Instagram to where we are
today, I feel honored to be connected
to you. The fact that we are
so aligned with so many things. I
feel honored that I get to watch
(56:27):
your journey as you are going through
your healing journey and evolving and the
healing spaces that you are creating. I.
You know, it's the beauty in having
connections that are aligned with you. It's
like, yeah, we're. We're both healers, but
in different ways through different modalities, right?
(56:48):
So, you know, I can celebrate you
and share your work and share what
you're doing and feel like there's nothing
being taken away from. For me, you
know, there's enough blessings to go around.
God has not run out of blessings.
So I, I am just honored. And
I can't wait to watch your daughter
(57:08):
grow like a blessing.
Marina Billinghurst (57:11):
I love watching your children grow. They're,
they're big, you know, people now with
having babies, like, I don't even know
what's going on, but they're beautiful. And
now you're the most gorgeous grandmother ever.
So yay.
Makini Smith (57:26):
Thank you so much, Marina.
Marina Billinghurst (57:28):
Thanks, Nikkini.
Makini Smith (57:29):
To all of you listeners out there,
I would love if you could screenshot
this week's episode and share your aha.
Moments. Share what parts of Marina's story
resonated with you, share what your takeaways
were. You can tag Marina at Art
of Marina. You can tag myself. He
real McKinney Smith a healthy community is
a healing community. And a healing community
(57:50):
is full of hope because it has
seen its own people, whether survive and
thrive. So let's continue to heal her.
I'm Makini Smith. After going through a
divorce, my sister passing away, experiencing narcissistic
abuse and some significant health scares, I
realized through sharing my story that I
wasn't alone in my suffering. Suffering subjective
distress generated by the experience of being
out of balance in a deep dive
to holistically heal mind, body and soul
(00:22):
is where I discovered peace, clarity and
connection. It is impossible to be truly
wise without some real life hardship, and
we cannot develop post traumatic wisdom without
making it through, and most importantly, through
it together. Social connection builds resilience and
resilience helps create post traumatic wisdom, and
(00:45):
that wisdom leads to hope. Hope for
you and others witnessing and participating in
your healing and hope for your community.
A healthy community is a healing community.
And a healing community is full of
hope because it has seen its own
people weather, survive and thrive. Marina Billinghurst
(01:23):
is an artist, fashion designer and author.
Her company, Art of marina, marries art
and fashion, breathing magic into the world
from her roots in the fashion industry,
working with brands such as Joe Fresh
and as creative director at Caulfield Apparel
Group, Marina transformed from corporate fashionista into
(01:43):
slow fashion advocate with her own line
of luxury duster scarves and home decorous.
Inspired by the natural world and the
magic within shared experiences and committed to
ethical and sustainable practices, Marina's paintings inspire
beauty, positivity and connection to create a
global butterfly effect of positive change. So
(02:07):
please welcome to the show Marina Billinghurst.
Marina Billinghurst (02:12):
Hello. Hello. Thank you so much for
having me. Nikini, so wonderful to be
back.
Makini Smith (02:17):
Thank you so much for agreeing to
come back and to update us and
to share your new gems and evolution
with us. You know, we had you
on, I think it was like the
second year of the podcast we're going
into, year six, I believe. Wow. I
think you were on episode 62.
Marina Billinghurst (02:38):
Oh.
Makini Smith (02:41):
And we talked about designing the life
that you desire. And I am so
honored to have been connected to you
over the years and to watch you
evolve and to see where God has
brought you to today from where you
were. And I'm going to try not
(03:02):
to get too emotional. So before we
even start.
Marina Billinghurst (03:07):
Yeah.
Makini Smith (03:08):
But thank you. Thank you.
Marina Billinghurst (03:11):
Oh, thank you so much for creating
such a beautiful space that we can
open up and have these moments that
are just part of our journey and,
you know, they all make sense. I
always say, like, you can't figure stuff
out. Everything happens for a reason. But
in the moment, we're like, why did,
why? Why did this happen? But it's
(03:33):
later, it's five years later, it's six
years, it's ten years, it's a decade.
It's the end of your life. You
just. Oh, that's why I. As long
as you keep on going and using
your mindset to stay positive. So I
believe I'm here. And the things that
happened are because I did choose to
(03:54):
pivot from victim mentality to gratitude for
all the things, even when they were
really, really hard, and they're still hard.
There's no easy way.
Makini Smith (04:06):
Mm hmm.
Marina Billinghurst (04:08):
And it's a daily practice. It's. I
catch myself when I'm like, oh, man,
this is so unfair. And then you're
like, no, this is part of my
journey. This is making me who I
am. I'm a warrior. I'm strong. I
can handle this. I can persevere, you
know, and we get through. So, yeah,
when I came on your pod, like,
what year was that? What year was
(04:29):
that? 20? I don't even know. It
was 2019. Because it was pre pandemic.
Makini Smith (04:35):
It was. Let's see if I can
remember. It was. Yeah, it was 2019.
Marina Billinghurst (04:42):
So I was, like, literally in the
thick of it then. And that was
when, like, if anyone listened to episode
62. I mean, I haven't even listened.
I'm gonna listen to it after today.
I probably should have listened to it
before, but, yeah, no, that was like,
I was coming to. I started my
(05:02):
healing journey around then. 2018. December was
when the accident happened, and I got
into a massive car accident, and I
lost my twin pregnancy. And it was
just like, what is happening? I just
didn't understand. I was in completely different
place, spiritually, mentally, physically, all the things.
So I had just chosen then to,
(05:24):
like, trust the universe, trust God, just
believe that this was all meant to
be for a reason. And it was
hard. It went from the deep depths
of despair to, okay, one step at
a time, one day at a time.
And, you know, I was at. I
think I was 36 at the time
when I lost my pregnancy. And it
(05:45):
was like, the end of it for
me because I was already on a
fertility journey of IVF, and, like, natural
wasn't an option. My husband and me
were madly in love, and even the
sweet love that we were making was
not making babies. So we had to
go to that route. And then I
finally had a healthy pregnancy, and boom.
(06:06):
Car accident. Massive car accident. But I
always look at it like there's a
Marianne Williamson quote that I love, and
it's a miracle as a shift in
perception from fear to love. And in
that moment, it's. The miracle is the
mindset, the miracle is the belief so
(06:27):
I somehow survived that car accident. So
I could have been like, oh, yeah,
I lost my pregnancy, and I'm, you
know, my life's over. I could be
like, well, actually, I'm alive, so my
life isn't over. So what's the lesson
here? So this. The healing journey started,
and then during the healing journey was
a massive pandemic when the world just
shut down. So, like, you can't control
(06:50):
the weather or what's going on around
you. You can only control how you
face it and how you get through
it. So I, you know, I just
found a spiritual healer, and I started
doing this healing, and it was a
gateway for me to kind of dig
into my soul and myself. So had
I not been in that accident, don't
(07:10):
know if I ever would have gone
on this journey. I would have stayed
in the corporate fashion industry in Toronto
and climbed the corporate ladder, had babies,
probably had a nanny, probably wouldn't have
been present. Now I'm a different human,
and I was gifted a child because
of what I've been through. So, oh,
my gosh, I just jumped ahead. Let
(07:31):
me rewind.
Makini Smith (07:34):
Listen. No, I love. I love organic
conversations. Keep going. Because there's so much
I want to unpack. Like, don't stop.
Marina Billinghurst (07:42):
So. Okay, so pandemic hits. I decide
to pack up my life. I'm on
this journey of healing. I miss my
family. I miss my mom and my
brother and my nieces, my sisters. And
I decide to go back west to
British Columbia. I left everything in Toronto
behind, and I started writing, which I'd
(08:04):
never, ever been a writer. I've always
been an artist designer by trade.
But I started writing. And through my
healing journey, I started doing these crazy
meditations that were really, really hard for
me to do at first. Like, I
was not able to meditate. You're talking
high AdHd here. Like, my meditations were,
(08:25):
like, lying down with my eyes closed,
creating a to do list, but then
also daydreaming about other things. That's not
a meditation. So when I actually succumbed
to, like, let's really learn how to
meditate, I started following these butterflies down
paths, like, of my life. And it
was so vivid because I'm a visual
person. So my meditations were visual. So
(08:46):
whatever the guided meditation was and music
and what have you, I would follow
these butterflies because I'm a butterfly girl.
It's a spirit animal for me. They're
about transformation, and they would just lead
me down these crazy journeys into my
childhood, into my past. And I was
(09:09):
uncovering not just the trauma from my
car accident and the loss of my
pregnancy. But I was uncovering stuff from
kindergarten and elementary school and high school
and college, and just like, whoa, my
sister is, my parents.
Like, traumas that I had faced that
(09:31):
were just crazy. And I felt like,
wow, okay, so now I've. Now I
become aware, consciously aware, of what actually
is preventing me from becoming who I
want to be. Because all those traumas
were like weights in my body that
I was storing and carrying with me.
You know, for example, jealousy, fear. When
(09:57):
you can't be happy for somebody else,
it's because you're holding on to something.
When you're happy for other people, it's
because you've let go and you want
other people to succeed when you've let
go of the reason why you're stopping
yourself from succeeding.
I had all of those things, and
a lot of it was shame because
of the mistakes I'd made and the
traumas that happened to me. And then
(10:19):
it was kind of rewriting the story
of, is this my fault? No. The
traumas that happened to you are not
your fault. Even if you made a
mistake, it's okay. Like, life's about evolution
and learning and growing. So how would
we learn if we didn't make mistakes?
And if something terrible happens to us,
(10:41):
which it does every day, how do
we grow without blame for ourselves or
for the person who hurt us? And
that's the most powerful thing we can
probably learn in our lives.
And for me, it was game changing
because I found out, like, lots of
different traumas in one just relationship with
(11:03):
my father, who was an immigrant to
Canada and looked at his children as
investments, essentially. So how are they going
to provide for me one day? Kind
of thing. And his mentality was second
place is the first loser. And there
was a lot of pressure for me
to be the best. Like, my dad
(11:23):
always said to me, you have to
be the best. And I was just
like. And for him, it was probably
he wanted me to be the best
version of myself. But the way I
kind of took it to heart was,
I have to be better than everybody
else. And that was so hard for
a child because then I was competitive,
but yet I'm this, like, loving, nurturing
(11:45):
person who was competing because her father
was watching and she couldn't fail because
he came from nothing and gave her
everything. So now she's indebted to her
father, which is heavy stuff to carry
your whole life. But, you know, then
I started to open that, and then
I found out there was shame from
(12:06):
stuff that happened to me as a
young girl.
Like, there was sexual abuse that I
didn't even ever, ever, ever tell a
soul, not one soul. It wasn't until
I actually started writing out the traumas
and then painting butterflies to release them,
because as a creative, the meditations were
(12:31):
amazing, and they were, like, game changing.
But I. There was no release for
me until I actually took pen to
paper or paintbrush, and I just pushed
something through me.
So a lot of people are creative
artists, and they don't know because they
haven't yet picked up the paintbrush because
(12:51):
they're scared, right? They're scared of not
being a good artist or what society
says you have to be in order
to be an artist. But what it
really is about is just the act
of creating something that represents your movement,
of the energy you're pushing through your
body. Bottom line.
Makini Smith (13:11):
Wow. Okay, so I have goosebumps.
Marina Billinghurst (13:16):
I do, too.
Makini Smith (13:17):
There is so much that we can
unpack there. I don't even know if
we're going to have time to unpack
at all. But I want to start
at the beginning. From everything that you
said, you talked about how you were
able to shift from the victim mentality
to basically the victor mentality, you know,
(13:38):
using gratitude. And very often, when we
are in that low place, when we're
in the dark place, we are not
open to some of the easiest things
that will help our healing journey. You
know, I can think of myself personally
where I previously wasn't open to meditating,
and now I do it all the
time. I wasn't open to nature walks,
and now I do it every day.
(13:59):
So when we're in that place, we
don't realize there are simple things that
are super helpful and can have a
compound positive effect on our life if
we are able to open ourselves up
to those things. My mentor used to
say, a closed mind can accept new
ideas.
Marina Billinghurst (14:19):
Right?
Makini Smith (14:20):
Something that I guess, to me is
as simple as gratitude. How that was
able to shift how you view life,
your perspective of life. I want the
listeners to really dissect that because we
don't realize how much our feelings are
affecting our environment, how our feelings are
(14:43):
affecting the results that we're getting in
life. It's like, you know, if we're
constantly holding on to anger, we are
more susceptible to be pessimistic and to
have these negative views of the world,
other people, and ourselves. So we create
these results that are negative. But if
(15:04):
we are able to have a simple
tweak of our, I guess, perspective of
how we interact in the world, how
we show up in the world, how
we show up for ourselves, how that
can completely shift the results that we
get. Like, every single day, we have
these thoughts. We use our mind to
(15:25):
visualize all these things. Especially, you know,
I struggle with anxiety so my mind
can go rampant about all the things
that can go wrong. And how often,
like, the percentage. How often does that
actually happen? So all the time and
energy that's invested into looking at all
the things that could go wrong. And
(15:47):
when it does go wrong, it's like
this self fulfilling prophecy, because we've created
that vision, we've attracted that energy. But
if we intentionally use our imagination and
our thoughts and our feelings to create
the life that we do want. Like,
the first episode that you came on,
(16:08):
the title of it was designing the
life that you desire.
Marina Billinghurst (16:10):
Right? Totally amazing.
Makini Smith (16:15):
So I think it's important for us
to really pay attention to the fact
that we can create the life that
we desire with our thoughts, our feelings,
our actions, and sometimes our. Our thoughts
and feelings, if we're not intentional about
(16:35):
them, can actually create more chaos and
more discomfort and more negative than we
would like if we're not intentional with
it. Right?
Marina Billinghurst (16:46):
Absolutely. Absolutely. It's chaos. It can go
all over the place. Right. If we're
not intentional, 100%, yes.
Makini Smith (16:54):
And then, you know, you were talking
about how the. The accident, you know,
that. That low point, being in a
really bad car accident and losing the
twins, it's like, when bad things happen,
it's very easy for us to sit
in the space of, like, oh, my
(17:17):
God, why me? You know, the. What's
the word I'm looking for right now?
Marina Billinghurst (17:24):
Victim mentality.
Makini Smith (17:25):
I don't want to. The victim mentality,
but at the same time, yes, you
are a victim, but we don't have
to consume or become full time the
victim. Like, we're allowed to feel, you
know, in that moment. Yes, you were
allowed to be the victim, but then
processing it, to go through it. Right.
(17:46):
But that breakdown brings us to our
breakthrough. Like, anyone that I've ever spoken
to that has had an extremely low,
low point in life that is now
thriving or living in harmony with how
they would love their life to be,
(18:07):
it came from an extremely low point
that they didn't feel they could get
back up from. For myself, that was
when my sister passed away. For you,
that was the accident and losing the
twins. But today, since then, as we
have been on our healing journey, we
(18:28):
have been openly sharing our journey. We
have been helping other people heal. You
know, it creates community in our transparency
about our journey, the vulnerability, which is
why I appreciate you coming back on
to share where things are today. Because
when we spoke on the phone the
(18:49):
other day, I was, like, in tears
even when we came off the phone,
because I was thinking to myself, you
had this traumatic experience. And since or
going through the pandemic, you know, we
were both at the same time dealing
with a lot of struggles in life.
(19:10):
You know, my daughter almost didn't live.
And then you were dealing with your
stuff and it's like, okay, here we
are today where you now have a
baby that is around the same age
as my grandchild. My daughter had a
baby. Like life, the beauty of life
that. The blessing of life that has
(19:34):
come through the healing process.
Marina Billinghurst (19:36):
Absolutely. Well, you said so many things
where to even start. My first gut
instinct is, like, your granddaughter and my
daughter, like, we're pretty much the same
age, right? So that that's the miracle
of life. And I think when after
that accident, the first thing I, like,
really held onto was how life in
(19:59):
general is a miracle. And I know
that your granddaughter's named miracle. And I
actually thought about naming my daughter miracle
because she's a miracle. But what's the
thing about why I'm focusing on that
word is because as soon as we
look in the mirror, look around us
and realize that our existence is divine
(20:21):
power of God's creation, of the fact
that we are alive is a miracle,
we will appreciate our time here and
shake off all the stuff because it's
not a long time and it can
be whatever we make it. But the
(20:43):
fact that we're alive, it means that
we are meant to be here, and
we are chosen to be here. My
grand, my granddaughter, your granddaughter and my
daughter were meant to be here. And
it's like, we can't force those things.
We can just appreciate, love those things
(21:05):
and have all that gratitude for this
time here. Because now I'm like, my
mindset is in a different place because
after I went on my healing journey,
I wrote a book about the trauma
that I went through. And it's randomly
(21:25):
called the nine Magical butterflies. It sounds
like a children's book, but I wrote
this book because I thought to myself,
I wish I knew my grandmother's story.
I wish I knew my mother's story,
but I also didn't. I knew my
second chance at life because I was
(21:45):
like hair away from being totaled in
a car. I knew that with my
second chance at life, I realized if
I had left the planet and the
universe that day, no one would really
know all those things that I buried.
So now they're free. They're out there.
They don't define me. They're just part
of my story. I'm already onto the
(22:05):
new chapters and the new adversities and
the new struggles, but at the same
time, I honor what I had gone
through. And because I got through them,
I was gifted my child. So nine
months after I published my book, I
found out I was pregnant at 42
years old.
Makini Smith (22:24):
Wow.
Marina Billinghurst (22:25):
So it's just crazy. Like, I tell
everybody now, like, if you have an
interest to, like, leave your story in
the world, you don't even have to,
like, publish a book and be, like,
an author and market and market it
and all that stuff. I don't even
do that. I wrote it, and it's
there, but it's for my daughter. It's
(22:46):
for my daughter. It's for my ancestors,
and it's legacy. My grandmother. Yeah, it's
legacy. And then, of course, you. You
started your legacy leavers company. It's just
all crazy, like, how the universe works
and it's aligned. Yeah, but it's. It's
like, there's no point in trying to
wonder these things. We're alive. We have
(23:08):
the tools. Like, tell your story. Tell
your story. Because it's also like the
fact that I healed myself from the
sexual pain I went through as a
child that I didn't even understand. And
I still don't even know what happened,
but I know that it happened. I
think as a child, you have a
way of blocking things out, but you
(23:29):
know that it happened, so that's in
order to. Yeah, so. But it was
there. And so that led to all
kinds of other traumas. And one of
the most craziest things is that I
went into the next grade of elementary
school after this horrible thing happened to
me. And I knew that it happened
(23:50):
to me. And I had a new
best friend, a new best friend who
was this most amazing, beautiful girl, and
we were just the best of friends.
But there were moments when I was
really mean to her. And I didn't
know at the time, like, we. We
talked later in life, but I knew,
because I knew that in my deepest
(24:11):
heart that these bad things had happened
to me and they didn't happen to
her. And, no, she didn't know. I
didn't even know. But it made me
push her away, and it made me.
So we talked about it after I
published the book, I sent her a
copy and I told her what happened
to me. And I said, I'm so
sorry that when we were in elementary
(24:32):
school that I was ever mean to
you because you were my favorite person,
and I love you so much. But
this is what actually was going on
in my eight year old head. Can
you imagine? And she, like, cried her
eyes out, and we had this beautiful
moment, and, you know, so it's never
too late to heal and grow and
(24:53):
connect and. And just go forward and
let go of these things. But facing
them is when the healing and the
magic starts, so you can't bury it
forever. So in whatever capacity that is,
I just. I'm so grateful that I
went through what I went through, because
now I'm free of that pain that
was hiding in my body. And I
(25:14):
think that's what causes all the bad,
bad shit in the world is bad
shit. Yeah. Anyway.
Makini Smith (25:24):
So, first off, I am so sorry
that you even had to experience that,
period. I wonder only because it's sad.
Like, the high percentage of women that
I know that have experienced sexual abuse,
(25:48):
the even higher percentage of women that
I know that have experienced abuse, period,
whether it be physical, mental, emotional, spiritual,
what have you. But a couple of
things I have. I don't know if
there's any studies around it, but what
I have noticed is that the women
that have been sexually abused have infertility
(26:11):
issues. And I wonder if there's a
connection.
Marina Billinghurst (26:16):
Right. Yeah.
Makini Smith (26:20):
I can't remember if it was doctor
Susan Cain or there's another book that
I read by a doctor, but she
was talking about a point in her
life where her memories of being sexually
abused by her father had, I guess,
appeared later in life after she had,
I think she had surgery or something
(26:40):
because she couldn't figure out where, like,
pain in her stomach was coming from.
And the memory started to come back
to her, and she remembered. And she
had heavily suppressed those memories because her
father was a spiritual figure, a very
big spiritual figure. So when she started
to speak on it, you know, she
was outcasted from the family, the spiritual
community, all of that. But it had.
(27:03):
She felt also that it was connected
to her infertility issues. And I know
too many women that still cannot have
children and have not publicly shared, but
have experienced sexual abuse. I'm just wondering
if there's any studies linked to that.
Marina Billinghurst (27:22):
I'm wondering that, too. And that's something
I didn't even look into. But the
crazy part is I didn't even know.
It wasn't even in my realm that
it was at all affecting me, because
it was buried so deep. And when
I'd finished writing my book. I had
left it out. The chapter was there,
but I had left out the words
(27:43):
of what I was trying to say.
And I went back and I just
started writing what had happened and what
I remember. And I was on the
floor of my office having an exorcism
because I'd never written it down that
I could rewrite it. It was so
(28:05):
buried so deeply. And then when I
read it out loud, I just. I
cried and, like, called my mother, and.
And she's like, what is wrong? And
I'm like, I have to tell you
something. And she was so scared. Like,
you know, what's going on? And then
when she. I told her, she was.
She, like, cried, too. And she's like,
I'm so sorry. Why didn't you tell
me? Why didn't you tell me right
(28:26):
away? And I'm like, I was so
ashamed. I was so ashamed. I mean,
there's so many complications there. Like, went
to catholic school, and this is way
back in the day, so can you
imagine going to catholic school when they,
as a child, would go to church
where they would tell me about sinning
(28:48):
and, like, all this stuff? And then
here I am thinking that I am.
That I sinned, but I didn't do
anything. I was a victim.
Makini Smith (28:57):
Right.
Marina Billinghurst (28:57):
So you're just so confused as a
child. And there's no counsel. There was
no counseling available. There was just a
priest that we had to confess to,
and I didn't understand what I was,
how to confess something of that matter.
So, you know, there was just no
way to, like, explain myself, so. Or.
Or grow. I didn't have access to
(29:18):
it. So now, as a mother, I'm.
I'm. I go to therapy, and, like,
pretty much twice a month since the
accident, it was weekly. Now it's monthly.
Um, but it's all about communicating and
explaining ourselves, and no more burying anything.
And I. I want my daughter to
read my book as soon as she
can read, and then we can talk
(29:40):
about it so she never has to
hide anything from me. And, you know,
my mom wasn't always available because she
had four children and she was busy
and, you know, life was complicated, so
it was just really. It's really about
having an open communication and nothing being
off limits and being able to talk
about the hard things that our ancestors,
(30:00):
like they weren't. The women of our
past, weren't allowed to talk about those
things.
Makini Smith (30:06):
Ever.
Marina Billinghurst (30:06):
Never. Never. Yeah.
Makini Smith (30:07):
Yeah. Everything is hush hush. Like you
said, we don't know our. Our mother's
deep stories or our grandmother's deep stories,
and I find, especially with first generation
Canadians or first generation Americans, the huge
pressure that comes from our parents in
(30:28):
terms of who or what we should
be. But also, there's a lot that
we have to figure out on our
own because they haven't shared their story.
There's no blueprint for us. There's no
conversation for us. There's no transparency that
we have. Now, like you, I'm an
(30:48):
avid therapy goer. I've been going to
therapy every week, and I interviewed another
therapist on the podcast the other day,
and she's like, you go to therapy
every week. That is intense. That's like
going to the gym every day. I'm
like, yeah, I got a lot of
healing to do. But when you talked
about writing that chapter in your book
and the release of it, I can
(31:12):
relate, because when I wrote the chapter
in my book about losing my sister,
so that was the last chapter in
my book that I was able to
physically get out. Every time I sat
down to write that chapter, I had
a meltdown. So I was like, okay,
let me just finish the rest of
the book and come back to it.
But it was so cathartic. It was
(31:32):
so healing to be able to get
it out. So, like you said, if
someone's listening, even if you never, you
know, publish it publicly, but it's a
form of release. It's like journaling. That's
why they say journaling is helpful, you
know, for our emotions, because we're releasing
them. Um, the book, uh, the emotion
code, you know, where we talk about
(31:53):
trapped emotions. Like, I. I was someone
who used to be a complete skeptic
about anything that wasn't tangible, that I
couldn't see. And I did a session
with a woman who was a trained,
uh, practitioner from, um, you know, with
the whole emotion code. And this was
during the pandemic, so it was via
(32:14):
Zoom. So she didn't touch me, and
she was able to release trapped emotions
within. I didn't tell her a word
about my history or my childhood. She
released trapped emotions. She labeled and told
me what the emotions were and what
time of my life they came from,
including while I was in the womb
(32:36):
of my mother. And it was mind
blowing to me, but I no longer
have the pain in my shoulder or
my ankle because those trapped emotions had
been released. So when you talk about
not realizing how deep, you know, those
emotions may have been buried, we all
have trapped emotions within us that need
(32:58):
to be released. And whatever way that
we can release them, whether that's telling
our story or writing it out or
journaling or whatever it is, but being
able to first, like you mentioned, the
awareness, the coming to the awareness that
you have these childhood wounds or childhood
traumas to address and then intentionally taking
(33:22):
the action to heal those things, to
heal the inner child, to heal, you
know, the wounded empath, all those things,
it can completely transform how you operate
for the rest of your life.
Marina Billinghurst (33:34):
Absolutely. So I have goosebumps because I'm
also a practitioner of the code.
Makini Smith (33:43):
I didn't know that.
Marina Billinghurst (33:44):
I didn't know that about you. So,
girl, we are, like, so aligned. Excuse
me. That's crazy. I did my first
few sessions when I was in Toronto
with a guy in Vancouver who's insane.
He's been doing it forever and he's
so good, but my mom introduced me
to it. And then we have a
friend here who does the most amazing
(34:05):
massages. And my mom brought it up
to her. She ended up taking the
program, and so now I get insane.
Massages with emotion code. So she'll have,
like, I have this pain in my
wrist and then she'll be like, okay.
And then she'll do the emotion code
and it'll be like trauma with your
sister when you were 30, like, what
happened? And, like, no joke, the pain
goes away when you face it.
Makini Smith (34:27):
Yes.
Marina Billinghurst (34:28):
And it's like, why can't this be
more normal? Like, why is all these
commercials that are like, take this drug
and you might go blind and you'll
never have sex again. But it's okay.
Makini Smith (34:36):
I know, I know.
Marina Billinghurst (34:39):
And then you have somebody with their.
With their own soul, like, help you
with trapped emotion. That's a real thing
and you are free and it's. It's
woo woo or whatever, you know? Like,
I don't know. I'm up for it.
Makini Smith (34:53):
I'm.
Marina Billinghurst (34:53):
I believe that.
Makini Smith (34:56):
I think. I think there's a disconnect
between science and spirituality. And that's why
I love Doctor Joe Dispenza, because he
combines the two. For so long, science
has dismissed the spiritual world because it's
not tangible. But he is able to
show things tangibly on how energy and
spirit affect our health. Like in training
(35:18):
with Bob Proctor, we talk about how
our thoughts affect our feelings, how our
feelings affect our body physically. And when
we're out of alignment, it's a body
that's in dis ease, which is disease,
right? So all these ailments that we
have brought on through stress, through all
(35:39):
of these negative emotions that are trapped
within us. So our body is out
of alignment, but instead of the medical
system saying, okay, how do we realign
you with self? It's, here's a Band
aid, here's some medication that we're going
to make money off of, but it's
going to cause another problem over here,
or here's a temporary fix for this.
(36:00):
So I'm not a huge fan anymore
of the medical system because of my
own health issues and losing my sister
and them not diagnosing with my daughter
and all these other things, but paying
attention to how our feelings and our
mental health affect our physical health, because
(36:22):
I used to. So, in 2006, I
was diagnosed with fibromyalgia. I feel like
they diagnose that to everyone where they
can't physically find something wrong and they're
in pain. And anyone who doesn't know
what it is, it's like it's chronic
muscle pain, but they say that the
symptoms include anxiety, depression, all these things.
But once I got to studying for
(36:43):
myself and understanding neuroscience and all these
things and realizing, I think you guys
kind of have it backwards, it's the
depression and anxiety that's causing the body
pain, because your body is holding on
to all of that tension, all of
that stress. It's causing issues within the
body. And the reason you can't see
them on all of your medical tests
is because it's coming from what's happening
(37:05):
mentally and emotionally. So, ever since I
learned that learning to handle the anxiety
and depression before it overflows and I'm
overwhelmed, I don't have any fibromyalgia flare
ups anymore. So it's like, well, we
look at these things intentionally and connect
(37:27):
them, but it's like these two worlds
are like, yeah, no, I don't believe
in this. So I'm not gonna look
at what you're doing. I don't believe
in this, and I'm not gonna look
at what you're doing. But if they
came together, they would see how they
can actually benefit the world.
Marina Billinghurst (37:40):
Absolutely. Hands down. I know. It's like,
why can't we all just work together
to make the world a better place?
Because there's still greed and unhealed, powerful
people at the end of the day,
and it's like we all have to
walk our walk and just focus on
(38:02):
ourselves. And if we make ourselves better,
that's the best thing we could possibly
do. But it's hard to not be
distracted by the idiocracy that goes on
in the world. But we can't change
it. We can only change ourselves. And
it's hard. It's hard to change yourself
when every direction is pointing at you,
(38:24):
to go in the wrong direction every
single day. But when you go on
that journey because of a greater power
in your soul, a purpose, and a
reason. Like my daughter, she's given me
a whole new reason. Like, the accident
made me change my life into designing
(38:46):
the life I want to live. So
I started my. My entrepreneurship, and I
created beautiful, sustainable garment kimonos that make
every woman, every single woman, no matter
your size, no matter your skin color,
you fit my kimonos, and they make
you feel beautiful. And they're made from
beautiful fabrics, silk and modell. Like, nothing
(39:07):
better than that. And I was sick
and tired of being told what to
design by men for women in the
fashion industry. Um, so my accident was
like, okay, I almost died. I don't
want to spend my whole life working
for the man when he's telling me
yes or no about what women should
wear. So I said, I'm going to
(39:28):
make something that fits everybody that's a
one size, and it's comfortable. And I
focused on that. That was my passion.
And then it led to more control,
more freedom, more time with my partner,
more connecting with other people who are
on that same equilibrium of, like, being
a creator, being a maker. When you
(39:50):
work for the man, yes, the security
is there. And trust me, I had
the paycheck, and it was, it was
fantastic. And it is scary sometimes with
entrepreneurship, especially during a pandemic and during
a recession, and we're going through it
all. But it's when you see past
the money and you see about the
presence and what your time and energy
(40:11):
is being spent doing. You're richer already.
You're richer already. You're not in the
grind. You're not in that office environment
where you are actually really unhappy, but
you're doing it for the money. So
it's like, what are you trading your
time for? Because time is the most,
most beautiful, most powerful commodity we have.
(40:33):
So you can have a great job
and spend tons of money on stuff
you don't want to impress people you
don't even like.
Makini Smith (40:40):
Blah, blah, blah.
Marina Billinghurst (40:41):
We know this story. Or you can
have less and be with amazing people
who fill your cup and support you.
And when you said community in the
beginning of this call, that is sort
of the journey that took has taken
place since I got pregnant. When I
had a soul in my uterus that
(41:01):
was growing, I realized I had toxic
relationships in my life, and I didn't
want to let that energy in. And
so sometimes nature has a funny way
of breaking what doesn't bend, if you
hear me. Like, it was time to
(41:22):
move on so that I could protect
myself and my child. So those changes
happened, and now I have boundaries. I've
always been. I'm a recovering people pleaser,
and it's. Yeah, right. So it feels
so good to, like, if you don't
like what I'm doing, cool. You do
you? Yeah, I'm good. And, you know,
(41:44):
having the people in your life that
actually do lift you up. And I
love Renee Brown, and I love atlas
of the heart, and I've told so
many people to read it, and they're
like, blah, blah, blah, blah, like, whatever.
But I'm like, no, it's really like
a cool encyclopedia for how traumatized and
broken we all are. And if you
actually read it, you're going to want
(42:05):
to really have a good community because
people who love you aren't going to
blow out your candle or doubt you
when you share good news. Nothing's worse
than, oh, my gosh, I have this
thing, and then someone's like, yeah, whatever.
You said that last time. It's like,
okay, bye bye. You know, we're done.
Makini Smith (42:19):
Yeah.
Marina Billinghurst (42:19):
So it's. It's the boundaries and the
keeping the candle lit, and I have
the best relate. My girlfriends that I
have right now are my people. And
it's like, when they succeed, I'm like,
whoa. Like, I am freaking screaming at
the top of the mountain, and I'm.
I'm there to support them if they
(42:40):
need art or design in any way.
Like, I'm there for my girls and
I'm there to lift them up and
do whatever I can. And they do
the same for me and for my
family and for my daughter. And it's
easy and it should be. Yeah. Yeah.
So community is key. And, you know,
our tribe is what, the most important
(43:00):
thing we have. Not the money, not
the car, not the things. It's the
people and the food and the nourishment
and, like. And the taking care of
ourselves and the emotion code and, you
know, like, when you clear out your
closet or the clothes that you don't
love anymore, you gotta clear out the
pain in your body and the people
(43:22):
that are putting it there. Yes.
Makini Smith (43:25):
Well, you said so much.
Marina Billinghurst (43:27):
So much, right? There's a lot. There's
always a lot with you and I.
Episode three coming out in six years.
Makini Smith (43:39):
I absolutely love everything that you said.
There was a couple of things that
I wanted to highlight before we go,
just to make sure that the listeners
are really paying attention, like the community
piece and the importance of your community.
(44:00):
I said earlier, the importance of how
we feel affects our environment. But also
community is a very strong pillar in
our resilience and survival. We are wired
for connection, like isolate. Like, with isolation,
we could die. So with the pandemic
forcing isolation and impacting everyone's mental health
(44:25):
right now, what we need most is
community. We need the healthy communities. We
need the spaces where we feel safe
to be both celebrated and when we
are down, to be supported. You know,
I feel like people will often only
focus on the circles where they have
(44:47):
one. You know, maybe it's just, you
know, the support for when they're down,
but those are not the people that
are celebrating with them or the other.
You know, they have the group of
people that are going to cheer for
them when they, you know, have a
successful milestone, but then they don't have
anywhere to go to when they're down.
We need our inner circle, the circle
(45:08):
we choose the family. We choose to
include people that are there for us
both to cheer and to support and
that we can do the same for.
Because like you said, it's. It's not
about the material things. Like, there's actually
two book. Mine. I'm a. I don't
know, I feel like I'm become a.
(45:29):
What do you call it? A book
junk. I used to be someone who
couldn't read a book a year, and
now I'm going through, like, 24 books
a year. But my next two books
that I'm trying to get to, that
I have on my bookshelf right now,
is one Robin Sharma. His latest book,
I think it's called the Wealth Money
can't buy. And then there's another one
(45:49):
by Stephanie, and I'm gonna kick myself
for not remembering her last name right
now, but she's coming on the podcast
next week. But her book is called
the New Happy, and it just came
out of.
Marina Billinghurst (45:59):
Oh, I checked that out for sure.
Makini Smith (46:01):
Yeah. Like, you know, the old happy
is about success and accolades and all
those things, but the new happy is
definitely about what brings us peace and
freedom and love and connection. It's like,
you know, the old way of living
where those of us who are first
generation, you know, North Americans were, you
know, your parents, their focus was the
(46:22):
success, the, you know, all those things.
But we have realized, this generation, many
of us have realized, like, the real
happiness is in our healthy connections. It's
in our safe spaces. It's in us
feeling at peace. It's in all of
those places and I love how you
(46:46):
spoke earlier about healing through your art.
And I was kind of laughing to
myself when you talked about the meditation
piece and ADHD. Everyone in my house
is on the spectrum somewhere. So I
understand. With ADHD, you know, how our
mind can race with so many different
(47:10):
thoughts and bring us to so many
different places. But what has helped me
with meditation and the reason why I
can now embrace it is because I
used to think I was doing it
wrong because I couldn't be still and
not let my mind wander. And I
thought, okay, I'm doing this wrong and
(47:30):
learning now that it's actually helping me
because it's forcing me to feel. It's
not just about forcing you to feel
calm, but it's forcing me to feel
because there's so many layers of life
happening, especially with all the different titles,
mom, grandma, partner, blah, blah, blah. There's
(47:51):
distractions everywhere.
Marina Billinghurst (47:52):
Right?
Makini Smith (47:53):
So when you have the chance to
sit and be still and pay attention
to your thoughts, yes, there's going to
be thoughts coming in. There's going to
be layers of things that we are
thinking and feeling, but it's not doing
it wrong. It's. We're actually taking the
time to feel. We are giving ourselves
(48:15):
space to feel without all the distractions.
Marina Billinghurst (48:20):
That's all. That's so profound because it
really is about feeling. One of my.
I have this saying I do every
time I'm in such pain for something,
whether it's like I'm stressed in traffic
or I found out news I didn't
want to hear, I just have to
take a minute before I react, before
I respond, before you write the email.
(48:41):
And I just. I always say, just
let it hurt. Just let it hurt.
Like, breathe, however long it takes. Sometimes
it's an hour. I'll just sit there
and, like, lie through the pain and.
And then just let it go. So
just let it hurt. Let it go.
Like, I do that all the time.
Because it's. It is mindset. It's mind
control. So as you're saying, like, we
(49:03):
can lose control. We've talked about this
since being in conversation. It's about how
do we have control over all the
things in our life. It's by how
we react to them, how do we
organize our life and all of the
titles that we have. So it's an.
It's not a one and done. It's
setting yourself up so that you're prepared
(49:24):
for whatever life throws at you by
being mentally, physically, spiritually fit, so that
people can't steal your peace. All day,
those are the exhausted people who come.
I'm like, why me? Why me? Why
me? It's like, you got to go
to the spirit gym, girl, and you
got to work meditation. Yeah. Because I
used to do, like, oh, my God.
(49:45):
So I'd come home to my husband,
like, guess what happened? Like, this guy.
And he'd be like, cool. I'm like,
did anything happen to you? He's like,
not really. And I'm like, why are
you so cool? Like, how come you're
not affected by it, but after a
few years, incorporate, you just get over
it, and you move on. And then
I took that with me outside. You
don't have to react to every little
situation. It's energy. Save it. Save it
(50:05):
for your passion projects and for your
stories, and I. And use that energy
to lift people up rather than tear
them down. It's easy to. I always
say it's easy to be an asshole.
Being an asshole is the easy way
out. It's hard to be good, but
it's worth it. Choose your heart.
Makini Smith (50:26):
Oh, you know, you are speaking to
my soul right now. I just had
this conversation with my therapist two days
ago because. So I have been on
this journey where I was like, okay,
after working through my history of toxic
relationships and all these things, I'm like,
okay, I know how to set boundaries
now. I'm great at this, but I
(50:46):
struggled to set boundaries with my children
because I'm like, no, I need to
give them everything, and they should have
everything. And realizing I'm creating entitled monsters.
And now that I. Now that I
am learning to set boundaries with my
adult children, I feel like crap. And
every week, I'm strengthening that muscle in
(51:09):
therapy, you know, coming home with action
stuff, things I need to implement, things
I need to change, and I'm doing
it constantly, and I was just like,
being a good person is so hard.
Like, I think it would just be
easier for me to not care and
just do whatever. Like, it's exhausting trying
to do all of the right things,
(51:29):
and I'm like, this is why there
are so many bad people out there.
It's just easier.
Marina Billinghurst (51:34):
I think it's like that you're the
1% if you're a good person and
you actually do good and, like, not
let it steal your piece. Like, think
like a monk. I do love Jay
Shetty for that. Like, it's powerful shit,
man. And look what he's done with
it. Like, come on. So. But once
you get to the good, I think.
I think life's just a fun ride.
(51:56):
Yeah, it's getting there. It's the hard
part, but once it's done, it's done
and you're there. But it's like, we
have so much to clean up. We
have ancestral trauma, we have all the
crap, that generational, all this stuff that's
thrown at us, and it's just a
matter of finding our groove, learning how
to be good, having faith, and putting
(52:18):
your energy where brings you the most
joyous. The end of the day. And
all that stuff you said is so
magical. And I just love our chats,
and I. I can't even believe how
aligned we are. Like, it's crazy, but
when we first met, it was like,
boom, fireworks. So miss you, and I
want to be closer to you. Gosh,
I feel like I need to move
(52:38):
back to Toronto just so I can
see you more.
Makini Smith (52:41):
I'm planning a visit to Vancouver. So
we're going to see each other very,
very soon.
Marina Billinghurst (52:45):
Yeah, we are.
Makini Smith (52:47):
I, um. My. I totally forgot what
I was going to say.
Marina Billinghurst (52:51):
Oh, you know what? I was going
to say one thing I was going
to say about the art, because you
brought it up and, like, where I
am now. So after I wrote my
book, I created a program where it's
like, how to. It's called a butterfly
painting ceremony. So essentially, if you're in
that realm of healing and creation and
(53:11):
want to discover. I've. I'm putting out
an online course soon. I'm just working
on it now. It might take six
months, I don't know. But it's basically
like a program where you can actually
paint your trauma out of you, and
then you have a butterfly. A representational.
Do I have one here? Because I
paint them all the time. I do.
So, like, you can paint a butterfly
(53:33):
just to basic, basically just as a
release. And then whatever that butterfly is,
whether it's, you know, you had a
fight with a friend and you want
this butterfly to represent the love that
you have for them and to grow.
It's like, how do we get to
that equilibrium of, like, peace? By creating
reminders and doing acts of joy that
(53:55):
create love from pain. So these butterflies
are representational, but I'm creating, like, a
nine step program, which are the nine
butterflies I painted from my book that
allowed me to have a baby. So
there's some magic in there.
Makini Smith (54:09):
Absolutely.
Marina Billinghurst (54:09):
And that's where I am now. I'm
like, I'm not. I'm more about the
service based work and not pushing product.
I do have my kimonos, and I
do have my art, but I'm in
it now to, like, teach and show
people how they can use art to
heal.
Makini Smith (54:24):
That's.
Marina Billinghurst (54:25):
I feel like that's my new purpose
and the new walk that I'm walking.
And it feels really like I do
events, and then I teach the workshops,
and I'm seeing miracles happen with women.
Like, one lady, her arm was, like,
damaged from some. Something she's going through.
She probably needs emotion code. So I
said, why don't you try with your
(54:45):
left hand just to show people that
it's not about artistic talent, it's about
the energy. She painted the best butterfly
that day, and I had tears on
her face. And I said, like, it's
not about, like, oh, I'm such a
good artist. It's about creating art.
Makini Smith (55:01):
Expression of creativity.
Marina Billinghurst (55:03):
Yeah. So that we were created, me,
created in God's image.
Makini Smith (55:07):
Girl, you're on the right path. I
love it, I love it.
Marina Billinghurst (55:09):
I feel it. It's taken a while
to get here, but I'm feeling more
zen than ever.
Makini Smith (55:15):
I love it, I love it, love
it, love it. I would love if
you could tell the listeners where they
could stay connected with you, where they
can learn more from you and about
you.
Marina Billinghurst (55:24):
So my name is Marina Billinghurst. My
Instagram is art of Marina. It's pretty
much a hub of all the things
I do, from my speaking events to
my book to my digital art and
then my watercolor passion project. So, yeah,
Instagram is the best, but it's also
artofmarina.com dot.
Makini Smith (55:44):
Love it. Thank you so much. I
will definitely have all the details where
they can connect with you in the
details section so they don't have to
search too far.
Marina Billinghurst (55:52):
Oh, thanks so much, McKinney. I just
love you so much. You're such a
gift to the universe and grateful for
all that you provide with your beautiful
podcast and just your natural, nurturing love
that you give.
Makini Smith (56:06):
Thank you. I have been blessed to
know you. Honestly, from the moment we've
connected through Instagram to where we are
today, I feel honored to be connected
to you. The fact that we are
so aligned with so many things. I
feel honored that I get to watch
(56:27):
your journey as you are going through
your healing journey and evolving and the
healing spaces that you are creating. I.
You know, it's the beauty in having
connections that are aligned with you. It's
like, yeah, we're. We're both healers, but
in different ways through different modalities, right?
(56:48):
So, you know, I can celebrate you
and share your work and share what
you're doing and feel like there's nothing
being taken away from. For me, you
know, there's enough blessings to go around.
God has not run out of blessings.
So I, I am just honored. And
I can't wait to watch your daughter
(57:08):
grow like a blessing.
Marina Billinghurst (57:11):
I love watching your children grow. They're,
they're big, you know, people now with
having babies, like, I don't even know
what's going on, but they're beautiful. And
now you're the most gorgeous grandmother ever.
So yay.
Makini Smith (57:26):
Thank you so much, Marina.
Marina Billinghurst (57:28):
Thanks, Nikkini.
Makini Smith (57:29):
To all of you listeners out there,
I would love if you could screenshot
this week's episode and share your aha.
Moments. Share what parts of Marina's story
resonated with you, share what your takeaways
were. You can tag Marina at Art
of Marina. You can tag myself. He
real McKinney Smith a healthy community is
a healing community. And a healing community
(57:50):
is full of hope because it has
seen its own people, whether survive and
thrive. So let's continue to heal her.
Popular Podcasts
Stuff You Should Know
If you've ever wanted to know about champagne, satanism, the Stonewall Uprising, chaos theory, LSD, El Nino, true crime and Rosa Parks, then look no further. Josh and Chuck have you covered.
Dateline NBC
Current and classic episodes, featuring compelling true-crime mysteries, powerful documentaries and in-depth investigations. Special Summer Offer: Exclusively on Apple Podcasts, try our Dateline Premium subscription completely free for one month! With Dateline Premium, you get every episode ad-free plus exclusive bonus content.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
I’m Jay Shetty host of On Purpose the worlds #1 Mental Health podcast and I’m so grateful you found us. I started this podcast 5 years ago to invite you into conversations and workshops that are designed to help make you happier, healthier and more healed. I believe that when you (yes you) feel seen, heard and understood you’re able to deal with relationship struggles, work challenges and life’s ups and downs with more ease and grace. I interview experts, celebrities, thought leaders and athletes so that we can grow our mindset, build better habits and uncover a side of them we’ve never seen before. New episodes every Monday and Friday. Your support means the world to me and I don’t take it for granted — click the follow button and leave a review to help us spread the love with On Purpose. I can’t wait for you to listen to your first or 500th episode!