Sofia Aguilar "Navigating Life's Complexities with Faith"

Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Makini Smith (00:00):
I'm Makini Smith. After going through a
divorce, my sister passing away, experiencing narcissistic
abuse and some significant health scares, I
realized through sharing my story that I
wasn't alone in my suffering. Suffering, subjective
distress generated by the experience of being
out of balance, in a deep dive
to holistically heal mind, body and soul

(00:22):
is where I discovered peace, clarity and
connection. It is impossible to be truly
wise without some real life hardship and
we cannot develop post traumatic wisdom without
making it through and most importantly through
it together. Social connection builds resilience and
resilience helps create post traumatic wisdom. And

(00:45):
that wisdom leads to hope. Hope for
you and others, witnessing and participating in
your healing and hope for your community.
A healthy community is a healing community.
And a healing community is full of
hope because it has seen its own
people weather, survive and thrive. Sophia Aguilar

(01:23):
is a marketing strategist, content creator and
multifaceted entrepreneur embodying faith based entrepreneurship with
impactful marketing strategies. With a mission to
empower aspiring business owners and individuals, Sophia
went from founding her dance studio at
age 18 to guiding over 400 businesses

(01:44):
across North America into authentically expressing themselves
online. Starting her venture during the pandemic,
her dedication earned her recognition on breakfast
television. Teaching the do's and don'ts of
social media, Sophia draws from personal struggles
to uplift clients and brands, bridging the
gap between business ownership, faith and digital

(02:05):
marketing. Focusing on her faith, kingdom, influence
and the digital realm, Sophia has become
a sought after mentor and speaker globally
imparting her expertise to to high level
entrepreneurs on the art of crafting high
converting content. So please welcome to the
show, Sophia Aguilar.

Sofia Aguilar (02:27):
Thank you for having me.

Thank you so much for saying yes
and agreeing to come on and share
your story, your wisdom and your expertise
with us. You know every woman that
I've had on the show, every person
that I've had on the show, obviously
I have asked you to be on
the show because I'm inspired by you.
I know that everyone has, you know,
their, their life going on with their

(02:51):
business, with personal. So I don't take
your time lightly and I truly, truly
do appreciate you being here. So thank
you again for saying yes.

Yay. I'm so excited. You know, you
know I've been from when we work
together, from just even having mutual friends
and seeing your page, I look up
to you and what you do and
even just my most recent purchase of
the colored book, I am just in
awe. So I know that this will
be a great conversation and I'm just
Really, really looking forward.

Thank you. Thank you. So I love
to start the show with an icebreaker
question because I feel like as people,
you know, naturally, our family, culture, society,
all these layers, they shift our paradigm,
our perspective of, of life. So as
kids with all the innocence and the

(03:40):
freedom to imagine and have these visions.
I would love to know before society
and culture started to limit you, who
or what did Sophia want to be
when she was a little girl?

That's so, it's so interesting that you
asked that because that's been what I've
been asking myself most recently. What a
lot of people don't know is that
I actually don't remember a lot of
my childhood. Today I was just playing
back with my father. Like, I need
you to help me recollect some memories
because I want to get to know
to the core of who I was

(04:14):
before I was tainted by this world.
And because I came to Canada when
I was six, I don't remember my
life in Colombia at all, but from
pictures and from my family's just storytelling
about me. Like, I've always been super
fearless. They've always said that. I mean,

(04:36):
I was the girl who. There was
a pot of plants outside and I
was eating the dirt. Like I was
just all in, just discuss, like I
wanted to just get in and get
my feet wet, like go all into
the mud type of thing. And I
think that has always been my personality.
And just free, like very free spirited.
I remember that I wanted to be

(04:57):
a dancer. Like I've always wanted to
just dance and move and it didn't
come from the place of look at
me. I think that's what happened above
evolved around the years. But I think
at the core of me wanting to
dance, it was like seeing people smile
and just making people laugh and entertaining
for the purpose of bringing people together.

(05:19):
I think that was what I aspire
to do. I told myself when I
was 16 that I wanted to go
into either being a teacher or being
a social worker. But I think my
perspective at that time had already shifted
from the innocence to being like, I
want to save lives from seeing what
teachers and social workers and all that,

(05:40):
how they impacted my life. I wanted
to now return the favor to society.
So I think the core was like
the dancer, the entertainer, keep the culture
alive, good vibes, good time, little, little
me.

So, okay, as a teenager that wanted
to be a teacher, an entertainer, like,
what type of teenager were you? Like,
I. I know when I was in
high school, I may have hung around
some people that got into trouble But
I was the quiet one in the
back, like not wanting to be involved,
but I was present. So I, I
wasn't a troublemaker. I was quiet, I

(06:15):
was introverted. It's like, what, what were
you like as a teenager?

Yeah, so me as a teenager. I
think there was seasons of what happened
in my life. My first year in
high school was actually I went to
a brand new school. It was like
I got to recreate who I was.
Nobody knew me, I didn't know anyone.
I lived in Mississauga my whole life.
Then randomly go to Etobicoke and I'm

(06:41):
in a completely different demographic. So that
was the beginning of me remembering that
I could do whatever I wanted. And
so that allowed me to connect. And
I wouldn't say like, I got along
with everybody. I didn't have anybody who
was like in grade nine, at least.
As the years went by, it changed.

(07:04):
But I remember my first year of
high school. I was friends with the
smartest person in the room and I
could also hang out with the troublemakers
because it didn't change who I was.
I was so confident in being like
I was getting my work done. I
would still go out after school. I.
But I had my head on my
shoulders and I was able to explore

(07:24):
like getting my, getting good grades, but
also being the loudest one in the
room. I was the one raising on
my hand to answer every question. And
I loved being in community. Like I
would be at the cafeteria with everyone.
So yeah, me in high school. And
then as I shifted back to, I
moved back to Mississauga. I think that's
when, you know, the older years, I
think it was, there was a lot

(07:46):
of chat as high school. And that's
when I think isolation and being like,
ah, you know what, I'm just going
to do my own thing. These people
do their own thing. So I think
my personality started to change because I
saw my environment change and then I
started to make those decisions to say,
oh, I shouldn't hang around with these

(08:07):
people. I probably wasn't the nicest person
in grade 11 and 12, I'll be
honest. I told people how it was
and I made sure they felt that
I didn't like them. And also at
that point in, I think in high
school I was just about getting my
money. I've been. I got my first
job when I was 15, 16, so
I didn't care to be a part

(08:27):
of what everybody else was doing. I
was about my money because I had
a car to pay for and I
was very independent. I've had to be
independent. My dad told me, if you
want something, you have to go and
pay for it. So all I've known
since I was really young was, be
independent, mind your business, and just be
careful who's around you because you don't
need them, basically, with all I need

(08:50):
in high school. Yeah.

So a couple of things there. Okay,
so you. You shared a lot of
valuable lessons from your teenage years, from
your childhood, actually. I want to give
a quick disclaimer to our audience, because
60% of our audience is from the
U.S. we have huge population from, like,
the Caribbean, some from overseas, Australia. So

(09:12):
when you said, like, for example, when
you talked about moving from, you know,
Mississauga to Etobicoke for our New Yorkers,
that's like, from going from Bronx to
Brooklyn. So it's like the city over.

Yes, it was literally Bronx to Brooklyn.
Yeah.

See, look at that. Look at that.
But you. Okay, so you have had
to learn to be independent from a
young age. You learned to be responsible
from a young age. All of these
things that you were conditioned to be
when you were younger. How do you
feel that affects who you are today?

Honestly, I'm grateful. Like, as me, like
Sophia, sitting here right now with you
On, I think, January 29th, I am
so grateful that I was able to
be independent at such a young age.
I think a lot of people are
privileged, and they don't get the opportunity
to see what it's like to go

(10:09):
through life. And I think when you
go through things like that, it shapes
you and it creates who I am
now and creates who you were, who
you. Who you are, and how you
decide to look at it. I think
it's just perspective. So I'm grateful now.
Did I wish that it had to
be all like that all the time?
No. I would love to envision my

(10:30):
life as somebody who never had to,
you know, be on their toes all
the time and have, you know, be
walking on eggshells and be looking left
to right. Like, I would have wanted
to understand how my life would have
been if I didn't have to always
be independent and figure things out for
myself. But I think it's really. It's.
It's. It's a trait that not a
lot of people have nowadays. Right. I

(10:51):
see, you know, when we speak in
high schools and we do workshops, independence
is not something that people have. I
fear sometimes not just independence, but that
grit, and you can't teach that. So
I'm grateful. However, I think it's impacted

(11:12):
me in Relationships greatly, because. And that's
like all across the board with males
and also my female friends, because, you
know, it's this, like, gripping all the
time, right? So when you've gripped your
whole life, whether it's gripped to your
own things, to your own experiences, to

(11:32):
your heart and to your mind, you
don't want to let go. And when
you do, you're like, oh, I'm gonna
grip back. Right? I think it's really
shaped and it's a process of unlearning
and relearning. But I'm. I'm super grateful
because it also helps me connect and
understand that my parents were humans and
they only did with what they knew.

(11:52):
So if at the time I had
to be independent for the purpose of
saving our lives, then thank God it
was me and nobody else. You know,
I don't know who. If it would
have been somebody else if I would
have been here, right? So it's a
gratitude and a, like a huge reflection
piece that I have all the time.

I love that perspective. I truly do.
Is it, is it correct that you
founded a dance studio when you were
18?

Yes. Yeah. So I had a online
and in person studio because, you know,
it was like that little bridge between
our pandemic friend. So my dad actually
helped me build a studio. We had
a whole video where we ripped everything
up and we created it because I
just. We were like, we're gonna do
this until two years pass and then
we had to take it down.

So. Okay, so what inspired that bold
step at 18, and how has it
shaped your entrepreneurial path now?

Okay, so when I was underage, I
used to teach on Wednesdays at our
local Latin Wednesday nights. So I'm underage.
You legally can get into clubs at
19. And I'm teaching these Wednesday night
classes, and people are asking me, hey,
like, we would love for you to
teach us a private dance lesson. We

(13:12):
would love for you to do my
husband's and I's wedding. And I just
started building my community from, again, super
young and just documenting my life. I
think I mentioned at the very beginning,
I don't recall a lot of things
that have happened in my life. So
my way of remembering is always a
video or a photo. And that's how
I kept the memories in my life

(13:32):
alive. So people would just be a
part of the social and the. The
environment. And I. I was making, like,
at the time, I think $150 an
hour and a week was big for
an underage person. And I never saw
the type of money. Like for me,
I think we. My job, I think

(13:53):
was paying me $10 and 25 cents
an hour at the time, or maybe
it was 9. 75 and something like
that. And so I was like, like,
that is amazing. My parents were okay
with it, my siblings were okay with
it. And I just saw that there
was more, there was more to life.
Like I didn't have to settle for
that. And so every opportunity, that was
my base, like $150. That was my

(14:14):
base rate everywhere I went for a
year or two. And the more people
that, you know, I met, then I
started serving. I've had multiple jobs in
between. People would tell me, oh, you
dance, please teach me. I got recruited
by a company, a samba dance company
that does weddings, corporate events. And then
I was their lead dancer and choreographer.

(14:36):
So if I was doing this for
other people, making them money, then I
was definitely going to find a way
to do this for myself and also
have, you know, because I wasn't. Didn't
just want to do performances. I wanted
more of that intimate confidence and learn
how to bachata, salsa, samba. So I
combined it into a six week dance

(14:57):
program. I think I did three or
four cohorts of 10 to 20 women
at each time. And I was renting
out people studios. And that gets expensive.
It cuts into your profit. So long
story short, I looked at my dad,
he looked at me and said, we,
we need a solution. And my basement
fit enough for I would say like

(15:19):
seven, seven to eight people at the
time. And then that was the transition
to online to say we don't always
need people at home. People love recordings,
they want to follow along. We want
to give them something to do at
home. And that was like the birth
of confidence in movement.

Wow. I love it. I love it.
Okay, so how, okay, I guess share
with us how you got to where
you are today with what you're doing
now.

Okay, so fast forward to now we
know Covid happened. It was this feeling
of I can't believe something is able.
Like I can't believe something was able
to take my livelihood away basically. So
I was bartending and I quit my
job and the only thing that I
had left was this dance company that

(16:09):
now I couldn't do because I had
to comply. And it was hard. It
was either I keep going and have
the resilience to figure it out or
understand that life was shifting and if
I decided to stay the same, then
we weren't going to evolve. So this
evolution idea took place. I realized that
I was really Good at selling things.
I could have either sold a water
bottle or a hair product or a

(16:29):
makeup product. But that was the understanding
that I had influence. And it was
bigger than, oh, I have 50,000 followers.
It wasn't even about that. Excuse me.
I had influence in the sense that
what I was doing and saying wasn't,
sorry, I think this coffee went down
the wrong path. So yeah, so it

(16:52):
was the beginning of when I understood
influence. To realize that it wasn't about
the followers and how many people were
around me is that whatever I was
doing was making people's lives better, whether
it was a product I was recommending
to them or an opportunity. So I
realized I was really good at the
sales and content space to the point
where people around me were reaching out

(17:13):
about how I could support them with
that. So I joined a digital marketing
company selling their products again. I built
a really great team. I began to
lead them on confidence. So everything was
always kind of like similar but in
a different industry. So confidence was the
theme, authenticity was the theme. Showing up

(17:34):
as their authentic selves and selling and
making money. Fast Forward I hired a
coach and I said, I don't know
what to do, but I'm not doing
this dance thing because I feel like
I'm going to get older and my
bones aren't going to be the same.
So we need a long term solution.
And it turns out where she needed
support is where we birthed my offer.

(17:56):
So she needed help with the social
media, filming, documenting, scripting, capturing videos. And
that's what I had been doing my
whole life. And we turned it into
an offer. Fast Forward launched my first
10 clients at $500 each, which was
a big deal. To making my first

(18:16):
a hundred thousand dollars in six months,
to traveling worldwide to serve, create strategies,
fail more clients and continue to build
my personal brand. So that's literally it
in a nutshell. One conversation of all
the things that I had been doing
and preparing for in a way to
bring it into now a full blown.

(18:37):
I would say I'm everyone's right hand
when it comes to marketing strategies and
being their second brain or their blind
spot when it comes to capturing them
in their zone of genius.

I love it. So when I'm listening
to you talk about like the different
businesses and the experience that you've had
and when you said like everything kind
of falls within the same themes of
building confidence and authenticity, like those are,
it sounds like those are your core
value pillars, right? So no matter what
business you're in, you're able to Take
those with you. And then also how

(19:08):
you explained, like, you. Your offer was
birthed from creating a solution to someone
else's problem. And we all know as
entrepreneurs, like, in order for you to
thrive in any industry, you gotta figure
out, how do you solve a problem,
Right. What problem are you. Are you
solving? So I. I love how your

(19:32):
story kind of explains all of those
things.

Yeah. And actually, there was this little
gap when I was like, I don't
know what I wanna do with my
life. And I said, remember when I
told you I wanted to do social
work? I told my dad I would
never pay to go to school. Like,
if I needed to figure out something
to do, first of all, I'm not
going to school. That's what I said.
I don't need no diploma. There was

(19:55):
an opportunity that came about for me
to go to school for free during
the pandemic. So while all of this
was happening, I was in school for
social work. What? A lot of people
don't know if I was going through
the most challenging time of, like, an
identity crisis. Like, what. Or going through.
Like, I'm also not su. Like, I
think I was, like, 21 or 22.

(20:17):
So for me, it's like, I'm in
my 20s. We gotta figure this out
now, because the world's gonna end, and
I need to have. I need to
get married. I need to have kids.
And so I. I went to school.
I did social work for two years.
That was the start to my therapy.
I knew that I didn't wanna study,
like, actually do this as a career,
but that was my therapy that saved

(20:37):
me to understanding my emotions. It was
the. My mom is a psychologist, so
I've always had this in me. But
it was the start of understanding my
emotions. Could cry thinking about, like, all
my classes were online because, again, pandemic.
And I was just sitting there, like,
I needed this so much. Like, my

(20:58):
teachers were amazing. It was the greatest
thing ever. I got a great internship
in social work. But again, the heart
of My heart of service didn't let
me actually enjoy that as much as
I wanted it to, because I was
so compassionate and had so much empathy
that it actually destroyed me. So that

(21:19):
was that middle path of, like. It
was almost. It's almost like my climax
point of being, like, I could go
to the. Go get a job and
make maybe 30, $40,000 and maybe not
love what I'm doing because I'm so
empathetic. And I kind of needed something
to, you know, be this for me.
And that's Entrepreneurship, it's this up and

(21:40):
down.

I always say that entrepreneurship is a
personal development journey because much that you
learn about yourself, that you learn about
other people, that it teaches you about
relationships like entrepreneurship, I feel like it's
not necessarily for everyone. And, you know,
like you were saying before, like, you
having to learn from a young age
to be independent and all those things,

(22:02):
like, you being conditioned and you. I'm
going to say, having to utilize your
grit. Right. And display your perseverance, like,
that's what entrepreneurship is about. Like, I
feel like if I was a completely
different person, I would have quit a

(22:23):
long time ago. Like, I've been an
entrepreneur full time for over 15 years,
and I'm like, this is not for
everyone.

It's hard.

You know, there are times where people
have made entrepreneurship, like, look so easy
that everyone wanted to quit their jobs,
become an entrepreneur. And then people started
going on rants on social about, oh,
you guys lied to. Nobody lied to
you. We were dealing with it on
the back end.

Yeah, we're actively dealing with it. So
you'll never know because we won't fit.
And I think that's so inspiring about,
like, I don't know, there's this trend
on TikTok, and I think it's hilarious
because when people say, like, oh, you're
so funny, or you're so strong, it's
like, yeah, you. I had to go
through things. That's why I'm strong. I

(23:08):
willingly had to go through things, which
is why I put up with this.
I wake up every day not knowing
where my next paycheck is going to
come from. But the next paycheck could
be a million dollars.

Right.

Or the next paycheck could be that
great opportunity that takes you somewhere. So
it's. It's. It's the game of life
that we chose to play because we
could play it safe.

Yeah.

And we're not so close to us.
We made it. We made it another
day. Every day is different.

Listen to tough times build tough people.
Like, I feel like, you know, like,
we were talking earlier about, you know,
people that haven't had the same experiences
or the same conditioning as you. Like,
kind of, I guess the difference where
it's like, I know that for. For
example, my children are. I call them

(24:01):
very codependent, three adults. But I feel
like they depend on me a lot
more than I would like them to.
And I feel that that level of.
Even though they've had their own struggles,
that softness that they've been allowed to
have makes Softer people, like, they have

(24:22):
the amount of, like, you know, my
background. Resilience is my superpower. I have
it tattooed on me. And it's not
that I've wanted or that I'm glorifying
resilience. It's just I have had so
many hardships and so many struggles and
so many things to overcome, but I
am here and I am grateful. So
there's that level of healthy resilience as

(24:43):
opposed to my past being very unhealthy.
Resilience, where it's, like, compartmentalizing and not
even wanting to process. Oh, I'm going
through trauma right now. I'm experiencing something
really hard. But, yeah, like, okay, so
when we were talking earlier about pillars,
I know for you that faith is
a very strong pillar in your life
and your business. Was there a defining

(25:05):
moment in your life when you knew
that you had to align your work
with your spiritual beliefs?

Yeah, so I actually became a Christian
four years ago, so this is very
fresh. Or five, I would say. I
got baptized in 2021, and, like, life
was so hard. Like, growing up, things
were hard. And a lot of people
don't actually know. My parents have been
separated my. Basically my whole life. But

(25:32):
social media doesn't really show that. I
show my dad sometimes. You see my
mom. Some people think I don't have
a mom. You get to see what
I show you.
But growing up and moving to a
whole different country and seeing my sisters
go through things and then me going,
like, you know, you kind of just.
You're the domino effect. You wonder, like,
why do these things happen? And I

(25:54):
think that defining moment was when I
was. I think I was 19 or
20. And I will never say I've
made bad decisions because I don't want
to call them bad. They have just
been the decisions that I made with
the information that I knew. Right. And
based on feelings and situation. So I
got into a relationship that felt literally

(26:16):
like I was about to get. I'm
like, I'm going to get married. I'm
going to have five kids. This is
it. Until it wasn't. And I saw
myself go like this. People around me
were like, girl, we can't recognize you.
You're a different person at home. I
say this on my podcast, and it.
It brings me to tears when I
think about it, because my sister sent
me that message, and she was like,
we don't recognize you. You're a different

(26:37):
person on social media. You're a different
person at home, and you're a different
person, like, at your Work and with
this person and we don't know who
you are.
And that to me was a huge
red flag on what is happening with
me. Because I love you guys and
the fact that this is affecting you,
then I need to fix something in
my life. So. But also at the

(26:58):
same time, you see, God works in
mysterious ways because while I was going
through something, my sister, my eldest sister
had gone through a breakup as well.
Met her now husband and has three
beautiful kids. Her life has just been
on the outside. Of course we don't
know the inside has looked like this.
And I told her, I said whatever

(27:19):
juice you're drinking, whatever drug this is,
give me some of that because I
need this. Good luck. Said it was
Jesus. And she brought me to a
retreat. And that was life changing for
me to hear that there was that
I'm worthy. You know, my worth didn't
depend on a man telling me that
I was worthy. It didn't depend on

(27:41):
my parents thinking I was worthy.
It didn't depend on my relationships around
me or my business or the money
that I was making. There was a
God that loved me even before I
was born. So that started this like
love within myself. I'll be honest now
I appear to be very like confident
and, and having a lot of self

(28:01):
love. But I was never like that.
And you could tell, you could tell
based on my attention seeking behaviors. You
can tell on who I hung around
with, what I wore, the things I
said that I was hurt and I
Jesus, I think any. Everybody needs Jesus.
But I needed Jesus. And yeah the

(28:21):
I think when I gave my life
to Christ, I got baptized.
I went through another breakup. Like that's
just been like this and I was,
I never wanted to separate. Here's the
thing is I was so tired of
always have to do having to code
switch. Like I'm good at it. I'm
a. I could be a chameleon, like
put me anywhere. But I really got

(28:41):
to a point where I was like
I don't want to pretend to be
anybody else anymore. Like I want to
just embrace me all the time and
who God created me to be. So
that meant that in business and showing
up that I didn't have to pretend
like I was non Christian to make
this person feel comfortable. Because being a
Christian is who I am. A social

(29:03):
media strategist and a marketing strategist is
what I do.
So it didn't change. At the core
of me that was. It's in my
character. So I realized that I had
to bring that anywhere I Went that
anywhere I was in a room, I
could bring a piece of this, of
joy, of love, of happiness, of worthiness.

(29:25):
And even if people didn't believe in
God, it still gave them good vibes
or good energy or positivity, whatever they
called it.
But it was God through me, and
I don't shy away. Like, sometimes as
I grow in my faith, I'm thinking,
maybe this is too much for my
clients or people watching me. Maybe this
will push them away, maybe this will

(29:46):
trigger them. But I have to remember
that I'm not for everybody. And people
might work with me because they see
that I'm great at what I do,
or they may work with me because
I'm Christian, or both.

Yes.

And I don't have to be less
of who I am or who God
has created me to be just to
work with a client, just to get
a paycheck. And I pray that when
people come on my platform, they see
that they don't have to compartmentalize who
they are. Like, you can be a
mom and. And you could be a
boss, and you could be Christian, and
you can also tell somebody about themselves

(30:21):
and he's great strategist, right?

Who's gangster. People forget that.

Like, we are holy and hood in.
No, I'm kidding. Not hood. Yet. We
can be both because that's what makes
us us. And, I mean, I have
a podcast called One of One, and
I always say, like, I am one
of one. I wish there was another
one of me some days, because I'd
love to talk to her. But I'm
not like you, and you're not like
me. So even in the business space

(30:50):
and like, combining my faith, I always
say, if you don't like me, there's
going to be somebody else that does
what I do. But there isn't somebody
else. Like, we all have the spirit
of God within us, but we're all
going to, like, our results will speak
for themselves once. Once we work together.
So, yeah, sometimes it's. It's. It's hard

(31:10):
because, you know, the spirit of God
will humble you and also make you
do and say things that others might
not. I paused on my business for
my health, for three months, for my
health. And because I was like, whoa,
whoa, whoa. I'm doing this outside of

(31:31):
God's will. I'm not. I didn't seek
God about this, which is why I'm
burnt out. I'm exhausted. I hate what
I'm doing. But this is supposed to
be for God. And now I've brought
myself Down a destructive path. But I
didn't put God in it. So he'll
make you. He'll tug at us. And
sometimes it's the things that we don't
want to do that we need the

(31:52):
most. Like, fast forward to now. I'm
grateful that that was the direction I
took. But it's hard because we're gonna.
In order to do the things that
we've never had, we're gonna have to
do the things that nobody has done.
And sometimes that's rest, and sometimes that's
saying no and. And sometimes that's doing
refunds, and sometimes that's shutting up and

(32:13):
not sending that rude email because of
God. So, yeah, all of those things
you.

Listed sounded like self care to me.
That was not.

And not in my values at all.
Like, I've never. I self care who.
Like, I was a girl who hustles
and who just figures it out. So
believe it or not, I rested for
the first time in December, and I've
never done that in my life.

Wow.

Because rest was like, laziness. Like, I'm
Colombian. Ask my dad if we're just
sitting down. Or maybe anybody Caribbean? Anybody?
You're sitting down. Why are you sitting
down? Do you want something to do?
Oh, you're bored. Oh, I'm just saying.
And taking a deep breath. No, you'll
breathe when you're dead. Like, type of
thing. Right. That's been what we know
our whole lives. So for me to

(33:01):
consider rest or self care, that's lazy,
that's unproductive, that's expensive. Right. So much
of what you said, it's true, it's
self care, but we don't self care.

There's a lot of things, culturally, in
many cultures, that is our norm, but
it's actually traumatic or self harm. But
because we've been conditioned to do that
thing or accept that thing as our
norm, we don't realize it until, you

(33:34):
know, we come to this place of
awareness or, you know, we're educated differently.
I know even when I started this
podcast and me openly talking about therapy
and like, some of the struggles as
a Christian and all these things, like,
other people were like, wow, like, you're
boldly saying things and you're not worried
that, you know, someone is gonna say
this or someone is gonna do this

(33:55):
or what have you. But I had
learned from my mentor many years ago,
we cannot be worried about what other
people say or what they think. We
have no control over that. And if
we actually pay attention to what they're
doing and what they are saying they
are showing us and telling us that
they're not thinking. So why are we
so concerned with what they, you know,
think and have to say about us?

(34:16):
But also when you were talking about,
like, synchronizing your Christian beliefs with your
business, I strongly agree with not only
us having to understand the identity of
who we are so that we're not
compartmentalizing ourselves. I remember many years ago,

(34:37):
it was probably 10, 15 years ago,
my former pastor was talking and he
was talking about how we try to
wear all these different masks for different
environments. And then we get confused with
who we are. And then it's like,
are we. Do we have multiple personality
disorder? Like, what is happening here? Right.
So for the last. For the last

(35:00):
maybe 10 years, for me, it's been
heavily focusing on alignment. And everything that
I do has to be in alignment.
It has to be in alignment with
my relationship with God. It has to
be in alignment with who I desire
to become. It has to be in
alignment with my spirit. Like, if someone
even asked me to go somewhere, if

(35:21):
that's out of alignment, no, thank you,
I'm not available.
I'm sorry. You get it. Like, do
you know what I mean? Like, there
was a point. So, I mean, raised
and I guess, expected to go to
church every Sunday, that was my life.
And then when I, an adult and
making my own decisions and had my

(35:42):
own children, it was like I decided,
okay, I want to go to Bible
study every Wednesday. I want to be
at church with my kids every Sunday.
That was the life that I lived.
But I started incorporating it into my
business when I shifted from real estate,
interpersonal development.
And at the time, I was heavily,
I'm going to say, acknowledged by the

(36:03):
church and the Christian community for what
I was doing publicly. Because everything was
about, you know, glorifying God, bringing people
to the kingdom, all the things. And
then when I realized, okay, if I
am going to be 1000% authentic, if
I'm gonna keep it a hundred, yes,

(36:23):
I wanna have a strong relationship with
God.
But the way that I was being
told I had to do it didn't
align with me. So when you talked
about, like, basically how we do everything
or how we show up, are people
seeing the God in you when you
talk about your sister's life and like,
what is it? What is it? And
she's like, it's Jesus. It's, It's. It's

(36:45):
her relationship, right? So when I shifted
my perspective in that and I said,
I am just going to be a
reflection of God, Yes. So people that
know me, they know how deep my
relationship is with God. When people look
at my business, I may mention God

(37:06):
here or there.
I always give credit to God because
I can't do anything on my own.
But I didn't need to have that
in every post. It was just me
living my life authentically, me loving on
people genuinely, me caring for people, like
just how I operate as a person.
And people are like, oh, what, what
is it? What is it that you're
doing? Oh, it's my relationship with God.

(37:29):
Right. So I was able to be
in alignment and not feel, feel like
I'm pretending to do anything or that
I'm doing anything that was inauthentic to
me at the same time because you
talked about having the two things. And
you may attract business for one thing

(37:51):
or repel for another. I strongly believe
that when we are being our authentic
selves, we attract those who are meant
to be connected to us and we
repel those who are not meant to
be.

Yes. So in that, by the way.
So that's why. Yeah.

So in, in that, in me doing
so is where relationships around me started
to shift and even the acknowledgement from
certain organizations and groups shifted. And my
ability to live the way that I
believe God wants me to live and

(38:35):
my ability to get other people to
have their own relationship with God has
worked for me in this way. And
it has allowed me to tap into
communities and audiences that don't go to
church, that have stigmas against church, that
may not necessarily have a relationship with

(38:57):
God or Jesus. They may believe in,
I don't know, my ex husband was
Muslim. Like, they may have their own
religion, but through how I operate and
my relationship with God, it emboldens them
or gives them the confidence to have
their stronger relationship and be more in
alignment with who they are. So sometimes

(39:18):
we may see other people doing things
in, in a certain way and think,
okay, that's the path I should be
going on or should be taking. But
if it's out of alignment with who
you are, then you don't, you're not
like, God can't bless who we pretend
to be, basically.

Exactly.

So my rewards both in fulfillment and
financially have skyrocketed since because, okay, maybe
some quote unquote church people may not
like my content because I don't always
specifically say God. Okay, if we look
at language, if we look at, okay,

(39:57):
so if I were to say spirit,
if I say frequency, vibe, energy, it
all means the same thing. They are
four words describing the same thing. So
Now I can authentically be myself and
those who are open minded because a
closed mind can't accept new ideas. Those
who, those who are open minded will

(40:18):
be attracted to me and connect with
me authentically. And those who are not
are like, yeah, she's not my person.
I'm okay with that.

Yeah. Yeah. I was literally just saying
that, like, we're not for everybody. And
if we try to put ourselves into
a box or like just be okay
with all the labels for everybody else,
like, we. It's exhausting. Like, it is
so exhausting. And I think I did
that for way too long. I think
I'm still understanding, like, what that is.

(40:47):
And I'm realizing that as people were
right, like as you grow up. And
my, my dad, you know, reminds me
of this every day. He's like, when
you die, you die by yourself. And
like, it's the harsh truth. But like,
we are shedding people. We are shedding
things, behaviors, patterns. And as we do
that, people go, relationships go, business goes,
money goes too. Right. And that's that

(41:08):
concept of gripping that I always say
that I'm learning daily to surrender because
sometimes the things that I'm gripping onto
no longer serve me. And you notice
friction in your life and you don't
understand, why am I still facing this?
And it's because we have to learn
to surrender and let go. And that's
one of the things that I have
to daily pray about because it's a
struggle for me. I like love being
able to control things and that's like

(41:31):
what I'm learning to release because it's
the things that we're comfortable with. Usually
the case is that we're comfortable and
we're kind of like scared to let
it go. And also I love what
you said that like, and when I
was touching on it, like, we don't
have to agree on the same thing.
My platform. A lot of people come

(41:52):
to my church that I know on
social, like they follow me on social
media. They found my church or found,
you know, their faith through social media.
But I've never pressed so anybody about
it. Yeah, how they found their walk
with God was whatever I said that
resonated with them. And a lot of

(42:13):
the times I'm not mentioning God, I'm
going to the gym, I'm eating well.
It's the character and it's the actions
that we're doing on a daily basis
that resemble that. I don't even have
to say God. I just say like,
my body, I have to treat my
body for the assignment that I have.
And somebody else is like, oh, the
body is a temple of the Holy

(42:33):
Spirit. And somebody else is like, yeah,
get fit, be healthy, eat your meals.
And then all of a sudden they're
like, oh, we align. Oh, I love
your beliefs. Oh, I want to go
to church. Right. So you never know
who you're speaking to at any point,
but you're leaving the dialogue open and
the conversation open. Or even if it's
not a conversation, just the opportunity for

(42:55):
other people to see the light. That
had no idea. Like, you never know
who you're blessing by, who you show
up. And that's the thing is God
can bless who you pretend to be,
but you also can't bless others if
you are not showing up fully into
who you've been called to, whatever that
looks like. If you're an introvert, you
show up how you've been called to
as an introvert. And me, I am

(43:17):
an extrovert. So I am probably socializing
in every room 10 times a day
because that's the capacity I have or
I feel like I'm superwoman some days.
So, yeah, I love that you touched
on that because it's super, super important
that like, we are just like realizing
like, you don't have to be how
we say the word, like Bible thumping.
But we don't have to do all

(43:38):
that because everybody receives differently. The words
that we say, the messaging that we
says. You never know what you say
is a mirror for somebody. They're like,
oh, that word. Oh, that, oh, this.
And boom does a switch for them.
So I love that.

Absolutely. And that's another reason why even
with this podcast, it's been a beauty
for me and it's been a blessing
to be able to co create experiences
for people and have this space where
people can come to for tools and
wisdom and resources. I've had many coaches
that are in the same industry as
me or what have you, and there's
no form of competition because God has

(44:15):
created all of us individually and we
will resonate different with different people. So
someone may regularly listen to this podcast
and I could say the same thing
over and over and over again and
it didn't click. And another coach come
on and they say something in, in
their own way, in their own language,
in their own tone, and a listener

(44:37):
is like, oh my gosh, like that
makes so much sense. Right? So we
can't, like, yeah, we can't be gatekeepers
of, of information, energy. So yeah, what,
okay, so what, what is. I guess
for someone who feels lost in their
purpose or disconnected from their faith right

(44:58):
now. What's the first step that you
suggest that they take to realign?

I mean, I think sometimes people confuse
purpose with this feeling that everything feels
good all the time. Because it's not
like every day I feel like I
am almost like in friction, but then

(45:25):
I do something and I realize I'm
in purpose. It's not a feeling. Purpose
is not a feeling. It is a
daily action of doing things that are
like different actions that come together. I
don't think it's this, like, heightened. I
think we expect that purpose feels like

(45:46):
I'm happy all the time, like things
are always going my way.
Because when you're walking in purpose, it
often feels like everyone's walking one way
and you're walking the other. And that's
the reality, is if you want to
be in purpose, you're most likely not
following what other people are doing. You're
the anomaly. You are saying the hard

(46:06):
things. You're being a pioneer. You're doing
the innovative things. And it's hard because
you have to pull a movement and
guess who that resembles? Jesus. It was
very, I think the. And. And so
my advice is that this is all
in the Bible. Like, everything that I'm
struggling with, of. I don't. I can't
rest. I'm having sickness in my body,

(46:30):
like Job. I feel afflicted. I'm being
betrayed. You know, some people that are
barren, women that are barren and can't
have children, marriages that are falling apart,
infidelity, like all of this is in
the Bible.
So none of this is unknown. So
the reason why I say that is

(46:50):
because we often like to use the
words, nobody knows what I'm going through.
Like, you have no idea. And I
haven't taken a walk in your stilettos
and you have a walk in mine.
But guess what? We can both buy
stilettos and walk in the same path.
And I can, you know, mine won't
hurt for a little bit, but then

(47:11):
you'll be fine and then mine will
hurt.
Right? We all go through ups and
downs. So. But I think the purpose
comment is saying that there will be
highs and there will be lows. And
one of my mentors said to me,
don't let your highs get too high
and don't get your lows get too
low and let yourself ride that steady
middle. Like, be okay with having a

(47:31):
steady middle. So if you're not feeling
like your life is in alignment with
what you want, financially, mentally, emotionally, the
first thing Is how can you get
to this, like, steady place of, yeah,
you know what? Some days aren't going
to be great, and some days are
going to be amazing.
But it's like this, right? Kind of

(47:52):
feel like this. It's like up and
down, like big waves versus waves. For
those not watching the video and can't
see the video, it's. It's understanding that
days like this are going to happen.
And the first step is, for me
at least, was doing one thing every
single day, just one that would get
me closer to who I wanted to

(48:12):
become. So for last year, it was
my fitness journey and my health journey
because I was going through a very
hard time in my health and I
needed to lose weight, I needed to
lose the inflammation because that was the,
I think, core issue of the stress
in my body and inflammation.
And I dedicated one year to showing
up for myself both in my nutrition

(48:35):
in the gym and consistent habits that
would get me closer to that goal.
And I started to feel more aligned
because how you do one thing is
how you do everything. So as I
focused on, you know, waking up early
because I had to go to the
gym, I was waking up early, spending
time with God, going to the gym.
It switches something in your brain of
saying, oh, my gosh, I'm doing. At

(48:55):
least I did something. I checked it
off.
It's a. It's that dopamine and it's
that understanding of, wow, like, if I
didn't do anything today, I did that
one thing and it would just stack
and it would be a domino effect
to all the other things. So now
I went to the gym, I ate
healthy, I don't feel sluggish, and you
start to stack all these wins, all

(49:15):
these little micro wins.
You stack, stack to the moment. You're
like, I don't recognize this girl. That's
how I feel right now. I may
not have every area in my life
figured out. Trust me, I don't. We,
we're going through a lot here, but
if there's one thing I can say
is that I dedicated one year to
show up for myself and lost 20

(49:36):
pounds. And I've been the most consistent
I've ever been. I have a great
relationship with my body, with my food,
and most importantly is respect for myself.
And when you respect yourself, you teach
others how to treat you. And that
can sometimes be that place and purpose
that you're like, people don't respect me.
I da da like all those things.

(49:57):
It just comes to loving yourself and
identity. So all that, in a nutshell,
My advice to one person feeling like
they're not in purpose and they're unsure
of where they're going is really just
tap into yourself and asking yourself.
I don't. And knowing that you don't
need to figure it all out right
now. One thing you can do today

(50:17):
to change your circumstance, and that's one
thing.

Love it. Okay. Your, your one thing
had me have like five things that
I wanted to touch on. Let me
see if I can. Goodness. Okay. So
sometimes I'm like, oh, my brain. I
can't remember. I'm turning 45 this year.
And my kids laugh at me. They're

(50:41):
like, stop saying you're old. You're not
old. I'm like, yeah, I may not
look like it on the outside, but
inside, goodness. Okay, okay. So first thing,
language. So when you said you lost
20 pounds this year, one congrats on
releasing that. The, the mind is trained

(51:03):
to find anything that it loses and
sometimes. And then some. Right. So in
mindset, when, when clients are talking about
how much weight they want to lose.
Language, you're releasing, you release.

I love that.

Because if your mind thinks that you
lost it, you're programmed, you're gonna regain
it. And some. Okay, so you released
20 pounds.

Okay.

Yeah.

Everybody else heard that because.

Yes. And then the other thing when
you talked about, you know, the, the
waves of life. So even in mindset,
like I tell people, don't be like
a rock because, you know, your, your
mind is set. It's set into one
position. It doesn't want to move. Do
not be a rock. Many people are

(51:52):
so stuck because they are trying to
be like that rock. They don't want
to change anything. They don't want to
move. They don't, they don't, they don't
want like nothing. If we are more
like water, water is free flowing. It
does allow us. Right. Even if the
rock is in the way, the water
will go around it. Right. It can

(52:14):
change its shape so that it can
still continue to move. It may have
to detour, it may have ups and
downs, but it can change its shape
and still continue to move. Right. The
other thing was like when you spoke
about purpose and I think it's an

(52:35):
amazing point that you made that purpose
doesn't always mean that it's going to
feel good. Because when people are, and
here's another thing I guess that, that
I strongly believe with the coaching that
I do is like once people have
an understanding of something, then when they're
experiencing things, they no longer feel like

(52:56):
it's the end of the world or
that it's just them or that they're
doing something wrong. It's like with, with
purpose. I can tell you this. I
know that my purpose, what God called
me here to do and since I
was born, is to help people to
heal, whatever way that may be, mentally,
emotionally, physically, financially, spiritually, whatever it is.
Right. So everything that I do has

(53:18):
to align with that for me. In
order for me to walk in my
purpose. It does not always feel good.
There are experiences that in order for
me to help hold someone's hand and
walk them through it, I have to
know what that feels like.

Yes. So you've had to go through
that.

I am, I am a product of
the product. So going and experiencing childhood
wounds and childhood traumas, it's, you know,
not easy. But I can relate to
the people that I'm working with and
through those processes, having experienced multiple toxic
relationships or narcissistic abuse, not fun, period.

(53:56):
But being able to experience that, live
through that, understand not only from the
one side of understanding the personality traits
and things to look out for, but
on the other side, what we need
to do so that we do not
experience that all over again. So yeah,
it's not fun. But my purpose of
helping people to heal. Right. It's. It's

(54:18):
part of the process. Even with the
podcast, I enjoy these conversations. I enjoy
deep connection with people. I enjoy like
minded conversations or mind opening or mind
blowing conversations. I hate editing. Right. It's
not always fun. So I love that
you spoke to that. Yeah.

And I touch on what you said.
You're right. Like purpose doesn't come before.
I think the trial. Like I 100%
percent always say this and it took
me a while to accept it and
said I would go through what I
went through again because that uncovered the
next layer of my purpose and I

(54:57):
think it's going to change. Like you
said, it's free flowing. The concept of
you're right, like yours is healing. I
think I, I'm still trying to figure
out my purpose, but I think it's
connecting people or just helping people show
up authentically, whatever that looks like. And
I'm still discovering that. But as I
break layers going through a health journey,

(55:18):
I can now relate on a different
level to help the woman like that
as well. Showing up authentically despite what
you're going through internally. So it's so
much like there's often a trial that's
attached to our purpose, but that doesn't
mean that you need to give up.
It's actually an indication that you're going
the right direction.

Yes, absolutely. I feel like this podcast
has been an extreme experience of a
mix of qualitative and quantitative research for
me because of the six and a
half years that I've been doing this.
And also being a guest on other
people's podcast, that's over 300 plus interviews.

(55:58):
And one thing that every single entrepreneur
or business owner has in common is
our pain birthed. Our purpose.

Yes. From pain to purpose.

Yes. Yeah. Wow. Okay. I could talk
to you for hours, but obviously, as
business women, we have things to do.
So before we go to the final
segment with the rapid fire, I would
love if you could tell the listeners
where they can find you, where they
can learn more from you and about

(56:30):
you.

Yeah. So my website is Sophia Aguilar.
So that's Sophia with an f. Sophia
aguilar.ca. my Instagram is S. Aguilar. No,
S. Aguilar underscore is my Instagram. Same
thing on TikTok. You can find me
on LinkedIn @Sophia Aguilar. And then I
do have a podcast called One of
One. And my YouTube is also Sophie

(56:52):
Aguilar. So across the board, Sophia Aguilar
is the name. And yeah, that's how
you can find me, connect with me,
DM me. I love voice notes. I'm
a huge conversation. Like, I maybe spend
way too much time on my phone,
but that's because it's the nature of
what I do. It's connection. And I
do. There are a few events that
I speak in here in Canada, but

(57:13):
I also work in the States. I
actually leave tomorrow morning to Florida, then
la, then New York. So you can
find me at a city near you
or find me online.

Love it, love it, love it. I
will definitely have all of your details
and your links in the detailed section
of the episode. So they can just
click and connect with you directly. They
don't have to search too far.

Perfect.

All right, so for the final segment
of the show, it's a quick, rapid
fire. You can answer one word or
one sentence. And because I don't like
to be put into a box, I'm
claustrophobic. I also will not box you
in. If you feel the need to
unpack your answer, you're more than welcome
to do so. Name a book that
has changed or greatly impacted your life.

The Garden Within.

I just read the video.

Phillips. I have read this book. This
one. And the mountain is you by
Brianna Wiest. I'll tell you. I'll tell
you a quick story About Brianna Wiest.
I've read the book and listened to
the book and each time I get
stuck at a specific chapter. Why? Because
I haven't been ready to release and
get over that mountain. It's chapter six.

(58:24):
So if you've listened and you can
relate, I'm now on chapter seven. We've
surpassed that we overcame and I think
that still sometimes I need to go
back to 3, 4, 5. But it's
changed my life because it's easy to
blame things on other people. Accountability is
the hardest part. Awareness is also a
really hard part. Once you discover awareness

(58:44):
and accountability, yes, it unlocks the next
step, which is now you're aware and
now you're accountable, but you're still self
sabotaging. I constantly realized that I could
continue to blame the guys in my
life. Like we could continue to say
men are trash. We can continue to
blame the job and the clients and
the business, but the common denominator is

(59:06):
right. So I've really had to shift
and understand that some we're the problem,
honestly. And if we want things to
change, we need to. We need to
be the change we want to see.
As corny as it sounds, that one
changed my life. The garden within helped
me because it. I love when, like

(59:29):
when I have conversations with God, it's
typically a metaphor because I need to
see things in the physical and tangible
to be able to relate them. So
like when you say water fills the
cup, I can physically be like, I
want to be like water. I take
shape of this big brown cup or
the zebra print cup, but I can
also take the form of a Stanley.
Like, I love how the garden within

(59:50):
speaks to our minds and our hearts.
Being like a garden and the seeds
that we plant, we choose to either
be fertilizer or we choose to be
water and, you know, good fruit. And
the good fruit can resemble business and
finance and wealth and joy and peace.
So I love how this one specifically
talks about emotions. I've struggled with emotions

(01:00:12):
in two sides. Heightened emotions, low emotions
opening up, then also being like, some
things don't need to be said, girl.
Like, you know, so I've. I've battled
that in lots of different ways. And
I think this book has really taught
me to understand what these emotions mean
and how to help also other people

(01:00:34):
that I'm in relationships with, client relationships,
romantic relationship. So that when it does
come to that point, that my heart,
my garden is attended to.

Makini Smith (01:00:44):
Love it. I. I love it. I
read both the Garden within and the
Mountain is you. And if you enjoy
Those two read let them by Mel
Robbins.

Sofia Aguilar (01:00:56):
That is up next. Yes, I have
it on my audible because I'm. I'm
finishing Winning the war in your mind
as well. Yeah. My next read, winning
the war in your mind by Craig
Groschild.

He's.

He's a pastor as well, and he
talks about changing your thinking and changing
your life. And again, the biggest battle
being the battle in our minds.

Yes, absolutely. Absolutely. Love it. Love it.
Okay, what's one word you would use
to describe yourself?

I might steal your word, which is
resilient, but if I were to add
on to that, it would be. Hmm,
that's a great question. It would be
a bridge. Is that a descriptive word?
I don't know. Clearly I probably wouldn't
because I envision.

When I envision a bridge, you help
people get from one point to the.

Next point to the next. And that
means some people hop off early in
the bridge or they get full bridge
or they need and getting through the
bridge, or they go by themselves. Like,
I've come to peace with a lot
of things in my life saying, I
may have. I. I inspired the A

(01:02:10):
to B point, but I don't have
to walk with you through the bridge.
Or you chose to let leave me
at A. Or I'm B and you're
still at a. Like, understanding that I
connect people. Somebody asked me like, oh,
do you know a plumber or do
you know this? Like, literally, people ask
me if I know somebody who can
paint their house or. Or who can
do their photos or who can do

(01:02:30):
websites. Like, I'm that person that people
go to, or they even ask, do
you have a church, a book, a
podcast opportunity? And I can connect you
just like that. That bridge sometimes looks
like great relationships that, okay, you crossed
the bridge and now you're on your
own kind of thing. So I've really
like. It's brought a lot of peace

(01:02:51):
to my life. I think using that
word of being like, I'm a connector
or I'm a bridge because I don't
hold responsibility anymore for the people or
the things that decided to either evolve
or not.

Yeah. Yeah, I love that. I love
that. Okay, what's the worst advice you've
ever received?

Focus on one thing.

Okay, what's the best advice you've ever
received?

Don't take things personal. Yeah, the focus
on one thing is because if I
didn't focus on one thing, I probably
wouldn't be where I am. I've tried
everything. I think my best. The advice
I would give everybody is Try everything.
Why not? You only know that you
don't like something or that something didn't
work. Like, I'm going to launch something

(01:03:36):
tomorrow and I'm either going to. It's
either going to go great and I'm
going to make money, or I'm not
going to make money. And I could
still try to get and collect feedback.
Like, we need feedback, we need data.
Like, look at people that literally, for
a living, analyze charts and data and
they learn. That's how our life needs
to be. So when somebody told me,
don't just focus on one thing, it's

(01:03:57):
like, I'm sorry, but like you said,
I'm claustrophobic. I'm not getting in a
box.

Yeah.

Like, I'm going to go and try
everything. I'm going to. I'm going to
stay somewhere for a week and be
like, you know what? Not for me.
Come right back. I'm going to connect
with somebody. I'm going to send an
email because I believe that, like, there's
no such thing as a no. It's
just a no right now. So it's
not that I failed in dancing, it's
that I. Okay, it was an evolution.

(01:04:24):
So that happened. And then next, right.
It's not a no. It's not a
rejection. It's not a closed door. It's
a stepping stone for the next thing.
And then the best advice of don't
take things personal. I take everything personal,
by the way. That's why it's the
best advice. And I'm not learning it
until I'm not applying it. I've been
told it multiple times by great friends,

(01:04:44):
mentors, coaches, parents, my siblings. You take
things so personal. Yes, because I think
that people are directly attacking my character.
But like we said at the beginning,
sometimes it's not about us, it's about
them and hurt people. Hurt people. Or
two. It's, it's, it's business, it's life.

(01:05:04):
Like, it's a comment, it's feedback. So
I'm actively, like, when I tell you
that I'm having right now to be
like, this isn't personal. This is business.
This isn't personal. This is business. I've
had clients go with a competitor of
mine in the same city. I've had
somebody tell me that, like, I'm not
worth the price. I've had somebody tell
me, I've had somebody leave me for

(01:05:27):
somebody else, like in a, in a
relationship. I've had refunds. I've had to
make out of misunderstandings, like, so much
has happened. And I have to realize
this isn't an attack on my character.
Nobody's telling me you're horrible. Like, that's
how our brain. Like, my brain goes
into fight or flight mode. Like, I
need to protect. Like, I'm being attacked
by a bear. So I'm like, we're

(01:05:48):
not being attacked by a bear. We're
okay. Breathe in, breathe out. That's what
I was to breathe and understand that
it's not personal. It's just business or
it just is, period. Yes, that's it.

Yeah. I love that there's so much
I could unpack there, but there's not
enough time. But, yes, I love that.

You need to let us know in
the comments if you want a part
two, we will. Like a vote survey.

Yes, absolutely. Absolutely. Okay. What's one thing
that most people get wrong about you?

I need to tread lightning on this
one. The reason why I say that
is because sometimes, okay, I have a
public platform. Having a public platform doesn't
mean that I don't struggle. And I
don't think sharing what I go through

(01:06:48):
doesn't mean that I'm weak. It also
doesn't mean that I'm a problematic person.
And it also doesn't mean that you
get to have a say on my
life.
I think what people get wrong about
me is that I'm not going to
snap back because I'm kind and I'm
loving and I'm friendly. And I think

(01:07:09):
that a lot of people on social
media see me as, like, their digital
bestie and their friend. And I am.
That's why I'm like, I need to
tread lightly because I don't want to
offend some people. And the boundary that
has been really hard for me is
saying, like, actually, we're not friends, we're
acquaintances or we're colleagues.
There's difference. Like, I love that you
feel like you know me and you
love me through this platform, but you
don't know me. You don't know what

(01:07:30):
I go through. You don't know the
battles that I face. I say a
lot of things and I share a
lot of things, but if you walked
a day in my life, you wouldn't
survive. And I say that like, I
want to cry because I think that
people don't see that every day. I
put on a robe of, like, strength

(01:07:51):
that can only come from God.
And so they see, like, oh, your
life is so easy. Things are so
great, or whatever. And it's like, I
think people need to have more grace
and more and More respect. Okay. Like,
I'm trying to sugarcoat it because I
feel like people will take this personally
if I say it like that. But
it's like, you know, just like when

(01:08:12):
you see your celebrities, celebrities on social
media. Like, you guys see Kim Kardashian,
you see Kylie Jenner, you see, you
know, people that are celebrities and they.
And you look up to them and
you say, look at them, that they're
people too. We are people too. And
so, yes, I have a business, yes,
I share everything, but have some grace
and respect for. If I don't respond

(01:08:32):
to your message, but I'm posting a
story, it doesn't mean that I'm ignoring
you. You don't need to ring my
phone down thinking that I hate you
because you're so used to my level
of access of voice noting you back.
And it sucks because my heart is
like, like, I wish that's the part
of me taking things personally. I'm like,
I wish you saw my heart. That
like, I just need a need to

(01:08:54):
set better boundaries around social media and
my access. But I also want people
to see my day to day life,
that I'm, I'm just a regular person
that decided to go after everything and
that's why my life is public and
that's why I am an open door
to everything.
But it also brings a lot of

(01:09:15):
criticism. Not, not bad criticism. I think
it, it makes people just be like,
oh, I can say whatever I want
to her, or I have all the
levels of access. And so I think
one thing people get wrong as well
is that I have a lot of
friends and that I'm always like, I
always get that, like, you're so busy
or you have so, so many friends.
You know, I like, I know this

(01:09:37):
is the end of the podcast, so
we would have to re. We could
revisit this later. But you said, you
said lead as my heart. Last year,
I went through a really dark time
in my life. I didn't leave my
house or my room for. For three
days. I was going through it. Like,
I have never seen myself in that.

(01:09:57):
My therapist even said, sophia, I never
want to see you in this place.
We need to get you out. Like,
she said that to me. And in
that moment, I was so alone. Like,
you know, when people are like, call
me if you need anything, you call
them.
And they didn't show up. Like, they
were not a reflection of my friends.
But I think people have the misconception
that because we're social people that we

(01:10:18):
have a lot of friends. We Don't.
And we need community just as much
as everybody needs it. Right? So those
three days, my dad got me out
of that funk. He was like, we're
going to Home Depot. And my mom
was like, we're. My mom drove all
the way here, maybe about like, an
hour or two to get to my
house to just go on a drive,
because my friends did not pull up,

(01:10:41):
and nobody on social media knew.
So I didn't want to cry. But
I think that's the hardest part, is
that just because you see me tagging
people and clients doesn't mean that when
I go home, I get a hey,
how are you? I get a, hey,
when are my videos done? Hey, did
you send that email? Hey, can you
send that package? When was the last

(01:11:01):
time you asked, Like, I.
I'll say that that quote that says,
like, check up on your strong friends.
When was the last time you checked
in on your strong friend of that
strong person on social media that you
see, like, killing it all the time.
We're not.

Or.

But we're also human. Right? So hate
to bring the tears at the very
end and leave everybody on.

Like, a. I'm like, okay, don't cry,
Makino. Don't add. Don't add. I am.
I am sorry that you even had
to experience that. And I think what.
What hurts the most is I know
what that feels like. And people have.
I can say this. Check on your

(01:11:46):
strong friends the most.

Yes.

Because those are the people that are
suppressing. Those are the people that are
trying to just get stuff done. And
I. I had to explain this to
my kids probably about two years ago,
because they're like, mom, you're so strong.
You don't cry. I'm like, I cry
every single day, probably at least five
times. Okay. Yeah, I cry for commercials.

(01:12:10):
I go in the bathroom and cry.
I cry all the time. It was.
It. It's. People have this belief that
you are so strong that you don't
need them. Truth is, we actually need
them more to maintain our strength.

Yes.

Because I. I can empathize with what
you're saying, because in my late 20s
and all of my 30s, I was
so transparent with my life on social
media that people that had never met
me a day in their life, people
that didn't even live in this country,
felt that they knew me and that
they had a place to say certain
things to me in my DMs. And

(01:12:45):
then as I got into my 40s
and I got really intentional about my
healing journey, and I started seeing My
therapist every week. And I started going
a lot deeper into wounds that I
didn't even realize I had. When I
reached out to certain friends or when
I reached out to people that I
thought were friends, they were not there
for me. There was judgment, there was,

(01:13:05):
well, how did you let him do
this to you? Why did you. Oh,
I wouldn't have did that. There was
all this judgment. And the one person
that was not even a friend at
the time, she was someone I had
met on social media. She was the
person who sat on the phone with
me and listened to me cry and
helped me feel like I was human

(01:13:27):
because the rest of the world was
like, no, you're a machine, you're superhuman.
Like, yeah. Or your value is placed
on what you can give us. And
I want people to understand, even with
celebrities, like with all the celebrities that
lost their home in, in, in la,
and people on social were saying things
like, oh, well, they're rich, they can
buy it back. Okay, that same person,

(01:13:48):
you know what they had to do
to get to that place to even
earn those things. And even if they
had insurance, there's sentimental value attached to
things. There are things that can't be
replaced. Not everything and not everyone is
replaceable. So I appreciate your vulnerability. I
appreciate you sharing. And like I said
from the very beginning, like, I do

(01:14:09):
not take it lightly when people like
yourself come on here to co create
this experience for our listeners because they
hear your story, they hear your truth,
your wisdom, and they realize even if
they don't feel that they are ready
or that they have the voice to
speak out, they're like, I am not
alone. I experience what Sophia experienced. There's
someone out there that gets it and

(01:14:31):
we're wired for connection. So when we
feel that social proof, we feel more
at peace with ourselves and gives us
the strength to go on another day.
So thank you. Thank you.

Yeah. And honestly, I think that some
people, that's not their intention. I'll be
honest. I know that those weren't my
friend's intention. But I told them, I
said I knew I couldn't count on
you because you were going to tell
me, come on, like you could get
through it. You got this. And what
people have to understand is we don't
always need you to hype us up
and tell us we can get through
it. I can't see the get through

(01:15:05):
it yet. I couldn't see that I
was getting through it until December 22nd.

That's a month ago. Wow.

Six months, almost six months of, of
me Trying to get through it. I
didn't think about the get through. I
just wanted to make it honestly, like
in the hardest way for me to
put it. I just wanted to be
able to make it to tomorrow process.
Right. Because it wasn't about, I'm going
to make it 20, 25. I was
like, I've never been here before. And

(01:15:34):
the only thing I could think of
was like, God, I've gone too far
just to get here. And again, it's
not people's intentions. They want to hype
you up. They want to be like,
you're better than this. Come on. Like,
be happy, be positive. And it's like,
sometimes I just need a listening ear.
And I echo that. Like what you
said, like, it's not a. It was
a random person, literally who I was
crying. And they didn't say, you're going

(01:15:56):
to get through it. They just sat
there. It was a three hour call
and I just bawled my eyes out.
And then after I was like, okay,
honestly, maybe that's what I needed. Just
somebody not to tell me I'm strong,
not to tell me it's going to
be okay. Just listen to me because
I'm not okay. And I think if
we were more listeners than we were

(01:16:18):
speakers, like a speaker nowadays. But when
was the last time you listened to
somebody? When was the last stopped to
listen instead of just hearing your own
voice and let the other person say
what they were feeling and what's in
their heart and in their mind, the
battles and the devils that they have
to fight daily. But your brain says,

(01:16:41):
no, no, no, just tell them it's
going to be okay. Affirm them, da
da da.

Because that's what makes them comfortable, right?

Yes.

Learn part of the healing process. Me
understanding that not everyone has the capacity
to hold space for our feelings. And
what helped me not be resentful to
the friends that I at the time
felt should have been there for me,
it's. They didn't have the capacity. Like
sometimes people are going through their own

(01:17:10):
stuff, but then they see you as
a strong person. Like, well, if the
strong person is down, what does that
mean for me? I don't have anything
to offer this person or I don't
know. So the unfortunate toxic positivity of,
you know, you're just going to be
okay if they simply asked you, do
you want to be heard, you want

(01:17:32):
to be hugged or do you want
advice?

Yeah. And you know, and I love
that you said that because I, I
have so much P.E. like my friend,
like we're like this, right? We're super
tight. And that's because I understood that
it wasn't about them. It like. And
you're right, like, I'm the strong friend.
So if I was going down, then
what did that mean about them? And
for me, I didn't want to show

(01:17:56):
them I was weak because I still
wanted to be there for them. So
I never wanted them to think that
they would be a burden if they
needed me. Because I'm used to them
needing me. So I wanted to make
sure, like, you don't gotta know what's
going on because I'm here for you.
And my situation doesn't limit me from
being there for you. It never did.
I would always show up for them.
But in my heart, I've healed and,

(01:18:19):
you know, released that part of saying
it's. It's, you know, it's them, it's
about them. They weren't there for me.
Because we also have to understand that
if we don't share, then no one's
gonna know, right? We're just gonna have
this strong positivity, masks. So you're right.
Like, although it was the hardest part
of my journey, I think it allowed
me to hold so much grace and

(01:18:40):
space for other people and understand that
you never know what anyone's going through.
And there's so much grace that we
just need on a daily basis. And
that continues why God is so important.
Because I could never. And on that
note, I could never.

My. My final words on that is
that I had to learn that I
can't expect people to hold space for
my emotions when they don't know how
to hold space for theirs.

Absolutely.

So it's strengthening my relationship with God
in that moment. And it doesn't even
have to be a close friend. It
could be someone else that God sends
in that moment again because we're wired
for connection. When I had that moment,
it was the conversations with God that

(01:19:35):
attracted who I needed in that moment
to be.

And that's like, oh, my gosh. I
feel like we could just continue talking.
Like, honestly, this season where I'm at
is go to God before I go
to people. Why? Because the answer usually
lies in going to God first. Like,
having a vertical relationship that we're going

(01:19:59):
here, okay, God, I'm gonna go to
you for the client. I'm gonna go
to you for the finance. I'm gonna
go to you because of my mental
health. I'm gonna go to you because
of my physical health or my spiritual
health even, or there's Drama in my
life. I'm gonna go to God because
what I. When I expect like and,
and talk horizontal so have I'm gonna
call my FaceTime. Like I'm gonna FaceTime

(01:20:21):
my girl. It's usually what I do
as soon as something happens FaceTime and
she knows, oh, quick FaceTime call. It's
like imagine we picked up the phone.
Imagine we went to God just as
fast as we picked up the phone
to call our best friend to share
what happened. Because usually our, the peace,
the answer and the grace is gonna
come from being like, God, I need

(01:20:41):
you or God, I need this. He
wants to hear from us before we
even, you know. And sometimes I have
to call my friends two, three times.
You know, we could just have access
to the Lord. I called through the
Jurassic world and God's like, come to
me, I'm here. I'll access pass 24
7.

And even to add to that, it's
on. Sometimes we will talk to God.
It's like we pick up the phone
to talk to God, but then do
we wait long enough to listen? Right.
It's like it's a one sided conversation
because we're talking. But now. Okay, are
we listening?

Yes. Like is. You're right. Is it
a one sided conversation with God or
is it okay, I'm telling you, I
just spit fire a bunch of things
to God and then I'm like, okay,
and now I'm gonna go do the
things that you didn't. You, you didn't
communicate fast enough. I gave you six
seconds and we're out of the prayer
session now. So I love that because
you're right. Like the this, it's like

(01:21:43):
the vertical communication with God is like,
is not one sided. It's okay, God.
And then download and give enough time
for God to speak or move and
it's not going to happen when we
want to. And usually that's a good
thing because if I go to my
friends and I'm like, this happened and
they're going to tell me and do
this, I'm going to be acting based

(01:22:04):
off of an emotion and not based
on the peace and the character of
God. So that that was a word
for me. If there's anything I took
away was wait till the Lord speaks.
Sophia.

Yeah. Yes. That's where you need to
go for all your advice. Because I
strongly believe I do not take advice
from people that I am that I
don't want to switch places with.

Yes.

Because people have opinions and their opinions
99 times this is with you.

Then I Probably shouldn't be asking you.
Or take. I could ask you, but
if I would have switched places with
you, then I would not take your
advice and apply it into my life
because then that means I'm going to
be in your shoes.

Yeah.

Respect me. Not trying to.

Yeah, exactly. Exactly. Anyway, thank you so,
so much. Yeah. Honestly, like I said,
I know we. I knew it. We
could talk for hours. I was looking
at my timer. I'm like, oh, goodness,
I have my next client just now.
So I, I truly, like I said,
I, I, I truly, truly appreciate you.
And I. If there is any way
I could ever be of value to

(01:23:11):
you or your community, I'd be more
than happy to help. But thank you
again.

I'm ready to write my book with
all the things that I can't remember
about my life. You, I literally said,
I'm like you. You. I'm going to
you.

I'm ready for you.

Recollecting all of my memories right now.
I'm literally interviewing the people I need
to interview so that they could give
me an insight on my life so
that I could write my story.

I love it. I love it. I
am excited for you. I'm cheering for
you and I am here for you.
Thank you so, so much, Sophia.

Thank you so much. I love this.

To all my healers out there, thank
you for tuning in. Because of you,
we rank globally in the top 1.5%
of podcasts out there. If this episode
resonated with you, please subscribe, rate the
show, and leave us a review on
Apple Podcasts and let us know what
gems Sophia left you with, what your
aha moments were, or maybe even your

(01:24:04):
favorite quote. If you can think of
two people that would benefit from this
conversation, share it with them. If you
feel that they need to hear Sophia's
testimony, share it with them. Screenshot this
episode tag us on Instagram. You could
tag Sophia at S A G U
I L A R Underscore. You can

(01:24:26):
tag myself hereal McKinney Smith. And let's
keep this conversation going if today's episode
resonated with you. The Renewing youg A
Guide to Transforming youg World From Chaos
to Clarity is a book that I
co wrote with my business partner, Susanna
Mehal Milovich. It is a tool that
you need to have in your toolbox.

(01:24:49):
You can get the book on Amazon
or@mckinneysmith.com a healthy community is a healing
community, and a healing community is full
of hope. So let's continue to heal
her.

All Episodes

Episode Transcript

Popular Podcasts

Stuff You Should Know

Dateline NBC

On Purpose with Jay Shetty

.css-15opob5{left:0;position:absolute;top:0.8rem;} All Episodes

.css-14f5ked{margin:0;word-break:break-word;display:-webkit-box;-webkit-box-orient:vertical;box-orient:vertical;-webkit-line-clamp:2;overflow:hidden;}Sofia Aguilar "Navigating Life's Complexities with Faith"

Episode Transcript

Popular Podcasts

.css-r6mb8g{margin:0;word-break:break-word;display:-webkit-box;-webkit-box-orient:vertical;box-orient:vertical;-webkit-line-clamp:1;overflow:hidden;}Stuff You Should Know

Dateline NBC

On Purpose with Jay Shetty

All Episodes

Sofia Aguilar "Navigating Life's Complexities with Faith"

Stuff You Should Know