March 11, 2024 • 25 mins
Hey there! In this episode, I'm just gonna chat about something super important: happiness!
I spill the tea on why happiness isn't something you find in fancy cars, big houses, or Instagram likes. It really truly comes from deep within you. I jabber on about my own stories and share nuggets of wisdom what I've learned about true joy and fulfillment.
Happiness is a choice we make every day.
Follow my art talks here @shanarecker_art
00:00 Introduction and Welcome Back
00:07 The Concept of Happiness as an Inside Job
00:17 Exploring Happiness through Art and Instagram Reels
01:01 The Misconception of External Factors Bringing Happiness
02:31 The Role of Relationships in Our Happiness
05:08 The Illusion of Happiness through Success and Money
10:59 The Temporary Joy of Buying Things
14:11 The Power of Gratitude in Cultivating Happiness
20:35 Conclusion: The Inside Game of Happiness
23:28 The Importance of Doing What You Love
24:16 Final Thoughts and Farewell
Thank you all so much for listening!
It makes me happy to know that my journey and what I'm learning helps you!
Please reach out and share anytime on Insta: @shana.recker
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Get it here: DESCRIPT
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Shana (00:00):
Hey, everyone.
Welcome back to how it's reallygoing with Shana Recker and I
know it's been a bit, but lifehas been a little bit hectic.
But I'm here and I'm excited totalk about the topic of
happiness.
And how happiness is, what Ibelieve is an inside job.
And I recently did one of mypainting reels with this topic.
(00:22):
I started doing these reels onInstagram for my art account,
where.
I'm painting and I have it kindof in FA well, not kind of, it
is in fast motion.
And then I overlay a littlestory on top and I got the idea.
I saw somebody else doingsomething similar and I love
talking.
I love talking about personaldevelopment.
I love talking about just likeanything really.
(00:44):
And I thought what a cool ideato be able to send a message,
but then do it visually with myart.
And they've actually been goingover really well.
And I'm super excited about thatbecause it is something that I
really enjoy doing.
And this is part of the topictoday.
About where happiness iscultivated.
And I really enjoy doing them.
(01:05):
I enjoy the creating of the art.
I enjoy putting together thereal I enjoy doing the
voiceover.
I love it all.
And so I am just going to keepdoing it anyways.
One of the topics I did lastweek was happiness is, and I
think I've written, I wrotehappiness is an inside game,
which I believe that it shouldhave said happiness is an inside
(01:26):
job, but whatever.
And I wanted to explore thattopic more here, because
obviously in the reels, you onlyget 90 seconds to talk, which
for me is very difficult.
So I wanted to just go evendeeper and further into that
topic here on the podcast,because, I life is too short.
To live it unhappy.
Like, I look at my life and Isee all the ups and downs and
(01:50):
all the things.
And I look at how much time Iwasted, how much time and energy
I wasted.
On trying to force things thatjust really weren't making me
happy anyways, or how much timeand energy I wasted.
Worrying or trying to do thingsspecific things.
To make me happy and only todiscover that it was never going
(02:11):
to work to begin with.
And so I want to unpack some ofthat today.
And I don't, as you always, Idon't have any real notes or
anything, I'm just going to kindof start talking about it.
And let's, let's just start withthe things that I've done in my
life to try and createhappiness.
Only to discover that it reallydidn't work.
And let's just start with,relationships first.
(02:35):
There definitely are.
There are things in life thatcan bring us.
Like a temporary happiness ormake us feel happy.
And that, definitely can berelationships and other people
when I'm with my kids, I'mhappy, my kids, but all my,
almost all my kids have movedout.
We still have one at home.
And it makes me really happywhen we're all home together.
(02:56):
That absolutely creates somehappiness for me, but it doesn't
necessarily last.
It's not like when they leave,I'm happy forever when they
leave.
I get sad again sometimes.
Right.
And, and so there are differentpeople that can bring us that
satisfaction or that feeling ofjoy.
But it's not that, that lastinginternal feeling of happiness.
(03:22):
And so.
Follow me here.
If you're not following, justcontinue to keep following me.
I promise you I'll pull this alltogether.
At some point.
And so the definitely there havebeen relationships that I have
tried to hang on to, because Ifelt like being with the person
was the answer to my happinesswas that I was happy.
(03:43):
I was going to be happy, happierin my life.
If this person was in it.
And that's not just evenromantic relationships, it's
friendships, it's all kinds ofdifferent things.
Work relationships.
And I have discovered that itdoesn't, that doesn't work.
There is a temporary piece toit, and it absolutely is nice to
(04:04):
be around certain people, butit's not the answer.
It's not the thing.
That's going to actually createlasting fulfillment and what I'm
talking about.
Happinesses and Inside job.
I don't even necessarily meanlike just the feeling of
happiness.
It's that feeling of fulfillmentand contentment, you know, it's
that feeling of like gratitudeand like, I'm good.
(04:25):
I feel good about my life likethat.
That it's almost like I wantedto just say internal flame.
I don't know if that's the rightwording, but it's like that.
W what keeps that, that light onin your heart?
And, and so there are thingsexternal from us that can
definitely sort of, what do yousay, fan the fan, the flame.
But they're not the things thatkeep the flame going is what I'm
(04:48):
trying to get at.
And so relationships.
Absolutely.
I have.
Definitely had the wrongrelationships in my life over
the years.
That I thought were going tobring me happiness and they
never, they never did.
And then, you just realize thatthat person was actually ended
up being a jerk and cause morepain or whatever, like there's
that.
The other thing.
That I have felt in my life thatwas going to create.
(05:11):
My happiness was success in mywork.
It's like, if I can just get tothe top of the company, if I can
just get the promotion, if I canjust get the bigger paycheck, if
I can just get the status, if Ican just get, you know, the,
the, the bigger house and the,and that status thing, whether
it's work or life, that thatwill make me happy.
That's going to be the thingthat's going to, fulfill all my
(05:32):
dreams.
And I'm just going to wake upevery morning and feel like life
is wonderful.
And as somebody who has been indifferent careers and has had
some, fairly great success in mycareers, I have been to the top
of, I was at the top of mynetwork marketing company.
And as great as it was when thathappened and, the temporary joy
(05:53):
and happiness that I felt whenI, received that promotion.
And I was, in that space, Itwasn't, there were still lots of
things that were going on in mylife that, that were, I wasn't
happy.
Like there was still lots ofthings going on.
It wasn't like achieving thatstatus, erased all my problems.
And now I was waking up everymorning fulfilled.
Right.
(06:13):
And so I've learned that it'snot about having more or being
more, that's going to createhappiness.
And that, that leads into thenext one, which is money.
You know, we all feel like moneyis going to bring us more
happiness.
And this is something I'veworked with with my son.
Who's 22.
He gets really anxious aroundmoney.
(06:34):
We've had some.
Interesting money stories in ourlives, where we've lost a lot of
things and we've had to rebuildthings and, and, my kids have
had to experience that.
And I believe that's kind ofcreated this a bit of money
anxiety with my son.
And I see that in him.
And I'm, I'm, because of thelessons that I've learned around
money, because I've been throughsome highs and lows when it
(06:55):
comes to money.
At the top of my career, mynetwork marketing career, there
were 20,$25,000 a month.
Paychecks coming in.
At the low of my whole life,there was like hundreds of
thousands of dollars in debt andno way to pay for it, so I've
been on the extremes of money.
And that's why I can fully, inmy core say to you that money
(07:16):
doesn't bring that lastingfulfillment and happiness.
It can bring temporary joy andhappiness because you can pay
bills and that feels good.
You can buy things and thatfeels good.
You can go on trips and thatfeels good.
But it's, it's not that last, itdoesn't, it fans the flame, but
it doesn't keep the flame goingbecause there are a lot of
people out there who have lotsof money who are miserable, who
(07:39):
constantly are complaining, whoare not.
Happy people.
And so, and money can createmore, just as many problems as
it can solve.
And so, I'm constantly trying toremind my son that it's great to
have it for sure, because itdefinitely is, it makes life
easier.
But it's not, it's not going tocreate that internal
(08:00):
fulfillment.
And I read a book by.
Oh, geez.
I need to find his name.
Let me just find his name.
It's cold.
The illusion.
I don't know why this is whathappens in perimenopause.
You, your brain is like Swisscheese and you lose pieces of
your memory.
The illusion of money is thebook.
(08:21):
By Kyle cease.
So I read this book and it'scalled the illusion of money by
Kyle sees.
It is, it was so good.
It was such a good book becausehe has this statement and this
is the one piece.
Out of the hole.
I mean, the whole book isamazing, but this one.
There's one piece that he saidin the book just really
resonated with me.
He used this analogy of likesitting on a park bench.
(08:44):
With apps, like no home, noclue.
Like no, nothing like just theshirt on your back kind of
thing.
If you can find.
Joy happiness, fulfillmentgratitude.
When you have nothing.
That's when you've truly wantedthe game of life.
And when he said that, I wasjust like, That is, there's so
much truth to that because.
(09:06):
It's like we think theseexternal things.
Our what creates our happiness.
But if you can literally be, ifyou can literally have nothing
and trust me, there have beendays.
I mean, I wouldn't say havenothing.
I've always had a roof over myhead.
We've always had food on thetable.
Like it's, I realized there'ssome definite there's a scale of
what having nothing means fordifferent people.
(09:27):
But at the end of the day, thatfeeling of despair of having,
you know, and not having enough.
Is is real.
But if you can look outside andbe grateful that you're alive,
that you're breathing, that thesun is shining, that your kids
are healthy.
That you're alive, that youknow, have a roof over your head
(09:49):
or have food on the table, evenwhen you have crippling debt and
all of these things going on,maybe your house is being taken
away or whatever, but you canstill find.
That inner.
Feeling of gratitude and justgeneral fulfillment.
That is when you've truly one.
Like that's when you can, thenit doesn't matter.
Like you went, like, that's thething.
(10:10):
I feel like I've been throughsome crazy things with money.
That I it's like it.
Could it get worse maybe, but Iknow I can get through it and it
doesn't, it's not as.
Crazy for me too.
It's not as worrisome for me.
It's not as Scary for me to havesomething happen financially.
Because I've been in that spacebefore and I knew I could get
(10:34):
through it and it didn't killme.
And I'm good.
And, And I was still able tofind joy and happiness in my
life, even when that washappening.
And that's truly a way to a pathto fulfillment is just being
happy.
Even if you don't have thethings, even if you don't have
the money, even if you don't.
Have the relationship orwhatever is just truly like just
being grateful for your life.
(10:56):
And that is where you cancultivate happiness.
And I was going to say the nextthing on my list that I've
learned that doesn't bringhappiness is buying things,
which is kind of in alignmentwith the money.
I've bought things in my life.
I'm somebody who I will say, Ithink this is part of like being
ADHD.
I think there's a dopamine hitthat comes when we buy things.
When we purchase things.
(11:17):
And especially with the birth ofAmazon, it's like a little bit
of dopamine every time youplaced the order.
And then the box comes on yourstep and.
There I am somebody who waslike, oh, if I have that
handbag, then I'll be happy.
Oh, if I have those shoes in,that outfit for this thing, I'm
going to, then I'll be happy,then it'll be good.
And that doesn't work either.
(11:38):
I've I went out and purchased adesigner handbag.
Thinking that is something thatI needed to have as part of my,
showing that my businessessuccessful and that I'm
successful.
And every time I picked up thatbag, as much as I, it was
pretty, I loved it.
It was functional.
I love that too.
But every time I picked up thatbag, I just, there was a feeling
(12:00):
around it that I, there was likean EQ feeling around it.
And every time I took it out, Ifelt.
A little bit like an imposterand like, it just didn't feel
right.
It was just like, and I havenothing against.
Expensive handbags.
If you can afford an expensivehandbag and that's your deal
like for you all about morepower to you.
I knew I was in a point where Ireally couldn't afford that.
(12:23):
I mean, sure.
I bought it and that was fine,but that money could have gone
1,000,001 other places.
And I just thought that if I hadthis, then I was, I deserved it.
I earned it.
Like I should have this.
And I was actually in a coachingprogram at that time.
That was.
Promoting that message to theirpeople.
Like you, you need to step intothat higher version of yourself.
(12:46):
And I thought this was me doingthat and that there was going to
be some level of happiness andfulfillment that came with that.
And it didn't, it was just fullof emptiness and gross.
And I ended up selling it causeI was just like, I don't even
want this anymore.
And it's just it.
And it just became another bagthat sat on my floor with the
other bags.
And so I know that buyingthings.
(13:07):
Is not, there was a temporaryjoy that when it showed up, it
was cool and everything, but itdidn't last.
It's not, I'm not saying thatyou can't buy things because
buying things is wrong or icky.
You can absolutely buy thingsand they can bring you that
temporary joy, but they are notgoing to fulfill something deep
in your soul.
That is an inside game.
(13:28):
That is an inside job.
That is a choice.
And I know that it's hard tomake that choice.
A lot of days, it can be reallyhard to make that choice.
Especially because people havethings happen in their lives.
That aren't great.
That are sad, that are not fun.
And those days are hard.
Those days you don't wake upfeeling joyful.
(13:48):
You don't wake up.
And even though happiness is achoice, it's not an easy choice
to make.
But it doesn't mean that youhave to live there forever and
that you can work on.
Finding the some gratitude.
Finding some little things inyour life.
And that are, are happy.
Maybe it's the birds that you'reseeing in your bird feeder,
(14:09):
maybe, it's the sun shining thatday.
And I find gratitude is thatpathway to that inner
fulfillment is just beinggrateful for the, even the
smallest things in your life canhelp flip around that.
Potentially thing that might begoing on in your life, that
situation, whether it's themoney thing like we went
(14:31):
through, or maybe it's arelationship thing, or maybe
it's a debt thing or whatever.
That if you can just separate itfrom your inner fulfillment,
it's an external event that'shappening.
It's not disregarding what'shappening, but it doesn't
define.
Your life.
It doesn't define your, yourinner happiness and fulfillment.
(14:55):
It doesn't create it.
Doesn't put out the flame and itdoesn't create the flame.
The flame is yours.
It's there.
It's up to you.
Two.
Tend to it and make sure thatit's constantly going.
And I don't know where the frig,that analogy came from.
I just completely made that up.
It seems to work.
(15:15):
But it is something that isjust, you have to work on it
daily.
You have to work on it.
By the minute for some people asa perimenopausal woman that
wakes up most mornings feelingsuper anxious, super irritated.
Super like, I don't want to talkto anyone.
I have to dig deep.
And.
(15:36):
Work on keeping my flame going.
So that I don't fall into adepression or that I don't fall
into a really horrible daybecause I'm choosing to, fester
in my anxiety and my mood.
I have to recognize that that'sthere.
It's not about discounting it atall.
I have to recognize that it'sthere, but then I have to ask
(15:58):
myself, do I want my whole dayto be like this?
Listen, Shayna, you got a cup ofcoffee in your hand.
You got lots of clients.
You've got some work to dotoday.
You've got your kids arehealthy.
The sun is shining.
It's going to be a good day.
Just take a deep breath, maybedo a little meditation.
Take your vitamins, have a nicehealthy breakfast.
Do some exercise and choose tomake it a good day.
(16:21):
And that's the kind of mentalwork that I have to do right now
in my life on a daily, sometimeshourly basis just to get
through.
But that's where it's a choicefor me to either.
Fester in what's going onexternally or deciding that I'm
going to make my happiness apriority and do what I need to
(16:41):
do.
Two.
To keep it going.
And, and I think it's just soimportant that we talk about
this because it's so easy to getstuck in feeling like that your
happiness is something externalfrom you and chasing it.
And I've spent a lifetimechasing happiness, trying to,
(17:02):
hang out with the right people,have the right clothes, have the
right job, do the right thingbecause all of those external
things were going to bring methat joy and fulfillment.
And let me tell you as somebodywho has done all of that stuff,
and now I'm in a place where, Idon't have status in my careers
at all.
Money-wise, we're better, butit's not like our problems are
solved.
(17:23):
My husband and I we've beenmarried for 15 years.
We have a great relationship,but there are some bumps in the
road for sure.
Like there's things that arehappening.
But I'm not going to let thosethings define whether I feel
happy in my life or not.
I fucking love my life rightnow.
I've got three amazing children.
I've got a solid relationship.
I've got a roof over my head.
(17:43):
I've got, options in my careersto do different things.
I have opportunity out of the,wazoo because of the internet
there's so many things that I'mhappy and excited about my life,
regardless of what.
External factors are going on.
And that is because I've learnedhow to not let those things
(18:04):
define my happiness andfulfillment in my life.
And to just.
Just be loose and free and justdecide that I'm going to be
happy and let the things happen.
And you know what the crazything is is my days and hours
and years spent trying to forceand create this.
Thing that I thought was goingto bring me this happiness.
(18:25):
Is it, I'm at a spot where I'mnot doing any of that chasing.
I'm not doing any of thatforcing.
I'm not doing any, I'm justdoing what feels good to me in a
day.
Like I like to paint.
So I'm painting.
I like to film my painting.
So I'm doing that.
I like to do these little reels.
I like to work with my clients.
I'm doing these done for yourservices.
We're doing these paint nights,which is also fun and
fulfilling.
We're just like.
More in a relaxed place flyingby the seat of her pants, doing
(18:48):
the things that we love, notputting so much pressure on
ourselves to do all of thisexternal stuff, to try and quote
unquote, make happiness.
And things are working.
Things are happening.
So crazy that when you let goand you release that, that
control, you release thatpressure to try and make your
(19:09):
life happy and just be happy andre relax and let go of the
forcing.
That things magical things thatyou wouldn't even expect in your
life.
Because you're in an, anallowing state.
And I believe that being in thatstate of allowing.
And not searching so much andnot putting so much pressure on
(19:31):
yourself.
Is truly where if you can get tothat place and B look around and
regardless of what's happeningand feel that fulfillment and
joy for your life.
That it that's where you getrewarded for that.
I don't know how else todescribe it.
And that's how it feels to me.
And I hate that it's taken mealmost 50 years to figure this
(19:52):
out, but I had to go throughthose things in my life in order
to get here.
It's just the way that it is.
It's just the way that I've hadto do it.
Not that to say that you need tobe, you have to go 50 years in
your life in order to find that.
But I do believe we all havejourneys.
And you've got to, you're goingto keep going through things
(20:12):
until you get it.
And once you get it, then youget it and then you move into
the next phase of your life.
And sure.
There'll be more struggles.
There'll be more things.
We all have struggles.
I got struggles.
You've got struggles.
We all got struggles, but wedon't have to let those
struggles define us.
And don't let those struggles tofind your happiness and
fulfillment in life.
(20:32):
And that's the real, the game.
When I say happiness is aninside game.
Or inside job, that's the work.
That's the game we play is everyday.
Is, am I going to let this, am Igoing to let this situation?
Take over my, my life andcareer, cause all this grief.
Or am I going to know that it'sthere deal with it, but I'm
(20:53):
still going to be happyregardless.
I'm still going to find joy inmy life regardless.
That's the game that we'reconstantly playing.
And I think when you have theawareness that it is something
that you have the control over,because I think a lot of people
are going on autopilot and theydon't know, and they just wake
up every day and they're just inthis.
This ugly place and they can'tget out of it because they don't
(21:16):
realize that they actually havethe lever.
They have the control.
And it's up to them to do thework on the daily, hourly
minutely basis.
Of choosing to find the good inthe situation.
And not every situation has goodthings in it.
But it's finding the good justin your day to day life.
(21:36):
Just the fact that you'rebreathing, if it comes down to
that and that's where you needto start.
That is one place to start.
And then you, what's the nextthing you agree before, and I'm
telling you, if you are feelingreally, really not great.
One talk to somebody, always,always, always talk to somebody.
You, you, you think you're alonein what you're going through.
(21:57):
I guarantee you, if you open upand talk to somebody, they know
somebody or going through itthemselves, or know 10 other
people who are going through it,like.
Talking things out helps releasethat.
That internal sort of.
Feeling of, of when we're goingthrough something.
Talk to people get support.
(22:17):
Literally right.
And list of gratitude.
Gratitude is one of the highestenergies out there.
And when you can list a it's anemotion, gratitude is an emotion
it's on the top of the scale ofemotions.
When you can con consistentlylist all the things that you're
grateful for and keep going,keep going, keep going until you
start to feel that shift in yourheart.
(22:38):
You will feel it, it willhappen.
And if it doesn't happen forafter item number three, four or
five, it will happen at somepoint, but just keep feeling
that gratitude and keep thinkingabout the things you're grateful
for.
And you will turn those frownsupside down.
I swear that it is a great wayto help shift your energy.
If you're not feeling.
So great.
(22:59):
And sometimes in the morningwhen I wake up and I'm not
feeling so great.
I I'll just rhyme off a fewthings that I'm grateful for.
Before I even get out of bedjust to help shift the mood.
And then I like to move my body.
Exercise is also a great way toshift things.
Eating healthy, havingconversations, talking to
people, those are all great waysto move through.
These external pieces of crapthat are going on in our lives
(23:22):
in order to work through themand get back to being fulfilled
and happy.
And also another thing you cando is spend time doing the
things that you love when I wasat my.
Low point a couple of years agoin my career.
I started painting because it'ssomething I love to do.
And I wanted something formyself and I needed something
for myself and I startedpainting simply out of sheer
(23:45):
joy.
And just continue to keep doingit.
And that's something that isstarting to open up and evolve
in my life and really awesomeways that I would never, in a
million years I've said I wouldbe doing.
And that's that piece of, ofdoing something that brings you
joy, letting go of control andjust having fun.
That's the thing that keeps thatflame.
Your inner flame going.
(24:06):
So make time for that make timefor that in your life.
I promise you that willdefinitely make a shift.
If you're a D if you're goingthrough something.
So.
That's really what I wanted toshare today.
I couldn't do that in a 92ndreel, but I can definitely.
Jabber on about it here on thepodcast.
So I hope that this hits in thebest of ways for you today.
(24:28):
And just know if you arestruggling, if you are going
through something you're notalone.
Somebody else has been throughit, gotten to the other side.
So talk to people you neverknow, just who's there that can
help you, that can support you.
Even just talking out yourfeelings just makes such a
difference.
So don't be shy.
Don't be afraid.
There's so many people in thisworld that, have experience and
(24:50):
want to help.
Just to be an ear just to, foryou to just talk it out
sometimes just saying the words,just get it out of your system.
Yeah.
That's it.
That's all I wanted to say.
Hope you guys are doing well.
If you want to check out my artreels, come over to my art
account.
Shannon wrecker underscore artand there's little 92nd clips.
Starting to incorporate thesethings that I've learned in my
(25:12):
life, this stuff that I've beenthrough comparing it with some
art and having some fun withthat.
Check it out, but if this washelpful for you, please let me
know.
My Instagram DMS are alwaysopen.
I love to hear from you.
I hope you guys are all doingwell.
We'll talk to you soon.
Bye.
For now.
Hey, everyone.
Welcome back to how it's reallygoing with Shana Recker and I
know it's been a bit, but lifehas been a little bit hectic.
But I'm here and I'm excited totalk about the topic of
happiness.
And how happiness is, what Ibelieve is an inside job.
And I recently did one of mypainting reels with this topic.
(00:22):
I started doing these reels onInstagram for my art account,
where.
I'm painting and I have it kindof in FA well, not kind of, it
is in fast motion.
And then I overlay a littlestory on top and I got the idea.
I saw somebody else doingsomething similar and I love
talking.
I love talking about personaldevelopment.
I love talking about just likeanything really.
(00:44):
And I thought what a cool ideato be able to send a message,
but then do it visually with myart.
And they've actually been goingover really well.
And I'm super excited about thatbecause it is something that I
really enjoy doing.
And this is part of the topictoday.
About where happiness iscultivated.
And I really enjoy doing them.
(01:05):
I enjoy the creating of the art.
I enjoy putting together thereal I enjoy doing the
voiceover.
I love it all.
And so I am just going to keepdoing it anyways.
One of the topics I did lastweek was happiness is, and I
think I've written, I wrotehappiness is an inside game,
which I believe that it shouldhave said happiness is an inside
(01:26):
job, but whatever.
And I wanted to explore thattopic more here, because
obviously in the reels, you onlyget 90 seconds to talk, which
for me is very difficult.
So I wanted to just go evendeeper and further into that
topic here on the podcast,because, I life is too short.
To live it unhappy.
Like, I look at my life and Isee all the ups and downs and
(01:50):
all the things.
And I look at how much time Iwasted, how much time and energy
I wasted.
On trying to force things thatjust really weren't making me
happy anyways, or how much timeand energy I wasted.
Worrying or trying to do thingsspecific things.
To make me happy and only todiscover that it was never going
(02:11):
to work to begin with.
And so I want to unpack some ofthat today.
And I don't, as you always, Idon't have any real notes or
anything, I'm just going to kindof start talking about it.
And let's, let's just start withthe things that I've done in my
life to try and createhappiness.
Only to discover that it reallydidn't work.
And let's just start with,relationships first.
(02:35):
There definitely are.
There are things in life thatcan bring us.
Like a temporary happiness ormake us feel happy.
And that, definitely can berelationships and other people
when I'm with my kids, I'mhappy, my kids, but all my,
almost all my kids have movedout.
We still have one at home.
And it makes me really happywhen we're all home together.
(02:56):
That absolutely creates somehappiness for me, but it doesn't
necessarily last.
It's not like when they leave,I'm happy forever when they
leave.
I get sad again sometimes.
Right.
And, and so there are differentpeople that can bring us that
satisfaction or that feeling ofjoy.
But it's not that, that lastinginternal feeling of happiness.
(03:22):
And so.
Follow me here.
If you're not following, justcontinue to keep following me.
I promise you I'll pull this alltogether.
At some point.
And so the definitely there havebeen relationships that I have
tried to hang on to, because Ifelt like being with the person
was the answer to my happinesswas that I was happy.
(03:43):
I was going to be happy, happierin my life.
If this person was in it.
And that's not just evenromantic relationships, it's
friendships, it's all kinds ofdifferent things.
Work relationships.
And I have discovered that itdoesn't, that doesn't work.
There is a temporary piece toit, and it absolutely is nice to
(04:04):
be around certain people, butit's not the answer.
It's not the thing.
That's going to actually createlasting fulfillment and what I'm
talking about.
Happinesses and Inside job.
I don't even necessarily meanlike just the feeling of
happiness.
It's that feeling of fulfillmentand contentment, you know, it's
that feeling of like gratitudeand like, I'm good.
(04:25):
I feel good about my life likethat.
That it's almost like I wantedto just say internal flame.
I don't know if that's the rightwording, but it's like that.
W what keeps that, that light onin your heart?
And, and so there are thingsexternal from us that can
definitely sort of, what do yousay, fan the fan, the flame.
But they're not the things thatkeep the flame going is what I'm
(04:48):
trying to get at.
And so relationships.
Absolutely.
I have.
Definitely had the wrongrelationships in my life over
the years.
That I thought were going tobring me happiness and they
never, they never did.
And then, you just realize thatthat person was actually ended
up being a jerk and cause morepain or whatever, like there's
that.
The other thing.
That I have felt in my life thatwas going to create.
(05:11):
My happiness was success in mywork.
It's like, if I can just get tothe top of the company, if I can
just get the promotion, if I canjust get the bigger paycheck, if
I can just get the status, if Ican just get, you know, the,
the, the bigger house and the,and that status thing, whether
it's work or life, that thatwill make me happy.
That's going to be the thingthat's going to, fulfill all my
(05:32):
dreams.
And I'm just going to wake upevery morning and feel like life
is wonderful.
And as somebody who has been indifferent careers and has had
some, fairly great success in mycareers, I have been to the top
of, I was at the top of mynetwork marketing company.
And as great as it was when thathappened and, the temporary joy
(05:53):
and happiness that I felt whenI, received that promotion.
And I was, in that space, Itwasn't, there were still lots of
things that were going on in mylife that, that were, I wasn't
happy.
Like there was still lots ofthings going on.
It wasn't like achieving thatstatus, erased all my problems.
And now I was waking up everymorning fulfilled.
Right.
(06:13):
And so I've learned that it'snot about having more or being
more, that's going to createhappiness.
And that, that leads into thenext one, which is money.
You know, we all feel like moneyis going to bring us more
happiness.
And this is something I'veworked with with my son.
Who's 22.
He gets really anxious aroundmoney.
(06:34):
We've had some.
Interesting money stories in ourlives, where we've lost a lot of
things and we've had to rebuildthings and, and, my kids have
had to experience that.
And I believe that's kind ofcreated this a bit of money
anxiety with my son.
And I see that in him.
And I'm, I'm, because of thelessons that I've learned around
money, because I've been throughsome highs and lows when it
(06:55):
comes to money.
At the top of my career, mynetwork marketing career, there
were 20,$25,000 a month.
Paychecks coming in.
At the low of my whole life,there was like hundreds of
thousands of dollars in debt andno way to pay for it, so I've
been on the extremes of money.
And that's why I can fully, inmy core say to you that money
(07:16):
doesn't bring that lastingfulfillment and happiness.
It can bring temporary joy andhappiness because you can pay
bills and that feels good.
You can buy things and thatfeels good.
You can go on trips and thatfeels good.
But it's, it's not that last, itdoesn't, it fans the flame, but
it doesn't keep the flame goingbecause there are a lot of
people out there who have lotsof money who are miserable, who
(07:39):
constantly are complaining, whoare not.
Happy people.
And so, and money can createmore, just as many problems as
it can solve.
And so, I'm constantly trying toremind my son that it's great to
have it for sure, because itdefinitely is, it makes life
easier.
But it's not, it's not going tocreate that internal
(08:00):
fulfillment.
And I read a book by.
Oh, geez.
I need to find his name.
Let me just find his name.
It's cold.
The illusion.
I don't know why this is whathappens in perimenopause.
You, your brain is like Swisscheese and you lose pieces of
your memory.
The illusion of money is thebook.
(08:21):
By Kyle cease.
So I read this book and it'scalled the illusion of money by
Kyle sees.
It is, it was so good.
It was such a good book becausehe has this statement and this
is the one piece.
Out of the hole.
I mean, the whole book isamazing, but this one.
There's one piece that he saidin the book just really
resonated with me.
He used this analogy of likesitting on a park bench.
(08:44):
With apps, like no home, noclue.
Like no, nothing like just theshirt on your back kind of
thing.
If you can find.
Joy happiness, fulfillmentgratitude.
When you have nothing.
That's when you've truly wantedthe game of life.
And when he said that, I wasjust like, That is, there's so
much truth to that because.
(09:06):
It's like we think theseexternal things.
Our what creates our happiness.
But if you can literally be, ifyou can literally have nothing
and trust me, there have beendays.
I mean, I wouldn't say havenothing.
I've always had a roof over myhead.
We've always had food on thetable.
Like it's, I realized there'ssome definite there's a scale of
what having nothing means fordifferent people.
(09:27):
But at the end of the day, thatfeeling of despair of having,
you know, and not having enough.
Is is real.
But if you can look outside andbe grateful that you're alive,
that you're breathing, that thesun is shining, that your kids
are healthy.
That you're alive, that youknow, have a roof over your head
(09:49):
or have food on the table, evenwhen you have crippling debt and
all of these things going on,maybe your house is being taken
away or whatever, but you canstill find.
That inner.
Feeling of gratitude and justgeneral fulfillment.
That is when you've truly one.
Like that's when you can, thenit doesn't matter.
Like you went, like, that's thething.
(10:10):
I feel like I've been throughsome crazy things with money.
That I it's like it.
Could it get worse maybe, but Iknow I can get through it and it
doesn't, it's not as.
Crazy for me too.
It's not as worrisome for me.
It's not as Scary for me to havesomething happen financially.
Because I've been in that spacebefore and I knew I could get
(10:34):
through it and it didn't killme.
And I'm good.
And, And I was still able tofind joy and happiness in my
life, even when that washappening.
And that's truly a way to a pathto fulfillment is just being
happy.
Even if you don't have thethings, even if you don't have
the money, even if you don't.
Have the relationship orwhatever is just truly like just
being grateful for your life.
(10:56):
And that is where you cancultivate happiness.
And I was going to say the nextthing on my list that I've
learned that doesn't bringhappiness is buying things,
which is kind of in alignmentwith the money.
I've bought things in my life.
I'm somebody who I will say, Ithink this is part of like being
ADHD.
I think there's a dopamine hitthat comes when we buy things.
When we purchase things.
(11:17):
And especially with the birth ofAmazon, it's like a little bit
of dopamine every time youplaced the order.
And then the box comes on yourstep and.
There I am somebody who waslike, oh, if I have that
handbag, then I'll be happy.
Oh, if I have those shoes in,that outfit for this thing, I'm
going to, then I'll be happy,then it'll be good.
And that doesn't work either.
(11:38):
I've I went out and purchased adesigner handbag.
Thinking that is something thatI needed to have as part of my,
showing that my businessessuccessful and that I'm
successful.
And every time I picked up thatbag, as much as I, it was
pretty, I loved it.
It was functional.
I love that too.
But every time I picked up thatbag, I just, there was a feeling
(12:00):
around it that I, there was likean EQ feeling around it.
And every time I took it out, Ifelt.
A little bit like an imposterand like, it just didn't feel
right.
It was just like, and I havenothing against.
Expensive handbags.
If you can afford an expensivehandbag and that's your deal
like for you all about morepower to you.
I knew I was in a point where Ireally couldn't afford that.
(12:23):
I mean, sure.
I bought it and that was fine,but that money could have gone
1,000,001 other places.
And I just thought that if I hadthis, then I was, I deserved it.
I earned it.
Like I should have this.
And I was actually in a coachingprogram at that time.
That was.
Promoting that message to theirpeople.
Like you, you need to step intothat higher version of yourself.
(12:46):
And I thought this was me doingthat and that there was going to
be some level of happiness andfulfillment that came with that.
And it didn't, it was just fullof emptiness and gross.
And I ended up selling it causeI was just like, I don't even
want this anymore.
And it's just it.
And it just became another bagthat sat on my floor with the
other bags.
And so I know that buyingthings.
(13:07):
Is not, there was a temporaryjoy that when it showed up, it
was cool and everything, but itdidn't last.
It's not, I'm not saying thatyou can't buy things because
buying things is wrong or icky.
You can absolutely buy thingsand they can bring you that
temporary joy, but they are notgoing to fulfill something deep
in your soul.
That is an inside game.
(13:28):
That is an inside job.
That is a choice.
And I know that it's hard tomake that choice.
A lot of days, it can be reallyhard to make that choice.
Especially because people havethings happen in their lives.
That aren't great.
That are sad, that are not fun.
And those days are hard.
Those days you don't wake upfeeling joyful.
(13:48):
You don't wake up.
And even though happiness is achoice, it's not an easy choice
to make.
But it doesn't mean that youhave to live there forever and
that you can work on.
Finding the some gratitude.
Finding some little things inyour life.
And that are, are happy.
Maybe it's the birds that you'reseeing in your bird feeder,
(14:09):
maybe, it's the sun shining thatday.
And I find gratitude is thatpathway to that inner
fulfillment is just beinggrateful for the, even the
smallest things in your life canhelp flip around that.
Potentially thing that might begoing on in your life, that
situation, whether it's themoney thing like we went
(14:31):
through, or maybe it's arelationship thing, or maybe
it's a debt thing or whatever.
That if you can just separate itfrom your inner fulfillment,
it's an external event that'shappening.
It's not disregarding what'shappening, but it doesn't
define.
Your life.
It doesn't define your, yourinner happiness and fulfillment.
(14:55):
It doesn't create it.
Doesn't put out the flame and itdoesn't create the flame.
The flame is yours.
It's there.
It's up to you.
Two.
Tend to it and make sure thatit's constantly going.
And I don't know where the frig,that analogy came from.
I just completely made that up.
It seems to work.
(15:15):
But it is something that isjust, you have to work on it
daily.
You have to work on it.
By the minute for some people asa perimenopausal woman that
wakes up most mornings feelingsuper anxious, super irritated.
Super like, I don't want to talkto anyone.
I have to dig deep.
And.
(15:36):
Work on keeping my flame going.
So that I don't fall into adepression or that I don't fall
into a really horrible daybecause I'm choosing to, fester
in my anxiety and my mood.
I have to recognize that that'sthere.
It's not about discounting it atall.
I have to recognize that it'sthere, but then I have to ask
(15:58):
myself, do I want my whole dayto be like this?
Listen, Shayna, you got a cup ofcoffee in your hand.
You got lots of clients.
You've got some work to dotoday.
You've got your kids arehealthy.
The sun is shining.
It's going to be a good day.
Just take a deep breath, maybedo a little meditation.
Take your vitamins, have a nicehealthy breakfast.
Do some exercise and choose tomake it a good day.
(16:21):
And that's the kind of mentalwork that I have to do right now
in my life on a daily, sometimeshourly basis just to get
through.
But that's where it's a choicefor me to either.
Fester in what's going onexternally or deciding that I'm
going to make my happiness apriority and do what I need to
(16:41):
do.
Two.
To keep it going.
And, and I think it's just soimportant that we talk about
this because it's so easy to getstuck in feeling like that your
happiness is something externalfrom you and chasing it.
And I've spent a lifetimechasing happiness, trying to,
(17:02):
hang out with the right people,have the right clothes, have the
right job, do the right thingbecause all of those external
things were going to bring methat joy and fulfillment.
And let me tell you as somebodywho has done all of that stuff,
and now I'm in a place where, Idon't have status in my careers
at all.
Money-wise, we're better, butit's not like our problems are
solved.
(17:23):
My husband and I we've beenmarried for 15 years.
We have a great relationship,but there are some bumps in the
road for sure.
Like there's things that arehappening.
But I'm not going to let thosethings define whether I feel
happy in my life or not.
I fucking love my life rightnow.
I've got three amazing children.
I've got a solid relationship.
I've got a roof over my head.
(17:43):
I've got, options in my careersto do different things.
I have opportunity out of the,wazoo because of the internet
there's so many things that I'mhappy and excited about my life,
regardless of what.
External factors are going on.
And that is because I've learnedhow to not let those things
(18:04):
define my happiness andfulfillment in my life.
And to just.
Just be loose and free and justdecide that I'm going to be
happy and let the things happen.
And you know what the crazything is is my days and hours
and years spent trying to forceand create this.
Thing that I thought was goingto bring me this happiness.
(18:25):
Is it, I'm at a spot where I'mnot doing any of that chasing.
I'm not doing any of thatforcing.
I'm not doing any, I'm justdoing what feels good to me in a
day.
Like I like to paint.
So I'm painting.
I like to film my painting.
So I'm doing that.
I like to do these little reels.
I like to work with my clients.
I'm doing these done for yourservices.
We're doing these paint nights,which is also fun and
fulfilling.
We're just like.
More in a relaxed place flyingby the seat of her pants, doing
(18:48):
the things that we love, notputting so much pressure on
ourselves to do all of thisexternal stuff, to try and quote
unquote, make happiness.
And things are working.
Things are happening.
So crazy that when you let goand you release that, that
control, you release thatpressure to try and make your
(19:09):
life happy and just be happy andre relax and let go of the
forcing.
That things magical things thatyou wouldn't even expect in your
life.
Because you're in an, anallowing state.
And I believe that being in thatstate of allowing.
And not searching so much andnot putting so much pressure on
(19:31):
yourself.
Is truly where if you can get tothat place and B look around and
regardless of what's happeningand feel that fulfillment and
joy for your life.
That it that's where you getrewarded for that.
I don't know how else todescribe it.
And that's how it feels to me.
And I hate that it's taken mealmost 50 years to figure this
(19:52):
out, but I had to go throughthose things in my life in order
to get here.
It's just the way that it is.
It's just the way that I've hadto do it.
Not that to say that you need tobe, you have to go 50 years in
your life in order to find that.
But I do believe we all havejourneys.
And you've got to, you're goingto keep going through things
(20:12):
until you get it.
And once you get it, then youget it and then you move into
the next phase of your life.
And sure.
There'll be more struggles.
There'll be more things.
We all have struggles.
I got struggles.
You've got struggles.
We all got struggles, but wedon't have to let those
struggles define us.
And don't let those struggles tofind your happiness and
fulfillment in life.
(20:32):
And that's the real, the game.
When I say happiness is aninside game.
Or inside job, that's the work.
That's the game we play is everyday.
Is, am I going to let this, am Igoing to let this situation?
Take over my, my life andcareer, cause all this grief.
Or am I going to know that it'sthere deal with it, but I'm
(20:53):
still going to be happyregardless.
I'm still going to find joy inmy life regardless.
That's the game that we'reconstantly playing.
And I think when you have theawareness that it is something
that you have the control over,because I think a lot of people
are going on autopilot and theydon't know, and they just wake
up every day and they're just inthis.
This ugly place and they can'tget out of it because they don't
(21:16):
realize that they actually havethe lever.
They have the control.
And it's up to them to do thework on the daily, hourly
minutely basis.
Of choosing to find the good inthe situation.
And not every situation has goodthings in it.
But it's finding the good justin your day to day life.
(21:36):
Just the fact that you'rebreathing, if it comes down to
that and that's where you needto start.
That is one place to start.
And then you, what's the nextthing you agree before, and I'm
telling you, if you are feelingreally, really not great.
One talk to somebody, always,always, always talk to somebody.
You, you, you think you're alonein what you're going through.
(21:57):
I guarantee you, if you open upand talk to somebody, they know
somebody or going through itthemselves, or know 10 other
people who are going through it,like.
Talking things out helps releasethat.
That internal sort of.
Feeling of, of when we're goingthrough something.
Talk to people get support.
(22:17):
Literally right.
And list of gratitude.
Gratitude is one of the highestenergies out there.
And when you can list a it's anemotion, gratitude is an emotion
it's on the top of the scale ofemotions.
When you can con consistentlylist all the things that you're
grateful for and keep going,keep going, keep going until you
start to feel that shift in yourheart.
(22:38):
You will feel it, it willhappen.
And if it doesn't happen forafter item number three, four or
five, it will happen at somepoint, but just keep feeling
that gratitude and keep thinkingabout the things you're grateful
for.
And you will turn those frownsupside down.
I swear that it is a great wayto help shift your energy.
If you're not feeling.
So great.
(22:59):
And sometimes in the morningwhen I wake up and I'm not
feeling so great.
I I'll just rhyme off a fewthings that I'm grateful for.
Before I even get out of bedjust to help shift the mood.
And then I like to move my body.
Exercise is also a great way toshift things.
Eating healthy, havingconversations, talking to
people, those are all great waysto move through.
These external pieces of crapthat are going on in our lives
(23:22):
in order to work through themand get back to being fulfilled
and happy.
And also another thing you cando is spend time doing the
things that you love when I wasat my.
Low point a couple of years agoin my career.
I started painting because it'ssomething I love to do.
And I wanted something formyself and I needed something
for myself and I startedpainting simply out of sheer
(23:45):
joy.
And just continue to keep doingit.
And that's something that isstarting to open up and evolve
in my life and really awesomeways that I would never, in a
million years I've said I wouldbe doing.
And that's that piece of, ofdoing something that brings you
joy, letting go of control andjust having fun.
That's the thing that keeps thatflame.
Your inner flame going.
(24:06):
So make time for that make timefor that in your life.
I promise you that willdefinitely make a shift.
If you're a D if you're goingthrough something.
So.
That's really what I wanted toshare today.
I couldn't do that in a 92ndreel, but I can definitely.
Jabber on about it here on thepodcast.
So I hope that this hits in thebest of ways for you today.
(24:28):
And just know if you arestruggling, if you are going
through something you're notalone.
Somebody else has been throughit, gotten to the other side.
So talk to people you neverknow, just who's there that can
help you, that can support you.
Even just talking out yourfeelings just makes such a
difference.
So don't be shy.
Don't be afraid.
There's so many people in thisworld that, have experience and
(24:50):
want to help.
Just to be an ear just to, foryou to just talk it out
sometimes just saying the words,just get it out of your system.
Yeah.
That's it.
That's all I wanted to say.
Hope you guys are doing well.
If you want to check out my artreels, come over to my art
account.
Shannon wrecker underscore artand there's little 92nd clips.
Starting to incorporate thesethings that I've learned in my
(25:12):
life, this stuff that I've beenthrough comparing it with some
art and having some fun withthat.
Check it out, but if this washelpful for you, please let me
know.
My Instagram DMS are alwaysopen.
I love to hear from you.
I hope you guys are all doingwell.
We'll talk to you soon.
Bye.
For now.
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