Fyreside Chats

Episode Transcript

Speaker 1 (00:00):
Drown.

Speaker 2 (00:00):
Won't take you vanish your love on someone you can
trust you never We got to see you strong and.

Speaker 1 (00:07):
Does it mean you love? Mean you wrong? You mean
you us?

Speaker 3 (00:12):
Good evening everyone, This is your hosts and Lioness Queen
Sister be right here on the fireside chat on Intellectual
Radio dot Com joining me today, y'all. I'm excited. Can
I just say I am excited on today, on this
November what's today, Jay, Today's the nice twenty twenty five.

(00:36):
Hope all is well on this evening, guys. It's a
lot going on in the land. But we soldiers, we
do this, you know. We keeping the faith. We're keeping
our head up high. That's what we do as believers.
That's what we do to just y'all live by faith.
I'm gonna keep saying that because when you can't see
your way, God already that made the way, and I
just believe it. I live it, I experienced it, and

(00:58):
I got to stand on at y'all. So I'm just
super duper excited on today, you guys. It's been a
longe week and for all of you who know what
I'm talking about, you get to the end of the
week and got to restart again with work and some more.
You understand how happy you are that you made it

(01:19):
through the week. Okay, So I am met here today, y'all.
I'm so when I tell y'all so elated. You know,
this is my sister friend, my co hosts of today.
She really don't need no introduction to the faith community.
But for all of y'all that do not know her,
her name is Julia Jackson, and I don't know if

(01:41):
she was missus Jackson in the house y'all. For those
of us who are from the faith community, we know
her as a praise and worship leader, a prophetic praise
and worship leader. Her voice is so amazing and anointed.
But outside of that, I always say that there's a

(02:01):
difference between a singer and a person who God uses
a minister and song. You can sing and not minister,
but we know that she ministers to us through praise
and worship. Have some of us on the floor, it
snotting some o, you know, just God just fall in
the building.

Speaker 1 (02:18):
You know.

Speaker 3 (02:18):
I love her humble spirit, she is to see it
or and founder of tamar speaks and a little bit
I'm gonna get her to expound on that and talk
about a little bit about what we can expect from
her in the future. So I want to say to
my co host today, welcome.

Speaker 1 (02:34):
Sister.

Speaker 4 (02:36):
Glad to be here.

Speaker 1 (02:38):
I'm so glad to have you.

Speaker 3 (02:40):
I am elated that you accepted the invitation to come
on here after putting me in the waiting on the
wait list for over.

Speaker 1 (02:50):
Yeah.

Speaker 3 (02:50):
We're gonna have fun today, y'all. This is my sister
right here. I listen. This is what we do. You
know what I'm saying, And what's so special about her
and some others is that we was nested together growing
up in God Like we was kind of we had
a period of time in our life where we nested together.
We was in the same ministry, work together, we got

(03:12):
rebuked together, and some more, you know, been through a
lot of storms together, and just being able to be
blessed to have such a powerful lineage behind us from
those in the faith that imparted into us. We just
at some point settled in on our different and knew

(03:33):
that we was a little bit different from a lot
of people, and you know, we just begin to embrace
our identity, which is not easy to do.

Speaker 1 (03:40):
But today, guys, we're gonna.

Speaker 3 (03:44):
Be talking about alive and well, alive and well, and
so I know that it's been you know, like I said,
we've been through some turbulence, even coming from twenty four
twenty twenty five. In addition to that, in twenty twenty

(04:04):
a lot of us lost loved ones, you know, for
COVID and different things. And I know over the last
four years it wasn't COVID, but I lost my baby
sister and I lost my dad twenty twenty four January.
So today we just want to talk about being alive
and well because many times we are life, meaning we're breathing,

(04:25):
we're living, we're going from day to day doing what
we do, but we are not well sometimes and we
just want to talk about it today. You know, we
want everybody to feel comfortable and welcome. You know, we're
not here to criticize anyone. We're not having a you know,
this is not a put down. This is a build
up at a fine moment that we want you to

(04:46):
be encouraged at. Listen, if you arelive and you not well,
tuning to this conversation y'all, because we're gonna walk through
some things, you know, and we want y'all to be
encouraged on today. I so here goes. I wanted to
talk about the scripture and open up with this scripture
that in Him we live and we move and we

(05:08):
have our being in Him, and so I don't know.
And again she's a co host, so she started flowing. Y'all,
just ay, that's gonna let her float. But I was
gonna say, you know, what has it been like? And
you can always, you know, switch it over to if

(05:30):
you want to open up differently, But I want to say,
what does it What does it feel like to be
in God? You know that God is if you and
you are in Him, but sometimes it feels like I
don't have my being. I don't feel myself. You know

(05:51):
what I'm saying. I can't I'm not present within myself.
I've been through some through some things that's that took
me on a ride, and I'm trying to find myself
again and I don't know how to get back to myself.
Can you help us understand what's happening, what you believe
from your experience is happening, and what you believe the
process back to yourself may look like.

Speaker 5 (06:13):
Well, I think it's a part of humanity, because as
long as time remain, you're gonna go through something. You're
gonna go through, something, you're gonna deal with, something, you're
gonna go through some grief. You're gonna deal with, heartache, heartbreak, friendships, ending,
relationships ending. It's a part of life. And I think

(06:33):
that sometimes we don't know how to cope when tragedy happens,
when death come, when it's time to grieve, when it's
time to break up, when it's time to leave one
situation and going to another. Sometimes we don't know how
to navigate those seasons. We don't even know how to
recognize that we're almost outside of ourselves.

Speaker 4 (06:58):
We get so used to the daily routine and.

Speaker 5 (07:01):
Going and going, going to work, going on a dinner,
coming home, cooking, cleaning, doing the same routine every day
that sometimes you're not aware of yourself. You're not aware,
Hey you checked out three weeks ago. You haven't been
yourself in months. My god, you haven't been happy or

(07:23):
joyful or at peace.

Speaker 4 (07:26):
You haven't smiled.

Speaker 5 (07:28):
And sometimes I think, going through life in a routine,
we can be going so fast through life that we
don't see it. Sometimes it actually take people on the
outside looking in and say you, okay, you don't seem right,
some don't seem some seem a little off with you.
And so when you when you take the time to
recognize your yourself and where you are, then you can

(07:52):
kind of figure out how to move in your season.
What do I need to do to get better? What
do I need to do to bounce back? What do
I need to do to feel healthy, not just be alive?
What do I need to do to be alive? And well,
you see what I'm saying. I don't want to just
be alive. And I'm sick, and I'm not just talking

(08:14):
about physical sick. I'm talking about mentally not okay, my
mind is not right. Sometimes I think, in this all jumble,
what does it look like to be alive and not?

Speaker 4 (08:26):
Well?

Speaker 5 (08:27):
You're living in your breathing but you crying and you
don't even know what you're crying about.

Speaker 4 (08:34):
You struggling with depression and oppression.

Speaker 1 (08:37):
Like I heard.

Speaker 5 (08:38):
Somebody says, I definitely used to do it. Go home
and pull the curtains, laying in the dark, crying, don't
know what's wrong with me, just literally crying for weeks
and weeks and weeks and could not pinpoint what was
wrong with me, had no idea. I was struggling with depression,
manic depression. They took me to go get diagnosed to

(08:58):
beize okay, something it's really something that's really going on
with me.

Speaker 3 (09:03):
I like when you said it took for you to
go and get diagnosed.

Speaker 1 (09:08):
You know what.

Speaker 3 (09:09):
I noticed that happens with us sometimes. And I have
to say shout out to the chat. Atanya feels God,
bless you too, baby, thank you for joining jul Hi sister.
She say hey, sister, Kanya, thank you for watching. She say, hey, y'all.
So I want to know how many of us. It's

(09:35):
something I think about that our faith feel believers that
we'll suffer from life events and feel guilty for reaching
outside of what we know and you know, been taught
to go and see about ourselfs. And so now my
faith becomes a competitor with outside resources when my faith

(09:59):
is what should compare me to use those resources because
I trust God that He's gonna use this resource to
help me. And so I really really really want the
people of God to be okay when you have to
talk to somebody, when you got to see a therapist,
when you got to see a psychiatrist. And I don't
even want to touch you on medication, you know, because

(10:19):
that's a sensitive topic and I don't want to go
to that depth. But what I will say, as a
woman that deals with children and a population who use
that as a resource to regulate and stabilize themselves, I
will say it's no different from taking it for a
high blood pressure diabetes. When your brain is sick and

(10:43):
you know you stuck, and you know that your life
is just passing you by. You alive, but you're not well,
you can't regulate on your own. I would just give
you this hint. They First of all, let me tell
you that people don't just experiment on you. They literally
allow you the choice to choose the lowest dose possible

(11:05):
to start you out. They allow you to make a
decision to switch over if that's what you need to do.
But I just wanna say, don't rule it out, cause
you just never know which way it's you're gonna receive
the help that you need to be well.

Speaker 4 (11:19):
I agree, I was.

Speaker 5 (11:21):
I was telling somebody yesterday the disappointment when you're dealing
with mental issues or when you're dealing with whatever it
is that's hurting you on the inside when my you know,
most people know my parents both died in twenty twenty one,
I believe, and they passed away six months apart. I
think I was harder on myself than other people was,

(11:46):
And I was so upset and disappointed because I wasn't
healing as quick as I wanted to. I was still
grieving when I thought the grieving process should have been
over right. I'm like, why am I still having these breakdowns?
Why am I still not able to mention my parents

(12:07):
without crying and without breaking down?

Speaker 4 (12:09):
Why am I still grieving the way that I am grieving?

Speaker 5 (12:13):
And so I started being more hard on myself because
the expectation from what I'm hearing and what I'm seeing,
you are a believer in those that die in the Lord.

Speaker 4 (12:24):
I don't know the rest of the scripture.

Speaker 5 (12:26):
You know they gone to heaven, So you should not
be grieving a certain way because your mom died and
she went to heaven. And your father died and you
know for a fact you walked him through the sinners press,
so he went to heaven. So you should not be
grieving a certain way because your parents went to heaven.

Speaker 4 (12:42):
But That didn't stop my heart from being broke.

Speaker 5 (12:44):
Correct, that did not stop me from being traumatized and
not knowing how to function in the world where I
have function with both parents for this amount of years
and now I don't have either.

Speaker 4 (12:59):
I don't have.

Speaker 5 (13:00):
Mom, I don't have that as a grown woman, what
does that look like? Because you only get to go
through your parents' death once. This is not something you rehearse.
You know what I'm saying, You're not. This is not
something that you can rehearse over and over until you
get it right. No, you only have one set of parents.
Unless you have godparents or step stuff like that, you

(13:21):
don't get to practice what you're going to do and
how you're going to feel and how you're going to
navigate your life after.

Speaker 4 (13:28):
You lose your parents.

Speaker 5 (13:28):
And so sometimes I think we need to be a
little more compassionate on ourselves. Let yourself grief. Now, we
know you can't stay in it. You cannot live in grief.
You cannot park your car there, you cannot unpack your bag,
you cannot move into the house, you cannot stay in
a place of grief. But you also cannot rush yourself

(13:51):
out and let nobody else rush you out either.

Speaker 1 (13:54):
That's very good. That's very good because the demand for.

Speaker 3 (14:01):
The person who you were before you start to grieve
grief will change your life.

Speaker 1 (14:06):
It'll change you.

Speaker 3 (14:09):
And in a way that first of all, you disconnect,
you go numb, and all of a sudden, you know,
the things that you used to take interest in you
no longer are interested anymore. And that does not exclude church.
Church is a living organism. It's something the Lord uses

(14:32):
to help us build us up. It's a good place
to be for community sake, right But I think sometimes
you know, the expectation is for church to be exempt
from the list of I don't want to be bothered today.
I love you, I'm glad the Lord using you. I'm

(14:55):
happy that you know y'all going on. But I'm in
a place where I'm trying to regulate again. I'm trying
to come through something, some heartbreak that broke my heart
to pieces. And right now I don't really want to
hear a word. I don't mean no harm, but right
now I need somebody just gonna just either sit and

(15:17):
listen to me when I want to talk, give me
some hugs, bring me some food, or whatever you feel
like you want to do and leave me to time.
That's going to get me through this hardship in my life.

Speaker 1 (15:30):
You know.

Speaker 3 (15:31):
So I recall when I lost my sister. I found
myself in a low place to see for me this
fireside chat y'all right here intellectual radio dot com. Okay,
I found myself and some people be like, oh my God,
truth a woman of God. You No, I'm a person.
It's what I am. And so I love to keep

(15:55):
you a buck of transparent like that baby me and
that is a stellar rose Bybee. I couldn't sleep. First
of all, my sister passed away. God bless her to
rest her soul. My baby sister, and I ended up
with my two nieces.

Speaker 1 (16:17):
So we're all grieving. I was not well.

Speaker 3 (16:21):
I was alive to live through watching herself all the
way till she died.

Speaker 1 (16:27):
And now I have to grieve.

Speaker 3 (16:29):
But I kind of had to pause my grief because
I got at tend to her children that at the
time was twelve or sixteen year old and Marcus, I
think was nineteen and a half. Either way, it was
not an easy journey for me. And people can say
that I don't. If you try to throw a stone
your arm's gonna fall off. I promise you. I promise you,

(16:51):
your arm's gonna fall off. So I found myself, and
this is so what I'm finished. This is really key
how the Holy Spirit minister to me. I found myself.
I walked in the liquor store and I had not
been in there in about two decades, so I had
no idea what what was this stuff? But I recalled
seeing that why stellar road somewhere that somebody said something

(17:13):
good about it. So I'm like, well they strong, So
you know, I just want to go to sleep. I
got the biggest bottle they had, took it home. I
made it in front of the driveway and I just
drank it like it was a pop because I was thirsty.

Speaker 1 (17:29):
It was hot outside. I just drank it.

Speaker 3 (17:32):
And even in that this is how. Let me tell
you something. You cannot go so low where God can't
grab you. I'm gonna say that again. You cannot go
so low with the love of God cannot grab you.

Speaker 1 (17:45):
Right. And I could hear people, y, well, you should
have just called me. We could have break be quiet.

Speaker 3 (17:50):
But anyway, at the end of the day, the Lord
came right through that moment and said to me. You
see how you got this law and your pain and
your despair.

Speaker 1 (18:06):
That you turn to this.

Speaker 3 (18:10):
He said, The only difference between you and the person
you see on the street struggling with this is that
you know the way they made this their god and
their comfort. But you know the God of all comfort. Now,
one time did the Lord chastise me, rebuke me for
what I was doing. It's something about when you not well.

(18:34):
When you not well, Jesus is still alive on the
throne to make you well. And some people can say, oh, girl,
ain't nothing I did more than that. Well, I'm talking
about Listen, you go to that low place, God gonna
meet you. The scripture say I made my bed in
hell and he was there with me. I can't think
of no time where I was not well and I

(18:56):
was not making well decisions because I was not well
that the Lord walked off and left me. But he
loved me through it and he picked me back up.
So I just tell the truth. I have to speak
of his goodness because this is not a rule driven
religious relationship. It started with me being broken and bruised,

(19:19):
and you said something.

Speaker 5 (19:20):
About going low. One of my favorite quotes is from
Corey's Tamboon. She has a quote that says there is
no depth, that God is not deeper still, and that
just means there is no depth too deep for God.

Speaker 4 (19:37):
God is deeper than the deepest death. He can go
lower than the lowest low.

Speaker 5 (19:42):
So even when you think you have hit rock bottom,
you too far gone been there. I'd have messed up,
saved and not saved. I have messed up when I
was a saint and a sinner. Can I just say,
you can't tell on me better than I can tell
on myself, preach that truth?

Speaker 4 (19:59):
You don't.

Speaker 5 (20:00):
I have no t on me that I can't spell
on myself. I have messed up as a as a
saint and a sinner. And I remember when I remember,
I told you just a few weeks ago, when I
was messing up, and uh I was. I had been
saved at that time for nine years. And then I
started messing up. I was stripping real bad, and I

(20:21):
mean I was making a mess.

Speaker 4 (20:23):
Everything was a mess. And I started saying, I am
not saved anymore. I'm not saved anymore.

Speaker 5 (20:30):
And the Lord spoke to me right then and there,
he said, do not take away your confession. He said
never let people take away your confession of salvation. If
part of your salvation is the confession, when you take
away the confession, you taking away the salvation. And I'm
gonna tell you why, because if life and death is

(20:50):
in the power of.

Speaker 4 (20:51):
Your tongue, then that means whatever I speak, that's what
I am.

Speaker 5 (20:55):
So if I start saying I'm not saved anymore, I'm
not saving anymore. Pretty soon them words gonna catch up
with my life, and pretty soon I'm really not gonna
be saved anymore because I have let people and me
look at my mess ups and tell me that I'm
no longer saved when all it takes is repentance. You

(21:15):
don't know what somebody has had a conversation with the
Lord about. You're looking at the outward, but God says
he looks at the heart, and while they look a
mess on the outside. We don't know if they cried
out to the Lord said I don't want to be
this way. I can't get out. I'm trying to get out.
I don't know how to get it. We don't know
somebody's conversation with the Lord. But I really just want

(21:39):
to piggyback off that there is no depth that God
is not deep pristilled. There is no mess up that
you can mess up God and not like us, we
give up on people.

Speaker 4 (21:48):
God don't give up on people.

Speaker 1 (21:50):
God don't give up.

Speaker 5 (21:51):
We quit on people, talk about people, slander, folk, spelling people,
tea in the name of exposure, do all of this.

Speaker 4 (22:00):
But that's not God. We think God like man, and
God is not like man.

Speaker 3 (22:06):
I'm so glady, not I'm so glady not. I'm not
fitna even think about your your quote unquote door in
Long and his chat when I know she responded to
what I said, I'm walk the LIGs store and I
ain't know what the bath to Madam I should have
sent her. I don't got time for Shamas. I don't
got time for you tonight, Shamayah. Shout out to the chat.

(22:29):
Minister Annie, thank you for joining. Oh my goodness, Latanya
Fields hanging in there with us. Thank you so much, missus. Stoert,
my sister law at Stella is watching tonight. It's a miracle.
What up, Jimmy, So good to see you in the chat.
I'm just so happy to see y'all tonight. We're talking
about being alive and well and we are expounding on

(22:54):
how God's love has no limit. I don't care how
low you are, what you've done, He's still right there
ready to restore us. So I wanted to also touch
on with being alive and well, and I didn't get
a chance. So when you are a functioning gift, you're

(23:15):
a functioning gift. You sing, you pray, you preach, you
do whatever. And you know, I want to say this,
nobody is exempt from life. You're not exempt from going low.
This is why I don't like to sit up and
listen to a whole bunch of stuff about preachers falling
in different things like that, because it doesn't do anything
but remind us of that we not walking in the

(23:37):
love of God for real, you know. And I'm not
talking about those that have decided they're gonna walk to lives.

Speaker 1 (23:43):
I'm not talking about that.

Speaker 3 (23:44):
I'm talking about when a person hit a place in
a life and they start and they're not well, and
they start making wrong decisions, and even though we talk
a good game, you know, just get up. God gonna
pick you up and he gonna clean you off. And
God is love. And we say all of that until
it hit our dough and we be the first ones

(24:05):
to try to pick up a stone. I don't have
to operate like I'm somewhere that I'm not. When I'm
hurt and a wounded and I'm having a life experience.
No one is at zempt for life experience. We're all
gonna lose loved one. You're all gonna experience some type
of heartbreak, loss, divorce, losing a job. All of us
are gonna experience that. And the expectation for me to

(24:28):
get up. It continued to operate like these things are
not going on? Is really uh what's the word or
the famous word everybody like to use.

Speaker 1 (24:37):
Uh, it's diabolical for you to.

Speaker 5 (24:40):
Uh benefiting you, But I'm dying on the inside. You're
receiving and I'm dying because I'm not well.

Speaker 1 (24:49):
I'm not well.

Speaker 4 (24:50):
The expectation to.

Speaker 5 (24:51):
Continue on and then I think, I think we need
to make up our mind what it is we want
from people. Because if if I'm not well and I
am bleeding all over the place and I get up
and I minister, then it said you bleeding all over people.
So if I decide I don't want to bleed all
over people, I'm gonna take time to heal. Then it

(25:13):
said you taking too long to heal. It's almost like
we need to really make up our mind what it
is we want from people are what are reasonable expectations
from people? And I know from experience that ministering to
other people because I did it for a long time.
And when I say, the Lord really used me, but

(25:35):
I wasn't well. I'm watching people get a breakthrough, but
I'm mentally feeling like I'm losing my mind. I am struggling,
I am having panic attacks, I am going through anxiety.
I am not my mind isn't right. And then when
I get on the stage and I take the mic

(25:56):
and I allow the Lord to come in and do
what he do, he does it well because God is
God and the people need it has to be met.

Speaker 4 (26:03):
There's a need.

Speaker 5 (26:04):
Somebody came here needing something, Amen, and so God is
going to meet the need. But when the microphone is
put down and I go back to my normal self,
I still have to face the fact, Julia, you're not well.

Speaker 1 (26:16):
That's good.

Speaker 4 (26:17):
You're not well.

Speaker 5 (26:18):
So now we need to get to the brook why
you're not well?

Speaker 4 (26:25):
What is ailing you, what is making you sick?

Speaker 5 (26:28):
What is making you unwell, what is making your emotions
like a roller coaster? You happy today, in the next
two days you're not and doing your happy? And then
what is it that's causing you to not be well?
There's a there's a reason for everything, and that's what
Tamar's speaks really came from.

Speaker 3 (26:45):
Okay, yeah, we got to hit that before it's over.
We got to talk about tamar speaks. But I've been
in that situation before it's well, and you know we're
wise women. Yeah, right, so we know what to say
and what not to say. But I will say that

(27:07):
something happens to my trust when I'm not well, and
I don't feel like I can say it, and it
moves you with compassion enough to tell me, hey, see
about yourself. The demand for me to show up anyway.
And that's not to say that every little thing you

(27:27):
supposed to go run and hide, and the things that
we do to condemn folks and say sposa be instant
in season out of season. Now you know all this stuff,
these cliche things that at the end of the day,
if I'm not okay, I'm no good to nobody, not myself,
not my children, not ministry, not no one. I remember
being a wounded prayer warrior. I'm talking about I see

(27:49):
you want it. I'm talking about barely here, alive and
not well.

Speaker 1 (27:53):
I was alive.

Speaker 3 (27:54):
I knew how to pray out of habit, I knew
how to pray out of no how, but I knew
down within minore that I was not well. And what
I remember yearning for. I just want somebody to see me,
and I want somebody to help me. And I don't
want to have to fight right now through being condemned

(28:18):
because I'm able to show up and be effacy. It
teaches you how to wear a mask. I feel this way,
but I'm gonna go and mask it because I gotta
get through the service and then I gotta get thro
another and all this stuff, and then I can understand
why it's a repetitious thing going to the altar.

Speaker 1 (28:34):
God, crack it over like boom and hit it. Let's go.
You need to go deeper. You need to heal.

Speaker 3 (28:39):
You need to get before me and get healed. But
when their pressure is on you, the demand to show
up anyway, I know you agreeve you, but death you
gotta come on because I need you. No, you don't
need me.

Speaker 1 (28:51):
That bad.

Speaker 3 (28:52):
So for me, I just remember this and shout out
to my mother and the faith diamond. But she was
a very known as pastor down at Sasmore.

Speaker 1 (29:04):
She was a very.

Speaker 3 (29:05):
God used her as an instrument to bosom me through
some things. I didn't know who she was for real.
I did not know who she was for real. I thought, oh,
I knew her face from being around, but I didn't
know her for real. So it was one night I
remember having this experience. It's like you ever been so

(29:27):
hurt while you wake up crying in your sleep. I
was so hurt because I was in a battle taking
hits and I was already not well. And so when
God showed me her face and I thought, I don't
really know this lady. I'm scared to go talk to her.
I don't ready know her like that. But sometimes God

(29:47):
have to reach outside of our circle to give us
what we need. And that you can't be worried about
what's being misinterpreted and what they are looking like, because
the main thing you need to know underneath your calling,
your gift, yo, everything you're doing for God, the Lord
wants you to be well. He wants you to be okay.
So that he can use you and it don't be

(30:10):
a burden to you, and you don't end up hating
your gifts because you feeling like God you making me
do this unwell, and He's not the one making you
do it on well. So long story short, I end
up connecting with her, and I took my time and
I just let go of everything I thought was expected
of me. I let go everything people thought I was

(30:30):
and everything I let go all of it, and I
seized the moment as to why God wanna sit me
with this woman of God to buzzle me, to pour
into me, to listen to me, to give me wisdom.
And it was the best thing ever because God is
not short of what we need. But what we cannot

(30:52):
do is put God in a box and tell him
you can only use these people. God gonna use what's
yielded to him, available to him, and what he himself
can trust people with, especially when you're broken in vulnerable.

Speaker 5 (31:05):
And I agree that sometimes the best thing to do
is to step outside of your surroundings find somebody that's
not too familiar with you, because sometimes people can give
you counseling off what they heard, off what somebody else said,
off of what they think they know about you. It

(31:26):
can be then and then you really don't know what
to make of that. So sometimes it's best to find
somebody that don't know too much about you, that can
start fresh, get you some fresh eyes and something, some
fresh ears.

Speaker 1 (31:39):
For me, very important.

Speaker 4 (31:40):
I'm telling you.

Speaker 5 (31:41):
I never expected to feel like I was suffocating in Chicago.
I never expected to feel like, you know, after my
parents died and being my aunties left, they abandoned me.
I don't know if they're still on here, but they
abandoned me. It's eddy, y'all abandoned me. After my parents

(32:05):
passed and my and my aunties left and moved, I
felt like I was suffocating in Chicago, and I'm like,
I can't stay here.

Speaker 4 (32:13):
I gotta get out of here. I just couldn't.

Speaker 5 (32:16):
I literally could not breathe. I could not stay. So
I went to Wisconsin to be with my sister. I
needed to be around siblings and somebody that I had
grew up with and somebody that knew.

Speaker 4 (32:31):
Me I needed.

Speaker 5 (32:32):
I just needed something that was no longer available to
me in Chicago. So I had to get up out
of there. Whatever it takes for me to get better.
The only thing that mattered to me is that.

Speaker 4 (32:44):
I get.

Speaker 5 (32:47):
I needed to be well, and it took me a while,
and I still have my moments and I still have
my days. And like you said about the gifts, everybody
knows that I sing, everybody know that I am worshiper.
But for whatever reason, it was like that was the
last thing that I was connecting with.

Speaker 4 (33:05):
I couldn't connect my heart.

Speaker 5 (33:09):
And even now while I'm sitting here, I can't explain
that I couldn't connect my heart back to something that
I had did for over twenty years.

Speaker 4 (33:18):
And I understand. I understand that people go.

Speaker 5 (33:21):
Through the through the the cosmetics of Okay, you're supposed
to praise him all the time. Worship should always be
in your mouth, But even to the point of not
being able to pray, do you understand I I'm a
god for every shoding, and I went to for every
time I said pray without nobody telling me that, every
time I laid up in the middle of the night

(33:42):
in my own house and start up prayers for everything.
Because the season came, I didn't know it was coming
where I couldn't pray, I didn't have the strength to
do anything, and singing was the last thing on my man.
I was so disconnected from all of it.

Speaker 4 (33:59):
Even before walls.

Speaker 5 (34:00):
It wasn't anything personal, it wasn't about anybody. Nobody did
anything to me. My self was just I was already
feeling a bit disconnect myself, and when my parents died,
I just feel like my whole self just disconnected from
everything that I knew before they died. And even sitting
in this chair now, I cannot explain that. I can

(34:23):
only tell you my experience and what I felt like.
And it's a weird thing to not identify with yourself,
right because I identified with being a writer and a
worship leader for such and such years. I've been singing
since I was a kid. Yes, And now I'm going
to go write and I'm going to go singing. And
it's like, what is this? I don't feel any type

(34:46):
of connection to it. So now I look like a
stranger to me because I don't look like the same
person I was before I lost my parents. This is
a version of me that I don't even know what
I'm finna look like when God get through with it.
I have no idea who this new version of me
is going to be. I just know I don't look
like I did four years ago. I looked like a

(35:08):
different person.

Speaker 3 (35:09):
To me, Yes, because you do you evolve, and you
do become a different person. When I was walking through
this journey, the spirit of God told me, he say,
I'm getting ready.

Speaker 1 (35:17):
To introduce you to you.

Speaker 3 (35:19):
Not the you you feel like you had to be
for people, not the you the church expect you to be.
I'm getting ready to introduce you to you. And I
kept thinking, hmm, interesting, how is that?

Speaker 1 (35:31):
You know?

Speaker 3 (35:31):
Because trauma, for those of us who steady trauma and
trauma informed, trauma changes your brain. It changes your brain
and your lenses don't look the same. By the time
your brain started to heal and you come through or
you evolve, you're a person that has evolved from that

(35:53):
pain that's suffering has molded you and shaped you into
somebody brand new that your old crowd, old surroundings may
not even be able to identify this new you that's
to come through.

Speaker 1 (36:06):
You're an entirely different person. That's why everybody that start.

Speaker 3 (36:10):
What you won't finish with you. Because you liked it
a version of me. I'm not her anymore. And I've
experienced this where I was a version of myself that
you learned to like for whatever the reason, or you know,
maybe it benefited you well.

Speaker 1 (36:21):
Because she was insecured. She didn't really knows you was.

Speaker 3 (36:24):
And now that I done came through and stand at
flet footed and who I am?

Speaker 1 (36:28):
Baby, listen.

Speaker 3 (36:31):
That devil run up, But you're gonna get done up,
I promise you.

Speaker 5 (36:35):
It's like, let me find out who I am now,
let me identify, let me get acquainted with my new identity.
I can't quite help anybody until I figure out who
this new person is and what she's supposed to look
like and what she represents.

Speaker 4 (36:50):
Because she is not the same.

Speaker 1 (36:52):
She is not the same.

Speaker 3 (36:54):
I'm not the same, y'all. I love this knew me. God,
thank you for introducing me to me. Thank you very much.

Speaker 1 (36:58):
God.

Speaker 3 (36:59):
I love her absolutely and love with her every part
of her. I want to go to the chat real quick. Hi,
cousin Michelle, praying for you, sweetheart. Shanika Ahinika Anini is
in the chat.

Speaker 1 (37:16):
Okay.

Speaker 3 (37:16):
She said something, and even that I don't know what
she's saying right there. Antenat what's up? An tone? It said,
Sometimes that's the thing that kills you that.

Speaker 1 (37:30):
That you do it wounded.

Speaker 3 (37:33):
I'm thinking she's saying that you keep working while you
wound it. Yes, I knew how to pray out of
habit that will preach. Oh baby, that's all it was.
The Holy Spirit told me. He said, baby, that was
a residue. You wanted a position to do nothing but
nil and get before me for you, But you kept
running out of obedience because you felt like you should

(37:55):
do it, because you was asked to do it. But
you did me a disservice because you was broken doing it.

Speaker 1 (38:00):
So you know, this.

Speaker 5 (38:01):
Grief competition, I'm not in the competition with anybody to
grieve faster or slower. This is not a competition. Everybody
grieve and handles griefs differently. Okay, Well, after my cousin died,
I was back up and running the next day. That
has nothing to do with the next person. That doesn't

(38:22):
have anything to do with me or Vanessa or somebody
else who lost a loved one. People grieve differently at
their own pace. The important thing is you cannot stay there.
I say it earlier. You cannot park your car there,
you cannot move in, you can't take your clothes, you
you cannot stay in grief, and it's something nobody can avoid.

(38:44):
There was a lot of phone calls I avoided when
I was I intentionally really. First of all, I wasn't
in the in the hairdspace to do a whole lot
of talking. And then the other part of me was
I felt bad for people. I felt bad for people
because I didn't want anybody to take on false burden
that they had to say something to fix me, or
that they had to say something to make me feel better.

(39:08):
I did not want anybody walking away wondering I wanted
did I say something to make her feel better?

Speaker 4 (39:13):
I wonder if she old.

Speaker 5 (39:15):
I didn't want nobody with that false burden because the
one thing I know about grief, and I know this
now more than anything, as long as you live, you
will never avoid dealing with grief.

Speaker 1 (39:26):
You won't.

Speaker 4 (39:26):
There is no shortcut.

Speaker 5 (39:28):
Nobody can put you in and nobody can take you out.
But God, he is the only sustainer of your mind. Yes,
it's okay to talk to people, because sometimes it's not
good to be isolated. I know that it's not good
to be isolated and stay to yourself. I'm just saying
I never wanted people to feel like they had to
fix me or I never wanted people to feel like

(39:49):
they had to say something to take the grief away.
I didn't want nobody having that false burden, and it.

Speaker 3 (39:54):
Is a false burden because you can't take it away.
But I also think that don't burn me and to
warn me to hurry up and process my grief for
your own selfish benefits. And you talked about that. I'm
so serious. So you know, we don't do people no servant.
We don't serve them good in that way, however long
it takes. Just know that God is coming. He's coming

(40:15):
in his timing, but he is not even rushing me,
you know what I'm saying. So yes, you say, Lord,
talk to me. Yes, Michelle, we're talking about grief being away,
that you are alive but not well, and that it's
okay not to be well right here on Intellectual Radio
dot com fireside chat. So where we have in this

(40:38):
conversation that's heeded today? So well, now we done discovered
that grief is one of the reasons why you could
be alive and not well. But no matter how well
unwell you are, and decisions you make while you like
that just know that God is willing and ready for
you to get back on your feet, and you could

(40:59):
come to him and cry as long as you need
to put on your support and do not expect for
people to be in a position to thrive like they
did before they lost that loved one. So I want
to talk about something else that causes us to be
alive and not well, and that is trauma, be it childhood, trauma, divorce, breakups.

(41:23):
Some of us that's in and out of relationship like
revolving door ain't never sat down a heill.

Speaker 1 (41:28):
Just out here being broken over and over again. And so.

Speaker 3 (41:33):
You came up with something and I'm gonna let you
come your own way. Uh. I would say ministry organization
that the Lord is using you to have birth it
and use it. It's gonna use you to draw people
lead that have been hurt through trauma. Entitled Tamar Speaks,

(41:54):
tell us what birth Tamar? How do you identify with Tamar?
And how do you feel the people who you're called
to identify with kmar with Tamar?

Speaker 5 (42:05):
Well, Tamar Speaks was really birthed out of trauma.

Speaker 4 (42:10):
Everybody.

Speaker 5 (42:11):
I don't know if I'm not gonna say everybody knows.
But just to make a long story short, Tamar was
raped by her own brother and she was told by
her other brother to keep silent, so don't speak on
the matter. And when you read further on in the scripture,
Tamar literally lived in the brother's house who gave her

(42:33):
the advice not to speak. She lived dissoluted his house
for the remainder of her days.

Speaker 4 (42:38):
Well, Tamar, to.

Speaker 5 (42:39):
Me, died in arrested development. She never fulfilled her potential.
She never lived out her dream, she never lived out
her goals because she never spoke. She was instructed not
to speak, not to even though her brother felt like
he avenged her rape by murdering the brother that raped her.

(43:01):
You took matters in your own hand, and you avenge
one side, but you never heal Tamar, who was the victim.

Speaker 3 (43:09):
Now, Tamar is a character out of the Bible. For
those of us that's watching, that's not you know knowledge
of the scripture? Do you know where we can find
this story? I have to remember, but okay.

Speaker 5 (43:20):
When I get it, I'm definitely gonna put it in
the app I'm a post it. But yes, you have
to speak because part of your deliverance and part of
your freedom and part of your freedom from your trauma
is speaking.

Speaker 4 (43:34):
And so.

Speaker 5 (43:37):
One day I was walking around my house and I
was asking the Lord, can you show me where this
depression came from?

Speaker 4 (43:46):
The manic?

Speaker 5 (43:46):
Like I said earlier, I was diagnosed at eighteen as
being manic depressed, and I was given peeled for inzomnia
because I literally would be woke for three days.

Speaker 4 (43:57):
What made me go and see a doctor.

Speaker 5 (44:00):
He made me go and see a doctor was after
I stay woke for seventy two hours, I noticed three
days that I was still walking up. I knew that
something wasn't right, and I went to go see a
doctor and they told me that I was depressed. They
gave me appeals for medication for depression, which I never took.
They also gave me medication for ontoymnia. And I was

(44:21):
asking the Lord to reveal to me the root of
my depression.

Speaker 4 (44:26):
Where is this coming from? Why am I struggling this bad?

Speaker 5 (44:30):
And he revealed to me that it came from childhood
trauma and instructed me in that moment to go and
read the story of Tamar. Now, while my brother thank god,
my brothers were not the people who violated me. I
was still violated, nonetheless, and I still didn't speak on
a lot of my trauma and a lot of the

(44:50):
things that happened to me until I got older and
the Lord let me know. The more you speak, and
the more you open up doors and give people opportunities,
no matter what the trauma is. The more you give
people the opportunity to speak, the more you're gonna see
people set free. You're gonna see them free because speaking,
there is power in your words, There is power in

(45:12):
you telling your story. Now, this is what I always say.
I always say, if you're going to tell your story,
I'm not here to put people on blasts. My goal
is to help people get set free. So if you're
going to tell your story, I would prefer you to
tell it to somebody that can help you, that can
walk you through the next step, that can instruct you,

(45:32):
that can give you wisdom and knowledge on how to
get healed and what should I do next.

Speaker 4 (45:38):
The goal of Tamar speaking is to give.

Speaker 5 (45:41):
People a platform to speak, to tell it, because if
you don't tell it, you're going to die with that.
That kills your dreams, that kills your aspirations, that kills
your goal that kills every Not speaking and not telling
and keeping secrets like that, it takes a toll on
your physical body. It makes you physically sick. I don't

(46:04):
have to speak, you have to tell it. You have
to be willing to speak up about it. I'm I'm
gonna speak on this one thing and then I'm done.

Speaker 4 (46:14):
My mom.

Speaker 5 (46:15):
I remember when I was going, Mama, I get my
sensitivity from my mom. My mother is and I cry
at the at the drop of a dad, just like
my mom. And I remember saying I wanted to. I
remember I wanted to say something. I wanted to have

(46:38):
a hard conversation with my mom because I needed I
didn't need to yell at her. I didn't need to
scream at her. I didn't need to dishonor her. I
needed to just say, this is what hurt me about
this story, this is what broke my heart. I needed
to and I would not do it because I didn't

(46:59):
want to make my mom cry. I didn't want to
make her feel some type of way. I didn't want
to offend her. And I remember the Holy Spirit spoke
to me this so clear. He said, You're gonna have
to make your mom cry, so that you can be free.
The most houseful thing I've ever heard. Wow, the most
powerful thing I ever heard. And a couple of months

(47:21):
before my mom passed, I ended up being in Jacksonville.
I ended up being in Florida for two months. I
didn't know she was gonna pass away three months after I.

Speaker 4 (47:39):
Left, but I ended up being there.

Speaker 5 (47:41):
I was only supposed to stay for two weeks, and
I ended up being there for two months. And while
I was there, I was sitting the recliner and lean
back in the chair and we would literally talk all night.
We would talk all night and all day. And I
remember one day we started talking about the trauma that

(48:02):
I had been through and she cried, because you cried, baby,
and I cried, and you know what she said, She said,
I apologize. Wow, it felt like a thousand years worth
not feeling worthy, because when you feel you're not worthy
to be chosen, it does something to you.

Speaker 1 (48:24):
Yes, it does.

Speaker 5 (48:26):
When she said I apologize, she never made no excuses.
She didn't she never made any excuses.

Speaker 4 (48:33):
She just apologized.

Speaker 5 (48:34):
And then later on, during another conversation, she would say,
I was doing the best that I can't. I thought
I was doing right.

Speaker 4 (48:41):
I thought I was making. How could you be mad
at somebody for that?

Speaker 5 (48:44):
How could you be mad at somebody for doing what
they thought was best for you? But yes, that one
conversation set me free from years.

Speaker 4 (48:55):
Years.

Speaker 5 (48:56):
If I had a let that moment pass. Do you
know my mother would have daed without getting my conversation.

Speaker 3 (49:02):
That is so powerful, That is so powerful because it's
so many children that need that I'm sorry. It's so
many people that need that I'm sorry from somebody that
hurt them. I need you to validate the fact that
you was wrong or this was wrong. And so back
to Tony head your back.

Speaker 1 (49:24):
She posted it.

Speaker 3 (49:25):
She said, second Samuel, when she's talking about Tamar, come on, sister,
and the chat here. It's okay, it's okay. We don't expek,
I don't high look this fireside chat. Oh, Tony like
I'm coming through, sister. It's second Samuel.

Speaker 1 (49:41):
She say.

Speaker 3 (49:42):
She believes it's to be chapter thirteen where you can
read the story of Tamar, the young lady she's speaking
of in a Bible that was raped by a brother. Okay,
so we know ain't nothing new under the sun. It's
nothing new under the sun. But to your point about
your pain being validated, somebody listening to let you you
know that I care about you. Tony said that sometimes

(50:04):
church hurt could be trauma, and it is, and we
overlook that. We overlooked that because we don't want to
shame people or make folks look bad. But it does
us no good to try to protect folks from their
breakthrough or they're the mending that God ordained. He ordained
it that we should be able to men with through
apology and coming together and confessing our folts one to another.

(50:28):
But you see how it took two It took for
you to say this is hurting me, and it took
for her to own some things because she wanted to
see you free. So you mean to tell me that
you love me, you care about me the love of God.
You can hat ta ta your.

Speaker 1 (50:45):
Hands on me.

Speaker 3 (50:47):
But when it comes down to me being healed, because
it's something I need to hear, you say you gonna
sit on it for the pride, because you don't want
to look like you won't.

Speaker 5 (50:57):
That is pride, and you are holding up someone else's healing.
Another thing she said, which again put the power back
in my hands. My mother said, the person that's the
hardest to forgive is the people that never come back
and apologize.

Speaker 4 (51:14):
She said.

Speaker 5 (51:14):
Some people ain't never gonna come back and say they
sorry forget about it.

Speaker 4 (51:18):
They never gonna come back and own it.

Speaker 5 (51:20):
They will never come back and say what I said
about you was wrong, what I thought about you was wrong.
I spread it a room or about you, and I
found out it wasn't true. I should never have said that.
I'm she said, They'll never do it, and you gonna
have to learn how to forgive apologies you never received.

Speaker 3 (51:35):
I was gonna say, that's the famous quote. You're gonna
have to receive the apology. You're gonna have to receive
forgive the people that never apologize to you. And it
just just like I've had to do it, I have
had to do it.

Speaker 1 (51:48):
Thank you for joining nephew.

Speaker 4 (51:50):
Dress is pride.

Speaker 5 (51:51):
So good to see you pride for you to And
that's another thing you were saying. Parents need to understand
we are not always right. Just because we are the
authority does not make us always right. You are prideful
if you think your children always owe you an apology,
and you've done nothing to contribute to the breakdown of

(52:12):
the relationship where is your.

Speaker 4 (52:13):
Responsibility, I love it.

Speaker 5 (52:15):
Where is your ownership and the fact that your relationship
with your children has broken down?

Speaker 4 (52:21):
What part did you play in it?

Speaker 5 (52:22):
Now?

Speaker 4 (52:22):
Yeah, some kids just can be disrespectful. We already know that.

Speaker 5 (52:26):
But sometimes we need to take a step back as
parents and we need to apologize to our children first
of all, for not listening, for not hearing them when
they were speaking, for not hearing their trauma. Some parents
I know some people that have told me they told
their family that they went through sexual assaults and they
were told they was lying.

Speaker 4 (52:45):
Like, that's horrible.

Speaker 3 (52:48):
You have an opportunity to help your child, your sister,
your brother, whoever it is that was assaulted, offended, done wrong.
When a person that to you and you decide that
you're gonna discard them and start telling them, they line
and do what you want to do with it. Don't
get mad when they go to telling other people they

(53:09):
truth and beginning to speak to set they self free.
It ain't about you, It's about that person being free.
But we have a bad habit of protecting the offender.
You don't want to believe what you wanna. You don't
want to believe that about this person and you love
them so much that you feel like I'm just gonna

(53:31):
kick you while you down, because what you're not gonna
do is assassinate a character that's so happened to be
the truth. Yes, okay, it's so happened to be the truth.
What you're not gonna do is shush somebody because they
gonna find a way and they well within their rights
to be free. Michelle say this that we talking to her,
we helping her. I'm so glad, Michelle, my cousin, Michelle Waitte,

(53:53):
I'm so glad that you're getting help because we have
to open up our mouth and speak from a free place.
It's not nobody is taking jabs. And what reason would
you have to this hounor your mind?

Speaker 1 (54:04):
None. You will never do that.

Speaker 3 (54:06):
It's not this honor because you know that sometimes that's
the guilt trip. Well, you don't want to talk about
that because you don't want to hurt or dishonor them,
And the whole time you already gotta go through so
much courage to be able to talk about it.

Speaker 1 (54:20):
It's hard.

Speaker 3 (54:21):
It's not easy to talk about that kind of stuff
because you cannot predict the response of the person. I
don't know if they're gonna receive me. I don't know
if she's gonna get mad at me or he gonna
get mad at me. However, I feel compelled to get
this off of me because I want the relationship I
wanted to men, I wanted to be okay. But it

(54:42):
takes two people, and she could have damaged you further.
In that moment of vulnerability and brokenness. You needed her
to say what she said.

Speaker 5 (54:52):
I want to say this too. If you look at
social media, you'll notice there are a lot of people
going on social media busting people out. There are a
lot of people going on there saying I was assaulted
by this person, or this happens to You want to
know why people are doing that, because there's not a
safe place created for them to tell their truth behind

(55:14):
the scene, and so people feel like they don't have
a choice and they feel like they gonna pick the
best way they can to get it out.

Speaker 4 (55:21):
I don't think.

Speaker 5 (55:21):
Social media is a good tool for you to do it,
but I know why people are doing that. People are
doing that because we have not created a safe space
for them to tell us what has happened to them,
where they are offended, where they are hurt, where somebody
has done something to them that really has scarred them.
We have not created space and opportunity for them to
tell us.

Speaker 4 (55:41):
That, so that you know what they do.

Speaker 5 (55:43):
They pick up their phone and they hit live and
go write on social media and start telling all the
business that you should have gave them the space to
tell behind the scene. That's why they on Facebook doing that,
That's why they on tiptop doing that. They're doing that
because you have not created a space for them to
tell you to your face what has hurt them. When
you create a real I'm not talking about these faith

(56:04):
these fake safe places. That's not safe. No, no, no, no no,
because I have seen the lie of advertisement of being safe,
and we're not safe.

Speaker 4 (56:13):
We're not safe to the broken. We're not safe. We're
not a real safe place us.

Speaker 5 (56:18):
You want them to come and confide in you and
get up and tell they testimony of how God brought
them out and how they was delivered and how they
used to be a prostitute or whatever, and before they
can lead church with kiki ka kai and giggling about
their testimony, what kind of safe place are you? Where
is the real safe place? Create a real safe place.
Put some type of program together for your family, your members,

(56:42):
your students where they can come and be honest and
say this has happened to me. That way, some of
your business won't be all on social media, your people
won't be wilding out all on social media.

Speaker 3 (56:54):
Yes, Shemayah said that predators shouldn't have the privilege of
privacy or protection. Well, you a predator. I'm trying to
tell you. It's you can redemption yes, she say, redemption yes,
forgiveness yes, But keeping them under raps is protecting the

(57:15):
secret snow.

Speaker 5 (57:16):
Well, even the government don't allow you, especially when they
found you guilty, They don't allow you to be covered up.

Speaker 4 (57:22):
They make you register. You see what I'm saying.

Speaker 5 (57:25):
You have to go on the register, registret list. So
I kind of agree with what she's saying. I just
I just want people to I want My goal is
to see you well. My goal is to see you heal.
My goal is to see you well. But she's right
with what she's saying, because you really have to register.
You can't go anywhere without being on the list.

Speaker 3 (57:48):
We want to see you well, yeah, not just alive,
not just walking around existing, but not living from the
inside out.

Speaker 4 (57:57):
You know.

Speaker 3 (57:57):
I found that life happens from the inside out. And
you can tell when you're alive, because when you're into
a room, it's contagious. You begin to breathe life into
others when you are alive. And I would say, don't
let trauma, don't let grief, don't let church hurt, don't
let divorce, don't let break up, don't let no type

(58:19):
of heartbreak keep you from living, because you can be
alive with a pose, breathing every day and passing through
this life, not living life, but just passing through your days,
and you look up and you are close to the grave.

Speaker 1 (58:35):
I love you too.

Speaker 5 (58:36):
Michelle counseling. It's okay to go to counseling. There's nothing
wrong with that. I did it more than once because
I was not well and I didn't want to be unwell.
I already, you know, I was already delivered from being depression.
I don't want to go back into something I was
already delivered from. And I can feel myself creeping backwards

(58:57):
into it. I can I'm looking at my patterns, I'm
looking at my head. It's okay. You're going backwards.

Speaker 1 (59:01):
Your self aware yeah, I did.

Speaker 4 (59:03):
I did some counselor.

Speaker 3 (59:04):
I'm happy for you need it, I'm happy for you.
We won't go back there, no way, because what my
sister's said in the chat boy, we drawin our sword
like track.

Speaker 1 (59:14):
We love our dear sister.

Speaker 3 (59:16):
You know, we all, you know, just want to be
in a place where we value each other enough to
have a level of respect for where a person is
in their life. You know, when they go through divorce,
you know when when they lose a loved one, you
know when they lose their job and lose everything they have.

(59:38):
It's so much humiliation in that, you know, like people
now they ain't got their li cars.

Speaker 1 (59:43):
Girl's a problem.

Speaker 5 (59:44):
People laughing and cracking up. It's almost like, what is
funny about that?

Speaker 1 (59:47):
It's not funny.

Speaker 5 (59:48):
What is funny about somebody struggling and can't feed their family.
There's nothing that's not a joke, that's not a laughing matter.

Speaker 3 (59:57):
Yes, Maria say, I too went through Greek g counseling
and it helped me immensely. You have to reach out,
and you know that's the thing that I love. I
love that we came through a lot of stuff and
evolved and we have allowed God to.

Speaker 1 (01:00:14):
Help us not be what we went through.

Speaker 3 (01:00:18):
I'm not gonna be that person to somebody because I
didn't like the what it did for me. You know,
you learn how to turn your limits into lemonade. You
learn the wisdom of God, you grow and wisdom and stature,
and you learn how to reach differently. Because sometimes I think,
in a sense it's innocent because it's.

Speaker 1 (01:00:37):
Like, I really really really really want you to do this.

Speaker 3 (01:00:40):
I really really want to see this, but in a
broken place like that, it don't look genuine. Yes, you
know what I mean. It doesn't look like you just
want me to make it. It looked like I got
a need and I need you to hurry up so
you can go. Kids do it all the time. Kids,
will you be like, listen, let me tell you something.

Speaker 1 (01:01:00):
To mama. Ain't my name today?

Speaker 3 (01:01:01):
You know you gotta be intentional about your health, your
mental health, being alive and well whatever that looks like,
whatever that feels like. I am so happy that we
was able to have this conversation today. I am so
happy to hear my sister speak and to be free,
because what if she want free, she wouldn't have tamar
and speak. If you want the tamar that had to

(01:01:24):
speak first to set.

Speaker 4 (01:01:26):
The other ones free.

Speaker 3 (01:01:28):
Absolutely so how cool is that guy to the turning
pain into purpose? I live in that, oh my God.

Speaker 5 (01:01:38):
And being for real about it, not a cliche like
really turning your pain.

Speaker 1 (01:01:42):
Into too purpose.

Speaker 3 (01:01:43):
And we gonna be hearing more from Miss Jacks in
the future. I just believe that, y'all.

Speaker 1 (01:01:48):
I'm just a flying wall.

Speaker 3 (01:01:50):
I'm waiting to see her after coming through the cocoon,
take up her wings and beat this beautiful butterfly that
the that's gonna just minister to the nations, y'all, because
we know she's pregnant with the nations in the spirit.
I'm sorry, I'm going to be we want to saying that,
but she's carrying something from the nations to all of
the people in the chat. We just so excited y'all

(01:02:11):
chose to Tony in with us on this evening. I'm
gonna have her back, y'all.

Speaker 1 (01:02:16):
Go ahead, Miss Maria.

Speaker 4 (01:02:22):
Samiya. I just hey, Dre, Hey, Tony.

Speaker 5 (01:02:33):
Juel, I love y'all, Hay Londa, hey kan Ya hey
s cousin.

Speaker 3 (01:02:43):
My cousin Tony, who I have not seen in forever.
I want to acknowledge you, sweetie, I saw you in
the chat. Thank you for joining me. I wish we
could hook up and see each other in person.

Speaker 1 (01:02:54):
Uh.

Speaker 3 (01:02:54):
This has been a heated in a good way conversation
right here on fire fireside Chat, Intellectual Radio dot Com.
Y'all until we meet again, y'all, continue to be alive
and well finish.

Speaker 2 (01:03:16):
She says, club with that pig, the found the garden
when the other station and want to grow. She's my ginus,
she's my fifty in my facey, it don't matter. I'm
gonna play the role. She's my beauty, she's my queen.

Speaker 1 (01:03:30):
I told her he'll be king.

Speaker 2 (01:03:31):
I'm prom