Warriors Talk

Episode Transcript

Speaker 1 (01:15):
The views expressed on this program are not those of
Intellectual Radio dot com, its subsidiaries or sponsors. Encouraging, educating,
and empowering you into action. This is Warriors Talk with
your host, Lady Rachelle.

Speaker 2 (01:39):
Good Evening, Warriors Welcome to relationship Monday. On Warriors Talk,
where we move away from awareness towards action. Tonight, we're
diving into a topic that affects relationships, communication versus confrontation.
Sometimes we think we're communicating, but it often feels like

(02:01):
we are in combat. So how do we bridge the
gap between confusion and clarity? Go ahead, grab your tea,
your water, and your journals and join in on this conversation.
On the last episode of Warriors Talk, I discussed what
happens after October now that Breast Cancer Awareness Month is over?

(02:26):
What do you do? What actions do you take? Moving forward?
Head on over to YouTube and typeing Intellectual Radio and
stay connected for any episodes you may have missed. The
quote of the day is communication is a bridge between
confusion and clarity. If you are tuned in on any

(02:47):
form of social media, please like the show, share the show,
and invite somebody else in on the show that you
feel may benefit from this valuable information.

Speaker 3 (02:56):
I'm so grateful for our sponsor.

Speaker 2 (02:58):
On today, we have Pastor Michael richids And with the
Emmanuel Church of God in Christ who has a special
message Rise.

Speaker 4 (03:07):
Greetings. I am Pastor Michael Richardson and I am.

Speaker 5 (03:10):
First Lady Anna Station Richardson from the Emmanuel Church of
God in Christ. We're located at thirty to fifty eighth
West Van Buren in Chicago, Illinois. We are building upon
a solid foundation.

Speaker 4 (03:23):
And we're inviting you to join us every Sunday morning
on Facebook Live at Emmanuel Kojik at ten fifteen Central
Standard Time, and you can also view our videos on
our YouTube channel at Emmanuel Kojik dash Mr. Once again,
this is Pastor Michael Richardson and.

Speaker 5 (03:43):
First Lady Anna Station Richardson, and we are from.

Speaker 6 (03:46):
The Emmanuel Church of God in Christ.

Speaker 5 (03:50):
We are building upon a solid foundation.

Speaker 2 (03:55):
Co Hosting with me today is none other than the
cancer activist, motivational speaker and the founder of the gal
Foundation Resolved Get More aka the abyss Hey Resolve.

Speaker 6 (04:07):
Hey lady Rachelle, what's up? Oh, it's gonna be a
good topic, it is. How was the event?

Speaker 5 (04:19):
Oh?

Speaker 2 (04:19):
It was so nice. We ended up blessing Tracy Kincaid.

Speaker 3 (04:24):
I don't know if you know or not.

Speaker 2 (04:26):
She has been diagnosed with metastatic breast cancer now, and
so we blessed her with a thousand dollars. We gave
her an award, so she was our warrior in battle
as well as our Survivor of the year.

Speaker 3 (04:39):
Yes, so it was nice.

Speaker 6 (04:41):
Oh congress to her.

Speaker 2 (04:43):
Yes, yeah, so keep her in your prayer. She's doing
really good right now. But you know how that can be.

Speaker 7 (04:49):
So yeah, man, it's just this disease.

Speaker 3 (04:56):
I squear, it just never ending. M Yes.

Speaker 2 (05:02):
So that's why we go hard for what we do
when it comes to advocating and moving away from awareness
towards action. It's the action that we want you guys
to get.

Speaker 6 (05:15):
Absolutely.

Speaker 2 (05:17):
But today is relationship Monday, and we're talking about communication.

Speaker 3 (05:24):
Or confrontation.

Speaker 2 (05:27):
Oh yeah, and first up is the tone test. Sometimes
we think when we're communicating, our tone is saying one thing,
but the person who's receiving a message is hearing something
totally different. So how are you communicating as relates to

(05:48):
your tone?

Speaker 7 (05:52):
Is this the one where they say it's not what
you say, but how you say it?

Speaker 2 (05:57):
Yes, yes, then the tone in your conversation. It can
either turn into a full blown argument or it could
just be a simple conversation, depending on how you.

Speaker 3 (06:10):
Say it and what you say.

Speaker 2 (06:11):
Like for me, I know I'm really sarcastic, So if
you don't know me, then you may be like, oh,
you may take it the wrong way. But if you
know me, you'd be like, that's that's just her, that's
how she is. But depending on who's listening, you know,
it could be something totally different. So we do have
to watch our tone when you're talking to people. There's

(06:34):
a saying know your audience. Always know your audience when
you're having a conversation, so that you know what to
say and how to say it.

Speaker 6 (06:44):
Yeah, over the years, I've had to.

Speaker 7 (06:49):
Check myself about the tone and it's always you know,
bring it down, bring it down, or say, you know,
say it nice. Sleep because I person could go from
zero to one hundred.

Speaker 2 (07:05):
And a snap, yes, and some people they end up
shutting down, and not because of the message, but because
of the delivery of the message. So you can't fix
what you can't keep fighting, yelling and thinking that you're
going to fix the problem. You want that person to

(07:25):
hear you, So you figure you get louder and louder
and louder and maybe they'll hear you and be quiet. No,
there are people out there that would just shut down
and be like, Okay, they checked out of the argument
a long time ago, you still going. So your tone
is very important when it comes to a relationship. When
I was younger, I was one of those people that

(07:48):
would if you wouldn't even really be able to get
a sentence in because I'm like, I'm at it, I'm
already responding telling you my side. As I've gotten older,
I've learned to just sit back, relax, observe, and just
kind of listen because people will tell you everything you

(08:08):
need to know if you just sit back and just
listen to them.

Speaker 7 (08:15):
Yeah, nowadays I don't even say much of anything. I
let them go ahead, blow they smoke, because more than likely,
like you said, I'm shut down, I don't want to
hear it anyway, So you can go ahead and you
can yell, blow ahead, gasket whatever it is that she
wants to do.

Speaker 6 (08:32):
But guess what, I'm keeping my peace?

Speaker 3 (08:36):
Yes, exactly. Well.

Speaker 2 (08:39):
According to a statistics result, it says sixty five percent
of divorces are due to communication breakdown.

Speaker 6 (08:50):
Do you believe that.

Speaker 2 (08:52):
I do, because people you may not be it has
something to do with communication. Maybe you're not communicating what
it is that you need. Maybe y'all not communicating communicating
about finances. Maybe it could be something, but it all
I feel like it all leads back to communicating with
that person. If you want more sex and you're not saying,

(09:18):
you're not being honest, like, it all goes back to communication.
That's just that's how I feel. Okay, you don't feel
that way.

Speaker 6 (09:34):
I'm okay with that.

Speaker 3 (09:36):
Yeah, okay, But.

Speaker 7 (09:39):
Well we're going to keep diving deeper into it because
I know it's going to come up again.

Speaker 6 (09:46):
What's number two?

Speaker 2 (09:47):
So I would say before we go to number two,
I would say, make sure you choose your tone wisely
when you're talking to somebody, Like if you're talking to say,
your children or it's U three year old, you know
you're not gonna be yelling to the top of your
lungs because you know you do that.

Speaker 3 (10:04):
What the baby's gonna do. The baby is.

Speaker 2 (10:06):
Gonna start crying, that cry is gonna elevate, and then
you gotta try to calm a baby down, and now
you forgot what you was arguing about. So if you're
talking to your spouse, and you know your spouse, you
know what buttons to push. A lot of times we
know exactly what buttons to push on a person. So
we'll say all of those things to get that person

(10:27):
all wrapped up, and then next thing you know, we
in a blown out argument. So choose your tone and
then choose the time that you communicate with that person too.
So the tone has to be right and the time
of place has to be right.

Speaker 7 (10:48):
For a minute, I thought you said choose the place
like five o'clock. I'm gonna meet you by the water Felon.
That's where we're going.

Speaker 2 (10:55):
Just because you can, you'd be like, all right, we're
gonna finish this conversation. A lot of couples, I've heard
a lot of couples say, you know you're right in public,
Then when we get home, I'm gonna tell you that
you was wrong. You was so dead wrong, you know,
and what you said and how you did it. But
in public, I'm gonna be in agreeance with you. But

(11:15):
when we get home, I'm not gonna call you out
in public. And you know, they already against you. Now
I'm against you, and you look like you're out here
by yourself. No, but I'm gonna tell you that you're
wrong when we get home.

Speaker 7 (11:28):
By the time we get home, I'm already probably human.
And I don't even want to talk to you because.

Speaker 6 (11:33):
You let it go spill out. So start in public? Yeah, h.

Speaker 3 (11:40):
So you don't agree with.

Speaker 2 (11:43):
Being in public and not really addressing the person and
be like, even if you try to pull them to
the side, if that person is already wrapped up and
you know other people putting their two cents in it,
and then you go at them like, that could be worse.

Speaker 7 (12:01):
I think if you're in public, you need to hurry
up and fix it in public because it could turn
real ugly, real fast. And neither one of y'all want
to be embarrassed in public.

Speaker 2 (12:13):
No, if you know how to calm your spouse down,
you'd be like, hey, babe, you know I see that
you upset, But we're gonna talk about this when we
get home.

Speaker 3 (12:23):
You know I need.

Speaker 7 (12:23):
But then you get there, I don't want to talk
about it when we get I want to talk about
Why can't we talk about it now? Because and you
get all the little sassy attitude and everything else that
comes with it.

Speaker 3 (12:35):
And that's that's where you have to have with your spouse.

Speaker 2 (12:37):
That's what that The communication should be strong. It should
be strong enough to where if I'm your partner and
you love me and you trust me, and I'm saying
to you, hey, you know this conversation is done and
we're gonna continue it when we get home. And especially
if y'all have like little keywords that you said and

(13:01):
that means, okay, shut it down, we'll work, We'll do
this when we get home. It's again it goes back
to communication. I do you have power y'all communicating at
home and and this stuff should be talked about. Hey,
if we're out in public and something is happening, you know,
how do you want to handle it? That that should

(13:22):
be a conversation that you have so that when that happens,
you already know how to respond. Now, if he got
to pick you up and drag you out of there,
because you just going going going there, and that's what
he has to do, but there should be some type
of conversation and that person, that one person, your person
should be able to calm you down and be like, no,

(13:42):
you know, we're done.

Speaker 3 (13:44):
That's that's now.

Speaker 6 (13:45):
That sounds like a good idea.

Speaker 7 (13:48):
I'm not really sure how many people has puked that
into work though, mm hmm.

Speaker 2 (13:58):
I think I think it varies sometimes people. It don't
even have to be nothing you say. It could just
be a look like I give you a look and
you already know shut it down, shut it down.

Speaker 7 (14:11):
That look like we get the kids when they know
they did something they were supposed to do, that.

Speaker 2 (14:17):
Like, shut this down right now. Sometimes we don't hear
the person. We're already ready to respond when they're talking.
So sometimes you have to listen to understand and not
just be ready to defend right away, especially if somebody

(14:39):
is like giving you some constructive feedback, telling you about
yourself or whatever, and you're already on the defense. You
already thinking of your responses in your head before they
even get out what it is that they're saying.

Speaker 7 (14:59):
Yep, I bet you eighty nine percent. Eighty nine percent
is right there. Listen to understand arguments. Nobody wants to listen.
They only want to be heard, and that's why the
volume starts going up on the conversation every single time,
because they want to get their point across, and it's

(15:20):
like trying to.

Speaker 6 (15:21):
Force it into you and they don't want to listen.

Speaker 2 (15:26):
It says ninety percent of conflicts could be avoided with
better listening and tone awareness. Ninety percent of conflicts can
be avoided.

Speaker 6 (15:37):
What I say eighty nine, I was right there.

Speaker 3 (15:41):
Just have to listen.

Speaker 2 (15:44):
Be so quick to respond, be so quick to want
to defend ourselves. It says to pause, pause before responding,
and think to yourself, is it okay to say this?
Let me let me just think about that for a moment.
You know, sometimes you can't. You cannot take back what
you say. Once it's out there. It's out there, So okay,

(16:06):
is this okay to say let me let me just
hold on, let me think about that for a moment,
give me a moment. And sometimes I do it with
my kids. I'll be quiet and I won't say anything,
and they be like, Mam, did you hear me? I'd
be like, I heard you, I heard you. Or if

(16:26):
I'm having sometimes if I'm having a disagreement with people,
sometimes I'll just be silent. If it's especially if it's
seemed like, oh god, this is a no win situation.
And sometimes I'll just be silent and let them just
go on and on with what it is they want
to say, and I'll just be be silent.

Speaker 6 (16:50):
That's just what That's just what I do.

Speaker 7 (16:53):
I'll pause, I'll think about what they said, and I'll
wait until I'll ask them, are you finished? And once
they're finished, I'll keep a mental note of everything they
said and go back over for everything what they said
or what they refer to to answer their.

Speaker 6 (17:09):
Question or to comment or anything whatever it.

Speaker 7 (17:13):
Was in a nice sophisticated way where my blood pressure.

Speaker 6 (17:19):
Isn't getting raised.

Speaker 7 (17:21):
I see what I have to say, and I walk away.

Speaker 3 (17:26):
Yeah.

Speaker 2 (17:27):
Number two emotional triggers. Sometimes the pain in our past
speaks louder than our partner. So you can't hear your
partner because he or she done triggered something already. So

(17:49):
now you're just like, ooh, I remember that time when
so and so did and you already triggered.

Speaker 3 (17:54):
The trauma is already there, yep, is.

Speaker 6 (18:00):
The first thing they say. My ex or you know
what I've been through. You heard me tell you that.

Speaker 7 (18:05):
In the beginning, he used to do this and she
used to do that, and why would you do that
to me?

Speaker 2 (18:17):
I think a lot of times because we have a
big mouth, and we tend to tell people all of
our traumas and triggers when a lot of it's not
even necessary for them to know.

Speaker 3 (18:34):
It's not necessary.

Speaker 7 (18:36):
I agree with you that, but for some reason, everybody
want to know about your past.

Speaker 6 (18:43):
I can't understand that.

Speaker 7 (18:47):
Are we trying to make a future or we trying
to go backwards.

Speaker 2 (18:53):
I say, you have to be selective in what you
say and how you say it so that it cannot
be used you.

Speaker 3 (19:00):
I'm not gonna tell you that.

Speaker 2 (19:02):
Oh, in my last relationship, Yeah, he used to beat
me and take my money, and then I will always go.

Speaker 3 (19:10):
Back to him.

Speaker 2 (19:10):
He cheated on me and I had two or three babies,
and I don't know, for some reason, I just kept
going back to him.

Speaker 3 (19:16):
I'm not about to tell you that I'm not.

Speaker 2 (19:23):
So number one, because it'll make me look crazy, and
then he gonna be like.

Speaker 3 (19:31):
What's wrong with you?

Speaker 6 (19:34):
Yeah, because he just might try to test you.

Speaker 2 (19:38):
So a lot of times, women, we run our mouth
a lot when we in relationships at the beginning, when
we you know, we run our mouth a lot. Just
sometimes just be quiet and listen to the other person,
and you'll learn a lot. Be selective and the information
that you that you let out, that should happen over time.

Speaker 3 (20:00):
Time.

Speaker 2 (20:00):
It should not be the first month that we met.
You done spilled everything out. No, And this is why
I don't know who I heard this from. When you
first start, when you first meet someone, and y'all in
that dating talking stage, and you have to cut the
conversation short, so you give them thirty minute conversations. When

(20:24):
y'all talk, don't let it be more than thirty minutes.
If it's more than thirty minutes, nine times out of ten,
you're gonna start talking about some stuff that you shouldn't.

Speaker 3 (20:32):
So keep the conversation short.

Speaker 2 (20:34):
Keep it always like at thirty minutes until time has
been vested. You know where the conversations can be longer
and you start to open up more. But when y'all
first when y'all first met, I'm not about to be
on the phone with you two three four five hours, girl,
we was talking about everything. I just spilled everything out

(20:54):
to him because I wanted to be honest. I wanted
us to have a clean slate.

Speaker 7 (20:58):
No, why is it you meet somebody and y'all talk
for these hours. But when you finally meet them in person,
you got nothing to talk about. So, like you said,
they're going to bring out those secrets and those different

(21:21):
things because they're trying to keep conversation with you. So
you don't seem boring or or you don't talk about nothing,
then they don't want to be bothered with you anymore.

Speaker 2 (21:34):
Yep, keep the conversation short. They don't have to be
that long. They don't have to talk all night. You
talk in thirty minutes versus you talking three four hours.
Is not gonna say, oh, our connection is much tighter
because we talked. No, it's about quality.

Speaker 7 (21:52):
It is in the conversation though, Well, why you got
to get off so early?

Speaker 2 (21:57):
First of all, boundaries, Okay, set boundaries when you're having
a conversation, especially if you have to work, especially ladies,
if you have kids. Okay, I gotta cut this off
at ten o'clock because I put my kids in a bed.
I gotta get ready for work tomorrow. You know, collect myself.
You know, there's things I gotta do around the house,
so you know, let me. I'm gonna let you go,

(22:18):
so you know we could talk tomorrow.

Speaker 6 (22:22):
Mm hmm. You can say all those different things. But
then the woman, and I'm only gonna say this, someone
said she'll go to the girlfriend. He got a wife,
don't there? Because every night he got to be off
the phone by.

Speaker 7 (22:42):
Such and such time, and he always getting off the
phone early.

Speaker 6 (22:48):
With me, I still be trying to.

Speaker 7 (22:50):
Understand, you know him and this and that and uh huh.

Speaker 6 (22:57):
Looking for the phone.

Speaker 3 (23:04):
It's an alarm.

Speaker 2 (23:11):
So don't allow people to trigger your emotions. When emotions
run high, logic runs low, and you can't communicate through
a wound that hasn't healed. So recognize what your triggers are.

(23:37):
And again, you don't have to tell the other person
what they are, just you recognize what they are.

Speaker 7 (23:48):
Michelle, you think were on here once a more giving
that advice, telling some deep truth, given our truth at that,
do you think people listen to what we have to say?

Speaker 2 (24:03):
I think there are a lot of I'm gonna say
probably no, because a lot of people think their relationship experts.
And I don't claim to be an expert. I just
have experience in a relationship trying to get it right.
And so whatever experience I have learned that I see
that it's working, I share if I see that it's

(24:25):
not working. It may not work for me, but it
may work for someone else, So you know, Serena says, yes, oh,
so some people are from this.

Speaker 7 (24:37):
So we're touching people and saving lives, nice, saving relationships.

Speaker 3 (24:43):
We appreciate that. I mean a lot.

Speaker 2 (24:46):
This again, this is communication is all about communicating, whether
it be with your kids, your parents, or your spouse,
any relationship. You want to be successful, you have to
have good communication. I would say effective communication because a

(25:06):
lot of times people don't know how to communicate. Serena said,
it helps, it does, it really does, it really does.
So recognize your triggers and don't go bringing up past arguments,
past conversations that you have already had, that you have
already discussed and you already agreed on a result, and

(25:33):
then you go throw it back up in the person's face, like,
don't do that. Learn how to let stuff go. I
always say, learn how to pick your battles. If you
learn how to pick your battles, then you won't be
fighting and arguing about everything you want some stuff you'd

(25:55):
be like, oh, you know, he didn't let the he
left the toilet seat, he left the to see up
and I keep telling him stop leaving this toilet seats up.
Then you as soon as he come out the bathroom,
you go look. Then you go right behind him, fussing, like.

Speaker 3 (26:08):
Just put it down, just put it down.

Speaker 2 (26:12):
Well, he's leaving his socks outside of the hamp The
hamper is right there. Why can't you just put him
in the hamper. It's right there. Just pick it up,
put it in the hamper. It's just put it in
the hamper, and gently say, oh, I noticed that your
socks missed the hamper.

Speaker 3 (26:31):
You missed. You know, like some stress can be avoided.
You know, we don't. It could be avoided.

Speaker 2 (26:41):
And stress is a silent killer, and stress does not
determine if this is a good stress or it's stressed.
So some stress can be avoided.

Speaker 7 (26:55):
I just love, love, love how you make it sound
so easy.

Speaker 6 (27:01):
Everything what you just said. That's ambo what that is, Ammo.
For the next conversation that happens to air you.

Speaker 7 (27:11):
Out, just just you straight out with everything, that is all, Ammo.

Speaker 6 (27:20):
That would be very nice.

Speaker 7 (27:22):
For it to happen the way that you said.

Speaker 6 (27:24):
I feel like that's like the Mary Poppins way. But
out here in these streets it don't go down like that.

Speaker 2 (27:36):
Serena said, it doesn't matter how many times we say it.
We just need to fix it exactly, exactly, and that's
the bottom line. That's the bottom line. Validate feelings. You
don't have to agree to acknowledge that person, but validate

(27:58):
how they feel.

Speaker 3 (28:01):
Bay, I hear you. I hear you, and your.

Speaker 2 (28:04):
Feelings are valid. You know, say that. Sometimes people just
wanna be heard. They not you know, sometimes people just
want you to acknowledge how they feel. Don't dismiss my feelings,
cause they're valid. My feelings are valid. My experience is valid,
and it may not be the same as yours. I

(28:29):
was telling my daughter that this weekend. She was telling
me something and I said, I hear you, and she
was like, well, you may be perceiving it a different way.
I said, no, I perceived it how I wanted to
perceive it. Now, you may have said it in a
certain way, but this is the way I perceive it.
So we can't control how people perceive stuff, but you

(28:53):
can validate their feelings. You can acknowledge them, and don't
be dismissive.

Speaker 7 (29:01):
My thing is people trying to tell you how to feel.
That's the issue, I'll be at it.

Speaker 2 (29:09):
Yes, you cannot control how someone perceive what you say
once you say it again. There's that tone too, depending
on the tone that you say it. You know, you
could be like, girl, please, we ain't going there. Oh,

(29:29):
you could be like, girl, please, we are not going there.
Like it's really the tone and how you say stuff
is how people really are going to receive it.

Speaker 3 (29:43):
And if they're not used, Actually.

Speaker 7 (29:45):
I ain't seen nothing wrong with either way you just
said it.

Speaker 2 (29:47):
It depends on the person. And if they don't know
who you are, like I said, I'm real sarcastic. So
if they don't know, then they tend to be really
sensitive and be like hey, I've had people to come
back to me and say, hey, you know, when we
was having a conversation, you said XBYT and I was like, girl,

(30:09):
it's not that And I said to myself, it's not
that serious. But to them, they took it that, you know,
because some people are more sensitive than others. Or we
have to just watch our tone if we're communicating with people,
you know, or they.

Speaker 6 (30:28):
Had to prove that you were wrong and they were right.

Speaker 2 (30:32):
Two people can be right, two people can be right.

Speaker 6 (30:41):
Okay, Now I could be right.

Speaker 2 (30:44):
I can be right and how I'm communicating it to
you and you could be right, and how you receive it.
Whatever information is, it depends yeah, I mean, whatever the
information is, it depends on how you receive that information.

(31:07):
It depends on how you receive it, and it depends
on the person that It works both ways. Communication is
not one way, it's a two way street. So how
do we build better communication habits? What are some things
that we could do to make sure that we are

(31:31):
communicating effectively, no matter what relationship we're in, to make
sure that people walk away, you know, not triggered, feeling, validated, acknowledged, heard, seen, Well.

Speaker 6 (31:54):
I know we said a few. It's watching our tone.

Speaker 3 (32:00):
Excuse me.

Speaker 2 (32:06):
I would have to stop the show to turn it off,
So I apologize for that. It's probably going to go
off again, but just.

Speaker 6 (32:16):
Because there's a little cat on there wagging his tails, and.

Speaker 2 (32:22):
I don't know why I do not disturb it on,
So I'm not sure why it's going off. Yes, So
how do we build better communication habits? Did the alarm
cut you off?

Speaker 3 (32:35):
I'm sorry?

Speaker 7 (32:38):
Watching our tone, watching what we say, knowing our audience.

Speaker 3 (32:50):
What else do we say, knowing your triggers.

Speaker 6 (32:56):
Yeah, the triggers, and a lot of.

Speaker 2 (32:59):
Times we you should look at people when they're communicating
with you. A lot of times like avoidance, you like,
and that's disrespectful if somebody is communicating with you and
you are avoiding eye contact and you're not looking, even
if you don't have to stare at them them the
whole time, but at least like acknowledge them, you know,

(33:20):
look them in the eye, acknowledge them like I hear you,
you know, or even if you don't want to say anything.

Speaker 4 (33:26):
Not.

Speaker 7 (33:29):
Yea, you know, then the argument becomes why you're not
saying anything?

Speaker 6 (33:35):
See this is what I'm talking about.

Speaker 2 (33:37):
And then your response is I'm giving you. I'm allowing
you the opportunity to get out everything that you want
to say without being interrupted.

Speaker 7 (33:50):
Now you heard me earlier say I let the person
say I stop them, say are you doing?

Speaker 6 (33:55):
Or you finished? So I can respond and walk away.
That may be a trigger. I don't know, because every
time I do that, it seems like it just.

Speaker 3 (34:05):
Are you done?

Speaker 2 (34:05):
Are you It's like I feel like you're rushing me.

Speaker 7 (34:09):
Because I want to know before I say, before I
come in and say anything.

Speaker 6 (34:13):
And respond I don't want to be cutting you off.

Speaker 7 (34:16):
Because I don't want you cutting me off when I
say what I need to say, See is.

Speaker 3 (34:20):
How you say it? Are you done? Are you finished?

Speaker 6 (34:25):
Just? What? Are you finished? No?

Speaker 2 (34:27):
Just give them away in silence, and if they're not
saying anything, okay, I see that you're done.

Speaker 7 (34:37):
They ain't never done, especially if they firing off. I
ain't never gonna be done.

Speaker 3 (34:45):
I swear. I feel like the older I get, the better.

Speaker 6 (34:49):
The better my community communicating.

Speaker 2 (34:51):
I got yes because I've learned that there's different communication
styles for everyone. So and it's impossible for us to
know everybody's communication style. Like maybe the people that are
close to you you may learn their communication style, but
the people that are not you don't know. So then

(35:13):
that's when you have to be You got to be cautious. Yeah,
like you have to follow the communication rules so that
you won't offend anybody. You know, people don't feel like
you are just walking over them. So the main communication

(35:36):
styles you have passive, aggressive, passive aggressive, and assertive. So
the passive communications is a communicators they avoid expressing their needs.
So you may have somebody that don't express what it
is that they need, while somebody that's aggressive, they're gonna

(35:58):
let you know, Oh you're not gonna be talking to
me like that.

Speaker 3 (36:02):
Oh this is no, that's not gonna happen. This is what.

Speaker 2 (36:05):
So it just depends on what their communication style is.
Look at body language too. A lot of times we
sometimes if you are so busy trying to get your
point out, you're not paying attention to look at body language,
look at facial expressions to see what it is that
they're doing while you're communicating, the tone in their voice,

(36:29):
all of that.

Speaker 6 (36:34):
And if they feel like they're about to go for
a gun, run.

Speaker 2 (36:39):
What are you all right? Are you all right? What
type of people are you dealing with?

Speaker 6 (36:53):
You?

Speaker 7 (36:58):
I mean, look, you just thank god that you haven't
encountered these type of people. What in the world, it's
a lot of it's a lot of crazy out there, m.

Speaker 3 (37:14):
All right.

Speaker 2 (37:17):
You know, made me lose my train of thought with that. Okay,
So what does it look like? We just talked about that.
What does a healthy communication look like? So it result
already explain to you exactly what it looks like. I
would like I would just add patience, respect, respecting, you know,

(37:39):
the other person's opinion. You don't have to agree, you know,
but just respect what it is that they're saying, allowing
them to get it out, and then being patient to
allow them to say what it is that they need
to say without rolling your eyes while they're talking in

(38:01):
the back of the head they talking, and you just like.

Speaker 7 (38:06):
Yes, sir, because that's just gonna make it work.

Speaker 6 (38:10):
You almost ready to knuckle up at that point, like what.

Speaker 3 (38:18):
Are we doing?

Speaker 2 (38:21):
No, it says use I statements instead of you, you
pointing a finger, you you did this, you did that?
You know how I perceive what you said was not
you said? And then it says be specific and addressing
the behavior and not not the person.

Speaker 6 (38:46):
Hm hmm.

Speaker 7 (38:48):
Be specific, address the behavior and not the person. Well,
isn't the behavior coming from the person?

Speaker 2 (38:55):
Yes, but if you addressing the person, then they're gonna
take off in to it. So you want to address
the behavior instead. You don't agree with that, addressed the behavior.

Speaker 3 (39:21):
You don't agree with that.

Speaker 6 (39:22):
I don't think I agree with this one.

Speaker 3 (39:28):
It could be something.

Speaker 2 (39:31):
It could be something they did, and the behavior could
be because they're upset about something or something happened, and
so they act out, and so you.

Speaker 3 (39:40):
Addressed the behavior.

Speaker 2 (39:41):
I noticed that you got really angry when we had
to wait, when the usher told us we had to
go get in the back of the line to wait,
you know, to get into the movie theaters. You know,
like you just started, you know, cussing and going off,
like addressed the behavior and not the like you're horrible.
I can't believe you actually went up on it, Like

(40:05):
it's just the way that you say stuff. Two people.

Speaker 7 (40:14):
I think everybody needs to work on their communication skills
and their anger and their anger and how they express it,
because it comes out a lot and every disagreement, and
it's almost a time like when to know to argue

(40:35):
and when not to argue, knowing that everything is not
your battling and everything is not for you, and you're
wasting energy, you're wasting time with things that probably is
not going to change anyway.

Speaker 3 (40:54):
Yeah, and I.

Speaker 2 (40:54):
Will say the older that I get, I tend not
to sugar coat, and that could be a problem too,
but I tend not to. I tend not to sugarcoat
even I can't see it, so it's gonna keep going off.

Speaker 3 (41:14):
I can't.

Speaker 2 (41:15):
I tend not to sugar coat, like what I say,
so sometimes I just be like I try not to
walk around with like kid gloves on, because sometimes people
need to hear things. But it's just how you say it,
when you say it, and where you say it. But

(41:37):
I'm gonna say it.

Speaker 6 (41:43):
I do say say it, get it off your chest,
don't hold it back.

Speaker 2 (41:48):
And this one is this one says speak from love
and not ego. The gold is connection and not control.

Speaker 6 (41:58):
That's a good one.

Speaker 2 (42:00):
So I think when you take a step back and
you evaluate what it is that you want to say
and how to say it, especially to the people that
you love, I think that comes from a place of love.

Speaker 3 (42:14):
And not ego.

Speaker 2 (42:15):
I'm just going to say it because it's how it
feels on my chest, and they're not going to be
doing me like this. And you just want to get
it out. You just want to get your point out.
You want them to hear it, you want it to sting.

Speaker 3 (42:29):
Hmm.

Speaker 6 (42:30):
I want to get it out. But you want them
to understand what you're saying to.

Speaker 2 (42:34):
Them, all right, you just right on the next point.
Do you think you communicate more to understand or to
be understood?

Speaker 6 (42:46):
Lord, let the start say a man, I.

Speaker 3 (42:55):
Would say both.

Speaker 6 (42:57):
I will say both also.

Speaker 3 (43:00):
Yeah, to be honest.

Speaker 2 (43:04):
Yeah, because I want I want to to be able
to understand the person that's communicating communicating with me. I
want to be able to understand where they're coming from
when they are communicating with me, so that I can
have empathy if necessary, to understand them if it fits,

(43:32):
if it fits that situation, and to be understood. So
when I'm when I'm communicating with someone, you know, I
want them to be able to listen, to understand me,
and not already formulating an answer before I even told
you the main problem. And yeah, sometimes people be communicating

(43:59):
inventing so you can solve their problem. Sometimes they just
want to get it out.

Speaker 3 (44:05):
Yeah, yeah, it wouldn't get out.

Speaker 7 (44:09):
They just need to tell somebody say what they need
to say and they'll feel better and move on.

Speaker 2 (44:15):
And so you'll be like, so how can so, how
can I help you with this situation? Like what is
it that you need me to do? And sometimes they'd
be like nothing, girl, nothing, I just I needed somebody
to listen.

Speaker 6 (44:31):
M hmm.

Speaker 3 (44:32):
Okay. And you don't even have to agree.

Speaker 2 (44:38):
You may not even agree with them, so you don't
have to be like girl, yeah I agree, if you
don't agree, you know, you'd be like you you're valid
and how you feel like those are your feelings.

Speaker 7 (44:50):
I am really glad that we do this show from
our own self experiences. Experience is the best teacher, and
we passed this on to other people about their relationships
and how challenging, yes, they are. It's not the relationship,
it's the people exactly. If we get the people on

(45:12):
board and to understand and listen, we'll have a lot
more better relationships out there.

Speaker 2 (45:22):
And I would say, you never stop learning. Always always
be a student, willing to learn something new to make
yourself better so you can operate it at your best self.
So what's the biggest communication challenge in relationships? We can

(45:45):
even make it personal because it could be different for
different people.

Speaker 6 (45:55):
Listening. For me listening to other person listening, I.

Speaker 2 (46:07):
Would say, yeah, listening, being being selective and knowing how
to filter out the things that.

Speaker 3 (46:17):
May not be necessary.

Speaker 7 (46:20):
Well, they have to stop because I got people I
think about some.

Speaker 6 (46:23):
Of my past arguments.

Speaker 7 (46:25):
They ken in on certain words and certain things and
don't listen to the entire thing. And then when they
rebuttal they only talk about that one thing and it's
like I just said the whole paragraph. You're not saying
anything about what I said. You were only listening so
you can respond back to me, and you didn't get

(46:46):
none of what I said.

Speaker 2 (46:49):
Yeah, because sometimes people offer a lot of details and
like it's not even necessary. It's like they're trying to
plead their case so you can agree with them, and
you're like, hmm, but the key point here was you
ran that red light and the police pulled you over.

Speaker 3 (47:06):
Yeah.

Speaker 2 (47:06):
Well, you know, I had a bad day before that
and the hard day at work, and I was stressed.
And right before the police pulled me over, girl, they
had called me and told me they had took my
mom to the.

Speaker 3 (47:16):
Emergency room and m okay, just pay your ticket.

Speaker 2 (47:30):
So the biggest challenge in the biggest communication challenge and
relationship today.

Speaker 3 (47:35):
You're saying listening.

Speaker 6 (47:39):
To me. I believe it's listening.

Speaker 3 (47:45):
I was.

Speaker 2 (47:46):
I would agree with listening and just not being so
quick to respond, like just hear people out, hear them
before you just formulate your answer or come to a conclusion,
even if you've got to tell that person, let me

(48:06):
get back to you, let me, let me let this
process and let me get back to you.

Speaker 7 (48:15):
They need to listen to understand, but there a lot
of times be so hot headed they're not listening to
understand you. They let you say what you need to
say so their ego can take over and then they
can control the conversation.

Speaker 2 (48:36):
M Remember it, it's about connecting and not controlling. So
if you are listening or you are kind and rewind
the show, drop one word in the chat that describes
your communications style.

Speaker 3 (48:57):
M hmm. I would say my one world would be process.
It's a process for me.

Speaker 2 (49:11):
Because I'm not perfect at it, but I'm still learning
and I'm open to be becoming better at communication.

Speaker 6 (49:22):
Mm hmm. I think my word would be heartfelt. Yeah.
I don't know why that is resonating with me.

Speaker 7 (49:50):
Yeah, all right, because usually when I have these conversations,
I was speaking from the heart, and I want you
to understand what my heart feels and what I'm saying. Yeah,
I'm as stick with horror felt.

Speaker 2 (50:08):
Communication isn't just about connecting, Sorry you guys. Every conversation
is a chance to build or break the bond, So
make sure that you choose your words wisely and your
words are used to heal and not harm the other person.

(50:36):
Because what does the Bible say there's power. That's power
in the tongue, right, life and death and the power
of the tongue. So be careful what you say and
how you say it. Result you want to give us
some words of wisdom, I know you have already dropped
some gems already.

Speaker 6 (51:00):
And it's funny.

Speaker 7 (51:01):
I know that every end of the show you're gonna
ask me the same question and sometimes but I'm kind
of ready.

Speaker 6 (51:08):
So what I've been thinking my words of wisdom is
a lot of people.

Speaker 7 (51:15):
Are correct and what they say, but their method is wrong.

Speaker 6 (51:24):
That's it.

Speaker 2 (51:26):
Awesome. I'm gonna get biblical. I'm gonna go to James
one in nineteen. Be quick to listen, slow to speak,
and even slower to become angry.

Speaker 3 (51:41):
All right, you guys.

Speaker 2 (51:42):
That is a wrap for Warriors Talk Relationship Monday, and
we talked about communication versus confrontation resoul.

Speaker 3 (51:52):
Thank you so much for co hosting with me. I
appreciate you.

Speaker 6 (51:57):
Always a pleasure, you guys.

Speaker 2 (52:01):
If you would like to be a guest on Warriors Talk,
please inbox me at Warriors Talk one at gmail dot com,
or you can send me a message on Facebook saying
that you're ready to share your story. You can always
pick up the anthology. It was just released in the
month of October. When Warriors Talk, Faith emerges, letting go

(52:25):
and letting God transform our journeys. I have four amazing
authors sharing their story of surrendering to God and allowing
their faith to emerge. If you could pick up my journal,
it's for a cancer survivors, those who are going through treatment.
It's the Take Charge of Cancer Journal. It's a guided

(52:47):
journal for healing, faith and empowerment. I always say cancer
is not a death sentence, but it is an awakening
to live your best life. I want to highlight my
closing sponsor, which is Gloria Dotson with Mary Kay. She's
catering to all of your beauty needs from here to toe.
You can go to Marykay dot com, slash g DT

(53:09):
s O N and make sure you tell her that
Warriors Talk you as always Join me next Monday at
six pm right here on Intellectual Radio. Thank you for
tuning in to Warriors Talk with author and founder Lady Rachelle.
Co hosting with me today is Resolve Give More AKA
The Biz. Warriors Talk is changing lives, one Warrior at

(53:31):
a time.

Speaker 1 (53:34):
Thank you for listening to this week's edition of Warriors
Talk with Lady Rochelle. To find out more about Warriors Talk,
follow at Warriors Talk the Number one on all social
media outlets and Warriors Talk with Lady Rochelle on YouTube.
Please join us next week and every Monday evening at

(53:55):
six pm Central Standard Time on Intellectual Radio dot com
for Warriors Talk with Lady Rochelle, where we encourage, educate,
and empower you into action