July 13, 2025 • 36 mins
Alli and Melisa discuss how some dating apps are struggling -- for instance, Bumble is cutting 30% of its workforce -- and why some app users are not having success. Also, why you should allow your friends to pick your dating app photos.
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Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:05):
I'm Ali.
Speaker 2 (00:05):
I came out after twenty years of marriage and I
have three kids.
Speaker 3 (00:09):
I'm Melissa and I have two kids, and I came
out at thirty seven after an eleven year marriage.
Speaker 2 (00:15):
This podcast is about coming out later and the struggles
and victories.
Speaker 1 (00:20):
That come with it.
Speaker 4 (00:21):
When coming out feels like the end of the world,
but it's really just the beginning.
Speaker 2 (00:25):
This is the Lesbian Chronicles.
Speaker 1 (00:35):
Welcome to the Lesbian Chronicles. Where we don't even have
a topic.
Speaker 3 (00:41):
This is one of the most unhinged let's figure this
out things.
Speaker 2 (00:46):
Yeah, well we actually I feel like we've been volleying
back and forth some topics, but the hot topic right
now for me is the dating app scene with some
of these companies starting to go out of business.
Speaker 1 (01:02):
I think it's really really fascinating.
Speaker 3 (01:05):
I agree it is fascinating because that is like such
a centerpiece of dating in the past.
Speaker 4 (01:13):
What ten years right is dating apps?
Speaker 3 (01:16):
If you think about, like back twenty years ago, when
we first when the internet first started, do you remember this,
like the Internet first, Do you remember when because we're
dinosaurs remember exactly, Like I remember when match dot com
was started, Like yeah, personal and all that stuff and
even just like connecting with people on like AOL, and
(01:39):
it was always such a weird thing to be like, yeah,
I met this person online.
Speaker 2 (01:44):
I know, people were like, what's wrong with you? It
was an It's kind of like the thing you said
where self help books used to be like scandalous, like
if you're in the self help bile, you're such a loser, exactly,
because now it's like that's where I stay the entire.
Speaker 3 (01:57):
Yeah, it's like a bragging point to be like, wellad,
we can do hard things.
Speaker 1 (02:02):
So exactly.
Speaker 2 (02:04):
But the dating apps, Yeah, like that used to be shameful.
Then it came into full like that's all people do.
Speaker 1 (02:12):
It was amazing. It was probably the main way people
meet people. Yeah, but I think some of the points
that this woman made they're so true.
Speaker 2 (02:20):
It's like dating apps made it very very simple for
people to kind of be cruel, like to ghost you
or to I.
Speaker 4 (02:29):
Don't know, to talk more about the video that we
that you sent me.
Speaker 1 (02:32):
Yeah, like she was saying.
Speaker 2 (02:34):
The main takeaway was just her point was it's probably
a good thing that they're going away.
Speaker 3 (02:41):
But I don't think they're going out of business necessarily,
but they are cutting back, like the their employment is
taking a hit, like they're they're definitely not doing well.
And I do find like, I feel like a lot
of dating apps are kind of struggling from the standpoint
of like how do you profit off.
Speaker 1 (02:59):
Of this right?
Speaker 3 (03:00):
You know, like because when I've been on the dating apps,
I think I'm paid for it, like once, and I
did like a short little month thing, and honestly didn't
really see that much of a benefit as far as
like paying paying versus the freed version.
Speaker 2 (03:17):
I think like the the all I mean, it works,
we know it works, we know people meet all.
Speaker 3 (03:22):
Yeah, I have relationships from people I've met on dating apps,
So it's not like it doesn't.
Speaker 1 (03:27):
Work, no, but I think it works at what cost.
Speaker 2 (03:30):
And so the cost to me is that you end
up a lot of times having a situation where you're
bread crumbed because people can be talking to multiple people
at once, so they keep you kind of on the
hook because they don't want to lose the option of you,
even if you're fifth in line of who they're interested in.
Speaker 1 (03:47):
So a lot of breadcrumbing and then the ability to.
Speaker 2 (03:50):
Very easily ghost people, whereas like in the real and
that takes a toll, So that takes a toll on
your emotional health, It takes a toll and your self esteem.
Speaker 1 (04:01):
So yeah, yeah, it works, but it works at what cost.
Speaker 2 (04:04):
And I think her point is many many times, for
many many people, the cost you pay, and I'm not
talking about money, I'm talking about you as a person,
is too high a price to pay for.
Speaker 1 (04:15):
The outcome of maybe having a relationship.
Speaker 4 (04:20):
Yeah.
Speaker 3 (04:20):
I think that's a good point because think about the
people that have been.
Speaker 4 (04:24):
On the dating apps for a long long time, right, and.
Speaker 3 (04:28):
They're maybe getting a few dates here and there, but
they're not having like a huge amount of success with
it because it is hard.
Speaker 4 (04:36):
Hard.
Speaker 2 (04:36):
It's hard to you who's confident and like no problem,
Like it's hard.
Speaker 3 (04:42):
Like a lot of people don't have pictures of themselves.
Maybe they're a little camera shot, maybe they don't they
have something about themselves that they aren't very confident about.
So it's I think, you know, even just finding pictures
to put on there is difficult for sub stressful.
Speaker 1 (04:57):
It takes and stressful.
Speaker 3 (04:58):
Yeah, and on top of that, like people that are
looking on the dating apps are like swiping just they're
just looking at your physical appearance. They don't know what
your voice sounds like they don't know what your personality is.
You know, maybe you have something on there about your hobbies,
but are they even reading that right?
Speaker 4 (05:17):
And I think you're right.
Speaker 3 (05:18):
It's like it is it becomes like this thing that
impacts your mental health tremendously.
Speaker 1 (05:25):
Which then I want you to think about how that
goes on.
Speaker 2 (05:27):
So now my mental health is impacted, and now I'm
going out into the world and I'm different. I'm not
the same confident alley with like a swagger coming into
the conversation.
Speaker 1 (05:38):
Now I've been on the.
Speaker 4 (05:39):
Dating apps, you're not having any success.
Speaker 2 (05:41):
I feel like kind of bad, and so now I'm
in the real world feeling not great. I'm not saying
that's That's not why I didn't get on the apps.
I just didn't like it never happened for me to get.
Speaker 1 (05:51):
On the apps. But I think it always was something
that brought me anxiety.
Speaker 2 (05:55):
I didn't feel like it was something I want to do,
but even though I saw it working friend group. But
to your point, you do hear these stories people met
and they got married from the apps. You hear it
all the time, But you also hear about the people
who have been on the apps for years, so I
don't know, like I got. I'm sure we have people listening. Yeah,
you can make friends or you meet people, and that's
(06:16):
all true, but I think you are paying a price,
and so just be aware.
Speaker 3 (06:20):
Yeah, And I think there are people that get on
there and they have that confident attitude and that open
mindedness of I'm not going to necessarily like have a
romantic connection from this. I just kind of want to
expand my friend group right now. Maybe you've moved to
a new city, you want to meet some new people.
I think if you can have that kind of mindset
and not take it so personally that you're not getting
(06:41):
like a zillion matches and put on there, like I
just want to make connections. I just want to make friends,
you know, it kind of takes away the pressure of it,
all right, But that's a that's a hard space to
be in. You really have to be pretty darn confident
in yourself. And that's just it. A lot of people
are getting on those apps. They're not They're just looking
for a confidence booze. They are going to bread crumb
(07:03):
you because they're still talking to their ex girlfriend.
Speaker 2 (07:05):
We're talking to four people on there. Yeah, like, I mean,
I know this because I have friends who are on there,
and they'll tell you like, I'm like, if you met anyone, Oh.
Speaker 1 (07:13):
I'm talking to a few people.
Speaker 4 (07:15):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (07:15):
Well to me, it's like, I don't know, I know,
I'm traditional, I know all these things, but I do
believe that over time that's setting up that kind of
competitive environment, it's going to end up being damaging. Like
you're like you said, you're swiping just she doesn't look good.
She doesn't look good, she doesn't look good.
Speaker 1 (07:34):
It's like shit, Yeah, Like.
Speaker 2 (07:36):
That hurts my feelings even hearing about it for other people.
Speaker 4 (07:40):
And like, let's also think about the fact that you're
taking like because a lot of.
Speaker 3 (07:46):
People are dragging their feet with meeting someone. And I
think part of it is because they are kind of
wrapping up their ex thing. They don't know what's quite happening.
They want to put themselves out there a little bit.
They want to see that there's options, but in the
meantime they're a pinpal.
Speaker 4 (08:02):
You know.
Speaker 1 (08:02):
Yes, that's another great point.
Speaker 3 (08:04):
And when I have been on the apps, I have
been like, I don't want if I'm messaging you for
more than a week and we don't have some sort
of concrete plan to where we're going to meet up.
Speaker 4 (08:18):
I'm like, you're not in it, you don't want to
be here, you're not ready for this.
Speaker 3 (08:22):
Yeah, there's so many people like that where it's just like, yeah,
let's just keep talking and how's your week, what are
you doing?
Speaker 1 (08:30):
Like, and it's just there's something for them to do, yeah.
Speaker 4 (08:33):
Something for them to do.
Speaker 3 (08:34):
Yeah, Like it's probably you know, after work, they get
on they check their Instagram, you know, check their email,
and then get on the app and message with people.
Speaker 4 (08:45):
You know, it's not anything like they want to meet someone.
Speaker 2 (08:49):
Which is like an ick, but but it's also like
that drags on and we've talked about like if you
let that go on for even two weeks, you're likely
going to end up disappointed because it's like you've created
already a story of what this human being is and
you have no clue. So now two weeks go by
(09:10):
and now you're finally going to meet and it's like
in your mind, you've created this this this AI generated
mind idea of what it is, filters and alls, and
it's never going to be the thing. So it's just
like I, in so many ways, I just I don't know, Like,
I think there are other ways that are easier, better
(09:31):
and you'll likely have more success.
Speaker 3 (09:34):
So with the fact that dating apps are obviously not
doing well, what do you think is the answer here?
Because you're especially you, you're one of those people that's
not a big going out person.
Speaker 4 (09:47):
You know, you go out.
Speaker 3 (09:49):
Maybe like once a month, and it's with a group
of friends, and I think that can be perfectly successful
for a lot of people, But it's like, what else
is there, you know, especially for the so people who
don't want to be around a bunch of people drinking
alcohol and dancing late at night.
Speaker 2 (10:04):
Yeah, Like, and I guess, like what I would say
is what we've said before, which is I don't go
out a lot. You're right, and like partly because those
probably wouldn't be people that would suit my interest anyway,
because I'm not I don't want to date somebody who's
on the scene all the time, Like that wouldn't be me.
I want to be pretty quiet. I like to go
to the market, like I'm going to do those kinds
(10:25):
of things.
Speaker 1 (10:26):
So I think like.
Speaker 2 (10:27):
One way is you tell your friends like I'm single,
and so you get the word out. Then you go
to things you enjoy, and I think you're more likely
to meet someone. But I know that sounds like you
know that's hard. You got to go to a lot
of things. But also Instagram. I still think Instagram because
you can see who's.
Speaker 1 (10:46):
Friends with your friends.
Speaker 2 (10:48):
So it's like, I mean, this has happened with you
and I where you've been like, hey, do you know
this woman? Or and because they follow you, or do
we have this common friend. I've had friends in our
social group reach out to me and be like, do
you know so and so I see they follow you, yeah,
and so I think that's another way is like you
can really get a true picture of somebody's really what's
(11:08):
happening if you look at their not real but like
if you look at someone's Instagram, I can see are
you hiking? Are you where did you vacation? Kind of
who is your friend group? Are you guys always partying?
Or are you showing books? Or are you like what
are you into music? Wise, I think you get a
fuller picture of somebody.
Speaker 1 (11:27):
Is it accurate?
Speaker 2 (11:28):
No, none of social media is totally accurate, But it's
better than a dating profile, which is I'm trying to
meet you romantically. So I'm going to show you these
specific things about me, one of them being my looks,
which feels shallow to start off with, versus like, look
at my life. These are my children, this is what
(11:49):
my daughter and I did on Saturday. So I think
it just gives you a more expansive picture of what
somebody really is, not perfect, but what they are, or
like your friends, Like I've read more and more about.
Speaker 1 (12:02):
People wanting to meet people through friends.
Speaker 2 (12:05):
It's like who is in your social group, Melissa, because.
Speaker 1 (12:08):
That's probably you know me better than anyone.
Speaker 2 (12:12):
So I think sometimes too, like just putting it out
there that I'm always trying to set people up. I mean,
I have a couple marriages under my belt. I'm always
like thinking of, oh wait, you know. So I think
if you tell people that helps too. Like I'm mentioned
I want to meet somebody you know, like.
Speaker 3 (12:31):
And I think your point of like the Instagram thing,
that the good thing there is like on a dating app,
you're seeing someone, you're immediately being like not for me, swipe,
Yeah you're gone. They're disappearing, Okay, So I didn't even
know that. Yeah, Like they I think sometimes they do
come back around on certain apps. If you're friends with
someone or following someone on Instagram, following a mutual friend,
(12:53):
you can kind of see what they're like. You don't
have to make that like snap judgment on who they
are based on these few photos and maybe a few prompts.
Speaker 4 (13:02):
The hard part is sliding into someone's.
Speaker 2 (13:05):
DMS, like I look at it that way, but it God,
I mean, okay, I'm not out here dating.
Speaker 4 (13:12):
Let me say that. I'm know there are times that
I have and I've tried to do that. I'm like,
what do I I'm sorry.
Speaker 2 (13:18):
But I think like one thing that has happened to
me before that I thought, I think is bold is
somebody meets me somewhere and then just don't DM me
hitting on me, but DM me as in fun meeting you.
Speaker 1 (13:33):
Yeah, like, hey we met at this function.
Speaker 4 (13:36):
Don't make it creepy.
Speaker 1 (13:37):
It doesn't have to be creepy.
Speaker 2 (13:38):
It can just be And people do that all the time,
like just in community, like hey, fun meeting you.
Speaker 3 (13:44):
Yeah, yeah, I mean I get that all the time,
and it's just like friendly and that It's just like
a nice little follow up to do if you see something,
make a new friend, that kind of stuff. So but
that is another thing to think about. It's like the
friendships that evolve, and.
Speaker 2 (13:58):
How do you turn that in to a romantic thing
if it's a friendship, if you kick it off, Is
that what you're saying.
Speaker 3 (14:04):
Like, yeah, Like I mean me and Meredith were friends
on social media for a year before we even met,
you know, and it never was It wasn't like there
wasn't any like flirtation. It was just friendly you know,
that kind of thing. So you never know where something
like that can lead.
Speaker 2 (14:25):
I think another like I read this today about like
also not being so tied to a type, like, oh.
Speaker 1 (14:34):
I only date mask women. That's my type. I'm not
saying that's mine.
Speaker 2 (14:39):
I'm saying that's that's People have this mindset of like, oh,
she's not my type. That even happened at Urban Pie
the other I was trying to make a connection, as
I do, and one of the women that I was
trying to connect was like, Oh, she's not really my type,
she's too fin and I was kind of like, okay.
Speaker 1 (14:55):
Cool, whatever, And people do have types.
Speaker 2 (14:57):
But I kind of was thinking, like I've dated lots
of different types of women along the spectrum of masks
to super feminine, and I sort of think like that
is even feels a little outdated, like you don't know,
you might have a wild connection with somebody that you
never would have thought you would have.
Speaker 4 (15:18):
Yeah, that's very true.
Speaker 1 (15:20):
You know, like if you kind of open your mind
a little bit.
Speaker 3 (15:23):
I'm assuming you haven't watched The Queer Ultimatum because you
never watch that stuff. But on the show, you know,
they the premise is there's couples on there. One person
in the couple has given an ultimatum that says like
either we get married or this relationship is over.
Speaker 4 (15:39):
And so they all meet up and they.
Speaker 3 (15:43):
Have to choose another person out of all these other
couples to like have a trial marriage with.
Speaker 1 (15:49):
And so is the idea to make sure that you
want the person that you're.
Speaker 3 (15:53):
Basically it's kind of like you think the grass is
greener on the other side, but is it really? And
on some times sometimes yeah, like people go all over
the place as far as like how how it turns out.
Speaker 4 (16:05):
You know, Sometimes they're like, yes, that person is the love.
Speaker 3 (16:07):
Of my life and I want to be with them,
and this really solidified that. Sometimes they're like this isn't
right for me, and we need to break up.
Speaker 4 (16:15):
So all that to say, so they all have to
pair up.
Speaker 3 (16:20):
Well on this current season, the two like super duper
feminine women did not get picked like they were like
the last ones in the group, like unpicked by anyone,
which was shocking.
Speaker 1 (16:33):
Yeah, that is shocking.
Speaker 4 (16:35):
Do you think the show so they got paired together? No,
it was.
Speaker 3 (16:38):
I don't think it was anything to do with the show.
I think it was just kind of like how it
all panned out, but the two fems get put together.
And I haven't finished the season yet, but it is
interesting to see them kind of like they're both saying
stuff like during their trial marriage with each other, they're
kind of like, this is bringing out my masculine side,
you know.
Speaker 1 (16:56):
And I have said that, Yeah.
Speaker 3 (16:58):
I think it is interesting to see kind of like
what you're surrounded by and what it could.
Speaker 4 (17:04):
Be bringing out something and you you didn't even know
was in there and that you might like or not. Like, Yeah,
and I secretly hope that they get together, like honestly, yeah,
like they actually be really cute together.
Speaker 3 (17:16):
But I haven't finished the show, so who knows how
it happens or ends up. But it just kind of
was like eye opening to see like you know, you know,
you never know what your type could be.
Speaker 2 (17:26):
No, you don't, And I think it like takes. There's
times that I've had I mean, we laughed. I've told
you before, like I've been attracted to people that from
a personality standpoint where I'm like I could have sit
and ta talk to that person for six hours, yeah,
and they're not at all somebody that you know, you
would traditionally think that I would pick. So I think
(17:48):
it's like sometimes I don't know that that is so
worthy of time to like open your mind to see
what else is there, because the truth is like looks
and that physical traction is so fleeting.
Speaker 1 (18:02):
And I'm not talking about time because people get older.
Speaker 2 (18:04):
I'm just talking about you get used to someone and
they become just normal, and then what you're really.
Speaker 1 (18:09):
Left with is the substance of who that person is.
Speaker 4 (18:12):
Yeah, personality, yeah, who they are.
Speaker 3 (18:15):
Engagement and it's something on the dating apps that again
you're not getting. You're you are looking like, okay that person,
not film, that person not film like swipe swipe, swipe,
and you could be missing out on someone who's like
a really good match for you.
Speaker 1 (18:29):
Totally. I totally.
Speaker 2 (18:31):
I had a conversation with someone earlier this week about
like they were they're dating someone that they're really into,
but they're like, I'm starting to realize that and this
is a hetero relationship. But she's like, I'm starting to
realize that he doesn't engage, like I might bring this
thing to his attention that's bothering me and I realize
(18:52):
or that like something about the world or whatever it is.
And she's like, he reacts to my stuff, but he
never brings his own content.
Speaker 1 (19:00):
Does that make sense?
Speaker 2 (19:01):
Like she's like, I'm leading every almost like every conversation everything,
and he's a good at that, he's good to bounce
things off of. But she's like, it occurred to me.
He's never sitting down and being like, oh, hey this
bothers me, or hey, this cool thing happened.
Speaker 1 (19:18):
And she's like it's I.
Speaker 2 (19:19):
Don't know how I feel about it, Like I'm letting
it settle in. But it started making me think about
my relationships, like who does when I'm with them bring
content to me that's like interesting for me.
Speaker 1 (19:31):
To react to.
Speaker 2 (19:32):
Yeah, because I think that's a skill set that's important
in a partner.
Speaker 4 (19:37):
Absolutely, And I mean gosh.
Speaker 3 (19:40):
It's something that I've really noticed over the past several years,
is like someone could be really beautiful, like great on
the outside, and then on the inside it's.
Speaker 4 (19:50):
Like they have zero substance.
Speaker 3 (19:52):
Yeah, And I think that sometimes when someone's like super
duper attractive, they haven't had to do like the inner
work on themselves.
Speaker 4 (19:59):
Yeah, and like had to try that hard people.
Speaker 2 (20:01):
No, yes, okay, And so have I ever told you
about the sea island effect?
Speaker 1 (20:08):
No, okay, this is a whole philosophy. My ex husband
and I had. Okay, so the kids were little.
Speaker 2 (20:13):
And we would get these babysitters and they were teenage
girls or like young twenties typically babysitters. Okay, so we
would we called it the sea island effect.
Speaker 1 (20:23):
And when the.
Speaker 2 (20:23):
Sitters were like these gorgeous, blonde hair, blue eyed uga
girls that go to Sea Island in the summer with
their families.
Speaker 1 (20:33):
These girls.
Speaker 2 (20:34):
No, this is a huge generalization, and I'm going to
get so much shit, but he and I would laugh
that were like there's no personality, They're not like there's
no effort.
Speaker 1 (20:44):
To like, yeah something, yeah, just just nothing.
Speaker 4 (20:48):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (20:49):
And like I remember, like.
Speaker 2 (20:51):
We both laughed about it because then when you would
get like the gritty sitter who was kind of like
more real and had more shit happen and was kind
of like had to work at a young age.
Speaker 1 (21:01):
Like those sitters were fun as.
Speaker 2 (21:03):
Hell because they're engaging, and like we would end up
sitting at our island, the kids would be in bed
like talking to the sitter because they were like a
blast to be with. And we decided, we're like, it's
the fucking Sea Island effect. It's like they they have
never had to develop that charisma, you get, it's they
have no there's no charisma because they've never had to
(21:24):
have charisma.
Speaker 3 (21:25):
Yeah, everything's been handed, everything'stful already.
Speaker 4 (21:28):
Yeah, like there's no work to do. They just they
just exist.
Speaker 1 (21:34):
They just take it.
Speaker 2 (21:35):
And so we always were like, oh god, not the
Sea Island, Please give me something else. Yeah, but we
know Sea Island's beautiful, we love it, we get it.
Speaker 3 (21:45):
But we're just saying I mean we could say that
about a millions, say it about like Buckhead and Cape Cod,
you know, Martha's Vineyard, all these things, the.
Speaker 2 (21:55):
Same thing thing, like this sit on everything. Yes, you
don't develop the charisma.
Speaker 3 (22:01):
Yeah, and I want the charisma I want the personality.
I want someone who can engage and talk and like
that doesn't stimulate me to the surface level appearance. No.
Speaker 2 (22:10):
I think when you get both, it's like that's insane
because it's hard to find sometimes like yeah, with and
to have the emotional maturity with it, like that emotional
high IQ that you've you know, and I don't even
want to say done the work, but like to some extent,
like done the work, like self aware, self aware, here's
(22:31):
my trauma.
Speaker 1 (22:32):
I know I have this issue.
Speaker 2 (22:34):
Yes, how I'm going to show up like I'm not
just like defensive and I'm still doing it. Like there's
things about me. Someone asked me today, Kristen asked me today,
She's like, are you still in therapy? Like curious maybe
insinuating I needed to talking about prior to this, but
I thought, like it's true, like I do think I
(22:56):
know what my issues.
Speaker 3 (22:57):
Are and I think that's I think that is huge
if you can here and say this is what comes
up for me in a lot of situations, and it's
something I'm working on, but it's also something I need
my person that I'm dating to be aware of.
Speaker 2 (23:11):
Yeah, maybe, and not every partner is going to be
the right partner for me. I'm I need peace, I
need to be reassured.
Speaker 1 (23:17):
Like I'm I'm not simple. I know that about myself.
Speaker 2 (23:21):
So it's just like finding people like yang to your yin.
So how would you go about, like if you were
single tomorrow, what would that look like for you?
Speaker 4 (23:29):
Well, I definitely I would just take a breather, honestly.
Speaker 3 (23:35):
I it's it's interesting to think about because it's been
a year since over a year since my breakup, and
I know, like there's that anxiety that you feel when
you're coming out of relationship. That's just like I need
to feel fulfilled immediately, yeah, and like you want another
person to fill that role, and I just don't really
(23:57):
feel that anymore.
Speaker 4 (23:58):
I'm in a great relationship, you know, Yeah, but I don't.
Speaker 3 (24:01):
I think I would just take a breather, and I
probably would take, like when I was ready, take the
friend approach, like you're saying, I can't see myself really
itching to get on the dating apps. I think one
of the big benefits of the dating apps though, is
that is the people.
Speaker 4 (24:16):
That are they're not going out there.
Speaker 3 (24:19):
They maybe live a little outside of Atlanta, So that's
it's not as easy for them to attend every event
and know all the people. So I think there are
some like hidden gems, you know, of people that you
would find on the dating apps.
Speaker 1 (24:31):
I think that's true.
Speaker 2 (24:32):
And like, I don't want to slam dating apps because
I know plenty of people who have met on there
one hundred percent.
Speaker 3 (24:39):
And but the thing is with the relationships that I've
had off of dating apps and the people that I
have dated, they were ready.
Speaker 4 (24:47):
And they wanted to meet too.
Speaker 1 (24:49):
Right, And I think, how did you know that? Like
how did you.
Speaker 3 (24:52):
Based on their communication and being like wanting to meet
up within the first like couple days of exchanging messages
like let's get a drink this Friday kind of thing.
Speaker 2 (25:03):
Yeah, that sense of urgency feels good, it does.
Speaker 1 (25:07):
Yeah.
Speaker 4 (25:07):
It says that they're interested.
Speaker 3 (25:09):
It says that they're ready, like they're not worried about well, shit,
what if my ex decides that she wants to hang
out on Friday night? You know?
Speaker 1 (25:17):
Yeah, Yeah, that's so true, like waiting around.
Speaker 2 (25:19):
I don't want to commit yet because I might be
able to get.
Speaker 4 (25:22):
This sort of thing. Don't know who else is around.
Speaker 1 (25:24):
Yeah, that's really interesting.
Speaker 2 (25:26):
I think about there was this guy in business who
once said to me, He's like, one of the reasons
I've been really successful is I don't like a lot
of times people are like scheduling meetings two weeks out
or a week out, or let's get on a zoom
next week on Wednesday. And he's like, if I have
an idea, I pick up the phone right then and
be like, let's talk about this thing. And I was
(25:47):
thinking about how like that sense of urgency he had.
He's like, that's why I'm successful. He's like, I'm already
doing the thing long before these people have even had
the meeting.
Speaker 1 (25:56):
I've already started it. And so I love that like
approach and work.
Speaker 2 (26:00):
And I think about, like that that could be true
for dating too. It's like, why are we get if
you're excited about it, there should be a sense of
urgency to seeing this person.
Speaker 3 (26:11):
Right, and if you haven't had enough time to kind
of like build anything that you're you're not quite sure
maybe you know that there's an attraction there. So I
think that's why it's always good in those initial meetings
to do something that's short, you know, grab a coffee,
happy hour, drink something that gives you an out and
isn't like, Okay, let's go get dinner and then go
(26:32):
to a movie and then go for a walk out,
like oh, like don't do that?
Speaker 1 (26:36):
Do you also feel like the coffee thing?
Speaker 2 (26:37):
I know I've said this, but my anxiety is triggered
with the idea of like like I'm meeting you for coffee.
Speaker 1 (26:44):
And now I'm like standing in a weird line.
Speaker 2 (26:47):
That part is always a little harkward because there's other
people in the line. Like I almost wonder if it's
easier to get a drink where there's a way to
coming and then I can like sit with it. I
don't know, like what say, more like how does.
Speaker 4 (27:02):
I have noticed that?
Speaker 3 (27:03):
That is always a little weird when you meet someone
at a coffee shop, and like sometimes people get there
before you do, so.
Speaker 4 (27:08):
They're already there, they've got their drink.
Speaker 3 (27:10):
But then it's like, hey, how's it going. Okay, I'm
going to go get my drink and wait in line? Yeah,
Like it's just kind of awkward. Or you're standing next
to each other.
Speaker 1 (27:17):
That's even worse.
Speaker 3 (27:18):
And then it's also a little bit of like do
I buy their coffee right now? Yeah?
Speaker 4 (27:22):
Like gauge that aspect. So, yeah, I think it might.
Speaker 2 (27:26):
Be easier just to be like, let's meet for an
early drink. Yeah, and then and it doesn't even have
to be a drink.
Speaker 1 (27:32):
It could be a mocktail.
Speaker 4 (27:34):
Yeah. I mean that's what my first date with my
ex was that situation. Let's meet for a drink.
Speaker 3 (27:40):
I was not drinking that weekend, and I you know,
we had the drink and went our separate ways, so
and then met up later that night because we both
had a good time. You know, It's like you can
make additional plans if you're both having a good time
within the same night, you know, But don't lock yourself
(28:01):
in this box to be on a long date with
someone that you're just not feeling.
Speaker 1 (28:06):
And I would say, wouldn't you?
Speaker 2 (28:08):
I mean, I don't know, but like, would you say that, Like,
if you do ten dates, you're probably really feeling two
of them.
Speaker 4 (28:14):
Ten Oh oh, I thought you might go on ten
dates with one person. I was to know if you're
going married at that point, if you.
Speaker 2 (28:20):
Were to be on the apps and you're going to
go out ten times trying to meet the one, it's
probably twenty percent of the time. I'm making this up,
but I would guess the odds are low that you're
leaving the date like, oh my god, that was amazing,
Like I'm so excited about this person.
Speaker 1 (28:35):
How often does that?
Speaker 3 (28:36):
I was going to say, I think I'm trying to
think of how many dates I went on last summer.
Speaker 1 (28:41):
That you were like, Wow, that was awesome.
Speaker 4 (28:45):
I think I went on like seven or eight dates
with different people, and I wouldn't say any of them.
I walked out of there being like that was amazing.
Speaker 1 (28:54):
Okay, So see that tells me right away then, like
the odds are stacked.
Speaker 3 (28:58):
Said, I met a lot of good people, Like everyone
was nice, of course and friendly and cool.
Speaker 4 (29:05):
But I just wasn't feeling it.
Speaker 3 (29:07):
So yeah, and sometimes actually one person texted me and
they weren't feeling it.
Speaker 4 (29:12):
They said it right out the gate with me. So
and then another one. I feel I was gonna go
on a second date with one, but she canceled on me,
like last minute back with her.
Speaker 3 (29:20):
AX.
Speaker 1 (29:23):
What tell me though, what was it about?
Speaker 2 (29:26):
Like, first of all, how did you feel when the
woman told you she's not feeling it?
Speaker 3 (29:29):
Second of all, oh, I just relieved because I agreed, Okay,
So it was like fine and is it just like
a vibe, like obviously she liked how you look. It
was a vibe like we just I think we both
had a little bit too much masculine energy, honestly, And.
Speaker 1 (29:48):
You don't know that really until you get in front
of me.
Speaker 3 (29:50):
Yeah, exactly, exactly, Like even if we had FaceTime, but
I don't think I would have realized that we had
different energy until being in the same room together.
Speaker 2 (29:59):
Have you ever seen some somebody online that you thought like,
oh my god, they're so feminine, so girly, and then
you meet them and you're like, whoa.
Speaker 1 (30:08):
Huterly masculine.
Speaker 3 (30:09):
I wouldn't say that I've met them, but like over
time I've realized like, oh wait, I misread them. Or
sometimes I feel like people just don't quite know themselves.
Speaker 4 (30:19):
You know, like they want.
Speaker 3 (30:22):
To be feminine, because that's kind of a bit of
like how I was at first. I wanted to be feminine,
but I think, no matter what, like I have masculine
traits and me, I.
Speaker 2 (30:31):
Know, we talk about how different people like I would say,
I'm sometimes can look pretty masculine.
Speaker 1 (30:36):
Sometimes I look pretty feminine.
Speaker 3 (30:38):
Right, And I think that that's just it. You know,
there are I think majority of us are that way,
you know, like I've got feminine, very high feminine traits,
I've got some masculine traits somewhere in the middle, you know.
Speaker 4 (30:51):
I think that that applies to a lot of us.
Speaker 3 (30:54):
And I think what's misleading on the apps though, sometimes
is the people that like they are very massing. But
like there's a picture from when they were a bridesmaid
in a wedding and they're wearing a dress, and it's like, Okay,
but would you have worn that if it was like
a different event where you weren't a bridesmaid, you could
choose what you were going to wear to that, Like,
would you have worn that dress? You know?
Speaker 2 (31:16):
Yeah, it doesn't really like represent probably who they are
at their core.
Speaker 3 (31:21):
Yeah, But I think in their minds it's like, oh
I looked nice, and they did look nice, but you
can just kind of read that the energy is not
quite capturing the dress. Yeah, Like they probably would have
felt way better in like a nice feminine suit or
something like that. You know.
Speaker 2 (31:38):
Yeah, I think that's also interesting, like how we see ourselves.
Like I often think about like how like you you
might pick four pictures of me that you're like these
are good of you to use for something and I'm like.
Speaker 1 (31:52):
What these are? I look horrible?
Speaker 4 (31:56):
What is done?
Speaker 2 (31:57):
And then or you'll see or look at us pictures
you pick that you're like, I like these of me,
and I'm thinking, are you kidding?
Speaker 1 (32:04):
Picture three? You look gorgeous? Why aren't you picking three?
And so it's like I sometimes.
Speaker 2 (32:10):
Do think it's interesting how we see ourselves or even
like my children do the same thing, like they'll be
like I like this one and I'm like really because
you look great and this Yeah, it's almost like you
need I don't know, I guess that's.
Speaker 3 (32:23):
A good idea though, like maybe put your dating app
pictures if you do get on the dating apps, like
show them to your friends and be like which one
of these pictures should I be putting on?
Speaker 4 (32:33):
Yeah?
Speaker 3 (32:34):
Like because yeah, like I see that on TikTok sometimes
where people are like kind of analyze my dating profile
like how should I arrange it? And people are like,
you need this picture to be first, not last, like
that's a really good picture of you, and the person
that's created the dating app profile doesn't even like realize.
Speaker 2 (32:51):
That yeah yeah, yeah, but maybe it is like your
opinion is the most important obviously, but like I like
other people's feedback, Like my haircut is a great example.
Speaker 1 (33:02):
I never would have cut my hair, like I just
wouldn't have.
Speaker 3 (33:05):
It.
Speaker 2 (33:05):
Took Tatum being like we're cutting it, like I'm sorry,
like you're you're out of this equation and we're doing it,
and I was so glad she like pushed me because
I really like it now, yeah, I love it, And
so it's kind of like I think, I don't know,
sometimes you do need your people.
Speaker 1 (33:22):
To like push you a little bit.
Speaker 3 (33:24):
I agree, So you know, yeah, find some people in
the world that'll push you forward, propel you forward, lift
you up, tell you when your dating out pictures suck, Yes,
especially if you have any annoying filters on there.
Speaker 4 (33:38):
That just drives me crazy.
Speaker 2 (33:40):
I don't under I mean, I wouldn't even want that
because it's like then they're disappointed when they see me,
right exactly, like I think you look ridiculous.
Speaker 1 (33:50):
Yeah, and that well, especially if they're doing like the
ears and stuff.
Speaker 4 (33:53):
This is another like TikTok trend.
Speaker 3 (33:55):
Let me tell you this and I'll have to go,
But there's a TikTok trim where people post and they like, say,
tell me how old I look? They post pictures yeah,
and they're like, roast me, tell me how old I look?
And people get brutalized.
Speaker 4 (34:11):
It's awful. But the thing is sometimes they fucking deserve it,
Like this.
Speaker 3 (34:15):
One woman recently had filters on every photo and people
were like, we could tell you if you did unfiltered photos.
Speaker 1 (34:23):
Oh they do say that, Yeah, okay, yeah, why does
she want to know?
Speaker 3 (34:27):
Like, what's the I think that a lot of times
when people post that.
Speaker 1 (34:31):
They think they're gonna say young.
Speaker 3 (34:32):
Yeah, they're gonna be like, oh, you look like you're thirty,
and it's like, no, dude, no, Like I feel like
I look fairly young, and I don't want to do it.
Speaker 4 (34:41):
I feel I'm like I would be. I could be
roasted for all that.
Speaker 1 (34:45):
Yeah, you're right.
Speaker 4 (34:46):
I'm just okay with it, you know. And also too,
I'm like, age is just a fucking number. Who cares?
Speaker 3 (34:52):
Be grateful that you're getting older and that you have
the opportunity to grow older.
Speaker 2 (34:57):
I love that attitude. I do not love get it.
I think I look my age.
Speaker 1 (35:02):
That's fine with me, but I don't it bothers me.
Speaker 4 (35:06):
I don't think you look your age. Your energy is
not your age.
Speaker 1 (35:09):
Yeah, maybe that's true, but it does I hate.
Speaker 2 (35:12):
I don't love birthdays like the whole thing I wish
in my mind. I'm still thirty five with babies at home.
Speaker 4 (35:19):
B thirty five and your babies are still at home.
Speaker 1 (35:21):
My babies are here right now, but they are big.
Speaker 2 (35:25):
Well all right, I know you got to go to work,
so I'm glad we got this dating episode.
Speaker 3 (35:31):
In me too.
Speaker 4 (35:32):
Bye bye bye. I want to support the Lesbian Chronicles podcast.
Speaker 3 (35:39):
Rate us and write a review on Apple Podcast or Spotify.
Speaker 1 (35:43):
We love listener feedback.
Speaker 2 (35:44):
If you'd like to share your story, email us at
Melissa and Ali at gmail dot com.
Speaker 1 (35:50):
That's Melissa M. E. L I s A and Ali
A L l I at gmail dot com.
Speaker 2 (35:57):
Or follow us on Instagram at Lesbian Chronicles
I'm Ali.
Speaker 2 (00:05):
I came out after twenty years of marriage and I
have three kids.
Speaker 3 (00:09):
I'm Melissa and I have two kids, and I came
out at thirty seven after an eleven year marriage.
Speaker 2 (00:15):
This podcast is about coming out later and the struggles
and victories.
Speaker 1 (00:20):
That come with it.
Speaker 4 (00:21):
When coming out feels like the end of the world,
but it's really just the beginning.
Speaker 2 (00:25):
This is the Lesbian Chronicles.
Speaker 1 (00:35):
Welcome to the Lesbian Chronicles. Where we don't even have
a topic.
Speaker 3 (00:41):
This is one of the most unhinged let's figure this
out things.
Speaker 2 (00:46):
Yeah, well we actually I feel like we've been volleying
back and forth some topics, but the hot topic right
now for me is the dating app scene with some
of these companies starting to go out of business.
Speaker 1 (01:02):
I think it's really really fascinating.
Speaker 3 (01:05):
I agree it is fascinating because that is like such
a centerpiece of dating in the past.
Speaker 4 (01:13):
What ten years right is dating apps?
Speaker 3 (01:16):
If you think about, like back twenty years ago, when
we first when the internet first started, do you remember this,
like the Internet first, Do you remember when because we're
dinosaurs remember exactly, Like I remember when match dot com
was started, Like yeah, personal and all that stuff and
even just like connecting with people on like AOL, and
(01:39):
it was always such a weird thing to be like, yeah,
I met this person online.
Speaker 2 (01:44):
I know, people were like, what's wrong with you? It
was an It's kind of like the thing you said
where self help books used to be like scandalous, like
if you're in the self help bile, you're such a loser, exactly,
because now it's like that's where I stay the entire.
Speaker 3 (01:57):
Yeah, it's like a bragging point to be like, wellad,
we can do hard things.
Speaker 1 (02:02):
So exactly.
Speaker 2 (02:04):
But the dating apps, Yeah, like that used to be shameful.
Then it came into full like that's all people do.
Speaker 1 (02:12):
It was amazing. It was probably the main way people
meet people. Yeah, but I think some of the points
that this woman made they're so true.
Speaker 2 (02:20):
It's like dating apps made it very very simple for
people to kind of be cruel, like to ghost you
or to I.
Speaker 4 (02:29):
Don't know, to talk more about the video that we
that you sent me.
Speaker 1 (02:32):
Yeah, like she was saying.
Speaker 2 (02:34):
The main takeaway was just her point was it's probably
a good thing that they're going away.
Speaker 3 (02:41):
But I don't think they're going out of business necessarily,
but they are cutting back, like the their employment is
taking a hit, like they're they're definitely not doing well.
And I do find like, I feel like a lot
of dating apps are kind of struggling from the standpoint
of like how do you profit off.
Speaker 1 (02:59):
Of this right?
Speaker 3 (03:00):
You know, like because when I've been on the dating apps,
I think I'm paid for it, like once, and I
did like a short little month thing, and honestly didn't
really see that much of a benefit as far as
like paying paying versus the freed version.
Speaker 2 (03:17):
I think like the the all I mean, it works,
we know it works, we know people meet all.
Speaker 3 (03:22):
Yeah, I have relationships from people I've met on dating apps,
So it's not like it doesn't.
Speaker 1 (03:27):
Work, no, but I think it works at what cost.
Speaker 2 (03:30):
And so the cost to me is that you end
up a lot of times having a situation where you're
bread crumbed because people can be talking to multiple people
at once, so they keep you kind of on the
hook because they don't want to lose the option of you,
even if you're fifth in line of who they're interested in.
Speaker 1 (03:47):
So a lot of breadcrumbing and then the ability to.
Speaker 2 (03:50):
Very easily ghost people, whereas like in the real and
that takes a toll, So that takes a toll on
your emotional health, It takes a toll and your self esteem.
Speaker 1 (04:01):
So yeah, yeah, it works, but it works at what cost.
Speaker 2 (04:04):
And I think her point is many many times, for
many many people, the cost you pay, and I'm not
talking about money, I'm talking about you as a person,
is too high a price to pay for.
Speaker 1 (04:15):
The outcome of maybe having a relationship.
Speaker 4 (04:20):
Yeah.
Speaker 3 (04:20):
I think that's a good point because think about the
people that have been.
Speaker 4 (04:24):
On the dating apps for a long long time, right, and.
Speaker 3 (04:28):
They're maybe getting a few dates here and there, but
they're not having like a huge amount of success with
it because it is hard.
Speaker 4 (04:36):
Hard.
Speaker 2 (04:36):
It's hard to you who's confident and like no problem,
Like it's hard.
Speaker 3 (04:42):
Like a lot of people don't have pictures of themselves.
Maybe they're a little camera shot, maybe they don't they
have something about themselves that they aren't very confident about.
So it's I think, you know, even just finding pictures
to put on there is difficult for sub stressful.
Speaker 1 (04:57):
It takes and stressful.
Speaker 3 (04:58):
Yeah, and on top of that, like people that are
looking on the dating apps are like swiping just they're
just looking at your physical appearance. They don't know what
your voice sounds like they don't know what your personality is.
You know, maybe you have something on there about your hobbies,
but are they even reading that right?
Speaker 4 (05:17):
And I think you're right.
Speaker 3 (05:18):
It's like it is it becomes like this thing that
impacts your mental health tremendously.
Speaker 1 (05:25):
Which then I want you to think about how that
goes on.
Speaker 2 (05:27):
So now my mental health is impacted, and now I'm
going out into the world and I'm different. I'm not
the same confident alley with like a swagger coming into
the conversation.
Speaker 1 (05:38):
Now I've been on the.
Speaker 4 (05:39):
Dating apps, you're not having any success.
Speaker 2 (05:41):
I feel like kind of bad, and so now I'm
in the real world feeling not great. I'm not saying
that's That's not why I didn't get on the apps.
I just didn't like it never happened for me to get.
Speaker 1 (05:51):
On the apps. But I think it always was something
that brought me anxiety.
Speaker 2 (05:55):
I didn't feel like it was something I want to do,
but even though I saw it working friend group. But
to your point, you do hear these stories people met
and they got married from the apps. You hear it
all the time, But you also hear about the people
who have been on the apps for years, so I
don't know, like I got. I'm sure we have people listening. Yeah,
you can make friends or you meet people, and that's
(06:16):
all true, but I think you are paying a price,
and so just be aware.
Speaker 3 (06:20):
Yeah, And I think there are people that get on
there and they have that confident attitude and that open
mindedness of I'm not going to necessarily like have a
romantic connection from this. I just kind of want to
expand my friend group right now. Maybe you've moved to
a new city, you want to meet some new people.
I think if you can have that kind of mindset
and not take it so personally that you're not getting
(06:41):
like a zillion matches and put on there, like I
just want to make connections. I just want to make friends,
you know, it kind of takes away the pressure of it,
all right, But that's a that's a hard space to
be in. You really have to be pretty darn confident
in yourself. And that's just it. A lot of people
are getting on those apps. They're not They're just looking
for a confidence booze. They are going to bread crumb
(07:03):
you because they're still talking to their ex girlfriend.
Speaker 2 (07:05):
We're talking to four people on there. Yeah, like, I mean,
I know this because I have friends who are on there,
and they'll tell you like, I'm like, if you met anyone, Oh.
Speaker 1 (07:13):
I'm talking to a few people.
Speaker 4 (07:15):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (07:15):
Well to me, it's like, I don't know, I know,
I'm traditional, I know all these things, but I do
believe that over time that's setting up that kind of
competitive environment, it's going to end up being damaging. Like
you're like you said, you're swiping just she doesn't look good.
She doesn't look good, she doesn't look good.
Speaker 1 (07:34):
It's like shit, Yeah, Like.
Speaker 2 (07:36):
That hurts my feelings even hearing about it for other people.
Speaker 4 (07:40):
And like, let's also think about the fact that you're
taking like because a lot of.
Speaker 3 (07:46):
People are dragging their feet with meeting someone. And I
think part of it is because they are kind of
wrapping up their ex thing. They don't know what's quite happening.
They want to put themselves out there a little bit.
They want to see that there's options, but in the
meantime they're a pinpal.
Speaker 4 (08:02):
You know.
Speaker 1 (08:02):
Yes, that's another great point.
Speaker 3 (08:04):
And when I have been on the apps, I have
been like, I don't want if I'm messaging you for
more than a week and we don't have some sort
of concrete plan to where we're going to meet up.
Speaker 4 (08:18):
I'm like, you're not in it, you don't want to
be here, you're not ready for this.
Speaker 3 (08:22):
Yeah, there's so many people like that where it's just like, yeah,
let's just keep talking and how's your week, what are
you doing?
Speaker 1 (08:30):
Like, and it's just there's something for them to do, yeah.
Speaker 4 (08:33):
Something for them to do.
Speaker 3 (08:34):
Yeah, Like it's probably you know, after work, they get
on they check their Instagram, you know, check their email,
and then get on the app and message with people.
Speaker 4 (08:45):
You know, it's not anything like they want to meet someone.
Speaker 2 (08:49):
Which is like an ick, but but it's also like
that drags on and we've talked about like if you
let that go on for even two weeks, you're likely
going to end up disappointed because it's like you've created
already a story of what this human being is and
you have no clue. So now two weeks go by
(09:10):
and now you're finally going to meet and it's like
in your mind, you've created this this this AI generated
mind idea of what it is, filters and alls, and
it's never going to be the thing. So it's just
like I, in so many ways, I just I don't know, Like,
I think there are other ways that are easier, better
(09:31):
and you'll likely have more success.
Speaker 3 (09:34):
So with the fact that dating apps are obviously not
doing well, what do you think is the answer here?
Because you're especially you, you're one of those people that's
not a big going out person.
Speaker 4 (09:47):
You know, you go out.
Speaker 3 (09:49):
Maybe like once a month, and it's with a group
of friends, and I think that can be perfectly successful
for a lot of people, But it's like, what else
is there, you know, especially for the so people who
don't want to be around a bunch of people drinking
alcohol and dancing late at night.
Speaker 2 (10:04):
Yeah, Like, and I guess, like what I would say
is what we've said before, which is I don't go
out a lot. You're right, and like partly because those
probably wouldn't be people that would suit my interest anyway,
because I'm not I don't want to date somebody who's
on the scene all the time, Like that wouldn't be me.
I want to be pretty quiet. I like to go
to the market, like I'm going to do those kinds
(10:25):
of things.
Speaker 1 (10:26):
So I think like.
Speaker 2 (10:27):
One way is you tell your friends like I'm single,
and so you get the word out. Then you go
to things you enjoy, and I think you're more likely
to meet someone. But I know that sounds like you
know that's hard. You got to go to a lot
of things. But also Instagram. I still think Instagram because
you can see who's.
Speaker 1 (10:46):
Friends with your friends.
Speaker 2 (10:48):
So it's like, I mean, this has happened with you
and I where you've been like, hey, do you know
this woman? Or and because they follow you, or do
we have this common friend. I've had friends in our
social group reach out to me and be like, do
you know so and so I see they follow you, yeah,
and so I think that's another way is like you
can really get a true picture of somebody's really what's
(11:08):
happening if you look at their not real but like
if you look at someone's Instagram, I can see are
you hiking? Are you where did you vacation? Kind of
who is your friend group? Are you guys always partying?
Or are you showing books? Or are you like what
are you into music? Wise, I think you get a
fuller picture of somebody.
Speaker 1 (11:27):
Is it accurate?
Speaker 2 (11:28):
No, none of social media is totally accurate, But it's
better than a dating profile, which is I'm trying to
meet you romantically. So I'm going to show you these
specific things about me, one of them being my looks,
which feels shallow to start off with, versus like, look
at my life. These are my children, this is what
(11:49):
my daughter and I did on Saturday. So I think
it just gives you a more expansive picture of what
somebody really is, not perfect, but what they are, or
like your friends, Like I've read more and more about.
Speaker 1 (12:02):
People wanting to meet people through friends.
Speaker 2 (12:05):
It's like who is in your social group, Melissa, because.
Speaker 1 (12:08):
That's probably you know me better than anyone.
Speaker 2 (12:12):
So I think sometimes too, like just putting it out
there that I'm always trying to set people up. I mean,
I have a couple marriages under my belt. I'm always
like thinking of, oh wait, you know. So I think
if you tell people that helps too. Like I'm mentioned
I want to meet somebody you know, like.
Speaker 3 (12:31):
And I think your point of like the Instagram thing,
that the good thing there is like on a dating app,
you're seeing someone, you're immediately being like not for me, swipe,
Yeah you're gone. They're disappearing, Okay, So I didn't even
know that. Yeah, Like they I think sometimes they do
come back around on certain apps. If you're friends with
someone or following someone on Instagram, following a mutual friend,
(12:53):
you can kind of see what they're like. You don't
have to make that like snap judgment on who they
are based on these few photos and maybe a few prompts.
Speaker 4 (13:02):
The hard part is sliding into someone's.
Speaker 2 (13:05):
DMS, like I look at it that way, but it God,
I mean, okay, I'm not out here dating.
Speaker 4 (13:12):
Let me say that. I'm know there are times that
I have and I've tried to do that. I'm like,
what do I I'm sorry.
Speaker 2 (13:18):
But I think like one thing that has happened to
me before that I thought, I think is bold is
somebody meets me somewhere and then just don't DM me
hitting on me, but DM me as in fun meeting you.
Speaker 1 (13:33):
Yeah, like, hey we met at this function.
Speaker 4 (13:36):
Don't make it creepy.
Speaker 1 (13:37):
It doesn't have to be creepy.
Speaker 2 (13:38):
It can just be And people do that all the time,
like just in community, like hey, fun meeting you.
Speaker 3 (13:44):
Yeah, yeah, I mean I get that all the time,
and it's just like friendly and that It's just like
a nice little follow up to do if you see something,
make a new friend, that kind of stuff. So but
that is another thing to think about. It's like the
friendships that evolve, and.
Speaker 2 (13:58):
How do you turn that in to a romantic thing
if it's a friendship, if you kick it off, Is
that what you're saying.
Speaker 3 (14:04):
Like, yeah, Like I mean me and Meredith were friends
on social media for a year before we even met,
you know, and it never was It wasn't like there
wasn't any like flirtation. It was just friendly you know,
that kind of thing. So you never know where something
like that can lead.
Speaker 2 (14:25):
I think another like I read this today about like
also not being so tied to a type, like, oh.
Speaker 1 (14:34):
I only date mask women. That's my type. I'm not
saying that's mine.
Speaker 2 (14:39):
I'm saying that's that's People have this mindset of like, oh,
she's not my type. That even happened at Urban Pie
the other I was trying to make a connection, as
I do, and one of the women that I was
trying to connect was like, Oh, she's not really my type,
she's too fin and I was kind of like, okay.
Speaker 1 (14:55):
Cool, whatever, And people do have types.
Speaker 2 (14:57):
But I kind of was thinking, like I've dated lots
of different types of women along the spectrum of masks
to super feminine, and I sort of think like that
is even feels a little outdated, like you don't know,
you might have a wild connection with somebody that you
never would have thought you would have.
Speaker 4 (15:18):
Yeah, that's very true.
Speaker 1 (15:20):
You know, like if you kind of open your mind
a little bit.
Speaker 3 (15:23):
I'm assuming you haven't watched The Queer Ultimatum because you
never watch that stuff. But on the show, you know,
they the premise is there's couples on there. One person
in the couple has given an ultimatum that says like
either we get married or this relationship is over.
Speaker 4 (15:39):
And so they all meet up and they.
Speaker 3 (15:43):
Have to choose another person out of all these other
couples to like have a trial marriage with.
Speaker 1 (15:49):
And so is the idea to make sure that you
want the person that you're.
Speaker 3 (15:53):
Basically it's kind of like you think the grass is
greener on the other side, but is it really? And
on some times sometimes yeah, like people go all over
the place as far as like how how it turns out.
Speaker 4 (16:05):
You know, Sometimes they're like, yes, that person is the love.
Speaker 3 (16:07):
Of my life and I want to be with them,
and this really solidified that. Sometimes they're like this isn't
right for me, and we need to break up.
Speaker 4 (16:15):
So all that to say, so they all have to
pair up.
Speaker 3 (16:20):
Well on this current season, the two like super duper
feminine women did not get picked like they were like
the last ones in the group, like unpicked by anyone,
which was shocking.
Speaker 1 (16:33):
Yeah, that is shocking.
Speaker 4 (16:35):
Do you think the show so they got paired together? No,
it was.
Speaker 3 (16:38):
I don't think it was anything to do with the show.
I think it was just kind of like how it
all panned out, but the two fems get put together.
And I haven't finished the season yet, but it is
interesting to see them kind of like they're both saying
stuff like during their trial marriage with each other, they're
kind of like, this is bringing out my masculine side,
you know.
Speaker 1 (16:56):
And I have said that, Yeah.
Speaker 3 (16:58):
I think it is interesting to see kind of like
what you're surrounded by and what it could.
Speaker 4 (17:04):
Be bringing out something and you you didn't even know
was in there and that you might like or not. Like, Yeah,
and I secretly hope that they get together, like honestly, yeah,
like they actually be really cute together.
Speaker 3 (17:16):
But I haven't finished the show, so who knows how
it happens or ends up. But it just kind of
was like eye opening to see like you know, you know,
you never know what your type could be.
Speaker 2 (17:26):
No, you don't, And I think it like takes. There's
times that I've had I mean, we laughed. I've told
you before, like I've been attracted to people that from
a personality standpoint where I'm like I could have sit
and ta talk to that person for six hours, yeah,
and they're not at all somebody that you know, you
would traditionally think that I would pick. So I think
(17:48):
it's like sometimes I don't know that that is so
worthy of time to like open your mind to see
what else is there, because the truth is like looks
and that physical traction is so fleeting.
Speaker 1 (18:02):
And I'm not talking about time because people get older.
Speaker 2 (18:04):
I'm just talking about you get used to someone and
they become just normal, and then what you're really.
Speaker 1 (18:09):
Left with is the substance of who that person is.
Speaker 4 (18:12):
Yeah, personality, yeah, who they are.
Speaker 3 (18:15):
Engagement and it's something on the dating apps that again
you're not getting. You're you are looking like, okay that person,
not film, that person not film like swipe swipe, swipe,
and you could be missing out on someone who's like
a really good match for you.
Speaker 1 (18:29):
Totally. I totally.
Speaker 2 (18:31):
I had a conversation with someone earlier this week about
like they were they're dating someone that they're really into,
but they're like, I'm starting to realize that and this
is a hetero relationship. But she's like, I'm starting to
realize that he doesn't engage, like I might bring this
thing to his attention that's bothering me and I realize
(18:52):
or that like something about the world or whatever it is.
And she's like, he reacts to my stuff, but he
never brings his own content.
Speaker 1 (19:00):
Does that make sense?
Speaker 2 (19:01):
Like she's like, I'm leading every almost like every conversation everything,
and he's a good at that, he's good to bounce
things off of. But she's like, it occurred to me.
He's never sitting down and being like, oh, hey this
bothers me, or hey, this cool thing happened.
Speaker 1 (19:18):
And she's like it's I.
Speaker 2 (19:19):
Don't know how I feel about it, Like I'm letting
it settle in. But it started making me think about
my relationships, like who does when I'm with them bring
content to me that's like interesting for me.
Speaker 1 (19:31):
To react to.
Speaker 2 (19:32):
Yeah, because I think that's a skill set that's important
in a partner.
Speaker 4 (19:37):
Absolutely, And I mean gosh.
Speaker 3 (19:40):
It's something that I've really noticed over the past several years,
is like someone could be really beautiful, like great on
the outside, and then on the inside it's.
Speaker 4 (19:50):
Like they have zero substance.
Speaker 3 (19:52):
Yeah, And I think that sometimes when someone's like super
duper attractive, they haven't had to do like the inner
work on themselves.
Speaker 4 (19:59):
Yeah, and like had to try that hard people.
Speaker 2 (20:01):
No, yes, okay, And so have I ever told you
about the sea island effect?
Speaker 1 (20:08):
No, okay, this is a whole philosophy. My ex husband
and I had. Okay, so the kids were little.
Speaker 2 (20:13):
And we would get these babysitters and they were teenage
girls or like young twenties typically babysitters. Okay, so we
would we called it the sea island effect.
Speaker 1 (20:23):
And when the.
Speaker 2 (20:23):
Sitters were like these gorgeous, blonde hair, blue eyed uga
girls that go to Sea Island in the summer with
their families.
Speaker 1 (20:33):
These girls.
Speaker 2 (20:34):
No, this is a huge generalization, and I'm going to
get so much shit, but he and I would laugh
that were like there's no personality, They're not like there's
no effort.
Speaker 1 (20:44):
To like, yeah something, yeah, just just nothing.
Speaker 4 (20:48):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (20:49):
And like I remember, like.
Speaker 2 (20:51):
We both laughed about it because then when you would
get like the gritty sitter who was kind of like
more real and had more shit happen and was kind
of like had to work at a young age.
Speaker 1 (21:01):
Like those sitters were fun as.
Speaker 2 (21:03):
Hell because they're engaging, and like we would end up
sitting at our island, the kids would be in bed
like talking to the sitter because they were like a
blast to be with. And we decided, we're like, it's
the fucking Sea Island effect. It's like they they have
never had to develop that charisma, you get, it's they
have no there's no charisma because they've never had to
(21:24):
have charisma.
Speaker 3 (21:25):
Yeah, everything's been handed, everything'stful already.
Speaker 4 (21:28):
Yeah, like there's no work to do. They just they
just exist.
Speaker 1 (21:34):
They just take it.
Speaker 2 (21:35):
And so we always were like, oh god, not the
Sea Island, Please give me something else. Yeah, but we
know Sea Island's beautiful, we love it, we get it.
Speaker 3 (21:45):
But we're just saying I mean we could say that
about a millions, say it about like Buckhead and Cape Cod,
you know, Martha's Vineyard, all these things, the.
Speaker 2 (21:55):
Same thing thing, like this sit on everything. Yes, you
don't develop the charisma.
Speaker 3 (22:01):
Yeah, and I want the charisma I want the personality.
I want someone who can engage and talk and like
that doesn't stimulate me to the surface level appearance. No.
Speaker 2 (22:10):
I think when you get both, it's like that's insane
because it's hard to find sometimes like yeah, with and
to have the emotional maturity with it, like that emotional
high IQ that you've you know, and I don't even
want to say done the work, but like to some extent,
like done the work, like self aware, self aware, here's
(22:31):
my trauma.
Speaker 1 (22:32):
I know I have this issue.
Speaker 2 (22:34):
Yes, how I'm going to show up like I'm not
just like defensive and I'm still doing it. Like there's
things about me. Someone asked me today, Kristen asked me today,
She's like, are you still in therapy? Like curious maybe
insinuating I needed to talking about prior to this, but
I thought, like it's true, like I do think I
(22:56):
know what my issues.
Speaker 3 (22:57):
Are and I think that's I think that is huge
if you can here and say this is what comes
up for me in a lot of situations, and it's
something I'm working on, but it's also something I need
my person that I'm dating to be aware of.
Speaker 2 (23:11):
Yeah, maybe, and not every partner is going to be
the right partner for me. I'm I need peace, I
need to be reassured.
Speaker 1 (23:17):
Like I'm I'm not simple. I know that about myself.
Speaker 2 (23:21):
So it's just like finding people like yang to your yin.
So how would you go about, like if you were
single tomorrow, what would that look like for you?
Speaker 4 (23:29):
Well, I definitely I would just take a breather, honestly.
Speaker 3 (23:35):
I it's it's interesting to think about because it's been
a year since over a year since my breakup, and
I know, like there's that anxiety that you feel when
you're coming out of relationship. That's just like I need
to feel fulfilled immediately, yeah, and like you want another
person to fill that role, and I just don't really
(23:57):
feel that anymore.
Speaker 4 (23:58):
I'm in a great relationship, you know, Yeah, but I don't.
Speaker 3 (24:01):
I think I would just take a breather, and I
probably would take, like when I was ready, take the
friend approach, like you're saying, I can't see myself really
itching to get on the dating apps. I think one
of the big benefits of the dating apps though, is
that is the people.
Speaker 4 (24:16):
That are they're not going out there.
Speaker 3 (24:19):
They maybe live a little outside of Atlanta, So that's
it's not as easy for them to attend every event
and know all the people. So I think there are
some like hidden gems, you know, of people that you
would find on the dating apps.
Speaker 1 (24:31):
I think that's true.
Speaker 2 (24:32):
And like, I don't want to slam dating apps because
I know plenty of people who have met on there
one hundred percent.
Speaker 3 (24:39):
And but the thing is with the relationships that I've
had off of dating apps and the people that I
have dated, they were ready.
Speaker 4 (24:47):
And they wanted to meet too.
Speaker 1 (24:49):
Right, And I think, how did you know that? Like
how did you.
Speaker 3 (24:52):
Based on their communication and being like wanting to meet
up within the first like couple days of exchanging messages
like let's get a drink this Friday kind of thing.
Speaker 2 (25:03):
Yeah, that sense of urgency feels good, it does.
Speaker 1 (25:07):
Yeah.
Speaker 4 (25:07):
It says that they're interested.
Speaker 3 (25:09):
It says that they're ready, like they're not worried about well, shit,
what if my ex decides that she wants to hang
out on Friday night? You know?
Speaker 1 (25:17):
Yeah, Yeah, that's so true, like waiting around.
Speaker 2 (25:19):
I don't want to commit yet because I might be
able to get.
Speaker 4 (25:22):
This sort of thing. Don't know who else is around.
Speaker 1 (25:24):
Yeah, that's really interesting.
Speaker 2 (25:26):
I think about there was this guy in business who
once said to me, He's like, one of the reasons
I've been really successful is I don't like a lot
of times people are like scheduling meetings two weeks out
or a week out, or let's get on a zoom
next week on Wednesday. And he's like, if I have
an idea, I pick up the phone right then and
be like, let's talk about this thing. And I was
(25:47):
thinking about how like that sense of urgency he had.
He's like, that's why I'm successful. He's like, I'm already
doing the thing long before these people have even had
the meeting.
Speaker 1 (25:56):
I've already started it. And so I love that like
approach and work.
Speaker 2 (26:00):
And I think about, like that that could be true
for dating too. It's like, why are we get if
you're excited about it, there should be a sense of
urgency to seeing this person.
Speaker 3 (26:11):
Right, and if you haven't had enough time to kind
of like build anything that you're you're not quite sure
maybe you know that there's an attraction there. So I
think that's why it's always good in those initial meetings
to do something that's short, you know, grab a coffee,
happy hour, drink something that gives you an out and
isn't like, Okay, let's go get dinner and then go
(26:32):
to a movie and then go for a walk out,
like oh, like don't do that?
Speaker 1 (26:36):
Do you also feel like the coffee thing?
Speaker 2 (26:37):
I know I've said this, but my anxiety is triggered
with the idea of like like I'm meeting you for coffee.
Speaker 1 (26:44):
And now I'm like standing in a weird line.
Speaker 2 (26:47):
That part is always a little harkward because there's other
people in the line. Like I almost wonder if it's
easier to get a drink where there's a way to
coming and then I can like sit with it. I
don't know, like what say, more like how does.
Speaker 4 (27:02):
I have noticed that?
Speaker 3 (27:03):
That is always a little weird when you meet someone
at a coffee shop, and like sometimes people get there
before you do, so.
Speaker 4 (27:08):
They're already there, they've got their drink.
Speaker 3 (27:10):
But then it's like, hey, how's it going. Okay, I'm
going to go get my drink and wait in line? Yeah,
Like it's just kind of awkward. Or you're standing next
to each other.
Speaker 1 (27:17):
That's even worse.
Speaker 3 (27:18):
And then it's also a little bit of like do
I buy their coffee right now? Yeah?
Speaker 4 (27:22):
Like gauge that aspect. So, yeah, I think it might.
Speaker 2 (27:26):
Be easier just to be like, let's meet for an
early drink. Yeah, and then and it doesn't even have
to be a drink.
Speaker 1 (27:32):
It could be a mocktail.
Speaker 4 (27:34):
Yeah. I mean that's what my first date with my
ex was that situation. Let's meet for a drink.
Speaker 3 (27:40):
I was not drinking that weekend, and I you know,
we had the drink and went our separate ways, so
and then met up later that night because we both
had a good time. You know, It's like you can
make additional plans if you're both having a good time
within the same night, you know, But don't lock yourself
(28:01):
in this box to be on a long date with
someone that you're just not feeling.
Speaker 1 (28:06):
And I would say, wouldn't you?
Speaker 2 (28:08):
I mean, I don't know, but like, would you say that, Like,
if you do ten dates, you're probably really feeling two
of them.
Speaker 4 (28:14):
Ten Oh oh, I thought you might go on ten
dates with one person. I was to know if you're
going married at that point, if you.
Speaker 2 (28:20):
Were to be on the apps and you're going to
go out ten times trying to meet the one, it's
probably twenty percent of the time. I'm making this up,
but I would guess the odds are low that you're
leaving the date like, oh my god, that was amazing,
Like I'm so excited about this person.
Speaker 1 (28:35):
How often does that?
Speaker 3 (28:36):
I was going to say, I think I'm trying to
think of how many dates I went on last summer.
Speaker 1 (28:41):
That you were like, Wow, that was awesome.
Speaker 4 (28:45):
I think I went on like seven or eight dates
with different people, and I wouldn't say any of them.
I walked out of there being like that was amazing.
Speaker 1 (28:54):
Okay, So see that tells me right away then, like
the odds are stacked.
Speaker 3 (28:58):
Said, I met a lot of good people, Like everyone
was nice, of course and friendly and cool.
Speaker 4 (29:05):
But I just wasn't feeling it.
Speaker 3 (29:07):
So yeah, and sometimes actually one person texted me and
they weren't feeling it.
Speaker 4 (29:12):
They said it right out the gate with me. So
and then another one. I feel I was gonna go
on a second date with one, but she canceled on me,
like last minute back with her.
Speaker 3 (29:20):
AX.
Speaker 1 (29:23):
What tell me though, what was it about?
Speaker 2 (29:26):
Like, first of all, how did you feel when the
woman told you she's not feeling it?
Speaker 3 (29:29):
Second of all, oh, I just relieved because I agreed, Okay,
So it was like fine and is it just like
a vibe, like obviously she liked how you look. It
was a vibe like we just I think we both
had a little bit too much masculine energy, honestly, And.
Speaker 1 (29:48):
You don't know that really until you get in front
of me.
Speaker 3 (29:50):
Yeah, exactly, exactly, Like even if we had FaceTime, but
I don't think I would have realized that we had
different energy until being in the same room together.
Speaker 2 (29:59):
Have you ever seen some somebody online that you thought like,
oh my god, they're so feminine, so girly, and then
you meet them and you're like, whoa.
Speaker 1 (30:08):
Huterly masculine.
Speaker 3 (30:09):
I wouldn't say that I've met them, but like over
time I've realized like, oh wait, I misread them. Or
sometimes I feel like people just don't quite know themselves.
Speaker 4 (30:19):
You know, like they want.
Speaker 3 (30:22):
To be feminine, because that's kind of a bit of
like how I was at first. I wanted to be feminine,
but I think, no matter what, like I have masculine
traits and me, I.
Speaker 2 (30:31):
Know, we talk about how different people like I would say,
I'm sometimes can look pretty masculine.
Speaker 1 (30:36):
Sometimes I look pretty feminine.
Speaker 3 (30:38):
Right, And I think that that's just it. You know,
there are I think majority of us are that way,
you know, like I've got feminine, very high feminine traits,
I've got some masculine traits somewhere in the middle, you know.
Speaker 4 (30:51):
I think that that applies to a lot of us.
Speaker 3 (30:54):
And I think what's misleading on the apps though, sometimes
is the people that like they are very massing. But
like there's a picture from when they were a bridesmaid
in a wedding and they're wearing a dress, and it's like, Okay,
but would you have worn that if it was like
a different event where you weren't a bridesmaid, you could
choose what you were going to wear to that, Like,
would you have worn that dress? You know?
Speaker 2 (31:16):
Yeah, it doesn't really like represent probably who they are
at their core.
Speaker 3 (31:21):
Yeah, But I think in their minds it's like, oh
I looked nice, and they did look nice, but you
can just kind of read that the energy is not
quite capturing the dress. Yeah, Like they probably would have
felt way better in like a nice feminine suit or
something like that. You know.
Speaker 2 (31:38):
Yeah, I think that's also interesting, like how we see ourselves.
Like I often think about like how like you you
might pick four pictures of me that you're like these
are good of you to use for something and I'm like.
Speaker 1 (31:52):
What these are? I look horrible?
Speaker 4 (31:56):
What is done?
Speaker 2 (31:57):
And then or you'll see or look at us pictures
you pick that you're like, I like these of me,
and I'm thinking, are you kidding?
Speaker 1 (32:04):
Picture three? You look gorgeous? Why aren't you picking three?
And so it's like I sometimes.
Speaker 2 (32:10):
Do think it's interesting how we see ourselves or even
like my children do the same thing, like they'll be
like I like this one and I'm like really because
you look great and this Yeah, it's almost like you
need I don't know, I guess that's.
Speaker 3 (32:23):
A good idea though, like maybe put your dating app
pictures if you do get on the dating apps, like
show them to your friends and be like which one
of these pictures should I be putting on?
Speaker 4 (32:33):
Yeah?
Speaker 3 (32:34):
Like because yeah, like I see that on TikTok sometimes
where people are like kind of analyze my dating profile
like how should I arrange it? And people are like,
you need this picture to be first, not last, like
that's a really good picture of you, and the person
that's created the dating app profile doesn't even like realize.
Speaker 2 (32:51):
That yeah yeah, yeah, but maybe it is like your
opinion is the most important obviously, but like I like
other people's feedback, Like my haircut is a great example.
Speaker 1 (33:02):
I never would have cut my hair, like I just
wouldn't have.
Speaker 3 (33:05):
It.
Speaker 2 (33:05):
Took Tatum being like we're cutting it, like I'm sorry,
like you're you're out of this equation and we're doing it,
and I was so glad she like pushed me because
I really like it now, yeah, I love it, And
so it's kind of like I think, I don't know,
sometimes you do need your people.
Speaker 1 (33:22):
To like push you a little bit.
Speaker 3 (33:24):
I agree, So you know, yeah, find some people in
the world that'll push you forward, propel you forward, lift
you up, tell you when your dating out pictures suck, Yes,
especially if you have any annoying filters on there.
Speaker 4 (33:38):
That just drives me crazy.
Speaker 2 (33:40):
I don't under I mean, I wouldn't even want that
because it's like then they're disappointed when they see me,
right exactly, like I think you look ridiculous.
Speaker 1 (33:50):
Yeah, and that well, especially if they're doing like the
ears and stuff.
Speaker 4 (33:53):
This is another like TikTok trend.
Speaker 3 (33:55):
Let me tell you this and I'll have to go,
But there's a TikTok trim where people post and they like, say,
tell me how old I look? They post pictures yeah,
and they're like, roast me, tell me how old I look?
And people get brutalized.
Speaker 4 (34:11):
It's awful. But the thing is sometimes they fucking deserve it,
Like this.
Speaker 3 (34:15):
One woman recently had filters on every photo and people
were like, we could tell you if you did unfiltered photos.
Speaker 1 (34:23):
Oh they do say that, Yeah, okay, yeah, why does
she want to know?
Speaker 3 (34:27):
Like, what's the I think that a lot of times
when people post that.
Speaker 1 (34:31):
They think they're gonna say young.
Speaker 3 (34:32):
Yeah, they're gonna be like, oh, you look like you're thirty,
and it's like, no, dude, no, Like I feel like
I look fairly young, and I don't want to do it.
Speaker 4 (34:41):
I feel I'm like I would be. I could be
roasted for all that.
Speaker 1 (34:45):
Yeah, you're right.
Speaker 4 (34:46):
I'm just okay with it, you know. And also too,
I'm like, age is just a fucking number. Who cares?
Speaker 3 (34:52):
Be grateful that you're getting older and that you have
the opportunity to grow older.
Speaker 2 (34:57):
I love that attitude. I do not love get it.
I think I look my age.
Speaker 1 (35:02):
That's fine with me, but I don't it bothers me.
Speaker 4 (35:06):
I don't think you look your age. Your energy is
not your age.
Speaker 1 (35:09):
Yeah, maybe that's true, but it does I hate.
Speaker 2 (35:12):
I don't love birthdays like the whole thing I wish
in my mind. I'm still thirty five with babies at home.
Speaker 4 (35:19):
B thirty five and your babies are still at home.
Speaker 1 (35:21):
My babies are here right now, but they are big.
Speaker 2 (35:25):
Well all right, I know you got to go to work,
so I'm glad we got this dating episode.
Speaker 3 (35:31):
In me too.
Speaker 4 (35:32):
Bye bye bye. I want to support the Lesbian Chronicles podcast.
Speaker 3 (35:39):
Rate us and write a review on Apple Podcast or Spotify.
Speaker 1 (35:43):
We love listener feedback.
Speaker 2 (35:44):
If you'd like to share your story, email us at
Melissa and Ali at gmail dot com.
Speaker 1 (35:50):
That's Melissa M. E. L I s A and Ali
A L l I at gmail dot com.
Speaker 2 (35:57):
Or follow us on Instagram at Lesbian Chronicles
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