July 27, 2025 • 42 mins
Jane Does Comedy joins the show to share her coming out journey and how she embraces her chosen singlehood.
TRIGGER WARNING: This episode mentions s**cidal thoughts.
Check out Jane Does Comedy on Instagram and TikTok
Become a supporter of this podcast: https://www.spreaker.com/podcast/lesbian-chronicles-coming-out-later-in-life--5601514/support.
TRIGGER WARNING: This episode mentions s**cidal thoughts.
Check out Jane Does Comedy on Instagram and TikTok
Become a supporter of this podcast: https://www.spreaker.com/podcast/lesbian-chronicles-coming-out-later-in-life--5601514/support.
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:05):
I'm Ali. I came out after twenty years of marriage
and I have three kids.
Speaker 2 (00:09):
I'm Melissa and I have two kids, and I came
out at thirty seven after an eleven year marriage.
Speaker 1 (00:15):
This podcast is about coming out later and the struggles
and victories.
Speaker 2 (00:20):
That come with it when coming out feels like the
end of the world, but it's really just the beginning.
Speaker 3 (00:25):
This is the Lesbian Chronicles. Welcome to the Lesbian Chronicles.
Do you have a bathing suit on under that?
Speaker 4 (00:40):
No?
Speaker 2 (00:40):
This is my these, this is my bra I own
like ten of these. They're from American Eagle. This is okay,
great opportunity here. If anyone has connections to American Eagle,
please tell them to start making their fucking brawlts again
that are comfy and don't have lace and all that shit.
Speaker 5 (00:56):
Because I have.
Speaker 2 (00:56):
Bought so many of these and it's getting to the
point where it's like embarrassing that I even wear them
anymore because they don't they don't make them, and they
were great and comfy, and I don't have big boobs,
I don't need a lot of.
Speaker 1 (01:08):
No, but this is where I'm at.
Speaker 3 (01:10):
I've had this debate now with so many people, but
like why are we still wearing bras, especially when you're
in a black T shirt?
Speaker 5 (01:16):
Very true.
Speaker 2 (01:17):
And I really only had it on this morning because
my ex husband was picking up the kids, so I
didn't know if that was entirely.
Speaker 1 (01:24):
I don't wear a bra ever like I can be
in a shirt.
Speaker 2 (01:28):
But okay, that's the thing though, my nipples are always hard.
That's a bit to me, am I, but you know,
I nurse two babies for two years and so they're
just you.
Speaker 1 (01:38):
Think, like I don't always ready now, like I don't
and I just had lunch.
Speaker 2 (01:42):
Yeah, I can't tell you don't have nipple covers on.
Oh my god, where's this conversation going? Because I I
don't wear a bra a lot anymore. And trust when
a number of our friends like to point this out
to me, because I'll have my shirt like unbuttoned, and
I think it makes them a little nervous because I'm unbuttoned,
no bra. But I use like tape to make sure
(02:04):
that like I'm not like fully falling out.
Speaker 5 (02:07):
Wouldn't even Alley's like no tape, no.
Speaker 3 (02:09):
Tape, no bra, Like I think this is another tatumism,
Like she like really was like I can't believe it's archaic.
Speaker 1 (02:17):
Mom, it is bra, but she like woke me up.
Speaker 3 (02:21):
To She's like, nobody is wearing bras anymore, Like you
don't wear a bra. And then that day I go
out running and I'm thinking about all the men that
are running without shirts on.
Speaker 5 (02:29):
Wait, you run without a bra?
Speaker 1 (02:31):
No, now I run with the sports bra.
Speaker 5 (02:33):
Oh okay, I think it's like it's hurd to me, Jesus.
Speaker 3 (02:36):
No, no, no, it occurred to me that I'm like,
these men run around, they're like wide open in my
yoga class, boobs out, and yet I'm like wearing a
bron or my shirt like it's nineteen twenty five.
Speaker 1 (02:47):
No, I'm not wearing a bra anymore. Guys, it's done.
Speaker 5 (02:49):
We love it. I love it.
Speaker 2 (02:50):
Okay, Well, I'm going to drift away and in the meantime,
hope that American Eagle brings back.
Speaker 5 (02:55):
These brawls just.
Speaker 1 (02:56):
Don't hear, or maybe we just all decide we're not
doing bra.
Speaker 5 (03:00):
But I mean, I'm not about half the time. I'm not.
Speaker 2 (03:03):
So anytime we've gone out recently, I think, I mean,
not that you're checking under my shirt, but most of
the time I'm not wearing a bra.
Speaker 4 (03:10):
Exactly.
Speaker 5 (03:11):
I've got that tattoo on my sternam now.
Speaker 1 (03:13):
No, now you do.
Speaker 3 (03:16):
It always looks so bad ass too. You can't have
a bra on like that, right, cover up the ship,
cover up the ship. And if the men are fucking
doing it in my sweaty ass hot yoga.
Speaker 5 (03:25):
With their nasty, hairy chick harry.
Speaker 1 (03:28):
Nipples in my next to me on the mat, I'm like,
I'm not wearing a bra anymore. Guys like, this is ridiculous.
Speaker 5 (03:35):
Yeah, I'm with you, Okay, I'm joining forces.
Speaker 1 (03:37):
Let's all join forces on that. So okay.
Speaker 3 (03:41):
So another exciting turn of events for the Lesbian Chronicles.
Speaker 5 (03:45):
Yeah, this is very exciting.
Speaker 1 (03:47):
No, it started out like scary scary.
Speaker 5 (03:49):
Oh, I'm still a little scared. But we're planning on
doing a live event.
Speaker 2 (03:55):
We haven't done one in a few years, and we've
only done them in Atlanta, you.
Speaker 1 (03:59):
Know, where we control the audience.
Speaker 5 (04:01):
Or we can invite our friends.
Speaker 2 (04:03):
Actually, but this one we're doing in Seattle.
Speaker 1 (04:07):
Yes, we are doing in Seattle because we have a
friend of the pod who is a has.
Speaker 3 (04:14):
Like a company that essentially does events like this, and
she asked us and she I don't know, like the
way she described it, I like, I'm a believer.
Speaker 1 (04:24):
I'm like, we'll be there, Like, this sounds so fun.
And then I'm like, even if it's it ends up
being like.
Speaker 3 (04:30):
Crazy, it's still a blast because we're going to be
with her and with a few of our other good friends.
Speaker 1 (04:34):
So to me, it's like I'm excited.
Speaker 5 (04:37):
Yeah, Yeah, it's going to be a lot of fun.
Speaker 2 (04:39):
We're really want to bring the community together as well
out there. You know, it's going to be a great
opportunity for people to meet each other. And you know, Seattle,
there's a lot of surrounding cities that people can come in.
Speaker 5 (04:52):
Maybe you're going to meet someone that you wouldn't normally.
Speaker 1 (04:55):
So I've never been to Seattle.
Speaker 5 (04:57):
I haven't either. That's the other exciting part. Like it's
been on my list.
Speaker 2 (05:01):
It seems like a really cool city and I'm super
stoked to check it out for sure.
Speaker 3 (05:07):
And some of the events of that weekend are going
to be a women's soccer game, a brewery, and then
the event Saturday night with us, and I think the
whole weekend we're going to stay at the hotel with
a lot of other people.
Speaker 1 (05:19):
Like I think it's going to be a total blast.
And it's the weekend of October eighteenth.
Speaker 2 (05:22):
Yeah, October eighteenth, So mark your calendars, start booking flights,
doing all the things.
Speaker 5 (05:27):
So we're here for it and excited.
Speaker 3 (05:30):
Yes, very excited. But onto something else, very exciting as
we have Jane with us today, and Jane, every time
I say you're at last name out loud, I'm scared
I'm saying it wrong.
Speaker 1 (05:39):
So I'm gonna have you say it.
Speaker 4 (05:40):
It's Jane Posselthwaite.
Speaker 1 (05:42):
See I would have done it wrong.
Speaker 4 (05:45):
I have been called so many different things, comedy lineups, postle, tits, postles.
Speaker 1 (05:52):
Let's have UGB Jane possel tips on.
Speaker 5 (05:54):
That's great.
Speaker 4 (05:55):
Yeah, you can spell a lot of rude words with
my surname as well.
Speaker 5 (06:01):
Wait there's a lot of letters in that name.
Speaker 1 (06:04):
Yeah yeah, but Jane, do you wear a bra? I
think that's what we all want.
Speaker 4 (06:07):
Well, this is such a good conversation start. I kind
of pulled my T shirt. I have got a huge
sports bra with a zip up the front. Big chested lady. Okay,
I couldn't go for a run. I'd end up with
two black eyes.
Speaker 3 (06:23):
I get it for the run, but like to me,
if you've got big boobs, all the better to like
not have the bron.
Speaker 4 (06:31):
Like they flat this this sports bar just flattens them down,
and that's good for me. Just te him where I
can keep an eye on them, keep an eye.
Speaker 1 (06:40):
I don't know what they're getting.
Speaker 2 (06:41):
And that's what I hear a lot from, like women
that have bigger chests, like they kind of want it's
like a good way to contain them, Like you.
Speaker 4 (06:49):
Don't want men looking at them either, do you know
what I mean. I've never been comfortable when those push
up bras came around and there was under bras for
a bras, it was like she can fill it in plants.
It's like, nope, I just want flat, flat flat.
Speaker 1 (07:05):
Okay, fair enough. You know I can critique Melissa, I
won't critique you.
Speaker 4 (07:11):
I love a little brala. I love a little sports bra.
I can't remember the last time I wore bra. I
can't remember.
Speaker 1 (07:17):
If you didn't have.
Speaker 3 (07:18):
To worry about the men and like that thing Like
let's say you're going out with all women to like
a women's event and you're in like an outfit, Like
would you consider not having a bran just to be
like free?
Speaker 1 (07:30):
Or is that like not in your repertoire.
Speaker 4 (07:32):
I'm not sure it would be. I'd be then tripping
over them as well.
Speaker 1 (07:36):
Okay, I guess I don't have that problem.
Speaker 4 (07:38):
They escape if it laid down, they escape round to
my back.
Speaker 1 (07:41):
Got it?
Speaker 4 (07:42):
Okay, I just like like a bulletproof vest. That's my
ideal lingerie.
Speaker 3 (07:48):
Okay, very good, because I don't have that issue, I
think so maybe if I did, I would feel differently.
Speaker 1 (07:53):
I'm so flat.
Speaker 2 (07:53):
See like, I feel like I can relate some from
when I was pregnant and nursing, like I had a
taste of having some boobs.
Speaker 5 (08:00):
But then I don't know.
Speaker 2 (08:02):
I always said I was going to get like some
kind of lyft or implants after having babies, But then
I'm like, I feel like I got.
Speaker 5 (08:09):
Out relatively unscathed. So I'm just gonna leave it be.
Speaker 4 (08:13):
Flat. Booby is a really sexy I think if you
wh t sha and just your little yeah, that sexy
a woman.
Speaker 1 (08:21):
We don't know if we can, but we do, we do,
but we definitely do.
Speaker 3 (08:27):
I have on one of Reed's target like cheap ass,
like the wife beater.
Speaker 5 (08:31):
Thing and no bra it's wife pleaser.
Speaker 1 (08:34):
Wife pleaser.
Speaker 3 (08:34):
I had on the wife Pleaser no bra, and I
was like looking at myself in the mirror and I'm
like this.
Speaker 1 (08:39):
Could be like what this is either like really sexy
or like really bad.
Speaker 2 (08:42):
I was going to say it depends on of your
audiences in that moment.
Speaker 5 (08:46):
If it's your son, clearly not.
Speaker 1 (08:48):
But I'm like scarring even if I wore it out.
Speaker 3 (08:50):
I'm like, I can't decide because I do have a
boy bod, like I don't I have no boobsh some
kind of similar.
Speaker 4 (08:58):
So yeah, I prayed. I was flat Chester till I
was sixteen, and I prayed for big boobs and they
came in at sixteen seventeen eighteen and they went huge.
Speaker 5 (09:08):
So just be careful, be careful what you wish for
or wow.
Speaker 1 (09:13):
I know I always mentioned I had them too. Tell
us a little bit about like give us your coming
out come to situation, because I know you were also
married to a man like we were.
Speaker 4 (09:24):
I wasn't married, okay, a long term relate well four years,
four and four years or so. Yeah, I always thought
I was bisexual. I've you know, been kissing ladies since
being a teenager and just fell into these relationships with
men that weren't very healthy at all because it was
(09:44):
never safe to be gay and there wasn't any representation,
and yeah, that's that relationship finished eleven years ago. I'm
going to be forty four this year. So eleven years ago,
I thought we were getting a house together. I thought
we were having kids together, and then I found out
(10:04):
he was cheating as someone who he'd been friends with
since university. He was a little bit older than me,
so they've been friends for like nineteen years or something
and like finally together. So it's some like big love
story for them. For me, it was very traumatic, such
a yeah, I'm so glad it happened now, though, Oh
(10:26):
my gosh, time.
Speaker 1 (10:27):
Out to me.
Speaker 3 (10:28):
While you're in that with him, are you like enjoying
the sex, You're like thinking he's your forever man? Like
this is you're in it. So you've had these experiences
with women, you're in it with this man.
Speaker 4 (10:40):
Well, yes, he was a narcissist. So I was very
loved bombed. He was very controlling and I didn't realize
at the time, and but I always had an anxiety.
I joke about it in my stand up. There was
always this like high pitched like.
Speaker 1 (10:58):
Mourning you.
Speaker 4 (10:59):
Yeah, and I got very sick. I got sick all
the time. I ever got like kidney infections. I've got
like chronic fatigue. I was depressed. I was anxious all
the time. And that was my body saying this is
all right. Yeah. And I was just sick all the time,
like not physically, and he was draining my energy. And
(11:19):
when this breakup happened, I was devastated because I just
thought this was it. And I think you probably relate
to this when you're friends with their family and they
have small children and you're a part of that family.
That's very painful as well.
Speaker 5 (11:34):
Yeah.
Speaker 4 (11:34):
I just thought, I guess this is it. I guess
this is what it feels like. I guess we'll have kids.
Speaker 1 (11:40):
And you start to like almost like gaslight yourself into
this is long term love, like the honeymoon phase is
over and this is like this is normal because it's like, yeah,
you know, just day and day Outum.
Speaker 5 (11:51):
Yeah.
Speaker 4 (11:52):
And I thought it was my fault. I thought there's
something wrong with me. It's my mental health. I'm the
problem in this relationship because I don't feel safe, I
don't feel calm. I just was yeah, constantly that high
pitched real anxiety and it took I mean I was
devastated when it finished. I was devastated because it was very,
(12:12):
very messy, and I think when you have had that
future taken away from you without processing it, Like I
found the emails on his led me to his laptop.
He wasn't coming home, and I went to his laptop
and I found all these emails. I spend five minutes
with Jane, and all I can think about is you.
Oh but that was the first line, and then he
(12:34):
have a like sexual It was so messy, and he
stayed in the relationship and yeah, it was just horrible.
Speaker 1 (12:40):
But did you confront him right away?
Speaker 4 (12:43):
Yeah? I tried to ring him, but he was ringing
her because I found her on Facebook and said, And
the next day he came round in the morning and
brought juices for us.
Speaker 1 (12:53):
Both, you're going to have to do better than that,
and here's this juice.
Speaker 4 (12:57):
Here's some fresh juice. I got those emails from his email,
emailed every single one to my email, and then deleted
them from his email, and then tested him and he
came in. And you know they say, like serial killers
go quiet when they've been found out because it's a relief.
Oh wow, had that energy. And then he was looking
for his emails, going there is anything here, and I
(13:19):
was like reading them out to him, and he was
denying them. I was like, I'm reading them.
Speaker 1 (13:23):
Out, shit, dude.
Speaker 4 (13:26):
That night he was a works party and he went
to his works party without you. Yeah, and then he
was trying to ring him and he was on the
phone to her, and then she was off on like
some six month tour of California or something.
Speaker 1 (13:41):
Waving yeah. And then he stayed with.
Speaker 4 (13:45):
Me like a few more months and then broke up
me right before my birthday. And in couple's therapy, which
is hilarious. Yeah.
Speaker 1 (13:53):
Yeah.
Speaker 3 (13:54):
I have a friend who was cheated on in a
marriage and she said that, like it's so strange because
she's like, my immediate reaction was I wanted to win
him back.
Speaker 1 (14:04):
Like my immediate reaction wasn't even anger at him. It's
like I was pest at him. But I was also like,
I need to get.
Speaker 5 (14:10):
You love me.
Speaker 1 (14:11):
Yeah, how do I do it?
Speaker 4 (14:13):
Being rejected for another woman is one of the most
painful things. I think whatever relationships she went very straight
is very painful to be replaced and to know that
she was in the wings waiting. Oh, he was waiting
in the wings for her to be single. Like what
a waste? But yeah, I tried to cling on and
(14:37):
tried to work it out. And we went to couple's
therapy where we had like a female therapist and a
male therapist, and they made us do like things in
sand pits with these models in the sandpit, just like
relationship is. Yeah, And they got us two this big
(14:58):
sheet of paper and we wrote out our together and
what we wanted, and we both wrote down, you know,
more activities and holidays and all this stuff. And then
he went on a little get away with his brother
that weekend. And then the next week of therapy, they
got out the thing and he just went, I want
none of it. I'm done. And they were more pissed
off at him than I was. And they said, I
(15:20):
we'll give you half your money back.
Speaker 5 (15:22):
Wow.
Speaker 4 (15:24):
And they said, but we don't want you come in
to him. We don't want you, We don't want to
see you again because we're not comfortable in your presence.
Speaker 5 (15:32):
Mate.
Speaker 4 (15:32):
So they left the money under a rock outside the
door for him to go pick up because they didn't
they knew that he was a massive narcicist.
Speaker 1 (15:41):
I don't even know. Was he going originally to therapy
under the guise of, like, I am going to get
better and I'm gonna love Jane, or was it just
like I'm so uncomfortable I need to like fake it
and go through the motions, or.
Speaker 4 (15:53):
I don't know what was in his point, because he
was still in contact with her and he was still
planning to be with her.
Speaker 1 (15:59):
And would you have considered yourself bisexual at that time?
Speaker 4 (16:03):
Yeah, okay, so I knew I was, by he always
had an issue with that as well. I would run
off with a woman, So maybe his instincts were right too.
Speaker 5 (16:11):
I know.
Speaker 1 (16:12):
Okay, So then how do you get the breakup happens?
You're devastated for it?
Speaker 4 (16:18):
And then actually I wrote out my letter and I
had a plan, and I didn't go through it because
I thought, I'm going to have to write to every
person that I love and explain and then I'm gonna
have to get stamps and envelopes, and I'm just too tired.
Speaker 5 (16:31):
I was too tired entirely.
Speaker 4 (16:34):
Friend a friend came round and she was like, because
on my birthday as well, he came he broke up
with me just for my birthday. And on my birthday
I had a hair appointment. He came around and took
all this stuff came around. This that sucks, you know.
Speaker 2 (16:47):
I think it's interesting though, like that you got to
that point mentally, and I think that speaks a lot
to like the narcissistic.
Speaker 5 (16:55):
Being in a relationship with the narcissist, it.
Speaker 2 (16:58):
Fucking wrecks you, and like varying degrees of narcissism, right,
but the fact that, like I think it's it really
does grab a mental hold of you. And then being
rejected by that person too, And like narcissists have a
way of putting themselves so high up in your you know,
in your eyes, to where you think they're the best
(17:20):
thing on the planet. So when that happens, you're like, great,
the best thing on the planet just left me.
Speaker 1 (17:25):
Yeah, it's only down from here, right, Yeah.
Speaker 4 (17:28):
So that a good friend came around. She got me
sett up with the NHS, and I every week I
went and sat with this old rocker guy who was
an old therapist. There was short staff, so they brought
him in and he had like boot flair jeans and
he'd talked about being in a band and I couldn't talk.
My first meeting with him, I couldn't even talk. I
had nothing in me. And by the end of like
(17:50):
two months he got me back on my feet and
he was like, you need to get back on the
comedy because I just started doing comedy in this relationship.
I think that was part of the reason why he
got a bit jealous, because I was kind of doing
well at comedy and he wanted to do comedy as well.
My ex So yeah, I got back and then I
was like, rite comedy literally saved my life. I signed
(18:12):
up for I lived in Brighton at the time, bright
and Fringe like a big arts festival, signed up to
do a show and I was like, right, I'm going
to write this show and did five comedy characters and
that got me out of my depression, had something to
live for. It was like in the following May and
I applied for it like say the October November and
comedy ever since has just given me a voice. And
(18:33):
also we talked about it in my podcast that you
guys did all terrible things since coming out as well,
my voice and my comedy has just been like so
much better. And to frame I can reframe all this trauma.
I now joke about him being on stage. You own stories.
I own it. I'm taking it back like it's a
(18:55):
funny story.
Speaker 1 (18:56):
Yeah.
Speaker 3 (18:57):
I mean, once you get to that place, I think
you're I mean, none of us are ever really healed,
but you're healed, like you're in so many ways. It's
just not the same anymore. So were you at dating women?
Speaker 5 (19:09):
Like?
Speaker 1 (19:09):
When did that start?
Speaker 4 (19:10):
So I've actually been single for eleven years. I did dabble,
like say, ten years ago. I got that her app
and I was using that for a bit and talking
to people, and then I had a few dates, but
I just wasn't ready. I was in a state and
I'd always put my life on pause for men, and
I was like, actually, I want to pursue comedy. I
(19:31):
want to be great at comedy and put myself first.
So I've had like ten years of just me and
including the pandemic. So in the pandemic, I came out
because I'd listened to a podcast by Mo Welsh. I
think it's on Audible called Come Out, Come Out. Somehow
it found its way into my algorithm and I listened
to it and I got to the final episode and
(19:53):
I sat there with myself, you know, mid pandemic, and
I was like, I am a lesbian lesbian and I
cried and cried for two.
Speaker 3 (20:02):
Days, excited or sad like excited, scared, like what was
the best everything?
Speaker 4 (20:07):
But I was like, oh my god, why did I
never let myself see? And I'd always joked with ex
boyfriends and said, oh, when this relationship's over, I'm going
to start dating. Yeah, I used to say that you
never let myself. I never let myself be happy and
have things that make me happy. So for the last
you know, a few years. I came out when I
was thirty nine. I'm going to be forty four this year.
(20:29):
It's actually I think it's is that the math four.
Speaker 1 (20:32):
Years forty four or five years?
Speaker 4 (20:35):
Yeah, about four years ago about this time of year.
So that was really free and the funny thing was
as well, when I went around my friends telling them,
I was like, guys, it was something to say. And
I realized it was like Pam and Liz, Hannah and
Alice all lesbian couples.
Speaker 2 (20:52):
Oh wow, were they like we knew the whole time
or were they like, yeah, they they had an inkling.
So it sounds like you know, you were in it
with this man, and I think this is one of
the things that's really difficult for a lot of us
to wrestle with, and myself included, where it's like I
had like what I thought was like a forever relationship
with a man, yeah, and then I had never had
(21:14):
an experience with.
Speaker 5 (21:15):
A woman, and then once.
Speaker 2 (21:16):
I did, like it was like like dug, you fuck
an idiot. Yeah, And I'm curious if like was there
a moment for you like that relationship has ended and
now you're kind of like opening the doors to your
brain of like dating, Like did you have like an
epiphany moment like that where it all just hit you
or was it like over time you just kind of
(21:36):
realized like wait a second, Like I know I'm by,
but I think I really am gay.
Speaker 4 (21:40):
So I mean I had between relationships as well, I
had experiences with women, so it wasn't something i'd never had.
Speaker 2 (21:47):
Kind of connecting the dots, I think is always interesting,
you know, because our brains trick us. And I understand that,
like sexuality is fluid. I think we've seen a lot
of demonstrations of that in pop culture lately, with people
that said that they were queer now dating men. So
I get that, like those kind of shifts and ebbs
and flows happen, but I also feel like someone people
(22:11):
at our age are better informed, knowledgeable to make that
solid decision of being like.
Speaker 5 (22:19):
I'm not dating a man again.
Speaker 1 (22:21):
Hear it?
Speaker 5 (22:21):
Yeah, it's done for me.
Speaker 4 (22:23):
Yeah. It was just it was such an epiphany to
finish that podcast and sit in the silence and tune
into that screeching sound and it was literally saying you're
a lesbian. I was like, oh my god. I think
as well if I honestly look back at it, And
I joke about this in my stand up that the
men that I did date it was for security. It
was either for location security to move to Brighton, or
(22:48):
like a bit of financial security, or they were Like
when I started dating the last guy, we were both
doing an acting diploma, so he was on the course,
so we were on the course together in that little bubble,
so it kind of worked.
Speaker 2 (23:05):
That's an interesting point too, because I think, you know,
years ago in the unit in the US, women couldn't
get credit cards, you couldn't get a mortgage, like you
could not buy and get buy your own home, get
by on your own without being married, you know, and
so it was like getting women were getting married out
of necessity. And then like come around to the early
(23:29):
late nineties, early two thousands when Ali and I are,
you know, getting married, and it was that still that
mindset that we were getting mindset.
Speaker 1 (23:38):
But now it is so it's not.
Speaker 2 (23:41):
Right, it's not that And on top of that, like
that is something that I still think about though, Like
I'm in the process of buying a house now and
completely on my own, and I keep thinking, God, damn,
I wish I had a partner to like talk about
with this this major decision that I'm making.
Speaker 1 (24:00):
It wouldn't be a man, but.
Speaker 2 (24:02):
It wouldn't have to be a man. I'm just saying,
like I'm just another person. But like I think a
lot of relationships are are stemmed from financial security, you know,
Like there is a lot behind that decision making in
like wanting pursuing relationships sometimes because it's like, well that
I've got like another person by my side through privilege
(24:22):
of like yeah.
Speaker 4 (24:24):
No, it's question, and yeah, I think as well, I
would change myself to fit that person. But now I
don't do that anymore. Did you?
Speaker 3 (24:32):
Immediately then you have this epiphany tell us the gay part.
Speaker 5 (24:36):
Like then.
Speaker 1 (24:38):
Se like, what happens?
Speaker 4 (24:40):
So then you're twenty twenty one, I'm in a pandemic.
Yeah you know what.
Speaker 1 (24:46):
I've heard that now from a couple people. That's kind
of perry too. Well, yeah, that's right.
Speaker 4 (24:51):
Yeah, this is why then lesbian TikTok comes into social
media because I am on TikTok. Algorithm is also like, yeah,
but you are gay, and that representation I didn't have
as a child, I'm now having as an adult and
it's right there. So after I told my nana that, yeah,
(25:13):
I told my ninety year old nana, I told my parents,
and then it took me two months to get the
courage to tell my nana. And I felt a massive
weight off me.
Speaker 1 (25:21):
Wow, And I said, all.
Speaker 4 (25:23):
These masks fell off, like all this costume. It was
like just pulling off the armor and just being authentically me.
And I felt so free because she was the last person.
I didn't want her to find out from someone else first.
And when that was done, that was such an amazing
feeling to be free. And then I could go on
(25:45):
social media because there was memes and stuff about being
a lesbian that I went to share, but my auntie
follows me on instagrams, I don't want her to tell
my nana.
Speaker 1 (25:53):
Yeah, of course.
Speaker 4 (25:54):
But after that I was just free and I was like,
I don't care. And that's when like a year and
a half ago, I started in TikTok, little six second
tiktoks of like lesbian memes and my experience and they're
just like super popular. And then before Christmas, because we
thought TikTok was finishing, I went on Instagram and started
posting them there because I'd nailed down the format on
(26:15):
TikTok already. They just snowball. People love them.
Speaker 5 (26:20):
Yeah, give some examples of the kind of stuff you do.
Speaker 4 (26:24):
So I live in a village, I'm may use my
parents as a base so in the village and I
just do like a six second video. It could be
me lying in a field and then the meme is
like when she hasn't called you back, Okay, you're thinking, yeah,
you know. It's just the most simple things and the
ones that I don't spend any time on and just
(26:45):
fire out do the best.
Speaker 5 (26:48):
Yeah.
Speaker 4 (26:48):
There's so many women and they're like, oh, that's so relatable.
It's so relatable and they share them, and I've got
like me and my dad going up there's like a
quarry in the village, and we go up there and
he is doing this dry stone with all these bits
of slate. So we'll go up and he I'll sit
and then he does his wall, so he'll video me
pretending to build the wall, and then the hook will
(27:09):
be like when she's agreed to a second date, so
you start. That's got three million view I mean maybe
now four million views on Instagram.
Speaker 1 (27:20):
That is hilarious.
Speaker 4 (27:21):
I'm so oh, is it that other people seeing themselves
in me? Like is this? Yeah? Most lovely community? And
they talk to each other within my comments. There's like
a little community of people who will interact in under
my videos, which is beautiful. And I get so many
dms as well, with people just being like, I'm having
a really hard time. I'm not out to my family.
(27:43):
I watch your videos and they make me smile every day.
Speaker 1 (27:46):
They are funny.
Speaker 4 (27:47):
Yeah, because I do comedy and I can't be out
on stage all the time because I'm often writing and
working on stuff.
Speaker 3 (27:53):
So I don't want to get back to the original
question though, the gay question. Oh yeah, women like I
does it then translate to women in the real world, like.
Speaker 1 (28:04):
Did you go on a date? And then you're like, shit,
I'm doing it. I'm really doing it.
Speaker 3 (28:07):
I've told Nana the weights lifted. I'm out there. I'm
interested in her. This person like, how did that happen?
Speaker 4 (28:14):
I've been single?
Speaker 1 (28:15):
Okay, this is exciting. You're gonna get a lot of
d ms after the show.
Speaker 5 (28:19):
I know.
Speaker 4 (28:19):
And people say, I can't why are you single? Can't
believe you're single? Answer is I choose single first, because
I've given those eleven years back to myself. Yes, ten years,
let's say single, and I really like myself and I
like my own company, and I can be alone with
my thoughts in my head and that's a really magical
(28:40):
place to get through it. And I don't I'm not
going out looking for someone because I'm pursuing my comedy.
I've still got so much work to do.
Speaker 3 (28:48):
Not interested in dating is what I'm hearing. It's not interested,
okay in me.
Speaker 4 (28:52):
I'm already meeting people kind of in the comments virtually
and then sometimes within the comedy community and things like that.
But I'm not I don't need another piece of me
at the moment to complete me, and I guess relationships
shouldn't be that, but I don't. There's nothing anyone else
could add at the moment that I kind of need.
Speaker 1 (29:14):
I don't.
Speaker 4 (29:14):
I think that's find it so strange.
Speaker 1 (29:16):
I don't think it's strange at all.
Speaker 5 (29:18):
I think it's really healthy and that.
Speaker 1 (29:20):
I want to kiss girls.
Speaker 3 (29:21):
So for me, it's like I can relate to that
to an extent, and then I stop relating because I'm
not way too I love being alone, I love my work,
I love all the things. Like something eventually came over
me that I'm like, Okay, I physically want to do
the thing.
Speaker 1 (29:36):
So I'm curio, are you getting to that point? That's
what I'm asking.
Speaker 4 (29:40):
Okay, But it's such a weird thing because people do,
you know me off social media, and they do know
me from stand up, so I have to I can't
just play the fields fair enough. Humor is gonna start,
you know, I mean, that's yeah.
Speaker 1 (29:57):
Probably were Melissa.
Speaker 4 (29:59):
My female crush as well. Like I've got a couple
kind of friends and kind of you know, I've known
one of them for like ten years and when I
came out, I kind of told her. But she's bisexual,
so she dates men as well, but there's no rush,
(30:19):
there's no grasping. There was a lot of grasping with men,
oh I need him as a boyfriend, and loads of
anxiety around it, whereas with women and it's like, oh
I we're still getting to know each other. It might
happen down the line. Yeah, there's no you know, like
the grasping. There's a Buddhist thing, isn't it, like don't
grasp onto things because you'll lose them things. Yeah, And
(30:41):
in my head a couple of friends, I'm like, I
think she might be Australian. I think she might work
in the comedy business. And I joke as well about
finding someone who looks similar to me. I'm very tall.
I'm like six foot tall.
Speaker 1 (30:58):
Really yeah.
Speaker 4 (30:59):
I just I joke in my stand up about, you know,
stop asking me my ideal woman, and then I do
a massive list because I have thought about it. But
to be honest, if something happens, it happens. But I'm
not going out. My priorities are at the moment, my
comedy and my writing where my passion lies, and that's
what fills me up.
Speaker 5 (31:20):
I think that's really healthy, you know, Like we talk
about this all the time.
Speaker 2 (31:23):
How we're people coming out are so eager to get
in a relationship that you wind up in like shitty
relationships that end up doing so much damage.
Speaker 4 (31:33):
Yeah, and friendships last longer. Friendships you can have ten,
twenty thirty years like the rest of your life, whereas
a relationship can quickly burn out any.
Speaker 5 (31:41):
And ruin a friendship eventually.
Speaker 4 (31:44):
So I'd rather have more female friends. Yeah, but I mean,
you know, everyone's different. But yeah, people can't believe. I
joked last year because it was ten years last year
and it's eleven years this year. I said, I think
at ten years you get an award.
Speaker 3 (31:58):
So what would it take It would take somebody who
meets your meets the list to pursue you.
Speaker 1 (32:05):
It sounds like they would have to pretty hard pursue you.
Speaker 4 (32:08):
I think we're just gonna meet up. Paths are going
to cross. That's how my relationships have always been. I've
never gone out looking. They've just come along.
Speaker 6 (32:16):
Yep.
Speaker 4 (32:17):
But we'll see she's going to be creative. She might
be in the same business, and then you ally's.
Speaker 5 (32:23):
The same way. People just knock on her door. ShW up.
Speaker 1 (32:25):
They just come knocking every day.
Speaker 4 (32:27):
There's people lined up in a Goden.
Speaker 1 (32:30):
They're lined up right now, guys, Yeah, very much, not
like that.
Speaker 4 (32:35):
I mean I spent I spent thirty five years obviously
without my childhood, but just being in relationships from like
being twenty two to thirty five.
Speaker 3 (32:45):
I don't even think you need to be in the relationship.
I just what I want for you, Jane, and I
don't even know you. Yeah, I want you to kiss girls.
Speaker 5 (32:53):
He wants you make it out on a Saturday night.
Speaker 3 (32:55):
Make it out on a Saturday night, and then we
do something called the rehash, which is go out, and
then we rehashed the night the next morning, either at
my place or like if Melissa's stayed over, there's a rehash.
Speaker 1 (33:07):
In my kitchen of what went down. And when someone
has had an experience with a woman.
Speaker 3 (33:11):
Even if it's like football and you're never going to
see them again, that's a hot topic at the rehash.
Speaker 4 (33:16):
I mean. The other interesting thing to put into the
mix is that I have been sober for fourteen years,
so I think when you're sober it's different as well.
Speaker 5 (33:25):
And yeah, it's like going to the bar with the
lights on.
Speaker 4 (33:27):
And I have to present my mental health as well.
So I don't want to be messy. It's exactly going
to the bar with the lights on. I don't want
messy situations. I don't want to lead people on. I
mean when I was dating started dating women a little
bit eleven years ago, I was upsetting people because I
couldn't give them what they wanted, you know, and I
hate hurting someone's feelings. I respect women too much. They
(33:48):
don't want to lead them down a bit.
Speaker 2 (33:50):
Yeah, I feel that like not being ready and then
like next thing, you know, that other person is ready
and you're you feel like a shitty human because it's
just like I want to be in the same place,
but I'm not.
Speaker 5 (34:02):
You know, that's tough.
Speaker 4 (34:04):
So I'm like, am I A? I don't know, but
I'm really happy.
Speaker 5 (34:08):
That's great though.
Speaker 2 (34:09):
That's what matters is that you're happy. And I think
it's a rarity, you know, like kind of like what
I was saying, We've all been taught that we need
relationships in order to like survive, and really the relationships
that it doesn't matter if you have a romantic relationship
when you've got like family and friends and everybody else
has yours, you know it, you know, like Allie.
Speaker 5 (34:33):
I miss, you know, kissing girls in the meantime, But I.
Speaker 4 (34:37):
Mean, you know, you buying a house, Melissa is like
my dream solo, buying a house without anyone else. That's
one of my life dreams to do that and get
the keys and know it's mine, yeah, someone else's. I
think that is such an amazing point in life, really.
Speaker 2 (34:56):
Is, And that's that's very It's a good point to
make right now because I have been so stressed because
like getting everything ready on my own and doing all
the paperwork, and it's it's a lot.
Speaker 4 (35:08):
Man like doing it doing it, and I never would
have thought I could have done that, you know, I
actually I couldn't have done that.
Speaker 2 (35:17):
Like eight nine years ago when I was married, you know,
we bought properties and I did like negotiating stuff, but
I didn't do any of the paperwork, like come on.
Speaker 4 (35:27):
The appmin sometimes exactly he's been.
Speaker 2 (35:32):
He did all the bills and all that stuff, and
now I'm like, oh, numbers even just.
Speaker 3 (35:36):
Like the mortgage process is such a full time job.
It's like a heavy lift for a week of like
documents and stuff that it's like you're pulling tax returns
and mortgage statements and bank statements and like all every
it's like a full time job. You have to take
a week off work and just do it.
Speaker 2 (35:53):
It's that's how I feel because yeah, I'm also working
in the meantime.
Speaker 3 (35:57):
And it's funny you will you stay living where you are,
Like you're in a small town, right.
Speaker 4 (36:05):
Small little village. Yeah, just strict at the moment hearing
my parents. I use this as a base, have my
own living room and bedroom and everything. But it's quite
nice being around with my family because the last relationship
as well took me away from my family and my friends.
So building those relationships up again with my parents, it's
just really nice. And my dad's like my biggest cheerleader
(36:28):
and mental health wise, it's just amazing to see sky
and countryside every day and absolutely more creative than I
ever have in my life. So but who knows. I'm
open to anything, but I'm.
Speaker 3 (36:41):
Too like that online community does become like I know
so many people who they've met so many.
Speaker 1 (36:48):
Great people through that.
Speaker 3 (36:50):
Yeah, and it's I think that too, is like a
whole other community of people that you probably consider friends.
Speaker 4 (36:56):
Yeah, I mean, for example, Alexei Malvin, who's on your
part as well.
Speaker 1 (37:00):
Yeah, in.
Speaker 4 (37:02):
Kind of connected. It must have been like a year
ago just because we were doing similar videos and now
I can you get an exclusive from me that we're
actually doing a podcast together.
Speaker 1 (37:12):
Oh exciting call.
Speaker 4 (37:14):
That's so sapphic. We just recorded our first episode today
and it's just basically talking about our experiences. I mean,
she's just been out forever, yeah, in life lesbian, but
we both have similar sapphic influences during childhood, teenage years
that we want to explore and I think people resonate
(37:34):
with that, people relate to it. So I'm kind of
on picking the past and being like, oh that makes sense.
Speaker 1 (37:40):
Oh yeah, yeah, it's for eggs.
Speaker 5 (37:44):
What major city are you near?
Speaker 3 (37:46):
Oh?
Speaker 4 (37:47):
Good question. About two hours on the train from Manchester,
about about two hours from Liverpool probably, Yeah, I'm right
on the coast on the northwest of England of Scotland,
so similar kind of terrain to Scotland.
Speaker 1 (38:03):
I'm sure.
Speaker 4 (38:04):
It's so beautiful with the moors with you remembers. Edinburgh
is about three hours away as well, so yeah, it's
it's fine.
Speaker 5 (38:14):
Get in New York.
Speaker 3 (38:15):
Yeah, yeah, Well, if you do, you'll have to let
us know because that's a very short flight for us.
Speaker 1 (38:23):
I'm there a lot, but yeah, yeah that would be lovely.
Speaker 3 (38:26):
Yeah, sure, Well it has been a pleasure having you
on the show.
Speaker 1 (38:30):
Thank you, thank you.
Speaker 4 (38:31):
I hope your listeners enjoy your You're.
Speaker 1 (38:34):
Going to get some dms. You're going to be getting
DM slips, right.
Speaker 4 (38:38):
Just don't be weird if a man put yourself and
if a man was going to send that same message,
do you think think about how it would feel about that.
I'm getting a lot of weird, weird dms and I'm
having to put boundaries down, Okay, going to take that.
I'm not going to take that behavior from a man,
So I'm not going to take it from a woman either.
I like, it's like, oh, you want to meet up
(39:00):
for a drink, and it's someone who has two followers,
no profile, pick posts. I'm like, yeah, genuine.
Speaker 1 (39:10):
What if they're like genuine cool girl with like sweet.
Speaker 5 (39:13):
Put your picture on there?
Speaker 1 (39:15):
What do they have to do.
Speaker 4 (39:16):
Be a real person to be creepy and weird and
maybe meet me in real life?
Speaker 2 (39:23):
I don't know the difference between your and you are?
Speaker 1 (39:27):
Yeah, do you know the difference between your and your.
Speaker 3 (39:31):
This sentence and then also, what's your favorite tell us
who your favorite band is?
Speaker 4 (39:35):
Oh, good question. I love Lady Gaga. I love everything
that she's come back with for a while. She just
come back with iconic songs I think, and g Flip
as well. I listened to them.
Speaker 1 (39:47):
My gosh, our friends are going to see g Flip
this week?
Speaker 5 (39:50):
Right? Yeah?
Speaker 4 (39:51):
I went to see them in Manchester last September and
it was iconic.
Speaker 1 (39:55):
Okay, maybe I do need to say yesterday.
Speaker 4 (39:57):
I was crying because there no representation like that when
I was a child and it was wall to wall lesbians.
Speaker 1 (40:05):
Yeah, I do.
Speaker 3 (40:05):
You know, I've never even heard of g Flip if
that gives you any indication really until our friends were
like do you want to go?
Speaker 1 (40:13):
And then I was like.
Speaker 5 (40:14):
Okay, yeah.
Speaker 4 (40:15):
And they're a drummer as well, and that.
Speaker 5 (40:18):
Really yeah, it's pretty badass.
Speaker 4 (40:20):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (40:21):
Yeah. I love live music, so it wouldn't have to
be much for me to enjoy it.
Speaker 4 (40:26):
I have a lot of social anxiety, and I think
that plays into it.
Speaker 6 (40:29):
So we had I would have gotten into that special
assistance balcony near a toilet and near some space so
I didn't feel over No, that's great.
Speaker 4 (40:41):
Yeah, I think I'm an extrovert. I've actually an introvert,
even though I put myself out there on social media
and on stage, I am very introverted.
Speaker 3 (40:47):
Yeah, that's interesting about So it's the social anxiety at
public spaces like that, But like if you're at a
dinner with four people, do you also feel kind of
socially anxious.
Speaker 1 (40:57):
It's like big public scenarios.
Speaker 4 (41:00):
Yeah, yeah, I do. Live music really moves me and
I end up crying.
Speaker 1 (41:05):
Yeah that's awesome.
Speaker 3 (41:07):
All right, Well, we sure appreciate it, and I'm sure
we're going to talk to you soon.
Speaker 4 (41:11):
Yeah, brilliant. And yeah, your listeners can listen to you
on all the terrible things talking about your spooky stories.
Speaker 5 (41:17):
Yeah that's right.
Speaker 3 (41:18):
Okay, and when we're going to err ours the same
day as you're hearing your terrible things okay, Yes, got.
Speaker 4 (41:23):
It for happened and it's been great to see your
faces again.
Speaker 5 (41:27):
Yeah you too, all right? Ay. I want to support
the Lesbian Chronicles podcast.
Speaker 2 (41:41):
Rate us and write a review on Apple podcast or Spotify.
Speaker 1 (41:45):
We love listener feedback. If you'd like to share your story,
email us at Melissa and Ali at gmail dot com.
That's Melissa M. E. L I, s A and Ali
A L l I at gmail dot com, or follow
us on Instagram at Lesbian Chronicles
I'm Ali. I came out after twenty years of marriage
and I have three kids.
Speaker 2 (00:09):
I'm Melissa and I have two kids, and I came
out at thirty seven after an eleven year marriage.
Speaker 1 (00:15):
This podcast is about coming out later and the struggles
and victories.
Speaker 2 (00:20):
That come with it when coming out feels like the
end of the world, but it's really just the beginning.
Speaker 3 (00:25):
This is the Lesbian Chronicles. Welcome to the Lesbian Chronicles.
Do you have a bathing suit on under that?
Speaker 4 (00:40):
No?
Speaker 2 (00:40):
This is my these, this is my bra I own
like ten of these. They're from American Eagle. This is okay,
great opportunity here. If anyone has connections to American Eagle,
please tell them to start making their fucking brawlts again
that are comfy and don't have lace and all that shit.
Speaker 5 (00:56):
Because I have.
Speaker 2 (00:56):
Bought so many of these and it's getting to the
point where it's like embarrassing that I even wear them
anymore because they don't they don't make them, and they
were great and comfy, and I don't have big boobs,
I don't need a lot of.
Speaker 1 (01:08):
No, but this is where I'm at.
Speaker 3 (01:10):
I've had this debate now with so many people, but
like why are we still wearing bras, especially when you're
in a black T shirt?
Speaker 5 (01:16):
Very true.
Speaker 2 (01:17):
And I really only had it on this morning because
my ex husband was picking up the kids, so I
didn't know if that was entirely.
Speaker 1 (01:24):
I don't wear a bra ever like I can be
in a shirt.
Speaker 2 (01:28):
But okay, that's the thing though, my nipples are always hard.
That's a bit to me, am I, but you know,
I nurse two babies for two years and so they're
just you.
Speaker 1 (01:38):
Think, like I don't always ready now, like I don't
and I just had lunch.
Speaker 2 (01:42):
Yeah, I can't tell you don't have nipple covers on.
Oh my god, where's this conversation going? Because I I
don't wear a bra a lot anymore. And trust when
a number of our friends like to point this out
to me, because I'll have my shirt like unbuttoned, and
I think it makes them a little nervous because I'm unbuttoned,
no bra. But I use like tape to make sure
(02:04):
that like I'm not like fully falling out.
Speaker 5 (02:07):
Wouldn't even Alley's like no tape, no.
Speaker 3 (02:09):
Tape, no bra, Like I think this is another tatumism,
Like she like really was like I can't believe it's archaic.
Speaker 1 (02:17):
Mom, it is bra, but she like woke me up.
Speaker 3 (02:21):
To She's like, nobody is wearing bras anymore, Like you
don't wear a bra. And then that day I go
out running and I'm thinking about all the men that
are running without shirts on.
Speaker 5 (02:29):
Wait, you run without a bra?
Speaker 1 (02:31):
No, now I run with the sports bra.
Speaker 5 (02:33):
Oh okay, I think it's like it's hurd to me, Jesus.
Speaker 3 (02:36):
No, no, no, it occurred to me that I'm like,
these men run around, they're like wide open in my
yoga class, boobs out, and yet I'm like wearing a
bron or my shirt like it's nineteen twenty five.
Speaker 1 (02:47):
No, I'm not wearing a bra anymore. Guys, it's done.
Speaker 5 (02:49):
We love it. I love it.
Speaker 2 (02:50):
Okay, Well, I'm going to drift away and in the meantime,
hope that American Eagle brings back.
Speaker 5 (02:55):
These brawls just.
Speaker 1 (02:56):
Don't hear, or maybe we just all decide we're not
doing bra.
Speaker 5 (03:00):
But I mean, I'm not about half the time. I'm not.
Speaker 2 (03:03):
So anytime we've gone out recently, I think, I mean,
not that you're checking under my shirt, but most of
the time I'm not wearing a bra.
Speaker 4 (03:10):
Exactly.
Speaker 5 (03:11):
I've got that tattoo on my sternam now.
Speaker 1 (03:13):
No, now you do.
Speaker 3 (03:16):
It always looks so bad ass too. You can't have
a bra on like that, right, cover up the ship,
cover up the ship. And if the men are fucking
doing it in my sweaty ass hot yoga.
Speaker 5 (03:25):
With their nasty, hairy chick harry.
Speaker 1 (03:28):
Nipples in my next to me on the mat, I'm like,
I'm not wearing a bra anymore. Guys like, this is ridiculous.
Speaker 5 (03:35):
Yeah, I'm with you, Okay, I'm joining forces.
Speaker 1 (03:37):
Let's all join forces on that. So okay.
Speaker 3 (03:41):
So another exciting turn of events for the Lesbian Chronicles.
Speaker 5 (03:45):
Yeah, this is very exciting.
Speaker 1 (03:47):
No, it started out like scary scary.
Speaker 5 (03:49):
Oh, I'm still a little scared. But we're planning on
doing a live event.
Speaker 2 (03:55):
We haven't done one in a few years, and we've
only done them in Atlanta, you.
Speaker 1 (03:59):
Know, where we control the audience.
Speaker 5 (04:01):
Or we can invite our friends.
Speaker 2 (04:03):
Actually, but this one we're doing in Seattle.
Speaker 1 (04:07):
Yes, we are doing in Seattle because we have a
friend of the pod who is a has.
Speaker 3 (04:14):
Like a company that essentially does events like this, and
she asked us and she I don't know, like the
way she described it, I like, I'm a believer.
Speaker 1 (04:24):
I'm like, we'll be there, Like, this sounds so fun.
And then I'm like, even if it's it ends up
being like.
Speaker 3 (04:30):
Crazy, it's still a blast because we're going to be
with her and with a few of our other good friends.
Speaker 1 (04:34):
So to me, it's like I'm excited.
Speaker 5 (04:37):
Yeah, Yeah, it's going to be a lot of fun.
Speaker 2 (04:39):
We're really want to bring the community together as well
out there. You know, it's going to be a great
opportunity for people to meet each other. And you know, Seattle,
there's a lot of surrounding cities that people can come in.
Speaker 5 (04:52):
Maybe you're going to meet someone that you wouldn't normally.
Speaker 1 (04:55):
So I've never been to Seattle.
Speaker 5 (04:57):
I haven't either. That's the other exciting part. Like it's
been on my list.
Speaker 2 (05:01):
It seems like a really cool city and I'm super
stoked to check it out for sure.
Speaker 3 (05:07):
And some of the events of that weekend are going
to be a women's soccer game, a brewery, and then
the event Saturday night with us, and I think the
whole weekend we're going to stay at the hotel with
a lot of other people.
Speaker 1 (05:19):
Like I think it's going to be a total blast.
And it's the weekend of October eighteenth.
Speaker 2 (05:22):
Yeah, October eighteenth, So mark your calendars, start booking flights,
doing all the things.
Speaker 5 (05:27):
So we're here for it and excited.
Speaker 3 (05:30):
Yes, very excited. But onto something else, very exciting as
we have Jane with us today, and Jane, every time
I say you're at last name out loud, I'm scared
I'm saying it wrong.
Speaker 1 (05:39):
So I'm gonna have you say it.
Speaker 4 (05:40):
It's Jane Posselthwaite.
Speaker 1 (05:42):
See I would have done it wrong.
Speaker 4 (05:45):
I have been called so many different things, comedy lineups, postle, tits, postles.
Speaker 1 (05:52):
Let's have UGB Jane possel tips on.
Speaker 5 (05:54):
That's great.
Speaker 4 (05:55):
Yeah, you can spell a lot of rude words with
my surname as well.
Speaker 5 (06:01):
Wait there's a lot of letters in that name.
Speaker 1 (06:04):
Yeah yeah, but Jane, do you wear a bra? I
think that's what we all want.
Speaker 4 (06:07):
Well, this is such a good conversation start. I kind
of pulled my T shirt. I have got a huge
sports bra with a zip up the front. Big chested lady. Okay,
I couldn't go for a run. I'd end up with
two black eyes.
Speaker 3 (06:23):
I get it for the run, but like to me,
if you've got big boobs, all the better to like
not have the bron.
Speaker 4 (06:31):
Like they flat this this sports bar just flattens them down,
and that's good for me. Just te him where I
can keep an eye on them, keep an eye.
Speaker 1 (06:40):
I don't know what they're getting.
Speaker 2 (06:41):
And that's what I hear a lot from, like women
that have bigger chests, like they kind of want it's
like a good way to contain them, Like you.
Speaker 4 (06:49):
Don't want men looking at them either, do you know
what I mean. I've never been comfortable when those push
up bras came around and there was under bras for
a bras, it was like she can fill it in plants.
It's like, nope, I just want flat, flat flat.
Speaker 1 (07:05):
Okay, fair enough. You know I can critique Melissa, I
won't critique you.
Speaker 4 (07:11):
I love a little brala. I love a little sports bra.
I can't remember the last time I wore bra. I
can't remember.
Speaker 1 (07:17):
If you didn't have.
Speaker 3 (07:18):
To worry about the men and like that thing Like
let's say you're going out with all women to like
a women's event and you're in like an outfit, Like
would you consider not having a bran just to be
like free?
Speaker 1 (07:30):
Or is that like not in your repertoire.
Speaker 4 (07:32):
I'm not sure it would be. I'd be then tripping
over them as well.
Speaker 1 (07:36):
Okay, I guess I don't have that problem.
Speaker 4 (07:38):
They escape if it laid down, they escape round to
my back.
Speaker 1 (07:41):
Got it?
Speaker 4 (07:42):
Okay, I just like like a bulletproof vest. That's my
ideal lingerie.
Speaker 3 (07:48):
Okay, very good, because I don't have that issue, I
think so maybe if I did, I would feel differently.
Speaker 1 (07:53):
I'm so flat.
Speaker 2 (07:53):
See like, I feel like I can relate some from
when I was pregnant and nursing, like I had a
taste of having some boobs.
Speaker 5 (08:00):
But then I don't know.
Speaker 2 (08:02):
I always said I was going to get like some
kind of lyft or implants after having babies, But then
I'm like, I feel like I got.
Speaker 5 (08:09):
Out relatively unscathed. So I'm just gonna leave it be.
Speaker 4 (08:13):
Flat. Booby is a really sexy I think if you
wh t sha and just your little yeah, that sexy
a woman.
Speaker 1 (08:21):
We don't know if we can, but we do, we do,
but we definitely do.
Speaker 3 (08:27):
I have on one of Reed's target like cheap ass,
like the wife beater.
Speaker 5 (08:31):
Thing and no bra it's wife pleaser.
Speaker 1 (08:34):
Wife pleaser.
Speaker 3 (08:34):
I had on the wife Pleaser no bra, and I
was like looking at myself in the mirror and I'm
like this.
Speaker 1 (08:39):
Could be like what this is either like really sexy
or like really bad.
Speaker 2 (08:42):
I was going to say it depends on of your
audiences in that moment.
Speaker 5 (08:46):
If it's your son, clearly not.
Speaker 1 (08:48):
But I'm like scarring even if I wore it out.
Speaker 3 (08:50):
I'm like, I can't decide because I do have a
boy bod, like I don't I have no boobsh some
kind of similar.
Speaker 4 (08:58):
So yeah, I prayed. I was flat Chester till I
was sixteen, and I prayed for big boobs and they
came in at sixteen seventeen eighteen and they went huge.
Speaker 5 (09:08):
So just be careful, be careful what you wish for
or wow.
Speaker 1 (09:13):
I know I always mentioned I had them too. Tell
us a little bit about like give us your coming
out come to situation, because I know you were also
married to a man like we were.
Speaker 4 (09:24):
I wasn't married, okay, a long term relate well four years,
four and four years or so. Yeah, I always thought
I was bisexual. I've you know, been kissing ladies since
being a teenager and just fell into these relationships with
men that weren't very healthy at all because it was
(09:44):
never safe to be gay and there wasn't any representation,
and yeah, that's that relationship finished eleven years ago. I'm
going to be forty four this year. So eleven years ago,
I thought we were getting a house together. I thought
we were having kids together, and then I found out
(10:04):
he was cheating as someone who he'd been friends with
since university. He was a little bit older than me,
so they've been friends for like nineteen years or something
and like finally together. So it's some like big love
story for them. For me, it was very traumatic, such
a yeah, I'm so glad it happened now, though, Oh
(10:26):
my gosh, time.
Speaker 1 (10:27):
Out to me.
Speaker 3 (10:28):
While you're in that with him, are you like enjoying
the sex, You're like thinking he's your forever man? Like
this is you're in it. So you've had these experiences
with women, you're in it with this man.
Speaker 4 (10:40):
Well, yes, he was a narcissist. So I was very
loved bombed. He was very controlling and I didn't realize
at the time, and but I always had an anxiety.
I joke about it in my stand up. There was
always this like high pitched like.
Speaker 1 (10:58):
Mourning you.
Speaker 4 (10:59):
Yeah, and I got very sick. I got sick all
the time. I ever got like kidney infections. I've got
like chronic fatigue. I was depressed. I was anxious all
the time. And that was my body saying this is
all right. Yeah. And I was just sick all the time,
like not physically, and he was draining my energy. And
(11:19):
when this breakup happened, I was devastated because I just
thought this was it. And I think you probably relate
to this when you're friends with their family and they
have small children and you're a part of that family.
That's very painful as well.
Speaker 5 (11:34):
Yeah.
Speaker 4 (11:34):
I just thought, I guess this is it. I guess
this is what it feels like. I guess we'll have kids.
Speaker 1 (11:40):
And you start to like almost like gaslight yourself into
this is long term love, like the honeymoon phase is
over and this is like this is normal because it's like, yeah,
you know, just day and day Outum.
Speaker 5 (11:51):
Yeah.
Speaker 4 (11:52):
And I thought it was my fault. I thought there's
something wrong with me. It's my mental health. I'm the
problem in this relationship because I don't feel safe, I
don't feel calm. I just was yeah, constantly that high
pitched real anxiety and it took I mean I was
devastated when it finished. I was devastated because it was very,
(12:12):
very messy, and I think when you have had that
future taken away from you without processing it, Like I
found the emails on his led me to his laptop.
He wasn't coming home, and I went to his laptop
and I found all these emails. I spend five minutes
with Jane, and all I can think about is you.
Oh but that was the first line, and then he
(12:34):
have a like sexual It was so messy, and he
stayed in the relationship and yeah, it was just horrible.
Speaker 1 (12:40):
But did you confront him right away?
Speaker 4 (12:43):
Yeah? I tried to ring him, but he was ringing
her because I found her on Facebook and said, And
the next day he came round in the morning and
brought juices for us.
Speaker 1 (12:53):
Both, you're going to have to do better than that,
and here's this juice.
Speaker 4 (12:57):
Here's some fresh juice. I got those emails from his email,
emailed every single one to my email, and then deleted
them from his email, and then tested him and he
came in. And you know they say, like serial killers
go quiet when they've been found out because it's a relief.
Oh wow, had that energy. And then he was looking
for his emails, going there is anything here, and I
(13:19):
was like reading them out to him, and he was
denying them. I was like, I'm reading them.
Speaker 1 (13:23):
Out, shit, dude.
Speaker 4 (13:26):
That night he was a works party and he went
to his works party without you. Yeah, and then he
was trying to ring him and he was on the
phone to her, and then she was off on like
some six month tour of California or something.
Speaker 1 (13:41):
Waving yeah. And then he stayed with.
Speaker 4 (13:45):
Me like a few more months and then broke up
me right before my birthday. And in couple's therapy, which
is hilarious. Yeah.
Speaker 1 (13:53):
Yeah.
Speaker 3 (13:54):
I have a friend who was cheated on in a
marriage and she said that, like it's so strange because
she's like, my immediate reaction was I wanted to win
him back.
Speaker 1 (14:04):
Like my immediate reaction wasn't even anger at him. It's
like I was pest at him. But I was also like,
I need to get.
Speaker 5 (14:10):
You love me.
Speaker 1 (14:11):
Yeah, how do I do it?
Speaker 4 (14:13):
Being rejected for another woman is one of the most
painful things. I think whatever relationships she went very straight
is very painful to be replaced and to know that
she was in the wings waiting. Oh, he was waiting
in the wings for her to be single. Like what
a waste? But yeah, I tried to cling on and
(14:37):
tried to work it out. And we went to couple's
therapy where we had like a female therapist and a
male therapist, and they made us do like things in
sand pits with these models in the sandpit, just like
relationship is. Yeah, And they got us two this big
(14:58):
sheet of paper and we wrote out our together and
what we wanted, and we both wrote down, you know,
more activities and holidays and all this stuff. And then
he went on a little get away with his brother
that weekend. And then the next week of therapy, they
got out the thing and he just went, I want
none of it. I'm done. And they were more pissed
off at him than I was. And they said, I
(15:20):
we'll give you half your money back.
Speaker 5 (15:22):
Wow.
Speaker 4 (15:24):
And they said, but we don't want you come in
to him. We don't want you, We don't want to
see you again because we're not comfortable in your presence.
Speaker 5 (15:32):
Mate.
Speaker 4 (15:32):
So they left the money under a rock outside the
door for him to go pick up because they didn't
they knew that he was a massive narcicist.
Speaker 1 (15:41):
I don't even know. Was he going originally to therapy
under the guise of, like, I am going to get
better and I'm gonna love Jane, or was it just
like I'm so uncomfortable I need to like fake it
and go through the motions, or.
Speaker 4 (15:53):
I don't know what was in his point, because he
was still in contact with her and he was still
planning to be with her.
Speaker 1 (15:59):
And would you have considered yourself bisexual at that time?
Speaker 4 (16:03):
Yeah, okay, so I knew I was, by he always
had an issue with that as well. I would run
off with a woman, So maybe his instincts were right too.
Speaker 5 (16:11):
I know.
Speaker 1 (16:12):
Okay, So then how do you get the breakup happens?
You're devastated for it?
Speaker 4 (16:18):
And then actually I wrote out my letter and I
had a plan, and I didn't go through it because
I thought, I'm going to have to write to every
person that I love and explain and then I'm gonna
have to get stamps and envelopes, and I'm just too tired.
Speaker 5 (16:31):
I was too tired entirely.
Speaker 4 (16:34):
Friend a friend came round and she was like, because
on my birthday as well, he came he broke up
with me just for my birthday. And on my birthday
I had a hair appointment. He came around and took
all this stuff came around. This that sucks, you know.
Speaker 2 (16:47):
I think it's interesting though, like that you got to
that point mentally, and I think that speaks a lot
to like the narcissistic.
Speaker 5 (16:55):
Being in a relationship with the narcissist, it.
Speaker 2 (16:58):
Fucking wrecks you, and like varying degrees of narcissism, right,
but the fact that, like I think it's it really
does grab a mental hold of you. And then being
rejected by that person too, And like narcissists have a
way of putting themselves so high up in your you know,
in your eyes, to where you think they're the best
(17:20):
thing on the planet. So when that happens, you're like, great,
the best thing on the planet just left me.
Speaker 1 (17:25):
Yeah, it's only down from here, right, Yeah.
Speaker 4 (17:28):
So that a good friend came around. She got me
sett up with the NHS, and I every week I
went and sat with this old rocker guy who was
an old therapist. There was short staff, so they brought
him in and he had like boot flair jeans and
he'd talked about being in a band and I couldn't talk.
My first meeting with him, I couldn't even talk. I
had nothing in me. And by the end of like
(17:50):
two months he got me back on my feet and
he was like, you need to get back on the
comedy because I just started doing comedy in this relationship.
I think that was part of the reason why he
got a bit jealous, because I was kind of doing
well at comedy and he wanted to do comedy as well.
My ex So yeah, I got back and then I
was like, rite comedy literally saved my life. I signed
(18:12):
up for I lived in Brighton at the time, bright
and Fringe like a big arts festival, signed up to
do a show and I was like, right, I'm going
to write this show and did five comedy characters and
that got me out of my depression, had something to
live for. It was like in the following May and
I applied for it like say the October November and
comedy ever since has just given me a voice. And
(18:33):
also we talked about it in my podcast that you
guys did all terrible things since coming out as well,
my voice and my comedy has just been like so
much better. And to frame I can reframe all this trauma.
I now joke about him being on stage. You own stories.
I own it. I'm taking it back like it's a
(18:55):
funny story.
Speaker 1 (18:56):
Yeah.
Speaker 3 (18:57):
I mean, once you get to that place, I think
you're I mean, none of us are ever really healed,
but you're healed, like you're in so many ways. It's
just not the same anymore. So were you at dating women?
Speaker 5 (19:09):
Like?
Speaker 1 (19:09):
When did that start?
Speaker 4 (19:10):
So I've actually been single for eleven years. I did dabble,
like say, ten years ago. I got that her app
and I was using that for a bit and talking
to people, and then I had a few dates, but
I just wasn't ready. I was in a state and
I'd always put my life on pause for men, and
I was like, actually, I want to pursue comedy. I
(19:31):
want to be great at comedy and put myself first.
So I've had like ten years of just me and
including the pandemic. So in the pandemic, I came out
because I'd listened to a podcast by Mo Welsh. I
think it's on Audible called Come Out, Come Out. Somehow
it found its way into my algorithm and I listened
to it and I got to the final episode and
(19:53):
I sat there with myself, you know, mid pandemic, and
I was like, I am a lesbian lesbian and I
cried and cried for two.
Speaker 3 (20:02):
Days, excited or sad like excited, scared, like what was
the best everything?
Speaker 4 (20:07):
But I was like, oh my god, why did I
never let myself see? And I'd always joked with ex
boyfriends and said, oh, when this relationship's over, I'm going
to start dating. Yeah, I used to say that you
never let myself. I never let myself be happy and
have things that make me happy. So for the last
you know, a few years. I came out when I
was thirty nine. I'm going to be forty four this year.
(20:29):
It's actually I think it's is that the math four.
Speaker 1 (20:32):
Years forty four or five years?
Speaker 4 (20:35):
Yeah, about four years ago about this time of year.
So that was really free and the funny thing was
as well, when I went around my friends telling them,
I was like, guys, it was something to say. And
I realized it was like Pam and Liz, Hannah and
Alice all lesbian couples.
Speaker 2 (20:52):
Oh wow, were they like we knew the whole time
or were they like, yeah, they they had an inkling.
So it sounds like you know, you were in it
with this man, and I think this is one of
the things that's really difficult for a lot of us
to wrestle with, and myself included, where it's like I
had like what I thought was like a forever relationship
with a man, yeah, and then I had never had
(21:14):
an experience with.
Speaker 5 (21:15):
A woman, and then once.
Speaker 2 (21:16):
I did, like it was like like dug, you fuck
an idiot. Yeah, And I'm curious if like was there
a moment for you like that relationship has ended and
now you're kind of like opening the doors to your
brain of like dating, Like did you have like an
epiphany moment like that where it all just hit you
or was it like over time you just kind of
(21:36):
realized like wait a second, Like I know I'm by,
but I think I really am gay.
Speaker 4 (21:40):
So I mean I had between relationships as well, I
had experiences with women, so it wasn't something i'd never had.
Speaker 2 (21:47):
Kind of connecting the dots, I think is always interesting,
you know, because our brains trick us. And I understand that,
like sexuality is fluid. I think we've seen a lot
of demonstrations of that in pop culture lately, with people
that said that they were queer now dating men. So
I get that, like those kind of shifts and ebbs
and flows happen, but I also feel like someone people
(22:11):
at our age are better informed, knowledgeable to make that
solid decision of being like.
Speaker 5 (22:19):
I'm not dating a man again.
Speaker 1 (22:21):
Hear it?
Speaker 5 (22:21):
Yeah, it's done for me.
Speaker 4 (22:23):
Yeah. It was just it was such an epiphany to
finish that podcast and sit in the silence and tune
into that screeching sound and it was literally saying you're
a lesbian. I was like, oh my god. I think
as well if I honestly look back at it, And
I joke about this in my stand up that the
men that I did date it was for security. It
was either for location security to move to Brighton, or
(22:48):
like a bit of financial security, or they were Like
when I started dating the last guy, we were both
doing an acting diploma, so he was on the course,
so we were on the course together in that little bubble,
so it kind of worked.
Speaker 2 (23:05):
That's an interesting point too, because I think, you know,
years ago in the unit in the US, women couldn't
get credit cards, you couldn't get a mortgage, like you
could not buy and get buy your own home, get
by on your own without being married, you know, and
so it was like getting women were getting married out
of necessity. And then like come around to the early
(23:29):
late nineties, early two thousands when Ali and I are,
you know, getting married, and it was that still that
mindset that we were getting mindset.
Speaker 1 (23:38):
But now it is so it's not.
Speaker 2 (23:41):
Right, it's not that And on top of that, like
that is something that I still think about though, Like
I'm in the process of buying a house now and
completely on my own, and I keep thinking, God, damn,
I wish I had a partner to like talk about
with this this major decision that I'm making.
Speaker 1 (24:00):
It wouldn't be a man, but.
Speaker 2 (24:02):
It wouldn't have to be a man. I'm just saying,
like I'm just another person. But like I think a
lot of relationships are are stemmed from financial security, you know,
Like there is a lot behind that decision making in
like wanting pursuing relationships sometimes because it's like, well that
I've got like another person by my side through privilege
(24:22):
of like yeah.
Speaker 4 (24:24):
No, it's question, and yeah, I think as well, I
would change myself to fit that person. But now I
don't do that anymore. Did you?
Speaker 3 (24:32):
Immediately then you have this epiphany tell us the gay part.
Speaker 5 (24:36):
Like then.
Speaker 1 (24:38):
Se like, what happens?
Speaker 4 (24:40):
So then you're twenty twenty one, I'm in a pandemic.
Yeah you know what.
Speaker 1 (24:46):
I've heard that now from a couple people. That's kind
of perry too. Well, yeah, that's right.
Speaker 4 (24:51):
Yeah, this is why then lesbian TikTok comes into social
media because I am on TikTok. Algorithm is also like, yeah,
but you are gay, and that representation I didn't have
as a child, I'm now having as an adult and
it's right there. So after I told my nana that, yeah,
(25:13):
I told my ninety year old nana, I told my parents,
and then it took me two months to get the
courage to tell my nana. And I felt a massive
weight off me.
Speaker 1 (25:21):
Wow, And I said, all.
Speaker 4 (25:23):
These masks fell off, like all this costume. It was
like just pulling off the armor and just being authentically me.
And I felt so free because she was the last person.
I didn't want her to find out from someone else first.
And when that was done, that was such an amazing
feeling to be free. And then I could go on
(25:45):
social media because there was memes and stuff about being
a lesbian that I went to share, but my auntie
follows me on instagrams, I don't want her to tell
my nana.
Speaker 1 (25:53):
Yeah, of course.
Speaker 4 (25:54):
But after that I was just free and I was like,
I don't care. And that's when like a year and
a half ago, I started in TikTok, little six second
tiktoks of like lesbian memes and my experience and they're
just like super popular. And then before Christmas, because we
thought TikTok was finishing, I went on Instagram and started
posting them there because I'd nailed down the format on
(26:15):
TikTok already. They just snowball. People love them.
Speaker 5 (26:20):
Yeah, give some examples of the kind of stuff you do.
Speaker 4 (26:24):
So I live in a village, I'm may use my
parents as a base so in the village and I
just do like a six second video. It could be
me lying in a field and then the meme is
like when she hasn't called you back, Okay, you're thinking, yeah,
you know. It's just the most simple things and the
ones that I don't spend any time on and just
(26:45):
fire out do the best.
Speaker 5 (26:48):
Yeah.
Speaker 4 (26:48):
There's so many women and they're like, oh, that's so relatable.
It's so relatable and they share them, and I've got
like me and my dad going up there's like a
quarry in the village, and we go up there and
he is doing this dry stone with all these bits
of slate. So we'll go up and he I'll sit
and then he does his wall, so he'll video me
pretending to build the wall, and then the hook will
(27:09):
be like when she's agreed to a second date, so
you start. That's got three million view I mean maybe
now four million views on Instagram.
Speaker 1 (27:20):
That is hilarious.
Speaker 4 (27:21):
I'm so oh, is it that other people seeing themselves
in me? Like is this? Yeah? Most lovely community? And
they talk to each other within my comments. There's like
a little community of people who will interact in under
my videos, which is beautiful. And I get so many
dms as well, with people just being like, I'm having
a really hard time. I'm not out to my family.
(27:43):
I watch your videos and they make me smile every day.
Speaker 1 (27:46):
They are funny.
Speaker 4 (27:47):
Yeah, because I do comedy and I can't be out
on stage all the time because I'm often writing and
working on stuff.
Speaker 3 (27:53):
So I don't want to get back to the original
question though, the gay question. Oh yeah, women like I
does it then translate to women in the real world, like.
Speaker 1 (28:04):
Did you go on a date? And then you're like, shit,
I'm doing it. I'm really doing it.
Speaker 3 (28:07):
I've told Nana the weights lifted. I'm out there. I'm
interested in her. This person like, how did that happen?
Speaker 4 (28:14):
I've been single?
Speaker 1 (28:15):
Okay, this is exciting. You're gonna get a lot of
d ms after the show.
Speaker 5 (28:19):
I know.
Speaker 4 (28:19):
And people say, I can't why are you single? Can't
believe you're single? Answer is I choose single first, because
I've given those eleven years back to myself. Yes, ten years,
let's say single, and I really like myself and I
like my own company, and I can be alone with
my thoughts in my head and that's a really magical
(28:40):
place to get through it. And I don't I'm not
going out looking for someone because I'm pursuing my comedy.
I've still got so much work to do.
Speaker 3 (28:48):
Not interested in dating is what I'm hearing. It's not interested,
okay in me.
Speaker 4 (28:52):
I'm already meeting people kind of in the comments virtually
and then sometimes within the comedy community and things like that.
But I'm not I don't need another piece of me
at the moment to complete me, and I guess relationships
shouldn't be that, but I don't. There's nothing anyone else
could add at the moment that I kind of need.
Speaker 1 (29:14):
I don't.
Speaker 4 (29:14):
I think that's find it so strange.
Speaker 1 (29:16):
I don't think it's strange at all.
Speaker 5 (29:18):
I think it's really healthy and that.
Speaker 1 (29:20):
I want to kiss girls.
Speaker 3 (29:21):
So for me, it's like I can relate to that
to an extent, and then I stop relating because I'm
not way too I love being alone, I love my work,
I love all the things. Like something eventually came over
me that I'm like, Okay, I physically want to do
the thing.
Speaker 1 (29:36):
So I'm curio, are you getting to that point? That's
what I'm asking.
Speaker 4 (29:40):
Okay, But it's such a weird thing because people do,
you know me off social media, and they do know
me from stand up, so I have to I can't
just play the fields fair enough. Humor is gonna start,
you know, I mean, that's yeah.
Speaker 1 (29:57):
Probably were Melissa.
Speaker 4 (29:59):
My female crush as well. Like I've got a couple
kind of friends and kind of you know, I've known
one of them for like ten years and when I
came out, I kind of told her. But she's bisexual,
so she dates men as well, but there's no rush,
(30:19):
there's no grasping. There was a lot of grasping with men,
oh I need him as a boyfriend, and loads of
anxiety around it, whereas with women and it's like, oh
I we're still getting to know each other. It might
happen down the line. Yeah, there's no you know, like
the grasping. There's a Buddhist thing, isn't it, like don't
grasp onto things because you'll lose them things. Yeah, And
(30:41):
in my head a couple of friends, I'm like, I
think she might be Australian. I think she might work
in the comedy business. And I joke as well about
finding someone who looks similar to me. I'm very tall.
I'm like six foot tall.
Speaker 1 (30:58):
Really yeah.
Speaker 4 (30:59):
I just I joke in my stand up about, you know,
stop asking me my ideal woman, and then I do
a massive list because I have thought about it. But
to be honest, if something happens, it happens. But I'm
not going out. My priorities are at the moment, my
comedy and my writing where my passion lies, and that's
what fills me up.
Speaker 5 (31:20):
I think that's really healthy, you know, Like we talk
about this all the time.
Speaker 2 (31:23):
How we're people coming out are so eager to get
in a relationship that you wind up in like shitty
relationships that end up doing so much damage.
Speaker 4 (31:33):
Yeah, and friendships last longer. Friendships you can have ten,
twenty thirty years like the rest of your life, whereas
a relationship can quickly burn out any.
Speaker 5 (31:41):
And ruin a friendship eventually.
Speaker 4 (31:44):
So I'd rather have more female friends. Yeah, but I mean,
you know, everyone's different. But yeah, people can't believe. I
joked last year because it was ten years last year
and it's eleven years this year. I said, I think
at ten years you get an award.
Speaker 3 (31:58):
So what would it take It would take somebody who
meets your meets the list to pursue you.
Speaker 1 (32:05):
It sounds like they would have to pretty hard pursue you.
Speaker 4 (32:08):
I think we're just gonna meet up. Paths are going
to cross. That's how my relationships have always been. I've
never gone out looking. They've just come along.
Speaker 6 (32:16):
Yep.
Speaker 4 (32:17):
But we'll see she's going to be creative. She might
be in the same business, and then you ally's.
Speaker 5 (32:23):
The same way. People just knock on her door. ShW up.
Speaker 1 (32:25):
They just come knocking every day.
Speaker 4 (32:27):
There's people lined up in a Goden.
Speaker 1 (32:30):
They're lined up right now, guys, Yeah, very much, not
like that.
Speaker 4 (32:35):
I mean I spent I spent thirty five years obviously
without my childhood, but just being in relationships from like
being twenty two to thirty five.
Speaker 3 (32:45):
I don't even think you need to be in the relationship.
I just what I want for you, Jane, and I
don't even know you. Yeah, I want you to kiss girls.
Speaker 5 (32:53):
He wants you make it out on a Saturday night.
Speaker 3 (32:55):
Make it out on a Saturday night, and then we
do something called the rehash, which is go out, and
then we rehashed the night the next morning, either at
my place or like if Melissa's stayed over, there's a rehash.
Speaker 1 (33:07):
In my kitchen of what went down. And when someone
has had an experience with a woman.
Speaker 3 (33:11):
Even if it's like football and you're never going to
see them again, that's a hot topic at the rehash.
Speaker 4 (33:16):
I mean. The other interesting thing to put into the
mix is that I have been sober for fourteen years,
so I think when you're sober it's different as well.
Speaker 5 (33:25):
And yeah, it's like going to the bar with the
lights on.
Speaker 4 (33:27):
And I have to present my mental health as well.
So I don't want to be messy. It's exactly going
to the bar with the lights on. I don't want
messy situations. I don't want to lead people on. I
mean when I was dating started dating women a little
bit eleven years ago, I was upsetting people because I
couldn't give them what they wanted, you know, and I
hate hurting someone's feelings. I respect women too much. They
(33:48):
don't want to lead them down a bit.
Speaker 2 (33:50):
Yeah, I feel that like not being ready and then
like next thing, you know, that other person is ready
and you're you feel like a shitty human because it's
just like I want to be in the same place,
but I'm not.
Speaker 5 (34:02):
You know, that's tough.
Speaker 4 (34:04):
So I'm like, am I A? I don't know, but
I'm really happy.
Speaker 5 (34:08):
That's great though.
Speaker 2 (34:09):
That's what matters is that you're happy. And I think
it's a rarity, you know, like kind of like what
I was saying, We've all been taught that we need
relationships in order to like survive, and really the relationships
that it doesn't matter if you have a romantic relationship
when you've got like family and friends and everybody else
has yours, you know it, you know, like Allie.
Speaker 5 (34:33):
I miss, you know, kissing girls in the meantime, But I.
Speaker 4 (34:37):
Mean, you know, you buying a house, Melissa is like
my dream solo, buying a house without anyone else. That's
one of my life dreams to do that and get
the keys and know it's mine, yeah, someone else's. I
think that is such an amazing point in life, really.
Speaker 2 (34:56):
Is, And that's that's very It's a good point to
make right now because I have been so stressed because
like getting everything ready on my own and doing all
the paperwork, and it's it's a lot.
Speaker 4 (35:08):
Man like doing it doing it, and I never would
have thought I could have done that, you know, I
actually I couldn't have done that.
Speaker 2 (35:17):
Like eight nine years ago when I was married, you know,
we bought properties and I did like negotiating stuff, but
I didn't do any of the paperwork, like come on.
Speaker 4 (35:27):
The appmin sometimes exactly he's been.
Speaker 2 (35:32):
He did all the bills and all that stuff, and
now I'm like, oh, numbers even just.
Speaker 3 (35:36):
Like the mortgage process is such a full time job.
It's like a heavy lift for a week of like
documents and stuff that it's like you're pulling tax returns
and mortgage statements and bank statements and like all every
it's like a full time job. You have to take
a week off work and just do it.
Speaker 2 (35:53):
It's that's how I feel because yeah, I'm also working
in the meantime.
Speaker 3 (35:57):
And it's funny you will you stay living where you are,
Like you're in a small town, right.
Speaker 4 (36:05):
Small little village. Yeah, just strict at the moment hearing
my parents. I use this as a base, have my
own living room and bedroom and everything. But it's quite
nice being around with my family because the last relationship
as well took me away from my family and my friends.
So building those relationships up again with my parents, it's
just really nice. And my dad's like my biggest cheerleader
(36:28):
and mental health wise, it's just amazing to see sky
and countryside every day and absolutely more creative than I
ever have in my life. So but who knows. I'm
open to anything, but I'm.
Speaker 3 (36:41):
Too like that online community does become like I know
so many people who they've met so many.
Speaker 1 (36:48):
Great people through that.
Speaker 3 (36:50):
Yeah, and it's I think that too, is like a
whole other community of people that you probably consider friends.
Speaker 4 (36:56):
Yeah, I mean, for example, Alexei Malvin, who's on your
part as well.
Speaker 1 (37:00):
Yeah, in.
Speaker 4 (37:02):
Kind of connected. It must have been like a year
ago just because we were doing similar videos and now
I can you get an exclusive from me that we're
actually doing a podcast together.
Speaker 1 (37:12):
Oh exciting call.
Speaker 4 (37:14):
That's so sapphic. We just recorded our first episode today
and it's just basically talking about our experiences. I mean,
she's just been out forever, yeah, in life lesbian, but
we both have similar sapphic influences during childhood, teenage years
that we want to explore and I think people resonate
(37:34):
with that, people relate to it. So I'm kind of
on picking the past and being like, oh that makes sense.
Speaker 1 (37:40):
Oh yeah, yeah, it's for eggs.
Speaker 5 (37:44):
What major city are you near?
Speaker 3 (37:46):
Oh?
Speaker 4 (37:47):
Good question. About two hours on the train from Manchester,
about about two hours from Liverpool probably, Yeah, I'm right
on the coast on the northwest of England of Scotland,
so similar kind of terrain to Scotland.
Speaker 1 (38:03):
I'm sure.
Speaker 4 (38:04):
It's so beautiful with the moors with you remembers. Edinburgh
is about three hours away as well, so yeah, it's
it's fine.
Speaker 5 (38:14):
Get in New York.
Speaker 3 (38:15):
Yeah, yeah, Well, if you do, you'll have to let
us know because that's a very short flight for us.
Speaker 1 (38:23):
I'm there a lot, but yeah, yeah that would be lovely.
Speaker 3 (38:26):
Yeah, sure, Well it has been a pleasure having you
on the show.
Speaker 1 (38:30):
Thank you, thank you.
Speaker 4 (38:31):
I hope your listeners enjoy your You're.
Speaker 1 (38:34):
Going to get some dms. You're going to be getting
DM slips, right.
Speaker 4 (38:38):
Just don't be weird if a man put yourself and
if a man was going to send that same message,
do you think think about how it would feel about that.
I'm getting a lot of weird, weird dms and I'm
having to put boundaries down, Okay, going to take that.
I'm not going to take that behavior from a man,
So I'm not going to take it from a woman either.
I like, it's like, oh, you want to meet up
(39:00):
for a drink, and it's someone who has two followers,
no profile, pick posts. I'm like, yeah, genuine.
Speaker 1 (39:10):
What if they're like genuine cool girl with like sweet.
Speaker 5 (39:13):
Put your picture on there?
Speaker 1 (39:15):
What do they have to do.
Speaker 4 (39:16):
Be a real person to be creepy and weird and
maybe meet me in real life?
Speaker 2 (39:23):
I don't know the difference between your and you are?
Speaker 1 (39:27):
Yeah, do you know the difference between your and your.
Speaker 3 (39:31):
This sentence and then also, what's your favorite tell us
who your favorite band is?
Speaker 4 (39:35):
Oh, good question. I love Lady Gaga. I love everything
that she's come back with for a while. She just
come back with iconic songs I think, and g Flip
as well. I listened to them.
Speaker 1 (39:47):
My gosh, our friends are going to see g Flip
this week?
Speaker 5 (39:50):
Right? Yeah?
Speaker 4 (39:51):
I went to see them in Manchester last September and
it was iconic.
Speaker 1 (39:55):
Okay, maybe I do need to say yesterday.
Speaker 4 (39:57):
I was crying because there no representation like that when
I was a child and it was wall to wall lesbians.
Speaker 1 (40:05):
Yeah, I do.
Speaker 3 (40:05):
You know, I've never even heard of g Flip if
that gives you any indication really until our friends were
like do you want to go?
Speaker 1 (40:13):
And then I was like.
Speaker 5 (40:14):
Okay, yeah.
Speaker 4 (40:15):
And they're a drummer as well, and that.
Speaker 5 (40:18):
Really yeah, it's pretty badass.
Speaker 4 (40:20):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (40:21):
Yeah. I love live music, so it wouldn't have to
be much for me to enjoy it.
Speaker 4 (40:26):
I have a lot of social anxiety, and I think
that plays into it.
Speaker 6 (40:29):
So we had I would have gotten into that special
assistance balcony near a toilet and near some space so
I didn't feel over No, that's great.
Speaker 4 (40:41):
Yeah, I think I'm an extrovert. I've actually an introvert,
even though I put myself out there on social media
and on stage, I am very introverted.
Speaker 3 (40:47):
Yeah, that's interesting about So it's the social anxiety at
public spaces like that, But like if you're at a
dinner with four people, do you also feel kind of
socially anxious.
Speaker 1 (40:57):
It's like big public scenarios.
Speaker 4 (41:00):
Yeah, yeah, I do. Live music really moves me and
I end up crying.
Speaker 1 (41:05):
Yeah that's awesome.
Speaker 3 (41:07):
All right, Well, we sure appreciate it, and I'm sure
we're going to talk to you soon.
Speaker 4 (41:11):
Yeah, brilliant. And yeah, your listeners can listen to you
on all the terrible things talking about your spooky stories.
Speaker 5 (41:17):
Yeah that's right.
Speaker 3 (41:18):
Okay, and when we're going to err ours the same
day as you're hearing your terrible things okay, Yes, got.
Speaker 4 (41:23):
It for happened and it's been great to see your
faces again.
Speaker 5 (41:27):
Yeah you too, all right? Ay. I want to support
the Lesbian Chronicles podcast.
Speaker 2 (41:41):
Rate us and write a review on Apple podcast or Spotify.
Speaker 1 (41:45):
We love listener feedback. If you'd like to share your story,
email us at Melissa and Ali at gmail dot com.
That's Melissa M. E. L I, s A and Ali
A L l I at gmail dot com, or follow
us on Instagram at Lesbian Chronicles
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