August 31, 2025 • 39 mins
Melisa and Alli chat about signals -- how do you know when someone is interested and how to handle things when you're getting mixed signals.
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Secure tickets for LESBIAN CHRONICLES LIVE in Seattle on October 18, 2025 by clicking HERE
Check out The Lesbian Chronicles website
Visit our Map on Instagram
Become a supporter of this podcast: https://www.spreaker.com/podcast/lesbian-chronicles-coming-out-later-in-life--5601514/support.
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:05):
I'm Ali. I came out after twenty years of marriage
and I have three kids.
Speaker 2 (00:09):
I'm Melissa and I have two kids, and I came
out at thirty seven after an eleven year marriage.
Speaker 1 (00:15):
This podcast is about coming out later and the struggles
and victories that come with it when coming out feels
like the end of the world, but it's really just
the beginning. This is the Lesbian Chronicles. Welcome to the
Lesbian Chronicles.
Speaker 2 (00:36):
Welcome.
Speaker 1 (00:38):
How you doing.
Speaker 2 (00:40):
I've had a long week. I know.
Speaker 1 (00:42):
I feel like You've got a lot of irons in
the fire, dude.
Speaker 2 (00:45):
It's I feel like my life is pure insanity right now.
Like I can't even believe it. I'm under contract with
a house right now and selling my house. Not quite
under contract, but I have an offer and basically if
it goes through, I have let's see, about seventeen days
until I have to Is that right? Yeah? Around eighteen
(01:07):
nineteen days to move.
Speaker 1 (01:08):
You can do it in three.
Speaker 2 (01:11):
Back up my entire house. You know what I realized too,
is this the first move that I will be doing
completely on my own where I don't have like a
girlfriend that's like coming to help pack or something like that.
Like I don't know I am going to hire movers.
I'm not one of those people that's.
Speaker 3 (01:24):
Like, no, who wants to come help me move and
I'll give you pizza that like, come on, Like movers
are not that expensive, it's they do it so much
faster than you can ever imagine.
Speaker 2 (01:36):
You do it like it's going to take if it
was me and someone else to take us like two days.
I it's three or four huge mover guys a couple hours.
Speaker 1 (01:45):
Yeah No, I say it's literally it's three days of
hell and you're done.
Speaker 2 (01:49):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (01:50):
So I think that makes a lot of sense.
Speaker 2 (01:53):
Yeah. So nothing in my house is packed, like absolutely nothing.
Speaker 1 (01:56):
So that's when you just get the kids. Like I
for this house, we just did like room by room,
just you know, every couple of nights, like we'd be like,
let's pack up this room or let's I mean it's
not it's awful, but it's not horrible.
Speaker 2 (02:08):
Like you can do hard with the ADHD thing.
Speaker 1 (02:11):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (02:11):
I that's where I get fucked. Yeah, I start on
one thing, I get distracted by something else. I also
do like kind of weird methods with packing where I'm
shoving like pillows and boxes and stuff.
Speaker 1 (02:24):
So it's like.
Speaker 2 (02:24):
Axs padding and the little gowels and it's repurposing.
Speaker 1 (02:28):
It's repurposing.
Speaker 2 (02:29):
I mean it's better than buying all that packing.
Speaker 1 (02:32):
Material, right, So yeah, I think it sounds really smart.
Speaker 2 (02:35):
Thank you, thank you.
Speaker 1 (02:37):
I love moving. I'm like one of those weird people.
I get excited. In fact, read asked me last night,
how long do you think we'll stay in this un
till you're gonna want to sell this house? Actually I
love my house right now, like there's I'm so happy here.
But I do get the itch, maybe because I'm in
the home business that I see things and I'm like,
I kind of like could get excited about this other house.
Speaker 2 (02:57):
Yeah, Like I feel the same way like I get
I'm all always kind of like.
Speaker 1 (03:00):
Looking yeah, sell me.
Speaker 2 (03:01):
And then I see something and I'm like, oh, that
looks like a better investment. I could do X, Y
and Z to this place and make it a little better.
Speaker 1 (03:08):
Like we Melissa and I can sell it like to
each other, like if you if you tell me you
want to do something, I can find my evidence to
make it the right decision. Just tell me what you
want to do.
Speaker 2 (03:20):
And I've been like quizzing everyone I know on, like
what I should do because right now I'm negotiating with it. Well,
I shouldn't even say I'm negotiating. This guy will not
budge on his offer.
Speaker 1 (03:30):
That he's given me, Then you don't budge either.
Speaker 2 (03:32):
And I haven't been budging either. Well I've actually I
have budged a little bit. But oh, it's just so frustrating.
Speaker 1 (03:39):
It all comes down to who can hold out the.
Speaker 2 (03:40):
Longest, right, and I have a time crunch.
Speaker 1 (03:43):
Yeah, that's what sucks for me. But I think like
you have to go into it as you don't have
to move like I. To me, it's like there's so
much power in I don't really care either way. It's
kind of like what we talked about that that guy said,
the art of making deals. He's like, I always if
I want something, I find a back up that I'm
kind of excited about so that my back's never against
(04:04):
the wall. Like I can walk. I don't need you
and that.
Speaker 2 (04:06):
And I've said that to my realtor and he is, like,
I said it last night. I said, I'm ready to walk.
Speaker 1 (04:10):
Yeah, I'll just walk.
Speaker 2 (04:12):
Yeah, I don't need it that bad.
Speaker 1 (04:13):
Yeah, that's it. There's power.
Speaker 2 (04:15):
Though I'm kind of waiting until the last hour to
even sign this offer right now, right, like.
Speaker 1 (04:22):
Also, don't kid yourself that realtor and realtor, if you're listening,
she can give up some points in the deal. Oh
she already has Okay, yeah, because she's not She's not me.
Speaker 2 (04:32):
She told someone else. I was like, I feel like
my realtor is just tolerating my bullshit, right, just like
I know I'm driving her crazy because I'm texting her.
I'm like, this guy's such a douche.
Speaker 1 (04:43):
Yeah. Well, oh well, so it'll be over with soon
and then you never have to shock to either of
them again, exactly.
Speaker 2 (04:49):
I know. I've already decided that when the deal goes
through and signing the paperwork, I don't want to be
in the same room.
Speaker 1 (04:56):
Yeah. I rarely am now anymore like I normally do closing.
Speaker 2 (05:00):
It's one of those things that I didn't know was
an option until a couple of years ago. And now
I'm like, I don't care to meet with you because
I'd rather be able to kind of be a little
bit of a bulldog in the process and then be like, well,
we never have to look at each other in the eyeballs.
Speaker 1 (05:12):
So yeah, not only that, it's like, really, what I've
learned is that you're sitting there so that the realtor
and the bank can more formal formalize their relationship. So
you're basically just a bystander for that relationship. Yeah, so
it's like, I don't have time to sit here and
watch you to get close so that you can do
deals in the future. I'm this might just done. So yeah,
(05:34):
I don't.
Speaker 2 (05:34):
I never go Every closing that I have here in
Phtree City is at the same law office, like it
is the one right that does all the deals. So
but yeah, it's it's stressful, man, that's for sure.
Speaker 1 (05:47):
Let's talk about something that's not stressful but exciting, which
is our event in October.
Speaker 2 (05:53):
I'm so excited for this. Like every time we're working
with two friends of the podcasts that are extremely amazing
women talented at what they do, who are really leading
the charge and like it and they're single and single
getting this all thrown together, and every time we talk
to them, I'm like, dude, this is going to be
(06:13):
so much fun.
Speaker 1 (06:14):
It's going to be so much fun. October eighteenth, come
to Seattle. We're flying in. Other friends of ours are
flying in like it is going to be a blast
come to the event. We've got some speakers lined up
that are going to be amazing, but there's also a
social event before and after, and Seattle is such a
cool city.
Speaker 2 (06:34):
Yeah, I'm really excited about that part, exploring Seattle, but
also just like being in a room with a bunch
of queer women from all different backgrounds, experiences. We're going
to be sharing experiences, talking about just dating and relationships, sex,
like the whole nine. So it's going to be like
a ton of fun.
Speaker 1 (06:54):
It is going to be a ton of fun. And
I wanted to also remind people about our website being
Chronicles podcast dot com. If you go on there. First
of all, you can buy the tickets link in our
bio on Instagram, but you can also get tickets on
our website. But I think the website is starting to
do what we wanted it to do, which was people
are starting to share stories and comment on each other stories.
(07:16):
So if you haven't gotten on our website, get on
there and write a little bit or comment on somebody
else's or just start to help that community grow. Because
we don't get anything out of that. It's not for
us it's for you guys to like listen to each
other and support each other. I saw somebody post something
somebody had reached out to us on Insta. I told
(07:36):
her to go to the website. She did. Within two
days she had a post up there. I saw lots
of people commented on it. It just it made me
so happy because I felt like that's what we intended
it for.
Speaker 2 (07:48):
Yeah, And one of the most common things that I
hear from people in this whole process of coming out
is like, how do I get started? Like, what's what's
a step I can take? Especially if you're still married,
You know, what is a step I can take? That
getting on our website, participating in the forums, even just
getting on there and reading it first. You know, taking
a beat before you join in is going to be
(08:10):
so unbelievably helpful mentally for therapeutic to kind of start
moving forward with the process. And I'll say this too.
One of the spaces when I was coming out that
I would kind of peruse was Reddit. And I can't
tell you how many times I see on Reddit someone
posts like I'm deleting everything because my husband found my account.
Speaker 1 (08:30):
Or something like that.
Speaker 2 (08:31):
You know, like they know to look on Reddit. They
don't know to look on the lesbian Yeah.
Speaker 1 (08:37):
So I think that's such a good point. And it's
like you said, it's like I think anytime you have
an ultimate goal or you're thinking about making a decision,
like if you can take just little steps every day,
whether it's come to the event in Seattle would be
a bigger step. But getting on the website and writing
a little bit or reading, that's a little step in
(08:58):
the right direction of finding the.
Speaker 2 (08:59):
True Yeah, And like I think another thing is I
felt so guilty during that time, even like wanting to
read any of this stuff because I was married too.
But you have permission to read and explore this side
of yourself you now, Like it is not being unfaithful.
If anything, by not doing it, you're being unfaithful to yourself.
(09:20):
At the end of the day, you have yourself. That
is it in this life. And I hate that sounds
like morbid and sad and everything, but Dan, if it
isn't true, Like, the more.
Speaker 1 (09:31):
You know about you, the better you can show up
as a partner, as a mother, as a friend. Like
I can't say that enough either. It's like the more
I've come into myself the more my friendships have deepened,
the more that i've I've i'm a better mother, like
I'm I have I give people grace, like I just
think that there's so much to be learned on there.
And if you are going through something, write it down
(09:52):
because what you'll find is very soon after other people
are responding with yeah, me too, or same thing. And
I just, I don't know, I saw so much encouragement.
I mean, people just saying like it gets so much easier,
and I know it feels hard right now. I mean,
I don't know. I just it encouraged me. And I
kept thinking like had that been you and I, we
(10:13):
would have been so helped by that.
Speaker 2 (10:16):
It was such a game changer for me once I
started therapy, Once I started meeting people that were just
like me in the same situation, changed fucking everything.
Speaker 1 (10:26):
Group our group. Think of this as like your group
if you don't have a group. We had group therapy
for women coming out later. We had a space that
we went to once twice a month. This is like
that for people that don't have that, and which I
think most people don't have that. I mean they don't
there's no group therapy in a lot of cities.
Speaker 2 (10:46):
Yeah, it's such a rare find and because we've had
a number of people write in over the years asking
like do they have this in other cities, and we
really haven't been able to find something that mirrors what
we had and our experience in Atlanta, which is still
a thing. It is still a group that happens. It's
led by a therapist named Melissa.
Speaker 1 (11:03):
Lest Sure, they still get together, they get together live.
We have a friend in our group social group here
that goes and met a bunch of really cool women
that she brought out with us. I mean, they were
all amazing women that are going through this. So it's
an ongoing thing to find community and they're there and.
Speaker 2 (11:21):
Anyways, it's such a game changer. I mean I can't.
I will say it like shout out from the rooftops
that that is what saved me in this process totally,
because otherwise I probably would have been with my catalyst
and struggling and yeah, like it would have been, I
would not be anywhere where I am today.
Speaker 1 (11:39):
No, I would agree wholeheartedly. So a step in the
right direction. The other thing great is the map on
Instagram where you can post where you live or look
to see where other people live. I think that's another
cool way I notice people making connections. But the website,
Lesbian Chronicles podcast dot com. Go on there. We have
(11:59):
it all also organized where you can join different areas
of the states, so you can do it that way
or just get on there with everyone. It doesn't matter.
Just get on there is what I would say.
Speaker 2 (12:10):
It takes.
Speaker 1 (12:11):
So what are we talking about today?
Speaker 2 (12:13):
We're talking about signals, signals, mixed signals, very forward signals, yeah,
and everything in between.
Speaker 1 (12:21):
I know. I think another thing we've said this before
and I'll say it again is like there's people I
meet that and one of them was Alyssa, who used
to do the podcast with us. She always said that,
like she's in the music business, so she would have
to go to a lot of events and there'd be
a lot of men there women, but she's like I
always knew to show up extremely off the market, like
(12:45):
it's I am closed for business. Nobody would ever think
I was flirting with them. There's no mixed signals because
I am showing up taken. I don't even have to
bring my partner because I'm closed for business. And I
make it so obvious because I remember talking about like
how do you not invite people hitting on you or
getting the wrong impression? And I always knew that about her,
(13:05):
and I would see her in social situations and she's
she's she's right, Like she was always appeared closed for business,
And I meet a lot of other women that I'm like,
I know you're in a relationship, but you don't seem
really closed for business. You seem kind of open for
business maybe like you're kind of like in a relationship
but sort of maybe scouting out other things, or maybe
(13:26):
you're dating around. Honestly, you're dating four or five people,
and that that is awesome, Like I love that, Like
you should be dating around, But I think like the
signals people get should be you should be putting out
an honest, honest of where you are. I guess, And
how do you do that? And how do you also
receive signals Like I tend to think everyone's hitting on
me or trying to like make a connection. You're the opposite,
(13:50):
you think no one else, So I guess talk about that,
Like I think that's a thing. It's like, how do
you read is someone hitting on me? Are they just
trying to be my friend? Like or are they hitting
on me under the guise of friendship testing the waters? Like,
say more, since you're.
Speaker 2 (14:07):
The one that feels like everyone's sitting on you, what
are some things that you feel like are showing that sometimes?
Like some examples.
Speaker 1 (14:14):
Okay, So I would say, like some examples might be that,
like if I'm at an event, like maybe they hold
my eye contact longer than what I think is like
normal cadence for like a normal interaction, they hold my
eye contact a little too long, or touch my arm
while they're talking, like grab my arm and like say
(14:34):
something while they're talking. It feels like beyond what I
would do with someone I'm completely not interested in. Sometimes,
but a lot of times I'm sure maybe I'm overreading it.
I'm sensitive to that, like because I'm also I'm somebody
who would worry that I'm being cheated on or would
have the percept somebody might have the perception that I'm
(14:55):
hitting on them. So I'm very sensitive about those kinds
of signals. In a way, probably you're not as sensitive, maybe,
like everyone has kind of a threshold of what they
deem appropriate. Yeah, I mean, if you've ever been out
and like you've seen someone that you know is in
a relationship and you're kind of watching them in the
room and you're thinking, would they act this way if
their partner was here?
Speaker 2 (15:16):
Yeah?
Speaker 1 (15:17):
Does that ever occur to you?
Speaker 2 (15:18):
Not very often, but I have seen that happen, you know,
where it's like, oh, they're getting a little close to
the other person, or like the conversation maybe seems a
little flirty, like that kind of thing.
Speaker 1 (15:29):
Yeah, yeah, or like a vulnerability Like sometimes I think too,
like if you're in a relationship, like a real relate,
like you were with somebody that you are committed to,
like we are together kind of thing, and then you're
like you make this new friend and you're sort of
having these like sort of vulnerable conversations with this new
(15:50):
quote unquote friend that your partner doesn't know about. Like
many people would think that's harmless. I feel like that's
to some extent, like that would it's a little bit
threatening for the primary relationship. Yeah, And I see that
all the time.
Speaker 2 (16:08):
And I think that's why, like, if you are in
a relationship, it's really important to like ask your partner
first when it comes like like hey, I just met
this new person. They want to grab coffee, they want to,
you know, talk about X y Z. I'd like to go,
but I want to make sure that like you're good
with it, or like let's you know, let me make
sure that you meet them like along the way so
(16:30):
you can kind of catch their vibe and see how
they feel, so it doesn't feel like so intrusive, because
I think that's like one of those things where we're
we're all trying to build community and make friends, and
and some people could be at any stage in their life.
You know, maybe they just went through a breakup and
they don't they lost all the friends in the breakup,
so they're trying to start over.
Speaker 3 (16:48):
You know.
Speaker 2 (16:48):
They're not necessarily like interested in you as like a
dating perspective, but they're interested in making a new friend.
You're coupled up like, and they want to like hang out.
So I think when it comes to like that kind
of situation, it needs to be clear and you need
to also talk to your partner about it, you.
Speaker 1 (17:08):
Know, because I think too, like with women, it's a
slippery slope. It's like, I mean, you've told me when
you've been single, you've met people that are in a
relationship and you're like, damn, I wish she didn't have
a girlfriend. Yeah, And it's like we're all at these
social events and if I'm the girlfriend, am I a
little nervous that Melissa's around? Maybe, Like I don't know,
(17:28):
Like I guess it's how secure you are. But I'll
tell you a quick story about when I was in
When Maria and I were together, probably year two, she
was a mountain bike She rode mountain bikes, and when
you ride mountain bikes, you have to have someone to
go with, right, because you can fall and get hurt.
And then if you're by yourself, I guess that's kind
of scary. So when you try to mountain bike with people,
and I remember she met this person mountain biking and
(17:51):
she was like, Hey, this girl wants to go mountain
biking so that we have people to go with. I
she's gay, I have no interest in her, are not
attracted to her at all. But to me, I could
see where this might be a little threatening to you.
You know, we've only been together I guess probably maybe
two years. I don't really remember, but she kind of
was like, I don't think I should go, not because
(18:11):
I'm attracted to her at all, but because I think
it does. It just feels weird. You don't know her,
Like I don't need to be mountain biking on a
Saturday with this woman. But I just wanted you to
know in case it comes up, you know, when we
all are together, that she invited me. I'm not going
to go. I think it feels weird. It's it feels
kind of threatening darth what we have. And I remember
(18:33):
thinking like, she has every right to go mountain biking
with this woman, but it woul did feel a little
threatening to me of like this gay woman. They have
this common interest. But of course she could have gone,
but she didn't even put me in that situation. She
basically was like, I'm taking it off the table. I
don't care enough about mountain biking with her that it
wouldn't It's not worth it to me, So I'm just
(18:53):
letting you know.
Speaker 2 (18:55):
And I think that's great. But I think there's also
situations where it's kind of like, well, this could like
be an opportunity for my career, that kind of thing,
and so it is again, I think one of those
things where you really have to be clear about what's
happening and help your partner to feel better about you know,
if you're meeting up solo with this person, like what
is your intention? What is the other person's attention too,
(19:18):
Like do they feel like they're legit or are they just
pretending like they have some opportunity because they want to
get you alone in a.
Speaker 1 (19:23):
Room, you know, and have the relationship grow. Because how
many people have we talked to. We've had people on
the pod that Medda's friends going through something and they
fell in love. Yeah, and they had partners. Yeah, So
I think it's not it's not like when you're with men,
because when you're with men, I don't meet men and
want to go mountain biking with a man.
Speaker 2 (19:43):
Yeah, you know, I know I can't a fringle time
when I was married to a man that I met
another man and was like, I'm going to go hang
out with this new guy. Like my ex husband would
have been like what ye like why? And I think
I've told this story on the podcast before of my
(20:04):
ex husband. We were not married at the time, but
we were living separately doing kind of like semi long distance,
and he lived in what's called a crash pad. If
anyone's familiar with the aviation industry, there's like people will
buy like a townhouse or something and put like bunk
beds in the bedrooms and rent them out to people
that are flight attendants pilots that just need a place
to stay, that don't want to get a hotel. So
(20:25):
he was saying at one of these places and there
was a flight attendant there and she was constantly like,
let's go get dinner, you know, all this stuff. And
I had to be like, take a step back, dude,
Like I understand that, Like, yeah, you want to make
some friends, but this ain't it, you know, and you.
Speaker 1 (20:40):
Don't need to be making friends on the road. Well
I'm back here, like, I just don't think it's appropriate.
But that's me and I have a threshold that's probably
different from a lot of people's threshold.
Speaker 2 (20:49):
Yeah, But once I pointed it out to him, I
was like, I think she has a different motive here. Yeah,
And he started to think about it. He's like, I
think you're right, and he stopped hanging out with her. Yeah,
and that's exactly what should have happen, right.
Speaker 1 (21:01):
Think about like an our group, there's like people in
my people can be very non threatening like in that,
like if I was in a serious relationship, my partner
could meet them. You are very non threatening because we've
been friends forever. We know what we had like you.
But there are people, I'm sure in the greater friend
group that maybe my partner would deem more threatening, you know,
(21:24):
like I think, I don't know. I think there's a
everybody you kind of know if you're quiet, what's what?
Speaker 2 (21:29):
Yeah, when it comes to you yourself wanting, like let's
say you're single and you do want to put out
those signals, yeah, it's like, how how do you go
about that? Because I personally find that anytime that I
have made a move, I'm trying to think if I've
ever made a move like really successful. Yeah, I don't.
Speaker 1 (21:49):
Know that I have, Like, well, what would the move
even look like? Lake? I mean, do you mean like
you see somebody that you're attracted to and now you're
going to try to connect?
Speaker 2 (22:01):
Yeah? Okay, So and typically that involves like maybe reaching
out to them via text and asking to like grab
coffee or something like that.
Speaker 1 (22:10):
You don't even start with like the soft launch like
the dmm, hey, oh my god, you like that song?
We have mutual friends or blah blah blah.
Speaker 2 (22:20):
I try to only do this if I've met someone
in person before, Okay, like because then I have a vibe. Okay,
but I mean it's also been a minute since I've
even done anything like this. But I do feel like,
I don't know, maybe I'm doing it wrong, you know,
But I typically just ask to like hang out or
grab coffee because I just kind of want to see,
like what is it like to hang out the two
(22:40):
of us?
Speaker 1 (22:41):
And then what is it So then like, let's say
though that you're gonna soft Let's say that you were
gonna like do that? Are you doing that with? Like
maybe you've got three or four people you're sort of
interested in if you're out there in the dating world,
or two or three people. Let's say two or three
people you're sort of throwing lines out to see if
maybe there's a connection, and then one you're like, oh wow,
(23:04):
that was a really cool conversation or oh she's in
this career that I find interesting or we have this
common friend. Like how does it go from I met
them at the event and now I'm texting them?
Speaker 2 (23:16):
I don't know, Okay, that's my question. Ali, Yeah, well.
Speaker 1 (23:19):
I mean I don't know that I know, but I mean,
how I've seen it happen. Is the Instagram thing to
me is how people meet people. But I have seen
people at our events that we've had the Urban Pie takeover.
I see people meet all the time and up kind
of interested in each other.
Speaker 2 (23:38):
Yeah, yeah, totally. And I think those kind of situations,
kind of meeting in the wild and being able to
like interact dance together a little bit like that kind
of like brings about like what's the vibe here because
I'm dancing far differently with someone that I'm interested in
versus how I'm dancing with you or one of our friends.
And I think sometimes too, you know, we've talked about
(24:00):
how some people shoot out mixed signals and it's very confusing,
you know, you think that it's a friend vibe or something,
and then they're they're messaging you more frequently. They're sending
you songs.
Speaker 1 (24:10):
You know, send me a song you're in love with me?
To me, the song send is like clearly you're into me, right, But.
Speaker 2 (24:22):
Like I've been sent songs and then made the move
or in some way and put it out there and
then like not I don't know, pushed away or whatever,
like well y'all.
Speaker 1 (24:34):
But could it be sometimes that the person might be
dating multiple people and they get nervous that oh shit,
now she thinks I'm interested. I better better back off.
Speaker 2 (24:45):
Maybe yeah, cat, I caind too too hard, like but yeah,
I'm with you. I'm like, don't send people songs.
Speaker 1 (24:52):
Don't send songs, don't talk about a future of like
i'd love you. I don't know you know what you're doing,
like I to me, it's like I don't. A song
is intimate.
Speaker 2 (25:03):
And you remember the story that I had of when
I first started dating a woman, like back early days,
and she sent me a song and I didn't know
that that was like a thing, Oh god, and like
did that was like her move? I thought she was
just sending me a song that she liked. So I
sent a song that I liked.
Speaker 1 (25:19):
Oh jeez, yeah, yours was like it was it was
it was.
Speaker 2 (25:23):
A third Eye Blind song that was like it was
a Beyonce song originally called mine and says fuck what
you heard your mind? Like let's get married? Like ill,
oh shit?
Speaker 1 (25:36):
So we thought was what you sent her?
Speaker 2 (25:38):
Yes?
Speaker 1 (25:38):
And I was ship we're together now?
Speaker 2 (25:40):
Oh my god. I think that's what really fucking launched
the relationship.
Speaker 1 (25:44):
You saw you hard launched it.
Speaker 2 (25:46):
I didn't even mean to. I was just sending a
song that I liked a lot.
Speaker 1 (25:49):
Damn god, you really what even I knew that really
early on songs, it's like so intimate. I mean we
were doing tapes in third grade.
Speaker 2 (26:01):
I know that's true, Like, how.
Speaker 1 (26:03):
Did you not know the mixtape?
Speaker 2 (26:05):
Oblivious and doing it?
Speaker 1 (26:06):
My whole life literally grew up doing this.
Speaker 2 (26:10):
Be very cautious if you think you're just sending someone
a song that you like, or even.
Speaker 1 (26:15):
Just talking to someone in on social media, if there's
like a back and forth that goes on more than
I would say five times, yeah, I don't. Nobody has time,
like I'm not just.
Speaker 2 (26:27):
Doing that well, but I respond to people, that's for sure.
Speaker 1 (26:31):
Right.
Speaker 2 (26:31):
But I have a few people that I know it's
completely platonic on Instagram that I always make sure to
at least respond and interact with if.
Speaker 1 (26:40):
They like say but I guess what I'm saying is
you can respond and interact to something they said without
having it. If you're interested in someone, you're continuing I'm
asking you a new right now.
Speaker 2 (26:54):
That's sparking a memory. I had an experience like this
on Instagram a while ago where this woman was like
messaging me, ask me questions, like telling me she's like
the podcast all this stuff, and then like stops responding,
like period, And I was just like, what in the
thuff happened? Like we were like going back and forth.
It was like as if you were like mid conversation
(27:15):
with someone and.
Speaker 1 (27:15):
You just stopped. Yeah, So I don't know she met someone.
Speaker 2 (27:23):
I would never responded again.
Speaker 1 (27:25):
I mean, if you're in a relationship, is it appropriate
to be I this is my personal opinion. Again, I'm
gonna catch hell, and I have a very low threshold
for doing stuff on the side, So I don't like
it at all. I always think, like with my partner,
if they were watching, would the speakl with them? But
if you were dming back and forth with some stranger
(27:49):
and you're in a relationship, I don't care what you're
talking about. Like to me, it's at that point like
what do you why?
Speaker 2 (27:55):
But what if it's like they respond to a story
and it's like, oh, yeah, that's hilarious, hard it back
or yeah, like I feel like that's fine.
Speaker 1 (28:03):
Yeah totally.
Speaker 2 (28:04):
But now, especially when you're established with a partner on
social media, like to me, when I'm with someone and
I am posting and just even just tagging them like
it's a picture of our dinner or something, and tagging them,
it's like I'm making it clear that I'm in a relationship.
Speaker 1 (28:19):
Yeah, yeah, yeah, No'm no, I'm not saying you're shady.
Speaker 2 (28:22):
No, I know, I know, but I'm the thing. Yeah,
I think it's safe to respond to people and interact
and be kind. But yeah, if it is like what's
your favorite color?
Speaker 1 (28:33):
Yeah, or where do you live or you know, continuing
the conversation, I think there's a vibe there.
Speaker 2 (28:40):
Yeah, Like, there's definitely a vibe there. If you are
asking them more intimate questions like you said, like where
do you live, like do you.
Speaker 1 (28:50):
Have or if you're asking about my children, if you're like,
I don't know, I guess I just I think that
you know, you know, internally, also, if you're feeling something
so and it's not to say that, I mean, we're
all human beings. You're you're going to be attracted to
lots of different people. The question is are you engaging
in a way that makes you open for business or
(29:11):
closed for business? And I think you know the answer
to that.
Speaker 2 (29:14):
And when you're putting out multiple signals, yeah, prepare to
back it up.
Speaker 1 (29:20):
Yeah, that's it. That's it too. And it's not to
say that you can't put out multiple signals and be
dating lots of people or be interested in lots of people.
But I think when you do that and then you
act like wait me, no, it's like, come on, yeah,
I know this game, Like you're yeah, yeah, what do
(29:40):
you mean.
Speaker 2 (29:40):
I did not eat the chocolate cake.
Speaker 1 (29:43):
It's all over my face and I've got that now.
I got it in writing. And then the other thing
that you and I kind of talked about is we
were watching this this thing about how when you look
at like people who are in relationships, typically there's the
adored and the adoring, like there's somebody who adores the
(30:03):
other one. More like there's one person who kind of
is adored and there's one person who's adoring. And the
doctor who was talking about this was saying that you
think you want to be adored, Like you think that's
what you know? I want to meet someone who adores
me that I feel so adored, And I would say
that like I do feel that way. But they were
saying that, like when they tested like the happiness quotients objectively,
(30:25):
of these two people, the person that is adored is
less happy than the adoring partner. Yeah, that's interesting, and
so I think that too is like a lot of
times are we've had friends say like I never go
after who I want. I just wait for someone who
wants me, And then you're putting yourself in this situation
(30:48):
of like adored adoring Does that make sense? And then
it's not necessarily working out because you maybe didn't pick
somebody that you would pick. You picked who picked you
and not.
Speaker 2 (31:00):
I think that's very true. Yeah, and I think it
maybe is like a little bit of childhood wounding with that,
you know, almost having to be like with the person
that is the adoring person is had to perform for love.
Speaker 1 (31:13):
Right, had to perform for love?
Speaker 2 (31:14):
Yes, And then the adored person is kind of in
the I don't know, maybe they want to be the
adoring one and being adored makes them uncomfortable.
Speaker 1 (31:26):
Yeah, or even just like maybe they are in a
spot that they need that it feels good for a
minute to have all that reassurance. Maybe you had a
parent die, maybe you just came out of a really
hard relationship and you're kind of not your badass self
right in that moment, and it feels good.
Speaker 2 (31:44):
Yeah, absolutely, I mean, but you know, for me, it's like,
I don't want to be adored, but I want to
be seen and I want to be appreciated for the
things that sometimes I feel like some people maybe overlook.
Speaker 1 (31:57):
Give me an example.
Speaker 2 (31:58):
You know, it's funny. The thing that really comes to mind,
and this is so dumb, but it's been brought up
by like two different people that I've dated. When I
was a kid, my mom used to get onto me
by the way that I walked, okay, all the time,
like I walk like a boy. All this stuff. Now,
mind you, I could get on stage and do the pageant,
walk in the heels and do the whole nine. But
if I'm around just wearing ten isshoes, I'm walking a
(32:20):
little bit like a cowboy, okay. And and she did
not like that. And even my theater teacher when I
was in high school told me that I walked like
John Wayne.
Speaker 1 (32:29):
Oh boy. Okay. So we've had two people now say
the two people, Okay, so it's real, this is real.
Speaker 2 (32:34):
It's a real thing. So but I've also dated two
people who have told me they love the way that
I walk, Okay, And so it's like it kind of
like undoes that bullshit a kid, And I'm like, yeah,
I think, here's this quality about myself that I always
thought was bad, but these people see it as attractive
and it makes me feel good. Yeah I feel seen.
Speaker 1 (32:57):
Yeah, so I really really I love that example. Yeah,
it's kind of like you're reminding me of the actor
in White Lotus who has the gap in her teeth
that she said it always bothered her, and now it's
like her thing characteristic that people love about her.
Speaker 2 (33:15):
Yeah. Everybody's got these fucking chick lit teeth now that
they've gone, they've gotten veneers, right, got unique beautiful teeth.
Speaker 1 (33:23):
I love her teeth, like I think I do too. Yeah.
Speaker 2 (33:25):
What my mom and my theater teacher should have said
is that I walk like a lesbian.
Speaker 1 (33:30):
Yeah yeah, yeah, listen, she's gay. Ps, she's gay.
Speaker 2 (33:34):
Of course I walk.
Speaker 1 (33:37):
That's funny. Yeah, So I think, yeah, like I that's true.
And it's like whatever, however you come into our relationship,
we're all coming from a different need from childhood. So
I think, and it's not to say that I would
love to be in a relationship where sometimes it's kind
of moves around. We're equals, so exactly, sometimes i'm sometimes
(33:58):
you are.
Speaker 2 (33:59):
I want to have both, Yeah, I want to worship you, Yeah,
worship me right back. And it's balanced and it feels good.
Speaker 1 (34:05):
Yeah. And I wonder how many people could actually how
many people would say that that's true for their relationship.
I mean, I'm sure people off the cuff are like, oh, yeah,
that's us, But like if you dig in, is it yeah?
Is it more like we all know who's.
Speaker 2 (34:17):
In charge relationship.
Speaker 1 (34:20):
Exactly, who's deciding what happens Saturday night. Yeah, yeah, there's
always deciding and who's making it happen, Yeah exactly, because
that's a whole different Those are two skill sets. Those
are two different skill sets. Like we have friends who
one of them is super social, one of them isn't
at all. And it's always interesting to me, like it
(34:42):
does feel pretty balanced of how often they show up.
It's almost like half the time that not like that
it's working.
Speaker 2 (34:50):
Yeah you know, yeah, I mean that's just it. You've
got to find a balance that And I think it's
good when you have a couple like that. Like I
always joke that I need someone who's a supervisor, Like,
I need a partner who's going to be like, listen,
it's one am. Is we're already out too late. Yeah,
we need to go home?
Speaker 1 (35:07):
Yeah, hell yeah that would be me.
Speaker 2 (35:09):
Yeah, Like that's otherwise I'm going to be up until
four in the morning. Easy.
Speaker 1 (35:14):
Yeah. I feel like to be honest, if I'm really
being honest right now, you had a supervisor and you
never listened to the supervisor.
Speaker 2 (35:22):
I did not listen to the supervisor.
Speaker 1 (35:24):
You never listened to the supervisor, because I remember her
even saying to me, like I've been ready to leave
for two fucking hours. Yeah, And I remember I remember
even like whispering to you like you're a moron. Go home, dude,
go home. Why are you right now? She wants to leave?
Speaker 2 (35:41):
I know.
Speaker 1 (35:43):
So maybe you need a supervisor with like a megaphone
of sort, like a cow brougher exactly, cow brodder. I'm
like the opposite. If you just like whisper to me
you're ready to leave, I'm already like irish goodbye.
Speaker 2 (36:00):
You know. I think one of the things is that
I lately, over the past year or so, I have
gotten more to a space where I do want to
go home? Yeah, like I'm piecing out, especially with the
whole not drinking thing. I'm easily leaving at midnight, no.
Speaker 1 (36:13):
Problem, I guess too. Like you and I have had
a lot of conversations about like, because we are at
the lot of the We're at everything the same. If
you're if I'm there, you're there. Yeah, And I will
leave and then you are come home a couple hours
behind me. And typically when we rehashed the next day,
you will say to me, I should have left, dude,
nothing happened like I should have left. And so oftentimes
(36:36):
I think that now you are just like, yeah, I
left right behind you. It does seem like lately you're right.
Speaker 2 (36:41):
Behind I left before you. A couple of weeks ago.
Oh really, where were we karaoke on your birthday? Oh? Yeah, yeah,
I was so tired of those hyenas that were drunk
in there that yeah, driven me crazy that you didn't notice.
Speaker 1 (36:54):
I didn't even notice them, and I always notice.
Speaker 2 (36:57):
Oh my god, I'm glad you didn't notice, because you
probably would have and like, get out.
Speaker 1 (37:00):
Of here, ye scram ram riff rapp, Especially in my neighborhood.
That's really annoying.
Speaker 2 (37:08):
Yeah, I'm convinced they were too young to be in
that bar.
Speaker 1 (37:12):
Yeah, I'm sure. I'm surprised the owner is kind of rough. Like,
I'm surprised he wasn't like get out.
Speaker 2 (37:18):
I am too. I'm like, I don't feel like the
owner likes me.
Speaker 1 (37:21):
I know he doesn't like me either, But you know,
I went in there the next day, sober, obviously, for lunch,
and he was like shim, he was way nicer, and
he waited on us for lunch and I almost said, like, dude,
I was here last night. These are like two different people. Like,
what is happening right now?
Speaker 2 (37:41):
That's wild like that. I've had the same experiences. I've
gone in there, I've had lunch or brunch or whatever,
and he's like so nice. Yeah, but if it's like
after eight pm.
Speaker 1 (37:51):
He's like tired.
Speaker 2 (37:52):
Yeah, he's done.
Speaker 1 (37:54):
Yeah, Like, are you sure you want to own that?
I know, are you sure you want to do this?
I think he's had it a long time.
Speaker 2 (37:59):
He's yeah, for sure.
Speaker 1 (38:02):
All right, I got to go pick up some kids
from school.
Speaker 2 (38:05):
Okay, Well I've got to sign them whether or not
I'm signing a contract to buy or sell my house.
Speaker 1 (38:10):
So mixed signals. Give them some mixed signals.
Speaker 2 (38:13):
I am going to give some more mixed signals. That's
you said. I'm waiting until like, what is it the
eleventh hour?
Speaker 1 (38:18):
Yeah, wait eleven to sign Yeah, wait till the eleventh hour. Actually,
I like to do a bullshit I'm walking and then.
Speaker 2 (38:26):
I threw that out loud.
Speaker 1 (38:27):
Yeah exactly, all right, my friend.
Speaker 2 (38:30):
All right, we'll talk soon.
Speaker 1 (38:31):
Bye bye bye.
Speaker 2 (38:37):
I want to support the Lesbian Chronicles podcast. Rate us
and write a review on Apple podcast or Spotify.
Speaker 1 (38:44):
We love listener feedback. If you'd like to share your story,
email us at Melissa and Ali at gmail dot com.
That's Melissa M. E. L I s A and Ali
A L l I at gmail dot com. Or follow
us on Instagram at Lesbian Chronicles
I'm Ali. I came out after twenty years of marriage
and I have three kids.
Speaker 2 (00:09):
I'm Melissa and I have two kids, and I came
out at thirty seven after an eleven year marriage.
Speaker 1 (00:15):
This podcast is about coming out later and the struggles
and victories that come with it when coming out feels
like the end of the world, but it's really just
the beginning. This is the Lesbian Chronicles. Welcome to the
Lesbian Chronicles.
Speaker 2 (00:36):
Welcome.
Speaker 1 (00:38):
How you doing.
Speaker 2 (00:40):
I've had a long week. I know.
Speaker 1 (00:42):
I feel like You've got a lot of irons in
the fire, dude.
Speaker 2 (00:45):
It's I feel like my life is pure insanity right now.
Like I can't even believe it. I'm under contract with
a house right now and selling my house. Not quite
under contract, but I have an offer and basically if
it goes through, I have let's see, about seventeen days
until I have to Is that right? Yeah? Around eighteen
(01:07):
nineteen days to move.
Speaker 1 (01:08):
You can do it in three.
Speaker 2 (01:11):
Back up my entire house. You know what I realized too,
is this the first move that I will be doing
completely on my own where I don't have like a
girlfriend that's like coming to help pack or something like that.
Like I don't know I am going to hire movers.
I'm not one of those people that's.
Speaker 3 (01:24):
Like, no, who wants to come help me move and
I'll give you pizza that like, come on, Like movers
are not that expensive, it's they do it so much
faster than you can ever imagine.
Speaker 2 (01:36):
You do it like it's going to take if it
was me and someone else to take us like two days.
I it's three or four huge mover guys a couple hours.
Speaker 1 (01:45):
Yeah No, I say it's literally it's three days of
hell and you're done.
Speaker 2 (01:49):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (01:50):
So I think that makes a lot of sense.
Speaker 2 (01:53):
Yeah. So nothing in my house is packed, like absolutely nothing.
Speaker 1 (01:56):
So that's when you just get the kids. Like I
for this house, we just did like room by room,
just you know, every couple of nights, like we'd be like,
let's pack up this room or let's I mean it's
not it's awful, but it's not horrible.
Speaker 2 (02:08):
Like you can do hard with the ADHD thing.
Speaker 1 (02:11):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (02:11):
I that's where I get fucked. Yeah, I start on
one thing, I get distracted by something else. I also
do like kind of weird methods with packing where I'm
shoving like pillows and boxes and stuff.
Speaker 1 (02:24):
So it's like.
Speaker 2 (02:24):
Axs padding and the little gowels and it's repurposing.
Speaker 1 (02:28):
It's repurposing.
Speaker 2 (02:29):
I mean it's better than buying all that packing.
Speaker 1 (02:32):
Material, right, So yeah, I think it sounds really smart.
Speaker 2 (02:35):
Thank you, thank you.
Speaker 1 (02:37):
I love moving. I'm like one of those weird people.
I get excited. In fact, read asked me last night,
how long do you think we'll stay in this un
till you're gonna want to sell this house? Actually I
love my house right now, like there's I'm so happy here.
But I do get the itch, maybe because I'm in
the home business that I see things and I'm like,
I kind of like could get excited about this other house.
Speaker 2 (02:57):
Yeah, Like I feel the same way like I get
I'm all always kind of like.
Speaker 1 (03:00):
Looking yeah, sell me.
Speaker 2 (03:01):
And then I see something and I'm like, oh, that
looks like a better investment. I could do X, Y
and Z to this place and make it a little better.
Speaker 1 (03:08):
Like we Melissa and I can sell it like to
each other, like if you if you tell me you
want to do something, I can find my evidence to
make it the right decision. Just tell me what you
want to do.
Speaker 2 (03:20):
And I've been like quizzing everyone I know on, like
what I should do because right now I'm negotiating with it. Well,
I shouldn't even say I'm negotiating. This guy will not
budge on his offer.
Speaker 1 (03:30):
That he's given me, Then you don't budge either.
Speaker 2 (03:32):
And I haven't been budging either. Well I've actually I
have budged a little bit. But oh, it's just so frustrating.
Speaker 1 (03:39):
It all comes down to who can hold out the.
Speaker 2 (03:40):
Longest, right, and I have a time crunch.
Speaker 1 (03:43):
Yeah, that's what sucks for me. But I think like
you have to go into it as you don't have
to move like I. To me, it's like there's so
much power in I don't really care either way. It's
kind of like what we talked about that that guy said,
the art of making deals. He's like, I always if
I want something, I find a back up that I'm
kind of excited about so that my back's never against
(04:04):
the wall. Like I can walk. I don't need you
and that.
Speaker 2 (04:06):
And I've said that to my realtor and he is, like,
I said it last night. I said, I'm ready to walk.
Speaker 1 (04:10):
Yeah, I'll just walk.
Speaker 2 (04:12):
Yeah, I don't need it that bad.
Speaker 1 (04:13):
Yeah, that's it. There's power.
Speaker 2 (04:15):
Though I'm kind of waiting until the last hour to
even sign this offer right now, right, like.
Speaker 1 (04:22):
Also, don't kid yourself that realtor and realtor, if you're listening,
she can give up some points in the deal. Oh
she already has Okay, yeah, because she's not She's not me.
Speaker 2 (04:32):
She told someone else. I was like, I feel like
my realtor is just tolerating my bullshit, right, just like
I know I'm driving her crazy because I'm texting her.
I'm like, this guy's such a douche.
Speaker 1 (04:43):
Yeah. Well, oh well, so it'll be over with soon
and then you never have to shock to either of
them again, exactly.
Speaker 2 (04:49):
I know. I've already decided that when the deal goes
through and signing the paperwork, I don't want to be
in the same room.
Speaker 1 (04:56):
Yeah. I rarely am now anymore like I normally do closing.
Speaker 2 (05:00):
It's one of those things that I didn't know was
an option until a couple of years ago. And now
I'm like, I don't care to meet with you because
I'd rather be able to kind of be a little
bit of a bulldog in the process and then be like, well,
we never have to look at each other in the eyeballs.
Speaker 1 (05:12):
So yeah, not only that, it's like, really, what I've
learned is that you're sitting there so that the realtor
and the bank can more formal formalize their relationship. So
you're basically just a bystander for that relationship. Yeah, so
it's like, I don't have time to sit here and
watch you to get close so that you can do
deals in the future. I'm this might just done. So yeah,
(05:34):
I don't.
Speaker 2 (05:34):
I never go Every closing that I have here in
Phtree City is at the same law office, like it
is the one right that does all the deals. So
but yeah, it's it's stressful, man, that's for sure.
Speaker 1 (05:47):
Let's talk about something that's not stressful but exciting, which
is our event in October.
Speaker 2 (05:53):
I'm so excited for this. Like every time we're working
with two friends of the podcasts that are extremely amazing
women talented at what they do, who are really leading
the charge and like it and they're single and single
getting this all thrown together, and every time we talk
to them, I'm like, dude, this is going to be
(06:13):
so much fun.
Speaker 1 (06:14):
It's going to be so much fun. October eighteenth, come
to Seattle. We're flying in. Other friends of ours are
flying in like it is going to be a blast
come to the event. We've got some speakers lined up
that are going to be amazing, but there's also a
social event before and after, and Seattle is such a
cool city.
Speaker 2 (06:34):
Yeah, I'm really excited about that part, exploring Seattle, but
also just like being in a room with a bunch
of queer women from all different backgrounds, experiences. We're going
to be sharing experiences, talking about just dating and relationships, sex,
like the whole nine. So it's going to be like
a ton of fun.
Speaker 1 (06:54):
It is going to be a ton of fun. And
I wanted to also remind people about our website being
Chronicles podcast dot com. If you go on there. First
of all, you can buy the tickets link in our
bio on Instagram, but you can also get tickets on
our website. But I think the website is starting to
do what we wanted it to do, which was people
are starting to share stories and comment on each other stories.
(07:16):
So if you haven't gotten on our website, get on
there and write a little bit or comment on somebody
else's or just start to help that community grow. Because
we don't get anything out of that. It's not for
us it's for you guys to like listen to each
other and support each other. I saw somebody post something
somebody had reached out to us on Insta. I told
(07:36):
her to go to the website. She did. Within two
days she had a post up there. I saw lots
of people commented on it. It just it made me
so happy because I felt like that's what we intended
it for.
Speaker 2 (07:48):
Yeah, And one of the most common things that I
hear from people in this whole process of coming out
is like, how do I get started? Like, what's what's
a step I can take? Especially if you're still married,
You know, what is a step I can take? That
getting on our website, participating in the forums, even just
getting on there and reading it first. You know, taking
a beat before you join in is going to be
(08:10):
so unbelievably helpful mentally for therapeutic to kind of start
moving forward with the process. And I'll say this too.
One of the spaces when I was coming out that
I would kind of peruse was Reddit. And I can't
tell you how many times I see on Reddit someone
posts like I'm deleting everything because my husband found my account.
Speaker 1 (08:30):
Or something like that.
Speaker 2 (08:31):
You know, like they know to look on Reddit. They
don't know to look on the lesbian Yeah.
Speaker 1 (08:37):
So I think that's such a good point. And it's
like you said, it's like I think anytime you have
an ultimate goal or you're thinking about making a decision,
like if you can take just little steps every day,
whether it's come to the event in Seattle would be
a bigger step. But getting on the website and writing
a little bit or reading, that's a little step in
(08:58):
the right direction of finding the.
Speaker 2 (08:59):
True Yeah, And like I think another thing is I
felt so guilty during that time, even like wanting to
read any of this stuff because I was married too.
But you have permission to read and explore this side
of yourself you now, Like it is not being unfaithful.
If anything, by not doing it, you're being unfaithful to yourself.
(09:20):
At the end of the day, you have yourself. That
is it in this life. And I hate that sounds
like morbid and sad and everything, but Dan, if it
isn't true, Like, the more.
Speaker 1 (09:31):
You know about you, the better you can show up
as a partner, as a mother, as a friend. Like
I can't say that enough either. It's like the more
I've come into myself the more my friendships have deepened,
the more that i've I've i'm a better mother, like
I'm I have I give people grace, like I just
think that there's so much to be learned on there.
And if you are going through something, write it down
(09:52):
because what you'll find is very soon after other people
are responding with yeah, me too, or same thing. And
I just, I don't know, I saw so much encouragement.
I mean, people just saying like it gets so much easier,
and I know it feels hard right now. I mean,
I don't know. I just it encouraged me. And I
kept thinking like had that been you and I, we
(10:13):
would have been so helped by that.
Speaker 2 (10:16):
It was such a game changer for me once I
started therapy, Once I started meeting people that were just
like me in the same situation, changed fucking everything.
Speaker 1 (10:26):
Group our group. Think of this as like your group
if you don't have a group. We had group therapy
for women coming out later. We had a space that
we went to once twice a month. This is like
that for people that don't have that, and which I
think most people don't have that. I mean they don't
there's no group therapy in a lot of cities.
Speaker 2 (10:46):
Yeah, it's such a rare find and because we've had
a number of people write in over the years asking
like do they have this in other cities, and we
really haven't been able to find something that mirrors what
we had and our experience in Atlanta, which is still
a thing. It is still a group that happens. It's
led by a therapist named Melissa.
Speaker 1 (11:03):
Lest Sure, they still get together, they get together live.
We have a friend in our group social group here
that goes and met a bunch of really cool women
that she brought out with us. I mean, they were
all amazing women that are going through this. So it's
an ongoing thing to find community and they're there and.
Speaker 2 (11:21):
Anyways, it's such a game changer. I mean I can't.
I will say it like shout out from the rooftops
that that is what saved me in this process totally,
because otherwise I probably would have been with my catalyst
and struggling and yeah, like it would have been, I
would not be anywhere where I am today.
Speaker 1 (11:39):
No, I would agree wholeheartedly. So a step in the
right direction. The other thing great is the map on
Instagram where you can post where you live or look
to see where other people live. I think that's another
cool way I notice people making connections. But the website,
Lesbian Chronicles podcast dot com. Go on there. We have
(11:59):
it all also organized where you can join different areas
of the states, so you can do it that way
or just get on there with everyone. It doesn't matter.
Just get on there is what I would say.
Speaker 2 (12:10):
It takes.
Speaker 1 (12:11):
So what are we talking about today?
Speaker 2 (12:13):
We're talking about signals, signals, mixed signals, very forward signals, yeah,
and everything in between.
Speaker 1 (12:21):
I know. I think another thing we've said this before
and I'll say it again is like there's people I
meet that and one of them was Alyssa, who used
to do the podcast with us. She always said that,
like she's in the music business, so she would have
to go to a lot of events and there'd be
a lot of men there women, but she's like I
always knew to show up extremely off the market, like
(12:45):
it's I am closed for business. Nobody would ever think
I was flirting with them. There's no mixed signals because
I am showing up taken. I don't even have to
bring my partner because I'm closed for business. And I
make it so obvious because I remember talking about like
how do you not invite people hitting on you or
getting the wrong impression? And I always knew that about her,
(13:05):
and I would see her in social situations and she's
she's she's right, Like she was always appeared closed for business,
And I meet a lot of other women that I'm like,
I know you're in a relationship, but you don't seem
really closed for business. You seem kind of open for
business maybe like you're kind of like in a relationship
but sort of maybe scouting out other things, or maybe
(13:26):
you're dating around. Honestly, you're dating four or five people,
and that that is awesome, Like I love that, Like
you should be dating around, But I think like the
signals people get should be you should be putting out
an honest, honest of where you are. I guess, And
how do you do that? And how do you also
receive signals Like I tend to think everyone's hitting on
me or trying to like make a connection. You're the opposite,
(13:50):
you think no one else, So I guess talk about that,
Like I think that's a thing. It's like, how do
you read is someone hitting on me? Are they just
trying to be my friend? Like or are they hitting
on me under the guise of friendship testing the waters? Like,
say more, since you're.
Speaker 2 (14:07):
The one that feels like everyone's sitting on you, what
are some things that you feel like are showing that sometimes?
Like some examples.
Speaker 1 (14:14):
Okay, So I would say, like some examples might be that,
like if I'm at an event, like maybe they hold
my eye contact longer than what I think is like
normal cadence for like a normal interaction, they hold my
eye contact a little too long, or touch my arm
while they're talking, like grab my arm and like say
(14:34):
something while they're talking. It feels like beyond what I
would do with someone I'm completely not interested in. Sometimes,
but a lot of times I'm sure maybe I'm overreading it.
I'm sensitive to that, like because I'm also I'm somebody
who would worry that I'm being cheated on or would
have the percept somebody might have the perception that I'm
(14:55):
hitting on them. So I'm very sensitive about those kinds
of signals. In a way, probably you're not as sensitive, maybe,
like everyone has kind of a threshold of what they
deem appropriate. Yeah, I mean, if you've ever been out
and like you've seen someone that you know is in
a relationship and you're kind of watching them in the
room and you're thinking, would they act this way if
their partner was here?
Speaker 2 (15:16):
Yeah?
Speaker 1 (15:17):
Does that ever occur to you?
Speaker 2 (15:18):
Not very often, but I have seen that happen, you know,
where it's like, oh, they're getting a little close to
the other person, or like the conversation maybe seems a
little flirty, like that kind of thing.
Speaker 1 (15:29):
Yeah, yeah, or like a vulnerability Like sometimes I think too,
like if you're in a relationship, like a real relate,
like you were with somebody that you are committed to,
like we are together kind of thing, and then you're
like you make this new friend and you're sort of
having these like sort of vulnerable conversations with this new
(15:50):
quote unquote friend that your partner doesn't know about. Like
many people would think that's harmless. I feel like that's
to some extent, like that would it's a little bit
threatening for the primary relationship. Yeah, And I see that
all the time.
Speaker 2 (16:08):
And I think that's why, like, if you are in
a relationship, it's really important to like ask your partner
first when it comes like like hey, I just met
this new person. They want to grab coffee, they want to,
you know, talk about X y Z. I'd like to go,
but I want to make sure that like you're good
with it, or like let's you know, let me make
sure that you meet them like along the way so
(16:30):
you can kind of catch their vibe and see how
they feel, so it doesn't feel like so intrusive, because
I think that's like one of those things where we're
we're all trying to build community and make friends, and
and some people could be at any stage in their life.
You know, maybe they just went through a breakup and
they don't they lost all the friends in the breakup,
so they're trying to start over.
Speaker 3 (16:48):
You know.
Speaker 2 (16:48):
They're not necessarily like interested in you as like a
dating perspective, but they're interested in making a new friend.
You're coupled up like, and they want to like hang out.
So I think when it comes to like that kind
of situation, it needs to be clear and you need
to also talk to your partner about it, you.
Speaker 1 (17:08):
Know, because I think too, like with women, it's a
slippery slope. It's like, I mean, you've told me when
you've been single, you've met people that are in a
relationship and you're like, damn, I wish she didn't have
a girlfriend. Yeah, And it's like we're all at these
social events and if I'm the girlfriend, am I a
little nervous that Melissa's around? Maybe, Like I don't know,
(17:28):
Like I guess it's how secure you are. But I'll
tell you a quick story about when I was in
When Maria and I were together, probably year two, she
was a mountain bike She rode mountain bikes, and when
you ride mountain bikes, you have to have someone to
go with, right, because you can fall and get hurt.
And then if you're by yourself, I guess that's kind
of scary. So when you try to mountain bike with people,
and I remember she met this person mountain biking and
(17:51):
she was like, Hey, this girl wants to go mountain
biking so that we have people to go with. I
she's gay, I have no interest in her, are not
attracted to her at all. But to me, I could
see where this might be a little threatening to you.
You know, we've only been together I guess probably maybe
two years. I don't really remember, but she kind of
was like, I don't think I should go, not because
(18:11):
I'm attracted to her at all, but because I think
it does. It just feels weird. You don't know her,
Like I don't need to be mountain biking on a
Saturday with this woman. But I just wanted you to
know in case it comes up, you know, when we
all are together, that she invited me. I'm not going
to go. I think it feels weird. It's it feels
kind of threatening darth what we have. And I remember
(18:33):
thinking like, she has every right to go mountain biking
with this woman, but it woul did feel a little
threatening to me of like this gay woman. They have
this common interest. But of course she could have gone,
but she didn't even put me in that situation. She
basically was like, I'm taking it off the table. I
don't care enough about mountain biking with her that it
wouldn't It's not worth it to me, So I'm just
(18:53):
letting you know.
Speaker 2 (18:55):
And I think that's great. But I think there's also
situations where it's kind of like, well, this could like
be an opportunity for my career, that kind of thing,
and so it is again, I think one of those
things where you really have to be clear about what's
happening and help your partner to feel better about you know,
if you're meeting up solo with this person, like what
is your intention? What is the other person's attention too,
(19:18):
Like do they feel like they're legit or are they just
pretending like they have some opportunity because they want to
get you alone in a.
Speaker 1 (19:23):
Room, you know, and have the relationship grow. Because how
many people have we talked to. We've had people on
the pod that Medda's friends going through something and they
fell in love. Yeah, and they had partners. Yeah, So
I think it's not it's not like when you're with men,
because when you're with men, I don't meet men and
want to go mountain biking with a man.
Speaker 2 (19:43):
Yeah, you know, I know I can't a fringle time
when I was married to a man that I met
another man and was like, I'm going to go hang
out with this new guy. Like my ex husband would
have been like what ye like why? And I think
I've told this story on the podcast before of my
(20:04):
ex husband. We were not married at the time, but
we were living separately doing kind of like semi long distance,
and he lived in what's called a crash pad. If
anyone's familiar with the aviation industry, there's like people will
buy like a townhouse or something and put like bunk
beds in the bedrooms and rent them out to people
that are flight attendants pilots that just need a place
to stay, that don't want to get a hotel. So
(20:25):
he was saying at one of these places and there
was a flight attendant there and she was constantly like,
let's go get dinner, you know, all this stuff. And
I had to be like, take a step back, dude,
Like I understand that, Like, yeah, you want to make
some friends, but this ain't it, you know, and you.
Speaker 1 (20:40):
Don't need to be making friends on the road. Well
I'm back here, like, I just don't think it's appropriate.
But that's me and I have a threshold that's probably
different from a lot of people's threshold.
Speaker 2 (20:49):
Yeah, But once I pointed it out to him, I
was like, I think she has a different motive here. Yeah,
And he started to think about it. He's like, I
think you're right, and he stopped hanging out with her. Yeah,
and that's exactly what should have happen, right.
Speaker 1 (21:01):
Think about like an our group, there's like people in
my people can be very non threatening like in that,
like if I was in a serious relationship, my partner
could meet them. You are very non threatening because we've
been friends forever. We know what we had like you.
But there are people, I'm sure in the greater friend
group that maybe my partner would deem more threatening, you know,
(21:24):
like I think, I don't know. I think there's a
everybody you kind of know if you're quiet, what's what?
Speaker 2 (21:29):
Yeah, when it comes to you yourself wanting, like let's
say you're single and you do want to put out
those signals, yeah, it's like, how how do you go
about that? Because I personally find that anytime that I
have made a move, I'm trying to think if I've
ever made a move like really successful. Yeah, I don't.
Speaker 1 (21:49):
Know that I have, Like, well, what would the move
even look like? Lake? I mean, do you mean like
you see somebody that you're attracted to and now you're
going to try to connect?
Speaker 2 (22:01):
Yeah? Okay, So and typically that involves like maybe reaching
out to them via text and asking to like grab
coffee or something like that.
Speaker 1 (22:10):
You don't even start with like the soft launch like
the dmm, hey, oh my god, you like that song?
We have mutual friends or blah blah blah.
Speaker 2 (22:20):
I try to only do this if I've met someone
in person before, Okay, like because then I have a vibe. Okay,
but I mean it's also been a minute since I've
even done anything like this. But I do feel like,
I don't know, maybe I'm doing it wrong, you know,
But I typically just ask to like hang out or
grab coffee because I just kind of want to see,
like what is it like to hang out the two
(22:40):
of us?
Speaker 1 (22:41):
And then what is it So then like, let's say
though that you're gonna soft Let's say that you were
gonna like do that? Are you doing that with? Like
maybe you've got three or four people you're sort of
interested in if you're out there in the dating world,
or two or three people. Let's say two or three
people you're sort of throwing lines out to see if
maybe there's a connection, and then one you're like, oh wow,
(23:04):
that was a really cool conversation or oh she's in
this career that I find interesting or we have this
common friend. Like how does it go from I met
them at the event and now I'm texting them?
Speaker 2 (23:16):
I don't know, Okay, that's my question. Ali, Yeah, well.
Speaker 1 (23:19):
I mean I don't know that I know, but I mean,
how I've seen it happen. Is the Instagram thing to
me is how people meet people. But I have seen
people at our events that we've had the Urban Pie takeover.
I see people meet all the time and up kind
of interested in each other.
Speaker 2 (23:38):
Yeah, yeah, totally. And I think those kind of situations,
kind of meeting in the wild and being able to
like interact dance together a little bit like that kind
of like brings about like what's the vibe here because
I'm dancing far differently with someone that I'm interested in
versus how I'm dancing with you or one of our friends.
And I think sometimes too, you know, we've talked about
(24:00):
how some people shoot out mixed signals and it's very confusing,
you know, you think that it's a friend vibe or something,
and then they're they're messaging you more frequently. They're sending
you songs.
Speaker 1 (24:10):
You know, send me a song you're in love with me?
To me, the song send is like clearly you're into me, right, But.
Speaker 2 (24:22):
Like I've been sent songs and then made the move
or in some way and put it out there and
then like not I don't know, pushed away or whatever,
like well y'all.
Speaker 1 (24:34):
But could it be sometimes that the person might be
dating multiple people and they get nervous that oh shit,
now she thinks I'm interested. I better better back off.
Speaker 2 (24:45):
Maybe yeah, cat, I caind too too hard, like but yeah,
I'm with you. I'm like, don't send people songs.
Speaker 1 (24:52):
Don't send songs, don't talk about a future of like
i'd love you. I don't know you know what you're doing,
like I to me, it's like I don't. A song
is intimate.
Speaker 2 (25:03):
And you remember the story that I had of when
I first started dating a woman, like back early days,
and she sent me a song and I didn't know
that that was like a thing, Oh god, and like
did that was like her move? I thought she was
just sending me a song that she liked. So I
sent a song that I liked.
Speaker 1 (25:19):
Oh jeez, yeah, yours was like it was it was
it was.
Speaker 2 (25:23):
A third Eye Blind song that was like it was
a Beyonce song originally called mine and says fuck what
you heard your mind? Like let's get married? Like ill,
oh shit?
Speaker 1 (25:36):
So we thought was what you sent her?
Speaker 2 (25:38):
Yes?
Speaker 1 (25:38):
And I was ship we're together now?
Speaker 2 (25:40):
Oh my god. I think that's what really fucking launched
the relationship.
Speaker 1 (25:44):
You saw you hard launched it.
Speaker 2 (25:46):
I didn't even mean to. I was just sending a
song that I liked a lot.
Speaker 1 (25:49):
Damn god, you really what even I knew that really
early on songs, it's like so intimate. I mean we
were doing tapes in third grade.
Speaker 2 (26:01):
I know that's true, Like, how.
Speaker 1 (26:03):
Did you not know the mixtape?
Speaker 2 (26:05):
Oblivious and doing it?
Speaker 1 (26:06):
My whole life literally grew up doing this.
Speaker 2 (26:10):
Be very cautious if you think you're just sending someone
a song that you like, or even.
Speaker 1 (26:15):
Just talking to someone in on social media, if there's
like a back and forth that goes on more than
I would say five times, yeah, I don't. Nobody has time,
like I'm not just.
Speaker 2 (26:27):
Doing that well, but I respond to people, that's for sure.
Speaker 1 (26:31):
Right.
Speaker 2 (26:31):
But I have a few people that I know it's
completely platonic on Instagram that I always make sure to
at least respond and interact with if.
Speaker 1 (26:40):
They like say but I guess what I'm saying is
you can respond and interact to something they said without
having it. If you're interested in someone, you're continuing I'm
asking you a new right now.
Speaker 2 (26:54):
That's sparking a memory. I had an experience like this
on Instagram a while ago where this woman was like
messaging me, ask me questions, like telling me she's like
the podcast all this stuff, and then like stops responding,
like period, And I was just like, what in the
thuff happened? Like we were like going back and forth.
It was like as if you were like mid conversation
(27:15):
with someone and.
Speaker 1 (27:15):
You just stopped. Yeah, So I don't know she met someone.
Speaker 2 (27:23):
I would never responded again.
Speaker 1 (27:25):
I mean, if you're in a relationship, is it appropriate
to be I this is my personal opinion. Again, I'm
gonna catch hell, and I have a very low threshold
for doing stuff on the side, So I don't like
it at all. I always think, like with my partner,
if they were watching, would the speakl with them? But
if you were dming back and forth with some stranger
(27:49):
and you're in a relationship, I don't care what you're
talking about. Like to me, it's at that point like
what do you why?
Speaker 2 (27:55):
But what if it's like they respond to a story
and it's like, oh, yeah, that's hilarious, hard it back
or yeah, like I feel like that's fine.
Speaker 1 (28:03):
Yeah totally.
Speaker 2 (28:04):
But now, especially when you're established with a partner on
social media, like to me, when I'm with someone and
I am posting and just even just tagging them like
it's a picture of our dinner or something, and tagging them,
it's like I'm making it clear that I'm in a relationship.
Speaker 1 (28:19):
Yeah, yeah, yeah, No'm no, I'm not saying you're shady.
Speaker 2 (28:22):
No, I know, I know, but I'm the thing. Yeah,
I think it's safe to respond to people and interact
and be kind. But yeah, if it is like what's
your favorite color?
Speaker 1 (28:33):
Yeah, or where do you live or you know, continuing
the conversation, I think there's a vibe there.
Speaker 2 (28:40):
Yeah, Like, there's definitely a vibe there. If you are
asking them more intimate questions like you said, like where
do you live, like do you.
Speaker 1 (28:50):
Have or if you're asking about my children, if you're like,
I don't know, I guess I just I think that
you know, you know, internally, also, if you're feeling something
so and it's not to say that, I mean, we're
all human beings. You're you're going to be attracted to
lots of different people. The question is are you engaging
in a way that makes you open for business or
(29:11):
closed for business? And I think you know the answer
to that.
Speaker 2 (29:14):
And when you're putting out multiple signals, yeah, prepare to
back it up.
Speaker 1 (29:20):
Yeah, that's it. That's it too. And it's not to
say that you can't put out multiple signals and be
dating lots of people or be interested in lots of people.
But I think when you do that and then you
act like wait me, no, it's like, come on, yeah,
I know this game, Like you're yeah, yeah, what do
(29:40):
you mean.
Speaker 2 (29:40):
I did not eat the chocolate cake.
Speaker 1 (29:43):
It's all over my face and I've got that now.
I got it in writing. And then the other thing
that you and I kind of talked about is we
were watching this this thing about how when you look
at like people who are in relationships, typically there's the
adored and the adoring, like there's somebody who adores the
(30:03):
other one. More like there's one person who kind of
is adored and there's one person who's adoring. And the
doctor who was talking about this was saying that you
think you want to be adored, Like you think that's
what you know? I want to meet someone who adores
me that I feel so adored, And I would say
that like I do feel that way. But they were
saying that, like when they tested like the happiness quotients objectively,
(30:25):
of these two people, the person that is adored is
less happy than the adoring partner. Yeah, that's interesting, and
so I think that too is like a lot of
times are we've had friends say like I never go
after who I want. I just wait for someone who
wants me, And then you're putting yourself in this situation
(30:48):
of like adored adoring Does that make sense? And then
it's not necessarily working out because you maybe didn't pick
somebody that you would pick. You picked who picked you
and not.
Speaker 2 (31:00):
I think that's very true. Yeah, and I think it
maybe is like a little bit of childhood wounding with that,
you know, almost having to be like with the person
that is the adoring person is had to perform for love.
Speaker 1 (31:13):
Right, had to perform for love?
Speaker 2 (31:14):
Yes, And then the adored person is kind of in
the I don't know, maybe they want to be the
adoring one and being adored makes them uncomfortable.
Speaker 1 (31:26):
Yeah, or even just like maybe they are in a
spot that they need that it feels good for a
minute to have all that reassurance. Maybe you had a
parent die, maybe you just came out of a really
hard relationship and you're kind of not your badass self
right in that moment, and it feels good.
Speaker 2 (31:44):
Yeah, absolutely, I mean, but you know, for me, it's like,
I don't want to be adored, but I want to
be seen and I want to be appreciated for the
things that sometimes I feel like some people maybe overlook.
Speaker 1 (31:57):
Give me an example.
Speaker 2 (31:58):
You know, it's funny. The thing that really comes to mind,
and this is so dumb, but it's been brought up
by like two different people that I've dated. When I
was a kid, my mom used to get onto me
by the way that I walked, okay, all the time,
like I walk like a boy. All this stuff. Now,
mind you, I could get on stage and do the pageant,
walk in the heels and do the whole nine. But
if I'm around just wearing ten isshoes, I'm walking a
(32:20):
little bit like a cowboy, okay. And and she did
not like that. And even my theater teacher when I
was in high school told me that I walked like
John Wayne.
Speaker 1 (32:29):
Oh boy. Okay. So we've had two people now say
the two people, Okay, so it's real, this is real.
Speaker 2 (32:34):
It's a real thing. So but I've also dated two
people who have told me they love the way that
I walk, Okay, And so it's like it kind of
like undoes that bullshit a kid, And I'm like, yeah,
I think, here's this quality about myself that I always
thought was bad, but these people see it as attractive
and it makes me feel good. Yeah I feel seen.
Speaker 1 (32:57):
Yeah, so I really really I love that example. Yeah,
it's kind of like you're reminding me of the actor
in White Lotus who has the gap in her teeth
that she said it always bothered her, and now it's
like her thing characteristic that people love about her.
Speaker 2 (33:15):
Yeah. Everybody's got these fucking chick lit teeth now that
they've gone, they've gotten veneers, right, got unique beautiful teeth.
Speaker 1 (33:23):
I love her teeth, like I think I do too. Yeah.
Speaker 2 (33:25):
What my mom and my theater teacher should have said
is that I walk like a lesbian.
Speaker 1 (33:30):
Yeah yeah, yeah, listen, she's gay. Ps, she's gay.
Speaker 2 (33:34):
Of course I walk.
Speaker 1 (33:37):
That's funny. Yeah, So I think, yeah, like I that's true.
And it's like whatever, however you come into our relationship,
we're all coming from a different need from childhood. So
I think, and it's not to say that I would
love to be in a relationship where sometimes it's kind
of moves around. We're equals, so exactly, sometimes i'm sometimes
(33:58):
you are.
Speaker 2 (33:59):
I want to have both, Yeah, I want to worship you, Yeah,
worship me right back. And it's balanced and it feels good.
Speaker 1 (34:05):
Yeah. And I wonder how many people could actually how
many people would say that that's true for their relationship.
I mean, I'm sure people off the cuff are like, oh, yeah,
that's us, But like if you dig in, is it yeah?
Is it more like we all know who's.
Speaker 2 (34:17):
In charge relationship.
Speaker 1 (34:20):
Exactly, who's deciding what happens Saturday night. Yeah, yeah, there's
always deciding and who's making it happen, Yeah exactly, because
that's a whole different Those are two skill sets. Those
are two different skill sets. Like we have friends who
one of them is super social, one of them isn't
at all. And it's always interesting to me, like it
(34:42):
does feel pretty balanced of how often they show up.
It's almost like half the time that not like that
it's working.
Speaker 2 (34:50):
Yeah you know, yeah, I mean that's just it. You've
got to find a balance that And I think it's
good when you have a couple like that. Like I
always joke that I need someone who's a supervisor, Like,
I need a partner who's going to be like, listen,
it's one am. Is we're already out too late. Yeah,
we need to go home?
Speaker 1 (35:07):
Yeah, hell yeah that would be me.
Speaker 2 (35:09):
Yeah, Like that's otherwise I'm going to be up until
four in the morning. Easy.
Speaker 1 (35:14):
Yeah. I feel like to be honest, if I'm really
being honest right now, you had a supervisor and you
never listened to the supervisor.
Speaker 2 (35:22):
I did not listen to the supervisor.
Speaker 1 (35:24):
You never listened to the supervisor, because I remember her
even saying to me, like I've been ready to leave
for two fucking hours. Yeah, And I remember I remember
even like whispering to you like you're a moron. Go home, dude,
go home. Why are you right now? She wants to leave?
Speaker 2 (35:41):
I know.
Speaker 1 (35:43):
So maybe you need a supervisor with like a megaphone
of sort, like a cow brougher exactly, cow brodder. I'm
like the opposite. If you just like whisper to me
you're ready to leave, I'm already like irish goodbye.
Speaker 2 (36:00):
You know. I think one of the things is that
I lately, over the past year or so, I have
gotten more to a space where I do want to
go home? Yeah, like I'm piecing out, especially with the
whole not drinking thing. I'm easily leaving at midnight, no.
Speaker 1 (36:13):
Problem, I guess too. Like you and I have had
a lot of conversations about like, because we are at
the lot of the We're at everything the same. If
you're if I'm there, you're there. Yeah, And I will
leave and then you are come home a couple hours
behind me. And typically when we rehashed the next day,
you will say to me, I should have left, dude,
nothing happened like I should have left. And so oftentimes
(36:36):
I think that now you are just like, yeah, I
left right behind you. It does seem like lately you're right.
Speaker 2 (36:41):
Behind I left before you. A couple of weeks ago.
Oh really, where were we karaoke on your birthday? Oh? Yeah, yeah,
I was so tired of those hyenas that were drunk
in there that yeah, driven me crazy that you didn't notice.
Speaker 1 (36:54):
I didn't even notice them, and I always notice.
Speaker 2 (36:57):
Oh my god, I'm glad you didn't notice, because you
probably would have and like, get out.
Speaker 1 (37:00):
Of here, ye scram ram riff rapp, Especially in my neighborhood.
That's really annoying.
Speaker 2 (37:08):
Yeah, I'm convinced they were too young to be in
that bar.
Speaker 1 (37:12):
Yeah, I'm sure. I'm surprised the owner is kind of rough. Like,
I'm surprised he wasn't like get out.
Speaker 2 (37:18):
I am too. I'm like, I don't feel like the
owner likes me.
Speaker 1 (37:21):
I know he doesn't like me either, But you know,
I went in there the next day, sober, obviously, for lunch,
and he was like shim, he was way nicer, and
he waited on us for lunch and I almost said, like, dude,
I was here last night. These are like two different people. Like,
what is happening right now?
Speaker 2 (37:41):
That's wild like that. I've had the same experiences. I've
gone in there, I've had lunch or brunch or whatever,
and he's like so nice. Yeah, but if it's like
after eight pm.
Speaker 1 (37:51):
He's like tired.
Speaker 2 (37:52):
Yeah, he's done.
Speaker 1 (37:54):
Yeah, Like, are you sure you want to own that?
I know, are you sure you want to do this?
I think he's had it a long time.
Speaker 2 (37:59):
He's yeah, for sure.
Speaker 1 (38:02):
All right, I got to go pick up some kids
from school.
Speaker 2 (38:05):
Okay, Well I've got to sign them whether or not
I'm signing a contract to buy or sell my house.
Speaker 1 (38:10):
So mixed signals. Give them some mixed signals.
Speaker 2 (38:13):
I am going to give some more mixed signals. That's
you said. I'm waiting until like, what is it the
eleventh hour?
Speaker 1 (38:18):
Yeah, wait eleven to sign Yeah, wait till the eleventh hour. Actually,
I like to do a bullshit I'm walking and then.
Speaker 2 (38:26):
I threw that out loud.
Speaker 1 (38:27):
Yeah exactly, all right, my friend.
Speaker 2 (38:30):
All right, we'll talk soon.
Speaker 1 (38:31):
Bye bye bye.
Speaker 2 (38:37):
I want to support the Lesbian Chronicles podcast. Rate us
and write a review on Apple podcast or Spotify.
Speaker 1 (38:44):
We love listener feedback. If you'd like to share your story,
email us at Melissa and Ali at gmail dot com.
That's Melissa M. E. L I s A and Ali
A L l I at gmail dot com. Or follow
us on Instagram at Lesbian Chronicles
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