How to Kill A Crush 🙅‍♀️

Introduction 💌

When you find out your crush doesn’t like you back, it’s a dagger to the heart. It’s a stab to the ego. But when you hear they like someone else in your friend group instead, it’s a double blow. The tsunami that follows the earthquake. For example, last week, I found out that the guy I sent a fun love letter to actually fancies my friend, and now they’re dating. Meanwhile, I’m still single and have been left to wallow in one of the saddest facts of life: not everyone that we find attractive will like us back.

But from asking around, the one reassuring thing I’ve discovered is that I’m not alone. It turns out crushes and friend groups are risky business. One girl told me she introduced her female friend to her close family guy friend at a wedding; he also happened to be her childhood crush, who had always been out of reach. Before she knew it, her friend was making out with him, and they dated for over a year. Boo! That’s gotta sting. Another girl’s best friend and her crush got together. But then she witnessed their six-month relationship turn toxic before it finally ended.

This is real life, people! Just to be clear, I’m not into love-letter man anymore, and in this article, I’m going to share all my practical tips on how you can wipe away all your feelings of unrequited love as well. So, how are we going to kill your crush? Here are my thoughts on how to help you through this.

1. Feel the pain 😫

There’s no way around it. Depending on how long you’ve been attached to your crush, this may warrant a full-blown ugly-cry. Unless, of course, you’re currently at a wedding like my friend was, watching this play out in front of your very eyes. In that case, you have to hang in there and distract the heck out of yourself until it’s safe for you to ugly-cry later.

Feel free to excuse yourself, politely decline invitations, and get some space. Leave town if you need to. Tell your friend group you’re grateful for the party invite, but you can’t go. You’re busy! Do what you need to do to feel the sadness and rage and not hang out with the new happy couple together. I escaped to the woods for two days on my own, with no electricity or internet. I also sat in my house, blasted rock music while doing a jigsaw puzzle, and let the rage burn through my body. Both of these activities were therapeutic in their own ways.

So, I encourage you to go to a museum. Get lunch with your grandma. Work on that poem you started writing a couple of weeks ago. Do whatever activities it takes to remind yourself that your crush person’s opinion of you has no reflection on your self-worth. Instead, your self-worth comes from how you show up in the world in your own beautiful way. Take time away from everyone and do things that make you feel joyful, valued, and alive.

2. Accept your humanness 🧘‍♀️

You are not a perfect person, but then again, no one else is either. There is a really cheesy line from an outdated breakup book that says, “Even Halle Berry has been dumped” (Greg Behrendt, page 113). It’s true. No one is safe from rejection in the world of romance.

However, self-compassion expert Dr. Kristin Neff has a useful approach to this. In her incredible TED Talk, she talks about the importance of “common humanity.” I’m paraphrasing, but she says that suffering is a part of life. Everyone suffers. We are not alone in our suffering, and that’s precisely what connects us to other people. Accepting this can help us feel connec