September 12, 2024 • 50 mins
In this episode we delve into the intricacies of the mind with special guest, Jaqui Letran, an award-winning author and mindset mentor. This episode is a treasure trove of insights on personal development, focusing on how our life experiences shape our mindset and the profound impact of our subconscious beliefs.
Jacqui's insights provide practical strategies for reclaiming control over our thoughts and emotions, making this episode a must-listen for anyone seeking personal growth and resilience. By understanding the workings of the subconscious mind and implementing Jackie's practical advice, you can begin to reshape your beliefs and lead a more calm & fulfillling life.
Tune in to learn:
- Understanding the workings of the conscious and subconscious mind.
- The impact of childhood experiences on adult beliefs and mindset.
- The distinction between positive thinking and the underlying mechanisms of the mind.
- The role of negative self-talk and its influence on emotions and experiences.
- Identifying and challenging disempowering beliefs.
- Strategies for managing anxiety and negative thoughts.
- The importance of self-awareness in personal development.
- The significance of gratitude in transforming perspectives and experiences.
- Techniques for reprogramming the subconscious mind for positive outcomes.
- The necessity of consistency in practicing positive mental habits.
Check out Jacqui's books for adults here!
Want to Kate to come and speak at your event? Visit https://www.theresiliencespeaker.com
Check out Kate's personalised online coaching programs for women: https://www.theresiliencespeaker.com/coaching
For daily inspiration and tips, follow Kate on instagram: @kategladdin
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
(00:00):
Welcome to okay. Now what?I'm your host, Kate Gladdin.
Episode six.This is a show for people who
know life doesn't happen to you.Life happens.
And the impact it has is up to you.Okay, here we go, beautiful people.
Welcome back for another episodeand I'm very excited.
(00:22):
This is my first time bringing on aguest since I relaunched the show
for adults and the big kids, and,uh, I knew I wanted to get this
special guest on the show because,uh, on, um, previous episodes
that she's been on for the teens,it has just been so impactful.
I've always learned a ton.I have never had someone be able to
(00:42):
explain the brain in such a simpleyet empowering way. So I'm excited.
No matter what age you are,this stuff is valuable.
But all the adults listen up.This stuff is literally going to
blow your mind as you learnabout the mind.
But without further ado,I'm so excited to invite award
winning author and mindset mentorJackie Letran. Welcome to the show.
(01:04):
Well,thank you so much for having me back.
We had such great conversationsbefore, so I'm really excited
about today. Yes. Me too, me too.I was like, oh, I don't even
know what to ask because there'sso many things and I'm just
going to say it from the get go.Guys like, go do yourself a favor,
go order Jackie's book for adults.It's I would, but my damn mind
won't let me. Is that right?Correct title. It is. Okay.
(01:29):
I realized I hadn't prepped thatpart, but I know the book so well.
I'm like, I just want to confirmthe title. Yeah.
Um, so, Jackie,I know you're just as passionate,
um, about helping people livetheir best lives, which a lot of
us don't understand comes fromunderstanding how the mind works,
because I'm sure many people haveseen the affirmations, heard about
(01:52):
mantras. Just think positive.Stop worrying so much.
But why on the surface is thatstuff not sticking or really
making an impact for people?You know, it's an interesting
question that you asked that there'sactually a little blurb in my book
that says something like, whypositive thinking doesn't work. Yeah.
And people will flip through mybook and they will see that part.
(02:14):
And they say, wait, wait, what?What do you mean positive
thinking doesn't work?I do explain that part and we
can definitely go into it here.But the really superficial big
global thing is doing it wrong.A lot of us are told to just do
this thing without any explanationbehind it, so that when we do it,
(02:34):
we don't understand what the truepurpose is and how to do it properly.
So we end up doing the affirmationin a way that affirms the negative
rather than affirming the thingthat we're looking to build.
And so in the book, it explains howthe mind works, how beliefs are
created from different experiences,and then how they work together
to then influence your lifeexperiences and understanding
(02:57):
how to talk to the mind, how togive proper command to the mind.
It's a lot simpler than we'vebeen led to believe.
And when you know how and you do itproperly, the result is incredible.
Ah, I know I've experienced it in myown life, and I've shared plenty of
the wisdoms with my own clients.Actually, just last week I ordered
one another copy of your book,so I love it.
(03:19):
But let's see,where do you want to start?
What's the most basic thing that youwish more people knew and understood
about their brain and how the mindworks? Where should we start?
I think we should start withknowing and believing that we do
have control over our mind.A lot of people will say things like,
you know, I can't help it.I just feel that way, I can't help.
(03:40):
I've always been this way.I can't help it. This and that.
No, you actually can't help it.You are in the driver's seat if
you want to take control,if you know how to take control.
Unfortunately, a lot of us are justled to believe that these things,
these emotion,these things are happening to us
and we just have to figure outhow to deal with it, rather than
(04:00):
being in charge of creating theexperiences that we want.
So putting the power back inyour hands.
Know that you do have controlover your mind. Yes, yes.
And so talk to me about the mindthough, because I feel like it's
helpful to understand in thebeginning that there's a certain
part that has been, I guess,conditioned or learned and kind of,
(04:22):
you know, you talk about beliefscoming and getting, um, you know,
created from when we're like 5 to7 years old and things like that.
So talk a little bit, I guess,about that subconscious mind that
people are like, well, I can'tcontrol that. And what goes on there.
Yeah, definitely.So, you know,
we first need to separate the twobig part of the minds. Right.
And we're just talking about mindset.We're not talking about the
(04:44):
intricacy of of all the neuralbiochemical that we're just that's.
Above our pay grade.I can talk about that too.
But that would be boring.I like to say better But okay,
so we're talking about the consciousmind and the subconscious mind.
One really simple way to look atit is your conscious mind is
your logical self.This is a part that you are aware of.
(05:06):
Your conscious mind is where you,you know, have thoughts like, you
know, I want to have this particularthing for lunch or I want to have
this career path or I'm doing this,I'm doing that. My goal is my want.
My wishes are all in theconscious part of your mind,
where it's logical,where you can think it through you.
You can make this decision andyou can be aware of it.
And then there's this subconsciouspart, that house, everything else.
(05:30):
And that's where all the learnedbehavior, all the learned belief, all
the knee jerk reactions are stored.And the majority of us are
operating at the subconsciousmind continuously.
Even when you think that you'reoperating on the conscious part
of the mind,most of us do think subconsciously.
There's a study I read recentlyand I'm going to totally mess up
the study. That's all right.We'll get the gist. Yeah.
(05:54):
So the the thing is that, you know,like a lot of people get told like,
oh, you remind me of your mother,of your aunt, of your somebody.
And that person's like, there isno way that I'm anything like my
mother or my aunt or whoever, right.And we we even get upset, like,
how dare they compare me to thisother person that I don't like,
I don't value, I have whatevernegative thoughts, right?
(06:18):
The thing is, when we are children,we learn from our environment.
So if our mother or aunts,whoever's in, you know,
the primary care giving role,we learn a lot of them.
We pick up a lot of their mannerisms,their nuances.
But in our conscious mind,we think we are a certain way.
Or we think we are ourselves beingourselves and not influence.
(06:41):
Yeah, yeah, well.You pick up all these stuff from
your, your childhood andsubconsciously is coming through.
So a person who doesn't have theinner thinking of your conscious mind
to see what they see outside andhe's like, oh this looks like that.
Yeah. So. Wow.So again, we're operating on the
subconscious mind a lot.And that all the knee jerk reactions,
(07:02):
all the negativity, all theemotional pain that we endured,
it's all in our subconscious mind andunderstanding how to access it and
reprogram it will create that changethat most people are looking for,
where they're now happy and excitedabout life, and they're motivated,
and they can go after their goals andtheir dreams and actually succeed.
(07:22):
Mhm. Wow. Yes I love it I love it.So tell us how do we stop.
How do you make that transitionfrom living life so much in the
subconscious to becoming, you know,living more consciously and
deliberately, um, with who we'rebeing, how we react to things like,
what does that look like? Sure.So, you know, again, the first part
(07:44):
is really being aware that you havecontrol and starting to pay attention
to the thoughts that you're having tothe reactions that you're having.
One of the assignments I give allof my clients is take a notebook
with you, and for 24 hours,write down every single negative
thought you have about yourselfor about the world.
And people come back with like,pages and pages, pages and pages.
(08:07):
Right. And they had no idea. Mhm.They think they are like super
positive and they have all thesewonderful positive thoughts all
the time.And then when they start paying
attention to themselves,their self-talk and all of that, they
realize, oh, I'm not that positive.And here's the thing about the
subconscious mind.It's always paying attention to
(08:29):
you for the next step, right?And so the thing that most people
don't recognize is every singlethought that you're having,
every single emotion you're having,you're basically telling your
subconscious mind,this is the experience I want.
Give me more of this experience,look around my environment,
look at my past, and bring anythingto sort of kind of match what I just
(08:49):
said or felt and amplify that for me.Make it my truth right now.
So if you go around all day longhaving all these negative thoughts
without being aware you'rehaving these negative thoughts,
it's no wonder you have all theseother negative experiences too.
So a word I think is soincredibly important,
and it's key to start the healingprocess is just becoming aware.
(09:13):
When you know you can't change whatyou're not aware of, so I do I
couldn't agree with that that more.And I think, you know,
we're to take this all to a morejust day to day scenario, um,
especially for adults.And I see like even within myself and
my relationship with my husband,sometimes if I forget something or,
(09:35):
you know, leave leave something open,leave the door open or like,
I'm, I'm a little forgetful.And I remember when I was younger,
my dad, he's very detail oriented.He would say little things that
I don't think he meant it,but I would interpret it as a kid.
You know,you're five years old or something,
like, I would feel a lot of shameand I'd start to like spiral.
(09:55):
And I can even feel that in my32 year old self.
Now, if I forget something, you know?And Nate doesn't really care,
but I feel viscerally like the shame.And so is that kind of what you're
saying about, like I remember inyour book, like things that
happen as a child, if anything,that like kind of triggers those,
(10:18):
I guess, that memory or that feeling,it kind of recreates it.
Am I on the right track?Somehow you are on the right track.
So taking it back a step is okay.So we're talking about the
development of beliefs, right?And the majority of your beliefs
were developed between birth toseven years old.
I mean, we're talking about birth,infancy, things that happen so
(10:39):
long ago that is still causingthose knee jerk reactions.
And so in all my work, you know,I discover that there's only four,
like super big disempowering beliefsthat cause everybody's problem.
I mean, like, no matter what it isyou're dealing with, I guarantee
you we can trace it down to oneof the four I'm going to mention,
or multiple of the four.And that's a belief of I'm not good
(11:02):
enough, I'm not worthy, I'm notloved and I'm not safe. Mhm. Right.
So those are the four beliefsthat will get created based on
our very young very immature mindthat doesn't understand the whole
uh nuances of what's happening.If mom comes home and you've been
forgetful or a dad in your situation,you know, and you've been forgetful
(11:26):
about something and that says,you know, I know you didn't mean
this, but that but hurts, right?And that's one thing, too.
This is a total aside.When I talk to my clients, I really
encourage them to leave out the word.But when you want to have beautiful,
positive, nurturing relationshipsbecause the moment you put butt in
there, you negate the first partyou just mentioned focusing on the
(11:49):
negative, right? So here's that.I know you didn't mean to,
but you did this again. Mhm.And you already experienced this one
five, ten, 20 times and everything.You know, every time you feel a
little bit worse about yourself,like how can I be so forgetful.
Right. I must not be that smart.I'm not enough.
You see how that goes? Yeah.And then, of course, as little ones,
(12:10):
you know, we fear losing love,losing that connection with our
parents, our caregiver.And every time we do something not so
great and they might raise theirvoice or they might do something,
we're like, we're not loved.If I do that, I'm a bad person.
I'm not loved.And that just compound on top of
each other.And once you create the belief
one of those four and they liketo hang out together.
(12:33):
So it's not like you're dealingwith this one.
You're dealing with all they.All hold hands and the.
Best buddies. Yeah.I mean, like you might have one
that might be the primary player,but you have all four.
We all have all four beliefs.They just come up differently for
each person, and some people holdon to that negativity longer than
(12:53):
others. But so something happens.Once you create a belief system
like that, it's in you.It's in the background of your mind,
and it stays with you forever.How do you like that? Yeah, right.
Your your old self mistakenly becauseyou know, your three year old self
doesn't have the experience and theknowledge to understand mom yelling
at at you right now is because mom'sfrustrated with her job. Yeah.
(13:17):
And taking out on you versus youbeing a bad person.
But now you're you believe thisis ingrained in you.
And when something happened thatsorta kind of look like that, your
subconscious mind goes, oh my gosh,we're good or bad, right? Yeah.
They're saying you're not good enoughor smart enough, loved enough.
Yeah, yeah, I,I can I remember like reading
(13:40):
that in your book and being like,oh I can see those little things.
And I had a great childhood,but I'm not trying to blame my
parents or anything, but it's justinteresting how your brain's just.
At our little itty bitty selves,trying to make sense of situations
and then the assumptions we makeor the conclusions we jump to at
that age about.Yeah, it's because I'm not good
enough or loved enough.It can replay throughout our lives
(14:02):
if we don't, you know, practicethat awareness piece that you're
talking about especially. Right.So going back to real quick,
you know, you mentioned you had agreat childhood and I want to bring
this up because a lot of people saythe same thing. Like, I don't get it.
My childhood was perfect. Yeah.Like could I develop all these
negative beliefs during childhoodwhen my I had the most loving
parents and we had, you know,a beautiful house and we
(14:25):
vacation and we had everything.Well, it could be that one time when
you were three years old and, youknow, you're laying in bed tossing
and turning and you couldn't sleep.And, you know, you just read
that book and was kind of scary.And now you're pretty certain
there's a monster under your bedand you're yelling and screaming
because you're terrified.But Mom and Dad passed out from
(14:45):
a really long day,and they're sleeping and they're
snoring and they didn't hear youwhile you're yelling and screaming.
Maybe for a minute,maybe for five, maybe for ten.
Mom and dad finally hear you,and they run to your room and
make sure you're okay.But during that minute to ten or
whatever, that's a really longtime for a child. Yeah.
And you're in fear.That amplifies everything,
(15:07):
right? Yeah.So in the moment, you know,
you're fear for your life.You maybe even fear for your
parent's life or even still here.Oh, you fear you're not safe.
Which is what you said is one of the,like, core beliefs that can really
trigger an intense reaction is,yeah, I'm not safe right now,
which in that moment,because your mind is interpreting the
(15:28):
thing under the bed as a monster,it would create that.
And I actually know, I rememberwhen I was I was about 3 or 4,
so that prime age and my parentswere on a farm and they put me in
a tractor and they locked up thetractor and they thought it would
be cute to walk away and take aphoto of me and the tractor.
In that moment I was certainthey'd left me there forever and
locked me in this tractor.And so the photo is literally of
(15:51):
me just bawling my eyes outagainst the edge of the tractor
like they've left me forever.I don't like confined spaces. Now.
I think I know where I got my, uh,a little bit of claustrophobia from,
because I was certain I wasforever trapped in that tractor.
Exactly, exactly right.And because of that experience,
which is a significant emotionalevent for you.
(16:13):
Now your mind is like hanging onto that thing.
So I want to take a step back andtalk about significant emotional
event because that's really huge.Mhm.
Um, our belief systems are createdthrough two main pathways.
The first pathway is significantemotional event.
Something happens and istraumatic for you.
And it doesn't mean it istraumatic for everybody else.
You know it might not be a bigdeal to most people, but for you
(16:36):
in that instance it was traumatic.It was a significant emotional event.
Your subconscious mind will createbeliefs surrounding that and it
will create coping strategies.And I'll talk about that in a
little bit.The other pathway is through
repetition and repetition. Is it.The intensity isn't there,
but it keeps happening over andover and over and over again.
(16:58):
Just for example, your dad,I'm going to talk about your dad a
lot today. Oh, dad, we love you.But let's say your dad
approached your forgetfulness alittle bit differently.
Yeah, he came up to you, and he says,Kate, I can't believe you forgot
that again. What were you thinking?Right. There's no yelling.
There's no screaming.There's no. You're bad.
(17:18):
But it's still that negativity.That that little minor thing
that keep on being repeated.Another day you forget something
else and. Oh, good.Kate, what's wrong with you?
You know, you're so forgetful.Or even just Kate.
You're so forgetful.But they keep happening over and
over again.You still will create belief
systems and coping strategies.The coping strategy, the subconscious
(17:41):
mind figure out really quickly.That is best. To keep you safe.
Is fear and avoidance, right?So I want to take one more step back.
I mean, like this.We jump all over the place. I hope.
That's. A real conversation.So like I always like to keep it
real, but I. Think it's all tracking.Along nicely and piecing together.
(18:03):
So okay, if I need to explainanything, slow me down because
it's just something I love so muchand you can tell, like I'm just
super excited talking about it.But, um, what would we talk?
What were we talking about?Um, all the little repetitions of,
like, eye rolls, forgetting somethingand how that chips away at your
psyche kind of thing. But I wanted.To bring up about the subconscious
(18:24):
mind that is really important toknow is that the subconscious
mind is there to give you theexperience you created.
Like I mentioned earlier, everythought, every feeling you have,
the subconscious mind is there todo that thing for you, and it does
that thing without questioning.The other part of the
subconscious mind is,is there to keep you safe. Right?
(18:44):
And safe doesn't necessarilymean safe.
The way that we think of safetysafe does mean staying the same,
because we know this thing,we know how to do the same thing.
And anytime there's change,change could result in negativity and
pain and disappointment and hurt.So the belief the subconscious mind
have is, you know, stay exactlythe way you are and you're safe.
(19:07):
Because anytime you look to changeand you try to change, you will
get hurt, not might well get hurt.And your subconscious mind primary
function is to keep you safe.So it's going to do everything
it can so that you don't changein the way that it knows that to
prevent you from changing is fear,uh, fear tactics.
(19:28):
Because if you're afraid you'renot going to attempt,
therefore you're safe. You stay.Yeah, exactly where you at.
And that's why a lot of people to,you know, talking about goals and
affirmations and all of that,when you have a goal that's in
your conscious mind, right?You're thinking.
I want to achieve this thing.I want to do this thing.
And you're super excited because youknow what that means for you. Yeah.
(19:53):
The voice back here is terrified.Don't do it.
You're going to get hurt.Don't do it.
You're going to fail,and people are going to laugh at you.
Remember last year when you trythe exact same thing and you fail?
Remember how bad you felt?It's going to be worse this time,
right?And and a lot of us, we are taught
to fear that critical inner voice.I mean, like,
(20:14):
how many times have you heard,you know, that critical inner voice,
that mean inner voice or whatever?I want you to start think of it
differently.I want you to start thinking of that
little voice is as the most lovingvoice, your most loving young self,
trying its best to keep you safe,but in a very juvenile way, because
it doesn't understand your truegoals and your current capability.
(20:37):
All I know is that we just gottahide because we hide safe.
Oh, I love that reframe.That's powerful. Yeah.
Because then you don't start.Start judging yourself like, oh,
what's wrong with me?Why am I so scared?
And like, it's like, hey,it's just trying to love you and
look out for you.But like you said, in a in a night,
(20:57):
like, it doesn't have all theinformation of your now self and
what you're capable of and handling.But that's a powerful reframe there.
To add on to that, because I,I'm very visual.
Uh, so this is something I teachmy client to.
So when you get really scared orjudgmental or any emotion that is
not helping you to achieve thegoal that you're going after,
(21:19):
imagine your five year old self,your six year old self.
Go back to in your mind and thinkabout your most vulnerable self
and you'll get your age right.And so imagine your your five
year old self.Anytime you're being critical,
being scared or whatever.Imagine your five year old self just
tugging at you, just pulling atyour hand and saying, Kate, Kate,
should we be scared? Should we hide?Translate all the negative into that.
(21:43):
Yes. So good.Do you physically really have a
child saying Miss Kate, miss Kate.You know. Yeah. Are we safe?
You're not going to like.Oh my gosh, no.
We're gonna die this moment.Yeah, we got you.
You're going to take that time.And no matter how scared you are,
you're going to take those deepbreaths in and reassure that
(22:04):
child that everything is okay.Do that. You. Yes.
Yes, I love that, I love that Ithink it even be powerful to, like,
pull out an old photo of your littleself and actually see her or him and
connect with them, I think. Um, yeah.And that's why I noticed, like,
I try and do that now actually,like when I'm getting that confined
(22:26):
space, I think of my little selfin that tractor and it's like,
it's okay, you get out of here,you love just say like it's okay,
because I guess I have thatawareness now where like where that,
um, intense feeling comes from.So I've been working through it.
But, um, consistently doing that for,you know, anything where you're,
you're putting yourself outthere or stepping into change or
(22:49):
the unfamiliar like I should youcan appreciate when you're
working with teens.Like I have a lot that are either
transitioning into high schoolor into college, and there is an
intense voice that's like.This is gonna go terrible.
Everyone's gonna hate you.And it's like, you know that.
So helping them see that as ayounger self, just trying to keep
them safe is gonna, I think, bereally helpful for sure. Definitely.
(23:12):
You know, and even if it'ssomething you're excited about,
like a lot of kids are excitedto go to high school, right?
We want to do this thing.We want to be in high school.
But that fear is still there becausethat little one is still like,
oh, what if nobody likes us?What do we eat?
Lunch all by ourselves again,right? Yeah.
So it's really about reassuringyour younger self that,
you know what, you're a champ.You went through all of that.
(23:35):
You're a champ.I love that You know what?
You're a champ. And I think I.We use the teenagers here,
but even think about starting anew job or, uh, moving to a new
place or taking a chance on yournew business or writing a book,
launching a podcast. Like, as adults.Um, we still have that little, that
little voice come up for, for sure.So don't think now, just because
(23:57):
we used some teenage examples,people that.
Just said relevant to you too.Oh, no, it's all of us, right?
Yeah, I got those those poor,disempowering beliefs.
It's in all of us.You could be the most beautiful,
the most successful, the mostwanted person in the universe.
And you have those for it.Just show up differently for you.
Yes. Recognize that.You know,
(24:19):
we are all dealing with challenges.And even though, you know,
a lot of people might outwardlylook incredibly well and happy,
you don't know what's going oninwardly, they're still dealing
with those four beliefs.They're dealing with inner
demons that we're not aware of.I mean, like if you were to just
look back in the past year ortwo and you think about all the
celebrity suicides? Yeah.I mean, you have these people that
(24:42):
outwardly everybody dream of theirlives, but they're still dealing
with the things that we are notaware of and that, you know,
just recognize always that no matterwhat it is that you're going through,
that you're not alone.Yeah, that there are people
dealing with the exact same thing.And they could be the the person
sitting right next to you whoappear to have it all together.
(25:03):
And that person is completelystressed out because every single day
they wake up and they have to put onthis fake mask and this fake persona,
you know, to be the person that theythink everybody expect them to be.
And that is just a lot of pressure.So be kind to yourself.
Be kind to others. Yes.Beautifully said Jackie, I love it.
So if you get what we're saying,we've kind of ingrained and
(25:26):
picked up these different corebeliefs throughout our childhood
and our lives.How the heck am I meant to live a
happy life? Is it possible to live.A happy life. Like.
It just sounds like a little.Doom and gloom.
So maybe we transition into, um,how to how to manage and take
back control, like you said,because ultimately we do have
control. Definitely.And it's again, first of all,
(25:49):
recognizing you have control and thenbeing aware those are like one and
two. That's incredibly foundation.A lot of people, they want to
jump to the next thing you know,like what do I need to do.
Do that first. Right.And then the other thing will be
a lot easier.And the other thing is recognizing
your thoughts and your emotionare incredibly powerful.
Your emotion is more powerfulthan your thoughts.
(26:10):
But start with your thoughtsbecause it's easier. Okay.
Um, and so what happened is that,okay, so you go into a situation
where you normally think,oh my gosh, I'm so anxious.
The moment you say that,you trigger all of that tape for
your subconscious mind.Oh, she wants to be anxious.
Let's make sure she have thatexperience.
And so it's going to look aroundyour environment,
anything that can make you anxious.It's going to hyper focus your
(26:33):
energy, your attention on that.and it's going to go back in your
past and it's going to look, youknow, for all of the experiences in
the past that you were anxious about,and it's going to replay and amplify.
So you got this thing currentlyyou got this thing in the past.
And if that's not enough,your subconscious mind will make up a
story that project into your future,of you failing miserably at whatever
(26:57):
it is that you're trying to do.So you have past evidence,
you have current evidence,you have future evidence.
And they are all lies.They are all amplified.
They're all like taken out ofcontext.
So recognize once you start havinga thought that you don't like,
I teach people to go to calm nomatter what it is, go to calm.
Come is like your remote controlto shut off that television that
(27:20):
is just, you know, blaring andglaring and you just don't want to
hear or see it. Turn it off first.Right? And it's incredibly simple.
The first step is recognizingthat I have this emotion that is
not helpful.I'm going to do something about it.
Second is then choose to be calm,and what I teach my clients is repeat
this exact words in a very soft,gentle, calm way.
(27:44):
And it's even though I feel blank.Insert your emotion.
Even though I feel anxious,I choose to be calm.
I choose to become,I choose to become.
I recommend saying it like 3 or 4times, just to kind of start to
settle yourself and your mind andthen go into I am calm, I am calm,
I am calm and say that with withas much calmness as you can muster
(28:08):
and as you're saying, I am calm.Also, vividly imagine yourself doing
something that comes you down.For me, that's really easy.
Massage you on that one.Yes, it. Is like I am calm.
I'm on the massage table,there's soft music, it's nice and
warm and there's aromatherapy andmy whole body is relaxed. Right.
(28:30):
And so what you're doing is you'retelling your subconscious mind.
Even though I'm anxious, I choose tobe calm. Come look. Look like this.
Give me this experience.You're being incredibly clear and
incredibly simple, and your mindcan bring that to you very quickly.
If you don't do that,your mind will follow that train
and become a train wreck, right?Anxious anxious anxious anxious
(28:52):
anxious. Overall condition. Yeah.So that's that's really simple.
You know what I just mentioned.And a lot of people say how
could that work?How could that help me be happy just
by saying I am calm, practice thatfor a week consistently and tell me.
Yes, and that's the okay.The week I feel like we teach
(29:13):
this and that they do it onceand I it didn't work or I didn't
notice any difference.And it's, you know, the brain
can change through experience.We've got to expose it through
those repetitions.Like you said, it'll either be one
very significant emotional eventor lots of little practices.
But that's what I'm always justlike neuroplasticity people we.
Can. Change and and and, um.Yeah, take back that control.
(29:36):
But do it for a week,a month before you're quitting on
it and saying it doesn't work.It's like it doesn't work.
You make it work through the effort.So here's the. Thing is, it works.
We don't recognize it work becausewe're looking for this major change,
right?Yeah, we're looking for I am in
full control now versus wait,I chose common for five minutes.
(29:58):
I was calm, that worked. Yeah.It didn't work for six minutes
because you didn't work on it for sixminutes. Right. And here's I want.
To put this in perspective because alot of us don't like recognize this.
And it is we practiced ournegativity constantly, many, many,
many times a day throughout the year.So for an anxious person,
(30:21):
if you have anxiety, think abouthow many anxious thoughts you have
a day and think about how manydays you have had these thoughts.
So you've been practicing beinganxious.
You practice so well that youmaster the art of being anxious.
Right? Yeah. You did it so well.You can teach, you know,
university level anxiety.And then you spent a day on calm.
(30:46):
And it didn't fix the thing thatyou've been practicing for 30 years.
Yeah. Talking. Okay.So be kind to ourself.
You mean always give yourselfthat grace in that space to know
that when you're doing something,you're a beginner.
You might be an expert at somethingelse, but in this particular thing,
you're a beginner.Imagine you're a little baby.
(31:08):
Are you going to be upset with thebaby the first time you try to feed
herself and it goes into the ear ortune or whatever? Yeah, well, they.
Fall down learning how to walkand things like that.
Yeah, we celebrate it.Oh my God, wonderful step.
But we expect us to become expertat new things, but we give grace
and space to other people tofail and fail and fail And we
(31:30):
still celebrate their failure.We don't do the same for ourselves,
and that's the kindness that we needto start turning inwards towards
ourselves. Yes, yes. So so true.It's the same with also like when
you're talking about the I chooseto be calm. I choose to be calm.
I'm guessing also likepracticing some slower deep
(31:51):
breathing during that time isalso helpful to go alongside it.
The breath is incredible.You know, I don't, um, share too
many things at one time just becauseit's like, okay, I'm supposed to
say what I'm supposed to do.Practice one thing, practice the
other thing another time.Incorporate it when it feels
comfortable. Right. Okay.There's one method that works all the
(32:15):
time for everybody, and you mightlike one better than the other,
but, um, breathing is really key.And for the slow breathing, you know,
I recommend some thoughts to gowith it because that's create
our experiences. Right. Mhm.So let's say you're anxious and
you don't want to choose calm.You want to use your breath to
release your your anxious feeling.Perfect.
(32:38):
Notice where you feel theanxiety in your body.
Your your physical body will alwayshave signs and symptoms of your
emotional um um symptoms. Mhm.So you know, let's say you're anxious
and you can feel kind of likefluttering in your chest. Right.
Or maybe feeling heaviness inyour stomach or tightness in your
(32:59):
shoulder. You will feel it somewhere.Be aware of that somewhere.
So let's pretend for thisconversation that is right here.
Close your eyes and just kind ofconnect to it.
Just like, okay, my anxiety issitting right here. Right.
And then I want you to take avery big deep breath in.
And with your big, deep breath in,I want you to imagine just
picking up that anxiety withyour breath and just holding it,
(33:23):
and then on your breath out.Imagine releasing that anxiety.
So breathe in to pick up. Hold.Breathe out. To release. Breathe in.
To pick up, hold and then release.And as you're doing that, you know,
remind yourself I have the powerto make myself uncomfortable.
Because when you hold your breathis pretty uncomfortable, right?
(33:45):
So when I do this with clients,I usually lead them with,
you know, the thoughts.It's like, okay, taking a big deep
breath and recognize how much controlyou have in your own discomfort.
Now take a breath.Can't talk it out and release
that discomfort and recognizethe power you have to also
(34:07):
release your discomfort. Wow.That's a powerful practice
because yeah, right.Because then you realize I'm
doing all of this to myself,and because I'm doing this in myself,
I can also change it and alsorelease myself of all my discomfort.
Yes. Powerful.I want to practice that one
myself and then pass it along.That's why I freaking love podcasts.
(34:31):
Like,how cool is it that we can just keep
sharing these tools and practices?And I know you're kind of like I am.
It's like,I don't need anything in return.
On the other than knowing that thisinformation and these strategies are
getting out to our why do humanity?Because it is at such a time where
we're more stressed and anxiousand disconnected and overwhelmed.
(34:54):
Um, I think than than ever before.So, just so simple practices like,
I just want to say thank youagain for doing what you do.
This is at the end of the podcast,but I just am like, ah,
that is so good.So I'm so glad you're sharing
your work in the world.Um, one other thing I wanted to
touch on, because I don't knowif it people have caught the the
(35:15):
nuance by which Jackie said this.When you start to feel anxious,
a lot of people will go to,okay, well, I just don't want to
feel anxious don't feel anxious,don't think like okay, just don't
think it's going to go bad.Like we almost rather than
choosing what we do want,we try and push away against what
we don't want. Can you explain?This is one of the most fascinating
(35:38):
things I learned from you about whyyou shouldn't, uh, give your brain a
don't command or like, not like,do not do that kind of command.
I'm so glad you bring it up.Because, you know,
when we get talking, I neverknow which parts can I come up.
But this part is absolutely key.So thank you so much for
bringing it up.So we are always constantly
(35:58):
giving commands to our mind,whether we know it or not or our
subconscious mind, to understandwhat command we just gave.
It has to be able to make avisual picture of it. Right?
So for right now, you know, um,listeners, I want you to make a
picture in your mind of youholding on to a cup of coffee.
That's pretty darn easy, right?I mean, we mhm. Coffee.
(36:19):
Or if you don't drink coffee,your tea, your water whatever. Yeah.
You can make that picture veryeasily.
And that gives your mind a veryclear command.
Now I want you to make a picture of.Don't spill the coffee.
And a lot of you will say, easy.It's not easy. It's very difficult.
In fact,it's impossible to make that picture
(36:41):
because there is no such picture.The picture you might have made was.
I'm holding onto my cup really tightso that my coffee doesn't spill.
That's not a picture of don'tspill the coffee.
Or it might be I'm putting mycoffee cup down on the counter.
That's still not a picture ofdon't spill the coffee.
It's I'm putting my cup down. Right.And so the mind doesn't understand
(37:03):
negative commands like don't,not no longer.
And so when you give the mind acommand, it doesn't understand,
it ignores it.And it goes to the next part.
And so when you say don't be anxiousyour mind's like don't okay ignore.
Yeah be anxious.And then it says, oh.
I don't want to do that.We know that song and dance Let's
(37:24):
do that. Right. Yeah, yeah.So this is something that I know
that you enjoy.And so I'm going to, uh,
let our listener enjoy this part too.I'm going to give you a command.
And I want you to do thiscommand right now.
And it will demonstrate what wejust talked about.
And the command is don't think of anorange elephant. What popped up?
(37:46):
Mr. orange is the orange.Elephant and the I love the one.
Um, the Google search to likeput into Google.
Don't find an orange elephant.Go do that. It will literally find.
You orange elephants.And I'll find you everything
else too, right? Yeah.You know, when I do Google search
for for demonstration and I putin don't find me pink shoes,
(38:10):
I get a bunch of pink shoes,I get a bunch of blue and orange,
and I get flowers and I get allkinds of stuff.
And so when you give your mind again,a command of don't be anxious,
your mind will see anxious.And it understand that it'll
give you that.And then I'll give you some other
stuff to sprinkle in random things.Right. Mhm.
Always focus on what you want.And I really encourage you to
(38:33):
focus on calm, you know, like it'sgreat that you want to be happy or
motivated or you know invincibleis awesome. You'll get there.
Give yourself that space and graceto be a beginner and a beginner.
It's just shutting all that noiseoff so that you have a clear mind,
a clear slate to then do thenext thing.
And so when you give that commandis I choose to become I am calm,
(38:58):
not oh, please let me be calm.Yeah, I become so. Badly.
Don't worry for.The passive talking here where we're
in command, we go to speak like it.To. Yeah. Take your power back.
You're not a three year old,says mommy, mommy, mommy,
please let me have no I.I am in control and I choose to be
calm and I am calm. Bring that now.Right I love. That. Yeah.
(39:21):
So calms comes like the foundationupon which other emotions can then
stem other, more positive ones.If we're in a calm place and we're
able to build up more to that.Motivated or courageous, like,
you know, like I just thinkthat's cool to think about.
Calm is the base foundation, um,for us to really be our most
resilient selves, which, as you know,I'm quite passionate about that one.
(39:44):
So I do know that.Yeah, I'm just imagine, like,
you know, you are trying to focusand the music is blaring as loud
as can be and is playing the musictype that you hate the most.
Don't you want to turn it off firstbefore you turn on your jazz?
Yeah, it's like whatever.You don't like is glaring and then
you just turn on the sub. Yes.And while the Sub Jazz is not
(40:07):
going to really be, you know,powerful, right?
But if you turn this off first andthen you play your favorite tune,
whatever that is, then all of asudden you can hear this thing,
you can see your goals, you cansee path, you can see options.
Whereas before without the noises,you can't concentrate.
You don't see the things thatyou could normally see. Yes.
So so powerful. Okay.Well, I hope everyone listening
(40:32):
is just as I told you.We're going to be mind blowing.
I gave you a warning, people.This stuff is incredible.
Just the way that Jackie's ableto take just, you know, you don't
explain it in a sciencey, boring way.Just the the metaphors and the
analogies and just stripping it allback to what's absolutely essential
to know is honestly life changing.And I just thank you again so
(40:56):
much for for what you do.And the best part is, guys,
it doesn't have to end herebecause as I mentioned, Jackie
has incredible series of books.So I'll let her share a little
bit about what they are and whereyou can get your hands on them.
So my best selling books are theWords of Wisdom series,
and there is one for adults,for teen boys and teen girls.
(41:18):
And it's a lot about what wejust talked about But, you know,
organized. Sequentially, organized.And then it's not too passionate.
People just bouncing everywhere.You know, when you know your
stuff and you love it so much,you just go, right? Yeah, yeah. Nice.
For someone who's beginning thejourney to sit down and kind of like,
(41:39):
really have it laid out in avery simple way.
That's the one thing that I workreally hard to do is when I write,
I write it in a way that breaksdown really big concepts into
something that you can actuallyunderstand and use immediately.
And so in the I would but mydamn mind won't let me,
the adult books have a littlebit more than the teen books.
(42:00):
The book actually have a lotmore self-reflection questions
so that you can actually applythe content to you deeper.
I didn't do that for the teenversion for different reasons,
but for the adult,I felt like that was important to do.
Um, and then the companionworkbook will take you further
into it to give you more toolsand a lot of hand-holding.
(42:23):
You know, there's daily actionsteps and there's an explanation
of why you do this.And if it doesn't work,
how do you troubleshoot so thatit does, in fact, work for you?
So I definitely recommend thatas the basis if you have teens,
especially teen girls.I started my whole book journey
writing for teen girls becauseI'm super passionate and helping
teen girls.Uh, the teen girls have three
(42:45):
books and three journals, but theyreally apply to anybody because
the content in those books are thethings I teach my adult clients.
Yeah, I wrote it for teen girlsbecause I love helping them.
Yeah. Um, this.One is five simple Steps to
manage your mood.And it just talks about,
you know, five simple questionsthat you can ask yourself to kind
of put things into perspectiveand put you back into control.
(43:07):
Uh, and then the demo book andthen the third one is Jumpstart
Your Confidence. I love that book.Um, it was super fun for me to write.
It talks about seven innersuperpowers that we all have that we
don't recognize that they are superpowers and you know how they work and
how to actually pull it out of youand implement it in a way that's
going to destroy your self-doubt.We all have self-doubt,
(43:31):
but we also have things that wedon't take for you know,
that we don't recognize that courage.We have courage.
Even the person that says,I'm not courageous,
you have courage, I guarantee you.Um, imagination, forgiveness, love.
Choosing our words,choosing how we position our body.
Um, all of perseverance, all of that,you know, really are things that
(43:51):
we are innately, um, wired to do.We just forgotten how to do,
or we just don't recognize thepower behind it.
So, um, that book talks aboutthat in the workbook,
takes you through steps to connectto your inner power. Excuse me.
And then the latest thing I wrotethat I'm super passionate about,
(44:11):
I'm shifting a lot this way becauseI'm in the fun phase of my life now.
And so I'm doing only the thing thatI find fun. I love it. Good for you.
I love teens, I love workingwith adults, and I still do.
But my heart and passion is working.Writing books for for children.
Um, I'm a grandmother, I have.I was going to say I'm like.
(44:33):
I also think it's because you'rein grandma phase now,
which your granddaughter is adorable.So. Yeah. Thank you.
She's two years old,and I want I wrote books that I
want her to have the I want,the lessons I want her to have
is what I wrote in these books.And it's five book series called
The Growing Gratitude forchildren's series.
And it's all focusing on gratitudeusing our five senses our our nose,
(44:57):
our ears, our tongue, um,our skin. What am I missing? Eyes.
I'm like. What am I missing?That's not only the first one people
go with. Yeah, yeah. And it's.Have you ever thanked your eyes,
your nose, your ears, your tongue,your skin? It's super simple.
And it's basically more or less alove letter from my granddaughter,
(45:17):
thanking that organ for all thethings it does for it for her.
And then recognizing when thatorgan is not feeling well,
what she experiences,and then a promise then to take
care of person's organs so thatit gets back to health. Right?
And so it's a whole journey ofteaching the child what this
(45:39):
different senses does,and recognizing the beauty and the
simplicity of simplicity. Right.With take our senses for granted
all the time, even.Honestly, Kate, when was the
last time you think your nose.Separately. Been to too long?
But that's a powerful way,especially for young girls like
children, to learn to love theirbodies for what it does for them
(46:00):
and not how it looks.So it's something, you know,
I see a lot.So you starting it from such a
young age of being in awe of theways our human body supports us
through life and everything.So that's in. That's incredible.
I love that series so much gratitude.I mean, like, I don't know if
you need to end this, but I wantto touch on gratitude because I
think gratitude is really, um, notdiscussed in this particular way that
(46:26):
really I think is super powerful.I think gratitude is the answer.
You know, like no matter what itis that you're dealing with,
no matter what your struggle,you're paying your your, you know,
whatever you feel you might belacking if you shift into gratitude,
your life change significantly.While the thing that you're
dealing with might not change,but your experience of going through
(46:48):
that change dramatically, right?Um, I love questions, so I use a
lot of questions with my clients.And the most powerful question
I've ever heard that just like Iuse all the time, because it's
just incredibly powerful.It's not my question,
but I love it. Um, and it is.Who would be grateful to have my
problem? Um. Right.And so you're in the situation where
(47:12):
you just got fired and you're goingto be evicted out of your home.
And you just lost your car theweek before.
Who would be grateful to haveyour problem if you were to say,
okay, world, I am taking,you know I'm trading problems.
You take this problem,I'll take yours.
How long do you think that linewill be? Yeah. Right. Mhm.
(47:35):
You get so focused in on what'swrong that we forget about
what's going well. Yeah.And so you might have all of that
stuff that I just mentioned.But you have your health,
you have your, your children whoare alive, you know,
you have family who loves you.I mean, like, think about those
when you think about it like that.It just like it put things in
perspective.And that's why it's so important
(47:58):
for me to teach gratitude rightoff the bat.
Because if you start focusing ongratitude, focusing on training your
mind to look for things that aregoing well, your life experience is
completely different. Absolutely.I couldn't agree more,
I know Gratitudes got me throughthe absolute worst days of my
life and that's the irony.It's when things are at its worst.
(48:20):
Gratitude is really most neededand most powerful, and people ask,
why should I be grateful forwhat I'm going through?
But that little question you ask,it makes you rethink it,
rethink it completely.And I did hear similar advice.
Like I read a book right after mysister died, and it was something
around like, how did you actuallyavoid worst case scenario?
Like, like just trying to makeyou think like it felt like it
(48:42):
was the absolute worst, but kindof thinking about how it could
also been a whole lot more worse.Which, yeah, it's just flipping
our story on its head a little andmaking us question and reframe,
which is so powerful. So I love it.Well, finishing with gratitude is
absolutely perfect because I ambeyond grateful for you and and
everything that you do in the world.Jackie. So please keep doing it.
(49:05):
Keep doing what's fun for you.But thankfully,
we also get to benefit because itseems to overlap with some really,
um, life changing tools So thank you.Thank you for having me.
That was super fun. Hey you.Thanks so much for tuning into
the show.If you enjoyed listening along,
but you still thinking, ah, Kate,how do I actually put all of this
(49:25):
into practice in my own life with myown situations? I totally get it.
This stuff is somewhat simple intheory, but a lot hotter in practice.
Which is why I offer one on onepersonalized life coaching for women
just like you, who are ready toget unstuck and the overwhelm and
take back control of their life.That's right. I know that's you.
(49:48):
Let's get back to creating alife body, relationship and
career that you love.Visit the Resilient speaker.com
for more details on my coaching.That is the resilience B.Com.
And for extra inspiration in betweenepisodes, make sure you join me on
Instagram. It's at Kate Gladdin.
Welcome to okay. Now what?I'm your host, Kate Gladdin.
Episode six.This is a show for people who
know life doesn't happen to you.Life happens.
And the impact it has is up to you.Okay, here we go, beautiful people.
Welcome back for another episodeand I'm very excited.
(00:22):
This is my first time bringing on aguest since I relaunched the show
for adults and the big kids, and,uh, I knew I wanted to get this
special guest on the show because,uh, on, um, previous episodes
that she's been on for the teens,it has just been so impactful.
I've always learned a ton.I have never had someone be able to
(00:42):
explain the brain in such a simpleyet empowering way. So I'm excited.
No matter what age you are,this stuff is valuable.
But all the adults listen up.This stuff is literally going to
blow your mind as you learnabout the mind.
But without further ado,I'm so excited to invite award
winning author and mindset mentorJackie Letran. Welcome to the show.
(01:04):
Well,thank you so much for having me back.
We had such great conversationsbefore, so I'm really excited
about today. Yes. Me too, me too.I was like, oh, I don't even
know what to ask because there'sso many things and I'm just
going to say it from the get go.Guys like, go do yourself a favor,
go order Jackie's book for adults.It's I would, but my damn mind
won't let me. Is that right?Correct title. It is. Okay.
(01:29):
I realized I hadn't prepped thatpart, but I know the book so well.
I'm like, I just want to confirmthe title. Yeah.
Um, so, Jackie,I know you're just as passionate,
um, about helping people livetheir best lives, which a lot of
us don't understand comes fromunderstanding how the mind works,
because I'm sure many people haveseen the affirmations, heard about
(01:52):
mantras. Just think positive.Stop worrying so much.
But why on the surface is thatstuff not sticking or really
making an impact for people?You know, it's an interesting
question that you asked that there'sactually a little blurb in my book
that says something like, whypositive thinking doesn't work. Yeah.
And people will flip through mybook and they will see that part.
(02:14):
And they say, wait, wait, what?What do you mean positive
thinking doesn't work?I do explain that part and we
can definitely go into it here.But the really superficial big
global thing is doing it wrong.A lot of us are told to just do
this thing without any explanationbehind it, so that when we do it,
(02:34):
we don't understand what the truepurpose is and how to do it properly.
So we end up doing the affirmationin a way that affirms the negative
rather than affirming the thingthat we're looking to build.
And so in the book, it explains howthe mind works, how beliefs are
created from different experiences,and then how they work together
to then influence your lifeexperiences and understanding
(02:57):
how to talk to the mind, how togive proper command to the mind.
It's a lot simpler than we'vebeen led to believe.
And when you know how and you do itproperly, the result is incredible.
Ah, I know I've experienced it in myown life, and I've shared plenty of
the wisdoms with my own clients.Actually, just last week I ordered
one another copy of your book,so I love it.
(03:19):
But let's see,where do you want to start?
What's the most basic thing that youwish more people knew and understood
about their brain and how the mindworks? Where should we start?
I think we should start withknowing and believing that we do
have control over our mind.A lot of people will say things like,
you know, I can't help it.I just feel that way, I can't help.
(03:40):
I've always been this way.I can't help it. This and that.
No, you actually can't help it.You are in the driver's seat if
you want to take control,if you know how to take control.
Unfortunately, a lot of us are justled to believe that these things,
these emotion,these things are happening to us
and we just have to figure outhow to deal with it, rather than
(04:00):
being in charge of creating theexperiences that we want.
So putting the power back inyour hands.
Know that you do have controlover your mind. Yes, yes.
And so talk to me about the mindthough, because I feel like it's
helpful to understand in thebeginning that there's a certain
part that has been, I guess,conditioned or learned and kind of,
(04:22):
you know, you talk about beliefscoming and getting, um, you know,
created from when we're like 5 to7 years old and things like that.
So talk a little bit, I guess,about that subconscious mind that
people are like, well, I can'tcontrol that. And what goes on there.
Yeah, definitely.So, you know,
we first need to separate the twobig part of the minds. Right.
And we're just talking about mindset.We're not talking about the
(04:44):
intricacy of of all the neuralbiochemical that we're just that's.
Above our pay grade.I can talk about that too.
But that would be boring.I like to say better But okay,
so we're talking about the consciousmind and the subconscious mind.
One really simple way to look atit is your conscious mind is
your logical self.This is a part that you are aware of.
(05:06):
Your conscious mind is where you,you know, have thoughts like, you
know, I want to have this particularthing for lunch or I want to have
this career path or I'm doing this,I'm doing that. My goal is my want.
My wishes are all in theconscious part of your mind,
where it's logical,where you can think it through you.
You can make this decision andyou can be aware of it.
And then there's this subconsciouspart, that house, everything else.
(05:30):
And that's where all the learnedbehavior, all the learned belief, all
the knee jerk reactions are stored.And the majority of us are
operating at the subconsciousmind continuously.
Even when you think that you'reoperating on the conscious part
of the mind,most of us do think subconsciously.
There's a study I read recentlyand I'm going to totally mess up
the study. That's all right.We'll get the gist. Yeah.
(05:54):
So the the thing is that, you know,like a lot of people get told like,
oh, you remind me of your mother,of your aunt, of your somebody.
And that person's like, there isno way that I'm anything like my
mother or my aunt or whoever, right.And we we even get upset, like,
how dare they compare me to thisother person that I don't like,
I don't value, I have whatevernegative thoughts, right?
(06:18):
The thing is, when we are children,we learn from our environment.
So if our mother or aunts,whoever's in, you know,
the primary care giving role,we learn a lot of them.
We pick up a lot of their mannerisms,their nuances.
But in our conscious mind,we think we are a certain way.
Or we think we are ourselves beingourselves and not influence.
(06:41):
Yeah, yeah, well.You pick up all these stuff from
your, your childhood andsubconsciously is coming through.
So a person who doesn't have theinner thinking of your conscious mind
to see what they see outside andhe's like, oh this looks like that.
Yeah. So. Wow.So again, we're operating on the
subconscious mind a lot.And that all the knee jerk reactions,
(07:02):
all the negativity, all theemotional pain that we endured,
it's all in our subconscious mind andunderstanding how to access it and
reprogram it will create that changethat most people are looking for,
where they're now happy and excitedabout life, and they're motivated,
and they can go after their goals andtheir dreams and actually succeed.
(07:22):
Mhm. Wow. Yes I love it I love it.So tell us how do we stop.
How do you make that transitionfrom living life so much in the
subconscious to becoming, you know,living more consciously and
deliberately, um, with who we'rebeing, how we react to things like,
what does that look like? Sure.So, you know, again, the first part
(07:44):
is really being aware that you havecontrol and starting to pay attention
to the thoughts that you're having tothe reactions that you're having.
One of the assignments I give allof my clients is take a notebook
with you, and for 24 hours,write down every single negative
thought you have about yourselfor about the world.
And people come back with like,pages and pages, pages and pages.
(08:07):
Right. And they had no idea. Mhm.They think they are like super
positive and they have all thesewonderful positive thoughts all
the time.And then when they start paying
attention to themselves,their self-talk and all of that, they
realize, oh, I'm not that positive.And here's the thing about the
subconscious mind.It's always paying attention to
(08:29):
you for the next step, right?And so the thing that most people
don't recognize is every singlethought that you're having,
every single emotion you're having,you're basically telling your
subconscious mind,this is the experience I want.
Give me more of this experience,look around my environment,
look at my past, and bring anythingto sort of kind of match what I just
(08:49):
said or felt and amplify that for me.Make it my truth right now.
So if you go around all day longhaving all these negative thoughts
without being aware you'rehaving these negative thoughts,
it's no wonder you have all theseother negative experiences too.
So a word I think is soincredibly important,
and it's key to start the healingprocess is just becoming aware.
(09:13):
When you know you can't change whatyou're not aware of, so I do I
couldn't agree with that that more.And I think, you know,
we're to take this all to a morejust day to day scenario, um,
especially for adults.And I see like even within myself and
my relationship with my husband,sometimes if I forget something or,
(09:35):
you know, leave leave something open,leave the door open or like,
I'm, I'm a little forgetful.And I remember when I was younger,
my dad, he's very detail oriented.He would say little things that
I don't think he meant it,but I would interpret it as a kid.
You know,you're five years old or something,
like, I would feel a lot of shameand I'd start to like spiral.
(09:55):
And I can even feel that in my32 year old self.
Now, if I forget something, you know?And Nate doesn't really care,
but I feel viscerally like the shame.And so is that kind of what you're
saying about, like I remember inyour book, like things that
happen as a child, if anything,that like kind of triggers those,
(10:18):
I guess, that memory or that feeling,it kind of recreates it.
Am I on the right track?Somehow you are on the right track.
So taking it back a step is okay.So we're talking about the
development of beliefs, right?And the majority of your beliefs
were developed between birth toseven years old.
I mean, we're talking about birth,infancy, things that happen so
(10:39):
long ago that is still causingthose knee jerk reactions.
And so in all my work, you know,I discover that there's only four,
like super big disempowering beliefsthat cause everybody's problem.
I mean, like, no matter what it isyou're dealing with, I guarantee
you we can trace it down to oneof the four I'm going to mention,
or multiple of the four.And that's a belief of I'm not good
(11:02):
enough, I'm not worthy, I'm notloved and I'm not safe. Mhm. Right.
So those are the four beliefsthat will get created based on
our very young very immature mindthat doesn't understand the whole
uh nuances of what's happening.If mom comes home and you've been
forgetful or a dad in your situation,you know, and you've been forgetful
(11:26):
about something and that says,you know, I know you didn't mean
this, but that but hurts, right?And that's one thing, too.
This is a total aside.When I talk to my clients, I really
encourage them to leave out the word.But when you want to have beautiful,
positive, nurturing relationshipsbecause the moment you put butt in
there, you negate the first partyou just mentioned focusing on the
(11:49):
negative, right? So here's that.I know you didn't mean to,
but you did this again. Mhm.And you already experienced this one
five, ten, 20 times and everything.You know, every time you feel a
little bit worse about yourself,like how can I be so forgetful.
Right. I must not be that smart.I'm not enough.
You see how that goes? Yeah.And then, of course, as little ones,
(12:10):
you know, we fear losing love,losing that connection with our
parents, our caregiver.And every time we do something not so
great and they might raise theirvoice or they might do something,
we're like, we're not loved.If I do that, I'm a bad person.
I'm not loved.And that just compound on top of
each other.And once you create the belief
one of those four and they liketo hang out together.
(12:33):
So it's not like you're dealingwith this one.
You're dealing with all they.All hold hands and the.
Best buddies. Yeah.I mean, like you might have one
that might be the primary player,but you have all four.
We all have all four beliefs.They just come up differently for
each person, and some people holdon to that negativity longer than
(12:53):
others. But so something happens.Once you create a belief system
like that, it's in you.It's in the background of your mind,
and it stays with you forever.How do you like that? Yeah, right.
Your your old self mistakenly becauseyou know, your three year old self
doesn't have the experience and theknowledge to understand mom yelling
at at you right now is because mom'sfrustrated with her job. Yeah.
(13:17):
And taking out on you versus youbeing a bad person.
But now you're you believe thisis ingrained in you.
And when something happened thatsorta kind of look like that, your
subconscious mind goes, oh my gosh,we're good or bad, right? Yeah.
They're saying you're not good enoughor smart enough, loved enough.
Yeah, yeah, I,I can I remember like reading
(13:40):
that in your book and being like,oh I can see those little things.
And I had a great childhood,but I'm not trying to blame my
parents or anything, but it's justinteresting how your brain's just.
At our little itty bitty selves,trying to make sense of situations
and then the assumptions we makeor the conclusions we jump to at
that age about.Yeah, it's because I'm not good
enough or loved enough.It can replay throughout our lives
(14:02):
if we don't, you know, practicethat awareness piece that you're
talking about especially. Right.So going back to real quick,
you know, you mentioned you had agreat childhood and I want to bring
this up because a lot of people saythe same thing. Like, I don't get it.
My childhood was perfect. Yeah.Like could I develop all these
negative beliefs during childhoodwhen my I had the most loving
parents and we had, you know,a beautiful house and we
(14:25):
vacation and we had everything.Well, it could be that one time when
you were three years old and, youknow, you're laying in bed tossing
and turning and you couldn't sleep.And, you know, you just read
that book and was kind of scary.And now you're pretty certain
there's a monster under your bedand you're yelling and screaming
because you're terrified.But Mom and Dad passed out from
(14:45):
a really long day,and they're sleeping and they're
snoring and they didn't hear youwhile you're yelling and screaming.
Maybe for a minute,maybe for five, maybe for ten.
Mom and dad finally hear you,and they run to your room and
make sure you're okay.But during that minute to ten or
whatever, that's a really longtime for a child. Yeah.
And you're in fear.That amplifies everything,
(15:07):
right? Yeah.So in the moment, you know,
you're fear for your life.You maybe even fear for your
parent's life or even still here.Oh, you fear you're not safe.
Which is what you said is one of the,like, core beliefs that can really
trigger an intense reaction is,yeah, I'm not safe right now,
which in that moment,because your mind is interpreting the
(15:28):
thing under the bed as a monster,it would create that.
And I actually know, I rememberwhen I was I was about 3 or 4,
so that prime age and my parentswere on a farm and they put me in
a tractor and they locked up thetractor and they thought it would
be cute to walk away and take aphoto of me and the tractor.
In that moment I was certainthey'd left me there forever and
locked me in this tractor.And so the photo is literally of
(15:51):
me just bawling my eyes outagainst the edge of the tractor
like they've left me forever.I don't like confined spaces. Now.
I think I know where I got my, uh,a little bit of claustrophobia from,
because I was certain I wasforever trapped in that tractor.
Exactly, exactly right.And because of that experience,
which is a significant emotionalevent for you.
(16:13):
Now your mind is like hanging onto that thing.
So I want to take a step back andtalk about significant emotional
event because that's really huge.Mhm.
Um, our belief systems are createdthrough two main pathways.
The first pathway is significantemotional event.
Something happens and istraumatic for you.
And it doesn't mean it istraumatic for everybody else.
You know it might not be a bigdeal to most people, but for you
(16:36):
in that instance it was traumatic.It was a significant emotional event.
Your subconscious mind will createbeliefs surrounding that and it
will create coping strategies.And I'll talk about that in a
little bit.The other pathway is through
repetition and repetition. Is it.The intensity isn't there,
but it keeps happening over andover and over and over again.
(16:58):
Just for example, your dad,I'm going to talk about your dad a
lot today. Oh, dad, we love you.But let's say your dad
approached your forgetfulness alittle bit differently.
Yeah, he came up to you, and he says,Kate, I can't believe you forgot
that again. What were you thinking?Right. There's no yelling.
There's no screaming.There's no. You're bad.
(17:18):
But it's still that negativity.That that little minor thing
that keep on being repeated.Another day you forget something
else and. Oh, good.Kate, what's wrong with you?
You know, you're so forgetful.Or even just Kate.
You're so forgetful.But they keep happening over and
over again.You still will create belief
systems and coping strategies.The coping strategy, the subconscious
(17:41):
mind figure out really quickly.That is best. To keep you safe.
Is fear and avoidance, right?So I want to take one more step back.
I mean, like this.We jump all over the place. I hope.
That's. A real conversation.So like I always like to keep it
real, but I. Think it's all tracking.Along nicely and piecing together.
(18:03):
So okay, if I need to explainanything, slow me down because
it's just something I love so muchand you can tell, like I'm just
super excited talking about it.But, um, what would we talk?
What were we talking about?Um, all the little repetitions of,
like, eye rolls, forgetting somethingand how that chips away at your
psyche kind of thing. But I wanted.To bring up about the subconscious
(18:24):
mind that is really important toknow is that the subconscious
mind is there to give you theexperience you created.
Like I mentioned earlier, everythought, every feeling you have,
the subconscious mind is there todo that thing for you, and it does
that thing without questioning.The other part of the
subconscious mind is,is there to keep you safe. Right?
(18:44):
And safe doesn't necessarilymean safe.
The way that we think of safetysafe does mean staying the same,
because we know this thing,we know how to do the same thing.
And anytime there's change,change could result in negativity and
pain and disappointment and hurt.So the belief the subconscious mind
have is, you know, stay exactlythe way you are and you're safe.
(19:07):
Because anytime you look to changeand you try to change, you will
get hurt, not might well get hurt.And your subconscious mind primary
function is to keep you safe.So it's going to do everything
it can so that you don't changein the way that it knows that to
prevent you from changing is fear,uh, fear tactics.
(19:28):
Because if you're afraid you'renot going to attempt,
therefore you're safe. You stay.Yeah, exactly where you at.
And that's why a lot of people to,you know, talking about goals and
affirmations and all of that,when you have a goal that's in
your conscious mind, right?You're thinking.
I want to achieve this thing.I want to do this thing.
And you're super excited because youknow what that means for you. Yeah.
(19:53):
The voice back here is terrified.Don't do it.
You're going to get hurt.Don't do it.
You're going to fail,and people are going to laugh at you.
Remember last year when you trythe exact same thing and you fail?
Remember how bad you felt?It's going to be worse this time,
right?And and a lot of us, we are taught
to fear that critical inner voice.I mean, like,
(20:14):
how many times have you heard,you know, that critical inner voice,
that mean inner voice or whatever?I want you to start think of it
differently.I want you to start thinking of that
little voice is as the most lovingvoice, your most loving young self,
trying its best to keep you safe,but in a very juvenile way, because
it doesn't understand your truegoals and your current capability.
(20:37):
All I know is that we just gottahide because we hide safe.
Oh, I love that reframe.That's powerful. Yeah.
Because then you don't start.Start judging yourself like, oh,
what's wrong with me?Why am I so scared?
And like, it's like, hey,it's just trying to love you and
look out for you.But like you said, in a in a night,
(20:57):
like, it doesn't have all theinformation of your now self and
what you're capable of and handling.But that's a powerful reframe there.
To add on to that, because I,I'm very visual.
Uh, so this is something I teachmy client to.
So when you get really scared orjudgmental or any emotion that is
not helping you to achieve thegoal that you're going after,
(21:19):
imagine your five year old self,your six year old self.
Go back to in your mind and thinkabout your most vulnerable self
and you'll get your age right.And so imagine your your five
year old self.Anytime you're being critical,
being scared or whatever.Imagine your five year old self just
tugging at you, just pulling atyour hand and saying, Kate, Kate,
should we be scared? Should we hide?Translate all the negative into that.
(21:43):
Yes. So good.Do you physically really have a
child saying Miss Kate, miss Kate.You know. Yeah. Are we safe?
You're not going to like.Oh my gosh, no.
We're gonna die this moment.Yeah, we got you.
You're going to take that time.And no matter how scared you are,
you're going to take those deepbreaths in and reassure that
(22:04):
child that everything is okay.Do that. You. Yes.
Yes, I love that, I love that Ithink it even be powerful to, like,
pull out an old photo of your littleself and actually see her or him and
connect with them, I think. Um, yeah.And that's why I noticed, like,
I try and do that now actually,like when I'm getting that confined
(22:26):
space, I think of my little selfin that tractor and it's like,
it's okay, you get out of here,you love just say like it's okay,
because I guess I have thatawareness now where like where that,
um, intense feeling comes from.So I've been working through it.
But, um, consistently doing that for,you know, anything where you're,
you're putting yourself outthere or stepping into change or
(22:49):
the unfamiliar like I should youcan appreciate when you're
working with teens.Like I have a lot that are either
transitioning into high schoolor into college, and there is an
intense voice that's like.This is gonna go terrible.
Everyone's gonna hate you.And it's like, you know that.
So helping them see that as ayounger self, just trying to keep
them safe is gonna, I think, bereally helpful for sure. Definitely.
(23:12):
You know, and even if it'ssomething you're excited about,
like a lot of kids are excitedto go to high school, right?
We want to do this thing.We want to be in high school.
But that fear is still there becausethat little one is still like,
oh, what if nobody likes us?What do we eat?
Lunch all by ourselves again,right? Yeah.
So it's really about reassuringyour younger self that,
you know what, you're a champ.You went through all of that.
(23:35):
You're a champ.I love that You know what?
You're a champ. And I think I.We use the teenagers here,
but even think about starting anew job or, uh, moving to a new
place or taking a chance on yournew business or writing a book,
launching a podcast. Like, as adults.Um, we still have that little, that
little voice come up for, for sure.So don't think now, just because
(23:57):
we used some teenage examples,people that.
Just said relevant to you too.Oh, no, it's all of us, right?
Yeah, I got those those poor,disempowering beliefs.
It's in all of us.You could be the most beautiful,
the most successful, the mostwanted person in the universe.
And you have those for it.Just show up differently for you.
Yes. Recognize that.You know,
(24:19):
we are all dealing with challenges.And even though, you know,
a lot of people might outwardlylook incredibly well and happy,
you don't know what's going oninwardly, they're still dealing
with those four beliefs.They're dealing with inner
demons that we're not aware of.I mean, like if you were to just
look back in the past year ortwo and you think about all the
celebrity suicides? Yeah.I mean, you have these people that
(24:42):
outwardly everybody dream of theirlives, but they're still dealing
with the things that we are notaware of and that, you know,
just recognize always that no matterwhat it is that you're going through,
that you're not alone.Yeah, that there are people
dealing with the exact same thing.And they could be the the person
sitting right next to you whoappear to have it all together.
(25:03):
And that person is completelystressed out because every single day
they wake up and they have to put onthis fake mask and this fake persona,
you know, to be the person that theythink everybody expect them to be.
And that is just a lot of pressure.So be kind to yourself.
Be kind to others. Yes.Beautifully said Jackie, I love it.
So if you get what we're saying,we've kind of ingrained and
(25:26):
picked up these different corebeliefs throughout our childhood
and our lives.How the heck am I meant to live a
happy life? Is it possible to live.A happy life. Like.
It just sounds like a little.Doom and gloom.
So maybe we transition into, um,how to how to manage and take
back control, like you said,because ultimately we do have
control. Definitely.And it's again, first of all,
(25:49):
recognizing you have control and thenbeing aware those are like one and
two. That's incredibly foundation.A lot of people, they want to
jump to the next thing you know,like what do I need to do.
Do that first. Right.And then the other thing will be
a lot easier.And the other thing is recognizing
your thoughts and your emotionare incredibly powerful.
Your emotion is more powerfulthan your thoughts.
(26:10):
But start with your thoughtsbecause it's easier. Okay.
Um, and so what happened is that,okay, so you go into a situation
where you normally think,oh my gosh, I'm so anxious.
The moment you say that,you trigger all of that tape for
your subconscious mind.Oh, she wants to be anxious.
Let's make sure she have thatexperience.
And so it's going to look aroundyour environment,
anything that can make you anxious.It's going to hyper focus your
(26:33):
energy, your attention on that.and it's going to go back in your
past and it's going to look, youknow, for all of the experiences in
the past that you were anxious about,and it's going to replay and amplify.
So you got this thing currentlyyou got this thing in the past.
And if that's not enough,your subconscious mind will make up a
story that project into your future,of you failing miserably at whatever
(26:57):
it is that you're trying to do.So you have past evidence,
you have current evidence,you have future evidence.
And they are all lies.They are all amplified.
They're all like taken out ofcontext.
So recognize once you start havinga thought that you don't like,
I teach people to go to calm nomatter what it is, go to calm.
Come is like your remote controlto shut off that television that
(27:20):
is just, you know, blaring andglaring and you just don't want to
hear or see it. Turn it off first.Right? And it's incredibly simple.
The first step is recognizingthat I have this emotion that is
not helpful.I'm going to do something about it.
Second is then choose to be calm,and what I teach my clients is repeat
this exact words in a very soft,gentle, calm way.
(27:44):
And it's even though I feel blank.Insert your emotion.
Even though I feel anxious,I choose to be calm.
I choose to become,I choose to become.
I recommend saying it like 3 or 4times, just to kind of start to
settle yourself and your mind andthen go into I am calm, I am calm,
I am calm and say that with withas much calmness as you can muster
(28:08):
and as you're saying, I am calm.Also, vividly imagine yourself doing
something that comes you down.For me, that's really easy.
Massage you on that one.Yes, it. Is like I am calm.
I'm on the massage table,there's soft music, it's nice and
warm and there's aromatherapy andmy whole body is relaxed. Right.
(28:30):
And so what you're doing is you'retelling your subconscious mind.
Even though I'm anxious, I choose tobe calm. Come look. Look like this.
Give me this experience.You're being incredibly clear and
incredibly simple, and your mindcan bring that to you very quickly.
If you don't do that,your mind will follow that train
and become a train wreck, right?Anxious anxious anxious anxious
(28:52):
anxious. Overall condition. Yeah.So that's that's really simple.
You know what I just mentioned.And a lot of people say how
could that work?How could that help me be happy just
by saying I am calm, practice thatfor a week consistently and tell me.
Yes, and that's the okay.The week I feel like we teach
(29:13):
this and that they do it onceand I it didn't work or I didn't
notice any difference.And it's, you know, the brain
can change through experience.We've got to expose it through
those repetitions.Like you said, it'll either be one
very significant emotional eventor lots of little practices.
But that's what I'm always justlike neuroplasticity people we.
Can. Change and and and, um.Yeah, take back that control.
(29:36):
But do it for a week,a month before you're quitting on
it and saying it doesn't work.It's like it doesn't work.
You make it work through the effort.So here's the. Thing is, it works.
We don't recognize it work becausewe're looking for this major change,
right?Yeah, we're looking for I am in
full control now versus wait,I chose common for five minutes.
(29:58):
I was calm, that worked. Yeah.It didn't work for six minutes
because you didn't work on it for sixminutes. Right. And here's I want.
To put this in perspective because alot of us don't like recognize this.
And it is we practiced ournegativity constantly, many, many,
many times a day throughout the year.So for an anxious person,
(30:21):
if you have anxiety, think abouthow many anxious thoughts you have
a day and think about how manydays you have had these thoughts.
So you've been practicing beinganxious.
You practice so well that youmaster the art of being anxious.
Right? Yeah. You did it so well.You can teach, you know,
university level anxiety.And then you spent a day on calm.
(30:46):
And it didn't fix the thing thatyou've been practicing for 30 years.
Yeah. Talking. Okay.So be kind to ourself.
You mean always give yourselfthat grace in that space to know
that when you're doing something,you're a beginner.
You might be an expert at somethingelse, but in this particular thing,
you're a beginner.Imagine you're a little baby.
(31:08):
Are you going to be upset with thebaby the first time you try to feed
herself and it goes into the ear ortune or whatever? Yeah, well, they.
Fall down learning how to walkand things like that.
Yeah, we celebrate it.Oh my God, wonderful step.
But we expect us to become expertat new things, but we give grace
and space to other people tofail and fail and fail And we
(31:30):
still celebrate their failure.We don't do the same for ourselves,
and that's the kindness that we needto start turning inwards towards
ourselves. Yes, yes. So so true.It's the same with also like when
you're talking about the I chooseto be calm. I choose to be calm.
I'm guessing also likepracticing some slower deep
(31:51):
breathing during that time isalso helpful to go alongside it.
The breath is incredible.You know, I don't, um, share too
many things at one time just becauseit's like, okay, I'm supposed to
say what I'm supposed to do.Practice one thing, practice the
other thing another time.Incorporate it when it feels
comfortable. Right. Okay.There's one method that works all the
(32:15):
time for everybody, and you mightlike one better than the other,
but, um, breathing is really key.And for the slow breathing, you know,
I recommend some thoughts to gowith it because that's create
our experiences. Right. Mhm.So let's say you're anxious and
you don't want to choose calm.You want to use your breath to
release your your anxious feeling.Perfect.
(32:38):
Notice where you feel theanxiety in your body.
Your your physical body will alwayshave signs and symptoms of your
emotional um um symptoms. Mhm.So you know, let's say you're anxious
and you can feel kind of likefluttering in your chest. Right.
Or maybe feeling heaviness inyour stomach or tightness in your
(32:59):
shoulder. You will feel it somewhere.Be aware of that somewhere.
So let's pretend for thisconversation that is right here.
Close your eyes and just kind ofconnect to it.
Just like, okay, my anxiety issitting right here. Right.
And then I want you to take avery big deep breath in.
And with your big, deep breath in,I want you to imagine just
picking up that anxiety withyour breath and just holding it,
(33:23):
and then on your breath out.Imagine releasing that anxiety.
So breathe in to pick up. Hold.Breathe out. To release. Breathe in.
To pick up, hold and then release.And as you're doing that, you know,
remind yourself I have the powerto make myself uncomfortable.
Because when you hold your breathis pretty uncomfortable, right?
(33:45):
So when I do this with clients,I usually lead them with,
you know, the thoughts.It's like, okay, taking a big deep
breath and recognize how much controlyou have in your own discomfort.
Now take a breath.Can't talk it out and release
that discomfort and recognizethe power you have to also
(34:07):
release your discomfort. Wow.That's a powerful practice
because yeah, right.Because then you realize I'm
doing all of this to myself,and because I'm doing this in myself,
I can also change it and alsorelease myself of all my discomfort.
Yes. Powerful.I want to practice that one
myself and then pass it along.That's why I freaking love podcasts.
(34:31):
Like,how cool is it that we can just keep
sharing these tools and practices?And I know you're kind of like I am.
It's like,I don't need anything in return.
On the other than knowing that thisinformation and these strategies are
getting out to our why do humanity?Because it is at such a time where
we're more stressed and anxiousand disconnected and overwhelmed.
(34:54):
Um, I think than than ever before.So, just so simple practices like,
I just want to say thank youagain for doing what you do.
This is at the end of the podcast,but I just am like, ah,
that is so good.So I'm so glad you're sharing
your work in the world.Um, one other thing I wanted to
touch on, because I don't knowif it people have caught the the
(35:15):
nuance by which Jackie said this.When you start to feel anxious,
a lot of people will go to,okay, well, I just don't want to
feel anxious don't feel anxious,don't think like okay, just don't
think it's going to go bad.Like we almost rather than
choosing what we do want,we try and push away against what
we don't want. Can you explain?This is one of the most fascinating
(35:38):
things I learned from you about whyyou shouldn't, uh, give your brain a
don't command or like, not like,do not do that kind of command.
I'm so glad you bring it up.Because, you know,
when we get talking, I neverknow which parts can I come up.
But this part is absolutely key.So thank you so much for
bringing it up.So we are always constantly
(35:58):
giving commands to our mind,whether we know it or not or our
subconscious mind, to understandwhat command we just gave.
It has to be able to make avisual picture of it. Right?
So for right now, you know, um,listeners, I want you to make a
picture in your mind of youholding on to a cup of coffee.
That's pretty darn easy, right?I mean, we mhm. Coffee.
(36:19):
Or if you don't drink coffee,your tea, your water whatever. Yeah.
You can make that picture veryeasily.
And that gives your mind a veryclear command.
Now I want you to make a picture of.Don't spill the coffee.
And a lot of you will say, easy.It's not easy. It's very difficult.
In fact,it's impossible to make that picture
(36:41):
because there is no such picture.The picture you might have made was.
I'm holding onto my cup really tightso that my coffee doesn't spill.
That's not a picture of don'tspill the coffee.
Or it might be I'm putting mycoffee cup down on the counter.
That's still not a picture ofdon't spill the coffee.
It's I'm putting my cup down. Right.And so the mind doesn't understand
(37:03):
negative commands like don't,not no longer.
And so when you give the mind acommand, it doesn't understand,
it ignores it.And it goes to the next part.
And so when you say don't be anxiousyour mind's like don't okay ignore.
Yeah be anxious.And then it says, oh.
I don't want to do that.We know that song and dance Let's
(37:24):
do that. Right. Yeah, yeah.So this is something that I know
that you enjoy.And so I'm going to, uh,
let our listener enjoy this part too.I'm going to give you a command.
And I want you to do thiscommand right now.
And it will demonstrate what wejust talked about.
And the command is don't think of anorange elephant. What popped up?
(37:46):
Mr. orange is the orange.Elephant and the I love the one.
Um, the Google search to likeput into Google.
Don't find an orange elephant.Go do that. It will literally find.
You orange elephants.And I'll find you everything
else too, right? Yeah.You know, when I do Google search
for for demonstration and I putin don't find me pink shoes,
(38:10):
I get a bunch of pink shoes,I get a bunch of blue and orange,
and I get flowers and I get allkinds of stuff.
And so when you give your mind again,a command of don't be anxious,
your mind will see anxious.And it understand that it'll
give you that.And then I'll give you some other
stuff to sprinkle in random things.Right. Mhm.
Always focus on what you want.And I really encourage you to
(38:33):
focus on calm, you know, like it'sgreat that you want to be happy or
motivated or you know invincibleis awesome. You'll get there.
Give yourself that space and graceto be a beginner and a beginner.
It's just shutting all that noiseoff so that you have a clear mind,
a clear slate to then do thenext thing.
And so when you give that commandis I choose to become I am calm,
(38:58):
not oh, please let me be calm.Yeah, I become so. Badly.
Don't worry for.The passive talking here where we're
in command, we go to speak like it.To. Yeah. Take your power back.
You're not a three year old,says mommy, mommy, mommy,
please let me have no I.I am in control and I choose to be
calm and I am calm. Bring that now.Right I love. That. Yeah.
(39:21):
So calms comes like the foundationupon which other emotions can then
stem other, more positive ones.If we're in a calm place and we're
able to build up more to that.Motivated or courageous, like,
you know, like I just thinkthat's cool to think about.
Calm is the base foundation, um,for us to really be our most
resilient selves, which, as you know,I'm quite passionate about that one.
(39:44):
So I do know that.Yeah, I'm just imagine, like,
you know, you are trying to focusand the music is blaring as loud
as can be and is playing the musictype that you hate the most.
Don't you want to turn it off firstbefore you turn on your jazz?
Yeah, it's like whatever.You don't like is glaring and then
you just turn on the sub. Yes.And while the Sub Jazz is not
(40:07):
going to really be, you know,powerful, right?
But if you turn this off first andthen you play your favorite tune,
whatever that is, then all of asudden you can hear this thing,
you can see your goals, you cansee path, you can see options.
Whereas before without the noises,you can't concentrate.
You don't see the things thatyou could normally see. Yes.
So so powerful. Okay.Well, I hope everyone listening
(40:32):
is just as I told you.We're going to be mind blowing.
I gave you a warning, people.This stuff is incredible.
Just the way that Jackie's ableto take just, you know, you don't
explain it in a sciencey, boring way.Just the the metaphors and the
analogies and just stripping it allback to what's absolutely essential
to know is honestly life changing.And I just thank you again so
(40:56):
much for for what you do.And the best part is, guys,
it doesn't have to end herebecause as I mentioned, Jackie
has incredible series of books.So I'll let her share a little
bit about what they are and whereyou can get your hands on them.
So my best selling books are theWords of Wisdom series,
and there is one for adults,for teen boys and teen girls.
(41:18):
And it's a lot about what wejust talked about But, you know,
organized. Sequentially, organized.And then it's not too passionate.
People just bouncing everywhere.You know, when you know your
stuff and you love it so much,you just go, right? Yeah, yeah. Nice.
For someone who's beginning thejourney to sit down and kind of like,
(41:39):
really have it laid out in avery simple way.
That's the one thing that I workreally hard to do is when I write,
I write it in a way that breaksdown really big concepts into
something that you can actuallyunderstand and use immediately.
And so in the I would but mydamn mind won't let me,
the adult books have a littlebit more than the teen books.
(42:00):
The book actually have a lotmore self-reflection questions
so that you can actually applythe content to you deeper.
I didn't do that for the teenversion for different reasons,
but for the adult,I felt like that was important to do.
Um, and then the companionworkbook will take you further
into it to give you more toolsand a lot of hand-holding.
(42:23):
You know, there's daily actionsteps and there's an explanation
of why you do this.And if it doesn't work,
how do you troubleshoot so thatit does, in fact, work for you?
So I definitely recommend thatas the basis if you have teens,
especially teen girls.I started my whole book journey
writing for teen girls becauseI'm super passionate and helping
teen girls.Uh, the teen girls have three
(42:45):
books and three journals, but theyreally apply to anybody because
the content in those books are thethings I teach my adult clients.
Yeah, I wrote it for teen girlsbecause I love helping them.
Yeah. Um, this.One is five simple Steps to
manage your mood.And it just talks about,
you know, five simple questionsthat you can ask yourself to kind
of put things into perspectiveand put you back into control.
(43:07):
Uh, and then the demo book andthen the third one is Jumpstart
Your Confidence. I love that book.Um, it was super fun for me to write.
It talks about seven innersuperpowers that we all have that we
don't recognize that they are superpowers and you know how they work and
how to actually pull it out of youand implement it in a way that's
going to destroy your self-doubt.We all have self-doubt,
(43:31):
but we also have things that wedon't take for you know,
that we don't recognize that courage.We have courage.
Even the person that says,I'm not courageous,
you have courage, I guarantee you.Um, imagination, forgiveness, love.
Choosing our words,choosing how we position our body.
Um, all of perseverance, all of that,you know, really are things that
(43:51):
we are innately, um, wired to do.We just forgotten how to do,
or we just don't recognize thepower behind it.
So, um, that book talks aboutthat in the workbook,
takes you through steps to connectto your inner power. Excuse me.
And then the latest thing I wrotethat I'm super passionate about,
(44:11):
I'm shifting a lot this way becauseI'm in the fun phase of my life now.
And so I'm doing only the thing thatI find fun. I love it. Good for you.
I love teens, I love workingwith adults, and I still do.
But my heart and passion is working.Writing books for for children.
Um, I'm a grandmother, I have.I was going to say I'm like.
(44:33):
I also think it's because you'rein grandma phase now,
which your granddaughter is adorable.So. Yeah. Thank you.
She's two years old,and I want I wrote books that I
want her to have the I want,the lessons I want her to have
is what I wrote in these books.And it's five book series called
The Growing Gratitude forchildren's series.
And it's all focusing on gratitudeusing our five senses our our nose,
(44:57):
our ears, our tongue, um,our skin. What am I missing? Eyes.
I'm like. What am I missing?That's not only the first one people
go with. Yeah, yeah. And it's.Have you ever thanked your eyes,
your nose, your ears, your tongue,your skin? It's super simple.
And it's basically more or less alove letter from my granddaughter,
(45:17):
thanking that organ for all thethings it does for it for her.
And then recognizing when thatorgan is not feeling well,
what she experiences,and then a promise then to take
care of person's organs so thatit gets back to health. Right?
And so it's a whole journey ofteaching the child what this
(45:39):
different senses does,and recognizing the beauty and the
simplicity of simplicity. Right.With take our senses for granted
all the time, even.Honestly, Kate, when was the
last time you think your nose.Separately. Been to too long?
But that's a powerful way,especially for young girls like
children, to learn to love theirbodies for what it does for them
(46:00):
and not how it looks.So it's something, you know,
I see a lot.So you starting it from such a
young age of being in awe of theways our human body supports us
through life and everything.So that's in. That's incredible.
I love that series so much gratitude.I mean, like, I don't know if
you need to end this, but I wantto touch on gratitude because I
think gratitude is really, um, notdiscussed in this particular way that
(46:26):
really I think is super powerful.I think gratitude is the answer.
You know, like no matter what itis that you're dealing with,
no matter what your struggle,you're paying your your, you know,
whatever you feel you might belacking if you shift into gratitude,
your life change significantly.While the thing that you're
dealing with might not change,but your experience of going through
(46:48):
that change dramatically, right?Um, I love questions, so I use a
lot of questions with my clients.And the most powerful question
I've ever heard that just like Iuse all the time, because it's
just incredibly powerful.It's not my question,
but I love it. Um, and it is.Who would be grateful to have my
problem? Um. Right.And so you're in the situation where
(47:12):
you just got fired and you're goingto be evicted out of your home.
And you just lost your car theweek before.
Who would be grateful to haveyour problem if you were to say,
okay, world, I am taking,you know I'm trading problems.
You take this problem,I'll take yours.
How long do you think that linewill be? Yeah. Right. Mhm.
(47:35):
You get so focused in on what'swrong that we forget about
what's going well. Yeah.And so you might have all of that
stuff that I just mentioned.But you have your health,
you have your, your children whoare alive, you know,
you have family who loves you.I mean, like, think about those
when you think about it like that.It just like it put things in
perspective.And that's why it's so important
(47:58):
for me to teach gratitude rightoff the bat.
Because if you start focusing ongratitude, focusing on training your
mind to look for things that aregoing well, your life experience is
completely different. Absolutely.I couldn't agree more,
I know Gratitudes got me throughthe absolute worst days of my
life and that's the irony.It's when things are at its worst.
(48:20):
Gratitude is really most neededand most powerful, and people ask,
why should I be grateful forwhat I'm going through?
But that little question you ask,it makes you rethink it,
rethink it completely.And I did hear similar advice.
Like I read a book right after mysister died, and it was something
around like, how did you actuallyavoid worst case scenario?
Like, like just trying to makeyou think like it felt like it
(48:42):
was the absolute worst, but kindof thinking about how it could
also been a whole lot more worse.Which, yeah, it's just flipping
our story on its head a little andmaking us question and reframe,
which is so powerful. So I love it.Well, finishing with gratitude is
absolutely perfect because I ambeyond grateful for you and and
everything that you do in the world.Jackie. So please keep doing it.
(49:05):
Keep doing what's fun for you.But thankfully,
we also get to benefit because itseems to overlap with some really,
um, life changing tools So thank you.Thank you for having me.
That was super fun. Hey you.Thanks so much for tuning into
the show.If you enjoyed listening along,
but you still thinking, ah, Kate,how do I actually put all of this
(49:25):
into practice in my own life with myown situations? I totally get it.
This stuff is somewhat simple intheory, but a lot hotter in practice.
Which is why I offer one on onepersonalized life coaching for women
just like you, who are ready toget unstuck and the overwhelm and
take back control of their life.That's right. I know that's you.
(49:48):
Let's get back to creating alife body, relationship and
career that you love.Visit the Resilient speaker.com
for more details on my coaching.That is the resilience B.Com.
And for extra inspiration in betweenepisodes, make sure you join me on
Instagram. It's at Kate Gladdin.
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