April 17, 2025 • 26 mins
From a young age, we're taught not to interrupt conversations. But I've realised there is definitely a conversation we need to interrupt EVERY SINGLE DAY. It's the one happening in our between our own ears. Because let's be honest - do you ever find yourself spiraling in self-doubt, thinking things like “I’m not good enough,” “I always mess things up,” or “I’m just not the type of person who can…”?
Yeah, welcome to being human right?!
So in this episode, I dive into a powerful mental interrupt tool—one simple question that can help you stop those runaway thought spirals in their tracks!
It’s a game-changing way to pause, reflect, and finally start questioning the beliefs that have been running your life on autopilot. Whether it's a third-grade teacher who made a throwaway comment about your scissor skills (yep, been there), or a parent who unknowingly projected their own fears—this episode will help you pull those dusty old thoughts out of your mental closet and hold them up to the light.
✨ Tune in to discover:
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Why your brain runs on outdated mental scripts (and how to catch them)
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How to stop treating thoughts like facts
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A practical mindset shift to help you reclaim your inner narrator
-
Real-life stories (including my own) that’ll have you laughing, reflecting, and rewriting your own narrative
If you’ve ever felt held back by labels or beliefs you didn’t even choose, this episode is your permission slip to start letting go of what’s not yours to carry.
Press play and lets find out!
Ready to take this work deeper? If you're tired of living on autopilot and want real tools to take back control of your mind, your emotions, and your life—I’ve got you.
My 1:1 coaching program is designed for women who are done with people-pleasing, perfectionism, and self-doubt and so ready to start living with more clarity, courage, and confidence.
Book a free mini coaching session today at www.kategladdin.com/coaching or DM me on Instagram @kategladdin.
You don’t have to keep believing the old story. You get to write and LIVE a new one.
Mark as Played
Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
(00:00):
Welcome to. Okay. Now what?I'm your host, Kate Gladdin.
Episode 37.This is the show for people who
know life doesn't happen to you.Life happens,
and the impact it has is up to you.Hey, hey, my favorite humans.
I hope you are grooving awaywith me to that intro.
(00:22):
It always gives a little pep tomy step when I hear the intro.
I love that music,hence why I chose it.
But I want to begin this episodeby doing a special shout out.
So my husband Nate,the legend that he is, uh, he's
got some people at his work, whichsometimes my embarrassment because
it is weird to know that peopleactually listen to this podcast.
(00:44):
Even though I see all the listens,it's still kind of weird when
someone's like, oh, I listen toyour show. It's like, ah, really?
Now I want to go hide under a table.But anyway, um, I know that one
of his wonderful colleagues,she goes by shipping Kate.
Um, obviously she's in the shippingdepartment and I think there's a few
Kate's at his work, which why not?Kate is the best name ever.
(01:07):
Anyway, shout out to shipping Kate.I believe she listens to this show,
but I also want to give shippingKate's mum a shout out, which I
asked Nate what her mom's name is.But typically being a guy, he's like,
I don't know. Uh, so I'm sorry mom.I couldn't, uh, directly shout out
your name too, but I appreciate bothof you girls are listening along.
(01:28):
That really means so, so much.And given we live in the same town,
I'm sure one day I'll get to meet youand give you both a big hug. So.
Yeah,just thought that made me smile.
To do a little special shout out,uh, to some awesome humans to
start my show.But let's dive into what I
really wanted to chat about withyou all today.
(01:50):
Uh, because I was off on my walk,uh, down my lovely, uh, dirt road.
It's kind of cool now to, uh,live by a farm and get the peace
of the mountains and a dirt road.And I purposely, like, just put,
uh, walking music on.The calm app has music where
they're like, we're gonna put thebeat to the tempo of your feet.
(02:10):
Oh, that's a nice little rhyme.But anyway, so it was really like,
I'm like, do not touch your phone.Just like, let your mind wander.
Because I think these days we don'tallow space to just let our mind just
think and and wonder and create.Right?
Because we're constantly justconsuming other people's
thoughts and ideas.Like,
I always usually listen to podcasts.So I was like, no,
(02:33):
I need to record my own podcast.And sometimes when I'm just hearing
people talk at me all the time,it just scrambles my own thoughts.
So I was thinking and then I gotto this idea of, you know,
we're taught from a pretty youngage that interrupting someone while
they're speaking is rude, right?You know, don't talk over people.
Wait to your turn.Listen before you speak.
And don't get me wrong,I definitely agree with that.
(02:56):
I'm not about to suggest just goaround interrupting.
Everyone listening is such abeautiful and underrated skill
to really connect with others,help them feel seen and understood
and connect better with them.So it's absolutely necessary.
But I do believe there is oneconversation, one place in our
(03:17):
life where we need to interrupta whole lot more often, and that
is the conversation happeninginside our own brain, right?
Because let's be honest, most ofus don't question the automatic
voice in our head when it shows up,right? We just listen to it, right?
We absorb it like it's gospel, right?We just let it narrate the story
(03:38):
of our lives with out of a reallyquestioning or interrupting it.
Right?Instead, we just kind of let it
run pretty well. Right?The, you know, good enough story.
You totally got to mess this up.What if the economy tanks and now
you're going to lose everything?Don't bother.
You'll probably regret it anyway.Oh, look, there you go again.
Late to the gym, dropping coffeeeverywhere. You're just so lazy.
You're so helpless.You're so clumsy. You're so this.
(04:01):
might sound familiar, you know?It's like we're on autopilot,
which we actually are, right?We always have that automatic
part of the brain which is thefastest part of the brain.
It's always coming on like halfa second sooner than our
conscious brain.So it will always be the first
voice that we hear.And it's naturally wired to be
pretty self-critical, fearful,and, you know,
(04:23):
it's like this outdated soundtrack.Our brain just decides to queue
up constantly on autopilot.Okay, so here's the truth though.
Being the CEO of your own mind,being mentally stronger,
more intentional, and more resilientmeans knowing when to interrupt
your internal script, right?We need to get better at
(04:46):
interrupting internally.I'm not saying go interrupt your
boss.They probably won't like that, but
you need to remember you are actuallythe boss of your own brain and begin
to interrupt your own thoughts.Spirals because they will not
stop on their own.They stop when you stop them. Right.
And I want to teach you today oneof my favorite ways to do that,
one of the most liberatingthings you can ask your brain.
(05:09):
Remember, because how we interruptour thought patterns is through
asking deliberate questions.Because our brain is hard wired
to answer questions.It's what it's designed to do.
It actually hates having an openloop.
So when you ask your brain aquestion, it will switch itself
off autopilot and engage thepurposeful part of your brain where
you can think more rationally,logically, creatively,
(05:30):
strategically, like the CEO, right?You're engaging like the adult in the
room, rather than letting the toddlerwith a Sharpie run around like crazy
and cause a complete chaotic mess.So here's my favorite deliberate
question to ask your brain inthe middle of any spa.
When you start to hear it,start to tell you all sorts of
things that kind of make you feelbad about yourself or your life,
(05:54):
just go. Wait, who told you that?Let that land for a second this
question. Who told you that? Right?It's simple, but it's so powerful
because the moment you ask it,like, really stop and ask it,
maybe it means pulling out yourjournal or a piece of paper and
literally writing. Who told you that?Like write the thought and then
(06:18):
answered, like deliberately on apiece of paper?
Who told you that you've alreadydone something pretty freaking
extraordinary, which most people,most humans, will never do.
And that's you've stepped out of thethought and into seeing the thought,
right?Being the observer, you're no longer
being dragged by that thought.You're looking at it, right.
(06:39):
You're creating space.And so this is called I'm going
to get geeky for you in a moment.Again. Cognitive diffusion.
It's a core skill in CBT andacceptance commitment therapy
act because it means you stopseeing the thought as a fact and
start seeing it for what it is.Just a thought. It right.
(07:01):
Sentences running through our brains,not factual circumstances about
us or the world.And you know what this question
uncovers when you ask yourself,who told you that?
Like who told you you're notgood enough?
Who told you you're going tofail at that?
Who told you you're a procrastinator?Who told you you're socially awkward?
Right.When you asked, who told you that?
(07:23):
You uncover that a lot of the beliefswe're carrying around aren't actually
ours. In fact, not a lot of them are.So many of them.
I'd say most of our thoughts areactually inherited, right?
Passed down or projected onto us.Right?
Like maybe you do think like,oh, I'm just a procrastinator.
Ask yourself, who told you that?You know.
(07:45):
Maybe it was your dad when youwere younger who used to say you
never finish anything. Right.Of course, when you hear that
when you're young, you start tobelieve like, oh, I'm just a
procrastinator or I'm just lazy.Or maybe it was your fourth grade
teacher who gave up on you too fast.Or maybe it was a boss.
Or a sibling or a coach or a friend.Someone who caught you in a tough
moment and labeled you right.And you've been wearing that
(08:07):
label like a nametag ever since.But let's get real.
Does that define you?Does someone telling you I think
you're a procrastinator actually makeyou a procrastinator? No. Right.
Someone telling us the thought aboutus doesn't make us that thought
unless we choose to believe it.Because once you choose to believe
(08:27):
it, once you start to internalize it,it will begin to build. True.
Because we start to act into it.Because once we tell ourselves
our procrastinator,we're a procrastinator.
Our beliefs will drive our behaviorand our behavior like so much and
create our reality which wantsto match our original beliefs.
Once you believe you're aprocrastinator, then the second
your to do list gets too long,you start to feel overwhelmed.
(08:48):
And then what do we do when we'reoverwhelmed and we don't know how
to cope with overwhelm or havestrategies to cut through it?
We start procrastinating andthen your brain's like, aha!
See, I knew you're a procrastinator,but it's because you keep
thinking that way.We're going to keep feeling and
acting in ways it keeps provingthat true as.
So that's why we need to patterninterrupt with questions and
(09:09):
questioning our thoughts more often.Right? And I love the thought.
Who told you that? Three small words.But damn do they carry some weights,
right?And this is one of the most powerful
cognitive interrupters that we canuse, because it slices right to the
heart of what keeps so many unhelpfulthoughts, feelings so true. Right.
(09:30):
And that is that we lack awarenessaround where they really came
from to begin with. Right?So that's why this question is
so powerful.It really creates psychological
distance between you and the thought.Right.
And really seeing they're not facts,they're just mental events.
But if we don't question ourthoughts, we become them. Okay.
So who told you that it forces you tostop, zoom out and go. Wait. Yeah.
(09:55):
Where the heck did this beliefactually come from?
Like, is this belief even mine.Like for me,
I think about some beliefs I usedto have in my teens and 20s.
Like, I'm just not a morning person,right?
Like I used to just love tosleep in as teenagers do.
But sometimes my mom would be like,okay, it's just not a morning person.
And so that kind of had me in thecycle of, uh, wanting to sleep in
(10:19):
more like if I believe I'm not amorning person, of course I don't
want to get up and face the morning.They start to question,
like you told me,that it's kind of like my mom did.
And again, innocently,a lot of people, sometimes they're
not like trying to contain uswith these labels or ideas.
They're just, again,doing what brains do, making sense
of the situation or assessing it.Or I used to have the thought like,
I'm not good with money.And who told me that?
(10:44):
I think I picked it upsubconsciously as a kid because I
wasn't great at math and numbers,and I don't like spreadsheets.
And so, you know, that thought waslimiting me a lot in my career until
I questioned it, because of course,if I don't think I'm good with money,
I'm not going to be good with money,right?
That thought is going to have meself-sabotaging in subtle ways.
And so I had to step back and belike, wait, who told me that?
(11:06):
And, you know,my dad used to just joke, like,
I did business, uh, college.When I went to university, I did a
business degree where I had to do,like, accounting and finance.
And yeah, it kind of broke my brain.And so I kind of like, oh,
I'm just not a money person.I'm just not a financial person.
And I had to question and redirectthat belief in order to have the
successful business I have now.Or what's another one or another
(11:29):
one kind of similar was,you know, you can't really make
money doing what you love.Like, I remember stepping back
and like, who told you that?And I think it was again,
I'm don't want to start blamingpeople on my podcast.
Everyone, as I said,is well-intended most of the time
when they give us these thoughts.But I think it's, you know, parents
(11:49):
wanting to protect us from like,oh, don't be the crazy artist.
Like, you can't make a lot ofmoney doing that.
Or because I am naturally quitea creative person and I just
didn't think I could blend that.You know, speaking and coaching and
creativity to make a lot of money.And so I had to step back and be
like, wait, who told me that?Like, that's just something I kind
of picked up from my childhood.But as long as I believe that,
I'll create that, what if I waswilling to let that thought go?
(12:10):
Or how would I show up differentlyif I believe the opposite of that?
Like, you can make a lot ofmoney doing what you love.
And I stepped into practicing thatbelief and taking action as if I did
believe that until I could get toa point where I truly do believe
that you can both have purpose andpaycheck and fun and creativity,
or wound into one.So that's just a few examples
(12:30):
from my life where I've really,uh, used that question to start
to let the thought go.It's so much easier to let the
thought go when you can kind of see,like this thought isn't even in mind.
It's easy to loosen the grip.You've separated your identity
from that thought or idea, and,you know, exposing the origin of
the thought also sometimes exposeslike the absurdity of it, right?
(12:55):
When like, who told you thatwhen you really dig down,
sometimes it is that third gradeteacher who just made a passing
comment like this is so random.But it came back to me just now
because it said third grade teacher.And I remember trying to cut paper
when I was at, um, probably thirdgrade or something, when you
(13:16):
used to have to cut out paper.And she was like, I think she gave me
like a C or a D, like I didn't do mybest effort on cutting out paper.
And so I still now when I like,go to cut wrapping paper,
I have that thought like, oh,I'm just not good at cutting paper,
literally from like year three.I heard that and I kind of believed
that I picked it up, you know,I'm like eight years old and I'm
(13:37):
like, okay, I'm cutting paper andit still wants to come up in me.
But that is not a fact.That's a thought like a suggestion
offered up by my third grade teacher,which she probably wasn't wrong
at that moment.I don't think it was my my best,
my best effort.But even now,
like my mom used to say, like,oh, I'm just not that creative.
And I remember like, oh, I'm not agood drawer, I'm not good at this.
(13:58):
And so and then I remember in like10th grade or ten or something.
I did this painting, which honestly Ithink looked like a big lot of mush,
but apparently abstractedlyabstractedly that's a word.
The abstract look of the painting.I ended up getting 50 out of 50
for it, and I was like, wait,what the hell?
I remember being mind blowing becauseI was like, this does not fit
within my belief system, that I.That I'm not that, uh, creative.
(14:22):
And it did start to make me wantto question and redirect that.
But honestly, when you really try andpause and stop and trace back the
thread of the origin of who told youthat thought originally it could be a
parent projecting their own fears,a kid in the playground,
a partner who was emotionallyunavailable or narcissistic,
or maybe even a freakinginfluencer on Instagram, right?
(14:46):
Like, oh my gosh,I can't tell you how many people tell
me things like, but you need it.You really need to make sure you
eat this much protein or havethis and that.
And I'm like, wait,who told you that?
There's more than one way toskin a cat.
And if you're running around likecrazy trying to keep up with that,
Like, maybe that was not so helpful.But, you know, suddenly you're in
(15:07):
a dialogue of you're too much,you'll mess this up.
You're not you're you're not enough.You're doing it wrong.
Gets revealed for what it is.When you really question who
told you that.You see, it's an echo, not your
essence, a reflection, not a reality.And then it becomes so much
easier to let go of. Right?And it helps you question the
(15:28):
credibility of the thought too,right?
When you realize the source of yourthought isn't that credible always
from coming from someone who reallydoesn't have the full picture,
you naturally begin to discreditthe thought itself, right?
I mean, I've had some people inmy book, uh, you know,
someone told me my I saw a commenton Facebook, my latest book.
(15:50):
She said it was too chirpy. Yeah.Anyway, so I was like, too chirpy.
And I guess that kind ofslightly like it triggered me a
little bit because it is aslight insecurity of mine,
because I am quite a bubbly person.I'm sometimes worried that I
might not be taken seriously,even though once you really get to
know me and how I break things down,I am very much grounded in
(16:11):
science and psychology tools.And so I'm like, oh well, was that
person qualified to define me?No, she's a random on Facebook who
maybe read two paragraphs of myopening chapter, which honestly goes
a lot into the death of my sister,so I'm struggling to understand
why she said it was chirpy.Um, but the other question is really
(16:35):
like, once you see who's asking it?Is is that person qualified to
define me?And were they speaking from love,
wisdom and truth when theyshared that thought or from
their own pain and fear? Right.Isn't that so powerful to
reflect upon?Like, you know what, maybe when your
boss said that they were in a momentof fear over the business or their
(16:56):
own leadership abilities, so perhapsthey were saying it in a moment of
belittling because they weren'tfeeling great about themselves,
right? Like, that's so powerful.Like powerful to really ask,
like, is this person qualifiedto define me like this?
Because 99% of the time you're kindof the answer to that is no. Right?
And by questioning and using thisquestion, it helps you rewrite your
(17:17):
inner narrative on purpose. Right?When you ask who told you that you're
not just breaking a thought loop.You're inviting yourself to
author a new one, right?You go from passively just
listening and consuming your brain,to interrupting it and becoming the
intentional editor of your story,because you have the power to do
(17:38):
that at any moment.And lastly, this question who told
you that invites more compassioninstead of shame, right?
It often uncovers the beliefsthat you're carrying around,
aren't there because you're broken,but because when you were told this,
you were young, you were scared.You were confused.
(17:59):
You were trying to belong,Along. Right.
Because most of our thoughts areformed around the age of,
like our core beliefs, I should say,um, are formed around the age of
seven years old right now.Human brain is always trying to
make sense of things,and we can really start to do
this around 5 to 7 years old.And like, we're like sponges.
(18:20):
We absorb everything, especially atthat age, from our authority figures,
right from our parents andteachers that we look up to.
And they're just observing us.And we think what they tell us about
what they observe of us is facts,but it's still just their
interpretation of us, right?Based on their beliefs and upbringing
and insecurities and all of that.And of course, when we're seven,
(18:42):
we don't have the ability tocognitive code, but cognitively,
there we go.Um, question our thoughts, right.
Our prefrontal brain is not evenformed at that age.
So I'm not saying you're wrongto have believed this for all
these for all these years,but now you are old enough,
formed enough, powerful enoughto step back and go. Hang on.
(19:04):
Do I even want to believe thisanymore? That's what the question.
Who told you that does for you?It holds your beliefs, any belief
you're questioning up to the lightand really ask like, wait, is this
mine or was this handed to me?It's kind of like when you go in
the closet and you're like,wait, is this t shirt even mine?
(19:25):
Or another powerful analogy is like,when you go into your closet and you
pull out a dress and you're like, oh,I've really outgrown that dress.
That dress would not look greaton me.
Now,I'm not even saying in a bad way.
It's just like, oh, that's style.That's way in the 90s.
I do not need to be wearing thatanymore.
The same goes with our beliefs.So many were outgrown or out and
(19:46):
out and are outdated, but we arestill kind of looping on them and
just listening to them as if wedon't have any other choice, right?
And when you realize really, thatthat thought came from someone else,
from someone else's own wounds,their own fears,
and their own limitation.It does become easier to let go of,
to say, you know what?That didn't come from a credible
(20:10):
source that came from like Wikipedia.You know, the one that's been like
edited 87 times and you're like,hmm, the information on here is
a little suspect.My, uh, B.S., uh,
meter is up pretty high right now.The same guy with so many of our
thoughts, especially the ones thatwe've been rinsing, repeating
since childhood or our teen years,or when our first heartbreak happened
(20:32):
and we couldn't really mentallyabsorb it properly at that time.
But when you can say like, no,this is really a reflection of
someone else and where they wereat in that moment.
So much easier to say thank you foryour opinion. Brain point noted.
But I'm making different choices now.So the next time that you hear your
(20:55):
familiar voice starting to chatterboxaway on you and ba ba ba ba ba ba
ba ba, you're not capable enough.You'll screw this up, you know.
No one wants you to be the bossaround here.
Or you're too lazy to go to thegym or.
Oh, my gosh, why do you alwaysprocrastinate or you can't stop, you
know? Why are you always so anxious?No one's going to take you seriously.
Like all of that mind chatter.That is the kind of chatter you
(21:19):
need to interrupt more often.Your internal voice.
You need to pause, breathe, interruptand ask. Wait. Who told you that?
Because the answer mightsurprise you.
It might infuriate you a little bit.Or it might even freaking make
you laugh.Like me and the scissors,
I'm like, oh yeah, I just got areally bad grade on my scissor
(21:41):
cutting when I was in year three,and I was told I need to be more
neater with it, and I just madeit mean I'm not good at cutting.
And 30, nearly 33 years old and Istill have that belief on loop.
But that's what brains do.But we need to remember that we
have a choice, right?We have a choice to create distance
(22:03):
from that thought and to shiftour perspective, right, using
questions like who told you that?Because once you see that a thought
is just a thought, not a fact.Not the truth, not your identity.
You open up the door to a differentpath, right to a moment of
metacognition, a gentle and powerfulreturn to choice, one where you get
(22:26):
to decide how you show up, right?Not based on your outdated beliefs.
Not based on your fear voice,or your inner critic,
or your inner five year old,or your inner third grade teacher.
You get to decide how you showup on purpose.
So here's your challenge forthis week.
(22:47):
Catch one of those spirals. Stop.Interrupt with who told you that?
Then ask yourself on purpose.Do I want to keep believing that?
Is this helping me show up as thekind of person I want to be?.
Or am I ready to let it go?Because, my friends, you always
have the power to do that, right?Even if you can't let the
(23:10):
thought go in that moment.Hold it more lightly. Right.
Begin to see like it is just athought.
Because sometimes you don't evenhave to change the thought.
You can just realize you don'thave to keep believing it.
Then it does start to to fade away.Lighten it up a little. Mm.
What if I just believe the opposite?Let's just try it out for this month.
I do believe I can be organized.I do believe I'm someone who can
(23:33):
show up when they say they would.I do believe I'm someone who can
speak up at meetings.I do believe my voice matters,
or that I can get a handle overmy anxiety.
Like whatever limiting beliefsyou've had, ask who told you
that and then flip it to theopposite and just try out how
you would show up differently,differently, and practice that
like an actor practicing theirlines or their character.
(23:54):
That's what we have to do to growinto the people that we want to be.
So that's it for me this week.Practice this is powerful question.
And if this is a home episodehits home with you.
Please pass it along to a friend orcolleague, someone who you think
might appreciate this reminder tointerrupt their brain and take
(24:16):
their power back more often andkeep asking the good questions.
And of course, if you want my one onone support in helping you do this,
in taking back control over youranxiety and overwhelm, to create
more of the results and confidencethat you want in your life.
Again, I have some spots open onmy calendar for a free mini
coaching session with me.Um, jump on the link in the show
(24:39):
notes or just shoot me an emailat gladdin or hit me up on
Instagram at gladdin.I will personally get back to you and
get that organized, because once youexperience the power of coaching,
even just half an hour of it inyour life, it's magic my friends.
So please reach out,don't be shy Or until next week.
(25:03):
Who told you that? Hey, you!Thanks so much for tuning in to
this show.If you enjoyed listening along,
but you're still thinking.Ah, Kate, how do I actually put
all of this into practice in myown life with my own situations?
I totally get it.This stuff is somewhat simple in
theory, but a lot harder in practice.Which is why I offer one on one
(25:25):
personalized life coaching for womenjust like you, who are ready to
get unstuck and the overwhelm andtake back control of their life.
That's right. I know that's you.Let's get back to creating a
life body, relationship andcareer that you love.
Visit Kate Gladdin for moredetails on how we can coach
(25:46):
together and for extrainspiration in between episodes.
Make sure you join me on Instagram.It's at Kate Gladdin.
Welcome to. Okay. Now what?I'm your host, Kate Gladdin.
Episode 37.This is the show for people who
know life doesn't happen to you.Life happens,
and the impact it has is up to you.Hey, hey, my favorite humans.
I hope you are grooving awaywith me to that intro.
(00:22):
It always gives a little pep tomy step when I hear the intro.
I love that music,hence why I chose it.
But I want to begin this episodeby doing a special shout out.
So my husband Nate,the legend that he is, uh, he's
got some people at his work, whichsometimes my embarrassment because
it is weird to know that peopleactually listen to this podcast.
(00:44):
Even though I see all the listens,it's still kind of weird when
someone's like, oh, I listen toyour show. It's like, ah, really?
Now I want to go hide under a table.But anyway, um, I know that one
of his wonderful colleagues,she goes by shipping Kate.
Um, obviously she's in the shippingdepartment and I think there's a few
Kate's at his work, which why not?Kate is the best name ever.
(01:07):
Anyway, shout out to shipping Kate.I believe she listens to this show,
but I also want to give shippingKate's mum a shout out, which I
asked Nate what her mom's name is.But typically being a guy, he's like,
I don't know. Uh, so I'm sorry mom.I couldn't, uh, directly shout out
your name too, but I appreciate bothof you girls are listening along.
(01:28):
That really means so, so much.And given we live in the same town,
I'm sure one day I'll get to meet youand give you both a big hug. So.
Yeah,just thought that made me smile.
To do a little special shout out,uh, to some awesome humans to
start my show.But let's dive into what I
really wanted to chat about withyou all today.
(01:50):
Uh, because I was off on my walk,uh, down my lovely, uh, dirt road.
It's kind of cool now to, uh,live by a farm and get the peace
of the mountains and a dirt road.And I purposely, like, just put,
uh, walking music on.The calm app has music where
they're like, we're gonna put thebeat to the tempo of your feet.
(02:10):
Oh, that's a nice little rhyme.But anyway, so it was really like,
I'm like, do not touch your phone.Just like, let your mind wander.
Because I think these days we don'tallow space to just let our mind just
think and and wonder and create.Right?
Because we're constantly justconsuming other people's
thoughts and ideas.Like,
I always usually listen to podcasts.So I was like, no,
(02:33):
I need to record my own podcast.And sometimes when I'm just hearing
people talk at me all the time,it just scrambles my own thoughts.
So I was thinking and then I gotto this idea of, you know,
we're taught from a pretty youngage that interrupting someone while
they're speaking is rude, right?You know, don't talk over people.
Wait to your turn.Listen before you speak.
And don't get me wrong,I definitely agree with that.
(02:56):
I'm not about to suggest just goaround interrupting.
Everyone listening is such abeautiful and underrated skill
to really connect with others,help them feel seen and understood
and connect better with them.So it's absolutely necessary.
But I do believe there is oneconversation, one place in our
(03:17):
life where we need to interrupta whole lot more often, and that
is the conversation happeninginside our own brain, right?
Because let's be honest, most ofus don't question the automatic
voice in our head when it shows up,right? We just listen to it, right?
We absorb it like it's gospel, right?We just let it narrate the story
(03:38):
of our lives with out of a reallyquestioning or interrupting it.
Right?Instead, we just kind of let it
run pretty well. Right?The, you know, good enough story.
You totally got to mess this up.What if the economy tanks and now
you're going to lose everything?Don't bother.
You'll probably regret it anyway.Oh, look, there you go again.
Late to the gym, dropping coffeeeverywhere. You're just so lazy.
You're so helpless.You're so clumsy. You're so this.
(04:01):
might sound familiar, you know?It's like we're on autopilot,
which we actually are, right?We always have that automatic
part of the brain which is thefastest part of the brain.
It's always coming on like halfa second sooner than our
conscious brain.So it will always be the first
voice that we hear.And it's naturally wired to be
pretty self-critical, fearful,and, you know,
(04:23):
it's like this outdated soundtrack.Our brain just decides to queue
up constantly on autopilot.Okay, so here's the truth though.
Being the CEO of your own mind,being mentally stronger,
more intentional, and more resilientmeans knowing when to interrupt
your internal script, right?We need to get better at
(04:46):
interrupting internally.I'm not saying go interrupt your
boss.They probably won't like that, but
you need to remember you are actuallythe boss of your own brain and begin
to interrupt your own thoughts.Spirals because they will not
stop on their own.They stop when you stop them. Right.
And I want to teach you today oneof my favorite ways to do that,
one of the most liberatingthings you can ask your brain.
(05:09):
Remember, because how we interruptour thought patterns is through
asking deliberate questions.Because our brain is hard wired
to answer questions.It's what it's designed to do.
It actually hates having an openloop.
So when you ask your brain aquestion, it will switch itself
off autopilot and engage thepurposeful part of your brain where
you can think more rationally,logically, creatively,
(05:30):
strategically, like the CEO, right?You're engaging like the adult in the
room, rather than letting the toddlerwith a Sharpie run around like crazy
and cause a complete chaotic mess.So here's my favorite deliberate
question to ask your brain inthe middle of any spa.
When you start to hear it,start to tell you all sorts of
things that kind of make you feelbad about yourself or your life,
(05:54):
just go. Wait, who told you that?Let that land for a second this
question. Who told you that? Right?It's simple, but it's so powerful
because the moment you ask it,like, really stop and ask it,
maybe it means pulling out yourjournal or a piece of paper and
literally writing. Who told you that?Like write the thought and then
(06:18):
answered, like deliberately on apiece of paper?
Who told you that you've alreadydone something pretty freaking
extraordinary, which most people,most humans, will never do.
And that's you've stepped out of thethought and into seeing the thought,
right?Being the observer, you're no longer
being dragged by that thought.You're looking at it, right.
(06:39):
You're creating space.And so this is called I'm going
to get geeky for you in a moment.Again. Cognitive diffusion.
It's a core skill in CBT andacceptance commitment therapy
act because it means you stopseeing the thought as a fact and
start seeing it for what it is.Just a thought. It right.
(07:01):
Sentences running through our brains,not factual circumstances about
us or the world.And you know what this question
uncovers when you ask yourself,who told you that?
Like who told you you're notgood enough?
Who told you you're going tofail at that?
Who told you you're a procrastinator?Who told you you're socially awkward?
Right.When you asked, who told you that?
(07:23):
You uncover that a lot of the beliefswe're carrying around aren't actually
ours. In fact, not a lot of them are.So many of them.
I'd say most of our thoughts areactually inherited, right?
Passed down or projected onto us.Right?
Like maybe you do think like,oh, I'm just a procrastinator.
Ask yourself, who told you that?You know.
(07:45):
Maybe it was your dad when youwere younger who used to say you
never finish anything. Right.Of course, when you hear that
when you're young, you start tobelieve like, oh, I'm just a
procrastinator or I'm just lazy.Or maybe it was your fourth grade
teacher who gave up on you too fast.Or maybe it was a boss.
Or a sibling or a coach or a friend.Someone who caught you in a tough
moment and labeled you right.And you've been wearing that
(08:07):
label like a nametag ever since.But let's get real.
Does that define you?Does someone telling you I think
you're a procrastinator actually makeyou a procrastinator? No. Right.
Someone telling us the thought aboutus doesn't make us that thought
unless we choose to believe it.Because once you choose to believe
(08:27):
it, once you start to internalize it,it will begin to build. True.
Because we start to act into it.Because once we tell ourselves
our procrastinator,we're a procrastinator.
Our beliefs will drive our behaviorand our behavior like so much and
create our reality which wantsto match our original beliefs.
Once you believe you're aprocrastinator, then the second
your to do list gets too long,you start to feel overwhelmed.
(08:48):
And then what do we do when we'reoverwhelmed and we don't know how
to cope with overwhelm or havestrategies to cut through it?
We start procrastinating andthen your brain's like, aha!
See, I knew you're a procrastinator,but it's because you keep
thinking that way.We're going to keep feeling and
acting in ways it keeps provingthat true as.
So that's why we need to patterninterrupt with questions and
(09:09):
questioning our thoughts more often.Right? And I love the thought.
Who told you that? Three small words.But damn do they carry some weights,
right?And this is one of the most powerful
cognitive interrupters that we canuse, because it slices right to the
heart of what keeps so many unhelpfulthoughts, feelings so true. Right.
(09:30):
And that is that we lack awarenessaround where they really came
from to begin with. Right?So that's why this question is
so powerful.It really creates psychological
distance between you and the thought.Right.
And really seeing they're not facts,they're just mental events.
But if we don't question ourthoughts, we become them. Okay.
So who told you that it forces you tostop, zoom out and go. Wait. Yeah.
(09:55):
Where the heck did this beliefactually come from?
Like, is this belief even mine.Like for me,
I think about some beliefs I usedto have in my teens and 20s.
Like, I'm just not a morning person,right?
Like I used to just love tosleep in as teenagers do.
But sometimes my mom would be like,okay, it's just not a morning person.
And so that kind of had me in thecycle of, uh, wanting to sleep in
(10:19):
more like if I believe I'm not amorning person, of course I don't
want to get up and face the morning.They start to question,
like you told me,that it's kind of like my mom did.
And again, innocently,a lot of people, sometimes they're
not like trying to contain uswith these labels or ideas.
They're just, again,doing what brains do, making sense
of the situation or assessing it.Or I used to have the thought like,
I'm not good with money.And who told me that?
(10:44):
I think I picked it upsubconsciously as a kid because I
wasn't great at math and numbers,and I don't like spreadsheets.
And so, you know, that thought waslimiting me a lot in my career until
I questioned it, because of course,if I don't think I'm good with money,
I'm not going to be good with money,right?
That thought is going to have meself-sabotaging in subtle ways.
And so I had to step back and belike, wait, who told me that?
(11:06):
And, you know,my dad used to just joke, like,
I did business, uh, college.When I went to university, I did a
business degree where I had to do,like, accounting and finance.
And yeah, it kind of broke my brain.And so I kind of like, oh,
I'm just not a money person.I'm just not a financial person.
And I had to question and redirectthat belief in order to have the
successful business I have now.Or what's another one or another
(11:29):
one kind of similar was,you know, you can't really make
money doing what you love.Like, I remember stepping back
and like, who told you that?And I think it was again,
I'm don't want to start blamingpeople on my podcast.
Everyone, as I said,is well-intended most of the time
when they give us these thoughts.But I think it's, you know, parents
(11:49):
wanting to protect us from like,oh, don't be the crazy artist.
Like, you can't make a lot ofmoney doing that.
Or because I am naturally quitea creative person and I just
didn't think I could blend that.You know, speaking and coaching and
creativity to make a lot of money.And so I had to step back and be
like, wait, who told me that?Like, that's just something I kind
of picked up from my childhood.But as long as I believe that,
I'll create that, what if I waswilling to let that thought go?
(12:10):
Or how would I show up differentlyif I believe the opposite of that?
Like, you can make a lot ofmoney doing what you love.
And I stepped into practicing thatbelief and taking action as if I did
believe that until I could get toa point where I truly do believe
that you can both have purpose andpaycheck and fun and creativity,
or wound into one.So that's just a few examples
(12:30):
from my life where I've really,uh, used that question to start
to let the thought go.It's so much easier to let the
thought go when you can kind of see,like this thought isn't even in mind.
It's easy to loosen the grip.You've separated your identity
from that thought or idea, and,you know, exposing the origin of
the thought also sometimes exposeslike the absurdity of it, right?
(12:55):
When like, who told you thatwhen you really dig down,
sometimes it is that third gradeteacher who just made a passing
comment like this is so random.But it came back to me just now
because it said third grade teacher.And I remember trying to cut paper
when I was at, um, probably thirdgrade or something, when you
(13:16):
used to have to cut out paper.And she was like, I think she gave me
like a C or a D, like I didn't do mybest effort on cutting out paper.
And so I still now when I like,go to cut wrapping paper,
I have that thought like, oh,I'm just not good at cutting paper,
literally from like year three.I heard that and I kind of believed
that I picked it up, you know,I'm like eight years old and I'm
(13:37):
like, okay, I'm cutting paper andit still wants to come up in me.
But that is not a fact.That's a thought like a suggestion
offered up by my third grade teacher,which she probably wasn't wrong
at that moment.I don't think it was my my best,
my best effort.But even now,
like my mom used to say, like,oh, I'm just not that creative.
And I remember like, oh, I'm not agood drawer, I'm not good at this.
(13:58):
And so and then I remember in like10th grade or ten or something.
I did this painting, which honestly Ithink looked like a big lot of mush,
but apparently abstractedlyabstractedly that's a word.
The abstract look of the painting.I ended up getting 50 out of 50
for it, and I was like, wait,what the hell?
I remember being mind blowing becauseI was like, this does not fit
within my belief system, that I.That I'm not that, uh, creative.
(14:22):
And it did start to make me wantto question and redirect that.
But honestly, when you really try andpause and stop and trace back the
thread of the origin of who told youthat thought originally it could be a
parent projecting their own fears,a kid in the playground,
a partner who was emotionallyunavailable or narcissistic,
or maybe even a freakinginfluencer on Instagram, right?
(14:46):
Like, oh my gosh,I can't tell you how many people tell
me things like, but you need it.You really need to make sure you
eat this much protein or havethis and that.
And I'm like, wait,who told you that?
There's more than one way toskin a cat.
And if you're running around likecrazy trying to keep up with that,
Like, maybe that was not so helpful.But, you know, suddenly you're in
(15:07):
a dialogue of you're too much,you'll mess this up.
You're not you're you're not enough.You're doing it wrong.
Gets revealed for what it is.When you really question who
told you that.You see, it's an echo, not your
essence, a reflection, not a reality.And then it becomes so much
easier to let go of. Right?And it helps you question the
(15:28):
credibility of the thought too,right?
When you realize the source of yourthought isn't that credible always
from coming from someone who reallydoesn't have the full picture,
you naturally begin to discreditthe thought itself, right?
I mean, I've had some people inmy book, uh, you know,
someone told me my I saw a commenton Facebook, my latest book.
(15:50):
She said it was too chirpy. Yeah.Anyway, so I was like, too chirpy.
And I guess that kind ofslightly like it triggered me a
little bit because it is aslight insecurity of mine,
because I am quite a bubbly person.I'm sometimes worried that I
might not be taken seriously,even though once you really get to
know me and how I break things down,I am very much grounded in
(16:11):
science and psychology tools.And so I'm like, oh well, was that
person qualified to define me?No, she's a random on Facebook who
maybe read two paragraphs of myopening chapter, which honestly goes
a lot into the death of my sister,so I'm struggling to understand
why she said it was chirpy.Um, but the other question is really
(16:35):
like, once you see who's asking it?Is is that person qualified to
define me?And were they speaking from love,
wisdom and truth when theyshared that thought or from
their own pain and fear? Right.Isn't that so powerful to
reflect upon?Like, you know what, maybe when your
boss said that they were in a momentof fear over the business or their
(16:56):
own leadership abilities, so perhapsthey were saying it in a moment of
belittling because they weren'tfeeling great about themselves,
right? Like, that's so powerful.Like powerful to really ask,
like, is this person qualifiedto define me like this?
Because 99% of the time you're kindof the answer to that is no. Right?
And by questioning and using thisquestion, it helps you rewrite your
(17:17):
inner narrative on purpose. Right?When you ask who told you that you're
not just breaking a thought loop.You're inviting yourself to
author a new one, right?You go from passively just
listening and consuming your brain,to interrupting it and becoming the
intentional editor of your story,because you have the power to do
(17:38):
that at any moment.And lastly, this question who told
you that invites more compassioninstead of shame, right?
It often uncovers the beliefsthat you're carrying around,
aren't there because you're broken,but because when you were told this,
you were young, you were scared.You were confused.
(17:59):
You were trying to belong,Along. Right.
Because most of our thoughts areformed around the age of,
like our core beliefs, I should say,um, are formed around the age of
seven years old right now.Human brain is always trying to
make sense of things,and we can really start to do
this around 5 to 7 years old.And like, we're like sponges.
(18:20):
We absorb everything, especially atthat age, from our authority figures,
right from our parents andteachers that we look up to.
And they're just observing us.And we think what they tell us about
what they observe of us is facts,but it's still just their
interpretation of us, right?Based on their beliefs and upbringing
and insecurities and all of that.And of course, when we're seven,
(18:42):
we don't have the ability tocognitive code, but cognitively,
there we go.Um, question our thoughts, right.
Our prefrontal brain is not evenformed at that age.
So I'm not saying you're wrongto have believed this for all
these for all these years,but now you are old enough,
formed enough, powerful enoughto step back and go. Hang on.
(19:04):
Do I even want to believe thisanymore? That's what the question.
Who told you that does for you?It holds your beliefs, any belief
you're questioning up to the lightand really ask like, wait, is this
mine or was this handed to me?It's kind of like when you go in
the closet and you're like,wait, is this t shirt even mine?
(19:25):
Or another powerful analogy is like,when you go into your closet and you
pull out a dress and you're like, oh,I've really outgrown that dress.
That dress would not look greaton me.
Now,I'm not even saying in a bad way.
It's just like, oh, that's style.That's way in the 90s.
I do not need to be wearing thatanymore.
The same goes with our beliefs.So many were outgrown or out and
(19:46):
out and are outdated, but we arestill kind of looping on them and
just listening to them as if wedon't have any other choice, right?
And when you realize really, thatthat thought came from someone else,
from someone else's own wounds,their own fears,
and their own limitation.It does become easier to let go of,
to say, you know what?That didn't come from a credible
(20:10):
source that came from like Wikipedia.You know, the one that's been like
edited 87 times and you're like,hmm, the information on here is
a little suspect.My, uh, B.S., uh,
meter is up pretty high right now.The same guy with so many of our
thoughts, especially the ones thatwe've been rinsing, repeating
since childhood or our teen years,or when our first heartbreak happened
(20:32):
and we couldn't really mentallyabsorb it properly at that time.
But when you can say like, no,this is really a reflection of
someone else and where they wereat in that moment.
So much easier to say thank you foryour opinion. Brain point noted.
But I'm making different choices now.So the next time that you hear your
(20:55):
familiar voice starting to chatterboxaway on you and ba ba ba ba ba ba
ba ba, you're not capable enough.You'll screw this up, you know.
No one wants you to be the bossaround here.
Or you're too lazy to go to thegym or.
Oh, my gosh, why do you alwaysprocrastinate or you can't stop, you
know? Why are you always so anxious?No one's going to take you seriously.
Like all of that mind chatter.That is the kind of chatter you
(21:19):
need to interrupt more often.Your internal voice.
You need to pause, breathe, interruptand ask. Wait. Who told you that?
Because the answer mightsurprise you.
It might infuriate you a little bit.Or it might even freaking make
you laugh.Like me and the scissors,
I'm like, oh yeah, I just got areally bad grade on my scissor
(21:41):
cutting when I was in year three,and I was told I need to be more
neater with it, and I just madeit mean I'm not good at cutting.
And 30, nearly 33 years old and Istill have that belief on loop.
But that's what brains do.But we need to remember that we
have a choice, right?We have a choice to create distance
(22:03):
from that thought and to shiftour perspective, right, using
questions like who told you that?Because once you see that a thought
is just a thought, not a fact.Not the truth, not your identity.
You open up the door to a differentpath, right to a moment of
metacognition, a gentle and powerfulreturn to choice, one where you get
(22:26):
to decide how you show up, right?Not based on your outdated beliefs.
Not based on your fear voice,or your inner critic,
or your inner five year old,or your inner third grade teacher.
You get to decide how you showup on purpose.
So here's your challenge forthis week.
(22:47):
Catch one of those spirals. Stop.Interrupt with who told you that?
Then ask yourself on purpose.Do I want to keep believing that?
Is this helping me show up as thekind of person I want to be?.
Or am I ready to let it go?Because, my friends, you always
have the power to do that, right?Even if you can't let the
(23:10):
thought go in that moment.Hold it more lightly. Right.
Begin to see like it is just athought.
Because sometimes you don't evenhave to change the thought.
You can just realize you don'thave to keep believing it.
Then it does start to to fade away.Lighten it up a little. Mm.
What if I just believe the opposite?Let's just try it out for this month.
I do believe I can be organized.I do believe I'm someone who can
(23:33):
show up when they say they would.I do believe I'm someone who can
speak up at meetings.I do believe my voice matters,
or that I can get a handle overmy anxiety.
Like whatever limiting beliefsyou've had, ask who told you
that and then flip it to theopposite and just try out how
you would show up differently,differently, and practice that
like an actor practicing theirlines or their character.
(23:54):
That's what we have to do to growinto the people that we want to be.
So that's it for me this week.Practice this is powerful question.
And if this is a home episodehits home with you.
Please pass it along to a friend orcolleague, someone who you think
might appreciate this reminder tointerrupt their brain and take
(24:16):
their power back more often andkeep asking the good questions.
And of course, if you want my one onone support in helping you do this,
in taking back control over youranxiety and overwhelm, to create
more of the results and confidencethat you want in your life.
Again, I have some spots open onmy calendar for a free mini
coaching session with me.Um, jump on the link in the show
(24:39):
notes or just shoot me an emailat gladdin or hit me up on
Instagram at gladdin.I will personally get back to you and
get that organized, because once youexperience the power of coaching,
even just half an hour of it inyour life, it's magic my friends.
So please reach out,don't be shy Or until next week.
(25:03):
Who told you that? Hey, you!Thanks so much for tuning in to
this show.If you enjoyed listening along,
but you're still thinking.Ah, Kate, how do I actually put
all of this into practice in myown life with my own situations?
I totally get it.This stuff is somewhat simple in
theory, but a lot harder in practice.Which is why I offer one on one
(25:25):
personalized life coaching for womenjust like you, who are ready to
get unstuck and the overwhelm andtake back control of their life.
That's right. I know that's you.Let's get back to creating a
life body, relationship andcareer that you love.
Visit Kate Gladdin for moredetails on how we can coach
(25:46):
together and for extrainspiration in between episodes.
Make sure you join me on Instagram.It's at Kate Gladdin.
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