March 13, 2025 • 26 mins
In this episode I pull back the curtain on the silent dream-killer that's sabotaging your success – the all-or-nothing mentality. If you've ever abandoned your goals at the first sign of imperfection, this episode might just change everything.
What You'll Discover:
- Why your perfectionism isn't a badge of honor but a scientifically proven trap that's heightened anxiety in women by 33% over the last three decades
- The neurological reason your brain convinces you that doing nothing is better than doing something imperfectly
- My personal confessions of how perfectionism nearly derailed my own path until I discovered the "all-or-something" approach
- Why high-achievers are particularly vulnerable to this mental trap (and the UC Berkeley research proving perfectionists actually accomplish LESS)
- The "Broken Phone Fallacy" that exposes how irrational our perfectionist thinking truly is
Why This Matters Now:
In a world that glamorizes hustle culture and Instagram-perfect lives, I'm offering a radical alternative backed by research from Stanford's Behavior Design Lab: consistent imperfection beats sporadic perfection every single time.
Dr. Barry Schwartz's groundbreaking work reveals that "satisficers" (those who accept "good enough") report significantly higher happiness levels than "maximizers" who endlessly chase perfection. I break down exactly how to apply this research to your real life – whether you're struggling with fitness goals, career advancement, or simply cleaning out that chaotic closet.
You'll walk away with a revolutionary mental framework that liberates you from the perfectionist prison: comparing your "something" option to your "nothing" option instead of your idealized "all" option.
This isn't just motivational fluff. It's neuroscience. It's behavioral psychology. And it's the exact mindset shift that's helped me and my clients finally build momentum toward our most meaningful goals.
Because 20% effort is infinitely better than 0% – 100% of the time.
Want to get unstuck and finally feel in control again ? Schedule your FREE consult call with me here to learn more about how my 1:1 life coaching program can help you!
CLICK HERE to ORDER my book "Okay. Now What?" - How to Be Resilient When Life Gets Tough.
Want to download a free chapter of my book to give it a read first? CLICK HERE.
To hire me to speak at your organization or next event, visit https://www.kategladdin.com/
Welcome and Introduction (00:00:00)
Kate introduces the podcast episode and expresses gratitude to listeners, sharing her thoughts on contrasting weather in Wyoming.
Impromptu Recording (00:01:00)
Kate explains the spur-of-the-moment decision to record due to a guest cancellation and her busy upcoming schedule.
The All or Nothing Mentality (00:02:02)
Discussion on how the "all or nothing" mindset affects high achievers, leading to underachievement and self-sabotage.
Perfectionism's Impact (00:05:10)
Kate shares research indicating that perfectionism increases anxiety and burnout, countering the belief that it leads to higher achievement.
Personal Experience with Progress (00:07:03)
She relates her journey of success, emphasizing that progress comes from letting go of perfectionism.
Mindset Shift to All or Something (00:08:00)
Kate introduces the concept of shifting from an "all or nothing" mentality to an "all or something" approach.
Realistic Expectations (00:09:16)
Discussion on how successful individuals maintain realisti
Mark as Played
Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
(00:00):
Welcome to. Okay. Now what?I'm your host, Kate Gladdin.
Episode 32.This is a show for people who
know life doesn't happen to you.Life happens,
and the impact it has is up to you.Well, hello there, my friends.
(00:20):
I appreciate you taking time outof your day to, uh, to tune in.
Uh, it is snowing again in Wyoming.It's been quite the roller
coaster over the last few weeksas I've recorded episodes on
either appreciating the warmthor bundling up in the cold.
But but I love it all.The contrast, I think,
is what makes it fun.As I mentioned last time, it's just
such a good metaphor for life. Yeah.Appreciate the, uh, the the beauty
(00:43):
and the craziness of the cold,because then the heat comes and
you get to get outside,and then the bugs come with it,
and I'm like, that's like theonly downside of summer.
Well, I don't like being that sweaty,but the damn flies and mosquitoes
that that is what I have toremind myself. Hey, last 5050.
It's never always going to becompletely ideal circumstances.
(01:06):
So yeah, it's hard to believe.But already like powering
through March.I'm week into it and it's just
insane.But I am kind of recording this
episode a little impromptu to toreally impromptu. Fully.
I don't think that's a word,but it's, uh,
a bit of a spur of the moment justbecause unfortunately, there was
(01:27):
miscommunication with the podcastguest that was meant to come on.
And I'm like, oh, I have this littlebit of time between my coaching
calls where I'll record this now,because next week I'm super excited.
I'm going to speak at a women'sleadership conference in the Indiana.
So it'll be a busy week of travel.And I was like,
let's record something.And I thought I would do the topic
(01:51):
that I had kind of had to remind mybrain when it kind of pushed back on.
Oh, but, you know,now's not really the perfect time.
You've got calls you haven't had,like, a ton of time to prepare.
Maybe you should just leave itfor later and put it off.
And I see that a lot with my highachieving clients in particular.
Um, and something I continue towork through in my own over
(02:14):
analytical brain.It's the secret, the sneaky,
the sneaky little thief of somany dreams, so much progress,
so much growth.And it's only been having a
negative attitude.A lot of people think negativity
gets in the way.Know what gets in the way is
what psychologists call the allor nothing mentality. Right.
(02:35):
And here's the the tricky part aboutthis mindset is that it actually kind
of sounds so inspirational, right?We we we think we're like
committing to this higher.Like it's such a badge of honor
to be a perfectionist, right?Like I either do something 100%
or not at all.If I can't do it right,
I won't do it all.You know,
(02:55):
there's no point in doing somethinghalf assed or and half measures,
right? I, I give everything I do.are 100% right.
And sometimes we also run aroundtrying to be perfectionist, thinking
it protects us from some sort offailure or criticism or judgment.
But here's the truth this all ornothing mentality is
systematically robbing you ofyour dreams and keeping you stuck
(03:18):
in a cycle of underachievement.I know that sounds counterintuitive
to underachieve from this place ifI'm always going to overachieve,
but we'll explore through thisepisode why that is the case, right?
Whether you're trying to stickto a new workout regime.
I am the queen of tonguetidiness today.
I think it's because I kind of justjumped on the mic, uh, without too
(03:40):
much prep. So bear with me guys.I like to keep it real on the
show and not edit too much.Um, so as I was saying, this is
going to be helpful this episode,but any sort of area where you're
trying to make progress orsetting a goal or a new routine,
whether it's a new workout routine,launching the side business you've
been talking about forever,Finishing off your master's degree.
(04:02):
Meditating more consistently,posting up regularly on your blog,
or maybe in your own podcast show.Or even it's like,
get on top of your finances.Hit that budget goal or the
savings goal.Or simply just like organize
your chaotic closet.I'm kind of talking to myself there.
Uh, especially.It's funny, I, um, because I've got
so many speaking events coming up,I've bought a crap ton of new
(04:25):
clothes, and my husband's like,how can you possibly think fit
another thing in your closet and,like, sit back and watch.
Gosh, I'll show you how it's done.Doesn't matter that they all
come out crinkled afterwards.That's what steamers are for,
all right?Uh, one thing I know for sure,
though, is that your all ornothing mentality is precisely
what's sabotaging your abilityto succeed and make progress on
(04:47):
these goals and these habits.So, you know me, I love research
behind what I'm saying in science.So it's not just motivational
Whipple, but there's a reason,more than ever that I really am so
adamant on having these discussionsaround letting go of the all or
nothing mentality and letting goof perfectionism and trying to
(05:07):
do things 100% all the time.Because recent research is showing
that perfectionism has increased by33%, especially in women over the
last three decades, and it's hittinghigh achieving women the hardest.
And I think a big part of that,too, is we're constantly
comparing our everyday life tothe highlight reels online, like,
oh, we think we're doing okay.And then we go online,
(05:29):
we're like, oh my gosh.Like, even for me, uh, with my
social media and what I post up,I'm like, this is pretty good.
And then I look at someone else'sreal and they got all the effects
and filters and extra things.I'm like, man, I got a lot to learn
and a long way to go, and I wouldnever post up online then if I was
constantly waiting for the day that Ihad all the bells and whistles and
had the super professional reels,I really had to let go of that
(05:53):
all or nothing mentality.Or I would never be posting online
and building a community and puttingmy work out there in the world.
And the research also showedsomething else that was really
crucial.So crucial, in fact,
for any perfectionists out there,that's like,
why would you ever do somethingwithout doing it perfectly? Right?
Because what they've found isperfectionism doesn't lead to
(06:15):
higher achievement.Let me say that again perfectionism
doesn't lead to higher achievement.Research has found this not just
me trying to be like your nicesister going, oh,
don't work so hard or hustle so hard.It's like, no, perfectionism
doesn't lead to higher achievement.It leads to higher rates of anxiety,
depression, and burnout.That's what you signing up for
when you're trying to doeverything perfect all the time,
(06:37):
all or nothing mentality.In fact, psychologists now classify
perfectionism as a risk factorfor a lot of other psychological
conditions, and another study foundperfectionists are actually less
likely to achieve their goals.And those with a growth mindset,
right, that really valueprogress over perfection.
Like I can tell you,the number one, uh, driver of my
(07:02):
success over the last few years.Like, I moved to the US in 2020,
barely earning any money.Uh, my coaching was in its
really infancy. Infancy?I'd only had a couple of clients,
and, yeah, it was just really babyphase. And now it's kind of blown up.
Earning over six figures spokenaround the country.
Launched two more books since then.Uh, just doing like,
(07:25):
these big things that I know it's.I'm not trying to gloat here.
What I'm trying to say here is,like, if I waited to do all the
things perfectly and, you know,wait till I felt really sure that
my keynote was perfect or my bookwas perfect, I'd still be hiding
away trying to edit and tweakbefore I put it out in the world.
But it's through putting thesethings out in the world that has
(07:46):
helped me progress and and growand connect and contribute and
get these opportunities.And so I know the number one
contributor to my success and howastronomically it's grown over the
last few years, is that I let go ofthe all or nothing Big mentality.
Like the science is clear.Perfectionism is not your superpower.
It's your Kryptonite.It's what's going to slow you down,
(08:07):
block your progress,and lead to more anxiety,
more burnout, more self-sabotaging,and a less a less fully lived life.
And that is why I want to teachyou about a mindset shift that
has genuinely changed everythingfor me and my coaching clients.
I see it happening for them allthe time. I'm like, yes!
When you finally embrace this shift,it changes everything.
(08:28):
Moving from an all or nothingmentality to an all or something
mentality.The reality is we do live in a
world where not everything willgo our way 100% of the time,
right? That's not pessimism.I'm not being negative.
That's life. Right?And the difference between those
who consistently achieve theirgoals and make that progress and
(08:52):
those who don't isn't their abilityor how intelligent they are.
It's their own expectations.Successful people have more
realistic expectations.They know you cannot go 100%
100% of the time, right?Even I always think back to that
time, um, when I watched MichaelJordan's documentary, gosh,
(09:12):
it was probably like in 2020,I think that came out The Last Dance.
Um, for anyone who's watched it,you know, it's a brilliant,
inspiring documentary.But what actually inspired me
the most wasn't his, like,hugest achievements and records.
I mean, I don't know a lot aboutbasketball because I grew up in
Australia and didn't watch it a lot,but, um, I think of, uh,
when I heard him share about whenhe played against the Utah Jazz
(09:35):
while battling a severe flu.And, you know, he was kind of really
struggling all throughout that day.And he wasn't he's fullest bestest
self wasn't full health, but heshowed up for that game anyway.
And Michael Jordan like arguablythe greatest basketball player
of all time, he chose to dropperfectionism that day, right?
(09:59):
It would have been physicallyimpossible for him to play at 100%
like he wasn't 100% health wise.Instead, he embraced it.
You know what?Showing up and giving my team
something is better than nothing,right?
He still shut up knowing he wasn'tgoing to hit the highest records
or play the players off the courtthat day. But he still showed up.
He still contributed.He still made a difference.
(10:21):
He's still made some someprogress there. Right.
And I do want to say like,I'm not saying go and work out when
you're sick, like definitely rest.Um, you know, I'm not trying to
say force yourself through burnoutto keep doing all the things.
There's definitely time where youwant to choose the nothing option
and completely rest and switch off.But that's a separate conversation.
(10:43):
I'm talking about the timeswhere we keep procrastinating,
putting off doing the thing,quitting just because we couldn't do
it 100% how we wanted. We couldn't.You know, I didn't get like the full
three months lead up to prepare formy job interview or the presentation,
so I'm just not going to do it.Or oh, I overslept my alarm by
half an hour and so I would onlyget like half an hour at the gym.
(11:06):
So I just didn't bother going, like,I'm talking about those moments where
we're just kind of hiding away,waiting for all the circumstances to
be perfect before we take any action.And if we can't do it exactly
how we wanted to do it,we're just not going to do it at all.
That's what I'm talking about becauseour brain gets sneaky, right?
It's exceptionally good at comparingour current reality to an ideal,
(11:30):
perfect scenario.So it's kind of like, well, you know,
I wanted my full hour to work outinstead of just 30 minutes, like,
what's even the point, right?It's kind of like 60 minutes would be
way better than 30 minutes for aworkout. It's not it's not the point.
Why bother doing that?But our brains really take the
(11:51):
time to compare downward right toacknowledge that 30 minutes of
working out is infinitely betterthan zero minutes of working out.
And this is where we need to putour big girl, big guy pants on and
consciously redirect that comparison.Because thankfully, we do have that
(12:11):
ability to bring our brain offautopilot onto conscious awareness,
use our prefrontal lobe,take back control of our mindset
and what we choose to focus on.Okay, because let's get real.
Going to the gym twice a week isbetter than not going at all.
Writing half a blog post isbetter than writing no words and
(12:31):
waiting till you finally get twohours to write the whole thing.
No friggin start, right?Half write a paragraph, right?
Eating half a block of chocolate isbetter than eating the whole thing.
Even.Maybe your all option was, I'm not
going to eat any chocolate tonight,but you ate half the block.
Okay, that's still some sort ofprogress. Stop then.
Don't just eat the whole thing.Stop at half or going to bed at 1
(12:52):
a.m. is still better than 4 a.m.,right?
Or meditating once this week isbetter.
Better than not meditating at all,right.
And that like going to bed situation.I feel like some people like,
oh, I'm already up so late,I'll just stay up,
know if you consciously call it like,hey, I'm white, I'm up later
than I know is better for me.Don't just throw in the towel and
(13:13):
say, I'll just go to bed earliertomorrow. No, get to bed now. Right?
Because your perfectionist brain isfantastic at convincing you that just
doing something is pointless becauseit's not as good as your all option.
That perfect scenario where you maxedout the benefits exactly as planned.
And this is how perfectionismthen morphs into procrastination.
(13:34):
And we think, why bother?It's not going to be perfect anyway.
I'll just do it later.I'll put it off for tomorrow,
next week, next month.Then it spirals into that
self-defeating like I'm a failure.I'm never getting nowhere.
I'm not good enough to do thistalk that makes you then want to
self-sabotage and prove through yourbelief that you don't have what it
takes, but it's just a belief thatyou latch onto. It's a mindset.
It's a mentality which means wecan change it. Right?
(13:57):
And there's an analogy that I lovethat perfectly captures how a logical
this all or nothing thinking is like.Imagine you accidentally drop
your phone and then you put asmall crack in the screen.
I mean,I think we've all been there, right?
We're like, oh damn it,I've cracked my phone cover again.
The all or nothing mentality islike saying, well, you know what?
(14:20):
My friends are already kind ofdamaged. It's got a scratch now.
I might as well completely smashit into the ground and run over
it with my car a few times,like it's not perfect now.
I just ruin the whole thing. Okay?When you slow down and think
about it, that makes zero sense,right? Yes.
As a scratch the phone,fully functional.
There's no logical reason todestroy it further. Right.
(14:42):
And destroy the whole thing. Yeah.This is what we do with our
goals and our habits.We miss one workout, so we abandon
this week's entire fitness plan.We snooze through our alarm on
Tuesday, so we give up,you know, getting up early for
the rest of the month, right?We miss the time that we were like,
oh, I'm gonna start my workproject at 12 p.m. today and it
(15:02):
gets to 2 p.m.. You are.Just start it again tomorrow, right?
It's completely irrational,but at perfectionist brains
convince us it's reasonable.And another study. I liked this one.
Um, the Journal of ExperimentalSocial psychology.
Uh, cause this is what I like.The what the hell effect?
The what the hell effect studywhere researchers found that
(15:24):
once people feel like they've,quote unquote, failed at something,
they're likely to abandon theirgoals completely rather than
just adjust their approach.That initial slip triggers a
cascade of self-sabotage, and thatis where we intercept it, right?
With the all or something mentality,doing something is still better
than nothing, right?Even though your all option would
(15:48):
have been better than your somethingoption, you something options
still better than nothing option.That's how we can cut that cycle,
right?And getting up to twice a week
earlier Then you plan is infinitelybetter than not getting up at all.
Right?And as humans, we need to take back
charge of our lazy, illogical brains.We all have it. I'm not judging you.
(16:10):
My brain jumps to conclusions orspins stories and gets caught in
mentalities all the time.But we need to consciously
compare our something optionagainst another option to really
recognize something's alwaysbetter than nothing.
Your brain is masterful atcomparing your all option
against your something option.And of course,
(16:31):
when you hold those two together,something looks pretty inadequate
against the all option, right?Which is always going to be perfect
and to the fullest of your ability.But if you slow down and compare
your something option again againstyour nothing option, you'll see that
something wins 100% of the time.Walking 5000 steps is better than
(16:54):
walking zero steps a day, right?Or meditating once this week is
better than none at all.Like for me when I'm clearing
out my closet, I'm like, oh,I don't have time to do it all.
I'll just do it later. It's like, no.Just clear out one drawer.
Today, that one drawer is stillbetter than doing no drawers is
still making progress for you.Can you see how have you slow
your brain down and consciouslyredirect it instead of throwing
(17:16):
your arms up in defeat?When your perfectionist brain says,
see, your all option is so muchbetter than something option,
don't even bother.You can recognize that something
is always, always,always better than nothing.
And let me give you a personalexample.
Let's say you plan to walk outsidefor an hour. But then life happened.
You train ran late,you kid got sick, your boss kept
(17:38):
you at work late and suddenly youonly have 30 minutes before dark.
Go and make the most of those 30minutes. I know it's not his ideal.
Is any of your full 60 minutes in,but it's infinitely more ideal
than no minutes at all.Because choosing nothing,
it's so easy to let that become anoption, to keep putting it off,
to keep putting it off.So own that something.
(17:58):
Go get after that something optionwith everything you've got.
Now, I know there might be someresistance in your perfectionist
brain to this approach, becauseas soon as we own that, something
is still better than nothing.We actually have to go take action
on it, then write that nothingmentality, just not doing it at all.
That conditions aren't perfect.It's actually kind of let's stop
(18:18):
the Hulk right that way we don'thave to take action.
And our brain loves that becauseit's wired to avoid really
effortful things,and it just wants to seek immediate
gratification in an instant.Like, of course, when you get home
from work, you're a little tired.You're like, oh,
I'd only have 30 minutes.Okay, I'll just go curl up on
the couch instead.Your instinctual brain is going to be
(18:40):
like, that sounds like a great idea.This is why we have to practice
adulting and practice parenting thelazy toddler part of our brain.
We need to remind ourselves thattrue gratification comes on the
other side of doing that thing,even when it's imperfect.
I mean, as I said, I wouldn't even berecording this podcast if I wasn't
(19:04):
embracing this mentality right.It was kind of a little bit in
the moment.I hadn't had as much prep time.
I kind of am a little exhausted fromfrom being on the computer already
for a while today, and I could havejust put it off for later, but I
know that later would become later.Then I'd put myself in more
stress and I wouldn't be makingas much progress on the show.
(19:25):
So I'm really proud that I'vetrained myself and commit to
always choosing something. Option.Consistent imperfection is what has
created my career and my growth,and I really want to invite you
to embrace the same mentality sothat you can do the same.
(19:45):
And it kind of reminds me oflike some terms and research
I've heard about in psychologyaround the difference between
satisfies versus maximizes.And this kind of shows that people
who accept good enough solutions,not seeking perfection,
not needing everything to be100% perfectly how they want it,
(20:07):
but those who are willing to takeon good enough actually report
higher levels of happiness and lowerlevels of regret than those who
constantly are the maximizers right.Seek the best or perfect outcome
like a happier, more fulfilled, moregrowth filled life really begins by
(20:28):
just letting things be good enough.By letting go of perfect,
by embracing something is alwaysbetter than nothing.
Because when we commit to onlydoing something of it's perfect
and 100% how we want it to be,we block our own progress.
We put so much pressure onourselves that our brains flood
with stress hormones, so we can'tthink strategically or creatively,
and we spend an overwhelm thinking,what's the point in giving up?
(20:50):
But what's 100% better thannothing is something.
Because taking action,even if it's smaller, less skilled,
more shaky than you'd ideally tidallyplanned keeps momentum going,
and momentum, not perfection,is what matters most,
especially when it comes to habits.That's what like kind of makes
(21:11):
us progress towards our goals isconsistently showing up, following
through on the habits that we saidwe would, no matter how small,
no matter if it's at 30 minute,ten minute, five minute walk,
if we said we're going to walk andwe go walk even when it's way less
than we wanted, even when we goand do the workout right, the blog
start on the project, get up early.And it's not quite perfect,
but it's still something that counts.It's not the size of the action
(21:35):
that matters, it's the consistency.This is about developing the
discipline of being strongerthan your excuses and not hiding
behind perfectionism.Oh, it was too late, too cold,
not ideal.That's me going ah,
perfectionism doesn't exist, right?Well, perfectionism does,
(21:55):
but perfection does not. Right?And we spin and we spin and we spin
and we spin and when we're tryingto make the world that was never
meant to be perfect, perfect,or try and make ourselves or our
conditions perfect, we're just goingto delay our own growth and progress.
Even if you think you've donesomething perfect in the past,
someone's still going to look atit and think that it could have
been better. Right.That's just the way of it.
(22:15):
Because perfection is a point ofview, not a fact, not a circumstance.
So let's stop being delusional andthinking that we can achieve it.
Instead,let's be practical and powerful
in our own lives by owning thatsomething is better than nothing.
Goals are achieved through momentumand consistency, not perfection.
So my beautiful human.So next time your brain tries to
(22:39):
trick you into believing,it's better to just not do that
workout tonight or start on theproject tomorrow or later because
it's already past the hour whenyou plan to start it, or to just
eat the whole block of chocolatebecause you plan not to eat any.
And so now you've eaten half of it.You might as well just eat the whole
thing, or I'll wait till next weekto get back on my daily gratitude
(23:01):
practice because I missed Wednesday.I'll just do it again next week.
Just stop, breathe,and compare your something
option to your nothing option.Not your perfect all option,
but really see the difference.Somethings better than nothing,
right?You'll always gain more from this
something option, and this habit ofmaintaining momentum that is so much
(23:25):
more than how perfectly you do it.The skill of showing up,
even when it's less than ideal, istruly what helps you progress towards
your goals and develop the kind ofhabits and mindset that help you
grow into the best version of you.So I want you all to do the
shift I've made.That's completely changed my life,
made me so much more successfuland fulfilled is shifting from
(23:46):
the all or nothing perfectionistmindset mindset.
That's all just about valuing theoutcomes and trying to control
perfect conditions and practice moreof the always something progress
mindset that values effort andshowing up even when it's less
than ideal, because it also findsvalue in the consistency and the
(24:09):
momentum that you gain by doingsomething rather than nothing.
And if you really want to lookback six months from now,
at the end of this year, and feelproud of how far you've come,
whether it's improving your fitness,advancing your career,
strengthening relationships,or simply finding more peace in your
day to day life, or just practicingmore gratitude drop perfectionism.
(24:31):
It doesn't even exist in ourreal world.
It's like trying to become a unicorn.I'm like,
I don't know what to tell you.Humans aren't meant to be unicorns.
The world isn't meant to be perfect.Instead, step into valuing
progress built upon dealing withthe realities of our messy,
unpredictable lives a reality thatmeans some days something is all
(24:51):
we've got to give. And that's enough.That contribution still matters
because 20% effort is still betterthan 0% 100% of the time. Hey you!
Thanks so much for tuning in tothis show.
If you enjoyed listening along,but you still thinking, ah, Kate,
(25:11):
how do I actually put all of thisinto practice in my own life with my
own situations? I totally get it.This stuff is somewhat simple in
theory, but a lot hotter in practice.Which is why I offer one on one
personalized life coaching for womenjust like you, who are ready to
get unstuck and the overwhelm andtake back control of their life.
(25:34):
That's right. I know that too.Let's get back to creating a
life body, relationship andcareer that you love.
Visit Kate gladdin.com for moredetails on how we can coach together
and for extra inspiration in betweenepisodes, make sure you join me on
Instagram. It's at Kate Gladdin.
Welcome to. Okay. Now what?I'm your host, Kate Gladdin.
Episode 32.This is a show for people who
know life doesn't happen to you.Life happens,
and the impact it has is up to you.Well, hello there, my friends.
(00:20):
I appreciate you taking time outof your day to, uh, to tune in.
Uh, it is snowing again in Wyoming.It's been quite the roller
coaster over the last few weeksas I've recorded episodes on
either appreciating the warmthor bundling up in the cold.
But but I love it all.The contrast, I think,
is what makes it fun.As I mentioned last time, it's just
such a good metaphor for life. Yeah.Appreciate the, uh, the the beauty
(00:43):
and the craziness of the cold,because then the heat comes and
you get to get outside,and then the bugs come with it,
and I'm like, that's like theonly downside of summer.
Well, I don't like being that sweaty,but the damn flies and mosquitoes
that that is what I have toremind myself. Hey, last 5050.
It's never always going to becompletely ideal circumstances.
(01:06):
So yeah, it's hard to believe.But already like powering
through March.I'm week into it and it's just
insane.But I am kind of recording this
episode a little impromptu to toreally impromptu. Fully.
I don't think that's a word,but it's, uh,
a bit of a spur of the moment justbecause unfortunately, there was
(01:27):
miscommunication with the podcastguest that was meant to come on.
And I'm like, oh, I have this littlebit of time between my coaching
calls where I'll record this now,because next week I'm super excited.
I'm going to speak at a women'sleadership conference in the Indiana.
So it'll be a busy week of travel.And I was like,
let's record something.And I thought I would do the topic
(01:51):
that I had kind of had to remind mybrain when it kind of pushed back on.
Oh, but, you know,now's not really the perfect time.
You've got calls you haven't had,like, a ton of time to prepare.
Maybe you should just leave itfor later and put it off.
And I see that a lot with my highachieving clients in particular.
Um, and something I continue towork through in my own over
(02:14):
analytical brain.It's the secret, the sneaky,
the sneaky little thief of somany dreams, so much progress,
so much growth.And it's only been having a
negative attitude.A lot of people think negativity
gets in the way.Know what gets in the way is
what psychologists call the allor nothing mentality. Right.
(02:35):
And here's the the tricky part aboutthis mindset is that it actually kind
of sounds so inspirational, right?We we we think we're like
committing to this higher.Like it's such a badge of honor
to be a perfectionist, right?Like I either do something 100%
or not at all.If I can't do it right,
I won't do it all.You know,
(02:55):
there's no point in doing somethinghalf assed or and half measures,
right? I, I give everything I do.are 100% right.
And sometimes we also run aroundtrying to be perfectionist, thinking
it protects us from some sort offailure or criticism or judgment.
But here's the truth this all ornothing mentality is
systematically robbing you ofyour dreams and keeping you stuck
(03:18):
in a cycle of underachievement.I know that sounds counterintuitive
to underachieve from this place ifI'm always going to overachieve,
but we'll explore through thisepisode why that is the case, right?
Whether you're trying to stickto a new workout regime.
I am the queen of tonguetidiness today.
I think it's because I kind of justjumped on the mic, uh, without too
(03:40):
much prep. So bear with me guys.I like to keep it real on the
show and not edit too much.Um, so as I was saying, this is
going to be helpful this episode,but any sort of area where you're
trying to make progress orsetting a goal or a new routine,
whether it's a new workout routine,launching the side business you've
been talking about forever,Finishing off your master's degree.
(04:02):
Meditating more consistently,posting up regularly on your blog,
or maybe in your own podcast show.Or even it's like,
get on top of your finances.Hit that budget goal or the
savings goal.Or simply just like organize
your chaotic closet.I'm kind of talking to myself there.
Uh, especially.It's funny, I, um, because I've got
so many speaking events coming up,I've bought a crap ton of new
(04:25):
clothes, and my husband's like,how can you possibly think fit
another thing in your closet and,like, sit back and watch.
Gosh, I'll show you how it's done.Doesn't matter that they all
come out crinkled afterwards.That's what steamers are for,
all right?Uh, one thing I know for sure,
though, is that your all ornothing mentality is precisely
what's sabotaging your abilityto succeed and make progress on
(04:47):
these goals and these habits.So, you know me, I love research
behind what I'm saying in science.So it's not just motivational
Whipple, but there's a reason,more than ever that I really am so
adamant on having these discussionsaround letting go of the all or
nothing mentality and letting goof perfectionism and trying to
(05:07):
do things 100% all the time.Because recent research is showing
that perfectionism has increased by33%, especially in women over the
last three decades, and it's hittinghigh achieving women the hardest.
And I think a big part of that,too, is we're constantly
comparing our everyday life tothe highlight reels online, like,
oh, we think we're doing okay.And then we go online,
(05:29):
we're like, oh my gosh.Like, even for me, uh, with my
social media and what I post up,I'm like, this is pretty good.
And then I look at someone else'sreal and they got all the effects
and filters and extra things.I'm like, man, I got a lot to learn
and a long way to go, and I wouldnever post up online then if I was
constantly waiting for the day that Ihad all the bells and whistles and
had the super professional reels,I really had to let go of that
(05:53):
all or nothing mentality.Or I would never be posting online
and building a community and puttingmy work out there in the world.
And the research also showedsomething else that was really
crucial.So crucial, in fact,
for any perfectionists out there,that's like,
why would you ever do somethingwithout doing it perfectly? Right?
Because what they've found isperfectionism doesn't lead to
(06:15):
higher achievement.Let me say that again perfectionism
doesn't lead to higher achievement.Research has found this not just
me trying to be like your nicesister going, oh,
don't work so hard or hustle so hard.It's like, no, perfectionism
doesn't lead to higher achievement.It leads to higher rates of anxiety,
depression, and burnout.That's what you signing up for
when you're trying to doeverything perfect all the time,
(06:37):
all or nothing mentality.In fact, psychologists now classify
perfectionism as a risk factorfor a lot of other psychological
conditions, and another study foundperfectionists are actually less
likely to achieve their goals.And those with a growth mindset,
right, that really valueprogress over perfection.
Like I can tell you,the number one, uh, driver of my
(07:02):
success over the last few years.Like, I moved to the US in 2020,
barely earning any money.Uh, my coaching was in its
really infancy. Infancy?I'd only had a couple of clients,
and, yeah, it was just really babyphase. And now it's kind of blown up.
Earning over six figures spokenaround the country.
Launched two more books since then.Uh, just doing like,
(07:25):
these big things that I know it's.I'm not trying to gloat here.
What I'm trying to say here is,like, if I waited to do all the
things perfectly and, you know,wait till I felt really sure that
my keynote was perfect or my bookwas perfect, I'd still be hiding
away trying to edit and tweakbefore I put it out in the world.
But it's through putting thesethings out in the world that has
(07:46):
helped me progress and and growand connect and contribute and
get these opportunities.And so I know the number one
contributor to my success and howastronomically it's grown over the
last few years, is that I let go ofthe all or nothing Big mentality.
Like the science is clear.Perfectionism is not your superpower.
It's your Kryptonite.It's what's going to slow you down,
(08:07):
block your progress,and lead to more anxiety,
more burnout, more self-sabotaging,and a less a less fully lived life.
And that is why I want to teachyou about a mindset shift that
has genuinely changed everythingfor me and my coaching clients.
I see it happening for them allthe time. I'm like, yes!
When you finally embrace this shift,it changes everything.
(08:28):
Moving from an all or nothingmentality to an all or something
mentality.The reality is we do live in a
world where not everything willgo our way 100% of the time,
right? That's not pessimism.I'm not being negative.
That's life. Right?And the difference between those
who consistently achieve theirgoals and make that progress and
(08:52):
those who don't isn't their abilityor how intelligent they are.
It's their own expectations.Successful people have more
realistic expectations.They know you cannot go 100%
100% of the time, right?Even I always think back to that
time, um, when I watched MichaelJordan's documentary, gosh,
(09:12):
it was probably like in 2020,I think that came out The Last Dance.
Um, for anyone who's watched it,you know, it's a brilliant,
inspiring documentary.But what actually inspired me
the most wasn't his, like,hugest achievements and records.
I mean, I don't know a lot aboutbasketball because I grew up in
Australia and didn't watch it a lot,but, um, I think of, uh,
when I heard him share about whenhe played against the Utah Jazz
(09:35):
while battling a severe flu.And, you know, he was kind of really
struggling all throughout that day.And he wasn't he's fullest bestest
self wasn't full health, but heshowed up for that game anyway.
And Michael Jordan like arguablythe greatest basketball player
of all time, he chose to dropperfectionism that day, right?
(09:59):
It would have been physicallyimpossible for him to play at 100%
like he wasn't 100% health wise.Instead, he embraced it.
You know what?Showing up and giving my team
something is better than nothing,right?
He still shut up knowing he wasn'tgoing to hit the highest records
or play the players off the courtthat day. But he still showed up.
He still contributed.He still made a difference.
(10:21):
He's still made some someprogress there. Right.
And I do want to say like,I'm not saying go and work out when
you're sick, like definitely rest.Um, you know, I'm not trying to
say force yourself through burnoutto keep doing all the things.
There's definitely time where youwant to choose the nothing option
and completely rest and switch off.But that's a separate conversation.
(10:43):
I'm talking about the timeswhere we keep procrastinating,
putting off doing the thing,quitting just because we couldn't do
it 100% how we wanted. We couldn't.You know, I didn't get like the full
three months lead up to prepare formy job interview or the presentation,
so I'm just not going to do it.Or oh, I overslept my alarm by
half an hour and so I would onlyget like half an hour at the gym.
(11:06):
So I just didn't bother going, like,I'm talking about those moments where
we're just kind of hiding away,waiting for all the circumstances to
be perfect before we take any action.And if we can't do it exactly
how we wanted to do it,we're just not going to do it at all.
That's what I'm talking about becauseour brain gets sneaky, right?
It's exceptionally good at comparingour current reality to an ideal,
(11:30):
perfect scenario.So it's kind of like, well, you know,
I wanted my full hour to work outinstead of just 30 minutes, like,
what's even the point, right?It's kind of like 60 minutes would be
way better than 30 minutes for aworkout. It's not it's not the point.
Why bother doing that?But our brains really take the
(11:51):
time to compare downward right toacknowledge that 30 minutes of
working out is infinitely betterthan zero minutes of working out.
And this is where we need to putour big girl, big guy pants on and
consciously redirect that comparison.Because thankfully, we do have that
(12:11):
ability to bring our brain offautopilot onto conscious awareness,
use our prefrontal lobe,take back control of our mindset
and what we choose to focus on.Okay, because let's get real.
Going to the gym twice a week isbetter than not going at all.
Writing half a blog post isbetter than writing no words and
(12:31):
waiting till you finally get twohours to write the whole thing.
No friggin start, right?Half write a paragraph, right?
Eating half a block of chocolate isbetter than eating the whole thing.
Even.Maybe your all option was, I'm not
going to eat any chocolate tonight,but you ate half the block.
Okay, that's still some sort ofprogress. Stop then.
Don't just eat the whole thing.Stop at half or going to bed at 1
(12:52):
a.m. is still better than 4 a.m.,right?
Or meditating once this week isbetter.
Better than not meditating at all,right.
And that like going to bed situation.I feel like some people like,
oh, I'm already up so late,I'll just stay up,
know if you consciously call it like,hey, I'm white, I'm up later
than I know is better for me.Don't just throw in the towel and
(13:13):
say, I'll just go to bed earliertomorrow. No, get to bed now. Right?
Because your perfectionist brain isfantastic at convincing you that just
doing something is pointless becauseit's not as good as your all option.
That perfect scenario where you maxedout the benefits exactly as planned.
And this is how perfectionismthen morphs into procrastination.
(13:34):
And we think, why bother?It's not going to be perfect anyway.
I'll just do it later.I'll put it off for tomorrow,
next week, next month.Then it spirals into that
self-defeating like I'm a failure.I'm never getting nowhere.
I'm not good enough to do thistalk that makes you then want to
self-sabotage and prove through yourbelief that you don't have what it
takes, but it's just a belief thatyou latch onto. It's a mindset.
It's a mentality which means wecan change it. Right?
(13:57):
And there's an analogy that I lovethat perfectly captures how a logical
this all or nothing thinking is like.Imagine you accidentally drop
your phone and then you put asmall crack in the screen.
I mean,I think we've all been there, right?
We're like, oh damn it,I've cracked my phone cover again.
The all or nothing mentality islike saying, well, you know what?
(14:20):
My friends are already kind ofdamaged. It's got a scratch now.
I might as well completely smashit into the ground and run over
it with my car a few times,like it's not perfect now.
I just ruin the whole thing. Okay?When you slow down and think
about it, that makes zero sense,right? Yes.
As a scratch the phone,fully functional.
There's no logical reason todestroy it further. Right.
(14:42):
And destroy the whole thing. Yeah.This is what we do with our
goals and our habits.We miss one workout, so we abandon
this week's entire fitness plan.We snooze through our alarm on
Tuesday, so we give up,you know, getting up early for
the rest of the month, right?We miss the time that we were like,
oh, I'm gonna start my workproject at 12 p.m. today and it
(15:02):
gets to 2 p.m.. You are.Just start it again tomorrow, right?
It's completely irrational,but at perfectionist brains
convince us it's reasonable.And another study. I liked this one.
Um, the Journal of ExperimentalSocial psychology.
Uh, cause this is what I like.The what the hell effect?
The what the hell effect studywhere researchers found that
(15:24):
once people feel like they've,quote unquote, failed at something,
they're likely to abandon theirgoals completely rather than
just adjust their approach.That initial slip triggers a
cascade of self-sabotage, and thatis where we intercept it, right?
With the all or something mentality,doing something is still better
than nothing, right?Even though your all option would
(15:48):
have been better than your somethingoption, you something options
still better than nothing option.That's how we can cut that cycle,
right?And getting up to twice a week
earlier Then you plan is infinitelybetter than not getting up at all.
Right?And as humans, we need to take back
charge of our lazy, illogical brains.We all have it. I'm not judging you.
(16:10):
My brain jumps to conclusions orspins stories and gets caught in
mentalities all the time.But we need to consciously
compare our something optionagainst another option to really
recognize something's alwaysbetter than nothing.
Your brain is masterful atcomparing your all option
against your something option.And of course,
(16:31):
when you hold those two together,something looks pretty inadequate
against the all option, right?Which is always going to be perfect
and to the fullest of your ability.But if you slow down and compare
your something option again againstyour nothing option, you'll see that
something wins 100% of the time.Walking 5000 steps is better than
(16:54):
walking zero steps a day, right?Or meditating once this week is
better than none at all.Like for me when I'm clearing
out my closet, I'm like, oh,I don't have time to do it all.
I'll just do it later. It's like, no.Just clear out one drawer.
Today, that one drawer is stillbetter than doing no drawers is
still making progress for you.Can you see how have you slow
your brain down and consciouslyredirect it instead of throwing
(17:16):
your arms up in defeat?When your perfectionist brain says,
see, your all option is so muchbetter than something option,
don't even bother.You can recognize that something
is always, always,always better than nothing.
And let me give you a personalexample.
Let's say you plan to walk outsidefor an hour. But then life happened.
You train ran late,you kid got sick, your boss kept
(17:38):
you at work late and suddenly youonly have 30 minutes before dark.
Go and make the most of those 30minutes. I know it's not his ideal.
Is any of your full 60 minutes in,but it's infinitely more ideal
than no minutes at all.Because choosing nothing,
it's so easy to let that become anoption, to keep putting it off,
to keep putting it off.So own that something.
(17:58):
Go get after that something optionwith everything you've got.
Now, I know there might be someresistance in your perfectionist
brain to this approach, becauseas soon as we own that, something
is still better than nothing.We actually have to go take action
on it, then write that nothingmentality, just not doing it at all.
That conditions aren't perfect.It's actually kind of let's stop
(18:18):
the Hulk right that way we don'thave to take action.
And our brain loves that becauseit's wired to avoid really
effortful things,and it just wants to seek immediate
gratification in an instant.Like, of course, when you get home
from work, you're a little tired.You're like, oh,
I'd only have 30 minutes.Okay, I'll just go curl up on
the couch instead.Your instinctual brain is going to be
(18:40):
like, that sounds like a great idea.This is why we have to practice
adulting and practice parenting thelazy toddler part of our brain.
We need to remind ourselves thattrue gratification comes on the
other side of doing that thing,even when it's imperfect.
I mean, as I said, I wouldn't even berecording this podcast if I wasn't
(19:04):
embracing this mentality right.It was kind of a little bit in
the moment.I hadn't had as much prep time.
I kind of am a little exhausted fromfrom being on the computer already
for a while today, and I could havejust put it off for later, but I
know that later would become later.Then I'd put myself in more
stress and I wouldn't be makingas much progress on the show.
(19:25):
So I'm really proud that I'vetrained myself and commit to
always choosing something. Option.Consistent imperfection is what has
created my career and my growth,and I really want to invite you
to embrace the same mentality sothat you can do the same.
(19:45):
And it kind of reminds me oflike some terms and research
I've heard about in psychologyaround the difference between
satisfies versus maximizes.And this kind of shows that people
who accept good enough solutions,not seeking perfection,
not needing everything to be100% perfectly how they want it,
(20:07):
but those who are willing to takeon good enough actually report
higher levels of happiness and lowerlevels of regret than those who
constantly are the maximizers right.Seek the best or perfect outcome
like a happier, more fulfilled, moregrowth filled life really begins by
(20:28):
just letting things be good enough.By letting go of perfect,
by embracing something is alwaysbetter than nothing.
Because when we commit to onlydoing something of it's perfect
and 100% how we want it to be,we block our own progress.
We put so much pressure onourselves that our brains flood
with stress hormones, so we can'tthink strategically or creatively,
and we spend an overwhelm thinking,what's the point in giving up?
(20:50):
But what's 100% better thannothing is something.
Because taking action,even if it's smaller, less skilled,
more shaky than you'd ideally tidallyplanned keeps momentum going,
and momentum, not perfection,is what matters most,
especially when it comes to habits.That's what like kind of makes
(21:11):
us progress towards our goals isconsistently showing up, following
through on the habits that we saidwe would, no matter how small,
no matter if it's at 30 minute,ten minute, five minute walk,
if we said we're going to walk andwe go walk even when it's way less
than we wanted, even when we goand do the workout right, the blog
start on the project, get up early.And it's not quite perfect,
but it's still something that counts.It's not the size of the action
(21:35):
that matters, it's the consistency.This is about developing the
discipline of being strongerthan your excuses and not hiding
behind perfectionism.Oh, it was too late, too cold,
not ideal.That's me going ah,
perfectionism doesn't exist, right?Well, perfectionism does,
(21:55):
but perfection does not. Right?And we spin and we spin and we spin
and we spin and when we're tryingto make the world that was never
meant to be perfect, perfect,or try and make ourselves or our
conditions perfect, we're just goingto delay our own growth and progress.
Even if you think you've donesomething perfect in the past,
someone's still going to look atit and think that it could have
been better. Right.That's just the way of it.
(22:15):
Because perfection is a point ofview, not a fact, not a circumstance.
So let's stop being delusional andthinking that we can achieve it.
Instead,let's be practical and powerful
in our own lives by owning thatsomething is better than nothing.
Goals are achieved through momentumand consistency, not perfection.
So my beautiful human.So next time your brain tries to
(22:39):
trick you into believing,it's better to just not do that
workout tonight or start on theproject tomorrow or later because
it's already past the hour whenyou plan to start it, or to just
eat the whole block of chocolatebecause you plan not to eat any.
And so now you've eaten half of it.You might as well just eat the whole
thing, or I'll wait till next weekto get back on my daily gratitude
(23:01):
practice because I missed Wednesday.I'll just do it again next week.
Just stop, breathe,and compare your something
option to your nothing option.Not your perfect all option,
but really see the difference.Somethings better than nothing,
right?You'll always gain more from this
something option, and this habit ofmaintaining momentum that is so much
(23:25):
more than how perfectly you do it.The skill of showing up,
even when it's less than ideal, istruly what helps you progress towards
your goals and develop the kind ofhabits and mindset that help you
grow into the best version of you.So I want you all to do the
shift I've made.That's completely changed my life,
made me so much more successfuland fulfilled is shifting from
(23:46):
the all or nothing perfectionistmindset mindset.
That's all just about valuing theoutcomes and trying to control
perfect conditions and practice moreof the always something progress
mindset that values effort andshowing up even when it's less
than ideal, because it also findsvalue in the consistency and the
(24:09):
momentum that you gain by doingsomething rather than nothing.
And if you really want to lookback six months from now,
at the end of this year, and feelproud of how far you've come,
whether it's improving your fitness,advancing your career,
strengthening relationships,or simply finding more peace in your
day to day life, or just practicingmore gratitude drop perfectionism.
(24:31):
It doesn't even exist in ourreal world.
It's like trying to become a unicorn.I'm like,
I don't know what to tell you.Humans aren't meant to be unicorns.
The world isn't meant to be perfect.Instead, step into valuing
progress built upon dealing withthe realities of our messy,
unpredictable lives a reality thatmeans some days something is all
(24:51):
we've got to give. And that's enough.That contribution still matters
because 20% effort is still betterthan 0% 100% of the time. Hey you!
Thanks so much for tuning in tothis show.
If you enjoyed listening along,but you still thinking, ah, Kate,
(25:11):
how do I actually put all of thisinto practice in my own life with my
own situations? I totally get it.This stuff is somewhat simple in
theory, but a lot hotter in practice.Which is why I offer one on one
personalized life coaching for womenjust like you, who are ready to
get unstuck and the overwhelm andtake back control of their life.
(25:34):
That's right. I know that too.Let's get back to creating a
life body, relationship andcareer that you love.
Visit Kate gladdin.com for moredetails on how we can coach together
and for extra inspiration in betweenepisodes, make sure you join me on
Instagram. It's at Kate Gladdin.
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